HOW TO BE SOCIAL - HOW TO NEVER RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 21 июн 2017
- How to be social is one of the topic we all want to be good at. Conversing with people is one of the ways to be extremely social.
How to never run out of things to say in a conversation is a very important skill that everyone should know. How to keep a conversation going is also something that a lot of girls and especially guys are trying to master.
Today we will discuss how filtering, threading and the pratfall effect can help you to keep a conversation going and never run out of things to say again in your conversations.
So if you want to never run out of things to say and learn how to keep a conversation going watch the video to the very end so you can use the 3 techniques we talk about.
If you want to be financially independent, learn new skills faster, be charismatic and likable, obtain life changing habits, learn how to read faster, become confident, inspire people - then subscribe and join us for weekly RUclips training videos.
SUBMIT YOUR NEXT VIDEO IDEA/REQUEST
1. Improvement related
2. Keep it brief.
3. Include your name and channel URL in the "message" field.
Music: www.bensound.com
Thumbnail:
www.freepik.com
SUBSCRIBE!
/ @projectbetterself
New videos twice a week.
Im an overthinker that's why im anti- social. I don't like thinking about what a person think of me after a conversation. I'd rather not talk at all.
same
u just totally described me
My God so relatable
yeah i have that too i also get worried that i’m bothering the person i’m talking to so i try not to talk at all.
Sameeee
*trying to start a conversation*
Me:how was your trip to London
Her: I never went there
Me: ok :)
Literally me XD
That’s my problem, IDK how to start a conversation or end one. I’ll just say oh hey hi or look like an idiot in front of people.
Edit: 5/27/21
I've felt more comfortable talking to people and have made many new friends. Just try to stay on topic and show them memes that you know they'll find funny.
At least you started I'm like fuck u
That’s funny lmao
"How come you've never went to London" is the first thing that came to my mind #NoFilter
as someone who has been the new kid 6 times and moved countries here are the tips i've come up with (I used to have extreme social anxiety)
- tip 1: whenever I talk to someone new I always feel judged and pressure to say the right things so they like me, remember, they are people too and are most likely feeling the same way. They are just flesh and bones walking around each day until one day they will decompose and die. I know that sounds scary and deep but once you have that mindset its easier.
-tip 2: no one actually cares about you!! "I wanna say this but they will think im weird", "I want to sit with them but they will find be awkward". bro nobody goes to sleep at night thinking "that girl I talked to today was so weird". they are all too busy thinking about themselves. and so what if they think you're awkward? if they have weird thoughts about you and express it then its a sign you shouldn't get closer with them anyways. Honestly (im a new kid this year) If i didn't approach people are say anything to them I would have NO friends right now.
-tip 3: the three second rule. I personally, don't usually just approach a group of people, instead I approach people alone because it is so much easier to connect that way. If I see someone lining up in class and I want to say something I count to 3 and say it, and every single time I've said something they happily respond back.
-tip 4: the rules of conversations: when you first meet someone and you want them to like you there is a way to win them over: ask questions about themselves!! people are obsessed with themselves and they want to feel important, so do exactly that. compliment something you like about them, ask them questions and / or respond with an interesting story you have. actually listen to their answers instead of thinking about what your going to say next. BUT if the conversation sounds like your giving them a boring interview (they reply with one or two word answers) then its a sign to back off.
- tip 5: STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE CONVO!! I used to be terrified of awkwardness and silence, but every conversation has silences. I also used to excessively try to carry the conversation. conversations are 50/50 so instead of spending the whole conversation worrying about what your going to say next just see where it takes you. If it's your first time talking to them then of course conversations will be awkward just give it time.
-tip 6: KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH!! You need to walk into the room knowing that you are a fun and interesting person and people should be lucky to get to know you (don't be cocky though). Once you approach a convo thinking of the other person as an equal it becomes a lot less stressful
-tip 7: LAST TIP, life is short, we are floating on a rock in the middle of nowhere and time flies. We will never be in highschool, middles chool, college etc again so I wouldn't want to spend it all alone just because I wasn't brave enough to talk to people. You only live once so make the most of it (I know this sounds cringe but take this to heart)
We have so much in common! I also moved countries a lot and agree with the tips!
thx u a lot
Tysm, this needs more likes 🥺❤
aw thank you
@@Shavings_of_eraser
Thank you, you are awesome! Thiss helps so much 😇
1. Remove the filter: speak your mind out without hesitation . Stop thinking whether to say it or not. Just say it!
2. Threading: ask questions related to the answers that the other person is giving you to let the other person know you are actively listening to them.
3. The pratfall effect: dont try to be a perfectionist. People will approach you more when they see that you are not perfect and you have flaws too.
The only thing I need is the confidence to start talking…
tysm for writing this comment 💕😩
What if people don’t want to talk all the time? I’ve tried to put myself out there but people don’t want to talk. I’ll ask conversation starters like “is that the English project” and they’ll just reply in the most bored sounding voice
“Is that the English project”
“Yep”
“How long have you worked on it”
“An hour”
“Is it hard”
“No”
Like wtf am I supposed to do when nobody wants to speak. It’s so frustrating I’ve just given up on trying to meet new people, I’ll stick to my friends
@@Chadius_Thundercock IKR this is how my convos with people go! so idk how to easily start conversations that people will be willing to engage in and have fun with
@@Chadius_Thundercock they definitely do that because they are antisocial too.
i just can’t think of ANYTHING to talk about. it’s like my brain just goes blank. i try my best but it’s impossible for me to even start a conversation.
That's you getting a little nervous. The more you do it the easier it will become... sort of like weight lifting.
One thing that helps me is asking things related to someone's personality, something that makes them talk about themselves. By the way, its a good idea to have some questions ready before the conversation like:
What's your favorite movie? Why?
What do you do for a living? Why did you choose that?
It's like a muscle. You are not going to be strong if you don't go to the gym. You are not going to be able to think of anything if you don't force yourself to from time to time.
the blank is the filter in fullpower action
If you want start a conversation just ask anything about them and the just try to relate things said by them with you and one of the best ways to be better is just make yourself look a bit stupid(not much) and tell your mistakes like jokes
@@luccatozzinidonady4683 I asked the similar type of questions, not with some unknown person, just for conversation and the replies are like
1. Not telling you
2. Why do you care
3. What's the point of question
you know you are antisocial when you see this in your recommendations
True enough
Me!!!!!😭
maybe
that’s me
You mean avoidant or socially anxious. Antisocial people are harmful. criminals are antisocial, and they probably don't care about conversing with others.
As an autistic person with social anxiety, this is exactly the video that I was looking for. I need patterns to focus on, cycles that make sense to me, etc. I've been scouring the Internet for something like this for hours. Thank you for this - it is truly so helpful.
Oh my god for so long I have not been understanding a lot of how relationships work among other things and I’d always say to others “I don’t know I just need it to make sense, I need “rules” ” and I haven’t met anyone who really understood me when I said that. I guess to them it just makes sense?
I’m not diagnosed with autism my mother keeps telling me a lot would make sense if I were but we haven’t done any tests or anything really, anyway I veered a bit, but thank you for your comment, it made me feel less alone :)
LMAOOOOOOOO
I'm autistic and struggled with social anxiety to
I remember the one time when I had talked to a fellow classmate of mine for the first time , idk how but we ended up talking for about an hour straight about so many random topics and it was amazing. The best part was that she was equally enthusiastic to keep the convo going and we just found so many things to say so naturally and at the end of it we felt like we knew each other for years. It was awesome
Did you get to smash? I'm a great talker and I can pretend to be interested for much minutes if it could lead to seggs.
"You want to be good at conversations ? Just disagree with everything the other person says"
--TheOdds1Out
wtf? can you elaborate please. Is this is a joke or does it actually work?
@@yungbando01 there are parts true if you do truly disagree you will have more to converse about
@@yungbando01 well I can tell you that I have a friend that have a lot of different opinions and points of view from mine about subjects and because of that we have spent hours and hours talking
I disagree
@@yungbando01 If it's a joke it's a bad one because it actually works. It helps going deeper into the subject because if you just say "yeah I agree" There's nothing left to say...
All introverts watching and taking notes.
Yep 😂
We down bad 😔
Yup
I used to be introverted, i just need to get better at conversations
😂😂😂
Honestly, i was an extroverted person when i was a child, but due to being bullied at school,family problems and any kind of verbal abuse, i lose the ability to talk more and became introverted like person, came here to learn to talk again✌️
Join politics like our Austrian painter. He was also an introvert 🌚
Literally the same exact life you detailed is what caused me to become an introvert and asocial, along with quarantine which was a big factor as well.
As if introvertion is a disability.
I followed the advice with the filter and now I’m constantly surrounded with other people 24/7 for another 10 months! Thank you! 😊😊😊
But my problem isn't the filter, it's literally having NOTHING to say.....no words in mind, so I just resort to, (after long awkward pauses) some crap about food and snacks, or some bs opinion I made on the spot about the wheather and seasons.....
That is my problem also. Gets very awkward, so I just don't talk at all. Have no friends 😐
@@PkKingX11 if you dont practice then that's the problem, there's no way you dont have anything to say, your filter is just unconscious, try seeing a terapist
dantes950 therapist is not gonna do shit
Same. : / I feel like my chance to be as social as other people died years ago, now I just wander through time suffering and alone, trapped in my own mind. Hopefully one day we can overcome our issues? It is that thought alone that keeps me alive.
Ampwich me too that's why I have 0 friends now
The person: "say whatever's on your mind"
My mind: "ratatouille is actually the pope."
Man i love that rat!
Bro stop making me laugh in public. But regardless i can relate to that
That's a good conversation starter.
I mean that would get me to talk to you thats for sure xD
😂😂😂
I've honestly been socializing better these days and what this guy said is really true
I've let go of my filter and started staying/doing things when I feel like it. One thing to say though is that you still have to be mindful of the timing and your words.
I watched this a couple months back, not gonna say this video single-handedly made talking easier for me but I have realized that after pushing myself more I’ve been doing this subconsciously more and more
I'm actually a reallyy talkative person.. WHEN the other person ACTUALLY shares at least ONE of my interests-
Ikr
I feel you so much... like when people just dont say anything, its terrible.
same
YES I find it hard to come up with things to say and I can be very awkward and quiet but the moment someone actually shares one of my interests I start rambling so much and I get very excited
@@fatoumatacisse3796 omg same-
*walking into that cute girl that i like*
-"wassup man"
*girl leaves*
Lmfao 10/10 😂
I AM DECEASED
LMFAOOOOO
could be worse, she actually responded and you don't know what to say next
She is a gold digger get money n show u have it by dressing good n shit thy will stick to u like glue
“Say whatever’s on your mind”
My mind: goes blank
bro this is actually very helpful. im usually very shy and tend to overthink things so when i meet new people i tend to have more blanks. im glad this video came up on my recommended.
pov: you grew up with parents who taught you not to speak unless you’re spoken to, and now you’re a crazy introvert.
No its just myself
Nah. I messed it up by loving my own company lol
Unless i think being introverted is hella fun and im doing it by myself lol
Yes, toxic parents.
Well guess what, I never had my dad around me to take me out into public and teach me social skills. So I ended up a little nervous. I'll change though, and show others that you don't need to let your environment dictate you 😉
I feel like a robot learning how to become a human
Same, I filter so much that I feel like I've became a robot when I'm with others
Lmao same
what same
fr 💀
Detroit: Become Human
My issue is with filtering. I filter too much because I’m scared to just be me- which is why I act completely different in different social situations. If I’m at school (hs), I’ll naturally be more awkward+ filters, and when I’m alone with a friend or anyone really, I’m much more confident because I feel less judged.
Being present and actually listening to the other person instead of thinking of what to say next helped me out a lot. Sometimes I overthink and that be the problem but now I can catch myself doing it and bring myself back
I genuinely don’t understand how people do this naturally
Fr
Onf
Cause the shit we (atleast I)would say unfiltered is probably going to make them avoid us forever, or just be straight up boring
Not having filter is not an action, its a passive inaction. Its actually harder and more taxing to have filter on all the time. Its natural for them because its off by default.
Unfortunately my filter off switch is broken and its all fkn haywire up in there.
@@wuzzierash578 I have a hard time imagining how bad can it be, can you give me an example? I find dark humor funny qnd kinks interesting, as long as its not illegal.
And all small talks are boring if you really think about it, people just usually dont think about it.
some people really need a filter though. LMAO
Like who?
I swear to god
Ideot
LOL I couldn't agree more, one of my good friends has a foul mouth you have no idea, the sentence can't be ended without using a bad word and he is loud too, the other day I went to visit my sister and have lunch with her he was with me, she is a doctor, so we were waiting for her in the lobby, while we're waiting he said some foul shit almost got us kicked out of the hospital haha!
Tbh I would rather be kind of a dick and outgoing than insecure and quiet
This was perfect for me. I am extrovert with social anxiety and this helped me so much. I want to talk to people but I never have anything to say and I panic about saying something or sounding weird
As an introvert who wants more social interactions I found this video incredibly helpful
I'm not shy or have social anxiety, the problem is that I'm always awkward 💀
Cutie Malu that's my problem
How can someone so pretty be socially akward
@@EpicGamer-dj7dm wdym? you don't even know how I look like 💀💀
@@cutiemalu3602 isn't that you on your profile picture
@@EpicGamer-dj7dm um no, if you go to my videos you can see, I only post "Malu Trevejo" live streams, idk if u know her
"Remove the filter! Say what's on your mind!"
Oh I'm sure that's gonna go well at the Thanksgiving table.
LMAO 😭
So... Grandpa did u know that my generation just like me are a bunch of horny retards?
It would go well tho unless you are constantly insulting and saying slurs then that says something about what you think about, but otherwise you are fun on the table
"yes aunt Kathy, I know my tattoos are a lifetime commitment, unlike your marriage"
I've actually got screwed up saying what's on my mind lol
-simple
-straight to the point
-not clickbait
-actually works
This is perfect, i wanted to talk with my crush about something, but i am affraid of saying something silly, but knowing that imperfect are perfect in social situation i have more confidence now talking about whatever in my head about her
As a tip: just listen to what the other person is saying! Don’t spend so much time thinking of what you’ll say next. You’ll find that you naturally think of questions about or additions to what they are saying. Just listen and relax.
good advice, thanks!
Both party can’t be listening, someone has to talk!
I do it but I never have anything to say, not always going to work
@@blacklily250 yeh starting the convo is the hardest part bc its pressure on who talks first but then its calm after that
Well.. While listening to someone my thoughts are just "What am I doing here? I could do anything else now instead. What are you talking about? I don't agree. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even like you. What the heck am I doing?!"
so I disconnected my filter and accidentally called someone ugly
Imfao that would definitely happen in my case too.
I accidentally told my love that she is ugly !
Congratulations, you're imperfect and human lol, but do learn from the mistake, i think you should remove the "filter" but also use common sense on what to say. I'm struggling with this currently
Did you get sent to the jail
Wale azez DAMN he got step 1 & 3
What a fucking pro
I'm really social, just the *other* person doesn't talk much, so now I think it's sort of luck to find your true best friend
As an introvert I’ve been alone for the past 3 years in high school. This year I’ve joined courses where I made friends.
I judged them first based on what kind of character they were. We all seemed really introverted and we were all similar cultures and upbringings, also same interests. I found myself talking a lot and it’s the most I’ve talked throughout all 3 years.
My advice is don’t inquire about yourself all the time. When I’m talking with my new friends I hardly don’t ask about their personal life’s or I don’t seem that interested but when they talk about something that I experienced myself, I will talk and make the whole conversation about me out of excitement. Frequently indulging in conversation and using reactions by expressing ur thoughts on that topic is wat I have started to do. I feel as if our relationship is getting better.
The person: "say whatever's on your mind"
My mind: "sussy balls and more nonsense that no one will be interested in"
This.
Hahahah same
my mind: constantly analyzing surroundings and peoples tone of voice while at the same time making theories about quantum physics 😭
@@Ok-kx2te yo at least your mind has actual good shii
@@Ok-kx2te Whenever I meet someone time sorta freezes... I then think of all the ways things can happen... I think of all the responses... All the outcomes... And since it is a mind it'll obviously think of all the ways things can go wrong. So then I just avoid people.
ONE MORE TIP: If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of *anything* to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )
that is actually an amazing advice! thanks so much for sharing
Random dude : hey how are you
Me: 10 seconds silence
Oh I played harmonica today hbu
seriously my brain is too slow for that
@@aaaargh8545 XD
@@aaaargh8545 u just made my fcking day
@@grasshope1938 really glad to hear that :D
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS PLAYLIST💗 These kinds of series help me a lot! Pls do more friends/social skills playlists🙏🏻
It’s definitely a great point to just take an interest in what others are saying by asking questions
I’m an extrovert with social anxiety, I love meeting and talking to people but the feeling of “am I boring to them?” “maybe they don’t want to talk” are always chasing me so yeah this helps a lot
that's
That's not social anxiety, its insecurity
@@tobias4004 same thing
no its not. its like saying 'im sad' compared to 'im clinically depressed'
@@BackBeater im diagnosed with S.A.D and ive studied psychology for as long as I can remember.
@@tobias4004 insecurities steam from
Fear/anxiety 🤦🏽♂️
Me: *talks about random things to crush*
Me: *remebers the video*
Me: i wanna marry you
Crush: wow you really need a filter
@Malaska :D lol I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or you actually thought my comment was funny
Sara Rostenkowski quick English 😂
Yup.
Mine:
Me: Heyyy!
Crush: Hiiii.
Me: I have a crush on you.
Crush: What?
Me: Also, I think I’m in love with you.
Crush: Haley, are you joking?
Me: What? No.
Crush: Umm, I’m not a lesbian.
Me: Me either.
Crush: Then What *are you?*
Me: I think I’m pan, but I don’t honestly know at the moment.
Crush: **Long Silence**
Me: Can we still be friends? Also is it ok if we hold hands from time to time?
Crush: *...*
Me: Ok, see you later. Love you!
(Sorry that was super long 😂)
@@kipperthedog789 this really happened? XD
My crush talks to my bff, but not me * cries in love *
I love how I did this and they thought I was insanely obsessed with them and now I see that they were the problem not me.
Thank you this helps me with presentations at school. It’s embarrassing when running out of words in front of everyone
When someone tells me something interesting like “I went to the beach last week!” or just anything I just automatically respond with “Oh.” And there goes the awkward silence. 😭😭😭
Yeah..
That's my answr,, fr i have social anxiety
Oh
ooo! a beach! you a good swimmer? was the water warm? i always get sand on my towels some how, i dont Know how, it kinda just happens, see any cool fish? bring any friends? you go any where after? Edit: holy flip, thanks for so many likes!
@@legionfaun7672 you're a genius kind man
Oh that’s cool u saw the sun today so bright and orange
I’m fine at keeping a convo going except when the other person doesn’t keep it going like they rely solely on you to come up with topics
Drop that person
They’re not worth the energy drain
@@ty21epgyt I disagree, I wait till my friend says some to say some back.
@@ty21epgyt You could argue small talk in general is not worth the energy drain.
@@classymuffin4589 tea
@@ty21epgyt tea
For those with little time, let me summarize this video: the secret to being able to talk about more stuff is… to talk about more stuff, and make mistakes while doing it. Brilliant!
This makes me feel better about trying to talk to people at school, because everytime I tried talking to people, or they tried talking to me, it just goes silent after 30-35 seconds. Thanks!
LMFAOOO I FEEL SO PATHETIC WATCHING THIS i'm literally watching a video on how to socialize. sad.
it be like that
Don't feel like that - look how many views it's got. We all feel the same. It's the era of tech, I read a psych say that people just aren't used to speaking as much anymore bc of online comms so we need to practice ✌
Don't feel bad. We all had to watch it.
Don't worry we all did
Sad as hell bro 😫
My every day conversation
-hi
-hi
-Lessons are interesting
-yeah
-so how are you?
-fine
-that’s good
-yeah
Then conversation ends...
I mean... That at least is something
Don’t talk to that person again. They are a social black hole.
Play Star
I have a really bad luck then
Daily conversations with classmates look like this
JuliaSpectatorJulays 211 then don’t talk to any of them. That’s what I do.
Play Star
Thank you for an advice
I’m gonna try to not talk with them
Noted!
It’s the best vod I have seen. I’m super excited to talk to strangers (girls) now cause I feel more safe and confident. Thx👌☺️
Usually I don’t have problems communicating with anyone (I’m an ambivert) but when it comes to extremely introverted people who aren’t engaging in the conversation as much as I’d like them to, I think of stuff like “what should I say next” or “how should I make this conversation interesting to them” and after some time “are they even interested in this convo?” Despite them reassuring me and saying that they don’t mind me blabbering away. And when I dig into the deep corners of my brain to find new topics, I accidentally blabber about stuff that I don’t even realise till much later. So this video has been super helpful in my dilemma
We have grown so disconnected that we need to watch tutorials on how to converse. Sad.
This is the reality of 21st century and I think this only happens with the people who are from the 'first world' countries. People in developing countries do not have too much time to watch RUclips xD. I also became more disconnected from people after moving to the US. That is why I am commenting here xD :D
Neon Green Have you considered that a segment of the population has always needed such a video but the platform it was provided on wasn’t created but recently?
Neon Green i mean, my issue is that i have developed social anxiety because of hard things I've gone through in the past, not because of this disconnected modern day. But yes, I agree that this day and age doesn't help people with learning how to properly socialize either.
Neon Green, social anxiety is a thing.
Saidakbar P this also happen to other countries who are in the third world.
everybody works not just people in the first world.
in fact the countries of the third world works more than the countries of the first world as they need more effort and more work to develop.
Me: Uhmmmm
*Removes filter*
Me: Wow, I really need to poop right now.
*Removes filter*
Ah my Gad, I'm HoRnY
I’m takin a shit rn
My brother openly talks about farting
@@ryanstarlight8018 um-
@@305-felipe7 Nice
i don't talk a lot but when i get comfortable with you and you talk to me with a high level of energy i will literally not going to stop talking to you
I have Asperger’s and I sometimes have trouble socializing with people. This video helped. Thanks a lot!
I guess I'm perfect... nobody wants to talk with me
same. same.
Hello Raúl, yes I want to talk to you. I talk to everyone, perfect or not.
same I'm the person you talk to when you dont have anyone who wants to talk to you
Well hello there.
Raúl Sánchez Jiménez lmao you fabulous
Another tip from an introverts perspective. Read the room and know when to end a conversation. While you could find 30 different ways to continue a topic it’s not always the best choice to do so.
That’s my dad. He goes on and on for like 30 minutes talking about something with someone he doesn’t know how to shut up and I’m the total opposite
What room are you in surrounded by people if you're an introvert
@@AndrewB23 could be in a classroom, a workplace, a dinner, a wedding, birthday party, y’kno stuff that almost everyone goes to regardless of if they’re an introvert or extrovert
@@kailajensen1021 same with my father he talks with anyone whether he knows or not and im the opposite like you lol
One thing Introverts are naturally good at. It’s always good to assess the person(s) you are talking to periodically during a conversation. Some tips, and I know it super hard with the masks, but look at their body language. Are they relaxed? Are they vibing with you? Or are they rigid? Arms crossed, maybe? Are they looking at you? Or are they looking at something else and are seemingly very focused on it? Facial expressions. Eyebrows furrowed? Maybe that’s a sign they are not interested? Are their eyes focused on you or are they focused on something else? What are they saying? One liners or full on paragraphs? Voice. Are they expressive, or flat? Do they agree with you or deject you? Now, you don’t have to be watching so carefully, but it’s something you can easily pick up on just by listening, questioning, and just being there.
As an Introvert, over the years it really helped me to listen to my Social Battery and dont socialize alot when its low. But these tipps then really help in forming deeper friendships with people you like and feel that they vibe with you aswell
I learned to get over the filter by just saying something random but memorable, if they remember it enough we’ll get into a conversation again and I’ll hopefully have something more to talk about
*You know your sad when you searched up "how to be more social"*
I literally searched that while i was crying
I have friends but for some reason i dont spend time with them i just need to get comfortable to someone and i need to feel like im in control
It’s even more sad when RUclips knows to recommend this to you.
*T-T*
Elizaveta 617 wanna talk abt it?🥺
Imagine trying to learn how to communicate with your own species
Ahahhahaha
Well blame the goverment for dumming us down
that’s deep
Couldn't be me
I know right just imagine
I actually have better conversations when I don't use TOO MUCH filters and just embrace the awkwardness of the situation. What I mean is that I don't try to be overly confident and just be myself. What I've been doing lately is not shying away from making someone to know that I'm quite awkward, makes me become less intimidating and makes the conversation be more natural.
I operated that way most of my life. For a time, I had lots of friends and lots of trauma. I then ended up with more enemies than friends and lots of strangers that like me. When I managed to properly filter, people began respecting me. One woman even became obsessed with me.
The biggest idiots I ever met had no filter.
I would say this video is great if you don't want any friends. I'll take respect and limited conversation over no respect and lots of conversation any day.
The real secret to conversation is taking control of how you respond to silence. You can make it awkward by trying to force conversation or you can simply acknowledge it as soon as it happens and do something else.
These days I view small talk as a doorway to comfortable silences. Small talk is meant to be small. You acknowledge the person's presence so that there is no uncomfortable silence and then you go back to doing what you were doing in silence. Simple. No discomfort.
To me, the constant need for conversation demonstrates a lack of emotional maturity. It means the person takes no time to self-reflect, is not comfortable with their own thoughts, does not respect other people's personal space and is short on self-control.
A real friend is someone who can enjoy the silence with you as much as the conversation.
Me turning off my filter: So, Isn’t it weird how toilets are build up?
😂
wait because actually it is.
I turned off my filter and aaid
“Penguins have unicorns do you preferring?”
I just stood there like 👁 👄 👁
I’d honestly love to talk to someone who brought up weird stuff like this lol. As long as it’s not offensive or judgy or intrusive, I’d say take off your filter and you might be able to find someone who thinks like me :)
@@datmangotho9618 me too.. I like people who are crude and real, without any filters, who like to talk about anything as long as it isn't offending 😆.
But initial interaction is hard, if you feel like they are your type then only you will feel comfortable to remove the filters.
You know, I used to be good at socializing, but after the events of 2020 my ability to talk just… disappeared.
Same
mine also disappeared, but then i got to parties and with the ability to drink alcohol it came back very good and better than before lol
as strange as it sounds but alcohol helped me a lot when socializing sober😂
@@julianhager1826
Awh heck, too bad I’m a minor other wise I would have tried that lol
Good for you though! Hope it stays that way, eh? Have a good one
I was a kinda bad before but now I’m worse
It took many years for me to get great at socializing, but when the pandemic hit, I went back to square one. Since getting a retail job, I've noticed that my social skills were coming back. While it wont take years to get back to where I was, it is still taking some time to get there.
Another tip:
if the person in front of you is talking, give them your undivided attention (no phone in hand for example). Being a good listener will always make you a better speaker.
Are you an introvert watching this video?😭
not really
Yes absolutely and I'm taking a lot of mental notes! My main problem though is alot of time I don't feel like talking at all!!
I am🥺😵💫🫣
My problem isn't filtering things I want to say but having literally no things to filter in the first place. I wish I could say everything that appears in my head but the problem is that my head is absolutely empty
Maybe start being genuinely interested in the conversation. Like, when the person you're talking to starts a story then start listening and asking open ended questions to keep the conversation going. It will get you more involved and when you're more involved you'll feel more interested. Maybe you could even find a way to relate to the conversation and that's when you speak your mind, no filter or anything. I may or may not know what I'm going on about but maybe it's worth a try.
@@Ky-zt2km
But what if YOU'RE the one telling the story? You WILL run out of things to say eventually! What then? Even when I literally ask for some kind of questions all my friends are just "Nah, can't think of anything". And then everything just dies. I can't talk about anything else because I've already said everything that I had to say.
cherry flower omg I have the same problem your not alone lol 😂
I'd say read more. Doesn't even have to be books, just reading blogs online or something. It will expose you to more things in the world, and in turn you'll have more things to talk about.
подозрительный Jerry that made me anti social
Lol I randomly got recommended this, as someone who could talk pretty well, I’ll give you all some tips
- don’t think to hard
- be confident when you are saying a joke or punch line don’t waver and push through it
- It’s ok to be slightly dirty minded/mean/weird, just make sure they are comfortable and well timed (people actually like it when you act this way because they find you more interesting)
- Go with the flow, ask questions, listen, add to the conversation,
- Do not be scared to share hobbies, if you play games tell them, you watch anime tell them, if you write books tell them
Final note: If you are trying to talk to people, once you get in the conversation just roll with it, you will be surprised on how common you both are to each other and if you are different even better cause you can ask tons of questions
I love the third thing you mention! A lot of people have told me I’m a strange person, but that’s why they like me :) I’m not as extroverted as I used to be but still I’ve learnt that being weird is okay!
I have a hard time talking to people. I’m always scared and paranoid that they will use what I say or tell them against me or I’ll say the wrong thing and they get offended cause you know it’s 2021 everyone gets offended nowadays. I just want to make people happy and o want people to like me but I always get bad anxiety and just wanna get in the fetal position. I just always avoid eye contact so I don’t have to talk. I go through everyday talking to the least amount of people I can. But it’s getting old. I wanna have fun and have cool convos but my mind won’t allow me cause of the extra thoughts I get about what could or will happen.
@@galaxier3543 make sure your not too weird lol
@@jessedarnell3366 With the eye contact part what I found helpful is to look at their forehead and to them it looks like your staring at their eyes, if you want to talk to someone new or never really been acquainted with, ask them how they doin, depending on the formality give them a hand shake, they will most likely respond with a “I’m doin good” what I like to say after this id crack a smile and say “livin the good life huh” and they would smile back and say “yea” then ask about something most people in your area know for example if they watch any sports if that conversation gets a little dry maybe ask if they play any
Huge note though watch out for signs, if they look like they do not care about the conversation end it. The worst conversation to have is one where there is only a single person who is actually talking and the rest do not care, to avoid this don’t talk too much not all conversations have to be long
When I was 14 I was so socially awkward that all my friends slowly drifted away from me, and I started eating lunch alone and when one of my old friends sat with me again I panicked and I didn't know what to say so we sat one whole hour in an awkward silence until it was time to head to class again and since then I spent the rest of the school year hiding myself in a lonely hallway during lunch starving myself because I didn't want to eat anything by myself anymore and I'm scared for what I will do next year
Do you still feel like this? If you do then I’m always here to give you some support 🙂
You literally explained this perfectly and I don’t fully know how to do said in the video but I will definitely try, thanks
“Never run out of things to say in a conversation”
That is a problem but the bigger problem is starting the conversation
Honestly just come up with something and don't overthink it.
It depends on who youre talking to
Sometimes i just let them start the conversation
IKR I’m SO terrified that they will judge me and I feel like I would be a burden for just coming up and saying hi I feel like I’m annoying then so I don’t talk unless they do first
Big facts
You make an excellent point! Compliments are a great way to start a conversation. No one can take offense at them :)
I'm so glad I live in a generation where this stuff exists
I'm so sad I live in a generation where we actually NEED this stuff to exist.
@@omitlue7721 this....
@En Ded people weren't like this before social media, so yes
@@snakexheads isn’t exactly their fault. People like you is what makes it hard in the first place. Maybe try to fix yourself too.
@@swargpatel7634 theres nothing wrong with me lmao I was just speaking the truth
This helped, i literally never speak first or just speak in general i don’t make eye contact because i feel like they’re looking at my face when really they are but i don’t like thinking about what they think of me…i don’t know i’ve been trying to get out of my little awkwardness.
I’m mainly just watching this before I go on a date tomorrow. Gotta make sure I’m ready for it
Bro let her talk the whole time trust me
I’m so horrible at conversation. People fluster me so much (+ I overthink everything) that my mind just goes blank. I can never seem to think of things to say without looking like an idiot. But if I didn’t use my filter, I’d end up sounding psychotic.
Bailey C SAME
I overthink everything thing too but just blurt those over thinking thoughts out at people. If you’re overthinking then your mind isn’t blank. You are just trying to focus on a good thought to say and you get stuck there. Like he said in the video your filter is too strong. Apparently so strong you don’t recognize that you’re doing it.
Bailey C SAME DAME SAME
Bailey C sane here ):
I can so relate. Same man.
“Make sure to watch to the end”
“You can stop the video here”
*confused, antisocial screaming*
this comment has me dead
Antisocial doesnt mean what you think it means.
@@elemer2089 It's a joke dude
@@ElMigol_ Ok, but jokes are meant to be funny. Additionally it can cause someone to understand word "antisocial" the other way.
@@ElMigol_ i know dude, but im sure he meant asocial :D
Thabk you for sharing and giving tips. It's helpful and I'm trying to be talk in confidence and continue not out of topic.❤
I cm across this video again..
And months before, I started with threading technique and it still helps me a lot. Removing filter is smth I find difficult being an overthinker but atleast I hv started opening up more with people I am comfortable with, before it was like I am bottled up in front of them also cause I don't wanna lose them by saying smth which they don't like but now I think I hv understood the Pratfall effects' concept.
Though, I'm still on my way to improve but ofcourse there's significant progess made.
.
One thing I would like to add is to take break from social media occasionally.. if not a complete break then atleast from the negative things or from social media influencers.
This also had a great impact on me.
.
.
It all started with COVID pandemic. Though, it didn't infect but surely affected me a lot.
I was the teen who stayed inside for the complete lockdown.
I am not from Earth and this video is really good for improving my human conversation skills.
Wtf
omgg me too❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Nice to see another alien around here too
So... ISS?
@@mads7924 same🥂
whenever i have a convo with someone,i overthink bout the conversation for the next 7 days
Samee
Especially when it was ur frickin crush...xD
Oh am still thinking about all the mistakes I did in a convo 3years ago lol. I have issues 😅
Fuck why does this hit me so hard lmao. I do the EXACT same thing
SAME
What me helped a lot with the first problem (removing filter) is imagining what I would say to my brother in that exact situation for example or what I would say if he was present instead
One of my "nervous ticks" is rushing what I say when I have the urge to filter myself. Often times others can't make out what I'm saying. It can be demoralizing when you muster the courage to say something, and then you feel self conscious because of the way you said it. The good news is I've done a better job as of late catching myself doing it, and slowing my words down.
one thing life taught me is that you don't NEED to keep a conversation going, matter of fact, you dont need to be perceived as likable and cool by everyone. Just do yourself and youre gonna find people who you can vibe with naturally
i can tottaly agrre with you as a introvert
yea but it takes a while, and some luck, to find "your kind" of people. If you're thrown into a new social setting (like starting college) you don't have the liberty to 'just be yourself' because others will be having fun and you'll just be standing in the corner all miserable; The end goal is definitely finding a group where you don't *have* to think about how to be social.
@@Prakyy I totally feel that. I felt like I didn't belong in any group and that it would be akward if I would talk to someone.
@@saskia4219 Oh god, people I can relate to ! I found them !
thats actually really good advice
That akward silence when u both run out of things to say
HATE IT
Hi
Ikr, then I say some random shit like “have you ever been to jail?”
Step 1: Chat your friends 😂
If you feel comfortable about it, it's easier to pick it up again
You erased my stress by putting words on this, thanks
thank you for this video, i'm sure this'll help me talk more and not be so awkward around people!
Honestly as an introvert it’s only hard to keep a conversation going when you don’t get along with someone and or have nothing in common.
Same I only have 2 friends and neither of them share things in common with me
@@iloveclairo818 that sucks, I have around 3 friends who I consider actual friends and even then we barely have anything in common :/
@@alana9478 same, I don't know how we became friends because they are all normies and I like kpop and anime.
true, thats why it’s hard to make friends
Yeah. When there’s at least one common interest, I can actually talk and ask questions for hours. And honestly... that pushes people away WAY more than just some brief moments of silence T_T
the fact that youtube recommend this to me says a *LOT*
The fact that you clicked on the video says more.
The fact that I've been applying it to real world situations says a lot
omg finally stuff i can actually do that isnt just "be more confident in urself" or "don't worry" - I'm fine in that regard i just literally have no idea how to converse with others
I know some of you here need to hear this if Ur watching. Stop smoking so much weed and stop drinking so much! That stuff when off it really shells you up. I learned this the hard way.
An important footnote: don’t force conversations either
You were supposed to show up a few months ago. But now I can only ask you if you have any advice for rebukes of conscience because you have talked too much and the fear of speaking.
@@DepressedAssTeenager I’ll add a couple little psychological tips I’ve taught myself in the past couple months. It’s good to keep in mind that you don’t have to fill silence, and you’re not responsible to either. Some people just like to chill in silence sometimes. They’re not expecting you to entertain them, and it’s not your obligation either: it would be selfish for them to do so. I’ve also found it extremely helpful to ask people about their personal interests or niche hobbies they carry. You can “thread” off their monologuing from there :)
@@harv0la thank you. I will remember
It's not that I'm shy I just panic and go blank on what to say
Simple tip: Say anything according to the location you are. If you are in school, talk about subjects
or homework, if you are on a picnic talk about friends and favorite things, if it's just a casual talk with some
stranger ask about their name, what they like, what do they do in their free time, and something they would
improve on. If it's in a party, talk about foods, gifts, life, favorite things, and shopping if they like it. If it's a
casual walk in a park or a street talk about things like about life, studies, what do they like, and what they would
like to improve on. If it's on a big place like restaurant or a fashionable place ask them about foods, fashion,
money, life and studies.
Second tip: People always like to answer questions about themselves! So if you want to start a conversation
ask about their life, their health, their studies, what they like etc. People also like to talk about things they like,
for example just ask them what do they like and what they enjoy doing, and whatever they answer it keep talking
about it, for example if someone likes fashion, keep talking about dresses, shoes, models, they will love it!
Third tip: 20% talk, and 80% listen. People like to talk about things they like. keep listening to them and when they
stop you can extra details too! people like someone to hear about them, so you can become more likeable!
Hope this helped!
try it online first! talk to random people on snap or instagram. i did this because i had a similar issue and i eased my way from talking to people online because i had more confidence there, then moving to in person. it helped make learning these skills less nerve racking :)
@@astrielle446 I have a tip better than any one in this entire comment section. Know that not everyone is the same. One person might enjoy talking about themselves than another person would. Maybe someone is more of a listener, so your 20% talking with theirs will just make awkward silence since neither of you are speaking. Don't just imagine one personality and assume its everyone's. Get to know them and act accordingly
@@margie8848 randoms?
It's interesting to see these things which fortunately I do naturally, but have never really thought about until now and wow this is basically exactly it
As someone who’s autistic and struggles with socializing this really helped me with communicating better
Me with social anxiety: “oh cool…. Anyways”
haha same :/ ....
@Francis Co why?
Same
Duuude I do this shit all the time lol with almost everyone I talk to I’m always like “ah cool”, “oh gotcha”, “ah nice”, “oh I see”.
@@RealHajimeHinata my brain just shuts down to “oh yes me too” “hello yes” “alright bye” “thank you”
As an Autistic boy with mild problems, I struggle to socialize with people. I began watching videos like these, and it has helped me increase my talking techniques. Thanks, you are really doing all of us a favour for our future careers!
Glad you found it helpful Josh, because I found your comment helpful. Feel free to stick around, and inform us in the future how much you improved your conversing skills.
Josh... I feel like I know that name.. okay, this going to be random, but have you ever gone to valley academy?
Someone else in here gave the ABC tip: "If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of anything to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )"
I have a family member that is autistic, they are always highly intelligent and have a special gift of some kind they just need to find it.
wholesome as hell
My RUclips recommending me this, telling me to go socialize!
Great video! Meeting someone new today so gonna put these in effect. I’m always so nervous that I won’t have what to say.