But my problem isn't the filter, it's literally having NOTHING to say.....no words in mind, so I just resort to, (after long awkward pauses) some crap about food and snacks, or some bs opinion I made on the spot about the wheather and seasons.....
@@PkKingX11 if you dont practice then that's the problem, there's no way you dont have anything to say, your filter is just unconscious, try seeing a terapist
Same. : / I feel like my chance to be as social as other people died years ago, now I just wander through time suffering and alone, trapped in my own mind. Hopefully one day we can overcome our issues? It is that thought alone that keeps me alive.
I’m an extrovert with social anxiety, I love meeting and talking to people but the feeling of “am I boring to them?” “maybe they don’t want to talk” are always chasing me so yeah this helps a lot
i just can’t think of ANYTHING to talk about. it’s like my brain just goes blank. i try my best but it’s impossible for me to even start a conversation.
One thing that helps me is asking things related to someone's personality, something that makes them talk about themselves. By the way, its a good idea to have some questions ready before the conversation like: What's your favorite movie? Why? What do you do for a living? Why did you choose that? It's like a muscle. You are not going to be strong if you don't go to the gym. You are not going to be able to think of anything if you don't force yourself to from time to time.
If you want start a conversation just ask anything about them and the just try to relate things said by them with you and one of the best ways to be better is just make yourself look a bit stupid(not much) and tell your mistakes like jokes
@@luccatozzinidonady4683 I asked the similar type of questions, not with some unknown person, just for conversation and the replies are like 1. Not telling you 2. Why do you care 3. What's the point of question
As a tip: just listen to what the other person is saying! Don’t spend so much time thinking of what you’ll say next. You’ll find that you naturally think of questions about or additions to what they are saying. Just listen and relax.
Well.. While listening to someone my thoughts are just "What am I doing here? I could do anything else now instead. What are you talking about? I don't agree. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even like you. What the heck am I doing?!"
Not having filter is not an action, its a passive inaction. Its actually harder and more taxing to have filter on all the time. Its natural for them because its off by default. Unfortunately my filter off switch is broken and its all fkn haywire up in there.
@@wuzzierash578 I have a hard time imagining how bad can it be, can you give me an example? I find dark humor funny qnd kinks interesting, as long as its not illegal. And all small talks are boring if you really think about it, people just usually dont think about it.
That’s my problem, IDK how to start a conversation or end one. I’ll just say oh hey hi or look like an idiot in front of people. Edit: 5/27/21 I've felt more comfortable talking to people and have made many new friends. Just try to stay on topic and show them memes that you know they'll find funny.
1. Remove the filter: speak your mind out without hesitation . Stop thinking whether to say it or not. Just say it! 2. Threading: ask questions related to the answers that the other person is giving you to let the other person know you are actively listening to them. 3. The pratfall effect: dont try to be a perfectionist. People will approach you more when they see that you are not perfect and you have flaws too.
What if people don’t want to talk all the time? I’ve tried to put myself out there but people don’t want to talk. I’ll ask conversation starters like “is that the English project” and they’ll just reply in the most bored sounding voice “Is that the English project” “Yep” “How long have you worked on it” “An hour” “Is it hard” “No” Like wtf am I supposed to do when nobody wants to speak. It’s so frustrating I’ve just given up on trying to meet new people, I’ll stick to my friends
@@Chadius_Thundercock IKR this is how my convos with people go! so idk how to easily start conversations that people will be willing to engage in and have fun with
You mean avoidant or socially anxious. Antisocial people are harmful. criminals are antisocial, and they probably don't care about conversing with others.
as someone who has been the new kid 6 times and moved countries here are the tips i've come up with (I used to have extreme social anxiety) - tip 1: whenever I talk to someone new I always feel judged and pressure to say the right things so they like me, remember, they are people too and are most likely feeling the same way. They are just flesh and bones walking around each day until one day they will decompose and die. I know that sounds scary and deep but once you have that mindset its easier. -tip 2: no one actually cares about you!! "I wanna say this but they will think im weird", "I want to sit with them but they will find be awkward". bro nobody goes to sleep at night thinking "that girl I talked to today was so weird". they are all too busy thinking about themselves. and so what if they think you're awkward? if they have weird thoughts about you and express it then its a sign you shouldn't get closer with them anyways. Honestly (im a new kid this year) If i didn't approach people are say anything to them I would have NO friends right now. -tip 3: the three second rule. I personally, don't usually just approach a group of people, instead I approach people alone because it is so much easier to connect that way. If I see someone lining up in class and I want to say something I count to 3 and say it, and every single time I've said something they happily respond back. ALSO: to start a convo off for the first time I like to find a common ground- if you're in a class you could say to the person next to you "what do u think of this class" or an observation like "have u noticed ......(insert observation)". This will make the transition into the convo more natural. -tip 4: the rules of conversations: when you first meet someone and you want them to like you, there is a way to win them over: ask questions about themselves!! people are obsessed with themselves and they want to feel important, so do exactly that. compliment something you like about them, ask them questions and / or respond with an interesting story you have. actually listen to their answers instead of thinking about what your going to say next. BUT if the conversation sounds like your giving them a boring interview (they reply with one or two word answers) then its a sign to back off. - tip 5: STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE CONVO!! I used to be terrified of awkwardness and silence, but every conversation has silences. I also used to excessively try to carry the conversation. conversations are 50/50 so instead of spending the whole conversation worrying about what your going to say next just see where it takes you, try to enjoy it. If it's your first time talking to them then of course conversations will be awkward just give it time. -tip 6: KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH!! You need to walk into the room knowing that you are a fun and interesting person and people should be lucky to get to know you (don't be cocky though). Once you approach a convo thinking of the other person as an equal it becomes a lot less stressful -tip 7: LAST TIP, life is short, we are floating on a rock in the middle of nowhere and time flies. We will never be in highschool, middle school, college etc again so I wouldn't want to spend it all alone just because I wasn't brave enough to talk to people. You only live once so make the most of it (I know this sounds cringe but take this to heart)
@@yungbando01 well I can tell you that I have a friend that have a lot of different opinions and points of view from mine about subjects and because of that we have spent hours and hours talking
@@yungbando01 If it's a joke it's a bad one because it actually works. It helps going deeper into the subject because if you just say "yeah I agree" There's nothing left to say...
Well guess what, I never had my dad around me to take me out into public and teach me social skills. So I ended up a little nervous. I'll change though, and show others that you don't need to let your environment dictate you 😉
It would go well tho unless you are constantly insulting and saying slurs then that says something about what you think about, but otherwise you are fun on the table
Congratulations, you're imperfect and human lol, but do learn from the mistake, i think you should remove the "filter" but also use common sense on what to say. I'm struggling with this currently
YES I find it hard to come up with things to say and I can be very awkward and quiet but the moment someone actually shares one of my interests I start rambling so much and I get very excited
As an autistic person with social anxiety, this is exactly the video that I was looking for. I need patterns to focus on, cycles that make sense to me, etc. I've been scouring the Internet for something like this for hours. Thank you for this - it is truly so helpful.
Oh my god for so long I have not been understanding a lot of how relationships work among other things and I’d always say to others “I don’t know I just need it to make sense, I need “rules” ” and I haven’t met anyone who really understood me when I said that. I guess to them it just makes sense? I’m not diagnosed with autism my mother keeps telling me a lot would make sense if I were but we haven’t done any tests or anything really, anyway I veered a bit, but thank you for your comment, it made me feel less alone :)
LOL I couldn't agree more, one of my good friends has a foul mouth you have no idea, the sentence can't be ended without using a bad word and he is loud too, the other day I went to visit my sister and have lunch with her he was with me, she is a doctor, so we were waiting for her in the lobby, while we're waiting he said some foul shit almost got us kicked out of the hospital haha!
Yup. Mine: Me: Heyyy! Crush: Hiiii. Me: I have a crush on you. Crush: What? Me: Also, I think I’m in love with you. Crush: Haley, are you joking? Me: What? No. Crush: Umm, I’m not a lesbian. Me: Me either. Crush: Then What *are you?* Me: I think I’m pan, but I don’t honestly know at the moment. Crush: **Long Silence** Me: Can we still be friends? Also is it ok if we hold hands from time to time? Crush: *...* Me: Ok, see you later. Love you! (Sorry that was super long 😂)
I remember the one time when I had talked to a fellow classmate of mine for the first time , idk how but we ended up talking for about an hour straight about so many random topics and it was amazing. The best part was that she was equally enthusiastic to keep the convo going and we just found so many things to say so naturally and at the end of it we felt like we knew each other for years. It was awesome
ONE MORE TIP: If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of *anything* to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )
When someone tells me something interesting like “I went to the beach last week!” or just anything I just automatically respond with “Oh.” And there goes the awkward silence. 😭😭😭
ooo! a beach! you a good swimmer? was the water warm? i always get sand on my towels some how, i dont Know how, it kinda just happens, see any cool fish? bring any friends? you go any where after? Edit: holy flip, thanks for so many likes!
Lol I randomly got recommended this, as someone who could talk pretty well, I’ll give you all some tips - don’t think to hard - be confident when you are saying a joke or punch line don’t waver and push through it - It’s ok to be slightly dirty minded/mean/weird, just make sure they are comfortable and well timed (people actually like it when you act this way because they find you more interesting) - Go with the flow, ask questions, listen, add to the conversation, - Do not be scared to share hobbies, if you play games tell them, you watch anime tell them, if you write books tell them Final note: If you are trying to talk to people, once you get in the conversation just roll with it, you will be surprised on how common you both are to each other and if you are different even better cause you can ask tons of questions
I love the third thing you mention! A lot of people have told me I’m a strange person, but that’s why they like me :) I’m not as extroverted as I used to be but still I’ve learnt that being weird is okay!
I have a hard time talking to people. I’m always scared and paranoid that they will use what I say or tell them against me or I’ll say the wrong thing and they get offended cause you know it’s 2021 everyone gets offended nowadays. I just want to make people happy and o want people to like me but I always get bad anxiety and just wanna get in the fetal position. I just always avoid eye contact so I don’t have to talk. I go through everyday talking to the least amount of people I can. But it’s getting old. I wanna have fun and have cool convos but my mind won’t allow me cause of the extra thoughts I get about what could or will happen.
@@jessedarnell3366 With the eye contact part what I found helpful is to look at their forehead and to them it looks like your staring at their eyes, if you want to talk to someone new or never really been acquainted with, ask them how they doin, depending on the formality give them a hand shake, they will most likely respond with a “I’m doin good” what I like to say after this id crack a smile and say “livin the good life huh” and they would smile back and say “yea” then ask about something most people in your area know for example if they watch any sports if that conversation gets a little dry maybe ask if they play any
Huge note though watch out for signs, if they look like they do not care about the conversation end it. The worst conversation to have is one where there is only a single person who is actually talking and the rest do not care, to avoid this don’t talk too much not all conversations have to be long
Another tip from an introverts perspective. Read the room and know when to end a conversation. While you could find 30 different ways to continue a topic it’s not always the best choice to do so.
@@AndrewB23 could be in a classroom, a workplace, a dinner, a wedding, birthday party, y’kno stuff that almost everyone goes to regardless of if they’re an introvert or extrovert
One thing Introverts are naturally good at. It’s always good to assess the person(s) you are talking to periodically during a conversation. Some tips, and I know it super hard with the masks, but look at their body language. Are they relaxed? Are they vibing with you? Or are they rigid? Arms crossed, maybe? Are they looking at you? Or are they looking at something else and are seemingly very focused on it? Facial expressions. Eyebrows furrowed? Maybe that’s a sign they are not interested? Are their eyes focused on you or are they focused on something else? What are they saying? One liners or full on paragraphs? Voice. Are they expressive, or flat? Do they agree with you or deject you? Now, you don’t have to be watching so carefully, but it’s something you can easily pick up on just by listening, questioning, and just being there.
I’d honestly love to talk to someone who brought up weird stuff like this lol. As long as it’s not offensive or judgy or intrusive, I’d say take off your filter and you might be able to find someone who thinks like me :)
@@datmangotho9618 me too.. I like people who are crude and real, without any filters, who like to talk about anything as long as it isn't offending 😆. But initial interaction is hard, if you feel like they are your type then only you will feel comfortable to remove the filters.
My problem isn't filtering things I want to say but having literally no things to filter in the first place. I wish I could say everything that appears in my head but the problem is that my head is absolutely empty
Maybe start being genuinely interested in the conversation. Like, when the person you're talking to starts a story then start listening and asking open ended questions to keep the conversation going. It will get you more involved and when you're more involved you'll feel more interested. Maybe you could even find a way to relate to the conversation and that's when you speak your mind, no filter or anything. I may or may not know what I'm going on about but maybe it's worth a try.
@@Ky-zt2km But what if YOU'RE the one telling the story? You WILL run out of things to say eventually! What then? Even when I literally ask for some kind of questions all my friends are just "Nah, can't think of anything". And then everything just dies. I can't talk about anything else because I've already said everything that I had to say.
I'd say read more. Doesn't even have to be books, just reading blogs online or something. It will expose you to more things in the world, and in turn you'll have more things to talk about.
Honestly, i was an extroverted person when i was a child, but due to being bullied at school,family problems and any kind of verbal abuse, i lose the ability to talk more and became introverted like person, came here to learn to talk again✌️
This is the reality of 21st century and I think this only happens with the people who are from the 'first world' countries. People in developing countries do not have too much time to watch RUclips xD. I also became more disconnected from people after moving to the US. That is why I am commenting here xD :D
Neon Green Have you considered that a segment of the population has always needed such a video but the platform it was provided on wasn’t created but recently?
Neon Green i mean, my issue is that i have developed social anxiety because of hard things I've gone through in the past, not because of this disconnected modern day. But yes, I agree that this day and age doesn't help people with learning how to properly socialize either.
Saidakbar P this also happen to other countries who are in the third world. everybody works not just people in the first world. in fact the countries of the third world works more than the countries of the first world as they need more effort and more work to develop.
@@Ok-kx2te Whenever I meet someone time sorta freezes... I then think of all the ways things can happen... I think of all the responses... All the outcomes... And since it is a mind it'll obviously think of all the ways things can go wrong. So then I just avoid people.
My issue is with filtering. I filter too much because I’m scared to just be me- which is why I act completely different in different social situations. If I’m at school (hs), I’ll naturally be more awkward+ filters, and when I’m alone with a friend or anyone really, I’m much more confident because I feel less judged.
IKR I’m SO terrified that they will judge me and I feel like I would be a burden for just coming up and saying hi I feel like I’m annoying then so I don’t talk unless they do first
I've seen people commenting saying how horrible it's to watch video like this.. But for me this is a blessing.. Thank god video like this exists.. We need more of it in my life.. U don't know how I was brought up. We weren't perfect. I'm not perfect we re all different. Life is hard. U should be considerate of other people too. U don't understand how big or small this video is gonna impact ones life
Yeah. When there’s at least one common interest, I can actually talk and ask questions for hours. And honestly... that pushes people away WAY more than just some brief moments of silence T_T
one thing life taught me is that you don't NEED to keep a conversation going, matter of fact, you dont need to be perceived as likable and cool by everyone. Just do yourself and youre gonna find people who you can vibe with naturally
yea but it takes a while, and some luck, to find "your kind" of people. If you're thrown into a new social setting (like starting college) you don't have the liberty to 'just be yourself' because others will be having fun and you'll just be standing in the corner all miserable; The end goal is definitely finding a group where you don't *have* to think about how to be social.
Great video! Being social can be daunting but these tips make it seem so much more manageable. The reminder to ask open-ended questions is especially helpful to keep the conversation flowing. Thanks for sharing!
As an Autistic boy with mild problems, I struggle to socialize with people. I began watching videos like these, and it has helped me increase my talking techniques. Thanks, you are really doing all of us a favour for our future careers!
Glad you found it helpful Josh, because I found your comment helpful. Feel free to stick around, and inform us in the future how much you improved your conversing skills.
Someone else in here gave the ABC tip: "If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of anything to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )"
mine also disappeared, but then i got to parties and with the ability to drink alcohol it came back very good and better than before lol as strange as it sounds but alcohol helped me a lot when socializing sober😂
@@julianhager1826 Awh heck, too bad I’m a minor other wise I would have tried that lol Good for you though! Hope it stays that way, eh? Have a good one
It took many years for me to get great at socializing, but when the pandemic hit, I went back to square one. Since getting a retail job, I've noticed that my social skills were coming back. While it wont take years to get back to where I was, it is still taking some time to get there.
*The tips on asking open-ended questions are fantastic. They really help keep the conversation flowing, and it’s a great way to show genuine interest in others.*
I’m so horrible at conversation. People fluster me so much (+ I overthink everything) that my mind just goes blank. I can never seem to think of things to say without looking like an idiot. But if I didn’t use my filter, I’d end up sounding psychotic.
I overthink everything thing too but just blurt those over thinking thoughts out at people. If you’re overthinking then your mind isn’t blank. You are just trying to focus on a good thought to say and you get stuck there. Like he said in the video your filter is too strong. Apparently so strong you don’t recognize that you’re doing it.
Simple tip: Say anything according to the location you are. If you are in school, talk about subjects or homework, if you are on a picnic talk about friends and favorite things, if it's just a casual talk with some stranger ask about their name, what they like, what do they do in their free time, and something they would improve on. If it's in a party, talk about foods, gifts, life, favorite things, and shopping if they like it. If it's a casual walk in a park or a street talk about things like about life, studies, what do they like, and what they would like to improve on. If it's on a big place like restaurant or a fashionable place ask them about foods, fashion, money, life and studies. Second tip: People always like to answer questions about themselves! So if you want to start a conversation ask about their life, their health, their studies, what they like etc. People also like to talk about things they like, for example just ask them what do they like and what they enjoy doing, and whatever they answer it keep talking about it, for example if someone likes fashion, keep talking about dresses, shoes, models, they will love it! Third tip: 20% talk, and 80% listen. People like to talk about things they like. keep listening to them and when they stop you can extra details too! people like someone to hear about them, so you can become more likeable! Hope this helped!
@@astrielle446 I have a tip better than any one in this entire comment section. Know that not everyone is the same. One person might enjoy talking about themselves than another person would. Maybe someone is more of a listener, so your 20% talking with theirs will just make awkward silence since neither of you are speaking. Don't just imagine one personality and assume its everyone's. Get to know them and act accordingly
i don't talk a lot but when i get comfortable with you and you talk to me with a high level of energy i will literally not going to stop talking to you
You were supposed to show up a few months ago. But now I can only ask you if you have any advice for rebukes of conscience because you have talked too much and the fear of speaking.
@@DepressedAssTeenager I’ll add a couple little psychological tips I’ve taught myself in the past couple months. It’s good to keep in mind that you don’t have to fill silence, and you’re not responsible to either. Some people just like to chill in silence sometimes. They’re not expecting you to entertain them, and it’s not your obligation either: it would be selfish for them to do so. I’ve also found it extremely helpful to ask people about their personal interests or niche hobbies they carry. You can “thread” off their monologuing from there :)
For those with little time, let me summarize this video: the secret to being able to talk about more stuff is… to talk about more stuff, and make mistakes while doing it. Brilliant!
I have lots of tips for being social, from working in an incredibly social job: *People love talking about themselves a lot! (like me).* Ask them questions to keep them talking about their favorite hobby, activity, anything in particular. *DO NOT *TRY* TO KEEP A CONVERSATION ALIVE.* This will make things 10 times more awkward when they don't HAVE to be! just take a breather, if it's quiet, take your time, let it be quiet for a bit, and think of something new to talk about/add on to the old conversation. *TAKE RISKS.* Whether this be flirting with girls at a party to asking a very dumb question, this will ultimately make people notice you more for being different, and this will improve your social skills (and differing between what to talk and not talk about). Example, ask a group of people if they think pineapple should belong on pizza. People can get passionate towards this, and it even goes back to my first point! I hope this helps someone. Leave a like on this comment if this helped you in any way. Don't waste your time watching tons of these videos, because in my experience it never really helped me.
I think it's important to remind everyone that every single person is too busy with their own thoughts to consider too heavily about what you're saying. Put their situation in YOUR shoes. During a conversation, you're focusing a lot more on your own thoughts compared to anyone else's. Even talking to people that are anti-social or shy, if you talk to these people you KNOW they're anti-social or shy but you don't judge them that much or think about it for that often. If a random stranger did something stupid or made a mistake in public, you'd probably think about it for maybe 2 minutes and then it's off your mind for the rest of the day. People are too busy being the protagonist of their own story, regardless of who it is, to judge you for what you say. Try to walk out of your comfort zone a little, because you'd be surprised. Being a little weird, or accidentally making mistakes, won't make people heavily judge you. In fact, people will enjoy your company for being "quirky" and being who you are. As for WHAT to say, if it's a fellow classmate or someone from work, you could mention recent events that are happening inside or outside of work/school. You could ask them about simple questions, like what hobbies they enjoy doing. If they have anything in common, branch out further with that. Keep going until you find something you both relate to.
thank you...things like these help me to become more social, it is true that people forget and you shouldn't feel embarrassed for what you do, live for the moment.
@@classymuffin4589 Right?! Lol Like my coworker walks in in the morning and says "GOOD MORNING 🌅🌅!!" All I can think is "stfu god damn, so happy. gross"
As an introvert I’ve been alone for the past 3 years in high school. This year I’ve joined courses where I made friends. I judged them first based on what kind of character they were. We all seemed really introverted and we were all similar cultures and upbringings, also same interests. I found myself talking a lot and it’s the most I’ve talked throughout all 3 years. My advice is don’t inquire about yourself all the time. When I’m talking with my new friends I hardly don’t ask about their personal life’s or I don’t seem that interested but when they talk about something that I experienced myself, I will talk and make the whole conversation about me out of excitement. Frequently indulging in conversation and using reactions by expressing ur thoughts on that topic is wat I have started to do. I feel as if our relationship is getting better.
Don't feel like that - look how many views it's got. We all feel the same. It's the era of tech, I read a psych say that people just aren't used to speaking as much anymore bc of online comms so we need to practice ✌
There is nothing wrong with silence. Stop seeing silence as awkward and don’t mind it, don’t put your energy on wanting to avoid it. When you master this you will need to concentrate your energy on the present and be yourself. Stop thinking about what others think about you in a conversation, think more about yourself and you will see how conversations flow. Also remember, the more activities that you do in your daily basis, the more you have to talk about yourself with people. So if you spend your time doing the same activities the less you have to talk about. A conversation will always flow if both sides are interested. So be interesting, do what you love and communicate it whenever you feel you have nothing to say.
1st) it’s not easy for everyone to be interesting 2nd) it’s not easy for everyone to find people to whom they can communicate 3rd)having almost no one to whom you can communicate freely leads to loneliness and depression
The reality of it is, a video won’t truly teach you how to be social. It CAN give you the tools you need to start but you only truly learn by continuously making efforts and getting out that comfort zone. Best of luck to you guys ❤️
I watched this a couple months back, not gonna say this video single-handedly made talking easier for me but I have realized that after pushing myself more I’ve been doing this subconsciously more and more
I have anxiety and a lot of the methods mentioned in this video have been taught to me by therapists as a way to work through social anxiety. solid video
@@youngjacuzzi3676 it's not bs... i know it can get expensive, but if you have the possiblity to pay it, do it, it works. It may not ERASE all your problems, but it can help you seeing things from a different way, slowly but surely.
Really? That’s great! I really wish I could see an actual therapist who could give me tips about social anxiety. I once went to my school councillor since I opened up to my mum about how I felt and she immediately rang my school up… which is the opposite of what I wanted but I obviously know she means totally well, she just doesn’t know what to say or do since I told her the problem I had was socialising. Anyway I saw the councillor and told her how I felt but I didn’t really open up as much as I did to my mum and she told me beforehand I only had 5 minutes. She ended up telling me everyone feels what I feel at some point and that it’s normal and I’ll grow out of it. You cannot fucking tell me that everyone feels sick in the morning before school and is on edge every single second of any social situation whether it be with friends family classmates or strangers, always conscious of how they are sitting what to do with their hands can’t relax their mouth or breathing struggles to make eye contact wants to curl up into a ball and cry whenever they answer their name in the register is always thinking about what the other person is thinking or being paranoid they’re staring at your spots hair glasses psoriasis replays every conversation in their heads sometimes even years after it took place I’m just tired of not being able to function normally and having to put so much effort into bigging myself up to do something as simple as walking into a room of people or even just to itch an itch on my face or fix my hair or push my glasses up. All for that witch to say it’s normal. Like man if I gained the courage after so many years to open up to my mum about it and then a week later for someone to say I’m basically just being attention seeking and there’s nothing wrong with me. This is why since then I’ve been writing down how I feel so much more in case I ever do decided to talk to a professional I would have some idea of where to start and not just freeze up like I did last time. Anyways what on earth am I doing I’m so sorry for being a burden no one will read this I might even ugh now I just sound like a pick me girl I can’t I’m cringing at myself for speaking about how I feel to strangers what am I doing I’m actually insane why tf is my heart is thumping at something so stupid as just sitting in a bloody lesson constantly thinking about the teacher picking on me or having to talk to my partner It’s 1am I’m so drained Ok I’ll shut up now sorry for being a pick me
@@rab.j I’m so sorry you have to go through all that. I’ve lived with similar issues and understand how terrible it is. Having trouble socializing, getting anxiety simply by having your name called or being talked to unexpectedly, even by family, etc. All those problems making it difficult to communicate, which leads to reaching out for help harder, which then leads to those problems developing further. Its a loop that is so hard to lessen. Let alone get rid of. I am fortunate enough to have my problems of socializing lessen over time, it’s a trend I noticed in my case personally. Despite still having major issues. Hopefully in the future I can talk and function like a normal person. My case might not be the same as yours though. I’m not a therapist or a professional in this sort of stuff. I’m just someone with similar problems trying to help someone out. I’m aware that seeking help is hard, so I can at least try to help someone on my own. I really hope you lose your social anxiety and are able to have proper functioning relationships in your future. You came up with an amazing idea of writing how you feel in order to convey yourself more effectively. I find it genius because I personally have problems coming up with responses and what to say to people in general. So I might do the same. I hope you get to talk to a therapist. One advice I have is to strengthen and create friendships, even with family. I know its cliche and WAY easier said than done. But even little things like complimenting or making random comments about whatever is relevant. Things you might notice while doing something. This is something I’ve started doing more recently, and it has made me more open and talkative, even if not much. But most importantly, its made be less anxious about socializing and being around people. I sincerely hope you are able to talk, communicate, and be around others with ease and without anxiety in the future. Get better. And if anyone else is reading this, I wish the same to you.
I’m that one person in our class that is very unsocial. I never know how to respond to people or how to start a conversation. It’s kinda sad that I need to watch videos on how to keep convos going. *I need friends*
@Macy sondheim i understand but i applied that same effort to just have ppl fear me instead and all that has happened is me being lonely asl now. I feel it only works in cases where the person has a perfect road to power on some shit like emperors back then
Whenever I have awkward silences I usually end up saying ‘I’m so tired’ or ‘its so cold’ and they’ll be like ‘same’ or ‘me too’ then it gets awkward again 😂it literally never know what to say, like words just don’t come into my mind and it really annoys me
I operated that way most of my life. For a time, I had lots of friends and lots of trauma. I then ended up with more enemies than friends and lots of strangers that like me. When I managed to properly filter, people began respecting me. One woman even became obsessed with me. The biggest idiots I ever met had no filter. I would say this video is great if you don't want any friends. I'll take respect and limited conversation over no respect and lots of conversation any day. The real secret to conversation is taking control of how you respond to silence. You can make it awkward by trying to force conversation or you can simply acknowledge it as soon as it happens and do something else. These days I view small talk as a doorway to comfortable silences. Small talk is meant to be small. You acknowledge the person's presence so that there is no uncomfortable silence and then you go back to doing what you were doing in silence. Simple. No discomfort. To me, the constant need for conversation demonstrates a lack of emotional maturity. It means the person takes no time to self-reflect, is not comfortable with their own thoughts, does not respect other people's personal space and is short on self-control. A real friend is someone who can enjoy the silence with you as much as the conversation.
As someone without a filter, there are some drawbacks -I'm terrible at keeping secrets -I tend to ramble on a lot and talk about myself too often -I offend people because I'm just brutally honest, which is deffo not a good trait But hey, at least I can keep conversations going now
Its true that you need to be without a filter, but there're things that you need to keep to urself, don't overshare with someone you're not close. Find something simple and can be notice at someone you wanna talk: their hair, their clothes, .... and start asking about them more. Be a good listener would help too.
Bro just be yourself honestly. If someone is brutally honest and dosen't care what other people think and it's legit just them being honest and not rude. I respect the hell out of that.
LOVE THIS!!! A quote my mom always says is "You'd worry less about what people think of you if you realize how seldom they do." I love it cause it allows me to be more open to others because I know they won't judge me as bad as I think they will
0:49 changed my life. I stopped thinking of how to say the best and most impressive things and I just spoke what was on my mind. IT HONESTLY WORKED SO WELL. And you get so many opportunities
"Just speak about what you feel" "Ok, so..." (People listen but for some reason decide to ignore me and keep an awkward silence) It would be easier if the conversation wasn't one way around, or maybe I need to speak with other people...
According to a book I've read, it's better if you talk more about the other person and less of yourself, so speak about what you feel about the other person's life
Videos like this give me so much confidence because for a long time, my shyness and awkwardness, inability to talk to others has seemed impossible to cure. I was a lot more open today than yesterday, and my dream is finally becoming a reality. This is not permanent and I’m so glad it’s just a phase of my life and not the ending to my story! There is HOPE!💕
What if nothing is on my mind? Getting the brain going seems easier for some than others. It seems genetic that somebody can be witty and rapid responders.
RAM if you have nothing to say, you have nothing to say. It's gonna happen sometimes. You should still try to keep these tips in mind and use them when you can. Maybe you won't end up perfect, but you can definitely end up better than now
Or if you have have nothing to say that makes sense to anyone who hasn't read your mind and small talk just doesn't interest you when you're in an awesome train of thought so you just fuck the world off... I find that's too easily done sometimes.
It's not genetic at all. You know, I think the *master* at social skills is brandon rogers. His interviews are so neat, I always find myself analyzing him because he always knows what to say and I just- admire him, he really is great at conversation.
To have something to say you have to be genuinely interested in the conversation. We all have opinions on things mostly on things that intrigues us. You also have to be present in the moment.
I don’t think its genetic, I think its mainly just observing other people and literally just practicing. Also sometimes you just have nothing to say and thats okay, you are not the only one responsible for the conversation. I also find that it’s okay to ask questions/make comments that aren’t so directly connected to the prior topic because you can easily find yourself stuck in a hole. More often than not the other person won’t notice that you’ve slightly changed the subject so yeah don’t focus so much and just let it flow
I've been an introvert the majority of my life and I figured out this on my own, but everything said in this video is what I have been using to help make it easier for myself to speak to other people. You just have to be calm and relax, (not in a bad way) not everybody is thinking about what things you do and more what they do.
When I was 14 I was so socially awkward that all my friends slowly drifted away from me, and I started eating lunch alone and when one of my old friends sat with me again I panicked and I didn't know what to say so we sat one whole hour in an awkward silence until it was time to head to class again and since then I spent the rest of the school year hiding myself in a lonely hallway during lunch starving myself because I didn't want to eat anything by myself anymore and I'm scared for what I will do next year
The problem with my conversations is that I basically only ask questions to sustain a conversation, and only talk about myself when asked a question. and even when asking a question someone questioned why is ask so many questions and someone overheard and said it was the only way i knew how to talk to people, so it is a noticeable issue.
You have to ask open ended questions, like questions that start with “who, what, when, where and how” those types of questions make people answer more descriptively and they might add on something you didn’t think to ask. After they respond you can make a comment about something they said that stood out to you rather than asking question after a question, you can throw in something about yourself instead because when you ask questions back to back like that it can come off feeling like an interview or an interrogation. So, just try to bring up something about yourself that you think relates to the conversation. Example : “hey, how’s your day so far?” Them: “it’s alright, it kinda sucked because I was late” You: yeah I hate being late too, I try to wake up on time but it’s so hard.” Them: yeah, it’s really hard to wake up on time, I have like 3 alarms and it’s still difficult You: I probably have like 5, you had a late night? Them: yeah I was studying for this class. You: how are you doing in this class so far? (Or you can say “what things have you been struggling with?”) And it can go on and on....
This is so true! I never want to be around people who are “perfect” and have this and that! Because truthfully, I feel jealous and start to dislike that person because of how perfect they are. I like seeing people make mistakes every so often because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one bad at that math unit or the only one who’s ever got laughed at
I am lot of times ingnored in group chats and even i say something nobody listens😢😢. I am antisocial little bit and overthinker and introvert. This had good tips
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
I feel like a robot learning how to become a human
Same, I filter so much that I feel like I've became a robot when I'm with others
Lmao same
what same
fr 💀
Detroit: Become Human
But my problem isn't the filter, it's literally having NOTHING to say.....no words in mind, so I just resort to, (after long awkward pauses) some crap about food and snacks, or some bs opinion I made on the spot about the wheather and seasons.....
That is my problem also. Gets very awkward, so I just don't talk at all. Have no friends 😐
@@PkKingX11 if you dont practice then that's the problem, there's no way you dont have anything to say, your filter is just unconscious, try seeing a terapist
dantes950 therapist is not gonna do shit
Same. : / I feel like my chance to be as social as other people died years ago, now I just wander through time suffering and alone, trapped in my own mind. Hopefully one day we can overcome our issues? It is that thought alone that keeps me alive.
Ampwich me too that's why I have 0 friends now
Im an overthinker that's why im anti- social. I don't like thinking about what a person think of me after a conversation. I'd rather not talk at all.
same
u just totally described me
My God so relatable
yeah i have that too i also get worried that i’m bothering the person i’m talking to so i try not to talk at all.
Sameeee
The fact that Social Secrets Mastery isn’t widely discussed shows why so many people have a tough time making genuine connections.
I’m an extrovert with social anxiety, I love meeting and talking to people but the feeling of “am I boring to them?” “maybe they don’t want to talk” are always chasing me so yeah this helps a lot
that's
That's not social anxiety, its insecurity
@@tobias4004 same thing
no its not. its like saying 'im sad' compared to 'im clinically depressed'
@@BackBeater im diagnosed with S.A.D and ive studied psychology for as long as I can remember.
@@tobias4004 insecurities steam from
Fear/anxiety 🤦🏽♂️
i just can’t think of ANYTHING to talk about. it’s like my brain just goes blank. i try my best but it’s impossible for me to even start a conversation.
That's you getting a little nervous. The more you do it the easier it will become... sort of like weight lifting.
One thing that helps me is asking things related to someone's personality, something that makes them talk about themselves. By the way, its a good idea to have some questions ready before the conversation like:
What's your favorite movie? Why?
What do you do for a living? Why did you choose that?
It's like a muscle. You are not going to be strong if you don't go to the gym. You are not going to be able to think of anything if you don't force yourself to from time to time.
the blank is the filter in fullpower action
If you want start a conversation just ask anything about them and the just try to relate things said by them with you and one of the best ways to be better is just make yourself look a bit stupid(not much) and tell your mistakes like jokes
@@luccatozzinidonady4683 I asked the similar type of questions, not with some unknown person, just for conversation and the replies are like
1. Not telling you
2. Why do you care
3. What's the point of question
As a tip: just listen to what the other person is saying! Don’t spend so much time thinking of what you’ll say next. You’ll find that you naturally think of questions about or additions to what they are saying. Just listen and relax.
good advice, thanks!
Both party can’t be listening, someone has to talk!
I do it but I never have anything to say, not always going to work
@@blacklily250 yeh starting the convo is the hardest part bc its pressure on who talks first but then its calm after that
Well.. While listening to someone my thoughts are just "What am I doing here? I could do anything else now instead. What are you talking about? I don't agree. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even like you. What the heck am I doing?!"
theres a book that really helped me out with anxiety its called escape the comfort cage, and i recommend it to anyone with social anxiety
How did it help you?
By who
I genuinely don’t understand how people do this naturally
Fr
Onf
Cause the shit we (atleast I)would say unfiltered is probably going to make them avoid us forever, or just be straight up boring
Not having filter is not an action, its a passive inaction. Its actually harder and more taxing to have filter on all the time. Its natural for them because its off by default.
Unfortunately my filter off switch is broken and its all fkn haywire up in there.
@@wuzzierash578 I have a hard time imagining how bad can it be, can you give me an example? I find dark humor funny qnd kinks interesting, as long as its not illegal.
And all small talks are boring if you really think about it, people just usually dont think about it.
All introverts watching and taking notes.
Yep 😂
We down bad 😔
Yup
I used to be introverted, i just need to get better at conversations
😂😂😂
*trying to start a conversation*
Me:how was your trip to London
Her: I never went there
Me: ok :)
Literally me XD
That’s my problem, IDK how to start a conversation or end one. I’ll just say oh hey hi or look like an idiot in front of people.
Edit: 5/27/21
I've felt more comfortable talking to people and have made many new friends. Just try to stay on topic and show them memes that you know they'll find funny.
At least you started I'm like fuck u
That’s funny lmao
"How come you've never went to London" is the first thing that came to my mind #NoFilter
1. Remove the filter: speak your mind out without hesitation . Stop thinking whether to say it or not. Just say it!
2. Threading: ask questions related to the answers that the other person is giving you to let the other person know you are actively listening to them.
3. The pratfall effect: dont try to be a perfectionist. People will approach you more when they see that you are not perfect and you have flaws too.
The only thing I need is the confidence to start talking…
tysm for writing this comment 💕😩
What if people don’t want to talk all the time? I’ve tried to put myself out there but people don’t want to talk. I’ll ask conversation starters like “is that the English project” and they’ll just reply in the most bored sounding voice
“Is that the English project”
“Yep”
“How long have you worked on it”
“An hour”
“Is it hard”
“No”
Like wtf am I supposed to do when nobody wants to speak. It’s so frustrating I’ve just given up on trying to meet new people, I’ll stick to my friends
@@Chadius_Thundercock IKR this is how my convos with people go! so idk how to easily start conversations that people will be willing to engage in and have fun with
@@Chadius_Thundercock they definitely do that because they are antisocial too.
you know you are antisocial when you see this in your recommendations
True enough
Me!!!!!😭
maybe
that’s me
You mean avoidant or socially anxious. Antisocial people are harmful. criminals are antisocial, and they probably don't care about conversing with others.
*walking into that cute girl that i like*
-"wassup man"
*girl leaves*
Lmfao 10/10 😂
I AM DECEASED
LMFAOOOOO
could be worse, she actually responded and you don't know what to say next
She is a gold digger get money n show u have it by dressing good n shit thy will stick to u like glue
The person: "say whatever's on your mind"
My mind: "ratatouille is actually the pope."
Man i love that rat!
Bro stop making me laugh in public. But regardless i can relate to that
That's a good conversation starter.
I mean that would get me to talk to you thats for sure xD
😂😂😂
as someone who has been the new kid 6 times and moved countries here are the tips i've come up with (I used to have extreme social anxiety)
- tip 1: whenever I talk to someone new I always feel judged and pressure to say the right things so they like me, remember, they are people too and are most likely feeling the same way. They are just flesh and bones walking around each day until one day they will decompose and die. I know that sounds scary and deep but once you have that mindset its easier.
-tip 2: no one actually cares about you!! "I wanna say this but they will think im weird", "I want to sit with them but they will find be awkward". bro nobody goes to sleep at night thinking "that girl I talked to today was so weird". they are all too busy thinking about themselves. and so what if they think you're awkward? if they have weird thoughts about you and express it then its a sign you shouldn't get closer with them anyways. Honestly (im a new kid this year) If i didn't approach people are say anything to them I would have NO friends right now.
-tip 3: the three second rule. I personally, don't usually just approach a group of people, instead I approach people alone because it is so much easier to connect that way. If I see someone lining up in class and I want to say something I count to 3 and say it, and every single time I've said something they happily respond back. ALSO: to start a convo off for the first time I like to find a common ground- if you're in a class you could say to the person next to you "what do u think of this class" or an observation like "have u noticed ......(insert observation)". This will make the transition into the convo more natural.
-tip 4: the rules of conversations: when you first meet someone and you want them to like you, there is a way to win them over: ask questions about themselves!! people are obsessed with themselves and they want to feel important, so do exactly that. compliment something you like about them, ask them questions and / or respond with an interesting story you have. actually listen to their answers instead of thinking about what your going to say next. BUT if the conversation sounds like your giving them a boring interview (they reply with one or two word answers) then its a sign to back off.
- tip 5: STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE CONVO!! I used to be terrified of awkwardness and silence, but every conversation has silences. I also used to excessively try to carry the conversation. conversations are 50/50 so instead of spending the whole conversation worrying about what your going to say next just see where it takes you, try to enjoy it. If it's your first time talking to them then of course conversations will be awkward just give it time.
-tip 6: KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH!! You need to walk into the room knowing that you are a fun and interesting person and people should be lucky to get to know you (don't be cocky though). Once you approach a convo thinking of the other person as an equal it becomes a lot less stressful
-tip 7: LAST TIP, life is short, we are floating on a rock in the middle of nowhere and time flies. We will never be in highschool, middle school, college etc again so I wouldn't want to spend it all alone just because I wasn't brave enough to talk to people. You only live once so make the most of it (I know this sounds cringe but take this to heart)
We have so much in common! I also moved countries a lot and agree with the tips!
thx u a lot
Tysm, this needs more likes 🥺❤
aw thank you
@@Just_a_benchh
Thank you, you are awesome! Thiss helps so much 😇
"You want to be good at conversations ? Just disagree with everything the other person says"
--TheOdds1Out
wtf? can you elaborate please. Is this is a joke or does it actually work?
@@yungbando01 there are parts true if you do truly disagree you will have more to converse about
@@yungbando01 well I can tell you that I have a friend that have a lot of different opinions and points of view from mine about subjects and because of that we have spent hours and hours talking
I disagree
@@yungbando01 If it's a joke it's a bad one because it actually works. It helps going deeper into the subject because if you just say "yeah I agree" There's nothing left to say...
pov: you grew up with parents who taught you not to speak unless you’re spoken to, and now you’re a crazy introvert.
No its just myself
Nah. I messed it up by loving my own company lol
Unless i think being introverted is hella fun and im doing it by myself lol
Yes, toxic parents.
Well guess what, I never had my dad around me to take me out into public and teach me social skills. So I ended up a little nervous. I'll change though, and show others that you don't need to let your environment dictate you 😉
I’m fine at keeping a convo going except when the other person doesn’t keep it going like they rely solely on you to come up with topics
Drop that person
They’re not worth the energy drain
@@ty21epgyt I disagree, I wait till my friend says some to say some back.
@@ty21epgyt You could argue small talk in general is not worth the energy drain.
@@classymuffin4589 tea
@@ty21epgyt tea
“Say whatever’s on your mind”
My mind: goes blank
Same lol
Your mind isnt blank your still just filtering
Why are we like this😂😭
RIGHTTTTY
That's definitely true bro
"Remove the filter! Say what's on your mind!"
Oh I'm sure that's gonna go well at the Thanksgiving table.
LMAO 😭
So... Grandpa did u know that my generation just like me are a bunch of horny retards?
It would go well tho unless you are constantly insulting and saying slurs then that says something about what you think about, but otherwise you are fun on the table
"yes aunt Kathy, I know my tattoos are a lifetime commitment, unlike your marriage"
I've actually got screwed up saying what's on my mind lol
so I disconnected my filter and accidentally called someone ugly
Imfao that would definitely happen in my case too.
I accidentally told my love that she is ugly !
Congratulations, you're imperfect and human lol, but do learn from the mistake, i think you should remove the "filter" but also use common sense on what to say. I'm struggling with this currently
Did you get sent to the jail
Wale azez DAMN he got step 1 & 3
What a fucking pro
I'm actually a reallyy talkative person.. WHEN the other person ACTUALLY shares at least ONE of my interests-
Ikr
I feel you so much... like when people just dont say anything, its terrible.
same
YES I find it hard to come up with things to say and I can be very awkward and quiet but the moment someone actually shares one of my interests I start rambling so much and I get very excited
@@fatoumatacisse3796 omg same-
As an autistic person with social anxiety, this is exactly the video that I was looking for. I need patterns to focus on, cycles that make sense to me, etc. I've been scouring the Internet for something like this for hours. Thank you for this - it is truly so helpful.
Oh my god for so long I have not been understanding a lot of how relationships work among other things and I’d always say to others “I don’t know I just need it to make sense, I need “rules” ” and I haven’t met anyone who really understood me when I said that. I guess to them it just makes sense?
I’m not diagnosed with autism my mother keeps telling me a lot would make sense if I were but we haven’t done any tests or anything really, anyway I veered a bit, but thank you for your comment, it made me feel less alone :)
LMAOOOOOOOO
Same brooo
Same bro I'm autistic to
some people really need a filter though. LMAO
Like who?
I swear to god
Ideot
LOL I couldn't agree more, one of my good friends has a foul mouth you have no idea, the sentence can't be ended without using a bad word and he is loud too, the other day I went to visit my sister and have lunch with her he was with me, she is a doctor, so we were waiting for her in the lobby, while we're waiting he said some foul shit almost got us kicked out of the hospital haha!
Tbh I would rather be kind of a dick and outgoing than insecure and quiet
Me: *talks about random things to crush*
Me: *remebers the video*
Me: i wanna marry you
Crush: wow you really need a filter
@Malaska :D lol I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or you actually thought my comment was funny
Sara Rostenkowski quick English 😂
Yup.
Mine:
Me: Heyyy!
Crush: Hiiii.
Me: I have a crush on you.
Crush: What?
Me: Also, I think I’m in love with you.
Crush: Haley, are you joking?
Me: What? No.
Crush: Umm, I’m not a lesbian.
Me: Me either.
Crush: Then What *are you?*
Me: I think I’m pan, but I don’t honestly know at the moment.
Crush: **Long Silence**
Me: Can we still be friends? Also is it ok if we hold hands from time to time?
Crush: *...*
Me: Ok, see you later. Love you!
(Sorry that was super long 😂)
@@kipperthedog789 this really happened? XD
My crush talks to my bff, but not me * cries in love *
I'm not shy or have social anxiety, the problem is that I'm always awkward 💀
Cutie Malu that's my problem
How can someone so pretty be socially akward
@@EpicGamer-dj7dm wdym? you don't even know how I look like 💀💀
@@cutiemalu3602 isn't that you on your profile picture
@@EpicGamer-dj7dm um no, if you go to my videos you can see, I only post "Malu Trevejo" live streams, idk if u know her
I remember the one time when I had talked to a fellow classmate of mine for the first time , idk how but we ended up talking for about an hour straight about so many random topics and it was amazing. The best part was that she was equally enthusiastic to keep the convo going and we just found so many things to say so naturally and at the end of it we felt like we knew each other for years. It was awesome
Did you get to smash? I'm a great talker and I can pretend to be interested for much minutes if it could lead to seggs.
@leafyzzxgood luck buddy,I think I will going through the same thing like you
Wish you did well
ONE MORE TIP: If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of *anything* to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )
that is actually an amazing advice! thanks so much for sharing
Random dude : hey how are you
Me: 10 seconds silence
Oh I played harmonica today hbu
seriously my brain is too slow for that
@@aaaargh8545 XD
@@aaaargh8545 u just made my fcking day
@@grasshope1938 really glad to hear that :D
When someone tells me something interesting like “I went to the beach last week!” or just anything I just automatically respond with “Oh.” And there goes the awkward silence. 😭😭😭
Yeah..
That's my answr,, fr i have social anxiety
Oh
ooo! a beach! you a good swimmer? was the water warm? i always get sand on my towels some how, i dont Know how, it kinda just happens, see any cool fish? bring any friends? you go any where after? Edit: holy flip, thanks for so many likes!
@@legionfaun7672 you're a genius kind man
Oh that’s cool u saw the sun today so bright and orange
Lol I randomly got recommended this, as someone who could talk pretty well, I’ll give you all some tips
- don’t think to hard
- be confident when you are saying a joke or punch line don’t waver and push through it
- It’s ok to be slightly dirty minded/mean/weird, just make sure they are comfortable and well timed (people actually like it when you act this way because they find you more interesting)
- Go with the flow, ask questions, listen, add to the conversation,
- Do not be scared to share hobbies, if you play games tell them, you watch anime tell them, if you write books tell them
Final note: If you are trying to talk to people, once you get in the conversation just roll with it, you will be surprised on how common you both are to each other and if you are different even better cause you can ask tons of questions
I love the third thing you mention! A lot of people have told me I’m a strange person, but that’s why they like me :) I’m not as extroverted as I used to be but still I’ve learnt that being weird is okay!
I have a hard time talking to people. I’m always scared and paranoid that they will use what I say or tell them against me or I’ll say the wrong thing and they get offended cause you know it’s 2021 everyone gets offended nowadays. I just want to make people happy and o want people to like me but I always get bad anxiety and just wanna get in the fetal position. I just always avoid eye contact so I don’t have to talk. I go through everyday talking to the least amount of people I can. But it’s getting old. I wanna have fun and have cool convos but my mind won’t allow me cause of the extra thoughts I get about what could or will happen.
@@galaxier3543 make sure your not too weird lol
@@jessedarnell3366 With the eye contact part what I found helpful is to look at their forehead and to them it looks like your staring at their eyes, if you want to talk to someone new or never really been acquainted with, ask them how they doin, depending on the formality give them a hand shake, they will most likely respond with a “I’m doin good” what I like to say after this id crack a smile and say “livin the good life huh” and they would smile back and say “yea” then ask about something most people in your area know for example if they watch any sports if that conversation gets a little dry maybe ask if they play any
Huge note though watch out for signs, if they look like they do not care about the conversation end it. The worst conversation to have is one where there is only a single person who is actually talking and the rest do not care, to avoid this don’t talk too much not all conversations have to be long
I followed the advice with the filter and now I’m constantly surrounded with other people 24/7 for another 10 months! Thank you! 😊😊😊
Another tip from an introverts perspective. Read the room and know when to end a conversation. While you could find 30 different ways to continue a topic it’s not always the best choice to do so.
That’s my dad. He goes on and on for like 30 minutes talking about something with someone he doesn’t know how to shut up and I’m the total opposite
What room are you in surrounded by people if you're an introvert
@@AndrewB23 could be in a classroom, a workplace, a dinner, a wedding, birthday party, y’kno stuff that almost everyone goes to regardless of if they’re an introvert or extrovert
@@kailajensen1021 same with my father he talks with anyone whether he knows or not and im the opposite like you lol
One thing Introverts are naturally good at. It’s always good to assess the person(s) you are talking to periodically during a conversation. Some tips, and I know it super hard with the masks, but look at their body language. Are they relaxed? Are they vibing with you? Or are they rigid? Arms crossed, maybe? Are they looking at you? Or are they looking at something else and are seemingly very focused on it? Facial expressions. Eyebrows furrowed? Maybe that’s a sign they are not interested? Are their eyes focused on you or are they focused on something else? What are they saying? One liners or full on paragraphs? Voice. Are they expressive, or flat? Do they agree with you or deject you? Now, you don’t have to be watching so carefully, but it’s something you can easily pick up on just by listening, questioning, and just being there.
Me turning off my filter: So, Isn’t it weird how toilets are build up?
😂
wait because actually it is.
I turned off my filter and aaid
“Penguins have unicorns do you preferring?”
I just stood there like 👁 👄 👁
I’d honestly love to talk to someone who brought up weird stuff like this lol. As long as it’s not offensive or judgy or intrusive, I’d say take off your filter and you might be able to find someone who thinks like me :)
@@datmangotho9618 me too.. I like people who are crude and real, without any filters, who like to talk about anything as long as it isn't offending 😆.
But initial interaction is hard, if you feel like they are your type then only you will feel comfortable to remove the filters.
My problem isn't filtering things I want to say but having literally no things to filter in the first place. I wish I could say everything that appears in my head but the problem is that my head is absolutely empty
Maybe start being genuinely interested in the conversation. Like, when the person you're talking to starts a story then start listening and asking open ended questions to keep the conversation going. It will get you more involved and when you're more involved you'll feel more interested. Maybe you could even find a way to relate to the conversation and that's when you speak your mind, no filter or anything. I may or may not know what I'm going on about but maybe it's worth a try.
@@Ky-zt2km
But what if YOU'RE the one telling the story? You WILL run out of things to say eventually! What then? Even when I literally ask for some kind of questions all my friends are just "Nah, can't think of anything". And then everything just dies. I can't talk about anything else because I've already said everything that I had to say.
cherry flower omg I have the same problem your not alone lol 😂
I'd say read more. Doesn't even have to be books, just reading blogs online or something. It will expose you to more things in the world, and in turn you'll have more things to talk about.
подозрительный Jerry that made me anti social
Honestly, i was an extroverted person when i was a child, but due to being bullied at school,family problems and any kind of verbal abuse, i lose the ability to talk more and became introverted like person, came here to learn to talk again✌️
Join politics like our Austrian painter. He was also an introvert 🌚
Literally the same exact life you detailed is what caused me to become an introvert and asocial, along with quarantine which was a big factor as well.
As if introvertion is a disability.
We have grown so disconnected that we need to watch tutorials on how to converse. Sad.
This is the reality of 21st century and I think this only happens with the people who are from the 'first world' countries. People in developing countries do not have too much time to watch RUclips xD. I also became more disconnected from people after moving to the US. That is why I am commenting here xD :D
Neon Green Have you considered that a segment of the population has always needed such a video but the platform it was provided on wasn’t created but recently?
Neon Green i mean, my issue is that i have developed social anxiety because of hard things I've gone through in the past, not because of this disconnected modern day. But yes, I agree that this day and age doesn't help people with learning how to properly socialize either.
Neon Green, social anxiety is a thing.
Saidakbar P this also happen to other countries who are in the third world.
everybody works not just people in the first world.
in fact the countries of the third world works more than the countries of the first world as they need more effort and more work to develop.
The person: "say whatever's on your mind"
My mind: "sussy balls and more nonsense that no one will be interested in"
This.
Hahahah same
my mind: constantly analyzing surroundings and peoples tone of voice while at the same time making theories about quantum physics 😭
@@Ok-kx2te yo at least your mind has actual good shii
@@Ok-kx2te Whenever I meet someone time sorta freezes... I then think of all the ways things can happen... I think of all the responses... All the outcomes... And since it is a mind it'll obviously think of all the ways things can go wrong. So then I just avoid people.
I guess I'm perfect... nobody wants to talk with me
same. same.
Hello Raúl, yes I want to talk to you. I talk to everyone, perfect or not.
same I'm the person you talk to when you dont have anyone who wants to talk to you
Well hello there.
Raúl Sánchez Jiménez lmao you fabulous
My issue is with filtering. I filter too much because I’m scared to just be me- which is why I act completely different in different social situations. If I’m at school (hs), I’ll naturally be more awkward+ filters, and when I’m alone with a friend or anyone really, I’m much more confident because I feel less judged.
I am not from Earth and this video is really good for improving my human conversation skills.
Wtf
omgg me too❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Nice to see another alien around here too
So... ISS?
@@mads7924 same🥂
Me: Uhmmmm
*Removes filter*
Me: Wow, I really need to poop right now.
*Removes filter*
Ah my Gad, I'm HoRnY
I’m takin a shit rn
My brother openly talks about farting
@@ryanstarlight8018 um-
@@305-felipe7 Nice
“Never run out of things to say in a conversation”
That is a problem but the bigger problem is starting the conversation
Honestly just come up with something and don't overthink it.
It depends on who youre talking to
Sometimes i just let them start the conversation
IKR I’m SO terrified that they will judge me and I feel like I would be a burden for just coming up and saying hi I feel like I’m annoying then so I don’t talk unless they do first
Big facts
You make an excellent point! Compliments are a great way to start a conversation. No one can take offense at them :)
I've seen people commenting saying how horrible it's to watch video like this.. But for me this is a blessing.. Thank god video like this exists.. We need more of it in my life.. U don't know how I was brought up. We weren't perfect. I'm not perfect we re all different. Life is hard. U should be considerate of other people too. U don't understand how big or small this video is gonna impact ones life
I'm so glad I live in a generation where this stuff exists
I'm so sad I live in a generation where we actually NEED this stuff to exist.
@@omitlue7721 this....
@En Ded people weren't like this before social media, so yes
@@snakexheads isn’t exactly their fault. People like you is what makes it hard in the first place. Maybe try to fix yourself too.
@@swargpatel7634 theres nothing wrong with me lmao I was just speaking the truth
Honestly as an introvert it’s only hard to keep a conversation going when you don’t get along with someone and or have nothing in common.
Same I only have 2 friends and neither of them share things in common with me
@@iloveclairo818 that sucks, I have around 3 friends who I consider actual friends and even then we barely have anything in common :/
@@alana9478 same, I don't know how we became friends because they are all normies and I like kpop and anime.
true, thats why it’s hard to make friends
Yeah. When there’s at least one common interest, I can actually talk and ask questions for hours. And honestly... that pushes people away WAY more than just some brief moments of silence T_T
one thing life taught me is that you don't NEED to keep a conversation going, matter of fact, you dont need to be perceived as likable and cool by everyone. Just do yourself and youre gonna find people who you can vibe with naturally
i can tottaly agrre with you as a introvert
yea but it takes a while, and some luck, to find "your kind" of people. If you're thrown into a new social setting (like starting college) you don't have the liberty to 'just be yourself' because others will be having fun and you'll just be standing in the corner all miserable; The end goal is definitely finding a group where you don't *have* to think about how to be social.
@@Prakyy I totally feel that. I felt like I didn't belong in any group and that it would be akward if I would talk to someone.
@@saskia4219 Oh god, people I can relate to ! I found them !
thats actually really good advice
Great video! Being social can be daunting but these tips make it seem so much more manageable. The reminder to ask open-ended questions is especially helpful to keep the conversation flowing. Thanks for sharing!
the fact that youtube recommend this to me says a *LOT*
The fact that you clicked on the video says more.
The fact that I've been applying it to real world situations says a lot
As an Autistic boy with mild problems, I struggle to socialize with people. I began watching videos like these, and it has helped me increase my talking techniques. Thanks, you are really doing all of us a favour for our future careers!
Glad you found it helpful Josh, because I found your comment helpful. Feel free to stick around, and inform us in the future how much you improved your conversing skills.
Josh... I feel like I know that name.. okay, this going to be random, but have you ever gone to valley academy?
Someone else in here gave the ABC tip: "If you're an awkward mess like me who can't think of anything to say, here's what I like to do. I go through the alphabet and pick a specific letter, then a word that starts with the letter. Then at least I have a word. So you might pick b, then book, then go off about your favourite book. Works every time, except when it doesn't : )"
I have a family member that is autistic, they are always highly intelligent and have a special gift of some kind they just need to find it.
wholesome as hell
You know, I used to be good at socializing, but after the events of 2020 my ability to talk just… disappeared.
Same
mine also disappeared, but then i got to parties and with the ability to drink alcohol it came back very good and better than before lol
as strange as it sounds but alcohol helped me a lot when socializing sober😂
@@julianhager1826
Awh heck, too bad I’m a minor other wise I would have tried that lol
Good for you though! Hope it stays that way, eh? Have a good one
I was a kinda bad before but now I’m worse
It took many years for me to get great at socializing, but when the pandemic hit, I went back to square one. Since getting a retail job, I've noticed that my social skills were coming back. While it wont take years to get back to where I was, it is still taking some time to get there.
*The tips on asking open-ended questions are fantastic. They really help keep the conversation flowing, and it’s a great way to show genuine interest in others.*
I’m so horrible at conversation. People fluster me so much (+ I overthink everything) that my mind just goes blank. I can never seem to think of things to say without looking like an idiot. But if I didn’t use my filter, I’d end up sounding psychotic.
Bailey C SAME
I overthink everything thing too but just blurt those over thinking thoughts out at people. If you’re overthinking then your mind isn’t blank. You are just trying to focus on a good thought to say and you get stuck there. Like he said in the video your filter is too strong. Apparently so strong you don’t recognize that you’re doing it.
Bailey C SAME DAME SAME
Bailey C sane here ):
I can so relate. Same man.
whenever i have a convo with someone,i overthink bout the conversation for the next 7 days
Samee
Especially when it was ur frickin crush...xD
Oh am still thinking about all the mistakes I did in a convo 3years ago lol. I have issues 😅
Fuck why does this hit me so hard lmao. I do the EXACT same thing
SAME
“Make sure to watch to the end”
“You can stop the video here”
*confused, antisocial screaming*
this comment has me dead
Antisocial doesnt mean what you think it means.
@@elemer2089 It's a joke dude
@@ElMigol_ Ok, but jokes are meant to be funny. Additionally it can cause someone to understand word "antisocial" the other way.
@@ElMigol_ i know dude, but im sure he meant asocial :D
-simple
-straight to the point
-not clickbait
-actually works
My every day conversation
-hi
-hi
-Lessons are interesting
-yeah
-so how are you?
-fine
-that’s good
-yeah
Then conversation ends...
I mean... That at least is something
Don’t talk to that person again. They are a social black hole.
Play Star
I have a really bad luck then
Daily conversations with classmates look like this
JuliaSpectatorJulays 211 then don’t talk to any of them. That’s what I do.
Play Star
Thank you for an advice
I’m gonna try to not talk with them
I’m not going to lie RUclips, part of me is offended that you recommended this to me, but the other part is thankful
It's not that I'm shy I just panic and go blank on what to say
Simple tip: Say anything according to the location you are. If you are in school, talk about subjects
or homework, if you are on a picnic talk about friends and favorite things, if it's just a casual talk with some
stranger ask about their name, what they like, what do they do in their free time, and something they would
improve on. If it's in a party, talk about foods, gifts, life, favorite things, and shopping if they like it. If it's a
casual walk in a park or a street talk about things like about life, studies, what do they like, and what they would
like to improve on. If it's on a big place like restaurant or a fashionable place ask them about foods, fashion,
money, life and studies.
Second tip: People always like to answer questions about themselves! So if you want to start a conversation
ask about their life, their health, their studies, what they like etc. People also like to talk about things they like,
for example just ask them what do they like and what they enjoy doing, and whatever they answer it keep talking
about it, for example if someone likes fashion, keep talking about dresses, shoes, models, they will love it!
Third tip: 20% talk, and 80% listen. People like to talk about things they like. keep listening to them and when they
stop you can extra details too! people like someone to hear about them, so you can become more likeable!
Hope this helped!
@@astrielle446 I have a tip better than any one in this entire comment section. Know that not everyone is the same. One person might enjoy talking about themselves than another person would. Maybe someone is more of a listener, so your 20% talking with theirs will just make awkward silence since neither of you are speaking. Don't just imagine one personality and assume its everyone's. Get to know them and act accordingly
@@margievanpetten1 randoms?
i don't talk a lot but when i get comfortable with you and you talk to me with a high level of energy i will literally not going to stop talking to you
*You know your sad when you searched up "how to be more social"*
I literally searched that while i was crying
I have friends but for some reason i dont spend time with them i just need to get comfortable to someone and i need to feel like im in control
It’s even more sad when RUclips knows to recommend this to you.
*T-T*
Elizaveta 617 wanna talk abt it?🥺
An important footnote: don’t force conversations either
You were supposed to show up a few months ago. But now I can only ask you if you have any advice for rebukes of conscience because you have talked too much and the fear of speaking.
@@DepressedAssTeenager I’ll add a couple little psychological tips I’ve taught myself in the past couple months. It’s good to keep in mind that you don’t have to fill silence, and you’re not responsible to either. Some people just like to chill in silence sometimes. They’re not expecting you to entertain them, and it’s not your obligation either: it would be selfish for them to do so. I’ve also found it extremely helpful to ask people about their personal interests or niche hobbies they carry. You can “thread” off their monologuing from there :)
@@harv0la thank you. I will remember
Me with social anxiety: “oh cool…. Anyways”
haha same :/ ....
@Francis Co why?
Same
Duuude I do this shit all the time lol with almost everyone I talk to I’m always like “ah cool”, “oh gotcha”, “ah nice”, “oh I see”.
@@RealHajimeHinata my brain just shuts down to “oh yes me too” “hello yes” “alright bye” “thank you”
For those with little time, let me summarize this video: the secret to being able to talk about more stuff is… to talk about more stuff, and make mistakes while doing it. Brilliant!
That akward silence when u both run out of things to say
HATE IT
Hi
Ikr, then I say some random shit like “have you ever been to jail?”
Step 1: Chat your friends 😂
If you feel comfortable about it, it's easier to pick it up again
Not even introvert, quarantine just ravaged my social life a bit.
DaIntrovert
@@_Yombo lmao
You’d think that people would know what introvert means when people talk about it so much.
Da baby?
@@Limbambo "Sussy baka" 🤓
I have lots of tips for being social, from working in an incredibly social job:
*People love talking about themselves a lot! (like me).* Ask them questions to keep them talking about their favorite hobby, activity, anything in particular.
*DO NOT *TRY* TO KEEP A CONVERSATION ALIVE.* This will make things 10 times more awkward when they don't HAVE to be! just take a breather, if it's quiet, take your time, let it be quiet for a bit, and think of something new to talk about/add on to the old conversation.
*TAKE RISKS.* Whether this be flirting with girls at a party to asking a very dumb question, this will ultimately make people notice you more for being different, and this will improve your social skills (and differing between what to talk and not talk about). Example, ask a group of people if they think pineapple should belong on pizza. People can get passionate towards this, and it even goes back to my first point!
I hope this helps someone. Leave a like on this comment if this helped you in any way. Don't waste your time watching tons of these videos, because in my experience it never really helped me.
taking risks is something I always try to convince myself to do except I just always end up overthinking which prevents me from doing so…
So you're saying to just randomly come up to someone and ask a random question like "pineapple on pizza?" and that will improve your social life
@@wertbe1718 yes
@@wertbe1718 yes
@@wertbe1718 and the answer to your question is a definite nooo
I’m mainly just watching this before I go on a date tomorrow. Gotta make sure I’m ready for it
Bro let her talk the whole time trust me
I think it's important to remind everyone that every single person is too busy with their own thoughts to consider too heavily about what you're saying. Put their situation in YOUR shoes. During a conversation, you're focusing a lot more on your own thoughts compared to anyone else's. Even talking to people that are anti-social or shy, if you talk to these people you KNOW they're anti-social or shy but you don't judge them that much or think about it for that often. If a random stranger did something stupid or made a mistake in public, you'd probably think about it for maybe 2 minutes and then it's off your mind for the rest of the day.
People are too busy being the protagonist of their own story, regardless of who it is, to judge you for what you say. Try to walk out of your comfort zone a little, because you'd be surprised. Being a little weird, or accidentally making mistakes, won't make people heavily judge you. In fact, people will enjoy your company for being "quirky" and being who you are.
As for WHAT to say, if it's a fellow classmate or someone from work, you could mention recent events that are happening inside or outside of work/school. You could ask them about simple questions, like what hobbies they enjoy doing. If they have anything in common, branch out further with that. Keep going until you find something you both relate to.
thank you...things like these help me to become more social, it is true that people forget and you shouldn't feel embarrassed for what you do, live for the moment.
"Just say what's on your mind"
Bish my years of trauma says no
This me asf
I feel this on a deep level 💔
Also I feel like this guy under estimates how much of an asshole I am. I should definitely not be saying most things on my mind lmao
@@breewoodward3651 I relate so hard to that
@@classymuffin4589 Right?! Lol
Like my coworker walks in in the morning and says "GOOD MORNING 🌅🌅!!"
All I can think is "stfu god damn, so happy. gross"
@@breewoodward3651 bruh
But if I say whatever that comes to mind I will always say the "wrong" thing or will unintentionally offend someone :(
nope
nope
nope
Lolll
These days everyone gets offended by everything.
As an introvert I’ve been alone for the past 3 years in high school. This year I’ve joined courses where I made friends.
I judged them first based on what kind of character they were. We all seemed really introverted and we were all similar cultures and upbringings, also same interests. I found myself talking a lot and it’s the most I’ve talked throughout all 3 years.
My advice is don’t inquire about yourself all the time. When I’m talking with my new friends I hardly don’t ask about their personal life’s or I don’t seem that interested but when they talk about something that I experienced myself, I will talk and make the whole conversation about me out of excitement. Frequently indulging in conversation and using reactions by expressing ur thoughts on that topic is wat I have started to do. I feel as if our relationship is getting better.
LMFAOOO I FEEL SO PATHETIC WATCHING THIS i'm literally watching a video on how to socialize. sad.
it be like that
Don't feel like that - look how many views it's got. We all feel the same. It's the era of tech, I read a psych say that people just aren't used to speaking as much anymore bc of online comms so we need to practice ✌
Don't feel bad. We all had to watch it.
Don't worry we all did
Sad as hell bro 😫
There is nothing wrong with silence. Stop seeing silence as awkward and don’t mind it, don’t put your energy on wanting to avoid it. When you master this you will need to concentrate your energy on the present and be yourself. Stop thinking about what others think about you in a conversation, think more about yourself and you will see how conversations flow.
Also remember, the more activities that you do in your daily basis, the more you have to talk about yourself with people. So if you spend your time doing the same activities the less you have to talk about. A conversation will always flow if both sides are interested. So be interesting, do what you love and communicate it whenever you feel you have nothing to say.
1st) it’s not easy for everyone to be interesting
2nd) it’s not easy for everyone to find people to whom they can communicate
3rd)having almost no one to whom you can communicate freely leads to loneliness and depression
"You know you got the right friend when you remain silent and you don't feel awkward about it"
-some wise person
The reality of it is, a video won’t truly teach you how to be social. It CAN give you the tools you need to start but you only truly learn by continuously making efforts and getting out that comfort zone. Best of luck to you guys ❤️
Ew bye Matt
@@hithere439 💀💀
Thanks!
Now I just need to remember the tips in this video next time I have the opportunity to socialize
True
I watched this a couple months back, not gonna say this video single-handedly made talking easier for me but I have realized that after pushing myself more I’ve been doing this subconsciously more and more
I have anxiety and a lot of the methods mentioned in this video have been taught to me by therapists as a way to work through social anxiety. solid video
Exactly why I don’t pay for that bs.
@@youngjacuzzi3676 it's not bs... i know it can get expensive, but if you have the possiblity to pay it, do it, it works. It may not ERASE all your problems, but it can help you seeing things from a different way, slowly but surely.
Really? That’s great! I really wish I could see an actual therapist who could give me tips about social anxiety.
I once went to my school councillor since I opened up to my mum about how I felt and she immediately rang my school up… which is the opposite of what I wanted but I obviously know she means totally well, she just doesn’t know what to say or do since I told her the problem I had was socialising.
Anyway I saw the councillor and told her how I felt but I didn’t really open up as much as I did to my mum and she told me beforehand I only had 5 minutes. She ended up telling me everyone feels what I feel at some point and that it’s normal and I’ll grow out of it.
You cannot fucking tell me that everyone feels sick in the morning before school and is on edge every single second of any social situation whether it be with friends family classmates or strangers, always conscious of how they are sitting what to do with their hands can’t relax their mouth or breathing struggles to make eye contact wants to curl up into a ball and cry whenever they answer their name in the register is always thinking about what the other person is thinking or being paranoid they’re staring at your spots hair glasses psoriasis replays every conversation in their heads sometimes even years after it took place
I’m just tired of not being able to function normally and having to put so much effort into bigging myself up to do something as simple as walking into a room of people or even just to itch an itch on my face or fix my hair or push my glasses up. All for that witch to say it’s normal.
Like man if I gained the courage after so many years to open up to my mum about it and then a week later for someone to say I’m basically just being attention seeking and there’s nothing wrong with me.
This is why since then I’ve been writing down how I feel so much more in case I ever do decided to talk to a professional I would have some idea of where to start and not just freeze up like I did last time.
Anyways what on earth am I doing I’m so sorry for being a burden no one will read this I might even
ugh now I just sound like a pick me girl I can’t I’m cringing at myself for speaking about how I feel to strangers what am I doing
I’m actually insane why tf is my heart is thumping at something so stupid as just sitting in a bloody lesson constantly thinking about the teacher picking on me or having to talk to my partner
It’s 1am I’m so drained
Ok I’ll shut up now sorry for being a pick me
@@rab.j I’m so sorry you have to go through all that. I’ve lived with similar issues and understand how terrible it is. Having trouble socializing, getting anxiety simply by having your name called or being talked to unexpectedly, even by family, etc.
All those problems making it difficult to communicate, which leads to reaching out for help harder, which then leads to those problems developing further. Its a loop that is so hard to lessen. Let alone get rid of.
I am fortunate enough to have my problems of socializing lessen over time, it’s a trend I noticed in my case personally. Despite still having major issues. Hopefully in the future I can talk and function like a normal person.
My case might not be the same as yours though. I’m not a therapist or a professional in this sort of stuff. I’m just someone with similar problems trying to help someone out. I’m aware that seeking help is hard, so I can at least try to help someone on my own.
I really hope you lose your social anxiety and are able to have proper functioning relationships in your future. You came up with an amazing idea of writing how you feel in order to convey yourself more effectively. I find it genius because I personally have problems coming up with responses and what to say to people in general. So I might do the same. I hope you get to talk to a therapist.
One advice I have is to strengthen and create friendships, even with family. I know its cliche and WAY easier said than done. But even little things like complimenting or making random comments about whatever is relevant. Things you might notice while doing something. This is something I’ve started doing more recently, and it has made me more open and talkative, even if not much. But most importantly, its made be less anxious about socializing and being around people.
I sincerely hope you are able to talk, communicate, and be around others with ease and without anxiety in the future. Get better. And if anyone else is reading this, I wish the same to you.
@Ribena you are not a pick me! Your feelings are valid and I wish you the best 💗
The person: “say whatever’s on your mind”
My mind: “are zebras black and white or white and black?”
They're mixed race
that's a good thing to say in a conversation
They're black. The white parts are where there's no pigment, so their natural color is black. There you go! 😄
@@diana-lo7bo well technically black is not a colour, it's the absence of colour, so it's white
No white in Africa, son. Not allowed there
One of my my goals in life is to find someone who can sit in silence with me without it being awkward but can also hold a conversation.
As an introvert who wants more social interactions I found this video incredibly helpful
I’m that one person in our class that is very unsocial. I never know how to respond to people or how to start a conversation. It’s kinda sad that I need to watch videos on how to keep convos going. *I need friends*
No it isn’t sad! You’ll ge there :)
I feel u man... I do
we in the same boat
@Macy sondheim bad idea because it leads to loneliness
@Macy sondheim i understand but i applied that same effort to just have ppl fear me instead and all that has happened is me being lonely asl now. I feel it only works in cases where the person has a perfect road to power on some shit like emperors back then
Whenever I have awkward silences I usually end up saying ‘I’m so tired’ or ‘its so cold’ and they’ll be like ‘same’ or ‘me too’ then it gets awkward again 😂it literally never know what to say, like words just don’t come into my mind and it really annoys me
Lol same
It makes me so sad that 1.) this was recommended to me by youtube and 2.) that I actually clicked it
I operated that way most of my life. For a time, I had lots of friends and lots of trauma. I then ended up with more enemies than friends and lots of strangers that like me. When I managed to properly filter, people began respecting me. One woman even became obsessed with me.
The biggest idiots I ever met had no filter.
I would say this video is great if you don't want any friends. I'll take respect and limited conversation over no respect and lots of conversation any day.
The real secret to conversation is taking control of how you respond to silence. You can make it awkward by trying to force conversation or you can simply acknowledge it as soon as it happens and do something else.
These days I view small talk as a doorway to comfortable silences. Small talk is meant to be small. You acknowledge the person's presence so that there is no uncomfortable silence and then you go back to doing what you were doing in silence. Simple. No discomfort.
To me, the constant need for conversation demonstrates a lack of emotional maturity. It means the person takes no time to self-reflect, is not comfortable with their own thoughts, does not respect other people's personal space and is short on self-control.
A real friend is someone who can enjoy the silence with you as much as the conversation.
Imagine trying to learn how to communicate with your own species
Ahahhahaha
Well blame the goverment for dumming us down
that’s deep
Couldn't be me
I know right just imagine
As someone without a filter, there are some drawbacks
-I'm terrible at keeping secrets
-I tend to ramble on a lot and talk about myself too often
-I offend people because I'm just brutally honest, which is deffo not a good trait
But hey, at least I can keep conversations going now
Yeah, there's no way I could turn off my filter. I'd end up making everyone mad lol
You seem like a Sagittarius 😅
Its true that you need to be without a filter, but there're things that you need to keep to urself, don't overshare with someone you're not close. Find something simple and can be notice at someone you wanna talk: their hair, their clothes, .... and start asking about them more. Be a good listener would help too.
Bro just be yourself honestly. If someone is brutally honest and dosen't care what other people think and it's legit just them being honest and not rude. I respect the hell out of that.
@@Classyjessy_ zodiac signs are not real but ok
You know RUclips is the closest thing you have as a friend when you get recommended a tutorial on “how to be social”.
😭✋
LOVE THIS!!! A quote my mom always says is "You'd worry less about what people think of you if you realize how seldom they do." I love it cause it allows me to be more open to others because I know they won't judge me as bad as I think they will
0:49 changed my life. I stopped thinking of how to say the best and most impressive things and I just spoke what was on my mind. IT HONESTLY WORKED SO WELL. And you get so many opportunities
I would end up in the interrogation room if i did that lol
"Just speak about what you feel"
"Ok, so..."
(People listen but for some reason decide to ignore me and keep an awkward silence)
It would be easier if the conversation wasn't one way around, or maybe I need to speak with other people...
For me if i speak with more strenght or louder, people hear me more
According to a book I've read, it's better if you talk more about the other person and less of yourself, so speak about what you feel about the other person's life
Videos like this give me so much confidence because for a long time, my shyness and awkwardness, inability to talk to others has seemed impossible to cure. I was a lot more open today than yesterday, and my dream is finally becoming a reality. This is not permanent and I’m so glad it’s just a phase of my life and not the ending to my story! There is HOPE!💕
"Say whatever is going through your mind"
My mind: "....."
But the real question is:
*how to END a conversation*
Alright bye
“Anyways, I’m sleep”
@Izzy 🖤 if you are talking to someone and leave them because you went to talk with someone else that means their the priority
Tell them how hello means bye in Hungarian, then say hello and dip
"oh sorry I have to go now cya!"
"Ok, cya!"
*Walks the same way*
*A w k w a r d*
What if nothing is on my mind? Getting the brain going seems easier for some than others. It seems genetic that somebody can be witty and rapid responders.
RAM if you have nothing to say, you have nothing to say. It's gonna happen sometimes. You should still try to keep these tips in mind and use them when you can. Maybe you won't end up perfect, but you can definitely end up better than now
Or if you have have nothing to say that makes sense to anyone who hasn't read your mind and small talk just doesn't interest you when you're in an awesome train of thought so you just fuck the world off...
I find that's too easily done sometimes.
It's not genetic at all. You know, I think the *master* at social skills is brandon rogers. His interviews are so neat, I always find myself analyzing him because he always knows what to say and I just- admire him, he really is great at conversation.
To have something to say you have to be genuinely interested in the conversation. We all have opinions on things mostly on things that intrigues us. You also have to be present in the moment.
I don’t think its genetic, I think its mainly just observing other people and literally just practicing. Also sometimes you just have nothing to say and thats okay, you are not the only one responsible for the conversation. I also find that it’s okay to ask questions/make comments that aren’t so directly connected to the prior topic because you can easily find yourself stuck in a hole. More often than not the other person won’t notice that you’ve slightly changed the subject so yeah don’t focus so much and just let it flow
I've been an introvert the majority of my life and I figured out this on my own, but everything said in this video is what I have been using to help make it easier for myself to speak to other people. You just have to be calm and relax, (not in a bad way) not everybody is thinking about what things you do and more what they do.
When I was 14 I was so socially awkward that all my friends slowly drifted away from me, and I started eating lunch alone and when one of my old friends sat with me again I panicked and I didn't know what to say so we sat one whole hour in an awkward silence until it was time to head to class again and since then I spent the rest of the school year hiding myself in a lonely hallway during lunch starving myself because I didn't want to eat anything by myself anymore and I'm scared for what I will do next year
Do you still feel like this? If you do then I’m always here to give you some support 🙂
Hope everything is better now !! 😊
The problem with my conversations is that I basically only ask questions to sustain a conversation, and only talk about myself when asked a question. and even when asking a question someone questioned why is ask so many questions and someone overheard and said it was the only way i knew how to talk to people, so it is a noticeable issue.
SAME HERE. Wow...
You have to ask open ended questions, like questions that start with “who, what, when, where and how” those types of questions make people answer more descriptively and they might add on something you didn’t think to ask. After they respond you can make a comment about something they said that stood out to you rather than asking question after a question, you can throw in something about yourself instead because when you ask questions back to back like that it can come off feeling like an interview or an interrogation. So, just try to bring up something about yourself that you think relates to the conversation. Example : “hey, how’s your day so far?”
Them: “it’s alright, it kinda sucked because I was late”
You: yeah I hate being late too, I try to wake up on time but it’s so hard.”
Them: yeah, it’s really hard to wake up on time, I have like 3 alarms and it’s still difficult
You: I probably have like 5, you had a late night?
Them: yeah I was studying for this class.
You: how are you doing in this class so far? (Or you can say “what things have you been struggling with?”)
And it can go on and on....
LifeFilmz but where does it cross into one up manship
This is so true! I never want to be around people who are “perfect” and have this and that! Because truthfully, I feel jealous and start to dislike that person because of how perfect they are. I like seeing people make mistakes every so often because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one bad at that math unit or the only one who’s ever got laughed at
You described Human Nature in one paragrah, Nina!
Tip: Awkward silence isn’t awkward unless you and the person/people you’re talking to make it awkward
I am lot of times ingnored in group chats and even i say something nobody listens😢😢. I am antisocial little bit and overthinker and introvert. This had good tips