Teaching Others How to Treat You: The Art of Boundary Setting
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- Setting boundaries is fundamental to building healthy relationships. What are boundaries, who sets them, and how? This segment offers clear explanations and easy-to-follow tips for parents, educators, clinicians... and touches on some of the important concepts in Dr. Katen's book, "The Ownership Yard." www.amazon.com/Ownership-Yard...
Individual Matters is a boutique psychology practice that specializes in comprehensive learning and neurodevelopmental evaluations. Dr. Katrina Katen, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist, speaker and educator, and author of "The Ownership Yard." Andrew Katen is an educator and author.
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Actions speak louder than words.
Well said! I know from personal experience how hard it is to set boundaries at a later stage when you realise at last what is the problem in your relationships.
An excellent example of why it’s so hard to set boundaries; it’s about ME changing! Very Buddhist.
thank you, this is an amazing explanation of boundaries. as someone who went through childhood abuse, i have not been able to understand boundaries or how to implement them. this feels like a lifesaver, thank you again.
Wow this boundaries work is totally blowing my mind. Its opening my eyes. Where have I been all of my life 😕.
This was eye opening for me. Brilliantly explained in an engaging way and in a way that I can immediately apply it to real situations. One of my lifelong “problems” is that people never seemed to understand or believe me when I said no. Now I know why! What hurts is I also am an avid believer in many stoic ideas so the solution has been staring me in the face. It is a mind shift that looks simple but one that has taken me 68 years to realise….
Thanks a lot. ‘We are always setting boundaries ‘ whether we notice or not.
We are always teaching people how to treat us.
What a great video with examples. I was brought up in an enmeshed family so I don't know how to set them and I am now discoreing it. Examples here are useful!!!
I always believed that boundaries should be discussed. And I was trying to show people how they hurt me and asked them to change This here is new for me. Thanks
Great clarity! Let's start teaching these principles in kindergarten. 😌
IMHO most good folks dont even know what behavioural healthy boundaries are. Your info will go deep for those that listen. Thank you.
Thank you for this much needed and timely podcast on boundary setting. I am one of those with loose boundaries in the past and now trying to reverse. How interesting and helpful to know that you can only achieve it by action and not words. Thank you, thank you!!!!
Because I am a kinesthetic learner, I have to type this while watching. Sharing my notes with y'all!
A true boundary is changing your behavior and not others. I need to do different steps to set a boundary. So, Take Action- ex. not to take phone calls instead of just having a conversation like "I don't want you to call me or I told you not to call me." Another example, stopping a game instead of just saying "you're cheating. I don't want to play a game with someone who cheats." Don't get into arguments. Just do it. No other discussion. In other words, don't engage with them bec. it becomes a power issue.
Whether you are noticing it or not, you are setting boundaries on how others are going to treat you.
Set boundaries earlier and be firm.
Thank you so much for sharing the practical information, Dr. Cloud!
The world needs this so much, thank you 🙏 for this teaching. Bless you both 🥰
This is exactly the information I think is missing from other teachings about boundary setting. Thank you for this video.
Very nicely said!
Absolutely true! By holding healthy boundaries we can remain connected with every one at the same time do our inner self development by getting that space for ourselves and not wasting our soul energy to change others. 😊🙏
This was very powerful. Thank you for sharing, this takes us out of victim mindset.
The example of saying “I don’t play games with people who cheat,” is a good one. Communication should not be omitted, including telling someone at least once or twice why you will not be talking calls at work, but being intentional about one’s own behavior is just as important as the communication part. Thank you for an excellent podcast.
This is a very very interesting teaching video. Thank you.
I'm shocked when I hear that some parents would think it is "selfish" (???!!!) to prepare and present meals without asking the kids "what they want to eat".... Seriously?... Everything exists, happy that this is mentionned so people who used to do so hopefully heard and learned it is not selfish to do so. Of course it does not prevent to "have fun" a few times a year but not every day!!!
Great teaching methods. You teach people how to treat you. Kudos.
Thank you thank you thank you! I'm not a child, or a teacher. But this is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Exactly.
Thank you so much! The algorithm recommended this video as if it knew that I need this 🙄🤩
Super clear and helpful, thank you!
Good explanation on setting boundaries.
The mealtime boundary reminds me of my childhood where the meal was based on parents choice and we just ate it No question But we had special treat meals we had sometimes and fish and chips sat night.Noone considered objecting
Sport, Working and Talking with each other in a friendly way is the best way to keep healthy boundaries. Best,☺️
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sure I manifested this to pop up on my recommended home page. I have been thinking how to create boundaries without creating stalkers (which is something currently happening to me) and I’ve been wondering who I could ask. Turns out you both answered it for me. And I have been doing everything right. There are some people (especially in religion, my ex religion JW) that are self-entitled with a god complex that don’t care what you do nor say so they find ways to terrorize and disrespect you ..is what I’m dealing with.
I appreciate the lessons on how to make sure I don’t disrespect my own boundaries in the future by picking up the phone anyway, for example. That is my lesson. Thank you 🙏🏾 (you got a new subscriber😌🌺)
This was such an informative session! Truly adds so much of value to the listener. Thank you Katrina for the wonderful insights and thank you Andrew for being such a great interviewer.
Great advices and rips , the key is to set boundary as early as possible and do it firmly God bless
Thanks for sharing I always find it difficult to set boundaries with rude people
I will be taking action and I will be putting your advice into practice
Thank you very much. i have 4 kids and every time we talk i am told what a bad mom i was and i keep trying to defend myself. i just told myself I am done. i want to block them from (me ) calling me they all ghost me i am alone and would like to have them in my life,but i have to move on thanks my first time watching your show.
Thanks SO MUCH for your knowledge
Wow. Very enlightening. So well explained. I want to hear more of your teaching.
Thanks for the wonderful information. You have conveyed the matter in very simple words
Thank You so much for sharing your insights with us about setting Boundaries! We appreciate your time and help.
I am still learning how to set healthy Boundaries which is very difficult for me.
Stellar work here. A book I read with like themes was a moment of epiphany. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
This is for employees to! As a boss it's a full rounded need!!
Very informative! Really appreciated ✨
Thank you for explaining this. I finally understand what it means to actually set a boundary. I've always worried about doing it because of all the reasons you stated. This makes so much more sense to me.
This is so helpful! I hope for more on setting boundaries. Thanks
Excellent Carol
Love your teaching Style use of analogies help me better see it in my mind's eye. Far from vague thanks for sharing
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
Thanks for this. I’m a new teacher and I wasn’t able to keep my boundaries as the year kept going because of my own personal issues with setting boundaries. Now that I’m aware, I guess it’s fine to talk to a difficult student? She’s over 40 and our last lesson she crossed all possible boundaries, but I’ve been doing some inner work about my own issues ever since. However I want to make it clear that she can’t do whatever she wants in the classroom, and I was thinking of talking to her before class and being careful every time she’ll possibly cross a boundary again during class.
So good! Love this.
Yes!! Excellent advice/info👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Very good that you bring out examples. Its better to understand. I hope I can change that patern.
Great video. If you have a channel or are planning to create videos for adult setting boundaries in their social interactions, specifically those raised in abusive, codependent, narcissistic family dynamic. let me know. It will be a huge help. TIA
Very helpful. Very good. Thank you.
perfect, now the only thing left is to give example when your 84yo parent depend on you. how so you set healthy boundaries there...
Thank you for this!
Very important I did some excersizes bought the book still it is to see immediately and respond 😀 not with aggression or yelling but calm and clear 😊
Great content. Thank you!
Excellent video, thank you!!
Priceless info.
Bravo 👏 easy to understand
Thanks for this wisdom
A really great vidéo, thanks
Really good content. Thank you
This is good to know
Great info
Thank you!!
I agree with the setting boundaries immediately instead of later because individuals no matter who they are children or adults may not have their established boundaries therefore possibly overstepping others because of that and yes once they're in a habit of overstepping it is harder to break that habit like a child after you've given too much candy to get them to mind cuz then they start asking out just to get candy
As a Teacher
be firm or very
firm at the beginning
build rapport
then be more
flexible
within reason
Excellent
Great information
Good one 👍
Great!!
Thank you.
Thanks
This is probably the only good boundary setting video, or book I have ever found, but it's so short. I have a question. If you're in the hall and someone is asking you something they could have asked by e-mail, but you would rather them not bother you in the hall, what do you do? Do you just tell them "hey ask me this by e-mail", and maybe they already have. That could be an awkward situation.
Thank u
I REALLY appreciated your video.
And the reinforcement recap.
In the phone call example, a place for brief explanation outside of work might be made.
Perhaps explanation is to be assumed, but I've not experienced it often practiced.
While endless discussion would surely be discouraged,
A simple, "it could cost me my job and it's unfair to my employer" is fair.
While many things SHOULD be understood, many things are not.
(I'm the asshole people set boundaries for. And now apparently, the stupid asshole!)
While true, it's meant to cause a smile for some.
I'll be looking for more videos.
I haven't quite got it how to communicate the bounderies: like, for the child example.. it would be ok to me to tell 'i won't play with you if you cheat?' What would the best way to let them understand this, without changing their behaviour?
The people in my experience don't accept my boundaries, and they respond to my enforcement by feining the victim and waging smear campaigns against me - which, of course, the other people in my life believe. I am now a boundary boss, but very much alone.
Working with children actions speak
louder than
words.
body language
is 90 % of communication
mirror nuerons
you eat healthy
and show not
tell
amazing podcast! Thank you so much! It would be great if we could contribute with a donation button! Thanx again!
The husband irritated me when he responded to his wife, "I think that makes sense" because it sounded like he was challenging her thoughts or that she didn't articulate it well. Later, he said, "That makes sense." She was very clear in her description and examples. It appears that he disagreed or didn't understand and needed more explanation, but in my observation, his response wasn't appropriate. Perhaps if he is anticipating the questions of the viewers, he could rephrase the response and say, "I understand, but would you explain your point further." That way, it doesn't sound like he's being dismissive, covertly condescending and argumentative.
Okay, but how do we know if the child stopped cheating if we refuse to play with them again?
Change how you respond
to the stimulus
or move away
from the stimulus
or do not respond to the
stimulus
with no response
the stimulus
is no longer
relevant
to the object
of response
What a great video with examples. I was brought up in an enmeshed family so I don't know how to set them and I am now discoreing it. Examples here are useful!!!
I always believed that boundaries should be discussed. And I was trying to show people how they hurt me and asked them to change This here is new for me. Thanks