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Thanks for this. I’m a new teacher and I wasn’t able to keep my boundaries as the year kept going because of my own personal issues with setting boundaries. Now that I’m aware, I guess it’s fine to talk to a difficult student? She’s over 40 and our last lesson she crossed all possible boundaries, but I’ve been doing some inner work about my own issues ever since. However I want to make it clear that she can’t do whatever she wants in the classroom, and I was thinking of talking to her before class and being careful every time she’ll possibly cross a boundary again during class.

The people in my experience don't accept my boundaries, and they respond to my enforcement by feining the victim and waging smear campaigns against me - which, of course, the other people in my life believe. I am now a boundary boss, but very much alone.

The example of saying “I don’t play games with people who cheat,” is a good one. Communication should not be omitted, including telling someone at least once or twice why you will not be talking calls at work, but being intentional about one’s own behavior is just as important as the communication part. Thank you for an excellent podcast.

Because I am a kinesthetic learner, I have to type this while watching. Sharing my notes with y'all! A true boundary is changing your behavior and not others. I need to do different steps to set a boundary. So, Take Action- ex. not to take phone calls instead of just having a conversation like "I don't want you to call me or I told you not to call me." Another example, stopping a game instead of just saying "you're cheating. I don't want to play a game with someone who cheats." Don't get into arguments. Just do it. No other discussion. In other words, don't engage with them bec. it becomes a power issue. Whether you are noticing it or not, you are setting boundaries on how others are going to treat you. Set boundaries earlier and be firm. Thank you so much for sharing the practical information, Dr. Cloud!

Very helpful. Very good. Thank you.

Excellent Carol

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The husband irritated me when he responded to his wife, "I think that makes sense" because it sounded like he was challenging her thoughts or that she didn't articulate it well. Later, he said, "That makes sense." She was very clear in her description and examples. It appears that he disagreed or didn't understand and needed more explanation, but in my observation, his response wasn't appropriate. Perhaps if he is anticipating the questions of the viewers, he could rephrase the response and say, "I understand, but would you explain your point further." That way, it doesn't sound like he's being dismissive, covertly condescending and argumentative.

Thanks SO MUCH for your knowledge

Very important I did some excersizes bought the book still it is to see immediately and respond 😀 not with aggression or yelling but calm and clear 😊

Thank you for explaining this. I finally understand what it means to actually set a boundary. I've always worried about doing it because of all the reasons you stated. This makes so much more sense to me.

I haven't quite got it how to communicate the bounderies: like, for the child example.. it would be ok to me to tell 'i won't play with you if you cheat?' What would the best way to let them understand this, without changing their behaviour?

Stellar work here. A book I read with like themes was a moment of epiphany. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

Very informative! Really appreciated ✨

Okay, but how do we know if the child stopped cheating if we refuse to play with them again?

Working with children actions speak louder than words. body language is 90 % of communication mirror nuerons you eat healthy and show not tell

Change how you respond to the stimulus or move away from the stimulus or do not respond to the stimulus with no response the stimulus is no longer relevant to the object of response

This is lovely! 👍

So nice to know that this important developmental area is now being taught in OT school!

Excellent

Great advices and rips , the key is to set boundary as early as possible and do it firmly God bless

This is a very very interesting teaching video. Thank you. I'm shocked when I hear that some parents would think it is "selfish" (???!!!) to prepare and present meals without asking the kids "what they want to eat".... Seriously?... Everything exists, happy that this is mentionned so people who used to do so hopefully heard and learned it is not selfish to do so. Of course it does not prevent to "have fun" a few times a year but not every day!!!

Priceless info.

Thanks

What a great video with examples. I was brought up in an enmeshed family so I don't know how to set them and I am now discoreing it. Examples here are useful!!! I always believed that boundaries should be discussed. And I was trying to show people how they hurt me and asked them to change This here is new for me. Thanks

What a great video with examples. I was brought up in an enmeshed family so I don't know how to set them and I am now discoreing it. Examples here are useful!!! I always believed that boundaries should be discussed. And I was trying to show people how they hurt me and asked them to change This here is new for me. Thanks

This is probably the only good boundary setting video, or book I have ever found, but it's so short. I have a question. If you're in the hall and someone is asking you something they could have asked by e-mail, but you would rather them not bother you in the hall, what do you do? Do you just tell them "hey ask me this by e-mail", and maybe they already have. That could be an awkward situation.

You guys are great and very informative

What to do when you tell your piano student's mother that her child needs to practice a half hour daily and she responds with oh no we can't do that. Haha..

Great clarity! Let's start teaching these principles in kindergarten. 😌

Thank u

I agree with the setting boundaries immediately instead of later because individuals no matter who they are children or adults may not have their established boundaries therefore possibly overstepping others because of that and yes once they're in a habit of overstepping it is harder to break that habit like a child after you've given too much candy to get them to mind cuz then they start asking out just to get candy

Thank you so much! The algorithm recommended this video as if it knew that I need this 🙄🤩

The mealtime boundary reminds me of my childhood where the meal was based on parents choice and we just ate it No question But we had special treat meals we had sometimes and fish and chips sat night.Noone considered objecting

Thank you.

I REALLY appreciated your video. And the reinforcement recap. In the phone call example, a place for brief explanation outside of work might be made. Perhaps explanation is to be assumed, but I've not experienced it often practiced. While endless discussion would surely be discouraged, A simple, "it could cost me my job and it's unfair to my employer" is fair. While many things SHOULD be understood, many things are not. (I'm the asshole people set boundaries for. And now apparently, the stupid asshole!) While true, it's meant to cause a smile for some. I'll be looking for more videos.

Thank you for this much needed and timely podcast on boundary setting. I am one of those with loose boundaries in the past and now trying to reverse. How interesting and helpful to know that you can only achieve it by action and not words. Thank you, thank you!!!!

This was eye opening for me. Brilliantly explained in an engaging way and in a way that I can immediately apply it to real situations. One of my lifelong “problems” is that people never seemed to understand or believe me when I said no. Now I know why! What hurts is I also am an avid believer in many stoic ideas so the solution has been staring me in the face. It is a mind shift that looks simple but one that has taken me 68 years to realise….

So good! Love this.

Great teaching methods. You teach people how to treat you. Kudos.

An excellent example of why it’s so hard to set boundaries; it’s about ME changing! Very Buddhist.

Great video. If you have a channel or are planning to create videos for adult setting boundaries in their social interactions, specifically those raised in abusive, codependent, narcissistic family dynamic. let me know. It will be a huge help. TIA

This is so helpful! I hope for more on setting boundaries. Thanks

This was such an informative session! Truly adds so much of value to the listener. Thank you Katrina for the wonderful insights and thank you Andrew for being such a great interviewer.

Wow. Very enlightening. So well explained. I want to hear more of your teaching.

Thanks a lot. ‘We are always setting boundaries ‘ whether we notice or not. We are always teaching people how to treat us.

Love your teaching Style use of analogies help me better see it in my mind's eye. Far from vague thanks for sharing

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

IMHO most good folks dont even know what behavioural healthy boundaries are. Your info will go deep for those that listen. Thank you.

perfect, now the only thing left is to give example when your 84yo parent depend on you. how so you set healthy boundaries there...