'I Want A Mom That Actually Listens,' Says 14-Year-Old
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- Опубликовано: 11 фев 2019
- Dr. Phil explains to a teen how he believes trauma from her childhood has emotionally scarred her. And, hear what she says she wants from her mother who she claims won’t discuss her feelings with her.
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Развлечения
Mom is constantly dismissing this girls feelings. That’s one of the worst things you can do to a child.
Maybe she tried and ran out of patience.
Girl just wants a pity party
Exactly, my mom did this to me, it was so harmful
Yes
She didn't recognize the actual problem which is the daughter feels abandoned by her father. I can't blame the mom because she's not a psychologist, she tried her best.
Honestly the kid is actually communicating how she’s feeling really well here. Even in the other clips when she’s screaming, she’s making sense
Bingo. Indicative the mother is the abuser who gaslights. Shocking it wasn't picked up on.
Yeah
I want to hug her really tight and say I am sorry.
@@prinhana Yes, me too. She's very well spoken and the mother doesn't seem to care too much or has concern for her daughter overall and that's obvious to me just by watching this clip.
She’s opening so much to Dr. Phil it’s heart wrenching.
That moms attitude is so negative towards her, she tells her to talk to someone she doesnt know, when she wants to talk to her mom..
Yes.
... my mother did this repeatedly to me. I wanted my mom's support, and not a stranger's (a therapist). BTW, I did visit a therapist, and it didn't help; it was too sterile.
I just had an 'a-ha' moment. Emotional things brings us closer. Avoiding discussing these things is almost rejection... that person is basically telling us they aren't interested in building a deeper relationship with us.
Same but my mom doesn’t know how to help me soooo (aka listen) 😒 I talk to a therapist....
@@cocoputhyxo My mom is always open for me But i strongly hate therapist but i don't show it
@@cocoputhyxo But I don't have a father
Because 'mom', just like many parents out there, is sick and tired of listening to her horrible explosive daughter.
she expresses her feelings and the mom argues the facts
And the teen’s feelings should be completely validated. She has a right to have them, she has a right & deserves to have them acknowledged. She totally has something clearly bothering her & sometimes the only person you can talk to IS your mother.
Yep, like no wonder she explodes, rebels, and doesn’t get along w her mom.
Yep. My mother is the same as I produce the facts & she deflects these facts then threatens to contact my work wanting to know what's going on with another issue.
Same-thing I said she only cares what actually happen not what her daughter remembers at 4
I'm a 61 year old man! That kid is absolutely intolerable but the mother has a constant condescending smirk on her face. I recall being that age and that would have driven me crazy as a kid. I don't see love or concern in the mothers face. It may be there but I think most kids would be hard pressed to feel any caring or warmth in the way that woman carries herself and in how she relates to her daughter..
Yep this mother is clearly devoid of empathy for her own kid. Sad and upsetting to watch. Honestly Destoni's reactions are indeed a lot, BUT, teens are known to have extreme moods AND this girls mother is clearly a bully who emotionally tortures her daughter. So sad.
i honestly think she's trying but like the child sais: she doesn't know what's the right thing to do and how to approach things which is probably a problem in her own life
also: whats this stigma that people start of comments with their age...i dont really care to be honest
@@muirgirl i think nobody wants to torture anyone's feelings but nobody knows how to deal with their own and eachothers feelings
UR SO OLD.
I’m 10
Yeah
She looks like she’s holding back her tears
She is idk how a tear didn't drop once😂 usually a girl/woman would instantly cry soon as they feel 1 tiny bit emotional about something and this girl is the definition of emotion, she's speaking truth though for such a young girl.
The mum is very very toxic! She made all this mess without helping her daughter, she only talks and defend herself!
@@Laok252 that is LITERALLY NOT THE POINT
@@Laok252 there's a lot of problems in that family. Its also , the mother's at fault as well. The mother doesn't take any responsibility regarding her daughter. If a child is this mentally and emotionally unstable , it's trauma and the parents , both parents. Reason being, they are responsible in taking care of their child's health. The moment these episodes happen they should ask the child what's wrong, try to understand were the child's coming from. Parents should be able to communicate and show them support. This mother is blaming her and not taking responsibility of not being there for her girl.
I don't like the Mom she annoys me, and that look on her face is just annoying
It’s hard to smile at the lil psycho who wants to shoot up everyone
Feel the same way
Don’t call her that, she’s not crazy. She only said that so she could get attention from her throbbing trauma that her mom is doing nothing to help her with. I truly feel bad for that little girl, she’s going through a lot.
@@illeanaguzman4463 you’re crazy if you don’t think she’s crazy
@@africanjew1596 at first I thought she was crazy, but actually watching the full episode, she's just going thru it, and making herself look crazy so that she can get her mom's attention. When in reality, she was never going to do what she said she was. She's a child with issues, leave her be
That cocky smirk on the mothers face is so ugh! I can't....
She knew she was up
Wow the mom basically put her in counseling so that someone else to could listen to her because the mom doesnt want to! Like WTF!
The mom is dealing with her sisters and her mom probably doesn’t even care about her daughter
And do you think the daughter, without a fully developed front lobe, clearly with extreme form of internalized suffering is going to be to have that conversation she really wants to have? Most parents are not equipped to deal with this nor will the child be able to have the conversation they actually want to have.
It was be more akin to symptoms, than the actual root cause types of conversation. Re-watch the video. You'll see exactly this going on.
And be thankful you don't understand this and think it's just because 'her mom doesn't want to listen'. But that is why counseling is important. It's less about dealing with things that can never be changed, but how you will decide in the future.
Some families have issues communicating,they starts screaming and accusing each other. She could not help her so she got her help. I don't see anything wrong with that
She’s hurt. You can see it in her eyes.
even though she’s hurt she’s toxic you should watch the other videos about her she doesn’t have remorse for anything for she does
Mom has not been there for her.
@@Laok252 ... of course not. Dude's in jail, how *can* he be there.
We expect more from mothers, but the odds that every mom will be nurturing isn't 100%.
Mom is still there
That's y she brought her up to the show for atleast
The moment momma was like "that's why I have you a counselor" my heart hit the floor... Come on mom, she needs you too... A full support system can change everything...
0:59
She thinks about that event several times a day, when she was 4yo and her father abruptly left her life.
She has PTSD.
🤦♀️
@@burlykim132 she does have PTSD so Im not sure what your stupid emoji is for
Not sure she has true PTSD, speaking as one who has experienced a vicious crime and almost lost my life, I have PTSD. She has complex childhood trauma. Not trying to correct you, just my opinion speaking as someone who also has complex childhood trauma too from a very horrible father. I think the key thing is she cannot be allowed to be anti-social and vicious. She needed true psychological help a decade ago.
59th like
Her father went to prison for domestic violence when she was 4.
Honestly this mother has failed this girl as a parent. Even now as she’s pouring her heart out she’s not taking her seriously. Listen to your daughter!!!
I really like this girl. In this clip she’s showing a glimpse of who she really is and she’s smart, profound, articulate and beautiful. Hope she got the help she needed and that she’s thriving today. I also hope she knows that everyone needs help of some sort from time to time and that she’s not the only one.
There’s no love or concern coming from the mother. Just condescension radiating off of her. I’d be pissed too if she was my mum.
I actually blame the mother for the way Destoni is acting out.
Mama need to learn how validating her ,.... why people its surprise with children grown up becomes monsters...
Grammar problems
I have to remind myself we all don’t deal with trauma the same. She’s clearly needing her mom. It would be nice to see an update on her.
I can attest to the infuriating feeling when your parent just tells you to get over it.
Team Destoni. Poor kid.
Her behaviour is ridiculous beyond belief, but can you blame her? I mean really? Imagine going through some of what she's been through, and imagine that even as an adult. Now imagine you're a kid. It's not fair.
Daughter has a higher level of intelligence. Mom is not on the same level making it nearly impossible for her to be the mother her child needs.
Kids right, mom needs to seek some professional help as well.
Addressing the issues both of them have was put off for far too long.
I hope they both have taken steps together.
i blame her mom. i get that feel, i know how it feels.
The mothers constant grinning says plenty...
Have you ever met someone who have been crying for years, asking for help, love and so on?
This is how they are after all the emotions are dead.
I like this kid. She's smart and hurt, and I hope she's okay now.
I love how she was like "hey audience, I don't trust you because I don't know you, sorry not sorry"
And dr Phil is all "they're fine with that."
I mean clearly it's cool, kid. Lots of us get it.
So you expect a kid to trust a lot of strangers? And being on tv?
@@geral096 i think what they're saying is that the audience are fine with her not trusting them (not sure tho, that's just how i read that)
@@geral096 No need to get defensive based off of your own assumption..The comment wasn't a negative one.
I want new parents who love me I want to go to a foster home
I was this teen girl….except I was a dude back in high school. I did things irrationally, no empathy because that was shown to me by my single mother. She completely shut down any emotions she might have had and was stern. No compassion, no laughing. In a way, I do blame her mother because that’s how she was raised. Her mother just bypasses her emotionally well-being and labels her. That’s the worst thing you can do for a child.
Hope the girl heals as soon as possible.
Nothing hurts worse than a parent who doesn't listen. NOTHING.
i completely understand her in this clip i felt the same way for a long time and my mom would say the exact same things.
I see absolutely no care or concern in that mother’s face
Wish I was that smart when I was her age, she's a very intelligent girl a lot smarter than her mother, probably the smartest person on the stage
True.
I actually want to give Destoni a hug.😔🥺
I truly hate this mother. She's gaslighting her own daughter, while favouring her younger daughters. The daughter makes good, strong points- her mother isn't there for her. That's all she wants is for her mother to be there for her.
Bad mom, good daughter.
@@Laok252 There’s a reason he’s in jail mate. Doesn’t mean the mother isn’t also in the wrong here.
ok I get it. The mom isn’t listening. Come on listen to your daughter. She was on the verge of tears this entire episode.
This girl's going far in life she's gotta brain in that noggin
definitely. she may not be making the right choices but she’s very smart for her age. she’s gonna go very far, she’s just gotta get rid of her condescending mother and get herself right.
Awwww I feel for this girl 😭
she is so well spoken...poor girl
For heavens sake mom's out there! Be there for your kids. If there's no other outlet for them, you are the one they trust. You are their outlet. This is what happens when you brush off your children's emotions
I hope she’s okay and if you’re reading this girl don’t listen to the haters you deserve healing and to feel safe to process your emotions. I’m sorry you’re hurting 🤍
I heard part of the scenes where she was ATTEMPTING to talk to her mother and her mother didn't even hear a word she said. I can't imagine how that felt. No wonder the child doesn't respect her.
Poor girl just wants to talk to her momma🥺
My mom is exactly like her but with my mom she is a selfish person she thinks about herself so it’s hard to open up but when I do she doesn’t understand what I go through and she always put herself into it. Like if I was to tell her that If I’m unhappy she’ll say “why are you unhappy is it me? Idk why you’re unhappy I’m not unhappy so why are you”
Your mom may be thinking about what she can do to help. Idk but it could be that. Also, as I parent, I know I will comment to my son when he talks to me about myself at times, like how his situation was something I dealt
With before and what I learned, or how that would make me feel...Idk you or your mom but from a moms perspective that is why I do that sometimes. Maybe it’s the same for her? Why don’t you tell her that and ask her why she does that? Kids often think their parents know more than they do when parents often began being parents at a young age and are just trying to find the right way all the time.
This is what people do when comments are re-enabled 🧐
What?? Have empathy?? It’s called being a human being. Try it some time.
Lol
@@cbeilken1659 there allowed to comment and say there feelings luv
I agree with her 100% of the time. You can't just wonder why someone has all these emotions bottled up but never listen to the reason. The girl is obviously hurt by something done by you.
Just as he said, we all have a psychological skin. This girl has had that skin sunburnt awfully, so any small “tap” (aka her sisters, school) hurts her, and she wants to say “hey mom, this thing really hurts,”. But her mom says, “well, that’s not the cause of your sunburn, so I don’t want to talk about that, go put aloe on it (aka go talk to a stranger) and then come back to me when you want to talk about the sun (aka her childhood trauma)”. But the girl isn’t ready to talk about the sun and how it hurt her, because no one gave her sunscreen (aka support when it happened or tried to prevent her from seeing bad things happen), so she doesn’t want aloe. She just wants stuff to stop touching her sunburn, so it can heal on its own time. But during that healing process, she still wants to be able to mention when something is bothering her. Her mom would rather correct her on things, “you’re remembering it wrong”, it doesn’t matter if she remembers it wrong, what matters is that whatever she IS remembering has been hurting her for years.
'You're remembering it wrong' is also a gaslighting phrase. That mom is toxic.
the kids behavior is horrible but their are moments of clarity which you can see her intelligence and capability
I was angry at first with the girl, then it hit I remembered this kid Dylan, the same that started a shooting at Columbine and how his mother Wonders now that unnintentionly they never talked of his feelings and then he devolped a suicidal and homicidal depression. I know it wasn't her fault, was Dylan's but she wonders what could have happened if she Would have take a moment to check on his son and stop that tragedy and losing him in the process. I see this lady and she is doing what Sue (Dylan's mom) did but the difference is huge. She is so condecending to her daughter that is making the biggest mistake that a father can do and not wanting to be responsible for it: not listening to your kid. I should know, it happens the same thing with my mom. Therefore, I urged every father to let your kids speak and listen. Do not focus on telling them what to do, Just listen. Being heard is a blessing to us.
the best advice I gave myself and other parents (when they ask) is to talk to your children, often, often, often!!!
Sweet girl I hope you’re ok now ❤️
I can't understand why the mother is still arguing with her daughter... I mean look at her: she is opening her feelings and tell her mom what she needs to change to understand her and the mother be like:
Here is a lesson you shouldn't do that things...
I mean cmon just tell her that you didn't mean it that way and explain to her that you also made mistakes
Ps sorry for my bad English hope you get my point
She’s in so much pain
While Dr. Phil was describing what it's like to have a psychological sunburn, you can see that Destoni is actually taking in all this information. She was slowly starting to realize that Dr. Phil was someone who actually understood her. She's the kind of person whom I think could really benefit from practicing positive self-talk in her life. At the same time she lashes out at people, it seems like she's also being too hard on herself at times over things that are beyond her control that she shouldn't have to worry about.
I know it’s frustrating to parent such child but if you don’t give your best and try to help your child then who will??? You have to be kind and bearing no matter how difficult your child is.
She tries to tell her mom that she wants her mom to listen.
Her mother immediately responds: " That's why we go to counselling"
No wonder her daughter behave like this. Takes no responsibility for her daughter's action whatsoever.
No wonder the daughter is holding all these emotions to herself. She's at a difficult age where being a problem child isn't gonna make you friends. And the mindset of a kid is that when she's taken to a counsellor she will feel betrayed because her mom is telling her something is wrong with her.
Mom needs to spend time out of the house with her daughter.
This poor girl is hurting and her mother doesn't understand which is causing her more hurt. If her mother listened to her, communicated with her, or was calm with her, I think she could get the help she needed.
she is actually smarter than her mother...it is really sad
I am 67 years old and I still live under the authority of my father when I was a child. I keep asking myself the question about my daughter: was I a good father? It’s hard to be happy
The mother is so detached and just wants to get rid of her daughter. Shameful.
The way she's expressing herself here is very calm and mellow, in contrast to how she normally yells and screams at everyone. I think the environment here has made her comfortable enough so that she relaxes and finally tells her mother how she feels.
Dr. Phil is damn good at what he does
Destoni's mother is making a bad situation worse with her condescending smirking. She's not even pretending to listen. Both need to have therapy separately.
Its actually remarkable how receptive this girl was to engaging with dr phil and how well she managed to interact with him respectfully (relative to her treatment of everyone else at least.)
I know how that feels 😞 😢 I need help now but don't really know how or where to actually look for the information. I've been through a lot of horrible stuff as a child.
I feel really bad for her. No one is born this way, no one is just automatically hostile. Of course it’s not a coincidence that she’s turned out this way when she’s had a rough childhood. In situations like this it’s almost always the parents’ / caretakers’ fault to an extent
This girl was easy to hate at first! From the other clips she just seems like an over the top beat. But now I’m kind of seeing where all this resentment is coming from.
When she’s not being obnoxious, she’s pretty well spoken.
As a 15 year old. I haven't been treated like this, but this is just so terrible that i can feel it. I just can't belive parents these days, they're just going out of their way to torture their own child...
Your the child! You listen to your damn mama! But at the same time a mother needs to show care and compassion.
If what she is saying is true I completely understand. Having depression and anxiety I would tell my parent about it and it was either go back to therapy or just denial of my feelings then they wonder why u don't wanna talk about it. This mother is so condescending that it's triggering. Kids aren't born like this it comes from a childhood trauma that hasn't been dealt with and the way her mother is dealing with her is wrong
I understand her feelings well…
I feel bad for her honestly. It seems like she’s hurting and her mom is just too dismissive
I'm just like her I don't "TRUST" people either, I keep everything inside of "ME"
It's a bully tactic....so many kids do this in a 1parent household...and it gets worse as they get bigger .
I feel bad for her in the interview and when her mother signed her away she is being truthful poor kid
CAUSE YOU HURT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CAUSE PAIN AND MISERY TO OTHER PEOPLE PERIOD
The mom says thats why you're in counseling so you can talk to them 😑
Instead of her mom saying you can feel free to talk to me whenever you want Im here for you
My mom isn't like this. But I want my old mom back. The one who doesn't blame me for things and dismisses the voices in my head. Yes, I understand she's busy and struggling with emotions as well, but it isn't always my fault.
Apparently, according to her, it is.
Her mother is sitting there with a smirk on her face.
While her daughter wants her mother to understand her.
Her just doesn't care about her daughter.
I don’t like how the mom is tryna make a fool of her daughter while she is smurking like it’s a joke it just makes me understand where/why the daughter can’t express herself in healthy way
She's like a strict Asian parent
Beautiful hurt girl. 🙏💜🙏
While I cannot think of any rational excuse to make public threats about shooting up the school; I will say that her facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, inconsistent train of thought/recall of the past, and drastic yet discreet change in her character when she looks, and speaks about/to her mom not only shows the main root of her pain, but also the lack of compassion/healthy attention/genuine love her mother provided her with. You can't expect for a young child to express a rational behavior without providing an explanation about the situation. Even though she's old enough to know her father went to prison for a crime he committed, the original interpretation she had during the age of literal physical development (aka brain) will contradict any logic. Typically, young children believe that if their parent leaves, they are the ones to blame. Same thing applies to long term abuse; if your parents/caregivers abuse you, then you deserved it. The long term pattern of choosing poor actions, while knowing there would be consequences, may possibly be a way of inflicting self harm upon herself.
That mother is revolting.
The mom is a jerk. She’s blaming all her anger and all her issues and dismissing her daughters feelings. That poor girl.
She was being honest for the first time and her mom didn’t even make a face she just closed her eyes
I think they need to be alone , maybe w a mediator ( to help express themselves obviously ) to talk and let it all out how they feel and that mom needs to just listen and sit there and hold
Her daughter and let her scream her fears her pain whatever it is
Cause the way she looks at her is like she doesn’t want to
Hear what she has to say she just want ppl to see how difficult her daughter is without acknowledging she’s probably part of the reason for that lol
100%!
She is going to go far in life. She need to get ride of her mom an that other person
Dr. Phil Always Win Big Time.
I honestly understand this. Parents don’t ever rlly accept their kids’ feeling’s simply bcuz “we’re kids” and “kids don’t have opinions”. Kids are sensitive. That’s how we are! And you’re not changing us. If you don’t respect your kids, your kids will not respect you. Period point blank. Your kid has a voice, and they have EVERY RIGHT to use it. Cry about it.
My mom is the same way that's why I'm never close to her.
I want a mom that listens too. But this is life and you don't always get what you want.
Did they ever follow up on this girl....?
This kid is making sense she just a young lady going through changes in life and needs her mom to help her and guide her but her mom is refusing to do so. Don’t damage your kids
Her mum dismissing her feelings all the time is probably because she can't be bothered to help her daughter with her issues, the smirk on her face is vile. I really hope her daughter is doing well.
' I want a mum who actually listens' - ha, good luck with that
The Mother hasnt got a clue