Thank you all for your support and checking out this episode! Be sure to check out our previous episodes via any podcast streaming services, soundcloud.com/theroommatespodcast.
The Roommates Podcast Just watched this. Hafeez you really expounded well about self-love and self-reflection. Very well versed. Mary Jo was so honest and informative! Thanks! This recreational sex topic was soooo necessary! This type of sexual activity is causing mental illness in people. They will need to purge from these activities. Sex needs to be more sacred. 🙏🏽💯💯🙏🏽🙏🏽
Last night I went to a party where I met quite a few awesome girls. It was a great experience. I got two of their numbers and im so excited to see what's to come.
Feminists in Toronto got outraged and started the whole 'Slut Walk' nonsense when a cop had the temerity to suggest to women that for the sake of safety it would be advisable to not dress like a slut.
Agreed. And sorry to say this but I find it really annoying how the host keeps saying over and over again “we’re NOT saying it’s right to rape someone based on how they dress, we’re NOT SAYING THAT.” Sure, it’s important to mention that, but he literally repeated it 4-5 times as if he’s scared someone will sue him. Rape is criminal. We know that! And anyone accusing the woman for dressing a certain way is a coward and scum bag. We also know that! But the issue we’re discussing isn’t rape, it’s how when women dress a certain way, it has a certain affect on the opposite sex whether they admit it or not. And I think that’s really important to discuss in this world of political correctness.
My now ex-wife of 15 years cheated and proceeded to destroy our family. She never gave me a chance to try fix whatever she was unhappy with. Just woke up one morning and said she didn't love me anymore. I was devastated. She didn't want to talk about it, just wanted out. She destroyed everything in her path. Seeing my children suffer because of this was the worse. And you're right, women do have more to lose. It's now been four years and we're officially divorced. I blame social media and her lack of maturity in understanding and appreciating what we built together, instead of falling for what she saw on social media. The pain has subsided and I'm in a better place. I wouldn't take her back, even if you pulled a gun on me.
I could see my father writing this comment. I was present to watch my parents' marriage implode. A few years after the divorce I was having a conversation with him, and he made a comment like yours. I told him that I knew he was going to get divorced 6 years before it happened (I was 15 when I figured this out). His response: "Really?! How did you know?". It was like good grief dude, your 15 year old, borderline autistic son could figure it out, yet you couldn't? You couldn't see the signs that your wife was shutting down and pulling away, and you said and did things to make it worse? He also would make dramatic, violent, but ultimately nonsensical comments like your last sentence. He also wouldn't take accountability for his role in the divorce, and attributed the divorce to other factors, much like you're doing here. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Red Pill Rage Dude it’s not your job to fix a woman’s problem you seem insecure and should be a lot stronger then that because you can be. Everyone makes their own choice, every adult is responsible for themselves at the end of the day regardless of how you feel towards them this is life. God gave everyone the power and freedom of choice, she just didn’t choose you.
@@grit7733 looool so the guy who got cheated on is like a guy with narcissistic personality disorder? I think you don't understand your dad enough to draw any comparisons.
Fr, its more messed up cus you know the people that promote it are mostly in same shoes, they just doing it for ego sake or as a way to heal, but go about it the wrong way.
Unless you have zero problem getting casual sex even if you don't have a job and your guy has to pay all the bills, and your social media does nothing but feed and coddle your ego with relentless support for your toxic world views. Which actually makes succeeding in things like college a lot easier, because again, everyone coddles you. So then you still get the perks and privileges that come with that as you get older.
Yeah, wow. That’s so messed up. Even in some relatively conservative circles, I’ve heard women in their 20’s say they don’t even want to *think* about having kids until they’re 30. It’s like-I’m not sure you know what you’re saying...
I agree. Lots of oversimplification and puss boys. Dude in the video is somewhat of a beta simp and he’s underplaying a lot of shit that women do. Definitely blue pilled
I love this man. As a 20 yr old young man it's really hard out to be yourself when you're brought up with a traditional mindset. I cant tell you how many times I hated myself because of the bullying and pressure I received from guys and girls on sex. You kind of feel hopeless. And I think that's a reason you have good guys who just give up and just sleep around with a lot of females because they dont know a solution. They dont want to wait until they're 30 or 40yrs old. But everybody is getting ran through now so you feel a pressure to being active in the sex market.
I'm a 22 y/o female, so I think its a bit easier for me because I dont have as much testosterone. But I'm a virgin. I do have times when I slip into lustful thoughts , but I just have tried to limit myself to people that share the same values as myself, that way I do not feel that pressure. And exercise, geez exercise keeps me distracted. Also prayer, prayer us key. It's a cross I have to carry as a Christian.
Yeah, I feel the same. I grew up with the mindset of waiting till marriage, and my goal solidified through high school when I saw people use sex and relationships as a meter for their own self worth. Now I'm 19 and in college. I've heard guys stay away from virgins and that kinda scares me. Is it that we don't have more experience or they don't want to bear the "burden"? Either way I've realized that whomever God has for me, he'll be willing to accept my standards that I've set for myself.
I had sex for the first time at 22. I shut off everyone who was peer pressuring me to have sex. Mind you, I had several girlfriends before 22. I decided to have sex specifically with one girl cause I truly cared about her. I had many many opportunities to have sex with hot girls, some of them literally would message me saying "I want to take your virginity"". I am a handsome man and I get tons of attention from both sexes. So they were shocked to hear that I was a virgin at 22. Dont worry about it honestly. Take your time, have sex when you want with whoever you want. Theres a huge difference between having sex with a girl you love and a girl you hooking up with.
@@TheCinderellaPrincess That's true. As a 23 year old I can say sex is scared, spiritual and emotional connection. Sex can create soul ties unhealthy ones outside marriage and open yourself to another whole of mess with demons. Sex in ancient times was literally marriage. Now it's a causal thing. I think traditional view is the healthy one and it's for a reason. But media and culture doesn't necessarily have the best interest of us they just want to push narrative.
I’ve been celibate for almost an year but I’ve been battling w/ lustful thoughts lately. This discussion just reassured my waiting till marriage is the BEST decision I could’ve ever made! So grateful for this podcast💙
Thanks for your comment- it's inspiring and motivating me. I, too, have decided to be celibate until I meet "the one". Not easy, but it'll be worth it. Bless :)
@@na_ansah9373 Hey- haven't met him yet, he's on the way (somewhere, somehow). But in the meantime, I am working on myself and focusing on my calling (whatever my intuition or voice of God desires), healing past hurts and wounds, and bettering myself as I wait for him. I have consciously chosen to not date after my last break-up, which was a few months ago, but I am open to it once I feel that the guy is worth the wait (as they say, know your worth so that the man knows which price he must pay). No longer do I waste my time on men I don't feel are right or fit for the job, so that philosophy automatically eliminates many candidates. I used to "serial date", but found it uncomfortable to constantly break-up or have to cut things off when I could have avoided the whole situation from the beginning. Intuitively I'll know when the right one has arrived. As I wait, I just pray for strength to keep me on the right path and keep me celibate. For me, creating more soul ties is not a viable option in my healing process, so I am going through a season of soul detox. This is just my journey, I encourage you to do what feels intuitively right for you. If casual dating is your thing, that's cool. I did that, too. I would say, however, if you do casually date, make sure the candidates are willing to pay the price of your worth. Don't settle and/or devalue yourself. It causes too much hurt and pain for both parties in the long run (learned from my experiences). Wishing the best for you on your journey. Blessings
When SOME people look at sex as an isolated act, they are usually coming from a hurt place. Sex is deeper than we think and takes a toll on us mentally and spiritually. Soul ties are REAL
See I'm glad I watched this. I'm a 25 yr old virgin (woman) and this discussion made me question how much sexual experience I want my future husband to have. I don't have a preference of whether he's a virgin or not. However, you all brought up the fact that many people who have recreational sex have an emotional disconnect to how they view sex. They have casual sex with people, trying not to catch feelings and/or just for an ego boost or using each other as just sex objects (without human connection). I don't want to marry that type of person because I would like to have emotionally filling sex, with a deep spiritual/emotional connection. I view it as a way to physically express our love and emotions for each other. If they're not able to connect like that or even interested, then that's selling myself short to lock myself in with someone like that.
Men and women are different. The more sexual partners women have the more likely they wont be able to pair bond as well. Stats show this. Men however can distance themselves from sex.
Disclosure I am a man. Even if you find partners that are loving and you have an emotional connection with it takes time to be comfortable with yourself in intimate relationships. You will find no matter at what age you explore your needs most of the initial encounters are painful because it is new to you. Everyone goes through this process. If you get married before you find yourself sexually, it won't last. Obviously, this is my opinion. But comes from experience. In a marriage the best way for a man to give you sexual pleasure is that you verbally communicate your needs to him. You tell him how to touch you, what to do and at what pace and in what manner. It is about giving each other pleasure which are physical acts. The emotional connection is what I would describe as feelings of love. There is also a sense of closeness and trust, that no matter what happens the both of you will be comfortable with each other. Both partners have to be emotionally mature and know how to communicate to put their partner at ease and have a sense of patience and warmth. Have you ever had an emotional connection with a man during a conversation? Being a self-aware male I can describe what it is like from my standpoint. Both man and woman have to be emotionally mature (Recognition of Self, Recognition of Others(empathy)) in order to understand their personal feelings and the feelings of their partner. Emotional connection is unspoken, it is a mutual feeling of attraction between man and woman that they understand is within themselves and their partner. It is like each is projecting their wants and desires on the other, and both understand and reciprocate the feeling. One example would be if you look deeply into your partner's eyes and you can feel their attraction, and say to yourself about them, I like you, I need you, I want to be with you, and they receive and understand your message without words. This is an emotional connection. Some describe it as having "chemistry" but I think the word falls way short of what is really happening. I would like to conclude with something that many people will not tell you because they simply do not have experience with relationships or are choosing the wrong partners. The process that leads to sex, has distinct phases. The first is initial mutual attraction between man and woman. Next is forming an emotional connection. Then comes trust and a feelings of desire. Then sex. I have never had sex without an emotional connection with a woman. Sex without a feeling of closeness and trust is so superficial that I don't even consider it.
This talk with Mary Jo Rapini is powerful. Going in debt on the many unspoken truths about sex, parenting, cheating, pornography, etc is really a true testament to how much change and awareness your podcast is trying to bring to this generation and generations to come. The thing that mostly resonated with me is that when it comes to sex it's a lot more emotional then people look at it. The bible says that when you have sex with someone you become emotionally attached to that person because you're giving away your soul to someone you weren't mean't to be with. Main take away, be careful with the choices you make in this world because when you lean on your own understanding and not look at the big picture threw gods eyes you end up going down a path in life you'll never be able to take back.
Never put your safety in someone else's hands. Situational awareness is key to keeping yourself safe. No one is "guilty" if someone hurts them but we all have the personal responsibility to understand the risks that exist in the world. "Prepare the child for the road because you cannot prepare the road for the child"
I loved listening to two emotionally enlightened people have the conversations that are valuable and that build character, kindness, and connection. Thank you.
Man, I'm hooked on your channel gents, something I've come to realize as of late is the best sex is def with someone you have an emotional connection with, and women equating having a lot of sexual partners with equality with men, is def something that needs to be talked about , been saying that for the past couple of years now. also thank you for asking her about hypergamy!!
One of THE BEST Roommates interviews ever! I’m a big fan of Mary Jo. Had her as a guest on my podcast a couple of years ago. My listening streams went through the roof after we recorded. One of the most genuine people I’ve ever met
This about the best social counseling I’ve ever heard in my life. You realize how much education and self awareness really matters, but above all mentorship. We definitely need more folks to step up to the plate and pass down knowledge without expecting something in return. I believe there’s even middle aged men and women that need to hear conversations like these.
This was such an amazing podcast. I'm just glad that someone acknowledges the culture of recreational sex and see that it can be destructive to our community.
Such an amazing podcast and I wish more people in their 20’s went out of their way to research about this especially on the recreation sex, trying to explain it too some people they just cannot seem to grasp it, or think you’re on some woo woo topic. On another note though Hafeez skin is glowinnggggg 😂
@Yash Yadav look the world is too big to generalize but I am correct in saying that new generations have less sex. Japan is the most obvious, but it is a phenomenon all over the western world at least. Those STDs numbers seem convoluted and perhaps circumscribed to the US, but it says more about lack of use condoms and serial sex addicts that are causing most off the mess.
There are so many points I was to touch on ! AH first of all, this was a awesome discussion. Thank you for bringing Mary Jo on the show. She is a wealth of knowledge and perspective, wow. I would say as a young black women in America is it hard to related to the opposite sex. Each person is different and when I was actively dating, I tried my best to learn how to understand the men I was dating. I will say clarity is so important for those dating or in relationships. What I realize is men need objectives and boundaries established clearly, especially when they are interested/friendly. This involves great accountability and self-control on both ends. Regardless if you are the man or the woman in the situation, knowing who you are and making moves strategically is so important.
From Aj Young Brother, spiritually, mentally, physically, thank you for this platform. To be able to communicate on this level for men and women is as important as life itself. We as a people must learn to Operate and function in the reality in which we live in. ( No reality, no life).
This podcast episode was very refreshing. I find it difficult to be celibate in a society that pushes sex down your throat excessively. I knew recreational sex is unhealthy and does not bring peace to your soul. However, I felt encouraged and validated by this conversation because it reminded me that I made the right choice.
I came upon this podcast today. I am a male who has been victim to sexual and physical assault, harassment, etc... on several accounts... by both biological genders. Every relationship I’ve been in I got cheated on, and today watching this podcast made me realize that after 3 years of blaming myself, that it’s not my fault. That rather I was surrounded by toxic people that didn’t care about me, and that I have the knowledge in the back of my head that I care and choose to stay faithful. It took me hours to think about how to express this.. I really just wanted to thank the roommates podcast and Mary Jo Rapini for your guys work and passion to communicate these subjects to the whole world. I can not describe how much weight genuinely came off my shoulders today. Thank you. Truly, with all my love ;)
Man u had me at the intro, its all love, and respect, to everyone here. My GF cheated after 2+ years together, never admitted it, but I had proof. Absolutely broke my heart, tho Ill def admit I played my part in our issues too. Thanks for speaking on this.
It really makes be glad that conversations like these are being had. Understanding each other is the best way to actually have a connection with each other as we can relate and interact with empathy. Trust your feelings and the only way to trust them is to use them.
You two blew my mind with this interview!! I just shared it with my boys & hope they watch. One of them said he would. Thank you thank you!!! Please hold another talk with this lady. Us guys have been so misguided by mutual ignorance & media misrepresentation that the healing necessary for our growth will take some serious heavy lifting.
So powerful “men who are looking for sex, believe that they are entitled will find a way to sexualise what you do”. “Ask for everything!” So true, thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mary from another Mary. 🙌🏿
SiriusAspirations Do you even understand what you are saying? What do you mean “they are entitled?”, If you’re saying men believe they are entitled to sex, men could say when believe they are entitled to love. So wouldn’t that be fair?
This made me so emotional because I wish I had someone mentor me and teach me these things when I was a teenager. It could have saved me from the abusive situations I was in.
Great topic. Truly, I've been there because I loved her so much. Nobody could fill the hole left in me but now I just see the uniqueness in others. That was the way out even though connecting with a woman intellectually first is a bigger bond than sex. Many women I've had to let go where more about thinking I owe them my pockets because that's the society standards but I'm rebel with it because every dollar must earned. Great spectrum of topics covered and I definitely learned more about women.
I liked that she spoke on education. Amongst those women that seek to wealth, status, or fame in their significant others, I agree that depending on her level of being educated herself she wouldn’t prioritize those things as much.
I have biopolar disorder and hypersexuality is part of the disorder. I'm not using casual hookup/relationship is an excuse but most of my partner broke up with me because they think all I want is sex. It is not I want to grow as a whole person but it is hard when sex is the thing I can't live without. I'm trying my best to learn and grow. And your podcast have helped me a ton with it. Thank you 😊
When I started having recreational sex I think it was good for me at first because I learned that sex wasn't honestly a big deal and I realized how toxic most men are especially those who are always talking about getting laid which was something that would make me very jealous. But I also learned how to talk with women better and of course I gained more self respect and confidence in myself knowing that I didn't have to throw myself at women all the time and basically being a simp (yes I used that word). But the longer it went on the more empty and meaningless things got to the point where I didn't really want anything to do with women honestly. The whole point of me being single was because I wanted to wait until I found a woman that met all the qualities that I liked because I wanted my next relationship to actually last but now that I've plowed through probably 11 women since my last relationship I wonder if maybe doing that negatively affected the way I think and maybe what I was looking for was in one of those women who I had meaningless sex with but at the time I couldn't see because all I wanted was "some pussy"
This is very interesting, one would wonder how you could mess up something that’s meant to be. I don’t think you could’ve missed out on right person wrong time but the ego regretting not settling and being in control of what you think would have made you happy when really if you can go through that many people this disconnect is usually within and it isn’t worthwhile with anyone until your full and whole of yourself 🖤
Bravo Hafeez! This is a powerful video that all young men should watch. I like what Mary Jo said about men asking for everything with regard to touching a woman. It's the best way to stay out of trouble. I will share this video. Thank you. God's blessings you both!
Mary jo is awesome it’s not just a criticism against women but offering advice on why and how we are the way we are. Can you guys have Mary jo come on the show to give advice on women getting over heartbreak and how to be able to move forward with their life after a previous relationship that was life alteringly bad so it doesn’t affect the next relationship
Channels like this one are encouraging me to connect with more people again. I completely agree with the notion of emotional sex being better. It's good to hear someone else say it. Keep up the great work!
I appreciate that they refer to what most people would call "casual" sex as "recreational." I've recently thought to myself that even once you're in an exclusive relationship, why does that have to mean the sex can't be casual? And by casual, I mean fun, easy going, enjoyable, satisfying, gratifying, as deeply emotional and intimate as you want it to be with the proper boundaries, expectations and respect met by both partners. Why does having a partner mean it's somehow gonna be, or has to be, less "casual" or fun? I definitely prefer referring to sleeping around or simultaneous sexual relationships as "recreational." I just think it's a more accurate description.
So there is nothing wrong with me... wanting to be monogamous, to be romantic... to be a nice guy... to be the man my mother raised me to be. This podcast helped the void, guaranteed 🙏🏾
I'm like you, old school traditional mindset. The thing I've recently learned is that I have to be careful about not making romance and falling in love the center and goal of a happy long lasting relationship, marriage. Good Feelings are what get the relationship started, but the hard work of sacrifice from both partners are what keep it going to the end. Allain de Botton's videos on romance has really helped me on this. He explains how romanticism was started a few centuries ago and how it has fed books, movies, holidays on what "love" is supposed to be, when it's all just a fantasy not based on reality, socioeconomics, biology, culture.
I made the choice to wait. But still the pressure is so high. I remember turning 21 then every year after that=thinking I'm not like these other people n thinking how could they have so many partners! Do I have 2 high standards maybe I should just get rid of it? The world is really shaming people 4 waiting for the right time or abstaining
Don't give up it will be worth it. I am 22 and have been saving myself. Honestly think it is one reason I can reliably say I find the vast majority of woman attractive and happy to date woman as I am able to more easily focus on the person over just the body.
@@trendafile6356 hahaha well I think the overall message can still apply to woman. Just be happy and content you are chaste. Embrace it as a symbol of concurring you appetites or maybe an act of love for yourself or future spouse. IDK how woman think about chastity so this is coming from a very male perspective haha.
I'm a 22 y/o female, so I think its a bit easier for women in general because we dont have as much testosterone. But I'm a virgin. I do have times when I slip into lustful thoughts , but I just have tried to limit myself to people that share the same values as myself, that way I do not feel that pressure. And exercise, geez exercise keeps me distracted. And prayer, deep prayer as well. Its a cross I have to carry as a Christian. I wish there was an organisation for vrigins and celibates. I bet you there are way more than people let on or the fake media portrays
@@thegenzcompass2526 Yh its quite hard for we mandem, im 22 as well buh over time and experience i realised, that emotional sex is on a different level so i kept it dah way before i turned 22. So even if i can get as much i dont, because the emotional connection aint there, so you just turn away and do some other thing like buy a tracksuit 😂😂
A-M-E-N!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't do stupid stuff to invite a problem or place yourself in a situation where the chances of a problem happening are tremendously increased.
@Chris S That's one of the most real analogies I've heard on this subject. Bravo Chris S.!! I will incorporate this into my analogies when dealing with this topic going forward.
You guys are awesome btw. Giving the perspective of good people to other people of any race, creed, or background is crucial and helpful in today's messed up world.
The reason I think recreational sex is becoming prevalent, is because relationships are becoming more difficult. Sex is a biological need, relationships are a social arrangement. So people need sex, but relationships have become unappealing. Marriage failure rates, and the penalties associated with that contract, have it on a decline. So people have arrived at only getting their need met, and then fleeing from the problematic relationships. The problem is with relationships and how men and women relate to one another. Sex will happen, its a drive, but relationships have become too unappealing and unfulfilling. So I think you are looking at the problem on the wrong end, sex still works, but relationships don't.
You're conflating need with urges, and part of both a happy individual life and a stable society involves regulating urges. Regarding promiscuity, studies suggest that the more sex partners a person has, the less likely they are to be happy, to have long-lasting relationships, to have happy marriages, to not be unfaithful etc. In the area of philosophy and religion, which, putting the supernatural claims aside, combines the wisdom of thousands of life observations over millenia, we can see that almost none recommend promiscuity and the overwhelming majority see it as a negative practice.
@@tomemery7890 He doesn't seem to be prescribing it, he is just justifying why it's prevalent. And I think you underestimate urges. You can't regulate urges. Ultimately you have to attend to them one way or another because your tension will build up invevitably and your thoughts will orient towards sex uncontrollably. Only absense of hormones can make you less susceptible to be pulled by that influence. Humans are obsessed with sex, everything we do is to guarantee with have food so we can have sex. Everything else is noise compared to that background basis that's setting up your way of life.
@@brain0nfire I think he is prescribing it because he says 'sex still works, but relationships don't'. Mary's point is that recreational sex doesn't work. Regarding urges, you can most definitely regulate your response to them. For example, this is a normal part of growing up. Children learn not to hit, not to say whatever comes into their head, not to steal what they want. Also, therapy has been shown to successfully help people control their responses to urges. And you can not only control your responses to urges but actually reduce their intensity by adopting certain mindsets or lifestyle habits. For example, if someone masturbates and watches porn everyday their mind will get used to it and the person will feel horny regularly, whereas if they reduce their masturbation and porn viewing significantly or cut it out altogether they will find their horniness reducing over time. The book 'Willpower' by Baumeister and Tierney presents a great deal of evidence that shows that not only is it possible to control our responses to urges, but that this ability is possibly the most significant determiner of a person's health, wealth and happiness.
Sem Nome the arguement is the same as being over weight. You can argue that eatting is a necessary action, but the level of moderation is simply defined by ones own control of the impulse. For some, it just doesn’t exist so you start to see the rampant onslaught of casual sex, just like casual snacking. Sex, like eating, historically was a burden to obtain but now has become convenient and streamlined for some and for those with regular access, ruin themselves on it.
Relationships are a human need too not just a social thing. Children who don’t have connection with their mothers suffer immense emotional and mental consequences. In order to be a happy complete person you have good healthy relationships with family friends and your partner.
Well I've been raped once and almost raped several times. When I deal with men I tell them upfront my sexual expectations. It can cause arguements but usually I can avoid problems. However when i was actually raped it was by my x husband in a non sexual situation. So I know women get snatched up but from my perspective having been on both sides if I am up front, regardless of what I'm wearing I can avoid sexual situations if I'm up front in the beginning. But sometimes it's the men u trust and let inside ur circle are the ones u have to be more careful with.
There's research on rapists that showed that their motivation to rape was opportunistic. If a woman seemed to lack confidence, she was more likely to be raped; dress had nothing to do with it. Better to help those women strengthen their boundaries and confidence. And what is the basis for saying that women are raped because of their clothing? Some research would be nice.
Maybe there is a link to a woman who shows off her body often with a lack of confidence. A lot of people would agree that when woman overdo make-up and dress as sexually as possible, its to cover-up some kind of fault she has. Maybe that's it, maybe not.
@@andyleaf5747 So, never wear a dress, just trousers and flat shoes, even on a night out. Well yes, it'd certainly make it easier to run away. Perhaps all women should just wear burkhas. Even if an unconfident woman covers up, her vulnerable vibe will still make her more attractive to rapists.
I don’t agree at all with her remarks. I live in South Florida and one night, I was out dancing, wearing black jeans, heels, a long sleeve button down shirt. A guy grabbed my breasts. Just straight groped me! Another time, I’m walking down the street, I was wearing a dress, but it wasn’t revealing at all, a guy grabbed my butt. People who make comments like hers have obviously never been sexually assaulted. I’m also curvy, so no matter what I wear, my shape is apparent. I can’t agree with this part of the podcast.
@@msjrene05 first off, I have been (thanks for assuming). If you are talking about groping, you could wear a mechanised armored suit and creeps would still find a way. We were talking about rape though, which is forced penetration, and again, it's easier to rip off a dress than jeans.
48:00 you guys contradicted yourself. The reason guys tend to mistake kindness from a woman as her being interested is because women NEVER are up front about what they want. They give clues and hints, but they will never say that they are interested. Those hints that women give can simply mean them trying to be nice to you, such as hugging you, laughing at Jokes, acting like they are interested in what you are saying, sitting next to you, ect... Basically anything with them trying to get a guy to notice them.
Yes so true. I can't trust a woman's smile or acts of kindness anymore. It honestly makes me more uncomfortable when a woman acts friendly with me then just direct and curt as I have no idea if she is doing it because she is interested in me personally or just friendly.
I think in that case you just have to go for it and learn by trial and error. Just see how she responds. If you get constantly rejected, go back to the drawing board, gain new skills go for the next opportunity.
After hearing Ciara's and Megan Good's experiences, I've become even more convinced waiting is the best choice. Additionally, with sex I put myself at risk for STI's and pregnancy. I want to build a relationship and be sure I trust the person before I share myself with them. Overtime, I heard stories of people who used sex as a vehicle to keep a relationship, and feel hopeless or lose self esteem when it doesn't work. Also, when women have sex there's a bonding chemical (the same she has with child) that is released. Therefore I see sex as a spiritual connection, and a process of honor for myself, my husband God.
I appreciate this channel so much! It helped me realize it’s not just males against females, it’s me against me and now I can truly work on me. I pray we all heal from our hurts and move on to better and bigger things
I appreciate your desire to keep reintegrating what you and I think is common sense but as we’ve grown to learn it isn’t so common lol. Great conversation!! She inspires me bc I am working towards being a therapist specializing in relationships, bc honey! I was trash at relationships and interactions with others lol
Thank you all for your support and checking out this episode! Be sure to check out our previous episodes via any podcast streaming services, soundcloud.com/theroommatespodcast.
The Roommates Podcast
Just watched this. Hafeez you really expounded well about self-love and self-reflection. Very well versed. Mary Jo was so honest and informative! Thanks!
This recreational sex topic was soooo necessary! This type of sexual activity is causing mental illness in people. They will need to purge from these activities. Sex needs to be more sacred. 🙏🏽💯💯🙏🏽🙏🏽
Why don't you guys contact Dante Nero Beige Phillip. I think his views are the most accurate on romance.
Contact email Dante Nero: beigephillip@gmail.com
RUclips channel: ManSchool 202
I'll tell him to contact you guys.
god damn she's stupid get an introdction to evolutionary psychology pls
This was deep💯 Thank you
Instead of dealing with conflict or compromise...the next person is just one swipe away. Then you become 39 and single.
Wow! Are you in my head?! We definitely lost the arc of actually dating!
Last night I went to a party where I met quite a few awesome girls. It was a great experience. I got two of their numbers and im so excited to see what's to come.
Amen
Quan MGTOW ong
High Frequency I gotta give it to you man you really got me good there, Holy cow!!
"Good sex is emotional"...so true
Aki Scott for women
Only when it's a guy that is above her sexual market value.
Especially for women
@@chuck1052 So true.
Im 2 min and reading comments while I listen. May I ask you men, what makes sex good for you?
I'm glad a woman is saying that "how you dress" is important !!!!
It's not an idealistic world
100% agree. Men get shit for how they dress too. It matters how you dress regardless of sex.
Feminists in Toronto got outraged and started the whole 'Slut Walk' nonsense when a cop had the temerity to suggest to women that for the sake of safety it would be advisable to not dress like a slut.
Facts!
@@hv3115 yes & spanx if great safety gear! 🙂 I am especially disgusted by women wearing thongs in front of children! Indecent!!
Agreed. And sorry to say this but I find it really annoying how the host keeps saying over and over again “we’re NOT saying it’s right to rape someone based on how they dress, we’re NOT SAYING THAT.”
Sure, it’s important to mention that, but he literally repeated it 4-5 times as if he’s scared someone will sue him.
Rape is criminal. We know that! And anyone accusing the woman for dressing a certain way is a coward and scum bag. We also know that!
But the issue we’re discussing isn’t rape, it’s how when women dress a certain way, it has a certain affect on the opposite sex whether they admit it or not. And I think that’s really important to discuss in this world of political correctness.
My now ex-wife of 15 years cheated and proceeded to destroy our family. She never gave me a chance to try fix whatever she was unhappy with. Just woke up one morning and said she didn't love me anymore. I was devastated. She didn't want to talk about it, just wanted out. She destroyed everything in her path. Seeing my children suffer because of this was the worse. And you're right, women do have more to lose. It's now been four years and we're officially divorced. I blame social media and her lack of maturity in understanding and appreciating what we built together, instead of falling for what she saw on social media. The pain has subsided and I'm in a better place. I wouldn't take her back, even if you pulled a gun on me.
I could see my father writing this comment. I was present to watch my parents' marriage implode. A few years after the divorce I was having a conversation with him, and he made a comment like yours. I told him that I knew he was going to get divorced 6 years before it happened (I was 15 when I figured this out). His response: "Really?! How did you know?". It was like good grief dude, your 15 year old, borderline autistic son could figure it out, yet you couldn't? You couldn't see the signs that your wife was shutting down and pulling away, and you said and did things to make it worse?
He also would make dramatic, violent, but ultimately nonsensical comments like your last sentence. He also wouldn't take accountability for his role in the divorce, and attributed the divorce to other factors, much like you're doing here. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Red Pill Rage Dude it’s not your job to fix a woman’s problem you seem insecure and should be a lot stronger then that because you can be.
Everyone makes their own choice, every adult is responsible for themselves at the end of the day regardless of how you feel towards them this is life.
God gave everyone the power and freedom of choice, she just didn’t choose you.
@@grit7733 You were brainwashed well by your single mother.
You were a beta male provider that's all..dont be butthurt..get on your purpose and you'll find someone 10x way better.. Dont be so simpish next time
@@grit7733 looool so the guy who got cheated on is like a guy with narcissistic personality disorder? I think you don't understand your dad enough to draw any comparisons.
Casual sex and social media will feed your depression untill you have no self esteem left.
lol facts
only if, your not getting any pussy, then yes
Fr, its more messed up cus you know the people that promote it are mostly in same shoes, they just doing it for ego sake or as a way to heal, but go about it the wrong way.
Unless you have zero problem getting casual sex even if you don't have a job and your guy has to pay all the bills, and your social media does nothing but feed and coddle your ego with relentless support for your toxic world views.
Which actually makes succeeding in things like college a lot easier, because again, everyone coddles you. So then you still get the perks and privileges that come with that as you get older.
@@noeaeon well put
I see many girls on social media saying they don't want to "catch feelings". Some are over 30.
Yeah, wow. That’s so messed up. Even in some relatively conservative circles, I’ve heard women in their 20’s say they don’t even want to *think* about having kids until they’re 30. It’s like-I’m not sure you know what you’re saying...
I agree. Lots of oversimplification and puss boys. Dude in the video is somewhat of a beta simp and he’s underplaying a lot of shit that women do. Definitely blue pilled
I’m a married woman and your videos have really helped me understand and get along better with my husband. Thank you for your videos!
Glad that some weman are waking up
Good for you, Emily. I'm glad for you and your husband 😊
who's the lucky guy
I love this man. As a 20 yr old young man it's really hard out to be yourself when you're brought up with a traditional mindset. I cant tell you how many times I hated myself because of the bullying and pressure I received from guys and girls on sex. You kind of feel hopeless. And I think that's a reason you have good guys who just give up and just sleep around with a lot of females because they dont know a solution. They dont want to wait until they're 30 or 40yrs old. But everybody is getting ran through now so you feel a pressure to being active in the sex market.
I'm a 22 y/o female, so I think its a bit easier for me because I dont have as much testosterone. But I'm a virgin. I do have times when I slip into lustful thoughts , but I just have tried to limit myself to people that share the same values as myself, that way I do not feel that pressure. And exercise, geez exercise keeps me distracted. Also prayer, prayer us key. It's a cross I have to carry as a Christian.
Yeah, I feel the same. I grew up with the mindset of waiting till marriage, and my goal solidified through high school when I saw people use sex and relationships as a meter for their own self worth.
Now I'm 19 and in college. I've heard guys stay away from virgins and that kinda scares me. Is it that we don't have more experience or they don't want to bear the "burden"?
Either way I've realized that whomever God has for me, he'll be willing to accept my standards that I've set for myself.
I had sex for the first time at 22. I shut off everyone who was peer pressuring me to have sex. Mind you, I had several girlfriends before 22. I decided to have sex specifically with one girl cause I truly cared about her. I had many many opportunities to have sex with hot girls, some of them literally would message me saying "I want to take your virginity"". I am a handsome man and I get tons of attention from both sexes. So they were shocked to hear that I was a virgin at 22. Dont worry about it honestly. Take your time, have sex when you want with whoever you want. Theres a huge difference between having sex with a girl you love and a girl you hooking up with.
@@TheCinderellaPrincess That's true.
As a 23 year old I can say sex is scared, spiritual and emotional connection.
Sex can create soul ties unhealthy ones outside marriage and open yourself to another whole of mess with demons.
Sex in ancient times was literally marriage. Now it's a causal thing.
I think traditional view is the healthy one and it's for a reason. But media and culture doesn't necessarily have the best interest of us they just want to push narrative.
Guys, nowadays having an old thinking woman or a loyal woman is a luxury. One who has such a woman is richer than the richest, please do not lose her.
I’ve been celibate for almost an year but I’ve been battling w/ lustful thoughts lately. This discussion just reassured my waiting till marriage is the BEST decision I could’ve ever made! So grateful for this podcast💙
Thanks for your comment- it's inspiring and motivating me. I, too, have decided to be celibate until I meet "the one". Not easy, but it'll be worth it.
Bless :)
SoMoS how do you meet the one?? You go on multiple dates to see who you connect with or??
@@na_ansah9373 Hey- haven't met him yet, he's on the way (somewhere, somehow). But in the meantime, I am working on myself and focusing on my calling (whatever my intuition or voice of God desires), healing past hurts and wounds, and bettering myself as I wait for him.
I have consciously chosen to not date after my last break-up, which was a few months ago, but I am open to it once I feel that the guy is worth the wait (as they say, know your worth so that the man knows which price he must pay). No longer do I waste my time on men I don't feel are right or fit for the job, so that philosophy automatically eliminates many candidates. I used to "serial date", but found it uncomfortable to constantly break-up or have to cut things off when I could have avoided the whole situation from the beginning. Intuitively I'll know when the right one has arrived. As I wait, I just pray for strength to keep me on the right path and keep me celibate. For me, creating more soul ties is not a viable option in my healing process, so I am going through a season of soul detox.
This is just my journey, I encourage you to do what feels intuitively right for you.
If casual dating is your thing, that's cool. I did that, too. I would say, however, if you do casually date, make sure the candidates are willing to pay the price of your worth. Don't settle and/or devalue yourself. It causes too much hurt and pain for both parties in the long run (learned from my experiences).
Wishing the best for you on your journey. Blessings
Holla' at me when this phase passes. Because it will.
So you gave it up for the bad boys, but you won't have sex with the guy you're going to marry. That makes no sense.
Glad I''m not the only antiquated romantic here.
Keep up these conversations.
Bless
You are not alone.
I’ve been abstinent almost 2 years and this basically reaffirms all the things I felt when I decided to make that decision
Looooooool
wow, thats great!
When SOME people look at sex as an isolated act, they are usually coming from a hurt place. Sex is deeper than we think and takes a toll on us mentally and spiritually. Soul ties are REAL
MALA2243 thank you sir
So true..
It's Scary To Remarry I am Glad to hear a man say that!
Take the ego out and it will be just another vagina.
See I'm glad I watched this. I'm a 25 yr old virgin (woman) and this discussion made me question how much sexual experience I want my future husband to have. I don't have a preference of whether he's a virgin or not. However, you all brought up the fact that many people who have recreational sex have an emotional disconnect to how they view sex. They have casual sex with people, trying not to catch feelings and/or just for an ego boost or using each other as just sex objects (without human connection). I don't want to marry that type of person because I would like to have emotionally filling sex, with a deep spiritual/emotional connection. I view it as a way to physically express our love and emotions for each other. If they're not able to connect like that or even interested, then that's selling myself short to lock myself in with someone like that.
Hook-Ups/fornication messing pair bonding ability for women even more than men. Good, that you keep yourself virgin.
With men, when we fall in love it is serious and deep.
Men and women are different. The more sexual partners women have the more likely they wont be able to pair bond as well. Stats show this. Men however can distance themselves from sex.
Your consciousness is high 👏
Disclosure I am a man. Even if you find partners that are loving and you have an emotional connection with it takes time to be comfortable with yourself in intimate relationships. You will find no matter at what age you explore your needs most of the initial encounters are painful because it is new to you. Everyone goes through this process. If you get married before you find yourself sexually, it won't last. Obviously, this is my opinion. But comes from experience.
In a marriage the best way for a man to give you sexual pleasure is that you verbally communicate your needs to him. You tell him how to touch you, what to do and at what pace and in what manner. It is about giving each other pleasure which are physical acts. The emotional connection is what I would describe as feelings of love. There is also a sense of closeness and trust, that no matter what happens the both of you will be comfortable with each other. Both partners have to be emotionally mature and know how to communicate to put their partner at ease and have a sense of patience and warmth.
Have you ever had an emotional connection with a man during a conversation?
Being a self-aware male I can describe what it is like from my standpoint. Both man and woman have to be emotionally mature (Recognition of Self, Recognition of Others(empathy)) in order to understand their personal feelings and the feelings of their partner. Emotional connection is unspoken, it is a mutual feeling of attraction between man and woman that they understand is within themselves and their partner. It is like each is projecting their wants and desires on the other, and both understand and reciprocate the feeling. One example would be if you look deeply into your partner's eyes and you can feel their attraction, and say to yourself about them, I like you, I need you, I want to be with you, and they receive and understand your message without words. This is an emotional connection. Some describe it as having "chemistry" but I think the word falls way short of what is really happening.
I would like to conclude with something that many people will not tell you because they simply do not have experience with relationships or are choosing the wrong partners. The process that leads to sex, has distinct phases. The first is initial mutual attraction between man and woman. Next is forming an emotional connection. Then comes trust and a feelings of desire. Then sex. I have never had sex without an emotional connection with a woman. Sex without a feeling of closeness and trust is so superficial that I don't even consider it.
This talk with Mary Jo Rapini is powerful. Going in debt on the many unspoken truths about sex, parenting, cheating, pornography, etc is really a true testament to how much change and awareness your podcast is trying to bring to this generation and generations to come. The thing that mostly resonated with me is that when it comes to sex it's a lot more emotional then people look at it. The bible says that when you have sex with someone you become emotionally attached to that person because you're giving away your soul to someone you weren't mean't to be with. Main take away, be careful with the choices you make in this world because when you lean on your own understanding and not look at the big picture threw gods eyes you end up going down a path in life you'll never be able to take back.
I’m a parent of teenagers, so I appreciate this topic which highlights some of the discussions I need to have with my teenagers.
I am 41 single, never been married, no kids this was very helpful in getting healing.
Never put your safety in someone else's hands. Situational awareness is key to keeping yourself safe. No one is "guilty" if someone hurts them but we all have the personal responsibility to understand the risks that exist in the world. "Prepare the child for the road because you cannot prepare the road for the child"
Very underrated podcast. Glad I'm here before it blows up.
we were here when it was cool before it was cool 😎
This podcast was Awesome, I have 14 year old son and I really loved the idea of asking her if you can hold her hand or not
I loved listening to two emotionally enlightened people have the conversations that are valuable and that build character, kindness, and connection. Thank you.
Man, I'm hooked on your channel gents, something I've come to realize as of late is the best sex is def with someone you have an emotional connection with, and women equating having a lot of sexual partners with equality with men, is def something that needs to be talked about , been saying that for the past couple of years now. also thank you for asking her about hypergamy!!
You guys have a great show. Trying to bring the meaning out of life
Thanks so much Christine!
One of THE BEST Roommates interviews ever! I’m a big fan of Mary Jo. Had her as a guest on my podcast a couple of years ago. My listening streams went through the roof after we recorded. One of the most genuine people I’ve ever met
Mary Jo Rapini is one of the most effective communicators I’ve ever witnessed. Very clear and well spoken.
I love your channel. Don’t think we’re not watching! Keep up the great videos!!
I totally agree with you!!
Appreciate you a ton!
asianicolexo one of my favorite RUclips channels
@@TheRoommatesPodcast I just came across your channel I love it even as a gay man!
This about the best social counseling I’ve ever heard in my life. You realize how much education and self awareness really matters, but above all mentorship. We definitely need more folks to step up to the plate and pass down knowledge without expecting something in return. I believe there’s even middle aged men and women that need to hear conversations like these.
This is soooooo good! one of the most insightful and honest talks on sex and the different experiences of sex from each gender!
Thank you :)
This was such an amazing podcast. I'm just glad that someone acknowledges the culture of recreational sex and see that it can be destructive to our community.
I have been listening for few mths and u guys are having real talk with full conversation. U hit the topic completely
Thanks so much!
Such an amazing podcast and I wish more people in their 20’s went out of their way to research about this especially on the recreation sex, trying to explain it too some people they just cannot seem to grasp it, or think you’re on some woo woo topic. On another note though Hafeez skin is glowinnggggg 😂
Hahah thanks so much for all the kind words. Gotta work on that skin care.
@@TheRoommatesPodcast Yep. The melanin is popping!
Yash Yadav 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Studies suggest these new generations are abstaining more and more from sex and relationships, so there is that.
@Yash Yadav look the world is too big to generalize but I am correct in saying that new generations have less sex. Japan is the most obvious, but it is a phenomenon all over the western world at least.
Those STDs numbers seem convoluted and perhaps circumscribed to the US, but it says more about lack of use condoms and serial sex addicts that are causing most off the mess.
Bro I can't emphasis how much I appreciate this show. I really believe in what you guys are pushing.
I love when you bring Mary Jo! Take her advice if you want to build a loving, solid and long term relationship
There are so many points I was to touch on !
AH first of all, this was a awesome discussion. Thank you for bringing Mary Jo on the show. She is a wealth of knowledge and perspective, wow.
I would say as a young black women in America is it hard to related to the opposite sex. Each person is different and when I was actively dating, I tried my best to learn how to understand the men I was dating.
I will say clarity is so important for those dating or in relationships. What I realize is men need objectives and boundaries established clearly, especially when they are interested/friendly. This involves great accountability and self-control on both ends. Regardless if you are the man or the woman in the situation, knowing who you are and making moves strategically is so important.
From Aj
Young Brother, spiritually, mentally, physically, thank you for this platform.
To be able to communicate on this level for men and women is as important as life itself. We as a people must learn to
Operate and function in the reality in which we live in. ( No reality, no life).
@Hafeez dropping Gems . Love these convos . We need more talk on false Sexpectations
I really appreciate this lady. She’s not one sided. I pray that all men and women. Listen to her talk. Thank you gentlemen.
This podcast episode was very refreshing. I find it difficult to be celibate in a society that pushes sex down your throat excessively. I knew recreational sex is unhealthy and does not bring peace to your soul. However, I felt encouraged and validated by this conversation because it reminded me that I made the right choice.
This woman is giving me life!!!! My GOD! I'm addicted to watching these interviews!
Wow! This is an amazing podcast! Glad I came across this. Much appreciated!
Thanks for checking out the episode Eric!
I came upon this podcast today. I am a male who has been victim to sexual and physical assault, harassment, etc... on several accounts... by both biological genders.
Every relationship I’ve been in I got cheated on, and today watching this podcast made me realize that after 3 years of blaming myself, that it’s not my fault. That rather I was surrounded by toxic people that didn’t care about me, and that I have the knowledge in the back of my head that I care and choose to stay faithful. It took me hours to think about how to express this.. I really just wanted to thank the roommates podcast and Mary Jo Rapini for your guys work and passion to communicate these subjects to the whole world. I can not describe how much weight genuinely came off my shoulders today.
Thank you. Truly, with all my love ;)
First time here, thoroughly enjoying this conversation. So insightful, so natural. Keep it up guys.
Man u had me at the intro, its all love, and respect, to everyone here. My GF cheated after 2+ years together, never admitted it, but I had proof. Absolutely broke my heart, tho Ill def admit I played my part in our issues too. Thanks for speaking on this.
So many good nuggets! thank you so much for well articulated points on navigating sexuality and relationships in our hypersexualized culture.
It really makes be glad that conversations like these are being had. Understanding each other is the best way to actually have a connection with each other as we can relate and interact with empathy. Trust your feelings and the only way to trust them is to use them.
I've learned so much with this one podcast. It helps with making better choices in the future. Thanks as always Hafeez.
Really enjoyed the conversation. Thank you both for doing all you can to identify the root of the problems we all face and not just the symptoms.
Plus , child support and STD'S are no joke .
You two blew my mind with this interview!! I just shared it with my boys & hope they watch. One of them said he would. Thank you thank you!!! Please hold another talk with this lady. Us guys have been so misguided by mutual ignorance & media misrepresentation that the healing necessary for our growth will take some serious heavy lifting.
So powerful “men who are looking for sex, believe that they are entitled will find a way to sexualise what you do”. “Ask for everything!” So true, thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mary from another Mary. 🙌🏿
SiriusAspirations Do you even understand what you are saying? What do you mean “they are entitled?”, If you’re saying men believe they are entitled to sex, men could say when believe they are entitled to love. So wouldn’t that be fair?
@Michael David Very intelligently put. Most impressive, sir.
This made me so emotional because I wish I had someone mentor me and teach me these things when I was a teenager. It could have saved me from the abusive situations I was in.
Really great and insightful podcast! I'm officially a 'Roommates podcast' fan all the way from London!!!!
Shout out from London!!! Thanks Karen.
Fellow Londoner 🎉
Every junior/senior should have to listen to this as a graduation requirement.
Great topic. Truly, I've been there because I loved her so much. Nobody could fill the hole left in me but now I just see the uniqueness in others. That was the way out even though connecting with a woman intellectually first is a bigger bond than sex. Many women I've had to let go where more about thinking I owe them my pockets because that's the society standards but I'm rebel with it because every dollar must earned. Great spectrum of topics covered and I definitely learned more about women.
Thanks brother.
You're welcome.
as I've learned more about men from this.
"There is spiritual and emotional risks that no-one is talking about." Such RESPECT for talking about this. Awesome men. Thank you.
I liked that she spoke on education. Amongst those women that seek to wealth, status, or fame in their significant others, I agree that depending on her level of being educated herself she wouldn’t prioritize those things as much.
I love her. She talks with so much wisdom and high vibrations.
I have biopolar disorder and hypersexuality is part of the disorder. I'm not using casual hookup/relationship is an excuse but most of my partner broke up with me because they think all I want is sex. It is not I want to grow as a whole person but it is hard when sex is the thing I can't live without. I'm trying my best to learn and grow. And your podcast have helped me a ton with it. Thank you 😊
There are always exceptions to the rule. Kudos to you in your strength.
Excellent guest and discussion. This young man is on the right path
When I started having recreational sex I think it was good for me at first because I learned that sex wasn't honestly a big deal and I realized how toxic most men are especially those who are always talking about getting laid which was something that would make me very jealous. But I also learned how to talk with women better and of course I gained more self respect and confidence in myself knowing that I didn't have to throw myself at women all the time and basically being a simp (yes I used that word). But the longer it went on the more empty and meaningless things got to the point where I didn't really want anything to do with women honestly. The whole point of me being single was because I wanted to wait until I found a woman that met all the qualities that I liked because I wanted my next relationship to actually last but now that I've plowed through probably 11 women since my last relationship I wonder if maybe doing that negatively affected the way I think and maybe what I was looking for was in one of those women who I had meaningless sex with but at the time I couldn't see because all I wanted was "some pussy"
This is very interesting, one would wonder how you could mess up something that’s meant to be. I don’t think you could’ve missed out on right person wrong time but the ego regretting not settling and being in control of what you think would have made you happy when really if you can go through that many people this disconnect is usually within and it isn’t worthwhile with anyone until your full and whole of yourself 🖤
Bravo Hafeez! This is a powerful video that all young men should watch. I like what Mary Jo said about men asking for everything with regard to touching a woman. It's the best way to stay out of trouble. I will share this video. Thank you. God's blessings you both!
Sex is better with emotion
Mary jo is awesome it’s not just a criticism against women but offering advice on why and how we are the way we are. Can you guys have Mary jo come on the show to give advice on women getting over heartbreak and how to be able to move forward with their life after a previous relationship that was life alteringly bad so it doesn’t affect the next relationship
I'm not even in a relationship, but this is interesting af lol
Channels like this one are encouraging me to connect with more people again. I completely agree with the notion of emotional sex being better. It's good to hear someone else say it. Keep up the great work!
Damn this talk is on point whole lot of truth in this here talk
hafeez getting animated in this one lol...kudos for not shying away from heavy topics
I don’t know how I found your channel, but I’m so glad I did!!!!
Mary Jo is such a fabulous guest, she really knows what she's talking about. Great channel here!
I appreciate that they refer to what most people would call "casual" sex as "recreational." I've recently thought to myself that even once you're in an exclusive relationship, why does that have to mean the sex can't be casual? And by casual, I mean fun, easy going, enjoyable, satisfying, gratifying, as deeply emotional and intimate as you want it to be with the proper boundaries, expectations and respect met by both partners. Why does having a partner mean it's somehow gonna be, or has to be, less "casual" or fun? I definitely prefer referring to sleeping around or simultaneous sexual relationships as "recreational." I just think it's a more accurate description.
Wow, this is deep. Thank you for sharing and posting this video! Wow. I will definitely have to replay and share.
So there is nothing wrong with me... wanting to be monogamous, to be romantic... to be a nice guy... to be the man my mother raised me to be. This podcast helped the void, guaranteed 🙏🏾
I'm like you, old school traditional mindset. The thing I've recently learned is that I have to be careful about not making romance and falling in love the center and goal of a happy long lasting relationship, marriage. Good Feelings are what get the relationship started, but the hard work of sacrifice from both partners are what keep it going to the end. Allain de Botton's videos on romance has really helped me on this. He explains how romanticism was started a few centuries ago and how it has fed books, movies, holidays on what "love" is supposed to be, when it's all just a fantasy not based on reality, socioeconomics, biology, culture.
Erik Serrano I hear what you are sayin, I will most def. keep that in mind. You learn some new each day... appreciate the wisdom and guidance 😇🙏🏾
This interview is so spot on! Thanks for putting this out there!!!
Hypergamy is real. Women always trade up.
Facts
Men do it too except with looks. They trade the fat ugly woman for the pretty slim woman 🤷🏽♀️
@@NYCBJP Why would a man want to be with a fat ugly woman.....
@@chuck1052 I need something to hold on to 😂 Skinny Minnie doesn't do it for me...
Chuck people pursue land whales for lack of money or interest in high maintenance high value gorgeous right sized women
Excellent interview. Thank you for airing this.
I made the choice to wait. But still the pressure is so high. I remember turning 21 then every year after that=thinking I'm not like these other people n thinking how could they have so many partners! Do I have 2 high standards maybe I should just get rid of it? The world is really shaming people 4 waiting for the right time or abstaining
Don't give up it will be worth it. I am 22 and have been saving myself. Honestly think it is one reason I can reliably say I find the vast majority of woman attractive and happy to date woman as I am able to more easily focus on the person over just the body.
Thnx 4 answering. I'm a woman by the way
@@trendafile6356 hahaha well I think the overall message can still apply to woman. Just be happy and content you are chaste. Embrace it as a symbol of concurring you appetites or maybe an act of love for yourself or future spouse. IDK how woman think about chastity so this is coming from a very male perspective haha.
I'm a 22 y/o female, so I think its a bit easier for women in general because we dont have as much testosterone. But I'm a virgin. I do have times when I slip into lustful thoughts , but I just have tried to limit myself to people that share the same values as myself, that way I do not feel that pressure. And exercise, geez exercise keeps me distracted. And prayer, deep prayer as well. Its a cross I have to carry as a Christian. I wish there was an organisation for vrigins and celibates. I bet you there are way more than people let on or the fake media portrays
@@thegenzcompass2526 Yh its quite hard for we mandem, im 22 as well buh over time and experience i realised, that emotional sex is on a different level so i kept it dah way before i turned 22. So even if i can get as much i dont, because the emotional connection aint there, so you just turn away and do some other thing like buy a tracksuit 😂😂
This was a amazing conversation with Mary Jo Rapini 😊 thank you
If you choose to walk through the hood decked out in jewelry, and you get mugged, it's not your fault? Technically not, but it makes you an idiot.
A-M-E-N!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't do stupid stuff to invite a problem or place yourself in a situation where the chances of a problem happening are tremendously increased.
C. I
@Chris S
That's one of the most real analogies I've heard on this subject. Bravo Chris S.!!
I will incorporate this into my analogies when dealing with this topic going forward.
correction. The first time it ain't your fault......
the FIRST TIME ONLY THO 🤣
This comment assumes that most rape occurs when women dress promiscuously. That's actually untrue.
I am 1000% connected to the emotional iQ Nafeez has conveyed in this episode. What an intellect.
This is a really good discussion. Keep it up. New sub
You guys are awesome btw. Giving the perspective of good people to other people of any race, creed, or background is crucial and helpful in today's messed up world.
The reason I think recreational sex is becoming prevalent, is because relationships are becoming more difficult. Sex is a biological need, relationships are a social arrangement. So people need sex, but relationships have become unappealing. Marriage failure rates, and the penalties associated with that contract, have it on a decline. So people have arrived at only getting their need met, and then fleeing from the problematic relationships. The problem is with relationships and how men and women relate to one another. Sex will happen, its a drive, but relationships have become too unappealing and unfulfilling. So I think you are looking at the problem on the wrong end, sex still works, but relationships don't.
You're conflating need with urges, and part of both a happy individual life and a stable society involves regulating urges. Regarding promiscuity, studies suggest that the more sex partners a person has, the less likely they are to be happy, to have long-lasting relationships, to have happy marriages, to not be unfaithful etc. In the area of philosophy and religion, which, putting the supernatural claims aside, combines the wisdom of thousands of life observations over millenia, we can see that almost none recommend promiscuity and the overwhelming majority see it as a negative practice.
@@tomemery7890 He doesn't seem to be prescribing it, he is just justifying why it's prevalent. And I think you underestimate urges. You can't regulate urges. Ultimately you have to attend to them one way or another because your tension will build up invevitably and your thoughts will orient towards sex uncontrollably. Only absense of hormones can make you less susceptible to be pulled by that influence. Humans are obsessed with sex, everything we do is to guarantee with have food so we can have sex. Everything else is noise compared to that background basis that's setting up your way of life.
@@brain0nfire I think he is prescribing it because he says 'sex still works, but relationships don't'. Mary's point is that recreational sex doesn't work. Regarding urges, you can most definitely regulate your response to them. For example, this is a normal part of growing up. Children learn not to hit, not to say whatever comes into their head, not to steal what they want. Also, therapy has been shown to successfully help people control their responses to urges. And you can not only control your responses to urges but actually reduce their intensity by adopting certain mindsets or lifestyle habits. For example, if someone masturbates and watches porn everyday their mind will get used to it and the person will feel horny regularly, whereas if they reduce their masturbation and porn viewing significantly or cut it out altogether they will find their horniness reducing over time. The book 'Willpower' by Baumeister and Tierney presents a great deal of evidence that shows that not only is it possible to control our responses to urges, but that this ability is possibly the most significant determiner of a person's health, wealth and happiness.
Sem Nome the arguement is the same as being over weight. You can argue that eatting is a necessary action, but the level of moderation is simply defined by ones own control of the impulse. For some, it just doesn’t exist so you start to see the rampant onslaught of casual sex, just like casual snacking. Sex, like eating, historically was a burden to obtain but now has become convenient and streamlined for some and for those with regular access, ruin themselves on it.
Relationships are a human need too not just a social thing. Children who don’t have connection with their mothers suffer immense emotional and mental consequences. In order to be a happy complete person you have good healthy relationships with family friends and your partner.
I truly enjoyed this conversation😊
I Really enjoyed this podcast!
Thanks for your support!
Everyone dropped heavy bars in this podcast. Thank you guys and thank you Mary Jo for giving us truth and positivity 🙏🏼
Well I've been raped once and almost raped several times. When I deal with men I tell them upfront my sexual expectations. It can cause arguements but usually I can avoid problems. However when i was actually raped it was by my x husband in a non sexual situation. So I know women get snatched up but from my perspective having been on both sides if I am up front, regardless of what I'm wearing I can avoid sexual situations if I'm up front in the beginning. But sometimes it's the men u trust and let inside ur circle are the ones u have to be more careful with.
God bless u and I hope u heal.thanks for sharing xxxxxx
Over 95% of the time its someone a woman knows who attacks her,
Now let me tell you something ain't man close to you that just wants to be friends. The thing is you probably already know this.
Sorry that happened to you 😔
Really love your channel. And the people you bring to the channel is amazing. You amazing... Keep going. We support you 100%
There's research on rapists that showed that their motivation to rape was opportunistic. If a woman seemed to lack confidence, she was more likely to be raped; dress had nothing to do with it.
Better to help those women strengthen their boundaries and confidence.
And what is the basis for saying that women are raped because of their clothing? Some research would be nice.
Maybe there is a link to a woman who shows off her body often with a lack of confidence. A lot of people would agree that when woman overdo make-up and dress as sexually as possible, its to cover-up some kind of fault she has. Maybe that's it, maybe not.
from interviews with rapists, how a woman dresses is a part of the opportunistic side. Its far easier to strip a woman in a dress than one in jeans.
@@andyleaf5747 So, never wear a dress, just trousers and flat shoes, even on a night out. Well yes, it'd certainly make it easier to run away. Perhaps all women should just wear burkhas.
Even if an unconfident woman covers up, her vulnerable vibe will still make her more attractive to rapists.
I don’t agree at all with her remarks. I live in South Florida and one night, I was out dancing, wearing black jeans, heels, a long sleeve button down shirt. A guy grabbed my breasts. Just straight groped me! Another time, I’m walking down the street, I was wearing a dress, but it wasn’t revealing at all, a guy grabbed my butt. People who make comments like hers have obviously never been sexually assaulted. I’m also curvy, so no matter what I wear, my shape is apparent. I can’t agree with this part of the podcast.
@@msjrene05 first off, I have been (thanks for assuming). If you are talking about groping, you could wear a mechanised armored suit and creeps would still find a way. We were talking about rape though, which is forced penetration, and again, it's easier to rip off a dress than jeans.
Hafeez, you ask excellent questions!
48:00 you guys contradicted yourself. The reason guys tend to mistake kindness from a woman as her being interested is because women NEVER are up front about what they want. They give clues and hints, but they will never say that they are interested.
Those hints that women give can simply mean them trying to be nice to you, such as hugging you, laughing at Jokes, acting like they are interested in what you are saying, sitting next to you, ect... Basically anything with them trying to get a guy to notice them.
Yes so true. I can't trust a woman's smile or acts of kindness anymore. It honestly makes me more uncomfortable when a woman acts friendly with me then just direct and curt as I have no idea if she is doing it because she is interested in me personally or just friendly.
I think in that case you just have to go for it and learn by trial and error. Just see how she responds. If you get constantly rejected, go back to the drawing board, gain new skills go for the next opportunity.
@@feladodd5953 That is what men have had to do for literally centuries.
@@AJ-ox8xy Depends on context surely?
The mothers have pushed the father's away from their children
I listened to every single word of this podcast. Everything was very well said and articulated properly.👍🏼
After hearing Ciara's and Megan Good's experiences, I've become even more convinced waiting is the best choice. Additionally, with sex I put myself at risk for STI's and pregnancy. I want to build a relationship and be sure I trust the person before I share myself with them.
Overtime, I heard stories of people who used sex as a vehicle to keep a relationship, and feel hopeless or lose self esteem when it doesn't work. Also, when women have sex there's a bonding chemical (the same she has with child) that is released. Therefore I see sex as a spiritual connection, and a process of honor for myself, my husband God.
This is such an extensive topic that I think a lot has been missed in this conversation
Giving thanks for this powerful conversation this week of "Thanksgiving".
Dead on.
Glad that it can help
First time listener, won’t be my last! Good work brotha!
Loved this episode. Definitely needed.
I appreciate this channel so much! It helped me realize it’s not just males against females, it’s me against me and now I can truly work on me.
I pray we all heal from our hurts and move on to better and bigger things
This was really good
Love this podcast. Especially the casual sex part! That definitely plagued myself as well as relationships. This helped me greatly 🤞🏽
I appreciate your desire to keep reintegrating what you and I think is common sense but as we’ve grown to learn it isn’t so common lol. Great conversation!! She inspires me bc I am working towards being a therapist specializing in relationships, bc honey! I was trash at relationships and interactions with others lol
Thanks Morgan!
The Roommates Podcast thank you!!