Dang I suuuper appreciate her honesty. I completely relate to her experience and insecurities. This episode has soooo many gems. Definitely saving this one to my playlist. "Insecurities are not sexy" Building confidence in yourself. Knowing your Insecurities and working on them. Not depending on your partner to help build you up. Nowing your boundaries and what behaviorsyoure willing to accept. Communicate as much as you possibly can. You cannot control your partner and their actions, but you can control yourself. Don't forgive and stay if you know you're not able to move forward and not hold it against them. Walk away. Pick your poison. Now the difference between intuition and insecurity. Teach your partner how to love you, don't expect them to know.
People probably look at her and think that just because she is a successful phycologist and incredibly attractive she won't have any insecurities, but yet she does, which shows how we are all the same, regardless of superficial differences. Good thing is that there are ways to get rid of those insecurities, but sometimes I wonder if people really want to.
None of us ever get every need met all the time in any relationship. Men DO need to own it. If you can't keep a commitment, don't get married. There's one reason they cheat and it's called selfishness!
We all have needs and those of us who lack a degree of self control will stoop to unfaithfulness to meet those needs, whether you’re a man or woman. Men shouldn’t get a pass for their infidelity. A real man and a real woman hold themselves accountable, whether needs are met or not.
You're absolutely right and I love your comment. And we wouldn't be in this mess, it's a Divine masculine and divine feminine would have been left to rule this world! Instead of the indoctrination of the human male and a human female-- which literally indoctrinated them to be the exact opposite of what a real man and real women were supposed to be! I mean how else would they get all of their atrocities and hideous plans facilitated, played out and push through through
I 100% agree with this. I do want to know that, other than what we discussed and know about, I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANYONE. Also, this is going to shock you, but it’s important that I say this to you. In the last 24 hours, especially in the last eight, I’ve come full circle and want to say to you. I’m sorry for all my faults. I’m sorry for any way that I may have hurt you and I want to thank you for coming into my life and making the biggest change in who I am hopefully it’ll change my future. This is regardless of whatever may happen between you and I that’s got nothing to do with what I’m saying. I do hope eventually or maybe not eventually maybe you already know, the truth about each of us what we stand for who we are at carriage you moving forward to get whatever you desire. I do not want you leave this relationship or move forward with any more anger or hatred. So whether I ever see you again I wanna say thank you thank you for changing my life for the better. Good luck. I do love you but I’m a big boy and I understand things are the way they are and I can handle whatever happens.
Too much like right. We have this need to blame others when men/woman lack self control. Yet when they are caught all this conversation comes out after the fact. It's a game to me.
Ladies, when a man says nobody will ever love you the way I do, then your response should be "well that's not for you to worry about!" and go on with your life without him and create what you want. Being single will always give you options but being tied to someone who is cheating will always be heartbreaking!
I am a man and the mere thought of a partner doing something like cheating behind their loved once back, is traumatizing, no matter what the need or temptations are, one should be disciplined enough to value the commitment, or else for me specifically... I will have no hope for society.
It's always so goofy to me, the men who cheat because she was.being a mother and forgot about him. If he was doing just as much parenting as her, he would understand and it would balance out. The energy would be more evenly distributed between child, spouse, rest and other parts of life.
If your husbands sexual desires are met - he would take part in the parenting just as much as she does. So that is a huge tell to any woman out there - if he does not take part in that - he does it elsewhere. That is a huge red flag!
@mollesmart oh, so it's not just me who noticed. I'd love to see who her husband is, and have him answer some of these questions. She sounds totally delulu
I think needs is too simplified. Even outside of relationships we can’t usually get all our needs met. But suddenly in a relationship it’s used as an excuse for a man to cheat? I think sometimes it’s simple - it’s just wants. They just want to cheat. Because they’re entitled or greedy or just like the attention or the opportunity arises.
Not really, only when he comes home from work, cause like really, all he has to do when he comes home, is to discipline them, and show them things what the real world is, and get them ready for it, that's his job, your job as a mother, is to nurture the children, cook, clean, and also be there for the children, whenever there awake, or needs help on anything like homework, take care of the man and children, while the father is doing the same, it's give and take.
One answer: 1. Lack of empathy; 2. Thrill of chase that they need constantly; 3. High libido; 4. Not loving their wife/not being attracted to her, marrying her for other reasons: settling, nice family fasade, money. 5. Opportunity, right time, right woman, right place. 6. Sex additction/ lack of variety of women. 7. Woman starting to age, if he chose her for physical beauty - he's gonna leave.
8. Not feeling good enough (big reason people cheat) 9. Lack of discipline (he better have it, because he might get into a situation where he needs it)
I love what she said: “if you are a good woman and struggling to find a good, quality men do it for your self-esteem , not for them, do it for you” That’s exactly how I’ve been thinking lately. 20 years ago I had such a low self esteem and I was such a beautiful woman, that I ignored the guys that treated me well and went for the bad guys. Now I’m 45 and single. I know with the years l, my beauty has declined but I have higher self esteem than ever before.
Same exact thing with me! I was beautiful. I modeled. But had 💩 for self esteem. Now 20 yrs later I’m older and obviously look it but have higher self worth and esteem. Just wish I didn’t feel like I wasted my youth.
It's not always about self esteem. I think I have a high self esteem, however It was too difficult for me to fall in love with good guys with manners. I couldn't find them attractive I considered them boring. Bad guys though who had many interests and confidence, I found them so interesting and I actually even admired their skills and intellect. Until I realized they played the role so good and they were actually the worst most misogynistic types of people who were meant to destroy women and cheat on them. It's not bad to only want sex but make it clear and don't play games.
Can also be low self-esteem... need for constant validation and reassurance that they are good enough from people outside of them because they don't believe it themselves
If someone commits suicide over cheating, that person had many other issues besides being cheated on and needed some professional help long before the cheating occurred. No one is worth killing yourself over.
I dont like this word "cheating". It's not an appropriate word to describe when a man simply b a n somewhere else. It has no negative effect on the relationship whatsoever
@@northofyou33 Depends on the context and what is at stake. Somebody's life could implode from an affair/breakup, triggering a cascading series of depressing events. It doesn't mean they have mental health issues leading up to that. Of course, we all know that people aren't worth killing yourself over but when somebody is in a pit of despair they probably aren't thinking very rationally.
@@JanetMacCallum As you can see from my pic, I'm a big adult male. I have a problem with your (popular) application of the word "cheating" because it does not account for the fact that men and women are biologically different. Males MOSTLY initiate s3x directly while females MOSTLY seek attention which leads to s3x. In other words, the masculine hyperagency vs feminine hypoagency must be considered when using the word "cheat"/"cheating".
Here's what happens when you choose to stay with a cheater: They will grovel for a few months but will tire of the same stories being brought up. They will tire of your trauma. They will attempt to silence any attempt you have to hash it out. You'll also never be able to talk it out. Talking won't change the fact that the person you love betrayed you. Talking it out won't change the fact that you now know they're a selfish, liar. You will never trust them or be able to love them the same way. You'll feel cheated out on a life of love because loving them will seem far too risky and fraudulent. The other person doesn't deserve you and if you have any self-respect you'll feel like you're wasting your precious life with a loser. You'll leave in one way or another, but you'll never be able to relax and breathe the way you once did. You'll have to choose yourself over them.
You lost me at the women who forgive didn’t give their all. It’s seems very disconnected from reality in tue sea of women who have been betrayed, manipulated and traumatized
I think Sadia is right in this regard. Think of it like this: if you know you gave your all then you know it is how he is wired and is not your fault at all, he would do this with anyone. That can help you accept that there just can't ever be any other outcome. He simply never can be faithful no matter what. So you can pack your bags more easily. If you are dependant on him financially, maybe you stay and use hime for his resources, but your spirit and heart is checked out and you come up with your exit strategy. Your heart won't get broken by him again because you will stop giving a shit .
I see no lies in what she said. If you really gave your all then why forgive them? If you gave your all to the relationship and yourself would you really have such low esteem that you easily take them back? You didn't give your all! You didn't hold yourself at high regard. It's quiet simple to understand. Men want a woman to stay the way they fell in love with them. So if a women gained 100lbs during the relationship, how is she giving her all??? Alot of women don't even know what giving their all is.
You do not need your man - if you do not have sex with him.. It is actually that simple. Entitled selfish women does not care if their man loves them or not..
I think the point is that both parties do not communicate around their needs. She thinks baby comes first and all other needs come secondary. If he was able to communicate that he needs xyz, and she communicates she needs abc then they could both work to do/give that too each other. Takes 2 people communicating needs and takes 2 people being able to listen and not be defensive. It’s also important to not dismiss the other persons need as unimportant, even if it’s not important to you.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
It doesn't matter how much sugarcoating there is. If you cheat on someone, you don't love that person. Full stop. No need to embellish it with soft lies.
Exactly. From my experience you can cheat only when you kind of like one person but what you love about them is how they love you (attention, care etc). You don't actually love them. You love them loving you. This is a crucial difference many don't get. As for my experience no, I haven't cheated nor been cheated on (to my knowledge of course). But yes, I was thinking about other men when I was with a guy whom I liked but not loved. I just liked and loved the way he was loving me. If I had ended up marrying him I would probably have cheated after 5-10 years and maybe justified it just like all cheaters do in order to feel better.
A statement like that sounds so simple... But it then raises the question, "what is love?" and then "what is cheating?"... And what happens next? .. Is love just a yes or no question, does it ever change with time? Does it get stronger as you grow together? Then so too it can get weaker? .. Why do we love people, is it just one element we like or a multitude of different things that appeal to us? .. Can we see things we like in others that our partner doesn't have? .. Do other people make us feel appreciated in ways that our partner might not? .. Is it wrong to feel valued by people other than our partner? .. I think its foolish to apply simple logic without trying to understand why.. You break the rule, you are out! .. What then do you say to all the people who have repaired relationships where one person did cheat? Should they have just let go because clearly their partner didn't love them anymore?
The mom is “exhausted” but she still has to consider his needs. But if the man was considering her needs she wouldn’t be so exhausted. Tired of coddling males.
True. But reality is a lot of relationships aren’t that way. For the most part men still want their alone time and sex. If a woman can’t be both a mom and then separate that from being a sexual partner then the guy is gonna cheat eventually. I’m currently with a man who’s ex wife couldn’t be both. She depraved him of sex. So he left.
When we had our twins, I was the one I felt neglected he became very distant and cold.. I was the one who needed the connection.. but I didn’t cheat.. I would reached out and kept getting stonewalled and silent treatment.. he admits it became all about the babies and was so stressed about being the sole provider during Covid .. yet he continued to be distant.. So I did too.. refuse to have date nights .. Refused to sleep in our bed.. so now im filing for divorce.. it’s no way to live..
I am truly sorry for you going through such a heartache, especially after having twins (not that It would be less painful without having kids). I'm gonna say something I needed to acknowledge to myself, having to go through my own version of divorce like yours, that he was very selfish and his own insecurities stemming from his childhood got brought up to the surface and triggered by having kids. It's a very immature behavior (immaturity brings lack of commitment as well) and if they are not willing to work with you then as much as I don't like to throw in a towel we as women, who were and are faithful to their partners and dedicated to our families, need to recognize when to give up, let go and choose peace over this obstinacy. Take care of yourself and may the strength and resiliency be your guidance. Be blessed, you and your babies.🙏🏼💗👊🏼
Good for you. Sexless marriages are never really talked about openly. It needs to be exposed because a lot of marriages are sexless and single people should be forewarned.
l am so sorry that happened to you, especially with newborn twins. I know from experience that feeling of loneliness in a marriage. It’s a kind of darkness that makes you want to cry out in your bed at night. It’s awful.
This one uses her beauty, eloquence and intelligence to advocate for terrible men. To me, the highest risk in a man cheating is risking his wife’s health and safety by bringing a disease to his faithful wife. A lot of women are ending up with cervical cancer and don’t know how. As a wife, you feel that there’s no need for condoms bc your husband swears up and down that he’s faithful and dedicated. Meanwhile, he’s stopping over at the strip club begging his favorite stripper to give him a bj. I use to bartend at such places and I’ve seen their true animalistic nature. A lot of married men don’t use protection when they cheat. My conclusion most men don’t like women.
It’s truly disgusting, these same female and males will then turn around and say a woman need to have feelings in order to be intimate with a man. So these men are either sleeping with sex workers or leading on another woman to develop feelings for him. So not only is the wife at risk for STDs but she’s also at risk for being harmed by a jilted mistress.
Exactly. The moment something bad happened to them they would cheat on them, even leave them in extreme cases. Oh, and if they die first they rush to find a replacement.
Hey Sadia, it was soo nice listening to you, so came up with so many better excuses for justifying male terrible behavior and adultery 🤡 Why do you charge £300 for this dumb advice, There are better ways to make money 🤭💀
I hope Sadia actually learns how to support spouses of cheaters instead of blaming them or er assigning them any responsibility for infidelity. Perhaps Sadia is just catering to cheating spouses as clientele. But if she ever sees spouses of cheaters her advice and attitude will likely traumatize them. Her views seem like reraping a raped victim .
“You can cope. No one dies from a partner cheating!” -Sadia Tell that to a former neighbor who’s husband gave her AIDS. They are all dead now. Ladies, be very careful of Sadia’s carefully crafted glossy image and eloquence. Her advice is extremely troubling. I can’t believe as a psychologist, she said that.
Having gone through some _very_ upsetting “values” some psychologist (and am still seeking a therapist currently) have, I _absolutely_ can believe that she’s advocating this. Biases are what make people people, and being a (“grown up”) tomboy I’ve had more psychologists try to insist I’m confused about my identity as a woman who enjoys stereotypical “man things.” Same with the concept of me forgiving my abuser when I was a child with no power. Same with “accepting” that a fully neglectful (to the point of lack of food for a tot) father “wasn’t that bad, because he could have been worse.” I’m more surprised that Sadia was given a platform here.
There was a study that showed if a male partner helped equally with the female partner’s domestic responsibilities; those couples had a better sex life. IE…that man will be less likely to stray. I didn’t listen to the whole thing but 4 min. in and it seems like this lady is making excuses for cheating behavior…in either gender…cheating points to toxicity and an unhealthy relationship…it rests upon an individual to choose a healthy, balanced, equal partner…you can be in love but don’t choose selfish partners that can’t ever put your needs above their own…no excuses
True... but...NOTHING can control the choices of another person. I was happilly married, we shared the responsibilities, had the great s3x life you refer to, had heart to heart communication daily, we shared the same values (he was a pastor)...and he STILL cheated and tried to blame it on me. No. No. No. I had options and chose to be faithful. He chose to pursue options. We were basically still in the honeymoon phase and he was disloyal. Imagine if hard times came...he'd run a bus over my head if it "filled a need" for him. I was fit, healthy, financially sound, and happy with my husband. But immoral people will find ANY excuse. Absurd.
This is why men need male therapists. They udnerstand the lies they tell, that women dont and can have a man to man conversation rather than trying to impress the pretty female therapist.
Exactly! This is also why I don’t believe segs workers (and no I’m not against their choice in work if they chose it), but they often pit themselves against wives and partners of men, saying the men just needed a “listening ear” and she whinges at him too much or doesn’t do enough for him etc. The men are just telling sob stories to the SW for extra added sympathy! When are they going to take responsibility for themsekves
@@samco63 I’m here to tell you and if u studies human nature a lot of men ignore their biological nature to stay faithful to their wives this idea of men staying faithful to their wive is new concept because of religion this wasn’t a thing hundreds of years ago
This is so difficult to wrap my head around & honestly, I don’t think I want to… I have my boundaries & I won’t waver on them.. but I’m watching because info is always nice to have
Agreed!!! It was a hard interview to talk through because I have such FIRM non negotiables in my relationship. But information is power and that is what I stand by with my channel and promise to keep serving you with!
@@LisaBilyeu I like your other interviews much better. Especially the ones about female empowerment and not to put up with mediocre men. This woman in this interview is a professional victim blamer and gaslighter. If men had treated her as an equal so she wasn't so burned out treating him AND their children like children, maybe she would be in the mood.
@@e.g.4483 Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
Well the video says why happy men cheat. I think the woman should first recognize she married a narc and find videos about narcs. Not all men who cheat are narcissists.
My boyfriend of 16 years cheated after I cared and loved and was loyal all that time. He cheated more than once. I forgave. First it was emotional then it was physical and on going. I don’t have children it still happened through out. How is this my fault? I never denied him. I tried to be everything I could to my own emotional detriment and my health. He still cheated and blamed it on me.
I think a man has to want to be a good man. I didn’t cheat on my husband because I wanted to be a good woman. It had nothing to do with him. Men have to want to be a hero.
Imo, there is no universal reason for a man cheating. "Not getting their needs met" is what they tell themselves...but it shows a lack of maturity and honesty. In a relationship if you're dealing with unmet needs, you talk to your partner and address it together. When you cheat, you've essentially told hundreds of lies in order to do so...that's what makes cheating so damaging.
Well said! If we have unmet needs we do need to Communicate. And the other thing is, we aren’t all so focused on “getting our needs met” when we aren’t in relationships lol. There’s virtually no talk of it, and there will be plenty of needs unmet when we are single or in friendships. Anything. God, are we that selfish and self centred that we all believe all our needs in life should be met, always?! What happened to gratitude and being grateful for what we have. We could all say our needs aren’t met in terms of having enough money, or adoration from the world through fame, or having enough friends , a massive house or a boat or being happy all the time or confident all the time But suddenly in relationships it’s all about needs?
They wouldn't want it done to them. There's your answer. They know what they're doing is wrong. If you don't want your woman, say so or you're a coward.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
There are unmet “NEEDS” and unmet “WANTS”….and the later involves a strong sense of entitlement. There are men and women that are insatiable. It’s one thing if they are unhappy and its justified; however there are also wants that are ridiculous…I.e. wanting a variety of lovers, expecting more money…etc.
But according to ‘expert’ Sadia it is the responsibility of the cheated upon spouse to figure out 5he 7nme5 needs and recognize when they are being gaslit. Sadia is a fake expert with no experience just parroting Islamic tropes.
Caroline Karen Latter - Guess what! You are free to only take Lisa’s advises, enjoy it! No one’s forcing you to take Sadias advice! And frankly, no one gives a shit about what you take and don’t!
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
We ALL have UNMET NEEDS!! We’re HUMAN BEING with many flaws! Allowing or excusing your partner for mistreating you because of their “needs not being met,” is so disrespectful to you both! I find it very interesting how we teach our children to be inquisitive , to ask questions when their uncertain or unclear and as we grow up or supposedly mature, we stop talking ! We stop doing the very thing we were taught as children. To SPEAK UP! And communicate our needs. People can’t read our minds. How we expect to have a good, healthy, mature, loving and God fearing relationships of any sort if we can’t communicate in the proper fashion for the betterment there of is very puzzling. Everyone’s life is difficult to some degree and we all don’t share the same communication style. Yet, we need to stop with the excuses, pick a style that works for the growth of the relationship as a whole and communicate to establish a healthy , long lasting , mature, purposeful, God fearing relationship if that’s what you want. It takes consistent WORK!
Exactly!!! This is what I’ve been saying too. No one talks about “needs” when we are single, because it’s inevitable that we will all have unmet needs - it’s life! We can’t all have everything, and everything perfect always. Suddenly needs are only talked about in terms of men cheating. I’m so sick of this apologist thinking
People who are not self-reflective never figure out WHAT their needs are. They think it’s sex, but they will never ever figure out that is a release from something like a cruel father. Being godless is really affecting people because they have no inherent self-worth!
Lisa, I haven't listened to this yet. But I am super stoked you and Tom got to interview her. I'm finishing up Tom's, and then I'll come over to this show. I know without a doubt it'll be a great episode. I love Sadia's teachings.
This woman is amazing, her content speaks to so many women all over the world. She breaks it down perfectly and I had many A-HA moment when listening to her. Thanks for having her on!
@@foysollee750I've heard valid concerns about her documents not having a date. Either way, not all people with psychology degrees need to be given a platform. There are psychologists who are standing accused of being involved in cult indoctrination
🌹, good day to you. I 💕 love your comment, nice saying Greetings beloved 💕I hope you don’t feel I’m bothering you,I can’t just inbox for no reason,if I’m permitted i can tell you what I sensed you
Oh wow, that was super sad. There is no excuse for cheating, the whole ground for a relationship is trust, once it's gone so is the relationship. That's why humans and animals are different, we can reason, we can make choices, we can talk and make agreements with responsibilities and consequences, if a man can't control his urges he shouldn't be in a relationship. We are not beasts, this kind of thinking is perpetuating narcissistic behavior.
People with value and honesty will never cheat. They will stop the relationship before starting a new one. Cheating is not a sport, there are other way to cope when things are not exactly the way you wish.
Broooooo how is Luis spitting such HUGEEEE facts!!! I completely resonate with what he is depicting. It’s also providing me with a clearer vision of what I want , need, and require in a healthy relationship, thank you 🙏🏽❤️
Thank you to the guest speaker male for opening up and sharing. I do believe that there are many many who are hurting now but society doesn't let them heal .
Better to be happy in ignorance of cheating then? But then I am sure experts like Sadia will then will blame you for not recognizing when cheating began. God save women from experts like Sadia, who will traumatize the poor woman reeling* from husbands cheating
“A woman who forgives is usually someone who didn’t give her all in the relationship.” That’s one of the most uneducated and straight up wrong statements I’ve ever heard
I listened to this with interests concern and consideration. And then listened to it again where I asked my two sons ( eldest 35 and the youngest 18) their opinion and feedback on the ladies conversation. And to my astonishment they both expressed the same opinion. That both ladies came across as very intimidating within their expressional speech. And both sons said that intimidation within women now days makes men feel inferior, leaves us feeling we have no self worth. killing our masculinity to day within men. That's why men cheat and lie mum. But then I was even more pleasantly surprised when my son's thanked me for bringing them up to have self love, self worth and always have respect for women. So maybe the moral of the story is ladies that portraying the behaviour of intimidation Leads are son's into adulthood where potentially as mothers all you're doing is leading sons into men to cheat and lie. You are The Mothers of the next generational children please be gracious and mindful of your behaviour.
@@indiasimer3143She is actually right. A weak woman will let a man walk all over her which in turn makes men consider her doormat. The only thing that can protect a person from being taken advantage of is when the other person knows you can always walk away if they start serving you bullshit
Thank you Lisa for these wonderful interviews, about the interview with Sadhi : I , like you, was surprised how cooking for a man makes him feel nurtured, I appreciate Sadhi explaining that to us all and the fact that making a man a coffee in the morning without him asking for it is giving him attention, that, I think, is not sth many women would do intuitively As for the interview with Lewis Howes : first allow me to say that I was happily surprised to see him on your show, totally unexpected, I must have listened to this second interview four times, due to the impact had on me, the fact that men walk around wounded and I loved how he said "there are 8 billion people on this planet, you don't need to force one person into your way" AMEN to that , love you all ❤
As a man, this woman makes some good points on many things. BUT.. she really makes excuses for men cheating, not sure why she is so one sided? Women cheating would she be so defensive of that lol. There seems to be a lot of covert woman hating coming from her. Not sure if she’s even aware of that. The truth is cheating is awful it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman doing it, it’s selfish and wrong. If you’re unhappy just leave!
Im sorry, did you say that because my man was able to message with another woman behind my back at work, it was the result of me not checking in with him or asking how his day went?? I did those things. Men are good liars. He looked me in the eyes while we talked about his coworker cheating on his newly wed wife. All while he'd been unfaithful for who knows how long. He had deleted a lot of previous incriminating messages. That was on him. Him not appreciating my attempts to connect with him. Him not meeting MY needs to even be able to be intimate. He wanted the sex without the work, like giving me massages just because. You are so wrong on this one.
Look at the bright side. Despite you labeling ALL men as good liars, You're only referencing a few in comparison to how many are out there yet to be met.
Don’t let fake experts like Sadia make you feel worse than you already feel. God save women from experts like Sadia who will traumatize poor women who are already being gaslit and cheated on by husbands.
It’s good to hear the truth, even if it’s utterly repellent. It’s why I won’t ever marry again. But better to know than to have blind hope and make more traumatizing, life-destroying mistakes. How much traumatizing can one person take? Life is not long enough to keep starting over. Your energy wanes and you become so damaged. I feel deeply for women who have no independent means and have no other choices.
I love your honesty Sadia! My boyfriend kept offering me his phone but it never left his side. After resisting for ages with a feeling he was cheating i took him up on the offer but then he got angry when i looked at his archived messages and i found this woman and he flipped out grabbed the phone and refused for me to see the messages. I dropped him but you were right, i didnt have the strength to walk away. Being insecure i believed him or I tried but i could never get over it. That was a few months ago but i finally dumped him and i blocked him in every way i could. Its hard not to feel worthless and lovable but I'm sitting in that pain and I'm not going back. I discovered a series of lies mostly fairly harmless but some showed a lack of respect for me. It really hurts! He talked about spending the rest of life with me but now i see he was a highly manipulative and charsmatic man and i don't even want to be his friend.
when a woman becomes fresh mother they needs their partners to be there for them 100% not their partners been selfish thinking they have been neglected. they partners have to put themselves second at list for the 1st year of the child.
Men cheat because they can. Period. If you make it clear from the beginning that cheating is a no no, and they still do it. Simply leave. No need for explanations. If someone feels like they’re not having their needs met then speak up! Sometimes we women get too worried about what we do what we don’t do, in the end men that will cheat, will cheat no matter what you do. Sad, but true. Marriage is like a lottery ticket.
A high value men will never cheat. Even if he's given the opportunity. Now, if you don't understand how men's biology/psychology works and keep insisting on "no cheating whatsoever", then you'll keep hitting walls all your life. You MUST satisfy your man's needs otherwise you'll notice a big change in his behaviour and emotional state (not necessarily cheating, it can be anger, depression, etc.)
And the fact that men don't speak up if their needs aren't met is due to either one of the following reasons: 1. They've spoken up about their feelings/needs to other women before and realized the hard way that women are turned off by such a behavior. Blame you! 2. They're masculine by nature (i.e. grown up in a masculine environment) and don't express their needs, at least not in a way you will understand it.
@@dott8775 that’s not for women to fix. Where are the men understanding womens biological and psychological needs then?! It goes both ways. Stop pandering to men and have some self respect. Sure, understand your person and make things work and adjust as much as you can. But let’s stop infantilising men! Women have grown up with all sorts of issues we need to overcome… men also need to do the same bloody thing! They aren’t idiots! So let’s stop treating them like they are
@@samco63 I've never said men cheating is okay. To the contrary, a self-respecting man will never cheat on his wife. And I say this from a man's perspective. What I did is explain why men don't open up with their emotions/needs. And why some men change after marriage, and that change is not always cheating (again, for any man with a minimum of dignity). The bottom line is, if you want to be in a healthy long-term relationship and raise healthy kids, the first thing you must do is to understand the psychology of the other gender. The second thing is to be clear from day 1 about your what you should bring to the table as well as your expectations. The rest will follow on it's own.
I love this so much! I can relate big time to the self sabotage. Actually, I can relate to everything in this 3hr interview. I always RUN FOR THE HILLS at the first sign of me possibly getting hurt. Then, I dive into being busy with my business to avoid feeling the pain. It’s HORRIBLE!
Oh You lost me at “wifely duties.” Absolutely NOT, ma’am. They are our partners and must own all of who they are and how they show up, just as we do! Having babies and healing all at once takes understanding, patience, shared support and genuine love. Not the opportunity for the male partner or husband to step out because he “feels lonely.” F**k that completely. I won’t even listen to the rest of her crap. Her vibe feels way off.
Yes! "Wifely duties" and the seeming expectation that men don't have to contribute to childcare and go out of their way to connect with their wife. If they put effort and assistance into the household and childrearing duties, it would show HIS affection and appreciation for HER. Men are not exempt from initiating quality time.
Lisa and Tom both has this active presence with their guests. Quick and responsive. Great at staying on the subject and moving smoothly through the conversation. 🎉🎉🎉
Me and my partner communicate about our needs but also about things we appreciate that we do for each other, and I found that I just naturally wanted to feed him. It's kind of silly but I'd use my fork to feed myself and then I'd feed him every other bite and he told me that it makes him feel so good. And it just came naturally for me to want to do that. It brings me joy to nurture and take care of him this way and knowing that he appreciates it and shows his appreciation just makes it all the sweeter
As a clinical psychologist and researcher, heads up, this is just another Dr. Phil trend. She is doing tons of damage and does not represent research well, despite the seemingly high end interviews she is trending. She masks it as honesty, inserts her own cultural stuff, and half this interview, these two are actually not listening to one another. She is good at slights and barely real research.
I’m in brain health and behavior therapy and I agree. Most people cheat because of opportunity and it being nearly everywhere. Society has also programmed people into addictions (for money imo) so the visuals and outlets are constant reminders and temptations. Her culture is men first instead of healthy people together, I hear ya.
Looking at problem-solving as a way to build confidence (44:00) is something I've never heard before. It's such a practical way of looking at self-development. It really resonated with me. Thank you.
Sorry I'm less than 4 minutes in, and I find this answer utterly ridiculous. These are grown adults. They can open their mouths and talk to their partner. "My needs aren't getting met so I'm just going to be a hound dog." Oh please. It is absolutely personal. AND disrespectful to the nth degree. And I apply this viewpoint to both men and women.
"When you spot emotional, spiritual or intellectual or intimacy differences in your partner you can know they might have been cheating due to new energy entering their world!!!!!" Wow that is DEEP😮
The assumption that men and women love in the same way is the crux of the problem. Youre pretty and i like spending time with you is about all men need for 'love' Monogamy is monogamy. They know what they're doing when they cheat. They do it because they want to
Or maybe the crux is believing that they CAN love? Is there multiple definitions of love? I thought love only has one definition. The concept of getting a man to “Love you” is nothing more that a carrot on a string. Women are bending over backwards just to say they got a man to “love them”, when that same man is bribing them home STDs. The QueenMaker is on to something, I wish she would have her on this show.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
I needed to be on the couch with experience and facts for this debate! Lisa, you should have had 12 women on a panel for this interview with experience. She needs to come back!
Oh no Sadia wants yiu be be beautiful and accomplished cook and cover your body and meet all his unmet needs and check in and take responsibility of teaching him how to love …. She think s she is safe From cheating if she blames those cheated on and looks down her nose at them.
We change and grow through others. The fact is that our new needs are different than the ones we have had met in the relationship, we need to move on from the relationship and are too afraid or comfortable or don’t want to hurt the primary partner. And so we cheat, wondering if this will be enough. It’s a test. But sometimes we fall in love with a new partner and it gets sticky because we have moved on without letting the old partner know.
The last 2 boyfriends.. one was in my 20sand early 30s , got in a fight with me because I tried to check his phone and he aggressively grabbed it from me and punched me in my face and knocked my tooth out. Fast forward 15 years and the relationship in my 40s my ex got off work came to my house when I was still sleeping, this is when he worked overnight came into my bedroom and grabbed my phone. When I grabbed it out of his hand, he broke my hand. I was in a cast for three months. Cell phones have been a huge source of trauma in my previous relationships. I never wanna go through that again and I never want to have that sick feeling that I need to check his phone.
This is crazy…. Please tell me how can you see that the man is changing and excited to go out with others as opposed to you, and you don’t accuse him? She said don’t ask if he’s cheating ask “What’s up”? As if he’s going to just tell you he’s cheating. Like, really? If it was that easy, all of us wouldn’t be wasting so much time on these men.
She is an band aid or cover up for men cheating, it is not his fault but it is the woman's fault. That's the patriachy system within muslim communities.
You don't ask a liar if he is a liar. The majority of the time there are many other problems going on in that relationship. Is it really necessary to catch him cheating or get him to admit to it in order for you to make a decision to leave. If he is not meeting your needs and NOT willing to try, why are you still there? My ex husband will take it to his grave that he didn't cheat but the doctor told me otherwise. That was the straw that broke the camel back. He was a horrible husband and father but had the audacity to cheat. I didn't blame myself or her. I blamed him, period. Packed my bags and never looked back. Even if he didn't cheat, I would have still left him. He just gave me THE reason to stop wasting my time.
I think both these ladies are a bit cuckoo. Lisa, I bet if you ask Tom he will tell you about the side chicks he is cheating with or perhaps you have an open marriage. Nope even if they are found out, they will lie or the wife will take his side.
@@mollesmart. This is any religion that focuses on Laws instead of the ONLY 2 COMMANDMENTS Christ left: Loving Others and Loving God. Apparently, that simplicity was worth killing Christ over, to legalists 😮
Self-control is not difficult and lying and cheating is and remains an absolute no-go and that's it, you can separate and that's it. You don't have to stay together forever, you can But lying and cheating are absolutely the lowest level and show that this person has no love for you and never will.
You ladies hit the nail on the head with “women who given their all, will walk away with pride”. So true, especially since I have been on both versions of that cheated on woman. This time I walked and never looked back.
Excellent info Lewis. I have never heard you be so vulnerable and I absolutely loved it. And everything you said was spot on and helped me fill in some of my own missing puzzle pieces. Thank you
The truth is I can’t keep up with a man’s needs, and trying to starts to feel like just more work, not intimacy, and nothing is less interesting than intimacy that is work.
I honestly don’t have the incentive anymore, and I’ve married twice in my life. If men are marrying just for sex, which it sounds like they are, and we all agree attraction wanes for both partners over time, I don’t see how that is sustainable. I didn’t marry just for sex. @@samco63
She contradicted herself saying she's super insecure and pushes away red flags when a guy disappears, but also says a woman should know when there's an energy shift. Trust the energy shift! She proves how strong a gaslight can be!
I've always said "if a woman isn't taking care of her man, someone else will and she doesn't get to be mad about it if he has communicated his needs and she continued to neglect them."
Men who don’t let dogs hump their legs are hypocrites! This is what we’ve reduced men to: leg humpers, because we have zero expectations for them to fix the national debt or communicate better than Frankenstein.
It sucks that Lisa cut her so soon, the conversation was at a very hot point, giving good tips on how it is important to see the other side and how key is to evaluate how we are reciprocating those needs, which are very different for both genres. I was hoping this was a 3-hour long segment. I'm so impressed how Sadia Khan has understood male psychology so well considering she is a woman, and a very feminine one. When she said that men that don't cheat, they don't do it because they care about the well-being of her partner, she nailed it. Men actually don't see anything wrong with it, they want to do it, they feel the call, they know it would make them feel good, they know they will enjoy it, it is easy for them to just do it, they know it will likely be very rewarding, and it would boost their satisfaction easily, but they still don't do it, not because they think is morally wrong, that wouldn't stop them, they don't do it because they worry how it is going to affect her partner and they don't want to cause her any pain. All the other things she said about men and women are incredibly accurate too, she definitely knows what she is talking about. This is what I would call a legit expert on the subject.
My boyfriend of 4yrs. went to work one day last month and just never came home. He was even intimate with me the morning that he left to go to work and we discussed what I was making for dinner. There was no fight, there was no discussion he just vanished. After texting and calling him 1 million times, he gaslit me . He was super angry and aggressive. Pretending that the reason why he left me is because he found out that I was cheating on him. Which he and I both know is a huge lie. I’ve never cheated on him, and he knows that I never would. We were best friends. I am so devastated and blindsided by what happened. And how quickly he turned on me and pretended it was my fault. I don’t know how to get through this pain. I found out he quit his job and move to another state. He left me in this apartment that we just signed a lease for, and I cannot afford the rent on my own.
Wow, that's crazy. A person who is that unstable, you don't need them in your life, imo. Could he have been involved with something illegal and now he's on the run? It's a mystery, I'm kind of fascinated. Take good care of you, and please accept my best wishes for fulfillment and good fortune.
He left because he was too immature to have the conversation.. whatever that might be for him. I can only guess. I’m 10 yrs older and satisfied with finding a partner for the rest of my life. I thought he was the one. Maybe he wants to date other women now? Also I know he was always complaining about how much he had to work just to make ends meet. Our rent doubled since we’ve been together. We just had to sign a new lease and the new company came over and raise the rent. Another $200. Plus the groceries have gone up… Maybe he just wanted to live a bachelor lifestyle again. I have no clue. I know that he moved to a state that the cost of living is cheaper and he’s getting paid more now and he has roommates so he’s saving a lot of money. he is still gaslighting me as to why he left. He’s pretending that I cheated on him which he and I both know it’s not true. I’m a very faithful and loyal person. He’s just trying to find an excuse because he doesn’t want to be honest, I guess. Maybe he cheated on me… I still will never know I do know that he was addicted to porn. I found that all over his phone. All of it is like a kick in the stomach to me.@@bluecollarlit
@@HH-gv8mx i'm so sorry-it's him who has a huge problem, not you (he made his problem yours for now, unfortunately). It just takes so much to get over a person like this, i know... Sending you love and power 💛
Love this show! I would also argue that the reason that a "married women would risk marriage with a good husband to be with a narcissist'" is because they like the attention and being wanted by someone else - people become complacent and bored in their relationships...at the end of the day it's related to ego.
Lisa I agree if they cheat, over. Never go back! Communication is everything. However, they need to be walking out the door, not you. No picking suffering. No punishment. These are two lives, not one!
Oooof I gotta prep myself for 3 hours. Time stamps would be lovely bc I don’t think I can process everything at once as the cheated on “but loved” wife taking this in.
BEST EVER PODCAST. The honesty of this woman being interviewed! Wow! All my questions answered. Cant recommend this enough. The part about intuition is soo good.
I was with a serial cheater, manipulator, gaslighter, left him 20 years ago, still he is the same cheating on all his partners, they cheat because they are insecure about themselves, not because of anything else.
Absolutely loved this video. I learned so much mostly about relationships. I did what Lewis did and it makes a difference to be able to spend time with Yourself. I could never eat alone before. I can relate to Lewis in different areas. Glad he is out there speaking about his experiences to help others
A man who isn't able to communicate and he's not deaf, dumb or blind, he isnt ready for a committed relationship with another human being. Peace in singledom is better than war with an underdeveloped man.
Great episode! I recently discovered Sadia and she hits the nail on the head each time. Love the simplicity of both Sadia and Lewis but they are sooo profound!! I love Lewis’ vulnerability. I love listening to them both! I always learn so much from their talks
Isn’t it interesting that so many in the comment sections are arguing that male psychology is wrong? The guest is offering an explanation of male psychology, not the justification of it. Women can use this knowledge to their advantage. Yet almost all comments choose to argue why male psychology is wrong, completely missing the point that what’s offered here is insight about male psychology, not whether it’s right or wrong.
This is exactly spot on and why I brought her in the show. Thanks for seeing that. I’m a true believer that knowledge is power! Not that I agree with it!
You think all men think this way? Then why do t they all cheat? This is NOT male psychology. Even women who cheat think this way. This is cheaters way of thinking. Sadia seems to be saying that it cannot change women whose spouses cheated are to be blamed for not meeting some need or needs to accept this behavior because that is how men are. That seems off base. It is like saying a boy who beats his sister is to be accepted as ok because he is a boy. I don’t think this is a man/woman issue. If a shrink cannot understand the confusion and trauma their blaming the wronged spouse or sanctioning wrong actions by cheater can cause to already traumatized spouse they are not good shrinks. Hence the negative comments. I really hope you get this Lisa. My trauma is 8 years behind me but it is horrible that you are giving this trope legitimacy.
Male psychology or cheaters psychology? Women who cheat have same faulty thinking. There is no need to legitimize that thought process as ‘men will be men’.
Damn Lisa! You're such a badass at interviewing! I seriously admire your ability to truly hear everything your guest is communicating and simultaneously keep a mental log of such amazing questions, and ask them so eloquently! That's why I absolutely LOVE your channel! You're the shit girl!
What about if you we’re only married for a few months with no children. You husband does not want to be intimate and then gets caught cheating. Expects you to forgive and forget without counseling then walks out on the marriage. Gets upset when wife files for divorce instead of just separation. What’s that about?
Dang I suuuper appreciate her honesty. I completely relate to her experience and insecurities.
This episode has soooo many gems. Definitely saving this one to my playlist.
"Insecurities are not sexy"
Building confidence in yourself.
Knowing your Insecurities and working on them.
Not depending on your partner to help build you up.
Nowing your boundaries and what behaviorsyoure willing to accept.
Communicate as much as you possibly can.
You cannot control your partner and their actions, but you can control yourself.
Don't forgive and stay if you know you're not able to move forward and not hold it against them. Walk away. Pick your poison.
Now the difference between intuition and insecurity.
Teach your partner how to love you, don't expect them to know.
For someone who has been married for 10 years, I couldn’t agree more!
thank you!!
Me too, this is a good interview
A really great interview! Thanks for the great points!
People probably look at her and think that just because she is a successful phycologist and incredibly attractive she won't have any insecurities, but yet she does, which shows how we are all the same, regardless of superficial differences. Good thing is that there are ways to get rid of those insecurities, but sometimes I wonder if people really want to.
None of us ever get every need met all the time in any relationship. Men DO need to own it. If you can't keep a commitment, don't get married. There's one reason they cheat and it's called selfishness!
Women especially dont get the needs met cause of men's laziness and need to please themselves. It's terrible the excuses..
No true committment
Exactly. Not accepting.
@@bookofgloryyes. She has some issues she’s not aware of.
@@pamelastewart7128 for sure. 🤣 she is so insecure she thinks women are to blame for men cheating.
We all have needs and those of us who lack a degree of self control will stoop to unfaithfulness to meet those needs, whether you’re a man or woman. Men shouldn’t get a pass for their infidelity. A real man and a real woman hold themselves accountable, whether needs are met or not.
You're absolutely right and I love your comment. And we wouldn't be in this mess, it's a Divine masculine and divine feminine would have been left to rule this world! Instead of the indoctrination of the human male and a human female-- which literally indoctrinated them to be the exact opposite of what a real man and real women were supposed to be! I mean how else would they get all of their atrocities and hideous plans facilitated, played out and push through through
I 100% agree with this. I do want to know that, other than what we discussed and know about, I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON YOU WITH ANYONE.
Also, this is going to shock you, but it’s important that I say this to you. In the last 24 hours, especially in the last eight, I’ve come full circle and want to say to you. I’m sorry for all my faults. I’m sorry for any way that I may have hurt you and I want to thank you for coming into my life and making the biggest change in who I am hopefully it’ll change my future. This is regardless of whatever may happen between you and I that’s got nothing to do with what I’m saying. I do hope eventually or maybe not eventually maybe you already know, the truth about each of us what we stand for who we are at carriage you moving forward to get whatever you desire. I do not want you leave this relationship or move forward with any more anger or hatred. So whether I ever see you again I wanna say thank you thank you for changing my life for the better. Good luck. I do love you but I’m a big boy and I understand things are the way they are and I can handle whatever happens.
Too much like right. We have this need to blame others when men/woman lack self control. Yet when they are caught all this conversation comes out after the fact. It's a game to me.
@@scottfindeisen6617 you should try to call her😢
She does not respond to any calls or texts and hasn’t for over a month. She ghosted me constantly for a year.
Ladies, when a man says nobody will ever love you the way I do, then your response should be "well that's not for you to worry about!" and go on with your life without him and create what you want. Being single will always give you options but being tied to someone who is cheating will always be heartbreaking!
Well said.
❤
Facts💯
I felt it
Thank you! I needed to hear that!
I am a man and the mere thought of a partner doing something like cheating behind their loved once back, is traumatizing, no matter what the need or temptations are, one should be disciplined enough to value the commitment, or else for me specifically... I will have no hope for society.
Where can we get a man like you sir ? I salute you !!
@@cubicqe Here u go!
It's always so goofy to me, the men who cheat because she was.being a mother and forgot about him. If he was doing just as much parenting as her, he would understand and it would balance out. The energy would be more evenly distributed between child, spouse, rest and other parts of life.
Exactly, but this woman is also muslim she is part of the patriachial system. She advocates for the men.
Yes, there's an agenda being pushed by this very beautiful lady.
If your husbands sexual desires are met - he would take part in the parenting just as much as she does. So that is a huge tell to any woman out there - if he does not take part in that - he does it elsewhere. That is a huge red flag!
@@andersnielsen6044so having an active sex life is what want to make you want to act lile a real father?
This is messup you have zero values
@mollesmart oh, so it's not just me who noticed. I'd love to see who her husband is, and have him answer some of these questions.
She sounds totally delulu
"I love you, but I love my own needs more." That's all. For both men and women, doesn't matter.
If you have the need to be with somebody else, the chemistry and the flame for your partner doesn’t exist anymore.
I think needs is too simplified. Even outside of relationships we can’t usually get all our needs met. But suddenly in a relationship it’s used as an excuse for a man to cheat?
I think sometimes it’s simple - it’s just wants. They just want to cheat. Because they’re entitled or greedy or just like the attention or the opportunity arises.
Lack of self discipline. The largest part of being an adult is getting a grip on your wants. @@samco63
We live in a patriachial society, so if you are a woman you will have to face the consequences for men it is a badge of honour.
Well yes you should always love yourself more
A woman won't be exhausted with children if her man is fairly involved as a father.
Bingo!
🎯
They always find a way to blame the woman 🙄
Not really, only when he comes home from work, cause like really, all he has to do when he comes home, is to discipline them, and show them things what the real world is, and get them ready for it, that's his job, your job as a mother, is to nurture the children, cook, clean, and also be there for the children, whenever there awake, or needs help on anything like homework, take care of the man and children, while the father is doing the same, it's give and take.
sounds good in theory, but statistically women file for divorce more than men ;)
One answer:
1. Lack of empathy;
2. Thrill of chase that they need constantly;
3. High libido;
4. Not loving their wife/not being attracted to her, marrying her for other reasons: settling, nice family fasade, money.
5. Opportunity, right time, right woman, right place.
6. Sex additction/ lack of variety of women.
7. Woman starting to age, if he chose her for physical beauty - he's gonna leave.
Thank you. Fyi *facade
8. Not feeling good enough (big reason people cheat)
9. Lack of discipline (he better have it, because he might get into a situation where he needs it)
Let’s not forget. The guest and the host think they have NEVER been cheated on.
Never say Never.
Can we just ask, who are these scumbag women sleeping with other women’s husbands?
@joanarc7963 wow
I love what she said: “if you are a good woman and struggling to find a good, quality men do it for your self-esteem , not for them, do it for you” That’s exactly how I’ve been thinking lately. 20 years ago I had such a low self esteem and I was such a beautiful woman, that I ignored the guys that treated me well and went for the bad guys. Now I’m 45 and single. I know with the years l, my beauty has declined but I have higher self esteem than ever before.
This is just a rationalisation for chasing after bad men and then complaining about your own choices.
Same exact thing with me! I was beautiful. I modeled. But had 💩 for self esteem. Now 20 yrs later I’m older and obviously look it but have higher self worth and esteem. Just wish I didn’t feel like I wasted my youth.
Alpha fucks beta bucks
@@StimParavaneyup
It's not always about self esteem. I think I have a high self esteem, however It was too difficult for me to fall in love with good guys with manners. I couldn't find them attractive I considered them boring. Bad guys though who had many interests and confidence, I found them so interesting and I actually even admired their skills and intellect. Until I realized they played the role so good and they were actually the worst most misogynistic types of people who were meant to destroy women and cheat on them. It's not bad to only want sex but make it clear and don't play games.
Can also be low self-esteem... need for constant validation and reassurance that they are good enough from people outside of them because they don't believe it themselves
I've heard of people committing suicide from cheating. Never underestimate the damage caused by cheating 😬
If someone commits suicide over cheating, that person had many other issues besides being cheated on and needed some professional help long before the cheating occurred. No one is worth killing yourself over.
I dont like this word "cheating".
It's not an appropriate word to describe when a man simply b a n somewhere else. It has no negative effect on the relationship whatsoever
@@northofyou33 Depends on the context and what is at stake. Somebody's life could implode from an affair/breakup, triggering a cascading series of depressing events. It doesn't mean they have mental health issues leading up to that. Of course, we all know that people aren't worth killing yourself over but when somebody is in a pit of despair they probably aren't thinking very rationally.
@@kokoyaro Oh dear, must be a kid.
@@JanetMacCallum As you can see from my pic, I'm a big adult male. I have a problem with your (popular) application of the word "cheating" because it does not account for the fact that men and women are biologically different. Males MOSTLY initiate s3x directly while females MOSTLY seek attention which leads to s3x.
In other words, the masculine hyperagency vs feminine hypoagency must be considered when using the word "cheat"/"cheating".
Here's what happens when you choose to stay with a cheater:
They will grovel for a few months but will tire of the same stories being brought up. They will tire of your trauma. They will attempt to silence any attempt you have to hash it out. You'll also never be able to talk it out. Talking won't change the fact that the person you love betrayed you. Talking it out won't change the fact that you now know they're a selfish, liar.
You will never trust them or be able to love them the same way. You'll feel cheated out on a life of love because loving them will seem far too risky and fraudulent. The other person doesn't deserve you and if you have any self-respect you'll feel like you're wasting your precious life with a loser.
You'll leave in one way or another, but you'll never be able to relax and breathe the way you once did. You'll have to choose yourself over them.
Very true!! Choose you!!
This is exactly right. It took me 2 years post 2nd disclosure day to realize all of this.
This hits so hard
Wow ☹️
You lost me at the women who forgive didn’t give their all. It’s seems very disconnected from reality in tue sea of women who have been betrayed, manipulated and traumatized
Yes! This completely disregards narcissistic abuse victims and their mental state. 😢
Or have kids, or rely on a man financially because they’ve been looking after the kids at home
I think Sadia is right in this regard. Think of it like this: if you know you gave your all then you know it is how he is wired and is not your fault at all, he would do this with anyone. That can help you accept that there just can't ever be any other outcome. He simply never can be faithful no matter what. So you can pack your bags more easily. If you are dependant on him financially, maybe you stay and use hime for his resources, but your spirit and heart is checked out and you come up with your exit strategy. Your heart won't get broken by him again because you will stop giving a shit .
There are ALL types of women out there and she stated this being as ONE of the reasons why women take men back
I see no lies in what she said. If you really gave your all then why forgive them? If you gave your all to the relationship and yourself would you really have such low esteem that you easily take them back? You didn't give your all! You didn't hold yourself at high regard. It's quiet simple to understand. Men want a woman to stay the way they fell in love with them. So if a women gained 100lbs during the relationship, how is she giving her all??? Alot of women don't even know what giving their all is.
"She may neglect his needs, after children" what about the woman's needs? Entitled selfish men have affairs
Agreed wholeheartedly!
Agree!!!!
You do not need your man - if you do not have sex with him.. It is actually that simple. Entitled selfish women does not care if their man loves them or not..
I think the point is that both parties do not communicate around their needs. She thinks baby comes first and all other needs come secondary. If he was able to communicate that he needs xyz, and she communicates she needs abc then they could both work to do/give that too each other. Takes 2 people communicating needs and takes 2 people being able to listen and not be defensive. It’s also important to not dismiss the other persons need as unimportant, even if it’s not important to you.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
It doesn't matter how much sugarcoating there is.
If you cheat on someone, you don't love that person.
Full stop. No need to embellish it with soft lies.
Exactly. From my experience you can cheat only when you kind of like one person but what you love about them is how they love you (attention, care etc). You don't actually love them. You love them loving you. This is a crucial difference many don't get. As for my experience no, I haven't cheated nor been cheated on (to my knowledge of course). But yes, I was thinking about other men when I was with a guy whom I liked but not loved. I just liked and loved the way he was loving me. If I had ended up marrying him I would probably have cheated after 5-10 years and maybe justified it just like all cheaters do in order to feel better.
Not true. A man can have sex with another woman but still, love their partner. You cannot see beyond your own self-serving world view.
Exactly
💯!!!!!! When you’re in love, you just don’t cheat, period!!!!!!
A statement like that sounds so simple... But it then raises the question, "what is love?" and then "what is cheating?"... And what happens next? .. Is love just a yes or no question, does it ever change with time? Does it get stronger as you grow together? Then so too it can get weaker? .. Why do we love people, is it just one element we like or a multitude of different things that appeal to us? .. Can we see things we like in others that our partner doesn't have? .. Do other people make us feel appreciated in ways that our partner might not? .. Is it wrong to feel valued by people other than our partner? .. I think its foolish to apply simple logic without trying to understand why.. You break the rule, you are out! .. What then do you say to all the people who have repaired relationships where one person did cheat? Should they have just let go because clearly their partner didn't love them anymore?
The mom is “exhausted” but she still has to consider his needs. But if the man was considering her needs she wouldn’t be so exhausted.
Tired of coddling males.
what needs is dad not considering? (genuine question)
Exactly. How about he consider her?! He is also a parent and should do his part. In that way they both have time for eachother.
@@campbull_7815not setting up childcare for a night out together? Not watching the kids occasionally so she can nap or see friends??
True. But reality is a lot of relationships aren’t that way. For the most part men still want their alone time and sex. If a woman can’t be both a mom and then separate that from being a sexual partner then the guy is gonna cheat eventually. I’m currently with a man who’s ex wife couldn’t be both. She depraved him of sex. So he left.
I know, right. It's like raising another kid
When we had our twins, I was the one I felt neglected he became very distant and cold.. I was the one who needed the connection.. but I didn’t cheat.. I would reached out and kept getting stonewalled and silent treatment.. he admits it became all about the babies and was so stressed about being the sole provider during Covid .. yet he continued to be distant.. So I did too.. refuse to have date nights .. Refused to sleep in our bed.. so now im filing for divorce.. it’s no way to live..
I am truly sorry for you going through such a heartache, especially after having twins (not that It would be less painful without having kids). I'm gonna say something I needed to acknowledge to myself, having to go through my own version of divorce like yours, that he was very selfish and his own insecurities stemming from his childhood got brought up to the surface and triggered by having kids. It's a very immature behavior (immaturity brings lack of commitment as well) and if they are not willing to work with you then as much as I don't like to throw in a towel we as women, who were and are faithful to their partners and dedicated to our families, need to recognize when to give up, let go and choose peace over this obstinacy. Take care of yourself and may the strength and resiliency be your guidance. Be blessed, you and your babies.🙏🏼💗👊🏼
Good for you.
Sexless marriages are never really talked about openly.
It needs to be exposed because a lot of marriages are sexless and single people should be forewarned.
l am so sorry that happened to you, especially with newborn twins. I know from experience that feeling of loneliness in a marriage. It’s a kind of darkness that makes you want to cry out in your bed at night. It’s awful.
@@annabanzon313 Nobody tells you the truth about marriage before you marry.
@@alteredcatscyprus yup also, all my support systems disappear after marriage. No one wants to get involved
This one uses her beauty, eloquence and intelligence to advocate for terrible men. To me, the highest risk in a man cheating is risking his wife’s health and safety by bringing a disease to his faithful wife. A lot of women are ending up with cervical cancer and don’t know how. As a wife, you feel that there’s no need for condoms bc your husband swears up and down that he’s faithful and dedicated. Meanwhile, he’s stopping over at the strip club begging his favorite stripper to give him a bj. I use to bartend at such places and I’ve seen their true animalistic nature. A lot of married men don’t use protection when they cheat. My conclusion most men don’t like women.
they love to use them but never love them
It’s truly disgusting, these same female and males will then turn around and say a woman need to have feelings in order to be intimate with a man.
So these men are either sleeping with sex workers or leading on another woman to develop feelings for him. So not only is the wife at risk for STDs but she’s also at risk for being harmed by a jilted mistress.
@@apaddy5390 Exactly! Do y’all remember Joey Buttafuco and his mistress Amy Fisher and how she shot Joey’s wife in the face?
Thank God someone’s eyes are open. This Is low vibration.
I bet she had that experience and she convence herself her man was happy with her but oops he cheated! 🙄
So many women have to accept they are with men who don’t love but are with with them for comfortably and kids not for them
Exactly. The moment something bad happened to them they would cheat on them, even leave them in extreme cases. Oh, and if they die first they rush to find a replacement.
Thank you so much for having me I loved meeting Lisa xx
Hey Sadia, it was soo nice listening to you, so came up with so many better excuses for justifying male terrible behavior and adultery 🤡 Why do you charge £300 for this dumb advice, There are better ways to make money 🤭💀
there are more women that cheat than men and they are full of excuses for them...@@talkingtochapri
“Pick me” 🙄
It was a very interesting interview. Thanks for sharing your perspective and knowledge!
I hope Sadia actually learns how to support spouses of cheaters instead of blaming them or er assigning them any responsibility for infidelity. Perhaps Sadia is just catering to cheating spouses as clientele. But if she ever sees spouses of cheaters her advice and attitude will likely traumatize them. Her views seem like reraping a raped victim .
“You can cope. No one dies from a partner cheating!” -Sadia
Tell that to a former neighbor who’s husband gave her AIDS. They are all dead now.
Ladies, be very careful of Sadia’s carefully crafted glossy image and eloquence. Her advice is extremely troubling. I can’t believe as a psychologist, she said that.
She meant from emotional pain
Having gone through some _very_ upsetting “values” some psychologist (and am still seeking a therapist currently) have, I _absolutely_ can believe that she’s advocating this. Biases are what make people people, and being a (“grown up”) tomboy I’ve had more psychologists try to insist I’m confused about my identity as a woman who enjoys stereotypical “man things.” Same with the concept of me forgiving my abuser when I was a child with no power. Same with “accepting” that a fully neglectful (to the point of lack of food for a tot) father “wasn’t that bad, because he could have been worse.” I’m more surprised that Sadia was given a platform here.
Yeah she is to be handled with caution
@@Onehuman123We are all to be handled with caution.
TRUE!!!!
There was a study that showed if a male partner helped equally with the female partner’s domestic responsibilities; those couples had a better sex life. IE…that man will be less likely to stray. I didn’t listen to the whole thing but 4 min. in and it seems like this lady is making excuses for cheating behavior…in either gender…cheating points to toxicity and an unhealthy relationship…it rests upon an individual to choose a healthy, balanced, equal partner…you can be in love but don’t choose selfish partners that can’t ever put your needs above their own…no excuses
This.
Well said!
Agree! Don’t be with someone who can’t handle responsibility and who doesn’t listen when you express your needs!
True... but...NOTHING can control the choices of another person. I was happilly married, we shared the responsibilities, had the great s3x life you refer to, had heart to heart communication daily, we shared the same values (he was a pastor)...and he STILL cheated and tried to blame it on me. No. No. No. I had options and chose to be faithful. He chose to pursue options. We were basically still in the honeymoon phase and he was disloyal. Imagine if hard times came...he'd run a bus over my head if it "filled a need" for him. I was fit, healthy, financially sound, and happy with my husband. But immoral people will find ANY excuse. Absurd.
This comment. I wish I could pin it so badly.
This is why men need male therapists. They udnerstand the lies they tell, that women dont and can have a man to man conversation rather than trying to impress the pretty female therapist.
Exactly! This is also why I don’t believe segs workers (and no I’m not against their choice in work if they chose it), but they often pit themselves against wives and partners of men, saying the men just needed a “listening ear” and she whinges at him too much or doesn’t do enough for him etc.
The men are just telling sob stories to the SW for extra added sympathy! When are they going to take responsibility for themsekves
Very intuitive response. She’s drop-dead gorgeous. No man is going to tell her the whole truth.
So they're lying to her?! Ha!
That's funny!
@@valjean9581 even if they aren’t lying, they will make excuses and blame the wife in order to excuse their bad behaviour or cheating
@@samco63 I’m here to tell you and if u studies human nature a lot of men ignore their biological nature to stay faithful to their wives this idea of men staying faithful to their wive is new concept because of religion this wasn’t a thing hundreds of years ago
This is so difficult to wrap my head around & honestly, I don’t think I want to… I have my boundaries & I won’t waver on them.. but I’m watching because info is always nice to have
Agreed!!! It was a hard interview to talk through because I have such FIRM non negotiables in my relationship. But information is power and that is what I stand by with my channel and promise to keep serving you with!
So without info youre powerless ?
@@LisaBilyeu I like your other interviews much better. Especially the ones about female empowerment and not to put up with mediocre men. This woman in this interview is a professional victim blamer and gaslighter. If men had treated her as an equal so she wasn't so burned out treating him AND their children like children, maybe she would be in the mood.
@@e.g.4483 Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
@@e.g.4483 well said
This is dangerous for those married to a narcissist, whether covert or malignant. Their lives, both mentally and physically will be at risk.
Exactly, it is because of this kind of bs that lot of east asian and conservative communities have abuse under wraps.
you were attracted to the narcists. That is her whole point, damaged people are attracted to other damaged people.
Well the video says why happy men cheat. I think the woman should first recognize she married a narc and find videos about narcs. Not all men who cheat are narcissists.
@xxdaggerxx5
Mmm…. I wouldn’t call Victims of Narcissistic Abuse “damaged”. It’s Trauma. IFYKYK👀
My boyfriend of 16 years cheated after I cared and loved and was loyal all that time. He cheated more than once. I forgave. First it was emotional then it was physical and on going. I don’t have children it still happened through out. How is this my fault? I never denied him. I tried to be everything I could to my own emotional detriment and my health. He still cheated and blamed it on me.
Exactly...
NOT YOUR FAULT that HE made CHOICES to BETRAY you.
Leave him. He is a pathological narcissist liar & he is using you as a doormat. Pack your bags and leave now and block him. He is a POS!
It’s not your fault. He has issues he hasn’t healed and entitled.
It's not your fault. He cheated because he wanted, that was his choice, not yours. He is a looser and an asshole.
I think a man has to want to be a good man. I didn’t cheat on my husband because I wanted to be a good woman. It had nothing to do with him. Men have to want to be a hero.
Imo, there is no universal reason for a man cheating. "Not getting their needs met" is what they tell themselves...but it shows a lack of maturity and honesty.
In a relationship if you're dealing with unmet needs, you talk to your partner and address it together.
When you cheat, you've essentially told hundreds of lies in order to do so...that's what makes cheating so damaging.
Well said! If we have unmet needs we do need to
Communicate. And the other thing is, we aren’t all so focused on “getting our needs met” when we aren’t in relationships lol. There’s virtually no talk of it, and there will be plenty of needs unmet when we are single or in friendships. Anything. God, are we that selfish and self centred that we all believe all our needs in life should be met, always?!
What happened to gratitude and being grateful for what we have. We could all say our needs aren’t met in terms of having enough money, or adoration from the world through fame, or having enough friends , a massive house or a boat or being happy all the time or confident all the time
But suddenly in relationships it’s all about needs?
It is pre meditated, its in the dna. Not all men cheat, if they do dont stay because they will repeat.
@@mollesmart so true, never forgive a cheater
If a man have tried to get your attention for weeks - he is done with you mentally.
@@mollesmartOMG you are naive..
Self esteem ladies, self esteem ❤
Truly we are living in the age of the inflated female ego.
@@StimParavane Another red piller
I'm a man and never cheat my wife or my ex girlfriends. We cannot generalize!
giid fir yiiu
WE KNOWWWWW!!!!!! NOT ALL MEN!!!!!
You’re rare and a gem!
Agree 100%
of course we can generalize, its what the world work, stadistics and numbers but great for u
They wouldn't want it done to them. There's your answer. They know what they're doing is wrong. If you don't want your woman, say so or you're a coward.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
Yep ❤
There are unmet “NEEDS” and unmet “WANTS”….and the later involves a strong sense of entitlement. There are men and women that are insatiable. It’s one thing if they are unhappy and its justified; however there are also wants that are ridiculous…I.e. wanting a variety of lovers, expecting more money…etc.
Exactly!
But according to ‘expert’ Sadia it is the responsibility of the cheated upon spouse to figure out 5he 7nme5 needs and recognize when they are being gaslit. Sadia is a fake expert with no experience just parroting Islamic tropes.
Insatiable... ugh! Ran into two of these vampire types.
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
What a great actress, wearing a mask of knowledge. Lisa - I would take your advice over Sadia Khan 100 fold!
Caroline Karen Latter - Guess what! You are free to only take Lisa’s advises, enjoy it! No one’s forcing you to take Sadias advice! And frankly, no one gives a shit about what you take and don’t!
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
We ALL have UNMET NEEDS!! We’re HUMAN BEING with many flaws! Allowing or excusing your partner for mistreating you because of their “needs not being met,” is so disrespectful to you both! I find it very interesting how we teach our children to be inquisitive , to ask questions when their uncertain or unclear and as we grow up or supposedly mature, we stop talking ! We stop doing the very thing we were taught as children. To SPEAK UP! And communicate our needs. People can’t read our minds. How we expect to have a good, healthy, mature, loving and God fearing relationships of any sort if we can’t communicate in the proper fashion for the betterment there of is very puzzling. Everyone’s life is difficult to some degree and we all don’t share the same communication style. Yet, we need to stop with the excuses, pick a style that works for the growth of the relationship as a whole and communicate to establish a healthy , long lasting , mature, purposeful, God fearing relationship if that’s what you want. It takes consistent WORK!
Exactly!!! This is what I’ve been saying too. No one talks about “needs” when we are single, because it’s inevitable that we will all have unmet needs - it’s life! We can’t all have everything, and everything perfect always.
Suddenly needs are only talked about in terms of men cheating. I’m so sick of this apologist thinking
Another feminist ideologue.
If you want your needs met, then break off your marriage and go find someone who meets those needs. You can’t have your cake and eat it.
date a chiçjeñ
People who are not self-reflective never figure out WHAT their needs are. They think it’s sex, but they will never ever figure out that is a release from something like a cruel father. Being godless is really affecting people because they have no inherent self-worth!
Lisa, I haven't listened to this yet. But I am super stoked you and Tom got to interview her. I'm finishing up Tom's, and then I'll come over to this show. I know without a doubt it'll be a great episode. I love Sadia's teachings.
This woman is amazing, her content speaks to so many women all over the world. She breaks it down perfectly and I had many A-HA moment when listening to her. Thanks for having her on!
Would be great to see Sadia’s education and experience as practitioner. For now it is more thoughts sharing to me.
Very much this..and I am curious of her status as well in terms of relationship and relationship history!
@olenagreen7755: Sadia Khan Education
Qualification: Masters In Psychology ( M.A) & Masters in Business Administration
@@foysollee750I've heard valid concerns about her documents not having a date. Either way, not all people with psychology degrees need to be given a platform. There are psychologists who are standing accused of being involved in cult indoctrination
I don't think she even has one?
This woman is such a kind, class act! What an articulate conversation
You earn trust, and if you lose it, it’s very hard to get it back. Cheating destroys trust.
🌹, good day to you. I 💕 love your comment, nice saying
Greetings beloved 💕I hope you don’t feel I’m bothering you,I can’t just inbox for no reason,if I’m permitted i can tell you what I sensed you
Oh wow, that was super sad. There is no excuse for cheating, the whole ground for a relationship is trust, once it's gone so is the relationship. That's why humans and animals are different, we can reason, we can make choices, we can talk and make agreements with responsibilities and consequences, if a man can't control his urges he shouldn't be in a relationship. We are not beasts, this kind of thinking is perpetuating narcissistic behavior.
People with value and honesty will never cheat. They will stop the relationship before starting a new one. Cheating is not a sport, there are other way to cope when things are not exactly the way you wish.
Broooooo how is Luis spitting such HUGEEEE facts!!! I completely resonate with what he is depicting. It’s also providing me with a clearer vision of what I want , need, and require in a healthy relationship, thank you 🙏🏽❤️
❤
I am sorry bro. All this happened to you. Stay blessed ✌️❤️
Thank you to the guest speaker male for opening up and sharing. I do believe that there are many many who are hurting now but society doesn't let them heal .
"You have to pick your suffering" wow that hit! :( thank you so much
"when you're insecure, you'd rather be right than be happy" well said
Better to be happy in ignorance of cheating then? But then I am sure experts like Sadia will then will blame you for not recognizing when cheating began. God save women from experts like Sadia, who will traumatize the poor woman reeling* from husbands cheating
“A woman who forgives is usually someone who didn’t give her all in the relationship.” That’s one of the most uneducated and straight up wrong statements I’ve ever heard
Totally agree with you I couldn’t believe what I heard !!
I listened to this with interests concern and consideration. And then listened to it again where I asked my two sons ( eldest 35 and the youngest 18) their opinion and feedback on the ladies conversation. And to my astonishment they both expressed the same opinion. That both ladies came across as very intimidating within their expressional speech. And both sons said that intimidation within women now days makes men feel inferior, leaves us feeling we have no self worth. killing our masculinity to day within men. That's why men cheat and lie mum. But then I was even more pleasantly surprised when my son's thanked me for bringing them up to have self love, self worth and always have respect for women. So maybe the moral of the story is ladies that portraying the behaviour of intimidation Leads are son's into adulthood where potentially as mothers all you're doing is leading sons into men to cheat and lie. You are The Mothers of the next generational children please be gracious and mindful of your behaviour.
Sadia just spreading more Islamic idea 5hat oppress women
Is she saying that women are weak for forgiving ? Cause I was confused too when she said it. That you are strong if you walk away
@@indiasimer3143She is actually right. A weak woman will let a man walk all over her which in turn makes men consider her doormat. The only thing that can protect a person from being taken advantage of is when the other person knows you can always walk away if they start serving you bullshit
I love how honest she is about herself and her own mental health. She’s an expert because she even understands herself. Love her. ❤
Thank you Lisa for these wonderful interviews, about the interview with Sadhi : I , like you, was surprised how cooking for a man makes him feel nurtured, I appreciate Sadhi explaining that to us all and the fact that making a man a coffee in the morning without him asking for it is giving him attention, that, I think, is not sth many women would do intuitively
As for the interview with Lewis Howes : first allow me to say that I was happily surprised to see him on your show, totally unexpected,
I must have listened to this second interview four times, due to the impact had on me, the fact that men walk around wounded and I loved how he said "there are 8 billion people on this planet, you don't need to force one person into your way" AMEN to that , love you all ❤
As a man, this woman makes some good points on many things. BUT.. she really makes excuses for men cheating, not sure why she is so one sided? Women cheating would she be so defensive of that lol. There seems to be a lot of covert woman hating coming from her. Not sure if she’s even aware of that. The truth is cheating is awful it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman doing it, it’s selfish and wrong. If you’re unhappy just leave!
I don’t think they are excuses at all but more of her having women understand why some men do what they do. Explaining doesn’t mean excusing.
Im sorry, did you say that because my man was able to message with another woman behind my back at work, it was the result of me not checking in with him or asking how his day went?? I did those things. Men are good liars. He looked me in the eyes while we talked about his coworker cheating on his newly wed wife. All while he'd been unfaithful for who knows how long. He had deleted a lot of previous incriminating messages. That was on him. Him not appreciating my attempts to connect with him. Him not meeting MY needs to even be able to be intimate. He wanted the sex without the work, like giving me massages just because. You are so wrong on this one.
Look at the bright side. Despite you labeling ALL men as good liars, You're only referencing a few in comparison to how many are out there yet to be met.
🤣🤣🤣
Don’t let fake experts like Sadia make you feel worse than you already feel. God save women from experts like Sadia who will traumatize poor women who are already being gaslit and cheated on by husbands.
@@Orcanislupusshe did not say ALL men.
@@JennyJunebug Mooninmyeye typed men which implies all men. I was kidding with her. My response was not for our host.
I think it’s great to see things from both sides. Thank you for sharing this! 🙏❤️
It’s good to hear the truth, even if it’s utterly repellent. It’s why I won’t ever marry again. But better to know than to have blind hope and make more traumatizing, life-destroying mistakes. How much traumatizing can one person take? Life is not long enough to keep starting over. Your energy wanes and you become so damaged. I feel deeply for women who have no independent means and have no other choices.
Good men should not cheat
I love your honesty Sadia! My boyfriend kept offering me his phone but it never left his side. After resisting for ages with a feeling he was cheating i took him up on the offer but then he got angry when i looked at his archived messages and i found this woman and he flipped out grabbed the phone and refused for me to see the messages. I dropped him but you were right, i didnt have the strength to walk away. Being insecure i believed him or I tried but i could never get over it. That was a few months ago but i finally dumped him and i blocked him in every way i could. Its hard not to feel worthless and lovable but I'm sitting in that pain and I'm not going back. I discovered a series of lies mostly fairly harmless but some showed a lack of respect for me. It really hurts! He talked about spending the rest of life with me but now i see he was a highly manipulative and charsmatic man and i don't even want to be his friend.
You did the right thing for your future self , it will sting for a short time, but totally worth it.
Me 22 and 21yrs married. It never gets better.
when a woman becomes fresh mother they needs their partners to be there for them 100% not their partners been selfish thinking they have been neglected. they partners have to put themselves second at list for the 1st year of the child.
The men who does that - have their sexual desires met elsewhere.. The man you talk about - does not exist, only in your dreams ;)
Yikes...keeping coping. @@andersnielsen6044
Yes this woman acts as if the men are babies too! Why are they not helping care for THEIR own kids?!
@@andersnielsen6044 Why are you going around this comment section announcing that men don't like their kids 😂
I have seen some women who get children they treat there husbands like nothing and push them away!
Whenever they try ,, they get push away
Men cheat because they can. Period.
If you make it clear from the beginning that cheating is a no no, and they still do it. Simply leave. No need for explanations. If someone feels like they’re not having their needs met then speak up!
Sometimes we women get too worried about what we do what we don’t do, in the end men that will cheat, will cheat no matter what you do.
Sad, but true. Marriage is like a lottery ticket.
A high value men will never cheat. Even if he's given the opportunity.
Now, if you don't understand how men's biology/psychology works and keep insisting on "no cheating whatsoever", then you'll keep hitting walls all your life. You MUST satisfy your man's needs otherwise you'll notice a big change in his behaviour and emotional state (not necessarily cheating, it can be anger, depression, etc.)
And the fact that men don't speak up if their needs aren't met is due to either one of the following reasons:
1. They've spoken up about their feelings/needs to other women before and realized the hard way that women are turned off by such a behavior. Blame you!
2. They're masculine by nature (i.e. grown up in a masculine environment) and don't express their needs, at least not in a way you will understand it.
@@dott8775 that’s not for women to fix. Where are the men understanding womens biological and psychological needs then?!
It goes both ways.
Stop pandering to men and have some self respect.
Sure, understand your person and make things work and adjust as much as you can.
But let’s stop infantilising men! Women have grown up with all sorts of issues we need to overcome… men also need to do the same bloody thing!
They aren’t idiots! So let’s stop treating them like they are
@@samco63 I've never said men cheating is okay. To the contrary, a self-respecting man will never cheat on his wife. And I say this from a man's perspective. What I did is explain why men don't open up with their emotions/needs. And why some men change after marriage, and that change is not always cheating (again, for any man with a minimum of dignity).
The bottom line is, if you want to be in a healthy long-term relationship and raise healthy kids, the first thing you must do is to understand the psychology of the other gender. The second thing is to be clear from day 1 about your what you should bring to the table as well as your expectations. The rest will follow on it's own.
@@samco63 exactly!! 🙌🏼
I love this so much! I can relate big time to the self sabotage. Actually, I can relate to everything in this 3hr interview. I always RUN FOR THE HILLS at the first sign of me possibly getting hurt. Then, I dive into being busy with my business to avoid feeling the pain. It’s HORRIBLE!
I'm sorry Renee, that sounds like a tough cycle. I wish you the best in your healing ❤
Oh You lost me at “wifely duties.” Absolutely NOT, ma’am. They are our partners and must own all of who they are and how they show up, just as we do! Having babies and healing all at once takes understanding, patience, shared support and genuine love. Not the opportunity for the male partner or husband to step out because he “feels lonely.” F**k that completely. I won’t even listen to the rest of her crap. Her vibe feels way off.
Yes! "Wifely duties" and the seeming expectation that men don't have to contribute to childcare and go out of their way to connect with their wife. If they put effort and assistance into the household and childrearing duties, it would show HIS affection and appreciation for HER. Men are not exempt from initiating quality time.
Can you do manly duties if you're truely about equality? Can you go to war?
Exactly!
I have come across her in other places on RUclips and never liked her. Spews b.s.
What in the actual fk are you btchng about now?
Lisa and Tom both has this active presence with their guests. Quick and responsive. Great at staying on the subject and moving smoothly through the conversation. 🎉🎉🎉
Me and my partner communicate about our needs but also about things we appreciate that we do for each other, and I found that I just naturally wanted to feed him. It's kind of silly but I'd use my fork to feed myself and then I'd feed him every other bite and he told me that it makes him feel so good. And it just came naturally for me to want to do that. It brings me joy to nurture and take care of him this way and knowing that he appreciates it and shows his appreciation just makes it all the sweeter
As a clinical psychologist and researcher, heads up, this is just another Dr. Phil trend. She is doing tons of damage and does not represent research well, despite the seemingly high end interviews she is trending. She masks it as honesty, inserts her own cultural stuff, and half this interview, these two are actually not listening to one another. She is good at slights and barely real research.
I’m in brain health and behavior therapy and I agree. Most people cheat because of opportunity and it being nearly everywhere. Society has also programmed people into addictions (for money imo) so the visuals and outlets are constant reminders and temptations. Her culture is men first instead of healthy people together, I hear ya.
Looking at problem-solving as a way to build confidence (44:00) is something I've never heard before. It's such a practical way of looking at self-development. It really resonated with me. Thank you.
❤
Sorry I'm less than 4 minutes in, and I find this answer utterly ridiculous. These are grown adults. They can open their mouths and talk to their partner. "My needs aren't getting met so I'm just going to be a hound dog." Oh please. It is absolutely personal. AND disrespectful to the nth degree. And I apply this viewpoint to both men and women.
Exactly, you’re 100% right. What is happening to our world and relationships. What ever happened to self accountability. I’m so sick of this
@samco6884 Cowardice. Selfishness. Don't know how to connect with another human being unless it's through a screen. Take your pick.
@samco6884 Cowardice. Selfishness. Don't know how to connect with another human being unless it's through a screen. Take your pick.
The behaviour is inexcusable. But it can be reasoned out with acknowledging attachment trauma.
"When you spot emotional, spiritual or intellectual or intimacy differences in your partner you can know they might have been cheating due to new energy entering their world!!!!!" Wow that is DEEP😮
Finally! So happy to see Sadia on Women of Impact!
The assumption that men and women love in the same way is the crux of the problem.
Youre pretty and i like spending time with you is about all men need for 'love'
Monogamy is monogamy. They know what they're doing when they cheat. They do it because they want to
Or maybe the crux is believing that they CAN love? Is there multiple definitions of love? I thought love only has one definition.
The concept of getting a man to “Love you” is nothing more that a carrot on a string. Women are bending over backwards just to say they got a man to “love them”, when that same man is bribing them home STDs.
The QueenMaker is on to something, I wish she would have her on this show.
Another feminist ideologue. Women lose interest in sex once they have a baby. It's understandable. Why not have some sympathy for the husband's unmet need for sex?
Of them men they Choose have no discipline
I needed to be on the couch with experience and facts for this debate! Lisa, you should have had 12 women on a panel for this interview with experience. She needs to come back!
"If you think you only have 1 quality to offer a Man, every woman is going to be your competion" This right here 41:09
You just be yourself, prioritize yourself.
Oh no Sadia wants yiu be be beautiful and accomplished cook and cover your body and meet all his unmet needs and check in and take responsibility of teaching him how to love …. She think s she is safe From cheating if she blames those cheated on and looks down her nose at them.
We change and grow through others. The fact is that our new needs are different than the ones we have had met in the relationship, we need to move on from the relationship and are too afraid or comfortable or don’t want to hurt the primary partner. And so we cheat, wondering if this will be enough. It’s a test. But sometimes we fall in love with a new partner and it gets sticky because we have moved on without letting the old partner know.
Wow wow wow!
Love Lewis and never saw Liza so quiet at times listening in awe ❤
You guys are awesome 👏
The last 2 boyfriends.. one was in my 20sand early 30s , got in a fight with me because I tried to check his phone and he aggressively grabbed it from me and punched me in my face and knocked my tooth out. Fast forward 15 years and the relationship in my 40s my ex got off work came to my house when I was still sleeping, this is when he worked overnight came into my bedroom and grabbed my phone. When I grabbed it out of his hand, he broke my hand. I was in a cast for three months. Cell phones have been a huge source of trauma in my previous relationships. I never wanna go through that again and I never want to have that sick feeling that I need to check his phone.
This is crazy….
Please tell me how can you see that the man is changing and excited to go out with others as opposed to you, and you don’t accuse him? She said don’t ask if he’s cheating ask “What’s up”? As if he’s going to just tell you he’s cheating. Like, really? If it was that easy, all of us wouldn’t be wasting so much time on these men.
She is an band aid or cover up for men cheating, it is not his fault but it is the woman's fault. That's the patriachy system within muslim communities.
You don't ask a liar if he is a liar. The majority of the time there are many other problems going on in that relationship. Is it really necessary to catch him cheating or get him to admit to it in order for you to make a decision to leave. If he is not meeting your needs and NOT willing to try, why are you still there? My ex husband will take it to his grave that he didn't cheat but the doctor told me otherwise. That was the straw that broke the camel back. He was a horrible husband and father but had the audacity to cheat. I didn't blame myself or her. I blamed him, period. Packed my bags and never looked back. Even if he didn't cheat, I would have still left him. He just gave me THE reason to stop wasting my time.
I think both these ladies are a bit cuckoo. Lisa, I bet if you ask Tom he will tell you about the side chicks he is cheating with or perhaps you have an open marriage. Nope even if they are found out, they will lie or the wife will take his side.
@@mollesmart. This is any religion that focuses on Laws instead of the ONLY 2 COMMANDMENTS Christ left: Loving Others and Loving God. Apparently, that simplicity was worth killing Christ over, to legalists 😮
Self-control is not difficult and lying and cheating is and remains an absolute no-go and that's it, you can separate and that's it. You don't have to stay together forever, you can But lying and cheating are absolutely the lowest level and show that this person has no love for you and never will.
You ladies hit the nail on the head with “women who given their all, will walk away with pride”.
So true, especially since I have been on both versions of that cheated on woman. This time I walked and never looked back.
Excellent info Lewis. I have never heard you be so vulnerable and I absolutely loved it. And everything you said was spot on and helped me fill in some of my own missing puzzle pieces. Thank you
The truth is I can’t keep up with a man’s needs, and trying to starts to feel like just more work, not intimacy, and nothing is less interesting than intimacy that is work.
It’s crazy how they give these men passes…. So you have to be everyone’s mother. Total bs.
Exactly! What is the incentive for women to be in relationships if it’s like this?! I would’ve had a baby if I wanted to mother someone
I honestly don’t have the incentive anymore, and I’ve married twice in my life. If men are marrying just for sex, which it sounds like they are, and we all agree attraction wanes for both partners over time, I don’t see how that is sustainable. I didn’t marry just for sex. @@samco63
Even if it’s not just for sex, it’s mostly for sex. I don’t want to have sex all the time.
Then Sadia will blame you for everything 5hat is wrong in your husbands life hehehe
She contradicted herself saying she's super insecure and pushes away red flags when a guy disappears, but also says a woman should know when there's an energy shift. Trust the energy shift! She proves how strong a gaslight can be!
The energy shift is not to be ignored!
Like she's the only woman in this world that says opposite things in 3 hours of continuous talk.
I've always said "if a woman isn't taking care of her man, someone else will and she doesn't get to be mad about it if he has communicated his needs and she continued to neglect them."
How about he leaves!!! Goodness, yall are brainwashed. Leaving is always an option.
good he should leave then!!!!
Men who don’t let dogs hump their legs are hypocrites! This is what we’ve reduced men to: leg humpers, because we have zero expectations for them to fix the national debt or communicate better than Frankenstein.
She's mind blowing !! I've watched so many of your videos with great experts, and this one is one of those that will stick with me.
Hehehe Sadia the expert that supports all cheating men… mindblowing
It sucks that Lisa cut her so soon, the conversation was at a very hot point, giving good tips on how it is important to see the other side and how key is to evaluate how we are reciprocating those needs, which are very different for both genres. I was hoping this was a 3-hour long segment.
I'm so impressed how Sadia Khan has understood male psychology so well considering she is a woman, and a very feminine one.
When she said that men that don't cheat, they don't do it because they care about the well-being of her partner, she nailed it.
Men actually don't see anything wrong with it, they want to do it, they feel the call, they know it would make them feel good, they know they will enjoy it, it is easy for them to just do it, they know it will likely be very rewarding, and it would boost their satisfaction easily, but they still don't do it, not because they think is morally wrong, that wouldn't stop them, they don't do it because they worry how it is going to affect her partner and they don't want to cause her any pain.
All the other things she said about men and women are incredibly accurate too, she definitely knows what she is talking about. This is what I would call a legit expert on the subject.
Hmmmmm
My boyfriend of 4yrs. went to work one day last month and just never came home. He was even intimate with me the morning that he left to go to work and we discussed what I was making for dinner. There was no fight, there was no discussion he just vanished. After texting and calling him 1 million times, he gaslit me . He was super angry and aggressive. Pretending that the reason why he left me is because he found out that I was cheating on him. Which he and I both know is a huge lie. I’ve never cheated on him, and he knows that I never would. We were best friends. I am so devastated and blindsided by what happened. And how quickly he turned on me and pretended it was my fault. I don’t know how to get through this pain. I found out he quit his job and move to another state. He left me in this apartment that we just signed a lease for, and I cannot afford the rent on my own.
Wow, that's crazy.
A person who is that unstable, you don't need them in your life, imo.
Could he have been involved with something illegal and now he's on the run?
It's a mystery, I'm kind of fascinated.
Take good care of you, and please accept my best wishes for fulfillment and good fortune.
Really sorry for what you are going through.. I hope you have friends and /or family that support you
He left because he was too immature to have the conversation.. whatever that might be for him. I can only guess. I’m 10 yrs older and satisfied with finding a partner for the rest of my life. I thought he was the one. Maybe he wants to date other women now? Also I know he was always complaining about how much he had to work just to make ends meet. Our rent doubled since we’ve been together. We just had to sign a new lease and the new company came over and raise the rent. Another $200. Plus the groceries have gone up… Maybe he just wanted to live a bachelor lifestyle again. I have no clue. I know that he moved to a state that the cost of living is cheaper and he’s getting paid more now and he has roommates so he’s saving a lot of money. he is still gaslighting me as to why he left. He’s pretending that I cheated on him which he and I both know it’s not true. I’m a very faithful and loyal person. He’s just trying to find an excuse because he doesn’t want to be honest, I guess. Maybe he cheated on me… I still will never know I do know that he was addicted to porn. I found that all over his phone. All of it is like a kick in the stomach to me.@@bluecollarlit
Abnormal behaviour. How traumatic for you❤ he is not mature enough and he can't face himself. Heal and move on dear
@@HH-gv8mx i'm so sorry-it's him who has a huge problem, not you (he made his problem yours for now, unfortunately). It just takes so much to get over a person like this, i know... Sending you love and power 💛
What a beautiful soul and therapist. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you both in this episode. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you 🙏🏽 😊💚
Love this show! I would also argue that the reason that a "married women would risk marriage with a good husband to be with a narcissist'" is because they like the attention and being wanted by someone else - people become complacent and bored in their relationships...at the end of the day it's related to ego.
Connection is key to pair bonding.
Lose the connection, lose the partner.
Fantastic show Lisa from beginning to end! Thank you!
If you truely love a friend you cant betray him or her if you love your partner you cant cheat him or her no matter what
❤❤🙏🙏
True, has more to do with your character and your own personal standards and if cheating is fine with you, I don't mind, I just won't participate ❤
Lisa I agree if they cheat, over. Never go back! Communication is everything. However, they need to be walking out the door, not you. No picking suffering. No punishment. These are two lives, not one!
Oooof I gotta prep myself for 3 hours. Time stamps would be lovely bc I don’t think I can process everything at once as the cheated on “but loved” wife taking this in.
Pleas don’t take Sadia views as gospel. She seems to be catering to cheating men as her clientele.
Thank you Lisa for bringing such powerful speaker in!
BEST EVER PODCAST. The honesty of this woman being interviewed! Wow! All my questions answered.
Cant recommend this enough. The part about intuition is soo good.
Lisa and Sadia 🎉❤❤ I’m so excited for this interview!!!
Lisa for sure. Sadia is a fake expert noxperience. Spreading some Muslim tropes
I was with a serial cheater, manipulator, gaslighter, left him 20 years ago, still he is the same cheating on all his partners, they cheat because they are insecure about themselves, not because of anything else.
Dear Lisa I like your channel so much! And your guest in this video especially! She enlightens me really every 🙏
Absolutely loved this video. I learned so much mostly about relationships. I did what Lewis did and it makes a difference to be able to spend time with Yourself. I could never eat alone before. I can relate to Lewis in different areas. Glad he is out there speaking about his experiences to help others
A man who isn't able to communicate and he's not deaf, dumb or blind, he isnt ready for a committed relationship with another human being. Peace in singledom is better than war with an underdeveloped man.
Great episode! I recently discovered Sadia and she hits the nail on the head each time. Love the simplicity of both Sadia and Lewis but they are sooo profound!! I love Lewis’ vulnerability. I love listening to them both! I always learn so much from their talks
Isn’t it interesting that so many in the comment sections are arguing that male psychology is wrong?
The guest is offering an explanation of male psychology, not the justification of it. Women can use this knowledge to their advantage.
Yet almost all comments choose to argue why male psychology is wrong, completely missing the point that what’s offered here is insight about male psychology, not whether it’s right or wrong.
This is exactly spot on and why I brought her in the show. Thanks for seeing that. I’m a true believer that knowledge is power! Not that I agree with it!
You think all men think this way? Then why do t they all cheat? This is NOT male psychology. Even women who cheat think this way. This is cheaters way of thinking. Sadia seems to be saying that it cannot change women whose spouses cheated are to be blamed for not meeting some need or needs to accept this behavior because that is how men are. That seems off base. It is like saying a boy who beats his sister is to be accepted as ok because he is a boy. I don’t think this is a man/woman issue. If a shrink cannot understand the confusion and trauma their blaming the wronged spouse or sanctioning wrong actions by cheater can cause to already traumatized spouse they are not good shrinks. Hence the negative comments. I really hope you get this Lisa. My trauma is 8 years behind me but it is horrible that you are giving this trope legitimacy.
Male psychology or cheaters psychology? Women who cheat have same faulty thinking. There is no need to legitimize that thought process as ‘men will be men’.
Damn Lisa! You're such a badass at interviewing! I seriously admire your ability to truly hear everything your guest is communicating and simultaneously keep a mental log of such amazing questions, and ask them so eloquently! That's why I absolutely LOVE your channel! You're the shit girl!
This was so honest and relatable. I found it so helpful as a younger woman to hear this conversation. I feel like I learned so much.
What about if you we’re only married for a few months with no children. You husband does not want to be intimate and then gets caught cheating.
Expects you to forgive and forget without counseling then walks out on the marriage. Gets upset when wife files for divorce instead of just separation.
What’s that about?