Bill Burr - Titanic Is A Horror Film
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- Опубликовано: 14 янв 2020
- #BillBurr on how it's absurd that people are still getting married, being incompatible with women, and why he hates the Titanic.
#BillBurrStandUp from the #JustForLaughs Festival in 2008.
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Just For Laughs is the world’s premiere destination for #standupcomedy. JFL produces the world’s largest and most prestigious comedy event every July in Montreal, as well as annual festivals in Toronto and Sydney. On this channel, you will find comedic clips from some of the most legendary comedians in the business: Chris Rock, Bill Burr, Kevin Hart, and more. We also feature stand-up from newcomers such as John Mulaney, Bo Burnham, and Amy Schumer. If you just want to laugh, you’re in the right place. 
Приколы
Best line ever was "If you're thinking of marriage just go find a woman you hate and give her all your stuff that's how it will end up anyway so save some time."
My major professor in college used to say, "Find a woman you don't like; buy her a house."
Tom Bombadildo lol it’s the truth though. Check the stats
@Tom Bombadildo but that's kinda how it is, difference being that one takes longer.
That's from Johnny Carson.
Tom Bombadildo Why’s that, mommy’s boy?
Classic Bill Burr. His woman voice always gets me 😂
“Oh it’s asparagus, I thought it was pesto”.... sadly I can picture women like this, and I say that as a woman, lol.
His woman voice always gets me.
*HIS
Alison Arias “Womenssss issuessssss”
"Wanna go to brunch?!"
As a CHILD when I first saw Titanic I laughed SO HARD when the guy bounced off the propellor in Titanic... and my father gave me the most HORRIFIED look as little 7-year-old me was giggling like a devil at the way some dude died. XD
In your defense.... a 7 year old shouldn't have been watching the Titanic, lol
The real question is how did a 7 year old sit through that boring arse slog of a film lol
WOW. I had two friends, (close brothers with good senses of humor), who told us how everyone was crying and horrified but THEY LAUGHED SO HARD when the guy fell off at the end and bounced off the railings. Brings a smile to my face.
@Let me offer you this U being serious? 3-4 years. Although many individuals don’t recall early childhood or dreams I’ve noticed
@Let me offer you this Who doesn't?
I have memories of when I was 4.
"Who wants to sleep in on Sunday when you could pay eighteen dollars for eggs; *now* you're thinking!"
Dude i really didnt get that joke? Can u explain. .
@@rogerloves4025 Yes, happy to! :-) In the United States, if you go out for breakfast -- not brunch, but the earlier, seven-day-a-week breakfast -- you might have eggs and toast and bacon and juice and coffee, maybe pancakes, and the whole thing might cost eight or ten dollars USD. At some restaurants, particularly but not exclusively on Sundays, you can go to a meal that runs from the middle of the morning through the early afternoon, at which all the same things are offered together with a few more -- sometimes smoked salmon, sometimes prime rib, often some sort of pork cutlet -- and it's buffet-style, so you pay one price but it's more expensive. So the joke here is that she wants to dramatically overpay for what is basically a pretentious breakfast, instead of sleeping in. (He's being sarcastic with the supposed compliment.) Personally I like brunch once in a while and it's obviously unfair to say that it's just eggs. But I get it. :D :D :D
@@CinemaDemocratica I love it when people are courteous to each other on youtube. It's rare. Thank you for the explanation, I didn't know what brunch was either.
I hate brunches man
They *can* be good -- they can be spectacular -- but like so much else about the service industry, nothing's going to last about the experience like an apathetic execution. And most brunches just scream out, "Eh, we've already got your money."
Bill Burr must have seen a married man who was happy...
He watched a John Mulaney special
Nia a bitch tho.
@@SovietDouchebag smh how juvenile
And now he's married and happy. Who'da thunk it
Toasted cheeseburger
I like this young guy, he's gonna go places.
I dont think so bro. His act is good but hes too much of a ginger
I wonder how many people who liked ur comment didn't get it
Tom K he not good I see him at Walmart in a few years
@@jakrispy3418 get what, I don't think he's being sarcastic, this guy is pretty good.
@@dmitriym.3618 I am ;p
lmao bill burr's character development: "i can't believe people get married and have children, star wars sucks" to *married and has kids and plays a fan-favorite star wars character*
How times change
I love how Burr is as angry back then as he is now. I respect the level of this man’s consistency.
I'd say he's mellowed out a bit. Plus he's playing the whole angry dude bit up for the show.
@@heinzarniaung2915
Oh no he is still just as angry.
He is just better at channeling it :P
Bill with hair, not married and without kids. Yep that was a long time ago
Ah how things change over time. I'm interested to see how his comedy will be about being a dad now. Lol.
danda adnad I’d say even bell burr before therapy. The best
Justin Pettit he’s a lot angrier and darker.
It’s great
@@justinpettit3432 look at his special on Netfix. It's recent
Respect for homie at 4:20 who pulled his arm from around his girl to clap
Lmao, that's great.
Lol was that really such a sacrifice that it warranted respect?
@@Lbelm77 yes
@@Lbelm77 in that moment, yes
Samuel Saucedo weed
"Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you could go out and pay $18 for eggs?" - that line is ON POINT. 😂
Bill Burr isn't a comedian, he's a realist that makes people laugh... lol
He is like a Patrice Oneil
Have you watched Jim Gaffigan by chance? His new Pale Tourist isn't very good, but his older stuff is super funny- On amazon prime as full shows, some on youtube. Clean comedian but funny!
Those types of comedians are the best
@@allisoncoppola7451 I lost all respect for him when he went full on orange man bad.
That's what comedians do... they make a valid point on something and people laugh not just because it's funny but they're like "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO TRUE"
"Yes, he DOES have a knife"
I died right there
No he doesn't
So did Bill
Knife claims another victim
So did the guy checking for an intruder.
I love the part where Bill Burr states that they pick and choose the equality they want. That is so true and don't understand why more people don't notice that.
Many people notice I believe.
@@whoever_81 I really really hope you are right. When looking at MSM one would not think that. Do all your friends notice that?
@@chamboyette853 Yes...
@@whoever_81 cool.
It’s cos it’s a generalisation that applies to so few and sporadically selected individuals that housing it as some kind of prejudice towards a whole type of person is just insane
The girls laughed hard at 'I'm wearing a tuxedo, not because I wanted to but because you wanted to dress up that night'. Hit pretty close to home!
I remember when I was a kid, my mom would drag me into places like Pier One imports. She would force me to shop with her and I once complained, "Mom, why am I here? Can't I just wait in the gamestop next door?"
"NO," she said, giving me a sharp look. "This is husband training. Your wife is going to come to places like this and you WILL learn to endure these places."
Now she wonders why I am still single.
hahahaha did she really say husband training to you when you were a kid. thats fkn hilarious
Asian mom huh
My parents gave me some advice that also convinced me not to get married.
My dad: In a marriage, when arguing with your wife, you can either be right, or you can be happy.
My mom: I can't wait for you to have kids one day so you go see what you put me through.
Okay. Then I won't get married, and I won't have kids. That's what I told them when I was 14. They laughed. To this day I've never wanted to date or have kids. My dad thinks its funny. My mother is annoyed. Edit: I'm 33.
Right now, imagine a dad gives his daughter "wife training"
@@anondescriptbullet I'm a Latin mom...we give our girls wife training
I'm not married, no kids,...
And my nephew whose married with children looks older than me.
Truth.
How old are you?
Nephews can easily & obviously be older than their uncles. This isn't saying anything unless you give ages.
EVERY one of my married male friends looks at least 10 years older than me- im not married nor have kids. And I'm talking about a difference in real age of one or two years. They just look so worn out and done. Women are too demanding and suffocating. They denand all your time and are selfish.
@Strefanasha achatvalu this rings true😂😂😆😆😆
I'm 33(F) this year, single, determined to stay this way for personal reasons. When I go out with my (69yo) mom to shop sometimes people who seldom meet me will ask, "are you working, or.. still studying? Or..." But yeah the way I dress is a huge contribution to my overall image as well. I dress as I did 15-20 years ago & don't wear makeup, & my personality isn't of a 33yo woman. Peers my age already have 1-3 children in tow etc.
"That was so romantic, don't you think?"
"NO!"
😂
When 'Titanic' was re-released in theaters my late wife insisted I take her to see it. When it was first released, I was in night school studying engineering and I somehow avoided seeing it. However, she got got it on VHS tape and would watch it in the evenings while I was at school. She loved this movie and thought it was the most romantic movie ever. Years later we go see it at a theater. I'm watching this movie and immediately realize that it's a complete comedy of errors: DiCaprio and the rich guy sparring over Kate Winslet is the most stupid thing ever - neither realizes what a total hot mess this girl is and that, if they were smart, they would stay as far away from 'little miss trouble' as possible because nothing good could ever come of a relationship with her. Come on folks, the girl was waving more red flags than a May Day Parade in Tiananmen Square. Any sane man would have quickly ditched her. Needless to say, my wife was extremely disappointed in me that evening. Bill Burr is correct: it's a horror movie.
DiCaprio took one for team that day, showing us the female fantasy that women think we men exist to provide for them even at the price of death, and it sold like hotcakes, and still is one of these most popular movies on Netflix to this day. Luckily, better movies like Avatar overtook that terrible horror film in the box office.
Don't be her gentleman guys. DiCaprio was trying to warn us, and with the Great Gatsby too. Don't be a martyr, and don't give your valuable time to women.
@@seekthineselfcultivateyour3657 Women have been taught that they are entitled to two things from men: that we are their beasts of burden who must provide for them and do their bidding, but more importantly, we are duty bound to sacrifice our lives for them. At one time women understood this and in return treated and served the men in their lives with respect and gratitude. Those days are long past.
@@etoineschrdlu9382 even worse. Rose survived, lived her life, married had kids....dies and goes back to her teen lover. Some guy spent his life l, giving everything to her, and she's in love with a guy who died a lifetime ago.
@@timburton4150Exactly. You read my mind...the afterlife sucks. Furthermore redeemed murderers partying with their innocent victims etc. BS
How exactly was Rose troubled? She was smart, beautiful and charming... She never wanted to marry Billy Zane's character, and he didn't love her either. He wanted to get married to gain access to his inheritance. Not to mention he had a violent streak... In fact Hotly, Billy Zane's character, was the one with all the red flags.
Just the title alone had me dying on the ground laughing. Because it's so true, we all totally misread the Titanic, who didn't think it was a romance, instead of what it really is, total horror movie?! Bill Burr always tells the truth. We gotta back him up every time he speaks. He's the man!!!
Almost every women after the accident: this was a horror night. This trip is ptss material....
Meanwhile all the men: drowned
Lol “You wanna make some sandwiches, go to the park?” 😂😂
Lol 😁 I'm 46 and I've never made that suggestion.
@bastet lioness You must be beating guys off with a stick.
bastet lioness right as I heard it 😂
Is that PESTO in your omelette lol
bastet lioness I am storming ya castle, ma lady.
I don't think I've ever heard Bill go that long without saying the F word.
they made him do this set again but clean for tv
I'm not a prude but this proves that you could be funny without using that word.
drumdad54 sdl but think about how MUCH FUNNIER it coulda been...
Americans. Absolutely fine with a society that causes school shootings but swearing is too offensive 👍
Hey Darth Maul. I have a tattoo of you on my legw
Comedians are the modern day philosophers. Gotta love Bill Burr! Makes a lot of sense.
People say Bill Burr's comedy is "pessimistic". Nah, it's "realistic" if you agree with what he says. It's only "pessimistic" if you disagree with him.
I never saw the live action Aladdin - but if I did I would guess that Bill Burr would’ve played the part of Iago
you know gilbert gottfried is still alive, right?
It's true, he even sounds like the Danish version of Iago. I can see it.
I wish he did
Chris Bradshaw who ?
Lmao
God. I love Bill Burr.
He was calling out stupid bullshit in our society even when he was less known.
That buffett metaphor is so spot on. I love it.
"Im 36, not married, I sleep on a futon"
And now he's happily married with kids, sleeping on a real mattress. Good character arc :)
Him and chappelle are my top 2 comedians of all time!!
Jim Jones nah CK, then burr and chapelle
Try andrew schulz... you'll have a 3rd one
Same.
This guy is mediocre as shit. Hardly laughed at all
@@wrestlingisdeadmoveonwithy8939more of a Dane Cook guy, huh? 🙄
I've seen 3 or 4 versions of the same set of jokes, probably 20+ times in total, and I always laugh my ass off to this set. It's incredible
Isn't that the truth? How rare is that? Damn few sets hold their edge for reason of their insights...
Is that Pesto ?
You know you're a real Bill Burr fan when you also know these jokes, but in a more uncensored form from another set!
3:15 Him mimicking a silly woman never fails to get me.
This little ginger guy sounds just like Bill Burr
Dying for someone to comment "bRo tHaT iS bIlL BuRr"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@TheSmokeeeey r/whooosh 🤣
@@Gabi-vt4ex r/doublewhoooooosh 🤣
Corey Mineard it is
Julian Mahoney 🙄
Is that Pesto? Asparagus? I thought it was Pesto.
Nice reference
OOOOHH ITS ASPERAGUUSS
I just want to flip this whole thing over and get out of here.
@@JetBen555 I THOUGHT IT WAS *P E S T O*
PESTO. DEFINITELY PESTO.
"In the unlikely event that we are both on the Titanic....." already in tears lol
"Is that pesto?" LOL Im dying...
The one husband at 4:21 is like oh wife I can laugh and clap at this joke? You’re laughing oh sweet I can!
"I'll be wearing a tuxedo not 'cause I wanted to but you wanted to dress up that night" closes the act by a hilarious reference to the start, comedy genius.
5:28
"My God, that was so romantic! Don't you think?"
"NO!"
That just killed me right there!
12 years, 1 marriage and 2 kids later. This bit has aged pretty well.
Bill Burr isn't a comedian, he's a religion for some of us.
Preach brother
i like bill but that's sad
Wow.
Soo much relevance mate
I cringed lmao
Dennis Nelson
Amen brother.
He is married with a kid now? funny guy classic 😂🤣😂
And bald
@meaturama he's a casualty now. But he was redpilled spot on most of his comedy
His wife is african American
He has two kids now;a daughter and now a son🥳🥳
@@vmundoortiz6105 lol just say black dude
"Yes he does have a knife!!" lmao 😆🤣😂
I love how Bill’s impression of a woman is just your average middle-aged white Karen 😂
I guess he eventually met a married guy who actually looked happy.
who?
@@awesomatic150 he's saying Bill is married now
i hope he never ever stops doing stand up. such a fucking legend.
The guy's craft is flawless...his persona is honest & weary ...& that is heart of stand-up.
Definitely one of the GREATEST STAND-UP comedians EVER!!
The "dirty" version of this is funnier. Stupid comedy central made him do a clean version for TV. Censorship is lame.
Okay, so this was a different set? I thought he said there’s no feminist in a house fire, where are they, she puts her short hair in two little pig tails, I’m just a girl....I started thinking, am I remembering this wrong? Lol.
Nope same set musta got edited out
blorgous mcCheese nope, different set. It’s right in the fucking title. Although OP is wrong as well because this isn’t Comedy Central.
What’s it called ? I wanna watch it
Actually it isn't, not at all.
Bill Burr before he dropped baby Yoda.
Loved the voice that he used for "women's issues" lol
Sometimes you can just tell when an entertainer, especially a comedian, has "it"- he just does
I am a woman and approve this message! Hilarious and I had no idea he could do stand up without cursing and I REALLY enjoyed it. Love Bill Burr. I can’t stand brunch. I’d rather cook great eggs at home, let Mt man sleep in and enjoy his day.
Angelofmusic Wonder please marry me.
paulbuyswebdeveloper Lol... 💍👰🏾 ok we’re married!! Let’s go to brunch! 😂😂😂😂
Amen!
Why is it important to mention that you're a woman before "approving this message"?
Burr is the only comedian who kills so much I can watch the same video five times and still bust a gut over his jokes.
4:19 that guy wants to laugh so hard but his wife is right there🤣
10 years later, "l'm married and l love it". Time truly makes us look silly
Time will tell
The moment when you know the bit so well you notice every single swear he left out xD
I've seen this bit at least 7-8 times, and it's STILL hilarious.
5:59 The delivery on this is textbook.
His "NO!" always gets me! 😂😂😂
“I’m not compatible with women”
Now married and has a daughter with a son on the way 😂
To the most annoying woman alive. What a mistake he made....he sounds like a battered woman when Nia comes on his podcast. I had to stop watching it was embarrassing
He is funny, and REALLY understands women. The buffet joke is bang on.
After seeing my mother and her husband recently while she throws the worst shit she can think off at him over nothing while he literally did nothing and then seeing herself as the victim in the situation because he dared to smile over how ridiculous the situation is the only thing I can think off at that moment is "I'm so glad I'm not married"...
Yo mama cray-cray
I can't say I blame you. I'm unmarried too, and that is one of the reasons why.
Some rewards are just not worth the risk you have to take.
"I'd be that dude when like the boat breaks in half that dude who like falls straight down bangs off the stuff and goes into the water." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
😂🤣😂
Legendary Bill Burr set
Accidentally played this on .75 speed and thought bill was just coolin the whole set
N Walker try starting it on 1.25. It’s basically Bill on coke.
High pitch voice: “Is that pesto….oh, it’s asparagus, not pesto.” lol! I’ve also heard these same type of vapid conversations at brunch. 😂
4:20 My guy waited and made sure it was safe before he decided to clap
Listening to this makes me grateful Bill picked a wonderful woman to be his companion,Nia seems more down to earth than what Bill's perspective of women were like. As a woman I can say he was on point too lol!
This must be one of the best pieces of comedy!! I love this guy
I love how all the women in the audience are all giggling and clapping everytime Bill Burr talks about guys suffering. Lol
One of the GOATs of comedy.
I've watched this like 50 times but it still cracks me up every time 😂😂😂
He's hilarious with the women impressions!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Oh it’s asparagus!!!... “ I just wanna flip the whole table over” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This young guy deserves a place to shine. He will make it out of RUclips one day.
Underrated comment.
Hey, he's made it to Netflix...
seen this bit before but hot damn that;s pure gold comedy right there
“Just buy something i dont care.!!” Me everytime I’m shopping with someone
🤣🤭
The Sam kinison scream thing is what marriage is like
Jokes didn't age like fine wine.
They've always been fine wine 💪🏾
I know this bit word for word but it still makes me laugh when he says it. What a legend!
Back when ole Billy Redbush had hair! Classic bit.
Nice to know JFL can put ACTUAL comedy up once in awhile.
Love this guy ❤️
This is his Best Comedy Bit. Clean & Super Funny
This guys really funny, he should start his own podcast or something
CalluponMeCooper he has a podcast
@@Heatofpowers r/woosh
Actually during that period the podcast was up and running
He started it in 2009 I believe
This guy use to work in the Chapelle Show as a writer he is great
Heatofpowers, you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed are ya?
I love all of the faces and voices that he does. It gets me dying every time!
Oh man he speaks from my heart!
"I don't care! Just buy something! I don't care!" Words every guy has always wanted to say but never had the courage !! lol
Bill burr on... it's time to laugh madly...
Bill, you're an artist, always dancing right on the very edge of incorrectness. Hilariously and dangerously wrong. What a talent.
Just after 1 minute I'm already laughing my lungs out. HE IS AWESOME, KEEP THE FIRE BURNING BILL BURR
One of my favourites
wish i had heard this before i got married and divorced after 10 years.
Listen to tom leykis, he helped me escaped the financial slave plantation known as marriage and kids. 😎👍🤳🥃🍺🍷🍹🍻🍸🍾🥂
You wouldn't listen. Blow jobs are very convincing. Those will never stop, right?
I wonder if Nia and him ever sit together and watch this 😂
How he managed to do the same act but not swear one time is legendary
I gotta find full shows i can listen to while i work. Time would fly. Dude is the best of his craft. Never change Bill
He has podcasts on youtube! Every Monday and Thursday!
If you like Bill Burr, you might enjoy George Carlin. Sadly Carlin is no longer with us but he has a few specials on RUclips.
Dude is the best of his craft because he is telling the truth.
Never gets old
5:50 funny how I remember this part...how many times I had to watch it w people...
Only just really started watching Bill..he's superb..fantastic comedian💯
Holy crap is is so good..I watched this 3 times in a row..his delivery and foreshadowing is amazing..and obviously his context