A bit, sometimes. Only once, I had this feeling in an extreme way. It was in a moment, where I had just lashed out violently against constant physical harassment from out of my group (just seconds before). Someone from my group asked, whether I had gone crazy. It just took me 5-8 seconds to make sense of the soundwaves I had perceived and interpret them as words. I had heard the person just fine, but could neither recognize nor interpret the words for a while.
That's the point of it it makes you feel disconnected so you dont focus on the pain or danger a panic attack is your brain thinking its in danger so it makes you feel derealisation too help you deal with it so you dont get overwellt it is there too help its a friend your alright man
Yeah. I have this same feeling of fogginess for 2 years and on multiple occasions i walked infront of a noving car or bus because of the fact that nothing felt real, it just feels like a dream. Luckily a friend of mine yanked me backwards and told me off and that i couldve died but i just took it like a grain of salt
Derealization was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I was a 9/11 "survivor" (I put that in quotes because my existence hardly felt like "suvival" at the time) and I developed extreme, intractable dissociation in the immediate aftermath and for at least a year afterwards. It took me 3-4 years to feel human again and to stop doing double-takes every time I looked in the mirror. ...Oh and jfc how terrifying was it when she used those audio effects (the echo and the "flattening" effect)...?
I really don’t know if I have this disorder, but I feel like my friends and family aren’t real and are just playing along to trick me. I feel like I’m in the Truman show or something.
I left school after a really bad week where nothing felt real. I was like okay I’ll just wait for this to pass like a cold and get back to my life in a week. It’s been... almost three years. Thanks for making this video it’s so nice to know I’m not alone.
I did too. It just hit out of nowhere and I had to leave school because I literally couldn’t muster the mental strength to leave the house. It had become my safe space. Needless to say this lasted for many months I had to switch to online school. So yes, as the video describes and my comment you are not alone. Probably the worst form of anxiety in my opinion.
It is basically HELL on earth.....I have been living with it for soon 2 years and it's so beyond horrible. Always feeling like you are losing yourself, going insane and extreme time distortion. I could just sit and talk forever about all the horrific and disturbing symptoms and sensation that comes with DP/DR. But the biggest question and the biggest battle that takes place everyday. Is HOW IN THE ACTUAL WORLD are you supposed to get back to normal?? How do you "repersonalize"???
Harsh Pherwani it’s honestly just a irrational thoughts and anxiety that consumes you. Your brain has either been through trauma or your experiencing severe stress and anxiety. I got through this by Constantly telling myself the negative thoughts I’m thinking are delusional and anxiety related. Practise treating your anxiety and going to cbt or dialectic therapy. It’s all about being positive because living around this disorder it consumes you. Get on a daily routine, take vitamins like magnetism, omega fatty acids (which tend to help with disassociation), exercise, sleep good because poor sleep effects your disassociation, grounding techniques, mediation, do not consume yourself in this disorder it’ll make it worse trust me. Be really invested in your conversations and environment, look at details in your environment and colours, it really helps trust me.
@@jaspreetdhaliwal4953 Everything I'm reading about recovering from DP/DR says to not obsess over it and to exercise and distract but I'm so limited I am stuck in a house that doesn't feel familiar even though I lived here for 30 years. I LOVE to exercise but I can only do a few minutes of qi gong now. I can't fathom what has happened to me. I also love losing myself in movies/music/tv/podcasts but lately I can't focus or comprehend any of them. It's like a waking nightmare.
Brandon James hey hun, I understand it’s really hard. One thing that helped me was meditation, (grounding exercises). I noticed when I get anxious (start overthinking), or I’m tired I get derealization. You should stick to a proper sleep routine, and go to therapy trust me it really helps. You should try treating your anxiety and symptoms of depression first, it’ll help. I felt so alone when it began happening, but honestly your not alone.
You have no idea how amazing it feels to know I'm not the only one that feels that way about time! I thought I was insane...I get so scared that time has sped up and its all passing me by...hearing you say exactly what I've been living with for a year and half created such a sense of clarity in my mind!! Thank you!
I also felt like I was going insane at one point. I lived with a person who was saying bad things about me and trying to separate everyone from me. I had nowhere else to go. I dissociated so much then, my body said out loud “who am I” but I didn’t mean to say anything. It was automatic like sometimes when you’re about to fall asleep and make a noise.
i have struggled with this for just over 2 years. i cry for about 2 hours daily because i know how i used to feel and how i feel now. from being popular to alone is a very scary feeling for me. help
I hate to say it but...i had it for two years before taking up smoking...it made it go away. Kind of shitty but that was the only thing that truley made it go away. Life was hell back then i know what youre going through.
It was like a light switch. As soon as the nicotine set in. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world I felt so set free. I immediately went outside to look at the stars because for the first time in two years i really felt like i was here.
Stefan Klassen most things you go through are temporary, focus on what is going to make things better and focus on solutions rather than asking yourself if it’s working. Sometimes you just have to keep going and accept that things may be off for a while. I mean that in a way of being calm with it, not trying to say to deny what you feel. More so of saying “this is how it is now and I’m going to be ok. I will work through it”. I hope that helps a bit. With me, I had to remind myself not to ignore what I felt but to give my self a moment to say “this is how I feel” then decide “I’m going to keep going and it’ll get a little better.” And usually it gets better. Don’t judge yourself too much. Imagine an inner child within you that you need to comfort and help grow. I’m not a professional though and this is just what works with me. I hope you feel better. As we grow older, so much changes, so many people grow apart because we’re always busy trying to get things together. Being alone doesn’t ever mean that you’re insignificant :) there will always be someone who cares.
I find that thinking/talking about it makes it a lot worse for me. I dont know this is such an underrated disorder and no one understands it. And when you used those weird audio affect it was so much like me that I almost cried... I am sad that you go through this but happy I'm not alone.. I have some weird moments where I feel like moving my body isn't okay, because I felt so unreal.. I don't know.. This is crazy it gets so bad..
I remember when I was 12-13 I had an epizode of derealization for like 10 minutes (I had it before but not this strong, and I didn’t quite know what was this feeling) and I was on a school trip and I remember telling my friends that I feel weird and they asked what’s wrong and I said, you know when you feel like you are in a dream and you can’t wake up... my friends were like wtf are you talking about
Had that all the time when I was 14, 15 but for whole days. Mostly when I was very tired. I also felt like nothing could suprise me, because it felt like everything was going down a prewritten path. I could see how people could interpret this as a sign of god, maybe thats where those storys about feeling god and his hand over the world come from.
I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but I cannot belive how you were able to live like this for years.. My dissociations are almost always intertwined with a panic attack, and they are so frightening to me that I do almost anything to "get out" of there. I have never heard/read someone that describes it as well as you do, especially about feeling/sensing 2 opposite things at the same time. Thank you for that.
This video brought me to tears. You put into words all the things I’ve been feeling. What a scary scary world to feel stuck in but at least I know I’m not alone. Thank you for this video!
Holy shit dude. I can barely handle dissociation/derealization for 30 minutes to an hour. For years???? I’m proud of you for pushing through that that’s incredible.
Dads Room thank you for your comment, this was genuinely so validating to read. Although I try to make light and sort of bring some comedy to the video, I have never suffered and been so terrified in my life. It’s really moving to hear encouraging words from people who have experienced this first hand.
his is unbelievable. i’m 4 minutes in and you’ve said pretty much EVERYTHING i’ve been feeling for the past 6 years (yep, been stuck in this hellish state for 6 years). i’ve NEVER come across anyone on the internet who’s gone through this on a long-term, 24/7 basis. i have never heard anyone else describe their experience of. e world as “2D” (that is EXACTLY how I always describe it). thank you so much for making this video, i can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate it.
Been experiencing this since middle school.finally came out of it at the beginning of 2019 but experienced a really bad situation & I feel myself slipping back into the void. How do I make this stop?
I literally said all of this to my school councillor and she thinks I have anxiety. In reality I think there’s something more. Not being able to feel real and not feeling any emotion at all is heartbreaking and I don’t wanna do it anymore
talk to an actual doctor, and please ask to be put on celexa/citolopram, anxiety medication that also treats psychosis and depersonalization. you will hate it for a month, maybe more and it won't feel like it's taking effect, but I promise you I promise you I promise you that by 3 months you will be a lot better. the best thing about it is that A. it can be prescribed to teens and adults and B. after it's better you learn to appreciate and love life so so much, and every day you feel like "damn I got it going on!" the medicine CANNOT be stopped cold turkey or else you could have a psychosic breakdown because you're all of a sudden going from better back to the pits of hell, also the medicine will be less effective if you don't remove the source of stress. Hitme up if you ever need anything I've been through a loot and I can help with nearly any problem. also for the first month you won't be able to nut unless you do some earth shattering shit but ignore that
one of the best explanations on youtube so far, i experienced exactly the same symptoms only thing that helps the fastest way is talking to someone (takes about 5-20 min) then i´m back in reality
I relate so much to everything you're saying. In regards to the auditory distortions... I have NEVER in my life heard someone demonstrate this so accurately to me. I've never been able to describe these things. Your video really helped me. Thank you.
I've felt this before-- It's awful. I used to get it randomly for couple hours to a day, but never more than that. I haven't had it for a couple years now, thank god. It really is such a strange, terrifying feeling. I always felt like I was watching myself through a screen, like I would go through the motions but didn't really feel like I was controlling myself. I'm so sorry you went through that for 3 years!
THIS is what i've struggled with for about 9 years now.... every time i try to explain it to my parents or the doctor, they're always like 'what are you talking about??' ugh it's such a terrifying experience, i used to get random episodes for like 10 - 30 minutes but now i only get it when i'm feeling anxious or nervous, or even nervous for no reason.
The most difficult part for me is the constant identity crisis I go through due to feeling like a stranger to myself and seeing my reflection and thinking, "that may look like me but it isn't, it isn't me. That's not who I am. Is it?"
I’ve felt this. Kind like an out of body experience. I would pinch myself just to make sure I was still me. Tbh I barley felt the pinch while in an episode
I've been feeling gone.. Away I dissappear, from the world.. And it feels like nothing is real. Like my body is here.. But I can't feel it.. I can feel myself inside of my body. Almost like I'm trapped inside of myself. Inside of my body and this world. I dissapear into myself and I'm stuck.. My minds gone.. I look out into nothing. I feel like I got sucked into myself and I'm gone.. I feel like it goes on for a very long time. How long? I look around me, at the trees.. Wind blowing.. The suns out.. The world is so beautiful and yet Its like I'm not even here.. Is anything even real? What is all of this.. I can't think.. I can't talk.. My mind, my tongue feel glued down.. I can't feel my body.. What's going on.? Where did I go..? I feel like I'm floating. Im gone Im looking at every one around me, do they know? Can they sense what's wrong with me? Can they see it.. God i hope not, but what can I do.. I'm gone.. But for how long..? They asked me.. What's wrong Courtney? Are you there? Courtney? .. Did I smile? Did I answer..? What is going on.. Help.. I'm here.. Can you hear me? Help me.. I'm trapped.. My body and my mind were swallowed whole.. . Pull me out, Please Can they hear me.. What do I do.. What's happening.. How long have I been sitting here? Am I even sitting..? Is this real..? Why am I hear.. Is anything real.. I'm floating.. I'm gone. Trapped away, help me Please, Can they hear me.. My hands, I can't feel them.. What even are hands? Are they real.. My skin.. My thoughts.. Am I here.. I'm up, I'm walking no I'm floating The world around me seems unreal What is happening? Pull me back in, help me Please I want to feel Feel again I'm thinking but my thoughts are so far away.. Come back.. Will they come back? Muffled sounds Noises I'm floating Help me, Please This is real Courtney, come back to the world Come back, I tell myself.. Somewhere inside of me Oh god, I'm so sad .. Is this real? Always sad.. Always alone.. Even when I'm floating I'm standing, alone I cant move .. How do I move? I forget what's happening.. Why am i next to a tree? What is all of this? What is happening? Am I actually gone? I go, sit again I'm floating away, I feel nothing .. My life.. A mess, I'm glad I'm away from it.. It's gone I want back, But why? What is the point? Am I real? Is life.. Real? I'm gone .. floating away.. Inside of myself.. I'm sad.. I'm numb Pull me back, please .. Someone.. Today, is so pretty.. The wind, the trees The sun .. Beautiful sun My boyfriend, next to me swinging Has no idea Please.. Help me.. Pull me back.. Anything I'm floating away.. In my mind.. Outside of my mind.. Everywhere I wish I was here, with him But I'm gone Im always gone .. Wait.. I'm back.. I look around me, I can feel myself. The swing under me The kids playing Im sad So sad, At least that part was real.. I want to cry, don't pull me away again Is anything even real.. What am I.. I'm trapped inside of this wolrd, inside of everything What is this.. What am I.. What are you..? Im back.. But scared So scared.. Is life worth it? Is life real? What happened? I was gone, for how long? I can feel The wind The cool air I'm back, I'm back.. I'm here.. I'm real.. And I'm sad, Again Maybe tomorrow, I will disappear again
I understand this. What are hand? How is anyone here. Wanting to scream for help. Not knowing if i answered someone. Not knowing what i said or did and freaking out that you dont know. Feeling stuck inside my body. Like how do i have a body ..feeling trapped and scared wanting it to end not knowing when it will end. This is a perfect representation. Thankyou! You understand.
I’m watching this while derealization has set in quite severely throughout the day. I’m in a constant state too after the trauma I went through. My therapist said that it’s my bodies way of protecting me. “Oh this isn’t real, therefor nothing can hurt me” I’m numb but the lighting in your video and the painting behind you and your pink hair are making me feel something warm and I appreciate you so much for that and opening up about your experience. It’s really hard. We got this! 🐥
For a really long time I thought I had dissociation symptoms but this is really shocking. I thought so because when I was alone, I thought that I did not exist and felt very very distant from everyone, like whatever I did, they would not see.
This is how I feel when I have a panic attack. I don’t freak out thinking I’m having a heart attack like most, I think I’m going nuts and feel very out of touch with reality, or what I knew to be normal. Maybe not everything you describe, but soo much of it.
Thank you for this, i have had this for 3 yrs and recently found out i have high blood pressure as well. its a super scary thing to go through, i barely leave the house, i also get really off balance, no energy, just overall feel like crap.
this has helped me so much to really understand that im not crazy, im just losing touch. if anyone feels this way, one thing that helps me is meditating and really grounding yourself.
Oh my god the TIME SLOWING DOWN THING thank you for speaking about that. I try and explain it to my family and they can't possibly understand why it's so horrible but it's the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. Also constant tunnel vision and short term memory loss! Exactly as you say. Fuzzy, blurry...it's like I've never seen my room or my parents before in my life. I try so hard to be accepting and change my negative thoughts because I know stress and anxiety further complicates this but I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. My cognition and my nervous system have been compromised because of trying to come off of Klonopin I was prescribed for panic attacks which means I can't really exercise or even move or distract with movies/music/TV/sports/anything I'm interested in. I'm starting to feel so hopeless, like I do not want to die at all but I feel like I'm trapped in some other dimension or something and every moment is disorienting at best and terrifying at worst. The intrusive thoughts too! My god, I feel like I'm at war with my brain. I wake up most mornings screaming at the top of my lungs asking my parents when it's going to end? When is the world going to feel safe again? Begging for them to make it stop. I'm using every grounding skill I know of but I just can't get out of this state. I isolated years ago when dp/dr started thinking it would go away and it's gotten like a hundred million times worse.
I started crying when you began to explain it because I immediately understood. Its been like this for months and months and Im not even sure where it started. Nothing feels like anything. Kind of feeling like one big long day where I keep waking up from a nap at different times. but I still remember things that happened during the nap but I didnt do those things. my feelings are not my own. and the feelings arent ever in the right place or are "watered down" versions of what should be happening. I feel no tired and no sad and no anger and no happy just this "pressure" and then less pressure. But its not stress just like im feeling emotions wrong. everything feels odd. I feel really focused in what should be stressful situations like completely zen. and im known to not do this. people have been commenting on it a lot. Idk what to tell them. Ive been faking emotions nowadays because people react negatively to the zen. I feel completely and totally not myself. Idk what that even means anymore lol
That’s heartbreaking and I’m really sorry you’re in the thick of it. A lot of what you’ve written resonates with what I experienced at the time. It’s scary and I hope you have a supportive community around you. We all move through it in different ways and none are more valid than others. Thanks for sharing your experience 💛
I had this disorder for 2 years. It was horrible...i felt insane and like no one knew what i was talking about and i honestly cant even remeber those two years of my life. Very depressing...im so sorry youve gone through it.
Honestly, thank you so much for this! I felt so validated when you brought up certain points, i cannot explain the feeling when you feel like you're losing your mind and going insane but someone else describes some of the exact symptoms that you experience in exactly the same way. And especially when you said at the end that you're no longer in permanent dissociation - it gave me hope!❤
I always feel like I'm just watching myself from my own eyes, and that I can't actually control myself. I am kind of just on autopilot, and while I'm typing this is the only time I have felt in control.
this feeling is so hard to put into words. everything has a haze over it, like a dream, and i can’t understand anything but i can see everything. crowds, words, faces, conversations, are impossibly exhausting to notice but not acknowledge. i remember going shopping with my mom and not understanding why she didn’t want to go home, why she wasn’t as exhausted and confused as i was, how she could casually browse through clothes and be unaffected by the bright lights and colors, and the overwhelming smell of cologne and new clothes and people and food all present and flooding my mind at once. but i was just there, unwillingly taking it all in. a few years of this and i eventually made it to high school, where i barely passed as a friend to a guy who sold me some weed. i smoked for the first time had a panic attack passed out and woke up sick and high, but for the first time in as long as i can remember i felt my mind release its grip on me. i was free to look and perceive what i wanted to, at least for about an hour. i wanted to feel like that forever. but i slipped into what i now know is disassociation again when i came down from the high. still, that taste of freedom made me want to learn what was wrong with me so here i am, thanks for the video, it puts my head into words that make sense. i just need to figure out what to do now.
You were so open about your experiences, and that takes strength. I am finally practicing self love when I may be dissociating, because it helps bring me back to feeling grounded. I will be doing some EMDR sessions around childhood trauma memories. When things feel unreal, the part of me that knows it’s my body and mind’s way of keeping me safe and that I am not going crazy, is so comforting. It took me YEARS to heal daily panic attacks. I appreciate your openness. I hope anyone who is suffering can know that healing is possible. It takes hard work, time, and loving yourself fully. Forgiveness helps, too. Of those who hurt you, but most important - letting go of hurting yourself. And self forgiveness. Great video! Thanks for sharing.
In just the first 6 minutes of this video alone, you described so many horrifying parts of derealization that I thought were unique. Mine is being triggered by benzodiazepine withdrawal. It causes such horrific existential crisis that you feel like you'll never recover, hopelessly Nihilistic. Absolutely incredible for this. Thank you so...so much. I'm glad you recovered.
Caleb, I jumped off Klonopin after a gnarly fifteen month taper five months ago! I was on Klonopin for seventeen years at 1.5 mg daily..hang in there my friend 😁👽👾
When you said not being able to sit in the same spot I completely get that. If things aren’t changing my vision will go completely distorted and things will seem either too far or too close. I’ve talked to my therapist about the tunnel vision stuff and they thought I should get my eyes checked but it really just is derealization. EVERYTHING you said I relate to and it’s scary as fUCK. I was looking up schizophrenia or bipolar I had no idea what was wrong with me. What made your symptoms go away because it’s seriously a constant state that I don’t see going away.
I really hate this feeling it feels like I’m in my own little word and just makes me fell like I’m just dreaming I really enjoyed this video it made me feel better knowing that it’s not only me it’s with everyone in this world
Such a clear and vivid description of the experience you are having with this condition. Difficult, for sure, but it is really interesting hearing someone talk about it. I started watching halfway through when I started writting my comment, and I just watched it from the start.. I was like, whoa--- because from 2012 for roughly the same length of time, I went through, I think, some dissociation too. I struggled a lot with that flat-voice effect, like being able to speak well at times, then it's like my real voice would slip away from me and it would have a quality of flatness.
Yea man I’ve been struggling with thing for years now. One thing I did changed my life. I went from 5 to 7 episodes a year. Too once now. I keep track of them and times.
It constantly feels like you are only in your head. And the reality is you can't control any of it. Dissociation with grandiose feels like being high all the time, like you have superpowers, on other days you are just sitting without any ideas of what's happening.
Thank you so much for making this video. I never heard anything so complex explained so well with the effects and everything. You even made me remember the thing with the letters moving. It's like when I was writing something they would move like fast and spastic up and down for a second. I totally forgot about that. It was really a scary feeling and I had no way to explain to someone. I lived with it constantly for about a year or 2 and then it went away sort of but I had frequent bouts of it. Eventually I would only get it in the summertime, I think I associated the summer with some traumatic events and now I hardly get it. But like fluorescent lights in walmart can trigger it and other certain lighting can trigger it for me or if I get really nervous. I'm glad its gone now. Also for the 1 or 2 years I had it constantly I also had the Truman show delusion which was so fucked up and scary. I'm so glad its over.
I RELATE TO THIS SO HARD. Especially the vision stuff. For me it's kinda combined with an existential crisis, which FUCKIN SUCKS. anyways to anyone else watching this, no this isn't the matrix, that's a movie. No this isn't a dream, dreams happen when you sleep in THIS reality. You're gonna be okay, and we're gonna make it through this.
Thank you so much for posting this, The micro and Macro would really scare me but I looked everywhere and couldn't find anything, it was the same with the auditory things. It wasn't hallucinations but something different. This makes me happy that i'm not insane and have the right diagnosis. Panic attacks while being dissociated are literally the worst. Anyways I'm glad that there are real humans with this and its not just me and a bunch of case studies and statistics. :)
I have practically all of this. The time travel you mentioned, is such a horrible feeling. To feel like reality was all made up, and you are back in that memory. For me, it was like being an abused child all over again, and all the progress I had made was fake. Like moving forward never really happened. Feeling like you don't exist, sounds meshing together, words exploding and flipping on pages, language becoming heard but not understood. Extreme HD or low quality, taking in too much at once or too little. Feeling completely stuck... Thank you for sharing this. Feeling like you've lost yourself and you are crazy, is such a terrifying feeling. I don't think people realize how horrible it feels to lose your sense of self.
Holy shit I thought this whole time that I was crazy! Everything that you’re saying in this video sounds exactly like what I felt for the past six months or so. I didn’t really know how to explain it but everything you just said explains my past six months entirely. Holy shit. Like you read my mind and said it for me. I am so very grateful for you posting this video. I might be going to a psychiatrist soon and I’m just gonna show them this video because I haven’t been able to explain my problems. Like, I feel like no one understands me but the way you put it, it is very easy to understand. Thank you 🙏
honestly I'm so glad! the whole reason I posted this was because when I was going through it, it felt ineffable and impossible to describe. I felt like I couldn't trust myself which meant that I felt like I couldn't possibly bring this up to a doctor or my loved ones. And I wished there was a video back hen that I could have been like "hey, watch this, it's easy to understand and explain everything I'm going through". I think that would have been comforting. I'm glad that this is available to you now.
Wow. This is the first time I've ever had my feelings put into words. Especially the beach part. My jaw literally dropped then. Thank you so much for making this video. I can't tell you enough how much it helps.
this helped me so much ?? thank you because i feel less alone. I have had this constant feeling for a while, and it has gotten to the point where i have almost had to go to the hospital because i was so scared bc i couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror. This feeling convinces me that i’m not actually in my body and everything around me is not real, and that i have been created with previous memories that are not mine. I look at my loved ones and the people i usually feel the closest with and cant feel any sort of connection, or sometimes i can’t even recognize them because they look like someone else’s friend, not mine. everyone that i have talked to said that i was over exaggerating it, and that everyone experiences it, but i don’t think they have felt it on my level. It’s a continuous battle everyday just to get things done and to have conversations. So thank you, for making me realize i’m not alone through this. thank you for bringing light to this and helping people like me to feel more connected.
Okay, you are 100% normal and I know its hard to believe but this is a symptom of anxiety. Theres great videos on dp/dr recovery it’s literally a breath of fresh air. I resonated with what you mentioned when it comes to like the blended aspect you mentioned of movies, dreams, thoughts, disassociation and trust me so much more.
NOTE! I got my self out of derealization and depersonalisation by slighty overdosing magnesium intake+through skin applying. I thought I would never go out that hell. This might also work for you if your kidneys are normal take 400-600mg per day (not magnesium oxide) take citrate, glysine or chelate. Take it with vitamine D to better absorption if u dont get much sun. And take magnesium chloride thrgouh skin. Epsom salt baths also good. Please guys try this out for few weeks, you dont have much to lose it wont harm you. But chances are you are magnesium deficient badly. Thats not the root cause ofcourse it can be (traumas, long term stress, sicknesses, over training, medicines, smoking marijuana (THC eats magnesium).
Obey Heart please reply to this if you can, but I wanted to know if this method works if you’ve smoked marijuana???? My boyfriend has dealt with this for a year, and I’m willing to try anything for him.
I agree with you 100 percent. Brought me to tears. Especially when you played that audio. Been having 2 week episodes for the past 9 years. Usually 3-5 episodes a year. Usually happens when I most stressed. Also I’ve learned to prevent these episodes. Hit me up if you want to know how. Thanks!! Your brave for doing this.
This is so relatable- it actually made me emotional... I have been really struggling but I find hope in your experiences and I know the universe will lead me to where I need to be. Thank you for this!
you described this 'time travelling' thing so damn accurate. i almost felt like theres nobody on this planet who also have this sort of feeling, but its extremely good to know that im not alone and not about to go completely insane. one interesting thing i experienced is that it comes more if i havent sleep much. hope this ends someday, thanks for sharing your experience!
I am a diagnosed BPD with Severe GAD, Social, Phobic and Panic Disorder with co-occuring clinical depression. I have had the most stressful semester of my life and have completely dissociated. I am on day two and I haven't stopped crying. My husband came home and I was so distorted nothing made sense, everyone feels like robots. I feel lile I am behind frosted glass screaming and no one can hear me. I have hardly any physical sensations (almost all are gone and I' m constantly touching things to check reality. ) it is exactly like a drug trip you cant escape. Because of my panic disorder, its causes severe panic attacks but I can't physically feel them. Tunnel vision/mumbled hearing. This is just what I needed. 💜
thank you for this video! I’m in a state of derealization/depersonalization right now and I’m happy to know that I feel “normal” things and I won’t go insane! Yes, it started like a strange dream once after the panic attack, I thought that I should wake up soon, but it didn’t happen.Now it feels like an endless alcohol trip. Unfortunately I have some really bad fx related to the music and music making (music and sounds are flat, distant and it all sounds like you hear everything under the water) which is sad af, cause I can’t make music to get away from these feelings. Thank you for a detailed description! Take care ❤️
I got diagnosed today with derealization/time distortion/ flat destitution/ depersonalization this video connected to me and I’d really like to have a conversation if that’s possible
I was in it for a couple years before I touched ground again. It can be a very scary experience, but I see it as blessing in a way. It's completely changed how I see life. I have a new appreciation for my sanity, the mind, and the world around me. It doesn't have to be a curse. Accepting it is the best thing you can do. You can still live a fruitful life.
I am a highly sensitive person. When I'm in a room where multiple people are talking, and someone is talking to me I can't understand what they are saying. Sometimes I feel like the future won't happen. Like the things that I'm sure will happen, just normal life. It feels like that just won't ever come. Like the moment will never end. I can't handle people touching me, except for my two friends. I usually don't know about time, I don't feel it but that is very normal for me. My eyes don't focus on things sometimes when I'm overwhelmed. I get anxious easily.
This video is fascinating. I remember that when I had it I was unable to flush images out of my mind and replace them with things that were actually in front of me. So for example, I would be sitting at my computer but all I could still see in my mind's eye was the scenery I witnessed earlier during a walk. I remember the lourve blinds in my doctor's surgery also got stuck in my mind and kept repeating on me for the rest of the day. It mighten't sound too disturbing to somebody who hasn't experienced it, but it fosters a such sense of unreality and shows you just how much you rely on your mind's ability to regulate your senses.
Thank you not gona lie watching this actually triggered my anxiety but also gave me relief in knowing that how i experience the world around me can be understood by others, ive always been afraid to mention any and all (every symptom u mention i experience daily basis)in fear of being label insane or when i do people assume im high on drugs or something but no sometimes days of my life are just 30 minute videos that i watch like through a screen and only think about at night its strange.I really appreciate this video and you have mentioned, ive always known it was a problem when i realize i could have a conversation with someone in real life and simultaneously engage in my daydreams,and i feel guilty but sometimes i have to drown out overwhelming stimuli with instrumental music and hide in my ear buds i didnt think anyone else felt these types of ways
Ive watched many videos about this but you describe it very well. What I would add is my brain starts to overthink existential stuff and while thinking my thoughts fly and I can’t orient my thoughts. They feel just so blurry and confusing. And I can’t even define and describe myself how this all really feels like.
And the worst part is many people don’t know about this topic and seem not to take it seriously which causes the feeling in me that I fake it all and make this all up to seek attention. Ouf it’s all just a mess
I've been in this state for fucking 18 years. It almost feels like I'm doing time, like I'm actually in fucking prison, the prison of my mind. Because I don't do much, just waiting, just like in jail. I don't do much because I don't feel much. The difference is I'm not psychically in jail, so this is like an comfortable jail.
When I describe my dissociation like you do, I doubt that anyone understands. I obviously understand yours. Maybe only people who have gone through it understand.
My whole middle school experience was this. I'm feeling very dissociated right now. Watching videos brings me out of it. I don't go through it very much now but when I'm very overwhelmed I get dissociated but the way you put it you mentioned everything that I've couldn't describe it. I'll show my parents this so they can understand it more.
i got here via a extremely heavy trip which completely removed my earthly identity and transported me "back there", which i knew i had just left a moment ago, even though it has been my first and only trip. for the first hour it was so terrifying and insane that i KNEW that i had gone insane. eventually it calmed down and just became astonishingly fascinating instead, but i've never been the same since. however what i understood there was that this earthly body and mind is not "I", but instead the real I is just currently tuned to this channel of this body in this time and space, and it's because i'm here to experience this life with my emotions as my teacher and my guide. there's nothing to be afraid of - you are just aware that 'you' are not this human you experience here, and the place where we came here from has no this kind of time or location as we know it here. that's why it feels dissociating at times - it's because it's real. but you shouldn't be worrying about it - our science here doesn't know what or why this world is either, so you are just migrating from one unknown to another. focus your life here, pursue what you really desire. love and enjoy and experience. we're all loved.
You are nailing it! I've had this since the age of seven. Thank you for this descriptive video. I'm always trying to think of way to describe the experience or to induce this into a person who doesn't have it.
Thank you sooo much... I have never heard such a great explanation, I can’t even put what happenes to me in words when I try to explain this to somebody. So thank you! You said all the things I ever wanted to say to somebody who doesn’t understand.
Thank you so much for your perspective on this. It has deeply comforted me and the validation has brought me to tears. I've had this for years and just now have a name for it.
I'm a week into mine and it all started when I watched a youtube vid about reality and the universe. I cant really get to the bottom of why that video set me off because I have watched countless other videos like that and been fine but I don't why that vid did. Now I cant get back.
I think the worst part is the loss of time and memory loss/confusion but I had it as a very young age, so I learned to warp it to my liking, which made it harder to stop doing it.
So well explained. Memory loss, sound sensitivity, brightness , loss of identity, feeling detached, nothing feels real> difficult especially during work. How did you manage when working and how did you start feeling better? Thank you for sharing.
Never heard anyone explain it as well as you have. You've said everything I have felt for 34 years now. I have always kept functioning, cause I had children to care for, just pushed myself through it. But still hate the feeling. Tried lots of different meds and counseling, felt like I either have gotten 1/2 way better or just learned to live with it. Wish I had someone that's had it to talk too. Was always to afraid to tell people how I felt for years, thinking they would think I was crazy. I know this is not true now. So happy you are better, wish I knew the way out.
Well.... It's all so relatable. Its been 6 months. After suffering a trauma , more like a panic attack I'm still stucked in that Temporal dissociation , dpdr...and haven't found anyway to get out of that feelings 🙂
yup yup yup and yup it is terrifying but also comforting that youre describing how its felt for me over the past year. confirting because im not alone in this and how i explain it is how other people do too, that its not just me, slowly loosing it
Thank you for such an amazing video. I can’t believe is so old! I lived through all similar symptoms and I was never able to put my finger on it. I just though I was going insane. Finally a therapist mentioned the proper name for the illness and I’ve found next to no information about it anywhere. Thank you for speaking about it.
Thank you for talking about this. It is so unknown & I struggled in the dark for many years without knowledge of what I was going through. I have dealt with this my entire life, on & off, however I have been in a constant dissociative state since early 2015. It had been getting better, the veil was lifting a bit until my little brother passed away this May...now it won’t go away. I appreciate you bringing up synesthesia because my senses have always melded together.
This is so crazy, I’m glad I’ve finally found someone that’s sharing the same experiences as I. It’s really hard to explain to people there than I’m hyper aware and sensitive to pretty much everything. The whole shade of pink thing is something I’ve experienced quite often. It would happen when I was in elementary and the few thoughts that would always come to mind were “is this what life is?” And I would question how my body was moving and how I was having personal thoughts that no one could hear. It’s a crazy ass experience.
This happens to me in half-day episodes, an usually, the voice of reason in my head keeps my thoughts and feelings and oddities in check, but with this it doesn't, and that's terrifying.
That is really intense. I think I have experienced most of that in small doses. Sometimes I will be driving, and forget which vehicle I am driving. When I look around the car and realize which car I am driving for a few seconds I feel like I don't recognize the car or my body and feel panicked. I have to quickly force myself to overcome it, because I'm driving. One time when I was a child I was walking out to the car. I looked up at a tree, then suddenly I was in the tree looking at myself walking and looking at the tree.
![Dissociation: How to Cope [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kVgD0-N8vZI/mqdefault.jpg)
Does anyone else feel like they can't feel nothing and they can't understand when people talk
Yes all through my childhood, always felt I was thick, nothing was real.
many times. not all the time
Yes
Yup, a lot
A bit, sometimes. Only once, I had this feeling in an extreme way. It was in a moment, where I had just lashed out violently against constant physical harassment from out of my group (just seconds before). Someone from my group asked, whether I had gone crazy. It just took me 5-8 seconds to make sense of the soundwaves I had perceived and interpret them as words. I had heard the person just fine, but could neither recognize nor interpret the words for a while.
The scariest thing is when you can’t panic if you need to because it doesn’t feel real.
That's the point of it it makes you feel disconnected so you dont focus on the pain or danger a panic attack is your brain thinking its in danger so it makes you feel derealisation too help you deal with it so you dont get overwellt it is there too help its a friend your alright man
Yeah. I have this same feeling of fogginess for 2 years and on multiple occasions i walked infront of a noving car or bus because of the fact that nothing felt real, it just feels like a dream. Luckily a friend of mine yanked me backwards and told me off and that i couldve died but i just took it like a grain of salt
😭😭😭
Derealization was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I was a 9/11 "survivor" (I put that in quotes because my existence hardly felt like "suvival" at the time) and I developed extreme, intractable dissociation in the immediate aftermath and for at least a year afterwards. It took me 3-4 years to feel human again and to stop doing double-takes every time I looked in the mirror.
...Oh and jfc how terrifying was it when she used those audio effects (the echo and the "flattening" effect)...?
Omg u took my words away .
the worst part for me is the irrational existential thoughts. like i know theyre bullshit but its like a constant battle with this irrational fear
sammee, ill literally picture the earth on the outside and then come back to myself like what the fuck.
Romen Balladarez yep I feel like my life is a figment of my imagination
I really don’t know if I have this disorder, but I feel like my friends and family aren’t real and are just playing along to trick me. I feel like I’m in the Truman show or something.
Romen Balladarez same
@@lilskript6036 yep..
I left school after a really bad week where nothing felt real. I was like okay I’ll just wait for this to pass like a cold and get back to my life in a week. It’s been... almost three years. Thanks for making this video it’s so nice to know I’m not alone.
thats so hard to do for so long! keep going pal, you're never alone.
Kyra ๏ I have the same thing... I’ve always had it but sometimes it’s not so bad and sometimes it is.
I did too. It just hit out of nowhere and I had to leave school because I literally couldn’t muster the mental strength to leave the house. It had become my safe space. Needless to say this lasted for many months I had to switch to online school. So yes, as the video describes and my comment you are not alone. Probably the worst form of anxiety in my opinion.
Jay The Djentleman I had to leave school because of it too... same situation man. It sucks.
Omg same, its been 2 years now
It is basically HELL on earth.....I have been living with it for soon 2 years and it's so beyond horrible. Always feeling like you are losing yourself, going insane and extreme time distortion. I could just sit and talk forever about all the horrific and disturbing symptoms and sensation that comes with DP/DR. But the biggest question and the biggest battle that takes place everyday. Is HOW IN THE ACTUAL WORLD are you supposed to get back to normal?? How do you "repersonalize"???
If anyone has the answer to this, please help us
Harsh Pherwani it’s honestly just a irrational thoughts and anxiety that consumes you. Your brain has either been through trauma or your experiencing severe stress and anxiety. I got through this by Constantly telling myself the negative thoughts I’m thinking are delusional and anxiety related. Practise treating your anxiety and going to cbt or dialectic therapy. It’s all about being positive because living around this disorder it consumes you. Get on a daily routine, take vitamins like magnetism, omega fatty acids (which tend to help with disassociation), exercise, sleep good because poor sleep effects your disassociation, grounding techniques, mediation, do not consume yourself in this disorder it’ll make it worse trust me. Be really invested in your conversations and environment, look at details in your environment and colours, it really helps trust me.
Seek enlightenment, it’s about awareness and consciousness...you CAN get better...I live like this for weeks and I got out of it..thank god
@@jaspreetdhaliwal4953 Everything I'm reading about recovering from DP/DR says to not obsess over it and to exercise and distract but I'm so limited I am stuck in a house that doesn't feel familiar even though I lived here for 30 years. I LOVE to exercise but I can only do a few minutes of qi gong now. I can't fathom what has happened to me. I also love losing myself in movies/music/tv/podcasts but lately I can't focus or comprehend any of them. It's like a waking nightmare.
Brandon James hey hun, I understand it’s really hard. One thing that helped me was meditation, (grounding exercises). I noticed when I get anxious (start overthinking), or I’m tired I get derealization. You should stick to a proper sleep routine, and go to therapy trust me it really helps. You should try treating your anxiety and symptoms of depression first, it’ll help. I felt so alone when it began happening, but honestly your not alone.
You have no idea how amazing it feels to know I'm not the only one that feels that way about time! I thought I was insane...I get so scared that time has sped up and its all passing me by...hearing you say exactly what I've been living with for a year and half created such a sense of clarity in my mind!! Thank you!
Seb Yates Cridland i hav it for a year and a half too stay strong we ill recover
I also felt like I was going insane at one point. I lived with a person who was saying bad things about me and trying to separate everyone from me. I had nowhere else to go. I dissociated so much then, my body said out loud “who am I” but I didn’t mean to say anything. It was automatic like sometimes when you’re about to fall asleep and make a noise.
OH MY GOD ! SAME ! thank god ! And how are yuo dealing with it ?
Seb Yates Cridland YES BRO SAME
I wish more people also talked about dissociation and the numbness & trying to pinch urself or something to ‘feel’ something
mars gurl YES
Oh wow, I used to pinch my hand too, but it would leave marks so my psychologist told me to use ice cubes on my wrist instead
i have struggled with this for just over 2 years. i cry for about 2 hours daily because i know how i used to feel and how i feel now. from being popular to alone is a very scary feeling for me. help
Stefan Klassen hey how have you been making out ? I feel the same way as you. It's really rough.
Hey Stefan maybe you want to talk? Dealing with the same issues:/ I could share my Skype or email address?
I hate to say it but...i had it for two years before taking up smoking...it made it go away. Kind of shitty but that was the only thing that truley made it go away. Life was hell back then i know what youre going through.
It was like a light switch. As soon as the nicotine set in. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world I felt so set free. I immediately went outside to look at the stars because for the first time in two years i really felt like i was here.
Stefan Klassen most things you go through are temporary, focus on what is going to make things better and focus on solutions rather than asking yourself if it’s working. Sometimes you just have to keep going and accept that things may be off for a while. I mean that in a way of being calm with it, not trying to say to deny what you feel. More so of saying “this is how it is now and I’m going to be ok. I will work through it”. I hope that helps a bit.
With me, I had to remind myself not to ignore what I felt but to give my self a moment to say “this is how I feel” then decide “I’m going to keep going and it’ll get a little better.” And usually it gets better. Don’t judge yourself too much. Imagine an inner child within you that you need to comfort and help grow.
I’m not a professional though and this is just what works with me. I hope you feel better. As we grow older, so much changes, so many people grow apart because we’re always busy trying to get things together. Being alone doesn’t ever mean that you’re insignificant :) there will always be someone who cares.
The inability to feel time is so true.
I find that thinking/talking about it makes it a lot worse for me. I dont know this is such an underrated disorder and no one understands it. And when you used those weird audio affect it was so much like me that I almost cried... I am sad that you go through this but happy I'm not alone.. I have some weird moments where I feel like moving my body isn't okay, because I felt so unreal.. I don't know.. This is crazy it gets so bad..
I know it’s been 3 years, but how are you doing now? This is what I’m going through
I look at objects and things feel infinitely far away but also infinitely close to me at the same time.
Anyone else feel like they're just waiting for life to continue or get better or for something grand to happen?
I remember when I was 12-13 I had an epizode of derealization for like 10 minutes (I had it before but not this strong, and I didn’t quite know what was this feeling) and I was on a school trip and I remember telling my friends that I feel weird and they asked what’s wrong and I said, you know when you feel like you are in a dream and you can’t wake up... my friends were like wtf are you talking about
RUclips Trash #1 I had the exact same thing, around when I was that age
Had that all the time when I was 14, 15 but for whole days. Mostly when I was very tired. I also felt like nothing could suprise me, because it felt like everything was going down a prewritten path. I could see how people could interpret this as a sign of god, maybe thats where those storys about feeling god and his hand over the world come from.
RUclipsr Trash #1 Omfg I feel the exact same.
Same but it’s been 17 hours.
Nada TW has it ended for you yet??
Every single day feels like a dream...
thats me every single damn day.
@@terrysanghera1680 hey, are you better now?
@@terrysanghera1680 Me too!
I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but I cannot belive how you were able to live like this for years..
My dissociations are almost always intertwined with a panic attack, and they are so frightening to me that I do almost anything to "get out" of there. I have never heard/read someone that describes it as well as you do, especially about feeling/sensing 2 opposite things at the same time. Thank you for that.
that's incredibly validating to hear thank you so much for your comment
This video brought me to tears. You put into words all the things I’ve been feeling. What a scary scary world to feel stuck in but at least I know I’m not alone. Thank you for this video!
Your not alone. Trust me.
Holy shit dude. I can barely handle dissociation/derealization for 30 minutes to an hour. For years???? I’m proud of you for pushing through that that’s incredible.
Dads Room thank you for your comment, this was genuinely so validating to read. Although I try to make light and sort of bring some comedy to the video, I have never suffered and been so terrified in my life. It’s really moving to hear encouraging words from people who have experienced this first hand.
his is unbelievable. i’m 4 minutes in and you’ve said pretty much EVERYTHING i’ve been feeling for the past 6 years (yep, been stuck in this hellish state for 6 years). i’ve NEVER come across anyone on the internet who’s gone through this on a long-term, 24/7 basis. i have never heard anyone else describe their experience of. e world as “2D” (that is EXACTLY how I always describe it). thank you so much for making this video, i can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate it.
arachnid fingers Is there a way I can contact you? I’m going through the same thing...
Urli Alejandro sure, i think you can chat on youtube if you click this link and add me as a friend: youtu.be/addme/BHUFnRMFJjYnL69ors-X8ETlKjt78g
I've had this since I was 15, 24/7. I am now 30.
ProspectiveCorpse have you ever found out why? are you kind of stuck at that mental age?
Been experiencing this since middle school.finally came out of it at the beginning of 2019 but experienced a really bad situation & I feel myself slipping back into the void. How do I make this stop?
I literally said all of this to my school councillor and she thinks I have anxiety. In reality I think there’s something more. Not being able to feel real and not feeling any emotion at all is heartbreaking and I don’t wanna do it anymore
Rhianna Williamson that’s me rn
Anxiety can definitely make it worse so if you can identify signs of anxiety and reduce it than that might provide some relief
+icaru34 anxiety is just terrifying stress, avoid any stress
talk to an actual doctor, and please ask to be put on celexa/citolopram, anxiety medication that also treats psychosis and depersonalization.
you will hate it for a month, maybe more and it won't feel like it's taking effect, but I promise you I promise you I promise you that by 3 months you will be a lot better. the best thing about it is that A. it can be prescribed to teens and adults and B. after it's better you learn to appreciate and love life so so much, and every day you feel like "damn I got it going on!"
the medicine CANNOT be stopped cold turkey or else you could have a psychosic breakdown because you're all of a sudden going from better back to the pits of hell, also the medicine will be less effective if you don't remove the source of stress. Hitme up if you ever need anything I've been through a loot and I can help with nearly any problem.
also for the first month you won't be able to nut unless you do some earth shattering shit but ignore that
I have social anxiety and Dissociative disorder, the anxiety definitely triggers the dissociating more :)
one of the best explanations on youtube so far, i experienced exactly the same symptoms only thing that helps the fastest way is talking to someone (takes about 5-20 min) then i´m back in reality
I relate so much to everything you're saying. In regards to the auditory distortions... I have NEVER in my life heard someone demonstrate this so accurately to me. I've never been able to describe these things. Your video really helped me. Thank you.
I'm so glad, it took me so long to put words to these experiences, and i'm really relieved people can identify with them
I've felt this before-- It's awful. I used to get it randomly for couple hours to a day, but never more than that. I haven't had it for a couple years now, thank god. It really is such a strange, terrifying feeling. I always felt like I was watching myself through a screen, like I would go through the motions but didn't really feel like I was controlling myself. I'm so sorry you went through that for 3 years!
Kevin did you fully recovered?
THIS is what i've struggled with for about 9 years now.... every time i try to explain it to my parents or the doctor, they're always like 'what are you talking about??' ugh it's such a terrifying experience, i used to get random episodes for like 10 - 30 minutes but now i only get it when i'm feeling anxious or nervous, or even nervous for no reason.
♡
Go see a psychologist. It might be anxiety and your Brain shutting down. I know that is why I am like that.
The most difficult part for me is the constant identity crisis I go through due to feeling like a stranger to myself and seeing my reflection and thinking, "that may look like me but it isn't, it isn't me. That's not who I am. Is it?"
I’ve felt this. Kind like an out of body experience. I would pinch myself just to make sure I was still me. Tbh I barley felt the pinch while in an episode
I've been feeling gone.. Away
I dissappear, from the world..
And it feels like nothing is real. Like my body is here.. But I can't feel it..
I can feel myself inside of my body.
Almost like I'm trapped inside of myself. Inside of my body and this world. I dissapear into myself and
I'm stuck..
My minds gone..
I look out into nothing. I feel like I got sucked into myself and I'm gone..
I feel like it goes on for a very long time.
How long?
I look around me, at the trees.. Wind blowing.. The suns out.. The world is so beautiful and yet
Its like I'm not even here.. Is anything even real? What is all of this..
I can't think..
I can't talk..
My mind, my tongue
feel glued down.. I can't feel my body..
What's going on.? Where did I go..?
I feel like I'm floating. Im gone
Im looking at every one around me, do they know? Can they sense what's wrong with me?
Can they see it..
God i hope not, but what can I do.. I'm gone..
But for how long..?
They asked me.. What's wrong Courtney?
Are you there?
Courtney?
..
Did I smile?
Did I answer..?
What is going on..
Help..
I'm here.. Can you hear me? Help me.. I'm trapped..
My body and my mind were swallowed whole.. .
Pull me out,
Please
Can they hear me..
What do I do..
What's happening..
How long have I been sitting here? Am I even sitting..? Is this real..?
Why am I hear..
Is anything real..
I'm floating.. I'm gone.
Trapped away, help me
Please,
Can they hear me..
My hands, I can't feel them.. What even are hands? Are they real.. My skin.. My thoughts..
Am I here..
I'm up, I'm walking
no
I'm floating
The world around me seems unreal
What is happening?
Pull me back in, help me
Please
I want to feel
Feel again
I'm thinking but my thoughts are so far away.. Come back.. Will they come back?
Muffled sounds
Noises
I'm floating
Help me,
Please
This is real Courtney, come back to the world
Come back,
I tell myself..
Somewhere inside of me
Oh god,
I'm so sad
.. Is this real?
Always sad.. Always alone..
Even when I'm floating
I'm standing, alone
I cant move
.. How do I move? I forget what's happening..
Why am i next to a tree?
What is all of this?
What is happening?
Am I actually gone?
I go, sit again
I'm floating away,
I feel nothing ..
My life.. A mess, I'm glad I'm away from it..
It's gone
I want back,
But why? What is the point?
Am I real?
Is life.. Real?
I'm gone
.. floating away..
Inside of myself..
I'm sad..
I'm numb
Pull me back, please ..
Someone..
Today,
is so pretty..
The wind, the trees
The sun
..
Beautiful sun
My boyfriend, next to me swinging
Has no idea
Please.. Help me.. Pull me back..
Anything
I'm floating away.. In my mind.. Outside of my mind..
Everywhere
I wish I was here, with him
But I'm gone
Im always gone
..
Wait..
I'm back.. I look around me, I can feel myself.
The swing under me
The kids playing
Im sad
So sad,
At least that part was real..
I want to cry, don't pull me away again
Is anything even real..
What am I..
I'm trapped inside of this wolrd, inside of everything
What is this..
What am I..
What are you..?
Im back.. But scared
So scared..
Is life worth it?
Is life real?
What happened?
I was gone,
for how long?
I can feel
The wind
The cool air
I'm back,
I'm back..
I'm here..
I'm real..
And I'm sad,
Again
Maybe tomorrow, I will disappear again
Really felt this. I’ve been there.
I understand this. What are hand? How is anyone here. Wanting to scream for help. Not knowing if i answered someone. Not knowing what i said or did and freaking out that you dont know. Feeling stuck inside my body. Like how do i have a body ..feeling trapped and scared wanting it to end not knowing when it will end.
This is a perfect representation.
Thankyou! You understand.
I’m watching this while derealization has set in quite severely throughout the day. I’m in a constant state too after the trauma I went through. My therapist said that it’s my bodies way of protecting me. “Oh this isn’t real, therefor nothing can hurt me” I’m numb but the lighting in your video and the painting behind you and your pink hair are making me feel something warm and I appreciate you so much for that and opening up about your experience. It’s really hard. We got this! 🐥
Grace O'Callaghan I FEEL YOU BUDDY. Solidarity and warmth from me to you !
Groundhog Day territory makes me feel like I’m going insane…
For a really long time I thought I had dissociation symptoms but this is really shocking.
I thought so because when I was alone, I thought that I did not exist and felt very very distant from everyone, like whatever I did, they would not see.
Ms Nobody:)
I think the time spent phones/social media are part of the problem. We aren’t getting the exercise ourbodies require.
This is how I feel when I have a panic attack. I don’t freak out thinking I’m having a heart attack like most, I think I’m going nuts and feel very out of touch with reality, or what I knew to be normal. Maybe not everything you describe, but soo much of it.
I feel the same way when I get my panic attacks as well. But that's the only time I feel this.
Thank you for this, i have had this for 3 yrs and recently found out i have high blood pressure as well. its a super scary thing to go through, i barely leave the house, i also get really off balance, no energy, just overall feel like crap.
How are you doing now?
this has helped me so much to really understand that im not crazy, im just losing touch. if anyone feels this way, one thing that helps me is meditating and really grounding yourself.
emily its so depressing and scary always feeling like nothing is real.
The feeling is so hard to explain...we all know how it feels but we cant explain it I cant at all....
Oh my god the TIME SLOWING DOWN THING thank you for speaking about that. I try and explain it to my family and they can't possibly understand why it's so horrible but it's the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. Also constant tunnel vision and short term memory loss! Exactly as you say. Fuzzy, blurry...it's like I've never seen my room or my parents before in my life.
I try so hard to be accepting and change my negative thoughts because I know stress and anxiety further complicates this but I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. My cognition and my nervous system have been compromised because of trying to come off of Klonopin I was prescribed for panic attacks which means I can't really exercise or even move or distract with movies/music/TV/sports/anything I'm interested in. I'm starting to feel so hopeless, like I do not want to die at all but I feel like I'm trapped in some other dimension or something and every moment is disorienting at best and terrifying at worst. The intrusive thoughts too! My god, I feel like I'm at war with my brain.
I wake up most mornings screaming at the top of my lungs asking my parents when it's going to end? When is the world going to feel safe again? Begging for them to make it stop. I'm using every grounding skill I know of but I just can't get out of this state. I isolated years ago when dp/dr started thinking it would go away and it's gotten like a hundred million times worse.
How do you feel now? Did the dissociation start happening to you when you tried coming off of the Klonopin?
I started crying when you began to explain it because I immediately understood. Its been like this for months and months and Im not even sure where it started. Nothing feels like anything.
Kind of feeling like one big long day where I keep waking up from a nap at different times. but I still remember things that happened during the nap but I didnt do those things.
my feelings are not my own. and the feelings arent ever in the right place or are "watered down" versions of what should be happening.
I feel no tired and no sad and no anger and no happy just this "pressure" and then less pressure. But its not stress just like im feeling emotions wrong. everything feels odd.
I feel really focused in what should be stressful situations like completely zen. and im known to not do this. people have been commenting on it a lot. Idk what to tell them.
Ive been faking emotions nowadays because people react negatively to the zen.
I feel completely and totally not myself. Idk what that even means anymore lol
also everything you said was true. everything. ALL OF IT
That’s heartbreaking and I’m really sorry you’re in the thick of it. A lot of what you’ve written resonates with what I experienced at the time. It’s scary and I hope you have a supportive community around you. We all move through it in different ways and none are more valid than others. Thanks for sharing your experience 💛
I had this disorder for 2 years. It was horrible...i felt insane and like no one knew what i was talking about and i honestly cant even remeber those two years of my life. Very depressing...im so sorry youve gone through it.
how did you get out of it?
Honestly, thank you so much for this! I felt so validated when you brought up certain points, i cannot explain the feeling when you feel like you're losing your mind and going insane but someone else describes some of the exact symptoms that you experience in exactly the same way. And especially when you said at the end that you're no longer in permanent dissociation - it gave me hope!❤
I always feel like I'm just watching myself from my own eyes, and that I can't actually control myself. I am kind of just on autopilot, and while I'm typing this is the only time I have felt in control.
this feeling is so hard to put into words. everything has a haze over it, like a dream, and i can’t understand anything but i can see everything. crowds, words, faces, conversations, are impossibly exhausting to notice but not acknowledge.
i remember going shopping with my mom and not understanding why she didn’t want to go home, why she wasn’t as exhausted and confused as i was, how she could casually browse through clothes and be unaffected by the bright lights and colors, and the overwhelming smell of cologne and new clothes and people and food all present and flooding my mind at once. but i was just there, unwillingly taking it all in.
a few years of this and i eventually made it to high school, where i barely passed as a friend to a guy who sold me some weed. i smoked for the first time had a panic attack passed out and woke up sick and high, but for the first time in as long as i can remember i felt my mind release its grip on me. i was free to look and perceive what i wanted to, at least for about an hour.
i wanted to feel like that forever. but i slipped into what i now know is disassociation again when i came down from the high.
still, that taste of freedom made me want to learn what was wrong with me so here i am, thanks for the video, it puts my head into words that make sense. i just need to figure out what to do now.
You were so open about your experiences, and that takes strength. I am finally practicing self love when I may be dissociating, because it helps bring me back to feeling grounded. I will be doing some EMDR sessions around childhood trauma memories. When things feel unreal, the part of me that knows it’s my body and mind’s way of keeping me safe and that I am not going crazy, is so comforting. It took me YEARS to heal daily panic attacks. I appreciate your openness. I hope anyone who is suffering can know that healing is possible. It takes hard work, time, and loving yourself fully. Forgiveness helps, too. Of those who hurt you, but most important - letting go of hurting yourself. And self forgiveness. Great video! Thanks for sharing.
In just the first 6 minutes of this video alone, you described so many horrifying parts of derealization that I thought were unique. Mine is being triggered by benzodiazepine withdrawal. It causes such horrific existential crisis that you feel like you'll never recover, hopelessly Nihilistic. Absolutely incredible for this. Thank you so...so much. I'm glad you recovered.
Caleb, I jumped off Klonopin after a gnarly fifteen month taper five months ago! I was on Klonopin for seventeen years at 1.5 mg daily..hang in there my friend 😁👽👾
How are you feeling now as mine was brought on by antibiotics 8 months ago ?
This is amazing. Thank you for putting words to this ineffable experience.
When you said not being able to sit in the same spot I completely get that. If things aren’t changing my vision will go completely distorted and things will seem either too far or too close. I’ve talked to my therapist about the tunnel vision stuff and they thought I should get my eyes checked but it really just is derealization. EVERYTHING you said I relate to and it’s scary as fUCK. I was looking up schizophrenia or bipolar I had no idea what was wrong with me. What made your symptoms go away because it’s seriously a constant state that I don’t see going away.
I really hate this feeling it feels like I’m in my own little word and just makes me fell like I’m just dreaming I really enjoyed this video it made me feel better knowing that it’s not only me it’s with everyone in this world
Do you feel like everything is cliché?
Like almost everything is repeated way too often
The world doesn't feel that original and it just feels fake
Such a clear and vivid description of the experience you are having with this condition. Difficult, for sure, but it is really interesting hearing someone talk about it.
I started watching halfway through when I started writting my comment, and I just watched it from the start.. I was like, whoa--- because from 2012 for roughly the same length of time, I went through, I think, some dissociation too. I struggled a lot with that flat-voice effect, like being able to speak well at times, then it's like my real voice would slip away from me and it would have a quality of flatness.
Yea man I’ve been struggling with thing for years now. One thing I did changed my life. I went from 5 to 7 episodes a year. Too once now. I keep track of them and times.
It constantly feels like you are only in your head. And the reality is you can't control any of it. Dissociation with grandiose feels like being high all the time, like you have superpowers, on other days you are just sitting without any ideas of what's happening.
The way you describe it is spot on! I know this was recorded 3 years ago so hope you’re doing better 💗
Thank you so much for making this video. I never heard anything so complex explained so well with the effects and everything. You even made me remember the thing with the letters moving. It's like when I was writing something they would move like fast and spastic up and down for a second. I totally forgot about that. It was really a scary feeling and I had no way to explain to someone. I lived with it constantly for about a year or 2 and then it went away sort of but I had frequent bouts of it. Eventually I would only get it in the summertime, I think I associated the summer with some traumatic events and now I hardly get it. But like fluorescent lights in walmart can trigger it and other certain lighting can trigger it for me or if I get really nervous. I'm glad its gone now. Also for the 1 or 2 years I had it constantly I also had the Truman show delusion which was so fucked up and scary. I'm so glad its over.
I RELATE TO THIS SO HARD. Especially the vision stuff. For me it's kinda combined with an existential crisis, which FUCKIN SUCKS. anyways to anyone else watching this, no this isn't the matrix, that's a movie. No this isn't a dream, dreams happen when you sleep in THIS reality. You're gonna be okay, and we're gonna make it through this.
Thanks 💜
Thank you so much for posting this, The micro and Macro would really scare me but I looked everywhere and couldn't find anything, it was the same with the auditory things. It wasn't hallucinations but something different. This makes me happy that i'm not insane and have the right diagnosis. Panic attacks while being dissociated are literally the worst. Anyways I'm glad that there are real humans with this and its not just me and a bunch of case studies and statistics. :)
I have practically all of this.
The time travel you mentioned, is such a horrible feeling. To feel like reality was all made up, and you are back in that memory.
For me, it was like being an abused child all over again, and all the progress I had made was fake. Like moving forward never really happened.
Feeling like you don't exist, sounds meshing together, words exploding and flipping on pages, language becoming heard but not understood. Extreme HD or low quality, taking in too much at once or too little.
Feeling completely stuck...
Thank you for sharing this.
Feeling like you've lost yourself and you are crazy, is such a terrifying feeling. I don't think people realize how horrible it feels to lose your sense of self.
It sucks. I know..
This is probably the best description I've heard so far.
Holy shit I thought this whole time that I was crazy! Everything that you’re saying in this video sounds exactly like what I felt for the past six months or so. I didn’t really know how to explain it but everything you just said explains my past six months entirely. Holy shit. Like you read my mind and said it for me. I am so very grateful for you posting this video. I might be going to a psychiatrist soon and I’m just gonna show them this video because I haven’t been able to explain my problems. Like, I feel like no one understands me but the way you put it, it is very easy to understand. Thank you 🙏
honestly I'm so glad! the whole reason I posted this was because when I was going through it, it felt ineffable and impossible to describe. I felt like I couldn't trust myself which meant that I felt like I couldn't possibly bring this up to a doctor or my loved ones. And I wished there was a video back hen that I could have been like "hey, watch this, it's easy to understand and explain everything I'm going through". I think that would have been comforting. I'm glad that this is available to you now.
Wow. This is the first time I've ever had my feelings put into words. Especially the beach part. My jaw literally dropped then. Thank you so much for making this video. I can't tell you enough how much it helps.
this helped me so much ?? thank you because i feel less alone. I have had this constant feeling for a while, and it has gotten to the point where i have almost had to go to the hospital because i was so scared bc i couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror. This feeling convinces me that i’m not actually in my body and everything around me is not real, and that i have been created with previous memories that are not mine. I look at my loved ones and the people i usually feel the closest with and cant feel any sort of connection, or sometimes i can’t even recognize them because they look like someone else’s friend, not mine. everyone that i have talked to said that i was over exaggerating it, and that everyone experiences it, but i don’t think they have felt it on my level. It’s a continuous battle everyday just to get things done and to have conversations. So thank you, for making me realize i’m not alone through this. thank you for bringing light to this and helping people like me to feel more connected.
Okay, you are 100% normal and I know its hard to believe but this is a symptom of anxiety. Theres great videos on dp/dr recovery it’s literally a breath of fresh air. I resonated with what you mentioned when it comes to like the blended aspect you mentioned of movies, dreams, thoughts, disassociation and trust me so much more.
It's such a relief to finally find a term that perfectly describe my current experience. Thank you.
NOTE! I got my self out of derealization and depersonalisation by slighty overdosing magnesium intake+through skin applying. I thought I would never go out that hell. This might also work for you if your kidneys are normal take 400-600mg per day (not magnesium oxide) take citrate, glysine or chelate. Take it with vitamine D to better absorption if u dont get much sun. And take magnesium chloride thrgouh skin. Epsom salt baths also good. Please guys try this out for few weeks, you dont have much to lose it wont harm you. But chances are you are magnesium deficient badly. Thats not the root cause ofcourse it can be (traumas, long term stress, sicknesses, over training, medicines, smoking marijuana (THC eats magnesium).
Obey Heart please reply to this if you can, but I wanted to know if this method works if you’ve smoked marijuana???? My boyfriend has dealt with this for a year, and I’m willing to try anything for him.
I agree with you 100 percent. Brought me to tears. Especially when you played that audio. Been having 2 week episodes for the past 9 years. Usually 3-5 episodes a year. Usually happens when I most stressed. Also I’ve learned to prevent these episodes. Hit me up if you want to know how. Thanks!! Your brave for doing this.
This is so relatable- it actually made me emotional... I have been really struggling but I find hope in your experiences and I know the universe will lead me to where I need to be. Thank you for this!
you described this 'time travelling' thing so damn accurate. i almost felt like theres nobody on this planet who also have this sort of feeling, but its extremely good to know that im not alone and not about to go completely insane. one interesting thing i experienced is that it comes more if i havent sleep much. hope this ends someday, thanks for sharing your experience!
I am a diagnosed BPD with Severe GAD, Social, Phobic and Panic Disorder with co-occuring clinical depression. I have had the most stressful semester of my life and have completely dissociated. I am on day two and I haven't stopped crying. My husband came home and I was so distorted nothing made sense, everyone feels like robots. I feel lile I am behind frosted glass screaming and no one can hear me. I have hardly any physical sensations (almost all are gone and I' m constantly touching things to check reality. ) it is exactly like a drug trip you cant escape. Because of my panic disorder, its causes severe panic attacks but I can't physically feel them. Tunnel vision/mumbled hearing. This is just what I needed. 💜
thank you for this video! I’m in a state of derealization/depersonalization right now and I’m happy to know that I feel “normal” things and I won’t go insane! Yes, it started like a strange dream once after the panic attack, I thought that I should wake up soon, but it didn’t happen.Now it feels like an endless alcohol trip. Unfortunately I have some really bad fx related to the music and music making (music and sounds are flat, distant and it all sounds like you hear everything under the water) which is sad af, cause I can’t make music to get away from these feelings. Thank you for a detailed description! Take care ❤️
I got diagnosed today with derealization/time distortion/ flat destitution/ depersonalization this video connected to me and I’d really like to have a conversation if that’s possible
Hey , how are you doing ?
I was in it for a couple years before I touched ground again. It can be a very scary experience, but I see it as blessing in a way. It's completely changed how I see life. I have a new appreciation for my sanity, the mind, and the world around me. It doesn't have to be a curse. Accepting it is the best thing you can do. You can still live a fruitful life.
Great video ! I've had it for 3 years now and I feel drunk / high 24/7 and gets worse as the day goes on !
Seek medical help, plz!
Alex Twemlow do you have trouble holding conversations or speaking?
How are you doing now?
you have next level superhuman strength. seriously.
Anna Sarkissova thank you that means a lot to read things like this ❤️
I am a highly sensitive person. When I'm in a room where multiple people are talking, and someone is talking to me I can't understand what they are saying. Sometimes I feel like the future won't happen. Like the things that I'm sure will happen, just normal life. It feels like that just won't ever come. Like the moment will never end. I can't handle people touching me, except for my two friends. I usually don't know about time, I don't feel it but that is very normal for me. My eyes don't focus on things sometimes when I'm overwhelmed. I get anxious easily.
Reetta omg i have that future thing too , its soooo scary
i relate to all of this /:
This video is fascinating. I remember that when I had it I was unable to flush images out of my mind and replace them with things that were actually in front of me. So for example, I would be sitting at my computer but all I could still see in my mind's eye was the scenery I witnessed earlier during a walk. I remember the lourve blinds in my doctor's surgery also got stuck in my mind and kept repeating on me for the rest of the day. It mighten't sound too disturbing to somebody who hasn't experienced it, but it fosters a such sense of unreality and shows you just how much you rely on your mind's ability to regulate your senses.
Thank you not gona lie watching this actually triggered my anxiety but also gave me relief in knowing that how i experience the world around me can be understood by others, ive always been afraid to mention any and all (every symptom u mention i experience daily basis)in fear of being label insane or when i do people assume im high on drugs or something but no sometimes days of my life are just 30 minute videos that i watch like through a screen and only think about at night its strange.I really appreciate this video and you have mentioned, ive always known it was a problem when i realize i could have a conversation with someone in real life and simultaneously engage in my daydreams,and i feel guilty but sometimes i have to drown out overwhelming stimuli with instrumental music and hide in my ear buds i didnt think anyone else felt these types of ways
Ive watched many videos about this but you describe it very well. What I would add is my brain starts to overthink existential stuff and while thinking my thoughts fly and I can’t orient my thoughts. They feel just so blurry and confusing. And I can’t even define and describe myself how this all really feels like.
And the worst part is many people don’t know about this topic and seem not to take it seriously which causes the feeling in me that I fake it all and make this all up to seek attention. Ouf it’s all just a mess
I've been in this state for fucking 18 years. It almost feels like I'm doing time, like I'm actually in fucking prison, the prison of my mind. Because I don't do much, just waiting, just like in jail. I don't do much because I don't feel much. The difference is I'm not psychically in jail, so this is like an comfortable jail.
This is what Benzo w/d felt like..prison without the bars!
this has helped me so much. im not alone. thank everyone and love to all.
When I describe my dissociation like you do, I doubt that anyone understands. I obviously understand yours. Maybe only people who have gone through it understand.
My whole middle school experience was this. I'm feeling very dissociated right now. Watching videos brings me out of it. I don't go through it very much now but when I'm very overwhelmed I get dissociated but the way you put it you mentioned everything that I've couldn't describe it. I'll show my parents this so they can understand it more.
i got here via a extremely heavy trip which completely removed my earthly identity and transported me "back there", which i knew i had just left a moment ago, even though it has been my first and only trip. for the first hour it was so terrifying and insane that i KNEW that i had gone insane. eventually it calmed down and just became astonishingly fascinating instead, but i've never been the same since.
however what i understood there was that this earthly body and mind is not "I", but instead the real I is just currently tuned to this channel of this body in this time and space, and it's because i'm here to experience this life with my emotions as my teacher and my guide. there's nothing to be afraid of - you are just aware that 'you' are not this human you experience here, and the place where we came here from has no this kind of time or location as we know it here. that's why it feels dissociating at times - it's because it's real.
but you shouldn't be worrying about it - our science here doesn't know what or why this world is either, so you are just migrating from one unknown to another. focus your life here, pursue what you really desire. love and enjoy and experience. we're all loved.
You are nailing it! I've had this since the age of seven. Thank you for this descriptive video. I'm always trying to think of way to describe the experience or to induce this into a person who doesn't have it.
I literally cried through the whole video 😭😭
I dissociated for six years after my father passed away, my body felt like it was floating.
Omg the time traveling thing!! I thought I was weird! it’s like I was right there again.
Im experiencing this right now it’s been 4 months and I can relate 100% to what you just explained. Something that I could never put into words
How are you doing now?
@@LilyStultz im better but still suffer from dp/dr
Thank you sooo much... I have never heard such a great explanation, I can’t even put what happenes to me in words when I try to explain this to somebody. So thank you! You said all the things I ever wanted to say to somebody who doesn’t understand.
Thank you so much for your perspective on this. It has deeply comforted me and the validation has brought me to tears. I've had this for years and just now have a name for it.
I’m so glad. Giving a name to the thing tormenting u is so so so helpful in dismantling it
I'm a week into mine and it all started when I watched a youtube vid about reality and the universe. I cant really get to the bottom of why that video set me off because I have watched countless other videos like that and been fine but I don't why that vid did. Now I cant get back.
yep its the strangest thing ever its like you become attune to things that are real from what we perceive.
I think the worst part is the loss of time and memory loss/confusion but I had it as a very young age, so I learned to warp it to my liking, which made it harder to stop doing it.
So well explained. Memory loss, sound sensitivity, brightness , loss of identity, feeling detached, nothing feels real> difficult especially during work. How did you manage when working and how did you start feeling better? Thank you for sharing.
Never heard anyone explain it as well as you have. You've said everything I have felt for 34 years now. I have always kept functioning, cause I had children to care for, just pushed myself through it. But still hate the feeling. Tried lots of different meds and counseling, felt like I either have gotten 1/2 way better or just learned to live with it. Wish I had someone that's had it to talk too. Was always to afraid to tell people how I felt for years, thinking they would think I was crazy. I know this is not true now. So happy you are better, wish I knew the way out.
Well.... It's all so relatable. Its been 6 months.
After suffering a trauma , more like a panic attack I'm still stucked in that Temporal dissociation , dpdr...and haven't found anyway to get out of that feelings 🙂
yup yup yup and yup
it is terrifying but also comforting that youre describing how its felt for me over the past year. confirting because im not alone in this and how i explain it is how other people do too, that its not just me, slowly loosing it
All my childhood I suffered from both, and like you I couldn't understand reality, and my life was a Walt Disney film. Fantastic video.
I journal to keep track of what memories are actually real.
That’s a great idea
Thank you for such an amazing video. I can’t believe is so old! I lived through all similar symptoms and I was never able to put my finger on it. I just though I was going insane. Finally a therapist mentioned the proper name for the illness and I’ve found next to no information about it anywhere. Thank you for speaking about it.
young lady, you really described derealization in an all encompensating way. Thanks.
Thank you for talking about this. It is so unknown & I struggled in the dark for many years without knowledge of what I was going through. I have dealt with this my entire life, on & off, however I have been in a constant dissociative state since early 2015. It had been getting better, the veil was lifting a bit until my little brother passed away this May...now it won’t go away. I appreciate you bringing up synesthesia because my senses have always melded together.
Thank you so much for this. I knew I dealt with derealization, but hadn’t found anyone who experienced the same similarities. I feel less alone
Omg...I have legitimately BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW TIME GOES SO SLOW FOR ME AND STILL IS AND I FUCKING HATE IT OMG.
Omg AND THE FLASHBACKS HOLY CRAP
I really appreciate how you editedthis especially showing us what the sound distortion was. Like for you. It helped me understand
This is so crazy, I’m glad I’ve finally found someone that’s sharing the same experiences as I. It’s really hard to explain to people there than I’m hyper aware and sensitive to pretty much everything. The whole shade of pink thing is something I’ve experienced quite often. It would happen when I was in elementary and the few thoughts that would always come to mind were “is this what life is?” And I would question how my body was moving and how I was having personal thoughts that no one could hear. It’s a crazy ass experience.
This happens to me in half-day episodes, an usually, the voice of reason in my head keeps my thoughts and feelings and oddities in check, but with this it doesn't, and that's terrifying.
That is really intense. I think I have experienced most of that in small doses. Sometimes I will be driving, and forget which vehicle I am driving. When I look around the car and realize which car I am driving for a few seconds I feel like I don't recognize the car or my body and feel panicked. I have to quickly force myself to overcome it, because I'm driving. One time when I was a child I was walking out to the car. I looked up at a tree, then suddenly I was in the tree looking at myself walking and looking at the tree.
Omg... this is exactly what I am going through. Thank you SO much for posting this!!!