If you’re reading this right now, chances are life hasn’t been fair at all to you. You’ve faced a lot of trauma and disappointment, but you’ve also overcome so much. Keep taking it one day at a time, just breathe and know it will get better ❤️
I asked my therapist to randomly say pineapple during session (both when he's talking and when I'm talking/thinking), and then I have to repeat it straight away to show that I'm present. If my response is delayed (or not at all), then I spaced out. It's worked well so far 🍍
Dude, it’s this for me as well. While I’m goin through it I try to sing loudly or if I’m driving- pull over and put my feet on the ground and wait til it passes. My hands and feet almost always get clammy during. Once it passes I usually release this heavy ugly cry that can last off and on for an hour.. my last episode it took me a few days to recover. Hate the sh*t
I honestly learned about it by listening to my viewers and letting them teach me :) I learn so much helpful information that way!! It helps me be a better therapist :) xoxo
I wish information about MaDD was out there back in 2007. I’m absolutely convinced that it caused my depression. My MaDD fully appeared on Jan. 04 2007. I have never known such horrendous levels of negative thoughts before in my life until MaDD entered my life. I fear it has done awful things to my mental health. I hate it. I hate it and I love it.
Exactly how i feel. I have a really bad memory and ever since 2009, i just feel weird, not present, no sex drive, no emotions, nothing... It would sound like depression but it literally started in like a second... I can't explain how, but i just felt it... It starts from my neck usually... Ever since then, i only remember a couple of times where i was present... But after giving up because fighting it made me depressed, i just accepted it... And now i am not even sure if it is me or is this normal or is this depression or what...
@@nabilsh9347 Of course! I'm sorry for the late respond. I'm not sure if I feel exactly the same but there are definitely some similarities. Maybe give me your e-mail and I'll write to you, if you still want to talk
I know I feel like this constantly and honestly its makes life completely miserable, I had this one moment like a year ago where I finally thought I was coming back and I was so happy I started to cry, I tried so hard to cling on to that feeling and then I was terrified because I kept going in and out and I couldn't tell which was real and then I spiraled into a massive panic attack that made me disassociate even worse so much I hardly even recognized my sister. Like what then? How do you fix every day feeling like this??
Dissociation has been a part of my life much longer than I had thought. First time I really noticed it was in 6th grade while reading a paragraph about Aztec. While I read out loud I was lost in my mind going over the abuse I had experienced. Next thing I knew the teacher thanked me for reading. My heart was racing while thinking I had just shared to the entire class about my abuse. I looked around and no one seemed concerned or was even looking at me. How did I read out loud an entire paragraph while being completely consumed in my head about the abuse?
I’m so glad I’m not crazy. It’s almost as if I had that same thing happened to me while reading different books aloud in class.I feel like I can’t ever focus without traumatic memories playing in my head. I always have to reread every paragraph. I’m sorry that you have felt these emotions. They freaking suck balls. I remember therapists and counselors telling me I was so mature because I was able to talk about the bad but what they didn’t realize was that I was reciting and disconnecting from reality when I was talking about it it’s like I can never allow myself to feel the bad until I spontaneously breakdown.
@@ralfwashington1502 Yeah, I do that too. Zone out all the time. Not sure if it's adhd, but it seemed to go away the first time i came out of depersonalization
@@disorganizedclutter5513 okay. After more research for me I think it's just ADHD not stimulating enough to grab my brain so I zone out just like driving. Thanks for the reply though
Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder is a form of CPTSD. We check out to escape the abuse and neglect, we went through as children. This happens on a subconscious level of course. Good video!
@@Katimorton, that's what I'm betting on. I'm trying to find ways to heal from it, but it is really hard, since I'm so numb emotionally. Without being able to feel the painful emotions, healing becomes that much harder. I've tried a lot of things, but I have really big trouble getting in touch with those emotions. Thanks for the reply! :)
I got in to an argument with my house mate, he started shouting and I froze and dissociated. 2 years ago I'd have just punched him. I don't know which is worse.
@@moeshrooms385 my derealization is definitely triggered by social situations as well. I have social anxiety and I’m trying to get more comfortable in social situations but my brain said “huh you thought” and dissociates every time
I randomly just had this happen to me and it sucks!! Im still going through it and dont know what to do except try to talk/find more info about it. :( Currently in bed petting my dog for comfort tho
For example, you might dissociate when you are very stressed, or after something traumatic has happened to you. You might also have symptoms of dissociation as part of another mental illness like anxiety. For many people these feelings will pass over time.👍
Yeah I have PTSD (although to be honest I think it's CPTSD, from what I have found out about it), I also have depression and anxiety and when I am stressed or overwhelmed or frightened I dissociate. Sometimes it's just depersonalization, but sometimes it's derealiseation, and when that happens, I need to leave the situation I'm in (kind of hard sometimes when it's something like grieving) and get myself out of it.
Dissociation allowed me to survive my childhood during a time when tough love and “suck it up” was standard approach to mental health issues. Getting good at masking, especially masking the dissociation long enough to extract myself and hide. At 63 years old I’m finally unpacking this with a professional that gets it, but I know I will never be able to enjoy social situations as 60 years of ingrained behavior has become automatic to the point that any deviation is extremely overwhelming.
Kati Morton what if you contact a main therapist who happens to be like the main guy at the practice but then they give you someone else. The main guy was too expensive. Like 2.5 times other staff. Any tips to talk to the person I choose?
@@senntheambivalent617 what do you mean? Do you mean the only symptom you are experiencing is emotional numbness? If so, then I would question if what you are experiencing actually is dissociation, and not something else. Dissociation, in my experience, can vary greatly from time to time, and sometimes I am just emotionally numb due to it, but that is by no means how I solely, or even typically, experience it. Many things can cause emotional numbness outside of dissociation, so it is a good idea to explore several possibilities before dissociation if it is your sole dissociative sounding symptom. TL;DR: Yes, but if that is your only symptom that could be dissociative, it very well may not even be dissociation at all, as emotional numbness is not strictly caused by dissociation.
I was just diagnosed with complex PTSD about a year ago. I dissociate all the time, I'm not sure I've been fully present in years. It sucks but I'm glad I'm finally on a path to getting the treatment I need
this happened to me last year. In 2021 I didn’t feel like myself it felt like nothing was alive and I was just floating in the world. Everyday i tried trying to do the things I love and remembered who I was eventually it payed off one day I woke up feeling like myself. If youre reading this you will be okay you are powerful and I know you can beat this terrible disease
I used to love when I dissociated. I was relived to have the break. Sure life didn't feel real there but it didn't feel real being depressed or anxious either. But now that the real would feels real again I'm glad to be there most of the time.
I’ve been in a dpdr episode all day everyday for nearly 3 weeks. When it happened I consciously felt the transition between my normal self to this intoxicated feeling, I was at home just eating some food at the time, it was so frightening, one minute I was there and the next I was so disconnected from everything, my emotions, my surroundings, I felt like I couldn’t control my actions or my speech, there was even a physical feeling in my head when it happened. Even after 3 weeks of knowing I’m absolutely fine I still can’t help thinking I’m going insane. I’m just so thankful for content creators and communities here, it makes feel grounded, I don’t know where I would be without the use of the internet.
@@Eserr7856 Hey, I'm doing great these days, the severe dissociation episode I faced has withered away, I do occasionally experience a mild DPDR but due to the happening of it in the past it's not as near as intense, I can say to myself 'this is nothing new'. Thanks for asking 😃
Dissociation 😔 is SO HARD! I HATE IT... Walking through life zombified is not living. It's a nightmare! I feel like I've wasted my life and still am😔 Thank you for the video Katie x
Hey, you're not alone. We've been through tough stuff, we're doing our best which is pretty alright all things considered. We didn't waste our lives, trauma happened, which kinda made life a million times harder to do simple things everyone takes for granted. Even if we made some unhelpful choices, it's not all on us for being where we're at. We still got time to get to a better place in our life. We got this.
@@adrianluth9127 Hi thank you, you are SO right! WE HAVE GOT THIS! Thank you for reminding me not to be so hard on myself. It is hard but we have to keep going even when you think there is no point. Hope you are well. Stay safe and take care x
No problem ♡ Things will get better. It takes time to recover, to figure out what best works for us, to learn new skills, to use them regularly, to heal from trauma. It helps to acknowledge the progress we've made thus far, no matter how small. I'm still in the process, there's still a long way to go AND I've made a lot of progress. In my personal journey, this process has been years and I'll be in this for years more. That's okay because it has been worth it. We're worth it.
Being able to tune out my childhood in my head as a kid, was a lifesaver. But, it also kept me from developing the proper social skills I needed to find and maintain meaningful relationships outside of my family unit.
I’ve never disassociated during a session, but i have on my way home from a session. I remember getting on the bus, and then all of a sudden I’m at home. (My bus ride is 1.5 hours long)
Yeah I have heard that happens a lot. I am glad you take the bus, and maybe some of the items I mentioned you could keep with you to help during that time :) xoxo
Lately I have been after encountering my ex. Sometimes I have to try so hard to ground myself since I have to get home and I have no one else to drive me home.
I havent felt real in a very long time. I feel like im dissociated majority of the time, for days, even weeks at a time. Too poor for resources atm, trying my best to learn what i can from you here on youtube, you've helped me a alot Kati!!
Thank you! Me too! It’s like a drug for pain and feels amazing sometimes when you’re sitting at home even just thinking. Next day you’re exhausted and wondering what hit you!!! 🤝😁❤️
Yes me too and l hate the real world, l feel like living in my brain, the world and feelings l've created. It's better and l'm used to it. It is like an addiction cant leave it
I totally get it.. I hear that a lot too. But if we work through our trauma and past upset we can be free from it so that we can be present and in our body and be okay. Otherwise we aren't able to form full memories or be fully there for any of life's events and that can be hard to deal with after awhile too :/
I dissociate less than I used to, or for less time. Sometimes I really miss it. But once I was more present it was like waking from a drug- induced dream, like I had spent my whole life not really there. Colors were brighter. Food tasted better. The good stuff was really really good. .... the hard/sad things were really really hard and sad. I was like a toddler in a lot of ways I had to learn how to handle big emotions.
Honestly, I feel this. I had a nervous breakdown 4 years ago. I had to relearn everything on a deep, emotional level. What is ok? What isnt ok? It was like this huge, huge awareness that struck like lightning. I had been in therapy for quite a while but it didnt really help. What did help, was that I started a traineeship where they provided tools to figure out who I was, what I were good at and what I needed. Especially during COVID I had to put everything to work in order to feel better. I started journaling, meditating and yoga. I watched vids to provide tools and slowly, things are getting better. Yesterday I visited friends who have small children. Both of them wanted to claim hugs and didnt want me to leave. It was the first time I 100% felt that I was loved, I was wanted and that I have a place where I belong. It was the first time I was completely checked in while interacting with them. I feel like I am finally, finally making progress.
Its good to know that you're not the only one going through something. Well I've been depersonalized and derealized for 10 years now. Mine was due to trauma, a lot of crazy stuff happened in my family when I was a kid even till now, it really messed me up. Everything feels like a dream, objects around me are wider and flat and seem farther away from me. I get panic attacks like occasionally. I'm also aggressive towards people even though I don't wanna be. Sometimes I come back to reality, and then I get really scared and start screaming and crying involuntarily cos even though it looks real I'm just so used to seeing everything distorted and then i revert back to the dream state. Also I tend to laugh alot, also find it very hard to focus. I find it really hard to make proper eye contact with people. It's just really crazy.
I’ve “blocked” out a ton of my life. It’s intense. When I relocated and went into hiding from a toxic relationship I was in a state that left me constantly getting lost in the rural area I lived in. I think I’m losing periods of time at this point. Nothing feels real anymore. Where I live there are very limited mental health services and now my job has been eliminated. I had been working from home since March. I live alone and have no support system. I did one EMDR session through my EAP and now they aren’t allowed to have patients in person. I only have a couple visits left. Even if I could afford to buy groceries or whatever I don’t think I can even leave my house. I’m screaming uncle at this year. I don’t understand how there are endless bottoms under my rock bottom. I know the whole world is suffering so I feel even worse about everything. I feel like the global pandemic sucked everyone into the shit storm of a world I was living in.
@@hanhe48 Ouch... it happens. If you press the arrow keys on a keyboard, it rewinds by 5 seconds. If you are on a phone, I think double tapping does a rewind.
I start dissociating, whenever someone starts their criticism... and then totally become unresponsive if they add a blame for it too that they have no connection to me.
I struggle with all of the above. I have recently been diagnosed with DID and I dissociate daily. My therapist usually just stays quiet and lets me go through it if it happens during a session because I will often switch out to one of my alters and she continues the therapy with them. But helps to bring me back before the session is over. I've built a strong bond with my therapist and I am grateful for all of her help. Thank you for your educational videos on the subjects, keep up the great work!!
I suffer from derealization and a couple of other things and it Sucks! Everyday is a struggle. I would cut off all my hair and I wish I could have Brain surgery just to feel Normal again. I would sit and Rot away in my house But I have a reason to get up every day that's for my kids.
Hey Margaret, I hope you are doing well! I don't have kids but my Mom is the reason I continue to work on my goals everyday despite this illness. Your kids are lucky to have you as their mom!
When I was still living with my parents I would frequently go into a state that I believe was dissociation when I was being scolded (screamed at really). It was like I was looking through a magnified fisheye lenses, my moms face was the only thing in my vision, her features would look strangely distorted like from a fish eye lense, I could hear her but it was muffled and I could only process certain words at a time, and it seemed as though I (as in my consciousness I guess?) was sitting in the back of my head watching everything like it was on a wrap around screen. The thing that really set it into place for me that something was actually going on was my mom would always pause mid rant and comment about "the look on my face" and would wonder if I was even listening. I've come to speculate that in those situations of high stress, I was disassociating. It rarely happens now that I've moved out, but occasionally I will experience it in certain situations. Last time I clearly remember it happening was in a job interview 🤦♀️suddenly all I could see was this lady's face, I could see her lips moving but I wasn't really processing anything she said. Eventually my panic of realization that "holy crap, I can't let this happen during an interview, I'm going to have to respond!" was able to pull me back to reality.
I realized I had a problem like this when several years ago my dogs were passing away and I wouldn’t cry or grieve properly. even when they were being put to sleep right In front of me it was like my mind went very quiet and I felt numb and detached. It feels like part of me is dead.
I grew up with a paranoid schizophrenic alcoholic father & my mom was paraplegic. So u can imagine the horror of my childhood. I realized when talking to my cousin who I was really close with from childhood up that she has all these memories of us and I only have about 20 memories from the ages of 4-16 (which at 16 my dad got sober and started taking his Thorazine and Librium) I’m now starting to think I disassociated as a child. It’s really strange to have ur cousin tell u all the things I did and said as a child and I can’t remember any of it.
Whoa, I love how you explain the difference between derealization and depersonalization. I've never identified with depersonalization before, but derealization is bang on the money for me.
Your suggestion of trauma could be big or small, could be a series of events that overwhelms your system really helps. Often we only know disassociation comes from trauma such as childhood trauma, which might not happen to many people suffering from disassociation. Happy to finally found this video looking at it from a different perspective.
I dissociate 24/7 It’s been like one long episode for years, I haven’t gotten a break from dissociation since about 2013/14 Before that I used to have some episodes which eventually went away, but since then i haven’t felt present ever It’s frustrating at this point
@@heytherenordic7230 honestly i just got used to it, i try not to think about it and the times when I feel way too spaced out to function i try to just stay in bed and read or play games basically stay away from doing things when it gets too bad in order to avoid accidents other than that just go on with life without paying attention to the fact that i don’t feel like im here because i read that thinking too much about it can actually make it worse
For me, I find it crops up when I'm alone for an extended period of time. I'm an introvert and have anxiety so naturally, I focus too far inwards and lose touch with my surroundings. When I do get D/P, I feel as though I'm watching myself and that my eyes aren't really mine or I'm in a VR. It's much better when I'm immersed in a task, whether that's at work or at the gym. The worst thing you can do is sit around thinking about it. Live as normally as possible. This is how I saw improvement.
Covid capped a recently diagnosed heart condition. So what you described is a normal reaction to too much pain for me. I didn’t ever think of it as part of my diagnosis by therapists but now that I have a name for it I’ll share with my Dr. Thank you for speaking so clearly. It is easy to learn from you.
The little T's and big T's actually helped me feel validated of my experiences. It given me such insight that what I'm going through is really something, I never actually heard of it. I always thought that I'm just making things up that's why I always dissociate more than enough. Thanks for this!
I always get extremely panicked when I dissociate cause I don't know when itll end 😅 I hate feeling like nothing is real it makes me want to "wakeup" but I never can...
Hello guys, I've suffered from severe Depersonalization/ derealization disorders. This is my fifth year living with derealization disorder (Depersonalization has gone). I just wanna say to everyone that IT GETS BETTER. Most of the scary symptoms have gone away, and when some other symptoms appear they are not that intense or you are just used to it so panic doesn't take over. Also the symptoms are not that frequent anymore. I live a very normal life. I know most people around you will not understand what a nightmare this is but I do. And I'm telling you that you are NOT going crazy (that's what I thought), know that you are not alone and that it will get better, I promise. Stay strong. P.S. Know also this, after this bad experience you will feel the strongest person in the world and that there is no challenge on earth that you cannot overcome!
Thank you for making this video, completely validating. It was definitely hard to even stay present during the video simply cause I was already thinking about so many other things. You are right, I am one of the ones that do prefer to be disassociating, which usually happens quite often.
My mom was yelling and screaming at me for not listening and stuff, and I was crying on the floor just wanting to go away and I told multiple times that I’m sorry, I’ll do anything, let me leave, ect. My mom said I was being dramadic and at that point I was sitting on the floor, feeling lightheaded, crying, tingling. The next moment im thinking about when this is over. Completely calm in my mind but still crying. I saw myself on the floor wondering when it would be over.
This is my life: Figuratively, I sit on a bus, I watch the world go past. People get on and off the bus, occasionally I interact with them superficially. I have ptsd, depression and anxiety. One day the bus trip will be over.
Thank you for explaining WHY it occurs. My sister, 18 mos. younger, deals with Dissociation. I understood the reasons behind her other disorders but my best guess on dissociation was sensory overload, possibly because she doesn't seem to work with her emotions any more. If she does physically display emotion, she does it in absolute private. She's become very guarded but has told me about her dissociative episodes. After hearing you explain it, I realized I had an episode myself. It helps to explain a comment I made decades ago, shortly after I was physically attacked, to my attacker. A second or two after it came out of my mouth, hearing the playback in my head snapped me back to reality. Now I totally get it. Thank you so much, Katie!
Finally a mental health professional RUclipsr who knows it’s not pronounced dis-association. 👏🏻👏🏻 you wouldn’t believe how many videos I’ve seen people say did-association and I legit can’t even watch it.
I don't struggle much with overwhelming negative self talk but when you said that it also was "believing there's something innately wrong with us".. that hit. I didn't really realise that was negative self talk until you brought it up, thanks!
Thanks for that kati! All I've experienced in the spectrum is "brain fog" a few months ago during the stress of it all. I hope you are doing well--I know last week you said you were ready to take a break, and that sounds like a really good plan!
Of course!! I hope the video was helpful :) And yes.. planning for my break soon! I thought I could do it this week, but it looks like next week is easier schedule-wise :) xoxo
It took 6 months of extreme stress and a near death experience to finally pop. The PTSD I was diagnosed with last year started in a sudden, traumatic episode which went like this. I was driving the car, feeling good although that morning, I woke up and felt extremely down which is unusual for me. I started crying but didn't really understand that. After this, while I was driving, I suddenly felt brain bubbles or a thing in my brain moving about. At the same time, my right eye started moving down on it's own. My right eye then went blind but not in the way where sight went black. I went blind as in, my brain was not able to process the light data although I was still seeing light from the eye. I could not process that data. Both eyes then at this point, through a surge of anxiety and fear that I was having a brain bleed or stroke, disassociated completely. I was driving at the time around 75 mph on the motorway so had to find a place to pull over. I could just about keep some attention to the licence plate of the vehicle in front and managed to follow it until services came up. I was in another world at the back of my head. Anxiety through the roof and about to pass out. The next morning, my body wasn't my own and like being attached to a goblins body. Reality was skewed and I felt dizzy and disconnected completely from reality. It was terrifying. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't see a person looking back. Not just not recognise me but couldn't even see me. Other people's faces were terrifying when looking at them and I got panic attacks because they looked like monsters. My vision was blurry in my right eye and I had light sensitivity including, some off colours. I also had phantom tastes and smells. This lasted in the acute phase like this for at least 3 months. It's been 10 months now and if I get any symptoms, they are about 5% of what they were. I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with PTSD. I did treatment and we focused on de stressing my life and changing my lifestyle. I'm almost 100% now so if anyone else goes through the same thing, the cure for me was to keep going, understand that it won't kill me and that I need to change aspects of my life which caused me stress. Good luck and great video x
It makes me go "oh so it's ME thinking? I'm Ellie in this life?" Like when you pause the videogame you've been playing for hours and you're not the character anymore
So, I found your channel today, and just watching your videos guided me to a lot of resources and explanations that helped me to better understand myself and possible things I might be experiencing. I learnt more about myself today from you than I did in the last 4 years going through therapy, counseling and all that. Thank you.. so much.
It happens to me when I’m driving. I am there driving but, my mind is elsewhere and when I realize I am in the car driving I get shocked how I managed to drive for minutes.
One time I was driving in the high way and made way for another car to pass, I wasn't aware of it, and that driver waved his hand as a "thank you", I was like "Oh, that's a 'thank you' wave', I've must've done something that made him do that, I wonder what it was, maybe I made way for him...."
I figured this was ADHD. Lol. I do it alot. Scary at first but usually I drive safer (slower) when I'm not totally there. Sure I react properly to things just don't remember them. If I need to slam on the breaks my mind brings me back......so far. ROFL
This video was very educational. I don't struggle with dissociation, but I have close family members that do, so knowing that I could talk to them and find out what I could do in those moments is super helpful. Thanks Kati!
Admir Barucija hello I seen you wrote a comment and straight away come to say hello I only just received my notification for this new video interesting title and also good topic hope you are well
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Like you run away not in dissociative state but in a state of high? How is that better? You walk around every day being high instead of facing your fears?
I swear when i disassociate (i have panic disorder) i literally went up to someone i trusted and told him " im literally watching myself and need you to talk me back down into my body." It was insane. He helped me though and talked me down. Thank you for making this video
MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING omg you have no idea how excited I was when I heard you say that. I’ve been dealing with MD for 10 years now and NO ONE talks about it. Could you make a video about it please?
I also wonder if there is a negative version of maladaptive daydreaming? I find my parallel daydream world is the version where everything that can go wrong does and I get anxious from it even though my current reality might actually be okay at the time. It starts as catastrophic thinking or analyzing a situation and then turns into a narrative that can go on for days and days.
I spent YEARS wondering why nothing seemed real to me. I knew it was, but the only way I could describe it was like I was watching life as a movie. Only recently have I been diagnosed properly, and while it's not quite managed, its getting better. I have real moments of clarity now, and I'm able to recognize what's going on when it's not. I'm still working on grounding, but it IS getting better. Thank you for making this video.
I work at a high stress short staffed restaurant that is super busy as a GM. I was hired because there was no one else, I have no experience and a boss that said he would train me but didn’t. It’s only been 2 months and I am about to quit because I have been disassociating after work. I’ve been so over stimulated/whelmed and stressed out all the time. I have been forgetting to feed my fish too and not living my personal life I just isolate myself. It’s time for change
Hello, Kati. I just met your channel and it has already become one of my favorites on mental health. Could you please talk about the difference between dissociation and inattention in ADHD, and what it is like to be ADHD and have dissociative symptoms?
I’m so happy you posted this video because I got chronic DPDR from smoking weed back in 2019 and I still suffer from it, it was debilitating and still affects me to this day. Totally changed my life around and Ive been waiting for a video from you on this :))) because its not very common and people don’t really talk about it too much. thank you!!!
Could you perhaps talk about D.I.D., (dissociative identity disorder), and also perhaps its development? It is said that it can’t developer above a certain age, but I am curious as to if that is always true. Depersonalization Derealization Disorder are associated with dissociation also I believe lol.
There isn't enough research on this to my understanding. I've read it suggested that under extreme circumstances (like a prison of war) an adult could develop DID, however if an adult shows signs if DID there is also no telling if the capacity to do so wasn't established in childhood. You can have DID and appear ver functional until something is beyond a person's ability to cope.
Have a look at the channel from the CTAD-Clinic. Dr. Mike Lloyd is a specialist in trauma and dissociation and is the director of the clinic. Dissociative disorders are very complex and without years and years of learning about it theoretically and in clinical practice, normal therapists and even psychiatrists don´t know what it really is about. So have a look at him, he really knows what he is talking about due to the fact that he works only in this field and does so for a long time.
I'm not 100% sure whether it's possible for DID to develop in later life, but I think it's generally accepted that it is due to the brain failing to integrate as our brains develop as kids (which stops at like 7 or 8 if I'm right). I think this is why most people don't believe it's possible to develop DID in later life, because the personality, memory etc is already integrated. Would be intrigued to see if there was any evidence to support the opposite!
@@abbyrivers9971 there isn't enough research on DID to say for certain what "has to happen", what we know is just theories. One theory is that before the age of 7 when a person's identity hasn't solidified DID can occur due to trauma but it's also very hard to diagnose at that age. Most children don't get DID diagnoses but rather adults. So it's just theories not hard factual evidence we can measure like "yup this child got DID". From the best we know adults can't/don't develop DID without childhood trauma causing it, there is just research that mentions other situations that could be possible. I am just mentioning that exists, I'm not even claiming it's true.
You have helped me so much I just lost my wife of 24 years and find your videos so helpful. I find you so cute I think you are a doll I envy your husband what a lucky guy. God Bless!
See, I used to think I've never experienced. Then I realized those moments where everything kinda got fuzzy and I was just zoning out, and then when I came back to, I had a realization that I was and individual in a space surrounded by things and have control over my movements was most likely a form of depersonalozation. It's really disorientating.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've been trying to understand an incident that happened to me a few years ago at work. I didn't have the words to describe what happened to me, and I struggle with feeling like the resulting trauma was valid. I'm still a little lost for how to get over what happened, but this video is a step in the right direction.
I do dissociate when I'm on a stressful situation (a presentation, a talk to my boss, a moment when I have to stand my ground, when late for work, etc.) or when I'm with a lot of things in my head. Sometimes it's very scary to notice I spaced out for hours and/or I can't remember what I just did a second ago.
I'm trans and a big component of my Dysphoria is dissociation. I also had a shitty childhood so I probably got some stuff to work on. It has gotten much better since I started HRT over 2.5 years ago.
Good stuff. I believe the purpose of life is for people to connect with themselves, with others, and with the universe around them. I like your closing remarks, and all the rest too
Had a traumatic trip on weed that really left me feeling messed up. No longer can be certain if anything is what it really appears to be. Been having crazy vivid dreams that make me question what's real. Been thinking that I'm becoming delusional, I'll think things like wondering if I have a direct impact on things going on around me like the weather. Doesn't help that I got into all this spirituality bs that says "we're all connected, man" yeah, that's such a wonderful thought to have while dissociating wondering what's real and why. To those also experiencing a similar situation know that you're not alone. I love you and I pray that both you and I are able to recover. Stay safe, and don't be so hard on yourself
I’m stuck with derealization after smoking weed one time and it’s been 3 years now and everything around me just feels like a dream I feel like I’ve gone stupid and I have no idea what to do anymore, my anxiety and depression has gotten so bad from it and my doctors just tell me it’s in my head. Like sure alright 3 years later... it sucks and I’m at a loss I feel like my life’s over and I’m only 20.
It's not all in your head. Weed has been known to trigger dissociation disorders. There are people out there with your experience. Can you see a different doctor and/or see a therapist who will validate you? Even if your dissociation was initially chemical induced, having weed once won't chemically keep you there. Your brain is just feeling safer there, so it's gonna take some intentional effort in therapy to get your brain to be grounded and to be mindful again. You can make sure your medication (like anti anxiety and depression) aren't adding to emotional numbness or dissociation. Some medications are better than others. What you're experiencing is real and it can get better. It will take therapy to learn skills. You might have to deal with your personal stuff, we all have stuff. It gets better. Your life isn't over.
Adrian Luth I’ve been in therapy since I was 12 years old and I’m now 21. Nothing has helped at all, therapists don’t understand what DPDR is. I’ve tried so many medications and nothing works, I’m losing hope.
I am from those that love my dissociations. I find it liberating for my emotions and brain. Many people achieve that through drugs and alcohol - to numb. But it's just temporary with loads of down sides to them. I've had my longest dissociation - about two weeks and I love it. I was overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, guilt and couldn't cope at all. And all of a sudden like I went to amazing nothingness! I didn't have any anxiety, guilt, wasn't scared. I wasn't hungry or cold or in pain. I didn't like coming out of it though, but still that switch off reduced all those build ups in a moment and returned to almost normal me. I don't like the reality and all the negative emotions and memories that I have. Numbness felt great. I have just time problem. I don't remember whether I did something a month ago or a year ago. Thank goodness for calendars and phones. I loved also my dissociations when on holidays. I didn't know even where I come from. Slighly panic when someone asks me basic question about me and I do not know what or who I am. But still liked the numbness of it.
Thank you. My son, who was emotionally and "religiously" abused by his other parent, has dissociative episodes and I didn't really know what was going on. Now I have a much better understanding and I think I can help more effectively.
I was diagnosed with PTSD after being sexually abused when I was 4 until 15, I did 2 tours of Afghanistan, and I was down the bottom of the south tower of the Trade Towers. Although I had been debriefed, something was still niggeling in my head, but compared to where I started, we had a 99.9% improvement. Now my mother (78) has been diagnosed with Dementia and Huntington’s Disease, we (my sister and myself) look after our mother full time, mum asked us to care for her, rather then placing her in a Nursing Home almost 25 years ago, and we promised to do just that. Now that we are about 7 years into mums illness, it is becoming harder and harder,I look after mum, from 4am until approx 8pm, since mum lives with my sister she takes care of her the other times.My sister has said to me that it may be an idea to put mum in a nursing home, my reply remains the same, WE have promised mum we would care for her, then explain to my sister all our mum has ever done for us.The situation is not great for my sister nor myself, however it appears that mum may be moving in with myself. My sister keeps telling me that there is no way we can keep the promise we made to mum. And currently have my sister questioning the words, loyalty,family,love,care,promises, integrity,honour and a few more. This is creating a small distance between us, she certainly does not have the same values as me, but there is nothing I can do about that.... I hope everyone is having a wonderful, but cautious weekend!!! Shemmy🙃from Sydney
That is amazing you are trying so hard to keep the promise but when if ever do you look at alternatives? What about a nurse visiting for 2 days a week so you and your sister have a day off? How far along is your mother? If she doesn't remember you guys or know what she ate for breakfast is the stress on you worth it if she isn't there.....up there? If she is far gone mentally do you think she would want to be that much if a challenge for you and stress since she wouldn't remember? I don't mean to sound insensitive! I'm just hopeing you can find a break because all the mental stress can wreak havoc on your physical being if exposed too long. Don't let this break up your sister and you friend ship your mother would definitely not want that. When her times comes she would want you two to stay close. After all your family. Can you afford a home health aid to visit one or two days a week? I'm in the USA so I have no idea about government aid but maybe you could get a discount or something to hire that. She would still be at home and you would be more mentally fit on the days you did visit. You don't want to feel angry about helping because if the pressure or later down the road you might get mad at yourself for feeling bad about helping. IDK.....good luck and God Bless. I'm afraid of the day where I'm put in this situation.
@@gailcarey3597 I’m alive, not a brilliant day, but I lived it, and tomorrow is always better. Thanks for asking Gail. I hope you are well 🙃Marianne Kind Regards ☺️
Things sometimes need to get harder before they can get better. Confronting what's causing dissociation can feel terrible, but coming back to reality can be worth it entirely.
We don't tend to think clearly if we're emotionally charged and might engage in flight, fight freeze, but yeah if an argument is more than you can handle you might check out.
If you’re reading this right now, chances are life hasn’t been fair at all to you. You’ve faced a lot of trauma and disappointment, but you’ve also overcome so much. Keep taking it one day at a time, just breathe and know it will get better ❤️
Such a kind and sweet comment. Much needed for me today 😔
Love your comment
Really needed to hear this thank you 💓💓
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you for the love
thank you so much for this u kind angel human.
I asked my therapist to randomly say pineapple during session (both when he's talking and when I'm talking/thinking), and then I have to repeat it straight away to show that I'm present. If my response is delayed (or not at all), then I spaced out. It's worked well so far 🍍
That's awesome that you found something that works!
I have a friend who told me to say "I'm safe " when I feel afraid
Kris Rhood Ima try that. Thanks to your friend and you for passing it along! I’m scared all the time... lol =\ sigh.
That’s genius!!!!
That is a really smart thing, im going to try it out
Derealization makes me have a panic attack and vice versa. It feels like you're in the matrix and you can't get out
Dude, it’s this for me as well. While I’m goin through it I try to sing loudly or if I’m driving- pull over and put my feet on the ground and wait til it passes. My hands and feet almost always get clammy during. Once it passes I usually release this heavy ugly cry that can last off and on for an hour.. my last episode it took me a few days to recover. Hate the sh*t
For me it's like Inception.
I’m really trying to understand but I don’t..?
I completely understand what you mean. It is the same for me. Also For me, when it happens everything looks like it’s in High definition
Exactly what you just said....
You’ll never understand it unless it’s happened to you, weirdest feeling ever. Literally like the matrix
it’s terrifying, you feel so alone and blank, it’s hella weird-
@@leo.insert.smil3261 yes. Loneliness. I isolate but make it to work and somehow get through it but it feels like an act in a movie.
Exactly
Sounds like my last trip lol
i get hot flashes with them
I feel like I'm in a simulation, even while watching this
You are
And I’m so sorry
is yours caused by trauma or own beliefs,
I sometimes feel that sensation too bro,
Same, I wish I could stop the feeling though.
"half of all adults have had at least one episode of DPDR"
me, who dissociates several times a day: 😳
Same it’s constant for me daily I believe.
@@mitch2214 we'll get thru it tho 👊 with the right treatment and care, we'll be better eventually ❤
@@CeeLoGreen666 yes we will! 👊 stay strong! ❤️
I’ve been having these almost all day, every day for the last 2 months
Morgan M sorry to hear that! What helps you feel a bit better?
I've found that arguments, raised voices, bright lights, stress, and sleep deprivation trigger my dp/dr
@Sofia Allan same, especially electronic screens and those old dim yellow lightbulbs
me too
@@brandonzimmerman8622 same i hate it. how long do u have it?
@@thijmen3046 i’ll usually get it once or twice a day, anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours long.
@@brandonzimmerman8622 oh that really sucks. i have it 24/7 :(
When my head goes no-no my brain goes bye-bye and my world goes wut-wut.
Roderick Van Hees well put 😂😂
Oof dis true
😂
True
Yep lol 😂
so glad you brought up maladaptive daydreaming...most people don’t acknowledge it or know of its existence
I honestly learned about it by listening to my viewers and letting them teach me :) I learn so much helpful information that way!! It helps me be a better therapist :) xoxo
Me too
I wish information about MaDD was out there back in 2007. I’m absolutely convinced that it caused my depression. My MaDD fully appeared on Jan. 04 2007. I have never known such horrendous levels of negative thoughts before in my life until MaDD entered my life. I fear it has done awful things to my mental health. I hate it. I hate it and I love it.
I always thought I was a freak for maladapted daydreaming.
My manager at work knows about my trauma from childhood, and whenever he sees me zone out he asks if I'm okay and it snaps me out of it.
What helped me to cope with derealization is to look at it like your brain putting a comfy blanket over it to protect itself from extra stimuli ❤️
When you feel like that all the time and after few years you are not sure if that's you or this is how everyone perceives reality
Exactly how i feel. I have a really bad memory and ever since 2009, i just feel weird, not present, no sex drive, no emotions, nothing... It would sound like depression but it literally started in like a second... I can't explain how, but i just felt it... It starts from my neck usually... Ever since then, i only remember a couple of times where i was present... But after giving up because fighting it made me depressed, i just accepted it... And now i am not even sure if it is me or is this normal or is this depression or what...
If you experienced something similar, do you want to connect and talk about it one day?
@@nabilsh9347 Of course! I'm sorry for the late respond.
I'm not sure if I feel exactly the same but there are definitely some similarities.
Maybe give me your e-mail and I'll write to you, if you still want to talk
Same here. It started in 2018 for me
I know I feel like this constantly and honestly its makes life completely miserable, I had this one moment like a year ago where I finally thought I was coming back and I was so happy I started to cry, I tried so hard to cling on to that feeling and then I was terrified because I kept going in and out and I couldn't tell which was real and then I spiraled into a massive panic attack that made me disassociate even worse so much I hardly even recognized my sister. Like what then? How do you fix every day feeling like this??
Dissociation has been a part of my life much longer than I had thought. First time I really noticed it was in 6th grade while reading a paragraph about Aztec. While I read out loud I was lost in my mind going over the abuse I had experienced. Next thing I knew the teacher thanked me for reading. My heart was racing while thinking I had just shared to the entire class about my abuse. I looked around and no one seemed concerned or was even looking at me. How did I read out loud an entire paragraph while being completely consumed in my head about the abuse?
I’m so glad I’m not crazy. It’s almost as if I had that same thing happened to me while reading different books aloud in class.I feel like I can’t ever focus without traumatic memories playing in my head. I always have to reread every paragraph. I’m sorry that you have felt these emotions. They freaking suck balls. I remember therapists and counselors telling me I was so mature because I was able to talk about the bad but what they didn’t realize was that I was reciting and disconnecting from reality when I was talking about it it’s like I can never allow myself to feel the bad until I spontaneously breakdown.
That always happens when I read a book. I get bored and zone out. However I call it ADHD but that's just me. Maybe its not
Same
@@ralfwashington1502 Yeah, I do that too. Zone out all the time. Not sure if it's adhd, but it seemed to go away the first time i came out of depersonalization
@@disorganizedclutter5513 okay. After more research for me I think it's just ADHD not stimulating enough to grab my brain so I zone out just like driving. Thanks for the reply though
The real pain begins, when DPDR becomes chronic. At that point grounding doesn't really do much.
Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder is a form of CPTSD. We check out to escape the abuse and neglect, we went through as children. This happens on a subconscious level of course.
Good video!
yap
Hopefully healing from the abuse and/or trauma helps make it go away in the long run :) xoxo
@@Katimorton, that's what I'm betting on. I'm trying to find ways to heal from it, but it is really hard, since I'm so numb emotionally. Without being able to feel the painful emotions, healing becomes that much harder. I've tried a lot of things, but I have really big trouble getting in touch with those emotions. Thanks for the reply! :)
I have it chronically but it doesn't bother me... I kind of use it as a coping mechanism. It doesnt bring me MORE pain. It keeps it away.
I depersonalize a lot. I feel like a stranger in my own body, like im just kind of watching?
Ya. I do it during a panic attack. My mind will be in a calm place and I will think, what am I doing? Stop doing this... but I can't.
I got in to an argument with my house mate, he started shouting and I froze and dissociated. 2 years ago I'd have just punched him. I don't know which is worse.
I feel like this especially if I look at myself in the mirror for a little too long. So incredibly uncomfortable
@@moeshrooms385 my derealization is definitely triggered by social situations as well. I have social anxiety and I’m trying to get more comfortable in social situations but my brain said “huh you thought” and dissociates every time
I randomly just had this happen to me and it sucks!! Im still going through it and dont know what to do except try to talk/find more info about it. :( Currently in bed petting my dog for comfort tho
For example, you might dissociate when you are very stressed, or after something traumatic has happened to you. You might also have symptoms of dissociation as part of another mental illness like anxiety. For many people these feelings will pass over time.👍
I found that I disassociated with my two past relationships. Idk why but I think something happened to me within those relationships.
It doesn't even have to be inherently traumatic, it can be seen as something good but you don't like it...
You also dissociate with ADHD episodes.
@@mossmortis Wait what?! For real?!
Yeah I have PTSD (although to be honest I think it's CPTSD, from what I have found out about it), I also have depression and anxiety and when I am stressed or overwhelmed or frightened I dissociate. Sometimes it's just depersonalization, but sometimes it's derealiseation, and when that happens, I need to leave the situation I'm in (kind of hard sometimes when it's something like grieving) and get myself out of it.
Dissociation allowed me to survive my childhood during a time when tough love and “suck it up” was standard approach to mental health issues. Getting good at masking, especially masking the dissociation long enough to extract myself and hide. At 63 years old I’m finally unpacking this with a professional that gets it, but I know I will never be able to enjoy social situations as 60 years of ingrained behavior has become automatic to the point that any deviation is extremely overwhelming.
Fun fact: This video is helpful
Awe yay! I am so glad :) xoxo
Kati Morton what if you contact a main therapist who happens to be like the main guy at the practice
but then they give you someone else.
The main guy was too expensive. Like 2.5 times other staff.
Any tips to talk to the person I choose?
@@Katimorton Question: can someone dissociate and still be present but are unable to feel emotions?
@@Katimorton can I talk to you
@@senntheambivalent617 what do you mean? Do you mean the only symptom you are experiencing is emotional numbness? If so, then I would question if what you are experiencing actually is dissociation, and not something else. Dissociation, in my experience, can vary greatly from time to time, and sometimes I am just emotionally numb due to it, but that is by no means how I solely, or even typically, experience it. Many things can cause emotional numbness outside of dissociation, so it is a good idea to explore several possibilities before dissociation if it is your sole dissociative sounding symptom.
TL;DR: Yes, but if that is your only symptom that could be dissociative, it very well may not even be dissociation at all, as emotional numbness is not strictly caused by dissociation.
I've lived most of my life in a dissociated state due to trauma.
I got close to the real me once and figured out why i trapped him. is the lord of cringe and repetition.
I was just diagnosed with complex PTSD about a year ago. I dissociate all the time, I'm not sure I've been fully present in years. It sucks but I'm glad I'm finally on a path to getting the treatment I need
I can relate.
Get well soon!
I relate big time
Same
so glad you are getting help
this happened to me last year. In 2021 I didn’t feel like myself it felt like nothing was alive and I was just floating in the world. Everyday i tried trying to do the things I love and remembered who I was eventually it payed off one day I woke up feeling like myself. If youre reading this you will be okay you are powerful and I know you can beat this terrible disease
I used to love when I dissociated. I was relived to have the break. Sure life didn't feel real there but it didn't feel real being depressed or anxious either. But now that the real would feels real again I'm glad to be there most of the time.
It's like a drug for me. It's like the best drug on the planet. I have felt it when sober or not .
It's a drug. 💯
@@Ungrievable, until it becomes chronic and is your default state. Then it is one of the most painful conditions
Rasmus Lassen it can be the next day yeah. Hope you figure out a way or ways to cope .
✌️
@@Ungrievable , thx. I haven't been completely in reality for close to 4 years, so hopefully I can be again soon.
This!! When it's impossible to remove yourself physically from a bad environment or situation, mentally removing yourself feels better than not.
I’ve been in a dpdr episode all day everyday for nearly 3 weeks. When it happened I consciously felt the transition between my normal self to this intoxicated feeling, I was at home just eating some food at the time, it was so frightening, one minute I was there and the next I was so disconnected from everything, my emotions, my surroundings, I felt like I couldn’t control my actions or my speech, there was even a physical feeling in my head when it happened. Even after 3 weeks of knowing I’m absolutely fine I still can’t help thinking I’m going insane. I’m just so thankful for content creators and communities here, it makes feel grounded, I don’t know where I would be without the use of the internet.
How are you doing now? How long did it last? Did you get professional help?
@@Eserr7856 Hey, I'm doing great these days, the severe dissociation episode I faced has withered away, I do occasionally experience a mild DPDR but due to the happening of it in the past it's not as near as intense, I can say to myself 'this is nothing new'. Thanks for asking 😃
Dissociation 😔 is SO HARD!
I HATE IT...
Walking through life zombified is not living. It's a nightmare!
I feel like I've wasted my life and still am😔
Thank you for the video Katie x
It is so hard!! But I hope this video was helpful and it offered other resources or tools to keep you present and feeling okay :) xoxo
@@Katimorton Thank you for replying you are so kind. You really have helped me.
Stay safe take care.
Hayley x
Hey, you're not alone. We've been through tough stuff, we're doing our best which is pretty alright all things considered. We didn't waste our lives, trauma happened, which kinda made life a million times harder to do simple things everyone takes for granted. Even if we made some unhelpful choices, it's not all on us for being where we're at. We still got time to get to a better place in our life. We got this.
@@adrianluth9127 Hi thank you,
you are SO right!
WE HAVE GOT THIS!
Thank you for reminding me not to be so hard on myself.
It is hard but we have to keep going even when you think there is no point.
Hope you are well.
Stay safe and take care x
No problem ♡ Things will get better. It takes time to recover, to figure out what best works for us, to learn new skills, to use them regularly, to heal from trauma. It helps to acknowledge the progress we've made thus far, no matter how small. I'm still in the process, there's still a long way to go AND I've made a lot of progress. In my personal journey, this process has been years and I'll be in this for years more. That's okay because it has been worth it. We're worth it.
Being able to tune out my childhood in my head as a kid, was a lifesaver. But, it also kept me from developing the proper social skills I needed to find and maintain meaningful relationships outside of my family unit.
I’ve never disassociated during a session, but i have on my way home from a session. I remember getting on the bus, and then all of a sudden I’m at home. (My bus ride is 1.5 hours long)
This happens to me too. I dissociate in way go and backs a lot
Yeah I have heard that happens a lot. I am glad you take the bus, and maybe some of the items I mentioned you could keep with you to help during that time :) xoxo
Lately I have been after encountering my ex. Sometimes I have to try so hard to ground myself since I have to get home and I have no one else to drive me home.
I will do this. I try to ground myself and regulate my emotions before traveling back home.
Isn't that just zoning out if you didn't feel stressed when it happened?
I havent felt real in a very long time. I feel like im dissociated majority of the time, for days, even weeks at a time. Too poor for resources atm, trying my best to learn what i can from you here on youtube, you've helped me a alot Kati!!
I KIND OF ENJOY DISSOCIATING NGL ... I FEEL MUCH BETTER IN THE WORLD THAT I HAVE CREATED 😊
Thank you! Me too! It’s like a drug for pain and feels amazing sometimes when you’re sitting at home even just thinking.
Next day you’re exhausted and wondering what hit you!!!
🤝😁❤️
Yes me too and l hate the real world, l feel like living in my brain, the world and feelings l've created. It's better and l'm used to it. It is like an addiction cant leave it
Katie Walker yep. Ditto. Take care. Bye!
I totally get it.. I hear that a lot too. But if we work through our trauma and past upset we can be free from it so that we can be present and in our body and be okay. Otherwise we aren't able to form full memories or be fully there for any of life's events and that can be hard to deal with after awhile too :/
@@MellowJelly I can relate! 💗
clicks lol
Ahh love you
Yessssss
i mean same always looking for answers/advice lol
I hope it was helpful Dodie!! xoxoxo
BABDHSHDJ DODIE’S HERE
I dissociate less than I used to, or for less time. Sometimes I really miss it. But once I was more present it was like waking from a drug- induced dream, like I had spent my whole life not really there. Colors were brighter. Food tasted better. The good stuff was really really good. .... the hard/sad things were really really hard and sad. I was like a toddler in a lot of ways I had to learn how to handle big emotions.
Honestly, I feel this.
I had a nervous breakdown 4 years ago. I had to relearn everything on a deep, emotional level. What is ok? What isnt ok? It was like this huge, huge awareness that struck like lightning. I had been in therapy for quite a while but it didnt really help. What did help, was that I started a traineeship where they provided tools to figure out who I was, what I were good at and what I needed.
Especially during COVID I had to put everything to work in order to feel better. I started journaling, meditating and yoga. I watched vids to provide tools and slowly, things are getting better. Yesterday I visited friends who have small children. Both of them wanted to claim hugs and didnt want me to leave.
It was the first time I 100% felt that I was loved, I was wanted and that I have a place where I belong. It was the first time I was completely checked in while interacting with them.
I feel like I am finally, finally making progress.
YES❤️
Its good to know that you're not the only one going through something. Well I've been depersonalized and derealized for 10 years now. Mine was due to trauma, a lot of crazy stuff happened in my family when I was a kid even till now, it really messed me up. Everything feels like a dream, objects around me are wider and flat and seem farther away from me. I get panic attacks like occasionally. I'm also aggressive towards people even though I don't wanna be. Sometimes I come back to reality, and then I get really scared and start screaming and crying involuntarily cos even though it looks real I'm just so used to seeing everything distorted and then i revert back to the dream state. Also I tend to laugh alot, also find it very hard to focus. I find it really hard to make proper eye contact with people. It's just really crazy.
I’ve “blocked” out a ton of my life. It’s intense. When I relocated and went into hiding from a toxic relationship I was in a state that left me constantly getting lost in the rural area I lived in. I think I’m losing periods of time at this point. Nothing feels real anymore. Where I live there are very limited mental health services and now my job has been eliminated. I had been working from home since March. I live alone and have no support system. I did one EMDR session through my EAP and now they aren’t allowed to have patients in person. I only have a couple visits left. Even if I could afford to buy groceries or whatever I don’t think I can even leave my house. I’m screaming uncle at this year. I don’t understand how there are endless bottoms under my rock bottom. I know the whole world is suffering so I feel even worse about everything. I feel like the global pandemic sucked everyone into the shit storm of a world I was living in.
You’re not alone Jessie, I understand your situation 100%
I needed this comment section today. Y'all are warriors. I'm sloping down from a dissociated state right now.
Was literally just searching RUclips for something to watch then boom this notification comes up......WINNING! 👌
♥️♥️♥️
Magic!!
Yay!! I hope it was helpful and just what you were looking for :) xoxo
@@Katimorton can I talk to you please
Woman, you are helping change lives out here!! Congrats on 1 million subscribers! Thank you for all that you do. 🙏🏼 💜 ♥️
This made me realize that i might need to go to therapy
Who else had to skip back coz they started dissociating? 🙃😂
Ayeeee
Flashbacks to childhood... yeah.
@@hanhe48 Ouch... it happens. If you press the arrow keys on a keyboard, it rewinds by 5 seconds. If you are on a phone, I think double tapping does a rewind.
🙋♀️
Lmao meee
the timing is almost scary, are you teaming up with my FBI guy??? I appreciate you ❤
Thank you !! That’s the biggest issue finding the right therapist !!!
I start dissociating, whenever someone starts their criticism... and then totally become unresponsive if they add a blame for it too that they have no connection to me.
I struggle with all of the above. I have recently been diagnosed with DID and I dissociate daily. My therapist usually just stays quiet and lets me go through it if it happens during a session because I will often switch out to one of my alters and she continues the therapy with them. But helps to bring me back before the session is over. I've built a strong bond with my therapist and I am grateful for all of her help. Thank you for your educational videos on the subjects, keep up the great work!!
I suffer from derealization and a couple of other things and it Sucks! Everyday is a struggle. I would cut off all my hair and I wish I could
have Brain surgery just to feel Normal again. I would sit and Rot away in my house But I have a reason to get up every day that's for my kids.
Im sorry to hear you struggle with this. Your kids are a blessing. Ask god to help you, to give you a sound mind.God bless you and your family.
Hey Margaret, I hope you are doing well! I don't have kids but my Mom is the reason I continue to work on my goals everyday despite this illness. Your kids are lucky to have you as their mom!
When I was still living with my parents I would frequently go into a state that I believe was dissociation when I was being scolded (screamed at really). It was like I was looking through a magnified fisheye lenses, my moms face was the only thing in my vision, her features would look strangely distorted like from a fish eye lense, I could hear her but it was muffled and I could only process certain words at a time, and it seemed as though I (as in my consciousness I guess?) was sitting in the back of my head watching everything like it was on a wrap around screen. The thing that really set it into place for me that something was actually going on was my mom would always pause mid rant and comment about "the look on my face" and would wonder if I was even listening. I've come to speculate that in those situations of high stress, I was disassociating. It rarely happens now that I've moved out, but occasionally I will experience it in certain situations. Last time I clearly remember it happening was in a job interview 🤦♀️suddenly all I could see was this lady's face, I could see her lips moving but I wasn't really processing anything she said. Eventually my panic of realization that "holy crap, I can't let this happen during an interview, I'm going to have to respond!" was able to pull me back to reality.
I realized I had a problem like this when several years ago my dogs were passing away and I wouldn’t cry or grieve properly. even when they were being put to sleep right In front of me it was like my mind went very quiet and I felt numb and detached. It feels like part of me is dead.
That's how i described it to m Psychologist, like I'm dead but my body has not caught up yet.
Omg 😭😭😭 I was like that with my gunea pig.
I didn't cry or care til 3 days later 💔💔💔💔
I grew up with a paranoid schizophrenic alcoholic father & my mom was paraplegic. So u can imagine the horror of my childhood. I realized when talking to my cousin who I was really close with from childhood up that she has all these memories of us and I only have about 20 memories from the ages of 4-16 (which at 16 my dad got sober and started taking his Thorazine and Librium)
I’m now starting to think I disassociated as a child. It’s really strange to have ur cousin tell u all the things I did and said as a child and I can’t remember any of it.
Whoa, I love how you explain the difference between derealization and depersonalization. I've never identified with depersonalization before, but derealization is bang on the money for me.
I am so glad that was helpful!! yay!! xoxo
Your suggestion of trauma could be big or small, could be a series of events that overwhelms your system really helps. Often we only know disassociation comes from trauma such as childhood trauma, which might not happen to many people suffering from disassociation. Happy to finally found this video looking at it from a different perspective.
I dissociate 24/7
It’s been like one long episode for years, I haven’t gotten a break from dissociation since about 2013/14
Before that I used to have some episodes which eventually went away, but since then i haven’t felt present ever
It’s frustrating at this point
Me too and drugs are making it worse, how do you cope?
@@heytherenordic7230 honestly i just got used to it, i try not to think about it and the times when I feel way too spaced out to function i try to just stay in bed and read or play games
basically stay away from doing things when it gets too bad in order to avoid accidents
other than that just go on with life without paying attention to the fact that i don’t feel like im here because i read that thinking too much about it can actually make it worse
I cried watching this. This is how I feel every day. Thank you for sharing. Started following your page today for inspiration to get help.
For me, I find it crops up when I'm alone for an extended period of time. I'm an introvert and have anxiety so naturally, I focus too far inwards and lose touch with my surroundings. When I do get D/P, I feel as though I'm watching myself and that my eyes aren't really mine or I'm in a VR. It's much better when I'm immersed in a task, whether that's at work or at the gym. The worst thing you can do is sit around thinking about it. Live as normally as possible. This is how I saw improvement.
I've just moved away for uni for the first time in my life, and having you talk to the camera so friendly and understanding is really helping me.
This has been happening to me a lot in therapy, thank you Kati 💕 I needed this one
Of course!! I am so glad it was helpful :) xxoo
Covid capped a recently diagnosed heart condition. So what you described is a normal reaction to too much pain for me. I didn’t ever think of it as part of my diagnosis by therapists but now that I have a name for it I’ll share with my Dr. Thank you for speaking so clearly. It is easy to learn from you.
My current RUclips channel faves:
Kati Morton and Ask a Mortician. Love them.
The little T's and big T's actually helped me feel validated of my experiences. It given me such insight that what I'm going through is really something, I never actually heard of it. I always thought that I'm just making things up that's why I always dissociate more than enough. Thanks for this!
I always get extremely panicked when I dissociate cause I don't know when itll end 😅 I hate feeling like nothing is real it makes me want to "wakeup" but I never can...
I think your an amazing therapist have subscribed..
Youve taught me so much ..
I wish you was my therapist.
Hello guys, I've suffered from severe Depersonalization/ derealization disorders. This is my fifth year living with derealization disorder (Depersonalization has gone). I just wanna say to everyone that IT GETS BETTER. Most of the scary symptoms have gone away, and when some other symptoms appear they are not that intense or you are just used to it so panic doesn't take over. Also the symptoms are not that frequent anymore. I live a very normal life. I know most people around you will not understand what a nightmare this is but I do. And I'm telling you that you are NOT going crazy (that's what I thought), know that you are not alone and that it will get better, I promise. Stay strong.
P.S. Know also this, after this bad experience you will feel the strongest person in the world and that there is no challenge on earth that you cannot overcome!
Thank you for making this video, completely validating. It was definitely hard to even stay present during the video simply cause I was already thinking about so many other things. You are right, I am one of the ones that do prefer to be disassociating, which usually happens quite often.
My mom was yelling and screaming at me for not listening and stuff, and I was crying on the floor just wanting to go away and I told multiple times that I’m sorry, I’ll do anything, let me leave, ect.
My mom said I was being dramadic and at that point I was sitting on the floor, feeling lightheaded, crying, tingling. The next moment im thinking about when this is over. Completely calm in my mind but still crying. I saw myself on the floor wondering when it would be over.
This is my life: Figuratively, I sit on a bus, I watch the world go past. People get on and off the bus, occasionally I interact with them superficially.
I have ptsd, depression and anxiety. One day the bus trip will be over.
Thank you for explaining WHY it occurs. My sister, 18 mos. younger, deals with Dissociation. I understood the reasons behind her other disorders but my best guess on dissociation was sensory overload, possibly because she doesn't seem to work with her emotions any more. If she does physically display emotion, she does it in absolute private. She's become very guarded but has told me about her dissociative episodes.
After hearing you explain it, I realized I had an episode myself. It helps to explain a comment I made decades ago, shortly after I was physically attacked, to my attacker. A second or two after it came out of my mouth, hearing the playback in my head snapped me back to reality.
Now I totally get it. Thank you so much, Katie!
Finally a mental health professional RUclipsr who knows it’s not pronounced dis-association. 👏🏻👏🏻 you wouldn’t believe how many videos I’ve seen people say did-association and I legit can’t even watch it.
I don't struggle much with overwhelming negative self talk but when you said that it also was "believing there's something innately wrong with us".. that hit. I didn't really realise that was negative self talk until you brought it up, thanks!
Thanks for that kati! All I've experienced in the spectrum is "brain fog" a few months ago during the stress of it all. I hope you are doing well--I know last week you said you were ready to take a break, and that sounds like a really good plan!
Of course!! I hope the video was helpful :) And yes.. planning for my break soon! I thought I could do it this week, but it looks like next week is easier schedule-wise :) xoxo
It took 6 months of extreme stress and a near death experience to finally pop.
The PTSD I was diagnosed with last year started in a sudden, traumatic episode which went like this.
I was driving the car, feeling good although that morning, I woke up and felt extremely down which is unusual for me. I started crying but didn't really understand that.
After this, while I was driving, I suddenly felt brain bubbles or a thing in my brain moving about. At the same time, my right eye started moving down on it's own.
My right eye then went blind but not in the way where sight went black. I went blind as in, my brain was not able to process the light data although I was still seeing light from the eye. I could not process that data.
Both eyes then at this point, through a surge of anxiety and fear that I was having a brain bleed or stroke, disassociated completely.
I was driving at the time around 75 mph on the motorway so had to find a place to pull over. I could just about keep some attention to the licence plate of the vehicle in front and managed to follow it until services came up.
I was in another world at the back of my head. Anxiety through the roof and about to pass out.
The next morning, my body wasn't my own and like being attached to a goblins body. Reality was skewed and I felt dizzy and disconnected completely from reality. It was terrifying.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't see a person looking back. Not just not recognise me but couldn't even see me.
Other people's faces were terrifying when looking at them and I got panic attacks because they looked like monsters.
My vision was blurry in my right eye and I had light sensitivity including, some off colours. I also had phantom tastes and smells.
This lasted in the acute phase like this for at least 3 months.
It's been 10 months now and if I get any symptoms, they are about 5% of what they were. I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with PTSD.
I did treatment and we focused on de stressing my life and changing my lifestyle.
I'm almost 100% now so if anyone else goes through the same thing, the cure for me was to keep going, understand that it won't kill me and that I need to change aspects of my life which caused me stress.
Good luck and great video x
It makes me go "oh so it's ME thinking? I'm Ellie in this life?" Like when you pause the videogame you've been playing for hours and you're not the character anymore
Same! I hate this line of thinking. It totally kills my drive to do anything and then I end up laying in bed until noon
Oh my god YES. Mental whiplash I call it haha
So, I found your channel today, and just watching your videos guided me to a lot of resources and explanations that helped me to better understand myself and possible things I might be experiencing. I learnt more about myself today from you than I did in the last 4 years going through therapy, counseling and all that. Thank you.. so much.
It happens to me when I’m driving. I am there driving but, my mind is elsewhere and when I realize I am in the car driving I get shocked how I managed to drive for minutes.
I dissociate a lot, driving is pretty much guaranteed to be a time I'm zoned out.
I do that too, I had to stop driving for a bit because I was doing it so much, its terrifying
One time I was driving in the high way and made way for another car to pass, I wasn't aware of it, and that driver waved his hand as a "thank you", I was like "Oh, that's a 'thank you' wave', I've must've done something that made him do that, I wonder what it was, maybe I made way for him...."
I figured this was ADHD. Lol. I do it alot. Scary at first but usually I drive safer (slower) when I'm not totally there. Sure I react properly to things just don't remember them. If I need to slam on the breaks my mind brings me back......so far. ROFL
That's normal though. But it's a good example
This video was very educational. I don't struggle with dissociation, but I have close family members that do, so knowing that I could talk to them and find out what I could do in those moments is super helpful. Thanks Kati!
Sometimes I end up dissociating and it worries me quite a bit, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and advice on it!! ❤️
Admir Barucija hello I seen you wrote a comment and straight away come to say hello I only just received my notification for this new video interesting title and also good topic hope you are well
Admir Barucija I can understand and relate some dissociation it dose often worry me too take care Admir x
I hope it was helpful!! xoxo
Kati Morton it was, thank you so much!! 💜
❤Thank you for this video, I have been praying for this behavior to get answers for my experiences. Thank you❤
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Like you run away not in dissociative state but in a state of high? How is that better? You walk around every day being high instead of facing your fears?
This lady is incredible
You mentioned maladaptive daydreaming. Thank you for recognizing this!
I swear when i disassociate (i have panic disorder) i literally went up to someone i trusted and told him " im literally watching myself and need you to talk me back down into my body." It was insane. He helped me though and talked me down. Thank you for making this video
MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING omg you have no idea how excited I was when I heard you say that. I’ve been dealing with MD for 10 years now and NO ONE talks about it. Could you make a video about it please?
I also wonder if there is a negative version of maladaptive daydreaming? I find my parallel daydream world is the version where everything that can go wrong does and I get anxious from it even though my current reality might actually be okay at the time. It starts as catastrophic thinking or analyzing a situation and then turns into a narrative that can go on for days and days.
I spent YEARS wondering why nothing seemed real to me. I knew it was, but the only way I could describe it was like I was watching life as a movie. Only recently have I been diagnosed properly, and while it's not quite managed, its getting better. I have real moments of clarity now, and I'm able to recognize what's going on when it's not. I'm still working on grounding, but it IS getting better. Thank you for making this video.
Yesss Katie spreading health knowledge and urging us to stay safe
Thank you Kati for having this channel. I just found you and you are great. Keep keeping us informed and educated. Thank you!
I've been struggling with DP/DR for about 5 years. Scariest feelings I've ever felt.
I work at a high stress short staffed restaurant that is super busy as a GM. I was hired because there was no one else, I have no experience and a boss that said he would train me but didn’t. It’s only been 2 months and I am about to quit because I have been disassociating after work. I’ve been so over stimulated/whelmed and stressed out all the time. I have been forgetting to feed my fish too and not living my personal life I just isolate myself. It’s time for change
Hello, Kati. I just met your channel and it has already become one of my favorites on mental health. Could you please talk about the difference between dissociation and inattention in ADHD, and what it is like to be ADHD and have dissociative symptoms?
I’m so happy you posted this video because I got chronic DPDR from smoking weed back in 2019 and I still suffer from it, it was debilitating and still affects me to this day. Totally changed my life around and Ive been waiting for a video from you on this :))) because its not very common and people don’t really talk about it too much. thank you!!!
Could you perhaps talk about D.I.D., (dissociative identity disorder), and also perhaps its development? It is said that it can’t developer above a certain age, but I am curious as to if that is always true.
Depersonalization Derealization Disorder are associated with dissociation also I believe lol.
There isn't enough research on this to my understanding. I've read it suggested that under extreme circumstances (like a prison of war) an adult could develop DID, however if an adult shows signs if DID there is also no telling if the capacity to do so wasn't established in childhood. You can have DID and appear ver functional until something is beyond a person's ability to cope.
Have a look at the channel from the CTAD-Clinic. Dr. Mike Lloyd is a specialist in trauma and dissociation and is the director of the clinic. Dissociative disorders are very complex and without years and years of learning about it theoretically and in clinical practice, normal therapists and even psychiatrists don´t know what it really is about. So have a look at him, he really knows what he is talking about due to the fact that he works only in this field and does so for a long time.
I'm not 100% sure whether it's possible for DID to develop in later life, but I think it's generally accepted that it is due to the brain failing to integrate as our brains develop as kids (which stops at like 7 or 8 if I'm right). I think this is why most people don't believe it's possible to develop DID in later life, because the personality, memory etc is already integrated. Would be intrigued to see if there was any evidence to support the opposite!
@@adrianluth9127 you can t. As you would be have had enough traumatic experiençes under age of 5 to develop DID.
@@abbyrivers9971 there isn't enough research on DID to say for certain what "has to happen", what we know is just theories. One theory is that before the age of 7 when a person's identity hasn't solidified DID can occur due to trauma but it's also very hard to diagnose at that age. Most children don't get DID diagnoses but rather adults. So it's just theories not hard factual evidence we can measure like "yup this child got DID". From the best we know adults can't/don't develop DID without childhood trauma causing it, there is just research that mentions other situations that could be possible. I am just mentioning that exists, I'm not even claiming it's true.
You have helped me so much I just lost my wife of 24 years and find your videos so helpful. I find you so cute I think you are a doll I envy your husband what a lucky guy. God Bless!
See, I used to think I've never experienced. Then I realized those moments where everything kinda got fuzzy and I was just zoning out, and then when I came back to, I had a realization that I was and individual in a space surrounded by things and have control over my movements was most likely a form of depersonalozation. It's really disorientating.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've been trying to understand an incident that happened to me a few years ago at work. I didn't have the words to describe what happened to me, and I struggle with feeling like the resulting trauma was valid. I'm still a little lost for how to get over what happened, but this video is a step in the right direction.
I do dissociate when I'm on a stressful situation (a presentation, a talk to my boss, a moment when I have to stand my ground, when late for work, etc.) or when I'm with a lot of things in my head. Sometimes it's very scary to notice I spaced out for hours and/or I can't remember what I just did a second ago.
SUPER helpful and educational video. Thank you!
I'm trans and a big component of my Dysphoria is dissociation. I also had a shitty childhood so I probably got some stuff to work on. It has gotten much better since I started HRT over 2.5 years ago.
Good stuff. I believe the purpose of life is for people to connect with themselves, with others, and with the universe around them. I like your closing remarks, and all the rest too
It feels so strange it happened to me when I had to fly over the Atlantic, I’m terrified of flying 😩
Thank you so much for your videos 💕
Had a traumatic trip on weed that really left me feeling messed up. No longer can be certain if anything is what it really appears to be. Been having crazy vivid dreams that make me question what's real. Been thinking that I'm becoming delusional, I'll think things like wondering if I have a direct impact on things going on around me like the weather. Doesn't help that I got into all this spirituality bs that says "we're all connected, man" yeah, that's such a wonderful thought to have while dissociating wondering what's real and why. To those also experiencing a similar situation know that you're not alone. I love you and I pray that both you and I are able to recover. Stay safe, and don't be so hard on yourself
I’m stuck with derealization after smoking weed one time and it’s been 3 years now and everything around me just feels like a dream I feel like I’ve gone stupid and I have no idea what to do anymore, my anxiety and depression has gotten so bad from it and my doctors just tell me it’s in my head. Like sure alright 3 years later... it sucks and I’m at a loss I feel like my life’s over and I’m only 20.
I’m exactly the same, 3 years as well. Is yours constant or come and go?
It's not all in your head. Weed has been known to trigger dissociation disorders. There are people out there with your experience. Can you see a different doctor and/or see a therapist who will validate you? Even if your dissociation was initially chemical induced, having weed once won't chemically keep you there. Your brain is just feeling safer there, so it's gonna take some intentional effort in therapy to get your brain to be grounded and to be mindful again. You can make sure your medication (like anti anxiety and depression) aren't adding to emotional numbness or dissociation. Some medications are better than others. What you're experiencing is real and it can get better. It will take therapy to learn skills. You might have to deal with your personal stuff, we all have stuff. It gets better. Your life isn't over.
Adrian Luth I’ve been in therapy since I was 12 years old and I’m now 21. Nothing has helped at all, therapists don’t understand what DPDR is. I’ve tried so many medications and nothing works, I’m losing hope.
hi, it sounds like you are experiencing symptoms of hppd. there are a bunch of subreddits on reddit dedicated to hppd.
Dj Moore I don’t think that’s what im experiencing, I don’t have hallucinations and never have
I am from those that love my dissociations. I find it liberating for my emotions and brain. Many people achieve that through drugs and alcohol - to numb. But it's just temporary with loads of down sides to them. I've had my longest dissociation - about two weeks and I love it. I was overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, guilt and couldn't cope at all. And all of a sudden like I went to amazing nothingness! I didn't have any anxiety, guilt, wasn't scared. I wasn't hungry or cold or in pain. I didn't like coming out of it though, but still that switch off reduced all those build ups in a moment and returned to almost normal me. I don't like the reality and all the negative emotions and memories that I have. Numbness felt great. I have just time problem. I don't remember whether I did something a month ago or a year ago. Thank goodness for calendars and phones. I loved also my dissociations when on holidays. I didn't know even where I come from. Slighly panic when someone asks me basic question about me and I do not know what or who I am. But still liked the numbness of it.
When I stopped dissociating all the time I felt like I lost my “super-power”.
How much took you, please?
Opposite for me I can't wait till this becomes a distant memory
Thank you. My son, who was emotionally and "religiously" abused by his other parent, has dissociative episodes and I didn't really know what was going on. Now I have a much better understanding and I think I can help more effectively.
I was diagnosed with PTSD after being sexually abused when I was 4 until 15, I did 2 tours of Afghanistan, and I was down the bottom of the south tower of the Trade Towers.
Although I had been debriefed, something was still niggeling in my head, but compared to where I started, we had a 99.9% improvement.
Now my mother (78) has been diagnosed with Dementia and Huntington’s Disease, we (my sister and myself) look after our mother full time, mum asked us to care for her, rather then placing her in a Nursing Home almost 25 years ago, and we promised to do just that.
Now that we are about 7 years into mums illness, it is becoming harder and harder,I look after mum, from 4am until approx 8pm, since mum lives with my sister she takes care of her the other times.My sister has said to me that it may be an idea to put mum in a nursing home, my reply remains the same, WE have promised mum we would care for her, then explain to my sister all our mum has ever done for us.The situation is not great for my sister nor myself, however it appears that mum may be moving in with myself. My sister keeps telling me that there is no way we can keep the promise we made to mum. And currently have my sister questioning the words, loyalty,family,love,care,promises, integrity,honour and a few more. This is creating a small distance between us, she certainly does not have the same values as me, but there is nothing I can do about that....
I hope everyone is having a wonderful, but cautious weekend!!!
Shemmy🙃from Sydney
That is amazing you are trying so hard to keep the promise but when if ever do you look at alternatives? What about a nurse visiting for 2 days a week so you and your sister have a day off?
How far along is your mother? If she doesn't remember you guys or know what she ate for breakfast is the stress on you worth it if she isn't there.....up there?
If she is far gone mentally do you think she would want to be that much if a challenge for you and stress since she wouldn't remember?
I don't mean to sound insensitive! I'm just hopeing you can find a break because all the mental stress can wreak havoc on your physical being if exposed too long.
Don't let this break up your sister and you friend ship your mother would definitely not want that. When her times comes she would want you two to stay close. After all your family.
Can you afford a home health aid to visit one or two days a week? I'm in the USA so I have no idea about government aid but maybe you could get a discount or something to hire that. She would still be at home and you would be more mentally fit on the days you did visit. You don't want to feel angry about helping because if the pressure or later down the road you might get mad at yourself for feeling bad about helping.
IDK.....good luck and God Bless. I'm afraid of the day where I'm put in this situation.
How are you today, Shemmy?
@@gailcarey3597 I’m alive, not a brilliant day, but I lived it, and tomorrow is always better. Thanks for asking Gail. I hope you are well 🙃Marianne
Kind Regards ☺️
@@shemmytoyou 💕Hugs and prayers
Things sometimes need to get harder before they can get better. Confronting what's causing dissociation can feel terrible, but coming back to reality can be worth it entirely.
Is this why I literally can’t remember how any intense argument went after the fact.
We don't tend to think clearly if we're emotionally charged and might engage in flight, fight freeze, but yeah if an argument is more than you can handle you might check out.
Adrian Luth always