Now I understand why if someone starts screaming at me I can't hear or remember what they said. I wonder what it's like to have loving parents? Or any loving person at all? I miss my cat- the only thing on earth who ever looked at me with loving eyes.
I am sorry you went through this. I too did not have loving parents. After being in a abusive workplace I described to my counselor what was going on. For me everything goes black and I can no longer see my abuser, do I can hear everything they say, but I am just an able to answer. I think I can't answer because as a child when I answered I was beaten for not saying what they wanted me say.
Hi MIkey: I know the feeling of having an animal love you in a way that you don't experience with people. I hope you get another cat. Shelters are filled with cats longing to love someone. When my dogs died, I immeediately found another dog for the same reason I hope you get another cat.
Wow me too it’s my dog … I would never have thought that someone else felt the same way. I pray you find comfort in knowing you are not alone . God Bless us all with happiness✝️
While dissociation is not a healthy long-term coping mechanism, it's good to reflect on how our bodies are allowing dissociation to work to keeping us safe and protected. It may not be nice and enjoyable, but our bodies deserve appreciation for their hard work to keep us alive.
You really nailed me on this one! I sadly dissociated early on. Super narcissistic borderline mother, angry distant super type A father. Both very powerful people. So much more but not enough room here. Married a narcissistic borderline woman, 35 yrs then I was done, finished and worn out!!! Trauma, abuse in my early life. I really just tried to cope for years until I went into recovery in my early 20’s. I’m 73 now and just now getting the labels right. I accomplished a lot but I sure wished I had had these videos and tools years ago. Thank you, your vids are excellent and spot on!!! Blessings
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too wish we had access to this information years ago. At 73 doing the work is incredible and very inspiring! I understand the the aftermath of a narcissistic/borderline mother and then you attract them your whole life, at 47 still deal with disassociation. I just noticed this was 10 months ago. How are you doing on your healing journey?
It brings me so much feelings of respect seeing how people are taking care of oneselves through the better understanding of the world and modern knowledge, and I am so moved by the fact that the person of your age is getting into deeper understanding of personal story through psychology!
I call some of my dissociative episodes "going into autopilot". Especially after going through severe trauma, like when we had to remove my son from life support. I was on my "autopilot" for over a year. It was to the point that I was told that I was handling my son's death "very well". Truth be told, I have never dealt with it and it's been over 4 years.
I am so, so sorry for your horrible loss. I totally get it, my son died 3 years ago and I was stunned for the first 2 years, not sure where I am now. Prayers for you and your family.
One good tip for re-associating yourself to reality is to pick up a new instrument, hobby, or craft. Start studying piano, guitar, whatever. Sculpt. Do some new activity which requires a lot of learning. This is extremely helpful to help you become Re-Realized.
My father gives me digs my whole life and favors my brothers...I called to sing happy birthday and he said before I finished "you were never in the choir" -it hurt me so bad I hung up and told him he was mean. He waited a few days and called and "wanted to talk to me!" lecture- I am terrified of him- he's 97 and still so hurtful. I tried to find out about his parents and he shut me up quick and said "they were fine, don't even go there!" What? He's does a lot of comments on my weight and says my friends are patient to be my friends....I had seizures as a kid and they thought I was doing the seizures on purpose- I have epilepsy
My sister sang a song my mother liked at her funeral. Would you believe my narcissist dad said she made a mistake... just one fucking mistake and he had to point it out
I had a similar experience. I was criticized, accused, berated, insulted and made fun of on a daily basis along with having every aspect of my humanity totally controlled. It takes a huge toll when as a child you are in the process of learning who you are, and the caregivers in charge of you have a personal mission to destroy your sense of self. Its also rejection around every corner. Im so sorry you went through that. My daughter has epilepsy and trying to figure out her illness was one of the most stressful and heartbreaking times in my life. I have seen my daughter have tonic clonic (formerly grand mal ) seizures and IMO he knew you were not faking, he wanted to either show how much he didn’t care or he wanted you to suffer. I hope you can go no contact with that poisoned man.
@@vm994 I know, right? The other day my driving instructor told me he loves his kids more than anything and I was shocked because I can't even remember my own parents telling me they loved me and here's a stranger just blurting it out all over the place. Those little moments that are so normal to everyone else are so alien to us.
Oprah once quoted someone (maybe Maya) as saying, 'I child knows how you feel about them when they walk into a room and see your face (something like that)'.
It’s like the ‘death of a thousand cuts’ torture, except even when our torturers are out of the picture (or should be) , we take the task onto ourselves.
I was raped in elementary school by a construction worker who was working there. I was floating out of my body... Today I was listening to an old song and his first name was in the song. After decades it all came back and I felt such shame , pain and loathing. My family couldn't hear me speak about it. This sucks, I'm freaking old now and hate myself. I sure got screwed over
Those awful feelings were imposed upon you. When they come, acknowledge them and tell them to get lost and they were never correct. Don’t dwell on them and don’t try to understand them. They don’t belong with you.
The first time I noticed it was as a child, I was being verbally abused and suddenly it was like I was frozen and hearing sounds muffled underwater. Now I struggle with space out dissociation daily & wish I didn't though I survived my hellish childhood with it
My mother constantly put me down. I was so used to it a BF had to point it out to me. It led to me trying to discuss it with her. It got explosive and I was kicked out of my home at age 16. I’m sure what she did was illegal. Kicking an underage kid out of their home. I went to live with my BF.
The brain is neuroplasitc. You can actually change that. I used to dissociate all the time, whenever "stress" would come. Just daily business and phone calls could cause me to "blow a fuse" and blank out. Then i discovered this process was contributing to alzheimer's by shutting down the hypocampus. So then i wondered if i could reverse this? I began to stay present under stress and low and behold, i dont have to dissociate under stress anymore.
I’m reading Professor Steve Peters book “A Path Through The Jungle” and for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel better, I really recommend this book.
@@melaniezupan4881 Absolutely the same thing I do and I am very afraid I will have Altimeters. I don't remember hardly anything till 15 or 16. I'm 56 and disabled with Fibromyalgia and Arthritis and bone on bone knees. The Fibro.creates brain fog and memory loss.
I was born into abuse, by my mother. I learnt to disassociate on purpose when I was about six. I could look down on my body and my mind was separate. I am 66 now and I’m not fully integrated but that’s OK because I’m a Christian and I know when my body dies my soul will be completely released and I’m praying, go to Heaven.
Forgive everyone and you will be forgiven. Forgive to be free from emotional negative bonds . It doesn't mean to excuse what has happened. More about letting it go and step out of the battle. God will wipe the tears from your eyes.
My family was super abusive, my early years were terror, fear, and my only escape was to shut down. They threw me into the street when I was 15. On my own, entirely. At 18 I was just finding my footing...as I waited in the early morning for the bus to take me to my job, I was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. A week of being brutally beaten and raped. I was his only survivor. Dissociation is an escape, one I don't like...it's not by choice. I don't like losing time. I don't like a feeling of not being in control.
Wow, you sound like me, right down to the kidnapping. I had it really ugly-bumpy as well. I'm just finishing up my memoir about it. Super-great spiritual path you are on.
My entire life for 57 years until i got away from my psychotic abusive mother. It’s tragic that when we’re born to an individual such as i was, we know nothing else - we don’t know they’re options. Even as an adult i was the ‘good’ girl and stayed by mom being tormented every day by her. Finally somehow a light came on - looking back, I seriously don’t know how i have survived.
I have Complex trauma and your descriptions of dissociation were so common that I didn't know that it wasn't normal I write it off as daydreaming or even a form of thinking. That was 50% of my life. I didn't even that the word disassociation existed until after my diagnosis. My mother used to beat me and then beat me again from crying or begging her to stop.
Same here. I’m an artist. It’s natural. But I guess it can be a combination of artistic absent mindedness and the trauma thing. So yeah. Now I feel better because I embarrass myself sometimes.
And I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. I didn’t have it bad with physical abuse. Just once but it was significant. It altered everything. And caused other effects and events to happen that were traumatic.
Thank you again, what helps me is I stand in front of a mirror, take 2 steps back and talk to yourself, might sound strange but by talking to yourself and saying you will be ok, you did what you needed to do, give myself a hug, take a breath, a smile to yourself (national) and don’t forget to self nurture ❤
I watched my Father get "taken off the rope" when I was 7, and every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I have ever dealt with brushed it to the side like it was nothing, I am 62 now and have recovered to a certain extent, but thanks for these videos, they explain a lot.
😢 I’m so so sorry you had to experience that horror. I can’t even imagine 😭 TRIGGER ⚠️ my brother died by hanging.. self inflicted.. I didn’t see him til he was in his casket.. that itself was so traumatizing, I can’t imagine seeing him like that or being rolled out in a body bag or any of that.. much less as a young child. I can’t believe so many psychologists would brush that off 😢 that makes me so sad!! I hope you get some healing ❤️🩹
My mom was narcissistic. After talking to my therapist about my relationship history and past events with her, she asked me if I thought she could have a personality disorder and she wanted me to do some research about narcissistic parents and impacts on daughters
IMHO narcissists are a combination of one and or two things. 1. Inherited from one parent 2. Learned behavior from one parent A really narcissistic parent usually creates a narcissistic child. Usually the child is either a source or a narcissist. This isn’t pointing a finger but what I can tell you is that I was a narcissist for 40 years. It was only in learning and awareness that I learned what I was and set out to change it through therapy for trauma. Identifying it might be there is really the big part of it all. If you can really see that you might be one then being determined enough to work on it.
I was diagnosed with C PTSD and DID, this is insane how you nailed it right on the head. I always thought I was just a spacey person or a day dreamer because I have always just done this now I know why.
Me too but my understanding is that structural dissociation only happens in the mind of a child when left brain is underdeveloped. It can’t happen after the age of around 9.
As my mother got crazier my father took me with him as often as he could.. But she still got crazier and he started drinking heavily..BUT HE WAS THE RELIABLE PARENT... Everyone was scared of HER so they blamed all the family problems on my father's drinking... So she got copped a pass EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE REALLY KNEW HOW CRAZY SHE WAS.. EVEN after she broke my eardrum with a beating using an umbrella...and I had to leave for nearly a year... MOST people were led to believe I and my father were the problems... Pitiful...
My disassociation has always left me with a feeling of losing time . . Headaches dizziness. Head tingling hot flushing through my head . A feeling of sickness. Always comes on when stressed . I suffer with cptsd and borderline personality disorder. When ive spoken with mental health professionals. They don't like that a question them . Steps to well-being and mindfulness dont work and the psychologist work from a bs script and cant think for themselves. Ive been suffering for over 40 years.
My entire life has been the poster child for dissociation. Never knew it. Thought I was doing my best to survive as the highly competent, but defective person I was. Always knew it had something to do with my childhood, which I only remember in bits and pieces, more now than ever before (after watching a year's worth of RUclips videos on CPTSD), ... the validation helps, but the memories are a little more painful than previously. I'm guessing that's a good thing. Thank you for the videos. They really help to bring us from darkness into daylight.
Both my parents were scary 😔😭. Narcissistic mother, enabler father who led by intimidation & fear. I was the scapegoat kid who had all the household duties dumped on me beginning age 8-9. Coupled with sexual abuse (no one in my family) beginning also age 8-9 continuing thru adulthood. Lots of stress, trauma, abuse, neglect in my life. Dissociation was how I coped and survived. It still plagues me at 64, but I have an understanding of it now. Thank you for your work and videos.
It is terrible how these traumas of childhood stay with us in later years. I thought they would get more distant. I don’t find that to be true. I wish you well in your healing journey. Hope you have some peace now.
@@beawesome3695 Yes I’ve found, & continue to find peace. I have my days of sadness dissociating sorrow anger…but for the most part, I’m free. Knowledge is power & truth set me free!!! Did deep dive into narcissism beginning December 2021 and it opened the door to knowledge, growth, healing, thriving. Freedom for me 😁☺️.
Dissociation happened to me after having encountered a morally insane covert narcissist. It’s a dreadfully frightening thing to experience, it happened after he’d discarded me. Great explanation. Thankyou
I don't know how I could have gone to school if I didn't dissociate but then got there and felt stunned, unable to learn, tired, exhausted, worn out as a kid. In one sense dissociation is the ability to put that parcel of trauma etc. away and go off to the activity example school and hiding the distress and sadness. Being ordered to not speak about the 5 year old friend who died but the need to not get in trouble if the abusive person finds out. The fear of dying and the need to survive was greater than the need to address the grief.
How I survived my childhood. My dad would RAGE for hours at me. Screaming, in my face, very intense, boiled over rage. I would disassociate completely. To the point I remember very little of these “sessions” I would picture myself riding a horse in the woods.
I wish I could talk to someone like you when I read a post like this. That’s very similar to my childhood… and don’t know people personally who have gone through stuff like this. I still struggle and am 40.
Still struggling at 56, after finally being forced into figuring this out after a chain of tragic and soul-crushing events and a nudge from a chance exposure to another RUclipsr, (Richard Grannon) nearly 3 years ago. I've learned a lot from many including Dr. Sage, (at least on the intellectual level)but am still struggling to deal and heal. For me, I have very few POSITIVE memories of childhood and even many of the negative ones have been buried in shallow graves to be stumbled over as I explore this nightmare terrain. When I dissociate (often) my mind goes to parts unknown, but sometimes when I return to my "normal" state of consciousness I will remember having experienced beautiful things in that "other reality", sometimes real memories and sometimes flights of fancy which fade away as if waking from a dream. My interpretation of this at this point is that a part of me remains in the "real" world as a caretaker/protector to deal with all the pain and threats while a more vulnerable younger part(s) lives protected (and imprisoned) in a safer place- the protector part sometimes gets a glimpse into that other world, and occasionally brings something back. Hope that made some kind of sense and is helpful to someone. Best of wishes for you and everyone on this journey through the Underworld of CPTSD.
I think I have this because it relates to a big childhood trauma that shattered my family relationships including myself. Trying to end the cycle. Thank you for posting this!
Ack!! I had a therapist I adored who kept saying she thought I was Borderline PD and I never thought that was right. Luckily my awesome MD agreed I was not BPD and I finally got my PTSD and OCD (obsessive thought dominant) diagnosis from him. After that came correct meds, and so much more healthy thinking patterns became possible. Love you Dr. B!!! Wherever you are ❤
I turned my fantasy world into a journey itself. I love writing from it and have a clever way to heal myself. I also have been approaching shame and one day, I faced it head-on 💪I’m getting stronger.
This comment is old. But wanted to say I do this too. Very good at writing. But sometimes it scares me and I wish to be back in my body or first person. It's weird but it's kind of like watching your life like a movie.
My narc mom used to leave us alone for days at a time when we were little, the first time i remember as the oldest I was four and In charge of my little brothers . I didn't realize how her behavior messed me up so much
Thank you for helping me understand how to recognize my CPTSD. I lived thru 911, Im an adult child of an alcoholic, and still struggle with triggers on coping with dysfunctions. Step one is recognizing where it comes from. Yes, Ive been in therapy for years and Im working the program.
I can't believe this was 3 yrs ago. Ive been going through this for yrs, yesterday, today and now. 50+ yrs. I feel blessed to have come to see this video. Please don't stop putting your knowledge and education out to people. Thank you Dr Kim
Mine started in childhood. I was adopted and did not have a good attachment to my adoptive parents and avoident. I was also an undiagnosed dyslexic who ended up in low classes at school and struggled finding a job which caused low self esteem and no friends. Found out at 34 years old I was dyslexic and had an IQ of 139 .Ths was supported by me starting a degree in applied science and being in the top 5% .More recently my disassociation has become a bad and negative place so is no longer a safe place .
Thank you so much for this video. This is totally how I have been operating and experiencing life. I thought I was weird until now. I'm on short term disability and have been getting help. Family and friends don't understand... they ask me where's the "other" you, the one who can fix everything? My left side broke down and my right side is screaming for help. I have started art therapy. Constantly mis diagnosed as manic but found a great therapist who have diagnosed me with complex PTSD and S.A.D. The fire fighter in me is exhausted. I am learning about healthy boundaries to keep me safe and sane. Everything you have said resonates with me and I don't feel like such a freak and weak anymore. I think part of the complexity of not having a healthy and stable caregiver definitely caused me to be over compassionate and leads to disassociation to that safe place.I was feeling ashamed but my therapist have told me they are suprised I managed to keep going so long. Thank you for helping me to understand my behavior. I'm going to get better. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)
I’m a survivor of Diffused Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The cancer was brought on by trauma and aggravated by stress. Cortisol is a factor in cancer. I’ve learned that more than genetics; family dynamics and dysfunction have more to do with disease (dis ease); especially auto immune diseases. If your family is dysfunctional and always have been, you don’t know it’s not normal. When you discover that your normal is not healthy, you don’t know what healthy looks like. I’m so grateful for this information and techniques for healing and coping. Thank you for sharing practical advise that we can implement at home.
Thank you, Dr Sage. I've been in therapy intermittently for decades and not once have I heard cptsd mentioned. I had agoraphobia and depression as a small child, before it was even named as such. Thought I was crazy. Terrified of my own body and safety on daily basis. Frightened of when this "thing" would overtake me. Have gotten much better but still have low self esteem and believe I'm defective in some way. One does not need abusive caregivers to have cptsd. Thank you again❤
I learned some new things about myself. TY. The length of video and content were understandable and professional. Bless you for producing on this channel. Many people are unable to afford therapy. Your content changes people so they can relate healthier.
I've had what is now called CPTSD since I was 4, You have explained more and spot on information than I can express. You give actual and clear methods and triggers and it gives me hope than at least you understand us, best advice I had since it all started, Thank You. I really look forward to hearing more as you have time. God Bless.
You are a godsend. My family and I are dealing with trauma and the after affects and your warm, compassionate healing words are just what the doctor ordered. You are very much appreciated. T y
As a 100% P&T disabled combat veteran, I suffer with this. With regularity, I find myself a mile walking up the road when triggered. I'm a mess. My grounded space is to help others and serve. On any given day i could die from a heart attack or stroke. It is a puzzle of puzzles. It is a hurricane of razors.
Thank you for making this video💚I was diagnosed with complex ptsd my senior year in high school (2020-2021) and again in freshman year of university in around October 2021. I’ve been watching as many informational videos as possible during my winter break because being alone more often, I’m giving myself space to process and heal. I think journaling is huge for me. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this. I feel” highway hypnosis “ but outside of driving, like walking around my college campus, random moments I’ll just look down at my arms and be like… wait I’m here right now? Like I magically dropped there. It happened once in a store with my friend. I was looking at animals and then I just completely freaked out inside and got afraid and had to find my friend and I wanted her to bring me back. I knew she was there but I felt like a kid lost in a huge department store
I felt from a water fall when I was 10, that few seconds felt like life-long, and everything around felt so blurry. It terms out the rocky gave me head and back injuries but I didn’t feel any pain during the drop. I use this experience to understand what dissociation feels lik
"How to ENCOURAGE connection with others". Default mode of self-protection for me is volcanic outburst in response to injury. It protects but isolates. Permanently when I'm done. Now I understand. The specifics in this video were the missing pieces. Thank you.
I so appreciate your authenticity Dr. Sage. Don’t spend too much time worrying about your lip gloss. 😂 I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much with you on RUclips but I have done an incredible amount of work on CPTSD. Your clear and user friendly language makes this work so much more acceptable to the lay person. I am a retired LICSW and I worked with substance use disorders/dual diagnosis. I was drawn to that work primarily because of my own history. Your video’s help me so much with deepening my understanding of what happens to me when something in present time triggers me back into childhood trauma. My responses and defense mechanisms are becoming clearer to me and I am learning to soften around them and use my safe and caring support system to get me back in my body. You’ve got a new fan and what makes your work so great is that you are very real and honest and up front. Many blessings to you and enjoy those coconut cupcakes. 👏👏👏
Lol on the cupcakes and lipgloss:) Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing a bit of your story. It sounds like you've done an amazing amount of work and I know it's not always easy! Thank you too for the work you did in helping others - I know so many of us have deep compassion, and yet also much of it comes from our own stories and desires to help as well. Sincerely appreciate your kind words!!
Love your content. I was in a clinical trial for treatment resistant depression and realized that I didn’t even know how to identify emotions at 64 years old. Have been using mindfulness to connect. Also have no memory of what really happened in our home. Thought it was me all these years.
Thank you most sincerely Dr Sage. From the age of 2yrs I lived with my mother and stepfather. He sexually, mentally and physically abused me. This continued until I was sixteen and left home. Of course as a child I developed coping strategies in order to survive. In my 50s my psychiatrist diagnosed me as borderline which I could not accept. Then after much years of research I realised that I am suffering from cptsd.
How come nobody talks about how long term bullying as a child due to racism and poverty affects us into adulthood? Bullied from the age of 7 through high school with no parental support
This video was so helpful for me. I have always thought i was on the spectrum. Im an HSP, and was diagnosed with CPTSD at age 60. Its been a long journey back to health, but knowing how to regulate myself with walking, yoga, music, being in nature etc really helps. I wish I would have had access to this information information 50 years ago.
I am in awe of your content and willingness to help others. I have had much therapy over the years, but not had success lately in finding a new therapist for this season/place in my journey, and you've clarified some things I didn't fully understand and given me much to work with at this point in time. Bless you!!!!!
it all clicked when I saw your PowerPoint. I knew all of this but I needed to visualize the way you presented it. i see my patterns and you help identity so precisely the causes 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 mind blowing
I had a very distinct experience with this at a family celebration where I felt as if I were watching through a window or doorway, right out of Dickens's Christmas Story and the ghost of Christmas past or present. Maybe because I was being treated as if I were invisible. Out of body experience. Hard to explain.
I have also had this sort of experience…. And I honestly don’t know which one came first… did I separate myself from my family first to keep myself safe, or did they separate me out first, because that was my role in the family? It’s all such a tangled up mess of memories and feelings…
Thank you so much for this information. Both my parents were not safe and I was constantly under attack physically, mentally psychologically and any other way known to man. I dissociated all the time. I felt as if a glass wall was around me and I could even tap on it. But I couldn't get anyone to hear me. I even screamed and no one heard me. When I tried telling my mother about this she just laughed and thought I was kidding. I wasn't. That glass wall around me stayed. I kept waiting for it to go away but it never did. What actually happened was that it internalized and it wasn't until 50 or so years later that I became aware of this and began knowing it was dissolving. This info was given me in dreams and just verbal guidance in my head that told me it had to slowly dissolve or else it would be too traumatic for me. I have isolated and pushed people away all my life. "People close to you hurt you". And I also caused people like musicians in bands I've been in to get rid of me although I'd done nothing to cause that. I even tested that. I'd hear a musician say something , then wait for maybe 20 minutes, then I'd say the same thing and I was jumped on. This has plagued me all my life. After being raped it got worse. When everyone left the room, I disappeared. OMG Can you imagine? I lived in a commune and my friends took turns sleeping with me so I could sleep. It is only now I am emerging. At the risk of folks thinking I'm crazy I will add that as a child my alcoholic/narcissistic mother taught me how to leave the planet (I won't describe how). Of course she didn't know how to do that and this was spirit coming through her. I'd go to a velvety dark place (the void) where I would ask not who I was, but what I was. No fear and it was nurturing. I believe spirit gave me time outs and healed me during these which lasted into my young adulthood. Anyway Kim, thank thank thank you. I hope this hasn't been TMI.
What do you do to get back to center after a an emotionally draining experience? I do Tai Chi, Shaolin Qigong and Deep Beathing Meditations with soft affirmations playing in the background. Oh yeah, I also go to the water either the Marina or the Lake.
Thank you for your videos!! They are helping me so MUCH!!! I am personally a freeze and fawner. I have lived 60 years not knowing what was causing all of this. I am now getting the help that I need.
I was sexually abused by my Father’s Father, my Grandfather, when I was 3, 4, and 5 years old. I remember everything and I became awake at that age… But in order to cope I forgot all the sexual abuse. Yet as I was growing up I was wetting my bed until I was 13 years old. I was having horrific nightmares. At age 23 I tried to kill my self by swallowing hundreds of pills and my lungs 🫁 collapsed and my heart ❤️ stopped and I died… They pumped my stomach and revived me in the hospital. Only at age 27 did all the NEW MEMORIES start coming back all at once. But there was all proof all along. That my Grandfather told me that I was a girl but my brother was a boy. I wanted a pink birthday cake for my 5th birthday and my parents allowed me to get it. Thank God my Grandfather died of a heart attack when I was 5 years old because he was never stopping his abuse. It wasn’t just sexual but it was so painful and he would threaten me that if I told anyone,”He would kill my Father, my Brother and My Mother!” I was so scared that he was going to kill them anyway! That’s all I heard as a 5 year old boy 👦🏻 was his crazy threats! I felt so much SHAME that he was touching my private parts!!! I felt guilty like I was doing something wrong and this shame and self hatred stayed with me until I tried to destroy my self by suicide! Thank you 🙏 for your RUclips channel because it really helps to learn the truth about my illness and not the lies the mental doctors were trying to tell me 30 years ago!! Thank you 🙏
I actually recall the first time I dissociated. I was a child sitting in my room on my bed, my father came in hurling insults at me and it was so painful I decided to look at this doll across the room, I really studied the doll intently until I couldn’t hear his voice anymore I was numb and focused on my doll. Probably a bit of freeze response too. But now I disassociate almost constantly.
Thanks for sharing. I couldn’t put my finger on when I started disassociating. But def relates back to my dad as well and leaving my body while he was being critical or controlling
Wow, thanks for posting this. I used reading books so intently that my family said a tornado could come and take the house away and I'd still be sitting there reading... I had never associated the two until I read your comment.
I’m trying to remember but perhaps the beatings stopped when the disassociation started because the the child (me) finally quieted down. So like Pavlov, I must have learned to disassociate to make the punishments stop.
Thank you so very much for being such a loving, kind, thoughtful, compassionate person first off, and then doctor. I learned more about myself, even though I’ve been in therapy in years past, they were also kind and didn’t just say all that I showed signs of due to my severe dysfunctioning and and cruel childhood. I’ve been learning more and more the last 6 months, and I stubbles across you on YT within the last 7 days. I am thankful and appreciative of you and the Universe leading me to you. Blessings for you, and love sent for healing🙏🏽💜🙏🏽🙌🏽♥️
Me dissociating so much that I keep having to rewind as I listen to this video: 👁👄👁 Ok but seriously though, I feel like I need to watch this a few more times just because of how much it is really helping me understand parts of who I am and why I do certain things and have certain behavior patterns that I don’t often see in other people.
@@WeAreLegyn I had no idea it was anything. I thought I was just spacey by nature, always assumed it’s because I’m very artistic, (Fine arts). The dreamy/absent minded/tune-out thing is great for creating art - but not for pretty much everything else. I guess I’ve got a combination of artistic absent minded distractedness and the cptsd.
Perhaps as an artist you have unconsciously tapped into a BENEFIT of the CPTSD dissociation, as in maybe the artistic expression is a positive adaptation? I identify very strongly with spacing out while watching content and in many other situations in the past, and on rare occasions under certain circumstances I have had episodes when a fully-formed very vivid narrative, lines of poetry or prose laden with symbolism and metaphor, or visual depiction of a problem I had been wrestling with remain in my conscious mind afterwards- I wish that happened more often; usually I have no awareness of where my mind went or what it was doing. Have you had those types of experiences, and have you analyzed any of your art for subconscious meaning or origins? Would really love to hear others' experience with this, or am I just having repeated psychotic breaks?
@@don-eb3fj oh absolutely. I’ve tried explaining to people that when I “zone out” I can’t recall anything that I was just thinking about. It’s the strangest thing & people usually have a hard time understanding how I can’t remember what I was thinking about especially if I’m zoned out for so long & sometimes I get frustrated when people question me on it because I wanna know just as much as they do lol but I have tried art therapy & to be completely honest, it made my CPTSD worse. However, doing art on my own to express my emotions or thoughts was helpful in a way. It’s complicated because in art therapy I had to draw traumas out & draw things that represent my family & it was all really triggering for some reason but on my own, in my own way, it was helpful.
I have been listening to countless videos and podcasts trying to basically therapize myself. I have never had treatment or any interference or help. My background is so very severe and I minimized it my whole life experience and never processed anything. This video explains so very much for me I cannot express how much gratitude I have for you. Dr. Sage thank you for being a part of this amazing movement where professionals are providing free content for us who really need it and never get any help. Also, as far as I have seen and listened to I don't feel like anyone has covered this subject and others in a way that that's so relatable and human. ❤
Wow, I've always known that I 'separate' myself in lots of situations, but didn't realize what it is. Even going to school and trying to blend, at work, any social occasions, and all into adulthood. Then feeling depleted, exhausted. Even after coming from abuse from the mom, I then became responsible for her care. I put on the face I needed to, to step up to the plate and cope.
And then you, I, marry my abusive and uncaring parents over and over. I gave up. I live way out in woods alone with pets and nature. Hardly ever see anyone. I like to think I live like a monk and have my Eastern religious studies to keep me somewhat happy. Not a bad life really. I am in 60s. I feel lucky to have survived. Most of my friends who were also damaged are dead from substances. Addiction is not a disease, it is a symptom. When will the "professionals" get this right?
I don't want to do a journal even though I understand the need. I'm afraid to put my feelings and certain incidents in my life down on paper. I'm afraid of someone reading it.
I wanted to commit suicide when my phyvologist asked me to write stuff down it was like writing about someone else but further I got sicker I felt, I stopped this vid as soon as she said journal...Dangerous
I've recently realized through abusive family relationships growing up, 2 difficult marriages (One of which threatened my life with a gun numerous times), and my son's death, that I learned very well how to bury my emotions. In my professional career as a nurse, I'd have to dissassociate from some critical events witnessed with my patients. It worked in removing myself behind a barrier at those critical times while the human, inner part of me mourned or cried. I'm no longer working but suffer from frequent nightmares from these life events. The way we treat others leave an indelable mark (not always physical, but psychologically). I'm working on recognizing the root of these CPTSD moments where I'm inwardly triggered/cringing by extreme acts of anger, yelling, & sudden noises.
love these videos! i prescribe them as a support in the work for my patients! thanks for the depth and the love you give them to truly help us help others! you get it and have proven health in healing!
Those who reject my free flowing kind compassionate caring affectionate love I acknowledge the difference between and walk away or remove myself from such harm and surround myself around the hearts that relate and feed off each other in joy and fun being ourselves without judgements or poor connections understand exceptance and forgiveness I can only forgive myself and offer forgiveness exceptance and understanding if the person does the same for themselves so I quietly remove myself from dangerous people bc it toxic harmful harmful effects on the mind body and soul...
I'm 52... I just came to the realization that my mom has been gaslighting me my entire life. The first time i recall feeling sad because i felt unloved... I was 3. I'm currently trying to figure out how to handle her most recent scheme. At the time i gave birth to my first child my narc mom had a full hysterectomy one week after i gave birth. I was young, i wasn't married and i live in the deep south where issues of moral turpitude define who we are.... My parents adopted my son... I was told what was going to happen, threatened and shamed into signing over custody because she and my dad could " Give him a better life and things i as his mom never could" . His dad abandoned me when he found out i was pregnant. So fast forward to last week... My son as a result of zero consequences or accountability is currently in a jail cell... He will be 30 next week. He still lives with my folks. Pays no bills was driving drunk on a daily basis He is a raging alcoholic, addict, and he's a convicted sex offender. I recently had an accident that has left me with 9 herniated discs in my neck and back, and a traumatic brain injury. I diagnosed myself with ADHD. I've experienced multiple traumas through my life... A doctor who sexually assaulted me, my first husband was murdered by his second wife when he tried to do to her what he had done to me. Anyway after my fall i moved to my parents and was living in my camper until i could physically heal and get back to work. To save words... The legal term that applies to what my son was doing to me... Aggravated stalking. Harassment. Downright abuse. My parents offered no assistance they didn't believe me. They thought i was making it all up. So the son tells my narc mom... I'm not coming back there if mom is still there... Mom treats me so awful. What does my narc mom do? She went and lied under oath that she was afraid of me that i had threatened her and she was afraid i would get violent... Mind you i am more likely to run out of the room crying from something she'd said to me... She did this in order to circumvent the states eviction laws so i would be gone before my son got out of jail... Judge grants her a tpo based on outright lies... I'm immediately evicted from her property with no place to go .... And this could result in me spending a year in jail... If .... I don't go into court and prove my mother lied to the judge which will necessitate my mom being charged with perjury. Just off the cuff i can name off 7 people who can tell the judge i wouldn't hurt a fly... And she goes on to tell the judge my son who was terrorizing me is a good man... He was on probation for sexual battery, he has 3 previous DUIs he was driving drunk daily and ultimately ended up failing a drug test at probation... That's why he's in jail. He's been emotionally abusive with me since at least 2018 Christmas... When he said something ugly to me whispered in my ear so i would react... And look crazy... So he's in a jail cell manipulating my parents into continuing his abuse towards me from inside a correctional facility... They all say it's my fault he's in jail...???? 2 days before his revocation hearing he vandalized his sister's car and i called the police and made a report finally... Because it was hitting someone i love at this point it wasn't just hurting me. I also visited his probation officer and expressed my concerns for his choices and his lack of empathy... He knew i had ptsd and he would crank up a chain saw, a weed eater, and a lawn mower and sit down in a lounge chair and about once a minute reach over and rev them up... Right beside my camper literally a few feet from me... Trying to upset me .... He would try to get his friends to join in the fun... They refused... But while he's doing all this he would be hysterically laughing.... That really scared me. His friends came to me and apologized because they were embarrassed by hide my son treated me. So i have court next week to defend my innocence against my mother's lies and my son is still abusing me from inside a jail cell... And I'm now homeless. My son manipulated my old friend where all my furniture was being stored... In her storage facility... My son slept with the woman and got her to take everything i own.... I'm not exaggerating... Literally quilts my Great grandmother made my children's pictures our beds... So all this is also affecting my 2 daughters since their brother is abusing me it tends to trickle down... And their grandmother has now told what to my girls is the most ludicrous lie imaginable about me... Both my daughters have been living with friends for months because they're terrified of their brother... Pure insanity at it's finest... Toxic... Enabling... Abusive... With zero consequences or accountability... My narc mom created a monster in my son... I love him always will but he's dangerous and i am seriously so afraid of him that when i do find a place neither he nor my parents will ever know where i live. I feel a little empathy for my dad... Dads almost 80 and he believes everything my mom and son tell him... But I've lost all respect for him and my mom now. It's a game to my mom to best me... So here's the point... I'm left to decide whether i accept into my permanent record that i was served with a tpo for violently threatening my moms safety or... Proving in a court of law that my mom committed perjury. Helluva choice... 😢
My heart started racing because this is the third video of yours I’ve watched and it feels like you lived my life, but you got adulthood right, lol. Seriously, though, I’ve lived these things and only therapists believe me.
Dear Dr. Sage, I am closely following your videos. I learn so much, this information is like a soul-saving balm to at last, at 50, to sort my inner self. Please, trust me: you do not waffle on and on, everything you say does make a lot of sense (I follow the transcript too). Now, seeing in a couple of videos that you actually doubting, almost excusing yourself if you are presenting well-enough, I may suggest that it comes from that vulnerable spot we all, your listeners, know too well about. This too helps to mirrow myself and see this is how I do things, I just can't relax and be sure that I've done something good or good enough. My sincere respect for your efforts, genuineness, knowledge and being so real and precise, teaching these much-needed topics. Thank you!
The text was shortened automatically. I am grateful for you being very genuine, gaining the wealth of knowledge and knowing all this by experience. This is what people as myself need so much to get healed. Thank you!
Hi, I am 62 with CPTSD and OCD not diagnosed by the VA until 2017. I am a Gulf War veteran and 2013 WNY Shooting witness. Since my diagnosis I have recovered from divorce, early (forced) retirement, loss of my forever home, and cancer. Back on my feet, solvent and own a new home now, but relationships are nearly non-existent. My contact with others is mostly with a therapist. Though I have agoraphobia, I get out when I can but find family and friends won’t. Since it’s hard for me to go out alone, it’s even harder… I’ve recently learned that I am a Sigma and I do fit the definition well. A personality test years ago flagged me as ISTJ for what it’s worth… I feel like the added knowledge is helpful, which led me to your channel. I’ve subscribed and hope to understand myself better after feeling so lost! Thank you for the insight
Yes, I was dissociated from the age of twelve or thirteen until becoming aware at age thirty-eight. The body essentially checks out to survive; one may look “fine”, but its a maladaptive state of getting by, at best.
Since my beloved Labrador passed away traumatically last August my dissociation is off the charts. I had a bad migraine yesterday & it’s made my dissociation worse today because I’m completely exhausted between dealing with grief & physical illness. I’m doing everything to process it in healthy ways group therapy, journaling, reading etc. & I’m a trained therapist. CPTSD makes grief more complicated.
Excellent information Dr Sage. Great examples of defensive styles. Less wordy would be more clear but definitely don’t gaslight yourself. You have great wisdom to share. Thank you
On the part of what can I do to feel more connected to someone who constantly criticizes, hurt me...I think it won't work when you are dealing with a narcissist...Your the only one trying to mend the relationship.. But it will be an endless cycle of what did I do wrong, how can we be closer, then to be crticized & shut down again...It's better to come to an acceptance that it will never be closer than you imagined, that you will only get hurt. That's it.
Hi Dr Sage, I live in Las Vegas, NV. I have CPTSD that is controlling my life to a point where it’s been hard to find suitable employment. I’m a military veteran but my trauma is from my childhood. I was abused by a borderline narcissistic step mother. My father was a huge narcissistic too. They judged and talked poorly about everyone. I feel shame because I feel I’m broken. The fear of being found out as a fraud is strong with me. Are there any support groups you recommend? I’m currently taking medication, utilizing CBT with a therapist at the VA, working out and I get a shot in my neck ( stellate ganglion block) every few months to help control my symptoms. I feel like I’m so close to getting a job that I want but the panic can become too much at times.
Hi there - I live in Vegas too and had the SGB January 6, 2023. Couldn’t believe it when I read your comment - many people don’t know about the block. How are you doing now?
I am so sorry for what you went through, I know it is not easy. As a fellow veteran, I would suggest Celebrate Recovery in your area, and do a 12 step program. I have not had an alcohol, drug, etc problem but I have completed the 12 step recently, for anxiety, fear, etc, and it is an excellent program if you dig deep and work the steps. It may feel awkward at first, but don’t give up! (I wanted to). The Crappy Childhood Fairy also suggests this in her videos; she also says meds won’t help. But we CAN get better!!! I hope this helps ♥️😊.
It never fails to shock and surprise,se me how NOT alone we are there are millions of us on the spectrum somewhere and knowing that speeds world healing
When you put your little writings on the screen, I wish they’d stay there longer so I could read them or write them down. Thank you for your work.. I’m 73, had tons of therapy and still working on this stuff. I thought this would all be resolved and gone by now…but it isn’t . Namasti. ✌️🌷😇
Now I understand why if someone starts screaming at me I can't hear or remember what they said. I wonder what it's like to have loving parents? Or any loving person at all? I miss my cat- the only thing on earth who ever looked at me with loving eyes.
I am sorry you went through this. I too did not have loving parents. After being in a abusive workplace I described to my counselor what was going on. For me everything goes black and I can no longer see my abuser, do I can hear everything they say, but I am just an able to answer. I think I can't answer because as a child when I answered I was beaten for not saying what they wanted me say.
Same here and that goes for my cat too
Hi MIkey: I know the feeling of having an animal love you in a way that you don't experience with people. I hope you get another cat. Shelters are filled with cats longing to love someone. When my dogs died, I immeediately found another dog for the same reason I hope you get another cat.
Wow me too it’s my dog … I would never have thought that someone else felt the same way. I pray you find comfort in knowing you are not alone . God Bless us all with happiness✝️
@@jmj1852 You are not alone. That's how they wanted us to be: alone, defneseless and hopeless. Our hope is Jesus and we are not alone.
While dissociation is not a healthy long-term coping mechanism, it's good to reflect on how our bodies are allowing dissociation to work to keeping us safe and protected. It may not be nice and enjoyable, but our bodies deserve appreciation for their hard work to keep us alive.
What I understand that is not the body disassociated, but the mind dissociated from the body
But isn't our body not in any physical threat?
You really nailed me on this one! I sadly dissociated early on. Super narcissistic borderline mother, angry distant super type A father. Both very powerful people. So much more but not enough room here. Married a narcissistic borderline woman, 35 yrs then I was done, finished and worn out!!!
Trauma, abuse in my early life. I really just tried to cope for years until I went into recovery in my early 20’s. I’m 73 now and just now getting the labels right. I accomplished a lot but I sure wished I had had these videos and tools years ago.
Thank you, your vids are excellent and spot on!!!
Blessings
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too wish we had access to this information years ago. At 73 doing the work is incredible and very inspiring! I understand the the aftermath of a narcissistic/borderline mother and then you attract them your whole life, at 47 still deal with disassociation. I just noticed this was 10 months ago. How are you doing on your healing journey?
It brings me so much feelings of respect seeing how people are taking care of oneselves through the better understanding of the world and modern knowledge, and I am so moved by the fact that the person of your age is getting into deeper understanding of personal story through psychology!
Not powerful people.
Wishing you all the best sir. I'm in my 20s and can relate to you. As I'm going through the same. ❤️
I cried when I found out I had chronic Ptsd.
I call some of my dissociative episodes "going into autopilot". Especially after going through severe trauma, like when we had to remove my son from life support. I was on my "autopilot" for over a year. It was to the point that I was told that I was handling my son's death "very well". Truth be told, I have never dealt with it and it's been over 4 years.
I'm so sorry for your loss 🙏
May God be your comfort 🙏
gentle *hugs*💜
That's so much, I'm sorry
🙏💛❤️
I’m so sorry ❤ for you.
I am so, so sorry for your horrible loss. I totally get it, my son died 3 years ago and I was stunned for the first 2 years, not sure where I am now. Prayers for you and your family.
One good tip for re-associating yourself to reality is to pick up a new instrument, hobby, or craft. Start studying piano, guitar, whatever. Sculpt. Do some new activity which requires a lot of learning. This is extremely helpful to help you become Re-Realized.
Life is hard, that's why there's Art.
My father gives me digs my whole life and favors my brothers...I called to sing happy birthday and he said before I finished "you were never in the choir" -it hurt me so bad I hung up and told him he was mean. He waited a few days and called and "wanted to talk to me!" lecture- I am terrified of him- he's 97 and still so hurtful. I tried to find out about his parents and he shut me up quick and said "they were fine, don't even go there!" What? He's does a lot of comments on my weight and says my friends are patient to be my friends....I had seizures as a kid and they thought I was doing the seizures on purpose- I have epilepsy
My sister sang a song my mother liked at her funeral. Would you believe my narcissist dad said she made a mistake... just one fucking mistake and he had to point it out
So sorry! I identify with much of what you say. Im a grandmother now, but it’s as if part of me is still that child.
My dad to the tee ! Sending love to you girl, it is pure toxicity, unnatural and a type of hurt that no child deserves
Dear Cathy, I'm so sorry , this happens to you. It's wrong🥀. May you heal every second of each new day.♥️🌈♥️
I had a similar experience. I was criticized, accused, berated, insulted and made fun of on a daily basis along with having every aspect of my humanity totally controlled. It takes a huge toll when as a child you are in the process of learning who you are, and the caregivers in charge of you have a personal mission to destroy your sense of self. Its also rejection around every corner. Im so sorry you went through that. My daughter has epilepsy and trying to figure out her illness was one of the most stressful and heartbreaking times in my life. I have seen my daughter have tonic clonic (formerly grand mal ) seizures and IMO he knew you were not faking, he wanted to either show how much he didn’t care or he wanted you to suffer. I hope you can go no contact with that poisoned man.
I love how your face brightened when your daughter came into the room. That was really sweet. It's so nice to see things like that in real life.
Made me cry actually. Reminded me what it might have been like to have a healthy parent. Can you ever get past the loss of childhood?
@@vm994 I know, right? The other day my driving instructor told me he loves his kids more than anything and I was shocked because I can't even remember my own parents telling me they loved me and here's a stranger just blurting it out all over the place. Those little moments that are so normal to everyone else are so alien to us.
Oprah once quoted someone (maybe Maya) as saying, 'I child knows how you feel about them when they walk into a room and see your face (something like that)'.
It’s like the ‘death of a thousand cuts’ torture, except even when our torturers are out of the picture (or should be) , we take the task onto ourselves.
Yes! ❤😢
I was raped in elementary school by a construction worker who was working there. I was floating out of my body... Today I was listening to an old song and his first name was in the song. After decades it all came back and I felt such shame , pain and loathing. My family couldn't hear me speak about it. This sucks, I'm freaking old now and hate myself. I sure got screwed over
Those awful feelings were imposed upon you. When they come, acknowledge them and tell them to get lost and they were never correct. Don’t dwell on them and don’t try to understand them. They don’t belong with you.
@@margyrowland thank you
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Music does this for me as well
Me too
I can't get past that I am too sensitive and it is my fault that I get criticized about it. Struggled with this for 62 out of 67 years.
The first time I noticed it was as a child, I was being verbally abused and suddenly it was like I was frozen and hearing sounds muffled underwater. Now I struggle with space out dissociation daily & wish I didn't though I survived my hellish childhood with it
My n my mm
My mother constantly put me down. I was so used to it a BF had to point it out to me. It led to me trying to discuss it with her. It got explosive and I was kicked out of my home at age 16. I’m sure what she did was illegal. Kicking an underage kid out of their home. I went to live with my BF.
The brain is neuroplasitc. You can actually change that. I used to dissociate all the time, whenever "stress" would come. Just daily business and phone calls could cause me to "blow a fuse" and blank out. Then i discovered this process was contributing to alzheimer's by shutting down the hypocampus. So then i wondered if i could reverse this? I began to stay present under stress and low and behold, i dont have to dissociate under stress anymore.
I’m reading Professor Steve Peters book “A Path Through The Jungle” and for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel better, I really recommend this book.
@@melaniezupan4881 Absolutely the same thing I do and I am very afraid I will have Altimeters. I don't remember hardly anything till 15 or 16. I'm 56 and disabled with Fibromyalgia and Arthritis and bone on bone knees. The Fibro.creates brain fog and memory loss.
Dissociation is how I've survived my whole life. You kind of get used to viewing your life like a movie. Now I'm elderly.
❤
❤😢
Me too
wishing you healing
Me too, I’m 64 yrs old, now it’s time to heal, I hope not too late
I was born into abuse, by my mother. I learnt to disassociate on purpose when I was about six. I could look down on my body and my mind was separate. I am 66 now and I’m not fully integrated but that’s OK because I’m a Christian and I know when my body dies my soul will be completely released and I’m praying, go to Heaven.
Forgive everyone and you will be forgiven. Forgive to be free from emotional negative bonds . It doesn't mean to excuse what has happened. More about letting it go and step out of the battle. God will wipe the tears from your eyes.
My family was super abusive, my early years were terror, fear, and my only escape was to shut down. They threw me into the street when I was 15. On my own, entirely. At 18 I was just finding my footing...as I waited in the early morning for the bus to take me to my job, I was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. A week of being brutally beaten and raped. I was his only survivor.
Dissociation is an escape, one I don't like...it's not by choice. I don't like losing time. I don't like a feeling of not being in control.
Thank you Mia for being so courageous. You have helped me help another.
I'm sooooo sorry you had to experience that stuff.♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I'm here if you ever need to talk
Wow, you sound like me, right down to the kidnapping. I had it really ugly-bumpy as well. I'm just finishing up my memoir about it. Super-great spiritual path you are on.
@@vandaloo I'm writing a book, about halfway through and had to take a break. I would love to hear your story.🌹
Really good mental health professionals are hard to find in my opinion. Not many like you. This video gives me a good place to start.
My therapist is pretty amazing, though I haven’t fully come to trust him yet, he’s one of the good ones. They are hard to find, however.
People are so complex....living is easy but living well is hard. Thank you Dr. Sage.
Living easy is hard-Living hard is easy👉The pain to remain the same must be greater than the pain to change ❤
My entire life for 57 years until i got away from my psychotic abusive mother. It’s tragic that when we’re born to an individual such as i was, we know nothing else - we don’t know they’re options. Even as an adult i was the ‘good’ girl and stayed by mom being tormented every day by her. Finally somehow a light came on - looking back, I seriously don’t know how i have survived.
I have Complex trauma and your descriptions of dissociation were so common that I didn't know that it wasn't normal I write it off as daydreaming or even a form of thinking. That was 50% of my life. I didn't even that the word disassociation existed until after my diagnosis. My mother used to beat me and then beat me again from crying or begging her to stop.
Same here. I’m an artist. It’s natural. But I guess it can be a combination of artistic absent mindedness and the trauma thing. So yeah. Now I feel better because I embarrass myself sometimes.
And I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. I didn’t have it bad with physical abuse. Just once but it was significant. It altered everything. And caused other effects and events to happen that were traumatic.
I am thr same but more like 90%. My dad used to beat me and then beat me for crying and it would escalate til I just went numb and or blacked out
That is so sad that you went through a childhood that was so abusive! Blessings as you move forward to healing 🙏
My empathy to you epistte 💗
Thank you again, what helps me is I stand in front of a mirror, take 2 steps back and talk to yourself, might sound strange but by talking to yourself and saying you will be ok, you did what you needed to do, give myself a hug, take a breath, a smile to yourself (national) and don’t forget to self nurture ❤
I watched my Father get "taken off the rope" when I was 7, and every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I have ever dealt with brushed it to the side like it was nothing, I am 62 now and have recovered to a certain extent, but thanks for these videos, they explain a lot.
God bless you. Children are Jesus’ favourite people.
I'm so ,so sorry you saw that . absolutely shocking .❤️❤️
😢 I’m so so sorry you had to experience that horror. I can’t even imagine 😭 TRIGGER ⚠️ my brother died by hanging.. self inflicted.. I didn’t see him til he was in his casket.. that itself was so traumatizing, I can’t imagine seeing him like that or being rolled out in a body bag or any of that.. much less as a young child. I can’t believe so many psychologists would brush that off 😢 that makes me so sad!! I hope you get some healing ❤️🩹
@@JayTheeBrave thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. These video are life saving.
My mom was narcissistic. After talking to my therapist about my relationship history and past events with her, she asked me if I thought she could have a personality disorder and she wanted me to do some research about narcissistic parents and impacts on daughters
IMHO narcissists are a combination of one and or two things.
1. Inherited from one parent
2. Learned behavior from one parent
A really narcissistic parent usually creates a narcissistic child. Usually the child is either a source or a narcissist.
This isn’t pointing a finger but what I can tell you is that I was a narcissist for 40 years. It was only in learning and awareness that I learned what I was and set out to change it through therapy for trauma.
Identifying it might be there is really the big part of it all. If you can really see that you might be one then being determined enough to work on it.
I was diagnosed with C PTSD and DID, this is insane how you nailed it right on the head. I always thought I was just a spacey person or a day dreamer because I have always just done this now I know why.
Same here. I was crying at the end.....
I have both of these too.
Me too but my understanding is that structural dissociation only happens in the mind of a child when left brain is underdeveloped. It can’t happen after the age of around 9.
As my mother got crazier my father took me with him as often as he could..
But she still got crazier and he started drinking heavily..BUT HE WAS THE RELIABLE PARENT...
Everyone was scared of HER so they blamed all the family problems on my father's drinking...
So she got copped a pass EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE REALLY KNEW HOW CRAZY SHE WAS..
EVEN after she broke my eardrum with a beating using an umbrella...and I had to leave for nearly a year...
MOST people were led to believe I and my father were the problems...
Pitiful...
Dorothy, I am so sorry that happened to you. I pray you are healing and finding joy.
My disassociation has always left me with a feeling of losing time . . Headaches dizziness. Head tingling hot flushing through my head . A feeling of sickness. Always comes on when stressed . I suffer with cptsd and borderline personality disorder. When ive spoken with mental health professionals. They don't like that a question them . Steps to well-being and mindfulness dont work and the psychologist work from a bs script and cant think for themselves. Ive been suffering for over 40 years.
Dissociation is how survived my childhood.
My entire life has been the poster child for dissociation. Never knew it. Thought I was doing my best to survive as the highly competent, but defective person I was. Always knew it had something to do with my childhood, which I only remember in bits and pieces, more now than ever before (after watching a year's worth of RUclips videos on CPTSD), ... the validation helps, but the memories are a little more painful than previously. I'm guessing that's a good thing. Thank you for the videos. They really help to bring us from darkness into daylight.
Someone understands...
Im 60 and related to everything your saying.
I disassociate with absolutely EVERYONE!!!.
Following.....
Both my parents were scary 😔😭. Narcissistic mother, enabler father who led by intimidation & fear. I was the scapegoat kid who had all the household duties dumped on me beginning age 8-9. Coupled with sexual abuse (no one in my family) beginning also age 8-9 continuing thru adulthood. Lots of stress, trauma, abuse, neglect in my life. Dissociation was how I coped and survived. It still plagues me at 64, but I have an understanding of it now. Thank you for your work and videos.
It is terrible how these traumas of childhood stay with us in later years. I thought they would get more distant. I don’t find that to be true. I wish you well in your healing journey. Hope you have some peace now.
@@beawesome3695
Yes I’ve found, & continue to find peace. I have my days of sadness dissociating sorrow anger…but for the most part, I’m free. Knowledge is power & truth set me free!!! Did deep dive into narcissism beginning December 2021 and it opened the door to knowledge, growth, healing, thriving. Freedom for me 😁☺️.
Dissociation happened to me after having encountered a morally insane covert narcissist. It’s a dreadfully frightening thing to experience, it happened after he’d discarded me. Great explanation. Thankyou
I don't know how I could have gone to school if I didn't dissociate but then got there and felt stunned, unable to learn, tired, exhausted, worn out as a kid. In one sense dissociation is the ability to put that parcel of trauma etc. away and go off to the activity example school and hiding the distress and sadness. Being ordered to not speak about the 5 year old friend who died but the need to not get in trouble if the abusive person finds out. The fear of dying and the need to survive was greater than the need to address the grief.
I used to dissasociate at school, the only way I could escape bullies.
Overcame this recently at work though its been a long x hard journey x x
How I survived my childhood. My dad would RAGE for hours at me. Screaming, in my face, very intense, boiled over rage.
I would disassociate completely. To the point I remember very little of these “sessions”
I would picture myself riding a horse in the woods.
I wish I could talk to someone like you when I read a post like this. That’s very similar to my childhood… and don’t know people personally who have gone through stuff like this. I still struggle and am 40.
Still struggling at 56, after finally being forced into figuring this out after a chain of tragic and soul-crushing events and a nudge from a chance exposure to another RUclipsr, (Richard Grannon) nearly 3 years ago. I've learned a lot from many including Dr. Sage, (at least on the intellectual level)but am still struggling to deal and heal.
For me, I have very few POSITIVE memories of childhood and even many of the negative ones have been buried in shallow graves to be stumbled over as I explore this nightmare terrain. When I dissociate (often) my mind goes to parts unknown, but sometimes when I return to my "normal" state of consciousness I will remember having experienced beautiful things in that "other reality", sometimes real memories and sometimes flights of fancy which fade away as if waking from a dream. My interpretation of this at this point is that a part of me remains in the "real" world as a caretaker/protector to deal with all the pain and threats while a more vulnerable younger part(s) lives protected (and imprisoned) in a safer place- the protector part sometimes gets a glimpse into that other world, and occasionally brings something back. Hope that made some kind of sense and is helpful to someone. Best of wishes for you and everyone on this journey through the Underworld of CPTSD.
I think I have this because it relates to a big childhood trauma that shattered my family relationships including myself. Trying to end the cycle. Thank you for posting this!
Ack!! I had a therapist I adored who kept saying she thought I was Borderline PD and I never thought that was right.
Luckily my awesome MD agreed I was not BPD and I finally got my PTSD and OCD (obsessive thought dominant) diagnosis from him.
After that came correct meds, and so much more healthy thinking patterns became possible.
Love you Dr. B!!! Wherever you are ❤
I turned my fantasy world into a journey itself. I love writing from it and have a clever way to heal myself. I also have been approaching shame and one day, I faced it head-on 💪I’m getting stronger.
This comment is old. But wanted to say I do this too. Very good at writing. But sometimes it scares me and I wish to be back in my body or first person. It's weird but it's kind of like watching your life like a movie.
My narc mom used to leave us alone for days at a time when we were little, the first time i remember as the oldest I was four and In charge of my little brothers . I didn't realize how her behavior messed me up so much
Thank you for helping me understand how to recognize my CPTSD. I lived thru 911, Im an adult child of an alcoholic, and still struggle with triggers on coping with dysfunctions. Step one is recognizing where it comes from. Yes, Ive been in therapy for years and Im working the program.
I can't believe this was 3 yrs ago. Ive been going through this for yrs, yesterday, today and now. 50+ yrs. I feel blessed to have come to see this video. Please don't stop putting your knowledge and education out to people. Thank you Dr Kim
Mine started in childhood. I was adopted and did not have a good attachment to my adoptive parents and avoident. I was also an undiagnosed dyslexic who ended up in low classes at school and struggled finding a job which caused low self esteem and no friends. Found out at 34 years old I was dyslexic and had an IQ of 139 .Ths was supported by me starting a degree in applied science and being in the top 5% .More recently my disassociation has become a bad and negative place so is no longer a safe place .
Thank you so much for this video. This is totally how I have been operating and experiencing life. I thought I was weird until now. I'm on short term disability and have been getting help. Family and friends don't understand... they ask me where's the "other" you, the one who can fix everything? My left side broke down and my right side is screaming for help. I have started art therapy. Constantly mis diagnosed as manic but found a great therapist who have diagnosed me with complex PTSD and S.A.D. The fire fighter in me is exhausted. I am learning about healthy boundaries to keep me safe and sane. Everything you have said resonates with me and I don't feel like such a freak and weak anymore. I think part of the complexity of not having a healthy and stable caregiver definitely caused me to be over compassionate and leads to disassociation to that safe place.I was feeling ashamed but my therapist have told me they are suprised I managed to keep going so long. Thank you for helping me to understand my behavior. I'm going to get better. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)
I’m a survivor of Diffused Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The cancer was brought on by trauma and aggravated by stress. Cortisol is a factor in cancer. I’ve learned that more than genetics; family dynamics and dysfunction have more to do with disease (dis ease); especially auto immune diseases. If your family is dysfunctional and always have been, you don’t know it’s not normal. When you discover that your normal is not healthy, you don’t know what healthy looks like.
I’m so grateful for this information and techniques for healing and coping. Thank you for sharing practical advise that we can implement at home.
Thank you, Dr Sage. I've been in therapy intermittently for decades and not once have I heard cptsd mentioned. I had agoraphobia and depression as a small child, before it was even named as such. Thought I was crazy. Terrified of my own body and safety on daily basis. Frightened of when this "thing" would overtake me. Have gotten much better but still have low self esteem and believe I'm defective in some way. One does not need abusive caregivers to have cptsd. Thank you again❤
Thank you so much, this explains things I could never put into words before
I learned some new things about myself. TY. The length of video and content were understandable and professional. Bless you for producing on this channel. Many people are unable to afford therapy. Your content changes people so they can relate healthier.
I've had what is now called CPTSD since I was 4, You have explained more and spot on information than I can express. You give actual and clear methods and triggers and it gives me hope than at least you understand us, best advice I had since it all started, Thank You. I really look forward to hearing more as you have time. God Bless.
Thank you, finding CBT, extremely difficult as a treatment. C-PTSD is so misunderstood as it’s so faceted. Grateful for this.
You are a godsend. My family and I are dealing with trauma and the after affects and your warm, compassionate healing words are just what the doctor ordered. You are very much appreciated. T y
As a 100% P&T disabled combat veteran, I suffer with this. With regularity, I find myself a mile walking up the road when triggered. I'm a mess. My grounded space is to help others and serve. On any given day i could die from a heart attack or stroke. It is a puzzle of puzzles. It is a hurricane of razors.
Thank you for making this video💚I was diagnosed with complex ptsd my senior year in high school (2020-2021) and again in freshman year of university in around October 2021. I’ve been watching as many informational videos as possible during my winter break because being alone more often, I’m giving myself space to process and heal. I think journaling is huge for me. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this. I feel” highway hypnosis “ but outside of driving, like walking around my college campus, random moments I’ll just look down at my arms and be like… wait I’m here right now? Like I magically dropped there. It happened once in a store with my friend. I was looking at animals and then I just completely freaked out inside and got afraid and had to find my friend and I wanted her to bring me back. I knew she was there but I felt like a kid lost in a huge department store
I felt from a water fall when I was 10, that few seconds felt like life-long, and everything around felt so blurry. It terms out the rocky gave me head and back injuries but I didn’t feel any pain during the drop. I use this experience to understand what dissociation feels lik
You are becoming such a huge part of my recovery! I genuinely appreciate your work. May God bless you ❤️❤️❤️
"How to ENCOURAGE connection with others". Default mode of self-protection for me is volcanic outburst in response to injury. It protects but isolates. Permanently when I'm done. Now I understand. The specifics in this video were the missing pieces. Thank you.
I so appreciate your authenticity Dr. Sage. Don’t spend too much time worrying about your lip gloss. 😂 I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much with you on RUclips but I have done an incredible amount of work on CPTSD. Your clear and user friendly language makes this work so much more acceptable to the lay person. I am a retired LICSW and I worked with substance use disorders/dual diagnosis. I was drawn to that work primarily because of my own history. Your video’s help me so much with deepening my understanding of what happens to me when something in present time triggers me back into childhood trauma. My responses and defense mechanisms are becoming clearer to me and I am learning to soften around them and use my safe and caring support system to get me back in my body. You’ve got a new fan and what makes your work so great is that you are very real and honest and up front. Many blessings to you and enjoy those coconut cupcakes. 👏👏👏
Lol on the cupcakes and lipgloss:) Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing a bit of your story. It sounds like you've done an amazing amount of work and I know it's not always easy! Thank you too for the work you did in helping others - I know so many of us have deep compassion, and yet also much of it comes from our own stories and desires to help as well. Sincerely appreciate your kind words!!
Love your content. I was in a clinical trial for treatment resistant depression and realized that I didn’t even know how to identify emotions at 64 years old. Have been using mindfulness to connect. Also have no memory of what really happened in our home. Thought it was me all these years.
♥️💛🤍💙💜🧡
Thank you most sincerely Dr Sage. From the age of 2yrs I lived with my mother and stepfather. He sexually, mentally and physically abused me. This continued until I was sixteen and left home. Of course as a child I developed coping strategies in order to survive. In my 50s my psychiatrist diagnosed me as borderline which I could not accept. Then after much years of research I realised that I am suffering from cptsd.
I call it it going "Auto Pilot" it's got me through alot but forget how I got through 🤔
How come nobody talks about how long term bullying as a child due to racism and poverty affects us into adulthood? Bullied from the age of 7 through high school with no parental support
You’re an underrated resource on RUclips! You deserve 3x as many subscribers as you have! Thank you for your help
I could go on about this. Currently been stuck disassociating in car for 5 hours. The usual.
You're doing so much for me right now. You are saying things that are saving my life. Thank you so much for Educating
This video was so helpful for me. I have always thought i was on the spectrum. Im an HSP, and was diagnosed with CPTSD at age 60. Its been a long journey back to health, but knowing how to regulate myself with walking, yoga, music, being in nature etc really helps. I wish I would have had access to this information information 50 years ago.
I am in awe of your content and willingness to help others. I have had much therapy over the years, but not had success lately in finding a new therapist for this season/place in my journey, and you've clarified some things I didn't fully understand and given me much to work with at this point in time. Bless you!!!!!
it all clicked when I saw your PowerPoint. I knew all of this but I needed to visualize the way you presented it.
i see my patterns and you help identity so precisely the causes 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 mind blowing
I had a very distinct experience with this at a family celebration where I felt as if I were watching through a window or doorway, right out of Dickens's Christmas Story and the ghost of Christmas past or present. Maybe because I was being treated as if I were invisible. Out of body experience. Hard to explain.
I have also had this sort of experience…. And I honestly don’t know which one came first… did I separate myself from my family first to keep myself safe, or did they separate me out first, because that was my role in the family? It’s all such a tangled up mess of memories and feelings…
I understand it.
@@Lyrielonwind I too understand bless you 🙏
That happens to me all the time, things dont real almost animated. My therapist said i was disassociating, first time i realized shes right.
Thank you so much for this information. Both my parents were not safe and I was constantly under attack physically, mentally psychologically and any other way known to man. I dissociated all the time. I felt as if a glass wall was around me and I could even tap on it. But I couldn't get anyone to hear me. I even screamed and no one heard me. When I tried telling my mother about this she just laughed and thought I was kidding. I wasn't. That glass wall around me stayed. I kept waiting for it to go away but it never did. What actually happened was that it internalized and it wasn't until 50 or so years later that I became aware of this and began knowing it was dissolving. This info was given me in dreams and just verbal guidance in my head that told me it had to slowly dissolve or else it would be too traumatic for me. I have isolated and pushed people away all my life. "People close to you hurt you". And I also caused people like musicians in bands I've been in to get rid of me although I'd done nothing to cause that. I even tested that. I'd hear a musician say something , then wait for maybe 20 minutes, then I'd say the same thing and I was jumped on. This has plagued me all my life. After being raped it got worse. When everyone left the room, I disappeared. OMG Can you imagine? I lived in a commune and my friends took turns sleeping with me so I could sleep. It is only now I am emerging. At the risk of folks thinking I'm crazy I will add that as a child my alcoholic/narcissistic mother taught me how to leave the planet (I won't describe how). Of course she didn't know how to do that and this was spirit coming through her. I'd go to a velvety dark place (the void) where I would ask not who I was, but what I was. No fear and it was nurturing. I believe spirit gave me time outs and healed me during these which lasted into my young adulthood. Anyway Kim, thank thank thank you. I hope this hasn't been TMI.
Your story speaks to me. I also feel completely separate from everyone else. I have minimal concept of healthy attachment.
You look so much like Jessica Lange!
Thank you:)!!
Omg you are so right!
She does
Dr Sage. Do you prefer Dr Kim or Dr Sage or Kim?
What do you do to get back to center after a an emotionally draining experience? I do Tai Chi, Shaolin Qigong and Deep Beathing Meditations with soft affirmations playing in the background.
Oh yeah, I also go to the water either the Marina or the Lake.
Thank you for your videos!! They are helping me so MUCH!!! I am personally a freeze and fawner. I have lived 60 years not knowing what was causing all of this. I am now getting the help that I need.
I was sexually abused by my Father’s Father, my Grandfather, when I was 3, 4, and 5 years old. I remember everything and I became awake at that age… But in order to cope I forgot all the sexual abuse. Yet as I was growing up I was wetting my bed until I was 13 years old. I was having horrific nightmares. At age 23 I tried to kill my self by swallowing hundreds of pills and my lungs 🫁 collapsed and my heart ❤️ stopped and I died… They pumped my stomach and revived me in the hospital. Only at age 27 did all the NEW MEMORIES start coming back all at once. But there was all proof all along. That my Grandfather told me that I was a girl but my brother was a boy. I wanted a pink birthday cake for my 5th birthday and my parents allowed me to get it. Thank God my Grandfather died of a heart attack when I was 5 years old because he was never stopping his abuse. It wasn’t just sexual but it was so painful and he would threaten me that if I told anyone,”He would kill my Father, my Brother and My Mother!” I was so scared that he was going to kill them anyway! That’s all I heard as a 5 year old boy 👦🏻 was his crazy threats! I felt so much SHAME that he was touching my private parts!!! I felt guilty like I was doing something wrong and this shame and self hatred stayed with me until I tried to destroy my self by suicide! Thank you 🙏 for your RUclips channel because it really helps to learn the truth about my illness and not the lies the mental doctors were trying to tell me 30 years ago!! Thank you 🙏
Am I the only one in tears after that compassionate statement at the end 😭
I actually recall the first time I dissociated. I was a child sitting in my room on my bed, my father came in hurling insults at me and it was so painful I decided to look at this doll across the room, I really studied the doll intently until I couldn’t hear his voice anymore I was numb and focused on my doll. Probably a bit of freeze response too. But now I disassociate almost constantly.
Thanks for sharing. I couldn’t put my finger on when I started disassociating. But def relates back to my dad as well and leaving my body while he was being critical or controlling
Wow, thanks for posting this. I used reading books so intently that my family said a tornado could come and take the house away and I'd still be sitting there reading... I had never associated the two until I read your comment.
I’m trying to remember but perhaps the beatings stopped when the disassociation started because the the child (me) finally quieted down. So like Pavlov, I must have learned to disassociate to make the punishments stop.
I notice I dissociate a lot when I eat.
Thank you so very much for being such a loving, kind, thoughtful, compassionate person first off, and then doctor. I learned more about myself, even though I’ve been in therapy in years past, they were also kind and didn’t just say all that I showed signs of due to my severe dysfunctioning and and cruel childhood. I’ve been learning more and more the last 6 months, and I stubbles across you on YT within the last 7 days. I am thankful and appreciative of you and the Universe leading me to you. Blessings for you, and love sent for healing🙏🏽💜🙏🏽🙌🏽♥️
Me dissociating so much that I keep having to rewind as I listen to this video: 👁👄👁
Ok but seriously though, I feel like I need to watch this a few more times just because of how much it is really helping me understand parts of who I am and why I do certain things and have certain behavior patterns that I don’t often see in other people.
The having to rewind to watch things when I disassociate happens all the time and I hate it. But I'm trying to learn to deal withit
@@WeAreLegyn I had no idea it was anything. I thought I was just spacey by nature, always assumed it’s because I’m very artistic, (Fine arts). The dreamy/absent minded/tune-out thing is great for creating art - but not for pretty much everything else. I guess I’ve got a combination of artistic absent minded distractedness and the cptsd.
Me🙂
Perhaps as an artist you have unconsciously tapped into a BENEFIT of the CPTSD dissociation, as in maybe the artistic expression is a positive adaptation? I identify very strongly with spacing out while watching content and in many other situations in the past, and on rare occasions under certain circumstances I have had episodes when a fully-formed very vivid narrative, lines of poetry or prose laden with symbolism and metaphor, or visual depiction of a problem I had been wrestling with remain in my conscious mind afterwards- I wish that happened more often; usually I have no awareness of where my mind went or what it was doing. Have you had those types of experiences, and have you analyzed any of your art for subconscious meaning or origins? Would really love to hear others' experience with this, or am I just having repeated psychotic breaks?
@@don-eb3fj oh absolutely. I’ve tried explaining to people that when I “zone out” I can’t recall anything that I was just thinking about. It’s the strangest thing & people usually have a hard time understanding how I can’t remember what I was thinking about especially if I’m zoned out for so long & sometimes I get frustrated when people question me on it because I wanna know just as much as they do lol but I have tried art therapy & to be completely honest, it made my CPTSD worse. However, doing art on my own to express my emotions or thoughts was helpful in a way. It’s complicated because in art therapy I had to draw traumas out & draw things that represent my family & it was all really triggering for some reason but on my own, in my own way, it was helpful.
I have been listening to countless videos and podcasts trying to basically therapize myself. I have never had treatment or any interference or help. My background is so very severe and I minimized it my whole life experience and never processed anything. This video explains so very much for me I cannot express how much gratitude I have for you. Dr. Sage thank you for being a part of this amazing movement where professionals are providing free content for us who really need it and never get any help. Also, as far as I have seen and listened to I don't feel like anyone has covered this subject and others in a way that that's so relatable and human. ❤
Wow, I've always known that I 'separate' myself in lots of situations, but didn't realize what it is. Even going to school and trying to blend, at work, any social occasions, and all into adulthood. Then feeling depleted, exhausted. Even after coming from abuse from the mom, I then became responsible for her care. I put on the face I needed to, to step up to the plate and cope.
And then you, I, marry my abusive and uncaring parents over and over. I gave up. I live way out in woods alone with pets and nature. Hardly ever see anyone. I like to think I live like a monk and have my Eastern religious studies to keep me somewhat happy. Not a bad life really. I am in 60s. I feel lucky to have survived. Most of my friends who were also damaged are dead from substances. Addiction is not a disease, it is a symptom. When will the "professionals" get this right?
I don't want to do a journal even though I understand the need. I'm afraid to put my feelings and certain incidents in my life down on paper. I'm afraid of someone reading it.
I wanted to commit suicide when my phyvologist asked me to write stuff down it was like writing about someone else but further I got sicker I felt, I stopped this vid as soon as she said journal...Dangerous
I've recently realized through abusive family relationships growing up, 2 difficult marriages (One of which threatened my life with a gun numerous times), and my son's death, that I learned very well how to bury my emotions.
In my professional career as a nurse, I'd have to dissassociate from some critical events witnessed with my patients.
It worked in removing myself behind a barrier at those critical times while the human, inner part of me mourned or cried. I'm no longer working but suffer from frequent nightmares from these life events.
The way we treat others leave an indelable mark (not always physical, but psychologically).
I'm working on recognizing the root of these CPTSD moments where I'm inwardly triggered/cringing by extreme acts of anger, yelling, & sudden noises.
love these videos! i prescribe them as a support in the work for my patients! thanks for the depth and the love you give them to truly help us help others! you get it and have proven health in healing!
Those who reject my free flowing kind compassionate caring affectionate love I acknowledge the difference between and walk away or remove myself from such harm and surround myself around the hearts that relate and feed off each other in joy and fun being ourselves without judgements or poor connections understand exceptance and forgiveness I can only forgive myself and offer forgiveness exceptance and understanding if the person does the same for themselves so I quietly remove myself from dangerous people bc it toxic harmful harmful effects on the mind body and soul...
I'm 52... I just came to the realization that my mom has been gaslighting me my entire life. The first time i recall feeling sad because i felt unloved... I was 3.
I'm currently trying to figure out how to handle her most recent scheme.
At the time i gave birth to my first child my narc mom had a full hysterectomy one week after i gave birth.
I was young, i wasn't married and i live in the deep south where issues of moral turpitude define who we are....
My parents adopted my son... I was told what was going to happen, threatened and shamed into signing over custody because she and my dad could " Give him a better life and things i as his mom never could" . His dad abandoned me when he found out i was pregnant.
So fast forward to last week... My son as a result of zero consequences or accountability is currently in a jail cell... He will be 30 next week. He still lives with my folks. Pays no bills was driving drunk on a daily basis
He is a raging alcoholic, addict, and he's a convicted sex offender.
I recently had an accident that has left me with 9 herniated discs in my neck and back, and a traumatic brain injury.
I diagnosed myself with ADHD.
I've experienced multiple traumas through my life... A doctor who sexually assaulted me, my first husband was murdered by his second wife when he tried to do to her what he had done to me. Anyway after my fall i moved to my parents and was living in my camper until i could physically heal and get back to work.
To save words... The legal term that applies to what my son was doing to me... Aggravated stalking. Harassment. Downright abuse.
My parents offered no assistance they didn't believe me. They thought i was making it all up.
So the son tells my narc mom... I'm not coming back there if mom is still there... Mom treats me so awful. What does my narc mom do?
She went and lied under oath that she was afraid of me that i had threatened her and she was afraid i would get violent... Mind you i am more likely to run out of the room crying from something she'd said to me... She did this in order to circumvent the states eviction laws so i would be gone before my son got out of jail...
Judge grants her a tpo based on outright lies... I'm immediately evicted from her property with no place to go .... And this could result in me spending a year in jail... If .... I don't go into court and prove my mother lied to the judge which will necessitate my mom being charged with perjury.
Just off the cuff i can name off 7 people who can tell the judge i wouldn't hurt a fly... And she goes on to tell the judge my son who was terrorizing me is a good man...
He was on probation for sexual battery, he has 3 previous DUIs he was driving drunk daily and ultimately ended up failing a drug test at probation... That's why he's in jail. He's been emotionally abusive with me since at least 2018 Christmas... When he said something ugly to me whispered in my ear so i would react... And look crazy...
So he's in a jail cell manipulating my parents into continuing his abuse towards me from inside a correctional facility...
They all say it's my fault he's in jail...????
2 days before his revocation hearing he vandalized his sister's car and i called the police and made a report finally... Because it was hitting someone i love at this point it wasn't just hurting me.
I also visited his probation officer and expressed my concerns for his choices and his lack of empathy...
He knew i had ptsd and he would crank up a chain saw, a weed eater, and a lawn mower and sit down in a lounge chair and about once a minute reach over and rev them up... Right beside my camper literally a few feet from me... Trying to upset me .... He would try to get his friends to join in the fun... They refused... But while he's doing all this he would be hysterically laughing.... That really scared me. His friends came to me and apologized because they were embarrassed by hide my son treated me.
So i have court next week to defend my innocence against my mother's lies and my son is still abusing me from inside a jail cell... And I'm now homeless. My son manipulated my old friend where all my furniture was being stored... In her storage facility... My son slept with the woman and got her to take everything i own....
I'm not exaggerating... Literally quilts my Great grandmother made my children's pictures our beds... So all this is also affecting my 2 daughters since their brother is abusing me it tends to trickle down... And their grandmother has now told what to my girls is the most ludicrous lie imaginable about me... Both my daughters have been living with friends for months because they're terrified of their brother...
Pure insanity at it's finest... Toxic... Enabling... Abusive... With zero consequences or accountability...
My narc mom created a monster in my son... I love him always will but he's dangerous and i am seriously so afraid of him that when i do find a place neither he nor my parents will ever know where i live. I feel a little empathy for my dad... Dads almost 80 and he believes everything my mom and son tell him... But I've lost all respect for him and my mom now.
It's a game to my mom to best me...
So here's the point... I'm left to decide whether i accept into my permanent record that i was served with a tpo for violently threatening my moms safety or... Proving in a court of law that my mom committed perjury.
Helluva choice... 😢
Dr Kim we all truly appreciate you and all the knowledge you share with us! I can’t wait to get myself into therapy ❤
My heart started racing because this is the third video of yours I’ve watched and it feels like you lived my life, but you got adulthood right, lol. Seriously, though, I’ve lived these things and only therapists believe me.
Dear Dr. Sage, I am closely following your videos. I learn so much, this information is like a soul-saving balm to at last, at 50, to sort my inner self. Please, trust me: you do not waffle on and on, everything you say does make a lot of sense (I follow the transcript too). Now, seeing in a couple of videos that you actually doubting, almost excusing yourself if you are presenting well-enough, I may suggest that it comes from that vulnerable spot we all, your listeners, know too well about. This too helps to mirrow myself and see this is how I do things, I just can't relax and be sure that I've done something good or good enough. My sincere respect for your efforts, genuineness, knowledge and being so real and precise, teaching these much-needed topics. Thank you!
The text was shortened automatically. I am grateful for you being very genuine, gaining the wealth of knowledge and knowing all this by experience. This is what people as myself need so much to get healed. Thank you!
This was so helpful and the acknowledgement of these behaviours really means a lot, thank you.
Never heard such a professional and thoroughful psycho-analysis, you are great, thank you for this video.
Hi, I am 62 with CPTSD and OCD not diagnosed by the VA until 2017. I am a Gulf War veteran and 2013 WNY Shooting witness. Since my diagnosis I have recovered from divorce, early (forced) retirement, loss of my forever home, and cancer. Back on my feet, solvent and own a new home now, but relationships are nearly non-existent. My contact with others is mostly with a therapist.
Though I have agoraphobia, I get out when I can but find family and friends won’t. Since it’s hard for me to go out alone, it’s even harder…
I’ve recently learned that I am a Sigma and I do fit the definition well. A personality test years ago flagged me as ISTJ for what it’s worth…
I feel like the added knowledge is helpful, which led me to your channel. I’ve subscribed and hope to understand myself better after feeling so lost! Thank you for the insight
Yes, I was dissociated from the age of twelve or thirteen until becoming aware at age thirty-eight.
The body essentially checks out to survive; one may look “fine”, but its a maladaptive state of getting by, at best.
Thank you for helping me move forward in my healing adventures. You are refreshing to listening and let me feel safe 🙏
This is one of the most relatable video I have watched about dissociation. Thank you so much ❤🙏✨
Thank-you for taking the time to make these videos. You are very helpful.
Since my beloved Labrador passed away traumatically last August my dissociation is off the charts. I had a bad migraine yesterday & it’s made my dissociation worse today because I’m completely exhausted between dealing with grief & physical illness. I’m doing everything to process it in healthy ways group therapy, journaling, reading etc. & I’m a trained therapist. CPTSD makes grief more complicated.
Excellent information Dr Sage. Great examples of defensive styles. Less wordy would be more clear but definitely don’t gaslight yourself. You have great wisdom to share. Thank you
i have dissociation and i dint know why dissociation is so hard to explain what it is
On the part of what can I do to feel more connected to someone who constantly criticizes, hurt me...I think it won't work when you are dealing with a narcissist...Your the only one trying to mend the relationship..
But it will be an endless cycle of what did I do wrong, how can we be closer, then to be crticized & shut down again...It's better to come to an acceptance that it will never be closer than you imagined, that you will only get hurt. That's it.
Hi Dr Sage,
I live in Las Vegas, NV. I have CPTSD that is controlling my life to a point where it’s been hard to find suitable employment. I’m a military veteran but my trauma is from my childhood. I was abused by a borderline narcissistic step mother. My father was a huge narcissistic too. They judged and talked poorly about everyone. I feel shame because I feel I’m broken. The fear of being found out as a fraud is strong with me. Are there any support groups you recommend? I’m currently taking medication, utilizing CBT with a therapist at the VA, working out and I get a shot in my neck ( stellate ganglion block) every few months to help control my symptoms. I feel like I’m so close to getting a job that I want but the panic can become too much at times.
Hope, all is well 🙂💛🙂
Hi there - I live in Vegas too and had the SGB January 6, 2023. Couldn’t believe it when I read your comment - many people don’t know about the block. How are you doing now?
I am so sorry for what you went through, I know it is not easy. As a fellow veteran, I would suggest Celebrate Recovery in your area, and do a 12 step program. I have not had an alcohol, drug, etc problem but I have completed the 12 step recently, for anxiety, fear, etc, and it is an excellent program if you dig deep and work the steps. It may feel awkward at first, but don’t give up! (I wanted to). The Crappy Childhood Fairy also suggests this in her videos; she also says meds won’t help. But we CAN get better!!! I hope this helps ♥️😊.
It never fails to shock and surprise,se me how NOT alone we are there are millions of us on the spectrum somewhere and knowing that speeds world healing
When you put your little writings on the screen, I wish they’d stay there longer so I could read them or write them down. Thank you for your work.. I’m 73, had tons of therapy and still working on this stuff. I thought this would all be resolved and gone by now…but it isn’t
. Namasti. ✌️🌷😇
I felt myself come back after this video understanding why is occurs has really helped❤