Complex PTSD Affects the Brain Long-Term and Can Affect Your Closest Relationships - Part 1
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- Опубликовано: 17 май 2017
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Part 5 of Tim's Complex Trauma series. Part 1 of the relationships mini series. Complex Trauma shapes how we cope.
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There was a time videos like these would trigger me so much into either crying or anger, but now I do household chores and nod my head accepting the validation Ive always needed. For anyone reading this, it does get better. The time it takes is unique to your situation. Dont rush it and take the info in small pieces and build on that. It does get better 🕊
I am feeling so alone in this but here's the thing I attended a support group it's literally taken 2 years but I have stuck with it and I feel like I'm finally willing to deal with whatever deep pain is down there. But it honestly feels like no one understands -I just feel when I open up sometimes they don't really get it. The hardest part is knowing that there has been growth in these last two years even though it feels like I'm going backwards but one of the hardest things is my other family members I cannot talk to them about getting help they don't want it.
@blessingsfromheaven8445 I hear you, there are many layers and aspects of trauma that resurface and have to be sorted through. These videos explain the dynamics the best. I also follow "We need to talk with Kris Godinez", "Dr. Ramani" and "Dr. Carter" here on youtube the most. As far as family members go which has been explained in one of these videos is that the family knows that you are sick with either PTSD or addiction but they also cant handle when you get better. It exposes their dysfunction if the "scapegoat" heals. I think its subconscious on their part. I had to go no contact with many people. I think the hardest part for me is realizing I was being sabatoged and there wasnt as much wrong with me as I thought there was. Thank you for sharing 💜🕊
I feel this comment on a soul level. Some days I can hear these messages. Some days it’s too much and I’m not ready to look at it. I try to come back when I feel that way.
Well Put
Respect ✌️
lol yep
I've just discovered your series last night and I cannot stop watching, all through the night. Brillant. The most valuable education and guidance I've ever received through many decades in therapy. I feel hopeful for the first time. Thank you.
Me to
Me too. How is it going for you?
Me too!
Omg, today I was able to stay calm in conflict and actually speak for myself with confidence.
Considering that I only found Tim yesterday, binge-listened yesterday + today, and spent most of yesterday in grief over all that I learned...
I'd say it's going well. 🤨😛😘
You guys?
Same here. Countless therapists and a few psychiatrists and none of them even mentioned this. For most of my life I’ve believed that I was fatally flawed in an unfixable way
Agreed, education needs to expand and fast! Also great resource is book Surviving complex PTSD by Pete Walker and book Healing from Developmental Trauma and books by Peter Levine on working to resolve trapped trauma inside the nervous syatem.
I stayed out of relationships because I knew there was something wrong with me I just didn't know what the term complex PTSD pretty much sums it up. Have a lovely day
I love you Dan, you're perfect ❤
I wish is known there was something wrong with me. I was married and divorced 3xs, but I've been single now for 16-17 years.
@@despicabledavidshort3806 When I was younger before anything went wrong. That's all I wanted was to be married have children having a home. At 22 years old, my wife and I purchased our first home. We had one child my daughter who was 6 months old at the time. A year and half later our 2nd child was born, my son. 11 months later, my wife took off with another man very nasty divorce and intertwined psychological abusive time. She gave me full custody of both our children, my daughter was 2 and my son was 11 months old. Like a fool I got married again right away. That relationship lasted maybe 2 years or less. She resented the fact I had children and she was stuck at that time taking care of them because she didn't have a job and I was paying the bills. So there I was married and divorced twice within a 5 year. I was 24 years old when I was given full custody of our children from my first marriage. My first ex-wife just didn't step out of the picture she was involved for another 24 years only because that was the kids mom. At the same time, my ex-mother-in-law from my first marriage. My first wife's mother was hell on wheels. She wanted me to give the custody of my children to her. I said no, I will raise my children. She blew a gasket. I spent the next 10 years in an out-of-court constantly harassed turned into DSHS sued banks and mortgage companies, insurance companies my church my work. Until the woman had a massive heart attack and died. It felt like some weight was lifted from my back. The wicked witch was dead. But my ex-wife was or had become a hard-core drug addict one crazy situation after another for the next 24 years until she blew her head off with a high-powered rifle. I was always attracted to the same screwed up women like me. But just in a different way hateful, vengeful, bitter women just like my mom. Who was married to a explosive man. My dad who threw fits of rage at the slightest trigger in his environment. My dad was neurodivergent ADHD, SCT dyslexic. At the time I didn't understand my dad, but late in life because of an automobile accident I was in I finally understood him. After World War II in Germany. My dad was part of the team who disarmed bombs. Something went wrong. He woke up under 2 inches of dirt and there was a 40 foot hole where his team once was. He was the only survivor. It rattled his noodle he was neurologically damaged. Adding to complications to his neurodivergent complications just added to the confusion. Now suffering from PTSD back in those days it wasn't talked about. My mom was mentally ill, as a result of sexual abuse. She was emotionally shamed because she was pregnant at 13 from a pedophile who had been sexually abusing her since she was 11 years old. Those things were swept under the rug back in those days. I was my mom's confident. I think they refer to it as covert incest. She would confide in me things I didn't understand. I was just a kid. Then there was all kinds of other sibling issues as a result of that a very dysfunctional family a blow apart family. I'm 70 years old today my kids are raised they are both married. I have grandchildren. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get through traumatic childhood abuses in my case, it was at home and in school later in life the church. Today my home is paid for a stay close to my children. I garden do lapidary work. I build garden planter boxes and whatever else needs to be done full-time maintenance man. When things get a little boring I get on my electric bike and ride places. I enjoy in nature piece and quiet, no more drama. Life as a pack mule with blinders.
@@danmalone5365 Wow the story of your life could be a book. Im going through a separation heading towards a divorce and Tim has helped me understand how I got into this situation. For so long I blamed my partner for his destructive ways not seeing that I also was drawn to him and have my own childhood trauma. This work on myself is so difficult reliving the trauma of my childhood. But everyday I feel better, stronger, more independent. I have to break this cycle of abuse and show my children better than what we were both shown. Thanks for your power story. It was helpful.
There's nothing wrong with u. If u had a car that drove messed up and you found out that it needs an alignment, a tire has a bubble and it needs a tune up. It isn't wrong. It needs attention. The previous owners didn't understand maintenance so you get to make it better than new again.
I had one parent who made fun of my face daily. She would say specific things about features and call me ugly. I had to undress in order to have my temp taken almost until driving age. My mail was opened, doors open while getting undressed and phone calls listen in on from another phone in the house.
Sometimes I had to wear dads clothes to school, as a child, because mom spent all the money on herself.
Other parent was an alcoholic who brutalized some of the kids but not all. I was one of them. They would trick you, get you into a room and unleash hell. The other parent joined in so it looked like a wrestling match with both adults tearing the kid apart.
I tried calling the police, the pediatrician Dr, going to neighbors. No one believed us. No one helped.
Unpacking this in middle age. Thank you Tim Fletcher.
No one helped me and my sister either. I told everyone and they just told him that I told on him. I'm almost 52 and everything is still so fucked up.
I wish you peace and love
@@Maureenieee thank you and same to you...I dont want to be a victim...trying hard too to forgive and accept. watch Tyler Perry's testimony on Oprah about growing up. It helps.. ❤
I don’t like using the word victim for anyone who is alive. You’re a survivor, regardless of the type of abuse you suffered. I reserve “victim” only for those who died.
For 19 years my sister treated me badly she will a times beat me up and remove my clothes saying "Give me my clothes I was the one who bought for you" omg at 25 years old I came to realize she f my life really bad. Sorry buddy for what happened to you May we all heal Amiin.
😢 (may you be safe now and always on)
These have been very helpful for understanding my wife's experience and why she interacts with me the way she does. Didn't realize the extent of her childhood trauma until recently and just starting to see how much it has affected the way she talks and interacts with me. Sadly I feel hurt to not be trusted or respected as much as I would like but I understand the root of it now. Hoping things turn around because it's pretty difficult being on the receiving end of this.
I lost who i believe was the greatest love of my life because im in trauma therapy and barely understanding all of this stuff. I feel deep regret and guilt for going into that relationship. Now I look crazy and toxic and I am a nurse and hurting others goes against my core value for humanity.
My biggest issue is trust, I've never trusted anyone EVER... My biggest fear is dying alone.. :(
Roseanne - I discovered that I didn’t believe I could trust anyone while doing Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD. I am learning I can trust different people to different degrees. Most people I can trust to be exactly who they are. I have had to learn to give a little trust and see what they do with it.
I wish you the best in your journey.
I have the same trust issues. Trusting tends to result in someone controlling and manipulating me. Soooo, I set boundaries and bam they move on or, in the case of my mom, they up the ante, so to speak. That's when she'd make threats (punishment) or withdraw and turn cold (silent treatment). As I got older and had more of my own resources, she tried to go through others, like going through an older sister. If I didn't want to go to a family thing (after I moved out), even having plans wasn't enough to say "No." She'd always ask what and when.
I hope you find the courage to be able to trust again and wish you well on your journey x
@Roseanne
Yep.
I'monna die alone too. My kids are dangerous. I don't want them near me. And there is no one else.
I have far more fear to trust than to die alone. I am pretty much ok with dying alone. The fear for me is to live and trust humans. I love animals but have difficulty with trusting humans.
This one summed it all up for me (the devalue and burden)! My entire adult relationships have been about earning my value and causing massive self destruction the second I am disrespected. .
Ughhhh. The healing begins NOW. TY FOR THIS.
Addiction is soooo many things. I remember feeling this way after I lost 170lbs and my family felt so angry at me. Like they were mad that I was self sufficient and they didn’t have to take care of me anymore. They were so mad I wasn’t sick. It hurt.
I can see in myself why I stayed with my addiction ex. I wanted him to come with me in growth but he refused. I tried to drag him to health but it never worked. But also the dynamic of being the “normal one” was definitely there. I’ve played both sides. But I feel like that is the cycle of abuse. We can be the victim and the perpetrator depending on the situation.
Your presentation is so powerful and informative. Wish I didn't feel like I was checking off every single item. It's kind of like swimming through sewage while someone tells you there is a shore there somewhere, so keep swimming. It's all so very sad, but feels true. Makes me want to be kind to everyone.
Yes, I understand completely
I have listened to this at least 50x. it never gets old, and I always learn something new
I was so tired being sick over a decade ago, I did try all the solutions till God opened my eyes to see the truth.
Human relationships are a roller coaster ride of ups and downs...exhausting......at this point in my life I am so much better with casual chats with strangers. Animals I can trust. My trust/respect issues are Mt. Everest in proportion and well earned. Sad ? Maybe.....but I'm not willing to invest any more of MY life in watching back all the time. Mr. Fletcher, new to your channel and you have been the most helpful thing to cross my path in my entire life.
Yes me too I was so messed up. I have been so blessed learning of tim about 3 mos ago. My whole life has added up more now then ever. I've been searching for answers for about 2 yrs now. This last 3 mos mind blowing. Learn heal grow that's where I'm at. U need to listen to a lady called crappy childhood u can learn from her to she's lived it. This shit is deep. Sorry u dig to much creates more anxiety as well. I'm not digging now I feel so much better. Good luck on ur journey.
I love this man. He understands. He gets it. Wow☆!
Brilliant !! This blasts through decades of useless therapy and gets to the core.
Sometimes Neurofeedback is used w/ CPTSD to help the brain regulate. Also, a good therapist who knows how to use EMDR for early traumas (baby & childhood) & in adult years as well. These things are missed in Christianity!!!
"these things are missed in Christianity", who's, yours?
Absolutely missed! 🙏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This is amazingly good. Thanks!
its at 36:54 i knew my mother wanted me to stay sick - thank you for confirming this - you are a godsend
Holy cow, profound!
Av also just found out this channel not long ago and unfortunately inspite of seeing the red flugs of being deceived over and over I told myself if I just help them see their wrong they would change. I gave myself that job of keeping them in check for the last two decades. I guess I was really messed to have entertained all these. Feel sad children are involved who they never wanted in the first place. I dint know how to get out but now I would realy love to but the situation is too complicated. Pray with me am 51 now.
It’s never too complicated. At least get therapy if you can; with someone trauma informed and trained
God has blessed you with what you're doing and me for finding it. Shalom!
Been really good shit listening tot his guy but he projects his voice a lot which is great for the room, but tough for me trying to listen going to sleep hahaha
Yes, siblings can rip us to shreds if we are not careful. As I started to stand up for myself they stayed away. I decided that I am fine without them. If I'm invited I only attend for an hour and make sure I have an excuse to leave.
These videos help me so much with my own healing and also to have compassion and forgiveness for my beloved who was also severely traumatized.
The worst thing is not having parents, friends or partners that don't let us grow... the worst thing is to find a therapist who doesn't want us to grow and tries to keep the relationship where you will be sick forever
I experienced this and the therapist absolutely traumatized me more
For the therapist, it's the sickiest thing I'be heard !!😳😳
I was about to book for the first time of my life... I'll wait because how can I found out the therapist is good or not !!?🤯🤯
You've just explained my whole life and the interpersonal issues I've experienced. Thanks so much for sharing online for free. X
This is awesome❤ but shit it triggers me. A lot of Disrespect in my Life and I can't fight back.
Thank you for your work. What a great contribution to understanding our makings.
Thank you for making and posting these videos. The most valuable information I’ve ever gotten. Wow. Life changer. I need advice as to what kind of specialized therapy for religious abuse. I’m struggling. Thank you 🙏
We offer online counselling for that. You can email onlinecounselling@findingfreedom.ca
God bless you Tim
This is excellent teaching with good examples and insight. It is worth your time and will help you to heal if you are willing.
How are you doing? Would you say that you are healthy now? What were the most important points to heal? Thanks.
Wow like he says people will think he followed people around with a video camera it will relate so much to alot of people's lives he's so amazing to know all this knowledge he's helped me alot in just a few weeks Thank you .
30:00 - Respecting yourself and how to.
This single best video I’ve ever watched!!!
Im watching all the series. Now when do we get to correcting all this? ;)
somatic therapy, writing, EMDR, Brainspotting, doing bodywork like Hellerwork, yoga, dance etc, having relationships where u feel safe -no toxic people-
yes!! almost all of my relationships have been shallow.
Tim, Thank you so much for all of your knowledge on Complex PTSD. You have helped me so much. I wonder if you can speak on the impact of intergenerational CT. I look at all the damage my parents did with ten children and can't help but believe that their parents inflicted CT on them.
Thank you.
There was obviously no hope of success in my marriage. Me suffering from complex trauma and I married someone with the same problem. Guess that makes me feel abit better now that I understand.
Excellent 👍
Thank you🙂
Who is this speaker? Wow! Wonderful insight! Changed my life! Thank you!
Tim Fletcher
Tim Fletcher
SIR CAN U HELP ME WITH THERSPY PLZ REPLY
I used to like people.. Now I become a Person who almost dislikes human.. most of them are so selfish and just MEAN😢
Thank you so much. Story it's also about me. I'm not manipulating only but rest it's me. I didn't know that the problem I got it's so difficult to resolve. I have no trust to nobody and I don't respect also. Tim that's heavy shit. Thank you again so much. God bless you
What if you leave them and they use coercion on you like stalking, threatening, violence, kidnapping and even drugging you?
Likewise, in the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs, he deems so many things in his book as disrespectful. For instance, his wife putting pepper on his eggs, even though he has told her he doesn’t like pepper, it’s disrespect. When his mom made more money than his dad, it was disrespect.
Learning from his backstory, his childhood was awful. He 99.999% chance he has complex trauma but instead of dealing with his issues, he teaches his messed up way of thinking as “normal.” It’s sad and I know this book has harmed so many people in the church and yet, it is such a popular book.
My sweet love sabotages his relationships. I'm hurt for myself as i miss him so much but im more hurt for him.
I've texted so many times, he just won't reply.
It's over 6 months now, without a word from him.
We used to talk every single day.
He did something. It hurt me.
I told him I was mad at him. That pissed him off.
He felt like I was lashing out at him.
Maybe I shouldn't have said I was mad?
Maybe instead I should have said I was hurt?
I am an empath. He is too. I never dreamed he could be a narcissist.
But this is the third time in about a year and a half(ish)
that he's done this silent treatment thing to me...
Too much addiction focus in the trust examples. Need non addict examples so I can understand
Have a listen Gabor Matè - every traumatised person has addictive patterns in their life
addiction can also include the addiction to isolate
The absolute truth from 00:35 on
As good as Pastor Tim is at understanding trauma, he doesnt seem to realize the demonic nature of covert narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, emotionally immature parents raising children, selecting the family scapegoat, the golden child etc, which is the main cause of complex trauma. Narcissism is the spiritual scourge of humanity, it is pandemic, getting worse, and is referenced all throughout the Bible.
You come out of a family with narcissistic parents, having been the family scapegoat, then other narcissists in the world can detect your trauma, they can sense you have been groomed for abuse and target you for further abuse.
As a scapegoat I agree with your whole comment except for emotionally immature parents having a demonic nature, if they have time to mature and develop tools or get help then they can be healthy
24:26 for me, it's being whistled for. Not like a wolf whistle but like you'd whistle for your dog.
I'm not particularly violent but if you whistle at me, I WILL fight you.
And the weird part is that I don't think anyone ever whistled at me.
What are your thoughts on like Emerson Eggerichs saying that wives are supposed to UNCONDITIONALLY respect their husband?
Yep, not respected by siblings. Even at church sarcasm was the norm. Wow.
I so relate to this. Older bros can raise one on sarcasm, ridicule, dupery & shaming, & it is stunning to realize how this warps one's perceptions. To this day I'm still terrified of sarcastic people & scorn. Yet i did this to others, go figure.
🙏 ty
Oh my, you call it at 18:05.
has anyone done the react program?
Much of the video are talking about the victim predator rescue triangle
Wow I can't believe he said that about babies
So basically how it affects my dogs and cats.
I could kiss this man... 😇
Trust and need to control enviroment so my abadonement issues aren't triggered And I met a guy with multiple addictions anger issues and wouldn't respect me enough engaged to stop all the dating apps chats and smutt so i felt betrayed I left
Who is the man presenting in this video please
Tim Fletcher
Ditto
I feel really tired
That's fear of someone throwing you in jail.
23:20
Damn.
Don’t get in a relationship in recovery the way he’s talking about. Please take it from me, I did that and me and the guy both had 2 weeks of sobriety. We got married and had a child. It was a nightmare. We both relapsed but I was worse. I have 10 years of sobriety now and my son is 21. Things turned out ok with him, but the situation between his dad and I were inexplicably bad. Please do not do this early in recovery.
I need psychologist help meee
We provide online counselling
onlinecounselling@findingfreedom.ca
Bro how to get online counselling
I am from Pakistan but I know English sorry for bad English but I want to join
We do online counselling with people all over the world. We also have a support group of Facebook. If you send me a friend request (Tim Fletcher), I can invite you to the group
Why do you constantly blame the victim of complex trauma instead of speaking about self-compassion.in the process of healing. Self - compassion is the antidote to shame .
It is not the person w CPTSD 's fault. It is called CPTSD not complex trauma btw.
I agree. earlier today, before I listened to this, I was in a mood where I can in fact have a healthy relationship if I find the right person. and then listening to this makes me feel like I'm horrendously broken. I think it stems from his pastor background, Christianity is built around "you are a disgusting, evil person - BUT Jesus can save you" - that is essentially his position here as well.
@@crazymusicman13 Yes ..seems like it...👍
@@crazymusicman13 you are damaged and dysfunctional but not broken and he isnt implying that.This has absolutely nothing to do with religion.
I have no respect for Kingslienapley lawyers or their flying monkeys
🕊️
What is your self love your family and children and grandkids and pray for gidens and life what should I do if I'm trying hard and people who are just using me and it pisses me off and people in the house don't care or try them seriously lazy and bagging all over the naberhood you must experience pain in life life is not easy and people walk All the time gide your own responsibility and friends and family and protecting them in their own life and don't give up on them onless they are just using me it's hard to do whatever it takes for the help parents wake up and stop putting them first in life and I'm thankful for the people to trust me to with there trust in me walking into the out side in the world and move on you All ignore me parents come back to me and visiting your own children and grandkids and freedom is always good I'm trying hard and people espect me to do things for free I'm pissed off
I want to die. I pray to die. I'm in hell with no escape.
my soul is raped.
I AM DYING OF EMOTIONAL PAIN.
THE GRIEF AND TERROR ARE ALL-CONSUMING.
the darkness. the despair. the rage. THE PANIC.
OH. MY. GOD. THE. PANIC!!!
the person whom I thought was my best friend
discarded me like garbage.
replaced me with another.
I desperately want to escape the pain that I'm in:
debilitating paralyzing all-consuming hyperventilating
panic and grief...
the guy I called my best friend,
ended up raping me.
he violently brutally viciously maliciously raped my soul.
abandoned and betrayed me.
and now I don't breathe. CAN'T BREATHE. I'M IN HELL.
last year (2022) he ruined christmas-time for me,
and now he's ruined my winter and spring,
and now we're headed into summer...
and I'm dying inside.
I'm desperately trying to remember this:
✨💖✨ I was created from all light, for I am light,
I fear no darkness. for being light, I can see beyond darkness 💫
🙏 please dear God creator of the Universe bring this dear one aide. Help her get to recovery where she can rebuild and heal. Help her get through this - she will succeed and will not die ❤ her story will help others who are so weak & hopeless to hold on & believe they can heal too !!
💔❤️🩹💗💞
I wish he was easier to listen to. He just sounds like he’s lecturing in an annoying, braying manner. Better audio, a more relaxed manner would help. Stressful to listen to, it practically sounds like I’m being told off. Keeps flailing around. Ugh.
He usually has better audio and a more relaxed tone in other videos he's pretty good at not stigmatizing or making everything clinical which I like
It seems like "complex trauma" is just being used as an excuse for people to justify being immature crappy people. Too many self diagnosis with PTSD and Complex Trauma because people were picked on a little bit as a child. By the definition, explained causes and symptoms of complex trauma and PTSD means just about every single adult and child to ever exist is/has suffered from Complex Trauma. So its really just a normal part of life. Life is hard, deal with it.
The only people I see as valid in Complex Trauma and PTSD from childhood is child abuse victims/ child neglect. If you weren't hugged enough as a child, your parents told you to be quiet/ignored you because you talked too much as a child, you were told you were stupid in any way, picked on or made fun of, mom or dad hit you I little bit when you were acting up. Congratulations you lived a normal childhood, you're not special, stop acting like a victim.
I think the religious abuse makes it really hard to find god later. N sets u up for a lot of disappointment
counselors think EVERYONE needs therapy and that a person needs therapy forever.
A good therapy enables you to be your own therapist and is time limited,not to makw you depwndanr on any therapist,that is not an efucated therapist
Way too many bad assumptions in this one. Can't finish listening.
He’s aggravating to listen to he sounds annoyed and not entirely professional.