60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 25/33 - Don't Know Who They Are
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2021
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Why is it common for people with Complex Trauma to not know who they are? Are there practical tools that can help them get to know who they are?
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The irony is that now we spend our free time as adults trying to fix our broken parts instead of living free and healthy. People have no clue how exhausting life is after you managed to survive a horrible childhood.
crappy childhood fairy is also very helpful
Truth
Add to that aging issues. My body is falling apart so fast I can hardly keep up coping with it.
Yes I'm thinking of checking myself in I'm a mess
And then they put u down for not living or having some sort of successful life (successful according to Them)
it’s frustrating when you can’t pinpoint who you are, because survival mode blocked the normal growth and development process
Right, based on all this I've learned in I'll never know who i am bc i didn't have the opportunity to develop and become during my formative years. Anything later is just trying to be who i think is a normal person.
I can't shake the feeling that this man (and his talks) is not only helping me and others understand, but in a way saving parts of us and also lives.
It feels like it, God bless him!
for me, he's a spokeman, for the broken and wounded, and emotionally crippled
@@davidnorman2134 for me
He is largely responsible for my sanity. True story
I'm surprised these videos don't have more views knowing how many people are suffering from complex trauma😳
People don't get by how much childhood abuse (physical and mental) can deregulate an adults mind.
Spot on!
I’m 72 and have suffered all my life and didn’t know why. You’re right childhood trauma can leave one confused and deregulate the mind. I’m just glad I found out before I died. It’s a huge relief.
And they can’t possibly understand what it’s like unless they’ve been through the abuse. Being with a spouse who was coddled and given everything they wanted and their parents truly loved them…he can’t fathom it. Like those of us who didn’t let the generational abuse cycle continue can’t fathom why you’d be ok with hurting and psychologically assaulting the next generation like you were as a kid and hated it so much. That’s what’s rotten. You hated the abuse….why do it to other people? Hello?🙄
Over the last few years, I've learned about complex trauma, it's impacts, and the effects on the nervous system. Most of my adult life was spent in ignorance. I would have said that my "childhood wasn't ideal, but I overcame it". In truth, I had myriads of coping mechanisms, terrible boundaries, and unhealthy perspectives, but I thought I was "fine". Mental health was rarely discussed and I was raised by the generation that mocks safe spaces and "snowflakes". I acknowledged I was a chameleon. I was whomever everyone else needed. A few years ago, I came to the realization that I was a "people-pleasing puppet with no sense of self" (at that time, my inner critic was pretty ruthless). The epiphany shattered my "reality". I saw through the ego masks and understood most of my goals and ideals were adopted and not really mine. I understood the person I had tried to be wasn't me, but rather who I should be. I realized I didn't know myself at all.
Early on the recovery journey, I discovered a list of symptoms of unresolved trauma. Every personality "flaw" I had was listed. Manipulative, poor boundaries, addiction, people pleasing, imposter syndrome..... While I didn't know the "real" me, I could see that what I tried not to show was dark. My inner critic had a field day with this new self discovery.
I still struggle with acknowledging that I carry "trauma". The word is so heavy and loaded. It feels like a betrayal of my parents. They definitely struggled with addiction and codependency, but I know they loved me. I know they did the best they could.
It's easy for me to forgive them. I'm a parent too. It's not so easy for me to forgive myself. Gabor Maté's work has helped me learn some self compassion.
I'm grateful I found this channel. Although I've spent months and years validating my experiences and perspectives, the content is still affirmation that I need.
I'm trying to rebuild my life. I feel like a terrified 7 year old. I'm almost 50. Most of this journey has been on my own. I've tried therapy a couple of times. I know I need someone who's trauma informed. Regular therapists just don't get it. I am blessed in that I have a couple of good and loving friends that I feel safe with. That's scary too. I want to put on armor, keep myself safe. Vulnerability, even with myself, isn't easy.
I want to put down the grief. I want to put down the fear. I want to close this chapter and start a new journey. It's overwhelming. I remember being able to laugh and play. I want to find that version of myself again.
If you're walking this path, please know that you're not alone. Prayers that your journey is gentle. Prayers that you find the love that you need. Prayers for your blessings and joy. You deserve it. Much love, Dear Soul.
When I was reading your comment, I felt like I was reading about myself. In someone else's pain and journey I found comfort and shelter. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Describes mine to the T. You didn't ask but Matt Kahns teaching have helped me be kinder to myself as well. I love Tim Fletcher and will take a look at Gabor Mate. I heard Pete Walker is good too.
@@complexjanedoe thank you for commenting. I needed to hear exactly what you wrote, specifically today. It was the sign I had asked for.
I've heard of Matt Kahn, but have only watched one of his videos. Maybe it's the right time for me to check him out again. Thank you for recommending him.
Pete Walker's work is phenomenal. Look into the Four F's of trauma, on his website. I think you'll find the Fawn response resonates with your experience. (You might already know about it). Understanding this helped me see so much of the "why" behind my compulsive people pleasing. It was a huge piece of the puzzle and also helped me to understand how important it is to feel safe (not think I'm safe, but literally to feel safe).
Maté is probably my absolute favorite teacher. His compassion and empathy is from the Soul. His work has brought so much deep healing to my life, and I would say he's brought that to many.
I agree about Tim Fletcher. I have to take it in smaller doses though. It's so concise, but hard hitting. I'm watching his re-parenting series now. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend it. It feels hopeful.
I'm certainly not an "expert", but I write a lot about my experiences and the healing resources I find. I'm on Facebook and a lot of my writings are public.. If you're on the platform, I'm receptive to a friendship.
Thank you again for reaching out. It was meaningful to me. I pray you're surrounded by loving support, that your needs are abundantly met, and that you know peace of heart and mind. Thank you for your healing journey. I believe the work (and it certainly is work) that we're doing is bringing healing to our world. I see you. You are worthy. You are loved. And you matter. Blessings dear Soul ❤️
Ty for sharing. I am on the same journey and your words provided encouragement.
I am 35 and feel like I am 4 or 5, but I remember that Jesus said "let the little children come to me, for the kingdom of heaven, belongs to such as them"
And it helps me realize that I'm not reparenting on my own. God is reparenting me ❤
Prayers for you as well! God Bless you & yours
Rochelle... I identify will all that you wrote. Beautifully written and a true expression of YOU... I feel the same about Tim and gabor I fee like they are my therapists right now. I just wanted to thank you and tell you that you in turn are not alone and deserve all that is wonderful in this world.. also try Louise hay affirmation s.. a book called mirror work.. it helped me to start heal the shame and start loving myself. Good luck please reach out if you ever need♡ kari.
Sending LOVE to you💖💖💖
"You can't plan if you're in chaos" absolutely!
❤
Thank you so much
but life is constant chaos. :(
@@tarinvernon7007 Stop rushing and take time for care and love. (0mg that sounds boring, better sabotage it!!! )
@@tashawaters89 I take the time, but it never feels like enough. I always feel like I'm playing catch up.
I as an adult am so sick of people pleasing and putting myself in situtations were i end up so hurt. I do not trust myself or others. I want to feel like others do.
What he says at the beginning about being a chameleon was always a survival mechanism for me. Still is. He is bang on about survival mode.
To survive, I did whatever I was forced to do, and I was never allowed the chance to figure out who I am. I feel more like a chameleon. I have felt fake my entire life. It took my abusers’ deaths to allow me to have the freedom to find out who I am. Being alone helped me go through this process. It has been extremely painful, because I lost my past life being authentically ME. My abusers stole everything from me including my life and my identity. People who do not go through this do not understand how painful this is to endure.
I have done the same my whole life has been to survive. I am finally alone and now sick and I ask myself who I am. I don't know who she is.
@@favianalatorre1836 It takes time to figure out your true identity. Going through the process of distinguishing whether or not a specific aspect of your behaviour is authentically the real YOU (what truly resonates with you innately) from being forced to behave that way (against your will solely to survive) takes time. I hope you heal fully. Take care of yourself. Someone recommended I read “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk M.D., as this information helps us to heal from trauma. Our current health issues have a lot to do with our trauma. This channel is also an excellent resource to help us heal from trauma. I am so grateful to Tim Fletcher for this channel. He is saving lives.
☝🏼🙏💪🏽@@favianalatorre1836
Sending hugs to you both. I was on my way but marriage nd domestic violence messed me up. Now on the way to hopefully finding a way
Me too but still struggling even though it’s been over long ago
This made me tearful because I'd passed 70yo before I learnt who I am. This came when I became alone. My sisters were no longer in my life, my children had gone off into their lives, which I was not let into. My parents and husband had died. You described memories I'd not thought of for a long time. I developed unhealthy coping strategies and all else you spoke of.
I became terrified. I learnt to accept my dark side, found my true positive skills and find I'm a nice person who is a little lazy.
Thank you for mentioning that solitude brings authentic self to the surface. I had to move out to a remote area due to family issues. It’s the first time I have my own room (I’m 27) and I am feeling peace. But I’m so far away from people, I never meet anyone and I feel like my life is leaving me behind.
LOL Mari! I’m 90 yrs and basically same situation. After spouses death some yrs ago, I too
became frightened. Covid scare, so many needless deaths ….sad. Like you, am kind & caring “Great Pretender”🤗 Truthfully, am happier and much more relaxed with this solitary lifestyle. Peace to you.
Looking back do you have a lot of regrets? Do you feel like you could have done more for yourself and/or people you loved if you had discovered your true self sooner?
Me too. Just beginning at 68
I thought the same but I'm probably the youngest one at 61
Personality tests:
-if I don't know who I am, I can't tell you who I am.
-and varies with which part is in charge when I answer.
It sounds like you let your emotions control what you have to say. Think logically. Emotion leaves you charged and poised to say the wrong thing
It’s a balance like many things. Thinking about what I’m going to say leads me into anxiety and overthinking about how I’ll come off.
"youre in fight/flight you're not in curiosity mode" just spoke perfectly to what i've been feeling through this intense grieving I've been doing off/on over the past couple years. I am always envious of people who live their lives for them and do interesting things/have interesting hobbies that they give time to. Every day I'm just restlessly flitting about, trying to distract myself with business, never taking time to do things I really enjoy.
Id love to connect with you if you have the time .I'm jeremy.
Yup, fight or flight, also curiosity, especially for something to fix what's broken. Then it backfires over and over again. Then curiosity on stuff that is taboo. Over time. The road to hell is paved, slowly, stone by stone, to Hell. 💀💀💀
Thank You Tim Fletcher, Dr Vaknin, Crappy childhood Fairy, Patrick Teahen, Heidi Preibe, Nicole Lepera etc for helping me to heal.
“I can’t be who I am.” Sums it up well.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Who is this man and why is he helping me? Thank god I found him!!
videos like like this really drive home the fact that i was cheated out of my childhood by narcissistic father and its make me mad
yep that grief, angry grief is a very real part of healing. Trauma isn't just what happened that shouldn't of happened, but also what didn't happen that should have
Same. I was raised by a family of narcissists. Dad, mom, grandma, uncle, & sister. It was pure heII. Now, after being robbed of my childhood, adolescence, & most of my adulthood thus far, I have the burden of trying to figure out who i am & what i'm good at, while dealing with grief & trying to regulate my emotions, with ZERO coping skills. This is way too much at an time where i should be raising kids, and/or, just enjoying life. I'm tired. It feels like my soul or spirit is exhausted.
I identify with this 100%
That dark side of myself, the one that I think about a lot and try to hide all the time so that people don't see that "I'm different" might be the finest of my senses. I can work with that side now
While watching i need to pause many times because i kept feeling want to flee. This stuff hit home right when i need it, thanks Tim
Ive spent my life trying to please people and feeling like I wasnt a real person. Im starting to become more genuine now after another dumpster fire relationship
It's easier to be selfish in the adult world than being a kid in school. As it's the real colosseum. Teachers are ignorant or have no idea what to do, and even while trying they fail.
Ugh...
I bet a good portion of introverts are that way due to trauma, esp if there is at least 1 or 2 people with whom spending time has an energizing effect. My ex-GF was like this. Narcissistic mother - made her very introverted - but when we were together, we could spend 24 hours together and not need to be alone to recharge our batteries.
My issue with personality test is they seem to focus on extremes. I feel most folks are a little of both sides and this can depend on what life demands of them at the time. I'm sometimes extroverted, then other times introverted. I'd never call myself exclusively one or the other, and I find that most folks feel the same.
This needs to be said louder
Yea for me, the answer to those questions are either “I don’t know”, “it depends” or “neither”….for the extroverted/introverted part, the only time when I recharge is with my husband or one very good friend. Social event and spending time alone both drains me. I wonder what’s that classified as…
I really really enjoy being outside but I feel at peace and recharged when I lock myself alone in my room
I'm exclusively introverted and very clear on that.
Wow. Just wow. I'm currently having an anxiety attack trying to fight my way through it by listening to something while I clean and just stumbled upon this. I'm 35 and I have no idea who I really am. Been looking for myself for 6 years now (since I got sober), and even after all that time I feel like I can still just feel the outer edges of myself, I guess in the same way as a 6 year old would. Inspiring stuff, also, really appreciate the sensitivity to not everyone being comfortable with the Christian part, thank you for signposting that shift, as i have an adverse relationship to religion. Again, thank you
Fighting your way back to re connect IS the definition of religion...re- legion means reconnect the ligaments...that connects
It has been over 30 years, but I still remember how difficult the Myers Briggs test was because of the complex facets I had acquired over my "true" self over the years. Tim's revelation here about that test regarding what is a mask and what is "real" is so validating.
I usually come out as infj (I have done it a few times).
When some of us are “smothered” ie controlled to the point u are not allowed to be yourself, especially when isolated and psychologically punished, demeaned, criticized, ostracized, and like a prisoner there is nothing to observe, you become someone else in order to survive and be allowed to live in their presence and if other traumas happen on top of that, like in my case by highschool i was this fearful lost person with phobias and anxiety. But now 40 yrs later and I observe adults and children say on Instagram beings themselves, playing, dancing (i know there can be hidden things) but its so cool too the LIFE, the creativity joy and fun people share. Im amazed! I appreciate all of them! It reminds me that maybe deep down my true self is still here somewhere.
High school was so awful, didnt want to live at the lowest points, I ran into a sociopath who latched onto my HSP/empath parts and made me kinda the laughing stock of the class and I was shattered
Psilocybin helps me see my true self
One the Meyers Briggs, I turned out INTJ. I think it explains a lot, why I’ve never had much success with making and keeping close friends. Very few people “get” me.
INFJ here. I understand you. Let's keep going anyway. We are the ones with the lion's share of empathy and wisdom. Once we are able to finally claim those things for ourselves, WOW. The power we could actually have in the world. That is the outcome I hope for but am for now, just gutting through the trauma work. I hope we find the peace of mind and goodness we deserve.
INFJ too
Also INFJ, which is probably an over-represented type in childhood trauma.
Before I had started Jungian analysis, I scored INTJ too (I'm a female and now I don't score it)
INFJ here too ❤
After 54 years of suffering and chaos and never understanding myself I finally found this. I thought I was going crazy. This man and my therapist are helping me get on my true authentic path. #healer. THANK YOU!!! 🥰 #KindnessMatters #LoveYourSelfUnconditionally #LearnLove #empath #hsp
#JESUS #YOUDONTNEEDANYOTHERASHTAG
#FOCUSONTYEONE
#NOTHINGELSE
#ONEGOD
I used to think I had a few personalities because I was used to being one person around my narcissistic, controlling, cruel dad and being a different person around other people! This makes so much sense to me...story of my life!
I love love love that you announced the religious part coming so people who aren’t religious could feel accepted, thank you for that ❤
Half the time its not so much we dont have passions, its that we often need money to pursue things
AKA cavier taste on a spam budget
What an incredible man. Ive been listening to his whole series during work every day since i got clean from opiods 19 days ago. This individual has been simply life changing for my thinking. I hope everyone else here receives as impactful of a change from him as I have.
Congratulations! Wishing you all the best, stay strong!
Good for you keep it up
All glory to GOD ☝️
Hugs and prayers from germany 🙏 😇 🤗🥰
Amen and simply being you as you is beautiful 😍 being you as a human in addiction must have been painful. Keep on keeping on with a sober life
I’m trying to get off opiates. How did you do it?
This personality test has the same flaw as all of them: the questions are static. You are either or. No variation or in between. All our nothing. Black and white thinking is disordered thinking and I would argue that doing tests like this perpetuates that.
Though he does acknowledge at some steps exactly what he is driving at which can help the listener understand what side they are on based on the answers.
Yup, the real tests are conditional on a 5 point scale of always, most of the time, sometimes, usually not, never. When I answer truthfully, these tests can not classify me.
I have been in therapy for 5 years and the phrase "I don't know who I am" came into realization.....5 years later and the WORK is NOW set to begin......
Our devices truly do listen in on us. This video was brought by the algorithm a day after I had a particularly shit breakdown after work
Personality tests are always a challenge for me.. so undecided ( is this what I want or what I do) I am an overthinkier!!
I'm confused because I come out too balanced. Four out of seven in most sections but I don't know what parts are myself of trauma related. I didn't like planning because my plans were usually destroyed by my parents.
@@LyrielonwindIt hits when you realize that
Exactly!! Is this who I am or bc of cirumstances such as social anxiety..
How is it Even possible That this Channel only has 20.000 sibscribers??? Your words are pure Gold! There is no Other Person on this Platform with this Knowledge and understanding! Keep the awesome work up!
He’s the best
130 000 now 😊
Actually all he is doing is regurgitating psychology studies undertaken by previous generations of students. He provides no original insight.
There are others. Crappy Childhood Fairy and Patrick Teehan.
Figuring out who I am & what I'm good at has been the biggest hurdle for me as an adult. I have a fear of trying out new things, & sometimes (when I withdraw), I feel I'm just supposed to "sit still & do nothing, try nothing, feel nothing, be nothing"...I know these "goals" keep me experiencing life & finding out what I like & who I am.
I feel this to my core, I’m the same way. Because the trauma *verbal abuse* i suffered as a child at the hands of my older brother, I never got a chance to be a child, to develop interest, who I was, wanted to be, or have any goals, the trauma completely hijacked my mind and put my into survival mode without me even knowing it. I’m dyslexic, so my brother called me every name in the book, he would call me stupid, dumb, retarded, tell me I looked retarded, I ain’t shit, I never was gonna be shit etc.
i have CPTSD. I have gone through a lot. but i am still authentic and yes i can be adaptive like a cameleon, and wear masks around people sometimes, but at the end i know deep inside who i am. I usually wear mask around people who are a risk to my safety. Like people with narcissistic personality disorder. I am learning how to voice myself and stand up for myself. And that even though i went trough a lot it made me only stronger. I am a beautiful soul inside and mother Ayahuasca helped me heal and resolve my own emotions.
My dad was an alcoholic. He told us . My mom, sister and I how he was going to kill us and then put our bodies. Once he included killing himself afterwards. Mom would up shooting him, self defense. I was born into the confusion. I struggle to understand how I even matter.
As a child I was conditioned thinking of dying. It definitely made my living more difficult. I am 56 now. I still feel like I am in survival mode.
I’m almost 59 and married an abusive husband and separated 12 yrs finally my son now soon 22! We both are healing still for my husband and me from growing up and husband
Yay! 🎉
I was often accused of “running with the hare and chasing with the hound” because I used to agree with everyone because I felt if I had my own opinions and ideas I’d be laughed at, ridiculed, or criticised. So it was easier just to keep everyone happy and remain unchallenged. 🙏🙏🙏
Still that way tbh
My whole life [83years] has been rough. Mother used me as a shield on guns battle with the coppers,threw me from a moving car ect:
I was never named so the county named me after the county.
Had the WHO AM I?. AM STILL struggling all these years later.
Trauma is real..
Sending you comfort and hope. Your childhood sounds very painful and I’m so sorry you had to go through that trauma.
I've always worn masks I've always played roles and so it makes sense why i was easy accepting the reality of becoming a mom at a super young age bc at least "IT would define something" in me 😔 not realizing defining and exploring yourself should definitely happen before you bring more life into this world. I only survived i never explored and when my kids were born , 1 of them having special needs I totally disconnected from myself. It's just now I'm realizing how under developed I am as a 34 yr old with an 18yr old son and 12yr old daughter. My life since teen years has only been about THEM.
He is so spot on. Describes how I feel perfectly, so much pain that I couldn’t face, hiding in survival mode all my life and in my 50’s actually have no identity.
The first 10 minutes is exactly my life. I've never had it explained before.
He’s my therapist in my head
I’d love for Tim to answer: what to do when the things you were naturally good at get eliminated by life circumstances? Triggering more trauma.
Thank you for your question. Like all losses, this loss needs to be grieved.
1. Grieve it for everything that it was, don't minimize it
2. Allow the self to feel all of the uncomfortable and painful emotions.
3. Stay connected with loved ones so you don't go through it alone.
4. The only way through it, is through it.
You might find this video helpful for your question: ruclips.net/video/gNyeNWv3SQ8/видео.html
Oh my god. For my entire life (75yrs) I have pretended. I knew I was doing it. I've been very worried in case this made me a sociopath, or BPD. I have never felt real or visible. This man 100% has his finger on the pulse.
I've actually been dealing with this problem for a while now. I've had to adopt and put on different masks and roles to please different people. It turns out, I like the mask. It keeps me safe, and free from harm.
Thank you for stopping and allowing people to leave the christian part. You are such good teacher!!
I’ve always complained that I don’t have a core, I don’t! And now I know why, What a waste of life.
I get it. My entire life.
This is so healing. Just to have someone so articulately speak my experience is such a gift. ❤
For those saying they are both…I believe there’s a fluidity to it.
So many of us see ourselves as being ’in the middle’ and yet, here we are. We still suffer.
I’m hoping a lot of us are in some form of therapy. Whether it’s meditation and/or talk therapy, medication and/or under the care of a psychiatrist. Or perhaps, like me, microdosing psilocybin with a therapist I trust, to help me rewire my brain.
I want to live a full second half!!!
Amen. I want my 4 children to be who they really want to be. I will support them no matter what
Years ago I was introduced to a personal archetypal learning process about myself. After about 8 years the void was finally filled. I woke up one morning and I realized I hadn't thought of suicide in a long time. This archetypal process I studied for 8 years before it got better. It's taught by Caroline myss online now. Regardless, of your age. It is worth looking into this archetypal process to find out what mask you wear everyday. There is hope beyond chaos.
The problem with telling a cptsd person to be patient in figuring out who they are is this. The world demands of them that they know or decide...yesterday.
It fails to address that their livilihood and health are affected daily by the misalignment of adaptation versus their true self they only vaguely are aware of. They have to constantly compromise by making relationships with people who may not be good for them out of necessity, since they need to socialize on some basic level. They need to work some kind of job no matter how degrading or detracting it is to them, because bills need to be paid or everything will be worse.
Failing to appreciate the treadmill/gun to everyones head that day to day life demands to perform is often worse than the initial trauma. This is because they aren't allowed the peace or downtime to process anything and are expected to contribute and perform moment to present moment.
"Normal"/ authentic peers can't stop or wait for the cptsd person either, as they're under the same pressures. Its the rat race. Its why those who are spared succeed and those afflicted slowly fall behind.
100% accurate! The rat race and constant trauma made my body give out at only 31 years old. I was 90% bed ridden for around 6 damn years. Realized it was stage 4 adrenal fatigue. I feel so bad for everyone who suffers and is barely surviving at no fault of their own.
Beautifully insightful!
Those personality test questions are crass and often unanswerable because it depends on the circumstances. The tests are rubbish!
For example, ask a married person whether they would prefer a room mate or to live alone and the answer depends on the health of their marriage. Ask an unmarried person, and the answer depends on how lonely they are, and for how many years they have lived alone SO FAR.
It’s all crap, because there is no CONTEXT.
The Meyers Briggs has been shown to be invalid
This resonates so much with me: I've been working on my mind for past half a year or so. One of the things that bothered me was a recent impression: that people see me as a greater person (more succesful, more outgoing, so on) than I truly am. The epiphany that struck me: it is not the people who see me as bigger, it is myself, who belittles me, downlplays my achievements. I ask a specialist, and she said similar thing, which is pointed out in the video: my personality might not be my own, as I have suppresed myself for the past 30+ years of my life. It is confusing, as I have absolutely no idea how to figure out which parts of me are real me, and which are not. At the same time: it is kind of exciting.
I think when we are still living in the environment that cause complex trauma, we usually aren’t aware of the trauma and might even consider “ourselves” happy.
Only after the trauma stops, we get out, move out from home etc. We might find ourselves from situations that are not traumatizing and that’s when we start realizing something isn’t “right” and we slowly discover we were traumatized.
this is SO TRUE
From 4th grade all through school, I expended a large amount of energy in an attempt to fit in with the popular crowd. When I began to date, I came to the realizations that after my relationships ended, I lost my true sense of self in a desperate attempt to become who my girlfriends (and later my wife) wanted me to be. I allowed the criticism to cause my own sense of self to erode, thus abandoning my true self. This really struck home for me. Thank you very much for your video. It really allowed me to revisit what I already was aware of. I gave my true personality and passions up to mold myself to become who I thought that my partner would want to stay with in fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I realize that these sacrifices caused me to lose my authentic essence just to keep someone in my life. I now realize what I have done, and I am currently on a journey to obtain enlightenment and self realization. This was a very powerful video, and I am extending lots of love, light, and blessings unto you, dear soul. ❤️🔆🙏
This series has helped me think of the title for my autobiography : "All of the Above"
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Thank you, this answers my questions. I’ve been having these thoughts in my mind in the past several days. Children living with abusive parents literally losing their childhood. Not only their happiness and childlike quality. But they are also missing processes and growth that can and should have happened during those years. It is as if those childhood years are stolen, taken away, destroyed. The sooner someone can start seeing and understand this, the better.
Thank you ! You work greatly appreciated.
Everything this guy said I felt it. I've always been a different person around different people.
Sometimes..often trauma after trauma non-stop, and yhe next one us worse than the previous. Sometimes it's during the middle/older age too...
I am slowly getting to a place where I am willing to trust again.
At 16:38 I want to tell you: I am/can be very outward going and I feel I need to be far more 'on my own' to connect with MySelf and Nature/God/All and after that with other people again.
As a kid I also loved to be in nature, finding sticks, be a tomboy knight, climb trees and sandhills and to read a book in a quiet corner... being save with myself... I had no idea what was happening around me at that time in the adult world and not the least how that affected me and my (late) lill sister -whom I told everything is getting better after 50... so she 'choose' to find out the day before turning 51 to have a heavenly birthday ❤❤❤
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He speaks the truth but I don't know how to break free. I'm not sure I can get past all this darkness
You can!! Following an order is essential. Exercise, walking in nature, good diet, no alcohol or drugs (First of all a clean brain can see and a dirty one not) Find a living if you don't have one and go in therapy if you need it.Stay away from toxic people even if are you're love ones.DO your passion if you have one!! Is the most important!!
This is so amazing, and I appreciate it so much. I’m 24 and only in the past two years have I stopped just completely dissociating constantly, and one of the biggest things is trying to see who I am, because my narcissistic stepmother has brought me down since the moment she moved into our house when I was 12. I really appreciate that this mentions how healthy people still are figuring out who they are in their twenties even though they have a pretty good idea, because I tell my husband often how “I don’t know who I am. I’m 24 years old and don’t know what I truly feel or value because I acted how I thought I should.” But the reminder that it will take time is so helpful, and remembering that no matter what age you are, you’re healing and coming to turns with how you’ve been betrayed by someone, and you’re going to need time. This talk has been so comforting and helped me to start thinking more about who I am and remembering that it will take time, and I can be curious now, because I do fear being judged or disliked. But growth means that you understand not everyone will be your biggest fan, and that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. ❤️
I’m 52 ..the last 10 years ..especially I have struggled so much with my mental health ..have gone to psychologist..in the last 12 months and realised I have been living my whole life with cpstd ..and was diagnosed at 19 with GAD ..And put on meds.😢
Abandoned at birth, my whole life was a search for " who i am' . Im 60 and still at it...an astounding and exhilarating journey
I just found this video and this guy and I'm like why haven't I known about him before because of this guy I know what's wrong he's opened my eyes I mean like you knew what's going on but just hearing someone else say it its like wow
deep friendship with a few people sounds like an enmeshment
Or trust issues. It can also be about the amount of energy you can give out to the world.
I used to have a balanced life. As far as hobbies and what I need to do for myself.
The frustrating thing is that with almost all the questions I had to answer with "both". My profile is always very disharmonic. And that makes me even more confused about who I am.
Again years of therapy with different therapist and always saying that I felt like I don't truly know myself yet not one suggesting its due to cptsd.
First 10 minutes and my eyes are already watering.
This is something that my mom said to me on her deathbed when she was on a lot of pain medication. I don't remember what I asked her but when she said that, it stuck with me.
This man's video's have been saving my life - this is not hyperbolic. I'm so grateful.
As I watch this, my tears flow freely. Painful memories attack... And then the healing can begin
I wonder if this is why I have never thought I belonged here.
I love your teaching. I hung on to every word. I soaked it all in. I look forward to the rest of your talks. Thank you for something so meaningful.
I feel very bad, I am 25 , live with mum and we argue non stop , I feel soo down and lost, dont work , dont drive etc....Will everything be ok ? 😢. I wish this to everyone, love, peace, happiness, TRUTH. ❤🙏💙
First, get a job, your own life, get away from mum.
This is correct. And yet -- not knowing who we *really* are is the beginning of the human condition, and the search for our True Self. So, paradoxically, complex trauma may give us a head start on that journey. By realizing that we do not know who we are, we are ahead of those who firmly identify with their successfully adopted life roles. This not knowing and the pain it creates propel us to search for our True Self, which turns out to be the Divine within.
I used to be a planner,still am but since my plans go wrong alot I hold my breath
I know…..if life is smooth sailing for a spell, seems I’m unconsciously, waiting ‘for the other shoe’ to drop!
I think who you really WANT to be is who you really are deep down. Think about how you wish you could act and how you wish you could live, what relationships would look like in your life, what your interests and activities would look like, etc. This is who you really are. But most people I don't think even take the time to think about who they WANT to be and what they want their lives to look like.
It takes a strong person to think to themselves "this is what I want my life to be like and this is who I want to be regardless of all the obstacles in my way".
"I'm too messed up." Just what I was thinking.
Your talks are the most healing and wonderful things I've ever heard. Thank you from the very essence of my being for sharing this!
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I didn't really understand what the term complex trauma was until now. Thank you so much Tim. You have given me great insight into my life and why I am the way I am.🙏🙂
This guy gets me like no one ever has before. Wow.
I love his easy to understand explanations of complex mental and emotional issues. I listen to several psychologists and doctors Podcasts and videos and find him most relatable and understandable. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight.❤
Seeing these videos have made me feel soo seen,understood. I have healed, learnt and cried soo much because there is finally a sense of hope and joy. Thank you for helping soo many of us
The best, by far the very best, explanation of what I’ve experienced as an adult of teen-aged, abusive parents; father is a diagnosed psychopath. I struggle with personality tests because, I actually don’t know the answer on many of the questions; OR it’s like struggling through terrain through mist.
I REALLY appreciate you and you sharing all these wonderful insights with us. I'm learning so much and feeling so understood and validated - AND accountable! ;) love and blessings xx
There's so much evil in this world. I have to really be guarded because when i let my guard down some evil person comes along and in a brief comment sabotage your soul without a thoight. Some people are so insensitive and callous that they have no idea that they are hurting others and probably don't care.
God Bless you, Tim. Thank you for all your help. ❤🙏
are we introverts or forced introverts? we had no choice. hell truly is other people. this is a curse. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to feel anything for other people except 'how do i have to act for them to like me'. trying to not do that is really hard because I don't know what it is supposed to feel like. can we make a virtual reality for that?
Thank you Tim. Thank you for all your hard work and authenticity.
Thank you for creating these educational videos. It will help those who have experienced complex trauma as well as those who do not understand it because they did not experience it as a child. Hopefully a deeper understanding can bring change where it is needed. Maybe those who have the resources, influence and affluence, can create and develop a helpful free program, in order to provide a safe physical location in local cities where children who deal with complex trauma can get self- help guidance, emotional management and counseling. I think this should be a course in school for young students that have no way to protect themselves from this kind of hidden abuse that many children live with daily It may prevent many societal disparities that are on the rise today in America..
so many people are hurt... and we don't know why we are here even.. I feel for my fellow humans😢