To find a sense of peace and improve your sleep, get started with Aura today for free. The first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off + FREE trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/imautisticnowwhat02 If you missed my latest video, I discuss certain celebrities who are frequently cited as autistic (Messi, Taylor Swift?)...but have actually never been open about a diagnosis. Some of them even appear on numerous listicles (particularly on ABA websites??!!) and the only evidence is 'they look a bit socially awkward'! I'd love to know your thoughts!: ruclips.net/video/HDK2miTzTTA/видео.html You might also enjoy this video where I talk about 5 things that are actually NOT signs of autism, despite what many people believe: ruclips.net/video/5Hv1xg43PzM/видео.html Hope you’ve all had a lovely week! Since filming this, I’ve lost my voice, which is sooo annoying - I have so many scripts and ideas I’m excited about that are almost ready to go!!! I need someone to make an AI voice for me 😂 Not really, because that’s scary! If you think you're autistic and don't know what to do next, this might help!: ruclips.net/video/sQ102wzqaXY/видео.html If you think you might be masking the fact that you're autistic, you might find this video helpful: ruclips.net/video/36-K-HW3syc/видео.html Thank you so much - I never imagined having such a warm, caring community behind me. The reaction to my little stimming clips in the last video was so kind. I didn’t even stress about posting it that much in the end 😂💛💛💛 And apologies that some of the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria language is not always the most flattering. ‘Restricted and repetitive behaviours’ always makes me cringe a bit. But that’s just what it is right now. I wonder how it will continue to evolve? Also, I say 'autism is genetic' at the start of the video. What I meant by this is 'being autistic does run in my family'. There's a lot we don't know about why people are autistic, but we definitely know there are genetic factors.
Dear I am #austisticnowwhat please let your voice rest . Heavenly Father, I ask you to help one of your children with her voice. I ask you in Jesus' mighty name .
if ppl identify with the disorder who are transgender on the gender binary it’s kinda logical we’ve noticed a sea of unaware trans 🏳️⚧️ men who believe they’re autistic they *REALLY* don’t like us when they’re white cheers #2Spirit #indigenous #autism #audhd
you *might* not be autistic if: 1. social success comes easily, naturally, and/or intuitively to you (doesn't mean autistic people can't have friends) 2. you've never been excluded, bullied, ostracised, or othered (OR may have been called "quirky", "eccentric" instead) 3. socialising has always been the most fun thing to you, and you'd never choose a hobby over a chat with friends (also: autistic people can have a lot of success socialising online); lower tolerance to socialising 4. you've never been told you speak weirdly (in monotone, strange flow of speech, odd trace of language; perhaps you choose language that is more appropriate to express yourself as opposed to what's trendy) 5. you don't stim (an important note is that NEUROTYPICAL people also stim); vocally: echolalia 6. your environment doesn't bother you: you don't have a history of noticing things in your environment that other people do not; can be oblivious to it when very focused on something 7. you have hobbies and interests that are not abnormal in intensity and/or focus 8. you're very relaxed and easy-going 9. you *might* have no problem with transitions (if you drive somewhere, it takes you a while to leave the car; once class is over, you stay for a longer time; getting out of bed, or going to the bathroom). does have to do with focus and in that case is a shared trait with adhd people. feeling "mentally hungover" after stopping doing something.
I saw one description of the autistic desire for order that I understood immediately: We love routines, but hate schedules. A schedule is an imposition on what I want to do, whereas my routine is my comfort zone.
Oh my god!! That's exactly it! Thank you so much. I've never been able to explain it to confused people how some things are aggravatingly repetitive while some things are soothingly repetitive
And if we are AuDHD, we would be a mess without schedules & we NEED a routine, yet we hate both bc we're a fickle bunch that feeds on novelty (or spontaneity) bc it lights up our easily-depleted dopamine centers. For us, schedules are the closest thing to accountability we'll ever get, which is why most of us would rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. Routine is so helpful if you have the comorbidity of Anxiety, which most of us do bc we live in a high-demand fast-paced world with deadlines and unreasonable social expectations.
Its absurd to me that people think autistics can't have ANY friends, like other neurodivergent people don't exist at moderate saturation. I just look for people who share my weird little vibe and i always consistently had 1 friend at any one time growing up, the OTHER weird kid in the room. I've tried and failed to have neurotypical friends so many times but it usually ends with my bluntness or black-sheepness making them upset with me. I'd rather just stick to my fellow weirdos.
Finally, after years in isolation, I now have a group of like 7(!) friends in uni. Guess what, they're all either autistic, ADHD or both and all queer. Neurotypicals just don't stick. And well, now that we have this ND secret society organised, we can have sensory friendly parties and nobody feels left out. It's truly amazing
It's especially weird and irrational when you consider the fact that most people can visualize "that group" of weird, nerdy losers who play D&D and watch anime or collect rocks together, and everyone else avoids them because they're so weeeeeeird. Are those kids neurotypical, Karen? Hmmm? Hmmm?
The "everybody received a manual" hit so close to home, that when I was younger I twisted "Life is a theatre, so where the hell is my script?!" (which I know ofc in itself is also a reference) into "Life is a theatre, but unfortunately it's improv".
I've always felt a massive difference in socializing with 1 or 2 people and then in a group. In a group it seems like complete chaos and I have no idea how to participate.
bruuuuh yea bc i actually tried to find a script, i got into reading abt psychology since elementary bc i just didin't get that it was an issue i just thought that they were learning this in their homes, i thought that if i learned how to speak spanish (my first language) properly ppl would understand what i mean and nope
haha lmaoo same :D I also thought everyone were my friends but actually most of them disliked me. Fun times. But I think "being stupid enough" was a blessing. I didn't have to deal with the stuff that bullying would probably have caused
Ohh I feel this too hard. I knew I was bullied by the really obvious violent kids who'd hit me. But it's years later I'm realising the subtle (to me, otherwise I'd have noticed it) ways in which I was bullied by others. I didn't have friends in school, I had bullies that followed me around. My young self thought that was my friend group. Growing up and realising stuff can be depressing. I just wish it hadn't taken me till my 40's to realise this stuff.
On the manual thing... As a kid I did well academically but struggled socially and also with physical coordination. I remember, clear as day, standing in the school playground and watching children chat with each other effortlessly and thinking "it's okay, I'm ahead in maths, so I suppose I'm just behind here. Someone will teach me this one day too." When I got diagnosed at 23 all I could think about was tiny me, not sad, not angry, not feeling confused, absolutely certain that someone would soon notice that they had forgotten to teach me the manual and the fact that no one did.
They tried to teach me but I just could never learn it and never really had an interest in learning it. I thought friends were lame as a kid and (still) didn’t understand why I ‘needed’ them. Why would I want to play with the other kids? They always just seemed very stupid to me. Collecting trash on the playground at recess was way more fun to me than interacting with others, so that’s what I did. One year they forced us all to play kickball together at recess instead of doing what we wanted and I absolutely HATED it. I’m not officially diagnosed though, so I might just be an antisocial psychopath. LOL
@@sharonamberbennett4725 Anything based on deception feels wrong to me - especially relationships. I read Carnegie's book 30 years ago, and found it useless. For me anyway. It's all about sucking up to other people by making yourself small and non-threatening. Classic fawning. Feign interest in their interests. Don't talk about yourself or your interests. Never point out mistakes in reasoning or beliefs. Don't argue. Smile. etc, etc, etc. The tactics described in the book are generally manipulative and disingenuous. Seems most people are OK with being fake, manipulative and superficial to "win friends and influence people" Autistic people not so much. It's a masking manual for neurotypicals seeking to exploit other people as salesmen in my opinion. Yuck. Even the "win friends" thing frames friendships as a competition with others for the prize of companionship. The way I see it, you either like someone and they like you and you become friends, or not. Faking and hiding your true intentions doesn't create friends. It creates the illusion of friendship. It's based on the desire for social power, control, and dominance rather than human connection. Fun fact, Dale Carnegie lied about most of his supposed connections and qualifications listed in the book. He was a con-man and a grifter - one of the most successful ever. So if that's your jam then yeah, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" might be just the ticket, lol Google
I either talk very loud or very low. I usually get “why are you scream?” Or “why are you so quiet? Speak louder.” I had a teacher that called me out on front of me the class for being too quiet and having an accent. I was in the advance gifted classes. I felt so horrible. Anyway, I’m going to have my first appointment this upcoming week. I’m very nervous.
Lol my little sisters was always spekaing too loud but then I was always talking to quietly xD nowadays its better but neither of us has been diagnosed I wish I was already I just wanna know where all the sht in the past came from
Omg. My history teacher did that to me in highschool it was so stressful. I have stage fright such that I experience physical symptoms like numbness, trembling, nausea, but I try to balance it by memorizing my words, in hopes that people don't pay too much attention on my trembling. My history teacher purposefully stood at the back wall of my class, while me and my group have a presentation in front of the class. She stops me mid sentence and tells me to speak louder, scattering my thoughts effectively. My voice goes quieter against my will and she berates me harshly as though I was willfully disobeying. I was frozen in panic. Fun similarity, people often say I speak too loud or too softly as well. I was also the top student in my highschool until second semester of 11th grade where I dropped down to second and maintained it to the end of school. I don't know if I'm autistic, I've always identified as an extreme introvert, who anxiously tries her best in social settings because she also doesn't want to be lonely.
I used to consider myself a chill and easy-going person because I thought those things meant you were accepting, non-judgemental, not easily annoyed or angered, or easy to get along with and I was like "yeah I relate to that" until I found out that being "chill" means you're all those things on the inside as well 😅
Same! I don't think this video accounts for repression/suppression of deep emotions. If our environment growing up calls for an easy going personality due to survival or due to the need to attach to our caregivers then I have a belief we'll forfeit autistic tendencies in favor of whatever survival calls for. Which could just be an extension of CPTSD mixed with autism
Same and I always thought "not caring" was just going along with things externally, but even though I didn't always exactly have something specific I wanted to do, I was always annoyed so much any time someone tried to get me to do something or even just interact with me at all.
I was recently finally able to get an autism assessment and the doctor said something along the lines of "you're autistic but you cope too well to be diagnosed with a 'real disorder'" which was... weird. I'm still trying to figure out if that was validating or invalidating, but it definitely feels like being trapped in a no-man's land where I just don't get to belong anywhere.
I'm pretty sure something is considered a "disorder" if it causes you distress and requires treatment. Definitely doesn't mean you don't belong to a group!
Taking what the doctor said literally, I am getting the meaning, "autism doesn't count as a real disorder." Which isn't true. Just the fact that you COPE means there's something real going on. The doctor started with "you have autism." If he stopped there he would have avoided putting his figurative foot in his mouth.
I understand this person entirely they literally write in my medical chart “clinically abnormal” but said I couldn’t be diagnosed with anything and I don’t know what to think about myself because of this and it’s actually been really distressing for me
I think it just means your more high functioning which is completely normal, I wouldn’t worry about it one bit as long as your being yourself, because it’s ok to be yourself. I think there’s always a time in our lives where we don’t really fit into a specific group.
Formerly it might have been called Asperger's. I really don't know but it tends to be associated with more successful coping strategies. Autism has historically gone undiagnosed in women because they get around all the communication issues because even an autistic woman can communicate better than a neuro-typical man.
i was diagnosed with autism at 14 but i think now that i was actually misdiagnosed and they mistook my OCD for autism. after getting treatment for my OCD (and depression) i don’t have a single autistic trait left, i don’t recognize myself at all in the criteria, and watching this video made me seek a new evaluation!
I filled out ADHD examination forms with the help of friends and when the question came up about me being easily distracted, I disagreed, because I can be pretty intensely focused to a point where not even having to pee or being dehydrated interrupts my tunnel focus. I kept contemplating how extremely focused I can be for about 20-30 minutes while looking at a tree before becoming self-aware and crossing out "yea very much so" in resignation.
"I don't stim" as I rub my feet together constantly while trying to fall asleep, tense my muscles or jiggle my legs while I'm sitting, repeat words or sentences to myself to get them "just right"...yeah, but I don't flap my hands, right? 😶
That comment at around 4:20 about making friends cross-culturally has been my secret trick for quite a while now! I'm from Scandinavia but have relocated to Greece, partly due to precisely this; whenever I'm socially awkward or come across a bit emotionally mute, it's always just attributed to a difference in culture or "Those Scandinavians are a bit cold, it's normal". It's a fantastic buffer to have, even if it feels a bit like a cheat.
i feel like i played myself with this one, because this has literally been 90% of my friendships or relationships over the course of my life (mostly age or nationality and culture differences) and i did not even realise this though definitely always found it also way easier to "break the ice" when you could talk about our backgrounds etc while i didnt know how to approach peers around me.
As an ADHD’er I get super irritated when I’m interrupted but not because I can’t get my mind off of whatever I was doing, but because I know once I change gears there is no going back to the level of focus and “get this done” when i turn to something else. It’s like that task just disappears into the aether
Empathy in autism spectrum is often different. Often we are very good at one type of empathy but very bad at others. For example facial cues vs other ways sensing feelings.
I do relate! Once something is behind my back it ‘ceases to exist’ until I come around to it being in my face again. I have to make notes in my phone calendar to make sure important things get finished. I also call it hamster wheeling, spending lots of energy but not getting anything really accomplished. But I survive my life and manage to pay my bills and not let my house get too dirty or disordered.
@@stevenpace892the other half of that is that allistic people have the exact same problem. They don't relate to us so they can't imagine what makes us happy or upset. It's not a deficit in us, it's that our "cultures" are very different (double empathy problem). A very similar thing happens with people from two different countries, it's a culture clash not an inherent shortcoming or medical issue Also we are often isolated. We have less exposure to cultural norms in a lot of ways. Whether we want to or not. So like i didn't go to church as a kid, no one puts me on email chains, i don't/didn't know what communities do when someone is diagnosed with cancer or loses a loved one. It's something that's actually taught to people. They orchestrate meals and childcare and all that. They arrange rides to chemo. They don't have to use their imagination to figure that out, they rely on what they've seen and helped with 50 times in their community. Like even someone with no empathy can know what to do, even if they don't care at all. But I look horrible because I didn't grow up learning that and I'm not included, so it's not a part of my gut reaction to take care of it
why does this correlate w adhd? def rude and annoying feeling to be interrupted ! sorry i just like to question all the psychiatric terms and thinking. maybe it’s more about the systems enact environmentally and their effects on us rather than innate neurology.
@@chinmeysway mostly cause ppl with ADHD suffer with starting or stopping things. ADHDers tend to procrastinate a lot. once they get hyperfocused on something,, it's all or nothing. and if that hyperfocus is pulled away from them,, it would lead to general frustration. bc once that focus is gone,, they'll most likely have no interest in the thing they did previously or will get distracted with something else. so it's usually best if they're not interrupted
Pretty sure I had an autistic rat once. Poor fellow had no idea how to behave with others, and had many quirks that were very different from any other rat I've ever seen. One minute he would be snuggly sleeping with the others... and the next he would be biting them out of nowhere, probably because he suddenly wanted to be alone. He didn't understand that biting was a HUGE no-no in rat society, and after a while the other rats would just avoid the poor bugger entirely. He did not socialize with me the way pet rats typically do with their owner either, and was very peculiar about certain things in his environment that other rats don't typically have issues with.
I also had a couple of rats who might have been on the spectrum. They got along with me and maybe one other rat in the pack but they weren’t as interested in socialising and misread cues from other rats. I heard it’s a thing with dogs too - most dog behaviour specialists don’t accept it because there is no formal way to diagnose autism in a dog but at the end of the day it’s a matter of how to call a pattern of behaviours and perceptions of environment.
I have a side gig housesitting for people with pets. I was meeting with one couple with their beloved cat. The husband said he thought the cat was autistic and I immediately masked shut down all my internal responses because I'm so used to hearing people saying "That's autistic" or "He's so autistic" as an insult. Turns out, after taking care of the cat for a week, I totally get it! The cat LOVES deep joint compression to a degree that would be considered abusive to most any other animal. While he craved human touch for that deep joint compression (and preferred to experience near a wall so he could brace himself and push even harder into the person pushing on him), he did not want to be on a lap or held. He loved to play but only in particular ways. Unlike other cats, he didn't have his select people he was comfortable around but would treat each person with the same amount of comfort and ease. He wouldn't walk right up to strangers in the house asking for attention but would walk through the room out of curiosity while making zero bids for their attention. Now I hope his people go on vacation because I'd like to spend more time with Darby. Darby rocks!
Great video! Back in school I wasn't bullied, but didn't really feel like part of the group either. At a reunion for my public school, one of my former classmates told me that I would have been such an easy target for bullying due to how much I stood out (due to my stimming and lack of social skills), but my classmates actually made sure that noone from the other classes harassed me, or they would harass them right back. So I kinda had guardian angels I didn't know about. ❤
Lmao real. It's like every place I went and kinda tried to get along with others I'd get greeted with the usual "Why are you here? Who called you? Why are you weird? Why are you near us?" And it would be a normal situation to try and connect with classmates or whatever, they simply despised being near me lol
@@airena1449 Even in adulthood you can have this and I've certainly had this :S. Especially if its a largely female environment full of peers my age. University and retail/hospitality jobs were a nightmare. You stand out more. Fortunately, I'm in a more male-dominated environment, full of different ages now, as I'm an engineer (many neurodivergent people work this job) but also unfortunate because of misogyny. Tbh I'd rather take the misogyny, even though that makes me mad too lol. There's no winning😭
That is very true! We arent "typical" women so that makes sense. It's defo a form of misogyny but in a different way to how men do it. What a world we live in lol@@Ark-ys2up
Literally just got my diagnosis and was SO ready to say "Oh no! This confirms it, they were wrong. I was wrong!" But this was actually really reassuring to me. So relieved and feeling a bit more validated in terms of my experiences.
@@imautisticnowwhat To be honest, you should quit your youtube channel. The more into the cult you get, the harder it is for you to admit that you bought into a pseudoscience trend.
I saw the timestamps and I genuinely thought that someone's "aura" could mean they're not autistic like "yeah no you don't have the autism ghost aura following you, I don't think you're autistic"
Lol That's funny you should say that though. I got the Hyperempathy make of autism and I do wonder if a lot of folklore around psychic powers may be autism-related. I don't literally see auras, but I'm fantastic at "reading the vibes" of a person, ie noticing subtle behavioral differences that point to being an abuser or whatever. In a different cultural background I might've been labelled Psychically Sensitive. So that might be an actual thing lmao
@@scobeymeister1 I've had coworkers in the past who could not be convince I'm not an empath in the magical mystical sense. It's super funny to me because in general I actually suck at body language, these people were just super dramatic about everything and I'm good at being a pleasant but neutral person at work.
I’m not autistic, but I do have inattentive ADHD and so many of these are similar! I have never had issues understanding/recognizing others’ emotions or their motivations for things, but I still had (and still do have) difficulties with social relationships because I get easily exhausted by them! It takes so much mental energy for me to pull myself out of my dream world and into reality. And transitions…oh boy!! I have SUCH a hard time moving from one thing to the next. I get so hyper focused on things and forget to eat or even that I have to use the bathroom. 😅 It’s almost like what you described about having a special interest (cuz I get DEEPLY into it), but it just changes month to month. 😂
I used to wonder if I was autistic too. Turns out if you're a socially awkward introvert with nerdy interests and inattentive ADHD, it looks very much like autism from the outside. I identified very strongly with maybe 4 of the 9 points (mostly the social ones) and the remainder weren't relatable at all.
I relate to that sooo much. My brother has adhd and autism, but I have inattentive adhd, and my mom (who is classic hyperactive adhd) kept trying to lable me as autistic when I am better at social nuance than she is. I just get tired of people quicker than she does because I'm not hyper.
Hi, I can relate a lot. I actually thought for a VERY long time that I was autistic, but then it turned out at way over thirty (and mind me, a lot of therapists and psychiatrists had seen me by then) that I have ADHD. Bit more digging into the family brought up that my mother actually has both ADHD and Autism, and honestly, it feels like having an autistic mother was very similiar to "not being handed the manual". I was struggling so hard as a child, but once I got older and learned that these strange gut feelings I got in social situations were actually correct, it gradually got better. I also know that as a very small child, I had no problems with other kids at all, it only came later, when my strange behaviours that I learned from home got judged. I still prefer people who are direct because I don't have the impulse control and patience to tip toe around difficult social stuff, but not because I don't understand it, but because I think it's pointless and annoying. (I'm also German though, which usually doesn't help with being overly polite. xD)
As an inattentive ADHD brain not on the spectrum that grew up watching my ASD older brother, I’ve never been fully sure which of my behaviors were inherent to me and which I might have picked up on by copying him. I definitely had an easier time with recognizing most of others emotions/motivations than he did when we were kids, and while I could socialize a bit at first contact, my introversion has made it difficult to form deeper, longer lasting connections overall. I’m with you on some of the transitions things, but more so because there are more things I’m disinterested in than not, so either have to medicate and allow myself to hyperfocus on things I dislike like work, or end up letting myself be distracted and wasting time rather than doing anything useful. Larger transitions, like the first day of school or a new job always keep me up the night before. Edit: I’d like to note that I was diagnosed as a child, but didn’t fully understand what exactly my diagnosis was until about 12-13 years ago.
Same ADHD boat, though my biggest "probably not autistic" clue is "routine stresses me out/I do not form load bearing routines" .... But he'll if I'm going to pass up perfectly useful sense-making coping strategies just because I have a different brain thing.
This was extremely validating in so many ways, but in particular, discussing what it really means to have an "intense" hobby. I flit around from hobby to hobby, so I never really identified with that part of autism. But whenever I sit down to whatever hobby I'm into at the time, I will sit there for 6 or 7 hours straight. it takes so much time and effort to switch gears, and being interrupted and/or expected to put it down without warning is always super distressing. If I need to do something else right away, it feels like my brain is literally a grinding, rusty gear struggling to turn. I know this may overlap with adhd traits/symptoms, but it still was really nice to hear your explanation, as well as hearing "it's not the topic, its the intensity of the focus"
Changing special Interests is something that’s been talked about a lot as a common AuDHD trait...interests that persist longer than typical for ADHD and shorter than typical for autism. Honestly, I don’t know that having both is essential for changeable interests, but it does work than way for many. I tend to get heavily into something for 2-5 years. Sometimes it’s that the activity involves other people (volunteering is like that), and after a while it sinks in that my bluntness and need for control has burned my bridges with people, so I move on. I did that many times before realizing I was neurodivergent.
I have adhd too so my intense special interests last a few months at a time and then I need novelty, but I always come back to the same ones after the novelty wears off lol
THIS. I'm literally listening to my music playlists everywhere I go almost all day and it's almost always the same few songs on loop. If someone interrupts me, I get super annoyed and try to get back to listening to music. I sometimes even lash out at people if I'm already a little stressed. I've been doing this since I was 9, I'm 17 now.
I don't like changing tasks on a dime so I have a reminder that goes off several minutes before so I can mentally and physically "wrap things up" before I move on
The language thing really resonated with me. When I was 3 years old and my mom still I had to help me use the bathroom, I told her that I was “sick of this humiliation” instead of saying that I just didn’t want her helping me anymore lol
Lol I showed my mom a drawing I'd made of a girl being "obstinate". Her mouth was a straight line and no arms because they were "behind her back". I've also been told I have random accents before. In elementary and high school I was British. Now apparently I have a southern accent. I'm from upper peninsula Michigan.
In Hebrew school at age 6 we learned about a hand reaching for a fish as a metaphor for man's search for g-d. The NT kids drew hand and fish, I drew a scuba diver reaching for a fish. As an autistic, I always had an odd way of doing things. I also switch accents a lot and pick up on other's speech patterns and mimic them without meaning to.
There are a lot of symptoms of OCD that are very similar to autism, as well as symptoms of severe ADHD, that are similar to autism. So I can definitely understand why someone might get confused
You're so right! I got my ADHD diagnosis in my mid twenties and I recognize myself with PDA, APD (auditory processive disorder), hypersensitive (to certain senses like smell, hearing, touch mostly)... Even my kindergarden teacher wrote I had hard time with transitions between activities on my report card and I recognize myself with certain traits of ASD. But I used to really enjoyed being surrounded with friends as a kid and I finally realized older that all the good fiends I kept seeing until now are all neurodivergents and understanding... Nonetheless, I find it hard to understand what it means when symptoms overlap. I mean, I think I was masking (or trying to mask) my neurodivergence/difference to feel accepted, but I'm still not sure how to know if it's the result of masking a possible autism or masking other neurodivergent traits that I found out that were misjudged by neurotypicals... 🤷♀️ I feel it's kinda hard to confirm a solid yes or no regarding being on the spectrum or not. Is it just me?
My psychologist mentioned during my assessment for adhd that compulsive behaviours are part of both adhd and autism and it’s also very common for people to have OCD as a comorbid diagnosis with either adhd or autism and of course both. And historically afab are more likely to be diagnosed OCD rather than adhd or autism.
I'm still confused. I'm diagnosed ADHD and wanted to watch this video to prove to myself I'm not autistic...and now I'm even less certain than before. Ugh I have no idea. I know it doesn't REALLY matter, the meds are similar anyway, and nothing is stopping me from googling coping mechanisms for autism and using the ones that I find helpful, whether or not I'm actually autistic...but frick, I wanna know.
@@punkbjork It honestly does help me to see them as tools for language and communication rather than definitive individual diagnoses. Like, I have no idea if I'm autistic, but researching autism has REALLY helped me find keywords and phrases to describe and articulate the things I experience. I know the labels CAN be a huge thing, especially if you need disability benefits and/or medication (my ADHD diagnosis and subsequent prescriptions were a game changer for sure), but the biggest power I've found is just from developing better language to communicate our internal worlds. I don't actually know anything though, I'm definitely not a psych, so I could be super wrong.
I have just started to learn more about autism and learn how much I’ve masked my whole life. It’s not that I thought everyone got a manual. I just thought everyone researched social skills online and I honestly would talk about it as a badge of honor like “yeah, I taught myself how to be this social”. Somehow I took pride in this without realizing others didn’t feel the need to do it!
I feel called out 😂 As a person that prides themselves on intellectual ability alone the feeling that others always beat me in this "pursuit" was hard to stomach. Therefore, I gave up.
Whoa! I was just thinking to myself “I am the Queen of Masking “ (of course I am exhausted afterwards but nobody realized that I am the weirdo they are supposed to push down the stairs).
Ha, just yesterday I was telling my boyfriend more about autism and masking. I think I said something like “but I’m really good at masking, no one would even know, I’m so ‘normal’!” He didn’t respond and it turns out, I am not as good at masking as I thought 😂
I've just been looking at the possibility of having autism (have inattentive adhd and MERLD so might be that) but I thought I didn't mask until I realized I do lol. I'll prepare preplanned responses or be like "they said this as question inviting me, say definitely act excited and nod head"
I relate to all of these alot. 1. For the 'no friends' one, until 3 years ago, i finally made a friend. For most of my whole life: age 5-8, i didnt have any friends. I would just be happy without talking to anyone, in school, at all. My teachers just called me shy, or introverted. For 4 whole years, (school years 1-4, yes im british) every single teacher would write. "May has improved with talking to others this year, although she still needs to come out of her shell." Even on my most recent school report ot said: "May exceded my expectations with socialising." It was like all the teachers wanted me to be an extroverted baboon. After years of trying to fit in, ive made a wide range of 'friends' 2. I wouldnt consider myself a robot. But, i dont show my emotions that frequently. 3. I dont like socialising. I just do it, to fit in more and not be given weird, dirty looks. 4. I relate to this on a universal level, no, infact more than that. I'd say astromonical. People say i have 'accents'. I kinda do. My excuse is that i feel like my brain just takes a multitude of peoples accents and just remixes them, creating a weird, wacky, wonderous creation of pure whimsicality. Sometimes i just say words so fast, i mispronounce them. Once i pronounced the word 'mother' wrong.😅 i can admit i was turned into a circus clown that day. In additon, i speak in extremely advanced words. As an 11 year old child, i say words like miscellanous, cynical (im sorry but i love that word so much!!! Like it has a ring to it, you know?) I also repeat the word utterly and whimsical a lot. I have random speaking patterns, like repeating certain words. Ive struggles with this my whole life. (Thats 1 decade and a tenth of a decade to be exact). 5. I think i do 'stimming' as i always tap the table randomly, chew on hair, click pens, chew on pens, fidget with zippers, chew zippers, chew sleeves.... I presume its safe to say i do chewing a lot. 6. I rage a lot over sounds, loud chewing, disturbance or talking whilst im obsessing over my fixations. (In which i mean writing my novel). It gives me the ick. Like, i feel heavily appalled. I also hate the smell of sneezes. Im not sure if others do, but i tend to rage. 7. This is kinda like number 6, but i obsess over people, (i deeply apologise for timothee chalamet, he obviously did not deserve that.) I can draw for hours, without stopping. I also LOVE crochet, writing, analyzing movies and just exploring random lore. The thing is, ill never get so attached that i forget to eat. Eating is something i love. Another point is, people say i have an interest to french people. For example, ᴀʜᴇᴍ ᴀʜᴇᴍ , ᴛɪᴍᴏᴛʜᴇᴇ ᴄʜᴀʟᴀᴍᴇ- moving on, there was this french activity instructor at whitemoor lakes (my school went for a trip) she was called Zoey. For some random reason, i remember her very exactly, down to the bone. My first trip to Whitemoor lakes in January, i kept on rambling on about how beautiful her french accent was to my friends. I saw her again in june. I tapped one of my friends shoulder continuously whispering: "its zoey! Zoey! Zoey! Zoey!!" My friend picked up the fact that i do seem attached to the people of france. (Not in a weird way, i just love their accents qnd i would mind listening to it for days on end. 8. Im definetly not relaxed, i get excited or panicked easily. I have problems regulating my emotions. I also jump up and down when excited (i also did this when i saw Zoey, or watched Wonka.)ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ᴛʜᴇʏʀᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜ ғʀᴇɴᴄʜ. Also, i usually have a planned 'scheldue'. I rage when i cant have a meal that i planned to have, or i cant do a certain activity that i planned for a long time. 9. I usually just sit on the toilet, staring into space for a solid 30 minutes before moving at all. I dont know why i do this. Its just natural, like a rabbit in its habitat. ɪ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪʙɪɴɢ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴀs ᴀ ʀᴀʙʙɪᴛ ɪɴ ɪᴛs ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ʜᴀʙɪᴛᴀᴛ :) 𝔸𝕟𝕪𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤, 𝕚 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕠𝕗 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕪𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕞𝕤, 𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕠𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕗 𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕤𝕞. 𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕚 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝔸𝔻ℍ𝔻 𝕠𝕣 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕤 𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕙. 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕚 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕕𝕚𝕒𝕘𝕟𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕕?
I hope you complete your novel. I have a feeling it will be very, very good. You are wonderful at writing, especially if it's true about being only 10 plus 1 😊
I was never bullied, but I have always been "otherized" and I have been called weird, quirky, and creepy because of my special interests (human skulls, cryptids, and invertebrates). I made acquaintances and friends, and usually they were people of different than usual to my surroundings as in- from different cultures or people with disabilities. I was welcoming to them more than the rest of kids. Also, I preferred elderly people and babies over any other age groups. I got called a little granny as a kid by my family lol
“I’ve noticed… Mariana never answers a question with simple _yes_ or _no_ . She always finds another way.” -Co-worker of mine 10 or 11 years ago, as the team had a coffee together. I didn’t know I was autistic, but I’ve always had “peculiar” weird things to me.
"Your always so diplomatic" is the way my family would always put it 😂. Also none outside of my family ever got my jokes or when I was using sarcasm even though i thought I changed my voice a lot when I did joke or use sarcasm.
@sam..123. OMG, jokes and sarcasm...I always thought I was pretty good at that stuff, but actually gave it up because I kept getting “what exactly does he mean by that?” looks. Dropping my sense of humor did not help my mental health I think.
I was always told to “speak up” as a child that “You’re too quiet” but I never understood because I could hear myself speaking fine, but apparently everyone else could not, and sometimes I’d have to speak up really loud to the point of hurting my own ears because people STILL couldn’t hear me! Now I speak louder and faster. I used to be super silent too and now I won’t shut up. As for my special interests. I usually fixate on media of some kind but usually a very specific topic of media. For example if I enjoy a movie, I’ll focus heavily on a single of a group of characters from said movie, like I will intensify my focus towards a specific character and their backstory more than anything else to do with the media.
It sounds like in most cases people can in fact hear you and it's likely a respect thing (doesn't mean you're a terrible person, it means other people can be). When people don't want to talk to us they'll give us simple answers or grunts but if we're persistent they'll pretend they didn't hear us which 1.) makes us re-state everything, making us feel awkward and 2.) now everyone else around us who may not have heard or been aware of this person to person interaction is now paying attention to it which can further change how you need to repeat it. It's a bullshit mind game. A way of putting you in your place saying your not as important as you think you are. An easy test is to wait until it's something that benefits the other person and when they give you the little fake smile "sorry, what" bollocks you just turn around and walk off. To your back they will likely now answer or respond to your entire query in perfect fucking detail, ensuring it's succinct and clear so you can get it before you're out of range. Then you can stop, turn around and just say "oh so you in fact, did, fucking hear me then, you heard me perfectly by the sounds of it".
This was me as a child, coupled with selective mutism (e.g. if the teacher asked me something in front of the class). I still fall back into that pattern nowadays sometimes if I feel overwhelmed with a social situation where I'm at the center of attention
@@spulwasser Fuck, never considered this might have been my issue in Primary and High School. Around 7th grade I got told 'you just need to say something, we can see you know the answers, just speak up!', and I spent so much damn energy participating in class for a few years, training myself to forcibly dragging words out of my mouth, that it totally fell apart when high school came around and stuff changed around to a new environment. When asked questions in class I just shut down, mouth closed and tongue caught and I never understood why....
Same! Up until the end if high school people always got annoyed at me for speaking too quiet and said I was mumbling, but I didn't understand how to raise my voice volume
“Now I speak louder and faster. I used to be super silent too and now I won’t shut up.” Hmmm! I am a compulsive talker now, and I think of it as substantially ADHD, but I am aware of autistic influences too: I disclose compulsively because I think more information is better, and if I keep talking eventually people will understand what I’m trying to say. By adolescence I was one of the loud types; I didn’t realize it until I got a joke award for that. I’m not sure about my early years; I was a fearful child, and associate those years more with autistic behaviors than my later ADHD ones. So it interests me that you started out one way and shifted another. It may match my trajectory as well.
It's a bit frustrating because I relate so much to the majority of things you've said but I've been shut down multiple times by mental health professionals; they'd tell me I don't fit the criteria without even giving me a chance to talk in depth about my experiences. I think this is partly due to how I present myself or more specifically how I've managed to learn to present myself. I've been diagnosed with ADHD but it still feels like there's a huge part of me that remains 'unexplained'. It's something that I spend a lot of time thinking about and it's starting to get to me.
I’m experiencing something very similar. My behavior is written off as ADHD and a cycle of depression and anxiety, but it feels like so much more than that and nobody I talk to about it can quite understand. I’ve masked traits because of being raised in a very judgmental environment, and my twin brother has severe autism (non verbal, needs constant care) so people just look at my brother and think that there’s no way I have what he has even though it’s a spectrum. I’ve been shut down by multiple mental health professionals as well, it’s so frustrating. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this and I hope you get the help you need. If you do eventually get diagnosed or finally receive the support you need, I’d be curious to hear about it. :)
Yes I've been amazed by how ignorant some professionals can be. Last time I saw a professional to see about a diagnosis I was told that "autism is extremely rare in those assigned female at birth" and so there was no point even looking into it... I tried to share my experiences anyways but she just repeatedly shut me down and refused to listen
I watched this video two weeks ago expecting to learn something about autistic people, but instead I got 9 punches to the gut that made me realize I am obviously autistic. I'm 40 years old and never even considered I might be neurodivergent. It's incredibly validating to suddenly have moments from my life and all my "awkward" behavior make sense, but also kind of a mindf*** to have everything about my self make sense. I find myself having childhood flashbacks at least once a day (plus some oof cringe memories as an adult). I struggled with posting a comment, but I wanted to say thank you for making content that communicates so clearly. I can't speak for anyone else, but you have changed my life.
This is beautiful! I can relate to this a lot. I never thought I was autistic until I met my current boyfriend two years ago, who is diagnosed. Most of the things he described about it were things I related to quite heavily. The more research I do, the more my behaviors and habits are explained. It's like a whole different light being put onto my life, and it's inspiring to see people having these moments for themselves ❤
Tell me! I just fell over this and .. I’m 70 in September and this actually made me believe even more that I am autistic and probably my late mother too. I never felt like a child, I was a conformer, read avidly, am driven nuts by seeing say two big identical mirrors glue on our lounge wall by a previous owner. I told my husband that they were different sizes. He laughed. We measured them and lo and behold one is .. 2 mm smaller than the other! My mother definitely had this level of noticing things too. We notice minute colour differences, off centred things etc etc. I waited for ‘friends’ to make them selves known in school but that never happened. I was the outsider. I’ve always said to my husband that I am not human as I simply cannot understand many irritating, horrible things eg why are folk so aggressive, cause war etc. It’s completely odd to me. I feel like Sheldon acts..except for his physics talents! Should I be diagnosed at my age? What would it give me? Would it help ? Heck.. I’m either silent…or overchatty, over sharing! I think I mask ..even to myself but don’t know I’m doing it! ❤
If you think you are autistic and your life is or feels out of balance, go to get a diagnostic test. Do not base it on a self diagnosis. Because we are all biased especially about our self, positive or negative doesn't matter. That's why you only are an Autist when an autism expert diagnosed it. Why you are asking, because a wrong diagnose can lead to more harm than a correct one. I can tell you that diagnosing Autism is really difficult. So be certain to get one from an experienced autism expert.
@@TheGraemi The whole society is biased in the favour of non-autistic people. That means majority of people in the medical field watch autism from the outside, inspecting what they can from that viewpoint. Autism as a diagnostic label therefore is not the full reality of the actual inner experience and reality of autism: autism as a diagnosis is not completely the same thing as autism as a phenomenon (in a neurobiological level, inner experience etc). Then again, I strongly disagree with the society's urge to pathologise unconventional ways of living and experiencing, and I understand if you don't agree with me. I just wanted to write this comment to add a different perspective, because things can be viewed from so many angles and what works for others, may not work for all. From reading @abecline's comment it seems that learning about autism might help them. It helped me, because finally I could understand myself better, understand the struggles I've faced and learn to do things in a better way that suits me personally. I learned that I am not alone, that there are others like me, and after a lifetime of always feeling out of place that was the first piece of achieving mental peace - of healing.
@@ketunpoika First we are more biased about us than anyone. And second if you are sure why not harden the facts with a second opinion from a Autism specialist? Autism is a lot about difference in social interaction and a good diagnosis is about interaction. To talk with somebody who has a lot of knowledge and experience with autism can only help. And if it shatters your believe don't worry. Most of the time this also leads to a better understanding of yourself or even to a start of your way to the real problem. I saw that happen enough in the depression clinic i was.
21:20 I don't have autism, but I do have ADHD. I remember the first time I took medication so clearly and your story about the cups of tea hit home! I was exactly the same - I was always so focussed on what I was doing that I never got up to eat or drink, my family would bring me things every now and again... but the first time I took medication, I sat down to do some work, worked for about 20 minutes, then got up and made myself a cup of tea before easily, calmly returning back to work, sipping my tea as I went. I can't really put into words what that was like.
The amount of ADHD(ADD) and autism cross overs has always peeked my curiousity. I was misdiagnosed like my shrink was getting paid by the condition, because of this I grew a "special interest" in psychology, biology, and human developement. Priority disfunction is very common among both neurodiverent entities. My anology for this is your subcontious is the personal assistant to your body's CEO (contious thought). Your B.CEO said this task needs done asap. For regular people this demand does not come inbetween you and your physical health. You need to be alive and relatively healthy to get it done. For ADHD&Autism on the other hand you can either finish this task or die. The Personal Assistant comes in occasionally and recommends things like tea or cookies but we often shew them away as we just need to finish this one thing that leads us directly into another thing and suddenly 5hrs have passed. Time is a thing that happens too neurodiverent people. Routine is like the control knots we put in to help us better climb the rope of time. Its why so many feel comfort in routines. Yet not everyone needs that specific aid. Some people see time more like climbing a tree instead of a rope. The routines are not required as much because each event in their day is a branch to reach and everything inbetween is unimportant. It just depends on how your life is structured.
I remember being told by peers growing up I spoke like their grandparents. I don’t know why that was the most common comparison, but it happened a lot. I grew up in Tennessee, but I had a perfectly neutral American accent, a monotone voice, and a college level vocabulary, and other kids did not like that. I’m not officially diagnosed, but I’ve experienced most of what you talk about here. Regardless of if I’m autistic or not, your channel has really helped me understand and accept myself and I can’t understate how thankful I am.
I was also told this, but then again, I was raised by my grandparents. People just always says I was a little precocious because of the way I spoke I didn’t sound monotone, but I use big words and very abstract expressions, and I was also very endearing with my speech, what I didn’t know is that I was literally mimicking everyone’s speech around me, never fully integrating into my own, .
@@Unfocusedzen oh wow, I can so relate to the "mimicking" people's speech. Took me almost 25 years to figure out that the reason some people don't like me is that I speak to them in a fashion they only deem fitting to speak to someone of lower status, because that's how some older people talk to "youngsters". Turns out they really really don't like that and find it disrespectful even if it happens to be how they talk to someone "of equal standing", since in their mind you are clearly not...
I was an oddball, not for the word choice I used or my accent or anything, but the fact that I was about 6 or 7 and already thinking and talking about death, what may or may not happen after, how we got here, how the universe started, what could possibly be out there, and so on. My brain moved so fast, it was already off this planet and out of this particular timeline lol One thing, too, about not being diagnosed but suspecting you have autism is that this particular group of people seems to be the most understanding and laid-back collection of weirdos that any group ever was. I suspect that I'm autistic, but never got diagnosed (idiot psychologist that was studying how my brother and I interacted should have seen something but she wasn't paid for that...anyways). However, it never seemed to matter. Everyone in the community just seems like "Oh, you have a couple of aspects and don't feel like you fit in anywhere else? Sure, come take a seat and we'll get you a chewy." It's actually nice. Even if you find out later you don't have autism, you'll still be accepted. Just gotta be nice, it's the only stipulation.
vibes i had a similar experience thru school as child, i got teased for "reading the dictionary" as a 10-year-old because i knew a lot of "big" words - jokes on them, i was actually reading medical encyclopedias
This video came in front of me absolutely at the right time! Struggling with just recently diagnosed adhd it feels truly relieving to hear that one can do things and live their lives in the way best for them, and that can finally make life to feel worth living.
The voice thing really gets me because people use it as an excuse to invalidate your experiences like, "you don't sound poor" or "you don't sound like you're from there" as if i'm going to stop and say "oh yeah you're right I'm totally wrong about who I am and where I come from"
I mean, autism is trending and so was tr@nsgender, the biggest scam of the century. People are questioning things instead of taking them a face value and that's good.
I’m really perplexed about whether or not I’m autistic because my therapist of two years was quite sure I am, but when I got a psychological evaluation the doctor said I had pretty much all the symptoms, but she didn’t think I had “enough social difficulties” to be autistic so the symptoms are “better explained by other diagnoses”. I don’t know how to quantify my degree of social difficulties in comparison to others so I’m sort of lost now.
I posted a longer explanation of this in the comments but the short answer is: providers see autism as a disabling disease instead of as a different way for our minds to work. So if they don’t see a disabled person then we can’t have the disease autism. Also keep in mind they rate how autistic a person is not by our ability to support ourselves but by how annoying we are to them in social and work situations. Our diagnosis from these types of providers comes down entirely to how naturally comfortable they feel around us and not at all by how we process the world.
You can think of social difficulties as kind of the “core” part of an autism diagnosis, so that’s why. While it’s a spectrum, generally no social difficulties = no autism.
@@JanTheSpider yeah I understand this. My question isn’t if I can have autism without social difficulties. My question is if I have “social difficulties” in the way autistic people do or not. The way people describe social difficulties in autism is always really vague, which makes it impossible for me to know if that’s what I’m experiencing. Allistic people can also struggle socially, but it isn’t in the same way, so I don’t know which one is what I’ve had. I’m not actually expecting to find an answer in online comment sections though, just shouting into the void I guess.
Some autistics can appear to not have or have fewer social difficulties because of masking the symptoms Do you feel like social interactions are overly draining, that you feel constantly self-conscious, that you feel the need to prepare yourself to conversations, even script them? Do you find yourself constantly observing and copying people around you (for example: only laughing cause you see that everyone else is laughing)? Do you find yourself practicing facial expressions, reactions, phrases, etc? Those are some things that may indicate that you're a high masking autistic, I would recommend looking into it if you're interested, learning about this was a big reason why I was able to get my diagnosis
I grew up in a relatively rural and remote town and had never really known much about what autism or adhd, but when I entered college I quickly made friends with two different people who had been diagnosed with autism. Both independently asked me if I was neurodivergent, and I had never thought about it, and realizing the amount of things I do that can be common signs surprised me.
I had an online doctor's appointment to get a diagnosis, but it only lasted 15 minutes, and he just said it could be adhd and prescribed me atomoxetine. Honestly thinking of going to someone else in person
These comments are sad - the human condition is about finding stability and purpose and self in a world we inherently don’t understand because it was created before our existence. In 2023 the human condition is a 15 minute consult for-profit pharmaceuticals
@@SydneySighs ADHD is comorbid in (of I remember correctly) greater than half of autism cases..... So they're not "wrong" but they're not right either
i dont think i need treatment, ill just move to a small town cuz i hate big cities and rn i live in one.. even tho im always home theres always noise that even if i dont oay attention to them much i get stressed. when i go to the small town my mother and other relatives lives ... is just so quiet and the biggest noise is just some music and kids playing in the pool. there is way less noise and is much better for me... gosh even seeing the sky that blue made me happy cuz in my city the sky is almost always grey
I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and adhd last year. I always thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was missing some important part that everyone else had. Almost all of the kids in my class hated me and called me a weirdo among other names. I managed to find 2 friends basically because they felt sorry for me at first. I remember trying to follow the other kids around, not saying anything. All of them told me to go away. Even my two friends at first told me to leave them alone but apparently after I stood alone crying on the playground, they came to me and Said something like "ok, you can be with us, don't cry". They remained my friends through elementary school and middle school and defended me against bullies. I remember clearly my friends being mad at the bullies who mocked my OCD symptoms and stuttering. I am still in contact with one of the friends on Facebook but the last time I saw my other friend was when I was 17 years old in 2004. (Sorry for any possible Spelling errors, English isn't my mother language)
Your English is great! I'm sorry you experienced that from your peers, but I'm glad your two friends stuck by you in the end. It's sad when we lose contact with people - I'm pretty bad with that 😭
This just recalled some memories i totally forgot. Maybe i forgot those for a good reason because i thought i didnt have any memories earlier than 11 years old
If it’s was last year then it would be ASC rather than ASD (autism sepctrum *condition* instead of disorder.) because they changed it. Apparently “disorder” has negative connotations. /nm
There were many times when I was asked by someone to be friends.. but then later they told me that them and I were never friends, or that it was a joke. Or some times they'd use it to try get me into trouble, using me as a scapegoat for something they did wrong.
@rock_rock i didn't consider ppl friends until it was publicly announced( which it never is) lol. Sometimes i still struggle with it but like, rather than them, we should ask ourselves if we consider them friends
When I told one of my French teachers that I was autistic, she said “ Oh, you don’t look autistic, I didn’t know.” I was confused, how was I meant to look 😂She also stated that I didn’t “act” like other autistic people she knew, she said that they acted “strange” or “differently”, which I did, but I was good at masking my autism. Great channel, you have really helped me to understand myself more as a person. Thank you!
Regarding point 3...I LOVE socializing. I basically trained myself as a sociologist as a kid, using conversations to test out different ways of saying things and mentally recording reactions. Back then, the goal was to teach myself not to stand out, to be "normal". Nowadays I just like learning things from other people, and trying to make their day better in the process (so many people just want to feel like someone has seen them/listened to them!). I was probably the most loved-by-customers employee at my last retail job because I listened to their unnecessary life stories behind why they needed X product, and remembered their names or things they said when they visited later. But I am still definitely autistic. All of my extroverted socializing is scripted, rehearsed and refined over decades to be something that's just "a dry sense of humor" to neurotypicals. I enjoy social events because I have a plan for nearly every situation. It's when something happens that I haven't accounted for that I get overwhelmed and when that happens, it happens SO fast, like an engine ramping up to speed.
SAME SAME SAME. Also one of my special interests is people and psychoanalysis (and sociological analysis especially!) I can’t actually get much done on my own unless I’m around others. If I don’t have friends (99% of which are also autistic or at least have ADHD), I’m miserable. I don’t relate to #3 at all either
Yes! I have to answer tech support phone calls at work, and I can make internal scripts to keep myself feeling somewhat comfortable, but when they go off where I expect in terms of niceness, I can find myself overwhelmed by emotions - sometimes good emotions when they are particularly kind, and I may even start to tear up, but confusion and frustration when I perceive them to be deliberately rude.
I am an extroverted autistic. I need time to myself but I am unhappy if I don't have some time to socialize. I don't script things unless I am in a conflict or it is very important.
@@DarrenSheaTX I have so much anxiety about calling my health insurance, or even answering my phone. I do the scripting when talking with everyone, but especially with tech support, doctors offices, insurance companies, and I have to sometimes make a physical list of things to make sure I talk to one of my doctors about because it will be running across my brain as part of the daily stock ticker of problems, to do list, round to it list, the avoid it entirely list, things to tell my therapist, things to tell family, reminder to show my bestie "that thing" (usually a funny meme, shirt, video, etc and she in turn sends me random medical symptoms or problems) If I go into my own little world and then pop back out during conversation then I have to make sure I don't say something I questioned in there because it's usually "weird" and on topic of our conversation, but it's hard because they're things I feel I suddenly need the answer for and will just dump my question there and then people would laugh or give me uncomfortable stares or would tease me for saying.
Yeah, it's more of a generalized "these sets of symptoms fit this diagnosis." But you don't need all of them to be diagnosed. But also same. I've always been overly extroverted. Another opposite for me is structure. Most ASD individuals like to have structure, things planned out, things done at specific times, transitions are difficult. Really describes my child. We both have ASD, but I can't stand structure. Really stresses me out having things be too contained. My kid needs it though, so I make sure they have as much as they can get. They get stressed out if things change too much, during transitions, anything out of schedule. A true dichotomy. And so much planning goes into my social interactions. I am almost like a psychic how accurate I've become at predicting how people will react and behave. But I hate structure, and have severe ADHD, so it's all generalize ideas, that I use to adlib my way through everything. I've had to do some work presentations, and one of the higher ups checks out my "script" but was very confused why it was only 10 bullet points. Normally people actually have presentations fully scripted beforehand. I explained I just need the reminders, and use improvisation for the rest. My special interests mostly stem from a single one. I picked it waaaay too long ago, when I was still a toddler. How do things work? All of it. Everything I look at I just want to know more about it. People, ideas, concepts, physics, chemistry, politics, economics, biology, running, military, communications, computers, psychology, dinosaurs, history, music, pain, drama, art, cars, cooking, credit scores... It's just too much to know everything. But it still fits the autism spectrum. Because even though it isn't limited by number, the intensity of interest is way too much.
one example of #9 (struggling to transition between tasks) that i experience a lot..... i listen to music practically 24/7, and if someone sends me a video or a song to listen to, i WILL NOT want to watch/listen until much much later. because i'm already listening to *my* music and i'm not mentally ready to... _not be listening to my music_ 😭 it sounds so dumb when i verbalize it, but it happens to me all the time lol
I have not been diagnosed with anything, so hearing this is kind of making me go "!!!!!", along with other comments on this vid. I do this. Do you also pace your room while you listen to music? Do you listen to a specific part of a song, or do you listen to the whole thing?
@@doublereel-real hard to answer! i really do listen to music almost every second of my life if i can help it lol. so i do a looot of things while listening to music :) i think there are lots of ways for people to enjoy music, so don't let our differences make you doubt the possibility that you have autism. one thing that i have with music that tends to surprise people, is that i can recognize songs almost immediately. the first second of a song will play, and i will be able to tell you exactly what song it is. song title, artist name, sometimes even the album name (given that i have heard the song before). similarly, if you play a song for me, i will always be able to tell very quickly whether or not i have ever heard the song in my life. do you have anything kinda like that? not necessarily with music, but with anything?
same, when i listen to my music and see a video on twitter/x that could interest me i just bookmark it to watch it later when i'm not listening to any music
This video just reaffirmed me more on my suspicion that I might be autistic. It was literally a checklist of things I've struggled with since childhood. I had been afraid of self-diagnosing especially because I have been very anxious towards health my whole life and I'm already afraid of being perceived as "hypochondriac" but I have been reading and watching videos on the subject and I feel that it will explain so much of my very complicated experience as a child, on how I felt so isolated from my peers and why it was always so hard to make and keep friends, why I was bullied for being weird as well as my current issues with work, mental health, socializing...
I remember in primary school when the teacher asked us to stand up and pick a partner. Id always stay seated and waited for someone to come to me. It was sad looking back.
Same, and if everyone seems to already have partners I shamefully went to the teacher and they're the ones to tell the class, and I stand there embarrassed and awkward. The first time I tentatively went around to ask people if they have a partner it was in college 😅
The language one is pretty spot on. I'm hyperlexic, but with verbal speech I tend to have a hard time choosing words at the rate most people like to speak, largely because I'm searching for exact words with the correct connotations. I do much better in one-on-one interactions, or even better at text-based socialization. Noticing sounds is *very* prominent too, which is connected strongly to my synesthesia as well. I have auditory-tactile synesthesia that I didn't realize I had for most of my life, but it means that I often can feel sounds as textures or motion in/on my body, which makes them *even harder* to ignore. But at the same time I can't be completely isolated from my sonic environment, probably because I rely so much on my synesthesia to help recognize what's going on around me.
As a person that has also always struggled with the transition to sleep, listening to something is so helpful. For years before cell phones were a thing, I slept with a radio under my pillow and listened to a lot of late night talk radio 😆
As a kid before iPods, I slept with headphones on regularly but one day my friend got a pillow with a built-in speaker and aux cord and it was the best thing ever! I used it whenever I slept over her house lol
literally same!! as a kid i always had classical fm on the radio to sleep to,, now i have my sleep playlists on Spotify i play literally every night :D (sleep timer>>>)
Re: Stimming, bit of a difficult one to recognize. Some years ago I would've said I don't stim. Before a friend pointed out "I can tell you're upset, you're making your sounds". Gee, great. I apparently do very repetitive "um" sounds when agitated, I never noticed until someone pointed it out. The hand flapping is just a quirk, surely. Just like I never thought I had textures that bother me except a deep hatred for sandpaper. Everything else is just a matter of taste, right? Again, wasn't until I had conversations with friends who jokingly questioned food I don't eat and my instinctive responses always ranged along the lines of "No, that texture is all wrong" or "Those things don't mix because that makes it the wrong kind of sticky" or "I like crunchy, but that's crunchy-squishy, so it's not okay". I never had intense interests or anything. Just... hobbies, y'know. Everyone has those. When as a teen I wrote in-depth essays on the implications of the magical system of role playing game whatever with regard to the in-game pantheon, it was just... hobbies. Just cause I wrote those in class doesn't mean I was obsessed or something. ...It's very easy to dismiss signs when you don't know what you're looking for.
This was a lovely description of what it's like. I have always recognized my autistic leaning traits (i don't have any very obviously anymore, but I have enough that I lean towards saying I'm autistic) but I did the same sort of thing with ADHD. How could I not have connected that me walking away from ongoing chat conversations meant I couldn't focus. Me forgetting my own birthday, me wondering why no one else at work thought it made sense to make things easier to follow, etc etc. Yeah, it's almost a little embarrassing for me, because I knew about adhd, I just didn't make the connection that my daily struggles were the same style of thing.
It's nice that you touched on textures because I also have an aversion to certain textures. My family would cook for me at times and if it's this crunchy squishy kind of texture, I start to gag and dry heave. And it's an uncontrollable reflex when I do it too. I just can't handle how it feels. And then they think im ungrateful for the cooking despite me explaining about my texture issue lol
idk i did think about this for a while but im just chucking it up to me being blind and just sensitive to certain smells or tastes or textures, you know, because my other senses are hightened. Lovely description though.
I have a total body aversion to nail files. Even thinking about them make my skin crawl. My mother was constantly filing her nails when I was a kid (she was very dedicated to making sure they were clean and pretty) and I would have to leave the room whenever she did. I think that’s what started my nail biting habit. I didn’t want my nails to ever get long enough to have to use a file so I’d just bite them off no matter how often I was scolded about it. I’ve actually never put that together until now and only started typing this because what you said about sand paper. That’s a real weird realization to have as an adult
You’re so gentle with your audience and I really appreciate it. You always add that it’s not necessary for an autistic person to not tick all these criteria, and it’s not necessary for a neurotypical person to be all that. I just realised that my entire family on my mother’s side stims (none of us are autistic, though I have a mental illness) but we always snap at each other about it. And I was constantly told off about my voice as a kid! And don’t get me started on not fitting in - I still struggle with it as an adult, as soon as I’m a part of any group there’s someone in that group wanting to bring me down.
"I still struggle with it as an adult, as soon as I’m a part of any group there’s someone in that group wanting to bring me down." - well, that happens to me too, but I don't see it as a sign of autism...why should it be?
Recently discovered your contributions. I am 61yrs old, realised a few years ago likely ADD, now realising also likely ASD, and the most inspiring thing is that you are teaching me, as a MH professional, how to be more understanding of myself and my patients! Of course most of my friends are neurodiverse, so why should I be surprised? Lovely, gentle, self-forgiving/understanding approach that helps "normalise" our lived experience.
I'm officially ADHD, but have some features of autism (definite monotropism, hard time making eye contact, intense special interests, feel overwhelmed in loud or complex environments like parties), and have always had close friends who in retrospect were almost certainly autistic. It's been interesting to try to untangle things, but I guess I'm also trying to accept the gray areas.
Yup! Same! A lot of the shared traits I hit on the list like stimming and being told I talk weird (usually in relation to talking like other adhders), but the less overlapping areas, like ease of socializing I didn't relate to!
Same! A lot of the time the ADHD cancels out autism stuff (primarily special interests) causing imposter syndrome :( All my friends are neurodivergent though, NTs are weird :/
My favourite humans are... ADHD-PI, ADHD-combined & comorbid autism. My friends are... all various forms of ADHD. I don't get along with neurotypicals. Closest to that is someone who lives in a country where they cannot get a dx and are unsure about self-dx.
People can definitely be both! And ultimately, the question is, if you are struggling with some aspect of your life (or your whole freaking life), can you access resources to help your situation? I was diagnosed “ADD” almost 20 years ago. I’m still not officially diagnosed autistic, but I know I am! ❤️
Hey that's why I'm here. What's extra confusing is I ALSO have social anxiety due to being bullied (but it was due to poor impulse control in elementary/early middle school, I was not bullied and fairly well liked by lots of people in high school). What's annoying is on EVERY "autism quotient" or whatnot I've ever taken,I am always in the grey zone between "almost def autistic" and "you're almost definitely not autistic", it's always "you have some traits so maybe" including a psychiatrist administering the test one time, and all of that could possibly be attributed to anxiety or ADHD due to overlapping traits so I still have no idea 🙃🙃🙃
I was first diagnosed with ADHD, and once i had been treating it for some time i started to really notice Autistic traits more. Turns out ADHD is really good at masking Autistic traits so ive kind of lived in this duality that is at odds with itself. Your video is so incredibly validating and i wish i had been able to see something like this years ago,
In my assessment of adhd I was warned my adhd was so dominant that once they figured out managing it that it would give space for other things to bubble up and then they’d look at assessing my other highly probable diagnosis of at least autism (and maybe more)
I thought I had ADHD since my mom had it but I’ve been beginning to really question everything by which I mean ever video I see of autism I cant relate to the symptoms and I really don’t want to self diagnose and I dont know what to do because my parents don’t believe me and keep neglecting what I tell them
Just keep being your lovely, neurodivergent self. Wear your weirdness as a badge of honor. Normal looks really boring but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been. As a teacher I could rarely eat with the teachers because I found them mean. At one of my jobs, the dean of students titled me the “queen of the outliers club” Many of the wonderfully quirky students would attach themselves to me. Don’t worry if your parents don’t believe you. You’ll find your way if you hold onto hope. In my life, that hope is Jesus. He’s my best friend Who never leaves me. He made me this way for a reason and I was a great special education teacher because of it.
During my first couple psychological consultations, I got a lot of "Hmmm...are you SURE you want to go through with this? You appear to me to be handling everything well. It may not be necessary to go through this." "I speak normally." Yes, because I've had a lot of practice mimicking people. I'm also pretty good at accents. "I have friends." Yes, because I work hard to be a genuinely good, kind, caring person. People tend to like that. "I have a job, drive a car, buy groceries, cook, clean, etc." Yes, because I have to in order to survive. It also takes almost literally ALL of my energy. "This car looks and feels like a solid, reliable machine that will last forever." Really? Because a lot of people who bought a German luxury car within the past three decades would beg to differ. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, the possibility is very real that it's just a life-sized toy duck that can walk and quack. That doesn't mean it can fly or swim. I hope neurology and psychology learn to progress with social understanding of neurodiversity writ large.
@user-vh4oo9nm8k I was diagnosed in Europe, and all I can say from my perspectivr: nothing happens, you choose where you want to reveal this diagnosis. This information is not automatically shared with your employer, you choose whether you want to reveal a disability and most people don't even notice it. If you're from the US, I can't say anything as I never lived there, but I'd be surprised if that was shared without your consent.
Im diagnosd, I would only do it if you are under 15y. Otherwise dont. It can work against you as an adult and spend a lot of money to prove you are in capable of doing things@@Alex-d3l9b
@user-vh4oo9nm8k I'm not diagnosed, im currently on the waiting list. But something I've found with the nurotipicals around me is that they seem to think getting a diagnosis means you gain autism not that you already had autism so you seek the diagnosis. they talk you out of it because they don't understand the turmoil of being non-diagnosed That's just my experience of it though.
I am not officially diagnosed Autistic, I was actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Recently I've definitely been questioning this diagnosis specifically because I finally moved in with someone besides my family, and am realizing how truly difficult communication and social interactions are for me. I'm currently only on the first one, how making friends comes easily to others, and I find myself sitting here just thinking "What is that like?" LOL I think back to my childhood a lot lately because honestly, I can't really remember if I exhibited Autistic behaviors as a child, but this first one you mentioned jogged my memory back to when I met my childhood friend at the age of 7. We were at recess and while all the kids ran around playing on the playground, I was sitting on the bench by myself. My friend walked up to me asking if I was "benched", as that was the term we used when we got into trouble in class and had to miss our recess time. She came and sat with me and did all the talking and that was the beginning of our 21+ years long friendship. She still does all the talking, and honestly, it's a relief. LOL
Oh Lord, your anecdote from the social interactions part. My mom keeps telling me this about my entire time up to when I was in elementary school. Whenever neighbor kids and friends from school were over to play I would play with them for a bit, but at some point I would literally either tell them 'You can go now.' or I would just split from the playing group and do something on my own completely ignoring the others. My mom would tell me she'd come to my room where 2-3 kids were playing some game or the other with each other and I would be in another corner self-absorded doing a puzzle or looking at my favorite book completely blending the others out. I always had friends, mind. And while most people would find me slightly dorky or weird I would always find people who'd like me too. But I'd just eventually tune out, literally. Bless my friends btw. for staying my friends regardless.
as an adult, i've learned that i like spending time with 2 people at a time instead of just 1. that way, when i don't feel like speaking, i can just keep quiet to myself, and they can talk between themselves and have a good time still. it's been a good middle ground for me to prevent people from thinking i'm being rude! any more than 2 though and i start to freak out lol
@@queen-lilyorjiako268 you can leave whenever you want. there is a procedure, yes, and it exists to soothe people's inner anxieties about why you abruptly whisked them away ("do they not like me? did i do something wrong?"). i think neurotypical people will usually make up an excuse that isn't true, like "well, i have a huge exam tomorrow, so i need to start studying. but i'll see you later!" and i've done that on occasion too. but you can also just be honest. "ok, my social battery is pretty much dead, i gotta go. i had fun! bye!" i do that all the time edit: if your reasoning is "i'm bored, i'm going to leave now" then i wouldn't say that out loud, namely because it will make the other person feel really bad about themselves. i mean, unless you want them to feel bad... which i guess some people do want sometimes
Ahhh, enjoyed this immensely. Diagnosed at age 57. Focus on current skills and desired skills; spend least time regretting limitations; spend most time on having fun, enjoying life and learning. Thank you for being you.
As usual I have all of these. It's always a bit sad to realize at an adult age you have been mistreated your whole life because of something out of your control
I can't tell whether I'm autistic, I have ADHD or social anxiety, but I'm too socially anxious to go get therapy and a diagnosis, so I'll just keep spending every night forming imaginary conversations about my deepest emotions and inner thoughts and then end up on RUclips trying to stop myself from overthinking and then end up so distracted that I wake up sleep deprived after 3 hours once again.
😭 oh my god i relate too hard. after realizing my difficulties weren’t typical, it took me 5 years to get the courage to make a therapy appointment. i used the website Mental Health Match, and almost a year later, i’m still with the first therapist i met. i’ve been diagnosed with a few mental illnesses, but i’m too scared to get assessed for ADHD and Autism, because i’m really afraid of diagnosis(es) being used against me. so i’m still watching tons of youtube about CPTSD, ADHD, and Autism to figure out how to accommodate myself without a diagnosis.
one thing that has helped me SO much has been journalling (in a locked note on my phone, so it will never be seen by others). i get super tangled in my thoughts, so writing it down, or expressing it through a creative hobby, has kept me stable when i had no one to talk to about my struggles. (and still, because i only have therapy once a week and i have no friends). i’m really interested in somatic therapies lately because i also notice that movement like walking, dancing alone, swimming, yoga, all help me regulate and process life better. (i can’t run or do other high intensity movement, it’s too overstimulating for me)
sorry for spamming, i just want to clarify i’m not trying to give you unsolicited advice. i’m just relating so hard with your comment and i wanted to share how i’m learning to accommodate myself without a formal diagnosis. it’s tough to feel like i’m “in-between” and experiencing parts of several non-typical, stigmatized conditions. it feels so invisible and isolating, and i’m so excited when i hear someone’s experience where i can relate so much
@@emmelinesprig489you're over-thinking it (getting diagnosed, explaining things here, and thinking you're spamming). Relax (as hard as that may be). It's all ok. 😁
I feel like I can't really say that I was bullied as a child, not because I wasn't, but because genuinely didn't know it was considered bullying at the time. Adults only ever talked about bullying in reference to getting shoved around or hurt by another student so I assumed ONLY stuff like that was bullying. I didn't think being called things like 'weird' or 'fat' by others was bullying cause like...yeah? I am kinda weird compared to others and I am fat. To me, it was just another kid looking at me and stating the obvious so I'd just agree with them and they were usually so perplexed by that response that they just stopped trying. My response to people trying to be mean was always just '...? Okay?' Because logically, it didn't make sense for them to be rude to me given I haven't done anything to them, so I didn't take it as rudeness.
relate to this haha lol i got called 'china' all of the several years i was at a specific school and now in *hindsight* I realise that was bullying at the time i was like- weird way to refer to someone, but yes, you aren't wrong.
I had a similar experience. I was annoyed and confused when I was younger but didn't think of it as bullying... Then fast forward to being in my 20's telling stories and see how people react and realizing "oh, ok, those memories are so fresh because they were bullying me but I didn't understand how/why at the time"
My private school friends used to tell me about how fat my mom was, actually everyone would say that, “oh your mom is so fat” or “omg your dad is fat” and I’m pretty sure that was some hint that I was fat too😂 it sure made me insecure for the rest of my life
Came down to the comments to see if anyone else mentioned this! I remember some kids being like "oh no you're a ginger you're gonna steal our souls" but my autistic ass just went "oh, I guess we are doing a bit or something" so I just said something like "haha yeah look out! I will steal your souls!" since I had heard about the whole redheads steal souls thing and just didn't realize all of the bad implications. Pretty sure those kids were just weirded out, they didn't talk to me again. Besides that I have no idea if people ever tried to bully me, I would assume yes honestly.
I think I am undiagnosed as well, I'm black so when I was a kid I had gotten beatings for stimming during class. I used to make animal noises and move around a lot and repeat songs that I heard. I was seen as being a class disruption and was regularly beat for it by my parents because they never tested me for being autistic. I was also very smart for my age as well, and I remember no matter where I went I was always bullied by students AND teachers. I never fit in I only remember having like 2 friends in elementary. By the time I got to 5th grade I was always masking because I was tired of being bullied for not fitting in. Now I unconsciously mask, it helped but I was still bullied but not as badly. When you're a black person who's autistic people tend to not care or not believe you and just think your being rude or disrespectful 😂
I REALLY like the different perspective of listing criteria that imply you may NOT be austistic. It makes it a hell of a lot easier for people to translate the information into their daily activities (which they might otherwise take for granted) I also like how you successfully use little examples of each point, how you fidget, when; when you have an "interest" in something as opposed to feeling frustrated when interrupted doing it, etc, etc. In recent years, I have begun to challenge whether some of my ADHD symptoms might actually be from Autism instead, and that they were being masked by my better understanding of the former over the latter. The more I learn, the more that thought becomes validated. I'm the kind of person who needs to see his demons, so I don't have the option of denial like most people do. So, the more I learn about my demons, the less scary they appear to me. Thanks. Well done.
This is so much my own story, too. For all these years, there were so many things I'm not learning are very autsm traits that I'd just sort of shoved into my ADHD, cos that was what I had.
@@shoepixie - Yup, I had suspected I might be just a little Autistic, but had always presumed they were indirect symptoms of my ADHD, so I only recently dug deeper into it.
I found someone talking about their autism in 2020 which made me think that I was as well. I relate to this video so deeply. Since I am undiagnosed, I often find that I gaslight myself into thinking that I am making it up. But the more I come across other Autistic peoples experiences I realize that I am more than likely Autistic too. My childhood makes so much sense to me now. The little things that annoyed my mom so much were autistic traits I was showing. I have been masking around people for so long since then. Thank you so much for this.
This is exactly me, down to things annoying my mom (and my father who might be autistic too annoying her in the same way). I take tests online hoping they'll say I have no sign of autism but that doesn't happen. I have a psychologist but I don't want to talk about this with her because she already told me I don't have it in her opinion. And I don't know any diagnosed high functioning autistic people since where I live basically nobody gets a diagnosis. I hoped this video would rule it out, but rather it just adds more things to think about... I hope I'll get some clarity in the future because I feel like I'm going mad
@@connaeris8230 Honestly, if it's on your mind to this extent, then there is probably something to it and you should trust your own feelings on the matter (especially if diagnosis is inaccessible, as it also is where I live). And online tests are a good indication, and imo could even be more informative than clinical diagnosis since that depends so much on the clinician, who may be biased, old-fashioned, dismissive, or simply wrong, and does not know you better than you know yourself. The psychologist could also be wrong, unfortunately we live in a world which values credentials more than judgement and intuition, and the official definitions of these terms are constantly in flux.
As someone who was diagnosed with autism early on in my life, even now it surprises me how many of these traits I can relate to. It’s really reassuring to know that many of the the ‘quirks’ I grew up with that no one around me could understand are shared in some ways with many other people. Really goes to show no one is truly alone, even if it feels like it. Someone, somewhere, can probably relate.
Thanks for the video. I'm self diagnosed and struggling with imposter syndrome but this video is a comfort. I have always been a foreigner in the countries I've lived in, and so my otherness totally slipped through the cracks. My monotone, choppy voice was always blamed on my accent. Hence now I'm 40 and just realizing I'm on the spectrum. Again, thanks for the lovely videos. You have such a good vibe.
Really really great video that helped me see “I absolutely am autistic”. I guess I just hope it’s not used against people who mask. “But your hobbies aren’t that intense” or “you don’t have problems transitioning”…. No, that’s because I don’t let you know how intense my hobby is or I don’t let you know how hard I find it to transition… that’s masking! Thanks for raising awareness, you explain things really well ❤
Yes! That's me and social interactions. Limited social interactions are easy for me because I specifically developed scripts from a young age and carefully monitored and researched how each script worked. Spent hours mimicking TV characters to adapt their phrases and inflections. It's just...absolutely exhausting. Once I'm out of social energy, I completely shut down and can no longer cope and have to leave immediately. Yay maskingggggg.
I love videos like this-I’m still pretty new to knowing I’m autistic, and I keep learning new things that are linked to my autism that I thought was just me being weird. There’s a bit of comfort in that, like I don’t have to be so hard on myself
Thank you for making this! I’ve been having a hard time understanding my autism evaluation results being that I don’t have autism and that my symptoms are more attributable to trauma. I knew I had C-PTSD but I didn’t realize it could mimic traits of autism. Now I can more clearly see the differences between the two and rest a little more assured that I fit more with PTSD than autism, although I’m not 100% there yet. I think a key thing to note about autism is that the traits are there from early childhood. My symptoms now I believe are very similar to the autistic experience, like having sensory sensitivities, having non-speaking episodes, trouble with eye contact, social issues, flat affect, shutdowns, obsessions, etc. but most of my symptoms started/got noticeable in my teens after I had experienced years of abuse. Trauma is so powerful in terms of what it can do to the brain and I don’t think anyone fully understands it yet but yeah just wanted to give my input that if your symptoms/traits don’t start in childhood that *might* be an indicator that it’s not autism but something else.
It gets really confusing when you are autistic and suffer from cptsd rooted in early childhood trauma. Many autistic people do suffer from cptsd simply because of the isolation and “othering” they’ve experienced all of their lives. And then there are the many autistic people who end up with ptsd after suffering an acute traumatic experience, that an allistic person would have been less likely to encounter, having the ability to recognize certain social dangers and avoid them.
Reading books on cptsd is very helpful. Body keeps score I think is called ... EMDR is a great tool as well. I think they make workbooks for cptsd too. Stay well ❤ take care. 🙏
Of all the video's of yours I've watched. This one truly hits home. I have life ruining autism. I have no friends or a love interest. I have a job I hate. It gets in the way of the things that matter to me. I have no social skills and I don't want to be around people. I'm happy and content when I'm home by myself involved with my hobbies. It's the only thing that matters to me. With that said, I would give anything to be normal.
I've always been told I was autistic, I never believed it even when I got diagnosed, I guess I was in denial about it because I knew people with autism are bullied and I didn't want to be bullied more then I already was, but now that I'm learning and understanding it more, it's so refreshing to know that I'm not just some weird, fucked-up-in-the-head kid, I'm just a bit neuro-spicy ✨
Funny because I’ve wondered about the “border” between being autistic and “introverted” as well but from the latter perspective. It took me a while to realize multiple of my friends were autistic as I also have struggled fitting in, felt uncomfortable with eye-contact etc. yet lacked other, very prominent autistic traits. “Autistic traits are human traits” is pretty spot-on.
@@Dovahkiin0117 i talked about introverts and autistics that are différents from each other I had a couple of autistic friends which are way more social then "Normal people'' What's U talking about are the autistics which the lateness of social skills made theme unsocial
@@danielbenavi7197 the inverse is also true. ASD can develop traits that make socialising harder. So can introversion and a number of other personality traits. In the same vein, being introverted can lead someone to have behaviours which are also associated with ASD. People on the spectrum can also be very social. I’m autistic but have always been very social, and pretty good at socialising, which led to having a late diagnosis.
@danielbenavi7197 yeah, I’ve known people on the spectrum that were extremely prone to socializing, and the tricky part for me was that they sometimes wanted to do stuff for many hours, whereas I’ve always been good for 2 or maybe 3 hours tops, and then it’s time for a long break. It seems plausible - while sensory avoiding gets focused on more, I’ve met autistic kids who are sensory seeking. Desire to socialize may work the same, and anyway, a great many of us have a desire to socialize, and the problem is we’re not good at it. I sometimes wish I was truly happy being a hermit, because I’ve largely become one now, and I wish it felt right all the way around. It sucks wanting something that I have such trouble with. Socializing stresses me out but I still wish for it. Neurotypical people have a variety of personality types, and it wouldn’t make sense to suppose that neurodivergent people don’t as well.
Me watching this after getting an official diagnosis in October:”Oh no, what if it was wrong?!”, while ignoring my preschool signs and reports, social difficulties over 2,5 decades and sensory hellscape 😂.
I was only diagnosed with it when I was 18 and my work says I don't come across as an autistic person😅 (I'm turning 23 this year) My current work is a workshop for disabled people 😅
7:31 (Not diagnosed, but im pretty sure im autistic so keep that in mind) I fall into this category and its the biggest reason i doubted i was autistic. I was so extremely extroverted i made a large amount of friends everywhere i went. I talked a lot, did a lot of faces and movements that people found funny. I didnt always understand why people thought i was funny, entertaining or sassy because to me thats just how i was. I wasnt trying to say anything funny or be weird or eccentric i just was, and it happened to be in a way that pulled people towards me vs alienated me. I never used to think i was bullied because i would laugh with them or just continue the 'conversation' in friendly spirits. I did however did have a nemesis that i realized later was just a bully. The difference was i didnt like her either (which was unusual for me, i really did befriend ANYONE) so i was mean right back to her, so i didnt think of it as bullying vs an everyday beef i would have. My social struggles come in a bit differently. I had so many friends but i rarely had close friends. I have a scale in my head (like a set of stairs) of the milestones you get to signify how close of friends you are and ive only ever had two people outside of my mom and sister that actually got past what i would call 'friend stage' and into 'genuine connection stage'. The stage includes sharing your thoughts, depending on the other person, valuing them in your life more permanently vs something like a school friend or a work friend where you might just hang out and enjoy the day to day. Also almost everyone who gravitates towards me is queer and neurodivergent in some way, so its also importsnt to think about why your friends are your friends cause chances are theres a reason 8:37 yeah also i am a socially/people focused person. Connection is very interesting to me like science wise and how that affects your social life
I think my combination is autism and ADHD just means my most consistent special interest is sucking up as much information about a random topic as possible. Wikipedia was the coolest thing I'd ever seen because I could just keep going on whatever train of thought caught my interest.
I love and hate how I'll get on Wikipedia (my favorite website) and in 10 minutes be reading about something utterly unrelated to what brought me there.
I just got diagnosed as autistic this week at the age of 37 (but I knew it before going to the test, so it was just a comfirmation). This video was so good, I was commenting to myself all the time like "that is so true" and "yeah, I do that too, I understand".
Primary school was literal hell on earth for me. All the things you talked about in your video ring true with me. I was so outgoing when I went in on my first day, my parents said I skipped into school - and at the end of the day they said I had my head slumped down as I walked to their car. I’m actually an extrovert at heart - it just felt like everyone was against me - even adults disliked me - I don’t know why. I never ever got into trouble, I completed my work on time, I contributed during lessons. I did literally begin to go mad with the isolation, started losing my hair. Some days I didn’t speak a single word from 8.30am until school got out at 3.30pm - because no one would talk to me. People made fun of the way I spoke, called me posh. I could go on but I won’t. What you were speaking about regarding other people’s impression of me not knowing I was autistic (diagnosed age 11, still relatively early for a girl to be diagnosed in the noughties) - I remember the faces of children but mostly of adults, their disapproval and judgement. That never ever leaves me.
This was very emotional to read for me, as i had the exact same experience. I used to be such a happy and outgoing kid, talking to every stranger i met. Until the first day of school, i dont remember what happened, but i completely shut down...for the rest of my life basicly. I never really fit in, barely talked to other children and was always daydreamimg from that point on. I find it hard to understand if this means i am actually extroverted, after living such an introverted life and still really need to be alone a lot. Although i now recognize that having a rare deep conection with people can make me feel the extrovert i once was. I also always had the feeling that, especially the teachers, were against me. As if i did something wrong and they seem to like the "normal" kids more. Anyways, i still dont know if its all so black and white, and how the emotional damage in our childhood contributes to this. I hope youre doing ok now.
I'm a mental health counselor and have this type of conversation with a LOT of clients. Love seeing a video about it. Amazing how trauma, gender dysphoria, ADHD, social phobia, and more! all have overlapping traits. The point about human traits is a MUST for understanding the difference between these things and why snippet diagnosis videos are both good and bad.
.... and when will the apparent be registered in the intellectualising part of psychology: there is something going on and just focusing on boxing in traits is only leading to new names for more boxes, but not explaining the phenomenon. If we would inquire into that, the so called neurodivergent would understand themselves better AND not get obsessed with being special. I'm happy to explain further.
@@annelbeab8124No thanks. If you think the only or primary reason for someone to create/use things like these labels/diagnoses/etc, which have helped so many people, is just to feel special, that says way more about you than them. They also very much do explain the phenomenon and that's why so many people are relieved by them. I wonder if you think the same about pride month and similar things..
A lot of the stuff you mentioned is extremely co-morbid. Lots of autistic folks with ADHD, and finding autistic people who aren't traumatized is basically impossible. Not to mention the fact that autistic people are more likely to be LGBTQ+ (although in my opinion the split is the same in NTs, autistics are just less likely to be cowards lmao). It's definitely good to be able to spot the differences though so we're not just sorting everyone into the same unhelpful box.
@@tastyhaze2058 you're absolutely right and it's why explanations of when they do and don't overlap are so important. And ideally why talking to someone who really knows their stuff for an accurate diagnosis is critical to just helping someone understand what's going on. I know there's obvious pros and cons to diagnosis and the medical system, for real.
@@annelbeab8124 we're not obsessed with "being special." That's a misinterpretation on your part; I don't feel special for having had so many issues with socialising or not feeling like Hell while trying to hold down jobs. For a lot of us, this level of analysis is going to be part of trying to understand ourselves; it's not your place to tell us we're going about understanding ourselves wrongly.
The way you describe the feelings is absolutely a description of how I feel...moving from one task to another is ripping me away, painful, and yes, trying to be on time for something requires that I lose a lot more time in "preparations" getting myself mentally prepared so I don't have the hangover. One "event" or appointment can drain me because it takes way longer to make sure I am ready, leave on time and am not so into the flow that I will totally blow off my alarm that I set to make sure I get there. Mental hangover is a great term...so the half hour haircut with a 15 minute drive to get there takes me 3 hours to manage...way more of those "spoons" than a muggle would use...not counting the fact that I must "socialize" and listen to small talk chit chat with the hairdresser while getting it done...also draining. Yes, this all confirms my self diagnosis. Some great descriptions of how it feels inside here.
For a long time I've blamed my inability to rip myself away from something interesting when it's time to do something else on ADHD, but now that I've started ADHD meds (albeit weak ones) and this aspect remains unchanged while others are improving, I've been getting quite frustrated. One of the key improvements I was hoping for was to stop being late for everything all the time, but I find myself still unable to pull away from something interesting until I'm already late, or it's so far past the bedtime I had planned that I can barely get 3-4 hours of sleep before my alarm rings. Autism sounded pretty relatable from as soon as I found out about it, and I've had a couple of therapists ask pointed questions in that direction (plus an emotional support chatbot randomly diagnosing me based on the info I had fed it 😂), but I've never particularly cared whether autism was included in the mix of neurological peculiarities and defects that was giving me trouble. Pretty much everything that could be ascribed to autism could also be ascribed to the combination of ADHD, social anxiety and OCD, each cripplingly severe on its own and completely untreated for nearly 30 years, plus plain old introversion. But maybe after I'm on all the meds I need, there'll be a set of remaining symptoms that match autism. I hadnt really thought about that until now.
same here, I struggle a lot getting ready and being on time. Also where I live diagnosis are really expensive, I can't even afford therapy so it's easy to say "go get a Diagnose" from privilege. And after all what will I do with it? Hang it on the wall? put it on my resume?
I'm not diagnosed as autistic, but the RUclips algorithm keeps showing me " you might be autistic if you do this" videos where they basically describe me.
@@Treeman3 now it almost certainly is that I've watched some, but I was just happily watching Minecraft videos when RUclips decided to stop trying to get me into competitive tag and was suddenly like: Dude, you're autistic. Sorry you had to find out this way.
@@laikapupkino1767ah yes the notorious Symptoms Syndrome. “I’m not diagnosed with anything but it sure is SOMETHING!” That was what me and a partner used to call whatever was going on with him, that I thought only a doctor could sus out
@@Aggrobiscuit Texas sharpshooter -fallacy, I believe it's called. Or 'count the hits, not the misses'. Some people are more prone to it than others. For what it counts, I believe the imposter syndrome to be more prevalent than false positives.
Beautiful video, love it. 9 out of 9 times -- yes, I'm autistic. 75 years old female, Germany. 1. Big talents, hardly any success. Disproportional. 2. Always out of groups, outsider against my will. 3. In every group there was at least one person who hated me even before the very first interaction 4. "You have such a funny way of talking" -- my classmate (8 ys) explained that I had an odd way of using past tense: Not in a colloquial, but in a strange, outdated way (I read a lot, also classics). 5. Spinning a thread of my hair until it had to be cut free when I was about 4. And putting pressure on my closed eyes because then I could see these exiting colors. I loved to have fever, same reason. 6. I am a hearer of the Hum (Taos Hum); I notice details nobody cares about. 7. I have written the same novel for 40 years, changing it a few times. 8. Cannot leave an unfinished task behind. Impossible. And my head keeps repeating songs I rehearse on my ukulele. 9. Moving to another living place makes me sick -- literarily. Commuting between bed and bathroom. Anxiety, rebellion against a move even if I thought I was happy to move in with my boyfriend.
This actually brings up something I have thought about so much, second point, I have been constantly excluded and ostracised, but never bullied. Many people have said they didn't realise it was bullying, and I've wondered if that was the case for me, but I just keep coming back to how othered I felt, and how much I thought everyone hated me, and yet was never bullied. It continues to confuse me, especially since I would have been a pretty easy target, apart from probably not realising people were insulting me, which has happened.
Being othered* I think does count as a type of bullying, but actually not reacting to peoples insults can be a really good defense against being directly targetted. If people dont get a rise out of you they're less likely to latch onto being mean
@@Brooke_Corbyn good point, but it really does depend on the bullies. sometimes they're more likely to leave you alone, but also sometimes they're being needlessly cruel and will insult you and pick on you more for not being able to pick up on the insult, haven't experienced that firsthand yet but have heard many stories about that happening.
That’s based on their parents being a certain way and bringing up their kids to be a certain way. I was raised to be polite and nice to everyone even if I didn’t like them. This was well ingrained by the time I could form memories. Bullying is actually an acquired ability, and a cultural practice. Some people might develop it naturally if not taught to be kind, others learn it from seeing it happen to others or themselves. Being ostracized can be on purpose and bullying but also it can be kids not knowing how to relate to you but knowing how to relate to each other, which makes a reinforcement cycle of exclusion. Only you can probably know which it was which time and only if you know about their lives.
This video helped me realise how much wearing my face mask actually helps me process things. I normally wear a mask to school, aka where most of my socialising takes place. By wearing a mask, I don't have to worry about my expressions and I can focus more on people. But the downside to wearing it is that I get picked on a lot. I think it's worth the price though. "But what about when I'm not wearing a mask?" yeah uh whenever I socialise without my face mask things get so much that I just stop processing my surroundings. It kinda feels like I'm going blind every other second with how much I struggle to process everything around me. Idk whether I am autistic or neurodiverse at all, but this video helped in a way regardless. Those kids at school can suck it up because I'm going to be wearing that mask a whole lot more now. Thank you haha
I obviously can't say for sure, but I'm pretty confident I'm autistic at this point and that's been about my experience wearing masks. I'm 29 so not in school anymore but I always put one on to go grocery shopping and it does help! I have a lot of vocal/mouth stims I'm covering up. I'm a lot more confident when I wear one. If a specific kind of sensory input is basically required for your emotional regulation (ie you get stressed out if you feel like you can't do it or have to hide it), that's a BIG autistic thing right there. If that's the case, it sounds like you might be autistic. Certainly worth looking into 😊
And I'm the opposite. It really highlighted my auditory processing issues and how I'm reliant on lip reading (my hearing is good.) Just how my coping mechanisms are instinctive.
I got my diagnosis at the age of 52, and it explained _so much_ . The fact that I was in my 20s when I started understanding how to make friends... but it took me another decade to learn how to _keep_ them. I still don't have many people that I consider real friends, and I don't have much of a social life IRL. Basically, I've spent most of my life trying to learn how to mask, without realising that it was what I was doing, and eventually got burned out. I am hyperlexic and have an above-average IQ, but never managed to get a higher education because ✨executive dysfunction✨. I once read a comment by (it must be assumed) a neurotypical person on the topic of autistic masking. They were saying that people are too wrapped up in their own lives and masking was unnecessary because other people actually don't pay much attention and wouldn't even notice other people's little flaws... They obviously didn't understand it at all. When a NT person puts on an act in front of others, it's too appear smarter and cooler than they are, so they can be a bit more popular. When autistic people mask, it's so they can fly under the radar and _not stand out_ . Because standing out and being noticed in 99% of the cases means being bullied and/or ostracised. And even when you put huge efforts into masking, people still notice. Because what we are masking aren't "flaws", but our otherness, those subtle or not so subtle differences that make people weirded out even when they can't put their finger on why. I'm like you in that I find rigid routines stifling and they make me feel trapped and anxious. But I still like to do things my own way, the same way, every time. Just not on schedule, hahaha. The one thing I'm still struggling to figure out is stimming. I've never done that in any "obviously autistic" way (no flapping or rocking etc). But I do and have done some other things that could be stimming, I just don't know if they are. Like sucking my thumb way past childhood (and I really do mean _way_ past childhood).
I agree with most of your post, except the part where you state that 99% of cases standing out leads to being ostracised or bullied. This might even be true in middle school (it certainly was for me), but once confidence and self-esteem are at sufficiently high levels, together with being physically imposing, I can state with some measure of certainty that this no longer is the case. To go more into detail, I specifically ENJOY standing out when I'm feeling extroverted (I'm an ambivert) because I've embraced my otherness decades ago (I'm 37) and am in many ways proud of it. This has directly led to my high school experience being fairly enjoyable (especially compared to the Hell that was middle school), even though I was as strange as ever, but I carried that weirdness with confidence and it mostly resulted in my people finding me interesting, engaging, and even a fair few girls finding me attractive (not that I realized this until years later). Granted, I will say that there still were a few that got rubbed the wrong way by my unusual opinions/mannerisms/likes/etc every now and then, but I became adept at quickly shutting them down before a social chain reaction could occur. I will note that since this was far more likely to come from other guys and because nearly all IRL male interactions during and past puberty are in some way underlined by an implicit understanding of the violence other men can do unto you if push comes to shove (and the impact this perception has on pecking order), it very much did help that I was larger and stronger than the vast majority of my peers and this meant that I only had to raise my voice or posture my body in a certain way to intimidate most into backing off, if verbal arguments didn't do the trick (I preferred verbal arguments, but some habitual delinquents just refused to leave me be, so I had to force them to do so). This maybe happened 5% of the time, which is a far cry from the 99% you've postulated (granted, it was far higher of a percentage in middle school). Furthermore, I don't mask because I want to hide myself, at least not since middle school. These days, it is simply a side effect of the skills I've studied for a very long time in order to intentionally be better at social interactions - it's basically a part of my perfectionism that I've internalized so much so as to be second nature, making it seem like I'm naturally gifted at socializing when, in reality, it's the exact opposite. All that said, I am Romanian and culture might play a larger role here than is usually assumed. Plus, your comment said nothing about context regarding that 99%, so I don't know if you meant it as a blanket statement for life in general (which was my assumption when I started this comment), the entirety of one's mandatory schooling, or if it was supposed to apply to relatively early social interactions in middle school (case in which I would agree with you, as it takes us time to learn the skills and gain the reputation necessary to prevent these issues). Regardless, I hope you have a pleasant evening. Tootles!
@@DarkVeghettafor most people with autism, standing out/otherness illicits correction from adults which makes it fundamentally improbable to develop good self esteem.
I really appreciate your mention of the level of effort required and how long it takes to develop those skills. Many diagnoses of adults, from anecdotal research, include people who have been just a little faster than others of the same diagnosis in accommodating their own issues, at identifying and problem solving. But that doesn’t mean that it takes any less effort to follow through with those strategies. It isn’t a matter of whether you can swim or not. It is how hard you have to swim and how many obstacles you encounter to get to the same point.
Have an adhd diagnosis but love watching your videos because there’s lots of relatability. I’m no longer in school but when you mentioned the music in ear buds, vs the spontaneous noises in “silence” resonated with me from back then. However I tend to be a chameleon with friends words that they say. I adapt their vocabulary and feel like they’re not really my own words or mannerisms. Motivating myself to clean is nearly impossible. Music was my favorite in school but childhood life caused me to stay in survival mode and walking on eggshells. I love having friends, socializing with my peers I know. But it’s impossible to make friends. I’m so anxious and lots of awkward silence of what do I even do or say? I hate the silence with strangers. I need people to tell me if they’re wanting to come over. I am disorganized because of distractions and mental fatigue. But I am more anxious of a slight mess. Trips need a strict plan but my husband is a last min person who doesn’t mind spontaneous activities which I loathe. He can socialize so much easier while I’m clenching my teeth in social settings EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO SOCIALIZE. I enjoy people once that initial… few meets, happen and we are comfortable but people typically don’t want to meet again because it is hard for my brain to just enjoy meeting them and be present. Why is it hard living haha
This really helped to soothe my imposter syndrome. It had gotten pretty bad in recent months. I guess I hadn't realized just how bad the imposter syndrome had gotten until I watched this video. I had begun to be in denial that I could actually have autism. To the point I had convinced myself that I somehow made it all up. However, after watching this video, I am at ease. Everything you talked about were things that I fell steeply on the autistic side of. Everything just clicks again. Makes sense. How did I begin doubting myself again? I don't know, but here I am. I'm glad I came to watch this video. It was a tremendous weight off my shoulders. Thank you.
Imposter syndrome suggests that being autistic is a desirable trait. It's not, it's a struggle and a challenge. If you feel like this, you might be LARPing because it's now considered "cool" in certain circles. Either you have an autism diagnosis by a professional or you don't. Having or not having "imposter syndrome" is completely irrelevant.
@holyX You do realize that not having a diagnosis does not mean you don't have it right? You do know some people can't afford to seek a diagnosis right? I may be misunderstanding the word imposter syndrome by its normal definition, but I hear many people use it the way including the person who's video this is a comment on. I don't think there is an actual diagnostic term for that feeling for those of us suffering from it, so I think we adopted it as it is the phrase that best describes how it feels. Even though you have proof in front of you that you do belong in the autistic community, you still sometimes feel like you're a fraud and you made it all up. People who are diagnosed experience this too. What would you say to them then? "You must not really be autistic." How about you stay in your own lane and stop trying to gatekeep a disorder like you have a medical license which I'm sure you don't. Thank you.
@@WolfieZaps He has a point in that it’s a very popular thing nowadays to claim that you’re autistic. Kids think it’s ‘cool’ nowadays, and I’ve seen waaay more young people claiming to be ‘neurodivergent’ than ones claiming to just be normal. It’s quite unreasonable to think that every kid nowadays who self-diagnoses themselves with X condition actually has it, especially when it’s trendy. Some things absolutely should be gatekeeped, and things that can be legally considered ‘disabilities’ and thus eligible for special protection and treatment are certainly one of those things. Why would you want a bunch of fakers in your ‘community’ anyway? I thought it was all about finding people genuinely similar to you, not finding people who are just pretending to be like you in order to be ‘cool’. What’s wrong with gatekeeping? For people who are often said to have the tendency to be ‘black and white’ thinkers, you people sure do seem to go out of your way to embrace the grey areas more than the general population. Maybe I’m just too ‘autistic’ to understand...Not that I’m going to claim 100% that I am, as I’ve never been diagnosed and realize that it’s an empty claim among the endless droves of people claiming it nowadays. But I do have practically all of the traits that y’all consider ‘autism’ nowadays, so by your no-gatekeeping standards, I’m one of you. I’ve often found that my ‘neurodivergent’ thinking is a bit too ‘divergent’ from your ‘community’ to be a part of it, though. Anyway, even convincing a doctor to tell you that you have something doesn’t exactly prove it either. So many things have been over-diagnosed over the years. Back in my day, it was ADD, and almost every kid was given Ritalin like it was candy, even if they very clearly didn’t need it.10 years ago, I went to college with someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers, and now you guys claim that the condition doesn’t exist. Now it’s just seen as a ‘spectrum’ of the exact same as the kid I knew in elementary with autism who had drastically different symptoms, which I personally find very hard to believe. Who’s to say that we’re actually right in the current year either? 10 years ago, you would have thought it totally legitimate when my college roommate said she had Aspergers, but now it’s ‘problematic’ to say that word and differentiate my college roommate who got better grades than I did in Japanese from the non-verbal kid I knew in elementary. In another 10 years, who knows the ways in which we’ll be scoffing at today’s beliefs. Psychology is not a hard science and has always been largely political.
@@WolfieZaps I think I will be in whichever lane I want (in the boundaries of free speech of course). It wasn't an attempt at gatekeeping, it's my opinion and criticism on many people's tendency of romanticizing a condition which adds extra hardships to life. From your explanation I see now that you weren't trying to romanticize it so my apologies if I offended you, and appreciate your insight.
@@holyX I spent my whole life not knowing why everything was more difficult for me than it was for everyone else around me, not knowing why I struggled, and was only able to piece it all together at around 30 years of age. All thanx to content like this video that let me know I'm not alone, and that my struggles have a name and things I could learn to do and try to make them better. Which has been a far cry from my ability to help myself with my struggles up until this point without any guidance at all.
Thank you for the video! I’m very certain that I’m an allistic person, but I’ve been learning so much from the neurodivergent community. These videos help me to speak about autism and neurodivergence in a more accurate way while also learning new ways of supporting neurodivergent people in my own family and community. Videos like Meg’s videos inspire me to learn about the kinds of accommodations I can advocate for in my local community and my tribal community. I work for a tribal government in North America of which I am also a member of and the intersections between masking, code-switching, and PTSD is both interesting and worrisome for those autistic people who’s experiences are compounded by the intersection masking, code-switching, and PTSD. It all makes me wonder what kinds of services and nuances need to be discussed for autistic people of minority communities.
I’ve really been loving your content. Ever since I got sober I have realized I’m an extremely hypersensitive person, with lots of sensory issues, which I was masking with alcohol. Along with that I’ve been trying to figure out if I might be autistic, but this video has resonated. I might just have sensory issues. Side note- your lip color you’re wearing is so beautiful, it’s like a perfect shade for your complexion! I’ve noticed it on so many of your videos. Have you ever shared what color it is?
You could be a highly sensitive person, their traits tend to overlap with autism, especially in overwhelming environments (that’s true for me at least) However the one thing I can’t quite figure out is my special interests, which currently is clock collecting, watching Phineas and Ferb, and playing/making Spyro music. Does that mean I’m autistic or I’m just quirky? Or is it part of my high sensitivity? I am not sure.
Im practically a robot. I sometimes have to remind myself how to be human. High IQ autistic life is weird. I barely feel human. I often find myself preparing ahead of time because i feel like i must alter my parameters to make other humans comfortable within my presence.
Hey velocity, sorry for the wall of text, but I hear you, and I can’t imagine how tough it must be to feel like you’re on the outside looking in, like you’re not quite part of the human experience. But let me tell you something, you’re as human as it gets. Just because your brain works differently doesn’t make you less. In fact, it’s what makes you uniquely you. You’ve got strengths and abilities most people can only dream of, but yeah, sometimes that also means feeling out of sync with the people around you. I know it can be exhausting feeling like you’ve got to adjust who you are to make others comfortable, but here’s the thing, you don’t always have to do that. It’s okay to prioritize your own comfort, to let yourself be as you are, and to let people meet you where you’re at. Sometimes, it’s not about changing for others but finding the people who appreciate you without needing you to twist yourself into knots. Also, try to give yourself some credit. You’ve got a high IQ, and that can feel like it sets you apart, but it’s also something to be proud of. I’m sure you’ve got incredible strengths that come from that, and those are worth celebrating. You’re not a robot, and even if it feels that way sometimes, that just means you’re wired differently, and that’s a gift, not a flaw. You deserve spaces where you don’t have to feel like you’re always preparing for others. Maybe that’s with other neurodivergent folks or just with people who get you without making you feel like you need to change. Those connections are out there, and they’re worth seeking. Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in feeling like you need to be “more human,” but you’re already human enough. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough 👍🏻
Funny you should mention being easy-going and chill. I just had this discussion with my partner yesterday. In the first few years of our 16+ year relationship he had said to me that part of what he liked about me was that I was so easy-going. Turns out I was just highly masking and actively trying to be chill. I've since gotten diagnosed as well as older so I have less energy and willingness to mask, and now he's often frustrated at me being "difficult". I had to remind him that me being easy-going was essentially me being a doormat in order to be likeable, which he acknowledged, and he reaffirmed that he wants me to stand up for myself and my needs, but it's something we both have to get used to. Take this as a PSA that masking is not just hurting yourself, but potentially also your relationships. Especially if you ever stop masking, which you almost certainly will have to do when energy and f*cks start running out.
My family mambers are likely autistic and because of this they think the "normal" autistic sympoms are how everyone is and they don't take diagnosis (also the other ones I have) serious, I hate it. But the positiv things are that some autistic traits are normal for us, for example our days always were planed were chill, because we all didn't like it when many things happen in short times, like partys our days where every minute is planed with foing something snd we can just sit beside each other without socialicing.
I feel this so much, not diagnosed yet but every autistic trait I see in myself and my family is considered “normal.” One side of the family in particular is huge and has autistic and ADHD traits all over the place.
Totally enjoyed this video! I was diagnosed as being autistic last year at the age of 61. Your speaking style is marvelous. And even though I don’t know you personally, you are only the second person in my entire life that I can relate to and feel comfortable/relaxed with (the first person is my autism assessor who is autistic and an ADHDer). I don’t even feel comfortable around my family. The terms people label me is a blow to my self-esteem (odd, strange, different, weird, quirky, abnormal, an enigma, L7 [a square], and unusual), so thank you for bringing that aspect out regarding autism in the video. I don’t feel so alone in being called those labels. My assessor says don’t listen to people who call you them because they are just “commoners.” This was my first time watching your videos, and I look forward to future ones.
I didn't get my diagnoses till I was in my 30s and it brought a great relief to me finally knowing the why I was different. I feel proud to be 'different' .. I wouldn't like to be just like everyone else.
There’s nothing wrong with being a little strange, eccentric, quirky, odd, unusual, weird, different, or an enigma. I once overheard my own adoptive mother saying to some older relatives (about me), “Well, she certainly dances to a different drummer. Doesn’t she?”, and our elders all just kind of mmm, hmm-ing their agreement. They didn’t know I could hear them from the downstairs bathroom, where I was at the time. I don’t know why, but that really stung at the time. It just made me feel like such an outsider in my adoptive family, all of whom I had known since my infancy & I was around 16, or 17, at the time I heard this. I never said anything to them about it - just pretended I didn’t hear. I think I just started looking for some kind of reassurance that they still loved me. I satisfied myself with the fact that they still let me hug them goodbye & they still hugged me back. That definitely made me feel better about it. The thing is though, I now feel like such labels mean that we are simply more creative & resourceful than most folks. Being strange, unusual, eccentric, or an enigma - it all makes you sound kind of cool & mysterious, if you ask me. 😎💜🖖🏼🦮🖖🏽💜😎
I am in my 50,s, I know their is something different but had not considered autism, questions when I was growing up I would hear people say, "she is in her own world, she is an airhead,", did you hear things like that
@@jannacoyote4246 Thank you for the kind words. Though I don’t think of myself as “cool” or “mysterious”, I take them as complements, something I am not use to. When I ask others how am I weird, they just respond, “I don’t know you’re just weird.” I’m sorry you had the experience you had from your mother. It sounds like you were stung by this incident because you felt rejected again. But I also think it is more than being stung, I believe it shredded you apart internally. I totally understand that feeling when my mom told me my parents didn’t want me and that I am ugly. This happened many years ago and I still have an open mental wound from it. Additionally, I was diagnosed as being a womb twin survivor (aka vanishing twin syndrome). When I asked my mom about it she blurted out ,”I wasn’t trying to kill you.” Then she burst out in tears, something she NEVER did. Her actions make me think she did try and succeeded in killing my twins. It was demanded I never bring up the subject again! I hope you were able to finally find inner peace and have felt love again. I envy you if you have, but in a good way. I have Alexithymia (a trait that is common in autistics), and don’t understand most emotions. The worse one for me is love. I don’t understand it, I don’t know how it feels, and I don’t know how to give it. It makes me very depressed and angry with myself every time I think about. I sincerely appreciate your upbeat reply.😊🌹
When you started talking about people telling you that you speak weirdly, I almost started crying. I'm from the American South, and growing up EVERYONE told me I sounded like I was from the UK. I can't tell you how many comments I got about it, and how othering it was. I also had to go to speech therapy through most of elementary school. I would be pulled out of class to go to therapy, and it always felt extremely obvious that I was different. All these things combined made me so self conscious of my voice. I'm still working through it. I never knew that it could be related to my autism! It feels so good to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of thing.
Socialising in person has always been difficult for me. I appreciate that you mentioned that autistic people might favor socialising online. That's definitely been the case for me. Pretty much all of my lasting friendships have started online, even if they transitioned to in-person socialising later down the line. I think it's a lot easier for me to be authentic about myself online without the fear of immediate repercussions for being odd or awkward, and that weeds out a lot of the people who wouldn't tolerate anything except my mask irl.
Something else to consider about online socialising - it's often first in text form, which makes things a lot easier for me at least, and when it's calls, the environment is often more "controlled" than in real life. I've never considered it before, but I definitely appreciate those aspects of online communication, especially when I'm not yet comfortable with someone. After I've gotten to know someone via those channels, in-person communication becomes a lot easier, I feel like I'm able to navigate conversations so much more comfortably if I already know a lot about how that person works. That takes a lot of the stress out of it for me.
I got over the hurdle of not being naturally good at making friends by completely focusing on learning body language and social cues online. Every interaction it’s like I’m looking for signs from different videos and analyzing people to figure out how I should react
I used to try to do that, but it was a bit overwhelming tbh. I don't much do that anymore when in real life , but I'm always watching things play out closely even if I don't try to translate that into optimal behavior
@@beansworth5694 that's a good point. If it's not a special interest, that kind of work effort is going to be draining instead of stimulating. If you are in your 20s and abled bodied, maybe you have the energy for it, but the things a young body can manage tend to depreciate as your body gets older and needs to balance more needs. 🤔
@@stephanieok5365 My special interest is more in line with self-analysis from a philosophical perspective, and sometimes I project it outwards to other people too. But most of the benefit I get out of that obsession is understanding myself and knowing what it looks like when someone or something knows themself and to what degree- I often come across as abrasive because when I talk about my 'special interest' it can seem accusatory rather than curious, since one's relationship with themself is kinda a touchy subject lol
@@beansworth5694 oh yeah, I think that's called being Intrapersonal? Someone who is good at interacting with another person might have interpersonal skills but if you develop self knowledge and can accurately gauge and listen to your own body skills, I think a person has Intrapersonal skills?
sometimes i get so worried i’m like. pretending to be autistic. but then everyday i wake up and remember that i had lots of traits even from a young age, i just didn’t know what bullying was for a long time! i was often alone throughout my school years, got excluded from groups/dropped randomly and i never knew why, and i often drift away from certain people because i don’t know how to maintain those friendships/struggled to do so also! the speaking thing, haha, this is something i’ve learned about myself only recently. i have a very soft voice, and never realized i talked really quietly, and people can have trouble hearing me. i also tend to have an extremely flat face without even realizing, and can’t express much emotion in my voice (someone i knew thought i didn’t find them funny for the longest time, even though i did) sorry this is so long but i wanted to just talk about stimming too! i stim so much, like rubbing my hands together, pacing, rocking, leg bouncing, biting the inside of my mouth, verbal stims (i.e repeating a word at random), etc etc i’m so sorry i’m yapping but i’m just. i like talking about it the more i find out, i love your channel and it has been a major help
It's me but with therapy. I worked on my issues, so I am thinking, if nobody can see it, then I am not autistic, right? Well...wish it was how it worked lol
@@strawberryshortcake5505 you can have both! you're actually more likely to have one if you have the other. editing to add on that one popular theory of autism is that it falls under the "add/adhd umbrella" and just is expressed in somewhat different ways
To find a sense of peace and improve your sleep, get started with Aura today for free. The first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off + FREE trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/imautisticnowwhat02
If you missed my latest video, I discuss certain celebrities who are frequently cited as autistic (Messi, Taylor Swift?)...but have actually never been open about a diagnosis. Some of them even appear on numerous listicles (particularly on ABA websites??!!) and the only evidence is 'they look a bit socially awkward'! I'd love to know your thoughts!: ruclips.net/video/HDK2miTzTTA/видео.html
You might also enjoy this video where I talk about 5 things that are actually NOT signs of autism, despite what many people believe: ruclips.net/video/5Hv1xg43PzM/видео.html
Hope you’ve all had a lovely week! Since filming this, I’ve lost my voice, which is sooo annoying - I have so many scripts and ideas I’m excited about that are almost ready to go!!! I need someone to make an AI voice for me 😂 Not really, because that’s scary!
If you think you're autistic and don't know what to do next, this might help!: ruclips.net/video/sQ102wzqaXY/видео.html
If you think you might be masking the fact that you're autistic, you might find this video helpful: ruclips.net/video/36-K-HW3syc/видео.html
Thank you so much - I never imagined having such a warm, caring community behind me. The reaction to my little stimming clips in the last video was so kind. I didn’t even stress about posting it that much in the end 😂💛💛💛
And apologies that some of the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria language is not always the most flattering. ‘Restricted and repetitive behaviours’ always makes me cringe a bit. But that’s just what it is right now. I wonder how it will continue to evolve?
Also, I say 'autism is genetic' at the start of the video. What I meant by this is 'being autistic does run in my family'. There's a lot we don't know about why people are autistic, but we definitely know there are genetic factors.
Dear I am #austisticnowwhat please let your voice rest . Heavenly Father, I ask you to help one of your children with her voice. I ask you in Jesus' mighty name .
if ppl identify with the disorder who are transgender on the gender binary it’s kinda logical
we’ve noticed a sea of unaware trans 🏳️⚧️ men who believe they’re autistic
they *REALLY* don’t like us when they’re white
cheers
#2Spirit #indigenous #autism #audhd
Atheist here but I too wish your voice gets better. I don’t recommend Jesus but echinacea is helpful.
Have a great week!
I had three sessions with a therapist who thought I was autistic, and this video makes me think I definitely am. IDK.
I stayed up for 23 days straight I have the Dracula flag
you *might* not be autistic if:
1. social success comes easily, naturally, and/or intuitively to you (doesn't mean autistic people can't have friends)
2. you've never been excluded, bullied, ostracised, or othered (OR may have been called "quirky", "eccentric" instead)
3. socialising has always been the most fun thing to you, and you'd never choose a hobby over a chat with friends (also: autistic people can have a lot of success socialising online); lower tolerance to socialising
4. you've never been told you speak weirdly (in monotone, strange flow of speech, odd trace of language; perhaps you choose language that is more appropriate to express yourself as opposed to what's trendy)
5. you don't stim (an important note is that NEUROTYPICAL people also stim); vocally: echolalia
6. your environment doesn't bother you: you don't have a history of noticing things in your environment that other people do not; can be oblivious to it when very focused on something
7. you have hobbies and interests that are not abnormal in intensity and/or focus
8. you're very relaxed and easy-going
9. you *might* have no problem with transitions (if you drive somewhere, it takes you a while to leave the car; once class is over, you stay for a longer time; getting out of bed, or going to the bathroom). does have to do with focus and in that case is a shared trait with adhd people. feeling "mentally hungover" after stopping doing something.
thank you ! :)
i mean i'm autistic and i sort of fit the ninth one so the important keyword here is MIGHT
@@vanillabeanic thank you, i will correct it now!!!
@@mynosycats you're very welcome!!!
Thanks!
I saw one description of the autistic desire for order that I understood immediately: We love routines, but hate schedules. A schedule is an imposition on what I want to do, whereas my routine is my comfort zone.
Oh my god!! That's exactly it! Thank you so much. I've never been able to explain it to confused people how some things are aggravatingly repetitive while some things are soothingly repetitive
i was having an argument with myself over this but this is a perfect description
That makes so much more sense to navigate. Thank you.
And if we are AuDHD, we would be a mess without schedules & we NEED a routine, yet we hate both bc we're a fickle bunch that feeds on novelty (or spontaneity) bc it lights up our easily-depleted dopamine centers. For us, schedules are the closest thing to accountability we'll ever get, which is why most of us would rather work for someone else, than work for ourselves. Routine is so helpful if you have the comorbidity of Anxiety, which most of us do bc we live in a high-demand fast-paced world with deadlines and unreasonable social expectations.
ADHDer raising my hand too 😂
Its absurd to me that people think autistics can't have ANY friends, like other neurodivergent people don't exist at moderate saturation. I just look for people who share my weird little vibe and i always consistently had 1 friend at any one time growing up, the OTHER weird kid in the room. I've tried and failed to have neurotypical friends so many times but it usually ends with my bluntness or black-sheepness making them upset with me. I'd rather just stick to my fellow weirdos.
There are so many frustrating stereotypes that need to go!!
Finally, after years in isolation, I now have a group of like 7(!) friends in uni. Guess what, they're all either autistic, ADHD or both and all queer. Neurotypicals just don't stick. And well, now that we have this ND secret society organised, we can have sensory friendly parties and nobody feels left out. It's truly amazing
Yes! I love socializing but ONLY with my group of like, two friends. Everyone else I’ll almost always choose to stay home lol.
It's especially weird and irrational when you consider the fact that most people can visualize "that group" of weird, nerdy losers who play D&D and watch anime or collect rocks together, and everyone else avoids them because they're so weeeeeeird. Are those kids neurotypical, Karen? Hmmm? Hmmm?
yeah, during group projects us autistic kids group together cuz were outcasts lol
The "everybody received a manual" hit so close to home, that when I was younger I twisted "Life is a theatre, so where the hell is my script?!" (which I know ofc in itself is also a reference) into "Life is a theatre, but unfortunately it's improv".
I've been saying this all my adult life, though I said 'the script' rather than 'the manual'. Everyone else seems to have read the script but me.
Watching from the wings was my best thing! 😂
I've always felt a massive difference in socializing with 1 or 2 people and then in a group. In a group it seems like complete chaos and I have no idea how to participate.
There is a song by Jacob Porter Smith called "Little Rulebooks". He wonders if everyone has little rulebooks in their pockets.
bruuuuh yea bc i actually tried to find a script, i got into reading abt psychology since elementary bc i just didin't get that it was an issue i just thought that they were learning this in their homes, i thought that if i learned how to speak spanish (my first language) properly ppl would understand what i mean and nope
I'm so autistic I didn't realize I was bullied in high school until years later
Same I thought they were trying to help lol
😂 Truly, you won against the bullies!
haha lmaoo same :D I also thought everyone were my friends but actually most of them disliked me. Fun times. But I think "being stupid enough" was a blessing. I didn't have to deal with the stuff that bullying would probably have caused
Me with middle school 😂 or many
Times people tried to fight me and I had no idea until later
Ohh I feel this too hard. I knew I was bullied by the really obvious violent kids who'd hit me. But it's years later I'm realising the subtle (to me, otherwise I'd have noticed it) ways in which I was bullied by others. I didn't have friends in school, I had bullies that followed me around. My young self thought that was my friend group. Growing up and realising stuff can be depressing. I just wish it hadn't taken me till my 40's to realise this stuff.
"Oh you crochet?"
Yeah, I just really love repeating the same movement 40,000 times. It's very soothing...
I feel called out....
Literally me but with knitting and also if you know what diamond dotz are 🤌
@@Abcdefghijkj oooh I love me some dotz
that would be most of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers
i was LITERALLY crocheting stars watching this video 😭
On the manual thing... As a kid I did well academically but struggled socially and also with physical coordination. I remember, clear as day, standing in the school playground and watching children chat with each other effortlessly and thinking "it's okay, I'm ahead in maths, so I suppose I'm just behind here. Someone will teach me this one day too."
When I got diagnosed at 23 all I could think about was tiny me, not sad, not angry, not feeling confused, absolutely certain that someone would soon notice that they had forgotten to teach me the manual and the fact that no one did.
felt in my soul
They tried to teach me but I just could never learn it and never really had an interest in learning it. I thought friends were lame as a kid and (still) didn’t understand why I ‘needed’ them. Why would I want to play with the other kids? They always just seemed very stupid to me. Collecting trash on the playground at recess was way more fun to me than interacting with others, so that’s what I did. One year they forced us all to play kickball together at recess instead of doing what we wanted and I absolutely HATED it.
I’m not officially diagnosed though, so I might just be an antisocial psychopath. LOL
The closest thing to a manual I’ve found is Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”. It was life changing.
@@sharonamberbennett4725 Anything based on deception feels wrong to me - especially relationships.
I read Carnegie's book 30 years ago, and found it useless. For me anyway. It's all about sucking up to other people by making yourself small and non-threatening. Classic fawning. Feign interest in their interests. Don't talk about yourself or your interests. Never point out mistakes in reasoning or beliefs. Don't argue. Smile. etc, etc, etc.
The tactics described in the book are generally manipulative and disingenuous. Seems most people are OK with being fake, manipulative and superficial to "win friends and influence people"
Autistic people not so much.
It's a masking manual for neurotypicals seeking to exploit other people as salesmen in my opinion.
Yuck. Even the "win friends" thing frames friendships as a competition with others for the prize of companionship. The way I see it, you either like someone and they like you and you become friends, or not. Faking and hiding your true intentions doesn't create friends. It creates the illusion of friendship. It's based on the desire for social power, control, and dominance rather than human connection.
Fun fact, Dale Carnegie lied about most of his supposed connections and qualifications listed in the book. He was a con-man and a grifter - one of the most successful ever. So if that's your jam then yeah, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" might be just the ticket, lol
Google
@ThewilliamHoganExperience
Well said
I either talk very loud or very low. I usually get “why are you scream?” Or “why are you so quiet? Speak louder.”
I had a teacher that called me out on front of me the class for being too quiet and having an accent. I was in the advance gifted classes. I felt so horrible.
Anyway, I’m going to have my first appointment this upcoming week. I’m very nervous.
I bet your accent is lovely! Forget that teach, they game and jive with fake wiles of speech!
How did it go?
Lol my little sisters was always spekaing too loud but then I was always talking to quietly xD nowadays its better but neither of us has been diagnosed I wish I was already I just wanna know where all the sht in the past came from
Omg. My history teacher did that to me in highschool it was so stressful. I have stage fright such that I experience physical symptoms like numbness, trembling, nausea, but I try to balance it by memorizing my words, in hopes that people don't pay too much attention on my trembling. My history teacher purposefully stood at the back wall of my class, while me and my group have a presentation in front of the class. She stops me mid sentence and tells me to speak louder, scattering my thoughts effectively. My voice goes quieter against my will and she berates me harshly as though I was willfully disobeying. I was frozen in panic.
Fun similarity, people often say I speak too loud or too softly as well. I was also the top student in my highschool until second semester of 11th grade where I dropped down to second and maintained it to the end of school.
I don't know if I'm autistic, I've always identified as an extreme introvert, who anxiously tries her best in social settings because she also doesn't want to be lonely.
Same, I either speak very loudly or mumble in a low voice and have been told both.
I used to consider myself a chill and easy-going person because I thought those things meant you were accepting, non-judgemental, not easily annoyed or angered, or easy to get along with and I was like "yeah I relate to that" until I found out that being "chill" means you're all those things on the inside as well 😅
THIS
Lmao oh those things are supposed to be also on the inside 😅😅
Same! I don't think this video accounts for repression/suppression of deep emotions. If our environment growing up calls for an easy going personality due to survival or due to the need to attach to our caregivers then I have a belief we'll forfeit autistic tendencies in favor of whatever survival calls for.
Which could just be an extension of CPTSD mixed with autism
😂😅😅
Same and I always thought "not caring" was just going along with things externally, but even though I didn't always exactly have something specific I wanted to do, I was always annoyed so much any time someone tried to get me to do something or even just interact with me at all.
I was recently finally able to get an autism assessment and the doctor said something along the lines of "you're autistic but you cope too well to be diagnosed with a 'real disorder'" which was... weird. I'm still trying to figure out if that was validating or invalidating, but it definitely feels like being trapped in a no-man's land where I just don't get to belong anywhere.
I'm pretty sure something is considered a "disorder" if it causes you distress and requires treatment. Definitely doesn't mean you don't belong to a group!
Taking what the doctor said literally, I am getting the meaning, "autism doesn't count as a real disorder." Which isn't true. Just the fact that you COPE means there's something real going on. The doctor started with "you have autism." If he stopped there he would have avoided putting his figurative foot in his mouth.
I understand this person entirely they literally write in my medical chart “clinically abnormal” but said I couldn’t be diagnosed with anything and I don’t know what to think about myself because of this and it’s actually been really distressing for me
I think it just means your more high functioning which is completely normal, I wouldn’t worry about it one bit as long as your being yourself, because it’s ok to be yourself. I think there’s always a time in our lives where we don’t really fit into a specific group.
Formerly it might have been called Asperger's. I really don't know but it tends to be associated with more successful coping strategies. Autism has historically gone undiagnosed in women because they get around all the communication issues because even an autistic woman can communicate better than a neuro-typical man.
i was diagnosed with autism at 14 but i think now that i was actually misdiagnosed and they mistook my OCD for autism. after getting treatment for my OCD (and depression) i don’t have a single autistic trait left, i don’t recognize myself at all in the criteria, and watching this video made me seek a new evaluation!
I wish you the best 😊
Good luck on your journey to your truth
Unique. After being misdiagnosed with mental illness, all thats left is my Aspergers traits. I guess I can relate.
I'm starting to get this feeling too!! Very interesting..starting therapy tomorrow actually after 10 years of hell.
I have OCD too - OCD and autism have a surprising amount of overlapping traits! (But of course they’re also very different.)
“oh I dont think i stim-“ *I said as I spun in circles* | (• ◡•)|
I filled out ADHD examination forms with the help of friends and when the question came up about me being easily distracted, I disagreed, because I can be pretty intensely focused to a point where not even having to pee or being dehydrated interrupts my tunnel focus.
I kept contemplating how extremely focused I can be for about 20-30 minutes while looking at a tree before becoming self-aware and crossing out "yea very much so" in resignation.
@@LootFragg I had a pretty similar experience
"I don't stim" as I rub my feet together constantly while trying to fall asleep, tense my muscles or jiggle my legs while I'm sitting, repeat words or sentences to myself to get them "just right"...yeah, but I don't flap my hands, right? 😶
That’s what I do too! I only found out recently that that’s a type of stimming
I didn’t get bullied that much when I was at school. I had loads of friends.
That comment at around 4:20 about making friends cross-culturally has been my secret trick for quite a while now! I'm from Scandinavia but have relocated to Greece, partly due to precisely this; whenever I'm socially awkward or come across a bit emotionally mute, it's always just attributed to a difference in culture or "Those Scandinavians are a bit cold, it's normal". It's a fantastic buffer to have, even if it feels a bit like a cheat.
I'm from Finland and I know exactly what you mean.
i feel like i played myself with this one, because this has literally been 90% of my friendships or relationships over the course of my life (mostly age or nationality and culture differences) and i did not even realise this though definitely always found it also way easier to "break the ice" when you could talk about our backgrounds etc while i didnt know how to approach peers around me.
Same, and I married a guy from a different culture and country. He turned out to be autistic too. It was destiny 😂
I realized I used the same trick. All of my girlfriends came from other countries/cultures…
lucky you, I’m Brazilian 😂 so I’m one of the ugly ducks in my community
As an ADHD’er I get super irritated when I’m interrupted but not because I can’t get my mind off of whatever I was doing, but because I know once I change gears there is no going back to the level of focus and “get this done” when i turn to something else. It’s like that task just disappears into the aether
Empathy in autism spectrum is often different. Often we are very good at one type of empathy but very bad at others. For example facial cues vs other ways sensing feelings.
I do relate! Once something is behind my back it ‘ceases to exist’ until I come around to it being in my face again. I have to make notes in my phone calendar to make sure important things get finished.
I also call it hamster wheeling, spending lots of energy but not getting anything really accomplished.
But I survive my life and manage to pay my bills and not let my house get too dirty or disordered.
@@stevenpace892the other half of that is that allistic people have the exact same problem. They don't relate to us so they can't imagine what makes us happy or upset. It's not a deficit in us, it's that our "cultures" are very different (double empathy problem). A very similar thing happens with people from two different countries, it's a culture clash not an inherent shortcoming or medical issue
Also we are often isolated. We have less exposure to cultural norms in a lot of ways. Whether we want to or not. So like i didn't go to church as a kid, no one puts me on email chains, i don't/didn't know what communities do when someone is diagnosed with cancer or loses a loved one. It's something that's actually taught to people. They orchestrate meals and childcare and all that. They arrange rides to chemo. They don't have to use their imagination to figure that out, they rely on what they've seen and helped with 50 times in their community. Like even someone with no empathy can know what to do, even if they don't care at all. But I look horrible because I didn't grow up learning that and I'm not included, so it's not a part of my gut reaction to take care of it
why does this correlate w adhd? def rude and annoying feeling to be interrupted ! sorry i just like to question all the psychiatric terms and thinking. maybe it’s more about the systems enact environmentally and their effects on us rather than innate neurology.
@@chinmeysway mostly cause ppl with ADHD suffer with starting or stopping things. ADHDers tend to procrastinate a lot. once they get hyperfocused on something,, it's all or nothing. and if that hyperfocus is pulled away from them,, it would lead to general frustration. bc once that focus is gone,, they'll most likely have no interest in the thing they did previously or will get distracted with something else. so it's usually best if they're not interrupted
Pretty sure I had an autistic rat once. Poor fellow had no idea how to behave with others, and had many quirks that were very different from any other rat I've ever seen. One minute he would be snuggly sleeping with the others... and the next he would be biting them out of nowhere, probably because he suddenly wanted to be alone. He didn't understand that biting was a HUGE no-no in rat society, and after a while the other rats would just avoid the poor bugger entirely. He did not socialize with me the way pet rats typically do with their owner either, and was very peculiar about certain things in his environment that other rats don't typically have issues with.
Animals have such wildly different personalities - I find it so weird that people often act like they're all the same!
I also had a couple of rats who might have been on the spectrum. They got along with me and maybe one other rat in the pack but they weren’t as interested in socialising and misread cues from other rats. I heard it’s a thing with dogs too - most dog behaviour specialists don’t accept it because there is no formal way to diagnose autism in a dog but at the end of the day it’s a matter of how to call a pattern of behaviours and perceptions of environment.
I have a side gig housesitting for people with pets. I was meeting with one couple with their beloved cat. The husband said he thought the cat was autistic and I immediately masked shut down all my internal responses because I'm so used to hearing people saying "That's autistic" or "He's so autistic" as an insult.
Turns out, after taking care of the cat for a week, I totally get it! The cat LOVES deep joint compression to a degree that would be considered abusive to most any other animal. While he craved human touch for that deep joint compression (and preferred to experience near a wall so he could brace himself and push even harder into the person pushing on him), he did not want to be on a lap or held. He loved to play but only in particular ways. Unlike other cats, he didn't have his select people he was comfortable around but would treat each person with the same amount of comfort and ease. He wouldn't walk right up to strangers in the house asking for attention but would walk through the room out of curiosity while making zero bids for their attention.
Now I hope his people go on vacation because I'd like to spend more time with Darby. Darby rocks!
Im not sure if it´s possible for at least some animals ... maybe for the very smart ones?
I thought you were a school teacher for a sec 😭
Great video! Back in school I wasn't bullied, but didn't really feel like part of the group either. At a reunion for my public school, one of my former classmates told me that I would have been such an easy target for bullying due to how much I stood out (due to my stimming and lack of social skills), but my classmates actually made sure that noone from the other classes harassed me, or they would harass them right back. So I kinda had guardian angels I didn't know about. ❤
That is incredibly adorable (and personally so very unrelatable :') ) - I'm glad you were lucky and didn't have to deal with (as much) bullying!
That's so cute oh my god
I wish 😭 but honestly Im rly happy for you and I hope when I got kids oke day they get treated the same ❤
Claim your "imposter syndrome made me watch this" ticket here 😂
Love this comment 😂❤
Papa bless I claimed the 69th ticket
Omg fr 😭😭😭@@THEMINDCASTLE
Sorry meant to tag @AnnabethEdits
Claimed😭
“Being bullied is not a trait.” When I was young it certainly felt like one. 😂😂😂😂
Word.
Lmao real. It's like every place I went and kinda tried to get along with others I'd get greeted with the usual "Why are you here? Who called you? Why are you weird? Why are you near us?" And it would be a normal situation to try and connect with classmates or whatever, they simply despised being near me lol
so true! and you didn't even have to act weird 24/7 either. just do one thing and then that becomes the reason you are bullied for years.
@@airena1449 Even in adulthood you can have this and I've certainly had this :S. Especially if its a largely female environment full of peers my age. University and retail/hospitality jobs were a nightmare. You stand out more. Fortunately, I'm in a more male-dominated environment, full of different ages now, as I'm an engineer (many neurodivergent people work this job) but also unfortunate because of misogyny. Tbh I'd rather take the misogyny, even though that makes me mad too lol. There's no winning😭
That is very true! We arent "typical" women so that makes sense. It's defo a form of misogyny but in a different way to how men do it. What a world we live in lol@@Ark-ys2up
Literally just got my diagnosis and was SO ready to say "Oh no! This confirms it, they were wrong. I was wrong!" But this was actually really reassuring to me. So relieved and feeling a bit more validated in terms of my experiences.
I'm so glad! Congrats on your diagnosis 💛
@@imautisticnowwhat To be honest, you should quit your youtube channel. The more into the cult you get, the harder it is for you to admit that you bought into a pseudoscience trend.
I'm just now realizing I may in fact be autistic and my whole life feels simultaneously like it's all been a lie and it finally makes sense.
I felt the same way when I got my diagnosis
I saw the timestamps and I genuinely thought that someone's "aura" could mean they're not autistic like "yeah no you don't have the autism ghost aura following you, I don't think you're autistic"
Lol
That's funny you should say that though. I got the Hyperempathy make of autism and I do wonder if a lot of folklore around psychic powers may be autism-related. I don't literally see auras, but I'm fantastic at "reading the vibes" of a person, ie noticing subtle behavioral differences that point to being an abuser or whatever. In a different cultural background I might've been labelled Psychically Sensitive. So that might be an actual thing lmao
@@scobeymeister1 I've had coworkers in the past who could not be convince I'm not an empath in the magical mystical sense. It's super funny to me because in general I actually suck at body language, these people were just super dramatic about everything and I'm good at being a pleasant but neutral person at work.
Damn bro guess the doctors were wrong, where's my ghost aura huh
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who was waiting for an explanation of what The Autistic Aura was
Autistic people all have jojo stands that only other autistic folks can see
I’m not autistic, but I do have inattentive ADHD and so many of these are similar! I have never had issues understanding/recognizing others’ emotions or their motivations for things, but I still had (and still do have) difficulties with social relationships because I get easily exhausted by them! It takes so much mental energy for me to pull myself out of my dream world and into reality.
And transitions…oh boy!! I have SUCH a hard time moving from one thing to the next. I get so hyper focused on things and forget to eat or even that I have to use the bathroom. 😅 It’s almost like what you described about having a special interest (cuz I get DEEPLY into it), but it just changes month to month. 😂
I used to wonder if I was autistic too. Turns out if you're a socially awkward introvert with nerdy interests and inattentive ADHD, it looks very much like autism from the outside. I identified very strongly with maybe 4 of the 9 points (mostly the social ones) and the remainder weren't relatable at all.
I relate to that sooo much. My brother has adhd and autism, but I have inattentive adhd, and my mom (who is classic hyperactive adhd) kept trying to lable me as autistic when I am better at social nuance than she is. I just get tired of people quicker than she does because I'm not hyper.
Hi, I can relate a lot. I actually thought for a VERY long time that I was autistic, but then it turned out at way over thirty (and mind me, a lot of therapists and psychiatrists had seen me by then) that I have ADHD. Bit more digging into the family brought up that my mother actually has both ADHD and Autism, and honestly, it feels like having an autistic mother was very similiar to "not being handed the manual". I was struggling so hard as a child, but once I got older and learned that these strange gut feelings I got in social situations were actually correct, it gradually got better. I also know that as a very small child, I had no problems with other kids at all, it only came later, when my strange behaviours that I learned from home got judged. I still prefer people who are direct because I don't have the impulse control and patience to tip toe around difficult social stuff, but not because I don't understand it, but because I think it's pointless and annoying. (I'm also German though, which usually doesn't help with being overly polite. xD)
As an inattentive ADHD brain not on the spectrum that grew up watching my ASD older brother, I’ve never been fully sure which of my behaviors were inherent to me and which I might have picked up on by copying him. I definitely had an easier time with recognizing most of others emotions/motivations than he did when we were kids, and while I could socialize a bit at first contact, my introversion has made it difficult to form deeper, longer lasting connections overall.
I’m with you on some of the transitions things, but more so because there are more things I’m disinterested in than not, so either have to medicate and allow myself to hyperfocus on things I dislike like work, or end up letting myself be distracted and wasting time rather than doing anything useful. Larger transitions, like the first day of school or a new job always keep me up the night before.
Edit: I’d like to note that I was diagnosed as a child, but didn’t fully understand what exactly my diagnosis was until about 12-13 years ago.
Same ADHD boat, though my biggest "probably not autistic" clue is "routine stresses me out/I do not form load bearing routines"
.... But he'll if I'm going to pass up perfectly useful sense-making coping strategies just because I have a different brain thing.
This was extremely validating in so many ways, but in particular, discussing what it really means to have an "intense" hobby. I flit around from hobby to hobby, so I never really identified with that part of autism.
But whenever I sit down to whatever hobby I'm into at the time, I will sit there for 6 or 7 hours straight. it takes so much time and effort to switch gears, and being interrupted and/or expected to put it down without warning is always super distressing. If I need to do something else right away, it feels like my brain is literally a grinding, rusty gear struggling to turn.
I know this may overlap with adhd traits/symptoms, but it still was really nice to hear your explanation, as well as hearing "it's not the topic, its the intensity of the focus"
Changing special
Interests is something that’s been talked about a lot as a common AuDHD trait...interests that persist longer than typical for ADHD and shorter than typical for autism. Honestly, I don’t know that having both is essential for changeable interests, but it does work than way for many.
I tend to get heavily into something for 2-5 years. Sometimes it’s that the activity involves other people (volunteering is like that), and after a while it sinks in that my bluntness and need for control has burned my bridges with people, so I move on. I did that many times before realizing I was neurodivergent.
I have adhd too so my intense special interests last a few months at a time and then I need novelty, but I always come back to the same ones after the novelty wears off lol
I have some that switch around but a few which are lifelong like pandas, dogs, and Pokemon.
you put this so perfectly
THIS. I'm literally listening to my music playlists everywhere I go almost all day and it's almost always the same few songs on loop. If someone interrupts me, I get super annoyed and try to get back to listening to music. I sometimes even lash out at people if I'm already a little stressed. I've been doing this since I was 9, I'm 17 now.
I don't like changing tasks on a dime so I have a reminder that goes off several minutes before so I can mentally and physically "wrap things up" before I move on
…wait. I might need that hdnsjfs
The language thing really resonated with me. When I was 3 years old and my mom still I had to help me use the bathroom, I told her that I was “sick of this humiliation” instead of saying that I just didn’t want her helping me anymore lol
LMAOOOOOO I resonate 😭
Lol I showed my mom a drawing I'd made of a girl being "obstinate". Her mouth was a straight line and no arms because they were "behind her back".
I've also been told I have random accents before. In elementary and high school I was British. Now apparently I have a southern accent. I'm from upper peninsula Michigan.
In Hebrew school at age 6 we learned about a hand reaching for a fish as a metaphor for man's search for g-d. The NT kids drew hand and fish, I drew a scuba diver reaching for a fish. As an autistic, I always had an odd way of doing things. I also switch accents a lot and pick up on other's speech patterns and mimic them without meaning to.
There are a lot of symptoms of OCD that are very similar to autism, as well as symptoms of severe ADHD, that are similar to autism. So I can definitely understand why someone might get confused
You're so right!
I got my ADHD diagnosis in my mid twenties and I recognize myself with PDA, APD (auditory processive disorder), hypersensitive (to certain senses like smell, hearing, touch mostly)... Even my kindergarden teacher wrote I had hard time with transitions between activities on my report card and I recognize myself with certain traits of ASD. But I used to really enjoyed being surrounded with friends as a kid and I finally realized older that all the good fiends I kept seeing until now are all neurodivergents and understanding...
Nonetheless, I find it hard to understand what it means when symptoms overlap. I mean, I think I was masking (or trying to mask) my neurodivergence/difference to feel accepted, but I'm still not sure how to know if it's the result of masking a possible autism or masking other neurodivergent traits that I found out that were misjudged by neurotypicals... 🤷♀️
I feel it's kinda hard to confirm a solid yes or no regarding being on the spectrum or not. Is it just me?
My psychologist mentioned during my assessment for adhd that compulsive behaviours are part of both adhd and autism and it’s also very common for people to have OCD as a comorbid diagnosis with either adhd or autism and of course both. And historically afab are more likely to be diagnosed OCD rather than adhd or autism.
my psych believes they're all the same condition, that the overlap is so great to the point that the venn diagram is a circle
I'm still confused. I'm diagnosed ADHD and wanted to watch this video to prove to myself I'm not autistic...and now I'm even less certain than before. Ugh I have no idea. I know it doesn't REALLY matter, the meds are similar anyway, and nothing is stopping me from googling coping mechanisms for autism and using the ones that I find helpful, whether or not I'm actually autistic...but frick, I wanna know.
@@punkbjork It honestly does help me to see them as tools for language and communication rather than definitive individual diagnoses. Like, I have no idea if I'm autistic, but researching autism has REALLY helped me find keywords and phrases to describe and articulate the things I experience. I know the labels CAN be a huge thing, especially if you need disability benefits and/or medication (my ADHD diagnosis and subsequent prescriptions were a game changer for sure), but the biggest power I've found is just from developing better language to communicate our internal worlds. I don't actually know anything though, I'm definitely not a psych, so I could be super wrong.
I have just started to learn more about autism and learn how much I’ve masked my whole life. It’s not that I thought everyone got a manual. I just thought everyone researched social skills online and I honestly would talk about it as a badge of honor like “yeah, I taught myself how to be this social”. Somehow I took pride in this without realizing others didn’t feel the need to do it!
AAA SAME!! I thought everyone just more successfully researched how to be a social human than I could manage to do. 💀
I feel called out 😂
As a person that prides themselves on intellectual ability alone the feeling that others always beat me in this "pursuit" was hard to stomach. Therefore, I gave up.
Whoa! I was just thinking to myself “I am the Queen of Masking “ (of course I am exhausted afterwards but nobody realized that I am the weirdo they are supposed to push down the stairs).
Ha, just yesterday I was telling my boyfriend more about autism and masking. I think I said something like “but I’m really good at masking, no one would even know, I’m so ‘normal’!” He didn’t respond and it turns out, I am not as good at masking as I thought 😂
I've just been looking at the possibility of having autism (have inattentive adhd and MERLD so might be that) but I thought I didn't mask until I realized I do lol. I'll prepare preplanned responses or be like "they said this as question inviting me, say definitely act excited and nod head"
I relate to all of these alot.
1. For the 'no friends' one, until 3 years ago, i finally made a friend. For most of my whole life: age 5-8, i didnt have any friends. I would just be happy without talking to anyone, in school, at all. My teachers just called me shy, or introverted. For 4 whole years, (school years 1-4, yes im british) every single teacher would write. "May has improved with talking to others this year, although she still needs to come out of her shell." Even on my most recent school report ot said: "May exceded my expectations with socialising." It was like all the teachers wanted me to be an extroverted baboon.
After years of trying to fit in, ive made a wide range of 'friends'
2. I wouldnt consider myself a robot. But, i dont show my emotions that frequently.
3. I dont like socialising. I just do it, to fit in more and not be given weird, dirty looks.
4. I relate to this on a universal level, no, infact more than that. I'd say astromonical.
People say i have 'accents'. I kinda do. My excuse is that i feel like my brain just takes a multitude of peoples accents and just remixes them, creating a weird, wacky, wonderous creation of pure whimsicality. Sometimes i just say words so fast, i mispronounce them. Once i pronounced the word 'mother' wrong.😅 i can admit i was turned into a circus clown that day. In additon, i speak in extremely advanced words. As an 11 year old child, i say words like miscellanous, cynical (im sorry but i love that word so much!!! Like it has a ring to it, you know?) I also repeat the word utterly and whimsical a lot. I have random speaking patterns, like repeating certain words. Ive struggles with this my whole life. (Thats 1 decade and a tenth of a decade to be exact).
5. I think i do 'stimming' as i always tap the table randomly, chew on hair, click pens, chew on pens, fidget with zippers, chew zippers, chew sleeves.... I presume its safe to say i do chewing a lot.
6. I rage a lot over sounds, loud chewing, disturbance or talking whilst im obsessing over my fixations. (In which i mean writing my novel). It gives me the ick. Like, i feel heavily appalled. I also hate the smell of sneezes. Im not sure if others do, but i tend to rage.
7. This is kinda like number 6, but i obsess over people, (i deeply apologise for timothee chalamet, he obviously did not deserve that.) I can draw for hours, without stopping. I also LOVE crochet, writing, analyzing movies and just exploring random lore. The thing is, ill never get so attached that i forget to eat. Eating is something i love.
Another point is, people say i have an interest to french people. For example, ᴀʜᴇᴍ ᴀʜᴇᴍ , ᴛɪᴍᴏᴛʜᴇᴇ ᴄʜᴀʟᴀᴍᴇ- moving on, there was this french activity instructor at whitemoor lakes (my school went for a trip) she was called Zoey. For some random reason, i remember her very exactly, down to the bone. My first trip to Whitemoor lakes in January, i kept on rambling on about how beautiful her french accent was to my friends. I saw her again in june. I tapped one of my friends shoulder continuously whispering: "its zoey! Zoey! Zoey! Zoey!!" My friend picked up the fact that i do seem attached to the people of france. (Not in a weird way, i just love their accents qnd i would mind listening to it for days on end.
8. Im definetly not relaxed, i get excited or panicked easily. I have problems regulating my emotions. I also jump up and down when excited (i also did this when i saw Zoey, or watched Wonka.)ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ᴛʜᴇʏʀᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜ ғʀᴇɴᴄʜ. Also, i usually have a planned 'scheldue'. I rage when i cant have a meal that i planned to have, or i cant do a certain activity that i planned for a long time.
9. I usually just sit on the toilet, staring into space for a solid 30 minutes before moving at all. I dont know why i do this. Its just natural, like a rabbit in its habitat. ɪ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪʙɪɴɢ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴀs ᴀ ʀᴀʙʙɪᴛ ɪɴ ɪᴛs ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ʜᴀʙɪᴛᴀᴛ :)
𝔸𝕟𝕪𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤, 𝕚 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕠𝕗 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕪𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕠𝕞𝕤, 𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕠𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕗 𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕤𝕞. 𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕚 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝔸𝔻ℍ𝔻 𝕠𝕣 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕤 𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕙. 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕚 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕕𝕚𝕒𝕘𝕟𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕕?
I hope you complete your novel. I have a feeling it will be very, very good. You are wonderful at writing, especially if it's true about being only 10 plus 1 😊
I was never bullied, but I have always been "otherized" and I have been called weird, quirky, and creepy because of my special interests (human skulls, cryptids, and invertebrates).
I made acquaintances and friends, and usually they were people of different than usual to my surroundings as in- from different cultures or people with disabilities. I was welcoming to them more than the rest of kids. Also, I preferred elderly people and babies over any other age groups. I got called a little granny as a kid by my family lol
Can’t get called weird by people if you’re never around people
Do you believe in cryptids or are just interested in the phenomena? Because, no joke, I've seen Bigfoot. They call it Grassman in my area.
lol. true@@13th.moon.
same.
I've always felt more comfortable with dogs more than people personally.
“I’ve noticed… Mariana never answers a question with simple _yes_ or _no_ . She always finds another way.” -Co-worker of mine 10 or 11 years ago, as the team had a coffee together.
I didn’t know I was autistic, but I’ve always had “peculiar” weird things to me.
Hold on, i do that all the time!
"Your always so diplomatic" is the way my family would always put it 😂. Also none outside of my family ever got my jokes or when I was using sarcasm even though i thought I changed my voice a lot when I did joke or use sarcasm.
@sam..123. OMG, jokes and sarcasm...I always thought I was pretty good at that stuff, but actually gave it up because I kept getting “what exactly does he mean by that?” looks. Dropping my sense of humor did not help my mental health I think.
i do that all the time 😭😭
@@Sam..123OMG I do the voice thing too, I thought people just didn't care to listen for it. How the hell do they understand each other's sarcasm?
I was always told to “speak up” as a child that “You’re too quiet” but I never understood because I could hear myself speaking fine, but apparently everyone else could not, and sometimes I’d have to speak up really loud to the point of hurting my own ears because people STILL couldn’t hear me!
Now I speak louder and faster. I used to be super silent too and now I won’t shut up.
As for my special interests. I usually fixate on media of some kind but usually a very specific topic of media. For example if I enjoy a movie, I’ll focus heavily on a single of a group of characters from said movie, like I will intensify my focus towards a specific character and their backstory more than anything else to do with the media.
It sounds like in most cases people can in fact hear you and it's likely a respect thing (doesn't mean you're a terrible person, it means other people can be). When people don't want to talk to us they'll give us simple answers or grunts but if we're persistent they'll pretend they didn't hear us which 1.) makes us re-state everything, making us feel awkward and 2.) now everyone else around us who may not have heard or been aware of this person to person interaction is now paying attention to it which can further change how you need to repeat it. It's a bullshit mind game. A way of putting you in your place saying your not as important as you think you are. An easy test is to wait until it's something that benefits the other person and when they give you the little fake smile "sorry, what" bollocks you just turn around and walk off. To your back they will likely now answer or respond to your entire query in perfect fucking detail, ensuring it's succinct and clear so you can get it before you're out of range. Then you can stop, turn around and just say "oh so you in fact, did, fucking hear me then, you heard me perfectly by the sounds of it".
This was me as a child, coupled with selective mutism (e.g. if the teacher asked me something in front of the class). I still fall back into that pattern nowadays sometimes if I feel overwhelmed with a social situation where I'm at the center of attention
@@spulwasser Fuck, never considered this might have been my issue in Primary and High School. Around 7th grade I got told 'you just need to say something, we can see you know the answers, just speak up!', and I spent so much damn energy participating in class for a few years, training myself to forcibly dragging words out of my mouth, that it totally fell apart when high school came around and stuff changed around to a new environment. When asked questions in class I just shut down, mouth closed and tongue caught and I never understood why....
Same! Up until the end if high school people always got annoyed at me for speaking too quiet and said I was mumbling, but I didn't understand how to raise my voice volume
“Now I speak louder and faster. I used to be super silent too and now I won’t shut up.”
Hmmm! I am a compulsive talker now, and I think of it as substantially ADHD, but I am aware of autistic influences too: I disclose compulsively because I think more information is better, and if I keep talking eventually people will understand what I’m trying to say.
By adolescence I was one of the loud types; I didn’t realize it until I got a joke award for that. I’m not sure about my early years; I was a fearful child, and associate those years more with autistic behaviors than my later ADHD ones.
So it interests me that you started out one way and shifted another. It may match my trajectory as well.
It's a bit frustrating because I relate so much to the majority of things you've said but I've been shut down multiple times by mental health professionals; they'd tell me I don't fit the criteria without even giving me a chance to talk in depth about my experiences. I think this is partly due to how I present myself or more specifically how I've managed to learn to present myself. I've been diagnosed with ADHD but it still feels like there's a huge part of me that remains 'unexplained'. It's something that I spend a lot of time thinking about and it's starting to get to me.
I’m experiencing something very similar. My behavior is written off as ADHD and a cycle of depression and anxiety, but it feels like so much more than that and nobody I talk to about it can quite understand. I’ve masked traits because of being raised in a very judgmental environment, and my twin brother has severe autism (non verbal, needs constant care) so people just look at my brother and think that there’s no way I have what he has even though it’s a spectrum. I’ve been shut down by multiple mental health professionals as well, it’s so frustrating. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this and I hope you get the help you need. If you do eventually get diagnosed or finally receive the support you need, I’d be curious to hear about it. :)
Yes I've been amazed by how ignorant some professionals can be. Last time I saw a professional to see about a diagnosis I was told that "autism is extremely rare in those assigned female at birth" and so there was no point even looking into it... I tried to share my experiences anyways but she just repeatedly shut me down and refused to listen
Same.
I watched this video two weeks ago expecting to learn something about autistic people, but instead I got 9 punches to the gut that made me realize I am obviously autistic. I'm 40 years old and never even considered I might be neurodivergent.
It's incredibly validating to suddenly have moments from my life and all my "awkward" behavior make sense, but also kind of a mindf*** to have everything about my self make sense. I find myself having childhood flashbacks at least once a day (plus some oof cringe memories as an adult).
I struggled with posting a comment, but I wanted to say thank you for making content that communicates so clearly. I can't speak for anyone else, but you have changed my life.
This is beautiful! I can relate to this a lot. I never thought I was autistic until I met my current boyfriend two years ago, who is diagnosed. Most of the things he described about it were things I related to quite heavily. The more research I do, the more my behaviors and habits are explained. It's like a whole different light being put onto my life, and it's inspiring to see people having these moments for themselves ❤
Tell me! I just fell over this and .. I’m 70 in September and this actually made me believe even more that I am autistic and probably my late mother too. I never felt like a child, I was a conformer, read avidly, am driven nuts by seeing say two big identical mirrors glue on our lounge wall by a previous owner. I told my husband that they were different sizes. He laughed. We measured them and lo and behold one is .. 2 mm smaller than the other! My mother definitely had this level of noticing things too. We notice minute colour differences, off centred things etc etc. I waited for ‘friends’ to make them selves known in school but that never happened. I was the outsider. I’ve always said to my husband that I am not human as I simply cannot understand many irritating, horrible things eg why are folk so aggressive, cause war etc. It’s completely odd to me. I feel like Sheldon acts..except for his physics talents! Should I be diagnosed at my age? What would it give me? Would it help ? Heck.. I’m either silent…or overchatty, over sharing! I think I mask ..even to myself but don’t know I’m doing it! ❤
If you think you are autistic and your life is or feels out of balance, go to get a diagnostic test. Do not base it on a self diagnosis. Because we are all biased especially about our self, positive or negative doesn't matter. That's why you only are an Autist when an autism expert diagnosed it.
Why you are asking, because a wrong diagnose can lead to more harm than a correct one.
I can tell you that diagnosing Autism is really difficult. So be certain to get one from an experienced autism expert.
@@TheGraemi The whole society is biased in the favour of non-autistic people. That means majority of people in the medical field watch autism from the outside, inspecting what they can from that viewpoint. Autism as a diagnostic label therefore is not the full reality of the actual inner experience and reality of autism: autism as a diagnosis is not completely the same thing as autism as a phenomenon (in a neurobiological level, inner experience etc).
Then again, I strongly disagree with the society's urge to pathologise unconventional ways of living and experiencing, and I understand if you don't agree with me. I just wanted to write this comment to add a different perspective, because things can be viewed from so many angles and what works for others, may not work for all.
From reading @abecline's comment it seems that learning about autism might help them. It helped me, because finally I could understand myself better, understand the struggles I've faced and learn to do things in a better way that suits me personally. I learned that I am not alone, that there are others like me, and after a lifetime of always feeling out of place that was the first piece of achieving mental peace - of healing.
@@ketunpoika First we are more biased about us than anyone.
And second if you are sure why not harden the facts with a second opinion from a Autism specialist?
Autism is a lot about difference in social interaction and a good diagnosis is about interaction. To talk with somebody who has a lot of knowledge and experience with autism can only help.
And if it shatters your believe don't worry. Most of the time this also leads to a better understanding of yourself or even to a start of your way to the real problem. I saw that happen enough in the depression clinic i was.
21:20 I don't have autism, but I do have ADHD. I remember the first time I took medication so clearly and your story about the cups of tea hit home! I was exactly the same - I was always so focussed on what I was doing that I never got up to eat or drink, my family would bring me things every now and again... but the first time I took medication, I sat down to do some work, worked for about 20 minutes, then got up and made myself a cup of tea before easily, calmly returning back to work, sipping my tea as I went. I can't really put into words what that was like.
The amount of ADHD(ADD) and autism cross overs has always peeked my curiousity. I was misdiagnosed like my shrink was getting paid by the condition, because of this I grew a "special interest" in psychology, biology, and human developement. Priority disfunction is very common among both neurodiverent entities. My anology for this is your subcontious is the personal assistant to your body's CEO (contious thought). Your B.CEO said this task needs done asap. For regular people this demand does not come inbetween you and your physical health. You need to be alive and relatively healthy to get it done. For ADHD&Autism on the other hand you can either finish this task or die. The Personal Assistant comes in occasionally and recommends things like tea or cookies but we often shew them away as we just need to finish this one thing that leads us directly into another thing and suddenly 5hrs have passed. Time is a thing that happens too neurodiverent people. Routine is like the control knots we put in to help us better climb the rope of time. Its why so many feel comfort in routines. Yet not everyone needs that specific aid. Some people see time more like climbing a tree instead of a rope. The routines are not required as much because each event in their day is a branch to reach and everything inbetween is unimportant. It just depends on how your life is structured.
@neermuse I love the run-on sentence. It genuinely feels like a great example of how things go for us.
OMG SAME! ADHD but not ASD for me too and I relate so much!
ADHD has actually been added to the autistic spectrum so... yeah lol
I take one hour to brush my teeth because I zone out and listen to music @neermuse
I remember being told by peers growing up I spoke like their grandparents. I don’t know why that was the most common comparison, but it happened a lot. I grew up in Tennessee, but I had a perfectly neutral American accent, a monotone voice, and a college level vocabulary, and other kids did not like that.
I’m not officially diagnosed, but I’ve experienced most of what you talk about here. Regardless of if I’m autistic or not, your channel has really helped me understand and accept myself and I can’t understate how thankful I am.
I was also told this, but then again, I was raised by my grandparents. People just always says I was a little precocious because of the way I spoke I didn’t sound monotone, but I use big words and very abstract expressions, and I was also very endearing with my speech, what I didn’t know is that I was literally mimicking everyone’s speech around me, never fully integrating into my own, .
@@Unfocusedzen oh wow, I can so relate to the "mimicking" people's speech. Took me almost 25 years to figure out that the reason some people don't like me is that I speak to them in a fashion they only deem fitting to speak to someone of lower status, because that's how some older people talk to "youngsters". Turns out they really really don't like that and find it disrespectful even if it happens to be how they talk to someone "of equal standing", since in their mind you are clearly not...
I was an oddball, not for the word choice I used or my accent or anything, but the fact that I was about 6 or 7 and already thinking and talking about death, what may or may not happen after, how we got here, how the universe started, what could possibly be out there, and so on. My brain moved so fast, it was already off this planet and out of this particular timeline lol
One thing, too, about not being diagnosed but suspecting you have autism is that this particular group of people seems to be the most understanding and laid-back collection of weirdos that any group ever was. I suspect that I'm autistic, but never got diagnosed (idiot psychologist that was studying how my brother and I interacted should have seen something but she wasn't paid for that...anyways). However, it never seemed to matter. Everyone in the community just seems like "Oh, you have a couple of aspects and don't feel like you fit in anywhere else? Sure, come take a seat and we'll get you a chewy." It's actually nice. Even if you find out later you don't have autism, you'll still be accepted. Just gotta be nice, it's the only stipulation.
I diagnose you with the very common “look at me I’m special”
vibes i had a similar experience thru school as child, i got teased for "reading the dictionary" as a 10-year-old because i knew a lot of "big" words - jokes on them, i was actually reading medical encyclopedias
This video came in front of me absolutely at the right time! Struggling with just recently diagnosed adhd it feels truly relieving to hear that one can do things and live their lives in the way best for them, and that can finally make life to feel worth living.
The voice thing really gets me because people use it as an excuse to invalidate your experiences like, "you don't sound poor" or "you don't sound like you're from there" as if i'm going to stop and say "oh yeah you're right I'm totally wrong about who I am and where I come from"
I mean, autism is trending and so was tr@nsgender, the biggest scam of the century. People are questioning things instead of taking them a face value and that's good.
I’m really perplexed about whether or not I’m autistic because my therapist of two years was quite sure I am, but when I got a psychological evaluation the doctor said I had pretty much all the symptoms, but she didn’t think I had “enough social difficulties” to be autistic so the symptoms are “better explained by other diagnoses”. I don’t know how to quantify my degree of social difficulties in comparison to others so I’m sort of lost now.
I posted a longer explanation of this in the comments but the short answer is: providers see autism as a disabling disease instead of as a different way for our minds to work. So if they don’t see a disabled person then we can’t have the disease autism. Also keep in mind they rate how autistic a person is not by our ability to support ourselves but by how annoying we are to them in social and work situations. Our diagnosis from these types of providers comes down entirely to how naturally comfortable they feel around us and not at all by how we process the world.
You can think of social difficulties as kind of the “core” part of an autism diagnosis, so that’s why. While it’s a spectrum, generally no social difficulties = no autism.
@@JanTheSpider yeah I understand this. My question isn’t if I can have autism without social difficulties. My question is if I have “social difficulties” in the way autistic people do or not. The way people describe social difficulties in autism is always really vague, which makes it impossible for me to know if that’s what I’m experiencing. Allistic people can also struggle socially, but it isn’t in the same way, so I don’t know which one is what I’ve had. I’m not actually expecting to find an answer in online comment sections though, just shouting into the void I guess.
@@RandomOldPersonwell. Good to know I'll get my autism diagnosis over that and not because of how it affects me /s
Some autistics can appear to not have or have fewer social difficulties because of masking the symptoms
Do you feel like social interactions are overly draining, that you feel constantly self-conscious, that you feel the need to prepare yourself to conversations, even script them? Do you find yourself constantly observing and copying people around you (for example: only laughing cause you see that everyone else is laughing)? Do you find yourself practicing facial expressions, reactions, phrases, etc?
Those are some things that may indicate that you're a high masking autistic, I would recommend looking into it if you're interested, learning about this was a big reason why I was able to get my diagnosis
I grew up in a relatively rural and remote town and had never really known much about what autism or adhd, but when I entered college I quickly made friends with two different people who had been diagnosed with autism. Both independently asked me if I was neurodivergent, and I had never thought about it, and realizing the amount of things I do that can be common signs surprised me.
I had an online doctor's appointment to get a diagnosis, but it only lasted 15 minutes, and he just said it could be adhd and prescribed me atomoxetine. Honestly thinking of going to someone else in person
These comments are sad - the human condition is about finding stability and purpose and self in a world we inherently don’t understand because it was created before our existence. In 2023 the human condition is a 15 minute consult for-profit pharmaceuticals
@@SydneySighs ADHD is comorbid in (of I remember correctly) greater than half of autism cases..... So they're not "wrong" but they're not right either
i dont think i need treatment, ill just move to a small town cuz i hate big cities and rn i live in one.. even tho im always home theres always noise that even if i dont oay attention to them much i get stressed.
when i go to the small town my mother and other relatives lives ... is just so quiet and the biggest noise is just some music and kids playing in the pool.
there is way less noise and is much better for me... gosh even seeing the sky that blue made me happy cuz in my city the sky is almost always grey
Lazy doctors think everything can be solved with drugs. Ugh. @@SydneySighs
When I was made fun of in school as a kid, I used to act angry only because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. 😅
I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and adhd last year. I always thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was missing some important part that everyone else had. Almost all of the kids in my class hated me and called me a weirdo among other names. I managed to find 2 friends basically because they felt sorry for me at first. I remember trying to follow the other kids around, not saying anything. All of them told me to go away. Even my two friends at first told me to leave them alone but apparently after I stood alone crying on the playground, they came to me and Said something like "ok, you can be with us, don't cry". They remained my friends through elementary school and middle school and defended me against bullies. I remember clearly my friends being mad at the bullies who mocked my OCD symptoms and stuttering. I am still in contact with one of the friends on Facebook but the last time I saw my other friend was when I was 17 years old in 2004.
(Sorry for any possible Spelling errors, English isn't my mother language)
Your English is great! I'm sorry you experienced that from your peers, but I'm glad your two friends stuck by you in the end. It's sad when we lose contact with people - I'm pretty bad with that 😭
This just recalled some memories i totally forgot. Maybe i forgot those for a good reason because i thought i didnt have any memories earlier than 11 years old
If it’s was last year then it would be ASC rather than ASD (autism sepctrum *condition* instead of disorder.) because they changed it. Apparently “disorder” has negative connotations. /nm
There were many times when I was asked by someone to be friends.. but then later they told me that them and I were never friends, or that it was a joke.
Or some times they'd use it to try get me into trouble, using me as a scapegoat for something they did wrong.
@rock_rock i didn't consider ppl friends until it was publicly announced( which it never is) lol. Sometimes i still struggle with it but like, rather than them, we should ask ourselves if we consider them friends
When I told one of my French teachers that I was autistic, she said “ Oh, you don’t look autistic, I didn’t know.” I was confused, how was I meant to look 😂She also stated that I didn’t “act” like other autistic people she knew, she said that they acted “strange” or “differently”, which I did, but I was good at masking my autism.
Great channel, you have really helped me to understand myself more as a person. Thank you!
Regarding point 3...I LOVE socializing. I basically trained myself as a sociologist as a kid, using conversations to test out different ways of saying things and mentally recording reactions. Back then, the goal was to teach myself not to stand out, to be "normal". Nowadays I just like learning things from other people, and trying to make their day better in the process (so many people just want to feel like someone has seen them/listened to them!). I was probably the most loved-by-customers employee at my last retail job because I listened to their unnecessary life stories behind why they needed X product, and remembered their names or things they said when they visited later.
But I am still definitely autistic. All of my extroverted socializing is scripted, rehearsed and refined over decades to be something that's just "a dry sense of humor" to neurotypicals. I enjoy social events because I have a plan for nearly every situation. It's when something happens that I haven't accounted for that I get overwhelmed and when that happens, it happens SO fast, like an engine ramping up to speed.
SAME SAME SAME. Also one of my special interests is people and psychoanalysis (and sociological analysis especially!)
I can’t actually get much done on my own unless I’m around others. If I don’t have friends (99% of which are also autistic or at least have ADHD), I’m miserable. I don’t relate to #3 at all either
Yes!
I have to answer tech support phone calls at work, and I can make internal scripts to keep myself feeling somewhat comfortable, but when they go off where I expect in terms of niceness, I can find myself overwhelmed by emotions - sometimes good emotions when they are particularly kind, and I may even start to tear up, but confusion and frustration when I perceive them to be deliberately rude.
I am an extroverted autistic. I need time to myself but I am unhappy if I don't have some time to socialize. I don't script things unless I am in a conflict or it is very important.
@@DarrenSheaTX I have so much anxiety about calling my health insurance, or even answering my phone. I do the scripting when talking with everyone, but especially with tech support, doctors offices, insurance companies, and I have to sometimes make a physical list of things to make sure I talk to one of my doctors about because it will be running across my brain as part of the daily stock ticker of problems, to do list, round to it list, the avoid it entirely list, things to tell my therapist, things to tell family, reminder to show my bestie "that thing" (usually a funny meme, shirt, video, etc and she in turn sends me random medical symptoms or problems)
If I go into my own little world and then pop back out during conversation then I have to make sure I don't say something I questioned in there because it's usually "weird" and on topic of our conversation, but it's hard because they're things I feel I suddenly need the answer for and will just dump my question there and then people would laugh or give me uncomfortable stares or would tease me for saying.
Yeah, it's more of a generalized "these sets of symptoms fit this diagnosis." But you don't need all of them to be diagnosed.
But also same. I've always been overly extroverted. Another opposite for me is structure. Most ASD individuals like to have structure, things planned out, things done at specific times, transitions are difficult. Really describes my child. We both have ASD, but I can't stand structure. Really stresses me out having things be too contained. My kid needs it though, so I make sure they have as much as they can get. They get stressed out if things change too much, during transitions, anything out of schedule. A true dichotomy.
And so much planning goes into my social interactions. I am almost like a psychic how accurate I've become at predicting how people will react and behave. But I hate structure, and have severe ADHD, so it's all generalize ideas, that I use to adlib my way through everything. I've had to do some work presentations, and one of the higher ups checks out my "script" but was very confused why it was only 10 bullet points. Normally people actually have presentations fully scripted beforehand. I explained I just need the reminders, and use improvisation for the rest.
My special interests mostly stem from a single one. I picked it waaaay too long ago, when I was still a toddler. How do things work? All of it. Everything I look at I just want to know more about it. People, ideas, concepts, physics, chemistry, politics, economics, biology, running, military, communications, computers, psychology, dinosaurs, history, music, pain, drama, art, cars, cooking, credit scores... It's just too much to know everything. But it still fits the autism spectrum. Because even though it isn't limited by number, the intensity of interest is way too much.
when i’m upset, my friends say that i talk like google 😭😭
LOL
What does that even mean 💀😭
one example of #9 (struggling to transition between tasks) that i experience a lot..... i listen to music practically 24/7, and if someone sends me a video or a song to listen to, i WILL NOT want to watch/listen until much much later. because i'm already listening to *my* music and i'm not mentally ready to... _not be listening to my music_ 😭 it sounds so dumb when i verbalize it, but it happens to me all the time lol
Lol wow same!
I have not been diagnosed with anything, so hearing this is kind of making me go "!!!!!", along with other comments on this vid. I do this. Do you also pace your room while you listen to music? Do you listen to a specific part of a song, or do you listen to the whole thing?
@@doublereel-real hard to answer! i really do listen to music almost every second of my life if i can help it lol. so i do a looot of things while listening to music :) i think there are lots of ways for people to enjoy music, so don't let our differences make you doubt the possibility that you have autism.
one thing that i have with music that tends to surprise people, is that i can recognize songs almost immediately. the first second of a song will play, and i will be able to tell you exactly what song it is. song title, artist name, sometimes even the album name (given that i have heard the song before). similarly, if you play a song for me, i will always be able to tell very quickly whether or not i have ever heard the song in my life. do you have anything kinda like that? not necessarily with music, but with anything?
same, when i listen to my music and see a video on twitter/x that could interest me i just bookmark it to watch it later when i'm not listening to any music
Or audiobook suggestions 😬
This video just reaffirmed me more on my suspicion that I might be autistic. It was literally a checklist of things I've struggled with since childhood. I had been afraid of self-diagnosing especially because I have been very anxious towards health my whole life and I'm already afraid of being perceived as "hypochondriac" but I have been reading and watching videos on the subject and I feel that it will explain so much of my very complicated experience as a child, on how I felt so isolated from my peers and why it was always so hard to make and keep friends, why I was bullied for being weird as well as my current issues with work, mental health, socializing...
birb
birb
@@Margen67 ??
@@eykyrayour pfp is a bird so they are saying birb
@@melodyperez4813 Um weird but thanks for explaining lol. I just love birds and bird photography 🤷
I remember in primary school when the teacher asked us to stand up and pick a partner. Id always stay seated and waited for someone to come to me. It was sad looking back.
I still did that up till the end of secondary school haha
im still like that but the thing is: im in college
hey, same! i just waited for the person still wandering around who didnt have a partner to see me.
Same, and if everyone seems to already have partners I shamefully went to the teacher and they're the ones to tell the class, and I stand there embarrassed and awkward. The first time I tentatively went around to ask people if they have a partner it was in college 😅
I just waited 'til someone came to me so I was always picked last or had to do it with a teacher.
The language one is pretty spot on. I'm hyperlexic, but with verbal speech I tend to have a hard time choosing words at the rate most people like to speak, largely because I'm searching for exact words with the correct connotations. I do much better in one-on-one interactions, or even better at text-based socialization.
Noticing sounds is *very* prominent too, which is connected strongly to my synesthesia as well. I have auditory-tactile synesthesia that I didn't realize I had for most of my life, but it means that I often can feel sounds as textures or motion in/on my body, which makes them *even harder* to ignore. But at the same time I can't be completely isolated from my sonic environment, probably because I rely so much on my synesthesia to help recognize what's going on around me.
As a person that has also always struggled with the transition to sleep, listening to something is so helpful. For years before cell phones were a thing, I slept with a radio under my pillow and listened to a lot of late night talk radio 😆
As a kid before iPods, I slept with headphones on regularly but one day my friend got a pillow with a built-in speaker and aux cord and it was the best thing ever! I used it whenever I slept over her house lol
Omg I did this too!! Specifically that "Delilah" radio show late at night 😂
I just drink
literally same!! as a kid i always had classical fm on the radio to sleep to,, now i have my sleep playlists on Spotify i play literally every night :D (sleep timer>>>)
Damn i actually did the radio thing during childhood. Listened to radio plays and such. These days i listen to rain asmr
Re: Stimming, bit of a difficult one to recognize. Some years ago I would've said I don't stim. Before a friend pointed out "I can tell you're upset, you're making your sounds". Gee, great. I apparently do very repetitive "um" sounds when agitated, I never noticed until someone pointed it out. The hand flapping is just a quirk, surely.
Just like I never thought I had textures that bother me except a deep hatred for sandpaper. Everything else is just a matter of taste, right? Again, wasn't until I had conversations with friends who jokingly questioned food I don't eat and my instinctive responses always ranged along the lines of "No, that texture is all wrong" or "Those things don't mix because that makes it the wrong kind of sticky" or "I like crunchy, but that's crunchy-squishy, so it's not okay".
I never had intense interests or anything. Just... hobbies, y'know. Everyone has those. When as a teen I wrote in-depth essays on the implications of the magical system of role playing game whatever with regard to the in-game pantheon, it was just... hobbies. Just cause I wrote those in class doesn't mean I was obsessed or something.
...It's very easy to dismiss signs when you don't know what you're looking for.
This was a lovely description of what it's like. I have always recognized my autistic leaning traits (i don't have any very obviously anymore, but I have enough that I lean towards saying I'm autistic) but I did the same sort of thing with ADHD. How could I not have connected that me walking away from ongoing chat conversations meant I couldn't focus. Me forgetting my own birthday, me wondering why no one else at work thought it made sense to make things easier to follow, etc etc.
Yeah, it's almost a little embarrassing for me, because I knew about adhd, I just didn't make the connection that my daily struggles were the same style of thing.
It's nice that you touched on textures because I also have an aversion to certain textures. My family would cook for me at times and if it's this crunchy squishy kind of texture, I start to gag and dry heave. And it's an uncontrollable reflex when I do it too. I just can't handle how it feels. And then they think im ungrateful for the cooking despite me explaining about my texture issue lol
I got made fun of so badly for my stims so I learned to hide them or make them more acceptable.
idk i did think about this for a while but im just chucking it up to me being blind and just sensitive to certain smells or tastes or textures, you know, because my other senses are hightened. Lovely description though.
I have a total body aversion to nail files. Even thinking about them make my skin crawl. My mother was constantly filing her nails when I was a kid (she was very dedicated to making sure they were clean and pretty) and I would have to leave the room whenever she did. I think that’s what started my nail biting habit. I didn’t want my nails to ever get long enough to have to use a file so I’d just bite them off no matter how often I was scolded about it. I’ve actually never put that together until now and only started typing this because what you said about sand paper. That’s a real weird realization to have as an adult
You’re so gentle with your audience and I really appreciate it. You always add that it’s not necessary for an autistic person to not tick all these criteria, and it’s not necessary for a neurotypical person to be all that. I just realised that my entire family on my mother’s side stims (none of us are autistic, though I have a mental illness) but we always snap at each other about it. And I was constantly told off about my voice as a kid! And don’t get me started on not fitting in - I still struggle with it as an adult, as soon as I’m a part of any group there’s someone in that group wanting to bring me down.
"I still struggle with it as an adult, as soon as I’m a part of any group there’s someone in that group wanting to bring me down." - well, that happens to me too, but I don't see it as a sign of autism...why should it be?
Recently discovered your contributions. I am 61yrs old, realised a few years ago likely ADD, now realising also likely ASD, and the most inspiring thing is that you are teaching me, as a MH professional, how to be more understanding of myself and my patients! Of course most of my friends are neurodiverse, so why should I be surprised? Lovely, gentle, self-forgiving/understanding approach that helps "normalise" our lived experience.
I'm officially ADHD, but have some features of autism (definite monotropism, hard time making eye contact, intense special interests, feel overwhelmed in loud or complex environments like parties), and have always had close friends who in retrospect were almost certainly autistic. It's been interesting to try to untangle things, but I guess I'm also trying to accept the gray areas.
Yup! Same! A lot of the shared traits I hit on the list like stimming and being told I talk weird (usually in relation to talking like other adhders), but the less overlapping areas, like ease of socializing I didn't relate to!
Same! A lot of the time the ADHD cancels out autism stuff (primarily special interests) causing imposter syndrome :( All my friends are neurodivergent though, NTs are weird :/
My favourite humans are... ADHD-PI, ADHD-combined & comorbid autism. My friends are... all various forms of ADHD.
I don't get along with neurotypicals. Closest to that is someone who lives in a country where they cannot get a dx and are unsure about self-dx.
People can definitely be both! And ultimately, the question is, if you are struggling with some aspect of your life (or your whole freaking life), can you access resources to help your situation? I was diagnosed “ADD” almost 20 years ago. I’m still not officially diagnosed autistic, but I know I am! ❤️
Hey that's why I'm here. What's extra confusing is I ALSO have social anxiety due to being bullied (but it was due to poor impulse control in elementary/early middle school, I was not bullied and fairly well liked by lots of people in high school).
What's annoying is on EVERY "autism quotient" or whatnot I've ever taken,I am always in the grey zone between "almost def autistic" and "you're almost definitely not autistic", it's always "you have some traits so maybe" including a psychiatrist administering the test one time, and all of that could possibly be attributed to anxiety or ADHD due to overlapping traits so I still have no idea 🙃🙃🙃
I was first diagnosed with ADHD, and once i had been treating it for some time i started to really notice Autistic traits more. Turns out ADHD is really good at masking Autistic traits so ive kind of lived in this duality that is at odds with itself. Your video is so incredibly validating and i wish i had been able to see something like this years ago,
I found the same thing happened to me once I began treating my adhd and social anxiety lmfao
there is also comorbidity between ADHD and Autism and OCD and Autism.
In my assessment of adhd I was warned my adhd was so dominant that once they figured out managing it that it would give space for other things to bubble up and then they’d look at assessing my other highly probable diagnosis of at least autism (and maybe more)
I thought I had ADHD since my mom had it but I’ve been beginning to really question everything by which I mean ever video I see of autism I cant relate to the symptoms and I really don’t want to self diagnose and I dont know what to do because my parents don’t believe me and keep neglecting what I tell them
Just keep being your lovely, neurodivergent self. Wear your weirdness as a badge of honor. Normal looks really boring but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been.
As a teacher I could rarely eat with the teachers because I found them mean. At one of my jobs, the dean of students titled me the “queen of the outliers club”
Many of the wonderfully quirky students would attach themselves to me.
Don’t worry if your parents don’t believe you. You’ll find your way if you hold onto hope. In my life, that hope is Jesus. He’s my best friend Who never leaves me. He made me this way for a reason and I was a great special education teacher because of it.
During my first couple psychological consultations, I got a lot of "Hmmm...are you SURE you want to go through with this? You appear to me to be handling everything well. It may not be necessary to go through this."
"I speak normally." Yes, because I've had a lot of practice mimicking people. I'm also pretty good at accents.
"I have friends." Yes, because I work hard to be a genuinely good, kind, caring person. People tend to like that.
"I have a job, drive a car, buy groceries, cook, clean, etc." Yes, because I have to in order to survive. It also takes almost literally ALL of my energy.
"This car looks and feels like a solid, reliable machine that will last forever." Really? Because a lot of people who bought a German luxury car within the past three decades would beg to differ.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, the possibility is very real that it's just a life-sized toy duck that can walk and quack. That doesn't mean it can fly or swim. I hope neurology and psychology learn to progress with social understanding of neurodiversity writ large.
What happens if you get diagnosed?
I'm pretty sure i should get it done. But these warnings against getting diagnosed keep popping up? What happens.
@user-vh4oo9nm8k I was diagnosed in Europe, and all I can say from my perspectivr: nothing happens, you choose where you want to reveal this diagnosis. This information is not automatically shared with your employer, you choose whether you want to reveal a disability and most people don't even notice it.
If you're from the US, I can't say anything as I never lived there, but I'd be surprised if that was shared without your consent.
Im diagnosd, I would only do it if you are under 15y. Otherwise dont. It can work against you as an adult and spend a lot of money to prove you are in capable of doing things@@Alex-d3l9b
Lots of people in positions like this are underqualified and lack empathy
@user-vh4oo9nm8k I'm not diagnosed, im currently on the waiting list.
But something I've found with the nurotipicals around me is that they seem to think getting a diagnosis means you gain autism not that you already had autism so you seek the diagnosis.
they talk you out of it because they don't understand the turmoil of being non-diagnosed
That's just my experience of it though.
I am not officially diagnosed Autistic, I was actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Recently I've definitely been questioning this diagnosis specifically because I finally moved in with someone besides my family, and am realizing how truly difficult communication and social interactions are for me. I'm currently only on the first one, how making friends comes easily to others, and I find myself sitting here just thinking "What is that like?" LOL I think back to my childhood a lot lately because honestly, I can't really remember if I exhibited Autistic behaviors as a child, but this first one you mentioned jogged my memory back to when I met my childhood friend at the age of 7. We were at recess and while all the kids ran around playing on the playground, I was sitting on the bench by myself. My friend walked up to me asking if I was "benched", as that was the term we used when we got into trouble in class and had to miss our recess time. She came and sat with me and did all the talking and that was the beginning of our 21+ years long friendship. She still does all the talking, and honestly, it's a relief. LOL
Oh Lord, your anecdote from the social interactions part. My mom keeps telling me this about my entire time up to when I was in elementary school. Whenever neighbor kids and friends from school were over to play I would play with them for a bit, but at some point I would literally either tell them 'You can go now.' or I would just split from the playing group and do something on my own completely ignoring the others. My mom would tell me she'd come to my room where 2-3 kids were playing some game or the other with each other and I would be in another corner self-absorded doing a puzzle or looking at my favorite book completely blending the others out.
I always had friends, mind. And while most people would find me slightly dorky or weird I would always find people who'd like me too. But I'd just eventually tune out, literally. Bless my friends btw. for staying my friends regardless.
as an adult, i've learned that i like spending time with 2 people at a time instead of just 1. that way, when i don't feel like speaking, i can just keep quiet to myself, and they can talk between themselves and have a good time still. it's been a good middle ground for me to prevent people from thinking i'm being rude! any more than 2 though and i start to freak out lol
Wait... Are you... not supposed to do that? I mean, if you're bored of it, why can't you just leave. Is there a procedure to go through here?
@@queen-lilyorjiako268 you can leave whenever you want. there is a procedure, yes, and it exists to soothe people's inner anxieties about why you abruptly whisked them away ("do they not like me? did i do something wrong?"). i think neurotypical people will usually make up an excuse that isn't true, like "well, i have a huge exam tomorrow, so i need to start studying. but i'll see you later!" and i've done that on occasion too. but you can also just be honest. "ok, my social battery is pretty much dead, i gotta go. i had fun! bye!" i do that all the time
edit: if your reasoning is "i'm bored, i'm going to leave now" then i wouldn't say that out loud, namely because it will make the other person feel really bad about themselves. i mean, unless you want them to feel bad... which i guess some people do want sometimes
"When you drive somewhere you may find it difficult to get out of the car."
OH. Oh. Didn't know that was a thing.
Ahhh, enjoyed this immensely. Diagnosed at age 57. Focus on current skills and desired skills; spend least time regretting limitations; spend most time on having fun, enjoying life and learning. Thank you for being you.
As usual I have all of these. It's always a bit sad to realize at an adult age you have been mistreated your whole life because of something out of your control
I can't tell whether I'm autistic, I have ADHD or social anxiety, but I'm too socially anxious to go get therapy and a diagnosis, so I'll just keep spending every night forming imaginary conversations about my deepest emotions and inner thoughts and then end up on RUclips trying to stop myself from overthinking and then end up so distracted that I wake up sleep deprived after 3 hours once again.
😭 oh my god i relate too hard. after realizing my difficulties weren’t typical, it took me 5 years to get the courage to make a therapy appointment. i used the website Mental Health Match, and almost a year later, i’m still with the first therapist i met. i’ve been diagnosed with a few mental illnesses, but i’m too scared to get assessed for ADHD and Autism, because i’m really afraid of diagnosis(es) being used against me. so i’m still watching tons of youtube about CPTSD, ADHD, and Autism to figure out how to accommodate myself without a diagnosis.
one thing that has helped me SO much has been journalling (in a locked note on my phone, so it will never be seen by others). i get super tangled in my thoughts, so writing it down, or expressing it through a creative hobby, has kept me stable when i had no one to talk to about my struggles. (and still, because i only have therapy once a week and i have no friends). i’m really interested in somatic therapies lately because i also notice that movement like walking, dancing alone, swimming, yoga, all help me regulate and process life better. (i can’t run or do other high intensity movement, it’s too overstimulating for me)
sorry for spamming, i just want to clarify i’m not trying to give you unsolicited advice. i’m just relating so hard with your comment and i wanted to share how i’m learning to accommodate myself without a formal diagnosis. it’s tough to feel like i’m “in-between” and experiencing parts of several non-typical, stigmatized conditions. it feels so invisible and isolating, and i’m so excited when i hear someone’s experience where i can relate so much
@@emmelinesprig489 you dont have to tell anyone about the diagnosis
@@emmelinesprig489you're over-thinking it (getting diagnosed, explaining things here, and thinking you're spamming). Relax (as hard as that may be). It's all ok. 😁
I feel like I can't really say that I was bullied as a child, not because I wasn't, but because genuinely didn't know it was considered bullying at the time.
Adults only ever talked about bullying in reference to getting shoved around or hurt by another student so I assumed ONLY stuff like that was bullying. I didn't think being called things like 'weird' or 'fat' by others was bullying cause like...yeah? I am kinda weird compared to others and I am fat. To me, it was just another kid looking at me and stating the obvious so I'd just agree with them and they were usually so perplexed by that response that they just stopped trying.
My response to people trying to be mean was always just '...? Okay?' Because logically, it didn't make sense for them to be rude to me given I haven't done anything to them, so I didn't take it as rudeness.
relate to this haha lol i got called 'china' all of the several years i was at a specific school and now in *hindsight* I realise that was bullying at the time i was like- weird way to refer to someone, but yes, you aren't wrong.
I had a similar experience. I was annoyed and confused when I was younger but didn't think of it as bullying... Then fast forward to being in my 20's telling stories and see how people react and realizing "oh, ok, those memories are so fresh because they were bullying me but I didn't understand how/why at the time"
Saaame! Have never known how to explain it but this is it!
My private school friends used to tell me about how fat my mom was, actually everyone would say that, “oh your mom is so fat” or “omg your dad is fat” and I’m pretty sure that was some hint that I was fat too😂 it sure made me insecure for the rest of my life
Came down to the comments to see if anyone else mentioned this! I remember some kids being like "oh no you're a ginger you're gonna steal our souls" but my autistic ass just went "oh, I guess we are doing a bit or something" so I just said something like "haha yeah look out! I will steal your souls!" since I had heard about the whole redheads steal souls thing and just didn't realize all of the bad implications. Pretty sure those kids were just weirded out, they didn't talk to me again. Besides that I have no idea if people ever tried to bully me, I would assume yes honestly.
I think I am undiagnosed as well, I'm black so when I was a kid I had gotten beatings for stimming during class. I used to make animal noises and move around a lot and repeat songs that I heard. I was seen as being a class disruption and was regularly beat for it by my parents because they never tested me for being autistic.
I was also very smart for my age as well, and I remember no matter where I went I was always bullied by students AND teachers. I never fit in I only remember having like 2 friends in elementary.
By the time I got to 5th grade I was always masking because I was tired of being bullied for not fitting in. Now I unconsciously mask, it helped but I was still bullied but not as badly. When you're a black person who's autistic people tend to not care or not believe you and just think your being rude or disrespectful 😂
Hugs babe.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I hope you have people in your life that love and accept you for who you are.
Appreciating your source lists a lot!!! A great source for further information and also crediting work others have done.
I REALLY like the different perspective of listing criteria that imply you may NOT be austistic. It makes it a hell of a lot easier for people to translate the information into their daily activities (which they might otherwise take for granted)
I also like how you successfully use little examples of each point, how you fidget, when; when you have an "interest" in something as opposed to feeling frustrated when interrupted doing it, etc, etc.
In recent years, I have begun to challenge whether some of my ADHD symptoms might actually be from Autism instead, and that they were being masked by my better understanding of the former over the latter. The more I learn, the more that thought becomes validated. I'm the kind of person who needs to see his demons, so I don't have the option of denial like most people do. So, the more I learn about my demons, the less scary they appear to me. Thanks.
Well done.
This is so much my own story, too. For all these years, there were so many things I'm not learning are very autsm traits that I'd just sort of shoved into my ADHD, cos that was what I had.
@@shoepixie - Yup, I had suspected I might be just a little Autistic, but had always presumed they were indirect symptoms of my ADHD, so I only recently dug deeper into it.
I found someone talking about their autism in 2020 which made me think that I was as well. I relate to this video so deeply. Since I am undiagnosed, I often find that I gaslight myself into thinking that I am making it up. But the more I come across other Autistic peoples experiences I realize that I am more than likely Autistic too. My childhood makes so much sense to me now. The little things that annoyed my mom so much were autistic traits I was showing. I have been masking around people for so long since then. Thank you so much for this.
This is exactly me, down to things annoying my mom (and my father who might be autistic too annoying her in the same way). I take tests online hoping they'll say I have no sign of autism but that doesn't happen. I have a psychologist but I don't want to talk about this with her because she already told me I don't have it in her opinion. And I don't know any diagnosed high functioning autistic people since where I live basically nobody gets a diagnosis. I hoped this video would rule it out, but rather it just adds more things to think about... I hope I'll get some clarity in the future because I feel like I'm going mad
@@connaeris8230 Honestly, if it's on your mind to this extent, then there is probably something to it and you should trust your own feelings on the matter (especially if diagnosis is inaccessible, as it also is where I live). And online tests are a good indication, and imo could even be more informative than clinical diagnosis since that depends so much on the clinician, who may be biased, old-fashioned, dismissive, or simply wrong, and does not know you better than you know yourself. The psychologist could also be wrong, unfortunately we live in a world which values credentials more than judgement and intuition, and the official definitions of these terms are constantly in flux.
As someone who was diagnosed with autism early on in my life, even now it surprises me how many of these traits I can relate to. It’s really reassuring to know that many of the the ‘quirks’ I grew up with that no one around me could understand are shared in some ways with many other people.
Really goes to show no one is truly alone, even if it feels like it. Someone, somewhere, can probably relate.
I might have echolalia, can't stop repeating certain words in my mind and our loud when I'm alone.
@@JF59122I honestly love echolalia, I'll watch like tik tok or something and just have a funny phrase or sound in my head over and over.
Thanks for the video. I'm self diagnosed and struggling with imposter syndrome but this video is a comfort. I have always been a foreigner in the countries I've lived in, and so my otherness totally slipped through the cracks. My monotone, choppy voice was always blamed on my accent. Hence now I'm 40 and just realizing I'm on the spectrum. Again, thanks for the lovely videos. You have such a good vibe.
Really really great video that helped me see “I absolutely am autistic”. I guess I just hope it’s not used against people who mask. “But your hobbies aren’t that intense” or “you don’t have problems transitioning”…. No, that’s because I don’t let you know how intense my hobby is or I don’t let you know how hard I find it to transition… that’s masking! Thanks for raising awareness, you explain things really well ❤
Yes! That's me and social interactions. Limited social interactions are easy for me because I specifically developed scripts from a young age and carefully monitored and researched how each script worked. Spent hours mimicking TV characters to adapt their phrases and inflections. It's just...absolutely exhausting. Once I'm out of social energy, I completely shut down and can no longer cope and have to leave immediately. Yay maskingggggg.
I love videos like this-I’m still pretty new to knowing I’m autistic, and I keep learning new things that are linked to my autism that I thought was just me being weird. There’s a bit of comfort in that, like I don’t have to be so hard on myself
I can completely relate - I am so much nicer to myself these days. It's a relief 💛
I mean it’s also fine for people to be eccentric (weird).
Thank you for making this! I’ve been having a hard time understanding my autism evaluation results being that I don’t have autism and that my symptoms are more attributable to trauma. I knew I had C-PTSD but I didn’t realize it could mimic traits of autism. Now I can more clearly see the differences between the two and rest a little more assured that I fit more with PTSD than autism, although I’m not 100% there yet. I think a key thing to note about autism is that the traits are there from early childhood. My symptoms now I believe are very similar to the autistic experience, like having sensory sensitivities, having non-speaking episodes, trouble with eye contact, social issues, flat affect, shutdowns, obsessions, etc. but most of my symptoms started/got noticeable in my teens after I had experienced years of abuse. Trauma is so powerful in terms of what it can do to the brain and I don’t think anyone fully understands it yet but yeah just wanted to give my input that if your symptoms/traits don’t start in childhood that *might* be an indicator that it’s not autism but something else.
That's super interesting
It gets really confusing when you are autistic and suffer from cptsd rooted in early childhood trauma. Many autistic people do suffer from cptsd simply because of the isolation and “othering” they’ve experienced all of their lives. And then there are the many autistic people who end up with ptsd after suffering an acute traumatic experience, that an allistic person would have been less likely to encounter, having the ability to recognize certain social dangers and avoid them.
Reading books on cptsd is very helpful. Body keeps score I think is called ... EMDR is a great tool as well. I think they make workbooks for cptsd too. Stay well ❤ take care. 🙏
@@CDeen thank you, I’ve been considering EMDR
@@CDeen Yes! "The body keeps the score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Of all the video's of yours I've watched. This one truly hits home. I have life ruining autism. I have no friends or a love interest. I have a job I hate. It gets in the way of the things that matter to me.
I have no social skills and I don't want to be around people. I'm happy and content when I'm home by myself involved with my hobbies. It's the only thing that matters to me.
With that said, I would give anything to be normal.
I've always been told I was autistic, I never believed it even when I got diagnosed, I guess I was in denial about it because I knew people with autism are bullied and I didn't want to be bullied more then I already was, but now that I'm learning and understanding it more, it's so refreshing to know that I'm not just some weird, fucked-up-in-the-head kid, I'm just a bit neuro-spicy ✨
I like that: neuro-spicy :)
Funny because I’ve wondered about the “border” between being autistic and “introverted” as well but from the latter perspective. It took me a while to realize multiple of my friends were autistic as I also have struggled fitting in, felt uncomfortable with eye-contact etc. yet lacked other, very prominent autistic traits. “Autistic traits are human traits” is pretty spot-on.
They are litterly complitley differnt
@@danielbenavi7197we still people ain’t we lol
U saying we ain’t human like wtf bruh
@@Dovahkiin0117 i talked about introverts and autistics that are différents from each other
I had a couple of autistic friends which are way more social then
"Normal people''
What's U talking about are the autistics which the lateness of social skills made theme unsocial
@@danielbenavi7197 the inverse is also true. ASD can develop traits that make socialising harder. So can introversion and a number of other personality traits.
In the same vein, being introverted can lead someone to have behaviours which are also associated with ASD.
People on the spectrum can also be very social. I’m autistic but have always been very social, and pretty good at socialising, which led to having a late diagnosis.
@danielbenavi7197 yeah, I’ve known people on the spectrum that were extremely prone to socializing, and the tricky part for me was that they sometimes wanted to do stuff for many hours, whereas I’ve always been good for 2 or maybe 3 hours tops, and then it’s time for a long break. It seems plausible - while sensory avoiding gets focused on more, I’ve met autistic kids who are sensory seeking. Desire to socialize may work the same, and anyway, a great many of us have a desire to socialize, and the problem is we’re not good at it. I sometimes wish I was truly happy being a hermit, because I’ve largely become one now, and I wish it felt right all the way around. It sucks wanting something that I have such trouble with. Socializing stresses me out but I still wish for it.
Neurotypical people have a variety of personality types, and it wouldn’t make sense to suppose that neurodivergent people don’t as well.
Me watching this after getting an official diagnosis in October:”Oh no, what if it was wrong?!”, while ignoring my preschool signs and reports, social difficulties over 2,5 decades and sensory hellscape 😂.
I was only diagnosed with it when I was 18 and my work says I don't come across as an autistic person😅 (I'm turning 23 this year)
My current work is a workshop for disabled people 😅
7:31 (Not diagnosed, but im pretty sure im autistic so keep that in mind)
I fall into this category and its the biggest reason i doubted i was autistic. I was so extremely extroverted i made a large amount of friends everywhere i went. I talked a lot, did a lot of faces and movements that people found funny. I didnt always understand why people thought i was funny, entertaining or sassy because to me thats just how i was. I wasnt trying to say anything funny or be weird or eccentric i just was, and it happened to be in a way that pulled people towards me vs alienated me. I never used to think i was bullied because i would laugh with them or just continue the 'conversation' in friendly spirits. I did however did have a nemesis that i realized later was just a bully. The difference was i didnt like her either (which was unusual for me, i really did befriend ANYONE) so i was mean right back to her, so i didnt think of it as bullying vs an everyday beef i would have.
My social struggles come in a bit differently. I had so many friends but i rarely had close friends. I have a scale in my head (like a set of stairs) of the milestones you get to signify how close of friends you are and ive only ever had two people outside of my mom and sister that actually got past what i would call 'friend stage' and into 'genuine connection stage'. The stage includes sharing your thoughts, depending on the other person, valuing them in your life more permanently vs something like a school friend or a work friend where you might just hang out and enjoy the day to day.
Also almost everyone who gravitates towards me is queer and neurodivergent in some way, so its also importsnt to think about why your friends are your friends cause chances are theres a reason
8:37 yeah also i am a socially/people focused person. Connection is very interesting to me like science wise and how that affects your social life
I think my combination is autism and ADHD just means my most consistent special interest is sucking up as much information about a random topic as possible. Wikipedia was the coolest thing I'd ever seen because I could just keep going on whatever train of thought caught my interest.
I have lost so many hours of my life reading about whatever random topic has suddenly caught my interest.
Thiiiiis yes I love doing that
I love and hate how I'll get on Wikipedia (my favorite website) and in 10 minutes be reading about something utterly unrelated to what brought me there.
It's not lost time.
We're just doing what we like@@wintergray1221
@@ericray7173haha same
I just got diagnosed as autistic this week at the age of 37 (but I knew it before going to the test, so it was just a comfirmation). This video was so good, I was commenting to myself all the time like "that is so true" and "yeah, I do that too, I understand".
Primary school was literal hell on earth for me. All the things you talked about in your video ring true with me.
I was so outgoing when I went in on my first day, my parents said I skipped into school - and at the end of the day they said I had my head slumped down as I walked to their car. I’m actually an extrovert at heart - it just felt like everyone was against me - even adults disliked me - I don’t know why. I never ever got into trouble, I completed my work on time, I contributed during lessons. I did literally begin to go mad with the isolation, started losing my hair. Some days I didn’t speak a single word from 8.30am until school got out at 3.30pm - because no one would talk to me. People made fun of the way I spoke, called me posh. I could go on but I won’t. What you were speaking about regarding other people’s impression of me not knowing I was autistic (diagnosed age 11, still relatively early for a girl to be diagnosed in the noughties) - I remember the faces of children but mostly of adults, their disapproval and judgement. That never ever leaves me.
This was very emotional to read for me, as i had the exact same experience. I used to be such a happy and outgoing kid, talking to every stranger i met. Until the first day of school, i dont remember what happened, but i completely shut down...for the rest of my life basicly. I never really fit in, barely talked to other children and was always daydreamimg from that point on. I find it hard to understand if this means i am actually extroverted, after living such an introverted life and still really need to be alone a lot. Although i now recognize that having a rare deep conection with people can make me feel the extrovert i once was. I also always had the feeling that, especially the teachers, were against me. As if i did something wrong and they seem to like the "normal" kids more. Anyways, i still dont know if its all so black and white, and how the emotional damage in our childhood contributes to this. I hope youre doing ok now.
yeah I feel you. didn’t help that every teacher I had growing up was constantly trying to “get me out of my shell”.
I feel this so hard. I was so excited about school and didn’t fit in at all.
this is literally me. we can follow all of the rules and we’re still unlikabke it makes no sense
I love how your hair is framing your face, this cut suits you so wellll!
I'm a mental health counselor and have this type of conversation with a LOT of clients. Love seeing a video about it. Amazing how trauma, gender dysphoria, ADHD, social phobia, and more! all have overlapping traits. The point about human traits is a MUST for understanding the difference between these things and why snippet diagnosis videos are both good and bad.
.... and when will the apparent be registered in the intellectualising part of psychology: there is something going on and just focusing on boxing in traits is only leading to new names for more boxes, but not explaining the phenomenon. If we would inquire into that, the so called neurodivergent would understand themselves better AND not get obsessed with being special. I'm happy to explain further.
@@annelbeab8124No thanks. If you think the only or primary reason for someone to create/use things like these labels/diagnoses/etc, which have helped so many people, is just to feel special, that says way more about you than them. They also very much do explain the phenomenon and that's why so many people are relieved by them. I wonder if you think the same about pride month and similar things..
A lot of the stuff you mentioned is extremely co-morbid. Lots of autistic folks with ADHD, and finding autistic people who aren't traumatized is basically impossible. Not to mention the fact that autistic people are more likely to be LGBTQ+ (although in my opinion the split is the same in NTs, autistics are just less likely to be cowards lmao). It's definitely good to be able to spot the differences though so we're not just sorting everyone into the same unhelpful box.
@@tastyhaze2058 you're absolutely right and it's why explanations of when they do and don't overlap are so important. And ideally why talking to someone who really knows their stuff for an accurate diagnosis is critical to just helping someone understand what's going on. I know there's obvious pros and cons to diagnosis and the medical system, for real.
@@annelbeab8124 we're not obsessed with "being special." That's a misinterpretation on your part; I don't feel special for having had so many issues with socialising or not feeling like Hell while trying to hold down jobs. For a lot of us, this level of analysis is going to be part of trying to understand ourselves; it's not your place to tell us we're going about understanding ourselves wrongly.
The way you describe the feelings is absolutely a description of how I feel...moving from one task to another is ripping me away, painful, and yes, trying to be on time for something requires that I lose a lot more time in "preparations" getting myself mentally prepared so I don't have the hangover. One "event" or appointment can drain me because it takes way longer to make sure I am ready, leave on time and am not so into the flow that I will totally blow off my alarm that I set to make sure I get there. Mental hangover is a great term...so the half hour haircut with a 15 minute drive to get there takes me 3 hours to manage...way more of those "spoons" than a muggle would use...not counting the fact that I must "socialize" and listen to small talk chit chat with the hairdresser while getting it done...also draining.
Yes, this all confirms my self diagnosis. Some great descriptions of how it feels inside here.
For a long time I've blamed my inability to rip myself away from something interesting when it's time to do something else on ADHD, but now that I've started ADHD meds (albeit weak ones) and this aspect remains unchanged while others are improving, I've been getting quite frustrated. One of the key improvements I was hoping for was to stop being late for everything all the time, but I find myself still unable to pull away from something interesting until I'm already late, or it's so far past the bedtime I had planned that I can barely get 3-4 hours of sleep before my alarm rings.
Autism sounded pretty relatable from as soon as I found out about it, and I've had a couple of therapists ask pointed questions in that direction (plus an emotional support chatbot randomly diagnosing me based on the info I had fed it 😂), but I've never particularly cared whether autism was included in the mix of neurological peculiarities and defects that was giving me trouble. Pretty much everything that could be ascribed to autism could also be ascribed to the combination of ADHD, social anxiety and OCD, each cripplingly severe on its own and completely untreated for nearly 30 years, plus plain old introversion. But maybe after I'm on all the meds I need, there'll be a set of remaining symptoms that match autism. I hadnt really thought about that until now.
Go get a REAL diagnosis I have a REAL DIAGNOSIS.
same here, I struggle a lot getting ready and being on time. Also where I live diagnosis are really expensive, I can't even afford therapy so it's easy to say "go get a Diagnose" from privilege. And after all what will I do with it? Hang it on the wall? put it on my resume?
I'm not diagnosed as autistic, but the RUclips algorithm keeps showing me " you might be autistic if you do this" videos where they basically describe me.
Maybe because you are watching the videos
Or they are watching you
(=
@@Treeman3 now it almost certainly is that I've watched some, but I was just happily watching Minecraft videos when RUclips decided to stop trying to get me into competitive tag and was suddenly like: Dude, you're autistic. Sorry you had to find out this way.
Me too. I definitely have Somewhere In The Neurodivergent Ballpark Syndrome.
@@laikapupkino1767ah yes the notorious Symptoms Syndrome. “I’m not diagnosed with anything but it sure is SOMETHING!” That was what me and a partner used to call whatever was going on with him, that I thought only a doctor could sus out
@@Aggrobiscuit
Texas sharpshooter -fallacy, I believe it's called. Or 'count the hits, not the misses'. Some people are more prone to it than others.
For what it counts, I believe the imposter syndrome to be more prevalent than false positives.
Beautiful video, love it.
9 out of 9 times -- yes, I'm autistic. 75 years old female, Germany.
1. Big talents, hardly any success. Disproportional.
2. Always out of groups, outsider against my will.
3. In every group there was at least one person who hated me even before the very first interaction
4. "You have such a funny way of talking" -- my classmate (8 ys) explained that I had an odd way of using past tense: Not in a colloquial, but in a strange, outdated way (I read a lot, also classics).
5. Spinning a thread of my hair until it had to be cut free when I was about 4. And putting pressure on my closed eyes because then I could see these exiting colors. I loved to have fever, same reason.
6. I am a hearer of the Hum (Taos Hum); I notice details nobody cares about.
7. I have written the same novel for 40 years, changing it a few times.
8. Cannot leave an unfinished task behind. Impossible. And my head keeps repeating songs I rehearse on my ukulele.
9. Moving to another living place makes me sick -- literarily. Commuting between bed and bathroom. Anxiety, rebellion against a move even if I thought I was happy to move in with my boyfriend.
This actually brings up something I have thought about so much, second point, I have been constantly excluded and ostracised, but never bullied. Many people have said they didn't realise it was bullying, and I've wondered if that was the case for me, but I just keep coming back to how othered I felt, and how much I thought everyone hated me, and yet was never bullied. It continues to confuse me, especially since I would have been a pretty easy target, apart from probably not realising people were insulting me, which has happened.
Being othered* I think does count as a type of bullying, but actually not reacting to peoples insults can be a really good defense against being directly targetted. If people dont get a rise out of you they're less likely to latch onto being mean
@@Brooke_Corbyn good point, but it really does depend on the bullies. sometimes they're more likely to leave you alone, but also sometimes they're being needlessly cruel and will insult you and pick on you more for not being able to pick up on the insult, haven't experienced that firsthand yet but have heard many stories about that happening.
@@riv3rw4ter yeah for sure, it can really depend
That’s based on their parents being a certain way and bringing up their kids to be a certain way. I was raised to be polite and nice to everyone even if I didn’t like them. This was well ingrained by the time I could form memories. Bullying is actually an acquired ability, and a cultural practice. Some people might develop it naturally if not taught to be kind, others learn it from seeing it happen to others or themselves.
Being ostracized can be on purpose and bullying but also it can be kids not knowing how to relate to you but knowing how to relate to each other, which makes a reinforcement cycle of exclusion. Only you can probably know which it was which time and only if you know about their lives.
This video helped me realise how much wearing my face mask actually helps me process things.
I normally wear a mask to school, aka where most of my socialising takes place. By wearing a mask, I don't have to worry about my expressions and I can focus more on people. But the downside to wearing it is that I get picked on a lot. I think it's worth the price though.
"But what about when I'm not wearing a mask?" yeah uh whenever I socialise without my face mask things get so much that I just stop processing my surroundings. It kinda feels like I'm going blind every other second with how much I struggle to process everything around me.
Idk whether I am autistic or neurodiverse at all, but this video helped in a way regardless. Those kids at school can suck it up because I'm going to be wearing that mask a whole lot more now.
Thank you haha
I know a lot of people who feel the same, some have anxiety and it helps. Unfortunately for me it is disorienting, but I can see the appeal.
I obviously can't say for sure, but I'm pretty confident I'm autistic at this point and that's been about my experience wearing masks. I'm 29 so not in school anymore but I always put one on to go grocery shopping and it does help! I have a lot of vocal/mouth stims I'm covering up. I'm a lot more confident when I wear one.
If a specific kind of sensory input is basically required for your emotional regulation (ie you get stressed out if you feel like you can't do it or have to hide it), that's a BIG autistic thing right there. If that's the case, it sounds like you might be autistic. Certainly worth looking into 😊
@@scobeymeister1 Thank you :)
And I'm the opposite. It really highlighted my auditory processing issues and how I'm reliant on lip reading (my hearing is good.) Just how my coping mechanisms are instinctive.
I got my diagnosis at the age of 52, and it explained _so much_ . The fact that I was in my 20s when I started understanding how to make friends... but it took me another decade to learn how to _keep_ them. I still don't have many people that I consider real friends, and I don't have much of a social life IRL. Basically, I've spent most of my life trying to learn how to mask, without realising that it was what I was doing, and eventually got burned out. I am hyperlexic and have an above-average IQ, but never managed to get a higher education because ✨executive dysfunction✨.
I once read a comment by (it must be assumed) a neurotypical person on the topic of autistic masking. They were saying that people are too wrapped up in their own lives and masking was unnecessary because other people actually don't pay much attention and wouldn't even notice other people's little flaws... They obviously didn't understand it at all. When a NT person puts on an act in front of others, it's too appear smarter and cooler than they are, so they can be a bit more popular. When autistic people mask, it's so they can fly under the radar and _not stand out_ . Because standing out and being noticed in 99% of the cases means being bullied and/or ostracised. And even when you put huge efforts into masking, people still notice. Because what we are masking aren't "flaws", but our otherness, those subtle or not so subtle differences that make people weirded out even when they can't put their finger on why.
I'm like you in that I find rigid routines stifling and they make me feel trapped and anxious. But I still like to do things my own way, the same way, every time. Just not on schedule, hahaha. The one thing I'm still struggling to figure out is stimming. I've never done that in any "obviously autistic" way (no flapping or rocking etc). But I do and have done some other things that could be stimming, I just don't know if they are. Like sucking my thumb way past childhood (and I really do mean _way_ past childhood).
I agree with most of your post, except the part where you state that 99% of cases standing out leads to being ostracised or bullied. This might even be true in middle school (it certainly was for me), but once confidence and self-esteem are at sufficiently high levels, together with being physically imposing, I can state with some measure of certainty that this no longer is the case.
To go more into detail, I specifically ENJOY standing out when I'm feeling extroverted (I'm an ambivert) because I've embraced my otherness decades ago (I'm 37) and am in many ways proud of it. This has directly led to my high school experience being fairly enjoyable (especially compared to the Hell that was middle school), even though I was as strange as ever, but I carried that weirdness with confidence and it mostly resulted in my people finding me interesting, engaging, and even a fair few girls finding me attractive (not that I realized this until years later).
Granted, I will say that there still were a few that got rubbed the wrong way by my unusual opinions/mannerisms/likes/etc every now and then, but I became adept at quickly shutting them down before a social chain reaction could occur. I will note that since this was far more likely to come from other guys and because nearly all IRL male interactions during and past puberty are in some way underlined by an implicit understanding of the violence other men can do unto you if push comes to shove (and the impact this perception has on pecking order), it very much did help that I was larger and stronger than the vast majority of my peers and this meant that I only had to raise my voice or posture my body in a certain way to intimidate most into backing off, if verbal arguments didn't do the trick (I preferred verbal arguments, but some habitual delinquents just refused to leave me be, so I had to force them to do so). This maybe happened 5% of the time, which is a far cry from the 99% you've postulated (granted, it was far higher of a percentage in middle school).
Furthermore, I don't mask because I want to hide myself, at least not since middle school. These days, it is simply a side effect of the skills I've studied for a very long time in order to intentionally be better at social interactions - it's basically a part of my perfectionism that I've internalized so much so as to be second nature, making it seem like I'm naturally gifted at socializing when, in reality, it's the exact opposite.
All that said, I am Romanian and culture might play a larger role here than is usually assumed. Plus, your comment said nothing about context regarding that 99%, so I don't know if you meant it as a blanket statement for life in general (which was my assumption when I started this comment), the entirety of one's mandatory schooling, or if it was supposed to apply to relatively early social interactions in middle school (case in which I would agree with you, as it takes us time to learn the skills and gain the reputation necessary to prevent these issues).
Regardless, I hope you have a pleasant evening.
Tootles!
@@DarkVeghetta Maybe you're that 1%, then?
@@DarkVeghettafor most people with autism, standing out/otherness illicits correction from adults which makes it fundamentally improbable to develop good self esteem.
I really appreciate your mention of the level of effort required and how long it takes to develop those skills. Many diagnoses of adults, from anecdotal research, include people who have been just a little faster than others of the same diagnosis in accommodating their own issues, at identifying and problem solving. But that doesn’t mean that it takes any less effort to follow through with those strategies. It isn’t a matter of whether you can swim or not. It is how hard you have to swim and how many obstacles you encounter to get to the same point.
@@aprillen I suppose it wouldn't be the first time.
Have an adhd diagnosis but love watching your videos because there’s lots of relatability. I’m no longer in school but when you mentioned the music in ear buds, vs the spontaneous noises in “silence” resonated with me from back then.
However I tend to be a chameleon with friends words that they say. I adapt their vocabulary and feel like they’re not really my own words or mannerisms.
Motivating myself to clean is nearly impossible. Music was my favorite in school but childhood life caused me to stay in survival mode and walking on eggshells.
I love having friends, socializing with my peers I know. But it’s impossible to make friends. I’m so anxious and lots of awkward silence of what do I even do or say? I hate the silence with strangers.
I need people to tell me if they’re wanting to come over. I am disorganized because of distractions and mental fatigue. But I am more anxious of a slight mess. Trips need a strict plan but my husband is a last min person who doesn’t mind spontaneous activities which I loathe. He can socialize so much easier while I’m clenching my teeth in social settings EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO SOCIALIZE. I enjoy people once that initial… few meets, happen and we are comfortable but people typically don’t want to meet again because it is hard for my brain to just enjoy meeting them and be present.
Why is it hard living haha
This really helped to soothe my imposter syndrome. It had gotten pretty bad in recent months. I guess I hadn't realized just how bad the imposter syndrome had gotten until I watched this video. I had begun to be in denial that I could actually have autism. To the point I had convinced myself that I somehow made it all up. However, after watching this video, I am at ease. Everything you talked about were things that I fell steeply on the autistic side of. Everything just clicks again. Makes sense. How did I begin doubting myself again? I don't know, but here I am. I'm glad I came to watch this video. It was a tremendous weight off my shoulders. Thank you.
Imposter syndrome suggests that being autistic is a desirable trait. It's not, it's a struggle and a challenge. If you feel like this, you might be LARPing because it's now considered "cool" in certain circles. Either you have an autism diagnosis by a professional or you don't. Having or not having "imposter syndrome" is completely irrelevant.
@holyX You do realize that not having a diagnosis does not mean you don't have it right? You do know some people can't afford to seek a diagnosis right? I may be misunderstanding the word imposter syndrome by its normal definition, but I hear many people use it the way including the person who's video this is a comment on. I don't think there is an actual diagnostic term for that feeling for those of us suffering from it, so I think we adopted it as it is the phrase that best describes how it feels. Even though you have proof in front of you that you do belong in the autistic community, you still sometimes feel like you're a fraud and you made it all up. People who are diagnosed experience this too. What would you say to them then? "You must not really be autistic." How about you stay in your own lane and stop trying to gatekeep a disorder like you have a medical license which I'm sure you don't. Thank you.
@@WolfieZaps He has a point in that it’s a very popular thing nowadays to claim that you’re autistic. Kids think it’s ‘cool’ nowadays, and I’ve seen waaay more young people claiming to be ‘neurodivergent’ than ones claiming to just be normal. It’s quite unreasonable to think that every kid nowadays who self-diagnoses themselves with X condition actually has it, especially when it’s trendy. Some things absolutely should be gatekeeped, and things that can be legally considered ‘disabilities’ and thus eligible for special protection and treatment are certainly one of those things.
Why would you want a bunch of fakers in your ‘community’ anyway? I thought it was all about finding people genuinely similar to you, not finding people who are just pretending to be like you in order to be ‘cool’. What’s wrong with gatekeeping? For people who are often said to have the tendency to be ‘black and white’ thinkers, you people sure do seem to go out of your way to embrace the grey areas more than the general population. Maybe I’m just too ‘autistic’ to understand...Not that I’m going to claim 100% that I am, as I’ve never been diagnosed and realize that it’s an empty claim among the endless droves of people claiming it nowadays. But I do have practically all of the traits that y’all consider ‘autism’ nowadays, so by your no-gatekeeping standards, I’m one of you. I’ve often found that my ‘neurodivergent’ thinking is a bit too ‘divergent’ from your ‘community’ to be a part of it, though.
Anyway, even convincing a doctor to tell you that you have something doesn’t exactly prove it either. So many things have been over-diagnosed over the years. Back in my day, it was ADD, and almost every kid was given Ritalin like it was candy, even if they very clearly didn’t need it.10 years ago, I went to college with someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers, and now you guys claim that the condition doesn’t exist. Now it’s just seen as a ‘spectrum’ of the exact same as the kid I knew in elementary with autism who had drastically different symptoms, which I personally find very hard to believe. Who’s to say that we’re actually right in the current year either? 10 years ago, you would have thought it totally legitimate when my college roommate said she had Aspergers, but now it’s ‘problematic’ to say that word and differentiate my college roommate who got better grades than I did in Japanese from the non-verbal kid I knew in elementary. In another 10 years, who knows the ways in which we’ll be scoffing at today’s beliefs. Psychology is not a hard science and has always been largely political.
@@WolfieZaps I think I will be in whichever lane I want (in the boundaries of free speech of course). It wasn't an attempt at gatekeeping, it's my opinion and criticism on many people's tendency of romanticizing a condition which adds extra hardships to life. From your explanation I see now that you weren't trying to romanticize it so my apologies if I offended you, and appreciate your insight.
@@holyX I spent my whole life not knowing why everything was more difficult for me than it was for everyone else around me, not knowing why I struggled, and was only able to piece it all together at around 30 years of age. All thanx to content like this video that let me know I'm not alone, and that my struggles have a name and things I could learn to do and try to make them better. Which has been a far cry from my ability to help myself with my struggles up until this point without any guidance at all.
Thank you for the video! I’m very certain that I’m an allistic person, but I’ve been learning so much from the neurodivergent community. These videos help me to speak about autism and neurodivergence in a more accurate way while also learning new ways of supporting neurodivergent people in my own family and community. Videos like Meg’s videos inspire me to learn about the kinds of accommodations I can advocate for in my local community and my tribal community. I work for a tribal government in North America of which I am also a member of and the intersections between masking, code-switching, and PTSD is both interesting and worrisome for those autistic people who’s experiences are compounded by the intersection masking, code-switching, and PTSD. It all makes me wonder what kinds of services and nuances need to be discussed for autistic people of minority communities.
What about ADHD awareness? Very overlooked issue and could be the reason why people are so divided or hostile nowadays
@@tutubism I agree that ADHD is also very overlooked as well as AuDHD.
I’ve really been loving your content. Ever since I got sober I have realized I’m an extremely hypersensitive person, with lots of sensory issues, which I was masking with alcohol. Along with that I’ve been trying to figure out if I might be autistic, but this video has resonated. I might just have sensory issues.
Side note- your lip color you’re wearing is so beautiful, it’s like a perfect shade for your complexion! I’ve noticed it on so many of your videos. Have you ever shared what color it is?
You could be a highly sensitive person, their traits tend to overlap with autism, especially in overwhelming environments (that’s true for me at least)
However the one thing I can’t quite figure out is my special interests, which currently is clock collecting, watching Phineas and Ferb, and playing/making Spyro music. Does that mean I’m autistic or I’m just quirky? Or is it part of my high sensitivity? I am not sure.
I noticed the lip colour too. It does compliment her skin tone a lot
Im practically a robot. I sometimes have to remind myself how to be human.
High IQ autistic life is weird.
I barely feel human. I often find myself preparing ahead of time because i feel like i must alter my parameters to make other humans comfortable within my presence.
Hey velocity, sorry for the wall of text, but I hear you, and I can’t imagine how tough it must be to feel like you’re on the outside looking in, like you’re not quite part of the human experience. But let me tell you something, you’re as human as it gets. Just because your brain works differently doesn’t make you less. In fact, it’s what makes you uniquely you. You’ve got strengths and abilities most people can only dream of, but yeah, sometimes that also means feeling out of sync with the people around you. I know it can be exhausting feeling like you’ve got to adjust who you are to make others comfortable, but here’s the thing, you don’t always have to do that. It’s okay to prioritize your own comfort, to let yourself be as you are, and to let people meet you where you’re at. Sometimes, it’s not about changing for others but finding the people who appreciate you without needing you to twist yourself into knots. Also, try to give yourself some credit. You’ve got a high IQ, and that can feel like it sets you apart, but it’s also something to be proud of. I’m sure you’ve got incredible strengths that come from that, and those are worth celebrating. You’re not a robot, and even if it feels that way sometimes, that just means you’re wired differently, and that’s a gift, not a flaw. You deserve spaces where you don’t have to feel like you’re always preparing for others. Maybe that’s with other neurodivergent folks or just with people who get you without making you feel like you need to change. Those connections are out there, and they’re worth seeking. Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in feeling like you need to be “more human,” but you’re already human enough. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough 👍🏻
Bingo
Funny you should mention being easy-going and chill. I just had this discussion with my partner yesterday. In the first few years of our 16+ year relationship he had said to me that part of what he liked about me was that I was so easy-going. Turns out I was just highly masking and actively trying to be chill. I've since gotten diagnosed as well as older so I have less energy and willingness to mask, and now he's often frustrated at me being "difficult". I had to remind him that me being easy-going was essentially me being a doormat in order to be likeable, which he acknowledged, and he reaffirmed that he wants me to stand up for myself and my needs, but it's something we both have to get used to.
Take this as a PSA that masking is not just hurting yourself, but potentially also your relationships. Especially if you ever stop masking, which you almost certainly will have to do when energy and f*cks start running out.
My family mambers are likely autistic and because of this they think the "normal" autistic sympoms are how everyone is and they don't take diagnosis (also the other ones I have) serious, I hate it. But the positiv things are that some autistic traits are normal for us, for example our days always were planed were chill, because we all didn't like it when many things happen in short times, like partys our days where every minute is planed with foing something snd we can just sit beside each other without socialicing.
I feel this so much, not diagnosed yet but every autistic trait I see in myself and my family is considered “normal.” One side of the family in particular is huge and has autistic and ADHD traits all over the place.
Totally enjoyed this video! I was diagnosed as being autistic last year at the age of 61. Your speaking style is marvelous. And even though I don’t know you personally, you are only the second person in my entire life that I can relate to and feel comfortable/relaxed with (the first person is my autism assessor who is autistic and an ADHDer). I don’t even feel comfortable around my family. The terms people label me is a blow to my self-esteem (odd, strange, different, weird, quirky, abnormal, an enigma, L7 [a square], and unusual), so thank you for bringing that aspect out regarding autism in the video. I don’t feel so alone in being called those labels. My assessor says don’t listen to people who call you them because they are just “commoners.”
This was my first time watching your videos, and I look forward to future ones.
I didn't get my diagnoses till I was in my 30s and it brought a great relief to me finally knowing the why I was different. I feel proud to be 'different' .. I wouldn't like to be just like everyone else.
There’s nothing wrong with being a little strange, eccentric, quirky, odd, unusual, weird, different, or an enigma. I once overheard my own adoptive mother saying to some older relatives (about me), “Well, she certainly dances to a different drummer. Doesn’t she?”, and our elders all just kind of mmm, hmm-ing their agreement. They didn’t know I could hear them from the downstairs bathroom, where I was at the time. I don’t know why, but that really stung at the time. It just made me feel like such an outsider in my adoptive family, all of whom I had known since my infancy & I was around 16, or 17, at the time I heard this. I never said anything to them about it - just pretended I didn’t hear. I think I just started looking for some kind of reassurance that they still loved me. I satisfied myself with the fact that they still let me hug them goodbye & they still hugged me back. That definitely made me feel better about it.
The thing is though, I now feel like such labels mean that we are simply more creative & resourceful than most folks. Being strange, unusual, eccentric, or an enigma - it all makes you sound kind of cool & mysterious, if you ask me. 😎💜🖖🏼🦮🖖🏽💜😎
I am in my 50,s, I know their is something different but had not considered autism, questions when I was growing up I would hear people say, "she is in her own world, she is an airhead,", did you hear things like that
@@jannacoyote4246 Thank you for the kind words. Though I don’t think of myself as “cool” or “mysterious”, I take them as complements, something I am not use to. When I ask others how am I weird, they just respond, “I don’t know you’re just weird.”
I’m sorry you had the experience you had from your mother. It sounds like you were stung by this incident because you felt rejected again. But I also think it is more than being stung, I believe it shredded you apart internally. I totally understand that feeling when my mom told me my parents didn’t want me and that I am ugly. This happened many years ago and I still have an open mental wound from it. Additionally, I was diagnosed as being a womb twin survivor (aka vanishing twin syndrome). When I asked my mom about it she blurted out ,”I wasn’t trying to kill you.” Then she burst out in tears, something she NEVER did. Her actions make me think she did try and succeeded in killing my twins. It was demanded I never bring up the subject again!
I hope you were able to finally find inner peace and have felt love again. I envy you if you have, but in a good way. I have Alexithymia (a trait that is common in autistics), and don’t understand most emotions. The worse one for me is love. I don’t understand it, I don’t know how it feels, and I don’t know how to give it. It makes me very depressed and angry with myself every time I think about.
I sincerely appreciate your upbeat reply.😊🌹
@@brandyfinley4957 I didn’t get told I was in my own world, but was told I shouldn’t be an isolationist.
When you started talking about people telling you that you speak weirdly, I almost started crying. I'm from the American South, and growing up EVERYONE told me I sounded like I was from the UK. I can't tell you how many comments I got about it, and how othering it was. I also had to go to speech therapy through most of elementary school. I would be pulled out of class to go to therapy, and it always felt extremely obvious that I was different. All these things combined made me so self conscious of my voice. I'm still working through it. I never knew that it could be related to my autism! It feels so good to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of thing.
Socialising in person has always been difficult for me. I appreciate that you mentioned that autistic people might favor socialising online. That's definitely been the case for me. Pretty much all of my lasting friendships have started online, even if they transitioned to in-person socialising later down the line. I think it's a lot easier for me to be authentic about myself online without the fear of immediate repercussions for being odd or awkward, and that weeds out a lot of the people who wouldn't tolerate anything except my mask irl.
Something else to consider about online socialising - it's often first in text form, which makes things a lot easier for me at least, and when it's calls, the environment is often more "controlled" than in real life. I've never considered it before, but I definitely appreciate those aspects of online communication, especially when I'm not yet comfortable with someone.
After I've gotten to know someone via those channels, in-person communication becomes a lot easier, I feel like I'm able to navigate conversations so much more comfortably if I already know a lot about how that person works. That takes a lot of the stress out of it for me.
I took almost a decade longer than my peers to start dating, because most people on those websites weren't looking for that kind of approach...
I got over the hurdle of not being naturally good at making friends by completely focusing on learning body language and social cues online. Every interaction it’s like I’m looking for signs from different videos and analyzing people to figure out how I should react
The Anthony Hopkins style special interest life hack. :-o
I used to try to do that, but it was a bit overwhelming tbh. I don't much do that anymore when in real life , but I'm always watching things play out closely even if I don't try to translate that into optimal behavior
@@beansworth5694 that's a good point. If it's not a special interest, that kind of work effort is going to be draining instead of stimulating.
If you are in your 20s and abled bodied, maybe you have the energy for it, but the things a young body can manage tend to depreciate as your body gets older and needs to balance more needs. 🤔
@@stephanieok5365 My special interest is more in line with self-analysis from a philosophical perspective, and sometimes I project it outwards to other people too. But most of the benefit I get out of that obsession is understanding myself and knowing what it looks like when someone or something knows themself and to what degree- I often come across as abrasive because when I talk about my 'special interest' it can seem accusatory rather than curious, since one's relationship with themself is kinda a touchy subject lol
@@beansworth5694 oh yeah, I think that's called being Intrapersonal? Someone who is good at interacting with another person might have interpersonal skills but if you develop self knowledge and can accurately gauge and listen to your own body skills, I think a person has Intrapersonal skills?
sometimes i get so worried i’m like. pretending to be autistic. but then everyday i wake up and remember that i had lots of traits even from a young age, i just didn’t know what bullying was for a long time!
i was often alone throughout my school years, got excluded from groups/dropped randomly and i never knew why, and i often drift away from certain people because i don’t know how to maintain those friendships/struggled to do so
also! the speaking thing, haha, this is something i’ve learned about myself only recently. i have a very soft voice, and never realized i talked really quietly, and people can have trouble hearing me. i also tend to have an extremely flat face without even realizing, and can’t express much emotion in my voice (someone i knew thought i didn’t find them funny for the longest time, even though i did)
sorry this is so long but i wanted to just talk about stimming too! i stim so much, like rubbing my hands together, pacing, rocking, leg bouncing, biting the inside of my mouth, verbal stims (i.e repeating a word at random), etc etc
i’m so sorry i’m yapping but i’m just. i like talking about it the more i find out, i love your channel and it has been a major help
me too sometimes i get imposter syndrome then look back at my childhood and remember yeah i wasnt normal lol but idk if i've got autism or adhd 😭
It's me but with therapy. I worked on my issues, so I am thinking, if nobody can see it, then I am not autistic, right? Well...wish it was how it worked lol
@@nataliak1474 if no one can see it you're probably masking ❤️🩹
@@strawberryshortcake5505 you can have both! you're actually more likely to have one if you have the other. editing to add on that one popular theory of autism is that it falls under the "add/adhd umbrella" and just is expressed in somewhat different ways
Why are you so obsessed with having a label?