15 DATING RULES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

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  • Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
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Комментарии • 1,2 тыс.

  • @ip3931
    @ip3931 9 месяцев назад +4581

    This woman is not even 25 yet she has achieved and has knowledge of a lifetime of success!

    • @imaneberra3522
      @imaneberra3522 9 месяцев назад +96

      Truuue I'm 22, broke and I've never been in a relationship before, just situationships😂😂.

    • @Twozerofived
      @Twozerofived 9 месяцев назад +35

      right? I'm so amazed by her wisdom!

    • @geekyhealthfitness7168
      @geekyhealthfitness7168 9 месяцев назад +6

      I agree

    • @nandinisayam770
      @nandinisayam770 9 месяцев назад +2

      Exactly 💯

    • @deardiary2004
      @deardiary2004 9 месяцев назад

      South Asian girls mature faster 🥹

  • @tanvi.ra.1480
    @tanvi.ra.1480 9 месяцев назад +3032

    1. Testing process
    • test what he's talking to u about.
    2. Sometimes the feeling of boredom while meeting a guy comes from your lack of experience with good guys.
    3. Know what kindness means to you
    • stop normalizing being in toxic relationships ( it's trauma bonding)
    4. Being attracted to bad boys is a representation of our ego
    • We want what we can't have
    5. If a guy keeps talking about his past trauma
    RUN he's a narcissist
    • Sames goes for
    excessive talking about future.
    6. Do not spill your secrets
    • never reveal your ideal type, boundaries or
    how u were treated in the past.
    7. Stop discrediting what happened in the past
    8. Attachment styles are the KEY 🔑
    9. He should be testing u too.
    10. Be with a man who wants to be your boyfriend,
    not who just wants a girlfriend .
    11. Be in your feminine energy
    • stop controlling
    • sit back observe
    12. U are not just dating a person, you are also dating their lifestyle.
    13. They are not their to save you
    14. They need to be judged in other areas of their life.
    • What kind of relationship they have with their family, work, exercise, etc
    15. What does your dream life look like.
    • Be focused in self love, self care, etc
    • get ur fulfillment from other areas of your life

    • @Sadhrita2002
      @Sadhrita2002 8 месяцев назад +12

      ❤❤❤❤

    • @jananovakova7171
      @jananovakova7171 8 месяцев назад +6

      ❤❤❤❤

    • @vibhorejaiswal2997
      @vibhorejaiswal2997 8 месяцев назад +5

      These are the things that u want -
      What about the qualities that a man wants is not even a requirement !

    • @bknj
      @bknj 8 месяцев назад

      ​@@vibhorejaiswal2997That's the perspective of a woman, we cannot talk from the man's side what they want. Make a video or write a book about it maybe. What all Tam said is exactly what a mature relationship looks like having a one on one conversation, being prudent and straight forward but with kindness not insulting each other and having atleast an idea what a LONG TERM relationship should look like according to her. Living in the present and not wanting to be too much what's gonna happen next, willing to know each other and no trauma dumping etc. We are definitely not looking for fboys they are everywhere, tbh everyone has their own preference for a partner you can definitely look elsewhere. That's the standard of her which she wants in her partner and he is meeting all those needs just by being himself without pretending. Don't be so bitter.

    • @shalinihanagandi9601
      @shalinihanagandi9601 8 месяцев назад +3

      Thanks mate!

  • @evie_beee
    @evie_beee 8 месяцев назад +1293

    Girl I’m 15 rn and I’m so thankful for all the PAIN you are saving me from in the future. Getting my standards sorted now rather than later 😍

    • @wuxian1
      @wuxian1 8 месяцев назад +36

      good for you!

    • @andreatorluemke4982
      @andreatorluemke4982 8 месяцев назад +48

      Exactly no one teaches you how to do this

    • @lettersforlaura
      @lettersforlaura 8 месяцев назад +31

      Omg I’m so happy for you, you will be so ready to slay your 20s 🥹💓

    • @daniella3211
      @daniella3211 8 месяцев назад +11

      Love this for you!! 💖💖

    • @sia9760
      @sia9760 7 месяцев назад

      Omgg same ​@@wuxian1

  • @jeshthaac
    @jeshthaac 9 месяцев назад +2886

    "If they're not Hell Yes about you then you have to be Fuck No about them."
    - Tamanna Kaur

    • @ST4RG1R7GF.
      @ST4RG1R7GF. 8 месяцев назад +37

      SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK ‼️

    • @Tanishaaa.a67
      @Tanishaaa.a67 8 месяцев назад +4

      i have a question, is she indian?

    • @ST4RG1R7GF.
      @ST4RG1R7GF. 8 месяцев назад +22

      @@Tanishaaa.a67 yea she's of punjabi decent but she lives (and i think was born) in the UK. it's in her video descriptions.

    • @bibibamusxx
      @bibibamusxx 6 месяцев назад +1

      Actually Matthew Hussey has been saying this for years 🙌

    • @Flyingtaco82
      @Flyingtaco82 5 месяцев назад +1

      This should be taught to all girls, everywhere.

  • @harshikakatariya5575
    @harshikakatariya5575 9 месяцев назад +1523

    Being a 17 year old and watching your videos literally is saving me from so much pain i would have faced in the future if God didn't actually help me by pooping your RUclips video one random Saturday in my life. And since that day I m so grateful about the path God is showing me through you tam. Thank you so much

    • @abithashri
      @abithashri 9 месяцев назад +21

      So trueee❤.... Iam 17 too🙌

    • @icedcoffeeuwu
      @icedcoffeeuwu 9 месяцев назад +4

      fr 🥹🤍

    • @BTSALWAYS075
      @BTSALWAYS075 9 месяцев назад +24

      Wow I'm 17 too!! she's literally saving us🩷

    • @ammlikescookies631
      @ammlikescookies631 9 месяцев назад +18

      me too girls, we’re gonna rock this life!! ⭐️💕🫶🏾

    • @calamitous_capybara
      @calamitous_capybara 9 месяцев назад +38

      I'm so glad you pooped this youtube video 🥰

  • @aidind
    @aidind 8 месяцев назад +574

    13:12 "we are not meant for everyone and that's okay not everyone can see your light and that's because not everyone is supposed to be in your life" this is so powerful. thank you!

    • @nonlivingworld
      @nonlivingworld 6 месяцев назад +2

      Yes people need to learn rejection is good

    • @ThatGuy-tx4vm
      @ThatGuy-tx4vm Месяц назад

      ​@@nonlivingworldDepends. Some people are meant for no one. To them, rejection is very bad.

  • @andreeabodea6514
    @andreeabodea6514 8 месяцев назад +489

    Dating rules:
    1. Testing process 1:07
    ○ It’s not enough for a guy to be attractive, nice etc and show some interest in you.
    ○ Test 1: first interaction. For example the first message should NOT be just one he sends to a million other girls.
    ○ Test 2: how long it takes for him to say what his intentions are. After a few days of texting he should plan a date, because you are not his talking buddy, talking stage, situationship.
    ○ Test 2: first date.
    § What was he talking to you about? Was he asking deep and meaningful questions? Was he trying to get to know you and understand you? Was he only small talking and flirting?
    § Low effort and casual first date? Not the vibe. He should invest in you because he sees the value in you. If he is not even trying to make the best impression in the beginning, then isn’t the rest of the relationship just going to go downhill?
    § Post-date intentions. He should say he wants to see you again or suggest a next date in the following 48 hours. Realize you have so many options and don’t have time to wait weeks for him.
    2. Get used to dating good guys 4:53
    ○ The boredom you feel when you get to know somebody new with potential comes from the lack of your experience with good guys. A healthy relationship is not a roller-coaster with constant highs and lows. Don't say that a good guy that likes you and is showing up for you and communicates his interest in you is too predictable and too available. Don’t expect butterflies and the sparking sense of passion, it's only your addiction to fuckboys. He should be upfront with what he feels and affectionate and planning dates. Get used to the stability and interest. You shouldn't even have the desire to chase him, he should do that, he should take care of you. Don't mistake addiction to feelings and infatuation to love.
    3. The importance of kindness 7:05
    ○ Don’t romanticize and normalize toxic relationships. Define what kindness means to you, how you want and expect to be treated, make rules. There will be times you misunderstand each other or have disagreements, but you shouldn't ever scream at each other, give each other the silent treatment, swear at each other. Never use bad language to each other, don’t insult or look down or disrespectful to him. At the end of the date you should always remember you love and respect each other, so show it 100% of the time. Kindness could mean planning dates, words of affirmation, complimenting or helping each other, making your life easier before you even ask for help. Discover your love language. Get over your ego, you don't need the best looking guy, the one that all the girls want, you need a kind person next to you, who proved his worth and character to you.
    4. Conversation topics 10:44
    ○ You shouldn't talk too much about the past or the future. He shouldn't tell you about how difficult his past was or his relationship with his family, his trauma or his exes -> instant red flags, run away fast, biggest signs of a narcissist. When you’re a people pleaser or an empath you are going to want to save him, but that is NOT normal. If he talks to much about his future plans and projecting them on you he might be overly clingy and obsessive and overly attached. He shouldn’t be desperate and need a relationship so badly, because he also has alternatives. The conversation should be center around him actually understanding you and him assessing if you are a good match for him. It goes both ways.
    5. Mixed signals 13:00
    ○ We are not meant for everyone and that is fine. Not everyone can see your light, not everyone is worthy of you. Don’t force connection. Stop showing him how to treat you, stop asking him to act right, stop teaching him how to be emotionally intelligent. You shouldn't fight for his attention. You need to be so confident and so obsessed with yourself that you know all of the worth and value you bring, how great you are and what a fabulous girlfriend you would make. If he is not obsessed with you, he is simply not your person. You are a dream girl. And there are multiple guys who will do whatever it takes to get you, be patient. If a guy meets his dream girl he will certainly do everything to win her. If not, it's just not a match.
    6. Do not spill your secrets 14:30
    ○ In the beginning dating stage never tell him what your boundaries and standards are, what your type is or how you were treated in the past. Else you are giving him a cheat sheet on how to play you, because you tell him you accepted a low vibe, bare minimum behavior in the past. If you only say your past relationships didn’t work because you weren't meant for each other, he won't know what kind of treatment you are used to and he will work to earn and impress you, because that is the kind of woman you are now. Sit back and observe, be in your feminine energy, detached, knowing that what’s meant for you will find you, don’t worry.
    7. Stop discrediting yourself for what happened in the past 16:14
    ○ Everyone makes mistakes. You learnt from them and are now wiser. You are more prepared for the new dating experience thanks to what went wrong in the past. You don’t have to get it right from the first time, but never settle. Past experiences teach you what you want and do not want, what you are willing to tolerate and what not. You are in a better position to make important decisions like marriage. Trust yourself and your intuition and follow his lead.
    8. Attachment styles are the key 18:15
    ○ 4 different attachment styles: secure (best one), avoidant (you're uncomfortable with intimacy, closeness and commitment, maybe you’re hyper-independent, you like to date, but can't stick to anyone), anxious (you’re clingy, need a lot of reassurance, you're confused about how others feel about you) and disorganized (mix of anxious and avoidant, you fear commitment, but you also want closeness, you need reassurance, but you also don’t care)
    ○ You need to transform your attachment style into a secure one. Anxious and avoidant people attract each other, because they reinforce the other person's insecure need. The avoidant will think he should stay independent and not get clingy like the anxious person. The anxious will keep believing that he needs to keep asking for reassurance because the avoidant keeps withdrawing from them. The insecure attachment style is formed by childhood trauma.
    9. He should be testing you too 20:25
    ○ He should be obsessed with you, see your value, want to date you and romance you. He should be eager to see you and want to put the effort into knowing you, BUT he should be independent and secure enough to know that he is not about to jump into a relationship and a commitment with you straight away because he needs to get to know you first. He also want to understand whether you're going to align to his life.
    10. He should want to be a boyfriend, not just get a girlfriend 21:15
    ○ He is ready and excited for the responsibilities that come with being a boyfriend, because he knows that in order to earn a girlfriend he has to put in the work, provide for you, support you. Don’t be attracted to the idea of him or his potential, assess if he is really prepared. He should be happy to see you smile because of him, to take you out, to buy you flowers and provide for you, to make your life easier.
    11. Feminine Energy 22:25
    ○ Don't live in your masculine energy, don’t try to have control over everything including him, to make all of the plans, don’t ask yourself how you could be more attractive to him, don’t compare yourself to other girls or even his ex, don’t wonder if he should even have female friends.
    ○ Exist in your feminine energy, sit back and live your soft life. If he doesn’t give it to you, it's fine, you can give it to you yourself. You shouldn't have any desire to control, to teach him how to be a boyfriend. You have high standards for the people that come into your life, you are confident and living a fulfilled and relaxing life. When he is approaching you wanting to be in a relationship, you should be aware that your life is amazing the way you created it and that you don't need him, but you can want him if he is able to match your life and then elevate it.
    12. You are not just dating a person, you are dating a lifestyle 23:42
    ○ You should assess him, not fall for him blindly.
    13. He is not there to save you 23:36
    ○ Heal your wounds. Don't get tricked by people who can put a temporary band aid over your broken heart and mistake it for unconditional love and an everlasting connection when really it is just familiarity. Don’t let the common trauma you share blind you.
    14. They need to be judged how they act 26:34
    ○ How is he with his family? How does he show up for their friends? What kind of employee is he? What is his relationship to his passion, work, hobbies, discipline, exercise, nutrition? Try to understand clearly how he is thinking and what his mentality is. What are their toxic traits, their weaknesses, their strengths. Everyone is imperfect, but it's not about finding somebody to date whose perfect rather someone with flaws that are compatible to your flaws, that you can deal with and not get triggered.
    15. What does your dream life look like? 28:22
    Romance is just one part of your life, not the whole story. One person can’t be everything for you. You always get the love you deserve when you stop looking. In order to attract the healthy, high value relationship and person that you want you also need to match that level.

  • @ana_iris
    @ana_iris 8 месяцев назад +249

    My current boyfriend planned our second date on our first phone call. Like he was so sure we were going on a second date, he was so confident and secure about what he wanted. A year later, he’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in, someone who shows me everyday he’s willing to work to make changes & communicating so that we can grow as individuals and as a couple, we’re already having conversations about marriage and having children together.

    • @pamelavillaflores2856
      @pamelavillaflores2856 Месяц назад +1

      Is he still a good boyfriend?

    • @sid_28
      @sid_28 6 дней назад +1

      @@pamelavillaflores2856 even i wanna know that.bcs the story was beautiful

  • @Mounikasimhachalam
    @Mounikasimhachalam 9 месяцев назад +837

    happy to see many girls,teenagers,women being educated and having therapy at the same time for free!!!! Thanks to her!!!

    • @strawberryxoxo6841
      @strawberryxoxo6841 8 месяцев назад +11

      This is why i love RUclips. For free we get so much knowledge and amazing people.

  • @always.lost.in.space.007
    @always.lost.in.space.007 9 месяцев назад +391

    "So if I need to ask foryourattention, then f*** your attention" -Tam Kaur 2023
    A quote to live by.

  • @YN_DIARIES_24-7
    @YN_DIARIES_24-7 9 месяцев назад +246

    I wanna hug her right noww!
    She's working so hard every day to provide us the best content.
    And she's just growing so fast. I can't tell how grateful I am for her and how much I appreciate her.

  • @whoopeedoopee251
    @whoopeedoopee251 9 месяцев назад +375

    1:09 testing process: questions he ask, how much effort he puts into the first date, post-date intention
    4:55 feeling of boredom could be a lack of experience with good men
    7:09 importance of kindness in a relationship
    10:46 too much conversation about the past or the future is a red flag
    13:03 mixed signals is an ick
    14:34 do not spill your secrets - your boundaries, your standards, what’s your type and how were you treated in the past
    16:17 stop discrediting yourself for what happened in the past
    18:18 attachments styles are the key
    20:28 he should be putting in the effort to get to know you
    21:17 be with a man who WANTS to be a boyfriend
    22:27 feminine energy
    23:45 you’re not just dating a person but a lifestyle
    24:39 they are not your saviour, you are your own saviour
    26:36 they need to be judged for how they act in the other aspects of their life
    28:21 what does your dream life looks like?

    • @brennhhh
      @brennhhh 8 месяцев назад +5

      thank you

    • @ST4RG1R7GF.
      @ST4RG1R7GF. 8 месяцев назад +1

      you are an angel 💗

    • @Misspriyabegum_
      @Misspriyabegum_ 8 месяцев назад +2

      Girl you took notes for me, Ty! ❤

    • @Ahri_k_da
      @Ahri_k_da 8 месяцев назад

      ❤❤

    • @NalloryLove
      @NalloryLove 7 месяцев назад

      Thank you!! 🎉❤

  • @user-uv6fs5lu5o
    @user-uv6fs5lu5o 15 дней назад +931

    The silence around Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest is unbelievable. This book reveals powerful techniques, yet people remain unaware. Don't miss out - discover what everyone's ignoring!

  • @happypink87
    @happypink87 9 месяцев назад +27

    'be with a man who wants to be a boyfriend, not just wants a girlfriend' CHANGED MY DAMN LIFE WHAAAAA

  • @TinnyyBoo
    @TinnyyBoo 8 месяцев назад +196

    Half way into the video I blocked him 🤭🤭 thank you ❤

    • @tamkaur
      @tamkaur  8 месяцев назад +32

      YESSS

    • @eljofrva
      @eljofrva 5 месяцев назад +23

      Girl SAME!! Just deleted/ blocked 3 men from Hinge bc they haven’t planned a date within 1 week of matching & texting 😂

    • @enoasangansi5103
      @enoasangansi5103 2 месяца назад +2

      😂😂

    • @miranderkawalala864
      @miranderkawalala864 2 месяца назад +1

      😂😂

    • @ayomideoladiran1877
      @ayomideoladiran1877 2 месяца назад +3

      Baby girl make sureeee you don’t unblock them💪🏾💪🏾

  • @marcokuhner2445
    @marcokuhner2445 9 месяцев назад +28

    @Tam Kaur you said that when a good guy chases you, you can finally lean back and not stress. As a guy, I don't think chasing is the right word, because I want my partner to be as wanting and as generous in her love and affection as I am (in her own special way). When that willingness is not there, it's one-sided. The amount of reassurance we can give to eachother altruistically, shows how committed we are. Love and commitment are not a ressource, they are an attitude and something that we ooze once we've healed

    • @hahanotsofunnyy
      @hahanotsofunnyy Месяц назад

      i agree, it has to be mutual. personally, when a guy chases me by constantly flirting and wanting to get with me makes me think he's desparate to get into a relationship and i lose interest immediately as it makes the guy lose self respect

  • @mirellamfreitas
    @mirellamfreitas 9 месяцев назад +92

    I would love a video on how to have a relationship with yourself when you're in a relationship!

  • @theclassyconsultant.
    @theclassyconsultant. 7 месяцев назад +37

    It's amazing to see a woman in a successful relationship who is still confident on her own. You're a great role model for everyone here! :)

  • @ThinkDreamBecome
    @ThinkDreamBecome 8 месяцев назад +91

    Im 40, married and still learning how to be treated and draw boundaries. This in itself means im not in a good place, doesnt it. Hmm thank you for the video. I heard it 3 times n likely will hear it till I memorise it even though I'm not even in the dating scene

  • @bloatedcorpse2728
    @bloatedcorpse2728 9 месяцев назад +145

    so happy i found your channel. this is advice ive never gotten as a lost young girl with no proper female role model.

  • @Yoshijudd
    @Yoshijudd 9 месяцев назад +44

    « …. No one talks about the type of person you need to be able to grow into in order to deserve that relationship and actually make it work with a good guy long term » 🤯🔥

  • @law11school11girly
    @law11school11girly 9 месяцев назад +66

    I am 22 and so agree... our time is too valuable for boys trying to waste our time!!

  • @hollyjoclay6235
    @hollyjoclay6235 8 месяцев назад +55

    This video has taught me so much, I'm 25 years old and it does feel a little disheartening that I'm only just now learning these things you've talked about but I'm overall SO grateful for this video! It will help me so much going forward

    • @bloatedcorpse2728
      @bloatedcorpse2728 8 месяцев назад +1

      im about to be 28 haha. we got this tho!

    • @potatoomelet2190
      @potatoomelet2190 8 месяцев назад +4

      i talked about those things with my mom and she's amazed of how i learn those things so early (im 21) when she and her friends are learning these now at their 40+ age--you will learn as long as you're alive and nothing is too late, it always comes at the right moment

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 8 месяцев назад +4

      I'm learning them at 46 :) it's never too late

    • @johannap4747
      @johannap4747 7 месяцев назад +1

      I am 31 and still learning to integrate all these principles, still making mistakes and learning along the way

  • @kiji84
    @kiji84 9 месяцев назад +75

    According to many people you are just a gorgeous girl giving tips to others. But actually you are showing us the kindness and affection of your relationship.
    Now that is what HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP is called. 💕

  • @SriyaAchari
    @SriyaAchari 9 месяцев назад +50

    Tam, you single-handedly have changed my mindset so much and helped me come into my growth mindset. I have an insane amount of respect and admiration for you❤❤

  • @KoalaKid23
    @KoalaKid23 9 месяцев назад +52

    Chile, I just finished my last exam for my BSc in Molecular Biology and Biotechnology! And just as I get home, you're the first video that pops up on RUclips 😭 And it's so fitting... You have literally CARRIED me emotionally through some of my toughest times this year. You made me sooo motivated, and inspired me to channel my inner Athena 💅
    Thank you for your consistent videos and motivation, you are so sweet! 😭🙏

  • @Greenwitch_Garden
    @Greenwitch_Garden 8 месяцев назад +76

    I’m 37, not in my prime 😅 and messed this up for far too long. Thanks for teaching these ladies how to value themselves. ❤

    • @queenofsheba2363
      @queenofsheba2363 8 месяцев назад +27

      Age prime is a myth, life didn't stop at 25

    • @Lize.T
      @Lize.T 8 месяцев назад +28

      Actually you are in your Prime. Honestly, I’m almost 33 and I feel like my life is just beginning. As long as you are being authentically yourself you will GLOW and have inner happiness

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 8 месяцев назад +22

      Im 46 and def in my prime ;)

    • @cutebasooma
      @cutebasooma 7 месяцев назад

      As long as you're sexy and reproductive, you're young and still have chances, even if not as many as a 20 year old because it doesn't matter, u know why? Because u want one man only, not all the fans. So enjoy the rest of your 30s❤

    • @jnw7373
      @jnw7373 5 месяцев назад +8

      37 is young babe ❤

  • @janmondragon444
    @janmondragon444 7 месяцев назад +4

    I’m currently in a relationship where I have to beg for the bare minimum and thank god this came to my feed

  • @tarsilaribeiro
    @tarsilaribeiro 9 месяцев назад +11

    What I've learned
    1. Testing Process
    - what is he talking about / trying to understand me?
    - is he listening to me?
    - he is clear about what he wants
    - what is the date - did he make effort?
    - postdate attention - question about next time
    2.
    - butterflies / addiction not = love
    - do u feel safe?
    3.
    Kindness
    - kind to u and other people
    - what is kindness to u
    4.
    Conversation should not be about past or future in beginning
    - remember you're still strangers at that stage
    5.
    - He should be obsessed with u
    - do not teach him how to treat u, he should do this on his own
    6.
    Don't tell him:
    - about ur boundaries
    - about ur standards
    - about ur type
    - how u were treated in past
    7.
    - u either learn or get memories
    8.
    - know ur attachment style and the one of ur partner
    9.
    - he should be testing u
    10.
    - he is ready for responsibility of a boyfriends
    11.
    - learn to be on your feminine energy
    12.
    - you're daring lifestyle
    13.
    - don't see him as a savior
    14.
    - judge them in every other area of their life
    15.
    - know what u want for your life
    - do not solemnly rely on romantic relationship for happiness

  • @sydnipollard4920
    @sydnipollard4920 8 месяцев назад +8

    I love how high energy you are in your videos, they’re informative but at the same time it feels like I’m on a FaceTime call with my friend too. It’s so nice to watch someone who is clearly invested and cares about getting this out yk?

  • @buggeyed139
    @buggeyed139 8 месяцев назад +5

    By far the best video I’ve seen on this, the first point is so so valid. I struggle with feeling like good guys, are too boring, too predictable, but it’s meant to be. You’re meant to have that mental space to yourself and not obsessing over a relationships unpredictability nervously. They’re meant to make you feel sure. That’s right.

  • @faizaahmed9784
    @faizaahmed9784 9 месяцев назад +82

    1:15 testing process
    5:07 lack of experience with good guys
    7:12 importance of kindness
    10:49 conversation is everything! Past, future
    13:12 Mixed Signal 🚥
    14:33 Spilling beans at beginning; standards & boundaries. Don't do that.
    16:21 Stop discrediting yourself about past
    18:12 Attachment styles are the key
    20:26 He should be testing you tooo
    22:26 Feminine Energy
    23:49 you are dating a lifestyle not a person
    24:44 They are not there to save you
    26:39 They need to be judged how they act
    28:30 What does your dream life look like? Romance is just a part

  • @riz.a8384
    @riz.a8384 8 месяцев назад +29

    I have been dating my bf for 1 and a half years and these tips, even though most of them are about evaluating a guy, still really resonate with me and how I had to change as a person. I'm really lucky in the fact that I found a guy who is literally all the best things she mentioned but honestly I couldn't say the same for myself in the beginning. My attachment style was definitely not a healthy one and I always had to be reassured that I was loved however ultimately still feeling empty even with a man who was very affectionate. But realising many of the things she says in the video and really appreciating the life I had I started feeling more secure and less reliant on my partner. Honestly tam's videos really helped me soo much to see how I was perfectly capable and secure in myself and I really do stress self love and confidence on anyone who feels like having a boyfriend will solve that craving for affection.

    • @pepsicolla123
      @pepsicolla123 8 месяцев назад +2

      Yeah, secure attachment is the key 😊

  • @xo-husna
    @xo-husna 9 месяцев назад +16

    TAAAAAMMMMMM u have changed my life in the best possible way! before i was a shy and introverted girly and NOW because of YOU i have changed alot. no one has ever told me the things u did and i cant thank you enough. u r a person whom i trust without even knowing personally so tysmm and keep going i will always support you!💗💗

    • @BlowYourMindd
      @BlowYourMindd 7 месяцев назад

      How did you change. Pls tell. I m also very shy and introverted

    • @xo-husna
      @xo-husna 7 месяцев назад

      @@BlowYourMindd yess I would love to, so like how do I tell u like here or u have any social media...? Ok it's up to tbh if u wanna gimme ur I'd and chat that's nice or like u want me to tell u here then that's also fine

    • @BlowYourMindd
      @BlowYourMindd 7 месяцев назад

      @@xo-husna you can tell here

    • @BlowYourMindd
      @BlowYourMindd 7 месяцев назад

      @@xo-husna were you really introverted or just shy? Bcoz i've heard that it's impossible to change your personality from introvert to extrovert bcoz at the end of the day you will feel drained

    • @xo-husna
      @xo-husna 5 месяцев назад

      @@BlowYourMindd ok first of am sry ik am replying very late but I was a lil bz? Yeah ok so back to the point- u can just start talking to ppl like make normal conversations and try to meet new ppl bcuz obvi they wont know ur an introvert or whatever uk, "fake it till u make it" that's wht helped me sm bcuz I WAS shy and a lil introverted and also I use to like be so nervous but I would try not to show it and try to be all natural yk, and that's how am having alot of friends rn (not tryna brag😭🙏🏻)so ya just try to talk and communicate I hope it helped💃🎀

  • @justsomeone4155
    @justsomeone4155 8 месяцев назад +11

    I am currently 19 and have never been in a relationship even though I consider myself beautiful, clever and fun to be around. I hear it from other people as well, not just my friends. But the guys around me who I know are 🚩 seem actually intimidated by my standards and so they don’t approach me at all😂 feels strange to never have that relationship experience but also I see my life in the future and I know the kind of person I would like as a partner, so I hope I will attract them if I keep working on my own dreams as I do now.
    P.s. if you’re single bestie, you are absolutely fine and never measure your value by that! That’s my experience for you to know that you’re not alone in this and you deserve all the love❤

    • @Sexysnackcakes
      @Sexysnackcakes 7 месяцев назад +1

      Being single is way better than being in a crap relationship. Enjoy your life! Date when you know you've found someone great!

    • @tonyonaperky2128
      @tonyonaperky2128 22 дня назад

      I think a lot of men see your standards as intimidating because they think that "This looks like the type of woman who wants to be treated well while treating me like I'm graced to be in her presence" which is beyond level of narcissisism

  • @Judeeee08
    @Judeeee08 4 месяца назад +7

    “Wait until you find someone without looking and love them without trying”.

  • @aanyaguptaav
    @aanyaguptaav 9 месяцев назад +30

    you’re amazing ❤ please don’t stop posting and spreading positivity!

  • @gemmakaragiannis5583
    @gemmakaragiannis5583 8 месяцев назад +11

    literally, I did all my shadow work just by watching this one video...... I can not tell you enough how much your videos have helped me; this one came at a perfect time. Thank you Tam.

  • @karlita_explains_it_all
    @karlita_explains_it_all 8 месяцев назад +18

    Tam, your wisdom surpasses age - it's incredible how you're equipping so many young people with the knowledge to navigate life's complexities. Your quote, 'If they're not hell yes about you then you have to be an eff no for them,' is a powerful mantra for self-respect. It's amazing to see how your videos are like therapy, educating and empowering a generation. Grateful for the positive impact you're making!

  • @sammieeee7
    @sammieeee7 2 месяца назад +2

    I am 21 years old and I've only ever dated online and never irl, everything you're saying sound so fairytale-ish and its making me think about how i was led to believe that good treatment is a fantasy its me romanticising someone rather than expecting the bare minimum. I have a lot of healing to do but i wanted to say thank you and i hope i can be my best self to attract the best partner for me ❤

  • @waterrose130
    @waterrose130 9 месяцев назад +7

    Girl you are the big sister every girl neeedddds. The last tip when you said, "What does your dream life look like?"- THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE VIDEOOOOOO

  • @samanthacruz5587
    @samanthacruz5587 8 месяцев назад +9

    I had my paper and pen ready and jotted down every single thing you said. All of them are so essential to finding a healthy long-lasting relationship. You should teach this at schools. You had my full attention and you best believe I will follow and not break one of these rules. Thank you!

  • @Mksfitlife
    @Mksfitlife 9 месяцев назад +30

    Great video Tam ! As a single Desi woman who’s high value I use to have to lower my self and lower my standards just to date someone which sucked! Now I’m single and healing for the past year and I feel a lot better. I really hope to manifest my chivalrous man one day

  • @jasleenkaur272
    @jasleenkaur272 9 месяцев назад +6

    Girl literally the anxious and avoidant attachment style toxic relationship where they both attract each other is so relatable to me…. I felt CALLED OUT when you talked about them being in a situation ship😭😭😭😭😭

  • @adt2475
    @adt2475 8 месяцев назад +6

    Being at my 20s and watching videos of you and the influencers who make videos on similar thing not only soothing my 15 yrs old teen self but also probably saving my 35 yrs old woman self.

  • @chelseaheath278
    @chelseaheath278 9 месяцев назад +12

    Tam is so influential, i am in a 5 year happy relationship, but here i am listening to all these tips as if they apply to me 😂😂

  • @Ray-pp5qb
    @Ray-pp5qb 8 месяцев назад +4

    I have no idea why this girl was in my suggested videos. But, i clicked cause shes pretty. I expected her to tell a bunch of vapid relationship advice that is is common place nowadays in social media.
    I was totally wrong. This woman is very mature and has definitely not let her dating failures go to waste. Everything, she says in this video is absolute LAW!!!

  • @viktorija1264
    @viktorija1264 9 месяцев назад +9

    Tam, you are my soul sister!
    It comes to a point when you realise all of us have been there, all of us gave our heart, soul, our all in the wrong hands, all of us at some point lowered our standards for someone who didn't deserve us.
    Butttt, all those experiences served us IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY, every professional expert was once an amateur and failed many times, at so many things.
    That's why today we are professional REAL WOMEN! 💎
    Every word in this video is gold!

  • @nikitasaville5422
    @nikitasaville5422 7 месяцев назад +6

    I honestly wish I saw this earlier because I ended up experiencing the exact opposite of all these. I've also dated a Narcissistic man that gave me the most toxic 2 years of my life, and turned me into someone I barely recognised. I'm now trying to heal, and I've learned most of these from experience but it's great to have it all together, thank you!
    There are a lot of different tips, I never considered either. Definitely saving this.
    Also, another important thing is seeing people for who they are. For eg: you mentioned that your boyfriend used to drop everything to help his friends and he did the same for you. A lot of people, including me, see our partners treating others badly, and never being there for friends or family, yet we think that they'll be different in a relationship or they'll do it for us because our *love* will change them. We then feel disappointed when they don't when thats not who they were in the first place.

  • @Rimsharr
    @Rimsharr 9 месяцев назад +24

    Tam getting ready to change our lives forever once again ❤

  • @shantalsanchezz
    @shantalsanchezz 2 месяца назад +1

    I think it’s important that we evaluate what type of attachment style we are when it comes to relationships. Anxious attachment style will have a person looking like they’re “clingy” but in reality they’re afraid of losing a close connection. There are also, secure attachment, and avoidant attachment.

  • @TimMillernapavalleyfilmworks
    @TimMillernapavalleyfilmworks 5 месяцев назад +2

    This is so helpful for a guy😅 I’m a relational coach, and she is very smart. Listen up women. The only thing I disagree w is setting a date within 24 hrs and letting him pursue. Do yourself a favor and reciprocate equally.

  • @elisethearmy
    @elisethearmy 9 месяцев назад +5

    Tam Kaur is my favorite notification, literally helping me stay positive and focused throughout my whole healing journey after my ex-fiancee broke up with me a few months ago

  • @priwaheng5828
    @priwaheng5828 8 месяцев назад +10

    Hey Tam, I really admire you for the kind of person you are. We are of the same age but I've still not reached where you're at rn but I get to be so inspired by you and the way you learn from every setbacks. Thank you for the efforts you put into every video. And tbh there has not been any video of yours that I've not liked or watched till the end bc your videos are really helpful and I've got to improve myself learning from your advice. I really love you for who you are and I'd love to learn more from you abt almost everything that we can relate as a young girl.

  • @AXAWELLNESS
    @AXAWELLNESS 12 дней назад

    Omg that hit me “sometimes it will feel boring!!” Ughh literally so relevant to how I was feeling recently with this new man I am talking to. I was about to cut it off because I didn’t feel that “passion” but I know it’s probably because this is the first healthy love I am experiencing in a while. Great video!! Taking tips 🫶🏼✨

  • @SnackyMcSnacks
    @SnackyMcSnacks 8 месяцев назад +7

    Girl I got this video on repeat until it becomes my personal innate mantra.
    That you for re-establishing so much of what I have forgotten being a 32 year old feminine goddess woman.
    Keep making these videos !

  • @TheAttractionTriggers
    @TheAttractionTriggers 8 месяцев назад +4

    *We cannot really love anyone with whom we never laugh.*

  • @user-qj1rg6pr6q
    @user-qj1rg6pr6q 8 месяцев назад +2

    13:50 kept replaying that part this girl speaks to my soul

  • @Judgelesslovemorre
    @Judgelesslovemorre 8 месяцев назад +5

    15!!!
    My ex and I bonded on our broken engagements. We were both vulnerable and figuring out a lot. Which made our connection so strong. Outside of that… I’m not sure 🤔 what we had in common.

  • @KeyaCares
    @KeyaCares 7 месяцев назад +6

    Thank you sharing! Everything you said makes sense. I’m so happy you’re reaching the younger generation these lessons before they go through the pains of dating. God bless you 😊

  • @sid_28
    @sid_28 6 дней назад +1

    not even half through the video and i'm almost earing up.. i'm gonna be 18 this october and i'm happy that i found this.. its good to see someone having similar thoughts and they are not invalid

  • @Abby-jb6zk
    @Abby-jb6zk 9 месяцев назад +10

    Thankyou so much for making me realize things and I am doing 10 times better in my life just because you
    I LITERALLY RECOMMEND YOUR VIDS TO ALL MY FRIENDS

  • @mzhotniz86
    @mzhotniz86 8 месяцев назад +6

    I'm in my late 30s and newly out of rebound relationship. Thank you for this uplifting and insightful video!!

  • @fakichu
    @fakichu 9 месяцев назад +3

    I literally must owe you somethings for these golden words Tam !!!
    you just described my situation with the guy i like at this moment, and he's like the 'bad boy' type. he literally doesn't respond or care for me while i'm chasing after him-even though he doesn't know that, i guess i'll be shooting my shot after this video :)
    i've been following you since like months, you're literally the only youtuber that i've gain knowledge from, you're just like an older sister to me ngl
    ilysmmm Tam, take care always because your happiness is mine too

  • @sharonjohns1686
    @sharonjohns1686 7 месяцев назад +1

    Not even 45 year old have this wisdom. So glad you found live and wisdom young. I regret that I knew all these information later

  • @anikapace6432
    @anikapace6432 8 месяцев назад +2

    GIRL!!! #2 SMACK ME IN THE FACE! What’s crazy is that I’ve heard that so many times before but the spirit was finally open to reach it today! THANK YOU, girl!!♥️

  • @Anavaeebaee
    @Anavaeebaee 9 месяцев назад +7

    You absolutely deserve to be treated like a queen 👸🏻 so happy for you! 💖 thank you for this video Tam! I absolutely love my single life so much and am so happy but I LOVE hearing these helpful tips because they are spot on 👏🏻

  • @cyan2223
    @cyan2223 9 месяцев назад +5

    The clarity of thought she has>

  • @SunJungpecJin-ow5ym
    @SunJungpecJin-ow5ym Месяц назад

    Love is sweet when you are with the partner that understands and trust you

  • @Rich-bj9sk
    @Rich-bj9sk 2 месяца назад +1

    I’m 24 and I’ve had the roughest time dating. Growing up I never learned how to date properly how to set certain boundaries or to have any expectations really at all. I found someone attractive and at the point the only expectation I’d give that person is just to give me the same attention that I was giving them. And I became so fixated on getting attention that I’d ignore everything else I should’ve been expecting from guys and always received bare minimum treatment. My mom never taught me my value as a woman. Honestly to this day I don’t think she knows herself. But I for one have gotten tired of being used by men and I’ve been trying to educate myself in the dating game for how I should carry myself as a woman and what I should look for in a man besides initial attraction. It hasn’t been an easy journey but I’m so thankful for people like you that make these videos because it really helps me open my eyes and see the world and my life more clearly

  • @ShifaBelvi
    @ShifaBelvi 9 месяцев назад +11

    Your advices have helped me a lot to grow mentally, you go gurlll ✨❤️

  • @Caramelpufff
    @Caramelpufff 8 месяцев назад +2

    GIRLLLL THE ENERGY U GIVE OFF >>>>>>>>

  • @valehvejdani5419
    @valehvejdani5419 2 месяца назад +1

    You are not dating a person, you are dating a lifestyle! I like that😎

    • @tamkaur
      @tamkaur  2 месяца назад

      Exactly!

  • @SinCitywithOnyxMuse
    @SinCitywithOnyxMuse 7 месяцев назад +3

    I really love this list you put down and you are so spot on with all these points. We get blinded by the good feelings to then be trapped in an infilling situationship.

  • @TheRiyakhan
    @TheRiyakhan 9 месяцев назад +12

    Number 15 fact is just true.
    If we want high value relationship we need to match that level❤

  • @blueskies773
    @blueskies773 24 дня назад

    “You always get the love you deserve when you stop looking” that would mean it’s because people are meeting each other honestly, being authentic, and discovering a connection rather than forcing one

  • @Alfi.Amalia
    @Alfi.Amalia 8 месяцев назад +6

    OMG This is GOLD!!! We need more content about this topic, thank you so much tam may your relationship be happy and joyful always ❤

  • @mehakpreet1202
    @mehakpreet1202 9 месяцев назад +7

    omg!! 1 week in and a guy told me the exact same things, his bad relationship w his fam, siblings, friends and how sad and crushing his past was. Being an empath, like u said, I gave him a chance and wanted to show him what love and care is actually like. And everytimewwe disagree, he would bring his past and start crying which ultimately made me feel ab what happened. And the first month love bombing then eventually it decreasing and then being the affection gone. It was Horrible! I never cried sm bc of a GUY. Even in the end he said I dont wna breakup but idk if i want you. And i left bc omg u arent even sure! Shit broke me tho but now im doing alr

  • @shrizzie
    @shrizzie 9 месяцев назад +2

    Gurl please please make a vedio on HOW TO OVERCOME THE ADDICTION OF BEING SAD, like it's familiar and safe and feels comfortable to be sad and really uncomfortable when happy, please please make a vedio on this topic

  • @fairyxdust74
    @fairyxdust74 Месяц назад

    She needs to start a podcast 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I just put this down and listened to it for the whole 30 minutes while cleaning and it was so great!!

  • @biswarupa2440
    @biswarupa2440 9 месяцев назад +3

    Her videos are literally therapy. love you tam, love all the rules⭐

  • @mansoor3159
    @mansoor3159 9 месяцев назад +13

    Happy First Week of December Tam♥️ and your videos are really really so so helpful to me

  • @GuidetteExpert
    @GuidetteExpert 9 месяцев назад +2

    Many men don't know how to date so I would also have a conversation about if they know what the purpose of dating is, sex or his views about romantic companionship.

  • @Sony-bk7ln
    @Sony-bk7ln 2 месяца назад

    I love you for the third point. Finally someone actually having that standard. That no bad language,curses,etc. Hitting each other etc. i have always had this and felt so displeased when saw couples normalizings these stupid things. I love you Tam kaur. You are the real women i would wanna take advice from.

  • @law11school11girly
    @law11school11girly 9 месяцев назад +3

    the hair & outfit = perfection!

  • @lavenderhoney777
    @lavenderhoney777 9 месяцев назад +5

    This girl changed my life, I love her sm ❤

  • @charlottemlld
    @charlottemlld 8 месяцев назад +1

    I sadly learnt all this the hard way and have yet to experience a good man. But I won't settle and I have 0 interests in bad boys qnd situationships. I'm so glad young women can see this and will be spared so much heartbreak. You're doing Gods work. ❤

  • @meloncaulii
    @meloncaulii 3 месяца назад

    holy you are so right about the boring part. hes so cute tho some of the convos aren’t as exciting but its nice. he’s really nice.

  • @RafiBarides
    @RafiBarides 7 месяцев назад +20

    While I agree with all the content itself, the whole idea of “testing” and trying to paint this unrealistic perfect picture of a relationship is really toxic

    • @paigemosley6720
      @paigemosley6720 3 месяца назад +3

      Unrealistic for who?

    • @Jiggy_Z
      @Jiggy_Z 3 месяца назад +5

      Did you even watch the whole video before commenting? She already spoke about how no one is perfect and the goal is not to find a person with zero issues but a person whose flaws are compatible with our own.

  • @TeexMack
    @TeexMack 9 месяцев назад +8

    so many good points in this video. i wish i could have had this advice years ago, lol. but we live and we learn right? #15 was my favorite ❤

  • @dhindsaa_
    @dhindsaa_ 2 месяца назад

    The way she's glowing talking about it, we know she's happy with him 😍❤️

  • @marwamarwen7626
    @marwamarwen7626 5 месяцев назад +1

    You’re so amazing , 15 advice in one video that so top , number 8 was my favorite you have summarized a book in 50 seconds 🤩

  • @kairanayyar5859
    @kairanayyar5859 9 месяцев назад +3

    you deserve all the happiness in the world. may god bless u, i love u so much ❤

  • @ShilpikaSingh-nu6vh
    @ShilpikaSingh-nu6vh 9 месяцев назад +6

    How this woman always know what we want as a girl in her late teen and am getting 20 her year I literally want to learn this and there she is with everything we want
    Finance, Relationship, self growth am glad that am watching her and I will turn this decade into mine 🔥🙌❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
    Thank you Tam for this amazing community

  • @bitchin2590
    @bitchin2590 8 месяцев назад +2

    Please make a vid of "LOVING YOURSELF"

  • @ilovedramas5526
    @ilovedramas5526 8 месяцев назад +1

    Tam, why is this not on your podcast? This should definitely be on your podcast. I love all of your content but your dating tips and rules are just something else. I want to listen to these tips on any occasion. Please put this on your podcast. Love you anyway❤️.

  • @liana9100
    @liana9100 9 месяцев назад +2

    the queen has posted 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
    thanks for always encouraging me to live my best life

  • @Abby-jb6zk
    @Abby-jb6zk 9 месяцев назад +3

    JUST THE THINH I NEEDED LOVE YOU TAM!!!
    I JUST WENT THROUGH A BREAKUP AS IF GOD MADE SIGNALS TO YOU 💗💗

  • @AXAWELLNESS
    @AXAWELLNESS 12 дней назад

    Oo yes- I am wiser and more prepared for dating *because * of what went wrong in my past relationships! I trust my gut!! Yess

  • @shalajawilson
    @shalajawilson 6 месяцев назад +1

    Ughhhhhh needed this type of content when I was younger. 26 and ready for my best life, thank you babe