Bean Dad: The Internet's Most Hated Father
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- Опубликовано: 10 янв 2021
- Today we dive into the story of 'Bean Dad', one of the biggest Twitter dramas in recent memory. The internet has been at odds over the situation- abuser, or misunderstood Dad?
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Развлечения
"it's 'teach a man to fish.' not 'throw a fishing pole at his feet and stare at him expectantly for 6 hours"
Best comment on that video
look at the fishing pole. look at its parts. how do you think each part works? no one eats until you catch a fish.
Even scientists doing experiments on animals don't 'teach' them this way. The only time they throw a tool at them and observe is if they are trying to judge the animals in built problem solving abilities. If they want them to complete a task
They show them first. Even fucking dogs look to their masters for guidance lol
He understands everything except how the fishing pole addresses the fish.
"throw a fishing pole at his feet and talk to him condescendingly and pseudo-intellectually for 6 hours"
Dad: "Sweetie, how do I delete a Twitter account?"
9 Year Old: "Figure it out, Dad. Study the UI. Pay attention to when your cursor turns from an arrow to a hand. Every hyperlink has a purpose."
LMAO
KARMA
'Bean Dad' might have a point. I can't always be around to help them solve their computer problems....
Lmao
This elegant design is made to be intuitive, just figure it out, dad.
'a more mechanically inclined kid would've figured it out in minutes' a more parenting inclined adult would have taught the kid how to use a fucking can opener in like. maybe a minute or less
A good parent would’ve either taught them to open it or done it them self in probably less than 30 seconds
perfection
Honestly? All he had to do was:
"Hey, kiddo, try opening it by yourself."
And at the first groan of not-knowing-how, he asks her if she'd like him to teach her, and if she says yes, do it. Reinforces that attempting to do things on your own is important, but that there's no shame in asking for help.
That's how I'd do it, anyway. So much simpler.
@@Tanekoshima honestly I think most other ways would’ve been better. Like do you really need to make everybody starve because a child who hasn’t ever used these weird tools and hasn’t seen things similar wouldn’t automatically understand how it would work?
@@voidboi2831 Oh I absolutely agree, I think the way he handled it was bonkers. When I said the way I'd do it is let the kid try it out then teach her, it's over in 10 minutes, tops. The moment my child showed no signs of understanding how the tool works - which is 100% expected - I just teach them how.
I guess what I meant is I believe it's important to let the kid have some autonomy, but under supervision and being there for them should they need us.
In the story he wrote about threatening his daughter with starvation, called her an idiot, acted like she should be cooking at the age of 9, trusted her with a can that when broken open could easily hurt her, came across like it's not his job as a parent to feed his daughter and ALSO blasted it on twitter.
He took something that could have been easily fixed with him leaving his puzzle behind and cooking the beans on the hob for a few minutes himself into an ordeal, and decided to use that to mock and belittle his daughter while sounding like an arrogant and self congratulatory arsehole.
And the way he wrote about it is just so weird. It sounded like something straight out of a fanfic. “‘With a can opener’ I said, incredulous” SIR(derogatory) THIS IS NOT WATTPAD GO FEED YOUR HUNGRY CHILD
What a beautiful synopsis
"A more mechanically inclined kid might have figured it out in minutes" MY DAD SAYS SHI LIKE THAT, IT'S RUDE, AGGRESSIVE FOR NO REASON, AND ARROGANT. SHE'S 9.
Did you ever see that movie glass Castle
Moral of the story:
Fuck around and find out, Bean Dad.
as someone else said in a comment: "this is just gonna teach her to not ask for help" and i think that's the main takeaway from this.
Yeah she's gonna be learning a lot of stuff from wiki how and RUclips (assuming she's allowed internet access) I hope bean mom if she exists just doesn't him have her anymore if he can't feed his dang hungry kid
My grandma:
That's a lesson I learned at a very young age and I still have trouble asking for anything from anyone, be them my friends, relatives, coworkers, managers, or what.
That's exactly what happens, I literally stopped saying when something was wrong with me. Especially since when I had my kidney infection and my mom's husband decided to have me remove my pants and underwear and put a towel over my privates so he could massage my hip. The infection had gotten so bad that it was locking up my hip, not only that crap but my mom would tell everyone about my hospital visit and what was going on so i stopped. Now I have a bad habit of not going to the doctor when things are wrong.
My dad was exactly like this dude and it's a lesson I learned very early on.
I’m sorry, but he’s basically like:
“In that moment, I had realized that I had neglected to teach my daughter how to use a can opener. So, instead of showing her, and teaching her something new, I told her to do that shit herself.”
no like seriously how can he act like his kid is dumb for not knowing something he never taught them?
“a more mechanically inclined child could have gotten it in a matter of minutes” bitch a more intelligent and capable parent would have taught the kid how to use it when they said the didn’t know
In that moment, I had realized I had neglected to teach her how to use a manual can opener...
So I did. We had some beans and I showed her how to use a few more tools before we sat down and watched a movie together. (The good end)
There we sat, beans in hand, eating and watching. Then I sneezed and got beans all over me. As I tried to clean them off, this guy behind me yelled "yooo, this ***** eating beans!" And the entire cinema laughed at me. My daughter snuck out without me and I cried and left, beans in hand. (The true end)
@@Primalintent BAHAHAHA
"In that moment, I had realized I had neglected to teach her how to use a manual can opener"
*starts neglecting the daughter instead*
Yeah! Like SIX HOURS?! Man should’ve just demonstrated it by half way opening the can and having her to the rest.
As an actual teacher. This would have been a good lesson if it lasted 5 minutes, and he actually gave her some hints.
Lots of children struggle with resilience - they give up very easily. Students who would rather not write an answer than be wrong and learn from it. It’s good to teach them not to give up and you’re allowed to make mistakes.
But there is a fine line between active learning and kids figuring things out themselves, and just torturing them???
right at the part when she explained every parts purpose had he just nedged her in the right direction it would have been great. But he was an a s s
i agree, although sometimes the issue isn’t resilience, the method just isn’t clicking which leads to frustration. everyone is different.
meanwhile this guy didn’t even attempt a basic method of teaching. he just gave a child a tool children aren’t really meant to be using, and mocked her. really gross n after thinking a bit more abt it i can’t really see this as being a “one time thing” that he messed up.
Yeah for real. Teaching kids how to do age-appropriate stuff themselves is awesome. Not teaching them and expecting them to magically figure it out is not.
Yeah, that's what I thought. This doesn't sound so bad except for the fact that it persumably took 6 hours and the poor girl started crying in the middle of all this.
How is it torturing them? You realize in life problems can take literally years to solve, not things as simple as opening a can hopefully. But this was nowhere near going too far. Talk to any person who grew up on a farm.
The bean dad really just reminds me of the time my parents lost their shit at me cause I couldn't read clocks because *no one ever taught me* and then essentially spent four straight hours screaming at me when I couldn't understand their terrible explanation.
It did not help I had an undiagnosed learning disability at the time.
My mom gets super frustrated at me for not knowing how to read pronunciation symbols (like the upside down e). I was literally never taught that in school, how am I supposed to know?? When I told her that, she just got madder like somehow *I* was supposed to be responsible for making sure the school taught me this thing I didn't know existed!
Idem! I couldn't read a clock until I was 13. The skill was first taught to me when I was 7, but it was explained in math class. I was very bad at maths and all exercises related to learning to read the clock were math exercises eg "how much is 17h45 - 4h32".
It was a disaster. The concept of a clock made no sense to me and on top of that I had no sense of time because no one had ever really bothered to relate hours to moments in the day. My mom once got very angry with me because I didn't understand that it couldn't possibly be 3 pm when the sun had already set. I sat at the table with an angry mother for hours trying to learn. I cried so much.
I eventually taught myself to tell time by placing an analog clock and a digital clock side by side and comparing the dial with the digital numbers.
Parents are always like “you don’t know to use a (insert any old item to that’s useless to us now)? Are you an idiot?” NO DAD I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR FUCKING JOB TO TEACH ME HOW TO USE A ROTARY DIAL PHONE!
God I relate to this. I still can’t read the time on a clock. I’ve been taught many times by many different people and sometimes I’ll get it for a second before it slips away. Looking at a clock still gives me anxiety unless it’s digital (even then the 24 hour clock confuses me). I feel so dumb for not knowing how to do something that literal six year olds can do in an second. The numbers are just so confusing to me and my grasp of time is already pretty shaky but it still makes me feel stupid remembering all the times I had to ask someone to read a clock or make sure I was able to subtly check my phone just so I’d know what time it was.
@@mj_mj_mj I don't know if this'll help, but maybe think of it like this:
- For the big hand, whatever number it's on, multiply it by 5 for the minutes.
- For the small hand, whatever number it's on is the hour.
So you get something like:
- Big hand is on 2, so 2 x 5 = 10.
- Small hand is on 5, so it's 5:10!
In terms of the 24-hour clocks, I'm sure you already know what's going on there, where for anything after 12, you have to subtract 12 hours to get the "normal" time, like 13 o'clock being 1 o'clock PM.
I genuinely hope this can be something sort of simple to reference.
Just teach the damn kid. This isn't teaching.
Imagine at school if the teacher just dropped a book on you're lap and said "test is next Tuesday"
@@WiFi-qj5kr I mean, that really is some teachers
@@WiFi-qj5kr >Implying that school is actually different than that
he smells ableist tbfh im sure his daughter is perfectly capable when not forced to learn a tool she’s never seen before with zero help but he seems like an ableist
@@Iuxinterior Isn't ableism discrimination against differently abled people? Because if so he's shitty at teaching but he's not making fun of his daughter for her being disabled
My dad was like this. You know what I started doing? Never going to him for any advice, help, or questions. I went to my mom, friend's parents, teachers, neighbors... if they couldn't help me I wouldn't go to him even then.
same... Toxic step mom who i'd refuse to go to for help called this "parent Shopping" when in reality she was just doing a bad job.
Yep I always got a lecture or eventually got called disrespectful or “compared” to something rude (like “you’re like a stupid person” but he would use the excuse he didn’t CALL me stupid he COMPARED me to stupid) when I asked for him to help me or if he decided to teach me something. I got severe depression, anxiety, and a suicide attempt from all the verbal shit he did. While I have been trying to forget the past and have forgiven him to a degree because he’s tried to change, I will never have a good relationship with him and I still suffer the effects from what he did. I love him and kind of forgive him but he still hasn’t changed all the way he could, I honestly still feel afraid when I have to be near him and won’t be able to fully trust him for a long time or possibly never again. This comment was not to get pity but just to explain what actions like this can do to your children and even if it wasn’t your intent you still need to take responsibility. Sorry for the long ass vent.
@i burn orphans 😍 ngl your username was a tad jarring in the conversation of “helping children” and whatnot lol
@@languid-4535 exactly! I always got it in the form of a question: “Why are you acting like you’re dumb?” (And the follow up: “No, I did not call you dumb. I asked why you were acting like it-why you weren’t trying your best.”)
Or god forbid you get upset about anything: “Why are you getting so worked up?” / “Why are you so emotional right now?” / “Are you really that upset about this?”
@@amelia3146 yes that’s how mine always was! I didn’t know if that had happened with anyone else but it was always so hurtful and then he’d throw a fit because he wouldn’t except that he was in the wrong
I feel Jim Henson said it best: "Your children won't remember what you try to teach them; they remember who you are."
Wasn’t Jim Henson super neglectful towards his own kids lmao
@@justanotherhtffan - At times, yes. The important thing is that he worked to make ammends and to correct his ways. He gave them the choice to forgive him for his errors and wasn't someone who assumed he deserved forgiveness because he was their father. He absolutely did a lot of wrong, I don't deny that. But, he also faced himself and rectified his mistakes as best as he could. He wasn't perfect and he didn't pretend to be.
The most frustrating part for me personally is that he was “doing a jigsaw puzzle” so he told her to make food herself. Like dude, you can’t step away for a second to make your daughter like a sandwich or beans WHILE ALSO TEACHING HER
Especially because it's a fucking Jigsaw puzzle. It's hardly a time sensitive thing
nah, parenting takes too much effort for this dude apparently
It’s almost identical to the scene in that movie glass Castle where the mother is painting and the six-year-old says she’s hungry and the mom says go make yourself some lunch, so the little girl goes in the kitchen and starts boiling hot dogs but she has to climb around on the counters to reach things and she gets the pot of boiling water spilled on her and had to go to the hospital for serious burns
The way he writes about his daughter failing and getting frustrated is like a weird fanfiction and it just creeped me out
I sure got a sexist/misogynist vibe from the way he talked about her, how dumb/not mechanically inclined she is, she's trying to trick him into making food for her even though she hasn't been shown how to cook, etc.
It reminded me of sexual fanfiction... The descriptions are just nasty
@@mischr13 that’s how I feel
Bruh I lowkey thought these tweets were metaphors for sexual acts im so fucking confused
The fact he let her go hungry to the point that her brain became fuzzy just horrifies me.
“I realized I never taught her how to use it,” should have been immediately followed by “...so I showed her how to use it.”
THE END.
THIS.
or do what he did but instead of letting her struggle for like hours according to himself let her struggle untill she ask for help or 3 minute max
@@danang5 this, its fine to let kids learn on their own and explain how things work but if they’re struggling it’s probably better to show them
He coulda saved everything if he said like Could yeah I tried to let her figure it out then helped her when she asked for it in like 5 minutes
Letting her explore the inner workings of the can opener with supervision and guidance would have made a nice bonding and learning experience as well.
Everything but letting his kid try to open a can unsupervised, with no prior knowledge of how the thing works, letting her to damage the can and sending her into a long frustration period.
I like to imagine his daughter is struggling to learn how a can opener works basically on her own while he's out in the living room trying to put together like a ten piece puzzle
It was one of those little wooden puzzles where the piece has a little peg so you can pull it out
He does realize can openers can hurt you right? Especially if you're a small child who doesn't know how to use one AND it's a crappy can opener. I ended up having to get stitches in my finger last year because I wasn't paying attention and sliced my finger on the can opener. There will be plenty of times in your kids life where you don't show them the answer to a problem and you let them figure it out on their own. But figuring out how to use a can opener isn't one of those times. That's basically like telling your kid to go cook some tacos or eggs without actually showing them HOW to do it. It's YOUR job to SHOW them basic skills. Especially when there is a danger of them getting hurt from the activity like using knives or cooking
I can't be sure without actually seeing the can opener, but it sounded like it was one of those that clamp onto a can and you turn a handle to make it open the can. I have one of those and I think the most dangerous part of it would be the "beak" (which is for getting the lid off once the can has been opened), but even so I feel like the most that could do is pinch you. But if it's not like how mine is... yea that's not something I'd make a 9 year old use unsupervised. And even so, the cut edges of an open can, even those that have tabs to open with, are *sharp.* This summer I had to keep a cat away from a tuna can because I didn't want it to cut itself on the edges accidentally. And that's of course ignoring the fact that he was apparently going to make *her,* a 9 year old child, cook the beans. I don't think my parents trusted me around knives at that age.
Edit: looked up some can openers on google and yikes, some of those look very sharp and pointy. Mine is mostly encased in plastic and rather round so there's less sharp points exposed.
Damn!! Finally found a comment that I relate too. But the part about cooking eggs is true though. I scalded my hands and face before(I was 8 at that time) and they have the AUDACITY to say that I'm too dumb to cook even though they're the one who never taught me.
And I sliced my fingers before because of the damn can opener(I end up using knife and hammer after that😓)
So to the parents who reading this kind of comments, don't expect too much to your kids. If they don't know how, teach and guide them patiently
Eggs would be the first thing a child would learn since there's room for error and it is cheap. I would walk the child through it and only step in if they are putting themselves at risk.
Well on that part, he was clearly supervising her from how detailed his accounts of her actions were, if she got close to cutting herself he probably would’ve stepped in. Sure he’s a bit of a jerk but there’s a line between being a jerk to your child and actively letting them get hurt
To quote bean dad himself: "The lip of the can was practically serrated" That can definitely could have sliced that kid's hands, even taking the can opener out of the equation.
yknow how my mum taught me to use a can opener? she put it on the can, showed me how it worked, and then handed it to me and let me finish opening the can. it really isn't hard to be a decent person lmao
Weird. That's how my Dad taught me. Go figure. It's almost like that's the normal thing.
Maybe we were all raised by fairies. Fairies who actually loved us. Maybe we should question our parents right now and ask what they've done with the humans!
Mine taught me how with a knife.. I mean same experience different breed lmao y’all be fairies pretty sure my family are brutes
Similar, she had to open 3 cans so she showed me on one. Started the second then handed me the opener to finish it. The third, was all mine.
I went from not knowing how an can opener works to having a decent understanding of it in about 4 minutes.
Same, I was probably around the girl in the threads age or younger
Omg the line where he says “a more mechanically inclined child might’ve figured it out in minutes” that hurt... he was basically calling her an idiot.
@@am-ranth8955 EXACTLY! Kids don't pop out of the womb and know how to be a mechanical engineer. You teach them logic and problem solving and you figure out The *best* way to teach them since everyone learns differently.
nah he just telling that she is ignorant about mechanics, still dumb. bund not as exaggerated as you said
@@alexbluer But he said that she wasn't as mechanically inclined as other children saying she is below average compared to her peers. He also said something else about her not being as smart as other kids but can't remember exactly what atm. Basically if someone said that to me right now as an adult I would still probably assume they're calling me stupid. So imagine how a kid would feel.
@@RaspBerryPies but he dind't said that, he is a pseudo-intellectual (you know, he tried to over exaggerate the story, speak with complicated words and beutiful lenguage). he didn't want to say that she is stupid, i think he tried to say that she isn't skillful with mechanics or he is reffering to the theory of differents types of intelligences.
is really stupid the way he said it, and is still wrong to say it
@@alexbluer Well the implication is still there and the fact that he is a "pseudo-intellectual" kind adds onto it. Just the language he uses screams I'm smart and you're not. I do agree that it's still wrong to say though, even if you don't interpret it as saying she is unintelligent.
I bet this guy is *absolutely convinced* he's a good writer
The most memorable line from the theme song Izzy talked about is "It's familiar/but not too familiar/but not too not familiar" and that's honestly the best line on the entire album that song came from. It's the only catchy part, and I think that might just be because I like the McElroys so much and they reference that line sometimes in their work.
Which is a very longwinded way of me saying that I absolutely agree with you. He thinks he's a great writer, but turns out he's just a hipster.
11:54 I know what he meant but what's hilarious to me is how the sentence "figure out what the can-opener inventor was thinking when they tried to solve this problem" inadvertently sounds like cans were always a thing and the can-opener was invented to solve the problem of food being stored in cans. Like people invented cans and then for centuries were like "Now what?" because they had no way to open them, or cans were some naturally-occurring phenomenon that people had been trying to solve since the dawn of time.
Fun fact: can openers were actually invented over 70 years after the can. Before that people would "grind" the seam of the can against stone until the lid came loose.
@@LeoTheDarkAngel That's hilarious! Thank you for this revelation.
i'm just wondering what that even means, the can opener inventor was like "i wanna open this can and not have to use a stone" i dunno how that info helps anyone though
His child is never going to talk to him after she's 18, my dad pulled this shit to the point I had to Google how to use a washer and I haven't seen him in years
Tell me about it, so many things learned the hardest way because of some shithead trying to do epic parenting, fuck that shit
This type of "parenting", if we can call it that, literally teaches children not to come to their parents if they need help
@@madymontgomery7489 yeah :/
Wow indeed a generation of cream puffs. Dad did this to me to. Funny thing is it made me stronger. You guys are pathetic, he taught her to use her brains, but I guess that is just child abuse 🙄
@@MrSophire Which generation would that be? Did your parents not educate you about the hazards of making generalizations?
"every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child."
That's a very good quote
Good quote alert
Have your 1,000th like, lol
That's a very wise quote
fax
This entire thing just feels like "Don't be dumb, start being smart."
"Just Buy A House!"
my mom used canned foods to cook. we usually used more than one can for dinner each day. the first time I was taught to use a can opener, my mom showed me how to do it by DEMONSTRATING. she then handed me the can opener to open the next can and guided me through it. it really isn't that hard. the fact this man had to make a big deal about it and turn it into a six-hour struggle rather than get off his ass to help his daughter is depressing.
The dude sounds insufferable. One of those "I read a thesaurus once, and that's my defining character trait" types.
The way all of the tweets are worded is just annoying.
Lol, it pissed me off to no end. Like a 9 year old is going to know what "superfluous" means.
I had to skip her reading the thread halfway through, I couldn't take it. It was as if I was reading through that old Rick&Morty copypasta, but with the humor erased and pumped up ten times with more insufferable.
@@djdragondrawer9339 My parents used all words with my sister and I, but not like this. Not if I was already struggling with something.
“When parents don’t carpool there’s so much superfluous gas use.”
“What does superfluous mean?”
“Oh, that it didn’t need to exist and we could’ve done without it.”
“So wearing earrings is superfluous with hearing stuff?”
“Yeah pretty much.”
“Oh okay! Cool word.”
No panic, no 6 hour hunger, no tears. Who knew it was that fucking simple.
Honestly I tend to do this to some degree. I don't mean to be insufferable or show people up, it's just something I've always done.
“The way the tool addresses the can” who the fuck says that? It’s a tweet! Not a college essay with a word count way too long.
"What kind of apocalypse father doesn't teach his kid how to use a manual can opener??" *Proceeds to not teach his daughter how to use a manual can opener*
Imagine when she asks how to use the stove
I like how he calls himself an apocalypse father when he probably can’t 1.) catch and cook a living creature
2.) Operate a firearm and maintenance it
3.) take care of a plant
4.) how to find and purify water
5.) How to make a shelter and fire with minimal supplies
Yet he calls himself an apocalypse father as he uses a bunch of long fancy words in an attempt to seem more sophisticated and thoughtful when describing the situation where he starved his daughter for 6 hours.
He’s the kind of guy who would get robbed at gunpoint during a social collapse
A challenger….
@@stuglife5514 and piss himself during the robbery lol
@@stuglife5514 I mean.. Isn't that everyone like this? He probably has some apocalypse bunker stocked with beans and ammo for a gun he barely knows how to use, and thinks that's all he needs. No survival skills, no awareness that most likely someone else would eventually steal his bunker, no long term plan, no understanding of local wildlife, medical treatment, or how to avoid nutritional deficiencies... Just gun bunker food. Cuz he thinks it makes him look tough, when in reality it makes him look like a moron.
No selfrespecting survivalist would call themselves an "apocalypse dad". Knowing how to survive in emergency situations isn't a flex... People who sell it as an aesthetic are just toxic incompitant little insecure brainlets with little awareness of how much "their place" is propped up by the society they are so hostile towards, and that without, they'd crash and burn.
There’s a reason the phrase is “teach a man to fish” and not “ give the man a rod, point to the lake and say’ ok, figure it out’ “
My parents used food as rewards AND punishments. Now I do it to myself and have an ED 👍🏻
That said, my parents never told me to “study the can” lmfao I lost it at that
I'm sorry to hear that. Erectile Dysfunction is an unfortunate problem
IDK if this is sarcastic but if it isn't ed also stands for eating disorder
@@lxjoe96I don’t know whether to find this funny or to feel vaguely uncomfortable
The part about “she said she hates me and I think she believes she does”
“Oh sweetie you know you’re not old enough to have those kinds of emotions”
OH MY [llama]ING GOD I HATE EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER SAID THAT
It’s like hearing people get confused over a kid going missing after spending time with someone they explicity said they didn’t like
KIDS DONT FUCKING MAKE UP SHIT LIKE THAT
It's funny because kids tend not to lie about that kind of stuff in the heat of the moment. Kids often mean it,since you know,kids basically have no filter. So I get great joy and satisfaction knowing that his daughter may have actually said this
My mom used to say "You're to young to have nerves to get on"
*"YoUr ToO yOuNg tO FeEL ThOSe EmOTiOnS HuNNy"*
This guy seems like a real pseudo-intellectual.
The pretentiousness... it hurts!
He is in Seattle...
That is exactly the word!
And a full on anti semite, yikes
Good rule of the thumb: The more pretentious and less humble someone is about their intelligence the more likely they are just astoundingly unaware.
coming back to this a year later, i think the comments calling him an abuser weren’t too far off. whilst it does seem extreme at first, leaving your daughter to struggle for hours with a potentially dangerous can opener and can (those things have cut me up before and i’m significantly older than a nine year old) is terrible parenting (at best).
and whilst i’m sure bean dad used hyperbole amongst all that flowery prose, at the end of the day he used this ‘learning experience’ as a punishment and withheld a proper meal from his daughter for hours. snacks are not a proper meal.
and if bean dad feels like this puffed up version of events is worthy of posting, what do u think goes on behind doors that he doesn’t bother posting to twitter??
to be an abuser, u only have to abuse someone once. withholding food from his nine year old daughter is abuse. whatever you believe, this makes him an abuser.
(also his use of slurs is just disgusting and honestly unforgivable)
People give parents such a pass sometimes. If he was her teacher or her boss or even an employee at a restaurant she went to, there would be no question that this behavior is wrong. I think a lot of parents are insecure and worry that they’re not able to give their child the absolute best life, or they get tired of petty judgments, so they excuse a lot of things from other parents in the name of not judging.
I also think we as a society need to acknowledge that not all forms of abuse are like the worst things in the world. Like my elementary teachers gave me trauma by just being such ableist assholes that I was constantly terrified to ask for help or stick up for myself which just lead to a downward spiral of academic problems. Luckily I have an amazing mother and I was able to go to therapy and sort that out but this kind of mental abuse is seriously harmful.
There is no gray area anymore with people.
"I want my daughter to figure out how to use a can opener. So instead of letting her try by herself for 5-10 mins, we will not eat and sit here all day until she gets it right"
Abs also
"OMFG, a guy didn't instantly make food for his daughter and tried to teach her a lesson? CHILD ABUSE!!"
Thanks for ruining the world everyone. i hope you like it here now.
@@mkhachfe You complain about there being no grey area but then simplified a guy withholding food from his child for hours as, "he didn't make food instantly". Like lmfao if you love the grey area so much why did you remove it from the situation?
@@mkhachfe if he actually tried to teach her a lesson that'd be fine, but the thing people have an issue with is that that isn't what he did, he just basically said "figure it out" and expected her to get it first try while he did a puzzle, and you say "he didn't make food instantly" as if that's not his responsibility?? he's her dad and she's 9, of course she's not going to be cooking her own meals, that doesn't make her some lazy mooch or something, dude just would rather have her figure it out himself than have to stop working on a puzzle
In his apology he claims that they had eaten just a few hours earlier, but in his original Twitter thread he's talking about how this went on for 6 hours without food, sooo is he just straight up lying during the apology then? All of this just sounds really bad regardless
It seems like he was implying throughout the whole thread that she has a learning disability. Which by itself isn’t an issue but he acts like she is subhuman because of it
That’s what I thought too. He’s constantly saying how she’s “not very smart hahah lolz” like wtf dude.
Yeah it reminded me of how my parents talked about me as an autistic girl
Im a demi-human because i have neurodivergent 🤣😂🤪
She cannot by enlightened by the power of the ｂｅａｎｓ.
What if she doesn’t even have a learning disability? That just makes it worse. To say that your kid has a learning disability because they can’t open a can?
My mum didn’t teach me how to make a sandwich until I was 10 and then laughed at me when all my older siblings (which were taught how to make sandwiches) could make their own school lunch but I couldn’t. This wasn’t the first time something like this has happened and it definitely wasn’t the last
its ok, I was shouted at for not knowing hot to use a washing machine and toastie maker when I'd never used either ever.
I was never taught what a period was and so when I got mine I thought I was dying, when my mom explained it too me it was terrible so I was still clueless. It took teachers and friends to explain it to me.
Omfg my mom did this to me and now berates me for being able to do so little at 22
@@toptomato When i got mine i straight didn't know what to do and thought u had to change ur pad every hour. It also happened christmas day and I got shouted at for being freaked out all day
@@xxscribbledragonxx9744 bruh I feel this my mom would complain about me crying over cramps, I legit had no idea what was happening to me.
Could you imagine your friend telling you about the time they weren’t able to play all day because she spent the LITERAL WHOLE DAY trying to get beans out of a can while her father REFUSED to help? I’m sending myself to the fucking moon dude
This reminds me of my dad. I can't ask him for help with anything because he says "it's common sense" despite it being something he had to be taught and then never taught me.
My grown-ass partner can’t cook and I’d still show him how to open beans if he asked for help.
I am the partner who can't cook in my relationship. I've never been taught. Much like the poor girl in this story, I was always just told to do things, never how to. So when I tried and it went wrong (obviously,, how do you want a child to cook without help?), I would have my parents on my back, acting frustrated and pushing me aside. I simply don't feel safe in a kitchen anymore, I get flashbacks all the time. My partner has been teaching me a few small things that I can now handle on my own, unlike the people who should have had done that. The only thing this Bean 'Dad' will have taught his daughter is that asking for food (or anything) always ends in shame and anger.
@@hybrid09 , i had the same problem. my boyfriend loves teaching me to cook now. my mom when i was a kid never taught me. she expected me to figure it out and got angry when i asked questions. i have terrible anxiety now, and in the kitchen especially..
True love
Where do I sign up to get a partner like you?
You could just buy the tins with the pull top cans
Even if it’s a “”””teaching moment””””” it probably won’t even work. The girl is seemingly starving, yea, you’re mind is gonna be “fuzzy” when you’re low on food
Honestly yeah, she’ll probably remember the frustration more than the actual life lesson
As a diabetic i can also say why, without carbs your blood sugar will drop, when it drops ur mind becomes fuzzy as hell to the point where in my case i cant even do basic math, something that im good at.
@@user-cz3ox7co8p while for me as a diabetic lows don't make me not do math I mainly get more angry and walk like I'm drunk.
Yeah
Yeah, speaking as a teacher, a 'teachable moment' involves actually...teaching
The way he acts to me was reminiscent of abusive parents when they are in a "good" mood and are feeling up to "parenting" in their own twisted way.
I fully sympathise with the people who read this and thought abuse as I definitely got flashbacks to my own childhood experiences hearing his condescending retelling of how he makes his daughters life (at the very least) insufferably tedious and arguably humiliating over the simplest of tasks.
Not saying bean dad is abusive but he managed to encapsulate a face of abusive parents in his tweets and it triggered people for a reason.
The bigoted stuff is it's own disgusting gibberish so the guy is definitely an ass to say the very least.
For sure. I'm a childhood abuse victim too (and was actually starved as one of the "punishments" funnily enough) ane I don't consider this child abuse. However it is a red flag and is abusive behavior/resembles abusive patterns. I feel like it would only constitue as abuse if the victim found it traumatizing or was impacted by it in some way
Oh my god, I have adhd and people tried to do this kind of shit to me so many times. Less my parents, they did not have the patience for that 😭 but shit like “you have to stay in the hall all day until you remember the directions I told you and find the thing I sent you for” was a stupid strategy, it didn’t teach me how to do it better, it taught me that if I can’t do something there’s a good chance it’ll be hours of tears and I’d miss the art class I’d been excited all week for. Oh and that asking for help is giving in to incompetence.
That's so shitty. If a kid can't fucking remember, that's a pretty obvious sign. Of course, I've internalized the voices and have to fight the urge to self-harm harm sometimes because I get so mad at myself, but at least as a kid I was more disruptive than just forgetful.
He wrote it like he's the protagonist of an anime, teaching a young child the skills of old
there's definitely a montage in his brains version of events
right :')
69th like ;)
But true
At least that old asshole in Naruto everyone hates we don’t have to deal with him in real life this man however is starving his daughter
He’s not teaching his daughter ingenuity or how to figure things out, he’s teaching her to fear asking questions. I guarantee this girl will have issues asking for help when she grows up because she will always fear that it will result in a mentally and emotionally draining ordeal that lasts for hours. The fear of asking for help leads to so many problems as an adult. Bean dad is a bad dad.
and PHYSICALLY draining too. she got tired and hungry thru this whole ordeal. a terrible combo, esp with the mental + emotional drain.
The guy just completely misunderstands that "perserverence" comes from a healthy anticipation of where and when to apply effort, and not from some magic infinite well of time and energy that only children and cool people possess.
@@glumbortango7182 even if you want to teach your kid about where to apply effort, don't do it for basic needs smh. he's so annoyingly smug
This reminds me of my old horseback riding teacher, it was literally my first day and she gave me a bridal and just said “Figure it out.” After a few minutes of me not even know where to start she got frustrated with ME and finally helped me in a passive aggressive way saying “How do you not know how to do this, it’s so simple.” WHAT? YOURE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING TEACH ME IDIOT. I was so scared of asking her questions about anything else that I would stand in the stable’s for over 30 min trying to find something or struggle to do something and when I finely go out to ask for help she would get frustrated.
Well he did one thing y’all are kinda overreacting but the other things he’s done suck but that has nothing to do with his parenting.
"we were laughing! we had pistachios!" ok im sure your daughter will confirm this when she's older lmao
Pistachios are so work-intensive that they barely count as a snack. Also, he literally said "neither one of us is eating another bite until you figure this out." Sooo not another bite except for the snacks??
She’ll be so warped and beat down who knows what she’ll believe
@@StarsMadeOfGlassYeah, I think 'oh, her Mom was there too! We were laughing and snacking! I was just exaggerating' was a blatant lie to save face. Not sure why Izzy bought that or didn't bring up the possibility he was lying, lol
When I was a toddler, my mom made me read some words. Sound them out and stuff. But I was a toddler and couldn't fucking read, and i was being yelled at too because of how long it was taking me, and i was sobbing and begging to stop doing it. But instead of realizing that and empathizing with me, she told me "you can't eat dinner until you read these." When I get older and have kids, I will NEVER treat them anywhere near that badly. It's so fucked up.
"hey dad will you teach me to drive"
*throws car at child* "study the wheels, try to imagine what the creator was thinking when he made it"
THIS
School teacher be like:
HAHAHAHHAHSGSJSHGAJHS
This made my day
Imagine someone throws an actual pistol at a child and says "study the grip, look at the trigger, check the hole at the tip, try to imagine for what and how the creator thought it would work and be used for" and then the child screams out loudly one of two words that either being "PERSONA!" or "MESSIAH!".
"It will reappear as an allegory many more times in her life"
Yes, when she talks to her therapist
On the opposite side of things,if there's something that will not be in his life for much longer it's sure gonna be her.
I'm sure it'll be a useful allegory again when she's choosing his nursing home.
@@yomilemondragon1721 shell probably throw him into one and tell him to study the walls to escape as revenge
Yeah when I read that part I was like "yeah that's called trauma"
"Hey sweetie can you open this bag of chips for me?"
"No dad, do it yourself, study the bag, try to feel what the factory worker felt when they made it. Every bag of chips has its purpose."
Withholding food from kids for like misbehaving or as a teaching moment is something my parents did when I was young. On a completely unrelated note I’m currently in therapy for an eating disord-
The “study the can” thing wasn’t that bad in and of itself; if he’d said it in the first five minutes of the incident, and then given her real hints or an actual demonstration after another five or so, it would have been okay.
It was allowing the frustration to go _on and on and on_ and be driven by hunger that crossed the line.
He could literally just give the same lesson while opening and serving the beans.
My dad always showed me what/where/how to do things when I'm learning something new. Im like twice her age and I still need to learn from beight taught. That "father" needs to be put into jail ASAP
@@samuellinn Shhhhhhhh
@@alita8900 j a i l h i m
Exactly. I was listening to it with an air of sarcasum or joking. I didnt think he was being serious... but like... he let it go on and on and on, and it becomes clear hes not kidding....
The fact he says the can opener will remain an allegory is such a red flag. What he means by that is he's going to hold it over her head every time she can't do something without help, and demean her for it.
Oh my god, I hadn't even made that link in my head but you are absolutely right. "Remember the Can Opener, honey" will be a thing with him until she puts him in a home and 'forgets' to visit.
Honestly, as a kid who struggled with things like this (spacial stuff, figuring out the order of actions, stuff that was apparently 'intuitive' for most people etc) the whole story made me so upset. Sounded exactly like some shit my dad would pull, but even he wouldn't have refused to give _food_ to anyone in the house until I figured it out.
@@ChickenOfAwesome exact same with me!
@@ChickenOfAwesome The part where he said she said her head felt fuzzy really hit me hard. I've been diabetic my entire life, and that's exactly what it feels like when my blood sugar gets low enough to impair my cognitive function. Low blood sugar makes it hard to think or reason, or translate thought into action. You know what fixes low blood sugar? FOOD
Oh no
poor girls gonna have can opener trauma
I remember my dad wanted me to open a beer bottle for him but the problem was I didn’t know how to do it. He started yelling at me because I couldn’t figure it out. I eventually started crying because he was yelling at me. My mom came over and did it for me and checked on me because I, a child, was crying. After all that I was taking a shower and he called me sensitive. God the amount of times he has yelled at me for being confused about something is shockingly high
He sounds like a prick, were things generally this bad or only occasionally?
as someone who had parents like him, I feel a burning hate for him.
This really really hit me hard as a nuerodivergent kid growing up with parents who can't adjust their expectations of me or provide help. I am competent. I'm intelligent. I will complete the task you ask me to do- just give me verbal instruction of what you expect of me. It's that easy. But asking for even the slightest bit of instruction causes my parents to RAGE. Then I'm stupid. I should know better. I can figure it out on my own, I just don't want to try. It's so frustrating. I feel for that child :/
I'm so sorry to hear that. That's really unreasonable of them. I'm so glad we live in a time where nearly any task has tutorials online.. at least as a society/as a species we can provide help and instriction to people whose parents won't.
I’m ND too and experienced something very similar, it’s sad a lot of us growing up faced this issue.
i have the same thing learning wise- doing tasks without instructions doesn't help me. i always feel like i just need to force myself to spend a little more time looking to work things out when i know that doesnt work for me. I've always been laughed at and demeaned for losing things or not seeing things when they're right in front of me when theyre genuinely /not/ there for me. I've never been able to start tasks without a lead, neither have i been able to do anything new to me without instructions. i spent YEARS crying over not being able to do the dishwasher because i always got told i did it wrong; or didn't do enough; or put them in badly or couldn't figure out where to move things so that other things could fit; or couldn't see all the things that needed to go in the dishwasher; and i was always proud of myself until my dad walked in and huffed and mumbled loudly for me to hear that i did it wrong and that "this goes there" in such a demeaning and angry tone. i just wanted a "thank you" for trying. i dont have that kind of detective reasoning or mind skills like everyone else seems to have.
it's really hard being constantly surrounded by shame around needing help for things others consider easy and being demeaned and scoffed at for not being able to do/see things. i feel so bad for this girl because i completely feel her crying from frustration, and the sadness i felt knowing she was forced to keep going is just. whew
sorry, that's a very long comment :'o i just really needed to get it out. it's good to know im not alone
Same here -- and I still get overwhelmed when someone in a position in power tells me to do something but won't give me more specific instructions or clarify their expectations. Childhood experiences of being pressured into "figuring it out" myself didn't build resilience in me, but they sure do resurface regularly in my trauma response 🙃
I want to know what he’s basing his expectations on. She’s a nine-year-old with a still developing brain. It’s not that she needs to be taught abstract thinking and complex problem solving skills, she literally can’t because she hasn’t developed the ability to use those skills.
Also, the fact that he automatically assumes his child is manipulating him by asking “how?” is extremely alarming to me. He also puts immense pressure on his daughter by saying “neither of us are eating until you open the can”. It’s not a cute show of solidarity, it’s putting his daughter in a position where she’s responsible for providing for him. It creates this narrative where it’s her fault that someone else is going hungry. Or, at least, that’s how I would feel if I were her.
ikr?? The "how?" part really got to me. She is asking you, her authority figure, for help with a task she doesn't know how to do. She didn't say "no you do it!" Or "please do it for me." She wanted to learn in that moment and was asking how to open the can by herself.
This just means she's not going to go for him for simple or complex issues she has later on. Because he taught her struggling through something for hours when you could ask for help and do it in 10 minutes instead is the right way to go. Yikes.
He also did eat though. Remember he said he was "snacking throughout the day" but the daughter wasn't. That's actual torment, holding it above the daughter's head that he can eat but she can't because she hasn't opened the can. That's a huge warning sign of abuse.
@@bingboop5414 I'm pretty sure men's brains don't fully develop until 25 and women's are fully developed a few years before that, if I remember correctly
Y'all are wack for thinking he was projecting that intent into his daughter's words
He wasn't, that's just how kids literally are. I'm not a parent, but I'd do the 'how?' thing a lot when I was around that age---even when I knew exactly how to do something but was too lazy to do it myself. Kids aren't dumb, they could be manipulative if they want to be. Not out of maliciousness most of the time, but more like just to get their way.
@@147edge4 Anecdotal evidence does not disprove that he maybe projecting. Yes some kids Do what you did. I did it too,however there are kids who are also naturally curious. While we cannot assume his daughter is one or the other,the way he frames this situation comes off as alarming in multiple ways. So it's only natural to assume his daughter may have been naturally curious and wanted her father to show her how to do something with his guidance. He never once states that his daughter is the type of kid in the post,he just makes a generalization of all kids.
My parents were neglectful and this is literally something they would do to me because they didn’t feel like feeding me, and yes I did eventually injure myself trying to “figure out” feeding myself
He’ll be shocked when his daughter turns 18 and never speaks to him again.
that child is going to go out of her way to move out of the house when/if going to college and will only talk to her father when she needs money
Over beans
@@trdev2013 Undersatdable
It came out that that the guy is also a neo nazi and tweeted about the ‘Jewish question’ and white nationalism in the past. Now he’s deleted his account since he got exposed. Probably an even bigger reason why his daughter hopefully cuts contact as soon as she can.
@@Richard-jj9bj that escalated quickly
The three horsemen: Racism, Abuse, and Beans
ayo im a horseman :3
@@beans9732 be quiet you bean
Ah yes the worst crime of all
*BEANS*
i got beaned:(
B e a n s
Oh, that poor kid.
This has reminded me how lucky I am that my Dad is the opposite. I definitely need to do a trip to visit him. We are in our 30’s now and he’s still obsessed with feeding us and always takes “no thanks, I not hungry right now” as “I’m not hungry for that”. 😆
He starts off offering sandwiches, toasted sandwiches, jaffles, or eggy in the baskets. On to salmon, scallops or steak, before getting more and more outside his skill level, then getting a bit outrageous. He’s not joking, he’s genuinely trying to find something you are hungry for.
My favourite suggestions over the years have been Vichyssoise, Ratatouille and Ceviche. He didn’t know how to make any of them 😂, but we looked up a recipe (went to the shops for ingredients) and made them together. I have so many happy memories of working in the kitchen to make some random thing that none of us knows how to make. Tea cakes, Beef bourguignon, Jambalaya. Most turned out pretty well. I love my dad.
Your dad sounds so awesome!! I hope you get to see him again, soon! :D
this honestly enraged me... my parents are mentally and emotionally abusive and i've been through shit like this before its ridicules, often after a few hours of struggling doing simple tasks i would get so upset and frustrated and in this case especially 'bean dad's' behavior is disgusting, holding food over her head like a reward, like something that needs to be 'earned', i completely agree with people saying children are visual learners, and as someone with ADHD not only is a visual representation valuable but i need SPECIFIC instructions, not just you throwing some shit at me and telling me to ''figure it out''. This instance i would consider abuse, and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if this isnt the first time something like this has happened, Abuse isn't something you would expect and small situations like these add up and make up a large portion of the abuse, so make sure you dont overlook it as something thats ''funny'' or a simple one-time incident
god why is he narrating her daughter trying to open canned beans like an ao3 fanfic 😭
right?!
it’s so weird and honestly a little concerning
please don't insult ao3 fanfic like this *laughs*
as a person who has read ao3 fanfics:
_i can confirm this comment_
I thought I was reading the men writing women subreddit
"My head feels fuzzy"
Anybody else ever dissociate when a guardian/mentor figure refuses to help?
I just assumed it was because they were hours into the ordeal, brain fried, no food. Not good at all.
@@amoureux6502 i can't be sure either way but that phrasing made my blood run cold. Been dissociating from my parents since i was at least 8, possibly younger.
@@r3dak73d-6 your reaction is fully justified either way - his approach to the situation was terrible
Same
holy shit I have chronic dissociation and I didn't even think about that, that's kinda scary actually
My dad actually just taught me how to use a can opener when I asked how instead of making me analyze how it works like I'm a product designer
This hits me hard. My parents would call me stupid and idiot and laugh at me for crying during homework because I don’t understand the questions or resolution. It took over 10 years for a teacher to point out that I am undiagnosed neurodivergent.
i hope you're doing good now :(
“There are a lot of parents out there”
correct
im glad we have someone here to fact check.
@@Miriam-pq4vx SISTER?!?
Did I just witness a family reunion?
@@100psychic6 holy shit we did!
@@Pancakeboii HOLY SHIT
If he wanted to teach her how to open a can why didn't he just show her how to do it?
But that jigsaw puzzle, man. It wouldn't put itself together. /s
Plot twist: he actually doesn't know how to open the can himself, so that's why he told his daughter to open the can herself lmao
Yeah, like, there's 2 of you. Pop the opener on 1 can, start it up as she watches, let her finish it. Then let her try opening the second can all on her own. Instant gratification and a proud child who has done something on their own
@@emmareiman64 Exactly!
that’s literally how I learned how to open a can? my dad let me go at it for like three minutes and then was like “alright you’re 5 years old I gotchu”
Bean dad in 30 years: Honey? How do I reset the router?
Bean daughter: 😏
study the router
this reminds me of something very similar my dad did around that age. we don't talk anymore because he's smug, self righteous, and "always trying to teach a lesson"
I hope you're doing better nowadays.
Parents can be big douchebags
When he said “teaching moment” the teaching moment had already passed??? She’d tried the can opener, couldn’t get it, that’s when u as a father open it for her and show her how,, if this was a sixteen year old who couldn’t open a can then not helping them makes some sense, but she’s nine????
even a 16 year old doesn't make any sense because he never taught her beforehand :/
@@void-xt8pw that’s true, I guess I meant more in the sense of a 16 year old would likely have an easier time figuring it out, but it’s such a simple task that honestly there’s nothing to be learned from it
@@Jaaaannnneeee I mean. There are full fledged adults that have to learn things through google and how-to videos because their fucking parents never taught them shit. If it literally wasn't for the internet there'd be a lot of people out there who would still struggle with things that seem like simple tasks just because they were never fucking *taught how.*
Yeah, it wasn't a "moment" it was six hours lmao
@@Demyxu ah I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that it was bad to not know, or the fault of the child. If a 16 year old doesn’t know how to use a can opener, that’s absolutely on their parents and not them-I suppose I just meant that the sixteen year old would have more developed problem solving skills than a nine year old (though still should be shown how, and not left alone for six hours). I should have made that more clear lol
bean dad's not the worst, but you don't have to be the worst parent ever to have abusive tendencies. and from the way he describes his daughter, she seems like she might be neurodivergent. reading bean dad's thread was a lil traumatizing, imo.
He seems to put her down for being ND too, just in the way he talks
completely i got complete ableism from this thread like... it’s ok to not be good at things or not know how to do things just throwing them in the deep end with nothing but shame and holding food from her is horrible
i also feel like she probably has some type of neurodivergentsy or learning disorder
I really don't think she is, she's just 9 and hadn't used a can opener before. Ableist yes, though. Though if she is ND, this shit is gonna fuck her up even worse. :') "Haha you can't do this thing, even though it's really not your fault you can't"
Sarah like he didn’t explicitly say it but he was basically like “haha my 9 yr old is retarded and I’m a super genius smart guy who’s so cool”
People pointing out how horrible he was to his daughter
The way he writes make every single cell of my curl.
The way he assumes, that his daughter is manipulating him into cooking for her.... because it's his responsibility to feed his daughter?
He sounds like a narcissist. Obviously im not trying to make a diagnosis or anything but my dad was a narcissist and he always did stuff like that just to make himself feel like a genius. Its all to feed the ego and its so pretentious and gross. What did she actually gain from that? He couldve just punctured the can for her to show her how its done and then told her to crank it or whatever so she still would be putting in some of the work and she would know how to use it in the future. He really thinks he did something but the jokes on him because the chances of his daughter growing up and seeing through his crap are high and she will probably have some resentment towards him like i have towards my dad 🤷🏻♀️
This.
oh great someone defending it in the replies woohoo my favorite
he is totally a narcissist's, it's clear as day. not only did he belittle his daughter for hours and made her feel inferior, but he felt inclined to share her "failure" online.
(btw i'm not talking about NPD, but the adjective narcissist)
@George Khoory
I can't tell if you're defending the dad or not. If you are, sorry to say, but what he did and what your parents did was incredibly neglectful and abusive.
@George Khoory
I'm sorry. Being forced to be independent as a child is actual neglect. Children don't know how to do shit immediately. That's why parents are there to, yknow, help guide their kids. Doesn't mean a parent should do everything a kid asks, but helping them when they're struggling and in need of support is the best thing to do.
What the "bean dad" did and what your parents did shouldn't be called parenting.
Its abuse.
there‘s no such thing as “intuitive design”. everything has to be learned and experienced at some point. my god i hate it when people talk about design like this. especially people who have no clue what they are talking about and think they are so woke.
Thank you! A good "intuitive" design is one that builds on someone's existing knowledge to help them deduce how to work something novel. That, however, requires one to have existing knowledge, which is not the case for a 9 year-old. People who know nothing about design talk about it like it's magic, and this guy is a prime example. Put him in the middle of a forest and ask him to start a fire; it must be intuitive if our ancestors could do it, right?
Also a fucking can opener is the opposite of intuitive design. It looks like it’s supposed to go vertical but no it’s supposed to go horizontal
that... isn't exactly correct. Intuitive design means a design that the average person could understand from prior experience alone, so it DOES exist, but it doesn't exist for a 9yr old since there isn't any prior experience to speak of.
Waxing philosophical about how the can opener doesn’t have any superfluous parts followed immediately by “oh actually, it has a bottle opener”
Age plays a big factor here I think, I wasn’t really paying attention at the start and thought the kid was 14-16. I was like oh he’s kind of annoying but I don’t really get what the big deal is, but she’s NINE?! HELP YOUR CHILD BRO
I remember that “SHES 9 YEARS OLD” was trending on twitter for a hot second and i was just like oh god 👁👄👁
not even double digits... hes disgusting like support ur kid wtf
this girls' college essay about her daddy issues gonna be FIRE
The guy in his 40-50s reading the essay is going to be reminded of bean dad
im writing one now hold on-
imagine if her prof recognizes her as the bean dad's daughter just from that
Litterarly
I mean he’s not a good father but at least he sorta… explained it?? I mean my parents literally never explained or taught me how to use a can opener and sometimes I’m left home with only cans with no pull tab and I can’t open it, and they come home and I’m hungry and don’t explain it to me, they just open it for me and everything. So I just kinda accepted the fact that I’m gonna go into adult hood not knowing how to use a can opener and I literally turn 18 in like 5 months. I also was never taught how to ride a bike although my dad got me a bike and training wheels cause he just never attached the wheels. At least he’s teaching me how to drive a car now lol.
Seriously, when I was 6-7 my dad taught me how to use a can opener.
It didn’t take 6 hours, it took maybe 1 minute.
Basically he started it and then controlled my hand to show me how to use it.
Ahhh I love how these days kids are learning by their parents starving them until they’ve learnt
GREAT PARENTING.
The beginning makes me so mad. The number of times my otherwise well-meaning mother got angry at me for asking a question because she thought that I was injecting a whole heap of extra meaning into it that wasn't there. "How do I do this?" "Well if you didn't want to do it you shouldn't have offered." Super hurtful. Kids mostly don't think that way. I sure didn't. Found out recently I'm autistic too, so if I ask a question, it's because I want to know the answer. If I wanted to tell you you're doing something wrong, I would just say it.
Sometimes I wish everyone in the fucking world was autistic. A lot of things would suck, but people would just SAY WHAT THEY FUCKING MEAN. I don't know if I have autism, it's been brought up before, but just being honest and direct feels like a neurological condition sometimes.
He wrote it like a badly written Wattpad fanfiction
dude this comment has been written 4 times
This is an insult to 11 year old me
"i'm a comedian" is such a garbage defense for being a bad person.
It's over written in that "I'm so whacky and quirky!!!!" way too. He could have gotten a nice little blog out of teaching her how to do it in a constructive way.
the new "just a prank bro"
A pretty bad comedian then because no-one laughed
"I'm a comedian."
"Oh, no wonder everything that comes out of your mouth is a such a joke, then."
On a similar note "being edgy" is a garbage defense for being a bad person too.
In otherwords.
"I threatened to starve my 9-year-old daughter, and wouldn't let her eat for 6 hours, until she taught herself how to use a device that she'd be able to use in 2 minutes if I had shown her how to use it myself."
Bean dad really went:
_While you where busy knowing how to be a good parent I was forcing my kid to study the can opener_
i thought the “he’s an abuser” stuff was too far, but also when i showed it to my mom (who’s a social worker) she was surprised child protective services hadn’t contacted him, so i don’t think people were _that_ far off when they said he reminded them of abusers
My step father was super neglectful to the point where the only reason I’d get to eat was because my mom would make something in the microwave so I’d leave her alone. The way he spoke about the situation and her especially reminded me so much of him. I feel so bad for this child
honestly if it had been a mother instead of a father who did this, CPS would’ve been called after like an hour or smth
Professional child care courses list withholding food or treating food as punishments/rewards is abusive. Withholding food for hours until your child completes mundane tasks is literally categorized as abuse because the lack of food is “punishment” for incompletion. This teaches the child that necessities to live will be removed from their life if they mess up around adults and creates lifelong trust issues, anxiety, and eating disorders.
Abuse isn’t just beating your kid. It’s also being neglectful, withholding necessities, and emotionally abusing them. Bean dad was abusive, even if he didn’t realize it.
6 hours not feeding your child
Yeah, that's not right
Pretty sure depriving your child of any food is considered abuse
It’s funny how people are like “oh well he’s just teaching her to do things for herself” she’s 9 Karen, teaching someone a skill actually involves TEACHING not just **slams object down on table** “use this”, if you want your kid to not trust you enough to ask when they need help with something then you do you.
Exactly. Someone else commented something that I thought was very fitting "it's teach a man to fish. Not throw a fishing rod at his feet and point and laugh at him with your friends for 6 hours while he tries to figure it out"
@@jaw322 exactly, it’s honestly fucking stupid that people are defending this. This is such an inconvenient and dumb way to teach anyone about anything. He really sat there for 6 hours monologuing about opening a can of beans instead of actually teaching her anything when it was a job that would have taken 10 minutes at most.
@@spinalfluid1193 precisely, the only lesson that was learned here is to not ask for help cause you will get none and be mocked for the enjoyment of others and that's sickening. It makes me so made how he parades these pseudo intellectual ideas like he's such a great dad but he's a moron.
@@jaw322 how to end up in a shitty nursing home tutorial
The only thing she really learned from this is to not ask her dad for help
This feels like something my dad would have done to me growing up and that knowledge really hurts. This kind of behavior doesn't 'teach' your child anything other than to never come to you for help and that everything they can't do on their own will be made fun of.
I had a fourth grade English teacher like this. She would basically just berate me for not knowing what to do, say things I didn’t understand, and then I’d have a meltdown due to overstimulation and was sent to the office. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have this kind of person as a parent. My heart goes out to the poor kid
Honestly the part that infuriates me the most about the thread is how he tries to turn it into a novel or something. Like he *really* wants people reading it to think he's some intellectual who's raising his "dumb" daughter to be as intelligent as he is. The whole thing comes off like he just did it to stroke his own ego.
Okay so here’s the thing, I’m certified to work with preschoolers, basically toddlers to pre-k
When I saw this story I got so frustrated.
Leaving kids with tools to understand how they work is perfectly fine. There’s a method of learning called Montessori
For preschools to haBe children use real tools and other everyday objects to learn. However he completely screwed it over.
He knew she couldn’t figure it out. After at most 10 minutes he should have shown her how to use it. It would take 2 seconds to show her how to clip it on. Having her simply do the twisting part then pour the beans in a pot for him to heat up would have been more than enough to instill a sense of independence and self reliance at a young age.
If this is his default for teaching he’s just going to teach her to not ask for help and simply struggle.
Parents aren’t just suppose to teach functioning life skills, they need to help develop emotional and mental foundations for kids to grow up into decent people. If he thinks he doesn’t need to take that into consideration for every lesson he gives then he needs to reavalute himself.
After hours of frustration and struggle, this action probably felt more like a punishment for being "stupid" more than being an actual moment of triumph. I'm frustrated listening to his antics. The way he acted was not in the interest of the child, to him this was a game and a moment of triumph for himself, not for her.
hit the nail on the head
isnt she nine-? that isnt preschool thats like fourth grade lol
@@cup5550 sorry should have clarified a bit more, I meant that the idea of him trying to do it herself is fine. Kids even young as 3-4 learn a lot from it. The problem is he executed it horribly, even keeping her age in mind. 9 year olds can be left on thier own for a lot, but if they have no instruction then they can't do much.
It's more I understand what he was trying to do, but it was don't badly.
@@cup5550 not the point, still a child
On a lighter note… I’m absolutely shocked at the fact that I see NO ONE talking about how incredible your Draculaura fan art is! I was mostly focused on that the whole video aha… I love it so much 💗🖤
It is great. I have no idea who the character is, but that's an adorable picture.
I'm so confused on how he thought this "philosophical" ineffective and emotionally painful way of teaching was better than just instructing her how to open the fucking can.
He thought she would use this as a life lesson but really she see this as him just being a big asshole. I see his intentions, there were better ways to reach this same lesson without idk, giving someone actual trauma? And lessons like these I don’t even think needs teaching, videos games could accomplish what he was trying to teach perfectly. And food isn’t involved. If you plopped dark souls in front of her and told her the same thing, that would be a 10x better lesson.
"The Internet's Most Hated Father"
So we just forgot about DaddyOFive or...
No we never forget him and thankfully the kids were taken out of his custody.
Technically he's DaddyOZero now lol
who's that?
@@alastorbutwithagun A youtuber that somehow got a following for abusing his kids
@@RisingRevengeance
yeah, i found a video about it, it's pretty insane
bruh I can't STAND it when parents laugh at/make fun of/get frustrated at their kids when they dont know how to do something
my guy, that was YOUR JOB
He wasn’t mad he was pushing her
when i was 12 my mom expected me to start fending for myself when it came to meals. i asked her once what i should heat a certain thing to on the stove (i had no prior experience) and she lost her shit on me because i was ‘being stupid’. bruv how am i supposed to make pasta when idk how.
@@who8518 I'm so terribly sorry for what has happened to you that is far from good parenting and I'm sorry. however, consistent behavior is not comparable to an isolated event. this can example won't cause mass trauma or trust issues. while i don't quite know all the details of your life I'd assume that your mother had at the very least but massive holes in you're trust that shed take care of you if she had even built it in the first place. I'm sorry this happened to you but they aren't the same
We get annoyed when we've showed our kid how to do something a million times, he's done it a million times, then says he can't do it. I do know what you mean, but there are nuances to it all.
@@paranoiarpincess it’s still not okay to snap at somebody over it
It's the way he described his own daughter (and all children in general) that infuriated me. When I was reading it, I just kept thinking, "ok buddy, tell us you resent your daughter without telling us you resent your daughter." Dude thinks he's so freaking special, it's obnoxious 🙄
going through these comments thinking "wow, why do i relate to this so much my parents weren't really like that yet i still have a crippling fear of failure" and then realising that my teacher from year 2 was exactly like this and once yelled at me until i cried for spelling the word very wrong and that memory has stuck with me for the rest of my life. it wasnt something i was ever taught as i super late to learning to read and write and to be screamed at just made me feel like a complete idiot, she was also the kind of teacher to be incredibly mad when someone asked a "silly" question so god knows i learnt early on to never ask for that kind of support. Not to mention my dad was constantly like this and expected me to able to think way above my age and while he didnt drag it out for 6 hours it was still humiliating and rather taught me not to ask questions or try to understand any deeper than surface level or be mocked relentlessly for not thinking like a bio chemical engineer. sometimes its the trauma dumping in youtube comments that makes you realise you have even more unresolved trauma yourself. fuck bean dad btw wherever he is right now
Yeah, we really glossed over the whole implication of "My kid is hungry? Meh, I'll just keep doing this jigsaw puzzle and hope she figures it out."
*child passes out*
Bean dad: There she goes. Continuing to be difficult.
My man out here acting like he saw a really good painting and needs to tell everyone in the most hipster way...... They're just beans man
Thank you
Truly, people don't need to here every little thing that goes on under your roof.
And such a looong stoooory 😑
My dad is like this and my god 🤦♂️ he’ll turn any and everything into a life lesson, like man this isn’t full house and it’s never that deep
Truly. I'd never read the whole thread of tweets before this video, and man, was it cringe. I swear I cringed so hard my leg started cramping. Can openers aren't special, my guy. I just don't know what else to say.
@@kassandrapatrick9064 I agree and I don't even like the word cringe
My dad was like this and years later i'm constantly in therapy with a suspected severe dissociative disorder from not learning how to deal with trauma
My dad was like this, he literally refused to understand the concept of me being a child, or someone who cannot do things as easily as he could and would refuse to explain things he thought were simple or ‘easy’ and never extending any form of understanding when I did things he didn’t understand.
When I was eleven I was going through an edgy phase and was upset for a handful of dumb and genuine reasons and wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, which eventually extended to everyone for a few hours. He decided that since I couldn’t tell him what I wanted for dinner that meant I wasn’t getting dinner. And never actually tried to solve the problem with me not talking, or any of the reasons I was upset.
I wanted to play soccer lightly and have fun with it, but since I was doing something he also liked that meant I had to enjoy and consume it the way he did, which was through vigorous and often unnecessary training so I could be the best on the team, when I really just wanted to learn a sport and have fun doing it and he ruined it for me, doing things the way he did when he was a kid and being forced into the mold of how he was as a child made it a chore and something I dreaded greatly and to this day I still choose the sports I partake in based upon what he has and has not done so that doesn’t happen again.
I could go on for hours on how terrible interacting with him in any way that made me vulnerable was, but at this point it would be a novel. All I’m trying to say is, this really hit home for me and I hope his daughter is okay.
Daughter: "I want beans, help me,"
Some asshole: "Ohohoho! You see, the can opener is a beautiful design with no superfluous parts. You understand everything except how the tool addresses the can, young one."
Daughter: "Please I'm hungry."
Literal child: Please help me Father, who I need to survive on a day to day basis.
John: ohohoho! I can’t HELP you literal child! You see I’m an apocalypse father, that means I’ll watch you fail forever and ever and also won’t help you! Because that’s what will happen in the apocalypse! Now get back to struggling with sharp objects you literal 9 year old!
“Hi hungry, I’m dad!”
"dad please help im starving its been months"
the complex yet simple parts of the can opener makes it just the best tol to open cans you see if you-
*months later*
*flies buzzing around a dead corpse*
Please don’t do that laugh again. All I can hear is Rin
Father, I require sustenance
he didn’t let the kid eat for 6 hours because she couldn’t open a can. withholding food from your child is abuse.
period
Withholding food?! Haha
I know most people discussing this grew up in the west, but let me let you in on a little secret: going six hours between meals isn’t withholding food.
@@christophervance1165 Well considering she was already hungry it had to have been longer than 6 hours since she last ate. And even if it's not a long time, knowing she was hungry and still not giving her food for hours instead of just teaching her to use the can opener is sucky
@@christophervance1165 they had also said that they hadn't eaten anything all day,,,
@@christophervance1165 You can challenge your child without starving them for 6 hours and then tweeting about it.
Why does a can opener need to be a challenge, all he had to do was teach her how it works and explain why it worked