I've posted my video about what autistic masking feels like from the inside (from my perspective, a few studies and articles, and the many other anecdotes I've read from the autistic community online): ruclips.net/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/видео.html
Definitely resonated with a lot of this, especially the “leftover friends”. I’m still wondering though, what is the difference between these socially awkward habits and autism? I guess I feel a bit skeptical of the idea that just because these experiences are relatable means someone is autistic. I feel like so many non-autistic people will be able to relate as well. Or… is it just that there are more autistic people in the world than we thought?
I experienced a memory watching this video. I remembered being mocked by my much older brothers for my arm movements while talking. This memory is well over 50yrs ago. My natural stims repressed in order to fit in.
I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, but I’ve suspected I’m autistic for quite a few years. This video makes me even more convinced. Makes me want to cry. I’m 40 years old, and no one noticed.
I'm 36, I'm going through the same/similar, diag social anxiety, I see a therapist n psych, I know how u feel and ditto, No one noticed? I feel like crying for the little girl, teenager, young woman, who was just doing the best she could, at least I'm becoming the best me now. But it makes me pray future generations won't have to suffer undiagnosed for as long as we did
Hi I'm 40 and been through the whole depression, PTSD, anxiety, bipolar, crash and burn then manic and of course my favourite suicidal watch and of course I am definitely on the spectrum because I have a confirmed dyslexia diagnosis. Then earlier this year when I saw yet another counsellor who spotted multiple traits and now I'm on a two year waiting list for a professional diagnostic consultation. Since learning about these traits and how you're more likely to have it in family groups, I'm seeing things in my dad and brother that are both more than likely on the spectrum too, and I have no idea how my dad has not been spotted in his 70 yrs on the spectrum
I've had social anxiety my whole life and I mentioned the possibility of having ASD and he laughed it off. He's an older psychiatrist who has been doing it for years apparently but he seems to have a really old mindset that comes along with it. He dismissed it as all people with ASD just lollygag without a care in the world which from my what I've heard of people sharing their experiences isn't true at all. 🤦♂I didn't press it on him because you know he's the expert... edit: just watched the video. everyone of those ASD symptoms I suffer from. I wish I was exaggerating
I feel like my social anxiety comes from Autism + extreme self-awareness. like I notice people who are Autistic but less ... extremely self-aware..... just sort of be "awkward" and vibe with it or don't care and sometimes I'm jealous of that. i wanna just be weird
Sometimes I feel so self-aware that it circles all the way around into like deluding and denying myself support and invalidating myself, “because like, if I were _actually_ autistic, then I wouldn’t be so good at knowing precisely when to hide the offputting parts of my personality!”
Same! I’m a bit jealous of people who can just be themselves, even if it makes them seem a bit weird. Most of my energy is just spent on making sure I fit in😂 I remember being 7 years old and noticing that I fit in better than the previous year because I started trying to crack jokes with my new friends…so I started doing that more, while at the same time being very conscious of the fact that I’d emotionally crumble if nobody laughed😂🥺
Omg the eye contact thing! There are so many times I catch myself looking at something else than the person I'm talking to. And then reminding myself to look at them, but forgetting it again a few seconds later. It's also especially hard to maintain eye contact if I'm talking about something personal or something that requires a lot of mental thinking.
I never look at anyone I talk to. I never have. The only time I do was job interviews and I had to tell myself to do so ahead of time. Remember to look in their eyes and don’t forget what you are talking about when you do. It will freak you out but you HAVE to look because real people think it’s normal. Even though it’s not. But pretend it is.
i do not maintain eye contact at all, fuck that. it makes me so uncomfortable. looking in someone’s eyes i do once n awhile for just a bit and every time it feels alien. idunno if i’m autistic.
Funny thing, I’ve found this translates to video games as well. The amount of times my mums gotten annoyed by me moving the perspective camera around, usually looking around the room or aligning the lines on the cursor with corresponding lines in the environment, while I’m listening to a character talk is… too often.
"persistant drive for autonomy" sounds SO much nicer.... I've been thinking for years that I just had a quiet version of oppositional defiant disorder, then I recently learned about demand avoidance and was like omg that's it. Really, though, my entire issue with feeling pressured and demanded is the constant feeling that I was not allowed to have enough autonomy growing up. I hate obligational hugs because most of them are without my consent. I hate being told what to do because that becomes an expectation that I have no choice over because there will be a negative consequence whether I do the demand or not. The really frustrating thing is that because I've struggled so much with this with family growing up, I also tend to reject demands that I try to place on myself. Like my own preferences and choices feel like things trying to take away my autonomy sometimes and it's confusing and it sucks.
i remember reading the short story 'the imp of the perverse', was either r.l. stevenson or poe, but i just thought that was a perfect way to describe whatever little gremlin in my head made me this way, lmfao
Oooh. This hit right here. I was forced so often by my parents to socialize when I was petrified of it as a child- often bullied or ostracized as a result of getting forced into a space that wasn’t right for me. Now I avoid these kinds of things as much as I can- small talk, eye contact, social expectations- especially physical ones, even existing in spaces with other people any longer than it’s required to complete a task and leave. It’s taken a while to realize that my parents (adopted) did not want to accept that I was different than them in this way, and now I find myself avoiding doing things I could even end up enjoying because of the social demands that leave me burnt out and irritated.
@@Rachel-k8I was told in kindergarten, it would be a good idea to make friends with the only other girl who was bullied severely. My clueless mom thought we could be each other's back guard. Seriously bad idea! It just made me even less popular than I already was. I was the first to fold, and backstab her with my words. She had nervous habits that made her an even more obvious "odd duck of a child" than I was.
You describing yourself as running around the playground in circles making up stories in your head was me - until my brother told me to stop as it was ‘weird’. At that moment I masked anything that was different. So reassuring to hear others with a similar experience 😊
i used to do that as well but i also ended up being the brother that told my brother (who also did that) he should stop 'because its weird'. i feel really bad
@@ExistenceUniversity It has been said before. Sometimes you need to do a little bit of masking so that you can navigate life. But it's not healthy doing it all the time just because it's what the world considers to be "adult". It's exhausting. You can be an adult and still be yourself.
@@yay29823 Turns out I was out to lunch. Turns out I am not normal. Just learned I am probably autistic and what I thought was "normal" turnds out to be that I am a supermasker...
The "prefers socialising outside your own age group" and "often misunderstood as flirting" is an unfortunate combination. I feel like autistic girls and afab people can be easy targets for grooming. We need to teach all kids what is and isn't appropriate, but I feel like this is especially important. At the time it happened to me, I didn't really understand the social differences with ages. I felt so much older than I was! But now, I'm looking back as a 25-year-old, the same age as that person was when they entered a relationship with a 16-year-old that they had known since 14. There is no way I could ever convince myself it was appropriate, even though 16 is the legal age in both our countries.
Yeah I worry for my little sister sometimes especially because she loves to socialize with people outside of her own age group my little cousin is 13 my sister is 18 just to give an example I sometimes worry how she'll handle dating especially if someone older approaches her because she's super friendly and she'll talk about almost anything it's scary sometimes
This. Older males loved me as a teenager and I found it so easy to be friends with them, I was extremely naive, i didnt know i was "attractive" and I certainly wasnt aware that my personality was seen as flirtatious. It landed me to being groomed and multiple abusive long term relationships.
My recent ex and I had realized that the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope is almost definitely a format of older problematic men hypersexualizing women on the spectrum.
Yeah, I had issues like this growing up because I had trouble telling who was ok to talk too. I still do now every once in a while and get scammed out a bit of money or something. I wish someone helped me have a better understanding of it
Alphabet soup is the perfect word for it. I've been diagnosed with 7 of those mentioned conditions plus OCD. My partner once joked that I'm a walking, talking DSM-5 and I've never laughed harder in my life 😂
Same for me! Almost. 6 of those plus OCD and PTSD All before I was 25. Realised I was autistic around 2018. Dianosed aged 36 this year. Now aged 37 and been referred for an ADHD assessment recently.
That’s exactly what I said to my shrink,?” I’m a human not a walking DSM5 of failure and disorder. But your profession failed me when I should of known better when I got overwhelmed
That's hilariously dark, I have not thought that you got joked as a walking, talking DSM-5. I do imagine that, I might be, an another walking, talking DSM-5.
The fact that men can be quiet, and keep to themselves but be seen as hardworking and focused while a woman doing the same thing is seen as stuck up and unhappy is a shame. It’s a HUGE discriminatory issue I’ve noticed being less talkative.
@worlore1651 I don't necessarily agree with that, due to how many times afabs are expected to "smile" and called names for not obliging. Even by total strangers in public settings like the street. There is an entitlement folks have to fem folks emotional performance.
Thank you for this video!! I can relate to everything you said so well. I feel the same way about women and laughed so much the way you described how fake they are. It drives me nuts! I get along so much better with men but then the problem is they always think I am pursuing them romantically so I just can’t have any friends besides my boyfriend/partner.
How does that make sense though? That sounds incredibly ignorant with this "men getting away with autism" rhetoric when it does NOT work like that in the dating scene at all. You sound like you do not have a clue what is going on with that lol!
I’ve noticed all my closest friends have always had some type of mental illness/disorder or troubles at home etc and I think we are drawn to them because we can relate and our brain likes familiarity so we feel safer with people like us :)
I remember my preschool teacher was so surprised when she saw me talking with my parents. She thought for years that I couldn’t talk. Funny that I don’t remember being that quiet but I was always taking in everything around me. I ate lunch alone for the first half of 7th grade because I didn’t really fit in with other kids my age. The kids that finally did reach out to me were socially awkward as well. They are most likely neurodivergent as well. I’ve noticed that since I’m no longer in school it’s harder to make new friends. I have coworkers but I’m hesitant about hanging out with people I work with. I feel like I expect people to come to me and maintaining friendships is difficult. My job is very social so on my days off and just want to be home in quiet.
Ohww I see what you mean. I'm also neurdivergint and my job is very social as well. I work with kids as a circus teacher and volunteer for ppl with mental illnesses as well. Well, when I'm free I just wanne be alone in my home and hopefully a bit tidyd up home lol. But yeas I rly feel my alone time is especially important now. Thanks for leaving your comment, it made me more able to accept myself ❤️😁🤗
I went to a school psychologist because of social anxiety at age 16. I had to call my sister to pick me up, because it was after school. I did it in her room. Because I was able to talk to my SISTER "normally" I "didn't have social anxiety". 😂 Now I know why I am that way lol
The walking around in circles around the playground. That is exactly me. I did this growing up and teachers always told me to go play. Kids always asked me why I was sad. I was content and I made up stories in my own head too. I was so drained from the school day, I just couldn’t interact anymore.
Re: keeping friends. I also feel like the 'requirements' for keeping neurotypical friends are just a bit off from how friendships work for me. I think I don't have the same sort of 'friendship decay', because I can go without talking to people for years for various reasons and in my head, we're still best friends, and for people I'm very close to (who are usually also very neuro-spicy) that is true.
Throughout all of elementary school, when teachers put comments on our report cards, every time I got "shy, quiet, keeps to herself". But no, I couldn't possibly be autistic. I was just "gifted."
@@ConvenientlyShapedUsername Yes, but I'll elaborate. Those traits weren't by choice; I could not socialize period. I studied my classmates sometimes like Steve Irwin, trying and failing to understand their behavior and thought process. My elementary school was small. I didn't have a single friend until middle school when I met some other cool weirdos from a different town. But none of my teachers thought to contact my mom or refer me for any sort of testing, not even ADHD when there were multiple instances of my hyper-focus disrupting a lesson. My first grade teacher berated me for flapping my hands when I got excited, and my fifth grade teacher punished me for not making eye contact. The only special test I was given was an IQ test in eighth grade. There were always signs; I just didn't know them. And I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have fallen through the cracks if I had been AMAB and obsessed with trains.
The psychologist who was supposed to give me an autism diagnosis said that I can't be autistic after 3 sessions because I want to have friends and because I mask, which is, in her words, "not something that autistic people know how to do", so I got the whole alphabet soup from her instead :(
@@SixHexSix When you go to a professional for tools and you realize that professional knows less about what you are asking for help with, yeah -- that is disappointing. It is a bummer. And that's what interactions with so many allistic people are like throughout your life. It seems to be a fundamental human need to be seen and somewhat understood and autistics are often misunderstood.
@@theanticrystal So the professional is wrong, based on what a person learned on RUclips? Wouldn't this being true invalidate or bring into question every diagnosis? And you are right, the professional probably saw what was going on for what it was, someone needing attention and hoping to get it through a diagnosis. Hence, the disappointment when finding out they aren't autistic. It is now desirable to be autistic?
@@SixHexSix You and I do not know if the person learned about autism through RUclips only that they are talking about it. Additionally, it is statistically significant that women with autism are often misdiagnosed because the criteria for diagnosis was done using studies of boys and men. Whether it is 'cool' or not is personal opinion but I doubt people speak help just to be cool. You go to therapists for help and autism is a condition that can cause a lot of suffering.
I am a 32 year-old white male who wasn't diagnosed with ASD until I personally crawled into the DSM-V myself last year and went to a professional who "knew the signs" and said it was "incredibly obvious" that I was on the spectrum. When I grew up, "autistic" was a slur on the internet meaning "irredeemibly bad at socializing. May as well just give up on trying" kind of thing. Turns out the experts know very little about the "disorder" and there is very little evidence that it isn't as prevelent amongst women as men. I, like you, got most of my info from self-taught YT videos, but holy shit it's crazy how unaware we can be of ourselves for so long. It's like I've found an instruction manual tucked away in a drawer I never knew existed. Good luck on your content. Just treat it like a journal or whatever, because the market is a bit saturated at the moment.
@@imautisticnowwhat Yeah just knowing your ballpark age, your gender, and your ASD diagnosis there is probably a reasonable amount I can guess about your life and personality. As part of my own efforts to learn more about autism, I have gone out of my way both online and in-person to meet others on the spectrum and I've yet to meet a girl who doesn't "have a story." On a brighter note, what are your special interests? Are you planning to segue your diagnosis into some sort of career or profession?
@@cda6590 Yeah - I don't think it's easy for any of us! But I was lucky to have parents who accepted me for who I was. I also had quite a few teachers who accommodated me without a diagnosis. They just did it instinctively because they saw I needed help. My special interests are mostly creative - writing and filmmaking are the two longest-standing. Psychology too (and now autism, naturally!). I have considered becoming a psychologist and perhaps using it to help other autistic people. What about you? What are your special interests? I'm guessing autism might be one for you too?
@@imautisticnowwhat I have a couple of years worth of completed undergrad credits, so my plan is to go back to Uni for a BA/BS in psychology and then graduate school, where I will hopefully be able to specialize in trauma-based therapies catered specifically to autistic individuals. For so many of us, we occupy a portion of the spectrum which is only 'disabling' insofar as external pressures squeeze us into unnatural positions in life, oftentimes breeding comorbidities such as PTSD and BPD. I want to help popularize alternative therapies for autistic people. If the rates of trauma in autistic people are anything to go by, calling ABA 'best practice' is laughable at best and dangerous at worst.
@@cda6590That sounds amazing. I'd love to have an autistic therapist! I hope you have a positive experience at uni if (when!) you do go back. Keep me updated! Have you struggled with higher education in the past? I'm currently on my third attempt, haha! Distance learning has helped a lot.
Trait number 3 totally jumped out at me. Most of my favourite friendships growing up, especially in my teen years, were with the oddities, the rejects, the weirdos... I even commented on it myself a few times by saying things like "it seems I'm a reject/outcast magnet" 😂 Oh no, number 4... *pain, sadness, **_LITERAL FEAR of getting close to people, because they all end up "going away" in the end, and why do I want those inevitable wounds?_* Frick, who's cutting onions?
Yes, I started out when young in a whole group of neighbors, then moved and was on the outskirts even of the "gifted" class we were the weird ones, then moved again and outskirts of middle school, then no friends, then I hung out with a fantastic group of the foreign kids in high school, but they were more advanced socially so I was soon out of that group, then a group of outcasts that was fantastic but graduated, then a year of nobody (it was fine, there was a library), then a friend I love and miss who like me was obsessed by writing poetry in foreign languages, she was amazing, then college and mine was all weird people and I was on the edges there as well, one great year but many graduated years ahead of me so that fell apart, and since then almost nobody for the ensuing decades, but approached friendships with a couple engineers and nerds, but there aren't enough nerds and I still am not great at showing people I want to be friends and knowing how to do it, because in the 4 decades since I was 12, I haven't had a long-term friendship* so how do I know how people do them? *I do but few and long-distance, which isn't quite the same and there are many years and months with no contact, which I think is unusual.
"I concentrate better when I'm not concentrating on looking at somebody" really spoke with me. I get so focused on looking at them that I don't actually hear what they're saying and my brain gets too loud to hear anything else. I have to be doing something else. Though if I don't know I should be listening, I can't hear anything. Which my husband REALLY doesn't get. If I know I should be listening I can, and probably need to, be doing something else. If I don't know and I'm doing something else, I will 100% not even realize you were talking to me. I can actively listen while doing something. I can't be doing something and then be expected to listen to something I don't know I should be listening to!
I just wanted to stop and say how much I am grateful for this video . I am 13 years old , and I’m doing a lot of research on autism because I really think that I might be autistic . I love how clear and friendly your videos are , and the fact that you really said that it’s normal and okay not to relate to everything , because I have like this enormous imposter syndrom😅 you basically described my whole life in 22 minutes …. Right now I’m going trough a really difficult period that made me really “lose control ” over my life and this really helps me to clear my thoughts on my “ symptoms “ 🥰
Going through the same process; it's frustrating, isn't it? It's like you really want to be actually autistic, because if you're not, then what the hell are you? Not neurotypical, that's for sure...
@@baileyjones7570 I relate to this so much. I have been going back and forth between so many different things trying to figure out what is wrong with me and I just need to find the answer because I have to know what my problem is. There needs to be something that describes the way I behave and think the way I do.
@@pickledgirl Yeah, and the last thing I want to do is disrespect actually autistic people by saying I'm one of them, if I'm actually not. The main thing that makes me doubt myself is that I don't have sensory issues beyond a dislike for perfume and cologne---but not all autistic people do, I have to remind myself. I've heard of people who identify as "slightly autistic," which makes sense but is still a little strange. Where do you draw the line when you're looking at autistics vs allistics? There's got to be some gray area, right? But again, how can i not be autistic if I relate more deeply to this group of people than I ever have in my whole life related to anyone?
I don’t think I have ASD but I do have ADHD. But I think theres a lot of ASD in my family. Trying to convince my siblings to look into it for themselves. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I am very comfortable around neurodivergent people. As an adult, all my favorite people have been autistic. I think I am just very used to explaining the rules of the social world to my sisters as a main topic of conversation... It’s wild how well we segregate ourselves naturally.
I never thought of having autism or anything until it was brought to our attention for our son. I always had an incorrect idea of what autism was in my head. Seeing my son’s interactions and feelings has me questioning my own. He’s 11 and even said to me the other day “mom I feel different than everyone. I wonder if I have autism.” That kind of blew me away that he was so articulate and understanding about it.
I’ve recently come to realise that two of my favourite friends are AuDHD males who have the personality I’ve had to mask since my teens because of constant social rejection. They’re energetic, bubbly and highly animated and I love being around them, but it also fills me with resentment that those traits have been celebrated in the bodies of boys (they’re both popular and have no social anxiety issues), but were hated in the body of a girl. I want to return to my old self but it’s been so indoctrinated into me to think I’d just be annoying and “too much” if I do.
If it helps at all, I am a woman who is described as those things: energetic, bubble, animated. And I am popular socially. I think those traits are appreciated in women and men. But I know it can be hard when you were mistreated as a child. I’ve also felt very insecure because of being called annoying so much in childhood. But I believe you can be yourself now and make great friendships.
I'm also envious of how my husband is accepted for being monotone and expressionless and not always responding to smalltalk. But if I did the same, I'd be a b-word. We are forced to mask more because we have to constantly appear caring, nurturing, ready to service. It's BS.
never thought of the "socialising with people outside of your age group" as a sign before. Ive always felt so much more comfortable around older people. I even took up golf so I could be around older people when I was a teen (still do it) did not realise that was yet another sign. Related very heavily to basically everyone of these. Also my gf always jokes of how incredibly naive I am haha she also pointed out to me the other day that I smile directly at literally every person I see.... think I need to look into this....
I one million percent agree that women are evaluated much more consistently and harshly by their peers/the public/society, and you’re absolutely right that a lot of times with guys it’s just “leave him alone and let him cook”. But speaking as a 32-yo who was just diagnosed a year ago, I would say men are left pathologically alone, whereas women are pathologically monitored.
It's impossible for me to be comfortable at parties. Especially around people I don't know. I'm constantly monitoring myself during every moment of every interaction. It leaves me with no mental faculties remaining to ask people questions or inquire about their lives, which creates long awkward moments of silence where they're expecting me to help move the conversation along. Just a single interaction is enough to consume all my mental energy and send my anxiety levels through the roof.
Try to direct your focus on the person in front of you. Think about what they are saying, their facial expression etc. This helped me a lot. I usually have no clue what people want from me, but I can function socially because I try to focus on things around me rather than focusing on myself. It's easier said than done, but it's absolutely possible. You will nm forever be different, that's just something you will have to come to terms with. Like, the conversations people have with me are different Than the conversations they have with other people, but I much prefer that to the alternative, which is being entirely alone.
@@carlpanzram7081I'm genuinely not interested in what the other person is saying 99% of the time. I'm not trying to be an edgy sigma bro here. I hate this about myself, but I just don't have any curiosity about other people. Unless they're involved in one of my special interests
I’m a very anxious person and as a result self-diagnosed myself with autism based on a google search in my early 20s. I couldn’t make eye contact, social cues seemed to elude me, etc. I ended up seeing a doctor, and it turned out I was not autistic. I was not anywhere near autistic. I was actually hypersensitive. I’m a lot better now although certain things are still hard for me and the physiological responses have never really gone away. In any case, I think more people should see medical professionals if they can
The bit about feeling more aligned to male peers rather than female peers is part of why I've thought about being evaluated. Despite being cishet, a friend of mine once described me as queer-coded because he might have thought I was lesbian or bisexual like him. I was also obsessed with Hot Wheels as a kid.
Gotta love gender stereotypes. Just cause a woman like masculine things doesn’t mean you are lesbian or need to get your boobs chopped off and put on testosterone. You are just a woman who happens to enjoy “masculine” hobbies .
I'm also a girl and grew up loving Pokémon, Power Rangers and Ninjago. Am still a massive fan of Lego. A lot of girls actually like that stuff and there's nothing wrong with it. It's unfortunate that some girls grow up with the notion that it's not normal/okay to like "boy" stuff.
I always felt it was the opposite for me. I'm male and I thought I had a lot more female traits. I remember feeling like that because other boys always seemed to be in hectic, boisterous, social play situations. I always felt like as a kids girls were quieter and less involved in socially aggressive situations, more calm and observational. I wonder if it goes both ways because since we are autistic we feel outcasts in whatever group society puts us in, and seek missing similarities in other groups. Whether that is opposite gender, older individuals, or pets. Hmmm. I don't know. Makes sense to me I guess.
Omgggggg. I've always gotten along with guys wayyyy better than women, although I think I'm nonbinary, even as a kid I was more interested in games, Gothic clothing, "male clothes," hot wheels, and etc. I never would have thought that could be a sign lolol.
I'm almost in tears here. Every point described my life exactly! It's almost kind of relieving to know what could be possibly going on in my brain and that I'm not just broken. How does one even go about being diagnosed?
My 4yo daughter was diagnosed with autism recently and which is why your channel was suggested to me since I’ve been wanting to learn more. I have always been socially awkward /anxious and I have diagnosed ADHD. I have never considered the possibility of being autistic myself before this video. I can relate to every single point you’ve made. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with this
13:35 HARD agree that children are a sensory nightmare lmao. BUT similar to the point about friendships with men/boys sometimes feeling more straight forward, I feel like this is a reason I really love kids as well. They tend to say what they’re thinking, they don’t usually lie about emotions (at least not convincingly lol), you can tell if they like you or not. Gotta love that.
I really wanna be tested for asd because almost every personal example you gave is something I’ve experienced, particularly the difficulty to look at people when I’m focused on what they’re talking about
Not diagnosed yet, 36y old, afab queerdo. I was probably 7 years old when my teacher pointed out to me that I hardly ever made eye contact. So I practiced. I'm still practicing some days. Like so many other uncomfortable or painful things about masking, I got used to it. I learned to hide my various discomforts/pain, at a great cost to my mental health and stamina. I like the fluttery eye contact that you demonstrated in the video. It feels more natural and focused to me. Come to think of it, some of my family members do eye contact like that. Hmmm I wonder why...
I am pretty sure I'm autistic but... society treats autistic folks so badly that I hesitate to get a diagnosis: Especially with what is going on in Australia rn with the driving licences. I am not allowed to drive as I have irregular seizures but it makes me wonder "huh - what other rights might they take away from me if I have that official label?" and I hate that. I am lucky that my partner and I can afford me not working but if we couldn't it'd be so hard. I also have a friend who wishes to move to my country and if you have an autistic diagnosis you can't move here. It's awful. So I stick with self-Diagnosis and your channel has been great to find coping mechanisms without government assistance. Thank you.
So you are telling me I'm autistic ? Lmaoo I'm the loner with social anxiety I only have some friends I just look pretty so people love to become my friend they think I'm just mysterious and shy 😭😭 I'm autistic ?? You mad me questions myself since i have a younger brother who is a non verbal autistic 😭😭 12:27 i don't text first at all 😭 i feel like I'm annoying or just don't care about texting I also like kids they are comfy, but i usually prefer friends my age
Owe you a lot, especially on behalf of my youngest (only daughter). Found you because sons are at varying places on the spectrum but along the way figured out at 54 I am also autistic, but so is my daughter who was completely missed by everyone. Bit of a bombshell. I am the one who problem-solves everything, the glue in the family, the doer-so not the stereotype I had imagined. Turns out I am just higher functioning than the rest of the family and oddly enough blessed to have ADD which makes talking to people and moving between tasks easier. Who'd a though?! Thank you for these vids. Daughter feels so understood listening to you. Such a gift.
I am one of those in the lost generations. "Labels" weren't a thing when I was a kid in small town nowhere, aside from the extreme cases of mental or physical disabilities. I'm gen x and I can list off tons of boomers and gen x that DEFINITELY went undiagnosed! Previous to the late 90's, everyone just said, "wow, that one's weird" and just kept their distance. I've been hiding for so many decades that I forget it's ok to admit it these days. I recently got myself into an uncomfortable situation because my friendliness was confused for flirting. He couldn't comprehend that: I'm single because nobody has the patience for my quirks; I like being alone 90% of my time; I don't want to go out for supper....or out for any reason not involving grocery or hardware stores; or that I didn't want to sleep over at a strangers house. He said I was just making excuses. I finally just went with full disclosure and said, I can't give you what you need, I have Aspergers. He disappeared LOL. I've realized that it goes both ways for me. I can't tell when someone is flirting with me unless they're overly direct about it. When I think they're flirting, they're just being friendly. When I think they're just being friendly, they're flirting (I figure it out down the road when they stop being friendly). I can't read between the lines, but I can tell when someone's behaviour and/or attitude changes. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I enjoy learning from younger peeps on the spectrum. I'm too many decades deep into masking that I can't seem to stop it. I'm actually quite disturbed by how quickly the mask goes on when I'm forced to speak to people in public. Even with knowing I do it and don't want to. Sorry for ramble, keep up the great work!!
I was at high school and university during the 90's and also had issues with the whole flirting/friendship issue (undiagnosed yet, b 15:35 ut going to get one). First part was I was smaller/skinnier than most of the guys around me so there was some self esteem issues so always thought why me and not so and so, but the confusing flirting/friendship really hits home. I mistook friendship stuff for flirting a few times and then just gave up trying to work it out and just had lots of female friends. Found out later that there were a couple of girls at high school that were interested in me and I just completely missed the signs. Yes I have had girl friends and relationships over the years but that was because that made it obviously known that they liked me. Thanks for reading if you got to here.
I'm the excat same way with eye contact- I truly thought that I had no issues with eye contact and then realised that my eyes are all over they place most of the time and that I only make intermittent eye contact. And my eye contact is also the aboslut worst with my mom (whom I love dearly and have a very close relationship with).
Animals are a more rudimentary version of myself. I just feel like I am them. A creature that learns through synaptic connections and tries their best to stay alive. Also, their emotions aren’t as taxing. Food? Good. Water? Good Walks/Lighting/Play? Good. A little bit of love? Done, you have bonded and all is good, haha.
I can't believe the youtube algorithm took this long to show me your channel. I've watched a few of your videos and I'm staggered at the number of similarities I'm noticing in myself and looking back on my younger self. I'm 41 years old now and I feel like I've just been the somewhat quirky loner. The huge number of signs I missed (and everyone else) is eye-opening. Things like being freakishly good in some subject, but struggling mightily with others in school. I am terrible at math which is odd to me because I'm great at remembering numbers. But I am great at history and civics because the way the stories fit together makes it stick in my mind very well. The context of it all makes it memorable and what I find fascinating. I probably should have gone to law school!
I have this memory in elementary school where a teacher just suddenly yelled at me because I had my sleeves pulled over my hands. It probably made me feel more secure, I also refused to wear short sleeved shirts and shorts when I was very young. So it was probably just a comfort thing. I don't know why he had a problem with it, but anyway I got confused and kind of froze. Luckily my friend saved me and pulled up my sleeves for me.
one of my biggest struggles is trusting people because i know that if someone lies to me i won't notice. trusting someone entails believing they won't lie to me even when they know they would get away with it.
Completely unrelated but I love that you talk with your hands! I talk with my hands a lot too and some people have made fun of me for it, but I feel so engaged with how you talk because *HANDS*. The only other people I’ve found talk with their hands is ND folks and SL folks(not necessarily just hearing impaired, but a previous coworker was a certified ASL translator and she always talks with her hands).
I watched and listened to your video and I smiled, because I like your way of describing things and I catched myself on "oh, I did this too, and this, and this...now it get's clear to me what was going on with me" Thank you for the sincerity with which you share. This is super valuable and informative!🖤
Thank you for making your videos. I am self diagnosed at 57 and I don’t need to tell you how helpful info from other women with Autism is! So thanks again❤ I also wanted to add that I HAVE had wrong diagnoses but also have had trauma in my past so I have autism and trauma diagnosis
also, the quote from the study saying it “feels like you’re an outsider looking in” really struck me. I constantly feel that I am disengaged and just observing.
I was literally thinking about my specific friends from middle/highschool/early adulthood today and the cool but so weird conversations we would have. I miss them so much but unfortunately my ex burned those bridges. Even when I reached out later (and that in itself is massive 🤯), they weren't there in the same way. I love being a part of this online community now! It is a gift! 💛💛
Thank you for the disclaimer at 3:00, I have struggled with this a lot during the process of researching the criteria any time there is an item I don't relate to, or my experience doesn't exactly match up with someone else's.
When I was in my late teens my mom told me that the doctor who diagnosed my brother with autism thought I probably had it too. She's changed her story since a number of times. I'm pretty sure I am autistic. I am 28.
I’m now feeling so overwhelmed from what I’ve learned in this one film. I’m amazed that you can be on Facebook groups about this….I’m exhausted just at the thought of you managing to do this. I fully agree with every point you have made. Six years ago I came across a fiction book in the library. Black and white cover. It began as an app before it was published in book form. It’s about a community of teens, all neurodiverse, and how their special abilities were the hallmark of the next development of the human race. I was utterly inspired by this book. Regretting I don’t yet remember the title. I’m going to seek for it. Thank you again
I feel so incredibly seen by this video. Before my autism diagnosis I was more sure that I was autistic than after the diagnosis and I kind of have an imposter syndrom ever since. But almost everything you mention, except for the t-rex arms, it just resonates. It's like you're describing me and I feel so validated and seen. I have just started watching your videos and they help me so much, so thank you
The eye contact is still an issue for me. I thought you weren’t supposed to stare cuz they’ll think your a creep ,I learned you’re suppose to look away every 5 seconds, which I sometimes count in my head😢not so much with family
Apparently eye contact doesn’t mean looking into someone’s eyes, it means looking at their face in general. I’ve gotten by by looking at peoples mouths instead so I can read lips too which makes me hear better for some reason and no one except my AuDHD best friend has ever pointed it out, and that was because they thought I was actually making eye contact with them. So yeah, just a tip if you’re struggling. Most people won’t notice if you look somewhere on their face other than straight into their eyes.
I feel like the reason it seems like men are more straight forward is because they can kind of get away with saying it like it is but for women, I feel like we’ve been told our whole lives that we need to be respectful and polite and so I feel like a lot of us end up sugarcoating everything we say and it’s really confusing.
What sucks is my mom is super blunt but I am anxiety city and can't even tell people what I really think because I don't want to upset them even though I hate that.
It's so nice to see someone talking in an open and comfy way about this, thank you so much! It’s kinda funny to put my experience side to side with others, I never wanted to be popular or anything, my motto was “one friend, one problem”, sometimes we would sit together and just silently make company to each other. I just noticed that I didn’t make eye contact when I was older and looking back to my past, nobody never commented about it, even my stimming that I never in my life would think that some people are put down by simply doing it. (P.s.: oh people would like, look at the direction i was looking and be confused but noticing that i was talking to them very fast lol) People would say that I was cool, in a nice way, because I didn't have expression on my face, and I would think “ wow great! I'm cool!”. And putting all this together I was like: oh maybe, just maybe, I'm not really doing what some people do...is that a problem? I don't think so. And yeah, I never changed that, I just changed the way I choose friends and my environment in general to be the best place I can live in, where people that I love, love me too, and we understand each other.
I haven't been diagnosed but im in therapy to help with talking to people since I get into trouble at work for not talking 🙃 Anyone else? I found this song by Dodie called "Don't quite belong" and I feel like it's a good explanation of how I feel and I thought I'd share it since I love her so much
I think it's more socially acceptable for boys to be boys, and boys are more readily allowed to be loners, have emotional outbursts, and being extremely focused projects as discipline in men, which is a positive trait. Where as there is more social pressure on women to carry the day to day social weight, so they learn to mask heavier and earlier than their male counterparts. I don't think either gender has more or less difficulty, there are particularities on both sides. Although it is terrible that it took so long to get past the "women can't be autistic" dogma, that's hard.
Thank you so much for this! The home videos and references to research are extremely helpful. as are your anecdotes. Every one of your videos gives me those light bulb moments. It definitely helps to keep the Imposter Syndrome at bay!
I really appreciate the research you put in and I agree, I notice I make less eye contact with people I'm comfortable with, which is my husband, mom, dad and nan lol
T-Rex arms -- never heard that expression, but I know exactly what it means -- I do it, and I wondered about it, but I never knew how to search for information about it. Lots of thanks for saying that term.. I first noticed T-Rex arms -- both myself and another neurodivergent person -- back in the 1970s! Fifty years later I have FINALLY learnt what it is called!!! Yay. Somewhere, on the other side of the world (Australia), an autistic person is getting excited because they finally learnt the answer to this riddle -- why do I walk with my arms in a strange position? Being Australian, I did wonder if it was called "kangaroo paws", but searching for "kangaroo paws autism" just took me to gardening websites (kangaroo paws are a type of bush)
All of those described me as a child and now in my 20s. I always hung out with my guy friends growing up and got along with my teachers and even now as a teacher myself I get along with the older women. I love kids and animals and will rather play with the kids or animals at an event. I teach special education and love the kids and find myself truly relating to them which I love. It also overwhelms me at work too with all of my responsibilities and love when we all get to have our separate space and we are all happy recharging. I am awful at eye contact and use my hands consistently awkwardly.
i’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety, but i can relate a lot to the autism things there are 5 people (including me) in my friend group, and were kinda a gang of misfits… my best friend is autistic too we’re all fans of the warrior cats series and we’re not really popular. heck, during attendance when the teacher says my name some kids say “who’s that??”. most of us are girls (except me), but we dont really do “girly” stuff, we barely talk about gender snd stuff like that, we’re just a gang of dudes who hang out and talk about our weird interests… about the keeping friendships thing… i have trust issues and after the smallest mistake they made i always think “THEY BETRAYED ME! EVERYONES A TRAITOR! RAHHHHHHHHH” or sometimes i fear im being too clingy…… i dont really know what to do to keep the friendships do i just invite them over or sit at lunch with them or wha…? and i always feel uncomfortable in silence especially alone with only one person because i feel like i have to say something to break the awkwardness but i suck at starting conversations so i think about what the other members usually do so i do the same thing then i analyze if “are they enjoying it or do they think im annoying?? do they wanna be left alone?? what if im being a d*ck??? AAAHHHH” about being naive i used to let my friend harm me (physically) even though i didnt like it………… i was thinkinf “wellll this is probably normal and im probably just dramaticcc” when i asked my parents to help they told me i needed to drop the friendship but i was too scared to because i cared about that person… now rhat person stopped doing that stuff so its ok (: eye contact is my worst enemy and when my teachers force me to do it i scream internally sorry for typing like 5 paragraphs lol
Really great video! I don’t see anything wrong with looking around when you film. Many vloggers do this as they talk. I think it’s just being casual and natural. Hey, I am unofficially Autistic so what do I know?!😂Keep up the good work!
This "thelepathy" thing is what also happens to me. For a long time I've felt like there was some other channel of communication I just couldn't receive or emmit. Later I sort of learned to despise it, which makes it worse...
I was diagnosed with social anxiety many years ago, I then had a psychiatrist try to diagnose me with borderline personality disorder which I definitely dont have. I struggle with eye contact with people I dont know and am not comfortable with I can make eye contact with those that I am comfortable with. So much of this was relatable to me.
I’m in a state of shock as I’m listening to this and I am only 6 minutes in. When my former partner suggested this could apply to me 11 years ago I replied with …..silence…..what a giveaway. It’s now reached the point where my family pretty much all identify with being neurodivergent. You are describing yourself and at the same time you’re describing my childhood, exactly! This is why I’m shocked. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I intuitively Knew it was wrong. I was drawn to this after watching neurodivergent doctor…then the RUclips algorithm threw you into my options…..having watched 3 more recent films of yours, my intuition instructed me to watch your first film…..this one. I’m so grateful to you it goes beyond language…….much love…..
for me I have never really felt lonely - I like being alone but also can enjoy the company of some people, even though I have to talk myself up to it. however, it has felt isolating at times - feeling like something is wrong with me, getting frustrated when I struggle with connecting with others, not knowing what to say or do. I have felt isolated when I feel misunderstood, but I generally enjoy being alone.
I can't do group discussions or conversations, but I do enjoy 1 on 1 I don't really recall, I know I was so often lost in my imagination that I didn't notice. Though after 2nd grade I did get picked on by peers, as they realized just how odd I was. When I was older, yes, I was part of the oddball group. As an adult, I think that many of my friend group are ND. I drift away from my friends often, it's just hard to interact and I often run out of what to say and I feel guilty about that. I had a lot of guy friends as a kid. I don't know why. I was a fairly steryotypical girl, but I had a close guy friend pretty much every school year. I was a teacher's pet and talking with the teachers, I was an only child. People told me I was mature for my age. I didn't 'get' my peers and it scared me because I couldn't predict their actions. I remember I was in 5th grade, I got bullied by a 3rd grader and a 4th grader. I had a good friend who was in the 2nd grade and a couple Kindergarteners I was close with.... to be fair, I did have a couple friends my own age as well. And I am an animal person. I am an easy mark and yeah, I got picked on. I just got out of a home situation where a roommate was verbally abusing me, and it is hard to admit that. I have also done the flirting thing....oh gosh, I'm just trying to be friendly and probably talking to pass the time because I am bored. I do notice my eyes drifting a lot, but I didn't think that was me avoiding eye contact. I do find it easier to listen if I am watching the person speak. I can't play rpgs online, because I cannot see the other people. I talk with my hands. I don't know if I mask. I think I did as a kid, but as I aged, I don't care anymore.
Oh my goodness, it makes me feel so good that you mentioned the unsurity and the existential crisis going on inside when there was an autistic trait you didn't relate to or weren't sure if you related to. I've had this very same thing happen to me so many times. I've done so much research about autism and I've gone so back and forth on weather I'm "actually autistic" just because of the fact I didn't relate with a few traits. But there are so many autistic traits I DO relate to, and all these autistic traits really explain a lot about my life and who I am as a person!
ok that helped a lot...i knew most of the points already cause im trying to figure out whether im autistic or not..but especially the masking point helped...first i thought masking is like lying about who you are and making up a different persona...but more interntionally...so i thought "nooo i dont do that im always a super honest person and i am true to myself" ...but when you said that also just constantly thinking about how you preset to others while being in a social situation i was like..."omg i do that all the time" cause im just afraid that someone thinks im weird or i hold my hands weird just because i dont know here to put them while standing...and that some ppl already commented on that makes me think even more about it
Looking back all the friends I had at school were quirky/different to some degree eg. still played Pokémon as a teen, would infodump about Warhammer, were very hyperactive or emotionally intense, quoted TV shows/movie characters regularly in casual conversation. I remember them also being more genuine than most people Never the main popular cool kids group who I remember thinking seemed like homogenous NPC’s Interestingly, when I attended creative arts/music courses, I noticed I was no longer an outsider and was actually suddenly hitting it off with so many people there. Looking back, most of them were probably neurodivergent because they are attracted to the arts/music world
15:35 I'm very glad that I have always been most comfortable speaking my mind, since this made it very easy for me to tell someone my boundaries, I think it gives me a boost to prioritise my own well being over hurting someone's feelings. (Not worrying if someone gets upset for me speaking my mind, because I know saying that I don't like something is valid) And 21:22 for me this is "Don't stare at anyone for too long, make sure you're looking around casually, like a normal person, not staring at anyone or at a group. Just sit casually. Act casual, be chill."
I’m 37 and it wasn’t until June last year that I realized that I’m actually autistic. I had been suspecting it for some 10 years but it was completely missed throughout school despite all my contact with school nurse and counselor and another counselor and even a meeting with a whole team from the psychiatrist unit for young people when I was in my teens (and being a complete mess of environmental triggered depression and probably 3 years of autistic meltdown because of school) The reason I found out I’m autistic is because I got into reading the second book of the Divergent series and also re-watched the movies and I had this deep feeling in me that I should find some self tests online for autism. I could see so much of myself in Tris (the main character) because she’s different from others in her society and she doesn’t fit in and have to hide who she really is, like others who are like her. It just felt so much like masking autism to try to fit in. I didn’t just take one self test but several and they all came back very strongly indicating that I’m autistic. On one test I took, a neurotypical would generally score 17 or less, I scored 34 (most autistics would score over 20 on that particular test). When I told an autistic friend that I had come to the conclusion that I’m autistic, his response was “I know, knew the first time we talked” and it’s the same story with the love of my life, he’s autistic as well and he too knew the first time we talked and he admitted that when I told him. Both my friend and boyfriend had known about my autism long before I did 😂 I do not have a formal diagnose yet, but between the self tests I took and my friend and boyfriend knowing instantly, it’s more than safe to say that my self diagnosis is spot on. I am however going to try to get a formal diagnose as well as it can give better access to help and support from society. For everyday life though, the self awareness and allowing myself to just be me instead of masking all the time, has made a huge difference for the better in my life! I’m allowing myself to fidget and stim now instead of suppressing and feeling like Elsa from Frozen, not to mention allowing myself to resort to music in my ears when the surrounding becomes too much and not caring that it might be considered rude. I’ve also invested in a pair of Calmer earplugs that helps me a lot!
it was amazing to hear another person ask what on earth are you supposed to do with your hands they're just dangling there awkwardly where do you put them - yes! I have always struggled to figure that out and I can get pretty self conscious about my hands in social situations. I can't tell you what a relief it is knowing I'm not the only one.
My girlfriend pointed out to me recently that when I start talking about something that I'm really into, my eyes begin darting all over as if I'm reading it in the air. We've also picked up that when it's a conversation that regarding our relationship, I tend to understand her better when I'm letting my gaze go all over the place. I was raised to look into people's eyes. When I am talking to someone like a doctor for instance, I try to, but my gaze goes all over and I am in my head saying "you have to make eye contact". It's a weird experience I thought everyone experiences. But apparently, according to my friends and some random people I've interacted with, they almost enjoy the eye contact. Anyhow, despite your video being geared towards females, it had a calming and affirming affect on me. I appreciate it! I've sent your channel to my sister. Perhaps she can also find solidarity with it.
I’m technically undiagnosed for tactical reasons, but when I was a child I was “alphabet” diagnosed. I can go along with CPTSD and maybe ADHD, but I definitely don’t have depression, general anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or schizoaffective disorder. All of which I’ve been either threatened with or diagnosed and medicated for. And none of the medications did anything good. I was never properly chemically depressed until I was put onto Zoloft and Prozac (separately. Not at the same time 💀)
Uff, I relate to many things here. Not that this is everyone's experience, but I will just add my experience when it comes to being absent. I have a group of 5 friends, and one of them and I were always saying yes to going out and then ended up canceling. In my case, I was struggling with depression and anxiety, especially around people I knew. Although these friends were my favorite, when I started to struggle, I could no longer enjoy being with them (or anyone). I would be there and be extremely anxious. I was so full of shame and could not be vulnerable. It was horrible! I was afraid to lose them.... Eventually, after 3 years of therapy I was able to open up about what I was going through with them, and at first, they didn't understand. They were angry for always being absent, which I completely undertand, but after that day I have been more available . They started to ask about the other friend who was absent all the time, too, and we ended up looking for her. We made a basket with her favorite things and each of us wrote a letter to her. Well, she ended up opening about her struggles too and how much she felt like a horrible friend for always canceling plans. Agter that, she has been more available, too. Months later,she ended up being diagnosed with autism, on top of OCD, anxiety, depression and insomnia, and it seems I am on the neurodivergent side too. We're just exploring that with my current therapist. I still used the mask to help with the panic attacks and social anxiety, but we are so much better now ❤
Yeah I had no support other than thinking I was Dyslexic and that's it. But, turns out I was autistic all along. And I had NO idea, because my brother is autistic and we're the completely opposites, and yet we get along swimmingly. But thank you for making this, because I'm still learning about myself and the more I know the better~ :D
I have been in therapy many times over the years, and the experts' opinion was always that I am introverted and shy, and have no friends because I have low self esteem. However, I found myself saying YES to every one of your points. I'm 58, and the "self-diagnosing" in social media has been angering to me because it seems like these type of videos try to convince people that they are autistic or neurodivergent. My brain goes, "what the hell kind of crazy is this?!" But my gut (or my inner child) feels really seen by your video. So thank you. But now I do say, "now what?" LIke, is there a way to improve my friendships now that I feel I may have some degree of autism?
I also spent my first few weeks of playtimes just wandering round the outskirts of the playground. Nobody told me what to do! I figured all the other children were already friends before they started school, or that someone had sorted them into groups and forgot to add me. So, I was just killing time, looking at things and waiting till we could go back into the classroom. When my parents heard that I didn't play with the other kids, they asked if I felt lonely. Apparently, I looked confused and answered, "no... there were loads of people around." I had no concept of loneliness, so I just equated "lonely" with "being alone".
Didn't realize people perceive me differently until recently, but I've always known that they've treated me differently. I don't mask very well apparently
I'm an 18 year old woman and I've been questioning whether or not I should get an autism assessment. I relate to so much of what is being said but I am always second guessing myself that I will look absolutely stupid if I get the assessment and it says I am not autistic, or I'll explain myself to the gp and they will say I won't need it. Recently, I've just become so exhausted with constantly presenting myself to others as someone who isn't naturally me - in social situations I always checking myself to make sure I nod to conversations, stop pacing on my feet and keep eye contact. I just want to find out why I have struggled so much during the years... the thing is as well, I don't want to tell my family that I have been feeling this way, cause I feel like their response would just be "I haven't really seen you struggle, so I don't think you would need to see a gp" but at the same time it would be intimidating and overwhelming to go to the doctors alone... ahhhh this is confusing! 😅
I think I have both honestly 😭 I’m so so awful with confrontation and conflict but also my brain just stops working when people talk to me that isn’t from the script that I form in my head and I panic. Getting evaluated this year but going 24 years old and undiagnosed. But I’ve had issues with socialization my whole life. And people find it weird that I’m so quiet and reserved but men can do the same thing and it seem normal. Probably also doesn’t help that I’m a person of color and non-cis. 😂😅 thank you for your videos, so many of them have helped me come to realize that I’m even more sure that I’m on the spectrum.
I've posted my video about what autistic masking feels like from the inside (from my perspective, a few studies and articles, and the many other anecdotes I've read from the autistic community online):
ruclips.net/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/видео.html
Thanks for posting the link here.
the back ground music is so distracting, for me. But the honesty and enthusiasm and connection is amazing
Definitely resonated with a lot of this, especially the “leftover friends”. I’m still wondering though, what is the difference between these socially awkward habits and autism? I guess I feel a bit skeptical of the idea that just because these experiences are relatable means someone is autistic. I feel like so many non-autistic people will be able to relate as well. Or… is it just that there are more autistic people in the world than we thought?
I experienced a memory watching this video. I remembered being mocked by my much older brothers for my arm movements while talking. This memory is well over 50yrs ago. My natural stims repressed in order to fit in.
"The more I like a person, the more I can't". So well put! I think it's because if I don't succeed at making friends with them it feels worse.
I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, but I’ve suspected I’m autistic for quite a few years. This video makes me even more convinced. Makes me want to cry. I’m 40 years old, and no one noticed.
I think I am avoidant + social anxiety. I am also wondering if I am on the spectrum Hope you can get a diagnosis🙏
Same. Where do you make the difference?
I'm 36, I'm going through the same/similar, diag social anxiety, I see a therapist n psych, I know how u feel and ditto, No one noticed? I feel like crying for the little girl, teenager, young woman, who was just doing the best she could, at least I'm becoming the best me now. But it makes me pray future generations won't have to suffer undiagnosed for as long as we did
Hi I'm 40 and been through the whole depression, PTSD, anxiety, bipolar, crash and burn then manic and of course my favourite suicidal watch and of course I am definitely on the spectrum because I have a confirmed dyslexia diagnosis. Then earlier this year when I saw yet another counsellor who spotted multiple traits and now I'm on a two year waiting list for a professional diagnostic consultation. Since learning about these traits and how you're more likely to have it in family groups, I'm seeing things in my dad and brother that are both more than likely on the spectrum too, and I have no idea how my dad has not been spotted in his 70 yrs on the spectrum
I've had social anxiety my whole life and I mentioned the possibility of having ASD and he laughed it off. He's an older psychiatrist who has been doing it for years apparently but he seems to have a really old mindset that comes along with it. He dismissed it as all people with ASD just lollygag without a care in the world which from my what I've heard of people sharing their experiences isn't true at all. 🤦♂I didn't press it on him because you know he's the expert...
edit: just watched the video. everyone of those ASD symptoms I suffer from. I wish I was exaggerating
I feel like my social anxiety comes from Autism + extreme self-awareness. like I notice people who are Autistic but less ... extremely self-aware..... just sort of be "awkward" and vibe with it or don't care and sometimes I'm jealous of that. i wanna just be weird
Yes but if you’re better at masking you’ll notice how others react to them or you’ll hear how others talk about them behind their back. It’s sad
Sometimes I feel so self-aware that it circles all the way around into like deluding and denying myself support and invalidating myself,
“because like, if I were _actually_ autistic, then I wouldn’t be so good at knowing precisely when to hide the offputting parts of my personality!”
WHY IS THIS RELATABLE
Same! I’m a bit jealous of people who can just be themselves, even if it makes them seem a bit weird.
Most of my energy is just spent on making sure I fit in😂 I remember being 7 years old and noticing that I fit in better than the previous year because I started trying to crack jokes with my new friends…so I started doing that more, while at the same time being very conscious of the fact that I’d emotionally crumble if nobody laughed😂🥺
Omg the eye contact thing! There are so many times I catch myself looking at something else than the person I'm talking to. And then reminding myself to look at them, but forgetting it again a few seconds later. It's also especially hard to maintain eye contact if I'm talking about something personal or something that requires a lot of mental thinking.
I never look at anyone I talk to. I never have. The only time I do was job interviews and I had to tell myself to do so ahead of time. Remember to look in their eyes and don’t forget what you are talking about when you do. It will freak you out but you HAVE to look because real people think it’s normal. Even though it’s not. But pretend it is.
i do not maintain eye contact at all, fuck that. it makes me so uncomfortable. looking in someone’s eyes i do once n awhile for just a bit and every time it feels alien. idunno if i’m autistic.
Funny thing, I’ve found this translates to video games as well. The amount of times my mums gotten annoyed by me moving the perspective camera around, usually looking around the room or aligning the lines on the cursor with corresponding lines in the environment, while I’m listening to a character talk is… too often.
YES!!
I try to make eye contact but it just feels weird and uncomfy, I pay way more attention when I don't make eye contact lol
@@AKayfabeso real
"persistant drive for autonomy" sounds SO much nicer.... I've been thinking for years that I just had a quiet version of oppositional defiant disorder, then I recently learned about demand avoidance and was like omg that's it. Really, though, my entire issue with feeling pressured and demanded is the constant feeling that I was not allowed to have enough autonomy growing up. I hate obligational hugs because most of them are without my consent. I hate being told what to do because that becomes an expectation that I have no choice over because there will be a negative consequence whether I do the demand or not. The really frustrating thing is that because I've struggled so much with this with family growing up, I also tend to reject demands that I try to place on myself. Like my own preferences and choices feel like things trying to take away my autonomy sometimes and it's confusing and it sucks.
“Negative consequence wether i do the demand or not”. Jesus. Did you read my mind?
i remember reading the short story 'the imp of the perverse', was either r.l. stevenson or poe, but i just thought that was a perfect way to describe whatever little gremlin in my head made me this way, lmfao
You just put into words my own experience. I can relate so much to this.
Oooh. This hit right here. I was forced so often by my parents to socialize when I was petrified of it as a child- often bullied or ostracized as a result of getting forced into a space that wasn’t right for me. Now I avoid these kinds of things as much as I can- small talk, eye contact, social expectations- especially physical ones, even existing in spaces with other people any longer than it’s required to complete a task and leave. It’s taken a while to realize that my parents (adopted) did not want to accept that I was different than them in this way, and now I find myself avoiding doing things I could even end up enjoying because of the social demands that leave me burnt out and irritated.
@@Rachel-k8I was told in kindergarten, it would be a good idea to make friends with the only other girl who was bullied severely. My clueless mom thought we could be each other's back guard. Seriously bad idea! It just made me even less popular than I already was. I was the first to fold, and backstab her with my words. She had nervous habits that made her an even more obvious "odd duck of a child" than I was.
You describing yourself as running around the playground in circles making up stories in your head was me - until my brother told me to stop as it was ‘weird’. At that moment I masked anything that was different. So reassuring to hear others with a similar experience 😊
I did the exact same thing. Never came across any other autistic person who does this
i used to do that as well but i also ended up being the brother that told my brother (who also did that) he should stop 'because its weird'. i feel really bad
@@ExistenceUniversity It has been said before. Sometimes you need to do a little bit of masking so that you can navigate life. But it's not healthy doing it all the time just because it's what the world considers to be "adult". It's exhausting. You can be an adult and still be yourself.
@@yay29823 Turns out I was out to lunch. Turns out I am not normal. Just learned I am probably autistic and what I thought was "normal" turnds out to be that I am a supermasker...
@@luksiko408, don't feel bad. You were just trying to save him from being bullied.
The "prefers socialising outside your own age group" and "often misunderstood as flirting" is an unfortunate combination. I feel like autistic girls and afab people can be easy targets for grooming. We need to teach all kids what is and isn't appropriate, but I feel like this is especially important.
At the time it happened to me, I didn't really understand the social differences with ages. I felt so much older than I was! But now, I'm looking back as a 25-year-old, the same age as that person was when they entered a relationship with a 16-year-old that they had known since 14. There is no way I could ever convince myself it was appropriate, even though 16 is the legal age in both our countries.
Yeah I worry for my little sister sometimes especially because she loves to socialize with people outside of her own age group my little cousin is 13 my sister is 18 just to give an example I sometimes worry how she'll handle dating especially if someone older approaches her because she's super friendly and she'll talk about almost anything it's scary sometimes
Lot's of danger in this area for sure 😕
This. Older males loved me as a teenager and I found it so easy to be friends with them, I was extremely naive, i didnt know i was "attractive" and I certainly wasnt aware that my personality was seen as flirtatious. It landed me to being groomed and multiple abusive long term relationships.
My recent ex and I had realized that the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope is almost definitely a format of older problematic men hypersexualizing women on the spectrum.
Yeah, I had issues like this growing up because I had trouble telling who was ok to talk too. I still do now every once in a while and get scammed out a bit of money or something. I wish someone helped me have a better understanding of it
Eye contact is overrated. One listens with their ears, not their eyes.
sorry but this is untrue. Bonding and theory of mind goes via looking at each other's eyes.
@@dr.florence I strongly disagree. But it's hard to counter your point because of how vague it is.
Yes
Alphabet soup is the perfect word for it. I've been diagnosed with 7 of those mentioned conditions plus OCD. My partner once joked that I'm a walking, talking DSM-5 and I've never laughed harder in my life 😂
Same for me! Almost. 6 of those plus OCD and PTSD All before I was 25. Realised I was autistic around 2018. Dianosed aged 36 this year. Now aged 37 and been referred for an ADHD assessment recently.
That’s exactly what I said to my shrink,?” I’m a human not a walking DSM5 of failure and disorder. But your profession failed me when I should of known better when I got overwhelmed
DSM is pseudoscientific material that used to list same sex attraction as a disorder. Good luck shilling for insurance companies 😉
That's hilariously dark, I have not thought that you got joked as a walking, talking DSM-5. I do imagine that, I might be, an another walking, talking DSM-5.
Lmaooooo one of my friends whose a psychologist was like wow you have enough diagnoses for five people. 😅 Thanks mom and dad!
The fact that men can be quiet, and keep to themselves but be seen as hardworking and focused while a woman doing the same thing is seen as stuck up and unhappy is a shame. It’s a HUGE discriminatory issue I’ve noticed being less talkative.
Not if the man and woman are both doing something... you probably weren't doing anything but staring
@worlore1651 I don't necessarily agree with that, due to how many times afabs are expected to "smile" and called names for not obliging. Even by total strangers in public settings like the street. There is an entitlement folks have to fem folks emotional performance.
I'm quiet and keep to myself as a man and that's not my experience. I've been seen as passive and shy which are not masculine traits.
Thank you for this video!! I can relate to everything you said so well. I feel the same way about women and laughed so much the way you described how fake they are. It drives me nuts! I get along so much better with men but then the problem is they always think I am pursuing them romantically so I just can’t have any friends besides my boyfriend/partner.
How does that make sense though? That sounds incredibly ignorant with this "men getting away with autism" rhetoric when it does NOT work like that in the dating scene at all. You sound like you do not have a clue what is going on with that lol!
I’ve noticed all my closest friends have always had some type of mental illness/disorder or troubles at home etc and I think we are drawn to them because we can relate and our brain likes familiarity so we feel safer with people like us :)
I remember my preschool teacher was so surprised when she saw me talking with my parents. She thought for years that I couldn’t talk. Funny that I don’t remember being that quiet but I was always taking in everything around me. I ate lunch alone for the first half of 7th grade because I didn’t really fit in with other kids my age. The kids that finally did reach out to me were socially awkward as well. They are most likely neurodivergent as well. I’ve noticed that since I’m no longer in school it’s harder to make new friends. I have coworkers but I’m hesitant about hanging out with people I work with. I feel like I expect people to come to me and maintaining friendships is difficult. My job is very social so on my days off and just want to be home in quiet.
Do you want to be online friends?
Ohww I see what you mean. I'm also neurdivergint and my job is very social as well. I work with kids as a circus teacher and volunteer for ppl with mental illnesses as well. Well, when I'm free I just wanne be alone in my home and hopefully a bit tidyd up home lol. But yeas I rly feel my alone time is especially important now. Thanks for leaving your comment, it made me more able to accept myself ❤️😁🤗
And feeling sorry for you, I can imagine its hard to make new friends.
Whoaaa. That's me lol. 😅
I went to a school psychologist because of social anxiety at age 16. I had to call my sister to pick me up, because it was after school. I did it in her room. Because I was able to talk to my SISTER "normally" I "didn't have social anxiety". 😂 Now I know why I am that way lol
The walking around in circles around the playground. That is exactly me. I did this growing up and teachers always told me to go play. Kids always asked me why I was sad. I was content and I made up stories in my own head too. I was so drained from the school day, I just couldn’t interact anymore.
Re: keeping friends. I also feel like the 'requirements' for keeping neurotypical friends are just a bit off from how friendships work for me. I think I don't have the same sort of 'friendship decay', because I can go without talking to people for years for various reasons and in my head, we're still best friends, and for people I'm very close to (who are usually also very neuro-spicy) that is true.
Throughout all of elementary school, when teachers put comments on our report cards, every time I got "shy, quiet, keeps to herself". But no, I couldn't possibly be autistic. I was just "gifted."
Classmates said I was very shy, quiet, weird 😞 I had awful self esteem too and not enough support and guidance growing up
@@milliem8051 Virtual hug 🫂
"Shy, quiet, keeps to herself" are just personality traits anyone can have, not necessarily autism
@@ConvenientlyShapedUsername Yes, but I'll elaborate. Those traits weren't by choice; I could not socialize period. I studied my classmates sometimes like Steve Irwin, trying and failing to understand their behavior and thought process. My elementary school was small. I didn't have a single friend until middle school when I met some other cool weirdos from a different town. But none of my teachers thought to contact my mom or refer me for any sort of testing, not even ADHD when there were multiple instances of my hyper-focus disrupting a lesson. My first grade teacher berated me for flapping my hands when I got excited, and my fifth grade teacher punished me for not making eye contact. The only special test I was given was an IQ test in eighth grade.
There were always signs; I just didn't know them. And I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have fallen through the cracks if I had been AMAB and obsessed with trains.
The psychologist who was supposed to give me an autism diagnosis said that I can't be autistic after 3 sessions because I want to have friends and because I mask, which is, in her words, "not something that autistic people know how to do", so I got the whole alphabet soup from her instead :(
I got told I’m not autistic because I don’t like engineering or dinosaurs
You seem bummed. Fascinating.
@@SixHexSix When you go to a professional for tools and you realize that professional knows less about what you are asking for help with, yeah -- that is disappointing. It is a bummer. And that's what interactions with so many allistic people are like throughout your life. It seems to be a fundamental human need to be seen and somewhat understood and autistics are often misunderstood.
@@theanticrystal So the professional is wrong, based on what a person learned on RUclips? Wouldn't this being true invalidate or bring into question every diagnosis? And you are right, the professional probably saw what was going on for what it was, someone needing attention and hoping to get it through a diagnosis. Hence, the disappointment when finding out they aren't autistic. It is now desirable to be autistic?
@@SixHexSix You and I do not know if the person learned about autism through RUclips only that they are talking about it. Additionally, it is statistically significant that women with autism are often misdiagnosed because the criteria for diagnosis was done using studies of boys and men.
Whether it is 'cool' or not is personal opinion but I doubt people speak help just to be cool. You go to therapists for help and autism is a condition that can cause a lot of suffering.
I am a 32 year-old white male who wasn't diagnosed with ASD until I personally crawled into the DSM-V myself last year and went to a professional who "knew the signs" and said it was "incredibly obvious" that I was on the spectrum. When I grew up, "autistic" was a slur on the internet meaning "irredeemibly bad at socializing. May as well just give up on trying" kind of thing.
Turns out the experts know very little about the "disorder" and there is very little evidence that it isn't as prevelent amongst women as men. I, like you, got most of my info from self-taught YT videos, but holy shit it's crazy how unaware we can be of ourselves for so long. It's like I've found an instruction manual tucked away in a drawer I never knew existed.
Good luck on your content. Just treat it like a journal or whatever, because the market is a bit saturated at the moment.
Thank you so much, Chris!
'It's like I've found an instruction manual tucked away in a drawer I never knew existed.' That sums it up perfectly.
@@imautisticnowwhat Yeah just knowing your ballpark age, your gender, and your ASD diagnosis there is probably a reasonable amount I can guess about your life and personality. As part of my own efforts to learn more about autism, I have gone out of my way both online and in-person to meet others on the spectrum and I've yet to meet a girl who doesn't "have a story."
On a brighter note, what are your special interests? Are you planning to segue your diagnosis into some sort of career or profession?
@@cda6590 Yeah - I don't think it's easy for any of us! But I was lucky to have parents who accepted me for who I was. I also had quite a few teachers who accommodated me without a diagnosis. They just did it instinctively because they saw I needed help.
My special interests are mostly creative - writing and filmmaking are the two longest-standing. Psychology too (and now autism, naturally!). I have considered becoming a psychologist and perhaps using it to help other autistic people.
What about you? What are your special interests? I'm guessing autism might be one for you too?
@@imautisticnowwhat I have a couple of years worth of completed undergrad credits, so my plan is to go back to Uni for a BA/BS in psychology and then graduate school, where I will hopefully be able to specialize in trauma-based therapies catered specifically to autistic individuals. For so many of us, we occupy a portion of the spectrum which is only 'disabling' insofar as external pressures squeeze us into unnatural positions in life, oftentimes breeding comorbidities such as PTSD and BPD.
I want to help popularize alternative therapies for autistic people. If the rates of trauma in autistic people are anything to go by, calling ABA 'best practice' is laughable at best and dangerous at worst.
@@cda6590That sounds amazing. I'd love to have an autistic therapist!
I hope you have a positive experience at uni if (when!) you do go back. Keep me updated!
Have you struggled with higher education in the past? I'm currently on my third attempt, haha! Distance learning has helped a lot.
Trait number 3 totally jumped out at me. Most of my favourite friendships growing up, especially in my teen years, were with the oddities, the rejects, the weirdos... I even commented on it myself a few times by saying things like "it seems I'm a reject/outcast magnet" 😂
Oh no, number 4... *pain, sadness, **_LITERAL FEAR of getting close to people, because they all end up "going away" in the end, and why do I want those inevitable wounds?_*
Frick, who's cutting onions?
Yes, I started out when young in a whole group of neighbors, then moved and was on the outskirts even of the "gifted" class we were the weird ones, then moved again and outskirts of middle school, then no friends, then I hung out with a fantastic group of the foreign kids in high school, but they were more advanced socially so I was soon out of that group, then a group of outcasts that was fantastic but graduated, then a year of nobody (it was fine, there was a library), then a friend I love and miss who like me was obsessed by writing poetry in foreign languages, she was amazing, then college and mine was all weird people and I was on the edges there as well, one great year but many graduated years ahead of me so that fell apart, and since then almost nobody for the ensuing decades, but approached friendships with a couple engineers and nerds, but there aren't enough nerds and I still am not great at showing people I want to be friends and knowing how to do it, because in the 4 decades since I was 12, I haven't had a long-term friendship* so how do I know how people do them? *I do but few and long-distance, which isn't quite the same and there are many years and months with no contact, which I think is unusual.
Oh gosh that's me too lol. I've always been a reject, hanging out with "those" people lololol.
"I concentrate better when I'm not concentrating on looking at somebody" really spoke with me. I get so focused on looking at them that I don't actually hear what they're saying and my brain gets too loud to hear anything else. I have to be doing something else.
Though if I don't know I should be listening, I can't hear anything. Which my husband REALLY doesn't get. If I know I should be listening I can, and probably need to, be doing something else. If I don't know and I'm doing something else, I will 100% not even realize you were talking to me. I can actively listen while doing something. I can't be doing something and then be expected to listen to something I don't know I should be listening to!
I just wanted to stop and say how much I am grateful for this video . I am 13 years old , and I’m doing a lot of research on autism because I really think that I might be autistic . I love how clear and friendly your videos are , and the fact that you really said that it’s normal and okay not to relate to everything , because I have like this enormous imposter syndrom😅 you basically described my whole life in 22 minutes …. Right now I’m going trough a really difficult period that made me really “lose control ” over my life and this really helps me to clear my thoughts on my “ symptoms “ 🥰
Going through the same process; it's frustrating, isn't it? It's like you really want to be actually autistic, because if you're not, then what the hell are you? Not neurotypical, that's for sure...
@@baileyjones7570 I relate to this so much. I have been going back and forth between so many different things trying to figure out what is wrong with me and I just need to find the answer because I have to know what my problem is. There needs to be something that describes the way I behave and think the way I do.
@@jjtpg Yeah, and I'm scared of going to get assessed because what if I'm actually making it all up? That would devastate me, if it just wasn't true.
@@pickledgirl Yeah, and the last thing I want to do is disrespect actually autistic people by saying I'm one of them, if I'm actually not. The main thing that makes me doubt myself is that I don't have sensory issues beyond a dislike for perfume and cologne---but not all autistic people do, I have to remind myself. I've heard of people who identify as "slightly autistic," which makes sense but is still a little strange. Where do you draw the line when you're looking at autistics vs allistics? There's got to be some gray area, right? But again, how can i not be autistic if I relate more deeply to this group of people than I ever have in my whole life related to anyone?
@@baileyjones7570why yall so relatable 😅 help meeeee
I don’t think I have ASD but I do have ADHD. But I think theres a lot of ASD in my family. Trying to convince my siblings to look into it for themselves. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I am very comfortable around neurodivergent people.
As an adult, all my favorite people have been autistic. I think I am just very used to explaining the rules of the social world to my sisters as a main topic of conversation... It’s wild how well we segregate ourselves naturally.
I never thought of having autism or anything until it was brought to our attention for our son. I always had an incorrect idea of what autism was in my head. Seeing my son’s interactions and feelings has me questioning my own. He’s 11 and even said to me the other day “mom I feel different than everyone. I wonder if I have autism.” That kind of blew me away that he was so articulate and understanding about it.
I’ve recently come to realise that two of my favourite friends are AuDHD males who have the personality I’ve had to mask since my teens because of constant social rejection. They’re energetic, bubbly and highly animated and I love being around them, but it also fills me with resentment that those traits have been celebrated in the bodies of boys (they’re both popular and have no social anxiety issues), but were hated in the body of a girl.
I want to return to my old self but it’s been so indoctrinated into me to think I’d just be annoying and “too much” if I do.
If it helps at all, I am a woman who is described as those things: energetic, bubble, animated. And I am popular socially. I think those traits are appreciated in women and men. But I know it can be hard when you were mistreated as a child. I’ve also felt very insecure because of being called annoying so much in childhood. But I believe you can be yourself now and make great friendships.
I'm also envious of how my husband is accepted for being monotone and expressionless and not always responding to smalltalk. But if I did the same, I'd be a b-word. We are forced to mask more because we have to constantly appear caring, nurturing, ready to service. It's BS.
I learned I had autism and ADHD about one year ago when my young adult and teenage kids were diagnosed. It's been an amazing journey.
never thought of the "socialising with people outside of your age group" as a sign before. Ive always felt so much more comfortable around older people. I even took up golf so I could be around older people when I was a teen (still do it) did not realise that was yet another sign. Related very heavily to basically everyone of these. Also my gf always jokes of how incredibly naive I am haha she also pointed out to me the other day that I smile directly at literally every person I see.... think I need to look into this....
I one million percent agree that women are evaluated much more consistently and harshly by their peers/the public/society, and you’re absolutely right that a lot of times with guys it’s just “leave him alone and let him cook”. But speaking as a 32-yo who was just diagnosed a year ago, I would say men are left pathologically alone, whereas women are pathologically monitored.
'I feel like prey in a world full of predators' THIS THIS THIS
Indeed🎉🎉🎉🎉😮
It's impossible for me to be comfortable at parties. Especially around people I don't know. I'm constantly monitoring myself during every moment of every interaction. It leaves me with no mental faculties remaining to ask people questions or inquire about their lives, which creates long awkward moments of silence where they're expecting me to help move the conversation along. Just a single interaction is enough to consume all my mental energy and send my anxiety levels through the roof.
Try to direct your focus on the person in front of you.
Think about what they are saying, their facial expression etc.
This helped me a lot.
I usually have no clue what people want from me, but I can function socially because I try to focus on things around me rather than focusing on myself.
It's easier said than done, but it's absolutely possible.
You will nm forever be different, that's just something you will have to come to terms with.
Like, the conversations people have with me are different Than the conversations they have with other people, but I much prefer that to the alternative, which is being entirely alone.
@@carlpanzram7081I'm genuinely not interested in what the other person is saying 99% of the time. I'm not trying to be an edgy sigma bro here. I hate this about myself, but I just don't have any curiosity about other people. Unless they're involved in one of my special interests
@@Jeremy-hx7zjreal
I’m a very anxious person and as a result self-diagnosed myself with autism based on a google search in my early 20s. I couldn’t make eye contact, social cues seemed to elude me, etc. I ended up seeing a doctor, and it turned out I was not autistic. I was not anywhere near autistic. I was actually hypersensitive. I’m a lot better now although certain things are still hard for me and the physiological responses have never really gone away. In any case, I think more people should see medical professionals if they can
Ehh I'd recommend getting a second opinion. "Hypersensitive" seems like a really shakey diagnosis
The bit about feeling more aligned to male peers rather than female peers is part of why I've thought about being evaluated. Despite being cishet, a friend of mine once described me as queer-coded because he might have thought I was lesbian or bisexual like him. I was also obsessed with Hot Wheels as a kid.
Gotta love gender stereotypes. Just cause a woman like masculine things doesn’t mean you are lesbian or need to get your boobs chopped off and put on testosterone. You are just a woman who happens to enjoy “masculine” hobbies .
I'm also a girl and grew up loving Pokémon, Power Rangers and Ninjago. Am still a massive fan of Lego. A lot of girls actually like that stuff and there's nothing wrong with it. It's unfortunate that some girls grow up with the notion that it's not normal/okay to like "boy" stuff.
I always felt it was the opposite for me. I'm male and I thought I had a lot more female traits. I remember feeling like that because other boys always seemed to be in hectic, boisterous, social play situations. I always felt like as a kids girls were quieter and less involved in socially aggressive situations, more calm and observational. I wonder if it goes both ways because since we are autistic we feel outcasts in whatever group society puts us in, and seek missing similarities in other groups. Whether that is opposite gender, older individuals, or pets.
Hmmm. I don't know. Makes sense to me I guess.
I was the same, though I identify as non-binary now.@@neonice
Omgggggg. I've always gotten along with guys wayyyy better than women, although I think I'm nonbinary, even as a kid I was more interested in games, Gothic clothing, "male clothes," hot wheels, and etc. I never would have thought that could be a sign lolol.
I'm almost in tears here. Every point described my life exactly! It's almost kind of relieving to know what could be possibly going on in my brain and that I'm not just broken. How does one even go about being diagnosed?
My 4yo daughter was diagnosed with autism recently and which is why your channel was suggested to me since I’ve been wanting to learn more. I have always been socially awkward /anxious and I have diagnosed ADHD. I have never considered the possibility of being autistic myself before this video. I can relate to every single point you’ve made. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with this
13:35 HARD agree that children are a sensory nightmare lmao. BUT similar to the point about friendships with men/boys sometimes feeling more straight forward, I feel like this is a reason I really love kids as well. They tend to say what they’re thinking, they don’t usually lie about emotions (at least not convincingly lol), you can tell if they like you or not. Gotta love that.
I really wanna be tested for asd because almost every personal example you gave is something I’ve experienced, particularly the difficulty to look at people when I’m focused on what they’re talking about
Not diagnosed yet, 36y old, afab queerdo.
I was probably 7 years old when my teacher pointed out to me that I hardly ever made eye contact. So I practiced. I'm still practicing some days.
Like so many other uncomfortable or painful things about masking, I got used to it.
I learned to hide my various discomforts/pain, at a great cost to my mental health and stamina.
I like the fluttery eye contact that you demonstrated in the video. It feels more natural and focused to me. Come to think of it, some of my family members do eye contact like that. Hmmm I wonder why...
I love that your videos are broken into segments. I love how structured it is. Thank you
Thank you for taking the time and confidence to share your opinions. Your path maybe off beat but your right on key. *
I just saw this! Thank you so much 💛
I am pretty sure I'm autistic but... society treats autistic folks so badly that I hesitate to get a diagnosis: Especially with what is going on in Australia rn with the driving licences. I am not allowed to drive as I have irregular seizures but it makes me wonder "huh - what other rights might they take away from me if I have that official label?" and I hate that. I am lucky that my partner and I can afford me not working but if we couldn't it'd be so hard.
I also have a friend who wishes to move to my country and if you have an autistic diagnosis you can't move here.
It's awful.
So I stick with self-Diagnosis and your channel has been great to find coping mechanisms without government assistance. Thank you.
Australia is awful omg this is not okay
Same in Sweden
So you are telling me I'm autistic ? Lmaoo I'm the loner with social anxiety
I only have some friends I just look pretty so people love to become my friend they think I'm just mysterious and shy 😭😭 I'm autistic ?? You mad me questions myself since i have a younger brother who is a non verbal autistic 😭😭
12:27 i don't text first at all 😭 i feel like I'm annoying or just don't care about texting
I also like kids they are comfy, but i usually prefer friends my age
Owe you a lot, especially on behalf of my youngest (only daughter). Found you because sons are at varying places on the spectrum but along the way figured out at 54 I am also autistic, but so is my daughter who was completely missed by everyone. Bit of a bombshell. I am the one who problem-solves everything, the glue in the family, the doer-so not the stereotype I had imagined. Turns out I am just higher functioning than the rest of the family and oddly enough blessed to have ADD which makes talking to people and moving between tasks easier. Who'd a though?! Thank you for these vids. Daughter feels so understood listening to you. Such a gift.
I am one of those in the lost generations.
"Labels" weren't a thing when I was a kid in small town nowhere, aside from the extreme cases of mental or physical disabilities. I'm gen x and I can list off tons of boomers and gen x that DEFINITELY went undiagnosed! Previous to the late 90's, everyone just said, "wow, that one's weird" and just kept their distance.
I've been hiding for so many decades that I forget it's ok to admit it these days. I recently got myself into an uncomfortable situation because my friendliness was confused for flirting. He couldn't comprehend that: I'm single because nobody has the patience for my quirks; I like being alone 90% of my time; I don't want to go out for supper....or out for any reason not involving grocery or hardware stores; or that I didn't want to sleep over at a strangers house. He said I was just making excuses. I finally just went with full disclosure and said, I can't give you what you need, I have Aspergers. He disappeared LOL.
I've realized that it goes both ways for me. I can't tell when someone is flirting with me unless they're overly direct about it.
When I think they're flirting, they're just being friendly.
When I think they're just being friendly, they're flirting (I figure it out down the road when they stop being friendly).
I can't read between the lines, but I can tell when someone's behaviour and/or attitude changes.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, I enjoy learning from younger peeps on the spectrum. I'm too many decades deep into masking that I can't seem to stop it. I'm actually quite disturbed by how quickly the mask goes on when I'm forced to speak to people in public. Even with knowing I do it and don't want to.
Sorry for ramble, keep up the great work!!
Yes I’m gen x missed til 51 still waiting on the adhd diagnosis list
Thanks for sharing, very interesting to hear your experience as gen X
I was at high school and university during the 90's and also had issues with the whole flirting/friendship issue (undiagnosed yet, b 15:35 ut going to get one). First part was I was smaller/skinnier than most of the guys around me so there was some self esteem issues so always thought why me and not so and so, but the confusing flirting/friendship really hits home. I mistook friendship stuff for flirting a few times and then just gave up trying to work it out and just had lots of female friends. Found out later that there were a couple of girls at high school that were interested in me and I just completely missed the signs.
Yes I have had girl friends and relationships over the years but that was because that made it obviously known that they liked me.
Thanks for reading if you got to here.
I'm the excat same way with eye contact- I truly thought that I had no issues with eye contact and then realised that my eyes are all over they place most of the time and that I only make intermittent eye contact. And my eye contact is also the aboslut worst with my mom (whom I love dearly and have a very close relationship with).
Animals are a more rudimentary version of myself. I just feel like I am them. A creature that learns through synaptic connections and tries their best to stay alive.
Also, their emotions aren’t as taxing. Food? Good. Water? Good Walks/Lighting/Play? Good. A little bit of love? Done, you have bonded and all is good, haha.
I can't believe the youtube algorithm took this long to show me your channel. I've watched a few of your videos and I'm staggered at the number of similarities I'm noticing in myself and looking back on my younger self. I'm 41 years old now and I feel like I've just been the somewhat quirky loner. The huge number of signs I missed (and everyone else) is eye-opening. Things like being freakishly good in some subject, but struggling mightily with others in school. I am terrible at math which is odd to me because I'm great at remembering numbers. But I am great at history and civics because the way the stories fit together makes it stick in my mind very well. The context of it all makes it memorable and what I find fascinating. I probably should have gone to law school!
I literally walked up to another new girl in high school and asked her if she wanted to be friends because I had no idea how to approach friendships.
Boss move honestly.
In fourth grade I asked someone to be my friend by getting down on one knee as if I was proposing and offering them a happy meal toy.
I really wish making friends worked like that as an adult.
I have this memory in elementary school where a teacher just suddenly yelled at me because I had my sleeves pulled over my hands. It probably made me feel more secure, I also refused to wear short sleeved shirts and shorts when I was very young. So it was probably just a comfort thing. I don't know why he had a problem with it, but anyway I got confused and kind of froze. Luckily my friend saved me and pulled up my sleeves for me.
one of my biggest struggles is trusting people because i know that if someone lies to me i won't notice. trusting someone entails believing they won't lie to me even when they know they would get away with it.
Literally I am so gullible
@@summero-my5in same, and that was a very hard realization for me tbh
Completely unrelated but I love that you talk with your hands! I talk with my hands a lot too and some people have made fun of me for it, but I feel so engaged with how you talk because *HANDS*. The only other people I’ve found talk with their hands is ND folks and SL folks(not necessarily just hearing impaired, but a previous coworker was a certified ASL translator and she always talks with her hands).
That's interesting, in my country most of people talk with their hands... and the two ND people I know don't x)
So all Italians are autistic?
I watched and listened to your video and I smiled, because I like your way of describing things and I catched myself on "oh, I did this too, and this, and this...now it get's clear to me what was going on with me" Thank you for the sincerity with which you share. This is super valuable and informative!🖤
Thank you for making your videos. I am self diagnosed at 57 and I don’t need to tell you how helpful info from other women with Autism is! So thanks again❤
I also wanted to add that I HAVE had wrong diagnoses but also have had trauma in my past so I have autism and trauma diagnosis
as someone who recently found out im autistic hearing other peoples experiences align with mine is really comforting :) def following
also, the quote from the study saying it “feels like you’re an outsider looking in” really struck me. I constantly feel that I am disengaged and just observing.
I'm 37 and have been waiting 9 months (so far) for an ASD assessment. I relate so much to the things you're saying.
I was literally thinking about my specific friends from middle/highschool/early adulthood today and the cool but so weird conversations we would have. I miss them so much but unfortunately my ex burned those bridges. Even when I reached out later (and that in itself is massive 🤯), they weren't there in the same way. I love being a part of this online community now! It is a gift! 💛💛
Thank you for the disclaimer at 3:00, I have struggled with this a lot during the process of researching the criteria any time there is an item I don't relate to, or my experience doesn't exactly match up with someone else's.
When I was in my late teens my mom told me that the doctor who diagnosed my brother with autism thought I probably had it too. She's changed her story since a number of times. I'm pretty sure I am autistic. I am 28.
Just sending support from undiagnosed fellow 28-year old ❤
Enjoy the comment, because soon I will be 29.
@@UpsideDown853 thank you. And I have actually turned 29 since writing this comment lol. Happy early birthday fellow brain weird adult.
@@lunariannoises4806 haha, perfect 😂
I’m now feeling so overwhelmed from what I’ve learned in this one film. I’m amazed that you can be on Facebook groups about this….I’m exhausted just at the thought of you managing to do this. I fully agree with every point you have made.
Six years ago I came across a fiction book in the library. Black and white cover. It began as an app before it was published in book form. It’s about a community of teens, all neurodiverse, and how their special abilities were the hallmark of the next development of the human race. I was utterly inspired by this book. Regretting I don’t yet remember the title. I’m going to seek for it.
Thank you again
Brilliant i cannot believe how SPOT ON YOU ARE ....pls continue to enlighten us...im 58 and never knew i was autistic just felt very diff my whle life
I feel so incredibly seen by this video. Before my autism diagnosis I was more sure that I was autistic than after the diagnosis and I kind of have an imposter syndrom ever since. But almost everything you mention, except for the t-rex arms, it just resonates. It's like you're describing me and I feel so validated and seen. I have just started watching your videos and they help me so much, so thank you
Yep, endless cycle of trying to "just improve social skills" which never improved, later was late diagnosed lol.
The eye contact is still an issue for me. I thought you weren’t supposed to stare cuz they’ll think your a creep ,I learned you’re suppose to look away every 5 seconds, which I sometimes count in my head😢not so much with family
Apparently eye contact doesn’t mean looking into someone’s eyes, it means looking at their face in general. I’ve gotten by by looking at peoples mouths instead so I can read lips too which makes me hear better for some reason and no one except my AuDHD best friend has ever pointed it out, and that was because they thought I was actually making eye contact with them. So yeah, just a tip if you’re struggling. Most people won’t notice if you look somewhere on their face other than straight into their eyes.
@@alexandralignell5424 Thank you, I too have problems hearing if I can’t see their lips, definitely going to try this.
I feel like the reason it seems like men are more straight forward is because they can kind of get away with saying it like it is but for women, I feel like we’ve been told our whole lives that we need to be respectful and polite and so I feel like a lot of us end up sugarcoating everything we say and it’s really confusing.
What sucks is my mom is super blunt but I am anxiety city and can't even tell people what I really think because I don't want to upset them even though I hate that.
So much bullshit. Why not accept it that men are much more likley to have Aspergers. Why is that so hard..
It's so nice to see someone talking in an open and comfy way about this, thank you so much!
It’s kinda funny to put my experience side to side with others, I never wanted to be popular or anything, my motto was “one friend, one problem”, sometimes we would sit together and just silently make company to each other.
I just noticed that I didn’t make eye contact when I was older and looking back to my past, nobody never commented about it, even my stimming that I never in my life would think that some people are put down by simply doing it. (P.s.: oh people would like, look at the direction i was looking and be confused but noticing that i was talking to them very fast lol)
People would say that I was cool, in a nice way, because I didn't have expression on my face, and I would think “ wow great! I'm cool!”. And putting all this together I was like: oh maybe, just maybe, I'm not really doing what some people do...is that a problem? I don't think so.
And yeah, I never changed that, I just changed the way I choose friends and my environment in general to be the best place I can live in, where people that I love, love me too, and we understand each other.
I haven't been diagnosed but im in therapy to help with talking to people since I get into trouble at work for not talking 🙃 Anyone else? I found this song by Dodie called "Don't quite belong" and I feel like it's a good explanation of how I feel and I thought I'd share it since I love her so much
I am so happy for you that you grew up with more access to video. I'm 40 and it's YOUR videos that have me looking at myself like 👀👀👀
I think it's more socially acceptable for boys to be boys, and boys are more readily allowed to be loners, have emotional outbursts, and being extremely focused projects as discipline in men, which is a positive trait. Where as there is more social pressure on women to carry the day to day social weight, so they learn to mask heavier and earlier than their male counterparts.
I don't think either gender has more or less difficulty, there are particularities on both sides. Although it is terrible that it took so long to get past the "women can't be autistic" dogma, that's hard.
Thank you so much for this! The home videos and references to research are extremely helpful. as are your anecdotes. Every one of your videos gives me those light bulb moments. It definitely helps to keep the Imposter Syndrome at bay!
I really appreciate the research you put in and I agree, I notice I make less eye contact with people I'm comfortable with, which is my husband, mom, dad and nan lol
T-Rex arms -- never heard that expression, but I know exactly what it means -- I do it, and I wondered about it, but I never knew how to search for information about it. Lots of thanks for saying that term.. I first noticed T-Rex arms -- both myself and another neurodivergent person -- back in the 1970s! Fifty years later I have FINALLY learnt what it is called!!! Yay.
Somewhere, on the other side of the world (Australia), an autistic person is getting excited because they finally learnt the answer to this riddle -- why do I walk with my arms in a strange position? Being Australian, I did wonder if it was called "kangaroo paws", but searching for "kangaroo paws autism" just took me to gardening websites (kangaroo paws are a type of bush)
Haha my partner does the T. rex arms!!! We both have humour with it though
Now I know why I do that.
I sometimes catch myself walking around with my arms held like that.
It looks off, I try to suppress it.
All of those described me as a child and now in my 20s. I always hung out with my guy friends growing up and got along with my teachers and even now as a teacher myself I get along with the older women. I love kids and animals and will rather play with the kids or animals at an event. I teach special education and love the kids and find myself truly relating to them which I love. It also overwhelms me at work too with all of my responsibilities and love when we all get to have our separate space and we are all happy recharging. I am awful at eye contact and use my hands consistently awkwardly.
i’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety, but i can relate a lot to the autism things
there are 5 people (including me) in my friend group, and were kinda a gang of misfits… my best friend is autistic too we’re all fans of the warrior cats series and we’re not really popular. heck, during attendance when the teacher says my name some kids say “who’s that??”. most of us are girls (except me), but we dont really do “girly” stuff, we barely talk about gender snd stuff like that, we’re just a gang of dudes who hang out and talk about our weird interests…
about the keeping friendships thing… i have trust issues and after the smallest mistake they made i always think “THEY BETRAYED ME! EVERYONES A TRAITOR! RAHHHHHHHHH” or sometimes i fear im being too clingy…… i dont really know what to do to keep the friendships do i just invite them over or sit at lunch with them or wha…?
and i always feel uncomfortable in silence especially alone with only one person because i feel like i have to say something to break the awkwardness but i suck at starting conversations so i think about what the other members usually do so i do the same thing then i analyze if “are they enjoying it or do they think im annoying?? do they wanna be left alone?? what if im being a d*ck??? AAAHHHH”
about being naive i used to let my friend harm me (physically) even though i didnt like it………… i was thinkinf “wellll this is probably normal and im probably just dramaticcc” when i asked my parents to help they told me i needed to drop the friendship but i was too scared to because i cared about that person… now rhat person stopped doing that stuff so its ok (:
eye contact is my worst enemy and when my teachers force me to do it i scream internally
sorry for typing like 5 paragraphs lol
Really great video! I don’t see anything wrong with looking around when you film. Many vloggers do this as they talk. I think it’s just being casual and natural. Hey, I am unofficially Autistic so what do I know?!😂Keep up the good work!
Aww, thank you so much, Mari!
This "thelepathy" thing is what also happens to me.
For a long time I've felt like there was some other channel of communication I just couldn't receive or emmit.
Later I sort of learned to despise it, which makes it worse...
I was diagnosed with social anxiety many years ago, I then had a psychiatrist try to diagnose me with borderline personality disorder which I definitely dont have. I struggle with eye contact with people I dont know and am not comfortable with I can make eye contact with those that I am comfortable with. So much of this was relatable to me.
I’m in a state of shock as I’m listening to this and I am only 6 minutes in. When my former partner suggested this could apply to me 11 years ago I replied with …..silence…..what a giveaway. It’s now reached the point where my family pretty much all identify with being neurodivergent.
You are describing yourself and at the same time you’re describing my childhood, exactly! This is why I’m shocked. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I intuitively Knew it was wrong.
I was drawn to this after watching neurodivergent doctor…then the RUclips algorithm threw you into my options…..having watched 3 more recent films of yours, my intuition instructed me to watch your first film…..this one.
I’m so grateful to you it goes beyond language…….much love…..
for me I have never really felt lonely - I like being alone but also can enjoy the company of some people, even though I have to talk myself up to it. however, it has felt isolating at times - feeling like something is wrong with me, getting frustrated when I struggle with connecting with others, not knowing what to say or do. I have felt isolated when I feel misunderstood, but I generally enjoy being alone.
I can't do group discussions or conversations, but I do enjoy 1 on 1
I don't really recall, I know I was so often lost in my imagination that I didn't notice. Though after 2nd grade I did get picked on by peers, as they realized just how odd I was.
When I was older, yes, I was part of the oddball group. As an adult, I think that many of my friend group are ND.
I drift away from my friends often, it's just hard to interact and I often run out of what to say and I feel guilty about that.
I had a lot of guy friends as a kid. I don't know why. I was a fairly steryotypical girl, but I had a close guy friend pretty much every school year.
I was a teacher's pet and talking with the teachers, I was an only child. People told me I was mature for my age. I didn't 'get' my peers and it scared me because I couldn't predict their actions. I remember I was in 5th grade, I got bullied by a 3rd grader and a 4th grader. I had a good friend who was in the 2nd grade and a couple Kindergarteners I was close with.... to be fair, I did have a couple friends my own age as well. And I am an animal person.
I am an easy mark and yeah, I got picked on. I just got out of a home situation where a roommate was verbally abusing me, and it is hard to admit that. I have also done the flirting thing....oh gosh, I'm just trying to be friendly and probably talking to pass the time because I am bored.
I do notice my eyes drifting a lot, but I didn't think that was me avoiding eye contact. I do find it easier to listen if I am watching the person speak. I can't play rpgs online, because I cannot see the other people.
I talk with my hands.
I don't know if I mask. I think I did as a kid, but as I aged, I don't care anymore.
Oh my goodness, it makes me feel so good that you mentioned the unsurity and the existential crisis going on inside when there was an autistic trait you didn't relate to or weren't sure if you related to. I've had this very same thing happen to me so many times. I've done so much research about autism and I've gone so back and forth on weather I'm "actually autistic" just because of the fact I didn't relate with a few traits. But there are so many autistic traits I DO relate to, and all these autistic traits really explain a lot about my life and who I am as a person!
ok that helped a lot...i knew most of the points already cause im trying to figure out whether im autistic or not..but especially the masking point helped...first i thought masking is like lying about who you are and making up a different persona...but more interntionally...so i thought "nooo i dont do that im always a super honest person and i am true to myself" ...but when you said that also just constantly thinking about how you preset to others while being in a social situation i was like..."omg i do that all the time" cause im just afraid that someone thinks im weird or i hold my hands weird just because i dont know here to put them while standing...and that some ppl already commented on that makes me think even more about it
Looking back all the friends I had at school were quirky/different to some degree eg. still played Pokémon as a teen, would infodump about Warhammer, were very hyperactive or emotionally intense, quoted TV shows/movie characters regularly in casual conversation. I remember them also being more genuine than most people
Never the main popular cool kids group who I remember thinking seemed like homogenous NPC’s
Interestingly, when I attended creative arts/music courses, I noticed I was no longer an outsider and was actually suddenly hitting it off with so many people there. Looking back, most of them were probably neurodivergent because they are attracted to the arts/music world
15:35 I'm very glad that I have always been most comfortable speaking my mind, since this made it very easy for me to tell someone my boundaries, I think it gives me a boost to prioritise my own well being over hurting someone's feelings. (Not worrying if someone gets upset for me speaking my mind, because I know saying that I don't like something is valid)
And 21:22 for me this is
"Don't stare at anyone for too long, make sure you're looking around casually, like a normal person, not staring at anyone or at a group.
Just sit casually. Act casual, be chill."
This is ringing a lot of bells. It brings tears but I am glad to know and have understanding.
I’m 37 and it wasn’t until June last year that I realized that I’m actually autistic. I had been suspecting it for some 10 years but it was completely missed throughout school despite all my contact with school nurse and counselor and another counselor and even a meeting with a whole team from the psychiatrist unit for young people when I was in my teens (and being a complete mess of environmental triggered depression and probably 3 years of autistic meltdown because of school)
The reason I found out I’m autistic is because I got into reading the second book of the Divergent series and also re-watched the movies and I had this deep feeling in me that I should find some self tests online for autism. I could see so much of myself in Tris (the main character) because she’s different from others in her society and she doesn’t fit in and have to hide who she really is, like others who are like her. It just felt so much like masking autism to try to fit in.
I didn’t just take one self test but several and they all came back very strongly indicating that I’m autistic. On one test I took, a neurotypical would generally score 17 or less, I scored 34 (most autistics would score over 20 on that particular test).
When I told an autistic friend that I had come to the conclusion that I’m autistic, his response was “I know, knew the first time we talked” and it’s the same story with the love of my life, he’s autistic as well and he too knew the first time we talked and he admitted that when I told him. Both my friend and boyfriend had known about my autism long before I did 😂
I do not have a formal diagnose yet, but between the self tests I took and my friend and boyfriend knowing instantly, it’s more than safe to say that my self diagnosis is spot on. I am however going to try to get a formal diagnose as well as it can give better access to help and support from society. For everyday life though, the self awareness and allowing myself to just be me instead of masking all the time, has made a huge difference for the better in my life! I’m allowing myself to fidget and stim now instead of suppressing and feeling like Elsa from Frozen, not to mention allowing myself to resort to music in my ears when the surrounding becomes too much and not caring that it might be considered rude. I’ve also invested in a pair of Calmer earplugs that helps me a lot!
The cost is a massive barrier to getting a correct mental health/ neurodevelopmental diagnosis.
it was amazing to hear another person ask what on earth are you supposed to do with your hands they're just dangling there awkwardly where do you put them - yes! I have always struggled to figure that out and I can get pretty self conscious about my hands in social situations. I can't tell you what a relief it is knowing I'm not the only one.
My girlfriend pointed out to me recently that when I start talking about something that I'm really into, my eyes begin darting all over as if I'm reading it in the air. We've also picked up that when it's a conversation that regarding our relationship, I tend to understand her better when I'm letting my gaze go all over the place. I was raised to look into people's eyes. When I am talking to someone like a doctor for instance, I try to, but my gaze goes all over and I am in my head saying "you have to make eye contact". It's a weird experience I thought everyone experiences. But apparently, according to my friends and some random people I've interacted with, they almost enjoy the eye contact.
Anyhow, despite your video being geared towards females, it had a calming and affirming affect on me. I appreciate it! I've sent your channel to my sister. Perhaps she can also find solidarity with it.
I’m technically undiagnosed for tactical reasons, but when I was a child I was “alphabet” diagnosed. I can go along with CPTSD and maybe ADHD, but I definitely don’t have depression, general anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, or schizoaffective disorder. All of which I’ve been either threatened with or diagnosed and medicated for. And none of the medications did anything good. I was never properly chemically depressed until I was put onto Zoloft and Prozac (separately. Not at the same time 💀)
I’m x served lol 😊
Uff, I relate to many things here. Not that this is everyone's experience, but I will just add my experience when it comes to being absent.
I have a group of 5 friends, and one of them and I were always saying yes to going out and then ended up canceling. In my case, I was struggling with depression and anxiety, especially around people I knew. Although these friends were my favorite, when I started to struggle, I could no longer enjoy being with them (or anyone). I would be there and be extremely anxious. I was so full of shame and could not be vulnerable. It was horrible! I was afraid to lose them.... Eventually, after 3 years of therapy I was able to open up about what I was going through with them, and at first, they didn't understand. They were angry for always being absent, which I completely undertand, but after that day I have been more available . They started to ask about the other friend who was absent all the time, too, and we ended up looking for her. We made a basket with her favorite things and each of us wrote a letter to her. Well, she ended up opening about her struggles too and how much she felt like a horrible friend for always canceling plans. Agter that, she has been more available, too. Months later,she ended up being diagnosed with autism, on top of OCD, anxiety, depression and insomnia, and it seems I am on the neurodivergent side too. We're just exploring that with my current therapist. I still used the mask to help with the panic attacks and social anxiety, but we are so much better now ❤
Yeah I had no support other than thinking I was Dyslexic and that's it. But, turns out I was autistic all along. And I had NO idea, because my brother is autistic and we're the completely opposites, and yet we get along swimmingly. But thank you for making this, because I'm still learning about myself and the more I know the better~ :D
I love seeing your home videos! 🤩😍 It's kinda uncanny because your facial expressions in primary school look so much like mine when I was those ages!
Pretty much everything on here hits home. You're amazing to be able to do what you do!
Video: Are you just Socially Anxious or are you Actually Autistic?
My psychiatrist: Congratulations! You have both!
I have been in therapy many times over the years, and the experts' opinion was always that I am introverted and shy, and have no friends because I have low self esteem. However, I found myself saying YES to every one of your points. I'm 58, and the "self-diagnosing" in social media has been angering to me because it seems like these type of videos try to convince people that they are autistic or neurodivergent. My brain goes, "what the hell kind of crazy is this?!" But my gut (or my inner child) feels really seen by your video. So thank you.
But now I do say, "now what?" LIke, is there a way to improve my friendships now that I feel I may have some degree of autism?
Love the name of your channel, it's exactly how I feel, I was just diagnosed at age 55.
I also spent my first few weeks of playtimes just wandering round the outskirts of the playground. Nobody told me what to do! I figured all the other children were already friends before they started school, or that someone had sorted them into groups and forgot to add me. So, I was just killing time, looking at things and waiting till we could go back into the classroom. When my parents heard that I didn't play with the other kids, they asked if I felt lonely. Apparently, I looked confused and answered, "no... there were loads of people around." I had no concept of loneliness, so I just equated "lonely" with "being alone".
Didn't realize people perceive me differently until recently, but I've always known that they've treated me differently. I don't mask very well apparently
I'm an 18 year old woman and I've been questioning whether or not I should get an autism assessment. I relate to so much of what is being said but I am always second guessing myself that I will look absolutely stupid if I get the assessment and it says I am not autistic, or I'll explain myself to the gp and they will say I won't need it. Recently, I've just become so exhausted with constantly presenting myself to others as someone who isn't naturally me - in social situations I always checking myself to make sure I nod to conversations, stop pacing on my feet and keep eye contact. I just want to find out why I have struggled so much during the years... the thing is as well, I don't want to tell my family that I have been feeling this way, cause I feel like their response would just be "I haven't really seen you struggle, so I don't think you would need to see a gp" but at the same time it would be intimidating and overwhelming to go to the doctors alone... ahhhh this is confusing! 😅
I think I have both honestly 😭 I’m so so awful with confrontation and conflict but also my brain just stops working when people talk to me that isn’t from the script that I form in my head and I panic. Getting evaluated this year but going 24 years old and undiagnosed. But I’ve had issues with socialization my whole life. And people find it weird that I’m so quiet and reserved but men can do the same thing and it seem normal. Probably also doesn’t help that I’m a person of color and non-cis. 😂😅 thank you for your videos, so many of them have helped me come to realize that I’m even more sure that I’m on the spectrum.
Man, I love your relatable stories