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I have a extra row of teeth when I was 6 and using a adult sized toothbrush when I brushed my teeth I would always be choking on the toothbrush I asked for a kids my mom said no she need to buy marijuana
This wouldn't help things because it would just make them mad. But you can say, "Fortunately, I wasn't born to make you happy." Ooo. They don't like that.
True. My father was running out of time, not me. He was wasting time. My grandmother was losing a lot of hair, not me. It was late for her to learn something new, not for me. And they are much more incompetent than I thought they were, when we were in contact.
Any criticism, even very kindly and lovingly delivered, would send my mom into an angry panic and hysteria. She could never admit she made mistakes (at least, very very rarely). Her blow ups were very traumatic and emotionally scarring. She didn't seem to understand that every single explosive episode would continuously erode my trust and childhood love for her. The more I distanced myself to gain perspective, the more I saw how unhealthy her behaviour was. She thought because I was her child I would never break contact; that I would just keep on taking her insanity. She could not ever seem to understand that acting the way she acted might be detrimental to a relationship. I held out. I really did. Nothing got better. It only got worse. She takes no responsibility for my choice to go no contact. I went no contact just in time, not only to get my health back but to protect my young daughter from her narcissitic abuse.
SAME!! I dealt with it for way too long, but after having a child I thought “I would never want her to go through this like I did” and I have gone no contact for the final time. I’m soooo done! I wish you and your daughter narc free happiness!! ❤
My Mum "WHY isn't our relationship like yours with (my own daughter)" 💀 Seriously, I couldn't even articulate that at the time, and even if I could have, she would have either cut me off, flown into a rage, or burst into tears 😑 She was jealous that I have a relatively good (given what we've been through over the years, with her narc father trying his best to ruin it) relationship with my daughter. I went no contact with Mum 7 months ago, and it's been harrowing but also peaceful. My mind and body still doesn't know what to do with itself, it's still looking for the other shoe to drop 🥴
When I started viewing my mother in law as a 6yo child her behavior made a lot more sense. I actually have more compassion for her when I see her as a child in an adult’s body.
My family is a group of adult toddlers, and I had to remove myself from that situation while they raged and got aggressive with each other and me. I am leaving the house to get some space.
Wow you were so smart 😮 … I didn’t see the abuse until I was an adult… but back then the internet wasn’t big and people didn’t really know about narcissism either… I’m really glad you started to see it as a kid because that must’ve given you some head start on protecting yourself and healing
This can only happen as you welcome your wounded feelings concerning them, with acknowledgement and acceptance in loving-kindness and hospitality welcoming your wounded feelings as your own wounded inner child and doing so you will transform your wounded feelings into healing by the very transformative nature of love and acceptance , if you continue , you will start to feel loved and accepted, just because you are giving it to yourself, and your feelings like a loving child gives you back 10 fold in return, it is a wonderful experience. Being in the process of loving and accepting yourself and this is considered internal validation, in time and practice, you will no longer require any external validation., bc your inner child will be satisfied with the love and acceptance you impart unto him/ her.
One day I talked to my mom about misunderstandings between people and if feelings are hurt, they can talk about them to work things out. She listened, then said, "I have no idea what you are talking about." Then argued with me that the best thing is to pretend like nothing happened and that is how you resolve issues. I am at the point now where I got past the anger. Now I just feel sorry for her. There is so much she didn't understand about love and trust and expressing your own needs.
Narcissist lost their souls many years ago and now they walk the earth like demons in human flesh. I sometimes wonder if Narcissist are actually demonicly possessed? No human being with a soul can take pleasure in the destruction of others especially their own families? This why we need a relationship with God more than ever today. Pray to God that this Narcissist epidemic ends soon.
What in the world? This is what blows my mind about narcissist parents. Their children are more mature than they are. I legitimately do not know how that happens because narcissistic personalities form because of the way they were raised. How do the children escape the disorder themselves? My father was basically a toddler. Why didn't my sister and I end up that way? He was our only parent.
My mom liked babies but she hated toddlers, but when i turned six she acted like I should be in college . . .very demanding and controlling and very mean . . . Her mom was very narcissistic and was married to an abusive drunk . . There's something wrong with the whole family . . .but no one is allowed to talk about any of it . . .my mom still acts like a three year ol
Yes, they love babies because babies can't talk back. Total dependence. Once a toddler breaks away a bit and starts to say no, they lose it. And when adolescence hits, with pulling away and rebellion, you're the enemy forever.
Omg same. I'm the oldest of six kids and I think the reason there were six kids is as soon as one wasn't a baby, she was kind of tired of them. And then guess who really took care of them after that. Yeah. And she wonders why I don't want to have kids. Bitch, I had yours. I'm done.
It’s so exhausting dealing with my parents. They’re in their 70s and very often my mother acts like the queen bee in high school that bullies other students. I’ve always known she hates me probably since i was born & her manipulation to hurt me is just evil. I’m sure she’s sadistic because she certainly gets a laugh from hurting me. So is my father. They got worse with aging. People who don’t understand narcissistic abuse would say the most stupid thing, like they’re old you should just forgive them. Or you only get a mother. People just don’t understand how evil they are
@@keithstewart7514 My parents & the relatives on my father's side are Catholics & growing up I observed so much hypocrisy & abuse in the name of religiosity . Being religious is the perfect cover for my parents to hide their abuse
@@LM_2802 Wow, do we have the same father? Mine said exactly the same thing. So much of what my narc parents have said so they don’t need to take any responsibility is so baffling & illogical. Forgiveness takes real introspection & repentance, which narcs are absolutely incapable of. “Aging” happens to everyone. It’s not a reason to ask for forgiveness.
A few weeks ago I went to a neighbour's funeral, which was a very traditional, formal, Church of Scotland ceremony, just as you would expect. Once the formal sermon was over, all three of the children stood up and recalled happy memories from their happy family childhood, their grief at their loss openly expressed. I was struck by the stupidity of my own mother, still alive, who had thrown away her chances of creating such memories by alienating not only her children but her grandchildren, too. Soon her time will come. Nobody will be standing up saying the kinds of things I heard, at least, not with any sincerity. Personally, my approach with my own kids was to raise them, consciously, exactly the opposite way I was raised, and I hope that I have succeeded in that. Luckily, my wife had a happy childhood and a lovely family, and so we were always able to agree on our combined approach.
There's nothing wrong with meds for various medical conditions obviously.....But it's terrible when they mistakenly 💭 a narc just needs antidepressants &/or other types of meds for various medical conditions.No 💊s, therapy methods, etc helps these people become healthy🙄😮💨.
Reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother after I had become an adult: she was talking lovingly and longingly about the way her mother treated her. "She would do xyz for me..." (something my mother expected me to know she wanted/needed intrinsically) I replied, "that's great, but I'm not grandma." you can just imagine how well she took that 😅made me realize she got stuck back there, in the role of the completely spoiled youngest child. Like the type of sibling that does bullshit to get her older siblings beat and crap. SMH
I get the opposite- my mom posts cringey memes on her social media about how "i always called my mom when i needed something or when i was feeling down or when i needed help with my own life and my own family, and i hope my kids to the same for me♡♡♡" Its all so fucking transactional. Deep down our parents hate themselves so much that they genuinely cant comprehend a parent and child having a relationship that isnt about one party needing sonething from the other.
I feel your pain. My mom was awful to me in high school -- really like a stereotypical movie high school bully villain making fun of the way I looked and my clothes like she wasn't the person responsible for getting me nicer clothes and bras that fit. Meanwhile, she was like 300 pounds, had a mustache and and inch of cracked dead skin at the bottom of her feet because hey, everyone knows that if you just make fun of someone's looks, your looks automatically improve 😂.
Your analogy of the toddler falling off the couch is a very apt one. Not only are narcs unable to make any connection between their behaviors and the pain they cause others but they can't quite understand the outcomes of their own self destructive behaviors. My narcissistic mother would always blame others for her own inability and unwillingness to do what's required to manage her type II diabetes. She practically would consistently do the exact opposite of what her doctors would advise her to do. And yet it was always someone else's fault. And this attitude persisted with her, even after losing her eyesight due to diabetic retinopathy, undergoing a few small amputations and right up to the very end. She was never willing to take responsibility.
@@bobbarker1798 Yep, thankfully I have. Only after educating myself on narcissistic patterns of behavior, was I able to realize that I was not responsible for my mom's health, well being and overall lot in life.
@@melissahale6645 Yep it almost seems that self destructiveness and taking no responsibility for the inevitable outcomes of such self destructive behavior, seem to be hallmarks of the vulnerable narcissist.
My mother had an abusive childhood and was kicked out of her home at 15. She got pregnant (with me) and then married at 17. She has always been narcissistic and, to me, never liked me. I always felt like a burden. She constantly told me I was self-centered and I was always looking for attention. And I’ve believed it most of my life and tried to make myself small to not be a bother. I had counseling sessions in 2019 and so much anger came out of me, it was the start of my healing and awareness of narcissistic parents. She still has narcissistic expectations of me and I second guess myself on almost everything including what I “like” or comment on on Facebook. What will she see that I liked that she doesn’t approve of and send me a snarky comment or give me the (hateful) silent treatment?! I’m attempting to gradually gray rock her, but I know the retaliation will be brutal.
Mine's in her mid-80s and she's getting worse. On top of that I'm physically disabled with chronic pain. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. All the best to you.
In a way, you would benefit from seeing her as a toddler or a rebellious teen. And remind yourself out loud every day that her behavior has nothing to do with you.
It would behoove you to quietly prepare a bug-out plan. Finance's, contact info & even video & audio accountability bc there is no low that my FAMILY can't go lower than one another. THEY prefer for me to take my own life & have done everything a Sadistically Catholic FAMILY can do WITHOUT getting their "Christian" hands dirty. My MoMster is HEALTHY @ 85 & considering how much of a problem I've BEEN since my Friday the 13th birth, I expect she-devil to reach a dearly evil 100...
I can still remember my 40 something mother laying on the floor throwing a fit and kicking her feet and hands on the floor. About an hour later the way she acted nice , you would have thought nothing had happened. My sister and I just looked at each other and were glad it was over.
Rick is not the only one who's seen supposed "parents" behave like that. My mother has thrown things on the floor and shouted "NO!" about taking her own medication. I've watched my FATHER roll around on the floor when the ensembles he directs didn't do what he wanted them to -- and the enablers laughed, which of course makes it worse @@jerrywise
Mine never hit the floor, but throwing things and shaking ones fists all around in a mini tantrum was common for my mother. And she would flip out over what I, as an adult, now recognise was THE DUMBEST SHIT. Things like there not being any cold sodas in the fridge, she would throw a tantrum, yelling, screaming, throwing things. while I, a literal CHILD was actually capable of the mature reaction of “oh. These sodas are warm. I guess they were only just put in the fridge. That was nice of whoever restocked the fridge from the pantry. Shame they’re not cold yet. Oh well, I’ll just put some ice in it/wait a little while/drink something else/cope with the warm soda” When I told my screaming mother this, she looked at me like I’d asked her to fuck a pig or something. Pure fury and indignation. Like “How DARE you expect me to behave like an adult???”
I don't have any kind of relationship with my narcissist mother as of a year ago and I know the day she passes away, I will feel nothing because love is an action and you create love by creating good memories with your children, and my narcissist created more bad memories then good ones. She fully knows her treatment was wrong and she knows I hate her. She brought me to anger and didn't protect me and she bullied me and allow my narcissist golden child sister bully me also. When she passes away I will be blasting the wicked witch song from the wizard of oz and ordering a pizza and just be home. I'm not going to her funeral and I don't care what happens to her meat suit.
Oh the irony at Age 4 I looked at my father and realized he was an insufferable pain in the ass and that if he was still behaving that way in 20 years time I would have to walk away and never see him again I kept that promise to myself and have been on the up and up ever since
I always felt like I had to parent my own mother. She had temper tantrums, demanded everyone meet her needs, cried crocodile tears when no one listened to her, etc. And then I married into a family where the other two ladies do the same thing…. Now I’ve gone no-contact from them. I’m tired of parenting other adults. I have my own children and a husband to raise.
My mom acted like a tantruming toddler until she lost her mind completely to Alzheimers. She spent her childhood out of control due to repeated SA and then absolutely refused to do anything about it despite having every opportunity. Her victimhood became her identity and she gave her life up as sacrifice. It is sad but it is not my karma. I will not be taken down by the same demon.
It was the repetition compulsion in dating that pointed me to family of origin. I dealt with abuse in the romantic relationships. Yet my family home was the white picket fence deal, there wasnt any hitting. There is something more insidious, than direct physical abuse.
😮 I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the 64yr old narc say she's mentally the same age as my 10yr old ... wow. Crying, screaming, hitting herself, lying, manipulating. Wow.
I "lost" my mother when I was about 4-5 years old and realized then that she did not love me and could not understand why. She passed away 7 years ago today and am hopeful she found some peace in passing, but I have my doubts. She lied about me to my siblings and I never confronted her because it just seemed futile. I acted on instinct and distanced myself from her for months before visiting her again (she was in a nursing home) and made certain someone was with me so she could not twist my visit into something it was not. Sadly, I did not associate her mean and hateful attitude toward me to narcissism as she had been diagnosed with mental health issues. It is through podcasts like this that everything began to make sense. I am SO thankful I now have some answers. I loved her because she was my mother but I did not like her and I still don't, but that dislike has turned to sadness for her because she never knew who I was. The part I'm trying to figure out now is how to deal with my narcissistic sisters - I keep my distance and interact occasionally, at my discretion. I would also like to know if either sister believes the lies my mother told them about me; my heart hopes not but my head tells me they believed my mother.
I agree they are immature BUT let’s be careful… Imagining them as 4 yo can mean you underestimate them. Some of these people can really be dangerous. Seing them as 4 years old could mean the difference between life and death.
Ya they are needy brats! My 91 year old covert narc mom who sent me hate everyday for years- I finally went no contact last spring, anyway she had a massive heart attack and died the next day, this past Wednesday…. I feel my energy come back, almost thru the roof since she died as I don’t get the psychic attacks anymore, I felt it was slowly killing me but tried to stay positive and keep trucking’ have faith in universe that I’ll be ok ….the universe stepped in and ended her on my behalf- I’m certain of it 😃
“Inner no contact,” yes. Detachment. I look forward to one day losing interest in narcissism when I achieve acceptance of what is and what will never be. Thank you Jerry Wise.
This is so perfect! That's how I had to think of my mom and honestly, the relationship was so much better when I stopped expecting anything! I wish this peace for everyone 😊
So incredible this video was posted. A lot of narcissists have Peter Pan Syndrome. There are so many correlations between between Peter Pan Syndrome and Narcissists.
My psych helped me realize that my mom can’t change who she is but I can change my expectations and that’s what I have to do to protect myself from getting hurt. It really sucks because she’s the only family member I have left but I have to look elsewhere for that emotional support ☹️
Kind Sir Jerry, you are helping hundreds if not hundred thousands of people like me, who suffered abuse and endured trauma (still is) from narcissistic family dynamics. I've been watching you since I got a know about narcissism back in pandemic (where the abused: verbally, mentally and emotionally, from both narc parents escalated drastically high!). I look up to you sir and have you as my healthy male figure to look up to. Something I never get to experience from my narc father. Thank you very much. God bless you and your passion in helping people in so many ways. ❤
I recommended your videos to my ex who grew up in a narcissistic and neglectful environment. I then realised how narcissistic she was in our relationship, how much I killed myself to be there for her, and I left her after nearly 2 years of manipulation. As I’ve dealt with the trauma, loss and grief of the relationship over the last two months I learned that we get into these relationships due to a narcissistic upbringing. I now recognise that my dad is a narcissist, my mum enabled his behaviour and was emotionally invalidating, and it has been this way for as long as I can remember. I’ve came full circle, wow.
My mom once told me when she was about 12, she used to go to bed each night, thinking that maybe this was the night her mom would come in and kill her in her sleep. She wasn't mentally ill-she just felt THAT hated by her mother. I can;t even imagine that kind of fear of your parent who is supposed to love and protect you. So once I knew that, I understood a lot. I wondered how does one learn to mother their child when they were not mothered properly? In my childs case, he never left our house without hearing "i love you" and saying it back to us. He absolutely knew he was loved and cherished, and totally accepted and encouraged in whatever he wanted to do. I loved her dearly She did her best for us.
I remember delivering a sealed envelope to my mom, from a friend's parent. I didnt open it, it wasnt my business. My mom came out screaming and crying, threw the letter at me. I never read it, i was so shocked. I guess the friend's parent had asked why she didn't do anything for me, why i couldn't ask her for a ride home or for the things the friend's parent did for me. It was always up to me to arrange my own stuff, if i went out, i had to arrange a ride home, and make sure I could be home in time to get to school. My parents were too busy for me, was my assumption.
This has described most of my life. I constantly got told “Why don’t you just get over it!” to any and all conflict my mother caused. She often told me I was like the mother in our relationship. Well…stop acting like the child! It hasn’t been easy but deep down I’m happy I went no contact. I have my own kids and I can’t continue to raise my own mother.
My family of origin parents never grew up especially last year when I finally stood up to them and told them what is what in my life, they shunned me as their emotional immaturity, as emotional cut off. Now I can hold my head high and move on with my life with no regrets , and move on to the road of recovery without holding back.🤷🏻♂️😏🌿
I was able to cope much better when I finally realized that my mom is just a five year old with a bank account. It wasn't until I had my own 5-year-old I realized this, unfortunately. So I'm glad you're telling people that. Thanks for validating me and confirming thisl!!
I believe we humans when having to face a challenge we can't overcome or a stressful situation, we often tend to emotionally go back to an early stage of our development when we felt safe. My stage to go back is when I was a teenager when I realized I could have my own thoughts and ideas and studying would give me hope of independence one day from my narcissistic mother. I feel she was not disciplined enough she was a spoiled child. Parents should be teaching children about the existence of other human beings, respect and consideration for others does not come out naturally, it has to be taught by the caregivers.
Jerry! You're too good & valuable of a person to leave this planet early. Food addiction is a real problem, especially with how low quality a lot of the easily accessible food is. I know, I was over 350lbs at one point. Try cutting out the sugar & grain for a month and just see how you feel sir. I really find your work to be a great help to a lot of people, take care of yourself too!
I go between my covert narcissist 96 year-old mother and my super-sassy 4 year-old granddaughter, both of whom I care for almost daily. Have to say there's not much difference!!! Just that my granddaughter makes progress and mum doesn't. Oh and I can never mix them together!!!!!
Age is no indication of (emotional) maturity. I was saying this about my female parent when I was still in highschool. I didn't have the language to describe the abuse and dysfunction properly back then. Now that I understand more I'm able to grieve the loss.
Interesting that you should mention this. You're describing my mother (and now deceased) father to a tee. My father was a non-recovering alcoholic and he was 78 when he died. My mother is 2 years younger than him. All the adult trappings (both retired from factory jobs), but very emotionally immature. Temper tantrums, had problems with my saying "no" to them when they expected me to drop everything and cater to their every whim. Regarding unregulated emotions and self-absorption: AND HOW! I'm in my mid-40's now, but I remember when I was in my tweens and teens. My father would go off on these hours-long tirades about only Creator knows (or cares) what anymore. I don't know what the Hell set him off, but once he got in a particularly foul mood, he could rage on into the early hours of the next morning. These tirades would happen on school nights and disrupt my sleep (my siblings and I lived over an hour away from our High School by bus, and we had to get up before 6 a.m. on a school day to get ready in time to catch the bus). This tantrum behaviour persisted into adulthood (then he and my mother questioned my motives when I started limiting contact with them). My mother would always stick up for him. When I called her on her never defending me, she would yell, "WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO STICK UP FOR?! NOT YOU!" (meaning me--she believed it was perfectly okay for her and my father to abuse me). I last saw m family of origin December 13 (2023). He (father) was in a Palliative Care Unit and my (narcissistic) sister texted me, purporting that "Dad will probably not make it through the night", so "you need to leave work early and say goodbye while you still can" (brother-in-law implied this when I talked to him on my dinner break). I got to the Hospital and stayed the night. My mother sent me the very strong message that I wasn't welcome there. She didn't acknowledge me when I arrived. I stayed the night and she wouldn't even look at me. I left before 7 a.m. the next morning (I had to deal with a work situation, so I needed to leave the Hospital to go back to work and explain that my father was actively dying, according to my sister). I told (mother, sister and b-i-l) to keep me posted. None of them had the decency to do that. 2 days after my last visit, my mother called me, yelling at me because "I didn't hug her or my father". He was still very much alive at that point (he finally left the physical world January 8, 2024). But they never hugged me or asked how I was doing when I was growing up and needed it. My mother didn't ask me how I was doing. She and my father always implied that my feelings, emotions and overall wellbeing didn't matter to them. So, they sent me the message that any physical contact from them would always hurt, so I was wasting my time expecting therm to hug me. They would always hit me and then expect me to hug them afterward. I know this isn't healthy.
My mother has said since I was a child that she knew all the rules she wanted to live by, by the age of 5. She would brag about this even to the grandkids. Believing that she was enlightened at such an early age, I would point out that that’s where she got stuck and a 5 year old was running our family. 😕 no one listens to me.
It use to shock me to see me to my mother act like a child. Screaming and jumping up and down when we have a disagreement. That when I know something about her is not right. This was 2 years ago. I tried again with when my brother was killed, when she ask me to do the eulogy I did, but I see her fully for what and who she is she will never change. I still live with her but I don't talk to her, not because I'm avoiding her I just want nothing to do with her. I can't be a mother to my mother and my son. My father is the same way. I'm doing what I can to get my son and I out of this family, but for now I am detaching myself emotionally and mentally until I can save up to leave physically. Thanks Jerry for painting the pictures so clearly for me. Much love to you.❤
This concept was something I came across when I was researching my mom’s borderline personality disorder diagnosis. It is terrifying to me that she has the reach and power of an adult and the emotional perspective and regulation of a child. Children absolutely mean it when they lash out at you. When an emotionally stunted adult lashes out at you, it’s scary!!
narcs are unable to be accountable. all roads lead to - theres a problem - it is (surprise!) you (the kid) - something the kid "did" or "didnt do" - goalposts always changing - the gripe often conjured/delusional/patently untrue. i didnt learn about narcs til my 60s, chose nc as soon as i heard what narcs are. wish id learned sooner - wouldve nc'd at 16 - but who cares - (moved away and had v v v low c after 16 yrs). onward and upward! my advice: no light there, find replacements, keep going. no possibility of peace with those lunatics...life a dream when y move on/choose sanity :)
I recently found this channel,and since then I have watched many videos. I knew my family is dysfunctional,but I didn't know HOW much... now I know! 😥 There is certainly a lot of grief,but also HOPE,at least for ME,because I am the one,who wants to heal. Healing is going to last the rest of my life but with the powerful knowledge and the tools from these videos it is possible. However,it is so heartbreaking how many of the people in this world are hurt and broken. 💔
This video reminds me that my narc mother & GC narc older brother actually do baby talk to each other . So disgusting & creepy. It’s like their unique way of communicating. NM is 73 & NB is 49 😂😂😂
I call the N step father “toddler man.” Lol. Seeing them as they are (like out of control toddlers) helped me a lot to stop feeling “under them” and to stop taking them so seriously. Seems like my mother is stuck at Junior plastic mean girl.
I didn’t know until way too late that all the crap they said to me and about me was all projection! It took me until 64 to realize and start dealing g with the trauma!
I have a profile for what i call a man child. They play Xbox over 40, They LOVE to receive gifts. Motivating them is impossible. Like kicking a flat tire down the road. They have temper tantrums if they dont get their way. The word no creates a viceral reaction 😂😂😂
💯% well said!! Thank you, Jerry. In my experience I still remember when I was a teenager with them we were going to a house where we were invited & I was excited about it as we walked there she had a temper tantrum for narcissitic trip she was having similar to a selfish toddler
True regarding them never growing up. My father was a narcissist and a sociopath. I remember him sharing with me that his older brother stated that about him and how he basically cursed him out in response. Some people just can't bear the truth. My father also told me why he never paid child support my two siblings and I: The judge ordered him to pay more for the three of us than he did for men he knew had more children, so he wasn't going to pay anything😂 But in reality, he wouldn't have paid even if it was less.
I love your videos and I agree with much of what you say Jerry. However, even if they might be 4 year olds, emotionally, the cruelty and the harm that they inflict is not really lessened, even with this knowledge of who and what they really are. Damned little Demons is what they are!
My 95 year old mother is doing an "Our Gang/Little Rascals" regression. Instead of trying to cover up her mean behavior, she thinks she's clever and cute.
I love my sister for pointing out that our mom can act like a 5-year old, at an early part of my life. It allowed for emotional disconnect. She is still the same, just older and more "woe is me" over things, which can be ignored. She knows we won't take the bait. And yes, I have bad reactions myself - feels more like being a teenager than a 5-year old. So that's something, at least.
I've gone nc for long periods as needed for healing. But yours is right, the crucial element is learning to detach and not hold that expectation of something better.
Why? How? Because we didn't known any better, at least until we matured. I first fully appreciated Mom had a problem when I was a teen, when we visited a friendly church family's home. Even though Dad built her the home of her dreams, when she saw that the other family's home was fully furnished, she literally laid down on their living room floor and had a huge fit, like Curly from "The Three Stooges".
Jerry I'm an adult women. I just had surgery for my shattered ankle. My 80 year old mom is "taking care" of me. She's a covert narcissist. I'm stuck with her around me 24/7, and she's punishing me, doing very little for me, she's treating me horribly as she talks non stop but all of it is resentment, that now our roles are reversed. Plus projection, abuse, and head games. Can you help me find some relief until I can walk again and get out of the house?
My mom… while I grew up, she was telling me to take the lead and do stuff for her. I specifically remember this one time she told me to go outside and there was a baby bird on the ground and she asked me what we should do. All I thought was… why are you asking me? You’re the parent
Once you start to awaken and learn about all of this, and you realize they are mental and emotionally five years old- All of their actions and everything about this makes perfect sense. That is why you could never understand it- because you thought they were an adult. They are not, they are perpetual toddlers. Ever tried to reason with and make sense of a defiant toddler? It’s exactly the same thing.
Good to receive your message, Jerry! Thanks, I understand 👍. I'm at the point when I can laugh at the lessons I've learned. I have a lot to pinpoint. Much love, Jerry!
My narcissistic parents, in their 80s, were little children running around in old people bodies. It was a mess. They never grew up. They did not accept their old age which happens with a lot of people. I could go on and on but it was terrifying as they thougt they could do whatever they wanted and didn't consider the harm they would do if something went wrong. As well as it showed their lack if respect for others and those around them. Oh, i dealt with a lot of anxiety and fear in their old age. 😢
Thanks for this one Jerry! Spot on as always. Reminded me of an incident between my father and I a couple of years ago - we were doing a skype call and the subject of money came up and he just started lecturing me, attacking my character and comparing me in the negative to other family members when I said "Give me a break!" - (I was exhasperated and he knows I am autistic and have CPTSD so I'm sensative to tone of voice/eye contact at best of times). I ended up saying "I have to go now" and hung up on him. Whilst this incident was unfolding I was picturing in my mind a toddler having a tantrum in a 70 year old mans body throwing poop at me!! whilst I was also extremely stressed and uncomfortable. A few hours after hanging up on my Dad, he sent me a nasty email basically in the tone of "How dare you disrespect me by hanging up and if you want to continue our relationship, you need to apologize!" I waited until I was calmer to respond whilst thinking "Who does he think he is?! He spoke to me like dirt and it was scary - he should be saying sorry to me!" I sent him a short email back in the end saying "I'm sorry you are so upset." He grumbled and accepted it next time we spoke. I think it was probably the best response I could give at the time as it isn't always safe to be assertive with ragey people. It's a shame because my Dad can be genuinely a kind gentle person but I know he was severly traumatized growing up which he downplays and I strongly suspect is also autistic, but like what I did for decades, had to mask my disability to function in life until I couldn't function as well.
My soon-to-be ex physically attacked our son because he was “disrespectful”, (he wasn’t, he was holding a boundary and good for him), and kicked him out of the house. Then, he was mad because our son didn’t come back when told to!
When I was younger always felt my parents were like little kids . Now after years of educating myself they both had an emotional level of a ten year old
Man, I've been there. Exactly in that spot! 🤣Customer service people with no respect OR social skills could also trigger my inner 4-year old, if I'm not careful!!! Thanks, Jerry!
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
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Thank you 🙏
I have a extra row of teeth when I was 6 and using a adult sized toothbrush when I brushed my teeth I would always be choking on the toothbrush I asked for a kids my mom said no she need to buy marijuana
Must be Marijuana is so addictive that she put a bag of swag over her own child. ?? Please @@mcfishyfirst253
@@mcfishyfirst253fishy
Every single thing my Narc FAMILY says about me is always linked to their shortcomings not mine.
I'm going to use this as a mantra.
This wouldn't help things because it would just make them mad. But you can say, "Fortunately, I wasn't born to make you happy." Ooo. They don't like that.
They sure project their sickness onto me though
Real
True. My father was running out of time, not me. He was wasting time. My grandmother was losing a lot of hair, not me. It was late for her to learn something new, not for me. And they are much more incompetent than I thought they were, when we were in contact.
Any criticism, even very kindly and lovingly delivered, would send my mom into an angry panic and hysteria. She could never admit she made mistakes (at least, very very rarely). Her blow ups were very traumatic and emotionally scarring. She didn't seem to understand that every single explosive episode would continuously erode my trust and childhood love for her. The more I distanced myself to gain perspective, the more I saw how unhealthy her behaviour was. She thought because I was her child I would never break contact; that I would just keep on taking her insanity. She could not ever seem to understand that acting the way she acted might be detrimental to a relationship. I held out. I really did. Nothing got better. It only got worse. She takes no responsibility for my choice to go no contact. I went no contact just in time, not only to get my health back but to protect my young daughter from her narcissitic abuse.
My narcissist landlord's are trying to evict me because I demanded repairs.
These narcissist are so emotional
SAME!! I dealt with it for way too long, but after having a child I thought “I would never want her to go through this like I did” and I have gone no contact for the final time. I’m soooo done! I wish you and your daughter narc free happiness!! ❤
@@winning3329in any state that's illegal. Reach out to a tenants rights group in your area. I say that as a former landlord in 2 states.
My story as well.
My Mum "WHY isn't our relationship like yours with (my own daughter)" 💀 Seriously, I couldn't even articulate that at the time, and even if I could have, she would have either cut me off, flown into a rage, or burst into tears 😑
She was jealous that I have a relatively good (given what we've been through over the years, with her narc father trying his best to ruin it) relationship with my daughter. I went no contact with Mum 7 months ago, and it's been harrowing but also peaceful. My mind and body still doesn't know what to do with itself, it's still looking for the other shoe to drop 🥴
Their love is conditional.
Never could express my feelings.
Use child to build their reputation.
When I started viewing my mother in law as a 6yo child her behavior made a lot more sense. I actually have more compassion for her when I see her as a child in an adult’s body.
My family is a group of adult toddlers, and I had to remove myself from that situation while they raged and got aggressive with each other and me. I am leaving the house to get some space.
Yes ,save your sanity
You have to for your own mental health, keep going forward and don’t look back 😊
Wise move because they will never grow or change.
When I was in the third grade I KNEW my Dad was an 8 year old inside...
Wow you were so smart 😮 … I didn’t see the abuse until I was an adult… but back then the internet wasn’t big and people didn’t really know about narcissism either… I’m really glad you started to see it as a kid because that must’ve given you some head start on protecting yourself and healing
"Practice internal no-contact." I needed to hear that today - they've been occupying my mind far too much. Thank you.
This can only happen as you welcome your wounded feelings concerning them, with acknowledgement and acceptance in loving-kindness and hospitality welcoming your wounded feelings as your own wounded inner child and doing so you will transform your wounded feelings into healing by the very transformative nature of love and acceptance , if you continue , you will start to feel loved and accepted, just because you are giving it to yourself, and your feelings like a loving child gives you back 10 fold in return, it is a wonderful experience. Being in the process of loving and accepting yourself and this is considered internal validation, in time and practice, you will no longer require any external validation., bc your inner child will be satisfied with the love and acceptance you impart unto him/ her.
One day I talked to my mom about misunderstandings between people and if feelings are hurt, they can talk about them to work things out. She listened, then said, "I have no idea what you are talking about." Then argued with me that the best thing is to pretend like nothing happened and that is how you resolve issues. I am at the point now where I got past the anger. Now I just feel sorry for her. There is so much she didn't understand about love and trust and expressing your own needs.
Speaking from experience, they do not love or trust because they have no feelings. They are cold and empty.
Thank you for your insight, that explains a few things.
@@yvonne3903 You're welcome.
Narcissist lost their souls many years ago and now they walk the earth like demons in human flesh.
I sometimes wonder if Narcissist are actually demonicly possessed?
No human being with a soul can take pleasure in the destruction of others especially their own families?
This why we need a relationship with God more than ever today.
Pray to God that this Narcissist epidemic ends soon.
What in the world? This is what blows my mind about narcissist parents. Their children are more mature than they are. I legitimately do not know how that happens because narcissistic personalities form because of the way they were raised. How do the children escape the disorder themselves? My father was basically a toddler. Why didn't my sister and I end up that way? He was our only parent.
This is such an issue! Just today, my 72 yo dad acted like a kid because we ran out of his salad dressing. Thank you.
My mom liked babies but she hated toddlers, but when i turned six she acted like I should be in college . . .very
demanding and controlling and very mean . . .
Her mom was very narcissistic and was married to an abusive drunk . . There's something wrong with the whole family . . .but no one is allowed to talk about any of it . . .my mom still acts like a three year ol
Terrible for you.
Yes, they love babies because babies can't talk back. Total dependence. Once a toddler breaks away a bit and starts to say no, they lose it. And when adolescence hits, with pulling away and rebellion, you're the enemy forever.
Omg same. I'm the oldest of six kids and I think the reason there were six kids is as soon as one wasn't a baby, she was kind of tired of them. And then guess who really took care of them after that. Yeah. And she wonders why I don't want to have kids. Bitch, I had yours. I'm done.
It’s so exhausting dealing with my parents. They’re in their 70s and very often my mother acts like the queen bee in high school that bullies other students. I’ve always known she hates me probably since i was born & her manipulation to hurt me is just evil. I’m sure she’s sadistic because she certainly gets a laugh from hurting me. So is my father. They got worse with aging. People who don’t understand narcissistic abuse would say the most stupid thing, like they’re old you should just forgive them. Or you only get a mother. People just don’t understand how evil they are
My own "Christian" mother has Sadistically Catholic tendancies
@@keithstewart7514 My parents & the relatives on my father's side are Catholics & growing up I observed so much hypocrisy & abuse in the name of religiosity . Being religious is the perfect cover for my parents to hide their abuse
My Narc father is 73 and his favourite line is “I’m old you should forgive me” while hurting everybody around him
@@LM_2802 Wow, do we have the same father? Mine said exactly the same thing. So much of what my narc parents have said so they don’t need to take any responsibility is so baffling & illogical. Forgiveness takes real introspection & repentance, which narcs are absolutely incapable of. “Aging” happens to everyone. It’s not a reason to ask for forgiveness.
Tell them to read Alice Miller. I just hope you break the cycle
A few weeks ago I went to a neighbour's funeral, which was a very traditional, formal, Church of Scotland ceremony, just as you would expect.
Once the formal sermon was over, all three of the children stood up and recalled happy memories from their happy family childhood, their grief at their loss openly expressed.
I was struck by the stupidity of my own mother, still alive, who had thrown away her chances of creating such memories by alienating not only her children but her grandchildren, too. Soon her time will come. Nobody will be standing up saying the kinds of things I heard, at least, not with any sincerity.
Personally, my approach with my own kids was to raise them, consciously, exactly the opposite way I was raised, and I hope that I have succeeded in that. Luckily, my wife had a happy childhood and a lovely family, and so we were always able to agree on our combined approach.
These were the adult children of the deceased, I should have made that clearer.
I feel like I’m most likely to go in toddler mode in response to their behavior. That’s one reason why I try to avoid them.
You just described my parents. They were always narcissistic, but mix narcissism with baskets of prescribed pills and it’s so much worse😕
And mix those benzos, ssri, opiates with alcohol and you have my family. Keep your head up
There's nothing wrong with meds for various medical conditions obviously.....But it's terrible when they mistakenly 💭 a narc just needs antidepressants &/or other types of meds for various medical conditions.No 💊s, therapy methods, etc helps these people become healthy🙄😮💨.
@@HarryBarker-yp1xv good luck to you xanex and alcohol is a combination not only deadly to the user but anyone who may stand in their way
Reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother after I had become an adult: she was talking lovingly and longingly about the way her mother treated her. "She would do xyz for me..." (something my mother expected me to know she wanted/needed intrinsically) I replied, "that's great, but I'm not grandma." you can just imagine how well she took that 😅made me realize she got stuck back there, in the role of the completely spoiled youngest child. Like the type of sibling that does bullshit to get her older siblings beat and crap. SMH
I get the opposite- my mom posts cringey memes on her social media about how "i always called my mom when i needed something or when i was feeling down or when i needed help with my own life and my own family, and i hope my kids to the same for me♡♡♡"
Its all so fucking transactional. Deep down our parents hate themselves so much that they genuinely cant comprehend a parent and child having a relationship that isnt about one party needing sonething from the other.
I've always said that my mother vacilates between a 5 year old having a tantrum and a 13 year old girl with her school clique. Fun.
The 13 year old with her school clique. That sounds just like my mom.
Same here! 🙄
Maintain distance.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I feel your pain. My mom was awful to me in high school -- really like a stereotypical movie high school bully villain making fun of the way I looked and my clothes like she wasn't the person responsible for getting me nicer clothes and bras that fit. Meanwhile, she was like 300 pounds, had a mustache and and inch of cracked dead skin at the bottom of her feet because hey, everyone knows that if you just make fun of someone's looks, your looks automatically improve 😂.
Your analogy of the toddler falling off the couch is a very apt one. Not only are narcs unable to make any connection between their behaviors and the pain they cause others but they can't quite understand the outcomes of their own self destructive behaviors. My narcissistic mother would always blame others for her own inability and unwillingness to do what's required to manage her type II diabetes. She practically would consistently do the exact opposite of what her doctors would advise her to do. And yet it was always someone else's fault. And this attitude persisted with her, even after losing her eyesight due to diabetic retinopathy, undergoing a few small amputations and right up to the very end. She was never willing to take responsibility.
Same with my mom!
How sad for you. I hope you have moved on.
@@bobbarker1798 Yep, thankfully I have. Only after educating myself on narcissistic patterns of behavior, was I able to realize that I was not responsible for my mom's health, well being and overall lot in life.
@@melissahale6645 Yep it almost seems that self destructiveness and taking no responsibility for the inevitable outcomes of such self destructive behavior, seem to be hallmarks of the vulnerable narcissist.
They are always the biggest victim in the room, no matter what they do to others.
My mother had an abusive childhood and was kicked out of her home at 15. She got pregnant (with me) and then married at 17. She has always been narcissistic and, to me, never liked me. I always felt like a burden. She constantly told me I was self-centered and I was always looking for attention. And I’ve believed it most of my life and tried to make myself small to not be a bother. I had counseling sessions in 2019 and so much anger came out of me, it was the start of my healing and awareness of narcissistic parents. She still has narcissistic expectations of me and I second guess myself on almost everything including what I “like” or comment on on Facebook. What will she see that I liked that she doesn’t approve of and send me a snarky comment or give me the (hateful) silent treatment?! I’m attempting to gradually gray rock her, but I know the retaliation will be brutal.
If you need help with having a place to stay just contact your local dv shelter and tell them that you are being abused.
Thank you for this message. I am trying to keep my cool with my 80 yr old mother who I take care of and live with.
You’re welcome, thanks for watching. Sending strength and healing your way
Mine's in her mid-80s and she's getting worse. On top of that I'm physically disabled with chronic pain. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. All the best to you.
❤ prayers
In a way, you would benefit from seeing her as a toddler or a rebellious teen. And remind yourself out loud every day that her behavior has nothing to do with you.
It would behoove you to quietly prepare a bug-out plan. Finance's, contact info & even video & audio accountability bc there is no low that my FAMILY can't go lower than one another. THEY prefer for me to take my own life & have done everything a Sadistically Catholic FAMILY can do WITHOUT getting their "Christian" hands dirty. My MoMster is HEALTHY @ 85 & considering how much of a problem I've BEEN since my Friday the 13th birth, I expect she-devil to reach a dearly evil 100...
I can still remember my 40 something mother laying on the floor throwing a fit and kicking her feet and hands on the floor. About an hour later the way she acted nice , you would have thought nothing had happened. My sister and I just looked at each other and were glad it was over.
Wow
Rick is not the only one who's seen supposed "parents" behave like that. My mother has thrown things on the floor and shouted "NO!" about taking her own medication. I've watched my FATHER roll around on the floor when the ensembles he directs didn't do what he wanted them to -- and the enablers laughed, which of course makes it worse @@jerrywise
Mine never hit the floor, but throwing things and shaking ones fists all around in a mini tantrum was common for my mother. And she would flip out over what I, as an adult, now recognise was THE DUMBEST SHIT. Things like there not being any cold sodas in the fridge, she would throw a tantrum, yelling, screaming, throwing things.
while I, a literal CHILD was actually capable of the mature reaction of “oh. These sodas are warm. I guess they were only just put in the fridge. That was nice of whoever restocked the fridge from the pantry. Shame they’re not cold yet. Oh well, I’ll just put some ice in it/wait a little while/drink something else/cope with the warm soda”
When I told my screaming mother this, she looked at me like I’d asked her to fuck a pig or something. Pure fury and indignation. Like “How DARE you expect me to behave like an adult???”
I don't have any kind of relationship with my narcissist mother as of a year ago and I know the day she passes away, I will feel nothing because love is an action and you create love by creating good memories with your children, and my narcissist created more bad memories then good ones.
She fully knows her treatment was wrong and she knows I hate her.
She brought me to anger and didn't protect me and she bullied me and allow my narcissist golden child sister bully me also.
When she passes away I will be blasting the wicked witch song from the wizard of oz and ordering a pizza and just be home.
I'm not going to her funeral and I don't care what happens to her meat suit.
It is very odd to see an adult have a tantrum, probably scary if it's your parent.
Yes, yes, and yes. It really sucks to not be able to count on my family through difficulties.
Oh the irony at Age 4 I looked at my father and realized he was an insufferable pain in the ass and that if he was still behaving that way in 20 years time I would have to walk away and never see him again I kept that promise to myself and have been on the up and up ever since
Wow, same here! It's like we saw the future.
Yes!! i have vivid memories of thinking this as a young child. happy i can give that to myself and make myself proud by following through
@@harrietleah212It was an expensive decision I walked away from a massive inheritance.
That 4 year old did a lot of damage.. I need to protect myself by staying away and I need to protect while I am staying away..
I always felt like I had to parent my own mother. She had temper tantrums, demanded everyone meet her needs, cried crocodile tears when no one listened to her, etc. And then I married into a family where the other two ladies do the same thing…. Now I’ve gone no-contact from them. I’m tired of parenting other adults. I have my own children and a husband to raise.
My Mom is stuck at preteen age. After her divorce she moved back in with her parents and abandoned her kids and acted like a teenager until this day.
Wow. How many times did I think that my N mom was like a baby in so many ways. It was often shocking and puzzling.
A very angry baby at that.
Back when my mother used to visit us it often seemed to me that she looked and acted like a 4 year old child.
My mom acted like a tantruming toddler until she lost her mind completely to Alzheimers. She spent her childhood out of control due to repeated SA and then absolutely refused to do anything about it despite having every opportunity. Her victimhood became her identity and she gave her life up as sacrifice.
It is sad but it is not my karma. I will not be taken down by the same demon.
It was the repetition compulsion in dating that pointed me to family of origin. I dealt with abuse in the romantic relationships. Yet my family home was the white picket fence deal, there wasnt any hitting. There is something more insidious, than direct physical abuse.
😮 I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the 64yr old narc say she's mentally the same age as my 10yr old ... wow. Crying, screaming, hitting herself, lying, manipulating. Wow.
I "lost" my mother when I was about 4-5 years old and realized then that she did not love me and could not understand why. She passed away 7 years ago today and am hopeful she found some peace in passing, but I have my doubts. She lied about me to my siblings and I never confronted her because it just seemed futile. I acted on instinct and distanced myself from her for months before visiting her again (she was in a nursing home) and made certain someone was with me so she could not twist my visit into something it was not. Sadly, I did not associate her mean and hateful attitude toward me to narcissism as she had been diagnosed with mental health issues. It is through podcasts like this that everything began to make sense. I am SO thankful I now have some answers. I loved her because she was my mother but I did not like her and I still don't, but that dislike has turned to sadness for her because she never knew who I was. The part I'm trying to figure out now is how to deal with my narcissistic sisters - I keep my distance and interact occasionally, at my discretion. I would also like to know if either sister believes the lies my mother told them about me; my heart hopes not but my head tells me they believed my mother.
Older parents came out of the war years... their minds are in survival modes from history... led to extreme discipline in childhood in 70s
They turn their children into their parents. It's called parentification.
I agree they are immature BUT let’s be careful… Imagining them as 4 yo can mean you underestimate them.
Some of these people can really be dangerous.
Seing them as 4 years old could mean the difference between life and death.
I SO agree...MANY are dangerous
Very true
Ya they are needy brats! My 91 year old covert narc mom who sent me hate everyday for years- I finally went no contact last spring, anyway she had a massive heart attack and died the next day, this past Wednesday…. I feel my energy come back, almost thru the roof since she died as I don’t get the psychic attacks anymore, I felt it was slowly killing me but tried to stay positive and keep trucking’ have faith in universe that I’ll be ok ….the universe stepped in and ended her on my behalf- I’m certain of it 😃
“Inner no contact,” yes. Detachment. I look forward to one day losing interest in narcissism when I achieve acceptance of what is and what will never be. Thank you Jerry Wise.
This is so perfect! That's how I had to think of my mom and honestly, the relationship was so much better when I stopped expecting anything! I wish this peace for everyone 😊
my parent was a selfish narsist
So incredible this video was posted. A lot of narcissists have Peter Pan Syndrome. There are so many correlations between between Peter Pan Syndrome and Narcissists.
👏👏👏
My mother was more like a 9 yr old who was forced to navigate in adult circles.
My psych helped me realize that my mom can’t change who she is but I can change my expectations and that’s what I have to do to protect myself from getting hurt. It really sucks because she’s the only family member I have left but I have to look elsewhere for that emotional support ☹️
Wow, I do believe you nailed it……toddlers in adult bodies. Thank you for your videos.
Kind Sir Jerry, you are helping hundreds if not hundred thousands of people like me, who suffered abuse and endured trauma (still is) from narcissistic family dynamics. I've been watching you since I got a know about narcissism back in pandemic (where the abused: verbally, mentally and emotionally, from both narc parents escalated drastically high!). I look up to you sir and have you as my healthy male figure to look up to. Something I never get to experience from my narc father. Thank you very much. God bless you and your passion in helping people in so many ways. ❤
👍👍👍
I recommended your videos to my ex who grew up in a narcissistic and neglectful environment. I then realised how narcissistic she was in our relationship, how much I killed myself to be there for her, and I left her after nearly 2 years of manipulation. As I’ve dealt with the trauma, loss and grief of the relationship over the last two months I learned that we get into these relationships due to a narcissistic upbringing. I now recognise that my dad is a narcissist, my mum enabled his behaviour and was emotionally invalidating, and it has been this way for as long as I can remember.
I’ve came full circle, wow.
My mom once told me when she was about 12, she used to go to bed each night, thinking that maybe this was the night her mom would come in and kill her in her sleep. She wasn't mentally ill-she just felt THAT hated by her mother. I can;t even imagine that kind of fear of your parent who is supposed to love and protect you. So once I knew that, I understood a lot. I wondered how does one learn to mother their child when they were not mothered properly? In my childs case, he never left our house without hearing "i love you" and saying it back to us. He absolutely knew he was loved and cherished, and totally accepted and encouraged in whatever he wanted to do. I loved her dearly She did her best for us.
Today my mother is mad at me because the superbowl isn't on until later.
🤷♀️ why'd you do that?! 😂 I hate the super bowl. It caused me hell with my narc husband who doesn't even like football. I'm so sick of these people.
@cassiebennet4262 lol thanks for the laugh! And, thanks for the understanding! Big hug to you for all that's been ruined by your husband 💙
@@scottibelle7635 Awww thanks so much. 🤗 Have a wonderful night and a pleasant tomorrow.
Sure, makes perfect sense, lol.
They're absurd.
@madeleinegrayson8372 exactly! It's so great to interact with others who get it. Thank you for that!
I remember delivering a sealed envelope to my mom, from a friend's parent. I didnt open it, it wasnt my business. My mom came out screaming and crying, threw the letter at me. I never read it, i was so shocked. I guess the friend's parent had asked why she didn't do anything for me, why i couldn't ask her for a ride home or for the things the friend's parent did for me.
It was always up to me to arrange my own stuff, if i went out, i had to arrange a ride home, and make sure I could be home in time to get to school. My parents were too busy for me, was my assumption.
This has described most of my life. I constantly got told “Why don’t you just get over it!” to any and all conflict my mother caused. She often told me I was like the mother in our relationship. Well…stop acting like the child! It hasn’t been easy but deep down I’m happy I went no contact. I have my own kids and I can’t continue to raise my own mother.
My family of origin parents never grew up especially last year when I finally stood up to them and told them what is what in my life, they shunned me as their emotional immaturity, as emotional cut off.
Now I can hold my head high and move on with my life with no regrets , and move on to the road of recovery without holding back.🤷🏻♂️😏🌿
I was able to cope much better when I finally realized that my mom is just a five year old with a bank account. It wasn't until I had my own 5-year-old I realized this, unfortunately. So I'm glad you're telling people that. Thanks for validating me and confirming thisl!!
I believe we humans when having to face a challenge we can't overcome or a stressful situation, we often tend to emotionally go back to an early stage of our development when we felt safe. My stage to go back is when I was a teenager when I realized I could have my own thoughts and ideas and studying would give me hope of independence one day from my narcissistic mother. I feel she was not disciplined enough she was a spoiled child. Parents should be teaching children about the existence of other human beings, respect and consideration for others does not come out naturally, it has to be taught by the caregivers.
Jerry! You're too good & valuable of a person to leave this planet early. Food addiction is a real problem, especially with how low quality a lot of the easily accessible food is.
I know, I was over 350lbs at one point. Try cutting out the sugar & grain for a month and just see how you feel sir.
I really find your work to be a great help to a lot of people, take care of yourself too!
Wow, thank you
I go between my covert narcissist 96 year-old mother and my super-sassy 4 year-old granddaughter, both of whom I care for almost daily. Have to say there's not much difference!!!
Just that my granddaughter makes progress and mum doesn't.
Oh and I can never mix them together!!!!!
Im glad my 4 year old is more mature mentally than narcissist..
Age is no indication of (emotional) maturity. I was saying this about my female parent when I was still in highschool. I didn't have the language to describe the abuse and dysfunction properly back then. Now that I understand more I'm able to grieve the loss.
How do Parents, TRASH their Children as they must survive 😮 as adults. Role-Reversal Film : Freaky-Friday.
Being raised by narcissists is like being an adoptee. Other people cannot comprehend what you went through. You may as well be from another universe.😟
Interesting that you should mention this. You're describing my mother (and now deceased) father to a tee. My father was a non-recovering alcoholic and he was 78 when he died. My mother is 2 years younger than him. All the adult trappings (both retired from factory jobs), but very emotionally immature. Temper tantrums, had problems with my saying "no" to them when they expected me to drop everything and cater to their every whim. Regarding unregulated emotions and self-absorption: AND HOW! I'm in my mid-40's now, but I remember when I was in my tweens and teens. My father would go off on these hours-long tirades about only Creator knows (or cares) what anymore. I don't know what the Hell set him off, but once he got in a particularly foul mood, he could rage on into the early hours of the next morning. These tirades would happen on school nights and disrupt my sleep (my siblings and I lived over an hour away from our High School by bus, and we had to get up before 6 a.m. on a school day to get ready in time to catch the bus). This tantrum behaviour persisted into adulthood (then he and my mother questioned my motives when I started limiting contact with them). My mother would always stick up for him. When I called her on her never defending me, she would yell, "WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO STICK UP FOR?! NOT YOU!" (meaning me--she believed it was perfectly okay for her and my father to abuse me). I last saw m family of origin December 13 (2023). He (father) was in a Palliative Care Unit and my (narcissistic) sister texted me, purporting that "Dad will probably not make it through the night", so "you need to leave work early and say goodbye while you still can" (brother-in-law implied this when I talked to him on my dinner break). I got to the Hospital and stayed the night. My mother sent me the very strong message that I wasn't welcome there. She didn't acknowledge me when I arrived. I stayed the night and she wouldn't even look at me. I left before 7 a.m. the next morning (I had to deal with a work situation, so I needed to leave the Hospital to go back to work and explain that my father was actively dying, according to my sister). I told (mother, sister and b-i-l) to keep me posted. None of them had the decency to do that. 2 days after my last visit, my mother called me, yelling at me because "I didn't hug her or my father". He was still very much alive at that point (he finally left the physical world January 8, 2024). But they never hugged me or asked how I was doing when I was growing up and needed it. My mother didn't ask me how I was doing. She and my father always implied that my feelings, emotions and overall wellbeing didn't matter to them. So, they sent me the message that any physical contact from them would always hurt, so I was wasting my time expecting therm to hug me. They would always hit me and then expect me to hug them afterward. I know this isn't healthy.
Excellent. Interesting about internal and external no-contact 👍🎉
P.s. roll on 200k subscribers! Theres a lot of us out there 😃
My mother has said since I was a child that she knew all the rules she wanted to live by, by the age of 5. She would brag about this even to the grandkids. Believing that she was enlightened at such an early age, I would point out that that’s where she got stuck and a 5 year old was running our family. 😕 no one listens to me.
It use to shock me to see me to my mother act like a child. Screaming and jumping up and down when we have a disagreement. That when I know something about her is not right. This was 2 years ago. I tried again with when my brother was killed, when she ask me to do the eulogy I did, but I see her fully for what and who she is she will never change. I still live with her but I don't talk to her, not because I'm avoiding her I just want nothing to do with her. I can't be a mother to my mother and my son.
My father is the same way. I'm doing what I can to get my son and I out of this family, but for now I am detaching myself emotionally and mentally until I can save up to leave physically.
Thanks Jerry for painting the pictures so clearly for me. Much love to you.❤
This concept was something I came across when I was researching my mom’s borderline personality disorder diagnosis. It is terrifying to me that she has the reach and power of an adult and the emotional perspective and regulation of a child. Children absolutely mean it when they lash out at you. When an emotionally stunted adult lashes out at you, it’s scary!!
My narcissist mother always told me to "grow up." Projection much?
narcs are unable to be accountable. all roads lead to - theres a problem - it is (surprise!) you (the kid) - something the kid "did" or "didnt do" - goalposts always changing - the gripe often conjured/delusional/patently untrue. i didnt learn about narcs til my 60s, chose nc as soon as i heard what narcs are. wish id learned sooner - wouldve nc'd at 16 - but who cares - (moved away and had v v v low c after 16 yrs). onward and upward! my advice: no light there, find replacements, keep going. no possibility of peace with those lunatics...life a dream when y move on/choose sanity :)
I recently found this channel,and since then I have watched many videos. I knew my family is dysfunctional,but I didn't know HOW much... now I know! 😥
There is certainly a lot of grief,but also HOPE,at least for ME,because I am the one,who wants to heal. Healing is going to last the rest of my life but with the powerful knowledge and the tools from these videos it is possible.
However,it is so heartbreaking how many of the people in this world are hurt and broken. 💔
This video reminds me that my narc mother & GC narc older brother actually do baby talk to each other . So disgusting & creepy. It’s like their unique way of communicating. NM is 73 & NB is 49 😂😂😂
Baby talk?An example?
I call the N step father “toddler man.” Lol. Seeing them as they are (like out of control toddlers) helped me a lot to stop feeling “under them” and to stop taking them so seriously. Seems like my mother is stuck at Junior plastic mean girl.
I didn’t know until way too late that all the crap they said to me and about me was all projection! It took me until 64 to realize and start dealing g with the trauma!
Better late than never.
I have a profile for what i call a man child. They play Xbox over 40, They LOVE to receive gifts. Motivating them is impossible. Like kicking a flat tire down the road. They have temper tantrums if they dont get their way. The word no creates a viceral reaction 😂😂😂
My narcissistic mother acts like a toddler a lot. I need to keep myself from stomping and throwing objects around like she does.
Jerry this video's thumbnail is everything.
What is a thumbnail?
💯% well said!! Thank you, Jerry. In my experience I still remember when I was a teenager with them we were going to a house where we were invited & I was excited about it as we walked there she had a temper tantrum for narcissitic trip she was having similar to a selfish toddler
Mr. Wise is on a roll! Thank you Jerry!
Thank you. Seeking love and support from my 4-year old narc mother was so traumatizing. She died a year ago. I need to go internal no contacts.
True regarding them never growing up. My father was a narcissist and a sociopath. I remember him sharing with me that his older brother stated that about him and how he basically cursed him out in response. Some people just can't bear the truth.
My father also told me why he never paid child support my two siblings and I: The judge ordered him to pay more for the three of us than he did for men he knew had more children, so he wasn't going to pay anything😂
But in reality, he wouldn't have paid even if it was less.
I love your videos and I agree with much of what you say Jerry. However, even if they might be 4 year olds, emotionally, the cruelty and the harm that they inflict is not really lessened, even with this knowledge of who and what they really are. Damned little Demons is what they are!
It's so true. Just tell my mom no and watch.. 🙄
My 95 year old mother is doing an "Our Gang/Little Rascals" regression. Instead of trying to cover up her mean behavior, she thinks she's clever and cute.
You did it again! Go no contact internally! That's so helpful!! 🤯😂🙏
😁
This is so true. This is my mother!
I love my sister for pointing out that our mom can act like a 5-year old, at an early part of my life. It allowed for emotional disconnect.
She is still the same, just older and more "woe is me" over things, which can be ignored. She knows we won't take the bait.
And yes, I have bad reactions myself - feels more like being a teenager than a 5-year old. So that's something, at least.
I've gone nc for long periods as needed for healing. But yours is right, the crucial element is learning to detach and not hold that expectation of something better.
Exactly!! To sensitive... etc... exactly what I've heard!!! 3 failed marriages too!!
😢, realizes that Role-Reversals happen. You've got to put The Care & Decisions to a Legal Guardian... Learn, and realize that others have to step in.
Why? How? Because we didn't known any better, at least until we matured.
I first fully appreciated Mom had a problem when I was a teen, when we visited a friendly church family's home. Even though Dad built her the home of her dreams, when she saw that the other family's home was fully furnished, she literally laid down on their living room floor and had a huge fit, like Curly from "The Three Stooges".
Jerry I'm an adult women. I just had surgery for my shattered ankle. My 80 year old mom is "taking care" of me. She's a covert narcissist. I'm stuck with her around me 24/7, and she's punishing me, doing very little for me, she's treating me horribly as she talks non stop but all of it is resentment, that now our roles are reversed. Plus projection, abuse, and head games. Can you help me find some relief until I can walk again and get out of the house?
Did you watch this?
My mom… while I grew up, she was telling me to take the lead and do stuff for her. I specifically remember this one time she told me to go outside and there was a baby bird on the ground and she asked me what we should do. All I thought was… why are you asking me? You’re the parent
Excellent! But I often wonder how the narcissist got that way???
Once you start to awaken and learn about all of this, and you realize they are mental and emotionally five years old- All of their actions and everything about this makes perfect sense. That is why you could never understand it- because you thought they were an adult. They are not, they are perpetual toddlers. Ever tried to reason with and make sense of a defiant toddler? It’s exactly the same thing.
I've long thought my mother didn't develop emotionally since she was a toddler.
Good to receive your message, Jerry! Thanks, I understand 👍. I'm at the point when I can laugh at the lessons I've learned. I have a lot to pinpoint. Much love, Jerry!
I wish i could stay sober enough to attend an ACOA meeting
My narcissistic parents, in their 80s, were little children running around in old people bodies. It was a mess. They never grew up. They did not accept their old age which happens with a lot of people. I could go on and on but it was terrifying as they thougt they could do whatever they wanted and didn't consider the harm they would do if something went wrong. As well as it showed their lack if respect for others and those around them. Oh, i dealt with a lot of anxiety and fear in their old age. 😢
Currently in limited contact externally and working on no toxic contact/freedom internally.
So true! And so sad and frustrating.
Thanks for this one Jerry! Spot on as always. Reminded me of an incident between my father and I a couple of years ago - we were doing a skype call and the subject of money came up and he just started lecturing me, attacking my character and comparing me in the negative to other family members when I said "Give me a break!" - (I was exhasperated and he knows I am autistic and have CPTSD so I'm sensative to tone of voice/eye contact at best of times). I ended up saying "I have to go now" and hung up on him. Whilst this incident was unfolding I was picturing in my mind a toddler having a tantrum in a 70 year old mans body throwing poop at me!! whilst I was also extremely stressed and uncomfortable. A few hours after hanging up on my Dad, he sent me a nasty email basically in the tone of "How dare you disrespect me by hanging up and if you want to continue our relationship, you need to apologize!" I waited until I was calmer to respond whilst thinking "Who does he think he is?! He spoke to me like dirt and it was scary - he should be saying sorry to me!" I sent him a short email back in the end saying "I'm sorry you are so upset." He grumbled and accepted it next time we spoke. I think it was probably the best response I could give at the time as it isn't always safe to be assertive with ragey people. It's a shame because my Dad can be genuinely a kind gentle person but I know he was severly traumatized growing up which he downplays and I strongly suspect is also autistic, but like what I did for decades, had to mask my disability to function in life until I couldn't function as well.
Wow! Glad to know I’m not the only person who gets angry emails and letters. My mom sends them to me and my daughter.
My soon-to-be ex physically attacked our son because he was “disrespectful”, (he wasn’t, he was holding a boundary and good for him), and kicked him out of the house. Then, he was mad because our son didn’t come back when told to!
But they would always call me childish & tell me to act "mature".
When I was younger always felt my parents were like little kids . Now after years of educating myself they both had an emotional level of a ten year old
Man, I've been there. Exactly in that spot! 🤣Customer service people with no respect OR social skills could also trigger my inner 4-year old, if I'm not careful!!! Thanks, Jerry!