Narcissistic Family: When They HATE the Real You
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- In this video, I explore the ways in which you being your real self can trigger your narcissistic parents and other toxic family members.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of its toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
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For over 45 Years, Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he uses his wealth of knowledge and experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Differentiated Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...
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What about parent who is belittling son whatever he do (like saying lotta people already doing that or dont be so proud whenever he start a project) and say the son money wasting for buying a good clothing/belt/shoes, is that closet narcissism?
I self published a book, and showed it to my narc stepmom. She laughed with derision, and handed it back to me. I sent my narc sister a manuscript I wrote, and she immediately deleted it without reading. My whole family are jealous I'm an artist and writer, they wont ever speak of it and if I do, its crickets. Yet I'm supposed to be very in awe of their mundane lives. So I dont share any part of my life with them. The silence baffles them, but it leaves me in peace. I no longer think it important for them to accept mybresl self, I have friends for that.
this is my experience as well.
Same with me. When I must visit I let them do all the talking. Narc's do love an audience. Mine don't notice that all I do is nod. They are that full of themselves. Thank goodness I then get to go home to my sanctuary.
@@BloomingBriars yes I know what you mean, mine are EXACTLY like that 🙄
Boy do I relate to your post. I am an artist, writer, singer and actor and my family acts the same way. One thing that I notice is, when they would ask what was going on in my life, when I told them I would get told I was showing off by just telling them what I was doing. My sister even said once that it wasn't fair that I got all the talent and no one else got anything. Which is stupid because everyone can do something you just have to put in the effort. I don't tell them anything anymore.
@@tinabouman5835 I feel for you! My very jealous narc sister once told me, in the middle of an argument, "you think you are special!" I replied "yes I do, bc everyone is special." She didnt know what to say.
While setting boundaries is the right solution please remember that boundaries are only as good as the enforcement of them. In most cases you will not be able to enforce the boundaries you set. No contact is a better solution.
Narc's still disrespect boundries whether there's no contact or a trespass notice. Once police realize who the "true" victim is you have to call the police. The PTSD these devils cause can make you want to take your own life.
Totally agree. Terrible fate and life though living with the complex PTSD, the chronic illnesses and the loneliness of no family or support network.
This is true..no contact means peace..but also social isolation.but better to be alone than emotionally tortured.
Yes, because you're constantly hoping they will change and so give chance after chance
@@hyggeeof9885I did that. But it turned out my new neighbours are narcissistic. 2 elderly women started spreading false rumours. And the creepy neighbour next door started banging on the walls at 4 in the morning. Following me
When I still was isolated and just starting therapy, they recruited a new group to stalk me on my nature walks. Driving high speed past my home, stealing my mail, breaking in. Stalk me everywhere I went. Work, library etc.
After a year they recruited even more people city workers. Whenever I go out of town with the train I get stalked there as well.
Police doesn't believe me and also says my evidence is not enough.
I recommend trying not to isolate too much. Have at least 2 people that come by weekly.
And as a woman it's best to immediately portray an image that you and your male friend are together. Staying busy with work. Going out. Going to workout class. Etc.
As long as toxic people don't see your alone for too long.
I asked the 2 friends I knew for help but by that time the obsession had already gotten roots in the neighbours head.
He stays home all day so who knows what goes through his mind.
I always plan ahead and change my coming and going hours daily. At the station I often last minute jump in another train. Because there's always a guy standing by the doors waiting for me to get in. Probably a criminal organisation. But I'm getting out I want to live freely
They can stay in prison without me!
Narcissists hate authentic selves in their designated scapegoat(s), I suspect because they hate their self they can’t love.
I always thought my family was dysfunctional but realized in last year they are actually covert narcissists. These tips are very helpful
Isn't that the same 🤓
@@tulip811 I thought so but there is a difference I have a friend who comes from a dysfunctional family but there is no scapegoat golden child etc the siblings are still close where as I was scapegoated my entire life and my sister was the golden child I was always blamed and invalidated I had to go no contact
@@tulip811 Subsets. "Narcissist" is to "dysfunctional" as "car" is to "vehicle".
Narcissists are dysfunctional as it gets. I have known how dysfunctional my own family is all along, but having words for their specific brand of toxic behavior still has been a game changer. It's great to be able to explain their patterns and know exactly what I am dealing with. ❤
They hate when they can't control who they were "grooming you to become" ( Narc enablers) and the real you showed up...setting boundaries, speaking up, holding them accountable and standing your ground now you're deemed as disruptive disrespectful and a trouble maker
Welcomed to the world of being a "Scapegoat"
What works the best for me is just not talking to my "mother". If I am forced to talk to her, its just a yes or no answer. I have to remember she is not really all there.
When you are authentic you must apologize, cause how dare you?
Even when we are non reactive, the narcissistic person may still go bananas. It is impossible to reason with a narcissist. IMPOSSIBLE. The key is to not EVER share anything personal with them. If it is absolutely unavoidable, if information has already been shared and now the conversation has started, then END that topic as quickly as you can and move on.
100%
They always hate real people. It reminds them, what they lack, which triggers their narcissistic injury and in their minds, if they can´t have what you have, nobody can have it.
Oh they hate sensitive people
If a sensitive person is praised, they will hate that person even more.
My family has labled me as sensitive and drama, but I see myself as caring, compassionate and full of life. They are all extremely sensitive and can't talk about feelings or emotions. They are also very dramatic and yell at me any chance they get. I have tried talking to them about issues and it just makes them furious. I have said things out of love and they say I'm not genuine. My husband is so fed up with how they have treated me. Also, my friends are shocked when I tell them to show them text messages I've received from my mom.
It's ironic that we are labeled as sensitive, when the other party can't even recognize their own difficult feelings, they are more sensitive but self focused sensitivity.
I totally understand!!! We are living the same life. I have since gone no contact and it is very difficult. The guilt will overcome you at times, but it is necessary. They are toxic to the core and I’m not going to get one more health crisis because of the verbal abuse anymore! Hang tight ♥️
Pro tip: whenever they start their sentence with "you .... blahblahblah...." have "I know you are but what am I?" in your arsenal
I realized that if the people I called 'family' were not my family but just friends, I would have nothing to do with them. This realization helped me go to very low contact.
@@theagillam I relate so much as each time I gave my family a chance I suffered from my health. It seems I can't do it. I tried cause they're old and I feel guilt and they use it but what can I do with people who don't even care about my health and how I feel. Each time, it ends with arguments and I hear horrors I can' t forget. It makes no sense to me how people are mean to people who love them and worry about them.
One of my mothers favorite things to say to me when I asserted myself in any way was, "you know, I love you but I don't like you".
I am not sure they have any idea who my real self is!
Exactly
My family has learned to repress their emotions after living under my N mom. So their real feelings come out in passive-aggressive acts. They are absolutely terrified of saying how they really feel, including the narcissist.
I know that one. My N mother is 95 in April. One day, she'll be gone, and I have to wonder how my flying monkey sister will react. She's hateful. Will she take that to her grave once her mother stops fuelling it? She loses face if she doesn't.
@@tonyjeevar6565 I've had this vision of when my mother dies we're at the cemetery (even though I don't really want to attend her funeral) and my sister starts verbally abusing me in front of others. Only one family member (through marriage) gently leads me away as I say "that's what you get for being co-dependent". My father is also toxic!
Narcissist loves to Pounce- Accuse& try to SHAME us,
@carolnahigian9518 Yes but when we ignore them it kills them
A narcissist's worst nightmare is being a narcissist. To anyone who isn't a narcissist - count yourself extremely fortunate
🎯
Honestly dear.
They abuse your personality. If you are not that Robot created by them ....
"You just opened a chasm in the earth"
It's so true... 😂
This is so hard to do. I struggle just defining who I am sometimes apart from the opinions of other people, my family of course being the main culprits for this struggle. It's a terrible way to live your life. These really are disgusting people.
Agreed! So disgusting!
I've given up trying. It's a waste of time and energy that I keep to myself and would like to move to another district. I'm 47 and would pray as a child for all the abuse to stop. It doesn't stop unless you remove yourself from their toxic circle for good
I remember thinking I was adopted and I was in 1 grade trying to find documents and information pertaining to my real parents. I kept that dream Alive ..... Probably helped me survive and gave me hope . I just believed that my real parents would take me home. It takes a long time to heal . They have no love , understanding or respect to give . They have self hatred that they project outward to the victim. The healing process is to acknowledge that we have to re parent ourselves, because , sadly they had little if any love to give.
I wish i could be calm with my parents they know where all my triggers are because they put them there. My very existence is a trigger for my father as I'm successful despite the neglect. My career, my military service, my house, my friends, my family all trigger my father. The fact that because of the neglect I was forced to learn to be independent and I never ask him for money or need him for anything, is a trigger for him. There will always be a knock down in vast majority of every interaction.
I salute you brother but my father used the military to run from his family so now that he’s retired and broke living with his mom I’m supposed to be the ass kisser so since I’m independent and don’t just my authenticity triggers him. Good luck s
When you feel that practice the best come back ever... "I know you are but what am I"
Distance yourself as much as you can
Not asking for help gives your narc dad fuel because he gets to be the victim of "you never let me help you" "why are you so distant" and asking for help gives him fuel because then he gets to go down the list of 1 why do you need help? 2 what's wrong with you get it together and 3 I remember that one time .... loose loose for you, win win for him.
Thank you for watching. Yes, your very existence is a trigger for them. When others are triggered, they do not have to look at themselves or their own contribution or responsibility for the problem.
You might check out the program I have
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
Within narcissistic family dynamics, the profound animosity towards one's true self manifests as an oppressive force, compelling individuals to mask their authenticity to gain conditional acceptance. The toxic environment prioritizes the narcissist's demands, fostering a pervasive disdain for genuine expression. Breaking free from this cycle requires navigating the complex web of emotional manipulation and asserting one's true identity despite the inherent challenges.
this is profound, that is exactly how it works, it's a f'in matrix that you have to be able to get out of by yourself, if you are aware of everything that's happening around you.
❤ agreed
This is true and. Very insightful. As I'm healing and coming out of denial I'm amazed how I survived. A lot of us have anxiety , PTSD , denial, reactivity, depression, low self worth, lost child hood. Having to reparent ourselves and seeking new friendships a diving ourselves and respecting ourselves is the only option . Recovery work is hard but continuing getting a bused is. Not a. Option any more. The spiritual abuse is. Really bad . Love yourself.
01:08 🧘 Stay calm when your real self triggers others, especially in relationships. Calmness is crucial.
01:58 🚫 Don't absorb or mirror others' triggered emotions. Stay in your emotional state after asserting yourself.
03:17 🤔 Stay matter-of-fact and neutral when expressing your true self. Downplay changes, make it no big deal.
04:42 🤝 Empathize if necessary, but don't give ground. Stand firm in your beliefs while understanding others' perspectives.
06:37 🧠 Stay out of your feelings during triggering moments. Focus on thoughts to prevent unnecessary reactivity.
07:36 🧠 Predict and expect reactions from others. Resist giving away internal power and leave their reactions in their hands.
09:03 🚫 You're not responsible for how others deal with being triggered. Be yourself, empathize, and let them handle their reactions.
09:52 🔄 A pseudo self is directed by others; a real self is directed by you. Being a solid, real self is a valuable gift in relationships.
I'm never myself with my family. I downplay more each time and it's never enough. When I see my family, I am exhausted and need hours to calm down. I feel so sad around them and they seem to have no idea or maybe they do and don't care cause I expressed it. I make so much effort and I'm constantly criticized.
Leave them to God, and look after yourself first and foremost ❤
Same! With my narcissistic mother and dysfunctional family, went no contact best decision I made! You will feel better after you go no contact.
It is rare to find a clinician that truly empathizes and understands what it feels like. Thank you, Mr. Wise for your guidance and support.
Staying calm is the most infuriating thing for a narc, i found that mom absolutely loses her s..., she throws a tantrum, I stay, cause at this point I see her as a curious case; then I go and sit by the river watching the water flow and birds walking about; within an hour, I'm ready to feel her wrath again
“ ‘You know, I don’t think the [church] is for me.’ Well now you’ve opened up a chasm in the earth.”
I see you’ve met my mother 😂
With my mother it is politics, not religion. The Democratic Party or out of the family.
Yes, it can be politics, sports, religion, cooking, housecleaning, child rearing, etc.
With mine it's you need to go to church and you need to vote Trump
In my family there was strong preventive deterrence against showing true self. Sticking the neck out for a moment would be immediately met with punishment in the form of verbal abuse, being placed in the punishment zone where the whole family would gang together to make every day and every hour difficult, putting spanners in the works at any turn, leveraging shame over past events, and criticizing everything. Refusing to participate in church activities would lead to ww3 level arguments, and as you might guess, the solution was moving to another hemisphere. I can be the most unreadable person when I want to 😂 and thrive under north korean repression, and those are not the social skills a healthy or happy person should aspire to have.
Equipped for all situations. Thats a plus.
This last year I have intentionally self differentiated as much as possible with my extended family. Was told the other day that they are all concerned with me; that I haven’t been myself for a whole year and think that something is wrong with me. I am also going through some medical stuff and they know it so are saying that they think that’s my problem as well. I told them that yes I’m going through some medical stuff ?!?! I didn’t say this but thought- They can go through their stuff and don’t have to be put down for it or gaslit. It’s pretty ridiculous that I can’t be allowed the same. I accept myself and am happy with who I am and am allowing myself to do and be what I need to regardless of what they think.
When emotionally unhealthy people are telling you that you are not being yourself, that is a massive compliment showing that you are probably being more of yourself you have ever been. Keep it up!
@@jerrywise that’s awesome! Great insight! I will for sure! Your videos have helped me tremendously! 😊
Thank you for sharing. I'm going through something similar and wish the support was there. I'm healing from fibromyalgia and high markets of inflammation throughout my body and chronic fatigue. I mentioned this to my siblings and got ghosted. I've rarely mentioned anything pertaining to mental or physical health. Treated like a hypochondriac.
Wow I've really been minimizing my true self to satisfy others expectations and feelings. That alone makes me disgusted. I won't put myself through that again, ever! Thanks Wise!
Good deal. Me either.😊
Now that you have this awareness ......being is possible. It's all so sad.
I meant healing is possible.
Everything in my fsmily i kept attracting 💀 guys & friends who wouldn't stop nitpicking who i was, kept trying to conform to make them more comfortable, idk who tf i was anymore!
Well with the vicious unconscious triggering and counter triggering that fried my nervous system , by far the best thing I have done for myself was take the advice to go no contact with the more dysfunctional members of my F.O.O. (Family of origin).
The last 3 years have been the most peaceful in my life due to cutting junk people out of my life.
I swapped out trying to get codependent validation & approval, ( per childhood training/conditioning) and took on the task of learning self-validation and self-trust.
It makes all the difference in the world in improved quality of life.
Thank you Jerry Wise for your trainings, role plays, and leadership.
Oh my, thank you for your kind words. And thank you for watching.
To go even further in your recovery you might want to check out my program online
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
Thank you for the series on narcissistic parents! I feel like this is one of those taboo topics that has always been kept in the dark as far as past decades are concerned, just like the rights of women and people of different colours were held back. Going against family has always been seen as a sort of sacrilige, even when said families are broken and not worth keeping around.
I made the mistake of telling my Baptist family that I went to a Pentecostal church in my neighborhood. I received ridicule, scorn, and accusations of being recruited by a cult. I quit going to ANY church, I don't need the stress.
Thanks for watching
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
I like the term “relationship wifi.” After watching this video, I watched the recommended “Calmness is Everything” video by Jerry Wise, in which he mentions the “electrical charge” in the “emotional field” of our families of origin. I’ve come to believe there’s a kind of quantum entanglement in relationships between narcissists and codependents. Almost like telepathy, it felt like they could sense me pulling away and cutting off supply, because they started pursuing me in surprising ways, all at once. Curious to know if anyone else has had this experience.
yeah the entanglement with them is def real.
Thank you for this very WISE lesson. I literally roared with laughter when you kicked off with "the Baptist church just isn't for me.." example. My narc mother, married to the Baptist pastor in a small community, instilled in me - by age 7 - that any misbehavior or lack of conformity on my part could jeopardize not only my father's credibility, but would also literally threaten our family's financial security and survival. Over two decades, I observed other members of our extended church family receiving unconditional support and acceptance, but knew that door was ALWAYS closed to me. This became a source of retardation in my own spiritual development, which I'm still making up for. Needless to say, the adolescent years were a veritable mine-field for me. Natural, healthy rebellion was dangerous to the family system, but self-repression became almost life-threatening to me.
Something that struck me as I listened for the second time is the level of self-loathing that results from this family dynamic. You try to keep up the mask for self-preservation, but at a soul level, one feels hypocritical for hiding the true self. I learned to live a double-life, detesting all of it - the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. This is about as close to living a bi-polar existence as I can imagine.
I also thank you for fostering this comments community, which is like group therapy for some of us.
Omg perfect description💜
@@northstar5919 Thank you for "getting" what my 💚 was trying to express.
I can relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing.❤
I've definitely downplayed my personality because of the lables they have put on me. I have been very respectful of their point of views. My mkm and dad are fire and brimstone Christians. My dad said he will always take his wife's side and my mom has caused so much drama over the years. I have tried telling my dad about times she lied and he yelled and told me nkt to call his wife a lier. He is crazy.
I am a Christian and love the Lord but they take it to a whole new level.
We can't trust most church goers.... Or Christians if they call themselves that.... Hard reality....
He is co-dependant
He should consult the Bible before making judgments.
Proverbs 18:13
13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Proverbs 17:15
15 He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the Lord.
@@allheartandsong They could be fake Christians, which do the same things the Pharisees did. They appear clean on the outside but are full of iniquity on the inside and bind heavy burdens upon others but life not a finger themselves. Hypocrites.
Matthew 23:25-27
25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.
Matthew 23:4
4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
You don't have to stay calm if they annoy you tell them to f off
Not even annoy. That annoyance is really pain in a lot of instances - is what I learned. They tottally robbed me and my mother of any sense of self.
I have never been triggered by my mom . I saw through her since I was very young.
I kept my distance and lived thousands of miles away to raise my children.
She is 84 now and I moved back 3 hours away. I felt like an effort in old age would be a wise thing.
After 3 years of me putting my best foot forward , and limited contact , she triggered me and I did not see it coming.
I went dark for 24 hrs . Then I came back to who I know I really am and went no contact.
Not without some egg on my face , but I would be willing to look like a crazy person than be around her.
1 1/2 months now with no contact . Blissful
She loves that she triggered me. That’s on me. She really did, but how sad , that’s my mom who is celebrating my weaknesses caused by her.
She does not care. She is winning , in her mind. Thats exactly who the covert narcissist mother is.
She celebrates your weaknesses and failures Who can you ever have on your side 10:42 if not your mother.
The real me is empathic and wants to help others. This core self was always squashed by my narcissistic mom. It activates her shame. I wanted to go to school to do something medical and was screamed at so bad by my mom that I ended up pursuing graphic design instead, which is a huge regret of mine because (1) it’s not who I am, and (2) that field of study got me nowhere. I always let her dictate my most important life decisions, even loooooooong into adulthood. I also had a passion for singing- that was squashed, too. She wanted me to perpetually feel like a helpless toddler and be a codependent nothing for the rest of my life. I drew the line when it came to picking a marriage mate, which my mom tried to hand-pick for me, but I was adamant about who I wanted to marry. To this day, she resents me for marrying who I did- a fellow empath who also grew up with a narcissistic parent and sees right through her.
Sadly, in too many situations, being fake is a requirement in interacting w others and being a-get-along-go-along:-(.
Excellent and much needed topic Mr.Jerry!
Thanks so much for the accurate and well thought out education on this topic (clear, simple communication) and the very helpful coping techniques!!!
Yes yes yes. At work, when in public and at home. My kids let me be me. I let them be themselves. They don’t feel comfortable around their narc father and family members. Their dad keeps trying to bribe them to stay the night or a few nights at his house and they say NO. At my place we all just fart, spill stuff, dance around and breathe huge sighs of happiness and peace. 😊❤
I know a part of the reason: I am stronger than both of them.
Agreed. It’s all about establishing boundaries and value in one’s self
I've noticed the more healthy I've become...The more & more my narc dad has been triggered by me just simply being happy, self-confident, etc as my actual self🙄.He has stage 4 Melanoma from never having a big ugly ☀️ damaged patch of skin removed, it's been on his arm for a entire decade 🤯...A very foolish & unnecessary way to ☠️...& he's in rough shape & is likely in the process of dying.He's now too weak to harass me much too thankfully.I didn't actively wish this on him,his arrogance caused this...But it is odd not feeling sad for a cancer patient that'll likely ☠️ sometime soon, ordinarily this would be devastating🤷♀️.I'm lucky enough to still be young so it feels like a new lease on life for me admittedly🌞👍.
Yes, Jerry! Loving seeing your numbers go up!!! You MORE than deserve ❤🎉
Thank you for your support! I hope it reaches all those out there that need it
@@jerrywise Amén 🌺
All true! Thanks ❤️🤘✝️ God with us all that have been experiencing this in our families and healed now or suffering still
God is the most successful narcissist the world has ever seen. Millions of people are so scared of what he will do to them if they don’t live up to his commandments that they will ridicule, ostracize or in some places even kill anyone who doesn’t agree.
55 years I’ve been a pseudo self and last 5 years been more and more a real self
My parents have never accepted nor forgiven me for leaving their Catholic church but the rest of the family can go or not go to any church that they wish to. This has caused so many problems & unnecessary arguments. I told them it was no longer for me but no judgment that they continued with their Catholicism. I asked several times to please not bring it up anymore. But they kept on poking at me. Just one example…Easter at their house…I wasn’t agreeing with narc mother about religion & she came at me to physically attack me in front of everyone there. My son who was about 5 at the time jumped in front of me to protect me…then my adult cousin jumped in front of my son to protect him. After that, no one said a word! Not one of them verbally came to my defense. Narc mother had & still has all of them under her control. I’ve been final no contact for a year. VILE people!
That's all good for neuro-typical people, but what if you have multiple disabilities: including brain damage due to being born with an AVM, having a craniotomy and incurring a tbi years later that caused massive cognitive issues and debilitating migraines? Add on peripheral neuropathy in both legs, carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands/arms, multiple disc bulges/spinal injuries, severe Fibromyalgia, leading to severe mobility issues, and you to have no choice but to live with your narcissist mom who won't acknowledge you're disabled at all!
What then?
My brother actually told me I got my doctors to lie about me being disabled. I was qualified for my SSDI on 02/02/2022 within 24 hours of SSA receiving the results of my CTA scan. My mother won't even say that I'm disabled and punishes me because I'm not able to do a lot of basic things. Both are narcissistic and unwilling to accept me as I truly am. My extended family has no idea I'm this bad, and I've been threatened about telling anyone about the desperate situation I'm in. Suggestions are most welcome, just be kind please, I rarely get any of that nowadays... (Btw, it took me 30 odd minutes to type this, lol, lots of editing)
I'm in a very similar boat! Being disabled often makes you the scapegoat - and makes it much harder to escape, too. Narcs are very ableist and often use disabilities against you. The stress mine caused me actually made my mental and physical health issues much worse. "Not accepting you as you are" also often means rejecting aspects of identity like disability, sexual orientation, etc. My toxic family even stole my welfare checks. I'm sorry to hear about your health issues.
Here's what I did: you might try reaching out to "adult protective services" in your area. I'd also let all your doctors know you are being abused, and your case worker, so you have allies if you need them. And if need be, you might need to contact the police.
My prayers for your independence from those toxic family members for you. My Famdamnly are extremely toxic yet have collectively failed to push me into committing suicide. I'm 60 now & 19 months ago woke to see the DEMONIC forces of my Sadistically Catholic has & the long term trusted Monsenior is off the hook with Narcissism his own (Mr.) FROST self. If Hell were to freeze over it probably started in the Catholic Church in Bakersfield CA.
Love this channel with calm solutions.
You just described most of my adolescence--except we went back and forth on the triggering.
⭐️⭐️⭐️💯…..thank you so much Jerry….#7 is pure gold….takes awhile to get there bc of fear/intimidation of narc backlash, but it’s possible with time, healing & practice 🎉
You are very welcome, thanks for watching
Hay TEACHER ...I KNOW I KNOW - MOM blames me for "...ruining ..." Her life - than does everything in her power to Prove She isnt Wrong - for bonus marks ans: than She involve others to reinforce her narrative !🇨🇦
Oh I'm so triggered with this. The FEAR of saying, "I don't want to go to church," when my mother was head honcho at the church!
I set the boundaries for myself. The narc(dad) ignores them. His problem,not mine!
I'm appreciating your expertise on NPD family systems (you have introduced me to Bowen family systems, very interesting). Thank you for your offerings! Curious to hear your view on Marshall Rosenberg and his Nonviolent Communication empathy techniques. Perhaps not appropriate for NPD individuals, but in general? (I have trained in NVC and find it so fascinating!)
On the empathy point - it helps keeping in mind that the process of discovery is almost always gradual. Start from yourself, when have you been convinced at a single glance or with a single conversation? So, when people don't accept what you say right away, it is natural, we require reflection and looking at things from more angles to be convinced. Stay calm, especially in this age of hyerindividualism, where the overwhelming culture encourages everyone to think like a salesman and quantify success, instead of being a natural human being.
Thank you for you help as it helped me understand and to deal with the situations with my family. 🙏🏻
I really enjoy your videos! They're helping me more than you can imagine!!
Glad you like them!
Excellent message Jerry!
Thank you. This was so helpful. 🙏
This is so freeing !!! Thank you it is like I can breath!! I have learned so much from you !!... I can feel my self growing!! Thank you !!
Thank you, Jerry!
You are very welcome
Always helpful, thanks Jerry.
Glad to help
you nail it every time! Thank you 💜💜
Wow, thank you!
resonates, much appreciated as always for your insights Jerry.
Much appreciated
Thank you so much Jerry for this video, this is exactly what I needed!
You're very welcome!
Thank you for this episode
You're very welcome, thanks for watching
Thank you for the examples, great video again.👏
Glad you liked it!
Another greta video Jerry. Thank you
Very welcome
Thanks always Jerry
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Yep. Thanks mom
“Being clear is the BEST gift you can give someone!” This is GREAT! Awesome video!
This is great, @jerrywise! I enjoy you very much! Thank you, stay blessed!❤
Thank you! You too!
Great advice Jerry ❤❤❤
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for watching
I've been on the journey to buying my first home for over a year. Hope to be closing on it next month. This channel came into my feed a few weeks ago & the topics/discussion have been enlightening, but mostly affirming. I love my parents, divorced/remarried as they've been half my life, but there are fixes we need to make if this relationship will be as fulfilling as I hope it can be.
This is the best video I have seen about authentic self 👏👏, thanks Jerry ❤️🙏👍😊
Wow, thank you!
This is one of the many videos you have made that I watched at least 20 times! Thank you!
Wow! Thank you for watching
I learned something new today. Thank you.
Glad to hear it!🙂
Well said dear sir
This helps. Thank you.
You're welcome!
stay GREY & keep Your Cool..❤
You are aptly named Jerry Wise. You’re last name fits you! 😅Thank you!
I didn't know what it was called a the time but when I was 21, hanging on the back porch at my grandmother's shooting the breeze with my uncle, whom I didn't see that much. Cool guy - motorcycle, always into different things like metal detecting, Aliens, and pyramids, just a real pleasnat guy that always had something nice or fun to say and was really geunine. In from of my Dad he asks me "So what kind of music are you into?" I replied "I mostly listen to country now." My nDad interjects, with a dissmissive and almost dissapointed tone. " You don't like country music, Johnsons [not our real family last name] we don't like country music." This was early 2000's I had no idea what narcissism was or the weird feelings I would get when my dad would say and do some of the things that he did. But I was just stunned. My uncle - easy going as he was - just kind of looked to the side, and my dad again sitting there - you don't like country music. us Johnsons don't like country music. I wrote it off like I had learned from fear of him shaming me or how is flying monkeys [stepmom] "Oh that's just your dad." That was one of many things that just always stood out. And there are many many many many more. Telling someone they don't like a certain genre of music. That the family collective doesnt? But yet he can listen to what I considered crap - Billy Ocean & Gloria Estefan? It only got worse as time went on. Thank God I realized it when I did.
Congratulations on one hundred thousand
Thank you!!
I remember having this conversation with my Aunt about coming back to the Catholic church. 😆 🤣
I'm not triggered. 😂❤ I am so at peace within myself and in the family I have now. We are all best friends. 😂
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Hhhmm.....When I act like it's no big deal, the narcs in my life take it as permission to continue the behaviour. Also, it is a signal to them that they need to amp up the behaviour because they are not getting the reaction they want. And I mean UP THE BEHAVIOUR up to and including defrauding me, stealing from me, and breaking my possessions amongst other things. I learned the WORST thing I could do was act like it was 'no big deal'. Narcs don't like to feel impotent.
Thanks
Mine sure did!
They just look for a reaction
THIS 💯💯💯
The title on this Thumbnail is 💯💯
Thank you for watching.
Do you have to be so happy all the time? Last girlfriend said this to me. She was my last GF. 16 years of chastity since.
It took me until 3 to 4 days ago years old to realize my narc father hated me because he hated himself, first.
If they hate the real me, then they hate me. It's very simple.
All this I agree with and my Mormon husband pushed me out the door because he couldn't understand me😅
Yes my family hate the real me
Calmness argh why
More families are narcisistc and truth tellers suffer