Narcissistic Mother or Father: Why They Are Incapable of Accepting You
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- In this video, I talk about why your narcissistic parents are incapable of accepting you.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family and self-differentiation coach, he uses his 45 years of experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
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My own mother just tried to take control of a question involving our phones, my charger is not working properly so I needed her charger and in order to coordinate myself I asked for her phone, this monster begins to act difficult and all I needed was to take a glimpse of her battery level. We fought and I had to call her a child and a demonically possessed sadist who had no empathy for her sons most trivial needs, of course she got triggered because praise god my old charger still works and I rubbed it in her face. My father also a narcissistic brick in the wall wanted to know what happened so I told him about the unnecessary projections of control and infantilized insecurity and misandry of his wife. I actually thought of you Dr. Wise and now I find this new upload which came just in time for my own emotional comfort and reevaluation of my mistake trying to reason with a mentally ill piece of work
You cant t argue with crazy
Jerry, this video hit on so much of what I have experienced! I need to watch it again! There were at least 3 points that struck a cord with me, like the pursuit. I can't even count how many people I pursued to try to get them to like me, not just my father, but other relationships as well. I will watch this again for sure!! Thank you Jerry!!❤
It's hard to see them be so accepting and kind towards everyone else except me..
So sorry to hear this :( If it helps at all, their apparent kindness to others is all a performance and just for show. There's no depth there. It's not you, it's them. Stay strong 💪 🤘 ✨️
....yep
Believe me even when they're "nice" to someone...All they're actually doing is just USING them for supply, it's actually STILL inflicting harm in it's own way🤢.This is exactly why you don't want to deal with narcs whether they're being "nice" or their 🎭 is slipping & the ugliness is showing.
Can relate so much❤
I'm in the same boat.
The pursuit ended for me when I realized I couldn't lose what I never really had.
Bingo!
Facts💯💯💯
That statement is resonating! Wow so true!
Yes the narc is a fake
Exactly. My mother told me for years she had no reason to live because I didn’t “give” her grandchildren. Haha! You don’t get a second chance to be a better parent!
This has helped me so much...
The Four Sentences that Soothe the Adult Child of a Narcissist:
1) I am actually as good as they think I am bad.
2) I am as right as they think I am wrong.
3) I am someone I can learn to trust.
4) As an adult, I can live without a parent. I cannot live without inner peace.
~ written by Jerry Wise MA, MS, CLC
It reads like pure beautiful poetry😌🕊️.
Didn't think I'd ever encounter some thing more life affirming, liberating & acknowledging than standing by the edge of the ocean with my 'self'... These four sentences are an existential mantra - a note to 'self', a point of reference... and an antidote to my devouring mother. Thank you sincerely 🫶
Excellent summary 😃🙏
Thank You! Thank You so much!! 🤍🤍🤍
One thing that REALLY helped me stop trying to get my narc fathers approval was realizing that he is a truly rotten person. He is a liar, a thief, a cheater, a con artist, an abuser, and just a generally vile person. One day I asked myself, what kind of piece of crap would I be if this person actually approved of ME? I'm not that person, and I never ever want to be! I will never look up to him or aspire to be like him. The fact that he cannot accept me means I'm doing a pretty good job of being what I want to be. I hope this perspective helps someone out there in youtube land! Cheers all!
Well said
Exactly...You know you're doing it right when they DON'T like you,shadows hate the light after all😉.
🏆so true!!!💪
Same situation over here. I will not be concerned about the opinion of someone who has a LONG track record of screwing people over and just being nasty, cruel, and a whole host of other things. This coupled with no evidence that this parent cares about me frees me to not care about them.
Hmm this is true actually if they approved of you because of who they are you would feel worse
When I completed my Doctorate degree, I thought my parents would finally be proud of me and like me. The Doctorate degree did not change anything. They immediately had new criticisms and demands of me. That was a big moment when I realized they were the warped ones.
Agreed. When I did my Master's; there was a joke that a BS is Bulls#$t and MS is More S$%t. Yup, that's it. thanks. This from a person with their own Accounting business. It's always about them.
Hah! When I completed my PhD, my mum said, "Mum is proud of you!" Not long ago, after my father had asked me to check over a letter for him, my mother took me aside and said, "well, I've never told you this before, but after your doctoral defence, this professor came to me and said there were some mistakes in your thesis". I was genuinely confused because I'd received all the readers' reports, and surely if this professor found mistakes, he'd have mentioned them in his report?! And how weird is it that he would say, "Afternoon, ma'am, are you the mother of the brand-new doctor? I feel I should mention there were mistakes in her dissertation"? ...Yeaaah, she'd made up the conversation so I wouldn't imagine I was better than her because my dad had asked me and not her to check his text.
So - well, I hope you got that PhD for YOU and not for your narc parent. They'll boast of it to other people, to be sure, but they won't treat you better because of it.
But *I* think it's great you did it! ❤
I finally realized that my narcissistic parents would never ever act proud of me or even accept me. I feel that if I had performed 😅😅the loaves and fishes miracle, with the poor, or began to walk on water, they would have said, “Who do you think you are, Jesus Christ?”😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
I wish I had learned it then. Took me over 12 years and them repeatedly threatening to evict me from my rental home and office space they owned but I paid for everytime I disobeyed them.
Same exact thing when I became an attorney. My mother used to tell her hairdresser that I could have been so much more than that. SMH
I think you summarized the relationship beautifully with this one sentence, " You cannot accept someone you need to feel superior to."
They will burn the family down over someone living with them, treating them normally with kindness but just doesn’t cower in fear or show signs of treating her like an authority figure.
It's because, as with many of the people I know, I am everything they wish they could be. They can't accept that even through all the shit they've put you through, that you still grew up to be the person that they didn't appoint you to be. And so instead of accepting you as your own person, they'd rather just deny you as a person all together
👍👍👍
🎯 You're absolutely right
For these black holes to target you is a testament to just how much light you emit.
It's actually freeing when you realize you'll never be enough for someone... Because then you know there's no point in trying to run at 120% & that you're just wasting your time dealing with them😉👍🏻.
Exactly! It's a strange feeling to realize that you're not losing anything, you just broke even.
People can rarely, truly, internally stop trying to get acceptance from their parent.
@@RippleDrop. Some of us do stop seeking acceptance from these screwball parents...For me it was when I realized that I didn't want to be anything like my sociopathic narc father.Once I understood what he was, I lost what respect I had left for him & I no longer needed OR wanted validation from him.When we work on our issues, we stop lugging "emotional garbage" around with us & toss it in the trash can where it belongs and keep on moving🌞👍🏻.
I was just telling my husband. It's one thing when your parent doesn't tell you they are proud of you. It's another thing if your narc parent insists you tell them you are proud of them (like my mother in law). Or they fawn over someone else's kid telling them how proud they are of them (like my parents did with their best friends' daughter around my age).
They are manipulative jerks on purpose. Never forget that, don't get fooled by "they did the best they could".
I completely agree and its a good reminder that it's on purpose that they do what they do! Both my parents are narcissists, one very openly, the other covertly. I always have to be proud of them, tell them how wonderful they are, how amazing they are, how I am essentially less than them - I receive zero interest in my life, who I am and what I am doing. Which I have now come to terms with. Almost!
Exactly.The brutal reality is that some people are unfortunately nothing more than a 🍎 with a completely rotted out core,all you can do is just chuck them in life's dumpster & keep on moving along...There's just no enjoying a 🍎 that's gone bad🤢.
Evil incarnate
They did the best they could on putting us down
Reminds me of that qoute from Animal Farm: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." I'm gonna start calling my family the Animal Farm Family now, haha 😂😭
The narc is more equal than others. Everyone orbits around them and their moods. No one else can share their moods. Only that all important potentate narc
My mother wasn’t narcissistic, just German. I’m not even joking. I was always criticised, nothing I did was good enough, nothing good about me was ever noticed etc etc
My mother is the narc and my father who has German ancestry is a psychopath.
😅 same. But she was N as well.
My parents were German descent, but German speaking grandparents were kind, she was not
Narcissists expect everyone to overlook their issues while they point out yours. This was the pattern of my childhood into adulthood until I went no contact. I also would never be good enough and my accomplishments didn’t matter unless they were used to prop her up. This year has been accepting that she will never accept me and that’s okay because she doesn’t define me.
Good move. You matter; she does not.
Wow when you say we are objects 😢😢and can never be excepted.
Even if our performance is acceptional.
it's hard
😢😢
I don't believe my mom is capable of empathizing with anyone - even herself. Such a sad and lonely existence. But, I'm not carrying water for her anymore, just some lingering pettiness. It hurt like hell initially coming to terms with the past, but less so as I come to terms with my responsibility for my own feelings.
I have an elderly narcissist mother who was horribly abusive to me as a child as I was the scapegoat. I downplayed this all my life, but about 6 months ago, I came out of denial about this. Very painful, but necessary. Acceptance is final in that I will never get what I wanted from my mother. Doing this now instead of continuing to hope someday I will hear what I wanted from her. When you research narcissism, you learn all the frame work they exist within and you can pick them apart. I was never accepted in the family, even having done some noteworthy things. I look at like a point system, they have them all and they will stop you from having any - you can never win!
My story exactly! I finally dumped her Feb 2023 after 40yrs of abusive. I am 58yrs old. I have ME/CFS and am disabled and she kept me "ill" for so long due to prolonged stress due to continual abuse. I have spent a year meditating, watching videos like this, and vagus nerve stimulation. I have found so much peace and I am healing physically and mentally.
This hit me like a ton of bricks and I’ve just spent 20 minutes crying my absolute guts out. So much of what I’ve been dealing with is because I could never accept myself and still was pursuing my parents trying to get them to accept me. And I think I’m actually starting to let go of that. Holy crap. Thank you Jerry.
You are welcome. Thanks for watching.
It’s hard when the reality hits but realise it’s their dysfunction and has nothing to do with your own worth. It does get easier I promise.
"fake empathis" HOLY SHIT did my religious parents do this to a TEE!!!
They are extremely immature and i’ve personally never felt like a child.
Jerry, thank you for letting us know that it is perfectly ok to let go and walk away. It’s such a foreign concept that our family would treat us so poorly that our minds struggle to wrap itself around that, therefore taking years and years to grasp that reality. 😢
I feel the same way. Exactly!
@@kitcat9214 So sad but so true. 😞
@@kitcat9214 And it *ucking hurts. 😭
@@sharonb519 It really does, I know.. ❤️
I am 59 years old and only now have I realized that my mother is a horrible narcissistic person. At some point I hope that I can heal.
I know I keep saying this but man I never realized how much internal damage a non accepting parent could be to my sense of self. Like u want me to change so u can feel in control of yourself? Lol. It’s unbelievable!! This channel has helped me incredibly!
Absolutely. There's so much stuff that you didn't even realize you felt until you run across a channel like this and have somebody verbalize it. I've known all my life that I've felt bad about myself and never really felt like I deserved love or acceptance but thanks to Jerry I'm now starting to figure out why and have started working through those feelings.
Another good TV show with a narcissistic parent is Two and Half Men. Wondered how the script writers got my mother’s lines down so well. Even the hair! 😳
Walking away was hard, but it ended the otherwise incessant confrontations, in-person condemnation, belittling, mockery. While the abuse continued behind my back, I wasn't there to absorb it, and my wife and children were no longer confronted by it, either. Mom still sought supply as the "victim of abandonment", but some folks saw right through it.
My narc mother once told me, "You THINK that you are so beautiful!!! You're not! I look better than you!!!!" My mother is 5'4, 280 pounds, has thinning hair (you can see her scalp), many hairs under her chin, AND a potbelly that rivals Winnie the Poo. 😥
She is jealous when she looks at you she sees a younger version of herself
My narc mother put on my wedding dress and vail the night before my wedding. The rehearsal dinner was at her house and so was everyone that was in the wedding party. She open the door and told everyone to look at her. Yep she was really bad about the attention always being on her.
@@cyndim8785omg that is outrageous. How horrible for you the complete lack of boundaries in even trying on your dress. Thinking I got off lightly when my narc mother said if you get married you are on your own to me and my sister (15 & 17 years old)
@@ccdm515 YES to all you said so well! And this entire comment thread here!
This might sound cruel and mean, but imma say it anyways lol…just tell lil old ugly to keep staying jealous. (Rap music helped me a lot with getting an attitude and thinking of some really good comebacks for haters). Or like that one guy said…she’s peanut butter jealous. Or they hate cuz they’re aints. 😅😅 Just my two cents. I say just don’t let it stop you Bcuz they’re going to stay that way anyways whether we shrink or shine. My mother mockingly called me a princess once with a lot of sarcasm…so I just flipped my hair and said IKR? 🤣🤣 She hated me doing that, but she also shut up about it too. Lol. The more colorful rap version of that would prob be something or another Cardi B came up with. Lol. The song “Press” comes to mind…for starters. Lol.
All our lives we were made to think our father was the main problem. He had issues but not sure if he was a narc. Only until in the last 10 years I saw it was my mother who was a covert narc who covered herself by my father. I believe my mother really gave herself over to evil by horrific things she said to me. I never did anything horrible to them. I was a normal kid in spite of all their nonsense. But I was still always the catch all for all blame. Youre right when you are a kid of theirs - you are only a possession of theirs like a tool or toy etc. I know our feelings were NEVER considered. We were just there for their use. It actually ran deep in our family - narcissism. I had people who I thought highly of say "she should have heard what was said about her" (by great uncles) - they were referring to when I was just a kid - 16-17 years old. Here I thought they were great and I heard this at my wedding ! I actually didnt learn alot about narcissism till I was in my 60's. Years wasted blaming myself, thinking it could be fixed.
Don't feel like you are the only one. I didn't even know what a narcissist was until my late 50s. I kept trying for years to have a normal relationship with my mother, but it was simply impossible. I moved far away and I am working on healing myself now. God has been my only security. Yes it gets lonely sometimes, but at least I feel sane! God Bless you.
For decades both my parents have bullied me about my achievements or hobbies or anything I want to find joy in.
I used to draw a lot and for the first 10-15 years they were super talkative about me doing art/having a career in it/etc. Then once I had my online shit hacked and had to start over, they refused to let me start over and started instead to belittle and demean my work.
Even now 15 years later, at 30, they still feel the need to bully and belittle me. "You're never gonna sell your work, stop your stupid art, no one likes it and anyone who does is a lying piece of shit". So having the heart to do it anymore is hard.
I have to constantly remind myself "These two were never artists, that's why they hate you for being one".
They never wanted you to be better than them. They want you to wait for whatever crumbs they leave so they can continue to control you. They will brag on you when it benefits them only. Get distance go to therapy and strengthen your sense of self. ❤
They hate themselves, so they are incapable of loving you, or teaching you about self-love, self-acceptance. A decision has to be made, you are drinking poisoned water, and every day you are watching your parents walk to the well and tip in the poison, and you are continuing to drink from it.
You dont owe them a relationship, no matter how much they guilt and shame you for ""all they have done for you". If anyone you cared about told you that some people in their lives were treating them the way you are being treated by your parents, you would tell them to leave, you would do what you could to protect them. This is what you need to do for yourself, this is self-compassion, self-love. Push through the guilt, realize it has all been a campaign of manipulation against you, to keep you controlled and submissive. Be very careful about the women you choose, or who choose you, you have been groomed for abuse and have a high tolerance for bad behavior, and female narcissists can sniff this out, and also detect your woundedness and target you. Nurture your creativity and actively counteract all those negative words about it, by just persevering and doing what you enjoy, and what you know you are good at. Best wishes from a fellow scapegoat.
I had a similar experience only I didn't continue my drawing. Instead to please my family and make something of myself according to their standards I joined the damn army boy what a ride smh. I'm glad you didn't let your art die and like I tell my daughter who turned out very artistic keep going and to he'll with the haters.
You have to distance yourself from them and you will start getting better. Good luck
They hate you to make you like them...full of hate. I hope you can walk away or minimize your exposure to them.
All my life I had been upset bc I felt I was not "seen" for who I am by my family. But I did some artwork for my two sisters, painted their pets for them and they loved it. So now I feel like they can't ignore my talent, so I no longer feel the need to make myself seen. I just let them keep on promoting themselves, they are going to anyway. I feel peaceful now with my silence, I can just sit there and smile. I know not everyone has this scenario and I feel sorry for anyone who feels unseen or appreciated. It takes so little for a narc to give us some credit for being who we are, yet most of them would rather have root canal than to let on that maybe we are important too! Thx for your videos, Dr. Wise ❤
With this last visit, my MIL said " i know you're busy with the 3 kids so i ordered you some sponges and paper plates. To make cleanup easier for you." She doesn't care about me bc if she did she'd listen to the 100 time I said i love washing the dishes and i loathe sponges. If i wanted sponges they'd also be in my kitchen. Secondly she's decided I'm overwhelmed with the 3 kids and I'm not. That's her narrative. It's like they must have some contributions (control) into our lives. My FIL also announced to me he was giving one of our kids a lot of money for her birthday. He said it moments after he arrived. It felt...weird. I thanked him but it felt like he was looking for a huge praise. Nothing is ever really selfless with them.
Yes the weird intrusion disguised as helping so you can't say anything without them trying to make you feel bad about not accepting their "gift".
@@amberinthemist7912 PRECISELY
It's all about them, can't give or allow anything that may cost them. You are a vessel to be used for their own benefit. As in sorry I can't attend your graduation because I have my bowling league. Your graduation gives me nothing where my bowling showcase me.
Wish I didn't relate. Mine showed up to the graduation, left too early and went out to eat. Didn't wait for me to join them nor wait outside to give me flowers and take pictures. Nope. Stayed to watch me only and then not be there after.
@@jennifercooper3812My mother didn’t come to my graduation because she had to work. She took off the following day to attend a small gathering with my small family for a cookout. She could’ve taken both days off. I have no pictures of either events.
Oh yes. My Graduation. Father said he can't go bcos Nmother would be there. Nmother said she's not going bcos Ndad would be there. And so I went alone. My brother...ndad who paid not a penny for his tuition, on Grad day when my brother came home with his Diploma..ndad took 2 of his textbooks..balanced each in one hand and accounced..'u may have graduated college, but u know nothing'..😢
This is a great video...my dad never accepted me despite my mother abandoning me at school aged 5. He has spent a lifetime, alienating me from the rest of the family by turning them against me by lies and manipulation and surrounding himself with the enablers. He is now 84 and I haven't sopken to him for 14 years. I am doing ok now but its been a long haul.
No connection and no empathy. Correct. Or as I put it, "No one has any feelings but them."
So, the child needs to be *a self-assured rebel* to break away. How do you trust yourself when you were raised that you were inferior in every single aspect?
Thank you for the continued support of valued content. Your community is getting wiser by the day!
I like how he explains it in a nonpersonal, objective light
And the heartbreaking thing is: who doesn't want a close relationship with their parents? Healing breaks your heart because they're not coming for the real you. The very first people you ever met.
💯
In agreement it's been years of estranged dysfunctional family and I can say how strange to see the fakeness and the rejection 😢 but when you try and fail it's actually the best way to heal despite how unbelievable it can be to accept.
May consider the early 2000 show “ Arrested Development”narcissistic parents and siblings showcase
I'm actually watching that series on Netflix now. Thought the exact same thing.
My own mother just tried to take control of a question involving our phones, my charger is not working properly so I needed her charger and in order to coordinate myself I asked for her phone, this monster begins to act difficult and all I needed was to take a glimpse of her battery level. We fought and I had to call her a child and a demonically possessed sadist who had no empathy for her sons most trivial needs, of course she got triggered because praise god my old charger still works and I rubbed it in her face. My father also a narcissistic brick in the wall wanted to know what happened so I told him about the unnecessary projections of control and infantilized insecurity and misandry of his wife. I actually thought of you Dr. Wise and now I find this new upload which came just in time for my own emotional comfort and reevaluation of my mistake trying to reason with a mentally ill piece of work.
The 1 good thing is that usually kids outlive these monster parents...My narc father croaked recently from Melanoma & I'm thankful for it since I'm still young😅.Keep on trucking, it's hard but be very glad you're not messed up like them...There really is no fixing them.
@@malwads1836 Thank you for your empathetic reciprocity my friend. Sorry I only replied today, it's all because of notification issues. Oh yes, you are correct, outliving them is a comfort and I have told some people who witness the hurdles I go through with my mother and father, that the only cure besides applying Dr. Wise's suggestions and expert advises is my parents biting the dust. Unfortunately in this world, people are so pathologically malign that nothing can change nor save them, so a perpetual phenomenon called death takes care of the potential of posthumous peace. It sounds mean at first but then one recalls how anti-life narcissists are, anyway.
00:00 🤔 Narcissistic parents struggle to accept their children due to their need for control and lack of vulnerability.
02:10 🚫 Narcissistic parents may feel jealous and shift focus to themselves, hindering acceptance of their children's strengths and individuality.
03:02 😔 Lack of empathy in narcissistic parents interferes with their ability to accept their children, as acceptance involves empathy and connection.
04:57 🌟 Narcissists' grandiosity and superiority prevent them from accepting others as equals, making true acceptance difficult.
06:10 🔧 The manipulative nature of narcissistic parents sees their children as objects or pawns, hindering acceptance.
07:02 🛑 A pattern of criticism from narcissistic parents reflects their difficulty in accepting their children's autonomy and individuality.
08:11 🔄 Healing from lack of acceptance involves understanding how to accept oneself and recognizing patterns of non-acceptance in other relationships.
09:30 💭 Recognizing and accepting the limitations of narcissistic parents' acceptance can empower adult children to focus on self-acceptance.
For some reason I saw today how my maternal grandfather hated his kids, and how that rolled down the line.
Its very difficult all this, but getting there, its also a pattern of not acceptance from many other people because we internalize that role, so its like it accunmulates with other relationships, it looks like a sorcery!!...theres a lot of narratives to change in our brains. its hard...
My boss asked me why every time i get a compliment i get defensive.
Now i know
I must give up that dream and fantasy which brainwashed me into fearing reprisals or falling into a trap when someone actually appreciates me. Very sad its gone on and on...
That statement says, "I need to look at how does (name, fill in the blank) treat oneself in that state of non-accepatance." Whew! What a powerful thing to realize that all the self harm is the manifestation of the narc parent's rejection of you.
This applies to siblings as well🙏🏼 thank you Jerry 💕
It's hard to let go
And hard to make peace with it. Yeah, I am a child of that kind of mother though I already have own grandchildren...
Still fighting about it with myself - that I'm enough, and I don't have to prove nothing to nobody
THANK YOU, JERRY
You have good solutions to dynamic narcissistic problems that migth be impossible to solve in a life time. ✍️🎆🎆🎆 Magic is me.🌪️😌
My mother wanted me to do a rose ceremony at my wedding, where I give a rose to her and my two MILs. I thought it was so creepy and didn’t want to do it. She pitched a fit and everyone around me told me to let her have one thing. This was before I knew she was a covert narc. I think back on it and cringe to this day that I allowed it.
When I look candidly. There are no down sides. She never was and never will be the mother that I needed.
When I was 16 I went to the states as an exchange student. Through the family there I learned how a family behaves without narcissism. Over the whole year in the states I never missed my family of origin.
So Very True
I caught my adopted mother calling me and my brother her "slaves". She was 85. I overheard her telling her elderly brother this over the phone behind my back. My brother is special needs. I never let her know I heard this. Its just unreal to remember that day now. 10 years later. It's amazing how people can adapt to people so heartless as this. But I stayed devoted to my brother and thats the only reason why I stayed. And now, all I really care about is learning about these very sick children who never grow up harm their kids. You would think that as many things in this world there is to do and to be, we had to put up with these sorry people. But I learned that the truth is they had much bigger skeletons in their closet they chose to not deal with. And I believe that thats where much of this nonsense is derived from. Their own shame. No thank you.
It's hard not having family you can trust. So sad 😿.
Powerful....TY Wise.
I finally stopped pursuing my aunt after 50 years. Took forever to realize the dynamics of what I was doing. I never got excepted. And I’m okay with that. I’m at peace. I have gone silent but I do say happy birthday etc other than that I’m not in that never ending pursuit anymore. Thanks Jerry! You put words to what I’ve been practicing the last several months.
He speaks truth. I wasn't excepted at there 50th wedding anniversary. And I was her 1st son. Can't waste your life on people he speak about.
I was gone basically 30 years and they were still the same. That speaks volumes.
YUP…VERY TRUE
God bless you from JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thank you for this video Jerry. When you mentioned "you're a tool to the narcissistic parent" it vividly reminded me of art I made when I was a child-- where someone disposed of a child (myself, it was therapy art) while telling them "Did you ever think you weren't being controlled-- yes now stop you're breathing-- you're a tool that's no longer needed"... which show's psychologically how I was doing as a child during that time.... I've cut my parents off, I tried to reconnect with family (not my parents twice now)-- and both times it ended badly-- I do not think I will ever contact any of my family again. Thank you again Jerry, your videos are always so nice and warm to watch/helpful.
Literally hovers over everything i do
I'm giving up completely which, isn't really a bad thing because it's not in my hands anymore.
My parents and grandparents were Wonderful! They left me Trusting and totally unprepared for my narcissist husband. He nearly did me in! 😊❤
If they were great they would have prepared you for bad people and how to avoid
@@DioDeLeon
They Loved me! They knew no different! Back in the 50’s nobody knew narcissists! They didn’t either. How can you teach something you don’t know? EveryOne I knew..we all just Loved each other.
Amazing video. Stop trying to get acceptance from narcissistic parents.
Don't expect to ever be accepted by them.
Accept oneself. Ok...how?
Its an effed up pathology. no question. You cannot have a discussion about an issue on which you disagree.
YES, the show Absolutely Fabulous!
I feel like I've lived through that... and years ago before I knew much about these disorders, that show at least let me know it was a thing. I loathed watching the show, it was torture & literally sent me into hyperventilating panic attacks.
Unrelated and incidentally, I worked for someone long ago whose close partner became famous for working in that show. Life has its little circle patterns, doesn't it lol
Emotionally and physically abused by a narcissist step-father from the age of 7. This totally derailed my early adult life. Strangely, it seems that from my late 20s-40s I started to cope a bit better but now that I'm in my mid-50s it's like all the past is haunting me more. Why does it seem like I'm having a relapse of trauma. I should be over this and feel like a whimp.
I accept that they are off in their mindset towards me. Information about narcs helped me understand this.
Thanks Jerry ❤ glad for community with comments knowing I'm not alone
Great video as always.
I’m so glad I found this channel! Mr. Wise, you have given the best advice here that have ever heard in dealing with Narc parents. It’s so unbelievably difficult to overcome but this is helping so much!! We thank you!!
Spot on as usual!! Thank you!!
You are so welcome
painful, resonates, much appreciated for your insights as always Jerry.
Thank you Jerry.
They're too busy trying to accept themself.
Major like just for mentioning Absolutely Fabulous already :) Also right after watching your video i had a phone call from my mother... i will spare the www the details, but man, the not acknowledging of willfully harming others, but getting aggressive in order to cover it up instead - i swear watching this video beforehand was godsend in preparation!
Absolutely. This just validated what I've been thinking for years.
Thank you ❤️❤️
Jerry, you are simply brilliant.
I liked this video of yours very much. Your common sense and practical approach to dealing with narcissistic parents is so helpful! Very down to earth; seems logical the way you explain things. Thank you!
I got a lot of eye opening insight in this video, Jerry ❤THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Thank you for watching!
This is so true, unfortunately 😔.
I remember fake crying. Just making the sound - no tears.
My father was a narcissist and I knew that I had to break contact because he would ruin my life, if he could. What was difficult that nobody understood. They made me insecure and therefore I tried a few times to make peace with him, but that never worked. I wish people understood what narcissism is and that they stopped to think that it can be solved. My father passed away many years ago, but I still have to explain myself, when talking about my father. Nobody understood.
Absolutey true, marvellous explanation, thank you very much. I am now over such problems, but it was terrible before recognised main obstacle.
Wonderful!😊
So helpful for me at this time. How do I not accept myself? Great question. And what would I be doing if I wasn’t trying to get acceptance from my narcissistic parents? I needed these questions today and I feel excited about answering them. Amazing! Thanks Jerry for being Wise 😉
You're so welcome!
Thank you Jerry for information about pursuing, very enlightening, I haven't heard this before. This is very helpful 🙏❤️
So glad!
Very helpful video. Thank you. The real test, for me anyway, is to fully understand this and acknowledge it. I'm starting to realize that what I loved was my own fantasy of what I had always wanted or hoped to have from my family of origin. And, no, it wasn't my fault or my problem to fix. This realization is probably going to take awhile to fully sink in.
Thank you so much for your channel and all of your resources. I'm only just beginning.
Wow! I felt like you were describing my parents. They disapproved my relationship for 3years because she wasn’t from my ethnicity. In December I decided to get married without them,, and they decided to disown me. Pathetic!
So sad and so true.
But even if it is sad, it is a freeing awareness - because it is the truth.
The downsides in my case are 2.
Meditating on them.
Because they are both very hard question...
Thank you, Jerry 💚
My parents don't even see me as a human being.
Well this helped a lot. When you talked about the need for superiority, and therefore needing to have a dynamic in every way reenforcing that ? I couldn’t understand why my abusive grandmother was getting more and more mad living with her. And now I
Get it. There wasn’t a specific act. Because I didn’t act as if she was above me, and I treated her as an equal person I loved, she wasn’t having her ego stroked and couldn’t handle it.
These videos are mind opening. I hate the fact that psychological trauma has been overlooked and belittled for so long. I still take care of my family, they have no idea of the hell they've put me through. I've been in therapy most of my life, been labelled empath, HSP, INFJ-T but only one practioner highlighted what is now obvious: abuse.
I keep on returning to these videos because they help me to cope as we all know it's hard for outsiders - relatives, friends, acquaintances - to understand narcissistic dynamics. It can be a very lone journey, often leading to depression and helplessness. I often still feel sorry for myself and mourn the person I could have become, I've done everything in my power to recuperate my suppressed personality (was thaught I had none) but now finally there's light at the end of the tunnel. It's just so sad that people who do not want to face their demons are able to inflict lifelong scars but, you know, I think I've done - and do - exceptionally well considering my starting point
Hi Jerry!!
Love your content. I definitely recommend taking courses to heal. It has helped me tremendously!!
Thanks for your work. A lot of therapists don’t do this deep dive into narcissism and the healing process ✨🙏🏾❤️
program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
🤔Yeah, this was a problem for me.She acts nice towards other people, but that's ok.Because i don't care at all anymore, ever since i started to heel.
Thank-you Jerry👍🏾
Such a great video thank you
You are so welcome!
Thank you. You can not be equal. Meaning, my mom will never see me as the adult I am, despite being on my own 35 years, time in the military, stationed in another country, college education, professional job, my own resident, own car, own money, and etc.
When I am around I am supposed to resume a child's place. Won't do it even if it means never seeing her again.
Man can i relate to this one!!!
I grew up with Mommy Dearest, only girl with 3 brothers ,I was the target. I gave her a framed picture of my husband and I with our two boys taken at grand canyon ,went to visit one day and she had put a photo of my youngest brother and his family over my photo in same frame 😂 😈 went no contact after that
Great video. To all suffering this Love your life! And live your life now! If you want to paint, paint. Want to make music, make music. You want to go back to school at age 55, do it. Give yourself permission. It’s you and God.
Thank you so much for talking about that dreaded word, Pursue!! I hate that word! I feel very strongly about it. I have clients alllll the time saying they want to pursue or be pursued by someone and I have to explain again and again why this mentality is just toxic and weird. Not to mention, objectifying for any gender. Yuck.
Great video Jerry
Glad you enjoyed it