Ask The Unfaithful Episode 14: Why are the Unfaithful Dishonest with Themselves?
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- Опубликовано: 21 май 2024
- Have you ever wondered why the unfaithful just isn't getting it? It's like they live in this bubble of self deception, seemingly impenetrable, almost as if it's self soothing mechanism. Eventually a betrayed partner will come to the necessary conclusion that many unfaithful have to be dishonest with themselves to justify their actions. Often times, it takes longer for the unfaithful to come to the realization that they in fact, have been lying to themselves to not only justify their actions but push away guilt and responsibility as well as the enormity of what their actions have cost them and their partner. Today we'll take a deep dive into several reasons why the unfaithful are dishonest with themselves, while helping to make sense of these actions to both the unfaithful and the betrayed. Make no mistake, even if we've been lying to ourselves as unfaithful, there is hope and there is a way out AND there is the opportunity to change and heal. It takes work and it takes expert care and it most certainly takes grit. For those willing to do the work, healing is always possible for ourselves.
#infidelity #hopeforhealing #affairrecovery #affairs #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #ptsd #cptsd #samshealingpodcast #addictionrecovery
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All of this has been front and center for us the last 72 hours. This is priceless today.
My unfaithful claims he can't remember the affairs and hook ups he's had only a fraction has he been honest about. It hurts so deeply that I'm expected to believe n trust him after all he's done that he doesn't remember. Yet he doesn't trust or believe in me enough to come clean and be honest. How do I navigate that ? How and when does my safety even come into play? He's cheated and lied gaslit me for years How does he still believe this is ok ? Or that we will be. Or as it feels he's waiting on me to end it so he's not the bad guy.
Dr Doug Weiss, YT, teaches about using infidelity-aimed polygraphs (lie detector tests.) Otherwise you are believing a lie or a delusion, which is an unfair ask.
@@loriannsecciani6345yea, mine did a poly and should've never passed it but did. He left out stuff he had told me and his csat about earlier. I guess in the moment of being on the polygraph, what he told was his truth. I don't know if that's common, I don't know if compartmentalisation made that possible or maybe he's just a psycho... not feeling any better after this disclosure and polygraph. The wirst is that in his mind it seems he's done the poly and now I should stop bothering him 😢
Yes, thats how they beat the box is compartmentalization. @mi8345
The unfaithful needs to admit they fell in love with the other person. They created this new life they thought it was for keepers, and only when they are caught is when it stops, not in all cases though, but in most yes.
It is very interesting what was mentioned in the podcast about “this perfect life with the other person” so true, my husband made up family members & even a business partnership with his brother 🤦🏻♀️ like really?
My feelings about this is that going through this trauma & trying to figure things out, the truth is, not worth the pain, I think am mad at myself more for staying, just not the same anymore.
Okay, here's a novel approach, if you want to be seen as doing the right thing, just do the right thing. It cost you nothing to be a person with integrity. If you want to be a good person don't do that which might get you judged harshly. Don't people please be authentic, but for the love of God, it's really not that difficult to be decent . I'm not trying to shame, but just face your inner demons & work on yourself. Playtime is over, we are adults. I'm a betrayed spouse & have various instances of betrayal trauma & trauma, it's painful & sucks to walk through . Just get in there & do the hard work. Its worth the pain. Stop caring what other people think. Care what God thinks & says about you. Nobody gonna wanna hear this, but whether or not you believe in God or not you will ultimately answer to Him at the end anyway. So, why do you care what anyone else thinks about you? Perfectionism is the ultimate deception
Not only is my UW dishonest with hersrlf, she has been dishonest with our marriage counselor. She self-sabatoges, whenever she fears truths will come out in joint counseling. She is afraid and feels shame, to the point of out right lieing. She had a few meetings with individual therapist, when i first caught her. She told me, that she did not yell tne therapist any details of anything about the betrayal. She just said it wad a few messages. It wasn't. She already yold me a lot more that happened, but as everyday passed by,ehe whitewadhes it more and more.
The term whitewashing, totally get it!