Ask The Unfaithful Episode 13: 6 Ways the Unfaithful Retraumatize the Betrayed Partner

In this week's episode James and Sam discuss 6 ways the unfaithful party continues to retraumatize the betrayed partner both knowingly and unknowingly. We'll also discuss how the unfaithful can become more aware of these mistakes as well as stop them and rework your recovery altogether. Contrary to what some days may feel like, It doesn't always have to be a one step forward, three steps back kind of recovery. It's vital that the unfaithful work to totally remove approaches and behaviors that keep themselves stuck and increase the suffering and wounding of the betrayed. While identifying the mistakes we'll also help underscore how certain variables can in fact make the betrayed feel cared for, while providing hope for recreating safety in what feels like a perpetually unsafe situation. We're confident that with expert help and direction, unfaithfuls can learn to discern what is a strength in recovery and alternatively what erodes that very same strength. Today you'll learn about the dangers of being unaware of your actions even though you think they are for the best. James and Sam give you an elevated and scalpel-like view on how to increase your understanding of what is happening as well as a ground level, practical understanding that can keep your individual and relational recovery both in tact and moving forward.
#infidelity #hopeforhealing #affairrecovery #affairs #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #ptsd #cptsd #samshealingpodcast #addictionrecovery
Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com
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Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: / @samshealingpodcast
Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157
Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) Facebook: / corerelationshiprecovery

[@LoneStarLady-]

This is one of the absolute BEST videos I’ve seen that explain the behaviors that are hurtful for the betrayed. Sam, you used a very similar analogy that I have used to try to explain how what my unfaithful husband is doing is harmful not helpful on many occasions, even in counseling sessions. Expecting me to give him sympathy for how hard it is to clean his gun after he unloaded it on me and our children and comfort him because his fingers sore from pulling the trigger has been one of the hardest things for me to try to get across to him. Infidelity is the only crime I can think of where the victim is opposed to support the perpetrator. Probably one of the worst things is the “ can’t you see how much I’ve changed” or I’m not that person anymore“ if you’re having to try so hard to convince me with words that you’re changing instead of actions that is a huge red flag.
Sure wish I could get your message across to more people. Great work guys.

[@kjkjkjjuen]

100% aligned. Words vs action….and they don’t seem to align which speaks to the level of integrity of their authenticity.

[@tblank0302]

One of the best episodes in this series thus far. As an unfaithful who has benefited by Sam’s coaching and investment in me, I can say he is spot on when discussing how the ‘why’ evolves overtime. It’s critical that the unfaithful get to the bottom of why things played out the way they did. Unfortunately, sometimes one’s betrayed partner won’t understand or won’t be able to fully accept the unfaithful’s ‘why’ and that can be very disappointing to both sides. However, doing the good work, the hard work, the self discovery work - is critical wrapping ones head around how an unfaithful came to this point in their life. Once you understand that, I believe you have a place from which to depart on your healing journey.

[@carymelton9452]

Informative video. So good to see Sam again and obtaining wisdom from 2 men that travelled this road.

[@Marc-ew7qq]

Thank you so much for sharing your Life changing advice & wisdom. I have not been able to find those people who have been through this stuff & can really challenge me & support me so I rely heavily on this kind of material. Thank you so much.

[@cindygotshall1092]

My husband is one to not share his feelings. So I do go by his actions and his daily interactions with me. He has never blamed me and takes total responsibility for his actions. He's very remorseful and is very patient with all my questions and meltdowns. I have set boundaries he's completely on board with all of it. The only downside in we are Not getting help from anyone. I myself alone watch your podcast and try to get insight on the WHY. I have just accepted I will never know that reason. And like you have mentioned I pretty much live day to day on waiting for that other shoe to drop.😪 I only have my faith to keep US on the right track.

[@alismith7916]

Exactly my experience

[@fruity_mango6539]

So good! Thank you!

[@kjkjkjjuen]

EXACTLY! It’s absurd they should get gold stars for what?

[@teeryan19]

Feeling all of this

[@AskTheUnfaithful]

so glad. thank you for watching and commenting.