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5 Ways the Unfaithful Fail at Affair Recovery Work
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- Опубликовано: 28 дек 2022
- Today Samuel...
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
Question for you Samuel. How's it that the unfaithful is in so much pain, anger, or even shame when the betrayed feels like the one whose life has died? The betrayed it seems has to be the one to do so much more work, put her own pain aside to help the unfaithful heal while going through so much trauma. The repeat unfaithful never considered the consequences of his actions yet now it seems expects all the compassion etc from a very hurt betrayed???
Not just men. I'm a man and my wife is the unfaithful.
I had an emotional affair with my wife. I fell in love with someone other than her, and I have to grieve that loss, knowing that the very same relationship I miss is the one that my wife is hurt and jealous over. I understand that it is hard to see that an unfaithful can experience pain in everything, since they are the perpetrator, but in my eyes, I've caused considerable harm and damage to the two people I loved most in this world, and I have to learn to find a way to move past that, however that is.
Please consider that the reason the unfaithful commits that act is they are low, hurt, and most likely have become depressed and their self worth has diminished. If you see your unfaithful spouse is remorseful and begins to change their life. They came to an “aha” moment. They made a decision to never do it again or be that person again.
Nailed it, again. I tell my husband it's cowardly to do everything he did, but won't admit or talk about it when I slowly find out everything on my own. It was a tormenting scavenger hunt. 2nd affair. Both were women he knew I didn't trust. It's almost like it was a power trip for him. He losing his mind when I speak of it and demands I "move forward". Selfish.
You most definitely deserve better than that. He clearly does not understand nor want to. What is keeping you there?
He left me when I was fighting cancer I almost died if you shoot it when I was healthy, I probably wouldn’t be so angry. I decided to move on I have enough to deal with than dealing with a cheater
I feel this. Mine did it during my cancer. Explains his odd, cold behavior when I was diagnosed. It hurts like hell on top of everything else I've found out.
I've been out of the hospital after almost dying, for about 6 Mos, he stole money out of my bank account 😢 while I was in the hospital and he just left again today... My health and wellbeing can't take this stress anymore 😢, I'm literally killing myself from all this and he has trapped me in my own home cause I need the physical help... After 29yrs of trying to be there for him, I just want him out of my life forever
I’m a recovering unfaithful, I had to accept, deconstruct, self reflect and take hard core accountability for my choices. After years of shame and guilt, I forgave myself because it is not healthy to dwell on your past choices, I’m in a better place unfortunately I’m going through a divorce due to my choices but I’m being supportive of the betray not matter what.
I'm the unfaithful, and my wife left me. We are reconciling, working on ourselves separately and on our marriage, mostly on the phone and video chatting sometimes. We have been sharing psychological, emotional, childhood, and spiritual stuff about ourselves and our new coping skills. Recently, she has taken on the role of the unfaithful in that she has fallen back into some of the "love busters" that helped get us where we are. I am trying to stay safe for her and deal with her in love, not judgement. I tell her about myself and I think I see the same things in her. I think she was or has been in a shame spiral. I am just letting her know I love her and God loves her and she's forgiven, and our marriage is permanent. We have done so many things to each other, it just has to stop, but in a loving way, not a dominating legalistic way. Dominatingly legalistic is what I was. That is also part of why we are where we are.
Is blaming their own character defects, and being an addict, something the betrayed have to constantly deal with?
So, so good!!!! "You are the responsibility for yourself, and no one else can do it for you." Amen!!!!
Yes.... Thank you. These videos are hitting home. It takes a lot to put yourself out there like y'all do. I really appreciate it. We went to a marriage counselor and he lied to her too. I'm at a loss
But I know he has a good heart. He was raised very differently from the way I was. I'm at a point... I don't know what to do to save our marriage. I love him. I truly love him and want this to be part of our past. I just don't know how to get him to tell the truth. I'm finding myself thinking back and seeing that there is a pattern from how he was raised but I don't know how I can show him more that I am here to stay! It's very frustrating and heartbreaking.... I truly love him. And I know he loves me. Advice, please ...
For anyone having to deal with an unfaithful trying to recover the relationship whilst they put self protecting barriers up. I want you next time to start with this statement, then pause and give them time. Start with this simple statement…’ the reason I have a strong urge to talk about it is because we have issues in our relationship and I really would like to break them and solidify our relationship even stronger’…a simple statement like this has really helped me give the unfaithful a positive space to discuss the events
Thank you for all your help I truly need this just a week ago found out about my husband unfaithfulness but I've seen these signs in him all along but he tried to make me feel like I'm not right but today I ve seen who he is he's a good man but to much unfaithful.
Wow! Samuel this is great information. Thank you for sharing 🙏
Hi Sam. Thank you! That’s all I’ve got…. Thank you
Very encouraging.
Thank you for this video. My husband just got out of an affair at the beginning of November and he has been home almost every night for 3 weeks.
I’m so glad he’s home and I want to help him heal! I know he is really hurting.
I have spent the last year working for my own healing and have gotten to a pretty good place. I just really don’t know how to help him be willing to stop isolating himself and to try sharing his feelings with me, whatever his feelings are! How can I help him through this without scaring him away?
I don’t know if he is 100% in in our marriage and I understand that he needs to heal and that his heart has been shattered.
I just wish I could help him get through this and help him feel my love, forgiveness and acceptance of him.
Why?
Don’t do everything. What you’re feeling is more relief that he’s back, not love. When we do most or all the work, they cheat again.
But the unfaithful won't be able to face the war because they couldn't do it in the first place.
Classic
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😎