Intrusive Thoughts After the Affair: How to Manage Flooding
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- Today, I’ll be discussing intrusive thoughts, triggers, and what experts call emotional ‘flooding.’ Did you know flooding can actually happen to both spouses? Most couples feel helpless when this happens. But I want to assure you there is a way to handle these flooding episodes, and there are ways to minimize the collateral damage. Get expert help here:
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Infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America’s foremost authorities on helping individuals and couples struggling with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first company to offer anonymous worldwide online group support for those impacted by infidelity. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice: www.affairrecovery.com/about-...
Thank you!!!!!!
Intrusive thoughts of the spouse with their AP, the HARDEST HURDLE to overcome!
truth is within sooooo true
I learned of my wifes affair on 08-21-2020 and on 08-24 I gave my life to Christ after a long night in a bottle of Crown and hitting rock bottom and just poured myself out to God and the next day my mind was clearer and the pain wasn't as bad. I pray almost every day for God to give me strength and to get the thoughts out of my head and guide me to his word so I can be a better Christian, Husband, and father
God bless u I know what u went trough I’m going through a nasty divorce and I hope and pray everything comes out the dirty deeds he was doing ☦️🙏💯
Taking every thought captive unto the obedience of Christ is the only way I’m getting through this trial. 🙏🏻
You can!
Prayers for you ❤❤❤❤
Good for you, I hope it works better for you. I did the same early in our marriage… fast forward 21 years and it has all come out that the infidelity continued throughout our entire life. I’ve spent 3/4 of my earthly life with a man I don’t even know. I raised all of my children with a man not fit to be a father or a husband. He stole my life through my Faith.
From past experience with an ex I can say that as a betrayed spouse at that time, these issues were the catalyst to my completely losing all feelings for him and being able to just get up and move on without a second glance. He never wanted to put in the work and shamed me and gaslit me instead. He didn’t let me grieve for the broken trust, so instead I ended up grieving for the permanent loss of the entire relationship.
I had never understood why I would feel fine and then an ocean of emotions would flood over me. Thankful for the channels that give these feelings descriptions and the true reasoning behind them.
The sad thing is my husband had an affair we separated for three years and then we got back together. I can honestly say at 59 years old I absolutely trust nobody absolutely nobody.
I understand. Did you stay in contact during the 3 years.? Did you find yourself?
Mine is a good listener but that’s all he does. I’m the only one talking and sharing feelings. That makes me feel I’m the only one who is still suffering, graving, and living in it.
I feel you! Me too... I’m so sick of the dreams and thoughts. Three weeks ago she tried to weasel her way back into his life and I called her for the first time ever and told her I won’t tolerate her attempts to contact him anymore. He told her via a text to not contact him any longer, but it just wasn’t enough for me... so done with it.
Next month on May 28 it will be a year .. I still have thoughts all the time .. but the worst is when I have dreams about it!!
The dreams are horrible can be very vivid or mine is and she had a emotional affair but I dream it all 14 months and it still a problem and the wife is doing all the right things I think it will never go away
I am 3 years out from my husband telling me. It's not getting any easier
I know what you mean. It’s exasperating to wake up wishing your subconscious mind would just let you be.
@@dianestafford6968 it took me 5 years to feel healthy. I still had the painful thoughts. But by then I’d learned to acknowledge them and move forward. Time doesn’t heal wounds, it just provides space and repetition to deal with the pain of betrayal better.
For me, my wife cheated again emotionally after cheating on me with 3 men 17 years ago.
All the pain is back and the feelings are stronger and tougher to deal with.
I can’t believe just how similar everyone’s experiences are with my own . I am eternally grateful for this channel , they’ve been very informative and the comment section is even more therapeutic because I can see that I am absolutely not alone . In fact , I read them and I have to do a double take because I think I wrote it . A lot of time I really just hate being awake , because the intrusive thoughts begin . But that’s not fair to me, because I deserve to experience life without this turmoil . Sadly , I know that I would be far more unhappy without him , so I don’t want to consider that either . Feels like I have to take it not just day by day,
But hour by hour 😳
Sometimes you will have to take by the second. And sometimes you just can’t take anything at all. I’m so erratic that sometimes I don’t know how I managed to drive myself home because my brain is a mush. I have sat at the traffic light staring at nothing because I just can’t process it right.
I am right there with you, reminding yourself to breathe, and when you do, it hurts. Everything hurts, knowing you have to eat, but it hurts when you do. Not being able to focus on being distracted, having to count your way through brushing your teeth, reminding yourself to breathe, again. It's awful, and I wish it on noone, except her, the affair partner. She deserves this, not me.
I just want to move forward. I feel the same that I am very sad without him. Bad thing is we both were unfaithful…the hurt we kept doing in different ways. If we don’t accept this life, we just have to keep reminding ourself to breathe in the flood moments of sadness, anger, etc. I pray often but every day and hour by hour I don’t know how I’m going to feel.
This helps me to understand what happens to me. After I found out about it, my heart rate was above 100 consistently for days. Now a month after I do flood a lot. It usually happens when we talk about the affair, what happened, why, how, etc… it is like a million needles going through my skin! My heart rate shoots up, my mouth gets dry, my hands shake, my anger comes up and at that point I know I’m going to lose it because it is the most painful feeling ever. It is like everything is going to fall apart again inside of myself. Flooding is the pain of the discovery, the destruction of everything you trusted in that person.
Thank God for these videos and all of you who made this possible. 😢❤ I think I need to be part of a decent support group of wives who have gone through this so I can talk and receive support…
Betrayal is the deadliest pain in this planet... holding hands across miles
The pain of this kind of betrayal is so intense that I can’t handle it most times and I feel as though I’m going to pass out!
I so feel this. Three weeks in.
Is flooding caused by triggers?
I see you wrote this 9 months ago. How are you doing today? I just found out two weeks ago and I'm wondering how long it's going to hurt. I don't think it's possible to ever trust again.
I am in pain lost this thoughts are killing me.
We are here. You will get thru this. I'am here. You have people that love you and want the best...💙
Thank you I was doing Everything all wrong... I should have been a strong person and got help before I destroyed my Beautiful wife... God bless you Wayne.
I miss typed my comment.....My husband’s affair lasted 4 ½ years, with his female therapist. D day was 3 months ago. We are going ro individual counseling and marriage counseling. We’re older and have both lost spouses due to illnesses.The video that talks about looking at what you spend your money on tells what you value nailed it. He valued her and gave her over $275,000 throughout the years, while I paid him for my monthly needs of haircuts, clothing, gas etc. thank you for these videos. We are trying to remain together. Praying I’m doing the right thing.
23 years, and I feel just as lost as I did on d day. 😢. I held it in and thought I had dealt with it, but it came roaring back a couple months ago, and I’ve been a wreck ever since.
DONT DO IT FOLKS. YOU DONT THINK ITLL HURT YOU, BUT IT HURTS EVERYBODY, INCLUDING YOU, MAKING THINGS EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE.
I am so impressed by your videos, thank you. As a couple's therapist this is extremely helpful
We did mdma therapy together and it has helped us so much. There is so much more empathy and compassion when I have a flashback and he is ready and willing to listen and fix what he needs to fix. I also have empathy and compassion for his struggle. So thankful modern medicine is waking up to useful medicines that help open our hearts and make us better listeners and partners.
This was great!
Over the last 8 years I have taken my wife’s phone at random times, now I know I was triggered, to check to see if any suspicious things were going on. I did this 4 times.
I suppressed pain and emotions from all the affairs and finally am engaging them. How I initially brought this up and acted was in a very cut off way from me to her.
Anyways. Now she wants a divorce saying that I don’t trust her and uses these times as an example.
This video really help bring clarity and seeing how those times I was triggered, how it was an opportunity lost for her and me to understand my feelings
Your videos are so helpful, thank you. It’s unfortunate that it’s mainly the betrayed partner watching them, and doing all of the work to try and understand. I’m just too mentally exhausted to keep doing all of the work while my husband wants to brush everything under the rug and pretend that nothing is wrong. Maybe one day he will get it, unfortunately he will not have a wife willing to work on the marriage anymore.
Appreciate your courageous honesty, your efforts on behalf of your marriage, and your strength. Thank you for sharing.
Hello Ozzie - perhaps a word of encouragement at the risk of becoming a target here - This channel has been a huge help and encouragement to me as the unfaithful partner. Owning the title of Unfaithful in a crowd of the Betrayed is difficult. It is difficult to face the ire and contempt of one individual not to mention perhaps taking the risk of inviting the ire of the Betrayed nation. Perhaps, and it is just a thought, as to why the comment section may seem one sided. But I sincerely, hope the creators of this channel are willing to continue to create content to seek to inform we the Betrayers and help us to navigate the treacherous journey ahead as we work to reconcile and heal our relationship.
@@brendahuber9762 hi I'm a betrayed and I appreciate your comment. I just wanted you to let you know that there is also an "unfaithful nation" attacking the betrayed, blaming them for what happened. I just got one of this attack under onether video. I had expressed my pain, nothing more, and this man that I know nothing about and doesn't know anything about me, my husband, our story says it's my fault.
Personally I think we shouldn't attack people here and on social media. When I read an honest comment of someone who has been unfaithful, I really appreciate.
Sorry for my English, it's not my mother language. I wish you well.
Wayne - thank you very much for spending more than just 5 minutes delving into what intrusive thoughts can do to the betrayed spouse. I continue to have them once a day even though we're about 9 months from disclosure. It is very frustrating for me and despair is my companion often. I pray every day and take time to find hope in what I know am in Jesus and to speak truth to my soul about my value and worth. I very much appreciate your sharing your wisdom every week. I learn valuable information every week through your videos. I am grateful that Affair Recovery has you on staff and I hope I get the chance in the future to join one of the programs. THanks so much!
Same here! It has been 9 months since disclosure for me also. I always think about it. Honestly i obsess over it most of the time. Have nightmares continually. Its hard to believe that this pain will ever go away. Its worth than death to me. I mean, people dont die and leave us on purpose. But this was an intentional choice that was made. By the person that i would lay my life down for. Im struggling really bad.
Why does this sound like it's about understanding and babying the unfaithful? What do they expect by cheating? Of course everything is destroyed bc of what they have done to the marriage and you. And everything he put me through I literally had 2 light heart attacks in the middle of the night that woke me up. This betrayal is far beyond painful..it's also suicidal..
I think you got it wrong
The video is for the betrayed
Understanding the betrayed
He is giving keys for the unfaithful to try not to make more damage
My MS got a little bit worse because of the trauma of his cheating and I began suffering of a light anorexia.
All I can say is wow amazing video. 👏 👏 👏 👏. You nailed this. I was cheated on 5 years ago by my girl and I still have not healed hardly at all. I lie and tell her I do because she won’t talk about anything. She gets all defensive and angry with me and makes me look like the bad guy for even bringing it up. So I gave up on my healing. Wish she would watch this video. She has been amazing these past few years but still doesn’t help me heal at all. But wow this video is dead on thank you for this 🙏
Same im in a same sex couple, 4 year's later i still feel it
I've been listening and watching these videos and they have been very helpful .this video hits home the most .I was married twice both wives had affairs. it's been 10 years since the end of my second wife's Affair .we are still together and have a good relationship but the intrusive thoughts are always there. recently we went through some old pictures sorting things out during the lockdown and when I look at them my mind first thinks: when was this taken ?if it was while she was away with her AP I suddenly think of that person in bed with her and then of course -- what did you do ,how did you do it, how often, etc.starts to flood your mind. it's still hard to get away from it .worse is when you go to bed at night and have dreams of your spouse with the AP .I said this before and Ill say it again :the pain never ends, it's an ongoing thing. you just have to rise above it and be the better person.
10 years? And you're still having intrusive thoughts, images, reminders, triggers?? I'm about 8 months post dd and reading your comment puts a damper on my hopes. But thank you for sharing
That 10 year thing kinda scares me also. Im about 8 months in now. Some days i can do pretty well and think ok, maybe im over the worst and im on the upswing. Then out of nowhere, BAM!! Any little thing can trigger me and i go right back to ground zero again. The pain is just as excruciating as it was the day i found out that my worst possible fears were all true. And honestly even worse than what i thought. I thought it had only went on while they worked together, but that wasn't the case. They haven't worked together in about 5 years, but it never really ended. There would be periods of time that they didn't see each other, but one of them would contact the other and they would start it up again. I had no idea. Devastating doesn't even come close. I hope with time, prayers, and alot of us just working it out, that one day all will be ok.
I'm so depressed to read your experience and feel so sorry for you. I want to run away and try to start my life over vs live 10 years of flooding of my husbands two affairs - one 16 years long (distance so they met infrequently). I can't imagine being doomed to never-ending pain. Living hell. What are you doing to help? EMDR? Hypnosis? Anything you recommend?
Same here it been 3years since D-Day of my wife affair. And I still get triggers, flooding and reminders of her affair. Hope she can view this video.
WOWWWWWW, I thought I was the one who thought up “D-day “ in reference to the day I found out about my husband’s other life and girlfriend. I even just did a journal entry where I wrote it as such . We are so similar as Human beings sometimes it’s unbelievable.
Days I get angry thoughts and cry because I’m angry and still want more details but knowing I will only get half of it so it’s hard to move on. I’m here for my child, his trying to change yes but hard to believe it when your flooded with cheating memories.
You have no idea how much all of you have helped me!! Thank you for your Ministry.
Yessssss!!!! plain, easy-to-follow practical advice to follow with explanation on flooding. Thank you! Excellent video!
Thank you for validating our feelings and experiences
Bless you
My husband and I work together. The person he did this with is a client at our job. I have to see this person everyday. I am not ok. I'm trying but it's so hard.
Extremely helpful, thank you
What if you have been flooding everyday for 3 months. I'm really trying but I cant see past the betrayal, not the affairs. Cant watch tv, listen to the radio and listening to ur videos and hearing the BS that comes from the unfaithful. Without trust it doesnt matter how much love there is,or was
Thanks for this. I thought I was over it. But the time they started came around, and the time I discovered is near and I had no idea what I was up against. Whoa. Wanting to pack my bags and work it out - that ambivalence is back, but I have seen positive steps in a healthier direction, and I’m realizing it’s my turn to make some for us, so… I’m coming around. Thank you
I think and believe that adultery should be a crime in the UK or the amount of marriage breakdown based on infidelity is really high
Flooding 5 months and counting. My husband shattered my family unit. He shattered our retirement years. He shattered our marriage. He shattered our life. He shattered my life. He shattered me. I’m 69 and we have been married 49 years. I will be broken for the rest of my life. Nothing means anything to me anymore. I’m not living. I’m just struggling to get through the days. I’m just existing.
I'm here with you! He lied to me about a child for 30 whole years. Said it was not true. No way it could be his. Said that people are jealous of what we've accomplished and don't want us to be happy. Then that day came about a month ago. I still haven't gotten all the answers that I need. I know the woman because she was supposed to be a friend of mine at one time. I'm trying to be patient for answers but I'm now using words I've never used before in my life. I can tell he's hurting too but I'm also thinking he's trying not to say too much cause it may cost him in the end. I'm working on myself right now cause it's affecting my mental health. Right now I don't know if I'm staying or leaving the marriage.
I'm 43 and I'm like you. Just existing, not even surviving.
It's been about 16 months since dday and I still struggle to this day with flashbacks. My fiancé and I are trying our best to make things work out. Trust, the only person I now trust 100% is myself sadly. I struggle on the daily still, some days better/worse than others. Any advice how how to tell my mind to stop and get through it instead of tormenting myself to becoming depressed?
My wife was the one into religion I was resentful of religion because I had seen so much infidelity and hypocrisy in religion. After awhile she started to win me over to her beliefs and then crushed me with the very thing that turned me off about her religion. She had a affair. She thinks her beliefs can prevent her from doing it again. I no longer want to hear about her faith because it didn’t stop her from acting out in the first place. I think she’s hesitant to seek professional help and I can’t help being angry. I’m very perceptive and I know there are things she’s still not being honest about.
I feel the same way towards things feeling hidden. And then I ask myself if I really want to know. If I can encourage you in one thing though, she broke the foundations of her religion too. Especially with Christianity, there is no room for an affair. It doesn’t mean that Religion or Christianity failed, certainly it might seem like that. I totally see your pain. But my walk with God and my belief in Christ has helped me overcome so many hurdles I couldn’t handle on my own. It pushes me to seek forgiveness because I know I’m broken too. Praying for hope and healing brother. Your not alone.
Thank you...
Almost three years later an although they are not as often they are still there. We were only dating for a few when it happened neither one of us were in a good place when we met but it still hurts. We have since got personal counseling and couples and it’s a lot better but still hurts knowing she was with someone else and this guy still around our town.
I am over 1 1/2 yrs since discovery and suffer from intrusive thoughts and triggers all day long into the night. I suffered from severe PBTS , could not eat , lost 60 pounds, and could not sleep . I am on anti-depressants, have done EMDR, am in therapy, use breathing, mindfulness, and meditation techniques.
How do I put this pain away? How do I get the images of my husband being intimate with his AP out of my brain? How do I stop being bombarded with thoughts of his lies, gaslighting, rejection and betrayals? How do I stop this anguish, the intrusive thoughts, the nightmares? My husband is trying his best to be loving and supportive, is in therapy, but has difficulty with defensiveness because of his own shame.
Can you please give us specific help on techniques to heal? I am desperate to heal and move forward. Thank you , G-d Bless!
I pray it has gotten better over these months...I am 2 months after discovery. Experiencing what you said....it hurts like crazy....I watch podcast on forgiveness and dealing with affair on this channel and also on *Affair recovery* channel. It's rough but I pray and talk about it, I communicate to my spouse what the triggers are so he doesn't push me into relapse with those triggers
Thank you for this particular video June 5th of this year will be nine years since D-Day and I still deal with them
How do you get past the fact that your spouse told their affair partner that they loved them and wanted to marry them and start a family with them? How do you get past stumbling upon a letter that was never sent to the affair partner with details on how your partner was planning to propose to their affair partner? How do you get past your parter apologizing to the affair partner for not being be the person that the affair partner deserved and for ending things but not initially apologizing to you for having the affair and not being the person that you deserved for them to be? Can a person actually get past these things and stay married? I can’t get these things out of my head but my partner is begging me to please believe them that it was only in the moment that they felt those things and no longer feels that way about the affair partner!
Hello , how is everything? I'm going thru this too. I found out this occurred in 2019. I recently found letters, journal writing, random notes ect. I'm questioning events that happened 4 years ago! I still have the notes. I don't know why I haven't burned them. Did u keep the letter?
Here’s something me and cheating spouse did, she didn’t leave because the other guy didn’t measure up to me, she thought the grass is greener on the other side, it’s not. She came back and waited for me 8 years while I go out and party with other women. Finally I came to my sense that she is real and change for the better. She now compliments me and put that dude down.
It takes way more strength of character and emotional intelligence to do all the things required for a cheater to fix what they have broken than it does to avoid having an affair in the first place. To expect a cheater to behave in such a way is almost like wishing for a miracle, at least in my experience. In other words the same behaviour that made them vulnerable to an affair is the same behaviour that will stop them fixing all the damage. I think most times the recovery process is a waste of effort and only acts to inflict even more pain and misery on the betrayed. I don't say this lightly being 5 years out from d day. Of all the help out there the Affair recovery team and all the help they offer is the best there is, but the first step should be to find out exactly how much of an arsehole the cheater really is, and if the process is even worth starting.
Just coming up to the 12 month anniversary of D day.....My husband (unfaithful) is emotionally unavailable most days, he just looks at me with a blank look, with contempt or tells me to find someone else. I have worked so hard to save this marriage, but I can’t do it on my own. He expects me to help him. I’m feeling really lost and know I should leave. I am so very grateful for all the videos, they along with Counselling have been my lifeboat. Thank you.
Sounds like you are with a narcissist. I am a month into it. My wife allowed me 2 hours to talk about it and that is when I was saying I forgive the sex part, but all of the deceit and manipulation is killing me. Also I want to know his number and where he lives ect. I had to leave at the time. 3 hours later she calls me hysterically crying! So what did I did dropped everything and went and helped her emotionally. So I went and stayed at my brothers. At the end of that night she said what can I do to help you? I said love me a whole bunch, as well as make love to me a whole bunch. For 2 weeks I heard from her 2 times voluntarily. I was so heartbroken, everytime I had to call her. I havent even bothered calling the past 2 weeks. If I am not worthy of a phone call, then someone else must be getting that phone call
@@jaredknight1627
It doesn't stop... Unless we demand to be heard... I thought once I could make him understand how horribly this has effected me... Well I thought at that point he would make the effort to repair it... I'm so very naive... I've made excuses over and over again... He's always had something more important he had to focus on first... An here we are so many years later... After repeatedly being put through that same trauma... Never being able to get through the first betrayal because I wasn't allowed to speak on it... I let him quite my voice because he would literally put me on the street's if I tried to talk to him... Because his repeated excuses of why right then wasn't a good time would eventually cause the situation to escalate.. A cycle we've repeated so many times.. An eight other women now in total.. I've tried so hard to fight for a better relationship.. An I've only allowed it to change my overall health literally physically and mentally.. If they cheated on you and they can't be bothered to try to work on the damage they created.. Stop trying to fight for it.. It will only bring you more pain.. I don't even remember how long it's been since I recognized my own reflection in the mirror.. I've loved this guy since we were thirteen.. I've only seen a future with him.. An now I can't even see tomorrow..
Same here , my husband doesn’t want to talk about it at all and pretend everything is ok and he is back . He is a narcissist for sure .
I think it'd time you addressed the betrayer because otherwise it sounds like heaping responsibility for managing emotions on the betrayed.
like shoo..I feel the same
I am 66years with 46years of marriage. I truly feel broke
and it's been months
and I can't get closer
We just got married 3 months ago. It took him 2 months to start to seek out an affair partner. They talked for 2 weeks and kissed at his work. We’ve been together 8 years and have 2 kids together. It took us a long time to get married and now that we have and he’s gone and done this… I just don’t know if I can ever forgive him. He looked me in the eye and me in the eye in front of all my family and friends and promised to be faithful. I didn’t ask a lot in him. I only asked for loyalty….. I don’t know who he could ever do this to me again after all we’ve been through together.
I’ve never been more lost and numb and hurt in my life.
I don’t believe love should make you feel like this
My d-day was 18 months ago. Still in survival mode.
My d-day was 3 years ago it's still a battle. Holding you both up in prayers
I am 2 months post Dday and this is not comforting praying for you both
13 months since D-day, still reeling.
I’m listening to this and my husband decided to watch something also in his phone with same volume 🙄 I think he doesn’t want to lister
I try to run so much but I do want to work 🤦🏽♀️
Can any woman be faithful? I'm wondering if being single, moving to Nevada and using the brothel every few days is a better option to be happy and avoid the trauma.
Yes a woman can be faithful. Faithful women are those who are cheated on
My spouse refused help he left. So I'm never getting any answers. I don't know what to do with that.
My problem is he never came clean about it says nothing happened,so I never got the truth. And now I am having obceeaive thoughts about where he is am I wasting more time staying if I commit and two years later he says he wants out. It’s very unhealthy thoughts for me
I ended up having a stroke. My body totally betrayed me. Sadly, my marriage cannot survive this. My husband doesn’t want to end the affair. He has been brave enough to ask me for an open marriage though. I told him not so politely to shove it. Divorce papers and all.
My significant other cheated while away for work to Alaska for the fishing season, and decided to go back again despite his infidelity happening there last year. How do I cope with this? I wish he pursued a job here, but I know he has to want that for himself. How do I handle this in the meantime? It's destroying me
In my most honest opinion I'd give him an ultimatum. That's hard to hear probably, but he needs to put u first. If he's gonna go back, even knowing he won't do it again, he's not putting your feelings first.
No absolutely not... If he hasn't done the work and your trust isn't stable enough to know you aren't about to go through another situation.... He shouldn't be doing anything you aren't comfortable with.... For once you have to put your self first.... It won't get any better until you do.... If its only happened once maybe there's more room for trust... I'm with a guy whose done this to me over and over again... So there's no trust in anything other then that I'll get up and go sleep in the other room after he starts snoring....
@@svang55 Time to set clear boundaries for yourself. He is being selfish. Money is not as important as you are - as your marriage. Either you both go to Alaska or you both stay and work other job options. If you can't go to Alaska due to feelings or other, then perhaps you both decide what is safest choice for your marriage and for your healing. I definitely think you need to work on yourself and look into a group or get. into a community with other women dealing with this for your support. He likely should go into a group for men like AR's group so he can understand himself. Wishing you healing, hope and peace.
I can’t sleep or eat.
My wife of 30 years cheated on me emotionally after having 3 affairs 17 years ago. At the time we had 5 young kids and I forgave her. I was broken for 3 years and not able to feel healthy for 5 years.
It’s been a month, but all the pain from 17 years ago is back.
She doesn’t understand why I’m so hurt and broken.
My husband had and affair with his female licensed therapist for 4 ½ months. D day was 3 months ago. All of your videos are helping.
His therapist?! Please tell me she got fired 😅
Wow!
I hope you reported her to the state licensing board!
How do i reflect back to my spouse what she is saying about an intrusive thoughts
Seeking to understand rather then to be understood is from St. Francis of Assisi! Lol
I wish I found these videos a years ago. I'm having a problem knowing who he is referring to, is this video for the cheater? Or the betrayed partner? both? its confusing.And I would have like more definition of flooding.
I hate that I'm the betrayed wat hing this cuz he refuses counseling or watching anything 😒 it makes me think he doesn't care
Are you available for virtual sessions, and do you take tri-care?
Hey Nikki thanks for reaching out. Please contact us at support@hope-now.com.
Defensiveness....all bad
I wish my husband can listen to you, what can I do to make my husband listen to you.?
You can’t make him. And to find the fact you are powerless over them. The better off you will be.
No way for me to move forward without confirmation nothing went on. Plus finding paid tinder accounts. Nope.
Help its been 10 years since my husband still lash out on me😢
and if the unfaithful spouse doesn’t give two hoots?
Then leave, I know that’s easier said then done but in the long run it’ll turn out better for you
Then it's over
Thanks for these I thought I was insane. I just found out recently my partner has been with over 9 different women in 2 years. Is there hope for that kind of infedelity? I don't see anything about multiple affair partners.... thanks guys
Yes here. I am in 6 months after D-day. My UH of 25 years of marriage had multiple on going affairs at the same time and having 4.5 year long mistress in a different country. Do I stay in or move on without him? Initially, I decided to stay in for 2 years until all our kids go to college because he is here with me, begging for another chance and has been doing his recovery work with intention to do anything to save this marriage. Once kids going to college, I will take it from there after reevaluating...my love to him vs the pain to love him...if the pain is bigger than love, it's time to move on
I am in the same boat but worse. Mine was about 10 women intercourse and another 8 or so women of kissing/ flirting etc
My UH was cheating for 14 months. He slept with 1 women and kissed 2 others. Then met with an additional 14 for dinner. And sexted 2. It’s a lot. We have 4 young kids. I wish they were older. So I could just hang in until they got to college. But since mine are so young I would have to suffer for a long time. At least 18 years. The pain is tremendous, I don’t know how it isn’t against the law to cause this pain on someone else.
I had a 20 year affair and let my entire financial life crash cost my wife her health all our wealth our home and all credit crashed. We have 100% nothing because of this affair! Is there a chance of recovery?
Thank you for reaching out to AR. Any questions for our therapists can be sent to info@hope-now.com.
Happened to my brother in law. Lost his wife, marriage, job, license. He was financially ruined. He had to go prison. My husband and I helped reestablish him when he got out and into new line of work. But the price he paid. Sheesh