I am trying not to over identify. As a 50yo therapist who is so wiped out by client interaction; I don’t have friends or a romantic partner. I feel fulfilled by my relationships with my adult children and pets. I am exhausted by comparing myself to others my age. I am accepting that my weirdness just is.
I hear you…. I feel the same!! As a 66 yr old woman who has STRUGGLED DEEPLY for my entire life!! I am quirky and odd, but strong in morals & ethics! I definitely have CPTSD from chronic abuse since I was 6 yrs old, then married an abusive narcissist husband for 14 yrs old! Isolating rebuilds my mental health! Thank you for sharing!! ♥️✨♥️
1. Social over-thinking (over- or under-sharing) 2. Exhaustion/chronic fatigue from social interaction 3. Raging sensory issues (sounds, smells, the feel of things) 4. Masking (hiding the real you) 5. Dating issues (limerence) 6. Chronic anxiety/depression (ie confident at work but falling apart in the home/untidiness) 7. Crying a lot 8. History of female friendship issues (trusting women) 9. Being entrenched in a fantasy world ie programmes on TV/series 10. A massive need for repetition 11. Secret ‘picking’ ie fluff off a blanket 12. Heightened clumsiness 13. Preferring to be alone 14. Faking/masking how hard daily life is for you 15. Highly empathic towards animals 16. Being good at reading people (and gauging how to respond)
Thank you for this!! I’m so glad I looked through the comments,because I was going to go back through the video to make this list for myself. I want to put this in my notes app with examples after any that apply to me to talk about with my therapist. Hmmm. Was that over sharing? 🫣
I’m 54 and coming out of some long term emotionally draining heartbreak. I also recently started bio identical hormones. I’m sleeping without interruption (unless it’s a crazy moon transit😂) and my mood is overall so much lighter. It’s easier to refill my glass now. Much easier. Stay strong ladies, hang in there!!! ✨🩵
Yeah i retreated from everything and everyone in what my life used to be and am still here even more so....sometimes i feel like ive been in witness protection program for the last ten years
I wonder how many neurodivergent women end up with narcissistic partners? Seems to be a bit of a tragic , magnetic pull. When you start to understand the relational dynamics, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for the video, and thank you to all the commenters. I'm learning learning learning 🙏🏽 I sobbed through the whole video, resonating powerfully with every detail. I'm newly menopausal, I left my abusive, narcissistic partner last spring, after 30 years and two kids, I'm in trauma-informed therapy for the first time in my life, and things are finally starting to make sense! Everything sucks, I'm broke and very alone, but also, in many ways, I'm SO relieved. Your video helped me today. Thank you.
I also sobbed through this whole video and had to go back and rewind it and listen.. I'm so glad she's here so that we know that we're not alone. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anybody. Can autism really be triggered by traumatic situations... .
Not sure but I'd think narcissist would avoid or quickly discard autistic people. The narcissistic supply is too unstable from people on spectrum. They need more stable supply.
I left a narcissist/abuser in late '19, and have only barely dabbled in dating since. I'm 46, educated, attractive. Every. Man. Every single man I've been on more than one date with has tried to control aspects of who I am, how I dress, or how I eat -- or has suggested that they should be prioritized over my pet of 7yrs 😮 What is going on??
@@MadAboutBrows I don't understand that that desire for controlling others. My guess is insecure men that feel threatened by your education and attractiveness. Probably grew up in house of toxic masculinity. I'd just rather leave the control anyone. I don't have the energy for that. But not with conversation first that I'd hope would not sound controlling. ASD and sometime the words don't come out right.
Menopause seemed to be the thing for me that really started the slide into no longer being able to hide and mask consistently. I relate to every single point, thanks for the validation and explanations. You are helping so much with your channel.
What precisely about the menopause do you think caused it? For me, tbh, I had such dramatic periods that it is a relief its over, actually. Not to say I enjoy sleep difficulties, hot flashes and the rest. The only difference is that I now understand what is wrong with me, in the social context. The hysterical cycle of periods are out of the equation and my mood is more even. I had no clue I was on the spectrum - or felt my secret suspicion about being Asperger was shameful. Nowadays, people wear their diagnoses as badges of honour. So stuff it! If this really is a neurological disorder, I have it, for 100% - and will not feel ashamed anymore.
I was diagnosed at 58. I always new something was wrong but didn't know what. When I hit menopause, I was unable to hide anymore and the characteristics of autism became more obvious and more difficult to cope with.
@@bunny4298 It was shameful to have something wrong with you, in our childhood. Everyone just wanted to be 100% normal. Now - teens wear handicaps or diagnoses like a badge of honour. It made me at least, be honest to myself, and close family, even if I still wouldn't out myself in a work setting. I have another minor handicap and was shocked to find people literally start youtube channels about something I always tried to hide..
I was consoling my sister about her son - very obviously on the spectrum. While confirming about him, I realised it fit me to the teeth. Everything clicked. Growing up at boarding school made it more radical - hothouse environment, too intense.
NAMS website lists some HRT providers. Many more will prescribe HRT for age 35+ if you have enough symptoms of perimenopause: temperature regulation, low energy/libido, fatigue, mood swings, dry eyes/vagina, muscle/joint pain, GI issues, sleep issues, irritability and on and on. Mary Claire Haver, MD of gynecology on RUclips tells a lot more about it. My possible AuDHD became WAY more obvious in last year.
This was SO rich with gems like: "Intuitiveness could be pattern-recognition," and "the trail of broken female friendships," and "the windows are always open, so it gets dustier," that I had to watch twice. Thank you!
It's always pattern finding, our intelligence is actually like organic AI, but I could agree it's a new form of aware more so than what the first intelligence lifeforms in this Universe were lead by. But as someone who is a little smarter than everyone else I see how robotic and shallow humans are, and I don't even think I am different, intelligence is almost occult, a person 15 iq above me lives in a complete different reality and would possibly able to see me as I see most others.
@@Devil_Around_Midnight honestly you’re comment was spot on. And then when we can seek and find info and connect it to things we remember from years and years ago and are building a grand picture from information gleaned way back then and all the points in between to now… we can’t converse with these muggle slobs who are just regurgitating talking points they’ve been told to repeat.
@@OakwiseBecoming Lmao you know if I had no filters on I would have espoused comments very similar to the one you made and be called arrogant by those who hasn't the slightest idea to who I am! But I guess gifts come with setbacks like everything else in this universe we live in. Peace
Yes!!! I have given myself permission to set aside some alone time to recharge after being in social situations, running errands etc. I used to push myself to keep going, (i felt like I was being lazy) and by the end of the day, I had bad headaches, neck and back pain, and would be grumpier than a wet cat. Having that time right after has really helped me stay level and a bit more relaxed.
I always just thought I was introverted… but so many of the other points hit home as well as this one, I’m starting to wonder … i was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) just 4 years ago at 36, but there are so many nuanced issues this video addressed & it’s got my head spinning 😮
My parents are very understanding when I need to leave a social gathering early. My mom can sometimes even see when I'm getting too much stimulation and will help me make my early exit by mentioning to other guests that I "have to work the next day" or "it's a long drive and getting dark". I'm not sure why she thinks I'm experiencing sensory overload. We've never discussed it. She raised my son who was formally diagnosed ASD, so I think she sees similar behavior patterns in us.
I work at home and talk on the phone all day long. I enjoy many aspects of my job, but by the time I get off from work, I am absolutely wiped out. The last thing I usually want to do is socialize, and I'm often filled with dread whenever my phone rings outside of my working hours.
I totally get this! I am often so exhausted by a day full of talking that I don't even want to order food even at a drive-thru or buy chips at a gas station or order pizza through an application when I am starving because someone *might* speak to me.
Same here. I needed to change my job. Phone call now like only 2-3 times per day , still tramatizes me every time. This type of work burnes out everyone quickly, because its just not human to answer 40 calls per day at commend. This is out of the biorithm of the human being (you cant even go to break, when your body requires it) rhis is not oversensitivity, this is normal, your body giving you signs that is instrumentalized and change is needed. What is not normal if you still keep forcing yourself to please your boss and this type of modern slavery jobs.
You were talking about me during this video. I do everything you mentioned - and I have been doing it since I was a todler and I am now 74. (And female btw). I had a very traumatic childhood with a malignant narcissistic mother who was true to type and refused to die until she was 96, making my life a misery. I have had two divorces because I didn't know how to relate to men, plus I always needed so much alone time. I have ended so many friendships over the years, even right up until today, because I make allowances for them but they do not reciprocate. No-one understands me at all and yet I am so open, up-front and honest. I have finally thrown in the towel - at long last - and now I am only doing what I want to do that makes me feel safe and happy and much less stressed. I am tired of putting on a mask and being a people pleaser. My therapy is adult colouring in and I try to do some every day because it makes me happy and relaxed. I used to be a people person but people ruined it for me. I am very happy with my own company and I like who I am now. I have stopped being disloyal to myself. Thank you for this great video, I am all of the above.
My best friend is Neuro divergent and has asd. My husband is also, Neuro divergent. Most of my siblings are as well. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. ❤ I tend to get along much better with Neuro divergent people than Neuro typical people, I think, and that's why my friends list has slimmed down over the years.
And I thoght I was all alone. I am beginning to realise there are many people who have had a traumatised life and are trying to deal with it as best they can. It is a sad realisation though - that there is so much pain and confusion in the world. Love and hugs to all of you out there. .@@louisepicard3885
I’ve heard Autism described as being either “too much” or “not enough” of various things - for instance hyper-or-hyposensitivity, or being ridiculously good at certain things and ridiculously bad at others. From that standpoint, it makes sense that Autistic traits are still things that everyone experiences - the difference in us is the *intensity* of those experiences.
Absolutely. This makes so much sense. My daughter was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD, and she is either overstimulated or understimulated, depending on the situation, with a lot of sensory sensitivity.
Yeah, I was so confused growing up as I was told I was over sensitive and on other days I was told I had no heart! Nearly 50 years later I was diagnosed autistic and adhd, but I still struggle to accept myself due to all the years of being told I was wrong or this or that 😢
Too much or not enough of things is just one part of ASD. Lots of other things. There are lot autistic sign well beyond the 16 presented here. As well this one person and like that once you've met one autistic person you've met only one autistic person. I'm guy for example that hits all 16 of these sign plus many more not listed here. For example executive functioning issues have nothing to do with too much or too little. PDA is the same. Both of which apply in my opinion to Sign number 6.
checking all the boxes. And I'm starting to accept who I am without putting pressure on myself to get a specific diagnosis. The DSM is just a book. The real lived experience of someone is unique and there are a lot of factors that go into why we are the way we are.
Autism is a spectrum. Asperger's is kind of an outdated term for a type of presentation of autism. Functioning labels(high and low) are asinine. Autism is autism, whether this person's autism or that person's autism.@@Dorimiramor
@@Baptized_in_Fire. Ive recentedly learned its not really a spectrum from low to high functioning... Its rather low to high masking and hiding needs and stims, etc. You cant really have "a little bit" of autism. You have it or you dont and you can sort of speak of a spectrum but im no better of because i can mask better you know, im just as lost as someone who presents low masking without help
@@aspiringalchemist8398- Basically all gens. The newest children entering school or in early school now are the ONLY ones that haven’t. Sooo Gen A & even then getting a diagnoses for girls is still difficult. Silent Gen, Boomers, Gen X, millennials, and GenZ have ALLL had this issue.
I didn’t know how to put words to it until very recently, but being perceived is one of the hardest things for me. My partner will casually comment on or ask a question about something I’m doing and I suddenly feel so uncomfortable and irritated to the point that I have to stop. I shut down and feel very emotional, almost called out. He certainly doesn’t intend for this to happen - he’s just trying to show interest in my activities and (I feel) my reaction is so misaligned from that. I’ve explained it to him, so he is a lot more cognizant of it, and it means now I can simply say “I don’t want to be perceived right now” and he understands what I’m feeling.
Oh wow. I’ve been telling my husband for years now “you don’t see me” and he knows that’s when he just looks away and pretends I’m not there. Like, maybe something as silly as stirring my coffee in the morning. It just feels like I’m being judged. Seriously, I know he isn’t even functioning yet, definitely not judging my stirring. But I need him to just look away.
Oh wow. I’ve been telling my husband for years now “you don’t see me” and he knows that’s when he just looks away and pretends I’m not there. Like, maybe something as silly as stirring my coffee in the morning. It just feels like I’m being judged. Seriously, I know he isn’t even functioning yet, definitely not judging my stirring. But I need him to just look away.
Gosh, I do this too. I didn’t understand why for a long time but whenever my mom would say something like “look at her! She’s smiling” to other people about me and I’d instantly feel embarrassed and agitated. And now I think I’ve been masking (didn’t realize until this moment), by forcing myself not to smile or laugh or talk so I don’t bring attention to myself.
"Autism is an expression of naturalness in human development" --- loved this language, & have never heard it talked about like that; I always think: "Aren't we [autistics] the ones who lean more towards natural, organic expression, versus socially constructed/conditioned behaviors?"; I also ponder: "What if we were all like this? Wouldn't it be an easier & kinder world all around?"; I got my Type I / high masking Autism diagnosis about a week ago, and have been following along on this journey with you as more clinical research continues to comes out. Thanks for all of your wisdom & sharing!
I have suspected for sometime that autism is part of the chain of evolution in humans. I can relate to many aspects of the behavior but will never seek to be diagnosed. I feel we’re too vast for labeling; too wonderfully unique. That said I throw no shade to anyone that gets a diagnoses to understand themselves. Isn’t that what part of being alive is? To know ourselves and learn through relating to others and the world around us. I love your phrasing about natural and organic vs. social constructs. Technology is allowing us to connect like never before, and one thing many don’t understand, yet…is how truly connected we already are. ✨💚
What if people on the spectrum with all their differences and uniqeness are living a more natural "honest" life and the cookie cut lifestyles that neurotypicals adhere to are the unhealthy ones keeping individualism suppressed?
I think autistic people in general can be trauma magnets. Because it is more difficult for an autistic person to navigate life, it makes caring for, parenting and friendship harder on others. Although a person might think they are very good at masking, most people can tell there is something different and an autistic person becomes a magnet for those who might take advantage.
I'm in my 50s, and one of your videos last summer was the thing that opened my eyes to the probability that I am autistic, and it explains almost every challenge that has persisted through my entire life! It was completely life-changing to me so I will always remember that. I relate to much of what you share, and I appreciate your expertise applied to these experiences. Thanks for what you do! (PS - I love the elegant, soothing colors in the background of your videos! You have a nice home).
My kids are beyond college, and are all living their own lives. “Empty nest” for me has meant living without the identity and daily structure of a parent. It has forced me to confront my life as a masked autistic. This is compounded with being raised by a narcissistic mother because I had to mask from an early age to conform to her expectations. As I got older, I had to mask to conform to social expectations. So, at 57, I’m excavating who I really am while in the midst of late-onset menopause. It’s a lot, but I am heartened that so many of us can now compare notes and know that we’re not alone on this journey. Thanks again 💜
I have had an extremely traumatic life, including being used as a sex slave for money by my mother, had two marriages to a narcissist and a sociopath (not my imagination as psychological testing was done) and I was told I was normal. As a child and teenager, I was very social, but needed alone time everyday. Being married, divorced, remarried and raising 4 children put a stop to that. Since my children scattered to the 4 corners of the globe, I moved away from my city to a tiny farm village. For the first time I have really come to know myself. I am an introvert who loves people. I am also a serious empath who actually gpfeels the emotions of others. This is exhausting, especially when the people around are extremely negative. So I stay home. I have always been different, always been deeply spiritual, experiencing things others don't, thus they usually reject me. It used to hurt, but not anymore as I spend most of my either studying or doing art or crafts. I believe that so many labels have been invented for people falling outside of a decided spectrum, where in fact we are all unique and trying to cope with what life throws at us. I am now 71, still studying and completely independent.
The light and smell sensitivity is for real. I had to put blacks out shades on windows in my house bc I can’t stand bright light all day. I’ve just been labeled as “difficult”.
I worked for 43 years as a bedside nurse. The fluorescent lights have just about killed me I want low light I want no commotion no adversity this is what those working conditions did to me. I am 70 now and retired 8 yrs and not adjusted yet!😮Also never ever got to sit, can never relax my patients were the most important ppl to me . Now I find it amazing that sometimes I can sit for 3 hours. I can now see these thing but it has taken a long time and thought
I don't like bright lights, either. When people come to my house they always end up making some comment about how I should let the sun in. People often come in and just open my curtains. Just, NO!
It amazes me to hear this and recognize myself in all of it. I was diagnosed with autism 3 years when I was 47 yo. and at first didn't believe the diagnoses until I looked into it and was blown away at how much I lied to myself about things so I wouldn't feel bad for being so different but I'm always worried when I am visiting with people that am I saying things right l, am I acting right and then after I leave I go over and over the conversations and beat myself up for saying something I thought was dumb. Also the part about wanting to be alone but also being lonely.....wish I had known this years ago. May have saved a lot of suffering I've had. I wonder if it's common for us to get divorced. I was married to a very abusive man that I convinced myself wasn't abusive because I was afraid of change but after I got the divorce and was able to look back I saw how awful things were.
Same here! Just diagnosed and have a niggling feeling there may be some of that autism crossover that’s quite high occurring. But then again both share the same symptoms so maybe not. I relate to everything on here apart from fantasy, Harry Potter type worlds.
I’ve found the line between shared human traits/experiences and those experienced by neurodivergents such as myself lies in intensity and impact. Sure, everyone can experience overwhelm at one point or another, but if it is always intense or ever present such experiences impact neurodivergent’s daily behavior and lives. I like to compare it to pain. Being in pain occasionally is normal but if you are in pain all the time, your body is signaling to you that something is off and different. Worse still is when something that doesn’t cause regular people pain causes neurodivergents pain, then lack of empathy and understanding from others becomes incredibly problematic…
This resonates with me. I struggle socializing in group settings. One thing though I think is important, is having grace not just for ourselves, but for others. It's easy to say family members are "unsafe", but it's important to remember that they are human beings just like we are.
I have struggled with all of this since I was a child. Hyper sensitive and would always cry if I was getting disciplined or strict messages. I felt lost and absolutely alone until I evolved to an angry teenager that would protect my younger self at all cost. I’m 29, got ADHD diagnosis at 17, and I feel like I’m a bit autistic as well. People tell me no because I’m excellent at reading peoples intentions by the tone of their voice and body language, but I think this is due t trauma. Always liked solitude, but in the last year I’ve realized that I get lonely as well. I want to spend my time with the people I feel comfortable with.
Validation like the one provided in this video has been life-changing. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share what you have been through for women like me that know the struggle is real. 🙏
Love the series. I relate a lot! Im an HSP & maybe autistic too. I have so many symptoms but it's hard because I have CPTSD too. Perimenopause does suck. It adds to my already sensitive system. It caused more exhaustion but intense panic & more rage came out, so I had to go on hormone therapy and it helped.
I'm a Psychotherapist. I've had every single diagnosis under the sun from bipolar to borderline. These were all misdiagnoses and I'm so angry because I can't get these off my record and it impacts SO much in my life. I've never had any of these disorders. I'm on the spectrum and I have ADD. Watching this resonated with me so much.
Wow! I’m 79, never been evaluated as ADHD OR AUTISTIC, etc. I’m a mess and a hermit. I don’t ever feel like I ‘belong’, or that I am accepted. This opened my eyes, it gave me comfort, made me feel less ‘different’. Thanks for this.
I have just come back from therapy today, and saw this video. It mentions literally all the nuances that I have been through. From the clumsiness (it feels like my peripheral vision is impaired) to the need for isolating, hating washing up etc. Thank you so much!!
I relate too with the clumsiness. It started recently, knocking over my drinks, bumping my hands hard on things I'm passing by, losing balance when turning... I've also thought it is due to visual loss, but at first I raged at myself with vehement self-hatred for spilling my drinks, and maybe that's an autistic response.
So recognizing this topic. Nobody understand what it is . I have decades of struggling behind me. Because nobody understood me. And the symptoms were apparently not clear enough to see that the clumsy behavior, the stimming, the meltdowns, the feelings, the hypo-hyper sensitivity for smelling. Cleaning. Smell of other people. The love of animals etc. It’s all me. Late diagnosed women at 58. AUDHD. Part 2 is selfdiagnosed. But it’s not easy to deal with.
It's fascinating watching your journey over the years. All of the aha moments, putting the pieces together & continually peeling back the layers. It's such a challenging journey seeking to understand ourselves better as a neurodivergent person. At 54, I'm slowly beginning to understand myself. It really helps to be around other neurodiverse people. No judgement, sharing is liberating. Together, we can support each other on this journey of discovery ❤
The massive sensory issues with intimacy just made me tear up. I have become recently aware at almost 39 of my neurodivergence through the processes of helping my own child with her diagnosis. And something I understand now is my issues around wanting to be touched but not being able to receive/give it comfortably stem a lot from sensory overload and trauma. It’s like I want it so bad, like a simple hug, because I’m human, but the idea of letting someone get close to me so such an absolutely overwhelming and uncomfortable experience. It have been abstinent for almost 4 years as I’ve gone through this process and its my sincere hope that one day I’ll be able to engage in physical intimacy that isn’t overwhelming and traumatizing in the process.
Again wow ! It appears that you are resonating with so many of us, asa child, I Was never socialized , parents talked to each other in single sentences. Never carrying on conversations. Boy, was it hard to be around others. I spent most of the time alone, learned to do the happy persona, then fall on my face once it was over. Actually , that is who I am now too, you have enlightened my world, thank you. There has not been a psychologist that has been so helpful and intuitive. The enlightenment allows a deeper understanding of the guilt that my heart has felt always. Reviewing my childhood, trauma, it’s Amazing I survived. ( still surviving 😊). Will continue to follow your eye opening channel,
So beautifully articulated. Thank you for accurately describing the inner experience of autism. Yes, there is the conundrum of being lonely yet being unable to be around large groups, which actually makes it worse. Unfortunately, being misunderstood leads to more isolation and a painful cycle ensues. Would you welcome the idea of addressing the pain of being misunderstood and how to cope with it? Thank you for your caring and elucidating content, and especially your personal transparency.
This video!!! I so relate with every single point addressed here. My life has been so high jacked by these things, I’m thankful I grew up in the country and in a small school. I also have CPTSD, and family history of ASD. I’m going through perimenopause now and not far off from menopause. I’ve always been masking from a very young age, and honestly have no idea how I could live my life in a nonmasking way. I’ve always been a HSP, but since perimenopause began I was sent into a world wind of fear and anxiety, and many other endless issues since. The fragrance issues started when I got pregnant 23 years ago, and it hasn’t much improved, only worsening since peri. I found some herbal hormone treatment that I am waiting for in the mail. I can’t wait to start them. The fact that I have struggled my entire life, and then peri hits and it’s tens times worse than before, I had no idea the change was going to be this drastic and difficult. Women are being neglected in western medical care, it’s total 💩!! I’m thankful I learned to mask, but I never really knew how I thought wasn’t normal until years of marriage to a narcissist had ended and my daughter sought therapy and the therapist told us this. I’ve gone through life know my mother, brother and myself aren’t “normal” , but thought it was the cult we were raised in or just being awkward, turns out ASD testing is being ordered for my 70 yr old mother, my niece had her autism diagnosis and the doctor said it runs in families and advised my brother without giving him his formal diagnosis he was ASD as well, my brother didn’t have insurance at the time so not going through it. The ASD specialist explained it to my brother and his daughter in great detail. My brother said that I fit the criteria very well for a female, which was missed all my life. I’ve been dealing with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety and CPTSD so much more since I was a small child. I had a lot of learning difficulties growing up, and was bullied bc I couldn’t learn like the others. I had to cheat my way through school bc I couldn’t get the help I needed, no one knew how to deal with me. My teachers were lost, my mother was as well. I just couldn’t learn like all the other children. Sorry my comment is all over the place, it’s my mind going off in every direction. Life has always been extremely difficult for me, but knowing it’s most likely ASD has bought me peace. I have taken every online ASD test out there, and all except one said high probability of ASD, the one that said I was ASD, but not as high as the others. I’m sure they are have their rating system. But all the info I have found over the last two years point to that, and it makes more sense. Thank you for these videos, they’re so helpful
Im 62 and have just discovered that ive been austistic all my life..i feel a sense of relief knowing why i acted the way i did as a young girl and now as a woman..thankyou for making these videos.
I really enjoyed this video! There were some things that I had not considered, like living in a fantasy world, the need for repetition, masking daily challenges, and a preference for safe love. My late mother suffered from BPD. I began suffering from anxiety and depression in my late teens and early twenties. I don't have a lot of female friends. However, they have been in my life for 15 - 40 years. In the last four years, I've learned to slow down and rest myself. The medication I take also slows me down. I am currently 67 and am also an HSP.
I have ADD and Autism L1. So far I recognize everything. Yes, the ADD really has made seeing my autistic traits much more difficult. I always told my late bff that I feel like a frustrated perfectionist. Like half my mind strives for perfection and the other side just wants to get it done and overwith. I eventually give in to the messy side because the perfection I am compelled to complete is never good enough.
^ YES! This! I struggle with perfectionism and a bit of ocd. I also struggle with both wanting to have things scheduled out/following a routine AND just wanting to throw it all out the window and be free. What odd ends.
This was incredibly helpful. I’m absolutely ADHD neurodivergent and I’m sure my daughter is on the spectrum. We struggle together but in different ways.
This video is brilliant, as you cover so many different aspects of being autistic. I actually showed it to two of my support workers as I felt like the video was "speaking for me" and perfectly conveying what I deal with on a daily basis because it's often exhausting to have to explain to people. This is a good summery video to show someone for the first time who knows nothing about autism (maybe a family member or something) I agree that we need more time to recover from social interactions. Even going to answer my door is a whole event for me. I often wear huge dark sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled down because I was unprepared for it and I am not "on".
Great video. Thank you! This is so interesting. A lot of the issues on the list fit with the mbti personality type infj which I identify with. I'm also going through perimenopause and it's absolutely exhausting and it really turns your life upsidedown. It could be that the symptoms are exacerbated by the highly sensitive/empathic nature, neurodiversity and/or complex ptsd, but it's a rollercoaster and I feel for anyone else who is having a similar experience. I'm grateful to have found your channel. 🙏🌻
Thanks Dr Sage! This is such a great video. All points resonated with me. I have mostly identified with C-PTSD and HSP, but your work is opening my eyes to Neurodivergence as possibly a big contributor to my struggles. Perimenopause raised the intensity of salient features and hormone replacement was not an option for me due to family medical history. I also identify with the body injuries of dropping things all the time. Overall, this recognition helps with self compassion as a way through for me. Many thanks for all your work, and showing up more as yourself💕
Recommend to check carefully the mold issues, that can worsen neurological problems & health in general. Diet is the base of my selfcare as an autistic woman: low carb, gluten free, anti-inflammatory, paleo-ish. Doing yoga nidra and at least a little of yoga and qi gong daily makes lots of difference too 🙏
I struggle to do anything. I fear losing my income and insurance. It has happened before. With all my education, employers can’t figure us out when they see our inconsistent spiky profile with great strengths along with great weaknesses, along with not being as understandable to allistics. A huge obstacle for me is to be willing and able to convey my challenges and strengths in a way that others can understand. I just want to tell people, but doubt that it would help. Great summary of a lot of features of the hidden autist.
Everything you said just explained my whole life,, thank you .. I have a history of trauma from childhood and into adulthood, , you explained all my behaviours. Now I just need the solutions to how to fix these things that are causing extreme discomfort in my daily existence, ❤
Any videos on how to deal with psychiatrists strong arming you into believing we are bipolar or BPD instead and forcing medications would be appreciated ⭐️
I could have sworn there was an article or video out there somewhere on "How to break up with a psychologist who doesn't get you". I imagine it should work with a psychiatrist too.
I break up so often with them, I'd like to fight back once, they think they can diagnose you and you have to swallow that as final. I'm so over medical bullies@@violetamethyst1186
Definitely one of my favourite channels. So helpful, Kim. You can pull and communicate things that are a "given" to me but that I would not articulate the way you do. Damn you're smart. Thank you for what you do. 💞💞💞💞💞
I can tick every single point that you listed. Waiting to be officially diagnosed with combined adhd, privately accessed and told that's what I highly probable have. I really need my time alone. Don't often get it and then I really struggle to keep my cool and patience. I feel guilty that I'm not as sociable as my friends are. I really have to put on my socialising mask when seeing my friends. I don't like them to see the real me! It's very tiring!
I am 41 and started my awakening a few years ago. I am pretty sure I am autistic. I thought things I was doing were fairly like other people. However, I still felt different from others. Then I heard an interview with Katherine May and thought how she is speaking of her experience of life sounds so familiar. I appreciate people talking about it more :) It was spot on when you said that people who experience autism are more comfortable around other neurodivergent humans. Thanks for sharing!
As a male autistic individual, I relate to many aspects mentioned in this video too. I think it's because of the way I was raised (constant focus on being socially acceptable/"normal")
would love to hear you talk about what kinds of learned skills or practices people have found to be helpful. Thanks for everything, particularly your candor!
I've always been neuro-divergent and punished for it. My parents refused to test me for things i could get professional help for and my doctors refused to treat my semi-normal health problems because i was neuro-divergent on those as well and my autoimmune conditions made me look crazy. I had to learn to live with it without help. Menopause made it more difficult because it came with the weird symptoms that many doctors themselves dont know. I was trying to find out about autism because a family member is on Spectrum only to find i am likely on Spectrum, too. I thank all the people like you doing these videos because it is helping me be better to myself.
Thank you so much for this video and I am so happy I found this channel. I feel that this explains me completely. I've suspected I had ADHD tendencies but never thought about having ASD, but it makes sense. I'm in my mid-40s and have had childhood trauma. I was so extremely passive growing up - almost like I had social anxiety and always had a hard time making girlfriends. I have a 5-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD combined type with PDA symptoms. I'm very introverted, and she's very extroverted, but we both definitely have sensory issues, high anxiety and we're both very empathic.
😮😮😮makes me feel so understood! Wow. I’ve taken 5 aspie tests and have scored all within the range for probable and debating if I should get formally diagnosed or not. Currently having a hard time adjusting to dynamics in my work environment. It gets to be so exhausting. 😶
Thank you so much for this video! This pretty much describes me and my ongoing struggles through life! Thanks for validating these experiences and outlining them so succinctly! ❤
So insightful for the first time I feel normal . I experience all these symptoms. I beat myself up for not wanting not to be around people. I feel at peace when I am alone. Thanks for sharing. ❤
Oh my goodness ... you just described me!!! Thank you for what you said about menopause ... you have expressed beautifully what I couldn't quite put my finger on ❤❤❤
I am diagnosed BPD & ADHD and could relate to most of these, perhaps all of these points. I don’t know about Autism. The idea that I could be misdiagnosed or missing a diagnosis is stressful so I really like your gentle approach. The way you describe alone time at 16:43 is amazing; I’ve never heard it explained that way before. Much appreciated ❤
4:28 1. social overthinking; over/under-sharing 5:46 2. Exhaustion. Excessive fatigue after social interaction. 6:27 3. Sensory Issues (hyper sensitivity to sounds, smells, textures. 7:49 4. Masking. Managing how you are being perceived in the world. 9:29 5. Dating issues. Limerence - fantasy creation of the person and attaching your hopes and dreams to the person. Sensory issues with kissing, holding hands, etc. 10:27 6. Chronic Anxiety/Depression. White knuckling the ability to hold down a job but can’t manage other tasks, your house is a mess, there are dishes in the sink, your laundry sits there for weeks. 11:08 7. You’re over sensitive/cry a lot. 12:25 8. Female-friendship issues. Trouble trusting other females. 13:43 9. Entrenches in fantasy worlds 14:27 10. Repetition, need for repetition. 15:18 11. secret Stemming - fidgeting with small things that people are less likely to notice, a satin hem on a blanket for example. 15:49 12. Proprioception. Clumbsy, dropping things, bumping into things 16:42 13. Preferring to be alone. 17:31 14. Faking/lying (even to yourself) about how hard life really is to you. 18:48 15. Highly empathic, especially to animals. 19:23 16. Intuitive, good at pattern recognition, picking up on nonverbal cues. ~| I know someone already listed these out (yay) but they didn’t put the time stamps (boo) so I listed them out again with time stamps. I really wish RUclips would let me copy and paste other people’s comments bc she did a great job and I would have preferred not to have to retype everything just to add time stamps.
I feel like this video describes me almost to a T! I'm 55, menopausal as well and if i have to take a break from my HRT, the anxiety becomes completely wrapped up! I've always known "something was up with me my whole life, but it was just recently that i found adult female autism is almost an exact match for how I experience life. It can feel like an internal hell. Thank you for this content ❤.
Hi, Dr. Sage 😃 I love your videos and content 🫶🏼 May I please say I think you're so beautiful, and your thumbnails do not do you justice! I think they would look even lovelier with your beautiful smile ❤️❤️❤️
OMG This is me! I got officially diagnosed with BPD but could it be Autism? Do you think people get often misdiagnosed? Thank you for this great video!!
Created by an autist, embrace-autism website has a number of free tests and are printable. They diagnose too but word in the community, the tests are invaluable to get the ball rolling. Yes, women are very often misdiagnosed. Keep researching
Ha, I tentatively sorta accepted that diagnosis when my son was diagnosed autistic. It didn’t last long before I was questioning it. My chart took a long time to correct, but I finally have help that actually helps.
This is so good. I have an ex husband and son who are both ASD. As I learned more and more of how my son’s ASD affects every aspect of his world, I realized my ex is totally ASD and I have so much compassion now. ASD women’s challenges - as you are describing - mirror men’s of course so much and your numerous and detailed descriptions are so so enlightening. Thank you.
Same here. Watching this, I believe my mom is autistic. My son is dx ADHD and ODD. My brother is dx ADHD, pretty sure he has ODD as well. His son is dx autistic. My daughter has a lot of these symptoms as well. Most definitely genetic, could also be somewhat environmental, as well as a mix of the two.
Interesting... I am also INFJ... and also have a 22 yr old son with autism. I have been doing a lot of research and highly resonate with all of these traits except im not clumsy. This has not been on my radar until the last 6 months, but it's all been a little unsettling for me at this point. NOT embracing it yet.
Was late-diagnosed in my early 40s. I'm in a severe depression. Just lost my ninth job in 7 years. My last stable job, was in January of 17. Workplaces DON'T want to work w people like me. Neither do coworkers/supervisors. I'm also 58. My mind is fried from the sheer stress of trying not to lose my home, everything I've worked for. I'm not married or dating, as I don't trust ANYONE anymore. My counselor said I have complex post-traumatic stress syndrome. I am working on CBT therapy.
My former (male) partner is autistic and successful at his job. Not as successful socially. I think the trick is to have been lucky enough to have found your niche early. Usually you will be most successful working alone. He's an IT engineer, he works all over the state on job sites, alone, although he has to work on the phone while at the job sites to troubleshoot. Other good jobs might be accounting, engineering (lots of different engineering options, electrical engineer, mechanical , probably not civil as lots of meetings), owning a cleaning company - these places usually clean while job sites are empty or closed. Think about jobs that make money yet work alone, there are a lot of them.
Just curious… does the relationship with your counsellor😅 feel ‘okay’? Can you be quite sincere and frank? Grief and trauma can go hand in hand and it sounds like you have various challenges vying for your time which may be exhausting and overwhelming. I say this only as therapy can help but also beware in the wrong setting it can compound issues. That person that listens has to have the space, the time and the want to help you unpack things… carefully and thoughtfully. If you got to a destination and you opened your pristine packed suitcase and found everything awry and items damaged or shampoo bottles leaking out… you wouldn’t want a harassed, tired partner having a go at you at 1 am landing,saying that - you were careless, messy and stupid ( even if it wasn’t your fault) … you would like a partner to commiserate with you, to give a hand cleaning some things up and to may be offer that yes , you could use some of their products until you get more. Therapy can be difficult for when that suite case that contains your life and all of its moments for better or worse. And you need a mature, reliable , trustworthy soul to unpack it with. Not someone who critiques, shames or blames you. If that’s the cases you would never fly the friendly skies again and just stick close to home… and life becomes smaller. Just a meandering thought. 😊
@@SirenaSpades Interesting to read your perspective on this! I am forty, female and never evaluated but definitely check many of the boxes... And i've worked as a barista/food server for most of my adult life with much stress leading to a sort of burnout (although i do like interacting with people). Now i do housekeeping and i'm finding it so enjoyable, certainly do not see myself returning to customer service anytime soon if i can help it.
🌱🌏💚 KiaOra. Its good to see you Kim. I think one video a week on a regular weekly schedule is an acceptable baseline. That way, you can have a couple of weeks content pre recorded up your sleeve - a burn out buffer. Hold extra topic premieres &/or livestreams if you want to upload more than the weekly scheduled video. As a viewer I appreciate consistent content less often, than inconsistent content more often. I've recently joined Autistic AF (after forty) channel & have learned more there in 2 livestream visits than an entire year of visiting medical "professionals". One thing I've noticed myself re girls autism masking - is that societally, it's extremely dangerous to be a girl with zero social skills & an inability to read others actions/intent. Predator bait. Hence, creating a perfect camouflage. Your physical & emotional safety actually does depend on it.
In college, I used to struggle to balance trying to be with friends, and then getting alone time to cope with the exhaustion of being with them, since they were mostly 'normal'. But it wasn't until much later that I began to suspect I was autistic and not just weird. I just wish I knew why it seems that no one ever asks -why- you answer questions on these tests the way you do. I've been told I'm dangerously introverted, yet when I'm around people I'm comfortable with [ie, ND people] then I'm perfectly happy being social.
Yes, my counsellor told me yesterday that autistic traits usually become more pronounced during the menopause, which is why so many of us are diagnosed in our 40s. This was me 100% and suddenly it all made so much sense. Thought I'd share this in case anyone finds it reassuring - I thought I was imagining that my traits had got worse and now I realise it was true and I know why too! Basically autism + menopause = 😵💫 Anyway, thank you for another great video Dr Sage 😊
@hmmm2564 I think she said the menopause hormones affect the part of our brain that makes us neurodiverse. Don't quote me on that though! Just in case I've remembered it slightly wrong! It makes a lot of sense as to why so many of us are diagnosed in middle age...
1000% relate to all of this as well. I also relate to C-ptsd from childhood and bi polar. Love your new set up and thank you so much for sharing this information. 🙏🏻❤️
I just want to add one thing further - I have noticed that I prefer to hang out with males and don't really need the company of women. I thought it was my poor maternal relationship that was to blame. Also, the women that I do get along with themselves get along really well with males.
Interesting. So it could be CPTSD, and it could be autism? How do we know which one is it? I was laughing to myself when you said that you are clumsy. I am so clumsy that people could suspect that I am being abused, with all the bruises all over my legs and hands😂 I remember once walking into the wall, because I missed the door way. I don't think that I am autistic, but I definitely see more and more people with Aspergers, with absolutely no filter, talking whatever come to their head first, no matter how hurtfull it is.
Dear Dr. Kim, thank you for this education. I have made an appointment with a learning disability specialist referred by a psychiatrist who i have been acquainted with. I am 59, it is time. I understand my trauma; but feel there is more to uncover, want to care for & understand. Related 100% to your video. Teared up- of course! ;) With heart- Amy
Wow, so nice to hear these things. I'm 68 and I have been reading about trauma and now autism. It surely does hit home the many problems I've had over the years. Almost validating. And on this new journey to finding my true self. It is hard.
Dr. Kim….thank you for this. My son has Asperger Syndrome and he and I are just the same. I realized at his point of diagnosis that I too was on the spectrum. This video checked so many boxes for me. You have been a blessing to me today. Thank so much ❤.
This video is a work of art. Perfection. The Holy Grail of describing Aspie / high functioning autistic women. There should be a book elaborating om this, with help and tips. Watching this was a profound experience for me. From a follower in Sweden.
I am trying not to over identify. As a 50yo therapist who is so wiped out by client interaction; I don’t have friends or a romantic partner. I feel fulfilled by my relationships with my adult children and pets. I am exhausted by comparing myself to others my age. I am accepting that my weirdness just is.
🩷🐾🩷
hang in there! i’m happy just by myself and my cat, no shame for choosing to be alone a lot, you’re not ‘weird’
Same ❤
I hear you…. I feel the same!!
As a 66 yr old woman who has STRUGGLED DEEPLY for my entire life!! I am quirky and odd, but strong in morals & ethics!
I definitely have CPTSD from chronic abuse since I was 6 yrs old, then married an abusive narcissist husband for 14 yrs old!
Isolating rebuilds my mental health!
Thank you for sharing!! ♥️✨♥️
Me too ❤
1. Social over-thinking (over- or under-sharing)
2. Exhaustion/chronic fatigue from social interaction
3. Raging sensory issues (sounds, smells, the feel of things)
4. Masking (hiding the real you)
5. Dating issues (limerence)
6. Chronic anxiety/depression (ie confident at work but falling apart in the home/untidiness)
7. Crying a lot
8. History of female friendship issues (trusting women)
9. Being entrenched in a fantasy world ie programmes on TV/series
10. A massive need for repetition
11. Secret ‘picking’ ie fluff off a blanket
12. Heightened clumsiness
13. Preferring to be alone
14. Faking/masking how hard daily life is for you
15. Highly empathic towards animals
16. Being good at reading people (and gauging how to respond)
This is a niched bestseller, waiting to be written... And / or a TED Talk.
All ❤❤❤❤❤❤
So all of women.
Not kidding.
Thank you for this!! I’m so glad I looked through the comments,because I was going to go back through the video to make this list for myself. I want to put this in my notes app with examples after any that apply to me to talk about with my therapist.
Hmmm. Was that over sharing? 🫣
I have all of the above except untidiness, in fact I'm fastidious when it comes to cleaning
“Menopause turned the lights out on my energetic motivation to be in the world.” That hit hard…never even thought about that 💡
What does it mean? That she lost her motivation?
This is what I’m going through at this moment!
I’m 54 and coming out of some long term emotionally draining heartbreak. I also recently started bio identical hormones. I’m sleeping without interruption (unless it’s a crazy moon transit😂) and my mood is overall so much lighter. It’s easier to refill my glass now. Much easier. Stay strong ladies, hang in there!!! ✨🩵
Yeah i retreated from everything and everyone in what my life used to be and am still here even more so....sometimes i feel like ive been in witness protection program for the last ten years
@@2blackcatz426 I feel that.
I wonder how many neurodivergent women end up with narcissistic partners? Seems to be a bit of a tragic , magnetic pull. When you start to understand the relational dynamics, it makes perfect sense.
Thank you for the video, and thank you to all the commenters. I'm learning learning learning 🙏🏽
I sobbed through the whole video, resonating powerfully with every detail. I'm newly menopausal, I left my abusive, narcissistic partner last spring, after 30 years and two kids, I'm in trauma-informed therapy for the first time in my life, and things are finally starting to make sense! Everything sucks, I'm broke and very alone, but also, in many ways, I'm SO relieved.
Your video helped me today. Thank you.
I also sobbed through this whole video and had to go back and rewind it and listen.. I'm so glad she's here so that we know that we're not alone. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anybody. Can autism really be triggered by traumatic situations... .
I wonder how many neurodivergent women get wrongly called narcissistic because we aren’t masking well enough to feign understanding the muggles.
Not sure but I'd think narcissist would avoid or quickly discard autistic people. The narcissistic supply is too unstable from people on spectrum. They need more stable supply.
I left a narcissist/abuser in late '19, and have only barely dabbled in dating since. I'm 46, educated, attractive.
Every. Man. Every single man I've been on more than one date with has tried to control aspects of who I am, how I dress, or how I eat -- or has suggested that they should be prioritized over my pet of 7yrs 😮
What is going on??
@@MadAboutBrows
I don't understand that that desire for controlling others.
My guess is insecure men that feel threatened by your education and attractiveness. Probably grew up in house of toxic masculinity.
I'd just rather leave the control anyone. I don't have the energy for that. But not with conversation first that I'd hope would not sound controlling. ASD and sometime the words don't come out right.
Menopause seemed to be the thing for me that really started the slide into no longer being able to hide and mask consistently. I relate to every single point, thanks for the validation and explanations. You are helping so much with your channel.
What precisely about the menopause do you think caused it? For me, tbh, I had such dramatic periods that it is a relief its over, actually.
Not to say I enjoy sleep difficulties, hot flashes and the rest. The only difference is that I now understand what is wrong with me, in the social context. The hysterical cycle of periods are out of the equation and my mood is more even.
I had no clue I was on the spectrum - or felt my secret suspicion about being Asperger was shameful.
Nowadays, people wear their diagnoses as badges of honour. So stuff it! If this really is a neurological disorder, I have it, for 100% - and will not feel ashamed anymore.
I was diagnosed at 58. I always new something was wrong but didn't know what. When I hit menopause, I was unable to hide anymore and the characteristics of autism became more obvious and more difficult to cope with.
@@bunny4298 It was shameful to have something wrong with you, in our childhood. Everyone just wanted to be 100% normal. Now - teens wear handicaps or diagnoses like a badge of honour. It made me at least, be honest to myself, and close family, even if I still wouldn't out myself in a work setting. I have another minor handicap and was shocked to find people literally start youtube channels about something I always tried to hide..
I was consoling my sister about her son - very obviously on the spectrum. While confirming about him, I realised it fit me to the teeth. Everything clicked. Growing up at boarding school made it more radical - hothouse environment, too intense.
NAMS website lists some HRT providers. Many more will prescribe HRT for age 35+ if you have enough symptoms of perimenopause: temperature regulation, low energy/libido, fatigue, mood swings, dry eyes/vagina, muscle/joint pain, GI issues, sleep issues, irritability and on and on. Mary Claire Haver, MD of gynecology on RUclips tells a lot more about it. My possible AuDHD became WAY more obvious in last year.
This was SO rich with gems like: "Intuitiveness could be pattern-recognition," and "the trail of broken female friendships," and "the windows are always open, so it gets dustier," that I had to watch twice. Thank you!
It's always pattern finding, our intelligence is actually like organic AI, but I could agree it's a new form of aware more so than what the first intelligence lifeforms in this Universe were lead by.
But as someone who is a little smarter than everyone else I see how robotic and shallow humans are, and I don't even think I am different, intelligence is almost occult, a person 15 iq above me lives in a complete different reality and would possibly able to see me as I see most others.
Not autistic btw
Same! Watched twice❤
@@Devil_Around_Midnight honestly you’re comment was spot on. And then when we can seek and find info and connect it to things we remember from years and years ago and are building a grand picture from information gleaned way back then and all the points in between to now… we can’t converse with these muggle slobs who are just regurgitating talking points they’ve been told to repeat.
@@OakwiseBecoming Lmao you know if I had no filters on I would have espoused comments very similar to the one you made and be called arrogant by those who hasn't the slightest idea to who I am! But I guess gifts come with setbacks like everything else in this universe we live in. Peace
“Needing more recovery time after socializing” hit me between the eyes! YES! That is me, and now I understand it better!
Yes!!! I have given myself permission to set aside some alone time to recharge after being in social situations, running errands etc. I used to push myself to keep going, (i felt like I was being lazy) and by the end of the day, I had bad headaches, neck and back pain, and would be grumpier than a wet cat. Having that time right after has really helped me stay level and a bit more relaxed.
I always just thought I was introverted… but so many of the other points hit home as well as this one, I’m starting to wonder … i was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) just 4 years ago at 36, but there are so many nuanced issues this video addressed & it’s got my head spinning 😮
That's also the case when you are highly sensitive. There is quite a bit of overlap between autism and hsp.
YES sometimes I have to leave the room and go and lie down in quietness
My parents are very understanding when I need to leave a social gathering early. My mom can sometimes even see when I'm getting too much stimulation and will help me make my early exit by mentioning to other guests that I "have to work the next day" or "it's a long drive and getting dark". I'm not sure why she thinks I'm experiencing sensory overload. We've never discussed it. She raised my son who was formally diagnosed ASD, so I think she sees similar behavior patterns in us.
I work at home and talk on the phone all day long. I enjoy many aspects of my job, but by the time I get off from work, I am absolutely wiped out. The last thing I usually want to do is socialize, and I'm often filled with dread whenever my phone rings outside of my working hours.
I totally get this! I am often so exhausted by a day full of talking that I don't even want to order food even at a drive-thru or buy chips at a gas station or order pizza through an application when I am starving because someone *might* speak to me.
I always dread it when my phone rings. I usually don't answer unless someone has arranged to talk to me beforehand. 😁
Same here. I needed to change my job. Phone call now like only 2-3 times per day , still tramatizes me every time. This type of work burnes out everyone quickly, because its just not human to answer 40 calls per day at commend. This is out of the biorithm of the human being (you cant even go to break, when your body requires it) rhis is not oversensitivity, this is normal, your body giving you signs that is instrumentalized and change is needed. What is not normal if you still keep forcing yourself to please your boss and this type of modern slavery jobs.
Same. Friends and family get upset with me for not reaching out
You were talking about me during this video. I do everything you mentioned - and I have been doing it since I was a todler and I am now 74. (And female btw). I had a very traumatic childhood with a malignant narcissistic mother who was true to type and refused to die until she was 96, making my life a misery. I have had two divorces because I didn't know how to relate to men, plus I always needed so much alone time. I have ended so many friendships over the years, even right up until today, because I make allowances for them but they do not reciprocate. No-one understands me at all and yet I am so open, up-front and honest. I have finally thrown in the towel - at long last - and now I am only doing what I want to do that makes me feel safe and happy and much less stressed. I am tired of putting on a mask and being a people pleaser. My therapy is adult colouring in and I try to do some every day because it makes me happy and relaxed. I used to be a people person but people ruined it for me. I am very happy with my own company and I like who I am now. I have stopped being disloyal to myself. Thank you for this great video, I am all of the above.
Spot on!
That’s me too.
Hugs to you 🫂
My best friend is Neuro divergent and has asd. My husband is also, Neuro divergent. Most of my siblings are as well. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. ❤ I tend to get along much better with Neuro divergent people than Neuro typical people, I think, and that's why my friends list has slimmed down over the years.
Holy crap-THIS IS ME. Your not alone at all.
You are my twin!
And I thoght I was all alone. I am beginning to realise there are many people who have had a traumatised life and are trying to deal with it as best they can. It is a sad realisation though - that there is so much pain and confusion in the world. Love and hugs to all of you out there.
.@@louisepicard3885
I’ve heard Autism described as being either “too much” or “not enough” of various things - for instance hyper-or-hyposensitivity, or being ridiculously good at certain things and ridiculously bad at others. From that standpoint, it makes sense that Autistic traits are still things that everyone experiences - the difference in us is the *intensity* of those experiences.
Absolutely. This makes so much sense. My daughter was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD, and she is either overstimulated or understimulated, depending on the situation, with a lot of sensory sensitivity.
it's called describing "neurodivergent"
Yeah, I was so confused growing up as I was told I was over sensitive and on other days I was told I had no heart! Nearly 50 years later I was diagnosed autistic and adhd, but I still struggle to accept myself due to all the years of being told I was wrong or this or that 😢
Too much or not enough of things is just one part of ASD. Lots of other things. There are lot autistic sign well beyond the 16 presented here. As well this one person and like that once you've met one autistic person you've met only one autistic person. I'm guy for example that hits all 16 of these sign plus many more not listed here. For example executive functioning issues have nothing to do with too much or too little. PDA is the same. Both of which apply in my opinion to Sign number 6.
I agree with you very well shared.
checking all the boxes. And I'm starting to accept who I am without putting pressure on myself to get a specific diagnosis. The DSM is just a book. The real lived experience of someone is unique and there are a lot of factors that go into why we are the way we are.
This is unrelated but you have such a compassionate calming energy... The wallpaper is a good representation of you, idk if thats a weird comparison 😅
I focused in on her and her wallpaper too - it's like an extension rather than just an expression of her personality.
I agree. Such a caring person. She’s talking to us like we’re best friends.
My concern is in identifying Asperger's where it is explained to be high functioning 'autism' ?!
Autism is a spectrum. Asperger's is kind of an outdated term for a type of presentation of autism. Functioning labels(high and low) are asinine. Autism is autism, whether this person's autism or that person's autism.@@Dorimiramor
@@Baptized_in_Fire. Ive recentedly learned its not really a spectrum from low to high functioning... Its rather low to high masking and hiding needs and stims, etc. You cant really have "a little bit" of autism. You have it or you dont and you can sort of speak of a spectrum but im no better of because i can mask better you know, im just as lost as someone who presents low masking without help
I’m 51. And just got an autism diagnosis
I was diagnosed finally at 54. 🙌🏻 Generation X got completely missed. But we are sure an awesome generation!
@@aspiringalchemist8398X is best! ❤
@@aspiringalchemist8398- Basically all gens. The newest children entering school or in early school now are the ONLY ones that haven’t. Sooo Gen A & even then getting a diagnoses for girls is still difficult.
Silent Gen, Boomers, Gen X, millennials, and GenZ have ALLL had this issue.
@@SamanthaP48yes of course. Thank you for pointing this out. God bless us everyone! 🙏🏻💕
I was 1 day from turning 49 so I can completely empathize.
I didn’t know how to put words to it until very recently, but being perceived is one of the hardest things for me. My partner will casually comment on or ask a question about something I’m doing and I suddenly feel so uncomfortable and irritated to the point that I have to stop. I shut down and feel very emotional, almost called out. He certainly doesn’t intend for this to happen - he’s just trying to show interest in my activities and (I feel) my reaction is so misaligned from that. I’ve explained it to him, so he is a lot more cognizant of it, and it means now I can simply say “I don’t want to be perceived right now” and he understands what I’m feeling.
I get that. All the time! I'm gonna use your response. Thank you so much.
Oh wow. I’ve been telling my husband for years now “you don’t see me” and he knows that’s when he just looks away and pretends I’m not there. Like, maybe something as silly as stirring my coffee in the morning. It just feels like I’m being judged. Seriously, I know he isn’t even functioning yet, definitely not judging my stirring. But I need him to just look away.
Oh wow. I’ve been telling my husband for years now “you don’t see me” and he knows that’s when he just looks away and pretends I’m not there. Like, maybe something as silly as stirring my coffee in the morning. It just feels like I’m being judged. Seriously, I know he isn’t even functioning yet, definitely not judging my stirring. But I need him to just look away.
Gosh, I do this too. I didn’t understand why for a long time but whenever my mom would say something like “look at her! She’s smiling” to other people about me and I’d instantly feel embarrassed and agitated. And now I think I’ve been masking (didn’t realize until this moment), by forcing myself not to smile or laugh or talk so I don’t bring attention to myself.
Wow, that's great communication between the two of you!
"Autism is an expression of naturalness in human development" --- loved this language, & have never heard it talked about like that; I always think: "Aren't we [autistics] the ones who lean more towards natural, organic expression, versus socially constructed/conditioned behaviors?"; I also ponder: "What if we were all like this? Wouldn't it be an easier & kinder world all around?";
I got my Type I / high masking Autism diagnosis about a week ago, and have been following along on this journey with you as more clinical research continues to comes out. Thanks for all of your wisdom & sharing!
My sister and I always joke that the government should be a bunch of autistic people and the world would be better off.
I have suspected for sometime that autism is part of the chain of evolution in humans. I can relate to many aspects of the behavior but will never seek to be diagnosed. I feel we’re too vast for labeling; too wonderfully unique. That said I throw no shade to anyone that gets a diagnoses to understand themselves. Isn’t that what part of being alive is? To know ourselves and learn through relating to others and the world around us. I love your phrasing about natural and organic vs. social constructs. Technology is allowing us to connect like never before, and one thing many don’t understand, yet…is how truly connected we already are. ✨💚
What if people on the spectrum with all their differences and uniqeness are living a more natural "honest" life and the cookie cut lifestyles that neurotypicals adhere to are the unhealthy ones keeping individualism suppressed?
I think autistic people in general can be trauma magnets. Because it is more difficult for an autistic person to navigate life, it makes caring for, parenting and friendship harder on others.
Although a person might think they are very good at masking, most people can tell there is something different and an autistic person becomes a magnet for those who might take advantage.
I'm in my 50s, and one of your videos last summer was the thing that opened my eyes to the probability that I am autistic, and it explains almost every challenge that has persisted through my entire life! It was completely life-changing to me so I will always remember that. I relate to much of what you share, and I appreciate your expertise applied to these experiences. Thanks for what you do! (PS - I love the elegant, soothing colors in the background of your videos! You have a nice home).
My kids are beyond college, and are all living their own lives. “Empty nest” for me has meant living without the identity and daily structure of a parent. It has forced me to confront my life as a masked autistic. This is compounded with being raised by a narcissistic mother because I had to mask from an early age to conform to her expectations. As I got older, I had to mask to conform to social expectations. So, at 57, I’m excavating who I really am while in the midst of late-onset menopause. It’s a lot, but I am heartened that so many of us can now compare notes and know that we’re not alone on this journey. Thanks again 💜
Ditto every word! 🤝
I like that..."excavating" meow
The same for me, except I also married a narcissist.
I have had an extremely traumatic life, including being used as a sex slave for money by my mother, had two marriages to a narcissist and a sociopath (not my imagination as psychological testing was done) and I was told I was normal. As a child and teenager, I was very social, but needed alone time everyday. Being married, divorced, remarried and raising 4 children put a stop to that. Since my children scattered to the 4 corners of the globe, I moved away from my city to a tiny farm village. For the first time I have really come to know myself. I am an introvert who loves people. I am also a serious empath who actually gpfeels the emotions of others. This is exhausting, especially when the people around are extremely negative. So I stay home.
I have always been different, always been deeply spiritual, experiencing things others don't, thus they usually reject me. It used to hurt, but not anymore as I spend most of my either studying or doing art or crafts.
I believe that so many labels have been invented for people falling outside of a decided spectrum, where in fact we are all unique and trying to cope with what life throws at us. I am now 71, still studying and completely independent.
Your resilence is amazing, glad youve accepted yourself and your life on those deeper levels..i feel like we'd be friends♡
❤big heart to you
@@SashaFierce-xp4id thank you.
@@rainarodriguez5878beautifully expressed.
@@sharonraffanti3632 🤗
The light and smell sensitivity is for real. I had to put blacks out shades on windows in my house bc I can’t stand bright light all day. I’ve just been labeled as “difficult”.
I worked for 43 years as a bedside nurse. The fluorescent lights have just about killed me I want low light I want no commotion no adversity this is what those working conditions did to me. I am 70 now and retired 8 yrs and not adjusted yet!😮Also never ever got to sit, can never relax my patients were the most important ppl to me . Now I find it amazing that sometimes I can sit for 3 hours. I can now see these thing but it has taken a long time and thought
I don't like bright lights, either. When people come to my house they always end up making some comment about how I should let the sun in. People often come in and just open my curtains. Just, NO!
Same, so sensitive to bright lights, smells, sounds (slurping and chewing, crunchy makes me really angry)
It amazes me to hear this and recognize myself in all of it. I was diagnosed with autism 3 years when I was 47 yo. and at first didn't believe the diagnoses until I looked into it and was blown away at how much I lied to myself about things so I wouldn't feel bad for being so different but I'm always worried when I am visiting with people that am I saying things right l, am I acting right and then after I leave I go over and over the conversations and beat myself up for saying something I thought was dumb. Also the part about wanting to be alone but also being lonely.....wish I had known this years ago. May have saved a lot of suffering I've had. I wonder if it's common for us to get divorced. I was married to a very abusive man that I convinced myself wasn't abusive because I was afraid of change but after I got the divorce and was able to look back I saw how awful things were.
This was very helpful. I am 47, I am wondering if I should be tested.........
So many of these are me! I knew I had ADHD tendencies but it didn’t dawn on me that I may be autistic. Your video is eye opening!
Same here! Just diagnosed and have a niggling feeling there may be some of that autism crossover that’s quite high occurring. But then again both share the same symptoms so maybe not. I relate to everything on here apart from fantasy, Harry Potter type worlds.
Yes me too I’ve only recently been diagnosed with ADHD at 49 but watching this it all seems to relate to me too
ADHD and autism very commonly co-occur. So it's common to have both.
I’ve found the line between shared human traits/experiences and those experienced by neurodivergents such as myself lies in intensity and impact. Sure, everyone can experience overwhelm at one point or another, but if it is always intense or ever present such experiences impact neurodivergent’s daily behavior and lives.
I like to compare it to pain. Being in pain occasionally is normal but if you are in pain all the time, your body is signaling to you that something is off and different. Worse still is when something that doesn’t cause regular people pain causes neurodivergents pain, then lack of empathy and understanding from others becomes incredibly problematic…
This resonates with me. I struggle socializing in group settings. One thing though I think is important, is having grace not just for ourselves, but for others. It's easy to say family members are "unsafe", but it's important to remember that they are human beings just like we are.
Really, not that easy. Especially when other family members do not agree, or they don’t want to “get involved”
The sound is excellent and the background is pretty and calming.
Thank you for another great video, Kim. One of my new favorite channels!
Thank you so much and thank you for being here too! Welcome!!💖🙏
I have struggled with all of this since I was a child. Hyper sensitive and would always cry if I was getting disciplined or strict messages. I felt lost and absolutely alone until I evolved to an angry teenager that would protect my younger self at all cost. I’m 29, got ADHD diagnosis at 17, and I feel like I’m a bit autistic as well. People tell me no because I’m excellent at reading peoples intentions by the tone of their voice and body language, but I think this is due t trauma.
Always liked solitude, but in the last year I’ve realized that I get lonely as well. I want to spend my time with the people I feel comfortable with.
❤❤❤
It’s every single aspect for me 😢 I hate it so much, it’s so miserable and I can’t tell anybody
I finally understand why I have certain needs. I am highly sensitive to noise and prefer to be by myself are two big ones.
Me too 😮
Validation like the one provided in this video has been life-changing. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share what you have been through for women like me that know the struggle is real. 🙏
Love the series. I relate a lot! Im an HSP & maybe autistic too. I have so many symptoms but it's hard because I have CPTSD too. Perimenopause does suck. It adds to my already sensitive system. It caused more exhaustion but intense panic & more rage came out, so I had to go on hormone therapy and it helped.
I'm a Psychotherapist. I've had every single diagnosis under the sun from bipolar to borderline. These were all misdiagnoses and I'm so angry because I can't get these off my record and it impacts SO much in my life. I've never had any of these disorders. I'm on the spectrum and I have ADD. Watching this resonated with me so much.
Wow! I’m 79, never been evaluated as ADHD OR AUTISTIC, etc. I’m a mess and a hermit. I don’t ever feel like I ‘belong’, or that I am accepted. This opened my eyes, it gave me comfort, made me feel less ‘different’. Thanks for this.
I have just come back from therapy today, and saw this video. It mentions literally all the nuances that I have been through. From the clumsiness (it feels like my peripheral vision is impaired) to the need for isolating, hating washing up etc. Thank you so much!!
Ha I sent this to my therapist 🎉
I relate too with the clumsiness. It started recently, knocking over my drinks, bumping my hands hard on things I'm passing by, losing balance when turning... I've also thought it is due to visual loss, but at first I raged at myself with vehement self-hatred for spilling my drinks, and maybe that's an autistic response.
So recognizing this topic. Nobody understand what it is . I have decades of struggling behind me. Because nobody understood me. And the symptoms were apparently not clear enough to see that the clumsy behavior, the stimming, the meltdowns, the feelings, the hypo-hyper sensitivity for smelling. Cleaning. Smell of other people. The love of animals etc. It’s all me. Late diagnosed women at 58. AUDHD. Part 2 is selfdiagnosed. But it’s not easy to deal with.
It's fascinating watching your journey over the years. All of the aha moments, putting the pieces together & continually peeling back the layers. It's such a challenging journey seeking to understand ourselves better as a neurodivergent person. At 54, I'm slowly beginning to understand myself. It really helps to be around other neurodiverse people. No judgement, sharing is liberating. Together, we can support each other on this journey of discovery ❤
The massive sensory issues with intimacy just made me tear up. I have become recently aware at almost 39 of my neurodivergence through the processes of helping my own child with her diagnosis. And something I understand now is my issues around wanting to be touched but not being able to receive/give it comfortably stem a lot from sensory overload and trauma. It’s like I want it so bad, like a simple hug, because I’m human, but the idea of letting someone get close to me so such an absolutely overwhelming and uncomfortable experience. It have been abstinent for almost 4 years as I’ve gone through this process and its my sincere hope that one day I’ll be able to engage in physical intimacy that isn’t overwhelming and traumatizing in the process.
Again wow ! It appears that you are resonating with so many of us, asa child, I Was never socialized , parents talked to each other in single sentences. Never carrying on conversations. Boy, was it hard to be around others. I spent most of the time alone, learned to do the happy persona, then fall on my face once it was over. Actually , that is who I am now too, you have enlightened my world, thank you.
There has not been a psychologist that has been so helpful and intuitive. The enlightenment allows a deeper understanding of the guilt that my heart has felt always. Reviewing my childhood, trauma, it’s
Amazing I survived. ( still surviving 😊). Will continue to follow your eye opening channel,
So beautifully articulated. Thank you for accurately describing the inner experience of autism. Yes, there is the conundrum of being lonely yet being unable to be around large groups, which actually makes it worse. Unfortunately, being misunderstood leads to more isolation and a painful cycle ensues. Would you welcome the idea of addressing the pain of being misunderstood and how to cope with it? Thank you for your caring and elucidating content, and especially your personal transparency.
This video!!! I so relate with every single point addressed here. My life has been so high jacked by these things, I’m thankful I grew up in the country and in a small school. I also have CPTSD, and family history of ASD. I’m going through perimenopause now and not far off from menopause. I’ve always been masking from a very young age, and honestly have no idea how I could live my life in a nonmasking way. I’ve always been a HSP, but since perimenopause began I was sent into a world wind of fear and anxiety, and many other endless issues since. The fragrance issues started when I got pregnant 23 years ago, and it hasn’t much improved, only worsening since peri. I found some herbal hormone treatment that I am waiting for in the mail. I can’t wait to start them. The fact that I have struggled my entire life, and then peri hits and it’s tens times worse than before, I had no idea the change was going to be this drastic and difficult. Women are being neglected in western medical care, it’s total 💩!!
I’m thankful I learned to mask, but I never really knew how I thought wasn’t normal until years of marriage to a narcissist had ended and my daughter sought therapy and the therapist told us this. I’ve gone through life know my mother, brother and myself aren’t “normal” , but thought it was the cult we were raised in or just being awkward, turns out ASD testing is being ordered for my 70 yr old mother, my niece had her autism diagnosis and the doctor said it runs in families and advised my brother without giving him his formal diagnosis he was ASD as well, my brother didn’t have insurance at the time so not going through it. The ASD specialist explained it to my brother and his daughter in great detail. My brother said that I fit the criteria very well for a female, which was missed all my life. I’ve been dealing with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety and CPTSD so much more since I was a small child. I had a lot of learning difficulties growing up, and was bullied bc I couldn’t learn like the others. I had to cheat my way through school bc I couldn’t get the help I needed, no one knew how to deal with me. My teachers were lost, my mother was as well. I just couldn’t learn like all the other children.
Sorry my comment is all over the place, it’s my mind going off in every direction.
Life has always been extremely difficult for me, but knowing it’s most likely ASD has bought me peace. I have taken every online ASD test out there, and all except one said high probability of ASD, the one that said I was ASD, but not as high as the others. I’m sure they are have their rating system. But all the info I have found over the last two years point to that, and it makes more sense.
Thank you for these videos, they’re so helpful
Im 62 and have just discovered that ive been austistic all my life..i feel a sense of relief knowing why i acted the way i did as a young girl and now as a woman..thankyou for making these videos.
I feel like you've stepped into my brain and this video is a narrative of what you saw there. Thank you for that!
I really enjoyed this video! There were some things that I had not considered, like living in a fantasy world, the need for repetition, masking daily challenges, and a preference for safe love. My late mother suffered from BPD. I began suffering from anxiety and depression in my late teens and early twenties. I don't have a lot of female friends. However, they have been in my life for 15 - 40 years. In the last four years, I've learned to slow down and rest myself. The medication I take also slows me down. I am currently 67 and am also an HSP.
I have ADD and Autism L1. So far I recognize everything. Yes, the ADD really has made seeing my autistic traits much more difficult. I always told my late bff that I feel like a frustrated perfectionist. Like half my mind strives for perfection and the other side just wants to get it done and overwith. I eventually give in to the messy side because the perfection I am compelled to complete is never good enough.
^ YES! This! I struggle with perfectionism and a bit of ocd. I also struggle with both wanting to have things scheduled out/following a routine AND just wanting to throw it all out the window and be free. What odd ends.
@@violetamethyst1186 Yes, Amen!!
This was incredibly helpful. I’m absolutely ADHD neurodivergent and I’m sure my daughter is on the spectrum. We struggle together but in different ways.
I've suffered from all of these things plus disassociation. No one has ever put a name to it...even after years of therapy. Thank you!
This video is brilliant, as you cover so many different aspects of being autistic. I actually showed it to two of my support workers as I felt like the video was "speaking for me" and perfectly conveying what I deal with on a daily basis because it's often exhausting to have to explain to people. This is a good summery video to show someone for the first time who knows nothing about autism (maybe a family member or something)
I agree that we need more time to recover from social interactions. Even going to answer my door is a whole event for me. I often wear huge dark sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled down because I was unprepared for it and I am not "on".
I’ve stopped answering my door unless I’m expecting a visitor.
@@bluesnowbelle7625 Me too. I only answer if I know who is coming and when.
Great video. Thank you! This is so interesting. A lot of the issues on the list fit with the mbti personality type infj which I identify with. I'm also going through perimenopause and it's absolutely exhausting and it really turns your life upsidedown. It could be that the symptoms are exacerbated by the highly sensitive/empathic nature, neurodiversity and/or complex ptsd, but it's a rollercoaster and I feel for anyone else who is having a similar experience.
I'm grateful to have found your channel. 🙏🌻
Thanks Dr Sage! This is such a great video. All points resonated with me.
I have mostly identified with C-PTSD and HSP, but your work is opening my eyes to Neurodivergence as possibly a big contributor to my struggles.
Perimenopause raised the intensity of salient features and hormone replacement was not an option for me due to family medical history.
I also identify with the body injuries of dropping things all the time.
Overall, this recognition helps with self compassion as a way through for me.
Many thanks for all your work, and showing up more as yourself💕
Thank you, Kim. You hit so many points that I have been experiencing myself but have not questioned. Parallel paths. ♥
You have made my day. I have everything you just listed. I have never known what to call it, neurodivergent, never had a diagnosis.
Recommend to check carefully the mold issues, that can worsen neurological problems & health in general. Diet is the base of my selfcare as an autistic woman: low carb, gluten free, anti-inflammatory, paleo-ish. Doing yoga nidra and at least a little of yoga and qi gong daily makes lots of difference too 🙏
Wow I resonate with this… I was very open and want to be social in my earlier years now I have become more guarded with my personal information
I struggle to do anything. I fear losing my income and insurance. It has happened before. With all my education, employers can’t figure us out when they see our inconsistent spiky profile with great strengths along with great weaknesses, along with not being as understandable to allistics.
A huge obstacle for me is to be willing and able to convey my challenges and strengths in a way that others can understand.
I just want to tell people, but doubt that it would help.
Great summary of a lot of features of the hidden autist.
I tick almost all of these boxes. I feel seen, and I don't feel judged. Thank you.
Everything you said just explained my whole life,, thank you .. I have a history of trauma from childhood and into adulthood, , you explained all my behaviours. Now I just need the solutions to how to fix these things that are causing extreme discomfort in my daily existence, ❤
Acceptance
Any videos on how to deal with psychiatrists strong arming you into believing we are bipolar or BPD instead and forcing medications would be appreciated ⭐️
I could have sworn there was an article or video out there somewhere on "How to break up with a psychologist who doesn't get you". I imagine it should work with a psychiatrist too.
I break up so often with them, I'd like to fight back once, they think they can diagnose you and you have to swallow that as final. I'm so over medical bullies@@violetamethyst1186
Definitely one of my favourite channels. So helpful, Kim. You can pull and communicate things that are a "given" to me but that I would not articulate the way you do. Damn you're smart. Thank you for what you do. 💞💞💞💞💞
Dr. Kim Sage is an absolute gem.
Well that nailed it. I relate on all levels. Grateful to not feel alone here. Thank you
I can tick every single point that you listed. Waiting to be officially diagnosed with combined adhd, privately accessed and told that's what I highly probable have. I really need my time alone. Don't often get it and then I really struggle to keep my cool and patience. I feel guilty that I'm not as sociable as my friends are. I really have to put on my socialising mask when seeing my friends. I don't like them to see the real me! It's very tiring!
I am 41 and started my awakening a few years ago. I am pretty sure I am autistic. I thought things I was doing were fairly like other people. However, I still felt different from others. Then I heard an interview with Katherine May and thought how she is speaking of her experience of life sounds so familiar. I appreciate people talking about it more :) It was spot on when you said that people who experience autism are more comfortable around other neurodivergent humans. Thanks for sharing!
As a male autistic individual, I relate to many aspects mentioned in this video too. I think it's because of the way I was raised (constant focus on being socially acceptable/"normal")
Some men have the more "female" type of autism and some females have the more "male" type.
would love to hear you talk about what kinds of learned skills or practices people have found to be helpful. Thanks for everything, particularly your candor!
I've always been neuro-divergent and punished for it. My parents refused to test me for things i could get professional help for and my doctors refused to treat my semi-normal health problems because i was neuro-divergent on those as well and my autoimmune conditions made me look crazy. I had to learn to live with it without help. Menopause made it more difficult because it came with the weird symptoms that many doctors themselves dont know. I was trying to find out about autism because a family member is on Spectrum only to find i am likely on Spectrum, too. I thank all the people like you doing these videos because it is helping me be better to myself.
Kim, your kids are SO right! You have come such a long way on your journey and it is both a pleasure to see and encouraging for us other travellers.❤
I just wanted to say that you look absolutely adorable and like such a lovely person (judging from your profile photo) 🤗
Thank you so much for this video and I am so happy I found this channel. I feel that this explains me completely. I've suspected I had ADHD tendencies but never thought about having ASD, but it makes sense. I'm in my mid-40s and have had childhood trauma. I was so extremely passive growing up - almost like I had social anxiety and always had a hard time making girlfriends. I have a 5-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD combined type with PDA symptoms. I'm very introverted, and she's very extroverted, but we both definitely have sensory issues, high anxiety and we're both very empathic.
😮😮😮makes me feel so understood! Wow. I’ve taken 5 aspie tests and have scored all within the range for probable and debating if I should get formally diagnosed or not. Currently having a hard time adjusting to dynamics in my work environment. It gets to be so exhausting. 😶
Thank you so much for this video! This pretty much describes me and my ongoing struggles through life! Thanks for validating these experiences and outlining them so succinctly! ❤
So insightful for the first time I feel normal . I experience all these symptoms. I beat myself up for not wanting not to be around people. I feel at peace when I am alone. Thanks for sharing. ❤
Hello Kimberly 🌹, favor upon favor may locate you. Amen, how are you doing ?
Oh my goodness ... you just described me!!!
Thank you for what you said about menopause ... you have expressed beautifully what I couldn't quite put my finger on ❤❤❤
Can’t wait for the next video! I have an intense need to be alone for large amounts of time and have always been curious about it.
posting tomorrow!❤
@@DrKimSage 👏
Thank you so much, figuring this all out in my 30s and it’s so nice to hear your perspective. The sound is great and the room looks cozy.
I am diagnosed BPD & ADHD and could relate to most of these, perhaps all of these points. I don’t know about Autism. The idea that I could be misdiagnosed or missing a diagnosis is stressful so I really like your gentle approach. The way you describe alone time at 16:43 is amazing; I’ve never heard it explained that way before. Much appreciated ❤
I am so glad I came across your channel - everything you are saying resonates. Very validating and useful. Thank you!
4:28 1. social overthinking; over/under-sharing
5:46 2. Exhaustion. Excessive fatigue after social interaction.
6:27 3. Sensory Issues (hyper sensitivity to sounds, smells, textures.
7:49 4. Masking. Managing how you are being perceived in the world.
9:29 5. Dating issues. Limerence - fantasy creation of the person and attaching your hopes and dreams to the person. Sensory issues with kissing, holding hands, etc.
10:27 6. Chronic Anxiety/Depression. White knuckling the ability to hold down a job but can’t manage other tasks, your house is a mess, there are dishes in the sink, your laundry sits there for weeks.
11:08 7. You’re over sensitive/cry a lot.
12:25 8. Female-friendship issues. Trouble trusting other females.
13:43 9. Entrenches in fantasy worlds
14:27 10. Repetition, need for repetition.
15:18 11. secret Stemming - fidgeting with small things that people are less likely to notice, a satin hem on a blanket for example.
15:49 12. Proprioception. Clumbsy, dropping things, bumping into things
16:42 13. Preferring to be alone.
17:31 14. Faking/lying (even to yourself) about how hard life really is to you.
18:48 15. Highly empathic, especially to animals.
19:23 16. Intuitive, good at pattern recognition, picking up on nonverbal cues.
~|
I know someone already listed these out (yay) but they didn’t put the time stamps (boo) so I listed them out again with time stamps. I really wish RUclips would let me copy and paste other people’s comments bc she did a great job and I would have preferred not to have to retype everything just to add time stamps.
I feel like this video describes me almost to a T! I'm 55, menopausal as well and if i have to take a break from my HRT, the anxiety becomes completely wrapped up!
I've always known "something was up with me my whole life, but it was just recently that i found adult female autism is almost an exact match for how I experience life. It can feel like an internal hell. Thank you for this content ❤.
Feel the same way!
Hi, Dr. Sage 😃 I love your videos and content 🫶🏼
May I please say I think you're so beautiful, and your thumbnails do not do you justice! I think they would look even lovelier with your beautiful smile ❤️❤️❤️
OMG This is me! I got officially diagnosed with BPD but could it be Autism? Do you think people get often misdiagnosed? Thank you for this great video!!
Same!
Created by an autist, embrace-autism website has a number of free tests and are printable. They diagnose too but word in the community, the tests are invaluable to get the ball rolling. Yes, women are very often misdiagnosed. Keep researching
This is a very common misdiagnosis, especially for women.
Ha, I tentatively sorta accepted that diagnosis when my son was diagnosed autistic. It didn’t last long before I was questioning it. My chart took a long time to correct, but I finally have help that actually helps.
yes they seem to unfortunately :(. I will talk more about it soon!
This is so good. I have an ex husband and son who are both ASD. As I learned more and more of how my son’s ASD affects every aspect of his world, I realized my ex is totally ASD and I have so much compassion now. ASD women’s challenges - as you are describing - mirror men’s of course so much and your numerous and detailed descriptions are so so enlightening. Thank you.
I took the Meyers Briggs test. I'm an INFJ, which they said is rare & INFJs are frequently neurodivergent. Thoughts?
I am too and I have two autistic sons. I totally relate to what Dr. Kim is saying, though I’ve never been dx with autism.
@@cybermereso apparently it runs in families.
Same here. Watching this, I believe my mom is autistic. My son is dx ADHD and ODD. My brother is dx ADHD, pretty sure he has ODD as well. His son is dx autistic. My daughter has a lot of these symptoms as well. Most definitely genetic, could also be somewhat environmental, as well as a mix of the two.
INFJ here as well, and I have a 20-year-old son who is Autistic.
Interesting... I am also INFJ... and also have a 22 yr old son with autism. I have been doing a lot of research and highly resonate with all of these traits except im not clumsy. This has not been on my radar until the last 6 months, but it's all been a little unsettling for me at this point. NOT embracing it yet.
This is so incredibly comforting.
Was late-diagnosed in my early 40s. I'm in a severe depression. Just lost my ninth job in 7 years. My last stable job, was in January of 17. Workplaces DON'T want to work w people like me. Neither do coworkers/supervisors. I'm also 58. My mind is fried from the sheer stress of trying not to lose my home, everything I've worked for. I'm not married or dating, as I don't trust ANYONE anymore. My counselor said I have complex post-traumatic stress syndrome. I am working on CBT therapy.
I'm sorry you're going thru it, hang in there
My former (male) partner is autistic and successful at his job. Not as successful socially. I think the trick is to have been lucky enough to have found your niche early. Usually you will be most successful working alone. He's an IT engineer, he works all over the state on job sites, alone, although he has to work on the phone while at the job sites to troubleshoot. Other good jobs might be accounting, engineering (lots of different engineering options, electrical engineer, mechanical , probably not civil as lots of meetings), owning a cleaning company - these places usually clean while job sites are empty or closed. Think about jobs that make money yet work alone, there are a lot of them.
Just curious… does the relationship with your counsellor😅 feel ‘okay’? Can you be quite sincere and frank? Grief and trauma can go hand in hand and it sounds like you have various challenges vying for your time which may be exhausting and overwhelming. I say this only as therapy can help but also beware in the wrong setting it can compound issues. That person that listens has to have the space, the time and the want to help you unpack things… carefully and thoughtfully. If you got to a destination and you opened your pristine packed suitcase and found everything awry and items damaged or shampoo bottles leaking out… you wouldn’t want a harassed, tired partner having a go at you at 1 am landing,saying that - you were careless, messy and stupid ( even if it wasn’t your fault) … you would like a partner to commiserate with you, to give a hand cleaning some things up and to may be offer that yes , you could use some of their products until you get more. Therapy can be difficult for when that suite case that contains your life and all of its moments for better or worse. And you need a mature, reliable , trustworthy soul to unpack it with. Not someone who critiques, shames or blames you. If that’s the cases you would never fly the friendly skies again and just stick close to home… and life becomes smaller. Just a meandering thought. 😊
@@SirenaSpades Interesting to read your perspective on this! I am forty, female and never evaluated but definitely check many of the boxes... And i've worked as a barista/food server for most of my adult life with much stress leading to a sort of burnout (although i do like interacting with people). Now i do housekeeping and i'm finding it so enjoyable, certainly do not see myself returning to customer service anytime soon if i can help it.
Thank you@@ksteed1167
I love that background!!!! What's the mic?
OMG! I relate with every single point. What next?
Great video. You’re very refreshing and a beautiful person
🌱🌏💚 KiaOra. Its good to see you Kim. I think one video a week on a regular weekly schedule is an acceptable baseline. That way, you can have a couple of weeks content pre recorded up your sleeve - a burn out buffer. Hold extra topic premieres &/or livestreams if you want to upload more than the weekly scheduled video. As a viewer I appreciate consistent content less often, than inconsistent content more often. I've recently joined Autistic AF (after forty) channel & have learned more there in 2 livestream visits than an entire year of visiting medical "professionals". One thing I've noticed myself re girls autism masking - is that societally, it's extremely dangerous to be a girl with zero social skills & an inability to read others actions/intent. Predator bait. Hence, creating a perfect camouflage. Your physical & emotional safety actually does depend on it.
In college, I used to struggle to balance trying to be with friends, and then getting alone time to cope with the exhaustion of being with them, since they were mostly 'normal'. But it wasn't until much later that I began to suspect I was autistic and not just weird. I just wish I knew why it seems that no one ever asks -why- you answer questions on these tests the way you do. I've been told I'm dangerously introverted, yet when I'm around people I'm comfortable with [ie, ND people] then I'm perfectly happy being social.
Yes, my counsellor told me yesterday that autistic traits usually become more pronounced during the menopause, which is why so many of us are diagnosed in our 40s. This was me 100% and suddenly it all made so much sense. Thought I'd share this in case anyone finds it reassuring - I thought I was imagining that my traits had got worse and now I realise it was true and I know why too! Basically autism + menopause = 😵💫 Anyway, thank you for another great video Dr Sage 😊
Did she explain why
@hmmm2564 I think she said the menopause hormones affect the part of our brain that makes us neurodiverse. Don't quote me on that though! Just in case I've remembered it slightly wrong! It makes a lot of sense as to why so many of us are diagnosed in middle age...
1000% relate to all of this as well. I also relate to C-ptsd from childhood and bi polar.
Love your new set up and thank you so much for sharing this information. 🙏🏻❤️
I just want to add one thing further - I have noticed that I prefer to hang out with males and don't really need the company of women. I thought it was my poor maternal relationship that was to blame. Also, the women that I do get along with themselves get along really well with males.
Wow. This all applies to me and helps me so much to be kinder to myself for these characteristics that I have kept to myself.
Interesting. So it could be CPTSD, and it could be autism? How do we know which one is it?
I was laughing to myself when you said that you are clumsy.
I am so clumsy that people could suspect that I am being abused, with all the bruises all over my legs and hands😂 I remember once walking into the wall, because I missed the door way. I don't think that I am autistic, but I definitely see more and more people with Aspergers, with absolutely no filter, talking whatever come to their head first, no matter how hurtfull it is.
Dear Dr. Kim, thank you for this education. I have made an appointment with a learning disability specialist referred by a psychiatrist who i have been acquainted with. I am 59, it is time. I understand my trauma; but feel there is more to uncover, want to care for & understand. Related 100% to your video. Teared up- of course! ;) With heart- Amy
I believe I am on the spectrum...and I was never understood'
Hold on. Where can I find you talking about the satin texture on blankets? I absolutely did this as a kid as a soothing mechanism...
Get out of my brain... I'm batting a thousand 😬🙃
Wow, so nice to hear these things. I'm 68 and I have been reading about trauma and now autism. It surely does hit home the many problems I've had over the years. Almost validating. And on this new journey to finding my true self. It is hard.
Dr. Kim….thank you for this. My son has Asperger Syndrome and he and I are just the same. I realized at his point of diagnosis that I too was on the spectrum. This video checked so many boxes for me. You have been a blessing to me today. Thank so much ❤.
This video is a work of art. Perfection. The Holy Grail of describing Aspie / high functioning autistic women. There should be a book elaborating om this, with help and tips. Watching this was a profound experience for me. From a follower in Sweden.
Thank you Dr Kim. This video really has made me look deeper at myself! Thank you!