how to spot high masking autism: 13 signs
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2025
- This video describes high masking autism, where and why we might "camouflage or mask," the 3 categories of camouflaging/masking, and then provides 13 signs that point to high masking dynamics for people on the autism spectrum.
Signs begin at 9 minutes!
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The CAT-Q: embrace-autism...
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Super helpful list…. ❤
1) Endure/conceal sensory issues
2) Hiding food aversions
3) Suppressing or avoiding sensory stimulation
4) Repressing stimming
5) Mimics or memorize socially acceptable behavior/clothes/makeup
6) Practicing, scripting, monitoring conversation while having them/ overly nice
7) Overly focusing on eye contact
8) Adjusting body language continually
9) Masking social discomfort in conversation/social settings
10) Hide or change how you would normally solve a problem
11) Chronically hyper aware of impression you are making socially
12) Relying on others to be with you when you do routine things
13) Feeling very different from others
14) Raging anxiety
Thank you for making this video!
And sorry if I split one into two!
Ohhhh that’s me.
Thank you. Some feel repetitive, especially the top 4
Thank you! Champion of the day!
Thank you! 😊👍🏻🤍
Thank you so much for making this list! ❤️
Is this why I always walk away from having a conversation with someone new and thinking that I say way too much. Then I just don’t want to even be around people so I don’t have to worry about saying something weird.
Yes exactly 💔🩷🙏🏻
Me too!! I have a hangover just from talking to people. Even just the cashier at the store I’m like omg Liz, why did you say that?!? 🤡
yep, thats me,,so frustrating,,just trying to be friendly and let people know me
@@jayneanderson8057 Yes. I like people but then they immediately start asking too much from me.
Does anyone else repeat things that you've sent over text or said to a person over and over in different voices to try and figure out how they interpreted it
I cried when I listened to this because I feel like different aspects of me are always in conflict, and I have been exhausted for most of my life.
Because there are so many choices to make in life it can be overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with you. Just push away the things that you don't have to deal with in your day to day life. If you have trouble figuring out what shoes to wear then you are over thinking a simple matter. That is a problem that only you have created.
same. until i found out about autistic people. all pieces fall into places, now i’m just more cautious and careful about my body state
I found this video upsetting - not because it's bad. But because more of the realism hit. Thank you for helping me understand myself.
You deserve love & acceptance.
You aren't alone. It's upsetting to realize how hard we try and want acceptance. Rejection has been an experience for most of us and it's tough to acknowledge. I deal by saying that others don't understand and don't deal with the challenges of neuro d. But at the same time they don't experience the joy of what our gifts can bring us. Take care.
Hi @davec200i, when I started watching these sorts of videos I cried for days, realising I was autistic, and it would never change.
Now I realise it is a difference not truely a disorder.
Now I view these videos as rich with strategies, and like @warriormamma8098 says, you are accepted. I get you.
completely understand. this is new to me too. can only do bits at a time.
@@BarbzSA thanks Barbz - yip the rejection - the misunderstanding, the miscommunication - people project the _worst_ onto me - (while I only have the best intentions) - I truly love, trust, honour, value & respect who I am - just hurts so much when others don't understand, and I get (AM currently overwhelmed) trying to explain. as challenging as i can be, would not change WHO I am.
My entire life has been one long performance based on shame. Chronic fatigue -- also a fact of my life. I've suspected my autism for awhile now, but I never connected masking to my chronic fatigue until watching this video! Wow! (Getting my hair done is one of my biggest aversions. I let my hair go gray.) I have always hidden my inability to do the daily technical requirements of being in society. Hypervigilant about presenting as normal. Procrastination based on my eternal anxiety. Etc, etc. Thanks for these videos. They are so helpful!
Early on I learned to cut and color my own hair. I can even use two mirrors and give myself a stacked bob or pixie cut! It helps that I am extremely flexible as well.
@@warriormamma8098I cut my own hair too 😝
@@warriormamma8098 I particularly love henna.
Try an elimination diet. Cut out all processed foods, wheat, dairy and sugar. Eat meat, vegetables, and some fruit. Do this for a while. See if your symptoms lift. Then after a month or two, start reintroducing eliminated foods in very slowly as sometimes symptoms don’t start coming back for 3 days or more after eating them. You may also find there is a tolerance level, where you can eat small amounts of problematic foods but larger amounts cause issues. Our guts are broken, and foods are poisoning us. That’s how I simplistically think about it. Guy dysbiosis, structural issues. I don’t know the underlying mechanisms, I just know I must be very strict on my diet to not feel physical symptoms.
@@MelissaPerrow-vz2jp I had a food allergy test by a Naturopath. For me eating the right foods and staying away from highly procprocessed foods definitely helps!
In Sweden where I live, you can choose when you book your haircut, to not speak during the session 🤍
You know I’ve recently heard this but I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t be hard to ask for!😂❤
I love this!! Oh wow. That would be amazing. It’s extremely difficult for me to ask for that. It’s so deeply engrained that I am always to be accommodating and friendly to others. I end up talking to some Uber drivers the entire ride bc my friendly mask kicks on and I don’t have the strength to stop it. But all I want is to just sit quietly 😭but then just for wanting that, I feel like an a$$hole!! Ugh no wonder I’m so tired all the time.l everything is so hard out there in the world!!! Lol
Wow!! The conversation aspect alone will keep me from making hair appointments so that option would be so nice!
I travel 2 hours to a salon in Edinburgh that does this.
@@annaunger9328 I wrote a whole thoughtful reply but YT doesn’t want me to be great and it disappeared after posting. Suffice it to say, this sounds like an amazing feature I wish we had here for many things. Because I don’t have the courage to say that that’s what I want, bc I’m so used to feeling like I need to be friendly and compliant!
I can't function the rest of the day when and after having a service person (plumber, electrician etc) coming to my house to fix or maintain something. Also after going to the hair salon. Wow. I finally found someone who explains the "strange" way my brain works. I'm so grateful to understand and be validated.
I am the same way.
I am 58 years old and I realized a while ago that I've been masking all my life. The issue for me is that the older I get masking has become more and more difficult. Hypervigilance is exhausting. I notice that I overstimulation is taking its toll on me. I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown on a daily basis. Work is becoming difficult because the "real" me emerges when the stress of the job hits me. I also have a 32 year-old son who is autistic at home. This adds to the craziness.
Be yourself and you’ll realize a lot of people are actually similar to yourself. We all have issues and people who act perfect are liars and fakers
I’m 63 and know I’m on the spectrum and now realizing I’ve been masking for as long as I remember ! My daughter who is 44 and autistic has been living with us for a yr.. and we’re raising her 13 yr old who is autistic and her 6 yr old who isn’t on the spectrum , so I can relate to the craziness and exhaustion ❤️🙏❤️
You just exactly described my life except I'm 59 and my son is 26.
The fact that ASD and ADHD is hereditary means that we will be in the unfortunate position of needing to teach our children things we haven’t figured out, yet. My daughter’s 5th grade teachers told me I needed to teach her organizational skills. I did not know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm 55 and have suspected for a few years now that I'm autistic and it explains so much about my whole life. I have a 23 yr old autistic daughter which is how I started to realize that I might also be on the spectrum. In all my research on her behalf I related to so much of what I learned. I haven't received an official diagnosis but I believe it in my heart and notice the older I get the more pronounced it is, the way I Stim or communicate, my avoidance of socializing and needing to decompress after being with others, my sensory issues are more pronounced, needing to avoid crowded or loud places, etc.
People sometimes ask (indirectly) how could I not KNOW I'm autistic - how could I go through life not realizing something so fundamental about myself? But when you think about it, inside our own heads we're all living our own version of "normal", right? So before I got diagnosed I thought it's the same thing and "normal" for everybody; that everybody is always aware of their body movements and facial expressions, and monitoring them to fit what everyone else does; that everyone feels awkward in social situations and has to force themselves to participate. Turns out it's not normal and not everyone does it, shocking 😂
When I was in my 20s I had enough energy to deal with all that, but then I got to my 30s and started to crash and burn every 12 months, then every 6 months, then every few months... and I didn't understand why. I now know that it was my constant masking in a demanding work environment that sent me spiraling into burnout all the time, because the accumulative cognitive load became too much for my brain to handle. Masking really is the the silent killer, it sneaks up on you little by little. And trying to unlearn all those coping strategies is a whole other beast to tackle. I don't know if I'll ever be fully unmasked, even with people close to me. Time will tell I guess.
You put it in words so perfectly. It was a shock realizing not everybody suffers from all of this… but me.
So not everybody feels awkward in groups ?
Yes!!! I wish more people like you (and I) spoke about this, because I feel a little alienated from the autistic community! Most autistics I hear on youtube and tiktok and all that, all talk about not knowing who they are, thinking that they are not normal and have to fit in and mask, and they lose who they are because they get caught up in trying to be like everyone else. Seeing that they are different and coming to the conclusion that they're the one in the wrong and something must be wrong with them and they have to be like everyone else.
I was NEVER like that! My whole like I thought I was the normal one and everyone else was being fake and trying to be cool or whatever, and I was the only genuine person around, and everyone else had severe issues meanwhile I was the one who didn't have problems.
My whole life I always thought I was the normal one, and it was everyone else who was problematic. And now, knowing I'm autistic, I still think I'm right! HAHAHA! I'm always myself. Yes, I deal with a lot of negatives that are problems with being autistic (and ADHD) but the way that I think and speak and do things is inherently better and society should really pick up on it. The burden of being smart is being right but no one cares, agrees, or believes you.
I've really started embracing the "what the fuck ever" idea in my life where if someone thinks I'm this or that or this or that, what the fuck ever. It's hard sometimes, but it's for the best. Someone thinks I'm weird, rude, or what have you? Try a little to amend things, of course, but if they reveal they are dedicated to misunderstanding you, fuck them.
Also, fully taking off the mask would just be me turning into an animal, so it's not really a possibility. There is still a need to like, not be a nuisance to others. I'm not going to bark at the cashier. Even though I want to. I'm not going to scream in public because that's what I really want to do at the moment. But you are so right, masking is a silent killer. If I can't be weird for too long I start to feel my cells dying.
I didn't know I was autistic because I'm fucking stupid.
@@Star_Rattleromg yes yes yes yes all the way yes; never been diagnosed but I'm 35 yrs old F, and I've been suspicious for a few years now, but this evening, 3 videos, and this comment omgsh YES, all the yes's'! 💯🔥🎉😭🤩🥳🫠🥹🥺🫡😍😭😂😭😅🙃
OMG talking on the phone! I would rather drive across town and talk to a person than call on the phone. Even talking to friends, It is SOOOO anxiety provoking!
Thank you for sharing. I thought I was the only one like this
Omg same!!!!
Same here, I've always hated the phone, except for talking to my mother, sisters or husband, then it's ok.
I detest the phone.
I do agree abt phone conversations! Especially with family- I don’t know what to say.
57 and this video has opened my eyes. My daughter was diagnosed on the spectrum a few years ago. I have been in denial but here I am because someone loved me enough to send me this video.
I now understand why I love my career. I’m an echo tech and it is a quiet environment where I use both sides of my brain-art and science, and have minimal conversation with my patient. Sigh
As the Japanese say 'We have 3 faces' 1st your work face, 2nd friends & family, 3rd when you are alone.
I admire the Japanese way. I've noticed the rise in popularity of those street interview videos in which youtubers ask passersby their opinions on various subjects. But I see that as a fool's errand because I recognize the Japanese tendency to avoid saying anything bad or offending anyone. And I've heard a lot of westerners getting frustrated over this, but I admire it. I understand this is their way of keeping the peace and harmony with others. In truth, everyone does that, but for some reason when the Japanese do it, westerners get offended and feel the behavior is dishonest or fake. I don't think it is. I think there are ways to sincerely appreciate any view in such a way that one only has good things to say. It's just tact and courtesy. And if it takes a little more elaboration to know a Japanese personally in order to get them to show their unfiltered opinion, I respect that as well.
In my communication theory class for my master's degree, I did a paper on face negotiation theory and found it extremely interesting.
As the Hopi say ...Feel it to release it...
Equally invalidating in this conversation.
We Must define the energy and embody it fully ...own it...
I have at least 7 faces and the Japanese person in my life is a bundle of joy face All the time
So whadoIknow 😂❤🎉
@@j-555 Thank you; your comments are very insightful and much appreciated.
@@nudibranch1379 blessings !
Thank you,this is one of the best explanations of masking ive seen ,im late diagnosed (62) and used to think "oh i dont think i mask " basically because it was a vocabulary i wasnt used to , youve managed to explain, in detail and importantly how it feels, ive been listening along silently saying yes tick to each category, this has been so helpful.
So happy to hear it was helpful ❤❤❤
I am 60 and have an evaluation scheduled for 7/22. Are you employed? If so, I’d like to ask you some other questions.
Relate to your answer very much
ALL of the situations mentioned, perfectly describes my functioning level throughout my life - no wonder why i'm most often so stressed and exhausted - being in the world is so challenging -
i'm 79 - still trying to figure me out ...
This brought a tear to my eye realizing there's an answer for some of the life-long struggles that I have felt.
This is absolutely me 24/7. I'm trying to fit into this planet, and even after 50 years here, I'm still doing most of this on a daily basis.
I hate having to act intetested in what people are saying. I dont like talking unless there is a goal to be reached. Pointless conversation baffles me.
You are very normal. Don't listen to these Dr. people. 1st Covid scandal and now autism scandal. Yes, the WHO wants us all under their thumb, and the way to do it is through the medical re educating. We live in a wicked and crazy world. Who created it? Not you or me. This DR. behaves like a narcissist.
This is me, too. I've been masking since I was 5 or so and early on gave up on social interactions. I'm now in my 70s. I also have a high IQ, I'm an INFJ, and am a psychologist who works in higher ed administration. It is so freeing to finally get answers, not based on the DSM, that can help me sort out everything. Thank you!
She's helping me more than any "professionals" I've seen since I was 18. I'm a 52-year-old single mother of a 13-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism. I have a general mistrust of all medical workers because of decades of medications and misdiagnoses. I had to endure ECT twice. I really feel like I've been a guinea pig. I am now Disabled for PTSD, ADHD, and an "unspecified personality disorder." I honestly feel as if I've been flying under the radar of Autism for all of my life now that I've been watching her videos. I do every single thing she has mentioned, and it really hits hard. All I really want to do is to be able to "function normally" for the sake of my daughter (and yes, I really would like to be comfortable with the process of living.) I feel like if people see that I am "mentally messed up," then they will think that I'm a terrible mother, especially with my daughter learning to navigate life with Autism. And that feeling spirals so that I feel hopeless. I cannot allow that, though, because I want with all my heart to give her the best life possible. So I am way, way out of my comfort zone while gathering help for her with a psychiatrist, therapist, and special education at school. All of it is triggering, and my physical health has steadily declining because I still cannot find "real" help for myself mentally.
I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to whine when so many others are suffering too!
I feel you. I am proud of you. My newly 18 yr old daughter is Asperger’s. Aka autism. She has always homeschool due to that and severe anxiety and bad ADHD. I am trying. Low estrogen made my mental health so scary. Birth control pills are helping w depression, anxiety, ADHD & all the other perimenopause stuff like night sweats, headaches, chills, muscle aches, joint stiffness, memory issues, insomnia, constipation & so on. It is so hard especially I feel like for women in America. God bless anyone who needs support. Love from Orlando FL.
@@warriormamma8098 perimenopause/ menopause/ ADHD makes life so incredibly difficult. Work is so stressful bc of this.
@@RedNicole22 Emerita Progest balancing cream has been a life saver for me. It balances estrogen. It's a natural progesterone cream that's made with wild yams.
No need for any apology. You deserve to be heard as much as anyone else.
❤oooh gosh I feel like so many of us have been gaslighted by mental non-professional institution malarkey...frankly SHIT at listening and have their hearts dissociate from their nurse Ratched heads hahaaaa
Except the great ones ofcourse
I never got to meet.
Loads of Love to you
❤you go grl xxx
Dr. Kim, thank you for this video ❤
I've always been into psychology but my knowledge on autism was very, very mild. This video started playing on my TV (automatically) randomly, while I was doing some work around the house with youtube as my background noise. First I was not very interested and even though about changing the video, since autism was so foreign to me. But something told me to keep on watching. I related so much and because of this video, I got a diagnosis. It has been almost 6 months and I feel like I can see everything clearly now, ive never been happier. It feels like I spent 30 years lost, in the dark, but I can see now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, I don't know what else to say ❤
Thank you for this. Your combination of professional and experiential knowledge on autistic traits is something our community definitely needs more of.
13:12 I find that one thing I enjoy about being around animals is it's socially acceptable to talk to them in weird little voices, repeat words to them, repeat their names, and play with them on their level. It can be so soothing, meanwhile it looks like I'm soothing them-- and I think many people intuitively know how comforting it is to interact with an animal (not just touching, but appreciating their personalities) and sortof have this low-social-risk opportunity to let your walls down EVEN if there are other humans spectating.
Thank you for this video and for talking about these issues!😊 This whole series diving into high-masking autism has been incredibly helpful in my journey❤ For those who think this happens to most people, it is true that many may have difficulties showing their true selves at some point in their lives. However, as neurodiverse individuals we hide most of the things we do, say or feel in fear of rejection or judgement. Some of us spent many many years feeling out of place, being frowned upon, receiving mistreatment because the way we talk, socialize, laugh, or go about our everyday life is weird to others. The amount of energy we put into looking "normal" and "acceptable" is huge, so much so that it is exhausting. I used to wonder why I would get sick after certain social events, why I needed so many things to be a certain way in order to attend events or meet with friends. It even affected my higher education and professional possibilities, and until recently, it made me feel guilty and weak. Now I understand better. So no, not everyone is autistic and not everyone masks in order to survive.
Been learning a lot about autism in the last few weeks (and I'm 48). It's been kind of awesome just being able to put words to some of this stuff that has been with me all my life, especially stims and masking. I've always been one to go out of my way to try to spare others the anxiety that I'm feeling, just in case they have it too.
So helpful thanks! At 40 I found out I'm neuro d. So much made sense! Now I'm using calmer ear plugs, wearing clothes inside out when possible to avoid seams and generally finding ways to make life easier! Love the wallpaper. ❤
New subscriber from Australia. This is me! My son is ASD level 3 and it's made me realise I'm a one or two! What a fantastic channel and reading the comments made me feel part of a group for the first time at 48 years old! Thankyou
I find both masking and not masking stressful, though masking is generally worse due to the exhaustion involved. In general, I try my best to minimise contact with people these days, but the downside is that you're viewed as being asocial or even antisocial, though I'm pretty much at an age and a stage in life where it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, pre-diagnosis. I no longer feel that I owe people as much effort as I once did with regard to trying to fit in.
At my new job (where no one currently knows about my diagnosis) I only make an effort to talk about work-related topics. The rest of the time, I immerse myself in music. That said, I expect to regularly have my routine broken and to find myself in situations that I struggle with sensorily and socially. I've now resigned myself to the fact that that's how life is and that I just have to get through it, despite the burnout and inner turmoil involved.
Retirement will bring more peace ❤
Yep, I immerse in music all day to get thru the day. I find meeting new people exhausting. I like routines. If it changes I tend to explode emotionally or mentally. So I get you 100%
woman...32... diagnosed 2 years ago and let me tell u when it CLICKED it friggin clickedddddddd! made sense. everything for once just made sense! great explanation! thanks
What you said about "At work, you become your job title" really resonates. Years ago I got my go to mental mantra from Star Trek. Data was having a melt down and Picard calmly told him "Mr. Data, you are a Star Fleet officer. You will assume your post and do your duty." A much better thought than get yer mind right Luke or it's back in the box." Thumbs up!
19:42 I was booked to the dentist the other day and for whatever reason they mixed up my details and booked me to another dentist not my regular one. When I saw the person, I thought she may be the assistant so, I asked her "where's the dentist" and she said "I'm the dentist". I literally jumped out of the seat like "oh no sorry I want my regular dentist" so we all quickly realised it was a mix up and they kindly booked me to my regular one. I was thinking all the way home like how much I freaked out for no real reason basically, I'm sure this other dentist would have been just as nice and competent as my regular one, but the fact that she was not the one I was prepared to see, even I was surprised how much it triggered me suddenly. 😲
Shit. This resonates for me. I didn’t have these kinds of reactions before covid and before all the stacked trauma however … it’s a feeling of not being safe.. having the rug ripped out from under you. I attribute it to CPTSD.
🙏🏼 Hoping she has a video distinguishing between the two
I blurted out to my new dentist that I had autism. He was the first person non family I sd anything to and I don’t have a formal diagnosis yet. He was great. Offered for me to keep the X-ray weighted thing on, offered warm blankets, earphones with my choice of movie or music and promised to be gentle and tell me everything before he did it. Wow! Dr. David Sutton at Dapper Dental in Winter Park, Florida if anyone is near there.
Sudden, unannounced changes are the worse. I remember going out with friends, we had planned some activities, but when we arrived one of them wanted to change plans and everyone was on board. Such a stupid, inconsequential situation, but you know the deal - I was caught between wanting to go along for everyone's sake, wanting to force everyone to stick to the original plan, wanting to communicate my discomfort in a lowkey, non-dramatic fashion so no one is concerned about my sudden change in mood, not finding the words, telling myself I'm overreacting, telling myself I'm underreacting, people looking at me, a decision waiting to be made... and eventually, as it all became too much, breaking down in a miserable puddle of tears, feeling overwhelmed, too sensitive, embarrassed, angry and helpless all at once.
It's difficult.
Seven days ago, at the ripe old age of 68yrs,11 months and 1 week, i self diagnosed as high masking autistic after listening to this video..... i hit 11 1/2 out of 13 and cried for an hour.... finally i know why i never fit in and have 30yrs of scars and still active sores from skin picking....still want a formal diagnosis to add to the chronic depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, high BP and IBS already on the books.... but still i live the best i can in a small New Mexico town surrounded by Indian Pueblos
Me also,you are not alone 😊, god allways helps me❤
Im 66. Female been ADHD my whole life. Diagnosed at 34 but I am starting to kearn so much more from this new information.
Im learning so much from you, I'm sitting here crying, things are finally clicking. Thank you for all of your videos, even though I really need to go back to the beginning! You are a wonderful person, thank you again 💜
❤❤❤
I did the same when I found her on TikTok. After SIXTY YEARS I finally KNOW what it is about me that is different from others. I want to say “what’s wrong with me,” but I’m trying not to look at it that way. But I cried when I first started watching her videos and seeing myself for the first time. And I have CONSTANTLY sought answers!
@@prodigalson1870 me too! It's really nice finally understanding and knowing I'm not alone 💜
Your passion of digging into this topic and presenting it the way you do is truly much appreciated. Thank you very much for sharing your findings and perspectives!
I'm on my own journey, with no official diagnosis at this point, but my own research has shown that it's more than likely I'm on the spectrum. My CAT-Q results suggest that I'm high masking. The longer I've been thinking about it, the more I see two different versions of it in myself.
One functions basically as a translation between myself and the rest of the world, like a foreign language. This part helps me communicating what I have to say (or not). I try to take care not to wear any random clothes as I naturally would, but socially accepted clothes that are not miscommunicating things I didn't intend. But I'm trying to do my own version of it, where I don't go to work in track pants, but in the most comfortable work-fitting pants I can. I don't blend in perfectly, but it's enough not to raise eyebrows. That part is fine.
The other one I'd rather avoid, because it's draining SO much energy that I would rather use on important things, which is why regular tasks seem to be draining me so much more than other people, looking at it from the outside. However, it's not the task that's draining, but all the extra energy that goes into behaving like a normal person. This one sucks. A lot. Need to find ways to deal with this, because my overall energy keeps running lower and lower.
Yes I can truly relate to the tasks issue and so many of us also have chronic illness which silently acts to sabotage whatever energy is left/ alongside it not being rewarding or stimulating but then adding to stress and shame ❤🙏🏻thank you for sharing here and being here with me
@@DrKimSage oh, indeed. I consider myself very lucky not having to additionally fight CFS or anything else that goes in that direction.
I overlooked this video at first but now that ive circled back to it, i adore it. I hope you make more
I started realizing that I am autistic and have adhd at the same time after finding out that my nephew is autistic. I took a dive into learning autism to learn more about it, and started getting adult autism content. I started watching and listening to them and realized that there is a lot of things that I resonate with. I went to different sites to take tests, and they all say that I am and that I am high masking (through the cat-q test). I am looking at a diagnosis but am struggling with the money part of it.
I'm not sure if I am autistic, but I definitely have some traits you mentioned. I got seriously overwhelmed recently. I started a new job and had to go to the office for the first time since 2019. Everything was new: new people, new faces and names to remember, having to think about what to talk to people I had just met, and not wanting to come across as silent (although I didn't feel like talking to anyone while I was already overwhelmed). There were many new rooms to remember. I had to wear not-so-comfortable 'office clothes' and controll my body language (making sure it looks like I am listening and being nice and open, because that is the impression I want to give of myself). There were lots of bright lights, having to learn new things while being in an open space with lots of noise, people talking simultaneously and walking behind my back. I had to commute in noisy and crowded public transport on a hot and humid summer day, and then wanted try to have a life after work, doing stuff, talking to my fiancé, friends, and family... Too much of everything and everyone. I like people, I really do. But I also like my temporary solitude to charge my batteries. Today is Saturday, and I'm happy being home alone, not talking to anyone, just slowly doing things at my own pace and trying to heal. Thank God the job is mostly work-from-home from now on, with just rare visits to the office. I plan to buy noise-cancelling headphones asap, hope that will help too.
Hi, I can resonate completely with how you have described what you’ve been going through. I hope the headphones really help you. I worked full time until 2019 until I became so ill I had to quit my job and am too disabled now to work. I am 42 and a single mum of an autistic/adhd teenager. Still waiting after a few years for her diagnosis 😢. I am learning just this week that I may be autistic…..it’s been a shock realising about myself after all these years. I wish you all the best 😊
I can relate I like to be sociable but it's exhausting I feel like I have a burnout after seeing my small group of friends I can isolate myself from everyone for weeks and not even realise it but after weeks I then get lonely and want someone to talk to again at work I'm one of the quiet ones I'll talk occasionally but when I'm spoken to but I can't work in a fast pace environment my brain gets overwhelmed my partner of 19 years always tells me to calm down and stop overthinking everything not in a bad way though
imagine if your whole life was like this. if every day brought this challenge.
Bro you dont have autism you just described what every normal person goes through on their first day of a new job, are you kiddin me?
There's some in-ear sound filtering products that might help with audio overwhelm. They're not earplugs, for blocking out sound, but they change the wavelength so certain sounds aren't so irritating. The ones I used were called "Flare Calmer". I was around crying infants a lot and the sound was like claws on my biological chalk board (like physically painful in my lungs and chest to hear the sound, even if the volume itself wasn't particularly loud.)
There are different kinds (sizes, colors, I think possible frequency types?), but you could give that a try. The ones I had were silicone and I would forget I was wearing them. Apparently they help with tinnitus too, ha.
I love your videos. They are very helpful. ❤ High masking for almost 60 years.
Thank you so much ❤️🙏🏻❤️sending love!
Wow. I stumbled upon your videos accidentally today. Yes, you get it and explain so well. I am 55 and really learned to mask only by the age of 15 or so. I learned to do it quite naturally, so that my friends don’t believe I had any issues at school. I thought of myself as as introvert, and mostly was reading and watching tv as a kid, but then I felt I needed people, I wanted social life, so I learned by reading whatever I could find, and mimicking. Then again, its good to understand where its coming from, but I would still be doing it to fit in. Once I learned I could afford to become more selective, almost like “normal people”, honestly I think even better, due to all this learning.
Anyway. I am here to tell you I am fascinated by what you do, and will be following your videos! ❤
Had to thumbs up 4 seconds in because that specific Erik Satie song is quite literally part of what my soul is made of.
Now, onto watching the video.
Very much informative! 🙌
Thank you ma’am for being so calm and having a smooth way in communicating. It’s helps so much to be able to hear you and take in your teachings with ease. Thank you again 😌
I didn't feel I was different. I knew I was always different. Stimming ✅ Comfort in routine ✅ Repeating a song all day ✅ Lining things up ✅ Feeling textures ✅
I just never have any sensory overload issues, thankfully. Still an introvert.
I'm SO Introverted!!!!! I also have zero tolerance for people with negative energy. I find it IMPOSSIBLE to mask when I'm around them
You sound normal.
Thank you for this. It helps women who have been struggling for a very long time and didn't understand. I'm a therapist and this is the most well thought out video about woman and autism that I have found.
Super helpful! Thank you so much. You've opened a huge door for me.
Thank you Dr.Kim, I'm learning so much about my self because of you.
Sooo true & so much trauma from trying to keep everyone happy & not let things slip.
The worst- being accused of being rude, flirting or leading someone on when you think you had rhetorical behavior right and were just being friendly. 😭
I’m 26 and I think I’m. I’m investigating in these days about my feelings and my condition. This video is amazing. I loved in particular your description of the consequences of changing plans: for me it’s true! I thought that changing plans wasn’t a big of a deal but often, after I did it, I can feel meltdown with apparently no reason. Thank you!
I love this video, thankyou. I am 55 and starting the process of diagnosis. I've done all the self report tests for autism and adhd and score very high on the CatQ. I am so fascinated by the masking and how well I do it as I've been an actor (in the profession) for 45 years and have taught theatre for over 30 years. My special interest is psychology and human behaviour. I even wrote a masters thesis on the meanings in the subtext of human interaction and conversation! I think I did my homework on fitting in lol, and also now I love not fitting in on purpose. I think the menopause has helped with that. I am worried that I won't get a diagnosis because of the masking, and ability to ace tests etc, but I have become such a hermit because I can no longer not honour my natural state. I'm also totally resonating with a PDA profile. I have been no contact with family for over 10 years because of Narcissism and it's so interesting to explore this overlap with autism. I can really see how my dad fits the autism profile as well as Narc now I look at it through this lens. So much trauma and CPTSD has been acknowledged and healed from by me, but you're right, it's not explaining everything. I'm fascinated to see what I discover. I will say that the NHS path to diagnosis makes me feel like a victim and I refuse that label, so it's a fine line to stay empowered and also convince others I do actually need support. Anyhoo, great video. I feel prepared for my GP appointment next week to secure my referrals and advocate for myself properly if they try and squeeze me into a 'white middle class boy who likes trains' niche! (which is my dad incidentally!)
I’m also beginning to see autism overlaps with my narcissistic family
Your videos are so precious. It feels like my soul is healing❤️
I think a lot of us don't even realise just how much of our lives we spend pretending and acting. I mean, even when I'm on my own at home, I'm still practising for conversations I'll likely never have and acting before an invisible audience. As a result of these behaviours, we barely know who we actually are! It's sad...
Thanks for another extremely helpful video, Dr. Kim. I often feel overwhelmed by the speed and intensity of the information in videos, but still make the effort to listen to the whole thing.
I don’t know if this is masking but I’ve felt very different from everyone else socially my whole life and even now at 50 it’s still work for the most part to try to be “normal”. It’s not a problem until I have conflicts within relationships (personal or business) where I instinctively believe that I’m the broken one and therefore I must defer to others opinions rather than have respect and boundaries for myself. But over the last 5-10 years I’ve made some changes that have greatly improved things…
Number 1 (this wasn’t overnight) I believe that I’m inherently not broken and that I’m a good person who deserves respect. I give myself permission to make mistakes and be wrong and be ok with it.
Number 2: Everyone to some degree or another believes they are in some way broken. They are battling too. People aren’t inherently “better” than me socially.
Number 3: I started practicing active listening- really listening to what people are saying and not being afraid to ask questions if something they said doesn’t make sense. Conflict resolution is about listening and learning to understand the other side not merely defending your own. This can sometimes be annoying to the kind of people who don’t think they should explain themselves. But overtime you can surround yourself with more likeminded people who aren’t afraid to be more self aware.
For you I have taken all of those tests online that you mentioned and every single one of them come back that it's very likely that I'm autistic. My scores are off the charts.
What's interesting is that in many coaching containers that assist with social skills that attract those on the spectrum teach masking in order to get along in normative career situations etc.
I appreciate your vulnerable honesty as a psychologist
As a person diagnosed with autism (asperger) late in life, I don't like the expression "high functioning/low functioning" either. Mostly because it depends and it varies. I'm really high functioning in some areas and will excel, but in other and quite mundane areas, I suck. One area will not cover for others.
Just discovered your channel while looking for clues as to whether I could be autistic, or to what to attribute some of my sensitivities and somewhat unusual reactions to. Just at the beginnning of looking into this, and your channel offers a very credible and professional resource for me. So many thanks for your info, as well as your warm manner and intelligent articulation. 😊
For anyone that came for information; she doesn't get to the point ti 10:15
So I have been watching videos, reading books, taking tests and trying to understand what is the deal with my brain. So many of the behaviours you've listed in this video have been my life, I always thought everyone was doing those things and I was just not as good at them as everyone else. I suspect I may be AuDHD based on all the things I've learned on my journey so far. Thank you for sharing this message and helping people to recognize their uniqueness and hopefully it helps people recognize their need for help or diagnosis. Keep up the great content!
It’s wild realizing you’ve been a high maskinh person with Autism as a 42 year old. So many things make sense now. I HATED wearing button down shirts and dress pants. HATED it, and never really understood why until now. Was always miserable any time I wore that.
Mine were turtlenecks and stockings. Looking back at it, each time I had to wear either or those things I would be so upset or uncomfortable.
@@cozyjuni Omg, I'm just remembering, was the same with Overalls and winter clothes. My mom used to make me wear snow pants, a massive winter coat, and galoshes. I was miserable from when I realized I had to wear all that until I was able to take it all off at home. Frequently I'd run out of the house to avoid having to put it on. Braving the cold in my pajamas was better than going through the misery of putting all that on and having to wear it.
I sobbed….. This is me …. I am a clinician as well Kim, I am so grateful for this, this podcast has been such a gift ❤
Hello, you are one of the most relatable RUclipsrs I’ve come across. Can you possibly discuss how autistic women are vulnerable to men. I have had a lot of bad experiences with men, and I have difficulty understanding why as I’m intelligent, feminine and independently minded. Yet I have been victimised a few times and it’s always taken me by complete surprise. And then my peers are really confused as to why this has happened to someone "like me". I wonder if it is the trained masking, and difficulty in reading non verbal communication, or if dangerous men target neurodivergence.
I wonder the same thing... I've had a lot of bad luck with attracting and falling for narcissists that just end up leaving me even more broken than they found me. I don't know why I can't recognise them when they pop up.
this is great! I see/hear many things in this video that I've dealt with my whole life and am thanking the universe for this coming to me. Thank you!!! 😍
I like the wallpaper behind you. The pink flowers. Carnations are my favorite flower smell except maybe stargazer lilies. It's right up there with freshly watered tomato leaves. Education and science, therapy, and empathy are my tools. My mother was patient and my grandmother more so. The military gave my father structure and he loved the Air Force and science. My mother made little spaces all over the house where we could sit and read and listen to the rain. Many tools come intuitively but seeds can only grow well with the fertilizer of love, empathy, cherishing of self, acceptance and celebration of differences, and an invitation to all who can safely and sincerely engage in a discussion about all this fun stuff and the smell of damp tomato leaves as the Oregon sun rises.
You're hair is perfect and thank you for the amazing info
Just been diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like I'm autistic as well when I watch these videos. I'm so grateful for knowledge of creators like you. But here in England we can't get a diagnosis for 37 months it's so frustrating. Because I am 53. The only good thing is my granddaughter is 13 and is being diagnosed now. So she will get the help I didn't get. My daughter was miss diagnosed so I will have to go back to get her the help she needs.
It's been very useful, Kim! Thank you. It's amazing how my case matches your description. Very eye-opening. Blessings!
So I got extremely high masking on the cat-q like half a year ago and I do all of these things. Goddamnit lol. I felt really suicidal like every other week until I came to terms with the fact I might be autistic and started masking less and treating myself a little better. People still tell me that I’m weird however hard I try anyway.
🫂
My depression also improved significantly when I started suspecting I had autism. Like - I don't have to feel guilty about being this way, there's a reason for it! Better to be really weird and content than slightly weird and suicidal. And at this point (age 40), I don't really care what random people think anyway. I hope your brain starts being nicer to you.
We all deserve love & acceptance. I had been feeling really suicidal in part due to low estrogen making it harder and harder to mask and keep it all hidden. Even considering checking into hospital. My dad & husband have helped as have my psychiatrist with adjusting my anxiety meds, diagnosing depression and working to find ADHD meds and my new gyno prescribing birth control bill at age 46 even though I had my tubes tied after daughter #4, 18 yrs ago. I am a big hermit and avoid social stuff at all cost other than a few close family members. Even that can be hard if I have t seen a daughter in a few weeks!
People should stop saying weird & 1) stop judging 2) use the word different if they absolutely can’t help judging! As they say on The Chosen (there was merch too), ‘Get used to different!’
❤I find people can project often when they are unable to handle Their emotions ...am tryin not to take things personally and wear more funky clothes ivdont know why I feel costumes help
Like Khruangbin 😂❤
Dr Sage, I am just grateful for your passion to share your knowledge with us (who suffer for many reasons)for free. I can't describe how thankful I am for humans (Angels) like you. You are making this place (earth) more bearable. Greetings from Czech republic - Europe 🇨🇿
I recently started a (much needed) new job that is well within my range of capability. I couldn't figure out why it was making me so anxious until I watched your video. Routines? Scripts? Familiar faces? All gone. Everything is new, new, new. And change is not my forte.
Oooh, I feel you! I am currently job-hunting in a new town at age 57 (in 2 days.) Meeting strangers and trying to make a good impression is stressful in general but when you add social anxiety disorder it turns the dial up. The older I get the less patience I have to mask my sensitivity to noise, lights and commotion in general.
I have, over the last few years, had multiple people in my life express that my brain is spicy.
My very close loved ones joke with me regarding the odd ways I process info. Or my confusion regarding how others behave.
I’ve realized recently that those folks are the ones I mask the least with. They often roll with whatever is going on with me.
So now I think I’m gonna be saving up to get assessed.
H-EDS and POTS were also mentioned regarding some of my health issues.
So I am very glad I found this channel
I have always realized I have sensory issues clothes, food, sounds, smells, textures, pressures, temperatures etc. I thought I was a good communicator because I was thorough. I went to work a yr ago for 13 months after being exclusively a SAHM for 21 yrs & was teased for my style of communication. They asked why? My reason was I am use to others misunderstanding me so I want to leave nothing open for interpretation. My elementary counselor said even though I was gifted she didn’t recommend the gifted program for me because I was too much of a perfectionist and worry wart. I was labeled a book worm & shy. I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression at age 16 after yrs of wanting to self delete and self harm. Early 20’s told I had chronic fatigue syndrome then fibromyalgia. Over active immune system etc. ADHD diagnosis at age 44. Can not find right meds or supplements for me but birth control oils are helping with that! Insomnia from teens. Social anxiety. Panic attacks. Excessive worry and rumination. Forcing myself not to be “quirky”. Etc.
Always gain an even deeper understanding of myself from all of your video🙂🤲🏾🖖🏾
As an autistic individual I feel like a lot of these are rooted in people pleasing/ seeking approval. Yes I have masked before for that reason. I have masked at a college church group by sitting at tables and waiting for someone to start a conversation then when conversation was over I got up and sat down at a different table all because I was trying to make friends - and seek approval via the way I interacted so they would be friends with me.
Never went back to that group. I didn’t want to pretend to be someone I was not again. I moved to the women’s 20s 30s group who were alot more including and kind and I was hardly in masking mode not only that I made a new friend with out the masking :).
Yes, when I’m in my role as nurse I’m playing a part which I usually enjoy because I feel distracted from who I am at all other times. Even as I’m working sometimes there are things that are difficult like calling someone or being in a patient’s home where it feels intolerable because I’m uncomfortable. Knowledge is really helpful so, thank you!
I wish I had this list 1-2 years ago! I was very unsure do I mask at all because I didn't "mimic" anything really. Later I realized that my social anxiety is mostly masking.
Thank you so much for the great video! I can totally relate to the points mentioned.
I was diagnosed with a very clear autism spectrum diagnosis (‘Asperger's’, high IQ, intellectual giftedness, rare talents in some areas) only 2 years ago at the age of 47. And I've been an extreme master of masking since I was a child - which over time and due to very challenging situations in my previously successful professional career and in my social life - has of course led to serious consequences such as panic attacks, exhaustion and depressive phases. It was only through this diversions that I realised what was really behind it all.
Already in kindergarten and primary school, I found it very difficult to socialise and quickly learned to blend in, to always be alert and attentive and to meticulously scan the faces of others, as I couldn't read them instinctively. This made a significant difference for me: I wasn't bullied and didn't get the fist bumps from other children for being different, but I was always somehow part of the mainstream. I was always five steps ahead of everything internally, could do my homework at lightning speed, always knew the right answers for exams and in class - but sometimes I deliberately underperformed so that I wouldn't stand out or didn't contradict other children, even though I knew they were talking bullshit. At the time, I thought that's the way it should be, that's the way it has to be and that life is just so extremely stressful - and once I'm an adult, everything will be better. Of course, that never happened. I completed my university degree with honours and top marks, but it took me three years longer than others because the social performance at university and the stress of oral exams cost me so much energy.
For most of my life I have always spoken to people in their accent and language. I'm Austrian and I always spoke to Germans in their German accent. I worked there for a few years and completely blended in and denied myself. With British people I speak Oxford or Cockney English depending on the person I'm talking to, with Americans I speak Texan, Brooklin accent, etc. Within a few minutes, sometimes seconds, I pick up the accent almost perfectly.
During my time at university and in my professional life, I realised that my hyperfocus allowed me to write 10-page or more scientific exposés, including research with sources and correct citation, in 2 hours, whereas others need several days for this task. It was just the way it was. I never thought anything of it.
The unbearable sensory overload due to a lack of stimulus filtering in a restaurant, at an evening event, in the theatre, in a café, hearing all the conversations at all the tables at the same time, etc. was always like that and I accepted and endured it. But as I got older and my professional responsibilities increased, I found it harder and harder to put up with it. I often just stood in the crowd, apathetic, in inner emigration, ‘just being there’ and then couldn't sleep all night and was in a kind of catatonic state because it took me so long to process the stimuli of the evening.
Just like the fact that I memorise all the faces and know immediately who I should give a wide berth to. It was always the case that I recognised almost every face on the metro every day on my way to work in Vienna, where I live, and never knew who to say hello to and who not to. It turned out 3 years before my Asperger's diagnosis that I was a superrecognizer (I was tested at Greenwich University in the UK) and could not only recognise all faces, but also recognise AI-generated faces, psychopaths, paedophiles, etc. from hundreds of faces in a fraction of a second. I found this rather disconcerting for the first time because this task was not at all strenuous for me and I had the feeling that I was just guessing. For the first time, I had the feeling that something wasn't quite normal about me.
But then it really clicked during the lockdown in the Covid pandemic. I don't know if there were lockdowns in the USA, but here in Europe social life came to a complete standstill for several weeks during several lockdowns. My environment suffered extremely. Everyone was sad and desperate that there was no social contact, no contact with work colleagues, no cinema, no theatre, no restaurant visits, etc. For me it was the other way round. This social abstinence, the empty streets, the lack of personal appointments, the elimination of any unpleasant people from my life made me feel as if the weight of Mount Everest had been lifted from me. Never in my life before or since have I been so relaxed, energised and refreshed as during this time. But it turned out to be a boomerang, because I didn't use my painstakingly acquired masking skills and coping strategies during this time, I was out of practice and then I crashed hard into reality. First I had panic attacks, then depression and there was even a suspicion of Long Covid. In the end, however, it was the ASD diagnosis that clarified things.
I found it relieving. It helps me, for example, to say no and to set boundaries with others - something I was never able to do and I covered up by masking. Above all, it helps me to be self-confident and more ‘myself’.
This video was very helpful.. thanks
Such a great video!!! I’ll be sharing this with family to help them understand masking ❤
I tell hair dresers and nail techs , i want quiet while i am getting services. This helps to set boundaries so i don't get burned out. 😊
I’m a hairdresser… good on you!! Us hairdressers sometimes need a break from taking so it’s goood for us too!! We are quite happy to not talk so never be worried to ask for a silent appointment so you feel less pressure and hopefully can learn to be more comfortable and maybe in time feel comfortable asking for silence ❤
Thanx for the Video, very appropriate. Like Inspector Monk said “ I am not really afraid of change, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” I am retired now and can create my own life with my dogs. The light at the end of the tunnel was real and it was sunshine.
Hi! GenX, Native American woman here. I identify with HSP, and now looking into autism as well. I really enjoyed the idea of "subconsciously masking" - it struck a chord with me. The more that I explore this topic of "masking" the more I see that I have been masking for so long that I thought that everyone is doing this. I, also, gave other reasons to why I mask. Now I am like... huh, where it came from is not as important as the fact that "i mask". Just subscribed to your channel - thank you for your content. Helpful!
I cried through the entire last half of this as it was so validating and relatable... yet hard to find I have struggled with a lot of these problems all my life. And now need to figure out what next and how can I share with loved ones who would maybe not believe me because they don't want something to be "wrong" with me. Thank you for the websites and thank you for doing this video and giving examples of life experiences.
I’m a hairdresser… good on you!! Us hairdressers sometimes need a break from taking so it’s goood for us too!! We are quite happy to not talk so never be worried to ask for a silent appointment so you feel less pressure and hopefully can learn to be more comfortable and maybe in time feel comfortable asking for a Silent appointment ❤
I absolutely hate the pointless chatting at the hairdressers. They try to engage me in conversation but I give one word answers so the conversation just stops and I stay silent the whole time.
Did not even realise I might have autism and ADHD until a few weeks ago because my new partner who has both said it was obvious
Thank you for the Silent Appointment tip! Didn't know that was even a thing...
I just heard the term masking a few weeks ago and then I heard it in 3 different places. Makes sense. Chronic exhaustion and fatigue. People think I'm social and an extrovert but it's masking. On my job I could do it because it was a role.
I might add my 2c. Things like depression can feel similar, you might know the right things to do, but can't do them, you don't have the energy. If you're depressed long enough, you can know what others expect but can no longer put on the "I'm not depressed mask".
People have thought I'm autistic, I've even considered it myself, but I don't think so. I find people very easy to understand, an good at predicting people's sneaky games even. That would suggest I'm not autistic- my social instincts are very good.
But depression/PTSD/CPTSD can look superficially similar, reduced it volunteer affect may be apparent, social skills may seem impaired but it's more that the depressed person just doesn't care enough to play the game.
Sometimes, putting on a happy face is too much effort. I'm sorry you know how that feels.
I have CPTSD and just scored 167 on the little quiz thingy
You sound like me. I feel like I know social game almost too well, I'm just not really interested in playing, i find it all boring. I don't think I'm depressed either, just low social energy and picky about who i give that energy to. I probably do have CPTSD from my childhood but I already have diagnosed ADHD and anxiety and I'm not doing anymore assessments
Wow! This presentation is super informative! Well organized! Highly insightful. Empathetic.
Thank you!
Thank YOU Doc - really helpful :-) You have a WONDERFUL DAY .. and EVENING... TOO :-)
You too ❤❤❤
Please keep these videos coming! You are helping me (and others) sooooo much❤
When I was very young I would go off to birthday parties for other kids in the village where I lived and end up in the corner facing the wall through choice. I am a HSP and fit a lot of things on this list. Life has been hard. Now I am 61 and although I still struggle sometimes, things are easier through understanding and years of dealing with my feelings., Animals and nature give me what I need and the rest I manage through learnt behaviour and masking.
i would sneak out of parties and go read their books. :-D
Thank you for being so comprehensive. 1. I was a preacher’s daughter so you may be able to imagine the ‘training’ I had from a young age to be a certain way. 2. Just yesterday my GP and I were discussing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and my ‘burnout’. She talked about how many of her late diagnosed adult autistic patients also present with the symptoms of CFS. And she was so excited when I mentioned your videos re links between C-PTSD and BPD and autism because she had been thinking along the same lines because of what she’s observed in her clinic.
Measuring eye contact….
I do this and it has always bothered me. Like, I somehow knew “normal” people could not possibly have a conversation and at the same time wonder what is the right amount of seconds to maintain eye contact.
Too much? Too little? Switching too often? When does it get noticed for being wierd? And by then it probably is.
Most of the time just focusing and maintaining the conversation takes all my effort, so “default” is to stare out into nothing. People think that is strange, but I concluded that they cannot understand what it is like to not be able to read non-verbal communication cues. Maintaining eye contact provides me with no additional information. I have to do it purely for social norms.
I grew up and ended in a job where my analytical skills and blunt assesments are appreciated. I cannot even imagine how hard it must be to live as an autistic person in a cultural setting where cultural adherance is valued much higher than academic provess. Especially where social mobility is not feasible.
Turning autism into something beautiful n productive , you r a tru inspiration, i have one friend that is autistic also and i see alot of similarities between him and you but he is kind of lost but im going to recommend this channel to him for sure beautiful ❤
Bless you strong beloved woman 🌄🫐
When over stimulation and not really relating to most people is normal, you learn to adapt. I developed an entire personality based on mimicking others for my old job where I had to talk to a lot of people. After a while, it became too exhausting to continue. The older I get, the less I care to blend in. I have a closet full of loose pants and am finally ok with being as weird as I am to people. My southern is coming out as I age too.
We feel we have the right to be ourselves as we get older & especially after retirement ❤
Dr Sagé Kim. I am full of gratitude 🙏
Maybe because of my grandpa's "Always look a man in the eye" advice being drummed into my head (he did this with all his grandsons), I don't do a whole lot of avoiding eye contact all together, but I do think a lot about whether I'm making too much or too little eye contact. I especially do this when talking to someone I don't know.
I've just stumbled upon this video & I must say a big thank you. I struggle to watch these educational videos because the voices, background, basically everything hurts my brain. But this video was so soothing. Your voice, your hair & definitely your background! Lol
I'm diagnosed with CPTSD but I strongly believe I have autism & ADHD & I'm trying to get diagnosed.
Both of my son's & 2 of my brother's have been diagnosed with autism & ADHD so I've been learning about all of it for a few years now.
I remember when I was 6 and I had just learnt about asthma. I told my mum I think I have asthma because I keep losing my breath. Like can't breath for ages. She told me I'm making sh*t up & there's nothing wrong with me.
Turns out I've been having severe anxiety/ panic attacks since I was 6. I literally wrote a note to my mum saying "Mummy, if I die I want you to know I love you. But I can't breath & I'm scared I'm going to die." At 6 years old.
So I've been masking being alive basically because i just made her angry all the time.
Thats so sad and brave of you to share.
Did you experience rhe trauma before your 6th birthday?
You can of course be on the A.S. and have adhd and also have CpTsD , if youve experienced trauma.
They arent either or. ❤
She states this towards the end if the video also.
@@LexLexington23 Thank you.
Yeah I was abused well before I was 6, unfortunately. I did watch all the way through & seen that.
Thank you for your kindness 🌹
@@darcyjones7382 take care, and take your time. It will ease, utube has a lot of help and advice but always follow your instincts. X💜
@@LexLexington23 Thank you. I really appreciate you're kindness 🌹
The memory of copying other kids sticks with me so hard. Unfortunately, I was made fun of for copying others too. Laughing when I didn't get it.
Unrelated to me, I know realize my late father had a stim. My mother hated it because she just thought he was annoying her. I was annoyed too, because she was annoyed. Really he didn't hurt anyone.
What a helpful video! I'm 65 years old, diagnosed on the spectrum at 60. This masking thing is the one aspect of autism I've really struggled to fully understand. One thing I have learned though - if you let your mask down in front of the wrong person you learn real fast who the unsafe 'friends' are. You've given me some real food for thought here. Thank you for that!
Wow! You are first person I have heard to mention not being able to eat other peoples food! I am 70ish and it’s been a lifelong struggle. I have gone as long as 10 days without eating when faced with no other way. I “can” now at times, but still avoid. Thank you.
Yeap,do not like other people handling my drinks and food.
Do not trust the cleaning,washing hands,and the intentions while cooking.
I do it better.No, thx.
Love to eat in good company.❤😊and enjoy the feast of appreciation for food and moments we share while eating.
Sounds like ocd
I do this too
Great video! You are very well spoken! ☺️