FREE Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching Join My VIP Group for $7-- jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove How Men Choose Their SoulMate (FREE Gift) www.jonathonaslay.com/gift/ Self-Love the Book: www.selflovethebook.com The "What Would Love Do?" Podcast www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/ Recommended Books jonathonaslay.com/book-recommendations Follow Me On Instagram instagram.com/jonathonaslay/ Join this channel to get access to perks: ruclips.net/channel/UCDOXs_34FF93o66Z-S0py1gjoin Naked Divorce/Naked Recovery nakeddivorce.com/?ref=jonathonaslay Get a FREE copy of my dating vows here: www.jonathonaslay.com/datingvows
@@JonathonAslay yes and you’re so right. He changes but then reverts back when he knows for sure he’s lost me and I don’t want to be the “relationship police”…..so perhaps I need to give up! I’ve given him now a year…so I need to run like forest gump!!!
I like to take time to know a person. I don't need to sleep with a man, I don't need to stay days in his home ( or vise versa), short visits for events combined with other people (friends and family) - helping me to understand who he is, also - meaningful conversations with right questions. Doing all kinds of things together except sex - the best way to learn about a man for me. I don't provide wife's benefits for the price of dating woman. In my age I don't want to be a "girlfriend", that's for younger people
@@JonathonAslay - progress in relationships -> fiancé -> wife. 😊 Relationships is not something to wear on, or do a test-drive, it's something to build together
Me too. This is exactly how I feel. I don't want any one night stand with any man. I don't believe in having sex with a man with whom I am not married to. I have a high value woman with a good wife quality.
Perel also wrote (and TED talked) ‘The State of Affairs: Re-thinking Infidelity’. She asserts that couples in HAPPY marriages also cheat. If you’re someone who can see infidelity as a good thing to ‘invigorate the marriage’ then you’re probably the type for whom a situationship is perfect.
I believe in loving deeply, whether that's instant or otherwise and the caring, kindness and trust and understanding that goes with it. If you still feel the same seeing them looking like "crap", speaking it and acting it and being with them feels, right, safe, comfortable and they're home to you, they are the one for you if that's what you feel - intuition is a great thing! Not everyone ends up with the person they feel like this with, because the universe is not always straight forward and kind like that, yet love like it can last a lifetime. It's better to just get a pet than not have the person you truly love or settle for the wrong person or second best. You don't need to live with someone for a couple of weeks to know if they're right for you or not - not if you're real up front and there's a lot to be said for good old letter writing to get to know the other inside out. Instant love is not a looks thing, its a feeling and there's a lot to be said for the Christian way of seeing a person inside out from the start. All this and I got into this by pressing the wrong button! ❤🐇 Love and peace to all.
Equal effort IS important. My boyfriend appreciates when I pay for the more affordable things like movie tickets or planning a date altogether. We’re both in our early 50s. Early on he was paying for everything, and yup, I was trying to lean back in my Feminine … and he didn’t like it. Unintentionally, it was making him feel used. Both sovereign beings leaning-in works much better. Two givers. 💜
wow...this made so much sense. Totally agree the dating model of today, especially for our age group needs something different. Your videos always leave me thinking Jonathon.
Thank you do much for this refreshing video. You really helped me to clarify my thoughts and create a plan of action which resonates with everything I feel about approaching a potential relationship with emotional maturity and character. Thank you.
Yes, Jonathon. This video resonates IN SO MANY DIMENSIONS with what has happened to me. I've even asked my latest sitch, "well, what girl have you finally picked?" Thank you for this walkthrough this rabbit hole.
Yeah, I let that go on for like eight years and kept asking for what I wanted. Oh wow way his post divorce priorities to rule my life and then one day I stopped because it sucked I kind of went on with my life, and he still stuck in post divorce crap❤
I think the lightbulb moment was when you said it’s in the every day mundane moments. This last guy that I was interested in invited me to go with him as he chose a microwave to replace for their apartment before the date and I was happy to go. It’s in those moments you get to see how the person is what they do how they treat other people, all of that. And for whatever reason he is either trying to add me to his harem which is not gonna happen or maybe he changed his mind I’m not sure, but he wants to keep things distant and casual so we haven’t really sat down and had the conversation not a real conversation. So there’s definitely not gonna be any sex. I don’t have to worry about feeling used because I’m not gonna be involved with somebody unless I’ve been dating them seriously for a while and I feel safe and protected by them. But this is a question I’m going to ask the next person is how they feel about doing the every day boring stuff together because that’s what I want to do. Not just the exciting fun stuff.
Omg! Why I’ve never been so excited to try this but, I find some guys get real weird when u want to do regular home shit and just hang around each others homes, I can’t stand this, any longer mean 2024 trying new ways or go!
Thanks Jonathan. Love your idea of 2 weeks at his place, then 2 weeks at one's own. What happens if during those 2 + 2 weeks someone wants out? Are we supposed to stick it out for the whole duration? Thank you I've learned so much from you!
@@JonathonAslayit went well he was impressed by them 😉 Looks like no one ever handed over vows / standards before 🍆🍑 It was my first time giving vows and their first receiving them. I'm 42 yrs young and a bit wiser because of you Jonathan 😉
The minute a person proposes, plans should begin shortly thereafter. If you're over 40, you don't need a long protracted engagement. Sounds like he's playing you...
I lost my husband of 41 years in 2018. I went on a dating site way too early and met a man that I I fell ‘hard for’ but that romantic stage of the relationship ended pretty quickly. I am finally opening up to stepping out into the dating world again, but frankly it scares me. Any word of wisdom?
@@debraernst6751 hi Debra. I’m so sorry for your loss. I absolutely understand. My first husband died of Parkinsons and the second died falling in the shower. It was tragic because I was burying my mother the day he died and I was a mess!! But I let myself heal and didn’t date right away and that helped. Bob has been gone since 2017!! Everyone heals at different levels!! I’m a retired hospice nurse and I’ve seen so many grieve. All unique. I would say (and I’m by far a non expert) give yourself time to heal. Have you been able to put things away, have you attended a grief support group. I did all this. I made a list of what I know I wanted…Christian, honest, positive, loving, stable, etc. I think at our age and having been married so long …we have to be good to ourselves and it’s quite difficult in today’s world…I was terrified to get on the sites as well!!! Whatever you decide…love yourself , listen to Jonathan , and have safe fun with it all!!
Jonathon: I dont understand what are you saying, but I try to follow along. IMO, either you're crazy about someone or your not, right? If you are, you're done. Nothing left. The only thing you can do is leave if it's not reciprocal. What more is there to be negotiated? One's mind, heart, body, & soul when struck are not under the domain of the will or a contract. If you have the wherewithal to contract w someone, better to walk away. You're not in love & you ain't gonna be. Is this different for men, Jonathon? Love is rare if it ever happens at all. If the other doesn't feel the same, you're doomed. Nothing can be done. Walk away. Perhaps you speak of something else--companionship? That suits these discussions more truthfully. Is that what these talks are about? That would make the discussion understandable. Perhaps it's better than being alone--IDK. (Maybe that's why folks behave in that way; they don't know either.)
you are talking about the rush of hormones in the beginning stages of dating, or the honeymoon stage....it doesnt have the longevity. Its fake, biological reactions, neurochemical reactions. Real love takes real and reciprocal work, if you want to grow and evolve together. If you just want to coast and go forward based on feelings, then you are in a rudderless ship, especially these days due to the lack of integrity many men possess, as well as all the ghosting and game playing and manipulation that is going on. If you want something solid, it takes special effort.
@@juliaskagfjord6207I see what you mean. IDK....Contracts can't foster feelings, nor can time, talk, living together, etc. If love isn't mutual, nothing can be done & it's not worth doing. It's there or it isn't.
@@juliaskagfjord6207 No, it's not about the rush of hormones, it's about love. You see someone and they see you and you just know, you feel it deep down in your soul that this is it. When you meet that special person everything develops naturally, everything flows. Real love does not require any hard work. When you find your match no work needs to be done. When you have to work on a relationship then you've got the wrong partner. Real love is very rare but it does exist. I've experienced it and it is love from the very beginning. Everything else is companionship with benefits which will not stand the test of time.
It is so hard men my age 37 are mostly looking for FwB … I am in one since two years now but I don’t want to anymore. Of course developed feelings😅now I am screwed. And I am also the chaser. What should I do?
Jonathan I beg your pardon but I have a rather large chest. Some times you reference “suckling on the nipple of ….”and I’m not sure how to take that. Maybe you could do a segment on feelings of appearance? Thanks ❤️
TESTIMONIAL I spent two weeks at the home of my sitch. I spent another week with him and then I left. (Sometimes, I think I should have stayed.) There was no intentionality, so we went down an anesthetic staircase to hell. He took me out to meet his girlfriends, told me he wanted a harem and asked me to put on a switch in my head where I should turn on and off being ONE OF HIS MOTHERS! Situationships trigger my anxious attachment, sabotage things, make me a martyr, relationship aggressive, limerent and more! It was a tense situation. Both of us were figuratively walking over eggshells. You actually feel more yourself with the friends and family of the sitch than with the sitch! I still love him. What's love got to do with it? -- Tina Turner 😊
@@JonathonAslay I've read online where people call their special person in a present or past situationship a sitch. The two people in a situationship are each a sitch. Sitches would express a couple, in that case, if you think about it that way.
Jonathan, did you do a Saturday video. I remember you saying that you were going to make commentary on the bachelor and I haven’t seen if you’ve done it. I’ve checked but I haven’t found anything. Thanks.
Men must think differently from women, or maybe Jonathan is a bit off. He seems to be shooting for the goals of arranged marriages. Take care of the peripherals, & love will come afterwards. If you can do that, or have to do that, great. Not what a woman wants ideally. (Maybe it's enough for men who are always less invested.) It is as my mom used to say, girls: if you don't love him, you can't do it. Commitment is difficult; it takes everything you've got. It's got to be built on astronomical love. Better by yourself otherwise. Men are weird...
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I’ve never chased anyone in my life but I still want to watch this video because I know I’ll learn something.
Chasing also means holding out for a man to change... that's chasing a dream. Lol 😆
@@JonathonAslay yes and you’re so right. He changes but then reverts back when he knows for sure he’s lost me and I don’t want to be the “relationship police”…..so perhaps I need to give up! I’ve given him now a year…so I need to run like forest gump!!!
I like to take time to know a person. I don't need to sleep with a man, I don't need to stay days in his home ( or vise versa), short visits for events combined with other people (friends and family) - helping me to understand who he is, also - meaningful conversations with right questions. Doing all kinds of things together except sex - the best way to learn about a man for me. I don't provide wife's benefits for the price of dating woman. In my age I don't want to be a "girlfriend", that's for younger people
What do you want?
@@JonathonAslay - progress in relationships -> fiancé -> wife. 😊
Relationships is not something to wear on, or do a test-drive, it's something to build together
Me too. This is exactly how I feel. I don't want any one night stand with any man. I don't believe in having sex with a man with whom I am not married to. I have a high value woman with a good wife quality.
The worst out there is a casual situationship
Perel also wrote (and TED talked) ‘The State of Affairs: Re-thinking Infidelity’. She asserts that couples in HAPPY marriages also cheat. If you’re someone who can see infidelity as a good thing to ‘invigorate the marriage’ then you’re probably the type for whom a situationship is perfect.
I believe in loving deeply, whether that's instant or otherwise and the caring, kindness and trust and understanding that goes with it. If you still feel the same seeing them looking like "crap", speaking it and acting it and being with them feels, right, safe, comfortable and they're home to you, they are the one for you if that's what you feel - intuition is a great thing! Not everyone ends up with the person they feel like this with, because the universe is not always straight forward and kind like that, yet love like it can last a lifetime. It's better to just get a pet than not have the person you truly love or settle for the wrong person or second best. You don't need to live with someone for a couple of weeks to know if they're right for you or not - not if you're real up front and there's a lot to be said for good old letter writing to get to know the other inside out. Instant love is not a looks thing, its a feeling and there's a lot to be said for the Christian way of seeing a person inside out from the start. All this and I got into this by pressing the wrong button! ❤🐇 Love and peace to all.
Equal effort IS important. My boyfriend appreciates when I pay for the more affordable things like movie tickets or planning a date altogether. We’re both in our early 50s. Early on he was paying for everything, and yup, I was trying to lean back in my Feminine … and he didn’t like it. Unintentionally, it was making him feel used. Both sovereign beings leaning-in works much better. Two givers. 💜
wow...this made so much sense. Totally agree the dating model of today, especially for our age group needs something different. Your videos always leave me thinking Jonathon.
You are so welcome!
Thank you do much for this refreshing video. You really helped me to clarify my thoughts and create a plan of action which resonates with everything I feel about approaching a potential relationship with emotional maturity and character. Thank you.
Yes, Jonathon. This video resonates IN SO MANY DIMENSIONS with what has happened to me.
I've even asked my latest sitch, "well, what girl have you finally picked?"
Thank you for this walkthrough this rabbit hole.
You are so welcome
Yeah, I let that go on for like eight years and kept asking for what I wanted. Oh wow way his post divorce priorities to rule my life and then one day I stopped because it sucked I kind of went on with my life, and he still stuck in post divorce crap❤
Best lessons yet. Thank you.
Thanks ☺️
This is a great video. I hung on every word. Definitely food for thought going into a relationship with someone and how to proceed forward. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Once again, what a beautiful message!!! Love and hugs ❤
Thank you so much!
God's blessings to all Amen 🍀🙏😇😇🙏😇🙏
I think the lightbulb moment was when you said it’s in the every day mundane moments. This last guy that I was interested in invited me to go with him as he chose a microwave to replace for their apartment before the date and I was happy to go. It’s in those moments you get to see how the person is what they do how they treat other people, all of that. And for whatever reason he is either trying to add me to his harem which is not gonna happen or maybe he changed his mind I’m not sure, but he wants to keep things distant and casual so we haven’t really sat down and had the conversation not a real conversation. So there’s definitely not gonna be any sex. I don’t have to worry about feeling used because I’m not gonna be involved with somebody unless I’ve been dating them seriously for a while and I feel safe and protected by them. But this is a question I’m going to ask the next person is how they feel about doing the every day boring stuff together because that’s what I want to do. Not just the exciting fun stuff.
I'm going to share that story in today's video.
Love the software analogy
Thank you 😊
Omg!
Why I’ve never been so excited to try this but, I find some guys get real weird when u want to do regular home shit and just hang around each others homes, I can’t stand this, any longer mean 2024 trying new ways or go!
Exactly
Once in a while we do little mundane things but no relationship. If a woman agrees to fwb is she giving her power away?
Exactly
Thanks Jonathan. Love your idea of 2 weeks at his place, then 2 weeks at one's own. What happens if during those 2 + 2 weeks someone wants out? Are we supposed to stick it out for the whole duration? Thank you I've learned so much from you!
Good question! Maybe talk about why as a start...
Thanks Jonathsn. As usual this reading is also like the others, a lifesaver.😅❤
You are so welcome
I used the dating vows yesterday. 😏📝 Thanks 🙏
How did it go?
@@JonathonAslayit went well he was impressed by them 😉
Looks like no one ever handed over vows / standards before
🍆🍑 It was my first time giving vows and their first receiving them. I'm 42 yrs young and a bit wiser because of you Jonathan 😉
Hi everyone! Good morning!
Morning!
Thx, all!
Thank you
When should you talk about marriage? My partner preposed a year ago and hadn’t brought up a date , I have tried talking about it to no avail
The minute a person proposes, plans should begin shortly thereafter. If you're over 40, you don't need a long protracted engagement. Sounds like he's playing you...
Yep …adios ….
I lost my husband of 41 years in 2018. I went on a dating site way too early and met a man that I I fell ‘hard for’ but that romantic stage of the relationship ended pretty quickly. I am finally opening up to stepping out into the dating world again, but frankly it scares me. Any word of wisdom?
@@debraernst6751 hi Debra. I’m so sorry for your loss. I absolutely understand. My first husband died of Parkinsons and the second died falling in the shower. It was tragic because I was burying my mother the day he died and I was a mess!! But I let myself heal and didn’t date right away and that helped. Bob has been gone since 2017!! Everyone heals at different levels!! I’m a retired hospice nurse and I’ve seen so many grieve. All unique. I would say (and I’m by far a non expert) give yourself time to heal. Have you been able to put things away, have you attended a grief support group. I did all this. I made a list of what I know I wanted…Christian, honest, positive, loving, stable, etc. I think at our age and having been married so long …we have to be good to ourselves and it’s quite difficult in today’s world…I was terrified to get on the sites as well!!! Whatever you decide…love yourself , listen to Jonathan , and have safe fun with it all!!
Jonathon: I dont understand what are you saying, but I try to follow along. IMO, either you're crazy about someone or your not, right? If you are, you're done. Nothing left. The only thing you can do is leave if it's not reciprocal. What more is there to be negotiated? One's mind, heart, body, & soul when struck are not under the domain of the will or a contract. If you have the wherewithal to contract w someone, better to walk away. You're not in love & you ain't gonna be. Is this different for men, Jonathon? Love is rare if it ever happens at all. If the other doesn't feel the same, you're doomed. Nothing can be done. Walk away.
Perhaps you speak of something else--companionship? That suits these discussions more truthfully. Is that what these talks are about? That would make the discussion understandable. Perhaps it's better than being alone--IDK. (Maybe that's why folks behave in that way; they don't know either.)
you are talking about the rush of hormones in the beginning stages of dating, or the honeymoon stage....it doesnt have the longevity. Its fake, biological reactions, neurochemical reactions. Real love takes real and reciprocal work, if you want to grow and evolve together. If you just want to coast and go forward based on feelings, then you are in a rudderless ship, especially these days due to the lack of integrity many men possess, as well as all the ghosting and game playing and manipulation that is going on. If you want something solid, it takes special effort.
@@juliaskagfjord6207I see what you mean. IDK....Contracts can't foster feelings, nor can time, talk, living together, etc. If love isn't mutual, nothing can be done & it's not worth doing. It's there or it isn't.
@@juliaskagfjord6207
No, it's not about the rush of hormones, it's about love. You see someone and they see you and you just know, you feel it deep down in your soul that this is it. When you meet that special person everything develops naturally, everything flows. Real love does not require any hard work. When you find your match no work needs to be done. When you have to work on a relationship then you've got the wrong partner. Real love is very rare but it does exist. I've experienced it and it is love from the very beginning.
Everything else is companionship with benefits which will not stand the test of time.
It is so hard men my age 37 are mostly looking for FwB … I am in one since two years now but I don’t want to anymore. Of course developed feelings😅now I am screwed. And I am also the chaser. What should I do?
How so?.
👂
i'm incapable of doing this.
Bro,Please can you invite the Rabbi Friedman to talk about marriage before Valentine's Day?❤
We will try
Absolutely! 😊
Yay, thank you!
Thank God for pets!
Tied
How so?
Jonathan I beg your pardon but I have a rather large chest. Some times you reference “suckling on the nipple of ….”and I’m not sure how to take that. Maybe you could do a segment on feelings of appearance? Thanks ❤️
I'm curious, how do you take it?
@@JonathonAslay well, I have to giggle 🤭 because you have no idea that’s all I’m gonna say 😂
Victim consciousness. Babies cry. Babies suck on. . . milk bottles.
It's a shame you live so far away, you make me smile.
😃
❤❤❤
TESTIMONIAL
I spent two weeks at the home of my sitch.
I spent another week with him and then I left. (Sometimes, I think I should have stayed.)
There was no intentionality, so we went down an anesthetic staircase to hell.
He took me out to meet his girlfriends, told me he wanted a harem and asked me to put on a switch in my head where I should turn on and off being ONE OF HIS MOTHERS!
Situationships trigger my anxious attachment, sabotage things, make me a martyr, relationship aggressive, limerent and more!
It was a tense situation. Both of us were figuratively walking over eggshells.
You actually feel more yourself with the friends and family of the sitch than with the sitch!
I still love him.
What's love got to do with it? -- Tina Turner 😊
Sitch?
@@JonathonAslayI guess she means maybe situationship short “sitch”
@@JonathonAslay I've read online where people call their special person in a present or past situationship a sitch. The two people in a situationship are each a sitch. Sitches would express a couple, in that case, if you think about it that way.
Bye
Bye back... smiles
Jonathan, did you do a Saturday video. I remember you saying that you were going to make commentary on the bachelor and I haven’t seen if you’ve done it. I’ve checked but I haven’t found anything. Thanks.
💤💤💤💤
Thanks for sharing 🙏
Men must think differently from women, or maybe Jonathan is a bit off. He seems to be shooting for the goals of arranged marriages. Take care of the peripherals, & love will come afterwards. If you can do that, or have to do that, great. Not what a woman wants ideally. (Maybe it's enough for men who are always less invested.) It is as my mom used to say, girls: if you don't love him, you can't do it. Commitment is difficult; it takes everything you've got. It's got to be built on astronomical love. Better by yourself otherwise. Men are weird...
Humans are weird...
❤