I am a 37 yo big strong man that discovered that sadness is actually Ok to feel just a few years back. I had days upon days when I was letting my pinned up sadness to move through me when I was laying in bed and crying. People around couldn't understand me, they thought I was clinically depressed but I knew I was just letting my sadness be expressed. It's a tough process a specially in a world that setup roles for us and told us what feelings are ok for certain genders and what feelings are a sign of weakness. These days I only trust my feelings and what resonates with my feelings and people like Heidi who seems to get it. I believe that we all deserve to live in inner peace and listening to our hearts and our feelings is what will get you there.
I'm a 46 year old woman who for soooo long allowed inner exuberance and all the "happy-ish" feelings flow and be expressed but not the less "acceptable" feelings like sadness, frustration, anger. I pushed those down and only expressed them partially or in isolation. After having post partum after my last child was born at 43, I had a huge wake up call! It not just ok to be sad, mad or frustrated but it's good to allow and embrace these feelings and it's necessary to be aware of them to let them move through me in the letting go and healing process. Heidi definitely does get it and has been instrumental in my growth and healing! I appreciate your honesty and wish you (and everyone on this channel) well on the authentic living journey!
Holy shit, what you said about expressing emotions authentically and meta-emotions makes a lot of sense. I was always told I had anger problems growing up, to the point I would consistently blow up in a fit of rage, and no attempt to stop the anger or rage worked, because that wasn't actually the problem, I was just buying into what my mother was telling me, when in reality I was getting angry because I was being told how I was feeling. It wasn't until age 29 that I considered I didn't have an anger problem and started accepting myself for who I was that the rage just melted away. Since then, anger has been actually manageable. A video in this format/style on respect and dignity and what the hell those are, would be helpful if that is any interest to you. The more I learn, the more I realize I am missing a lot of super basic knowledge and I'm not sure how to get it because searching "What is respect" doesn't exactly help.
You are literally a God-send. Thank you for allowing yourself to be a vessel for clear, emotionally honest, nonjudgmental, expressive and relatable healing.
I’ve just realised that I was always made to feel shame when I got upset or expressed emotions as a child and I have carried that through to adulthood. Whenever I get upset, including when it’s totally justified I feel angry at myself for “losing control” and feel shame that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. I keep it inside until i can’t anymore then I start the shame cycle again. 😢
When I feel a sense that I need to cry, what I like to do is set up a little crying zone for myself. I put extra pillows and blankets on my bed, put on my crying music, and lay there and cry for a while. When I'm done crying I continue to lay there until I want to get up. It's been wonderful for helping me get my emotions out. It also helps me feel more ready to make choices that will cause those emotions (like breaking up with a partner) because I know I have something I can do to help them pass through.
I used to do this in high school and it was not a good thing. Once I start the negative emotions I can't stop. I'd go days crying, headaches and dehydrated. Now I try to avoid crying at all costs. Things are a bit better now that way. (For me)
@@marekceglowski6574 idk. Different people, different brains I guess. 🤷♀️ I once told someone about this in highschool and they responded, "Why would you do that?! When I'm sad I listen to music that makes me happy!" That really offered me a new perspective. Now I try to avoid negative music if I know I'm not in the right headspace for it. If I'm already on the verge of tears or anger I try to avoid music of that genre. I listen to "dumb" music or music in another language so that I don't understand the language and can't get in my head about the lyrics. As long as it sounds happy I'm good.
I’ve been told by a few people they can’t imagine me angry, or even had one friend in high school who tried to make me angry and was mad they couldn’t (not in a bad way, just they were trying to prank me and get a reaction). I can’t imagine expressing or even feeling anger (beyond annoyance) at anyone except like the three people in my life who actually make me really mad and I usually suppress it and it builds up so much.
each videos of yours that i've watched has LITERALLY changed my life. i love the way you talk (no ambiguity, pronunciation, even tone), i love your topics, and i wish you nothing but success
I heard something quite profound (at least to me) today: 'a repeated avoidance response can become attached to deeper fundamental needs of safety, comfort and control. Avoidance becomes a self-fulfilling lifestyle for soothing and managing your internal needs'. I would've never thought that my fearful avoidance is a source of safety and comfort within its own avoidance mechanisms.
Everyone's attachment styles (according to the theory) gives them a sense of safety, it's just that avoidance, anxiety, and disorderliness are insecure.
That's the whole problem with having an avoidant attachment style; your mind makes it feel normal and so you convince yourself that you're okay because you feel safe. That's why most people who have it doesn't even know it.
Thank you, Heidi. My inner child was never taught how to regulate herself properly. I am trying to be there for her but sometimes I feel unable to take care of myself. I think I am having trouble with the identification of the authentic feeling versus meta feeling. I love how you explained that when you express your authentic feeling, the feeling changes. That was enlightening. Congrats on passing 100k subs!! I'm so excited for you.
This is INSANE how much value you share for free! This is the most important lesson for me ATM. I've experienced A LOT of abandonment because I AMPLIFY my emotions to people who I want to contain it for me, but they (justifiably) feel it's too much pressure for them. THIS THIS THIS is just so valuable. My gosh I feel so calm and grateful for this education. THANK YOU HEIDI 🙏🏼💗
I have never commented on a video, this is my first time. I have to though, Heidi - THANK YOU so much for the information and knowledge you share... for YEARS I have tried to find ways to express the concepts you seem to be able to convey so easily. Your channel is lifechanging, thank you for all your work and efforts, I wish there was a way to share how much you are probably changing lives... I know you have changed mine. Thank you for helping us all navigate this important self-work, I do it so my girls can have the best mummy they can have, and it is really difficult to single parent my girls, while re-parenting and protecting my inner child. Bless you, truly.
WOO Here early. I just want to say Heidi, your ability to put into common english language complex and or nuanced psychology ideas is PHENOMENAL and you really are helping a lot of people, especially in the way you make us feel seen and without judgement.
I was thinking about this lately, but I didn’t know of the term. My version of “I’m experiencing this emotion and I’m noticing I’m surviving” was “my emotions cannot hurt me” so I was free to sit with them mindfully no matter how painful. I spent like 2 days in a pit of shame recently, but came out happier on the other side. And my version of emotional containment was “contain the chaos” referring to the chaos that comes with an episode of shame or anger. Contain it, own it, don’t project it, or involve others in it, just sit with it and process it before before it can do any damage” once I left the gym and came home early because I found myself in a shame spiral unexpectedly.
You already have a strongly magnified shame emotion, far beyond the innate affect - like most of us. Unlike many, you did just what shame prepares your body-brain to do (and not more, even though it hit you hard) You withdrew, and reoriented. Sometimes the most creative moments in life and art use this sequence of emotions to direct or redirect and sustain the creative process. I admire that.
Thank you for this. I was a little confused about this emotion I'm feeling. There are definitely meta emotions attached bc I feel nervous and I didn't know if I should express it to the person or what. 🙏❤
Thank you for this presentation, I have been trying to examine my feelings recently, and recognise from your talk, I often get the authentic feeling and meta feeling wrong,I’ve clearly learnt to suppress my authentic feeling most of my life ,which explains a lot about my functioning to me. Work to do.
Heidi is a GODDESS !!! As a psychiatrist with a background in Tomkins' Affect/Script Psychology, you have described the process of affect magnification, and script formation, exceedingly well, in your own terms. I wish I had always been so succinct and clear with my patients. But what i really mean is - please try to Gestalt with me: You start the video leaning back comfortably wit your arms spread over the top of the couch. Then suddenly, you start to gesture in tune with your words using 2 additional arms! Do you by chance have another pair? Anyone who, by her own wisdom, self-awareness and critical observations, has escaped the academic CBT trap of cognitive hegemony, deserves the extra pair of arms. Or wings, or whatever you prefer.
Meta emotions fuuuuuck me up so bad. Just knowing what these are will help. Also i really appreciate how you look at the camera so it feels like a real conversation. I really struggle with face to face one on one conversations from the autism and it helps me a lot to practice these skills with the added difficulty that direct eye to eye conversations can bring.
I sure do love me some Heidi Priebe! You’ve done more for my emotional wellbeing and self-regulation than the psychologist that I saw for two years. Plus we’re not even in the same room. Thanks, you’re amazing!
WHOA!! WHOA! I'm not going just gloss over the absolute gem Heidi just dropped on me. "A lack of self respect will turn to depression in the long run" Heidi you just put to words my inner me's problem with outer me in a nutshell. Like it was an absolute "Ah! That's it, 🎯" Moment. "I (me) HAVE to respect you (me)" in the sense I can trust you to handle these emotions, to honor them. "Do not deny or resist your emotions when they come about." Don't force your inner child to suck it up forever! You must give that emotions time and space to fully express itself. I'm Fearful Avoidant, so I need parent myself in that I will address this dire intense feeling but with understanding I need to do "x" first and most importantly setting a time and date to address this need along with KEEPING THIS PROMISE/APPOINTMENT to myself. Learning to take aligned actions with the authentic feeling, not the meta in my interpersonal communication. Called out here, do it in real life, vulnerable and authentically. (That might come out loud and explosive. Afraid of that but that is what I must overcome) Start small steps. Conduct "small controlled burns" I had no idea how much this video would apply directly to me, in fact I had been avoiding it. Lol FA. God is good, that autoplay made it happen at the right time.
Great synthesis of prescient points from your past videos all 'contained' within 30 minutes. Feels like it's all coming together here in a tangible and practical way. Well done on this one - very impressive work.
I’m 27 yo and I realised that I’ve bottled up my feelings for years, therefore constantly trying to limit my exposure to potential triggers and be afraid of what could happen inside of me. I’ve recently started working on recognising and expressing more what I feel and although I still have work to do I do think it’s going better! I’m now dating a girl I’ve had a crush on for years (on and off), at first we were just friends but now something is maybe changing (she’s avoidant and I’m anxious), and the thing is that I’m not used at all to feel these strong emotions since for years I haven’t been really interested in someone else and it’s taking me a while to process them properly. I’m grateful to feel all of this, whether it’s gonna really work out or not in the end, I feel grateful for just be here and feel! I realise that you’ll learn more through the painful and “negative” feelings than else. And I wanted to thank you so much for all your contents! I’ve watched hours of your videos and it’s been incredibly helpful! Lots of love and appreciation, all the best ❤ 🙏
I watched your depression guide a while back, and now that I am feeling my feelings I find it difficult to contain them when it feels endless. I thought yesterday to myself that it would be great if you did a video on self-containment! Thank you so much for all the work you do & congrats on getting a 100k subs!
Yes I have problems actually getting stuff done in my life and need to not spend time endlessly ruminating but yet still process and deal with them as well.
@@universaltruth2025 I totally relate, & it's kinda sad to think that the reason I started paying attention to my mental health is when it started to interfere with my productivity. But ig better late than never!
Imagine how different the world would be if we all learnt how to be with and process our emotions when they come up before going back out into the world again. This would create world peace I'm sure...
I think I'm starting to get something. So the reason for expressing emotions is to let them transform into something else. I never knew that's what happened with emotions. And so I always wondered what the fuss was about being able to express emotions and why people would go on about sharing their emotions. I understood that this is how you bond with people - because sharing emotions is a bit like you're sharing a secret. But I didn't know there was an added benefit of emotions changing into something else. This is a really good incentive for sharing. The way I've been thinking about it is I'm ok with not bonding with people so it's probably not that important to share feelings (especially that my track record of sharing and bonding successfully is not great). But if sharing will mean that I can feel different and better, then it becomes worth it. I've had some strong emotions earlier today and I shared them (following your advice) and I'm reflecting on this now with the added context of this video and I can see that my feelings changed and I felt a release when I did that. Thanks!
I realized the meta emotions concept after seeing a meme of Captain Jack Sparrow saying: "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem". That changed my perspective big time. But I still didn't have this detailed instructions yet. Learning so much here is also expanding other areas of life once inactive.
The inner me is wise and genuine and many times I didn't listen to him. Through this video and some other of your videos I rediscovered many bottlenecks. And it is amazing how my body starts feeling better and my mind rested and my courage and hope reinvigorated. Inner me says..."I told you so...😂. Thanks H.
I have been trying to figure out how to "fix" myself with my avoidant attachment. These are the steps I needed to start changing my behavior of stuffing my emotions down deep, and putting a smile on my face...which I've done since childhood. I REALLY appreciate your videos. You are helping so many of us identify and work thru our attachment issues. Thank you!
a big big thank you Heidi 💟 I am from a small country where I don't have the help I need actually to heal but YOU, you explained it all too well. I was confused raged all the time never knew anything and whenever I tried to my family made me seem that I am the problem. But now I get everyone's perspective. I can see people as peole, not some bad or good, flawed or angel. Thank you so much, you will never know how much grateful I am because of these videos. Now I can live my fays better. 🙏🏻
Hello Heidi, I 💕 how you put this sticky topic across to people. I will certainly try to get into recognizing and honouring my inner child. She's gotten bruised and battered psychically over the years, and I am now reminded that she's still with me! I will comfort and care for her like a precious being! Anger is a thing I'd like to work on. Thx again!
You are incredibly informative and kind. Your channel is helping me in ways I never imagined. I am trying to find myself at 58 years old. I’ve been divorced for one year. Just came out as queer to my entire family and friends. Thank you for creating this space to listen and listen again to your videos. I’m feeling hopeful that I can navigate through this transition. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating these.
Sometimes I see a new video of yours, and I think to myself, that maybe that one I don’t need to watch. I’m always so wrong, you are doing an amazing job, and you have changed my emotional life.
Just want to thank you for the work you’re doing here, I always learn so much and the way you communicate all this complex info is really masterful. Congrats on the channel hitting 100k you deserve that and much more!! 🎉
Heidi - you are literally the only person on RUclips who breaks it down in a real way that makes sense. We have dissociative identity disorder so emotions here are almost guaranteed to be overwhelming OR guaranteed to be immediately rejected by dissociation. Watching your videos has illuminated so much about childhood trauma on top of being super helpful with our healing journey. Learning how to identify, feel, and sit with our feelings, and then learning how to be self-compassionate about them, has been such a tough deal. And it's been great to use these terms you propose, like - well this alter is really really overwhelmed by sadness, but what's the meta feeling that's causing their Crazy Activation? Even having words for it has made going to therapy more fruitful cos now we can actually talk about what's happening instead of defaulting to "I don't know man. I'm just feeling a lot." All in all, thank you for being so thorough and taking all this time to produce such excellent resources. We're grateful for your content and can't wait to watch more!
I'm currently practicing to recognise and sit with my emotions and allowing them, accepting and validating my inner child (avoidant leaning FA CPTSD surviver) and it's quite a disorienting journey! Learning to set boundaries, beeing healthily vulnerable, rewiring my brain. I've been very angry with myself and a close friend since smth happened on Sunday. I very briefly explained to them that I need to take a step back and have been processing the anger consciously (so exhausting) discovering that there's pain, sadness and a feeling of betrayed trust underneath. As a result I phrased a clear new boundary for myself in regards to that person and am now ready to approach constructive conversation with them without the fear of exploding in their face or not expressing my feelings at all. This process is still very unfamiliar to me. All this to say: Your video came out perfectly timed for me! Thank you for continuously sharing your thoughts and knowledge, Heidi (edited typos)
Heidi I learn things from you that I never understood before. I listened to this talk 4 times today. I think I understand. This gives me a broader understanding of what it means to parent myself and to understand boundries.
Wow! I am an INFP and you just spoke to some corner of my being, one just outside my peripheral awareness until now. It feels like a new lens that I can use to find the blind spots I’ve been searching for. Thank you for sharing your insight in such a concise and relatable way.
Wow. Thank you so very very much for illuminating this concept for me. I understand myself sooooo much better from this!!!!! So glad i found this video.
I found your channel about one year ago. I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PROVIDING THIS CONTENT FOR FREE - as I am writing this I am about to cry because I am so grateful for you. You put all my struggles into words I can understand and work with. I am glad I learned to speak English since I was 8. I can listen to you with ease and understand everything and can put it to practice. I am doing therapy but you literally help me to do the work. Thank you from my heart.❤
My therapist of about 6 months responded really poorly the last time we met, which was the first time I brought strong emotions to the session. I haven't seen her since. Hoping I can find someone who can create a safe container going forward.
Thank you so much for teaching us these practical life-changing skills for FREE. You are so appreciated. The time and effort it takes to produce these videos is intense. Thank you!
Heidi: "If you are more avoidant, this is going to require you to allow your emotions to disrupt your life a little bit" me, a fearful avoidant, leaning avoidant: oh no, sounds terrifying 😰😵 This is gonna be one of those videos i'm definitely gonna rewatch a few times, I guess. To see I'll be making any progress. I'm so avoidant that I'm still single at 29, with no dating experience and no desire to, to be honest 😅 But your videos have helped immensely to understand why I am that way and make a plan for what I can change about that so I won't end up completely alone 😅💜 By the way, your channel is one of my favorites on the whole YT, thank you for lots of insightful thoughts expressed in such an eloquent and concise manner! Big hugs from a teacher of English from Russia 🕊 As someone who's kind of detached from my own emotions most of the time, learning to register them and work though them in a healthy manner can be beneficial not only to myself, but potentially to some of my students too 🙌
It helps when you are at a life stage and are able to clearly recall events but the way you deliver all of these messages is amazing. Even when you know things are off and what you ought to do, these messages connect everything and tie up all the loose ends and nagging thoughts and memories.
Hearing this content is a reminder of your bravery in bringing people content that provides access to tools that they can grab out of the tool shed or pick up off the carperter's table to facilitate a new level of emotional awareness or attach words to current thoughts and emotional sensations. I currently feel like I need help in this area when expressing difficult topics with people in my work or living circle. I also think what is expressed hear might provide some tools for helping work thru some rage I fear I may sense if I were to pick up a book and read about topics that might cause me to become dissassociated from a calmer composed self. The self I need to be able to go to work and not pick on someone or the self I need to not get triggered by someone I don't know on my travels to and from work.
Step 5 really wrapped it up so nicely for me. You explained everything so well in this video as always. I'm still often confused by the concepts around emtional expression of even experiencing them at all, but I'm trying to learn. Thank you so much for making these, I know you're helping so many people, including myself ❤❤❤
Definitely needed to watch this ❤ Expressing my feelings disregulated my parents, and I had to learn to dissociate, or I would explode by holding them in too long (tried to be alone when this happened). Becoming more respectful towards myself and not ashamed of my emotions is so healing for me. I try to not be shaming of myself but it happens and I have to allow people their feelings about my self expression without taking it personally. Mature people can remove themselves and also can provide comfort. ❤ I love your videos! Thank you!
You have done it once more - I apparently really dislike having a crush on people, so i just... Try to ignore it, hoping it will go away, while longing for reciprocation... That makes very little sense as far as living life goes :D Now I know what to talk to my therapist about :)
The part about abandonment equals death in childhood stunted me. I’ve come to a place of understanding with my absent father but still feel extreme emotions about feeling forgotten and left behind. This perspective is so validating to the ongoing presence of very real abandonment issues. You have helped me be so so much kinder to myself ❤️
Also, just adding - @Heidi - your practical example of how avoidants and anxiously attached folks deal with strong emotions differently - was bang on. I have experienced both sides of it though (probably because I am fearful?) - I force myself to continue through my tasks while being immensely overwhelmed by the emotion. I am learning to accept that sometimes, some unforeseen events will cause emotions that will de-rail my plans, and it is okay to cater to them. And not feel too guilty about my initial plan getting derailed by it. Thats the side I have chosen for now :)
oh my word. I love this. Thank you. I have to come back and watch it as it's triggering that desire to amplify. Wow. that's what i have been doing probably because i also feel frustrated and unsure how to go about voicing /expressing myself. I suddenly feel neutral and normal about it now. Thank you so much. What a Gift . The very thing i had been hoping for. Thank u Heidi P :)
Your videos and content have been amazingly relatable and helpful!! I do want to request that you add time stamps to your videos that have different steps in them because it helps my adhd brain focus on how things are transitioning and allows me to jump back to a specific section when rewatching.
Amazing video Heidi, probably the most important one I've seen on your channel. I laughed when you suggested what emotions might not be allowed, since none of those is allowed in my inner world lol. I'm immediately gonna work more on holding space for the expression of these emotions, like planning a breathwork session tomorrow. Thanks, you rock!
I really appreciate how well you explain these concepts, like a lecture from your favorite professor. You packed an incredible amount of useful information. I'm sure I'll be re-watching this several times and taking notes for application.
We were not allowed to be angry. My mother, later in life, told me that she was always trying to keep us kids from killing each other... She was the adult in the situation.
I've been watching your videos over the last year. I was diagnosed with CPTSD after a traumatic event a little over a year ago. I knew my childhood was rough but... damn, I had no idea how trauma driven thinking was driving my behavior my entire life until this event started to unravel it. You, your channel, your content has REALLY helped me wrap my head around these very important concepts for healing and to understand how my life came to be so chaotic at times. Your content speaks to the way I need to hear, see, process this information. I honestly can't thank you enough for what you are doing. I can't thank you enough what you have done for me personally. And I'm so happy to see your healing and success and I also know how hard fought it is to come to the place you are now. You are amazing. Again, thank you. I do have a question. This video really resonated with me. I would still consider myself earlier in the healing process and this to say that I'm having some intense realizations, important thoughts to pursue, and of course some intense emotions and dysregulation. And often, these things are happening at times that I cannot address them. So I do my best to write these thoughts down and promise that I will address it when I have carved out to address these things privately and alone. Self containment. And I will honor that time and place, and then not be able to get back to that emotion, that thought, that thing that I need to process. And it's like my body knows this ahead of time that I will disappoint it in this way, if that makes sense. Sometimes I can feel the almost dejection from my body or inner child when I write something down to come back to it, because it knows I won't be able to return to that space again to process, not because I won't show up, but because I can't get back to that feeling, or that place, or that thought process that allowed me to get to a revelation. I will make this promise to myself to come back to this, but my body or inner child can't get on board with the process at the time I allow it for this. I have a therapist and we both agree that I am more fearful/avoidant on the attachment spectrum. I wonder if this challenge to return to the processing at another time has anything to do with activated and deactivated states? Am I trying to do this emotional processing when I'm in a deactivated state? I'm still trying to tease out when I'm dysregulated or activated/deactivated. How can I return to addressing processing emotions at an appropriate time when I just can't get back into that groove later, so to speak? And does anyone else find it as challenging to come back to processing emotions at a more appropriate time?
Yes! At the moment of activation, it is such a huge blur of emotions and it's totally unclear to me what it actually is that i am feeling. When i am deactivated again, i usually don't know what came over me. The concept of meta emotions really helps me to understand that i have shame and guilt about feelings of anger and abandonment, that cover the core emotion. It seems that the first place to start healing are those meta emotions. The rest will follow.
AHA! Relief and hope are the emotions im going through watching this video..i can now paying attention to the meta-feeling that arises, guilt and overwhelm whether i will be able to use this nugget of teaching to finally learn to express my emotions in a healthy way and start living my life! Heidi..Thank you for your insights❤ I love the community and appreciate the discussions in the comments section a lot
Thank you so much for your time, Heidi! All the effort you put into these videos means a lot. And congrats on 100k, you're going to cross that 500k mark very quickly!
Hi Heidi, I am only at the beginning of the video but I have to thank you for breaking down meta feelings and how it leads to deactivation. This is so helpful to me to know that what I'm experiencing actually makes sense and I'm not just à sometimes unfeeling sometimes oversensitive mess. In my small French island, there are not a lot of knowledgeable therapists and you are doing a great job in your videos making me feel seen, safe and heard so I can process what's going on with me. Thank you so much ❤
I believe there is a strong correlation between emotional containment and creativity, similar to how robust libido feeds physical and intellectual prowess. This viewpoint also coincides with how trauma, especially in childhood, may elevate, intensify mental/creative capabilities. I think the super song from Alanis Morrissete, Thank You is not only emblematic of your psycho management style but that you'd sing it spiritedly.
@15:00 *Emotional Literacy:* 👏👏👏 I'm practicing sitting w emotions w a #FeelingsWheel to help me, but I'm feeling mutiple emotions like Guilt, Sadness, Shame, Regret simultaneously. The confusion makes me #Avoidant bc I'm uncomfortable - and also mad at myself / ashamed for repeating mistakes - and not "learning* / "#ReParenting" myself _*fast enough*_. Thank you for *Step 3* to let me safely express my emotions to myself, but I still reject that I can Re-Parent myself - just beginning to even Try, makes me feel shame for not having Emotionally Mature Parents 😔
I get overwhelming feeling also - mainly relating to actual or perceived rejection and betrayal. Which has happened a lot. I can relate to the idea of rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is an adhd thing. I now wonder if its really an FA thing and add can be a by-product of FA. In anycase I get totally overwhelmed and it takes me days if not weeks to re-regulate. Its really disruptive and can affect my actual physical health. I don’t know what the meta emotion is though. It is a really strong mix of anger, sadness, depression and despair all at once.
I would suggest you read Pete Walker's complex PTSD:from surviving to thriving because what you are describing is the abandonment melange which is a trauna response to perceived abandonment situation (adhd is afterall a ptsd state)
@@valentinavsl4148 Thanks. Yes I concluded adhd must be a cptsd state. However, there must be people who have it but who have not had a traumatic childhood. Eg my son, he has had a pretty straightforward childhood (I believe! 🤞) yet he clearly also has adhd behaviours and signs. Perhaps childhood trauma just coincidentally causes similar damage and changes to the prefrontal cortex that are present in adhd.
I hate how I feel like I'm not worthy to be loved unless I'm emotionally perfect all the time for everyone else. I hate how I'm not allowed to feel the way I feel, and that I am perceived as the cause of others problems for feeling the way I do. Just the other day, I got irritated for what someone said. Then I confronted them. And they got upset at me for "misunderstanding" them because they meant something completely different from what they literally said lol. So it made me feel even more like shit for expressing my feelings.
So glad I find your video. Many year's of watching RUclips& few therapies but what u said is exactly what I need is like u understand me& what went thru. Thank u
Heidi, thank you for this video. The first 5 minutes describe my experience of my emotions and feelings, exactly. What you share has been helping me make more sense of things and I'm so grateful.
Amazing, thank you! I am grateful! You give words to my experience. My meta feeling is panic and anxiety. Now I know what it means for our brains to perceive harmless emotions as life threats and go into fight or flight. The brain sees shame or loneliness or loss as life-threatening and goes into fight or fight! Gosh, our brains are killing us! 😮 So profound!
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I am a 37 yo big strong man that discovered that sadness is actually Ok to feel just a few years back. I had days upon days when I was letting my pinned up sadness to move through me when I was laying in bed and crying. People around couldn't understand me, they thought I was clinically depressed but I knew I was just letting my sadness be expressed. It's a tough process a specially in a world that setup roles for us and told us what feelings are ok for certain genders and what feelings are a sign of weakness. These days I only trust my feelings and what resonates with my feelings and people like Heidi who seems to get it. I believe that we all deserve to live in inner peace and listening to our hearts and our feelings is what will get you there.
❤Beautifully stated.
37 strong woman here and I have also learned this recently. It’s incredible how much sadness is there. And that’s okay. 💙
I'm a 46 year old woman who for soooo long allowed inner exuberance and all the "happy-ish" feelings flow and be expressed but not the less "acceptable" feelings like sadness, frustration, anger. I pushed those down and only expressed them partially or in isolation. After having post partum after my last child was born at 43, I had a huge wake up call! It not just ok to be sad, mad or frustrated but it's good to allow and embrace these feelings and it's necessary to be aware of them to let them move through me in the letting go and healing process. Heidi definitely does get it and has been instrumental in my growth and healing! I appreciate your honesty and wish you (and everyone on this channel) well on the authentic living journey!
This is beautiful to read. And I so proud of you, for figuring this out and trusting yourself in this. You broke the pattern!
38 here! Learning the same lesson bro. Had to take a sick day to process a ton of stuff, learning I can process sadness alone and be okay
This is officially my favourite channel for navigating life
SAME
Hope this helps
Leviticus 20
New International Version
Punishments for Sin
20 The Lord said to Moses, 2 “
@@BristleHiffyn what do you even mean...
Holy shit, what you said about expressing emotions authentically and meta-emotions makes a lot of sense. I was always told I had anger problems growing up, to the point I would consistently blow up in a fit of rage, and no attempt to stop the anger or rage worked, because that wasn't actually the problem, I was just buying into what my mother was telling me, when in reality I was getting angry because I was being told how I was feeling. It wasn't until age 29 that I considered I didn't have an anger problem and started accepting myself for who I was that the rage just melted away. Since then, anger has been actually manageable.
A video in this format/style on respect and dignity and what the hell those are, would be helpful if that is any interest to you. The more I learn, the more I realize I am missing a lot of super basic knowledge and I'm not sure how to get it because searching "What is respect" doesn't exactly help.
Appreciate this comment💯🙌🏽
She was born to make this videos. I can’t believe how life changing these videos are for me.
You are literally a God-send. Thank you for allowing yourself to be a vessel for clear, emotionally honest, nonjudgmental, expressive and relatable healing.
my mother would scream at me, and then order me not to cry or get mad with her hand up to hit me. my very first memory.
That’s heartbreaking
I'm so sorry that happened to you
Yeah, that'd do it
Same
Our mothers were doppelgängers
I’ve just realised that I was always made to feel shame when I got upset or expressed emotions as a child and I have carried that through to adulthood. Whenever I get upset, including when it’s totally justified I feel angry at myself for “losing control” and feel shame that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. I keep it inside until i can’t anymore then I start the shame cycle again. 😢
When I feel a sense that I need to cry, what I like to do is set up a little crying zone for myself. I put extra pillows and blankets on my bed, put on my crying music, and lay there and cry for a while. When I'm done crying I continue to lay there until I want to get up. It's been wonderful for helping me get my emotions out. It also helps me feel more ready to make choices that will cause those emotions (like breaking up with a partner) because I know I have something I can do to help them pass through.
... oh wow I love this!!
I used to do this in high school and it was not a good thing. Once I start the negative emotions I can't stop. I'd go days crying, headaches and dehydrated. Now I try to avoid crying at all costs. Things are a bit better now that way. (For me)
@@terenarosa4790 oh wow, sorry to hear that sounds intense. Why do you think they don't stop?
Gonna give this a try thanks
@@marekceglowski6574 idk. Different people, different brains I guess. 🤷♀️
I once told someone about this in highschool and they responded, "Why would you do that?! When I'm sad I listen to music that makes me happy!" That really offered me a new perspective. Now I try to avoid negative music if I know I'm not in the right headspace for it. If I'm already on the verge of tears or anger I try to avoid music of that genre. I listen to "dumb" music or music in another language so that I don't understand the language and can't get in my head about the lyrics. As long as it sounds happy I'm good.
TIL why im such a 'calm' person. I just learned how to supress anger.
Oh dang. I get why people get hooked on this stuff.
I’ve been told by a few people they can’t imagine me angry, or even had one friend in high school who tried to make me angry and was mad they couldn’t (not in a bad way, just they were trying to prank me and get a reaction). I can’t imagine expressing or even feeling anger (beyond annoyance) at anyone except like the three people in my life who actually make me really mad and I usually suppress it and it builds up so much.
each videos of yours that i've watched has LITERALLY changed my life. i love the way you talk (no ambiguity, pronunciation, even tone), i love your topics, and i wish you nothing but success
I heard something quite profound (at least to me) today: 'a repeated avoidance response can become attached to deeper fundamental needs of safety, comfort and control. Avoidance becomes a self-fulfilling lifestyle for soothing and managing your internal needs'.
I would've never thought that my fearful avoidance is a source of safety and comfort within its own avoidance mechanisms.
Everyone's attachment styles (according to the theory) gives them a sense of safety, it's just that avoidance, anxiety, and disorderliness are insecure.
Thank you for sharing. This comforts me a bit.
That's the whole problem with having an avoidant attachment style; your mind makes it feel normal and so you convince yourself that you're okay because you feel safe. That's why most people who have it doesn't even know it.
“Try not to tell stories to yourself or others that keep the feeling locked inside” felt that
Thank you, Heidi. My inner child was never taught how to regulate herself properly. I am trying to be there for her but sometimes I feel unable to take care of myself. I think I am having trouble with the identification of the authentic feeling versus meta feeling. I love how you explained that when you express your authentic feeling, the feeling changes. That was enlightening. Congrats on passing 100k subs!! I'm so excited for you.
This is INSANE how much value you share for free! This is the most important lesson for me ATM. I've experienced A LOT of abandonment because I AMPLIFY my emotions to people who I want to contain it for me, but they (justifiably) feel it's too much pressure for them.
THIS THIS THIS is just so valuable. My gosh I feel so calm and grateful for this education. THANK YOU HEIDI 🙏🏼💗
I don't want people to contain my emotions for me. I just want to connect. But still it's too much
I can tell that "containment = predictability" is going to change my life in a big way. Thanks for sharing.
I have never commented on a video, this is my first time. I have to though, Heidi - THANK YOU so much for the information and knowledge you share... for YEARS I have tried to find ways to express the concepts you seem to be able to convey so easily. Your channel is lifechanging, thank you for all your work and efforts, I wish there was a way to share how much you are probably changing lives... I know you have changed mine. Thank you for helping us all navigate this important self-work, I do it so my girls can have the best mummy they can have, and it is really difficult to single parent my girls, while re-parenting and protecting my inner child. Bless you, truly.
Beautifully put, and exactly how I feel as well! Best wishes to you with raising your girls. They have a mom who’s doing the work, they are lucky ❤️
WOO Here early. I just want to say Heidi, your ability to put into common english language complex and or nuanced psychology ideas is PHENOMENAL and you really are helping a lot of people, especially in the way you make us feel seen and without judgement.
I was thinking about this lately, but I didn’t know of the term. My version of “I’m experiencing this emotion and I’m noticing I’m surviving” was “my emotions cannot hurt me” so I was free to sit with them mindfully no matter how painful. I spent like 2 days in a pit of shame recently, but came out happier on the other side.
And my version of emotional containment was “contain the chaos” referring to the chaos that comes with an episode of shame or anger. Contain it, own it, don’t project it, or involve others in it, just sit with it and process it before before it can do any damage” once I left the gym and came home early because I found myself in a shame spiral unexpectedly.
You already have a strongly magnified shame emotion, far beyond the innate affect - like most of us. Unlike many, you did just what shame prepares your body-brain to do (and not more, even though it hit you hard) You withdrew, and reoriented. Sometimes the most creative moments in life and art
use this sequence of emotions to direct or redirect and sustain the creative process. I admire that.
Thank you for this. I was a little confused about this emotion I'm feeling. There are definitely meta emotions attached bc I feel nervous and I didn't know if I should express it to the person or what. 🙏❤
Thank you for this presentation, I have been trying to examine my feelings recently, and recognise from your talk, I often get the authentic feeling and meta feeling wrong,I’ve clearly learnt to suppress my authentic feeling most of my life ,which explains a lot about my functioning to me. Work to do.
Heidi is a GODDESS !!!
As a psychiatrist with a background in Tomkins' Affect/Script Psychology, you have described the process of affect magnification, and script formation, exceedingly well, in your own terms. I wish I had always been so succinct and clear with my patients.
But what i really mean is - please try to Gestalt with me: You start the video leaning back comfortably wit your arms spread over the top of the couch. Then suddenly, you start to gesture in tune with your words using 2 additional arms! Do you by chance have another pair?
Anyone who, by her own wisdom, self-awareness and critical observations, has escaped the academic CBT trap of cognitive hegemony, deserves the extra pair of arms. Or wings, or whatever you prefer.
Meta emotions fuuuuuck me up so bad. Just knowing what these are will help. Also i really appreciate how you look at the camera so it feels like a real conversation. I really struggle with face to face one on one conversations from the autism and it helps me a lot to practice these skills with the added difficulty that direct eye to eye conversations can bring.
I love your closing theme! I feel like I’m riding off into the sunset of understanding on a galloping horse!
I sure do love me some Heidi Priebe!
You’ve done more for my emotional wellbeing and self-regulation than the psychologist that I saw for two years. Plus we’re not even in the same room. Thanks, you’re amazing!
WHOA!! WHOA! I'm not going just gloss over the absolute gem Heidi just dropped on me.
"A lack of self respect will turn to depression in the long run"
Heidi you just put to words my inner me's problem with outer me in a nutshell. Like it was an absolute "Ah! That's it, 🎯" Moment. "I (me) HAVE to respect you (me)" in the sense I can trust you to handle these emotions, to honor them. "Do not deny or resist your emotions when they come about." Don't force your inner child to suck it up forever! You must give that emotions time and space to fully express itself.
I'm Fearful Avoidant, so I need parent myself in that I will address this dire intense feeling but with understanding I need to do "x" first and most importantly setting a time and date to address this need along with KEEPING THIS PROMISE/APPOINTMENT to myself.
Learning to take aligned actions with the authentic feeling, not the meta in my interpersonal communication. Called out here, do it in real life, vulnerable and authentically. (That might come out loud and explosive. Afraid of that but that is what I must overcome)
Start small steps. Conduct "small controlled burns"
I had no idea how much this video would apply directly to me, in fact I had been avoiding it. Lol FA. God is good, that autoplay made it happen at the right time.
Great synthesis of prescient points from your past videos all 'contained' within 30 minutes. Feels like it's all coming together here in a tangible and practical way. Well done on this one - very impressive work.
I’m 27 yo and I realised that I’ve bottled up my feelings for years, therefore constantly trying to limit my exposure to potential triggers and be afraid of what could happen inside of me. I’ve recently started working on recognising and expressing more what I feel and although I still have work to do I do think it’s going better!
I’m now dating a girl I’ve had a crush on for years (on and off), at first we were just friends but now something is maybe changing (she’s avoidant and I’m anxious), and the thing is that I’m not used at all to feel these strong emotions since for years I haven’t been really interested in someone else and it’s taking me a while to process them properly. I’m grateful to feel all of this, whether it’s gonna really work out or not in the end, I feel grateful for just be here and feel! I realise that you’ll learn more through the painful and “negative” feelings than else.
And I wanted to thank you so much for all your contents! I’ve watched hours of your videos and it’s been incredibly helpful! Lots of love and appreciation, all the best ❤ 🙏
I watched your depression guide a while back, and now that I am feeling my feelings I find it difficult to contain them when it feels endless. I thought yesterday to myself that it would be great if you did a video on self-containment! Thank you so much for all the work you do & congrats on getting a 100k subs!
Yes I have problems actually getting stuff done in my life and need to not spend time endlessly ruminating but yet still process and deal with them as well.
@@universaltruth2025 I totally relate, & it's kinda sad to think that the reason I started paying attention to my mental health is when it started to interfere with my productivity. But ig better late than never!
She'll have 250k by the end of the year. Well earned
Imagine how different the world would be if we all learnt how to be with and process our emotions when they come up before going back out into the world again. This would create world peace I'm sure...
I do this been doing it my whole life 😅and finally getting the hang of it 💪😜 but sometimes I feel like am too late maybe
I think I'm starting to get something. So the reason for expressing emotions is to let them transform into something else. I never knew that's what happened with emotions. And so I always wondered what the fuss was about being able to express emotions and why people would go on about sharing their emotions. I understood that this is how you bond with people - because sharing emotions is a bit like you're sharing a secret. But I didn't know there was an added benefit of emotions changing into something else. This is a really good incentive for sharing.
The way I've been thinking about it is I'm ok with not bonding with people so it's probably not that important to share feelings (especially that my track record of sharing and bonding successfully is not great). But if sharing will mean that I can feel different and better, then it becomes worth it.
I've had some strong emotions earlier today and I shared them (following your advice) and I'm reflecting on this now with the added context of this video and I can see that my feelings changed and I felt a release when I did that.
Thanks!
I realized the meta emotions concept after seeing a meme of Captain Jack Sparrow saying: "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem".
That changed my perspective big time. But I still didn't have this detailed instructions yet. Learning so much here is also expanding other areas of life once inactive.
Woof. I’ll need to watch this a few times to get the hang of it. This is revelatory for me
Sometimes some wisdom comes along precisely when you need to hear it. Thank you, Heidi.
Ooo „Emotional Literacy 101“ that needs to actually be a course people can sign up for. I take it 🙋🏽♀️
The inner me is wise and genuine and many times I didn't listen to him. Through this video and some other of your videos I rediscovered many bottlenecks. And it is amazing how my body starts feeling better and my mind rested and my courage and hope reinvigorated. Inner me says..."I told you so...😂. Thanks H.
I have been trying to figure out how to "fix" myself with my avoidant attachment. These are the steps I needed to start changing my behavior of stuffing my emotions down deep, and putting a smile on my face...which I've done since childhood.
I REALLY appreciate your videos. You are helping so many of us identify and work thru our attachment issues. Thank you!
a big big thank you Heidi 💟 I am from a small country where I don't have the help I need actually to heal but YOU, you explained it all too well. I was confused raged all the time never knew anything and whenever I tried to my family made me seem that I am the problem. But now I get everyone's perspective. I can see people as peole, not some bad or good, flawed or angel. Thank you so much, you will never know how much grateful I am because of these videos. Now I can live my fays better. 🙏🏻
Hello Heidi, I 💕 how you put this sticky topic across to people. I will certainly try to get into recognizing and honouring my inner child. She's gotten bruised and battered psychically over the years, and I am now reminded that she's still with me! I will comfort and care for her like a precious being! Anger is a thing I'd like to work on. Thx again!
You are incredibly informative and kind. Your channel is helping me in ways I never imagined. I am trying to find myself at 58 years old. I’ve been divorced for one year. Just came out as queer to my entire family and friends. Thank you for creating this space to listen and listen again to your videos. I’m feeling hopeful that I can navigate through this transition. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating these.
Sometimes I see a new video of yours, and I think to myself, that maybe that one I don’t need to watch. I’m always so wrong, you are doing an amazing job, and you have changed my emotional life.
Just want to thank you for the work you’re doing here, I always learn so much and the way you communicate all this complex info is really masterful. Congrats on the channel hitting 100k you deserve that and much more!! 🎉
You are a god sent. These constant reminders are incredibly healing ❤
Damn Heidi you are a genius at what you do, the number of AHA tearful moments ive had from your content is insane! You are such a gift to us all ❤️
Heidi - you are literally the only person on RUclips who breaks it down in a real way that makes sense. We have dissociative identity disorder so emotions here are almost guaranteed to be overwhelming OR guaranteed to be immediately rejected by dissociation. Watching your videos has illuminated so much about childhood trauma on top of being super helpful with our healing journey. Learning how to identify, feel, and sit with our feelings, and then learning how to be self-compassionate about them, has been such a tough deal. And it's been great to use these terms you propose, like - well this alter is really really overwhelmed by sadness, but what's the meta feeling that's causing their Crazy Activation? Even having words for it has made going to therapy more fruitful cos now we can actually talk about what's happening instead of defaulting to "I don't know man. I'm just feeling a lot."
All in all, thank you for being so thorough and taking all this time to produce such excellent resources. We're grateful for your content and can't wait to watch more!
Yep!
I'm currently practicing to recognise and sit with my emotions and allowing them, accepting and validating my inner child (avoidant leaning FA CPTSD surviver) and it's quite a disorienting journey! Learning to set boundaries, beeing healthily vulnerable, rewiring my brain.
I've been very angry with myself and a close friend since smth happened on Sunday. I very briefly explained to them that I need to take a step back and have been processing the anger consciously (so exhausting) discovering that there's pain, sadness and a feeling of betrayed trust underneath. As a result I phrased a clear new boundary for myself in regards to that person and am now ready to approach constructive conversation with them without the fear of exploding in their face or not expressing my feelings at all. This process is still very unfamiliar to me. All this to say: Your video came out perfectly timed for me! Thank you for continuously sharing your thoughts and knowledge, Heidi
(edited typos)
I just discovered this channel and in addition to therapy. This channel is soo helpful 😅
You have a gift of understanding and explanation - thank you
Heidi I learn things from you that I never understood before. I listened to this talk 4 times today. I think I understand. This gives me a broader understanding of what it means to parent myself and to understand boundries.
Wow! I am an INFP and you just spoke to some corner of my being, one just outside my peripheral awareness until now. It feels like a new lens that I can use to find the blind spots I’ve been searching for.
Thank you for sharing your insight in such a concise and relatable way.
Wow. Thank you so very very much for illuminating this concept for me. I understand myself sooooo much better from this!!!!! So glad i found this video.
I watch one to two of your videos a day! And I rewatch them often. Amazing content ! It’s a big part of my healing journey
Universe led me to this , this was the perfect video I needed
I found your channel about one year ago. I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PROVIDING THIS CONTENT FOR FREE - as I am writing this I am about to cry because I am so grateful for you. You put all my struggles into words I can understand and work with. I am glad I learned to speak English since I was 8. I can listen to you with ease and understand everything and can put it to practice. I am doing therapy but you literally help me to do the work. Thank you from my heart.❤
My therapist of about 6 months responded really poorly the last time we met, which was the first time I brought strong emotions to the session. I haven't seen her since. Hoping I can find someone who can create a safe container going forward.
Thank you so much for teaching us these practical life-changing skills for FREE. You are so appreciated. The time and effort it takes to produce these videos is intense. Thank you!
You are amazing. Thank you so much for breaking it down like this!
Heidi: "If you are more avoidant, this is going to require you to allow your emotions to disrupt your life a little bit"
me, a fearful avoidant, leaning avoidant: oh no, sounds terrifying 😰😵
This is gonna be one of those videos i'm definitely gonna rewatch a few times, I guess. To see I'll be making any progress.
I'm so avoidant that I'm still single at 29, with no dating experience and no desire to, to be honest 😅 But your videos have helped immensely to understand why I am that way and make a plan for what I can change about that so I won't end up completely alone 😅💜
By the way, your channel is one of my favorites on the whole YT, thank you for lots of insightful thoughts expressed in such an eloquent and concise manner! Big hugs from a teacher of English from Russia 🕊 As someone who's kind of detached from my own emotions most of the time, learning to register them and work though them in a healthy manner can be beneficial not only to myself, but potentially to some of my students too 🙌
It helps when you are at a life stage and are able to clearly recall events but the way you deliver all of these messages is amazing. Even when you know things are off and what you ought to do, these messages connect everything and tie up all the loose ends and nagging thoughts and memories.
YES HEIDI PRIEBE KEEP ON BLESSING MEEEEEE.
Hearing this content is a reminder of your bravery in bringing people content that provides access to tools that they can grab out of the tool shed or pick up off the carperter's table to facilitate a new level of emotional awareness or attach words to current thoughts and emotional sensations. I currently feel like I need help in this area when expressing difficult topics with people in my work or living circle. I also think what is expressed hear might provide some tools for helping work thru some rage I fear I may sense if I were to pick up a book and read about topics that might cause me to become dissassociated from a calmer composed self. The self I need to be able to go to work and not pick on someone or the self I need to not get triggered by someone I don't know on my travels to and from work.
Thank you for helping me find myself. 🤗🙂❤️🙏
Step 5 really wrapped it up so nicely for me. You explained everything so well in this video as always. I'm still often confused by the concepts around emtional expression of even experiencing them at all, but I'm trying to learn. Thank you so much for making these, I know you're helping so many people, including myself ❤❤❤
Definitely needed to watch this ❤ Expressing my feelings disregulated my parents, and I had to learn to dissociate, or I would explode by holding them in too long (tried to be alone when this happened). Becoming more respectful towards myself and not ashamed of my emotions is so healing for me. I try to not be shaming of myself but it happens and I have to allow people their feelings about my self expression without taking it personally. Mature people can remove themselves and also can provide comfort. ❤ I love your videos! Thank you!
You have done it once more - I apparently really dislike having a crush on people, so i just... Try to ignore it, hoping it will go away, while longing for reciprocation... That makes very little sense as far as living life goes :D
Now I know what to talk to my therapist about :)
The part about abandonment equals death in childhood stunted me. I’ve come to a place of understanding with my absent father but still feel extreme emotions about feeling forgotten and left behind. This perspective is so validating to the ongoing presence of very real abandonment issues. You have helped me be so so much kinder to myself ❤️
Also, just adding - @Heidi - your practical example of how avoidants and anxiously attached folks deal with strong emotions differently - was bang on. I have experienced both sides of it though (probably because I am fearful?) - I force myself to continue through my tasks while being immensely overwhelmed by the emotion. I am learning to accept that sometimes, some unforeseen events will cause emotions that will de-rail my plans, and it is okay to cater to them. And not feel too guilty about my initial plan getting derailed by it.
Thats the side I have chosen for now :)
oh my word. I love this. Thank you. I have to come back and watch it as it's triggering that desire to amplify. Wow. that's what i have been doing probably because i also feel frustrated and unsure how to go about voicing /expressing myself. I suddenly feel neutral and normal about it now. Thank you so much. What a Gift . The very thing i had been hoping for. Thank u Heidi P :)
You are a Godsend! Thank you Heidi
Your videos and content have been amazingly relatable and helpful!!
I do want to request that you add time stamps to your videos that have different steps in them because it helps my adhd brain focus on how things are transitioning and allows me to jump back to a specific section when rewatching.
Amazing video Heidi, probably the most important one I've seen on your channel. I laughed when you suggested what emotions might not be allowed, since none of those is allowed in my inner world lol. I'm immediately gonna work more on holding space for the expression of these emotions, like planning a breathwork session tomorrow. Thanks, you rock!
I tried to play sadness on stage, but only rage came out. I powered through in that moment.
Powerful moment. I learned a lot that day.
I really appreciate how well you explain these concepts, like a lecture from your favorite professor. You packed an incredible amount of useful information. I'm sure I'll be re-watching this several times and taking notes for application.
Really one of the best channels on that subject on RUclips. Thank-you for your great work !
Finally heard someone mention the importance of no cross-talk.
You are really speaking to me Heidi. I’m so glad I found your channel. I feel more understood every time I watch one of your videos.
The best explanation of emotions I've ever heard! thank you!
We were not allowed to be angry. My mother, later in life, told me that she was always trying to keep us kids from killing each other... She was the adult in the situation.
I've been watching your videos over the last year. I was diagnosed with CPTSD after a traumatic event a little over a year ago. I knew my childhood was rough but... damn, I had no idea how trauma driven thinking was driving my behavior my entire life until this event started to unravel it. You, your channel, your content has REALLY helped me wrap my head around these very important concepts for healing and to understand how my life came to be so chaotic at times. Your content speaks to the way I need to hear, see, process this information. I honestly can't thank you enough for what you are doing. I can't thank you enough what you have done for me personally. And I'm so happy to see your healing and success and I also know how hard fought it is to come to the place you are now. You are amazing. Again, thank you.
I do have a question. This video really resonated with me. I would still consider myself earlier in the healing process and this to say that I'm having some intense realizations, important thoughts to pursue, and of course some intense emotions and dysregulation. And often, these things are happening at times that I cannot address them. So I do my best to write these thoughts down and promise that I will address it when I have carved out to address these things privately and alone. Self containment. And I will honor that time and place, and then not be able to get back to that emotion, that thought, that thing that I need to process. And it's like my body knows this ahead of time that I will disappoint it in this way, if that makes sense. Sometimes I can feel the almost dejection from my body or inner child when I write something down to come back to it, because it knows I won't be able to return to that space again to process, not because I won't show up, but because I can't get back to that feeling, or that place, or that thought process that allowed me to get to a revelation. I will make this promise to myself to come back to this, but my body or inner child can't get on board with the process at the time I allow it for this. I have a therapist and we both agree that I am more fearful/avoidant on the attachment spectrum. I wonder if this challenge to return to the processing at another time has anything to do with activated and deactivated states? Am I trying to do this emotional processing when I'm in a deactivated state? I'm still trying to tease out when I'm dysregulated or activated/deactivated. How can I return to addressing processing emotions at an appropriate time when I just can't get back into that groove later, so to speak? And does anyone else find it as challenging to come back to processing emotions at a more appropriate time?
Yes! At the moment of activation, it is such a huge blur of emotions and it's totally unclear to me what it actually is that i am feeling. When i am deactivated again, i usually don't know what came over me. The concept of meta emotions really helps me to understand that i have shame and guilt about feelings of anger and abandonment, that cover the core emotion. It seems that the first place to start healing are those meta emotions. The rest will follow.
AHA! Relief and hope are the emotions im going through watching this video..i can now paying attention to the meta-feeling that arises, guilt and overwhelm whether i will be able to use this nugget of teaching to finally learn to express my emotions in a healthy way and start living my life! Heidi..Thank you for your insights❤ I love the community and appreciate the discussions in the comments section a lot
Thank u for everything u do, u r awesome. And congrats on 100k subs too! 🎉
Thank you so much for your time, Heidi! All the effort you put into these videos means a lot. And congrats on 100k, you're going to cross that 500k mark very quickly!
I've got to share how grateful I am to have come across your channel, thank you 🙏
This channel is blowing up! Congrats 🎉
I like your points about not expecting others to fix your relationship with your own inner child bc I find myself doing that unintentionally
Hi Heidi, I am only at the beginning of the video but I have to thank you for breaking down meta feelings and how it leads to deactivation. This is so helpful to me to know that what I'm experiencing actually makes sense and I'm not just à sometimes unfeeling sometimes oversensitive mess. In my small French island, there are not a lot of knowledgeable therapists and you are doing a great job in your videos making me feel seen, safe and heard so I can process what's going on with me. Thank you so much ❤
I believe there is a strong correlation between emotional containment and creativity, similar to how robust libido feeds physical and intellectual prowess. This viewpoint also coincides with how trauma, especially in childhood, may elevate, intensify mental/creative capabilities. I think the super song from Alanis Morrissete, Thank You is not only emblematic of your psycho management style but that you'd sing it spiritedly.
@15:00 *Emotional Literacy:* 👏👏👏
I'm practicing sitting w emotions w a #FeelingsWheel to help me, but I'm feeling mutiple emotions like Guilt, Sadness, Shame, Regret simultaneously.
The confusion makes me #Avoidant bc I'm uncomfortable - and also mad at myself / ashamed for repeating mistakes - and not "learning* / "#ReParenting" myself _*fast enough*_.
Thank you for *Step 3* to let me safely express my emotions to myself, but I still reject that I can Re-Parent myself - just beginning to even Try, makes me feel shame for not having Emotionally Mature Parents 😔
Just discovered your account. Love the way you break down all these concepts and provide constructive guidelines. Thank you for sharing this work!
Hi Heidi - your clarity of explication is outstanding. If you wrote a book, I'd read the heck out of it!
This is so helpful!!! I now have a much better understanding of how emotions work. Thank you!
Thank you for helping me and teaching me how to let go. I need to let this shi go
I get overwhelming feeling also - mainly relating to actual or perceived rejection and betrayal. Which has happened a lot. I can relate to the idea of rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is an adhd thing. I now wonder if its really an FA thing and add can be a by-product of FA. In anycase I get totally overwhelmed and it takes me days if not weeks to re-regulate. Its really disruptive and can affect my actual physical health. I don’t know what the meta emotion is though. It is a really strong mix of anger, sadness, depression and despair all at once.
I would suggest you read Pete Walker's complex PTSD:from surviving to thriving because what you are describing is the abandonment melange which is a trauna response to perceived abandonment situation (adhd is afterall a ptsd state)
I know the feeling. I've heard it called "abandonment melange." It's quite strong, horrible and yes debilitating.
@@valentinavsl4148 Thanks. Yes I concluded adhd must be a cptsd state. However, there must be people who have it but who have not had a traumatic childhood. Eg my son, he has had a pretty straightforward childhood (I believe! 🤞) yet he clearly also has adhd behaviours and signs. Perhaps childhood trauma just coincidentally causes similar damage and changes to the prefrontal cortex that are present in adhd.
@@EyeOfTheTiger777 yes, it is debilitating. I really want to learn how to deal with it as its taken up too much of my life already.
Love the distinction between feelings and meta feelings. Eye opening. I'm going to listen again. Thank you, Heidi.
What an incredible video. this is my new template for dealing with feelings!!!
Here we go! This is HUGE. Very important and valuable video you have created for us. Thank you❤❤❤
I hate how I feel like I'm not worthy to be loved unless I'm emotionally perfect all the time for everyone else. I hate how I'm not allowed to feel the way I feel, and that I am perceived as the cause of others problems for feeling the way I do. Just the other day, I got irritated for what someone said. Then I confronted them. And they got upset at me for "misunderstanding" them because they meant something completely different from what they literally said lol. So it made me feel even more like shit for expressing my feelings.
So glad I find your video.
Many year's of watching RUclips& few therapies but what u said is exactly what I need is like u understand me& what went thru. Thank u
Heidi, thank you for this video. The first 5 minutes describe my experience of my emotions and feelings, exactly. What you share has been helping me make more sense of things and I'm so grateful.
Amazing, thank you! I am grateful! You give words to my experience.
My meta feeling is panic and anxiety. Now I know what it means for our brains to perceive harmless emotions as life threats and go into fight or flight. The brain sees shame or loneliness or loss as life-threatening and goes into fight or fight! Gosh, our brains are killing us! 😮 So profound!
Omg Heidi Priebe as always thank you so much. This is a beautiful description of how to patiently work with yourself.
God bless you for these videos. My therapist and I are working through them
Thank you so much. I’m intrigued by the concept of meta feelings, and it makes so much sense out of my inner experience.