I have been married for over 20 years. I am 40 years old and my husband is 46. Sex is a very important part of marriage. If you are committed to loving your spouse and treat him/her with respect, the sex only gets better with time. When the kids are older and you start having more time to just be a couple, your relationship gets even stronger. So if you have young children and are tired and sex is a struggle, don’t give up. We are all tired and busy when raising kids. Put in the effort and make time for your spouse. It is worth it!! One day those kids will be grown and you will have kept your marriage alive and will happily move into the next phase of life. And sex will be a part of that next phase also. 🙂
You were speaking to me in this one!! I fell foul of disrespecting my husband SO many times in our first year of marriage. I didn't know the damage I was causing until he opened up to me, told me, and pleaded with me to stop. I've now learned but I wish I knew this before getting married. Your channel is so needed!
Yay!!! I wait for your new videos!!! You have helped enrich my life and journey to becoming a more feminine, godly, traditional woman/ wife. Thank you SO MUCH for your content. You are SEEN!!!
I would love to see a video from you with your christian life routine, like in a whole week everything you do (how you pray, bible study, fast etc) You're such an example !
I'm so glad you did a video on this! It's all very true but I think it would be good to mention how there are those who withhold sex as a way to control their spouse (usually the wife). I think this is something that is not good to do, we should not be trying to control our spouse but rather work with them and pray for them. It's one thing to refuse to have sex because you feel unsafe, hurt, disrespected. But it should be made clear that it's not ok to refuse to have sex until you can have your way (over minor things, of course)
I have an aunt that does this to her husband on a regular basis. The husband has a pretty high sex drive and she will refuse him if she can't have her way on things or he fails to do certain chores, etc... She used to try to school me on how to do this to get my husband to do what I want. I never fell for it. There have been rumors that this aunt & uncle are now on all sorts of anti-anxiety meds & have started to participate in a swinger's lifestyle. Even if the rumors are not true, there is clearly some dissatisfaction there when you visit with them...Glad I did not take her advice. Not all older women that you look up to should be listened to!
I see a LOT of comments about the woman disrespecting their husbands. What about the husbands that are the ones being disrespectful? My husband is a jerk; he's rude, disrespectful, hypercritical of me and my parenting style, my cooking, my housekeeping. He's super controlling due to his insecurities. He even criticizes my mother. He hurts my feelings on a daily basis, then he make comments about me not being affectionate or not initiating sex. Saying that I'm not giving it to him enough. How can someone give their body to someone who devalues them, hurt their hearts, try and control and manipulate them daily? I feel like by not being who he expects me to be is protecting my heart.
@@danaloustel5974 Wow, thank you. When I talk about this to others, I am told to leave him, OR, and I quote, "Well, you married him and now you have to deal with the consequences!"
Honestly, a trial separation may be in order. He may need that separation to know you are not going to allow him to hurt you anymore. I'm not advocating divorce but you must protect your peace! Seek therapy for yourself and building back your self esteem and creating boundaries within marriage is going to be necessary for you to heal. Don't listen to anyone telling you to subject yourself to being continuously disrespected. Continue to pray and take action in wisdom for your sanity. If you suspect he could physically harm you, move in complete silence until you are safe. God bless you.
Me and my husband literally just skip sexual parts in the movies and shows. I believe masterbation, porn and constant sexual images can mess up marriage situations. You are right ❤️
@@danilaroche1156 So I have a question, Which man has not seen porn before? And if a man was watching porn and masturbated in the past, now that he is (allegedly) about to get married to you, why wont you say yes if He asked for you to get married? If the dude is addicted to it I get; But to say that because a man watches porn you won't get married to him is a red flag in my opinion.
Such great content that people need to see. I have given up a lot of television in general because so much is smut. Even shows that aren't hbo level have unnecessary and excessive content and everyone is sleeping around. It just isn't what I want to fill my life, time or soul with. I am literally throwing away multiple dvd series over this. I will say I am struggling with one 90s show because I watched it through my teens and saved up to buy the series but it has the characters sleep with several people over the course of the 8 seasons . Its not as in your face but I have not brought myself to get rid of it. But it is disheartening that most of what is being created now is garbage.
I have just found your RUclips and I'm so excited to watch your videos. It's so nice to see someone speaking specifically to wives as homemakers, and giving guidance on the topic. Thank you I love your channel 🤍
I love your channel. I was so excited for this video. I hope it helps plenty of ladies… I will be honest and say it just does not apply in my marriage. My husband works himself senseless. He comes home with barely time to spare. Eat, shower, sleep. His days off he is so spent from the week that he is too tired. Yes, I have accused him of using this as an excuse. It does break my heart. His parents were sexless, so, something in me blames them for not giving him a representation of a good, healthy marital connection in that sense. My parents would drive me mad with their shenanigans at all hours. And I feel that’s what has made me so absolutely polar to him in my desire. I know that it is healthy to have sex. To make to for it. To not deny it. But, I feel it’s always at the bottom of the list under miscellaneous in his books 😞 don’t get me wrong. I love the man to pieces. I just want to let fellow wives know they are not alone
I love your videos you have so much wisdom. Please never stop doing them. We don't have many people to talked about this things from christian perspective.
Good content. For the example at around 2:30 about the lazy lover wife, I suspect she doesn’t want to work full time. And I guarantee contempt is bubbling up in that relationship.
The point about sudden death is real! You start controlling the other person to make all these lifestyle changes out of fear, even though it seems helpful, if it’s a bad spirit behind the control it could turn the other person off to be around you. There’s definitely gotta be a balance with love and healthy fear.
I’m battling with this in my relationship right now. I’m never in the mood for sex. If I’m not in a good head space I can’t have sex. I do feel selfish, he’s always in the mood. With the way life is having four kids having to take care of the home. I have to concentrate so hard to have sex.
My heart goes out to you. I too have 4 kids & didn’t always feel in the mood. However, I made a decision that I would never deny my husband sex… & I never have. It’s kind of like committing to a healthy lifestyle. You won’t always feel like working out or choosing a more nutritious food; however, you do it because you’re committed to it. I just said a prayer for you & remember that you can go to God with this; & He will help you. God bless you dear sister. 🤗
I was once in your situation, when my children were small. Just couldn’t do the switch in the evenings from mother to wife. So I started adding having sex onto my mental chore list, like working out, cleaning, shopping. I know that sounds awful but once I treated it as a chore, my mindset would switch and I was getting in the mood. Now that most of our children are a little older, intimacy feels natural again.
Caring for young kids is exhausting don't beat ur self up u did what u had to. Also nowadays it's hard to trust people to look after your kids I would love a babysitter but these aren't the times imo
This is common when your kids are young though. Moms are just really tired. I went through a phase when the kids were younger where sex took a lot more effort on my part because I was so tired all the time. My kids are 20 and 17 now. I think we are having more sex than ever now. I think we are both less tired now that the kids are self sufficient. Also, both kids work. We have more time home alone with not kids and that never used to happen.
Yes! Unresolved trauma, turns into fear which turns into control 💯 Because you don’t rationalize things when you’ve been effected by trauma. But, I used to withhold sex from my husband when I was so mad at him. But, praise God I don’t do that anymore. Because if I mess up, I don’t want him withholding love from me. ❤️
I wonder if this chapter talked about men losing interest in sex as they get older. There comes a point in marriages where wives are more desirous of sex than their husbands. Lack of sex in marriage doesn’t always stem from an emotional issue.
Got the answer for you, most not all but most of the men have indulged in a overdose amount of pornography and the years of addiction and burning their senses out for sexual pleasure etc fries a part of their brain(this is almost literal according to neurons) they have over used all of their stimulus for their reproductive system that 70% of men have erectile dysfunction at 40 and up. Libido for men can last long into the 90s. It takes time and therapy to heal for that to translate to a real physical connection
Thank you for sharing. There is an area not discussed here…. Autism. Not all autistic partners are not interested in sex, but it’s fairly common. In my particular situation, my husband did not know he was in the spectrum. It wasn’t until our son was diagnosed that I discovered the similarities. Over the years his lack of interest in sex wore me out, I shut down, I became resentful and I let myself go grooming-wise. I felt unloved. And no matter how I expressed that, he just didn’t understand. He loves me and so he doesn’t see why sex is needed for me to be loved. I value my marriage so much, I haven’t been able to take this issue outside where I would feel someone would protect our marriage as much as I would. It’s a poorly discussed area.
Wow!!!!!!!! and Amen....great dissection of how sex and emotional and psychological behavior can affect intimacy in a marriage.. Great exposition Bindi.
How much I love you Bindi.....i just discovered ur channel and am blessed to hear u speak. I thank the good lord for bringing you here. This is an enlightening piece thank u so much
Movies and shows also have an unrealistic view of romance and relationships. Women can develop unrealistic expectations of what her man should be for her, then she doesn’t want to have sex, because he is not “ romantic” enough!
This was one of the first things God convicted me over as a relatively new wife. I thought because the books I was reading were "clean" that they were harmless, but they were giving me highly unrealistic expectations that no man could live up to.
I have known a few women that literally only read romance novels. One very good friend who did, struggled for years to find a husband. I kept telling her that her expectations were so high they were unrealistic. Men were either not romantic enough, or they didn't give her enough alone time...they didn't look just right, sound just right, dress just right....One time she was criticizing my husband's quirks & asked how I could put up with it? (I had already been married for about 10 years then & she was stiiiillllll single) I pointed out that I probably had many annoying habits or traits that he had to also put up with. Its partly what marriage is about - neither of us is perfect, so therefore have to accept the other's imperfections. I have been married 20 years & she just got married 5 years ago.....They rushed to get married after meeting on internet, knowing each other a few months, got pregnant right away because they are old enough that the rush was necessary if they wanted to have kids. All I hear are complaints - about motherhood, marriage, bills, no time for herself....She asked me recently how I managed to stay home all those years, because maternity leave drove her nuts & she was exhausted. I simply told her that I was 20 years younger than her when I was doing it. Not to say my hubby & I haven't had troubles, but we both came from terrible parents' marriages & vowed to make it work no matter what & we had realistic ideas about it.
I just realised you have locs! I'd love a video on how you wear them and maybe, if you experienced it, on how you got over all the dirty looks/judgment thrown at you because in my country, some 'religious' ppl see locs in a negative light.
Recently got married my husband cheated three weeks after marriage I find it hard to romance my husband after his affair how do you push pass this betrayal I love him he say he love me I pray for the most high to help us through this but I am beginning to hate his touch even his kisses
A godly heart only can mend this. Pray for this. Also I hope u don't do this but some people end the divorce immediately to be released from the marriage.contract so later on they can find another partner or work it out slowly. Lest it prolongs and u cheat and are locked biblically in the relationship
I’m so sorry to hear this Jennifer🥺Only God can help him repent and change, so leave him to God in prayer. He broke your trust when he had an affair, although you love him, he has to know that you’re hurting and that he can’t make amends by physical connection or just loving words. If I was in your position, having explained to him that sex is based on trust that you can be vulnerable to one another and he broke that trust, I wouldn’t have sex until I know he truly repented and asked God for forgiveness and until our trust has been repaired. Prayers🥺🙌
Three weeks after?!!!! I'd seek an annulment SMH! How do you cheat 3 WEEKS INTO MARRIAGE! He literally took a vow before God to remain faithful to you for life and couldn't even make it a whole month! If I were you, I'd be done. You're never going to trust him the same again anyway.
Also, God allows for Divorce after a husband has been unfaithful so don't let these other people make you think you have to stay. You can forgive him and not stayed married to him.
@Odie Walker Forgiveness is a process, especially after a betrayal as deep as this. Also, let's not pretend forgiveness means you have to treat the person exactly the same afterwards or that the relationship doesn't change. You can forgive and then proceed to love from a distance. You can forgive and proceed to not trust the same. If I had a friend that deeply disrespected me, I'd forgive her as God forgave me but that doesn't necessarily mean I'd choose to remain friends with her. Along those same lines, if my husband cheated, I would forgive him but choose to not remain married. Also, saying true forgiveness means you love like you've never been hurt after the trust has been broken with your partner is asinine. When a partner breaks your trust in this way, it is their responsibility to rebuild it if their partner will allows it. During that time, they may not be treated exactly the same as they were before the infidelity because the trust is no longer there. That does not mean they have not been forgiven. You do not have to trust someone in order to truly forgive them, nor do you need to remain in the relationship in order to truly forgive as well. You need to understand there are consequences for your actions and true forgiveness does not mean the relationship doesn't change after betrayal. It's called having boundaries and enforcing those boundaries when they are crossed.
Every bit of this is spot on. Now what about repentance and restoration? Is this a matter of salvation, counseling, healing, or for divorce? To hear this or read it on paper is different from experiencing it all first hand. It almost sounds controllable. But we need the Lord, so many marriages suffer because one or both people are still in bondage to sin, trusting in thier own ability to break free.
For years, I was wondered why my husband won't have sex with me. I've been given a million reasons by him. Reasons anywhere, from I had to lose weight, to he has a problem staying erect...etc; etc. I would be lying, if I said that watching this video, wasn't painful emotionally, to me. It hit home... I don't know what I'm supposed to do, now. He's turned me down, for so long, and continues to do so. Our marriage is failing now, and it's not just because of the 12 years that, we haven't been intimate. From time, to time, I still ask, but the reality piece is, I believe it he'll just keep trying to "string me along." Right now, I don't even stay in the same room with him long. I have grown to despise him. The lack of sex, my disrespect, and his lies are cook up a menu for what could, and may be a separation, in the future. I'm going to watch your videos, stay in prayer, read my Bible, and find a Bible believing church. I'm not the type of person, who gives up. God hasn't given up on me.
Sometimes it's not a conscious decision to withhold sex. You just feel so crummy about yourself, and your spouse is so hateful that there is no love and no attraction. You find that you just cannot have sex, cannot perform at all. You can't give up your most intimate self with the fear that it will be stomped on
The reality is men and women become so used to each other that both don’t put effort Many men don’t care about the wife they believe that wife is a microwave they just lay down and 5 min he finish and is all The other case is when a woman is overtired being with the kids all day without help from the husband the women is exhausted she just want to go to sleep Some women don’t care about how they put themselves online telling everything about their relationship is wrong Because marriage is only 2 people husband and wife A main reason is people get older when you are 40 you don’t have the same desires in many females and males their body chemicals hormonal changes impacts some people just don’t feel that need anymore the sad reality is people are not looking forward to have a real conversation about how age affects people behaviors. People are not considered the reality of life if you have kids your mind is focused on your kids that you don’t have sexual desires or if you are struggling the husband is thinking to make extra hour to support the family and other factors like family problems or sickness or death there is many reasons why not all the reasons are because of your partner ( behaviors or emotions) also the food that people eat place a huge impact on how your body functions.
I know some women will not like me saying this , but from my own experience, some husbands just stop being physically attracted to their wives…when the wive was young, he could have found her attractive enough to sleep with, but then as the woman ages, she either gains a lot of weight, stops taking care of her hair, skin , style and even hygiene….expecting her husband to love her “ no matter what”…this is not fair. A man is a human and is attracted to at minimum a clean healthy woman…even is she is older..I have been both obese and unattractive and in shape, slim and beautiful….and the way my husband treated me was night and day..he didn’t even touch me at all when i was obese but when I was hot and in shape he eas all over me and I was in my 20s when I was obese but when I was in shape and well dressed I was over 40 and he found me more sexy then
People do not always get married to people they are actually physically attracted to and some people can't just do it... many can, but many cannot. And people tend to not be dutiful when it comes to their person. Having sex when you don't want to feels like you are being assaulted or taken advantage of. The as far as porn goes, the term is called "porn-creep" its when men watch porn and cannot become aroused or climax in real life. Not watching porn for a few months makes it go away, the problem is many men are married to women they are not really attracted to so the only arousal they get is through other visual aides...
I love sex my wife does as well but its been a lot disrespect from her and her son. She puts him over me really, always has an excuse for any wrong doing he does. When i go to work he goes to her and vent and she jumps down my throat over a decision i made about his phone privileges. And ultimately this made me step back in our sex life because this isnt the 1st time she never accountable for her action have you met a woman that always switch the issue onto you well thats what happens in my marraige its sad but idk. I just shutdown and stay to myself which i know isnt good but thats where its at. Thanks
I was just asking my mother about this topic yesterday. I’m not married yet, but have been hearing lot of this issue from men the past couple weeks. I’ve been struggling to understand what the Bible says about it to how we as Christians tend to interpret it
How can I show my respect to my husband and build him up? I'm affraid I might be too dominant sometimes, and struggle to submit. I can be mouthy and often try to have the last word in conversation. How can I get rid of this? Any of you people here have any advice? How can I show him my trust and value his opinions while staying true to myself?
Learn to love God more Ask him for help Take your deep needs and worries to God in prayer Become an encourager Look to catch him out to compliment him ,love on him
Dear bibeejane! Your last sentence made me puzzled. It seems to me that you see ''showing him my trust and value his opinions'' somehow contradictory to ''staying true to myself''. A simplistic answer is just keep your mouth shut :-) and smile. See him for what he is and not for what he is not. Relax. If you want a longer answer or deeper conversation feel free to email me :-)
@@miriam8026 it's really hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I know or feel he is being wrong or if I just dont understand how he came to a certain conclusion. Like, I would like us to come to mutual agreements. I don't feel it serves us well if i keep my mouth shut and keep a grudge or let him make mistakes (for which later I'm asked why I didn't say anything if I knew) I feel like there is a thin line that has to be walked carefully
Love your content. I was wondering if you could talk about how a woman can be modest/feminine and submit to a husband despite a history of promiscuity, after the Lord saves her. I've seen so much "red pill" content that suggests "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" but I'd love it if someone made some content countering that philosophy. Because we know the LORD can.
I have 5 kids , 4 different dads. I lost all hope that a man will one day see past my mistakes and love me for who I am today but I am happy in the Lord . He gives me peace , His love along with my kids love is all I need ❤️
I surrendered to God and prayed for a good husband. I grew up in poverty, trailer parks, government housing, and was a single mom to 2 kids living in section 8 housing projects. God answered my prayers by sending a man who was 34 no kids, no drinking, no drugs, no gambling, no smoking, great career, college educated (he currently has 6 college degrees), speaks several different languages, no criminal history, doesn’t hit me or cuss at me, raised the 2 kids I brought into the marriage as his own, his parents have never been divorced and he comes from a good family, he doesn’t cheat or look at porn, he is 6ft, makes 6 figures, we have built a beautiful home together, we have a paid off home in a wealthy suburb, and most of all he loves God. I definitely come from “the wrong side of the tracks”. I promise you, Gods way works! If you want to be a Godly wife and meet a Godly husband who will provide a healthy relationship that’s different than anything youve known up to this point, pray. Ask him to reach into your heart to change you and break all those chains that have kept you the way you’ve been. Trust me, if God can do it for me, he can do it for you to.
i love your videos. very motivating to be the best woman i can be and especially in the aspect of family. also you are so pretty and look wonderful in purple! God bless you 💜👑
I have a question, what if your husband hates women and is another reason they withhold sex? What I mean is my husband's mother caused a lot of trauma to him since he was very young. To the point he calls her by her first name. I thought this was disrespectful when I discovered early in our relationship but didn't dig. One because we were so young and two I thought it was just how they communicated. However over the years he's been very angry and disrespectful to his mom, sadly towards me, calls women by degrading names in my presence, plays music which degrades women, watches porn, saves pictures of naked women on his phone and feels I need to be okay with it. I have tried over the years to express to him how his behavior towards women impacts not only me but our children, which only enrages him and his tells us we need to not be so soft and we need to get thicker skin because the world is going to treat us worse. Our children knows the relationship with his mother is toxic and sees how she still treats him horrible and he turns and treats us worse. And I just told him in December he needs to forgive his mother because I think that's where the issues lay. His actions show me he can't fully open up and trust and respect me because of the damage created by his mom. Someone who was suppose to love him early on, not abuse him emotionally, psychologically, physically and financially since the age of 6. She made him work fulltime from the age of 14 and she would take all of his check to pay the mortgage, while letting grown men live there and not pay a dime. This went on until we got married and he was able to finally move out, despite not having any money because my mom helped us out. So if you are led please talk about how moms are oftentimes causing damage to their children, especially men who are then not able to function as they should in being leaders in a positive way in their marriages. Thank you stay blessed
I think that this video is more about chit chat than actual help. There a lot of things that can contribute (weight gain, low testosterone,, lack of vitamins). This should be taken in consideration, too. I'm 12 years in a sexless marriage, he refuses to even kiss me, sometimes. It's so hard being a woman and wanting to be loved, but the situation never changes. I don't blame my husband, because I know that this is not normal, I've tried everything, but God knows better. I love him and will forever, but it's not easy....
I love sex my wife does as well but its been a lot disrespect from her and her son. She puts him over me really, always has an excuse for any wrong doing he does. When i go to work he goes to her and vent and she jumps down my throat over a decision i made about his phone privileges. And ultimately this made me step back in our sex life because this isnt the 1st time she never accountable for her action have you met a woman that always switch the issue onto you well thats what happens in my marraige its sad but idk. I just shutdown and stay to myself which i know isnt good but thats where its at.
Do you talk with him about it? Sometimes men like to fight for it, if they know you are always disposable they lack stimutalion, or maybe he likes It a bit spicy, some men likes to have a submissive wife in the house but a dominant One in the bedroom.. It could be a lot of things, you should talk to him in a neutral environment
Mine works himself to sleep basically. He’s too tired and never has enough time in the window he’s home and awake, so I understand, but I don’t have a solution… hang in there :)
Yea I haven’t disrespected and take care of myself physically I’m planning to cheat on my husband because hr is refusing sex. His fault for letting sin in.
The thing with pornography is that most men watch it because they want their wives and girlfriends to do the acts they see on the Internet. If women just looked at their husbands Internet history and tried out whatever they'd see in the clips they would kill their addiction instantly.
Man, you are one sick dude. Ladies, please please don't listen to this garbage. So he appears to be saying that we can get guidance for how to best serve our husband's in a godly way by checking the ungodly stuff our husband's might do online so that we can better serve him??? That is just sick.
I have been married for over 20 years. I am 40 years old and my husband is 46. Sex is a very important part of marriage. If you are committed to loving your spouse and treat him/her with respect, the sex only gets better with time. When the kids are older and you start having more time to just be a couple, your relationship gets even stronger. So if you have young children and are tired and sex is a struggle, don’t give up. We are all tired and busy when raising kids. Put in the effort and make time for your spouse. It is worth it!! One day those kids will be grown and you will have kept your marriage alive and will happily move into the next phase of life. And sex will be a part of that next phase also. 🙂
This is so positive and encouraging! Thank you for your testimony of good marriage :)
@@self-love6065 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
True! Experienced it too.
4:40 "I'm not team men, and I'm not team women either, I'm team right" Amen sister ♡
You were speaking to me in this one!! I fell foul of disrespecting my husband SO many times in our first year of marriage. I didn't know the damage I was causing until he opened up to me, told me, and pleaded with me to stop. I've now learned but I wish I knew this before getting married. Your channel is so needed!
Yay!!! I wait for your new videos!!! You have helped enrich my life and journey to becoming a more feminine, godly, traditional woman/ wife. Thank you SO MUCH for your content. You are SEEN!!!
What a mind opener. Thank you, I'm 17 but I I take away alot from your videos.
I would love to see a video from you with your christian life routine, like in a whole week everything you do (how you pray, bible study, fast etc)
You're such an example !
I'm so glad you did a video on this! It's all very true but I think it would be good to mention how there are those who withhold sex as a way to control their spouse (usually the wife). I think this is something that is not good to do, we should not be trying to control our spouse but rather work with them and pray for them.
It's one thing to refuse to have sex because you feel unsafe, hurt, disrespected. But it should be made clear that it's not ok to refuse to have sex until you can have your way (over minor things, of course)
I have an aunt that does this to her husband on a regular basis. The husband has a pretty high sex drive and she will refuse him if she can't have her way on things or he fails to do certain chores, etc... She used to try to school me on how to do this to get my husband to do what I want. I never fell for it. There have been rumors that this aunt & uncle are now on all sorts of anti-anxiety meds & have started to participate in a swinger's lifestyle. Even if the rumors are not true, there is clearly some dissatisfaction there when you visit with them...Glad I did not take her advice. Not all older women that you look up to should be listened to!
I see a LOT of comments about the woman disrespecting their husbands. What about the husbands that are the ones being disrespectful? My husband is a jerk; he's rude, disrespectful, hypercritical of me and my parenting style, my cooking, my housekeeping. He's super controlling due to his insecurities. He even criticizes my mother. He hurts my feelings on a daily basis, then he make comments about me not being affectionate or not initiating sex. Saying that I'm not giving it to him enough.
How can someone give their body to someone who devalues them, hurt their hearts, try and control and manipulate them daily? I feel like by not being who he expects me to be is protecting my heart.
@@danaloustel5974 Wow, thank you. When I talk about this to others, I am told to leave him, OR, and I quote, "Well, you married him and now you have to deal with the consequences!"
Pray. Then be honest with him about how much it hurts you.
This.
Honestly, a trial separation may be in order. He may need that separation to know you are not going to allow him to hurt you anymore. I'm not advocating divorce but you must protect your peace!
Seek therapy for yourself and building back your self esteem and creating boundaries within marriage is going to be necessary for you to heal. Don't listen to anyone telling you to subject yourself to being continuously disrespected. Continue to pray and take action in wisdom for your sanity.
If you suspect he could physically harm you, move in complete silence until you are safe. God bless you.
Me and my husband literally just skip sexual parts in the movies and shows. I believe masterbation, porn and constant sexual images can mess up marriage situations. You are right ❤️
Porn is a huge problem. If I knew my man was watching porn and masturbating. That he wasn't getting help to stop. I definitely would not marry him.
@@danilaroche1156 Problem is you would never know. Guys dont tell people stuff like females do.
@@deirdremorris9234 That's a sweeping system. An old ex told me he was watching porn. I know for sure the man I MIGHT marry has struggled with it.
@@danilaroche1156 So I have a question, Which man has not seen porn before? And if a man was watching porn and masturbated in the past, now that he is (allegedly) about to get married to you, why wont you say yes if He asked for you to get married? If the dude is addicted to it I get; But to say that because a man watches porn you won't get married to him is a red flag in my opinion.
@Pasonrev It's not a red flag, stop gaslighting her... you're the red flag for saying that.
Such great content that people need to see. I have given up a lot of television in general because so much is smut. Even shows that aren't hbo level have unnecessary and excessive content and everyone is sleeping around. It just isn't what I want to fill my life, time or soul with. I am literally throwing away multiple dvd series over this. I will say I am struggling with one 90s show because I watched it through my teens and saved up to buy the series but it has the characters sleep with several people over the course of the 8 seasons . Its not as in your face but I have not brought myself to get rid of it. But it is disheartening that most of what is being created now is garbage.
I have just found your RUclips and I'm so excited to watch your videos. It's so nice to see someone speaking specifically to wives as homemakers, and giving guidance on the topic. Thank you I love your channel 🤍
Me too! Just found the channel and love it.❤️
I love your channel. I was so excited for this video. I hope it helps plenty of ladies… I will be honest and say it just does not apply in my marriage. My husband works himself senseless. He comes home with barely time to spare. Eat, shower, sleep. His days off he is so spent from the week that he is too tired. Yes, I have accused him of using this as an excuse. It does break my heart. His parents were sexless, so, something in me blames them for not giving him a representation of a good, healthy marital connection in that sense. My parents would drive me mad with their shenanigans at all hours. And I feel that’s what has made me so absolutely polar to him in my desire. I know that it is healthy to have sex. To make to for it. To not deny it. But, I feel it’s always at the bottom of the list under miscellaneous in his books 😞 don’t get me wrong. I love the man to pieces. I just want to let fellow wives know they are not alone
This is terrible. It doesn't sound like he's submitted to Christ. Can y'all get Godly counsel? You may have to have a triall separation.
I love your videos you have so much wisdom. Please never stop doing them. We don't have many people to talked about this things from christian perspective.
Good content. For the example at around 2:30 about the lazy lover wife, I suspect she doesn’t want to work full time. And I guarantee contempt is bubbling up in that relationship.
Thank you for this! I love your way to explain things biblically and from both sides! You are amazing ❤
The point about sudden death is real! You start controlling the other person to make all these lifestyle changes out of fear, even though it seems helpful, if it’s a bad spirit behind the control it could turn the other person off to be around you. There’s definitely gotta be a balance with love and healthy fear.
I’m battling with this in my relationship right now. I’m never in the mood for sex. If I’m not in a good head space I can’t have sex. I do feel selfish, he’s always in the mood. With the way life is having four kids having to take care of the home. I have to concentrate so hard to have sex.
My heart goes out to you. I too have 4 kids & didn’t always feel in the mood. However, I made a decision that I would never deny my husband sex… & I never have. It’s kind of like committing to a healthy lifestyle. You won’t always feel like working out or choosing a more nutritious food; however, you do it because you’re committed to it. I just said a prayer for you & remember that you can go to God with this; & He will help you. God bless you dear sister. 🤗
My situation is reversed
I was once in your situation, when my children were small. Just couldn’t do the switch in the evenings from mother to wife. So I started adding having sex onto my mental chore list, like working out, cleaning, shopping. I know that sounds awful but once I treated it as a chore, my mindset would switch and I was getting in the mood.
Now that most of our children are a little older, intimacy feels natural again.
Caring for young kids is exhausting don't beat ur self up u did what u had to. Also nowadays it's hard to trust people to look after your kids I would love a babysitter but these aren't the times imo
This is common when your kids are young though. Moms are just really tired. I went through a phase when the kids were younger where sex took a lot more effort on my part because I was so tired all the time. My kids are 20 and 17 now. I think we are having more sex than ever now. I think we are both less tired now that the kids are self sufficient. Also, both kids work. We have more time home alone with not kids and that never used to happen.
Yes! Unresolved trauma, turns into fear which turns into control 💯
Because you don’t rationalize things when you’ve been effected by trauma.
But, I used to withhold sex from my husband when I was so mad at him. But, praise God I don’t do that anymore.
Because if I mess up, I don’t want him withholding love from me.
❤️
Everything you said made full sense
I love hearing you speak. Thorough and direct!
God bless you and your family, you have enriched my life in so many ways
I wonder if this chapter talked about men losing interest in sex as they get older. There comes a point in marriages where wives are more desirous of sex than their husbands. Lack of sex in marriage doesn’t always stem from an emotional issue.
More resources on this !!!!!
Got the answer for you, most not all but most of the men have indulged in a overdose amount of pornography and the years of addiction and burning their senses out for sexual pleasure etc fries a part of their brain(this is almost literal according to neurons) they have over used all of their stimulus for their reproductive system that 70% of men have erectile dysfunction at 40 and up. Libido for men can last long into the 90s. It takes time and therapy to heal for that to translate to a real physical connection
@@aoyamiuriko5059 wowwww!! ppl need to share this more!!
@@aoyamiuriko5059 ur a genius
I'm very naive. Thank you Bindi, your a smart gal.
Thank you for sharing.
There is an area not discussed here…. Autism.
Not all autistic partners are not interested in sex, but it’s fairly common. In my particular situation, my husband did not know he was in the spectrum. It wasn’t until our son was diagnosed that I discovered the similarities.
Over the years his lack of interest in sex wore me out, I shut down, I became resentful and I let myself go grooming-wise. I felt unloved. And no matter how I expressed that, he just didn’t understand. He loves me and so he doesn’t see why sex is needed for me to be loved. I value my marriage so much, I haven’t been able to take this issue outside where I would feel someone would protect our marriage as much as I would. It’s a poorly discussed area.
Wow!!!!!!!! and Amen....great dissection of how sex and emotional and psychological behavior can affect intimacy in a marriage.. Great exposition Bindi.
Looove your video. Such a good vibe. Your videos have helped me to change my ways towards my husband. The Lord is helping me thru ya!
How much I love you Bindi.....i just discovered ur channel and am blessed to hear u speak. I thank the good lord for bringing you here. This is an enlightening piece thank u so much
Love your channel Bindi! God bless you & your family!
Pornography will leave you unsatisfied with your spouse. It is a waste of time.
That neckline is on point. More modest than the V neck. Great topic.
I was waiting for your videos!!
Movies and shows also have an unrealistic view of romance and relationships. Women can develop unrealistic expectations of what her man should be for her, then she doesn’t want to have sex, because he is not “ romantic” enough!
This was one of the first things God convicted me over as a relatively new wife. I thought because the books I was reading were "clean" that they were harmless, but they were giving me highly unrealistic expectations that no man could live up to.
I have known a few women that literally only read romance novels. One very good friend who did, struggled for years to find a husband. I kept telling her that her expectations were so high they were unrealistic. Men were either not romantic enough, or they didn't give her enough alone time...they didn't look just right, sound just right, dress just right....One time she was criticizing my husband's quirks & asked how I could put up with it? (I had already been married for about 10 years then & she was stiiiillllll single) I pointed out that I probably had many annoying habits or traits that he had to also put up with. Its partly what marriage is about - neither of us is perfect, so therefore have to accept the other's imperfections. I have been married 20 years & she just got married 5 years ago.....They rushed to get married after meeting on internet, knowing each other a few months, got pregnant right away because they are old enough that the rush was necessary if they wanted to have kids. All I hear are complaints - about motherhood, marriage, bills, no time for herself....She asked me recently how I managed to stay home all those years, because maternity leave drove her nuts & she was exhausted. I simply told her that I was 20 years younger than her when I was doing it. Not to say my hubby & I haven't had troubles, but we both came from terrible parents' marriages & vowed to make it work no matter what & we had realistic ideas about it.
@@pattyhansen7563 Amen, Patty!❤️
I just realised you have locs! I'd love a video on how you wear them and maybe, if you experienced it, on how you got over all the dirty looks/judgment thrown at you because in my country, some 'religious' ppl see locs in a negative light.
Recently got married my husband cheated three weeks after marriage I find it hard to romance my husband after his affair how do you push pass this betrayal I love him he say he love me I pray for the most high to help us through this but I am beginning to hate his touch even his kisses
A godly heart only can mend this. Pray for this. Also I hope u don't do this but some people end the divorce immediately to be released from the marriage.contract so later on they can find another partner or work it out slowly. Lest it prolongs and u cheat and are locked biblically in the relationship
I’m so sorry to hear this Jennifer🥺Only God can help him repent and change, so leave him to God in prayer. He broke your trust when he had an affair, although you love him, he has to know that you’re hurting and that he can’t make amends by physical connection or just loving words. If I was in your position, having explained to him that sex is based on trust that you can be vulnerable to one another and he broke that trust, I wouldn’t have sex until I know he truly repented and asked God for forgiveness and until our trust has been repaired. Prayers🥺🙌
Three weeks after?!!!! I'd seek an annulment SMH! How do you cheat 3 WEEKS INTO MARRIAGE! He literally took a vow before God to remain faithful to you for life and couldn't even make it a whole month! If I were you, I'd be done. You're never going to trust him the same again anyway.
Also, God allows for Divorce after a husband has been unfaithful so don't let these other people make you think you have to stay. You can forgive him and not stayed married to him.
@Odie Walker Forgiveness is a process, especially after a betrayal as deep as this. Also, let's not pretend forgiveness means you have to treat the person exactly the same afterwards or that the relationship doesn't change. You can forgive and then proceed to love from a distance. You can forgive and proceed to not trust the same. If I had a friend that deeply disrespected me, I'd forgive her as God forgave me but that doesn't necessarily mean I'd choose to remain friends with her. Along those same lines, if my husband cheated, I would forgive him but choose to not remain married. Also, saying true forgiveness means you love like you've never been hurt after the trust has been broken with your partner is asinine. When a partner breaks your trust in this way, it is their responsibility to rebuild it if their partner will allows it. During that time, they may not be treated exactly the same as they were before the infidelity because the trust is no longer there. That does not mean they have not been forgiven. You do not have to trust someone in order to truly forgive them, nor do you need to remain in the relationship in order to truly forgive as well. You need to understand there are consequences for your actions and true forgiveness does not mean the relationship doesn't change after betrayal. It's called having boundaries and enforcing those boundaries when they are crossed.
Love your viedo sis Respect to you and your relationship with your husband😊❤🙏🏾😌
🇸🇨🙏🏾😌❤
Amen. I'm team right or team truth all the way.
Every bit of this is spot on.
Now what about repentance and restoration? Is this a matter of salvation, counseling, healing, or for divorce?
To hear this or read it on paper is different from experiencing it all first hand. It almost sounds controllable. But we need the Lord, so many marriages suffer because one or both people are still in bondage to sin, trusting in thier own ability to break free.
Why can't she see a therapist if she knows the source of her trauma?
U are a natural strength to a man❤❤
Wow this was deep!!
I’m there. You’re very on point
For years, I was wondered why my husband won't have sex with me. I've been given a million reasons by him. Reasons anywhere, from I had to lose weight, to he has a problem staying erect...etc; etc. I would be lying, if I said that watching this video, wasn't painful emotionally, to me. It hit home... I don't know what I'm supposed to do, now. He's turned me down, for so long, and continues to do so. Our marriage is failing now, and it's not just because of the 12 years that, we haven't been intimate. From time, to time, I still ask, but the reality piece is, I believe it he'll just keep trying to "string me along." Right now, I don't even stay in the same room with him long. I have grown to despise him. The lack of sex, my disrespect, and his lies are cook up a menu for what could, and may be a separation, in the future. I'm going to watch your videos, stay in prayer, read my Bible, and find a Bible believing church. I'm not the type of person, who gives up. God hasn't given up on me.
I am praying for you now.
@@catozuna1518
Thank you🙏
Thank you. I love your content
love this video!
"she would use her mouth as a weapon to tear him down" 😕
I'm team right
Love it!
Sometimes it's not a conscious decision to withhold sex. You just feel so crummy about yourself, and your spouse is so hateful that there is no love and no attraction. You find that you just cannot have sex, cannot perform at all. You can't give up your most intimate self with the fear that it will be stomped on
Great video! ❤️
The reality is men and women become so used to each other that both don’t put effort
Many men don’t care about the wife they believe that wife is a microwave they just lay down and 5 min he finish and is all
The other case is when a woman is overtired being with the kids all day without help from the husband the women is exhausted she just want to go to sleep
Some women don’t care about how they put themselves online telling everything about their relationship is wrong
Because marriage is only 2 people husband and wife
A main reason is people get older when you are 40 you don’t have the same desires in many females and males their body chemicals hormonal changes impacts some people just don’t feel that need anymore the sad reality is people are not looking forward to have a real conversation about how age affects people behaviors.
People are not considered the reality of life if you have kids your mind is focused on your kids that you don’t have sexual desires or if you are struggling the husband is thinking to make extra hour to support the family and other factors like family problems or sickness or death there is many reasons why not all the reasons are because of your partner ( behaviors or emotions) also the food that people eat place a huge impact on how your body functions.
I know some women will not like me saying this , but from my own experience, some husbands just stop being physically attracted to their wives…when the wive was young, he could have found her attractive enough to sleep with, but then as the woman ages, she either gains a lot of weight, stops taking care of her hair, skin , style and even hygiene….expecting her husband to love her “ no matter what”…this is not fair. A man is a human and is attracted to at minimum a clean healthy woman…even is she is older..I have been both obese and unattractive and in shape, slim and beautiful….and the way my husband treated me was night and day..he didn’t even touch me at all when i was obese but when I was hot and in shape he eas all over me and I was in my 20s when I was obese but when I was in shape and well dressed I was over 40 and he found me more sexy then
The nagging and never ending complaining. Don't forget about these gems.
People do not always get married to people they are actually physically attracted to and some people can't just do it... many can, but many cannot. And people tend to not be dutiful when it comes to their person. Having sex when you don't want to feels like you are being assaulted or taken advantage of. The as far as porn goes, the term is called "porn-creep" its when men watch porn and cannot become aroused or climax in real life. Not watching porn for a few months makes it go away, the problem is many men are married to women they are not really attracted to so the only arousal they get is through other visual aides...
I really love your content.❤️
Thank you!
I love sex my wife does as well but its been a lot disrespect from her and her son. She puts him over me really, always has an excuse for any wrong doing he does. When i go to work he goes to her and vent and she jumps down my throat over a decision i made about his phone privileges. And ultimately this made me step back in our sex life because this isnt the 1st time she never accountable for her action have you met a woman that always switch the issue onto you well thats what happens in my marraige its sad but idk. I just shutdown and stay to myself which i know isnt good but thats where its at. Thanks
I was just asking my mother about this topic yesterday. I’m not married yet, but have been hearing lot of this issue from men the past couple weeks. I’ve been struggling to understand what the Bible says about it to how we as Christians tend to interpret it
Beautiful video
I can relate
How can I show my respect to my husband and build him up? I'm affraid I might be too dominant sometimes, and struggle to submit. I can be mouthy and often try to have the last word in conversation. How can I get rid of this? Any of you people here have any advice? How can I show him my trust and value his opinions while staying true to myself?
Learn to love God more Ask him for help
Take your deep needs and worries to God in prayer
Become an encourager Look to catch him out to compliment him ,love on him
Dear bibeejane! Your last sentence made me puzzled. It seems to me that you see ''showing him my trust and value his opinions'' somehow contradictory to ''staying true to myself''. A simplistic answer is just keep your mouth shut :-) and smile. See him for what he is and not for what he is not. Relax. If you want a longer answer or deeper conversation feel free to email me :-)
Thank you all for your loving heartfelt replies, I really appreciate you taking the time and will absorb your advice. Thank you ♥
@@miriam8026 it's really hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I know or feel he is being wrong or if I just dont understand how he came to a certain conclusion. Like, I would like us to come to mutual agreements. I don't feel it serves us well if i keep my mouth shut and keep a grudge or let him make mistakes (for which later I'm asked why I didn't say anything if I knew) I feel like there is a thin line that has to be walked carefully
@@bibeejane How beautiful and humble you are The bible ( God ) gives me all the answers I trust
Bless you Bless your marriage
Love your content. I was wondering if you could talk about how a woman can be modest/feminine and submit to a husband despite a history of promiscuity, after the Lord saves her. I've seen so much "red pill" content that suggests "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" but I'd love it if someone made some content countering that philosophy. Because we know the LORD can.
I have 5 kids , 4 different dads. I lost all hope that a man will one day see past my mistakes and love me for who I am today but I am happy in the Lord . He gives me peace , His love along with my kids love is all I need ❤️
I surrendered to God and prayed for a good husband. I grew up in poverty, trailer parks, government housing, and was a single mom to 2 kids living in section 8 housing projects.
God answered my prayers by sending a man who was 34 no kids, no drinking, no drugs, no gambling, no smoking, great career, college educated (he currently has 6 college degrees), speaks several different languages, no criminal history, doesn’t hit me or cuss at me, raised the 2 kids I brought into the marriage as his own, his parents have never been divorced and he comes from a good family, he doesn’t cheat or look at porn, he is 6ft, makes 6 figures, we have built a beautiful home together, we have a paid off home in a wealthy suburb, and most of all he loves God.
I definitely come from “the wrong side of the tracks”. I promise you, Gods way works! If you want to be a Godly wife and meet a Godly husband who will provide a healthy relationship that’s different than anything youve known up to this point, pray. Ask him to reach into your heart to change you and break all those chains that have kept you the way you’ve been. Trust me, if God can do it for me, he can do it for you to.
It is a great video! 💯❤
Men do it also.. usually there's a third party in the bed..
i love your videos. very motivating to be the best woman i can be and especially in the aspect of family. also you are so pretty and look wonderful in purple! God bless you 💜👑
I have a question, what if your husband hates women and is another reason they withhold sex? What I mean is my husband's mother caused a lot of trauma to him since he was very young. To the point he calls her by her first name. I thought this was disrespectful when I discovered early in our relationship but didn't dig. One because we were so young and two I thought it was just how they communicated. However over the years he's been very angry and disrespectful to his mom, sadly towards me, calls women by degrading names in my presence, plays music which degrades women, watches porn, saves pictures of naked women on his phone and feels I need to be okay with it. I have tried over the years to express to him how his behavior towards women impacts not only me but our children, which only enrages him and his tells us we need to not be so soft and we need to get thicker skin because the world is going to treat us worse. Our children knows the relationship with his mother is toxic and sees how she still treats him horrible and he turns and treats us worse. And I just told him in December he needs to forgive his mother because I think that's where the issues lay. His actions show me he can't fully open up and trust and respect me because of the damage created by his mom. Someone who was suppose to love him early on, not abuse him emotionally, psychologically, physically and financially since the age of 6. She made him work fulltime from the age of 14 and she would take all of his check to pay the mortgage, while letting grown men live there and not pay a dime. This went on until we got married and he was able to finally move out, despite not having any money because my mom helped us out. So if you are led please talk about how moms are oftentimes causing damage to their children, especially men who are then not able to function as they should in being leaders in a positive way in their marriages. Thank you stay blessed
Bless your heart sweet heart
Hope said friend was OK with u sharing her situation 🤞
About women who disrespect their husbands…would YOU desire sex with someone you don’t like???
I think that this video is more about chit chat than actual help. There a lot of things that can contribute (weight gain, low testosterone,, lack of vitamins). This should be taken in consideration, too. I'm 12 years in a sexless marriage, he refuses to even kiss me, sometimes. It's so hard being a woman and wanting to be loved, but the situation never changes. I don't blame my husband, because I know that this is not normal, I've tried everything, but God knows better. I love him and will forever, but it's not easy....
TEAM RIGHT 🔥💯💯🤜🤛❤️💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎
I love sex my wife does as well but its been a lot disrespect from her and her son. She puts him over me really, always has an excuse for any wrong doing he does. When i go to work he goes to her and vent and she jumps down my throat over a decision i made about his phone privileges. And ultimately this made me step back in our sex life because this isnt the 1st time she never accountable for her action have you met a woman that always switch the issue onto you well thats what happens in my marraige its sad but idk. I just shutdown and stay to myself which i know isnt good but thats where its at.
What if you've never turned him down...are submissive but he's never interested...?
Could be a hormone issue, mine found out he had low testosterone and that was impacting his lack of desire.
Do you talk with him about it? Sometimes men like to fight for it, if they know you are always disposable they lack stimutalion, or maybe he likes It a bit spicy, some men likes to have a submissive wife in the house but a dominant One in the bedroom.. It could be a lot of things, you should talk to him in a neutral environment
Mine works himself to sleep basically. He’s too tired and never has enough time in the window he’s home and awake, so I understand, but I don’t have a solution… hang in there :)
@@mrsanonymous414 sounds like y’all need a little vacation time so that he can rest and relax.
Yea I haven’t disrespected and take care of myself physically I’m planning to cheat on my husband because hr is refusing sex. His fault for letting sin in.
I didn't know porn could cause e d
A little martial arts training does wonders!
Hi 👋
Lucky her!
Games of Thrones
Christian porn lol
The thing with pornography is that most men watch it because they want their wives and girlfriends to do the acts they see on the Internet.
If women just looked at their husbands Internet history and tried out whatever they'd see in the clips they would kill their addiction instantly.
What if it's violent, rough stuff which the wife doesn't want to do?
Man, you are one sick dude. Ladies, please please don't listen to this garbage. So he appears to be saying that we can get guidance for how to best serve our husband's in a godly way by checking the ungodly stuff our husband's might do online so that we can better serve him??? That is just sick.
Yea, I don’t think so.
sex doll will terrify them because they know that's the only power they have over men 😃🙄⭐⭐
that is not true, or very Christian
@@jenniferm8349 the people that got them post comments saying they. Like it so what's not true just asking know disrespect to you
if that were so true then the men wouldn't be writing in and complaining about their wives.