What Does Depersonalisation FEEL LIKE?
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- Опубликовано: 21 июл 2024
- This week, we look at what Depersonalisation feels like - from my point of view. Depersonalisation affects us all in different ways - do you have the same symptoms as me, or different ones? Do you have any analogies that you use to explain your problems to people who don't suffer from DP in a way that they can relate to? Comment below with your experiences...the more we share with each other, the more we will learn :-)
What would you like to see discussed on this channel? What questions do you have about DP? How can I make this channel better? Help to drive the content - get in touch and send me your questions, opinions, ideas etc. I want to tailor this channel to you. :-)
Email: joe@dpddiaries.co.uk
Facebook: / dpddiaries
Twitter: / dpddiaries
...or just comment under this video!
There is now a charity for Depersonalisation. Based in the UK but operating globally, Unreal aims to support people with lived experience of the condition, offer peer support events, lobby the UK government, raise awareness of the condition within both society & medical circles, etc. I'm a board member, along with notable figures within the world of DP such as Jane Charlton & Dr Elaine Hunter, and with Professor Anthony David & singer-songwriter Dodie as our ambassadors. Please find out more about the charity & what we offer here: www.unrealuk.org
*Disclaimer* I am not a trained professional in any way. This channel is comprised largely of my own personal opinions & experiences as a DPD sufferer. I do lots of research about DPD and have spoken to many professionals - I endeavour to include their knowledge within my videos, but it's inevitable that at some point I may get medical facts slightly wrong. Please don't use the content of this channel for your own self-diagnosis...use it to learn about Depersonalisation, engage in discussion with others and - if appropriate - assist you in gathering information to then discuss with your doctor or mental health professional.
![[Old] What Switching Feels Like!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ShdjT4VENfc/mqdefault.jpg)
Disconnected from my body
Can't contact the external world.
Extreme emotional pain and distress.
No sense of self. Terror of not being "me".
Severe anxiety.
Feel dead inside.
Unable to feel. Emotional numbness.
Little sense of continuity in my life.
Very little recall of my past.
Frightening intrusive thoughts.
Feel robotic.
Chronic suicidal thoughts.
Fear of initiating behaviour because it isn't "me" doing it.
Self-absorption.
Fear of who/what I might become and what I might do.
Utter, utter hell.
Couldn't agree more - on all accounts. :/
I teared up reading this because these are all accurate and I go through the same things
@Nadodi Mannan wow i feel same
@Nadodi Mannan what do you mean but yes when ever i do something like typing walking moving my eyes moving mo body playing games it doesnt feel mine like somebody is controlling and i also have lot of existential thoughts in my mind about humans and these makes me scary read this properly at first it all started with panic attack from weed i felt like dying and that feeling was so horrible and worst and scariest moment in my whoke life and after 2 months on i was on toilet i also had a humming noise in my right ear i dont know the cause may be its bcuz of loud noise cuz im a night club dj and i asli had headache since years not only that i also had many body physical problems like heart palpitations strech marks on thighs which i thought it was skin cancer and that moment when i went to toilet it was like 11 pm and the environment was very silent i heard a noise which i was suffering its like humming in my right ear i realized that time also had a headache i thought that weed panic attack was fake and i thought i was suffering from brain damaged thats why i felt that on weed i was so anxious and than i started recalling my past moments of panic attack than it all changed bcuz i just experienced the same panic attack just by thinking that life threatening event i was so scared again i felt like dying from that night i started researching how weed panic attacks feels and manymore i couldn't sleep that night bcuz of that panic attack i was so scared cuz i never experienced that thing in my life and from that time my whole life changed its been 4 months i kept reasearching and whenever i used to think about that moment i would get panic attacks often than it started in may and from june i started having weird thoughts which i never had its like sensori motor ocd my brain naturally started focusing on my body movements like whenever i used to sit playing games with my friends my thought be like oh no what if im unable to standup than i used to get anxious than these thought kept coming in my mind now i can tackle with these thoughts but its getting bigger and bigger now i feel like whatever im doing its not mine and i also have a thought like what if im unable to move my eyes 👀 and whenever i focus on my eye movements it makes me anxious bcuz i feel like my eye is moving automatically and that makes me more anxious and seeing other people eyes also makes me anxious like i think is eyes everything and people feels different to me like they are just a robot 🤖 and im only a thinker who is in my mind i dont fee like before i onky feel like im invincible and im inside my head thats it is it dpdr 😔 and whenever i smell something good my thoughts be like its just a smell what is smell this is fake this smell dont exist like it feels very far i actually can smell but at the same time it feels very far same goes with the taste i over think so much since i got my panic attack on may from that night my life has been hell everytime anxious now nothing feels good everything feels far and strange i was normal till april 2020 now by overthinking i get confused like im only a thought and a thinker who is stuck in my head and all my body movements are done automatically and I'm only a brain neurons and all the people are also brain neurons so whats the point of living life i feel this
@Nadodi Mannan and that panic attack is also gone now which i was suffering from now i only have these thoughts and feelings of being strange world feels different that's it
wow, when you said "I feel drunk all the time" that's EXACTLY what I've been saying for almost 20 years! everything you said was spot on!
I feel as though im in a lucid dream, I am witnessing the events in the ‘dream’ and am in control of what im doing but I cant process everything around me, the same as when you are dreaming
yes!! like i'll do and say things but not be fully aware but then afterward if anyone was around me i want to say like 'don't assume i meant or believed in any of the things i said or did because i don't really know what i was saying or doing'
20 years? Excuse me? I don't want to do this for 20 years
When you talked about the mirror thing , I cried because I tried to explain it to my friends expecting they experience the same thing and they look at me like Im a weirdo or crazy person !
Sorry for the tears! I made this film a few weeks ago, which is designed to send to friends/family to help them relate to the sensations of DPD...might be helpful for you? ruclips.net/video/Lx3iPmDVEms/видео.html
I get this too.
I feel like I'm dreaming. It's like being in a lucid dream.
Emotionally numb
Blurry surroundings
Dizziness
Feeling empty
Observing from somewhere else
Things don't feel real
Don't recognise myself in mirror
Low moods
Zoning out
Yep, I can relate to absolutely every one of those...sounds like textbook Depersonalisation to me. I fully recommend discussing it with a professional - I've made a few videos on how to tackle dealing with health teams, so they might be useful for you :-)
wow me too really is amazing to see im not the only one. i have been going through this for a while but never realized it was an actual condition.
lynzi moore it’s not a disorder or condition. You’re stuck in a deep meditative state, your accessing your higher self. Just need to ground your self
@@thegoodgoydays5919 @DPD Diaries MY DPDR story Guys when ever i do something like typing walking moving my eyes moving my body playing games it doesnt feel mine like somebody is controlling and i also have lot of existential thoughts in my mind about humans and these makes me scary read this properly👇
at first it all started with panic attack from weed i felt like dying and my panic attack was about being paralyzed and unable to control my body which i saw a video on RUclips and i also felt the same thing which he had and that feeling was so horrible and worst and scariest moment in my whole life and after 2 months on i was on toilet i also had a humming noise in my right ear i dont know the cause may be its bcuz of loud noise cuz im a night club dj and i also had headache since years bcuz of excessive over use of phone 24 hours late night sleep daily masturbation and not only that i also had many body physical problems like heart palpitations strech marks on thighs which i thought it was skin cancer and that moment when i went to toilet it was like 11 pm and the environment was very silent i heard a noise which i was suffering its like humming in my right ear i realized that time also had a headache i thought that weed panic attack was fake and i thought i was suffering from brain damaged thats why i felt that on weed i was so anxious and than i started recalling my past moments of panic attack than it all changed bcuz i just experienced the same panic attack just by thinking that life threatening event i was so scared again i felt like dying from that night i started researching how weed panic attacks feels and manymore i couldn't sleep that night bcuz of that panic attack i was so scared cuz i never experienced that thing in my life and from that time my whole life changed its been 4 months i kept reasearching and whenever i used to think about that moment i would get panic attacks often than it started in may and from june i started having weird thoughts which i never had its like sensori motor ocd my brain naturally started focusing on my body movements like whenever i used to sit playing games with my friends my thought be like oh no what if im unable to standup than i used to get anxious than these thought kept coming in my mind now i can tackle with these thoughts but its getting bigger and bigger now i feel like whatever im doing its not mine and i also have a thought like what if im unable to move my eyes 👀 and whenever i focus on my eye movements it makes me anxious bcuz i feel like my eye is moving automatically and that makes me more anxious and seeing other people eyes also makes me anxious like i think is eyes everything and people feels different to me like they are just a robot 🤖 and im only a thinker who is in my mind i dont fee like before i onky feel like im invincible and im inside my head thats it is it dpdr 😔 and whenever i smell something good my thoughts be like its just a smell what is smell this is fake this smell dont exist like it feels very far i actually can smell but at the same time it feels very far same goes with the taste i over think so much since i got my panic attack on may from that night my life has been hell everytime anxious now nothing feels good everything feels far and strange i was normal till april 2020 now by overthinking i get confused like im only a thought and a thinker who is stuck in my head and all my body movements are done automatically and I'm only a brain neurons and all the people are also brain neurons so whats the point of living life i feel this when people are robot and I'm only human who knows we are only brain 🧠 and nothing else and i also have a thought like i will forget everything and get numb i will forget how to talk understand and this makes me more anxious is it dpdr
and now i realized i dont get that panic attack which i was having before
@@puzzledadmiral2593 Ur fkiiinn crazy
I'm a professor of cognitive science. I taught a class on dreaming, and talked about how one can use "reality checks" to see if you're dreaming (in an effort to go lucid). The simplest way is to look at some text, note the words, look away, then look back and read them again. If the text changed, you might be dreaming (text changes frequently in dreams). Anyway, a student who suffers from depersonalization and derealization wrote me later and said that she was using these reality checks make her feel less bad about her symptoms. This is just one anecdote, and is not scientific, but wonder if it might provide some amount of relief. My heart goes out to everybody afflicted with this.
The way I have described it is I'm looking through my eyes like I am inside a robot. I can look around and "see" the blackness inside my head. I know it's me but I don't feel connected to my body. It's very unnerving. I call it an "inside body" experience vs out of body experience. I had never heard of depersonalisation disorder...but this seems to fit.
Those sound like very good metaphors for depersonalisation, from my perspective...!!
yes! finally. I have been diagnosed with depersonalization but everything I read about it says that it's an "out of body experience" I don't feel that way at all. when my psychiatrist asked me to explain how I felt...the best way to describe it to him was it was like not ever exsisting...but suddenly im in this body...and I feel trapped inside of it. its the most horrifying feeling ever. like you wrote...its an "inside body" experience for me.
My experience is one of hating myself and in a constant trance, and like you feeling like a slave, incapable of emotions.
I can certainly relate to that...sadly!
My 10 yr old is having episodes like you describe. Is life just a dream is what he says a lot. It’s scary
It certainly is. There's a few videos on the channel about what is believed to cause episodes of DP, so they might be worth checking out & seeing if you can identify what might be causing them. Seeking professional medical help early is usually a very good idea with DP - it's something that has a nasty habit of self-perpetuating as thought cycles develop.
I have these episodes, too. it started when I was 10. The doctor told me that its not true. He didnt belived me. I had these episodes about 3-4 years, some were about 5 minutes it was heavy. then it was gone for 14 years. Now I'm 28 and its back. The longest episode was about 15 minutes.. it felt like I'm going crazy!
But I only got this episodes. I'm curious what my psychiatrist will say about that.
Can someone let me know if they have experienced this feeling. You think about who you are and your memories and you know them but they don’t feel like yours, they almost feel like a past life or someone else’s? Does that sound like Dpd or something else?
It could certainly be one part of DPD. I'd definitely recommend contacting a health professional to discuss it
DPD Diaries thanks for the reply. I have since spoken to a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with anxiety led depression and reckons the dpdr is a symptom of that rather than a condition itself. Hopefully she is right because right now I just feel like I have totally lost my mind
It's a common symptom of both anxiety & depression - so that certainly seems logical. Essentially, your brain triggers the DP to protect you from the distress of the anxiety; it's all believed to stem from the fight/flight mechanism. Fingers crossed she's able to put together a good treatment plan for you :-)
DPD Diaries thanks so much for the help, really reassuring 😊
I have been suffering from this since Christmas and i thought to myself "this dosent feel right" a few days/weeks later i feel disconnected from my own body
Dizziness
Blurry surroundings
Feel like im not real or anyone else around me
Feeling like my arms and legs aren't mine
Feel robotic
Feeling like i am not in control of my speech
Phisically and mentally feel numb
I also developed a symptom of anxiety, when i go near people my eyes start watering and feel like their judging me.
Thank you for making this video it has gave me hope❤
You can recover ❤🙏🙏🙏❤ And you are not Going crazy 💖
this is the single most relatable depersonalisation video i have ever watched, every single thing he said i could 100% relate to
New subscriber, thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos. They are wonderful and educational and I am sending you so much love and strength, you got this 💛
Thanks Mahnoor - glad they've been useful for you :-)
Thank you so much for creating this video. You have helped me understand this side of myself. Before I didn't know what was going on.
No worries Mike - glad it was useful for you :-)
Thank you so much for this video, this is one of the most descriptive and accurate presentation of DPD, I will look back at this video in the future when I feel an intense episode to calm me ;)
Thanks Zan - glad it was useful for you. :-)
💚💚💚 im so sorry you were going through this.. I hope your better now🌻 But it kinda nice knowing im not alone💚
Hi Jessica - still feeling the same sadly, but I never give up hope. You're absolutely not alone!
I can relate 100%. I actually more recently learned this about myself. I also suffer from anxiety which does seem to heighten the intensity of the depersonalization disorder I believe I have
i am so glad that this channel exists!
most of our symptoms are the same except a chronic low mood (i can experience emotions but in high traumatic situations i become numb, which is weird since childhood trauma caused my dpd)
i often am so crap at directions because i can’t picture myself going places even if i’ve been there before, i have to physically retrace my steps because of zoning out
Aha, glad you're finding it interesting! :-) Thanks for watching!
Very jealous of you being able to feel emotions!! Interesting that our symptoms are similar though. I'm fairly good at directions but sometimes (if I'm driving, for example) I can't picture the route in my head, though I'm able to 'autopilot' it once I'm on the road. Ain't DP fun...?!?
I've just re-watched this and I've had DP/DR the the amount of time Joe has been alive. Frightening thought!
Not a good stat...sorry to hear that!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with DP! I recently graduated as a Psychologist and we learned just a little bit about DPR, as symptoms from certain mental health conditions. But while talking to my psychologist friends that I'll attend the DPR workshop in Lisbon, where I saw you as a speaker, everyone was like "oh very interesting, actually that's a thing where I have no real clue". I think I experienced some DPR symptoms in the past, which terrified me a lot at that time, but luckily those moments where just snapshots, lasting each for only a few minutes. But ever since I am curious what caused those experiences in and how others are feeling it. I will have a look into your other videos. thank you and all the best for you! :)
The mirror thing is especially true for me or really when looking at my arms and legs in general. A trick that helps me is if it starts to cause some panic I simply start flexing my muscles, it gives you a tangibly different sensation compared to your resting state. And you can also see said muscle flex if you choose to watch.
By flexing I don’t mean doing a pose or anything dumb, just flexing your muscle.
I too use the drunk example as well except I always say “except it’s not at all fun” because for me it induces panic as well which then creates a feedback loop.
I keep telling myself I can’t take this anymore but I know there’s no way stop it
I was trying to figure out whether to put audio or log pots in one of my guitars and now I'm learning about DPD. So mark me down on the awareness-raised column. You put out very interesting and enjoyable material on both channels. Thank you for that and I wish you the best.
Wow, you have travelled a long way from guitar pots :P Thanks for checking the channel out though mate - and always good to have awareness raised! :-)
You are spot on with these descriptions. Right now I am dealing with my fiance not feeling important and underappreciated. I'm starting to question if I am truly in love because I have nothing to compare it with, but I try to back up this feeling that I can't picture my life without him, or if I do I always appear to be miserable.
For me, it's been a very important thing to identify what I think vs. what I feel and learn to trust both...I've always been somebody who's done what I feel is right rather than what I think is the best thing to be doing...the problem is, when we have DP it's very hard to feel anything. If (like me) you get emotional blunting with your DP then that's probably the most difficult thing when it comes to relationships. It sounds like he's absolutely central to your life and incredibly important to you, so whilst you might not feel the love & be struggling to give him everything he needs emotionally right now, if you identify what's causing the DP (I'd always recommend seeking professional help for that) and get that under control, then it's likely that your DP symptoms will reduce & all that feeling will come back. I'd also suggest talking about it with him & being as honest as possible about how the DP is affecting you - honesty & openness has always been the best way forward when it's come to my own relationships. :-)
I've personally struggled with this for 5 years now and finally made some progress. It's quite simple, it hasn't fully recovered me but it certainly helps. Don't keep checking for the feeling of unreality and don't acknowledge any of the feelings. It's hard to do this but try to go about your life as if they aren't there. You've probably come across Shaun OCOnnor's depersonalisation manual. I've been trying to follow those things and its actually showing some progress. From all the research ive done this condition is apparently transient so it could fade away very quickly if you do the right things. Hang in there.
very helpful, thanks xx
It's good to know that I'm not losing my mind and that there are others who deal with the same things as me. Most of the symptoms you experience, I have experienced as well. I feel emotionally detached from people who are close to me. It's like I understand that I love them, but I dont actually feel it. It's a struggle for me to daily task because I get so wrap around in daydreaming. So most days I end up sitting around doing nothing at all. It is sooo hard to find any type of inner motivation because it seems like there is no purpose behind doing any of it. I can go on and on but I won't because this would become a very long post.
You're definitely not alone Danielle - and I can completely relate to the 'understanding' but not feeling sentiment. It's bizarre but I guess we just have to trust that understanding, to an extent. The emotional numbing really can zap all motivation - I struggle a lot trying to explain to people that I'm not an unmotivated person whatsoever, but it's incredibly hard to do things when you can't experience the end result on an emotional level. :/
I 100% agree and relate. I have had DPD for more than a decade now. Life this way feels fake and distressing. I can manage to do things but very subconsciously. For me, I feel like only less than 10% of my working brain is functioning at any particular time. And yet am in an environment which requires 110% of my brain functioning.
That pretty much sums it up better than I did! Heh Yep, it's such a horrible thing to live with - doing everything subconsciously & like we're on autopilot. :-(
I have Dpdr for 12 years now, I had light , Normal and aggressive episodes … I know how it feels, it must be horrible to have it all the time, back in the year 2010 , I could explain what I have and didn’t make any sense to my psychiatrist, my diagnosis was a combination of depression, anxiety, panic disorder..
I remember I tried making researches online, there was absolutely nothing .
I was really relieved to know what I have when patients started streaming about it , I still have it occasionally, but I am not afraid anymore….
I hope you will be able to overcome this monster and thank you 💜
Wow I've had this at 14 and lasted for decades. I'm so relieved I found your charity UNREAL. The emotional bunting, couldn't fall in love. So here I am 43 unmarried. Recovered now but so many regrets.
Glad you hear you've recovered Hayley :-)
i’ve never experienced any symptoms but i find it so interesting. i just can’t imagine it
I made this short film for the exact purpose of trying to communicate the experience to those who don't have the condition, so it might be useful for you! ruclips.net/video/Lx3iPmDVEms/видео.html
Hello, I recently turned 17 and have been suffering from dp for years, I don't remember the first time I started feeling so out of touch. Ive lost most of my child hood and have been affecting my family as well. I did feel hopeless many times because explaining this to doctors and their response being "Ok, what do you think we should do?" really hit hard because I didn't understand why I was feeling this way for years until I did my own research. To everyone out there that is going through this, know that your freedom will come and you will feel connected but as we all know it can and sometimes will take time. Im still trying to find ways to cure my self, ive tried ketamine, and brain scan ( Amen Clinic ).
Nothing registers at the time but will a few days later for me
Totally relate to it. Great video, short and simple. Can you please do a video to show ways to recover from dpd ? I want to get back my past 18 years back.
Thanks for writing in - and glad you like the video. :-) A video on how to recover is sadly quite an impossible thing to do, because everybody's DP is different & therefore will require a different treatment. Some people have been known to simply 'get over it' whereas others require years of specialist treatment. I talk briefly about this in Point 3 in this video which you may find useful: ruclips.net/video/U3-KrOTepzQ/видео.html
There will definitely be videos coming on ways to help manage DP & techniques that have worked for me though - and as always, I'll be encouraging people to comment & share their experiences too so that we can all learn from each others. So watch out for those vids in the coming weeks :-)
Okay, get it. Thank you for taking your time to reply. It certainly helps, hope that you recover from dp very soon. Keep on making those helpful videos.
No problem :-) Thanks for the kind words - hope you can recover from yours too!! Will be a new video every Friday - make sure to subscribe! :-)
I’ve been diagnosed with DPD a couple months back but I’ve been dealing with this since I was 13 I didn’t know what it was at first so I kinda brushed it off but now I finally found my diagnosis
Great that you've got a diagnosis - that's a very important first step to recovery :-)
I experienced most of the things you describe and the constant feeling i have is that "I am not real, I know logically that this is me but i don't feel like it's me". even my name seems unreal to me. I can say that i feel like everything around me or everything about me is imaginary or dream. and trust me it's very difficult to deal with!
I have most of these symptoms too. Nothing feels real to me. Not me, not the world around me. I feel like time passes very quickly and like none of my memories are my own. I zone out, I feel like I am always in my head despite the fact that I'm physically constantly doing something. My emotions are dulled, but sometimes I have these breakdowns where I have panic attacks/anxiety attacks. They make the depersonalisation worse, but during them, it doesn't even feel like I'm having them. My body is doing it all, but my mind is elsewhere, like it's above my body watching it react this way. I can go somewhere and arrive home and it won't even feel like I've done that thing. The world doesn't feel real, I don't feel real. Nothing does.
Yep - it's such a horrible thing to live with :( It's incredibly hard to be motivated for anything in life - even the good things - when everything feels this/that unreal.
This is exactly how I feel. How are you dealing with this?
Coping with DP is incredibly tough - but this video explains a few of the ways that I've found can be useful for getting through life whilst struggling with it. Hope it helps - let me know if you have any more questions! :-) ruclips.net/video/Q7weodZe02o/видео.html
TriHard Cx Hey! I actually don’t deal with it very well. Mostly, I try and ignore it and get on with my day to day life while trying to find things that help me ground myself. Staying away from my phone helps as that often alienates me from my surroundings. Having a calming scent on me (my chosen one is black xs as my best friend wears it and he always calms me) helps me remember that I have people who are very real that care for me. Doing things I wouldn’t usually to do help me see that things aren’t all the same. It’s very difficult though, I struggle every day and most days go by super fast because nothing feels real to me. But I’m trying. I guess that’s all we can do.
Red Draven hi! I know this comment is old but I am wondering how you are doing now? I really relate to your symptoms particularly the one about the memories not feeling like my own. It’s so horrible and isolating this is the one symptom that gets me the most, it makes me feel like I have totally lost it and sometimes I will end up in a major panic attack. Have you improved at all? I’m like this a year and can’t shift it at all. I’d love to hear how you are doing now.
Perfect explanation!
Thank you :-)
I'm interested to know if you've ever had a breakthrough moment where you're with some friends or really IN THE MOMENT at your job or something, and you sort of "catch yourself" feeling "normal" again, and then you subconsciously search for the feeling of DP again because it's been so regular for you for so long. This happens to me pretty often. I feel like this notion proves that maybe we're doing it to ourselves as a sort of OCD subject.
I've had plenty of moments where the sense of unreality suddenly becomes really strong & I feel extra 'out-of-it' for a brief period, but as of yet I've not really had any breakthrough moments where I suddenly feel 'normal' again. I hope that once I'm in a treatment program that might happen though - after 10 years of feeling totally depersonalised, it sounds like it'd be a nice problem to have!! :-)
I also have the moments where it becomes very very strong and it feels like I'm literally dreaming. But then it comes back to a baseline DP where it's just the usual fog and DP.
Excited for more videos man!
Yeah, that's pretty much the same as me - moments of total bewilderment, but then back to the usual nothingness that is life with DP. Cheers - will keep them coming! :-)
To me it felt like I was in a 1st person video game like I’m floating when I’m walking and my emotions are gone
agree 100% i also feel like i have to look to other peoples reactions to things and situations to feel like i'm doing something right.. if that makes sense ... like i dont know how to feel or react to things
It feels like 'acting' a lot of the time, in my experience. Going through the motions, interacting with people seemingly unconsciously, etc. It can be very difficult to gauge, but withdrawing from social situations can be hugely damaging - so I'd definitely urge you to carry on with them despite the struggles :-)
DPD is usually a symptom of anxiety. It's your brains' ways of "saving" you from the distress of having acute anxiety. Then the irony is, DP scares us so much we become even more anxious, hence more DP occurs..like on a feedback loop. We have to learn, and it's not easy to "accept" the DP state..as the more we fear it, the longer it persists, we fear it and create more of it. It's harmless and won't hurt us, it's just a brain defense mechanism. Thank you for your great video .
That can definitely be the case - as you say, most cases of DPD _usually_ have an anxiety component. Not necessarily the case for everybody. But feedback loops are pretty common with DPD.
Can anyone tell me about councelling in uk
It’s bearable homie
It can vary hugely in intensity, duration and symptoms.
Well damn, the drunk part, hard relate for me, ive been this way for so long thou that i kinda gave up finding any explanation or anything. They always say its part of depression, but i always felt it had to be more, i cant be losing time and not be able to be present and actually take things in this much with depression alone. Weirdly validated rn
Glad the video was useful Kayla - I hope just knowing the word 'depersonalisation' will help you on your road to recovery.
I am not sure if I experience depersonalisation. I already have bipolar and social anxiety, but I seem to have symptoms of either Borderline Personality Disorder or depersonalisation. I dissociate very often. sometimes I suddenly forget who I am, or who my friends are, I have even forgotten my name before, even though that knowledge is somewhere in the back of my head. I either feel nothing at all or everything, though most of the time I feel empty, like I am just a shell, disconnected from the world. I can't empathize with people or connect with them, even if I wanted to, which has caused arguments with friends. I don't know why but I keep getting the sense that one part of my life is not real, like either my past was a dream and did not happen, or my past was real but the present moment is just my imagination. there are times when I jump back when I see myself in the mirror because I felt as if I was looking at a 'stranger'. some days my mind and body feels disconnected, and it feels like my perception of space and distance is warped. and I seem to act like a robot. I don't think much about the things I do, I just 'do them'. even after watching the video I am not sure if I have depersonalisation or not, but either way thanks for the video, it is very informative on depersonalisation
(I'm not medical so this is just my personal opinion as a sufferer, but...) most of those symptoms sound like they could certainly be due to some degree of Depersonalisation. One thing that stands out as possibly being a little different though is 'sometimes I suddenly forget who I am, or who my friends are, I have even forgotten my name before.' I've not really come across people with DP who have forgotten things such as that before (whilst we feel on 'autopilot' and numb a lot of the time, we're also hyper aware that the sensation is 'wrong' and in my experience our memories - especially for key life details such as those - are usually ok), so I'd personally say that there might be something else at play there. As is always the case with these things though, there's sadly no good substitute for being assessed by medical professionals - so I'd definitely encourage you to speak to one for a formal assessment & (hopefully) diagnosis. They know infinitely more about these conditions & diagnosing them than me :-) Good luck - and make sure to subscribe if you want to follow this series, there'll be a new video every Friday!
Thinking (ego thinking) lead to discontinuity & disconnection to the continuity of life.
Thinking less, allows to live continuously & connected with the continuity of life.
I practice empty minding along deep continuous breath,
serving me also as a distraction allowing me to not think but feel, and regain connection with the continuity of life.
I have the same feeling: that I've lost my twenties. Now I am 33 years old. I have it since 2005. Particulary sad is that I can't explain this loss to my family. It is invisible. I have no words for that...
I’m 16 and I’ve just now realized what it was I’ve been living this hell for 2 years and I’ve tried to take my own life because nothing feels real I just want it to stop
Please don't try that again 🙏❤ You can recover ❤ Please ask for help by a professionel 💕🙏
I’ve realised j now n dat dis started wen I was 7 I remember wen dis happened n I was crying n was so scared n styll has been happening is j crazy
And is like now I can control it so like I can make it happen rn is j so weird n hard to explain
I have experienced DPDR for in the order of 25 years. I diagnosed myself as Doctors were unsure of symptoms and always palmed me off with different meds which never worked. What you have described is spot on. I have other symptoms, such as my voice not sounding like my own, my limbs feel disconnected from my body. I also look at people and question how they have become human beings and why aren't they connected to an external motor to make them work. I feel totally disconnected and wonder why I am contained in my body. I feel fearful of these feelings and panic each and every time they occur.
Sorry to hear that Deborah - living with DP, especially longer term like we both have, is absolutely awful. :-(
my main horrible symptom is I feel trapped inside my own body.
im finally finding someone explaining what's going on my mind . i feel like im stuck in somebody's else dream im out of control im not dead inside it's worse i can't find a decent description haha. im not being me im being something which idk what it is yet.
Sorry to hear of your experience - but glad the videos have been useful for you! :-)
Sometimes I feel so numb I can't tell if I'm speaking too slowly, or at all. I can't tell the difference between things I have dreamed, or imagined, or heard or been told. When I feel present, I also feel uncomfortable, even panicky. The worst thing is not being able to remember my own life. Most of the stories I tell are based on photographs, or stories that others have told about me. I sometimes make scrapbooks about trips, and always collect souvenirs. And the worst of the worst is that I can't remember bad things that have happened. I just recall a whiff "person x BAD", but not the incident, the emotions, what I did or they did. I can reconstruct it from flashes like photos I took from outside myself. "that's where person x shoved me." I have stayed in bad relationships, and I have lost very important relationships because of this. And I have surely damaged my kids because of this. That's how I got diagnosed - because I realized I did not have the capacity to protect my kids if I didn't get some therapy. Nowadays, I focus on self-care. It's the hardest thing for me to eat and sleep. I seem addicted to being spaced out. Do you think I was diagnosed correctly with Depersonalization Disorder?
I can't really say if the diagnosis is 'correct' or not as I'm not medically trained at all - but from what you've said, the dissociative symptoms, numbness & only remembering fragments of a situation is very much in keeping with what Depersonalisation is & how I experience it. If the professionals agree that they think it's DP, I'd trust their judgements :-)
i feel like i’m in control but i’m not. My movements and thoughts aren’t exactly mine and i cant a make a decision for the life of me. Everything looks 4D, just super realistic, yet fake in the fact that people don’t seem real. It’s like there acting and have no conscious. The best way i could describe this when i didn’t know i was living like this my whole life, was that everybody KNEW something i didn’t, and they were keeping it from me. It’s because the way people were talking to each other amazed me. It was like basic communication amazed me… and it still does for sum reason. It’s because i feel emotionless and numb. my mind is completely blank and i have no clue how to think for myself. I cant express my emotions and thoughts. I don’t ever remember not thinking like this either which is the scary part. I just wanna know what it feels like to be normal, just once.
Everything you wrote there is 100% relatable for me Adam - especially your mind feeling blank and being emotionless/numb. Hang in there mate - you're absolutely not alone.
I think I have the same as you. I have emotional blunting. I can’t feel anything at all.
If you've ever been to the grand canyon or a large mountain range, the top of a tower maybe and everything looks so distant and still like a photograph, that's what everything how my daily life seems to be, a photograph.
Sounds like a textbook of my experience
If im laying in bed somtimes i feeling like im floating like im on cloud or somting like i dont feel my body, this is one of the symptoms if someone knows? Thia and many more that u said
For my episodes I suffer from
Numb
Detached from reality
Slow response to things
I can’t drive when I’m in these episodes because I feel like I’m not driving
Brain fog
Paranoia/hearing and seeing things
Random bursts of crying
Zoning out
I feel like a robot and that someone else is controlling my body
Life is hell living with this disorder
@DPD Diaries MY DPDR story Guys when ever i do something like typing walking moving my eyes moving my body playing games it doesnt feel mine like somebody is controlling and i also have lot of existential thoughts in my mind about humans and these makes me scary read this properly👇
at first it all started with panic attack from weed i felt like dying and my panic attack was about being paralyzed and unable to control my body which i saw a video on RUclips and i also felt the same thing which he had and that feeling was so horrible and worst and scariest moment in my whole life and after 2 months on i was on toilet i also had a humming noise in my right ear i dont know the cause may be its bcuz of loud noise cuz im a night club dj and i also had headache since years bcuz of excessive over use of phone 24 hours late night sleep daily masturbation and not only that i also had many body physical problems like heart palpitations strech marks on thighs which i thought it was skin cancer and that moment when i went to toilet it was like 11 pm and the environment was very silent i heard a noise which i was suffering its like humming in my right ear i realized that time also had a headache i thought that weed panic attack was fake and i thought i was suffering from brain damaged thats why i felt that on weed i was so anxious and than i started recalling my past moments of panic attack than it all changed bcuz i just experienced the same panic attack just by thinking that life threatening event i was so scared again i felt like dying from that night i started researching how weed panic attacks feels and manymore i couldn't sleep that night bcuz of that panic attack i was so scared cuz i never experienced that thing in my life and from that time my whole life changed its been 4 months i kept reasearching and whenever i used to think about that moment i would get panic attacks often than it started in may and from june i started having weird thoughts which i never had its like sensori motor ocd my brain naturally started focusing on my body movements like whenever i used to sit playing games with my friends my thought be like oh no what if im unable to standup than i used to get anxious than these thought kept coming in my mind now i can tackle with these thoughts but its getting bigger and bigger now i feel like whatever im doing its not mine and i also have a thought like what if im unable to move my eyes 👀 and whenever i focus on my eye movements it makes me anxious bcuz i feel like my eye is moving automatically and that makes me more anxious and seeing other people eyes also makes me anxious like i think is eyes everything and people feels different to me like they are just a robot 🤖 and im only a thinker who is in my mind i dont fee like before i onky feel like im invincible and im inside my head thats it is it dpdr 😔 and whenever i smell something good my thoughts be like its just a smell what is smell this is fake this smell dont exist like it feels very far i actually can smell but at the same time it feels very far same goes with the taste i over think so much since i got my panic attack on may from that night my life has been hell everytime anxious now nothing feels good everything feels far and strange i was normal till april 2020 now by overthinking i get confused like im only a thought and a thinker who is stuck in my head and all my body movements are done automatically and I'm only a brain neurons and all the people are also brain neurons so whats the point of living life i feel this when people are robot and I'm only human who knows we are only brain 🧠 is it dpdr
i’ve been trying to scour the internet about what this is. my friends and i were playing in a field today and they were hitting the ball at me and something hit on me like they were silent but i started blurting out stop even though i didn’t want to say it and i started panicking and crying because it felt like i was being sucked out of my own body, one of my friends were telling everyone to back away from me because i’m having a panic attack but i honestly didn’t know what was happening, where i was and who i am. the only thing i could say is “i feel like a game.” and i kept on resorting it and repeating it because everything was off ecspecially their voices. i really wanted to go home but i didn’t know where home was. we were walking to a Mcdonald’s and it felt like my eyes were somehow turning into squares and i felt like a robot. all i could really hear was basically chess pieces moving as i took my steps then when i sit down and whenever i kept on moving it just felt like i was repeating myself over and over. it was a really scary experience because i haven’t even heard of this ever until now.
I'm not a trained professional, but the 'robot' analogy and not recognising voices is certainly something I can relate to. Depersonalisation symptoms often come with panic attacks (essentially, your mind was likely wanting to shield you from the distress of the panic by numbing your sense of reality) If it begins to happen more regularly, I'd urge you to speak to a trained professional and look towards working with them to reduce that panic/anxiety.
When I read some articles about how fake life is and plus when I have this disorder ist not something funny. Some crazy things are gling over your mind
Thank you for the video. i got dpdr as a response from smoking too much weed around 5 months ago. i’ve since been on an antidepressant called mirtazapine and it has done absolutely nothing. i’m losing hope and i don’t know what to do anymore
Antidepressants can help some people but not too many. The no. 1 treatment for DPD is psychological therapy, so I'd definitely urge you to seek out somebody with expertise in depersonalisation/dissociation and discuss it with them.
I definitely don't experience this as severely as some but its still terrifying. I have constantly experienced in the past feeling like I'm watching the world around me, including my own body, but not really being part of it. Even when I'm with the people I love, I sometimes will not at all feel present. I constantly go through phases of not recognising myself in the mirror. It doesn't look like me. I don't know what "me" looks like. I definitely understand the emotional flatline, the numbness. I constantly zone out or lose track of what I'm saying and just stop talking or performing tasks. I can't talk to anyone else about it because they do not understand and it just makes them more worried. Its so distressing and confusing
Even experiencing it mildly can be horrendous. In a way, having it chronically can help - as it (sadly) normalises the sensations to an extent, and numbs the reality of the problem.
This sounds very similar to the thing I have been struggling with for the last 7 years. I have been seeking professional help for it without any luck. No one seems to understand what this is or take it seriously, as it is impossible to describe to a normal person… For me this started the day after having a bad experience with marihuana when I was 18.
I would describe it as:
- Feeling like I’m trapped in a dream
- Nothing is real
- Frightening existential thoughts
- Fear of being alone
- Feels like a never ending bad trip
- Random panic attacks
- Not feeling like it is me i see in the mirror
- a intense fear of actually losing it completely
I am a guitar player as well, and for me the guitar is pretty much the only thing that can give me a brake from it… Well that and getting wasted, but then again it gets 10 times worse the next day…
Drug triggers are incredibly common for DP - it's believed they can cause a surge of anxiety that overwhelms the mind and can cause it to dissociate as a protective mechanism. In my experience, neuropsychiatrists have been the most knowledgable about DP - short of seeing a specific DPD expert - so if you're able to see one of them, that could be a good avenue to explore. :-)
I'm glad you sent me a link to this video, it really helped me figure out if I may or may not have depersonalisation.
I had read a book about two days ago which contained some talk of depersonalisation and the writer talked about always feeling like they are dreaming and then I started to think about it and realized I'm constantly having to reminded myself that this is real world and that I'm not dreaming...I've had some episodes of not feeling like I'm in my memorise or that my reflection is mine, but it's only happened a couple of times, but would you say I have depersonalisation or that I'm just going crazy?
I don't really know...but thank you for your time! ^^
Once again thank you for this video!
I'm glad the video helped :-) DP can certainly sneak up on us at times - but at least by identifying the symptoms you'll be aware of them as & when they come on. Depersonalisation can be a very normal thing (there is a video going up at 3pm GMT today talking about this very issue) but when it comes on and it's unnecessary or not wanted, it can become an issue for us. Hopefully today's video (Episode 5) will help answer that question a little more - let me know if it doesn't and I'll type some more :-)
i feel all of these except for the emotional numbness. instead, i’m constantly on the verge of tears and anger. is that still depersonalisation? i feel like i’ve finally found what i feel but not exactly
The symptoms of DPD vary a lot from person to person - there's the core defining symptom of "feel like I'm dreaming" but then there's a lot of grey areas too. Some people find they become hyper-emotional with DP, so 'not being emotionally numb' isn't necessarily a sign you aren't struggling with DPD. As always, it's best to discuss it with a trained medical professional :-)
right now i'm feeling like i'm a diferent person but i know i'm not, i'm me Robert, 21 years old from Brazil, is a really stranger feeling, is like my "SELF" is in the back of my head and i feel disconect from my body, i know is my body but i don't reconize my self in the mirror 100%,i know it's me but feels like something is missing, my dreams are very real and when i wake up i know something are from the dream because is not real at all, fantasy like, but if my dream have real thinks like, me talking with someone, me using something like a phone or me watching something, during the day i will think "this was a dream or was real?", and is a little bit harder to remember something a did last day, like yesterday i was going to take a shower then my mom ask me "you don't already take i shower this morning?" than i get confuse and i start to worry, than i sit in my bed and remember i didn't take a shower in the morning, another think is when i talking with someone, it's seems that I answer them automatically, the words just pop out my month and my voice sounds weird.
(Sorry for the late reply - I've just got back from being abroad) Struggling to differentiate dreams from reality is definitely something I can relate to - when everything in life feels completely dream-like, it can be tough to tell the difference between the two sometimes. Recognising that the sensations you're experiencing aren't correct & identifying that you are indeed Robert from Brazil is a very good thing though, as that suggests that your problem is more than likely DP rather than being something like psychosis - being aware that the sensations are wrong is an important differentiating factor. I'm afraid I don't know what the treatment/healthcare is like in Brazil but I'd urge you to seek professional help for DP - I've recently put up a video of tips for dealing with medical professionals/mental health teams regarding DP....it's specifically about a hospital in London but most of the tips do apply to the different services worldwide - hopefully you might find it useful: ruclips.net/video/0Ve7FfFfpAg/видео.html
Can’t see myself in mirror like I can but every pimple and shit gone it’s like all the sounds and shit around me is gone like I can’t hear the trees rustling but I can hear someone talking from like 100 feet away
I feel like im not real.
I can best describe it as being really stoned. I feel so out of my body, but at the same time will have moments of returning to my body but everything feels wrong, my arms and legs are either too long or too short, my hands feel numb or I can't tell where I end and objects begin. I'll be on auto pilot only to come back online randombly at a grocery store or in the car with a vague memory of getting there but its like trying to recall the events in a dream. Its hard to piece together what things happened what day or in what order and there are huge chunks of my life that I can only really recall pieces of. Especially high school and the years afterwards.
Those all sound very familiar to me Christina :-( Sounds indicative of DPD from my sufferer ( but non-medical!) perspective.
Yeah the emotional blunting really came out once I started to date
Sorry to hear that :-( Relationships really can be tough when DP is involved.
one of the struggles is you can't even put the it into words when trying to describe how it's like to other people
Showing them this short film might help: ruclips.net/video/Lx3iPmDVEms/видео.html
Have you ever felt time being distorted, like you don't know if something that just happened occurred a couple minutes ago or hours before?
I certainly feel like things from a long time ago happened much more recent than they did, yes. I think it's quite common.
Depersonalization for me is looking at myself, like I’m two-in-one. A distant view of my hand for instance and feeling it’s not mine. It feels like experiencing a locked in state of mind, I’m awake but I’m inside somewhere.
Very good description :-)
@DPD Diaries MY DPDR story Guys when ever i do something like typing walking moving my eyes moving my body playing games it doesnt feel mine like somebody is controlling and i also have lot of existential thoughts in my mind about humans and these makes me scary read this properly👇
at first it all started with panic attack from weed i felt like dying and my panic attack was about being paralyzed and unable to control my body which i saw a video on RUclips and i also felt the same thing which he had and that feeling was so horrible and worst and scariest moment in my whole life and after 2 months on i was on toilet i also had a humming noise in my right ear i dont know the cause may be its bcuz of loud noise cuz im a night club dj and i also had headache since years bcuz of excessive over use of phone 24 hours late night sleep daily masturbation and not only that i also had many body physical problems like heart palpitations strech marks on thighs which i thought it was skin cancer and that moment when i went to toilet it was like 11 pm and the environment was very silent i heard a noise which i was suffering its like humming in my right ear i realized that time also had a headache i thought that weed panic attack was fake and i thought i was suffering from brain damaged thats why i felt that on weed i was so anxious and than i started recalling my past moments of panic attack than it all changed bcuz i just experienced the same panic attack just by thinking that life threatening event i was so scared again i felt like dying from that night i started researching how weed panic attacks feels and manymore i couldn't sleep that night bcuz of that panic attack i was so scared cuz i never experienced that thing in my life and from that time my whole life changed its been 4 months i kept reasearching and whenever i used to think about that moment i would get panic attacks often than it started in may and from june i started having weird thoughts which i never had its like sensori motor ocd my brain naturally started focusing on my body movements like whenever i used to sit playing games with my friends my thought be like oh no what if im unable to standup than i used to get anxious than these thought kept coming in my mind now i can tackle with these thoughts but its getting bigger and bigger now i feel like whatever im doing its not mine and i also have a thought like what if im unable to move my eyes 👀 and whenever i focus on my eye movements it makes me anxious bcuz i feel like my eye is moving automatically and that makes me more anxious and seeing other people eyes also makes me anxious like i think is eyes everything and people feels different to me like they are just a robot 🤖 and im only a thinker who is in my mind i dont fee like before i onky feel like im invincible and im inside my head thats it is it dpdr 😔 and whenever i smell something good my thoughts be like its just a smell what is smell this is fake this smell dont exist like it feels very far i actually can smell but at the same time it feels very far same goes with the taste i over think so much since i got my panic attack on may from that night my life has been hell everytime anxious now nothing feels good everything feels far and strange i was normal till april 2020 now by overthinking i get confused like im only a thought and a thinker who is stuck in my head and all my body movements are done automatically and I'm only a brain neurons and all the people are also brain neurons so whats the point of living life i feel this when people are robot and I'm only human who knows we are only brain 🧠 is it dpdr
I dont sure if i had dpdr ..but these are some of the symtomps i had..
When look at the mirror i know that it was me..but i dont feel the connection..thats cause me to keep looking to the mirror and suddenly i dont realize who is that person in the reflection...2nd,it was pretty hard for me to differentiate whether it was dream or real life (plus i felt like i dont get the hype when doing the things i like to do)
3rd,i also felt like i dont know who i am,..like a lost of self identity...and sometimes my family are stranger to me
the thing you said about looking in a mirror is literally exactly how i feel; does this count as dp? i get worried a lot that my dp+dr don't fit what most people describe it as and one of the things is people saying they look in a mirror and don't recognise themselves. because when i look in a mirror i know it's 'me', but i don't feel like the person that i know as me; as in i always know (99.9 of the time) that who i see in the mirror is 'gemma' and this is the body i inhabit, but it's like my brain can't connect that that face/ body is who i am and is what people percieve me as? and the opinions i have of my body 99% of the time is like what a third party outsider would think of this body, rather than me viewing it as my body. does that make any sense? thanks so much for posting this
It does make sense, for sure. Dissociative experiences are fairly common and aren't always 'clinically significant', so those sorts of experiences _can_ be quite normal from time to time. But if you're at all worried about them, I'd absolutely recommend speaking to a clinician to get their professional opinion.
Yo wassup bro. Just read this and I got the same thing. I always stare at myself in the mirror to fix my flaws that I think others would see if they looked at me. I wish I wasn’t like this man
Would you call the feeling like you don't exist depersonalization, or have you heard that symptom from others? Besides the feeling of dreaming that is my primary symptom and I didn't hear much about that particular feeling. Good video, by the way.
Thanks :-) Yeah, that's exactly it - Depersonalisation is the feeling like you don't exist; and Derealisation is the feeling that the world around you doesn't exist. Most people seem experience both, but it's certainly possible to experience them individually.
Also i had a bad short memory and dificult to learn new language par example? is this common symptoms?
The detachment & dream-like sensations certainly lead to difficulties with short term memory for me - I frequently walk into a room & forget why I went there, for example. As for languages - I've always been terrible at them, so now certainly isn't a good time to try a new one for me :P
Im the same, i seperate from my thoughts and body. Its like im floating and life has no meaning, its very hard and cause me depression also.
It definitely drags me down too, to be honest - I can absolutely relate to that sentiment!
Do you feel like you lose your track of time like days and time. Can’t remember what I’ve done on the week or what I done last hour. And everyone seems like a walking body to me and I’m conscious of all my body movements and not walking like my normal self and of course not recognising my character in the mirror. What would you say I have?
Yeah, absolutely - I find it can go either way for me though. Sometimes it's 'suddenly' time to go to bed & I wonder where the day has gone; others, everything really seems to drag. Your symptoms do certainly sound indicative of some form of dissociative disorder, but the only way to know for sure is to be assessed by a health professional :-)
I do have the same feelings n how do I get rid of this !
I have these symptoms, but coupled with extremely bad anxiety, panic...it’s like a constant state of high anxiety...do you experience similar?
Anxiety is probably the most common cause of DP symptoms, from people I've spoken to. I experience all of these symptoms but have never been a particularly anxious person - we're still trying to establish exactly what's caused my 10 years of DP, but it's probably more trauma based than anxiety based.
Strange sometimes when l go to sleep I can’t sleep sometimes l get bigger vision while sleeping so weird when it occurs all objects around me are like double the size it’s extremely scary
Do you feel like you hands n fingers are huge. I get well weird feeling like that it's so strange
omg same it happens towards the end of the day usually at night and it feels like objects are bigger and my vision focuses them in and out like everything is zoomed in even when I look at myself in the mirror. It’s almost like looking in a magnified glass
to a T buddy....had it now for decades .....sucks big time
I had smoked weed about 4 months ago with my friends for the first time and it ended up with a very bad trip it was feeling like the world has totally changed or i am dead i cant able to understand the communication of friends why are they talking it looks useless talks but
after few hours i ended up with my hangover but suddenly few days back while my family is talking and i was listening them it again feels same like that and got a panic attack everyone started feeling unreal and same like when i was high and get back normal again
but this thing is stuck in my mind and it is happening again n again it is terrible i am also afraid that i am alive or not or what if suddenly everyone around me changes like when i was high. plz help me! is it derealisation or ocd boz i am also suffering from ocd from 4 years my life is becoming hell!
Yes man it sucks
Once all this lockdown madness is over I'd like to meet-up with some of you. Can we arrange that? Start a support group? Would be freaking awesome and terrifying
Check out the work of the Unreal charity - a lot of peer support and networking going on over there (including with me). www.unrealuk.org
not sad not happy
not brave not cowered
no future no past
just something moving with time
not feeling bad but not feeling
Great descriptions!
Disclaimer: I'm really bad at expressing anything at all, just saying what comes to mind and more logically, and if you read this and you feel like this isn't really depersonalisation then tell me (and no, idc I'm not going to a professional to talk about this)
What I feel:
Subconciously answering
Constantly Zoning out
Chronic suicidal thoughts
Constant anxiety
When gifts are given to me I don't feel anything
I'm numb when something "bad" happens
When I look bad at memories from recent events I feel like I was never in control
On feeling if my surroundings feel real or not, I don't really thought of it, because I'm constantly feeling anxious and thinking why I'm not in control of my behaviour.
One of my friends, told me like she feels that she's looking at herself from another perspective, and asked if I felt the same way, I said that I didn't know because I do that, but i don't feel anything in particular, it just feels like a blur.
with the mirror thing, I cannot say that I have expirienced it, maybe I have but because I'm so bad at expressing it i have no idea
Honestly this is probably all bs, I can't express ANYTHING I feel
I think you're a lot better at expressing things than you realise Duarte - because I can relate to almost every single one of those things.
Ok so I don’t know what I’m going through maybe this but I smoked weed a lot I’m 13 I started at 12 well I had a pannic attack and since then I’ve just been going through hell. I’ve had panic attacks and anxiety attacks since but the other day I was taking a shower and l looked in the mirror and felt like I’m not me like my body is not mine like my mind my thoughts just weren’t mine and I’ve felt like this for a couple of weeks and I’ve been to the doctors and I have to go to a therapist but I don’t know what to do for the time being can anyone help
I'm not medically trained at all, but to me it does sound like you're experiencing DP as a symptom of your anxiety. DP is essentially a defence mechanism that your brain triggers to protect you from emotional stress/trauma/etc...so when you're feeling particularly anxious, you'll likely find that your brain is triggering DP to protect you from suffering with the anxiety. It's quite common to experience this after drug use (I made a video on that a few weeks ago) Generally, when DP is a symptom of an underlying problem, getting that problem under control will likely get rid of the DP. So - if your therapist can help you to deal with the anxiety, that'll likely help. As I said though, I'm no professional, so definitely discuss it with somebody far more knowledgable than me! Hope this helps :-)
Hey guys i have most of these simtoms but i only have periods of time where this time happens like i start to fell like this for a while and then it stops and then after a while it happens again do people who have this have it all the time or is it just episodes?
I'm not medically trained (so I'd recommend discussing it with a professional) but it sounds to me like you're experiencing episodes of depersonalisation, likely in response to another underlying issue...anxiety, depression, panic, etc. Usually, controlling that issue will stop the brain feeling like it needs to protect you from it - so that's where I'd recommend looking to start. But as I said...I'd definitely discuss that with a professional first! :-)
I came to watch this video from Twitter, you sent it to me in a tweet today thank you very much. I have a question though. Can this be something that happens occasionally? I don't feel like this every day. It happens to me me maybe once every few months or so. The way I explain it to people is that it's like when you're watching a movie and the camera switches to a person's point of view like you're looking through their eyes.
I have felt like this all day today like nothing I was doing was actually happening and that I was going to wake up any moment in my bed and get up and go about my day.
Hi Amy :-) Ah awesome, I hope it was helpful in some way - thanks for watching! I talk a little bit about this in the video coming next Friday (all about what DP is, in terms of basic psychology) but in short...yes, it can. I'm not medically trained at all, but it sounds to me you're likely experiencing depersonalisation as a symptom of another underlying problem rather than depersonalisation as a disorder, which is more long-term & chronic. DP can be a common symptom of anxiety, depression, PTSD....even things like migraines & epilepsy. (I can totally relate to the feeling of being like you're on the verge of waking up from a dream!)
I'll do my best to make a video soon talking more specifically about whether DP can be occasional as well as long-term - would you mind if I quote your first name in it as & when I do?
Hope this helps - please let me know if you have any more questions! :-)
Joe
DPD Diaries thank you so much for replying. It has actually helped me quite a bit. I suffer with migraines occasionally and also anxiety so that would probably explain it.
I would love to see a video on that and yes that is fine if you'd like to use my name. Thank you very much for your help and I will keep an eye out for that video if you make it.
No problem at all - really glad the video has answered a few questions. :-) I would imagine that the anxiety is likely the cause of your occasional DP, as it's definitely one of the most common causes that we hear talked about. Do you find that your DP sets in when you're feeling particularly anxious? If so, any 'treatment' for DP that professionals might put in place would almost certainly be centred around managing & lowering your anxiety - by keeping anxiety levels down, that should hopefully limit any episodes of unreality that it's currently causing. :-)
DPD Diaries now that you've said it and when I think back on when I've felt it I have been particularly anxious about one thing or another. For example just this week I had somebody drive into the back of my car and I've been a bit off and anxious driving. I never really thought too much about it until today because it seemed to be particularly bad for the first time ever.
Thank you so much for helping me realise what it probably is and I will definitely look into maybe seeing somebody about my anxiety or trying to reduce my levels of anxiety.
Sorry to hear about your car accident - hope you weren't injured! Incidentally, one of the examples I use in next week's video is that of a car accident - DP setting in temporarily during & immediately after a traumatic event such as that is a very normal reaction of the brain that stems from the fight/flight response. In traumatic/emotional situations, human beings are predisposed to acting irrationally, which isn't helpful for dealing with & getting out of threatening situations - the brain therefore 'numbs' our sense of reality & emotions temporarily to enable us to better deal with the situation in a logical manner. Shortly afterwards, the sense of reality & emotions return and we can begin to deal with what has happened - but once the immediate threat has gone. So, DP is a very normal reaction in situations such as car accidents - but of course, when DP is triggered when we don't want or need it, that's when it becomes a serious problem for us! :-)
Hi please reply
Does depersonalization make you feel that you are so unworthy and that you have missing energy or missing consciousness??
Hi Oliver - yep, absolutely. Everybody is different but it can certainly make us feel like part of our ‘self’ is missing.
Hi mate just stumbled upon your channel. How did your treatment go? I’ve lived with DP for 25 years and it’s become worse recently but I’m just about to start a course of EMDR. Hope to chat soon cheers Leo 👍
Hi Leo :-) Finished my sessions at the Maudsley a couple of months ago but sadly my DP remains as bad as ever. Now pursuing other avenues, trialling different medications, etc - always hopeful that something might help it in some way!
What is EMDR?
Big Bones Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. I’m doing it currently and am prepared for some positive results; hopefully
DPD Diaries Hope you’re doing ok pal
my house also doesn't like my house and the feeling is so overwhelming like do i really live in here? and with my family im so overwhelmed im like wow these people are really my family? cuz it just doesn't feel like it if that makes sense
100%. That's the derealisation element of the disorder - I can very much relate!
same,..its emotional and it doesnt feel real..how do we get rid of it fast?
Recovery from DPD tends to be a slow fade-out over time - often from professional psychological therapy. So I'd very much urge you to seek a professional opinion if you haven't already.
Hei I’m sorry, I wanted to ask ,my DP from weed, if I need to go to a psychiatrist and take medicine for this?
If you find the symptoms are persistent, I would absolutely recommend seeking professional medical help - early intervention is an important factor in recovery.
I did a lot of lsd over 2019 and the beginning of 2020 I stopped because of a really long and bad trip I feel out of place and my vision is weird and I can’t focus as much I feel like I’m in a dream or virtual reality and when I drive I feel like I’m in a video game and I’ve been going through it for about 9 months now and have not gone to the doctors or anything
When I look in the mirror I also get stuck sometimes as you would on lsd
I would definitely recommend discussing your symptoms with a trained professional if they're not getting any better. Early intervention can be a very important thing.
how are u now?
I’m doing a better now because I’ve gotten used to it but it just seems to be like virtual reality
Fluffy Beats its still the same?
I have the symptom of looking in the mirror and not recognising myself, it's so scary and irrational, I am mature lady and I've noticed that dpdr seems to affect younger people, can any age group experience this horrible condition?
The most common age of onset is later teenage years, but literally anybody can experience it - I know people who have experienced it since they were young children, and others who have only encountered it in their retirement. So yes, if you go through a difficult period, or feel very overwhelmed, or trapped, or stressed....anybody can experience DP.
worst then depresion and actaully any mental illness i have ever experninced
Agreed.
Hi sir! I had a bad panic attack last 3months and it caused me to what I believe depersonalization. Does depersonalization makes you feel like you will loose your mind?
It can certainly feel like that, for sure - the overwhelm and confusion can lead to a lot of those sort of feelings.
My entire body feels numb like not numb to the touch but sort of like I'm not in my body? Please reply i dont know if its depersonalisation it hsppened days after smoking weed im so scared its a physical problem its like im not in my body but like also like my body isnt there even though i know it is almost like ive disconnected from it PLEASE HELP
Firstly, I'd absolutely recommend consulting a trained medical professional to discuss this. But the onset of DPD is very often triggered by drug usage - so especially if you're a naturally anxious/panicky person, it can absolutely trigger it. So I'd take that info to a professional and seek their thoughts. Afraid that's about as much as I'm able to help, not being medically trained!
Does anyone else feel like they're looking at something but it's almost like they can't see or they can't really see it eventhough it's clear? Or that you're so spaced out and not paying attention that you literally can't even focus enough to look around properly?
Yes🥺
Absolutely!
I feel disconnected from the self and the past versions of myself. Even saying the word 'I' feels extremely weird. The future me is going to look at this comment and get confused and maybe even try to delete it to avoid that unnerving feeling. I understand this is a self-defense mechanism, but I also feel like I'm too fargone.
It can definitely be tough to remain positive - I too have those days of feeling 'too far gone', and it's very demoralising. I hope this comment serves to remind you that you _do_ exist and you _did_ write it though...hopefully looking back at it can be a positive experience. :-)
Hi, quick question when i'm talking to someone their head seems to double in size and I can't seem to focus on what they're saying anymore. Does this have to do with derealisation? I can't find anything about this anywhere.. :(
A lot of people report visual disturbances/distortions with DPD. It's not something I really experience myself, but many say that things looks bigger/smaller than they are; looking down at their hands and having them look huge is something I hear fairly often. So it's certainly possible - as I always have to say though, it's definitely something to discuss with a medical professional.
@@DPDDiaries thanks so much for the reply! Yeah I have an appointment with the doctor to help me. But I feel like im just having derealisation atm but not dpd. Sorry for the bad english 😂
I've watched a lot of videos hoping that someone would explain depersonalisation right. I have to say(without bad intention)that what you experience is not depersonalisation but I wouldn't say DPDR but depersonalisation caused by derealisation(or something like that). You say you feel everything around you is unreal. In depersonalisation everything is real even yourself but there's another problem. Maybe I will make a video about depersonalisation to explain that,we'll see. In derealisation everything looks fake,seems unreal,your surrounding,even yourself. At least people say it's like that. The problem is that people can't distinguish what is what. I consider that there are:
1.Depersonalisation(true depersonalisation without any depersonalisation symptoms)
2.Derealisation+Depersonalisation(where you experience that the world is fake or/unreal and so are you with it)
3.I've never heard about person who only has derealisation,or that just feels the world as fake but not themselves,usually a person who feels the world is fake thinks he's fake too or experiences that his actions are not his own. In,I call it real depersonalisation,people experience their actions as not their own but in very different way than persons who have DPDR.
The thing about TRUE Depersonalisation is that you can experience depersonalisation without ANY sign of derealisation,you experience depersonalisation without ever feeling that you're dreaming. In fact,in depersonalisation you are never dreaming or feeling that you're not real,that's why I am very skeptic when people explain depersonalisation because usually they describe some form of DPDR. According to me that NOT depersonalisation but DPDR with maybe not so strong perception that the world is fake but that you are.
Probably I will make a video about this.
It's certainly possible to experience 'just' DP or DR, but in my experience the vast majority of people who experience one also experience the other co-morbidly. 'Depersonalisation', & 'DP' etc are quite often used as collective, all-encompassing terms for DP, DPD, DPDR, DPAFU, Unreality, etc. So you might find that people who talk about their 'Depersonalisation' might be referring to a bigger picture where other factors are at play also. I look forward to seeing the video. :-)
@@DPDDiaries ok,you're probably right,but because I don't experience derealization that's why I find DPD and DPDR very different. Maybe I don't understand DPDR well or other disorders as I thought,but I really understand mine so....You are welcomed to see my video.
@@DPDDiaries ruclips.net/video/UQK5YwnlgjQ/видео.html