This video literally got me cheering out loud. I've been thinking that I was a chaser, but in fact, I'm a pursuer! I'm glad I took the advice from Tom Hardy: He never enters a room expecting and hoping the people to like him. Instead, he focuses on finding out whether he likes the people in the room. It's all about mindset, patience, and mental toughness
Cheatsheet: *Chasing vs pursuing = scarcity vs abundance = self-deprecation vs self-respect = predatory vs romantic = pedestalization vs equality = simps vs sigmas = trouble vs happiness*
Yes all the dominos fall in line but it all starts with her interest in you which determines if you're chasing or pursuing her. if she likes you to start with then it works out good.
You are attractive to a woman. Always pursuing. You are not attractive to her, you are a creep and chasing. Chasing vs Pursuing Unattractive vs attractive That is the difference.
Unless a guy super great looking, 100,000 car 🚗: fancy job ; expensive house 🏠500,000;; woman can always get laid ; it why white woman like black guys black men are crazy about white women; ; if do not to chase purchase expensive cologne or fragrance for men
I couldn’t agree with you more Admir. You should never Chase - Always Replace! But if she gives you the signal, you should definitely Pursue! Anyway, that’s my two cents… -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips 👍
I went on a first date at the weekend and it went well. In the lead up to it we had been messaging back and forth multiple times per day. I realised that if a girl takes > 24 hours to get back to you, she is either not interested or you are just an option. Dont be an option. After the date I messaged her and she took a while to respond (but still not > 24 hours). I noticed that my old insecurities started to kick in and I got the urge to message her and see what was up. I ignored them, went to the gym and then worked. She replied and at this point I realised that I finally moved from a chaser>pursuer. Doesnt really matter what happens at this point, at least I can now give myself the best chance of meeting someone who is good for me.
That's awesome man. Remember you want to live your own life and bring a great woman along for the ride. You're not living solely to be with a woman, and chances are, a woman worth having wants a man that has his own life. Anyways, once the deal is sealed for the most part, time spent away makes time spent together that much sweeter.
@@AsleepWarrior yeah we just kinda stopped talking after the date as she was acting a little distant. i seen her a few months later on Instagram together with some other guy, and then i unfollowed her, so wasn't to be. she was cool though so i hope that she is happy :)
This is so spot on. Reciprocation or walk. Be detached from the outcome. Thank you for making this. People really need to be clear with their intentions and stop making this about stupid guessing games because it ends up hurting everyone.
Talking about picking up woman the first time:: woman like to be notice even very pretty woman still do;; some great looking guys do not have to chase woman or guys have 100,000 🚗car; fancy job etc
The best advice I’ve seen her give, so true on many levels. My 2 cents, something it took me decades to learn, analyze yourself and try to understand your tendencies with women. Meaning, why you’re attracted to certain types and why you react in specific ways in relationships. Understanding yourself will help you avoid pitfalls that can be unhealthy for you. Me, for example, when a women was really interested in me I had a tendency to overly romanticize the situation and idealize her too much. It took me decades to learn to keep a clear head and take it one day at a time. As Courtney points out here, so brilliantly, have the mindset that you’ll be ok with OR without her. Just get to know her slowly and don’t put your life on hold for anyone. If it’s meant to be, it will fall into place naturally!
04:38 - Hey Courtney - The irony in those cases is HILARIOUS, because when those guys actually DO change, the girl leaves him...then... her carefully crafted story to everyone is "....He changed..." Never: "I chose to pursue an unhealthy relationship with a loser because I have unresolved and complicated attachment disorder issues." So, relationships are reflective.
@@johnnythekid4601 nonsense. If you are ugly then women won't give you so much as time of the day.. I should know.. And it's got nohing to do with lack of confidence as I have no problem approaching women but always get rejected despite the "just say this" or "just do that" bullshit so called "dating coaches" say.. This shit ONLY. works if you're good looking and that's the REALITY of the situation.
I would suggest delete both these words chasing and pursuing, they mean the same that she is on the pedestal and you have to pursue her. You have to understand your a great guy and you want to give her the OPPORTUNITY to get with you. All this chasing and pursuing will give you a negative mindset. Women will tell you they love to be chased and pursued. all it does is validates her ego but it doesn't make her attracted to you.
I’ve noticed many RUclipsrs in this space advocate for, “Don’t chase, let them chase you.” However, if you don’t state your interest in someone, how are they going to know you’re interested? Your explanation of “pursuing” made so much sense. Thanks Courtney 😊
Actions speak louder than words. As soon as you meet a girl you find attractive then be fairly direct with a compliment that is not overly sexual and that has a degree of push pull, in the simplest of terms this might basically be something such as “ you’re quite attractive but I don’t know if I like you yet”. And then ask for her number and call her a few days later for a coffee date. It’s simple, direct and truthful. You’ve balanced a compliment with a reservation so you are not giving away all your agency. Far from it. You honestly don’t know whether you like her yet, and that is what dating is for. So this way you’ve made it clear that You’ve framed the interaction as a date and unless the girl is retarded or disingenuous she must see it that way too. After that, no more compliments unless she earns them, and escalate slowly.
You talk with her for a while, two or five times per text, see if she ever texts you first, if she does and seems engaging, tell her you find her "insert whatever non sexual compliment" and want to get to know her more over a coffee or smtg. If she says anything but a yes, take it as a no and move on and stop texting her unless she does. That's what I do. If she never texts back again then she really wasn't interested in the 1st place.
I recently learned that I've been a simp and chasing for most of my life. It sucks. I'm happy that I'm improving my life that began 2 weeks ago. This is a very helpful video. Thanks Courtney!
this makes me feel a lot better about my recent dating failure. I only pursued her and walked away when i got the impression she wasn't interested whether that was her intention or not. I use the exact same quote with women who play games. "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
Another insightful video, Courtney. After watching and enjoying many of your previous videos, I feel that I must finally comment on the excellent content. Without putting you on a pedestal(Lol), I'm impressed by the sage wisdom and maturity of someone so young. I wish you all the best!
My early twenties I was definitely a chaser. I always thought that if I showed her materialistic value they would cling to me. Now I'm very much a pursuer. Is taking a lot of weight off my chest. Another great video from Cleveland. I appreciate you Courtney. Some of the best advice on RUclips.
I chased a Girl in kindegarten once, but i ran straight into a metal sign and passed out. i learned a lesson esrly in life from this metal sign that i shouldn’t chase a Girl who is just not interested. Which i don’t i pursue.
Gentlemen if you have to chase after a girl...automatically you arent valued or appreciated by her. Meeting and connecting with someone should for the most part be simple and it's a 2 way street. Just continue to be the best version of yourself each day and the right person will hopefully follow. Don't chase fellas....don't ever chase..the only thing you should be chasing is your dreams or dog if he/she gets off the leash..✌
Thank you Courtney for explaining to us the difference between chasing and pursuing. I wish I would of learned this back when I was younger to save myself the headache, heartache, my time, my resources, and save myself from embarrassment/humiliation. But I do have a question or two to ask you Ms. Ryan...I was making so many mistakes that could of been prevented in the first place if I would of known about this and yes I was seriously manipulated plenty of times before so I did develop some sort of resentment towards the women who did screw me over but the best revenge is NO revenge because me being Happy,Living really Well, having Success, having Abundance, and having Peace of Mind is Top Priority for me is number #1 and I don't want to compromise that for anyone unless it benefits me. I raised to NEVER to give up because quitters NEVER Win but it was Never mine in the first place to begin with so regardless if I was chasing or pursuing it wouldn't have mattered. Hollywood has really tricked a lot of guys like me that told us to do this kind of stuff that Women really want when it was all b.s. in the first place. I'm still enjoy your videos and see your tips and advice very useful and helpful but I'm mostly focusing on myself to get Better, get Healing, and Level Up. Thanks for sharing again Courtney 🙏❤💯
The perfect content I ever wanted... the main reason people Chase is bcuz of illusionary imaginations, thinking of how life will be beautiful with the them... thank you for the video.
Chasing is like bombing a women's phone with multiple simp type texts. Pursuing is playing tennis with messages, You serve first and show interest and DM her and ask for a date. Then wait for the DM and ball to be returned.
@@Alan-rw3ez cold DM's immediately give off a sense of desperation or being too forward, when there is absolutely no reason to be trying to talk to that person other than the implication you wanna bang them. Overall I'd suggest not trying to initiate relationships of any kind over social media if you've never actually met the person. But there is an exception to this if you have had some reciprocal interactions on comments etc, IE she interacts with what you post, not just replying to your comments or something. I've met many women that way. But you can break all the rules if you're a gigachad or something lol.
What u said set fire to my hart🔥because for years i had not even a single clue on what the hell was wrong on soo many occasions and situation Wow!!! I am speechless, this vedio challenged my entire reality. This was like getting tight slap of reality.
Somewhere down the line, it feels like we convinced ourselves that the only way to date is to have one person qualify to the other. In my opinion, that's really what chasing is and it could not be farther from the truth. Men are more prone to it, but single women still do it especially with emotionally unavailable attractive men. We've got to get away from all of the nonsense. Just be intentional and show somebody if you're interested in them. Notice I say "show" because actions are worth 1,000 words. The decision they make from there is up to them, and then your ability to accept that decision is up to you. It is not your job to prove to the other person how much of a man or woman you are, and thinking like that is inherently rooted in insecurity. I do have sympathy if you already have a pre-existing and genuine emotional connection with someone before you try to date them. Those rejections sting the worst, but the correct course of action still remains the same.
I rejected a girl that was into me but, gets rejected by the girl I want. I'm in this cycle always. So.. I think I fall into the chase category simply because the notion of we want who we want. It's kind of upsetting to fall trap to unrequited love. Like if someone likes me, I didn't have to work for it and I might go out with her and make her my girlfriend but it was "Easy". On the flipside, alot of guys want a challenge and most of the time we would fall flat on our face. The point I'm making is.. you aren't entitled to someone but you sure are deserving.
Story of my life, bro! I'm never interested in the women that are interested in me! Well, maybe on rare occasions. I kinda feel like maybe I need to re-evaluate the type of women I'm going after. Perhaps I'm going for the wrong women.
Serious question Courtney, what is the Percentage of women who are like you? Because your so honest and totally not living in denial plus you the opposite of bias. Amazing.
Found the video helpful, clarifies the terms. What I would like to see is a video on waiting too long to "make the move." Example: let's say you're in college. You run into a girl twice a week (her class is in the same area as yours.) 1st week : you notice she waits for class at a certain spot 2nd week: you cold approach and mention the fact that you see her every now and then, and "thought I'd stop and say hi" 3rd week: stop by and say hi (she smiles, changes her body to face you) (this is the week you make the move) (ask her out)).....but instead you just say "hi, I'll come say hi whenever I see you" 4th week: she's not there 5th week: gone Happened to me recently, I felt that energy that third week and also felt her disappointment after the interaction was over.
Some PUAs teach the “three second rule”. If you see an attractive girl you have 3 seconds to approach. And of course all approaches end in a number ask. The idea is to train you to be decisive and this in turn projects confidence, which women find attractive. Look at it this way. By delaying showing romantic interest and thinking you can somehow build greater attraction over a number of interactions you are projecting that you don’t think you are already “enough” from the jump, an indication of low value. So you risk the zone marked “friend” with a girl. It’s the same context as over texting a girl before finally asking for a date, you come off as indecisive and the girl can get frustrated and turned off if you make her wait too long. Also there is the practical risk of delay, that she might not be there next time. But you already know this to your cost.
Love this! Met someone recently where I’m actually pursuing her and not a chase! The difference is I needed to work on myself to be a better me. We literally just crossed paths at a gas station after years of social media support & basic convo.
This video could not have come at a more perfect time. I had a first date a few days ago that went good so I decided to pursue and ask on another one 2 days ago. She hasn't responded and seems like she ghosted me so I not chasing her and walking away. This video really reinforced that experience for me and I think many will benefit from this. Great video as always!
This was actually a pretty good video and I would even argue a very insightful video. It's much easier said than done because when you're attracted to somebody oh, you are just attracted to them. Yes it absolutely sucks that you don't feel the same way about you but you can't spend your time chasing them either. The best thing to do is to truly just move on.
Courtney, thank you for bringing up “toxic” in your explanation. Frequently men pursue, women are receptive, they reciprocate and at a later time we find they are chasing someone else behind our back. Toxic, crazy, goodbye. Insanity is when they do it over and over expecting a different outcome.
Thank you for this video. It never dawned on me that I was being a "simp" (or even knew the word) until recently. But the way you describe chasing vs pursuing, no wonder I'm 42 and have still to find a lady. No one has ever wanted to be caught or has pursued back. But, yeah, I have fallen in the trap where it was so obvious to everyone else that she wanted nothing to do with me, but still "let" me spoil her with only minimal attention received. Really wish someone would have explained much sooner the difference. Thank you for breaking it down. Have a great day!
Just change your mindset to evaluating her behavior closer. YOU are qualifying HER, too. I've made the same mistakes, maybe not so much in buying girls things, but in chasing them when they weren't reciprocating. Not doing that anymore. I think it's best to go light on the compliments and things in the early going, don't be so eager to please her until she's showing interest and is eager to please you. Us men are catches, too, not just women. They need to earn our attention.
This video is great, Courtney! Understanding the difference between these two perspectives is super important. It is easy to fall into chasing, but it is also easy to start thinking you are chasing and then letting fear stop the pursuit as well. Us guys can't sit around and hope the right woman will just come to us. We still have the responsibility to pursue. Looking for people who are actually interested is key, and being willing to walk away from those who aren't. Top notch my dear! 🔥😄👍
Videos like this one are why Courtney's subscriber count is growing so fast. She'll be at 1 million before you know it at this rate. I'm saying it first right here.
Courtney, I wish more people would see your videos. I find myself agreeing with most of the things you talk about. You are doing good for the people out there in this messy society we currently live in. I want you to be more popular so that people can see your videos.
Thank you so much Courtney, for all of your enlightening and illuminating videos on relationship advice. Before I had started watching your content, I was a hopeless romantic, but now I am a hopeful romantic! 😊🥰
I'd also like to mention the NUMBER ONE rule when it comes to forming a long-relationship; compromise. There's no such thing as the perfect partner (imho). It's a myth. EVERYONE you meet will have a flaw or two. You will have to compromise (accept the flaw) if you are willing to stay with this person long-term. This applies to both men and women. I've had women at my workplace say they want me to shave off my short beard. That there was a big NO-NO to me. The fact that they wanted me to compromise but weren't willing to compromise themselves told me everything about them. Hope this helps anyone who reads this. :) P.S. Courtney, feel free to use what I've said in one of your videos. :) x
I love this Courtney!! You're the best.. The abundance mentality is truly everything 🙌 There's not just "one" right person for you, compatability is a choice. I love what you shared about putting someone on a pedestal, that just tells the other person you're subservient to them - we're all equal.
I've encountered a lot of the scenario from dating apps where theres a lot of interest and attention reciprocation at the beginning from the woman, eventually even leading to dates/sex but then the interest wanes and eventually leads to a situation where I feel I'm left dangling on the end of a string and getting nothing in return. I've learned to just remove myself from those situations politely as they've probably moved on/started talking to someone else and it's not worth the anxiety it's causing me any longer to think about it. On to the next.
Thanks for staying this cause most of the videos I've been trying to find ,don't really,help because it's just not honestly.... this real so thanks...untill thins video,I have been in a toxic relationship... Gald I found this vid,much appreciated
I'd like you to do a video on ghosting. This is a horrible act that I've been a victim of a number of times. The women that did it to me turned out to be spineless, weak and ultimately cowards. Elaborate on why ghosting is bad for the doer too. Ghosting can lead to the doer to have self-doubts about holding a relationship when they have a quick get-out for when things aren't to their liking. It's heartbreaking to be ghosted. Courtney, give me your shoulder to cry on. :'(
Give me a break dude. Everyone has ghosted someone. It’s not gonna go away. No answer is your answer. Don’t take it personally. It has happened to everyone
If you don’t ever grasp any other dating advice in your life please grasp KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAYYY, So glad that you went into detail about this Courtney, we’ve got so many men and women that don’t respect their self and don’t even know what they deserve and they never go after that because they are too busy chasing what they don’t deserve, walk away guys just please walk away.
I appreciate your insight and explanation. I shall reserve myself fully, instead of partially, on the side of Pershing. It can be slippery whenever you’re not aware of your actions, while in the moment.
I once asked a girl if she'd want to hang out. She said she had other plans. I stopped asking and stopped texting. She texted first a couple of weeks later saying she can hang out. I usually don't ask more than once. I feel that if I'm high quality (having moral values, good character, being classy, working hard, being successful in my career, being financially stable, having a good heart, being fit, or working hard to be better in areas I listed) then I shouldn't need to chase. Btw @Courtney Ryan, I ended up buying Tissot COSC! (Classic model, Chronometer certified) Thanks for the recommendation!
This is a great video. I feel like we have forgotten the concept of female choice. For example: the guy makes a simple offer to the woman: a light lunch, coffee, a short walk. He offers once, maybe twice (in the extreme MAYBE three times, but probably not). If she doesn't take the offer, drop it. Move on. If she accepts and you have a good time, you offer something a little bigger, dinner at a reasonable restaurant, a longer Saturday hike, etc... At any point if she show disinterest, drop it, move on. If she accepts, you offer something a little nicer again (e.g. dinner and a theater play or whatever). But don't play games. Don't waste your time and energy. That's time and energy you could be spending with a woman who likes you, having a good relationship. We have to move past the other women as fast as possible.
In my opinion and experience, in today's day and age if you invite a girl somewhere and she doesn't come there is 0% chance that she will come if you invite her again.
This was excellent wisdom you shared Courtney. We only pursue people who want us back on this channel 😁🙌🧡 You would make a great school teacher because you make this stuff easy to understand. Anyways have a lovely day!
Every time I think this woman sounds like a good woman,of course she's taken lol it's like 80 percent of women are taken and the other 20 percent just don't want me,even if they lived on my street.
Courtney's right. Sometimes you have to really go in and call out the nonsense that some try. Got no time for any childish games. Too many out there who want to play them. I cut my losses immediately when I see that's what's going on.
I only focus on one woman at a time “oneitis”, but I’ve learned how to walk away if that’s what the situation calls for. I learned the hard way 😂, but very valuable lessons regardless.
The video should be made for women not men. Please how much lower are you going to lower your standards? Women have not learned to treat men with respect, on the other hand men have been taught to treat women special and lady like. Dont put so much burden on yourself brother, let her pick up some tab. If she is interested in you trust me she will give you enough hints, if she is not there is nothing you can do will impress her. Learn what attracts women and you will be amazed, it's not nice and giving guy, that would be a male thinking. Women want top of the people, so you should learn to be on the top tier to gain attention from women, other paths will have very very small success, let me say 1 chance in 100 or more. Jared focus on self improvement and be available and it will work Goodluck!
When you start talking to a girl try to date with her the first time the 3 first weeks if you try to date with her the first weeks of talking and she make more than 3 excuses to not date with you move on, don't show your intentions that much if you never saw her, give her some compliments or something and that's it, if you're able to date with her the first month of talking and the date goes well but you didn't kiss her let her know that you enjoyed the date so much and tell her you think there was some chemistry and ask him to date again, she got to be honest at this point, don't wait more than 2 weeks to date her again and don't show all your interest on her, she got to show interest in you too, on the second date be much more flirty with her and be confident and control your emotions, you'll know if she's really into you quickly, the most important part it's to not feel strong emotions for someone that didn't kiss you yet, work on yourself for yourself not to impress other girl
It's hard to distinguish between the two so I clicked the video. My problem always was there is never any reciprocating back to me that they are interested or like me back,like ever. It don't matter who it is. The only thing I can do is start working out and try to be sexy. But I'm getting old,just turned 39. And it takes a long time to get built. It's sad but it's mainly about looks and money, you can't just be nice or have "personality" that's just not the real world. People will tell you a lot of bs and cliches that just aren't the truth to be positive sounding.
heard a great phrase the other day .... "they are the white rabbit at the dog track and will never be caught" ..... thx Courtney, insightful as usual .... and as always .. never stop dreaming, just dream bigger .. have fun be safe, save our oceans ...
A man should know and pursue his purpose. Some may not have heard the saying; " You'll always loose money chasing women, but you'll never loose women chasing money." Ladies don't want an aimless man with no ambition. There is no good future there. Thank you Courtney. Another great video well done.
Boy is she right about that playing stupid games part. I actually had that happen to me recently. Told a girl I had a crush on who works at my local gym I liked her and IMMEDIATELY afterwards she started playing games. Just stepping all over my feelings for giggles. Making me jump through hoops just to be cordial with her. She would purposely turn her head away when she was at the desk when I'd badge in *I always would smile and wave at her* she wouldn't acknowledge my presence walking past me unless I initiated first. The last straw was when I saw her working out and she literally made me follow her for a few seconds before finally turning her head to say high with a chuckle. After that I opted out of saying anything to her. Low and behold she noticed and started trying to get me to give her attention again. I'll catch her looking at me now trying to get me to come talk to her. I don't because I no longer trust her. Before I stopped trying I wouldn't try not to say hi if she was there when I badge in and I wouldn't leave without Trying to say goodbye to her. Now it's like we never knew each other and that's on her.
This will definitely be great because I am already great at making women feel like a woman and it comes from a lot of the ways I express myself through the details I pick up on. Been talking to this girl for ever 3 weeks now and things are going great so I could use any extra catalyst to keep things grounding
If you're talking, probably time to escalate. Meet in person! Don't do it diffidently either. Say "Let's meet up at 7 on thursday" and make it clear it is a date.
@@garmisra7841 we've already met in person, and have a lunch date at 1:30 and plans into the evening. Thank you tho! She is even showing pursuit signs with me. I love it.
Ladies!! If you really want to turn on a guy, pursue them. Message them first and do the initiating. Years ago, my now ex girlfriend found me on MySpace through a friend, messaged me, took all the initiative and drove across state lines to visit me. When we met we had a great time (no sex) but she massaged me after a few days and really showed so much interest in me. What a turn on. This happens rarely and although things didn’t work out for various reasons, ladies please don’t be afraid to take initiative and get a guy interested. This is so rare and unexpected that you can easily win a guys attention. Just something that this video sparked. I will NEVER forget how that felt. It was something that I cherish forever and think about whenever I want to feel a good memory. Not in sadness because it didn’t work out, but in joy in one of those special moments that are often once in a lifetime. ❤ And to add, I did plenty of pursuing in my life and for the record I think men should be men and take initiative etc but I was just showing another side of things that you rarely hear about. Thanks! Gary
I tried pursuing a woman that showed me signs that she wanted me to. She showed me she was into me , she told others that I am her boyfriend but in reality we never really went on a date except for 1 date that we took a walk. I kissed her in front of others at a party because she met me half way for a hug around both arms. I kissed her on the cheek and not the lips because I did not want to embarrass her. She then eventually moved to another state. So I basically don’t chase women or pursue women anymore. Once I found out that she moved , she did it tell me she plead moving to another state. But once I found out about that I have given up on her. Women play games with me all the time. I am looking for a healthy relationship. But yet every woman that I was interested in or have talked to always play games with me. I am too hold for that kid of behavior. It would be nice a woman to purse me who wants an adult relationship and to get married sand stay married. Dating is too damn hard now , it was in the past but it’s worse now.
Thank you for this video! I'm actually in a situation where I wasn't sure if I'm chasing a woman, or pursuing. I am glad that it looks like I am a pursuer. I am talking to this woman, we are getting to know each other, I'm not yet sure whether she likes me or not in a romantic sense, but I guess nothing is written in a stone.
I personally think that starting off with a good friendship with someone, being good friends and seeing where that goes. If it blossoms into something more than a friendship, then great! If you remain friends, that's also okay. I think either way, you've got nothing to lose.
@Sean Emzeey it's still better to get to know the person first before you start anything with them. That was a big mistake I made with my ex five years ago. Sometimes, getting friendzoned means dodging a bullet in the long run
@Sean Emzeey PS: unless you're just looking for one night stands, actually talking to her and taking time to get to know her is how you determine whether she's a good fit for you or not. I wouldn't recommend looking for red flags after you make things official.
At the 6:06 mark, I'm actually guilty of doing this. Example would be that I texted this girl asking what are you up to today? I'll be at X Y and Z. I wouldn't mind meeting up later on. When she replied I could see it in her message that she was acting distant. Me being the one to initiate that conversation definitely caused her to start pulling away even more. Or in other words, running away from the chase and not getting caught... Great video by the way. I really wished that I came across it sooner. But at least now I know what mistakes to avoid in the future...
A great milestone of every dude’s life i think, not chasing. After two years in a row of idealizing women ya know i got tired and i started building confidence Best years so far, the ones whithout chasing
There is a nuance to all of this. Interest can be displayed in so many ways. Humans are very complex. If you are not really all about the social media and you are trying to figure this out you really need to pay attention to nuance. There is are also geographical differences with respect to culture. Imagine being from the NE and moving to the SE of the US. Yeah, not simple. Throw in that love language stuff... it matters. We don't live in an age that is conducive for being focused. This goes for both men and women. Women have lots of choices they can actualize upon. Most men have lots to see yet they can't actualize upon. The paradox of choice is a coin with two opposing sides.
QUESTION FOR WOMEN: What is up with a girl who always talked about how she doesn't want to be put on a pedestal and how she only wants a 'tell it like it is' kind of relationship. And that's what me and her have and she was totally happy with it the whole time, but now she gets mad, and actually kind of hurt, when she finds out that with your last girlfriend you very much put her on a pedestal? My last girlfriend I treated basically like a princess, as much as possible without it being pathetic, I enjoyed doing the whole 'worship the ground she walks on thing' (not actually worshipping the ground she walks on, of course). But I would go out of my way, sometimes WAY out of my way to make her happy. She wasn't a b-word by any stretch of the imagination; she didn't demand or even ask or expect me to do most of the stuff I did for her, and she always let me know how much she appreciated it and told me how I awesome I was and how bad I was spoiling her; I just wanted to treat her that way and so I did. Anyway, she got a real good job in Boston (9 hours away); I like where I live and don't want to move so we tried long distance for a few months but things eventually tapered off. Fast forward to now, current gf apparently finds out how I treated ex (which is precisely how she said she doesn't want to be treated!) and is like...hurt by it. So, I guess what I'm asking is...wtf??? Why would someone who specifically singled out a certain kind of relationship as being undesirable then get upset about not having it? Is it just simple jealousy, grass is always greener, wanting something just because you don't have it and someone else does (even though you said you didn't want it!) kind of thing? Thanks in advance for anyone kind enough to lend me their thoughts on the matter.
So why are you flapping your gums about previous relationships exactly? How did this new girl find that out? Dude, loose lips sink ships! Good news is your new girl probably likes you if she's getting jealous in this way. All you can really do is say words to the affect of "look honey, I've grown up a bit since that last relationship and realized that putting a girl on a pedestal isn't good for me or the relationship. Worshiping a girl turns her off over time and I don't want to do that with you, because I like you. I hope you understand that. If you don't then you're clearly not the girl for me". How is that not the truth and what she signed up for? Because pedestalizing a girl will ABSOLUTELY turn her off over time and probably would of happened given enough time with this last girl. Maybe it already did, after all you aren't with her now are you? Do not treat girls like Princesses or Angels. Treat them like the flawed human beings that they are, and that we are.
I come with a personal case here: I started to talk with a girl from Stavanger (Norway) and all was going great, there was reciprocity from both of us. After bit more of a week of texting, sending photos and so on I visited the city and we had our first date. It went really well, great energy and vibe with long chill talking. We both were so comfortable and she even paid the dinner. . Then, we agree to do another plan 2 days later. We went for a hike, cook some food outdoors and enjoy the time together. However at some point of the conversation she started to mention that she didn't want to have any relationship or boyfriend, that she was enjoying her life with her friends and her hobbies and she was gonna be busy with the studies starting in autumn. That made me stop there. I didn't understand why to go through all the dating, do that effort from her part and mine, how could go so well to suddenly say that. We finished the date and I told her I'm actually wanted to see if this was driving into a relationship but I had to cut a bit the interaction as she was not. She told me she was open to keep in touch, that she had a really great experience with me, she liked my energy but she could not assure where this was gonna end cause "she was nor prepared for a relationship". What we all knows what it does mean. Now, talking about chasing or pursuing, my doubt is if I should I keep a bit of contact with her (more limited) or should I just completely move away?? Thank you all for your time :)
video idea because i'd love your input on this: what's a good way to tell a girl you're done pursuing? Lets say she says she's interested or gives signs she is, but then you notice the feeling is no longer being reciprocated. how do you let them know you're out?
Yep, Courtney, I've done that before, only to find we never have and will never come out of the 'friend zone.' What I've learned from that? If she isn't almost instantly interested, I'm gone; she will have to chase me now. I've done it, and if she liked me, she initiated continued communication. I toss 99% of the dating site women to the curb within five exchanges of information. As rare as it is, one today found a place to meet and set it up. Stay tuned; I delayed it because I have some car service work in progress. Regards
I was pursuing/chasing a woman who has 4 kids and was going through a divorce things were going great then I got the "my kids are going through a lot at the moment so I need to concentrate on them" which is more than fair enough. I didn't worry bout blowing up her phone or anything like that. I knew removing myself from this situation after being politely asked too was for the best and if she contacted me again then well and good, it never happened i have no regrets about removing myself and not chasing even though I really liked her.
thanks for your story man. Looking back what did you learn the most from that situation? Have you and her picked back up at all to any extent? Are you dating anyone else?
@@ceeb107 Hi I learnt a lot from that situation. I really liked her. However was asked to leave so i did the right thing and left. I did text her only a few weeks ago with no reply so obviously that ship has sailed. I have just started having a couple of dates with someone now so will see how that goes.
@@calebspicer3947 thanks for sharing bro. Let me tell you I had something similar happen to me and I backed off as you did. She was nice cool but her circumstances were a lot to handle high risk. I watched a couple videos on RUclips that really addressed this type of situation and it opened my eyes to an abundance mindset. In this day and age we have so many options but people have the shortest attention spans also due to cellphones internet etc. Basically if I had 50 22-28 year old women that were childless wanting to date me nice and cool would I pick a woman that’s life was complicated and a lot of baggage? I would take a childless woman most every time all things being equal as I have no kids of my own yet at 25 now. If I had 10 million dollars in the bank would I freak out over 1 thousand I wasted on a bad piece of furniture etc? It’s a slippery slope of being delusional vs seeking more opportunities that are more likely to work out. It takes a lot of patience but looking back I’m glad I passed on that situation. Look this video up and please watch it and give me your feedback bro. Alpha male strategies high value men never do this Your story definitely rang my bells having a similar experience man im glad you saw my reply and replied.
@@ceeb107 I did the same thing and watched heaps of videos. They helped me a lot and yes the mindset of abundance is useful I am nearly 50 so the gals in my age group have had a couple of marriages and heaps of baggage. The gal I was chasing was either not interested or just loved the attention.
I appreciate the advice as always, though I will say from a definition standpoint the title is painful because they do mean the same thing. But I did understand your point and the video and like I said I really appreciate the advice you have
Some people need to learn to let go, otherwise you're wasting time. I actually recently asked a girl out to a date and she was impressed but had a boyfriend and turned me down. We're still friends anyways so best thing to do is to move on to the next one with full focus.
Great vid, Courtney. I always comment on your wisdom beyond your years. I wish you had been my big sis 30 plus years ago. Am I dating myself? Keep up the great work, Courtney. Listen up fellas! This lady knows what she is talking about.
I have been woman-free for the past six years while I've been working on my career. I'm great at not initiating conversations with women! However, I have never been initiated on either. With men being expected to be the ones to initiate everything, it seems like sitting back and waiting for women to flock to my greatness is a good way to be waiting for a long time.
Courtney, I do like your advice. It doesnt include mind games or false behaviour, unlike the advice some dating coaches give. U explain how u can be attractive without completely changing your personality. I think your advice will be helpful. By the way I have mild Autism which makes it difficult 4 me to get a girlfriend. Can u give me any advice about that?.
Don't chase a woman who has no intention in wanting to be caught. Some women just love the thrill of being chased to boost their ego of being wanted.
Exactly
@@CourtneyRyan So Courtney, what are some red flags of women who are like that so that we can know before it's too late
FACTS.
Same with the men. I suffered it at the hands of a man.
Correct.
This video literally got me cheering out loud. I've been thinking that I was a chaser, but in fact, I'm a pursuer! I'm glad I took the advice from Tom Hardy: He never enters a room expecting and hoping the people to like him. Instead, he focuses on finding out whether he likes the people in the room. It's all about mindset, patience, and mental toughness
Facts bro
We are venom
Same here although, I pursue but only because I feel Unnatural and Uncomfortable Chasing.
Facts bro
So you're not initiating every conversation?
Cheatsheet:
*Chasing vs pursuing = scarcity vs abundance = self-deprecation vs self-respect = predatory vs romantic = pedestalization vs equality = simps vs sigmas = trouble vs happiness*
& hoping it doesn’t = jail vs prison if you’re = ugly
💯👍
Yes all the dominos fall in line but it all starts with her interest in you which determines if you're chasing or pursuing her. if she likes you to start with then it works out good.
Huh ?
You are attractive to a woman. Always pursuing.
You are not attractive to her, you are a creep and chasing.
Chasing vs Pursuing
Unattractive vs attractive
That is the difference.
All that time spent chasing is best devoted to people who are actually interested!
Yes! ❤️
@@CourtneyRyan ❤️🙏
No even then.
Unless a guy super great looking, 100,000 car 🚗: fancy job ; expensive house 🏠500,000;; woman can always get laid ; it why white woman like black guys black men are crazy about white women; ; if do not to chase purchase expensive cologne or fragrance for men
I couldn’t agree with you more Admir. You should never Chase - Always Replace! But if she gives you the signal, you should definitely Pursue! Anyway, that’s my two cents… -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips 👍
I went on a first date at the weekend and it went well. In the lead up to it we had been messaging back and forth multiple times per day. I realised that if a girl takes > 24 hours to get back to you, she is either not interested or you are just an option. Dont be an option.
After the date I messaged her and she took a while to respond (but still not > 24 hours). I noticed that my old insecurities started to kick in and I got the urge to message her and see what was up. I ignored them, went to the gym and then worked. She replied and at this point I realised that I finally moved from a chaser>pursuer.
Doesnt really matter what happens at this point, at least I can now give myself the best chance of meeting someone who is good for me.
That's awesome man. Remember you want to live your own life and bring a great woman along for the ride. You're not living solely to be with a woman, and chances are, a woman worth having wants a man that has his own life.
Anyways, once the deal is sealed for the most part, time spent away makes time spent together that much sweeter.
Those insecurities can be mean. finding something to do is always helpful.
Any updates to your story?
@@AsleepWarrior yeah we just kinda stopped talking after the date as she was acting a little distant. i seen her a few months later on Instagram together with some other guy, and then i unfollowed her, so wasn't to be.
she was cool though so i hope that she is happy :)
@@Demondoink1 Sorry to hear that, but I guess we all live and learn from experiences
'There should be mutual interest ' absolutely spot on. And I will not bother with anything less.
This is so spot on. Reciprocation or walk. Be detached from the outcome. Thank you for making this. People really need to be clear with their intentions and stop making this about stupid guessing games because it ends up hurting everyone.
I would walk away
Never chase, just replace!! ✌️ Never want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Only chase your dog if he/she gets loose.
😄
Talking about picking up woman the first time:: woman like to be notice even very pretty woman still do;; some great looking guys do not have to chase woman or guys have 100,000 🚗car; fancy job etc
Lol
Honestly replace is hard as well for me. Being a truck driver is the blame sometimes
@@carlitoway2325 just have a rotation for when you get back home, at least that’s what my pops does and he’s a driver too
The best advice I’ve seen her give, so true on many levels.
My 2 cents, something it took me decades to learn, analyze yourself and try to understand your tendencies with women. Meaning, why you’re attracted to certain types and why you react in specific ways in relationships. Understanding yourself will help you avoid pitfalls that can be unhealthy for you.
Me, for example, when a women was really interested in me I had a tendency to overly romanticize the situation and idealize her too much. It took me decades to learn to keep a clear head and take it one day at a time.
As Courtney points out here, so brilliantly, have the mindset that you’ll be ok with OR without her. Just get to know her slowly and don’t put your life on hold for anyone. If it’s meant to be, it will fall into place naturally!
"Take it one day at a time" - powerful advice!
04:38 - Hey Courtney - The irony in those cases is HILARIOUS, because when those guys actually DO change, the girl leaves him...then... her carefully crafted story to everyone is "....He changed..." Never: "I chose to pursue an unhealthy relationship with a loser because I have unresolved and complicated attachment disorder issues." So, relationships are reflective.
Spot on.
@@CourtneyRyan doesn't make a blind bit of difference if your not good looking or even average looking... I should know.
@Mike G yes but any kind of self confidence an unattractive man shows is seen as overcompensating by the woman.
@@johnnythekid4601 nonsense. If you are ugly then women won't give you so much as time of the day.. I should know.. And it's got nohing to do with lack of confidence as I have no problem approaching women but always get rejected despite the "just say this" or "just do that" bullshit so called "dating coaches" say.. This shit ONLY. works if you're good looking and that's the REALITY of the situation.
I would suggest delete both these words chasing and pursuing, they mean the same that she is on the pedestal and you have to pursue her. You have to understand your a great guy and you want to give her the OPPORTUNITY to get with you. All this chasing and pursuing will give you a negative mindset. Women will tell you they love to be chased and pursued. all it does is validates her ego but it doesn't make her attracted to you.
I’ve noticed many RUclipsrs in this space advocate for, “Don’t chase, let them chase you.” However, if you don’t state your interest in someone, how are they going to know you’re interested? Your explanation of “pursuing” made so much sense. Thanks Courtney 😊
Actions speak louder than words. As soon as you meet a girl you find attractive then be fairly direct with a compliment that is not overly sexual and that has a degree of push pull, in the simplest of terms this might basically be something such as “ you’re quite attractive but I don’t know if I like you yet”. And then ask for her number and call her a few days later for a coffee date.
It’s simple, direct and truthful. You’ve balanced a compliment with a reservation so you are not giving away all your agency. Far from it. You honestly don’t know whether you like her yet, and that is what dating is for. So this way you’ve made it clear that You’ve framed the interaction as a date and unless the girl is retarded or disingenuous she must see it that way too. After that, no more compliments unless she earns them, and escalate slowly.
@@jleano609 thanks for that example & advice. I was about ask "how you would state your interest in someone?" Before I read your comment.
You do need to show interest. And also be open to signs she's interested in you. A false positive is better than a false negative!
You talk with her for a while, two or five times per text, see if she ever texts you first, if she does and seems engaging, tell her you find her "insert whatever non sexual compliment" and want to get to know her more over a coffee or smtg. If she says anything but a yes, take it as a no and move on and stop texting her unless she does. That's what I do.
If she never texts back again then she really wasn't interested in the 1st place.
Stating your interest is not chasing. It’s only if they don’t reciprocate and you keep seeking her interest
I recently learned that I've been a simp and chasing for most of my life. It sucks. I'm happy that I'm improving my life that began 2 weeks ago. This is a very helpful video. Thanks Courtney!
this makes me feel a lot better about my recent dating failure. I only pursued her and walked away when i got the impression she wasn't interested whether that was her intention or not. I use the exact same quote with women who play games. "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
Also FAFO
F*ck Around and Find Out
This is one of the best videos you’ve made Courtney, something this generation needs to hear.
Another insightful video, Courtney. After watching and enjoying many of your previous videos, I feel that I must finally comment on the excellent content. Without putting you on a pedestal(Lol), I'm impressed by the sage wisdom and maturity of someone so young. I wish you all the best!
Aww thank you for the kind words, Richard. I’m happy you’re here 🥰
Totally agreed! ♥️
My early twenties I was definitely a chaser. I always thought that if I showed her materialistic value they would cling to me. Now I'm very much a pursuer. Is taking a lot of weight off my chest. Another great video from Cleveland. I appreciate you Courtney. Some of the best advice on RUclips.
Thankfully I did the same in HS, I’m 20 rn and I can thankfully say I don’t chase
I chased a Girl in kindegarten once, but i ran straight into a metal sign and passed out. i learned a lesson esrly in life from this metal sign that i shouldn’t chase a Girl who is just not interested. Which i don’t i pursue.
was it a big red Stop sign? ba dum bum! :)
@@2ndLastStarfighter HAHAHA that would be hilarious! 😆
👍
I don't chase women because there's nothing worse than a lady with a face full of gravell
Gentlemen if you have to chase after a girl...automatically you arent valued or appreciated by her. Meeting and connecting with someone should for the most part be simple and it's a 2 way street. Just continue to be the best version of yourself each day and the right person will hopefully follow.
Don't chase fellas....don't ever chase..the only thing you should be chasing is your dreams or dog if he/she gets off the leash..✌
Thank you Courtney for explaining to us the difference between chasing and pursuing. I wish I would of learned this back when I was younger to save myself the headache, heartache, my time, my resources, and save myself from embarrassment/humiliation. But I do have a question or two to ask you Ms. Ryan...I was making so many mistakes that could of been prevented in the first place if I would of known about this and yes I was seriously manipulated plenty of times before so I did develop some sort of resentment towards the women who did screw me over but the best revenge is NO revenge because me being Happy,Living really Well, having Success, having Abundance, and having Peace of Mind is Top Priority for me is number #1 and I don't want to compromise that for anyone unless it benefits me. I raised to NEVER to give up because quitters NEVER Win but it was Never mine in the first place to begin with so regardless if I was chasing or pursuing it wouldn't have mattered. Hollywood has really tricked a lot of guys like me that told us to do this kind of stuff that Women really want when it was all b.s. in the first place. I'm still enjoy your videos and see your tips and advice very useful and helpful but I'm mostly focusing on myself to get Better, get Healing, and Level Up. Thanks for sharing again Courtney 🙏❤💯
The perfect content I ever wanted... the main reason people Chase is bcuz of illusionary imaginations, thinking of how life will be beautiful with the them... thank you for the video.
Chasing is like bombing a women's phone with multiple simp type texts.
Pursuing is playing tennis with messages, You serve first and show interest and DM her and ask for a date. Then wait for the DM and ball to be returned.
No DM’s on social media. Foolish. That’s what every guy does.
@@Alan-rw3ez just reply to her story.
I've been waiting for a response for 3 years, am I doing this right?
@@Alan-rw3ez cold DM's immediately give off a sense of desperation or being too forward, when there is absolutely no reason to be trying to talk to that person other than the implication you wanna bang them.
Overall I'd suggest not trying to initiate relationships of any kind over social media if you've never actually met the person. But there is an exception to this if you have had some reciprocal interactions on comments etc, IE she interacts with what you post, not just replying to your comments or something. I've met many women that way.
But you can break all the rules if you're a gigachad or something lol.
I usually serve a lot of Aces ...
What u said set fire to my hart🔥because for years i had not even a single clue on what the hell was wrong on soo many occasions and situation Wow!!! I am speechless, this vedio challenged my entire reality. This was like getting tight slap of reality.
Great advice. It breaks down to self-respect. You deserve to be respected too.
Somewhere down the line, it feels like we convinced ourselves that the only way to date is to have one person qualify to the other. In my opinion, that's really what chasing is and it could not be farther from the truth. Men are more prone to it, but single women still do it especially with emotionally unavailable attractive men.
We've got to get away from all of the nonsense. Just be intentional and show somebody if you're interested in them. Notice I say "show" because actions are worth 1,000 words. The decision they make from there is up to them, and then your ability to accept that decision is up to you. It is not your job to prove to the other person how much of a man or woman you are, and thinking like that is inherently rooted in insecurity.
I do have sympathy if you already have a pre-existing and genuine emotional connection with someone before you try to date them. Those rejections sting the worst, but the correct course of action still remains the same.
I rejected a girl that was into me but, gets rejected by the girl I want. I'm in this cycle always. So.. I think I fall into the chase category simply because the notion of we want who we want. It's kind of upsetting to fall trap to unrequited love. Like if someone likes me, I didn't have to work for it and I might go out with her and make her my girlfriend but it was "Easy". On the flipside, alot of guys want a challenge and most of the time we would fall flat on our face. The point I'm making is.. you aren't entitled to someone but you sure are deserving.
Story of my life, bro! I'm never interested in the women that are interested in me! Well, maybe on rare occasions. I kinda feel like maybe I need to re-evaluate the type of women I'm going after. Perhaps I'm going for the wrong women.
Same happened in my life
Serious question Courtney, what is the Percentage of women who are like you? Because your so honest and totally not living in denial plus you the opposite of bias. Amazing.
A lot of women aren't the (deliberatively) manipulative jerks of manosphere stereotyping, but I don't think very many have Courtney's self-awareness.
Found the video helpful, clarifies the terms. What I would like to see is a video on waiting too long to "make the move."
Example: let's say you're in college. You run into a girl twice a week (her class is in the same area as yours.)
1st week : you notice she waits for class at a certain spot
2nd week: you cold approach and mention the fact that you see her every now and then, and "thought I'd stop and say hi"
3rd week: stop by and say hi (she smiles, changes her body to face you) (this is the week you make the move) (ask her out)).....but instead you just say "hi, I'll come say hi whenever I see you"
4th week: she's not there
5th week: gone
Happened to me recently, I felt that energy that third week and also felt her disappointment after the interaction was over.
Some PUAs teach the “three second rule”. If you see an attractive girl you have 3 seconds to approach. And of course all approaches end in a number ask. The idea is to train you to be decisive and this in turn projects confidence, which women find attractive.
Look at it this way. By delaying showing romantic interest and thinking you can somehow build greater attraction over a number of interactions you are projecting that you don’t think you are already “enough” from the jump, an indication of low value. So you risk the zone marked “friend” with a girl.
It’s the same context as over texting a girl before finally asking for a date, you come off as indecisive and the girl can get frustrated and turned off if you make her wait too long.
Also there is the practical risk of delay, that she might not be there next time. But you already know this to your cost.
Love this! Met someone recently where I’m actually pursuing her and not a chase! The difference is I needed to work on myself to be a better me. We literally just crossed paths at a gas station after years of social media support & basic convo.
This video could not have come at a more perfect time. I had a first date a few days ago that went good so I decided to pursue and ask on another one 2 days ago. She hasn't responded and seems like she ghosted me so I not chasing her and walking away. This video really reinforced that experience for me and I think many will benefit from this. Great video as always!
Been ghosted many times myself
@@dwayneneal3342 Oh I've been ghosted many times too. This is just the first time it has happened after a date for me lmao
This was actually a pretty good video and I would even argue a very insightful video. It's much easier said than done because when you're attracted to somebody oh, you are just attracted to them. Yes it absolutely sucks that you don't feel the same way about you but you can't spend your time chasing them either. The best thing to do is to truly just move on.
Courtney, thank you for bringing up “toxic” in your explanation. Frequently men pursue, women are receptive, they reciprocate and at a later time we find they are chasing someone else behind our back. Toxic, crazy, goodbye. Insanity is when they do it over and over expecting a different outcome.
The video is just the way I like things in general, straight to the point.
Thank you for this video. It never dawned on me that I was being a "simp" (or even knew the word) until recently. But the way you describe chasing vs pursuing, no wonder I'm 42 and have still to find a lady. No one has ever wanted to be caught or has pursued back. But, yeah, I have fallen in the trap where it was so obvious to everyone else that she wanted nothing to do with me, but still "let" me spoil her with only minimal attention received. Really wish someone would have explained much sooner the difference. Thank you for breaking it down. Have a great day!
Still got time bro, I'm 45 and still landing dates. Just keep learning from each girl that it didn't work out, and learn from these these videos.
@@2ndLastStarfighter Thanks😊! BTW, The Last Starfighter was da'bomb!
If you live in America, it's way too hard to find a woman. They play too much mind games on men who likes her. Other countries rarely do that.
Just change your mindset to evaluating her behavior closer. YOU are qualifying HER, too. I've made the same mistakes, maybe not so much in buying girls things, but in chasing them when they weren't reciprocating. Not doing that anymore. I think it's best to go light on the compliments and things in the early going, don't be so eager to please her until she's showing interest and is eager to please you. Us men are catches, too, not just women. They need to earn our attention.
Literally perfect timing. Thank you for this video! You’re the best 🙌🏻
This video is great, Courtney! Understanding the difference between these two perspectives is super important. It is easy to fall into chasing, but it is also easy to start thinking you are chasing and then letting fear stop the pursuit as well. Us guys can't sit around and hope the right woman will just come to us. We still have the responsibility to pursue. Looking for people who are actually interested is key, and being willing to walk away from those who aren't. Top notch my dear! 🔥😄👍
Videos like this one are why Courtney's subscriber count is growing so fast. She'll be at 1 million before you know it at this rate. I'm saying it first right here.
Courtney, I wish more people would see your videos. I find myself agreeing with most of the things you talk about. You are doing good for the people out there in this messy society we currently live in. I want you to be more popular so that people can see your videos.
Thank you so much Courtney, for all of your enlightening and illuminating videos on relationship advice. Before I had started watching your content, I was a hopeless romantic, but now I am a hopeful romantic! 😊🥰
Yes, better be with people who reciprocate your feelings.
I'd also like to mention the NUMBER ONE rule when it comes to forming a long-relationship; compromise.
There's no such thing as the perfect partner (imho). It's a myth. EVERYONE you meet will have a flaw or two. You will have to compromise (accept the flaw) if you are willing to stay with this person long-term. This applies to both men and women.
I've had women at my workplace say they want me to shave off my short beard. That there was a big NO-NO to me. The fact that they wanted me to compromise but weren't willing to compromise themselves told me everything about them.
Hope this helps anyone who reads this. :)
P.S. Courtney, feel free to use what I've said in one of your videos. :) x
I love this Courtney!! You're the best.. The abundance mentality is truly everything 🙌 There's not just "one" right person for you, compatability is a choice. I love what you shared about putting someone on a pedestal, that just tells the other person you're subservient to them - we're all equal.
"someone who enhances your life not be your life" spot on
This girl is brilliant, the more i watch, the more i'm impressed! Such a quality channel.
I've encountered a lot of the scenario from dating apps where theres a lot of interest and attention reciprocation at the beginning from the woman, eventually even leading to dates/sex but then the interest wanes and eventually leads to a situation where I feel I'm left dangling on the end of a string and getting nothing in return. I've learned to just remove myself from those situations politely as they've probably moved on/started talking to someone else and it's not worth the anxiety it's causing me any longer to think about it. On to the next.
Thanks for staying this cause most of the videos I've been trying to find ,don't really,help because it's just not honestly.... this real so thanks...untill thins video,I have been in a toxic relationship... Gald I found this vid,much appreciated
That self respect line 3 for examples of pursuing was 🔥
I'd like you to do a video on ghosting. This is a horrible act that I've been a victim of a number of times. The women that did it to me turned out to be spineless, weak and ultimately cowards. Elaborate on why ghosting is bad for the doer too. Ghosting can lead to the doer to have self-doubts about holding a relationship when they have a quick get-out for when things aren't to their liking.
It's heartbreaking to be ghosted. Courtney, give me your shoulder to cry on. :'(
Give me a break dude. Everyone has ghosted someone. It’s not gonna go away. No answer is your answer. Don’t take it personally. It has happened to everyone
I'm more than impressed with your advice, Courtney, I need your advice in the worst way
Courtney Ryan is Another Diamond that must be protected at all cost.
If you don’t ever grasp any other dating advice in your life please grasp KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAYYY, So glad that you went into detail about this Courtney, we’ve got so many men and women that don’t respect their self and don’t even know what they deserve and they never go after that because they are too busy chasing what they don’t deserve, walk away guys just please walk away.
I appreciate your insight and explanation.
I shall reserve myself fully, instead of partially, on the side of Pershing.
It can be slippery whenever you’re not aware of your actions, while in the moment.
I once asked a girl if she'd want to hang out. She said she had other plans. I stopped asking and stopped texting. She texted first a couple of weeks later saying she can hang out. I usually don't ask more than once.
I feel that if I'm high quality (having moral values, good character, being classy, working hard, being successful in my career, being financially stable, having a good heart, being fit, or working hard to be better in areas I listed) then I shouldn't need to chase.
Btw @Courtney Ryan, I ended up buying Tissot COSC! (Classic model, Chronometer certified) Thanks for the recommendation!
Did you end up hanging out?
The way she starts the video by saying 'hey everyone' is just so cute
This is a great video. I feel like we have forgotten the concept of female choice. For example: the guy makes a simple offer to the woman: a light lunch, coffee, a short walk. He offers once, maybe twice (in the extreme MAYBE three times, but probably not). If she doesn't take the offer, drop it. Move on. If she accepts and you have a good time, you offer something a little bigger, dinner at a reasonable restaurant, a longer Saturday hike, etc... At any point if she show disinterest, drop it, move on. If she accepts, you offer something a little nicer again (e.g. dinner and a theater play or whatever). But don't play games. Don't waste your time and energy. That's time and energy you could be spending with a woman who likes you, having a good relationship. We have to move past the other women as fast as possible.
In my opinion and experience, in today's day and age if you invite a girl somewhere and she doesn't come there is 0% chance that she will come if you invite her again.
@@klauseba I think that's true. Offering once and moving on is probably the best thing to do. Women usually make up their minds fairly quickly.
Even the best "Seducers" sometimes end up chasing women, but this is the exception rather than the rule.
This was excellent wisdom you shared Courtney. We only pursue people who want us back on this channel 😁🙌🧡 You would make a great school teacher because you make this stuff easy to understand. Anyways have a lovely day!
Haha love to hear it, Georgio! Thank you 🥰
There are good women out there, they are hard to find nowadays
It's kind of a vocal minority vs a silent majority kind of dilemma I think
Every time I think this woman sounds like a good woman,of course she's taken lol it's like 80 percent of women are taken and the other 20 percent just don't want me,even if they lived on my street.
They are not hard to find
A much needed video! Thanks alot for defining the thin line between chasing and pursuing! 🙌
Courtney's right. Sometimes you have to really go in and call out the nonsense that some try. Got no time for any childish games. Too many out there who want to play them. I cut my losses immediately when I see that's what's going on.
This description is completely accurate. Great video.
I only focus on one woman at a time “oneitis”, but I’ve learned how to walk away if that’s what the situation calls for. I learned the hard way 😂, but very valuable lessons regardless.
I agree Courtney, never chase someone that is not interested or is just using you. I speak from past experiences.
A lot of us have been there before! Hoping this helps people not learn the hard way like we did! Lol
@@CourtneyRyan I agree thanks.
Can you make a video on how to pursue, or how to be intentional? I feel like that is something a lot of men struggle with, including myself.
The video should be made for women not men. Please how much lower are you going to lower your standards? Women have not learned to treat men with respect, on the other hand men have been taught to treat women special and lady like. Dont put so much burden on yourself brother, let her pick up some tab. If she is interested in you trust me she will give you enough hints, if she is not there is nothing you can do will impress her. Learn what attracts women and you will be amazed, it's not nice and giving guy, that would be a male thinking. Women want top of the people, so you should learn to be on the top tier to gain attention from women, other paths will have very very small success, let me say 1 chance in 100 or more. Jared focus on self improvement and be available and it will work Goodluck!
When you start talking to a girl try to date with her the first time the 3 first weeks if you try to date with her the first weeks of talking and she make more than 3 excuses to not date with you move on, don't show your intentions that much if you never saw her, give her some compliments or something and that's it, if you're able to date with her the first month of talking and the date goes well but you didn't kiss her let her know that you enjoyed the date so much and tell her you think there was some chemistry and ask him to date again, she got to be honest at this point, don't wait more than 2 weeks to date her again and don't show all your interest on her, she got to show interest in you too, on the second date be much more flirty with her and be confident and control your emotions, you'll know if she's really into you quickly, the most important part it's to not feel strong emotions for someone that didn't kiss you yet, work on yourself for yourself not to impress other girl
It's hard to distinguish between the two so I clicked the video. My problem always was there is never any reciprocating back to me that they are interested or like me back,like ever. It don't matter who it is. The only thing I can do is start working out and try to be sexy. But I'm getting old,just turned 39. And it takes a long time to get built. It's sad but it's mainly about looks and money, you can't just be nice or have "personality" that's just not the real world. People will tell you a lot of bs and cliches that just aren't the truth to be positive sounding.
heard a great phrase the other day .... "they are the white rabbit at the dog track and will never be caught" ..... thx Courtney, insightful as usual .... and as always .. never stop dreaming, just dream bigger .. have fun be safe, save our oceans ...
A man should know and pursue his purpose. Some may not have heard the saying; " You'll always loose money chasing women, but you'll never loose women chasing money." Ladies don't want an aimless man with no ambition. There is no good future there. Thank you Courtney. Another great video well done.
Boy is she right about that playing stupid games part. I actually had that happen to me recently. Told a girl I had a crush on who works at my local gym I liked her and IMMEDIATELY afterwards she started playing games. Just stepping all over my feelings for giggles. Making me jump through hoops just to be cordial with her. She would purposely turn her head away when she was at the desk when I'd badge in *I always would smile and wave at her* she wouldn't acknowledge my presence walking past me unless I initiated first. The last straw was when I saw her working out and she literally made me follow her for a few seconds before finally turning her head to say high with a chuckle. After that I opted out of saying anything to her. Low and behold she noticed and started trying to get me to give her attention again. I'll catch her looking at me now trying to get me to come talk to her. I don't because I no longer trust her. Before I stopped trying I wouldn't try not to say hi if she was there when I badge in and I wouldn't leave without Trying to say goodbye to her. Now it's like we never knew each other and that's on her.
This will definitely be great because I am already great at making women feel like a woman and it comes from a lot of the ways I express myself through the details I pick up on. Been talking to this girl for ever 3 weeks now and things are going great so I could use any extra catalyst to keep things grounding
If you're talking, probably time to escalate. Meet in person! Don't do it diffidently either. Say "Let's meet up at 7 on thursday" and make it clear it is a date.
@@garmisra7841 we've already met in person, and have a lunch date at 1:30 and plans into the evening. Thank you tho! She is even showing pursuit signs with me. I love it.
Ladies!! If you really want to turn on a guy, pursue them. Message them first and do the initiating. Years ago, my now ex girlfriend found me on MySpace through a friend, messaged me, took all the initiative and drove across state lines to visit me. When we met we had a great time (no sex) but she massaged me after a few days and really showed so much interest in me. What a turn on. This happens rarely and although things didn’t work out for various reasons, ladies please don’t be afraid to take initiative and get a guy interested. This is so rare and unexpected that you can easily win a guys attention. Just something that this video sparked. I will NEVER forget how that felt. It was something that I cherish forever and think about whenever I want to feel a good memory. Not in sadness because it didn’t work out, but in joy in one of those special moments that are often once in a lifetime. ❤
And to add, I did plenty of pursuing in my life and for the record I think men should be men and take initiative etc but I was just showing another side of things that you rarely hear about. Thanks!
Gary
This is a great topic and something I will definitely rethink and consider going forward.
I appreciate the content.
Thank you 🙏
The only thing a man should be chasing or pursuing is his purpose. Let the women come to you. Don't waste your time chasing/pursuing them.
A man should expend his energy improving his lot in life, everything else will be taken care of.
@@rino7789 exactly!
I tried pursuing a woman that showed me signs that she wanted me to. She showed me she was into me , she told others that I am her boyfriend but in reality we never really went on a date except for 1 date that we took a walk. I kissed her in front of others at a party because she met me half way for a hug around both arms. I kissed her on the cheek and not the lips because I did not want to embarrass her. She then eventually moved to another state.
So I basically don’t chase women or pursue women anymore. Once I found out that she moved , she did it tell me she plead moving to another state. But once I found out about that I have given up on her.
Women play games with me all the time. I am looking for a healthy relationship. But yet every woman that I was interested in or have talked to always play games with me.
I am too hold for that kid of behavior. It would be nice a woman to purse me who wants an adult relationship and to get married sand stay married.
Dating is too damn hard now , it was in the past but it’s worse now.
I’ve experienced the same. Every girl plays games 😕
Great insights from a female's perspective. Helps me to understand these "complex" creatures a little more. Thanks Courtney! 💙🙏
Thank you for this video! I'm actually in a situation where I wasn't sure if I'm chasing a woman, or pursuing. I am glad that it looks like I am a pursuer. I am talking to this woman, we are getting to know each other, I'm not yet sure whether she likes me or not in a romantic sense, but I guess nothing is written in a stone.
The two words mean the same thing...! But your right...!
Love all your videos. Solid honest advice that everyone can use to better themselves. Thanks Courtney!
I personally think that starting off with a good friendship with someone, being good friends and seeing where that goes. If it blossoms into something more than a friendship, then great! If you remain friends, that's also okay. I think either way, you've got nothing to lose.
@Sean Emzeey it's still better to get to know the person first before you start anything with them. That was a big mistake I made with my ex five years ago. Sometimes, getting friendzoned means dodging a bullet in the long run
@Sean Emzeey bullshit. If you first meet someone and then ask them out immediately, you don't anything about them unless you creepily stalk them
@Sean Emzeey PS: unless you're just looking for one night stands, actually talking to her and taking time to get to know her is how you determine whether she's a good fit for you or not. I wouldn't recommend looking for red flags after you make things official.
@Sean Emzeey valid. It takes a little time to get to know someone rather than asking a girl out once you're first acquainted with her
Thanks Courtney, I was about to start studying and you just had to go and post a video I could not help myself from clicking on. thank you very much
Great breakdown/examples! Thanks Courtney
Great video Courtney! You already know men needed this video, with all this confusion on yt
At the 6:06 mark, I'm actually guilty of doing this. Example would be that I texted this girl asking what are you up to today? I'll be at X Y and Z. I wouldn't mind meeting up later on. When she replied I could see it in her message that she was acting distant. Me being the one to initiate that conversation definitely caused her to start pulling away even more. Or in other words, running away from the chase and not getting caught... Great video by the way. I really wished that I came across it sooner. But at least now I know what mistakes to avoid in the future...
The keyboard sound is pure ASMR!
Thanks Courtney. Had spent a great chasing a girl and lost the taste of pursuing and enjoying the relationship. Thanks again.
"Play stupid games...win stupid prizes." Epic Courtney quote.
I agree with everything you said, Courtney, you're good for a lady so much younger
A great milestone of every dude’s life i think, not chasing. After two years in a row of idealizing women ya know i got tired and i started building confidence
Best years so far, the ones whithout chasing
There is a nuance to all of this. Interest can be displayed in so many ways. Humans are very complex. If you are not really all about the social media and you are trying to figure this out you really need to pay attention to nuance. There is are also geographical differences with respect to culture. Imagine being from the NE and moving to the SE of the US. Yeah, not simple. Throw in that love language stuff... it matters.
We don't live in an age that is conducive for being focused. This goes for both men and women. Women have lots of choices they can actualize upon. Most men have lots to see yet they can't actualize upon. The paradox of choice is a coin with two opposing sides.
Thank you this makes sense. It was hard to distinguish.
QUESTION FOR WOMEN: What is up with a girl who always talked about how she doesn't want to be put on a pedestal and how she only wants a 'tell it like it is' kind of relationship. And that's what me and her have and she was totally happy with it the whole time, but now she gets mad, and actually kind of hurt, when she finds out that with your last girlfriend you very much put her on a pedestal?
My last girlfriend I treated basically like a princess, as much as possible without it being pathetic, I enjoyed doing the whole 'worship the ground she walks on thing' (not actually worshipping the ground she walks on, of course). But I would go out of my way, sometimes WAY out of my way to make her happy. She wasn't a b-word by any stretch of the imagination; she didn't demand or even ask or expect me to do most of the stuff I did for her, and she always let me know how much she appreciated it and told me how I awesome I was and how bad I was spoiling her; I just wanted to treat her that way and so I did.
Anyway, she got a real good job in Boston (9 hours away); I like where I live and don't want to move so we tried long distance for a few months but things eventually tapered off.
Fast forward to now, current gf apparently finds out how I treated ex (which is precisely how she said she doesn't want to be treated!) and is like...hurt by it.
So, I guess what I'm asking is...wtf??? Why would someone who specifically singled out a certain kind of relationship as being undesirable then get upset about not having it?
Is it just simple jealousy, grass is always greener, wanting something just because you don't have it and someone else does (even though you said you didn't want it!) kind of thing?
Thanks in advance for anyone kind enough to lend me their thoughts on the matter.
So why are you flapping your gums about previous relationships exactly? How did this new girl find that out? Dude, loose lips sink ships!
Good news is your new girl probably likes you if she's getting jealous in this way. All you can really do is say words to the affect of "look honey, I've grown up a bit since that last relationship and realized that putting a girl on a pedestal isn't good for me or the relationship. Worshiping a girl turns her off over time and I don't want to do that with you, because I like you. I hope you understand that. If you don't then you're clearly not the girl for me".
How is that not the truth and what she signed up for? Because pedestalizing a girl will ABSOLUTELY turn her off over time and probably would of happened given enough time with this last girl. Maybe it already did, after all you aren't with her now are you? Do not treat girls like Princesses or Angels. Treat them like the flawed human beings that they are, and that we are.
I like the new enhancements in this video! Always a great video :)
I come with a personal case here:
I started to talk with a girl from Stavanger (Norway) and all was going great, there was reciprocity from both of us. After bit more of a week of texting, sending photos and so on I visited the city and we had our first date. It went really well, great energy and vibe with long chill talking. We both were so comfortable and she even paid the dinner. . Then, we agree to do another plan 2 days later. We went for a hike, cook some food outdoors and enjoy the time together. However at some point of the conversation she started to mention that she didn't want to have any relationship or boyfriend, that she was enjoying her life with her friends and her hobbies and she was gonna be busy with the studies starting in autumn.
That made me stop there. I didn't understand why to go through all the dating, do that effort from her part and mine, how could go so well to suddenly say that. We finished the date and I told her I'm actually wanted to see if this was driving into a relationship but I had to cut a bit the interaction as she was not. She told me she was open to keep in touch, that she had a really great experience with me, she liked my energy but she could not assure where this was gonna end cause "she was nor prepared for a relationship". What we all knows what it does mean.
Now, talking about chasing or pursuing, my doubt is if I should I keep a bit of contact with her (more limited) or should I just completely move away??
Thank you all for your time :)
Just move on. She gently brushed you off
video idea because i'd love your input on this: what's a good way to tell a girl you're done pursuing? Lets say she says she's interested or gives signs she is, but then you notice the feeling is no longer being reciprocated. how do you let them know you're out?
you do it quick and direct statements. Hey this isn't working for me . We are done. Ok.
Yep, Courtney, I've done that before, only to find we never have and will never come out of the 'friend zone.' What I've learned from that? If she isn't almost instantly interested, I'm gone; she will have to chase me now. I've done it, and if she liked me, she initiated continued communication. I toss 99% of the dating site women to the curb within five exchanges of information. As rare as it is, one today found a place to meet and set it up. Stay tuned; I delayed it because I have some car service work in progress.
Regards
After watching video felt comfort in that I was pursuing and not chasing
I was pursuing/chasing a woman who has 4 kids and was going through a divorce things were going great then I got the "my kids are going through a lot at the moment so I need to concentrate on them" which is more than fair enough. I didn't worry bout blowing up her phone or anything like that. I knew removing myself from this situation after being politely asked too was for the best and if she contacted me again then well and good, it never happened i have no regrets about removing myself and not chasing even though I
really liked her.
thanks for your story man. Looking back what did you learn the most from that situation? Have you and her picked back up at all to any extent? Are you dating anyone else?
@@ceeb107 Hi I learnt a lot from that situation. I really liked her. However was asked to leave so i did the right thing and left. I did text her only a few weeks ago with no reply so obviously that ship has sailed. I have just started having a couple of dates with someone now so will see how that goes.
@@calebspicer3947 thanks for sharing bro. Let me tell you I had something similar happen to me and I backed off as you did. She was nice cool but her circumstances were a lot to handle high risk. I watched a couple videos on RUclips that really addressed this type of situation and it opened my eyes to an abundance mindset. In this day and age we have so many options but people have the shortest attention spans also due to cellphones internet etc. Basically if I had 50 22-28 year old women that were childless wanting to date me nice and cool would I pick a woman that’s life was complicated and a lot of baggage? I would take a childless woman most every time all things being equal as I have no kids of my own yet at 25 now. If I had 10 million dollars in the bank would I freak out over 1 thousand I wasted on a bad piece of furniture etc? It’s a slippery slope of being delusional vs seeking more opportunities that are more likely to work out. It takes a lot of patience but looking back I’m glad I passed on that situation.
Look this video up and please watch it and give me your feedback bro.
Alpha male strategies high value men never do this
Your story definitely rang my bells having a similar experience man im glad you saw my reply and replied.
@@ceeb107 I did the same thing and watched heaps of videos. They helped me a lot and yes the mindset of abundance is useful I am nearly 50 so the gals in my age group have had a couple of marriages and heaps of baggage. The gal I was chasing was either not interested or just loved the attention.
I appreciate the advice as always, though I will say from a definition standpoint the title is painful because they do mean the same thing. But I did understand your point and the video and like I said I really appreciate the advice you have
Some people need to learn to let go, otherwise you're wasting time. I actually recently asked a girl out to a date and she was impressed but had a boyfriend and turned me down. We're still friends anyways so best thing to do is to move on to the next one with full focus.
Great vid, Courtney. I always comment on your wisdom beyond your years. I wish you had been my big sis 30 plus years ago. Am I dating myself? Keep up the great work, Courtney. Listen up fellas! This lady knows what she is talking about.
I have been woman-free for the past six years while I've been working on my career. I'm great at not initiating conversations with women! However, I have never been initiated on either. With men being expected to be the ones to initiate everything, it seems like sitting back and waiting for women to flock to my greatness is a good way to be waiting for a long time.
Courtney, I do like your advice. It doesnt include mind games or false behaviour, unlike the advice some dating coaches give. U explain how u can be attractive without completely changing your personality. I think your advice will be helpful. By the way I have mild Autism which makes it difficult 4 me to get a girlfriend. Can u give me any advice about that?.