How ADHD Affects Prioritization (And Why Recognizing IBNUs Can Help)
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
- Prioritization is hard! Recognizing IBNUs can help. So can Sunsama! Start your 14 day free trial here (no credit card required!): www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd
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00:00 Introduction
00:22 Understanding IBNU and the Eisenhower Matrix
01:21 The Challenge of Prioritizing IBNUs
02:22 Consequences of Neglecting IBNUs
03:17 Strategies for Tackling IBNUs
04:30 Introducing Sunsama and its Benefits
05:49 Conclusion
Oh my goodness! I cannot believe you have 1.57 Million subscribers! I found your video on how to stop saying "sorry" 7 years ago and following your channel has honestly changed my life since I was diagnosed as an adult with inattentive ADHD. There were only a few hundred of us subbed then (and I thought 10K was amazing). I'm so grateful for you and your team, Jessica! Congratulations on reaching so many people!
Awwwww thank you so much!!!
Yesss I remember those times! I grew with the channel and I am so grateful to have this channel along the way on my journey
It seems like the rate that you get subscribers should be way higher than what it is right now. I want to see more people engaging with this content.
saame I've been a sub for 5 years now I can't believe how far they've come! ❤ Thank you, How to ADHD!
@@MatthewCenancewriting this response to engage with her content. Does that help her channel get promoted?
I completed an IBNU that I have been putting off for 2ish years today! I’m honestly so proud of myself and I want to pass the good vibes along to all of us 😊
This definitely gave my lacrimal glands a prompt. 🥲 Thank you. Keep crushing it! You encouraged someone today!
Heck yeah!
That's awesome. You should totally ride that good feeling & motivation into the next task. Well done!!
I think one of mine is as simple as washing my sheets and taking a shower. They don't usually get done until they're urgent, but when I do take a shower daily and wash the sheets weekly, I feel better and it helps my sensory overwhelm, which makes life easier in general.
I'm in the same boat! Thanks for sharing
And both examples aren't even projects, but cycles.I have arrived at a point where I learned to see and do these tasks, but the thing is that, still, naturally, they never get done. Basicall, my prority autopilot targets the usual suspects and I end up fully occupied and too busy for the important stuff outside day-to-day routines.
Oh thank god it's not just me
Taking a shower is such a struggle since I became wfh. Before the vid I was going to into the office and it was easy to shower before work. Now it’s a whole thing and often gets put aside for more urgent things.
Same! Showering has always been an issue with me but it’s gotten worse and worse, despite knowing how much better I feel when I do get it done 😣 I’m grateful to find it’s not just me 💓
One of my IBNUs was learning how to sew doll clothes (I collect fashion dolls). I bought the sewing machine, tons of fabric, patterns, etc. And... They all sat untouched in my craft room for literal years. Occasionally, I would try to learn from RUclips, get confused or doubt myself, and give up. It was never urgent enough to push through and stay committed, even though I wanted to do it so badly.
Then one day I was at work, and got to chatting with one of our regular customers and found out she has a small online sewing business. I had an epiphany: if I had the double-whammy of being accountable to someone AND paying for it, I'd finally be able to keep myself on track. On impulse, I asked if she'd be willing to give me sewing lessons, and she agreed. We've been meeting for several months now, and I'm to the point I can complete projects solo.
Would I have liked to find a way to do this that DIDN'T cost me actual money? Of course. Was I ever going to do it without that motivating factor? If I'm being honest with myself, probably not. Sometimes making progress with your IBNUs means being honest with yourself about what it will take to motivate YOU specifically, and that varies.
I have so many IBNUs 😭 they are compounded by the guilt and shame I feel when I see them on my long term to do list and realize how long they've been avoided/neglected. It's so hard to break that cycle!
Same boat 😔
I also can’t seem to take things off the to do list so it just gets longer and longer because if I do it feels like a failure. Our brains sure do work against us sometimes. 😅
@@KraftyKreator I feel like mine could be more than I could do in a life time and not even the FUN things I'd like to do just need to go through papers, clear off my desk and keep it that way, etc.
My timers and alarms are easy to ignore now because so many of them make you acclimatize to them they become background noise.
@@tDream78I feel you! I've got so many 'snoozed' Outlook reminders😞😖🙈
Perhaps start small or for short work bursts on beginning such projects/activities. And lately, I have been giving myself permission to have fun pretending that I am further along in a project so that I can approach it without getting overwhelmed, giving me a new schedule that is revolving more around my passions. Sometimes we also have to give in to projects that we have procrastinated because they appear harder to accomplish/work on (one that returns you an even better "reward") and also to allow ourselves to believe in ourselves a little more ... irrationally, filling in the holes of our reasoning with the great gratitude of the present, so that we can begin it without regret of failing...
I am ADHD and I babysit a child with ADHD and it’s been so interesting that clocking his time has helped me clock myself 😂😂😂
What do you mean by clocking your time? Is there a technique you use?
I'm ADHD raising my ADHD son and they recommend a schedule for him when he's at home. The schedule for him helps me more than anything even though it's meant for him.
I don't know what you mean by clocking your time, either, but I'd be interested to hear what it is.
When you say you're scheduling time at home, are you talking about allotting an amount of time for tasks, or simply sequencing them?
With my kids, I have alarms for things like their evening snack, brushing teeth and going to bed. Those work well. But for the morning and after school, it's more effective to simply sequence (i.e. you need to do a, b and c before you can do d)
🤔🤔🤔
I like that you talk about IBNU's also including thing you *want* to do and are enjoyable, but still get put off. I've always had a weird, heavy guilt about not getting to the shows I want to watch or the games I want to play or the books I want to read... and then I get stuck, and then it's been four years with an unread book in the same spot.
yeah, i've been finally finishing some more games because my boyfriend keeps yelling at me that my backlog is never going to get shorter
Maybe you’re just not ready to read it and when or if you finally do you’ll be glad you waited.
I feel the same way with my art and videogames T_T
I would like to add that Depression can make IBNUs less 'important' also. I find that I have almost no motivation these days to do things I want or like (important or not). I only tend to do things when they are urgent so this video is spot on. I just wish I could pinpoint what is 'important' versus 'stuff I would like to do for my mental health'.
Yeah, depression can really put IBNUs in the cupboard or refrigerator let alone keeping them on the back burner.
Depression gave me even less motivation to work with so any hurdle or frustration made my momentum collapse.
Your mental health is important and doing stuff that improves it is also important!!
I resented with this deeply. You are not alone in life, you are and will be loved
@@anxiousArtisanThanks for the reminder! Also, getting important stuff done will improve your mental health, though usually in a more long-term way than the things that come to mind first.
So, brushing my teeth is clearly an INBU and I've always had an extremely hard time with it. But I've actually found a decently sustainable solution to make it urgent ! I have a complex reward system (2€ for each brushing, 5€ bonus if i complete a week) behind brushing my teeth now, that requires me to do retroplanning and seeing each time I brush my teeth as an opportunity to work on a bigger and much more interesting goal (getting a tattoo with the money from the reward system). It's working wonders, I have a cute notebook where i put stickers to mark each time i brush my teeth and it looks really nice.
Sometimes INBUs can also be simple but repetitive, and maybe giving them their own way to shine is a good way to finally getting them done
@aizkirad3251 Love this! Thank you for the reminder to pay myself an allowance. : - ) I've also been finding it really helpful to Temptation Bundle X minutes on my Time Timer visual timer of things like clutter clearing or chores with fun things I already do regularly like TV, RUclips, or podcasts during or right afterwards.
Yes - Same - The brushing the teeth thing is difficult for me too.
I would even argue that brushing one’s teeth is actually important and urgent. Twice a day 😅 but good for you that you found a system that works for you!
thank you for describing the motivaiton behind ur rewards system. i have been trying to make one for myself but i get so caught in the fact that it’s me rewarding myself, but your comment reminded me that theres nothing wrong with that and it might help me get stuff done ❤
It’s hard for me to brush my teeth too. Reward systems don’t work for me very well because I would just get the thing I wanted anyway whether I did the thing or not. :/
My ADHD is really bad about renumerating on "what I need to get done", so I make two lists. One larger list of all the things I have to do, no matter the importance, then a smaller list, on a post it or note card, of the thing I have to do now. When the smaller list is done I can calm down and enjoy fun things, or let my anxiety go wild and use the first list to figure out what "to do" next.
Usually don’t like to comment on typos, but I’m actually unsure and curious whether you meant “ruminating” (rethinking the same thing over and over) or actually meant “renumerating” (renumbering), like you keep remaking the lists in a different order.
@@LoyalSage , pretty sure this is a plain ol typo. "Chewing the cud" is how I take it.
I struggle to make a schedule of what I need to do. Because I end up not doing them, especially if I put them in order, like eating in the morning and working at night. I struggle to follow the order, which makes me struggle with a school routine life. What I do is list that I need to ear and do my work. Then do them in whatever order I like depending on the day and my mood. I find it easier to complex my tasks that are important and not urgent. I feel like it is fine not to eat sometimes. But I know I need to eat to have energy to work and not stress about it in the future and have more time to do my hobby without pessimistic worries
This is so real. Things like exercise, booking a therapy appointment, studying (when you don't have a test like next week), or homework without a deadline never get done
lol my brain went 'studying for a test *tomorrow*' next week? you're golden!
@@jenniferdehart2403😂😂Same🙈😖
One (somewhat depressing) IBNU for me is making sure all my emergency documents/end of life documents are pulled together. I’m only in my 30s, but I’m at the age now that I know plenty of young people who have passed away unexpectedly. Should something happen to me, I want my spouse and family to be taken care of-and that includes making sure my beneficiaries are named, list of accounts are known, end of life care wishes are explicit, etc.
If this ever becomes URGENT instead of just important, it will already be too late.
Smart
This is such a great realization. And the part where you're talking about IBNUs being the things that would actually make your life better and more fulfilling, but you never get to them because they aren't urgent, really hits home.
Really hard for me to do even scheduled things if they are IBNU. Working out was one of those - what has finally worked is getting a trainer. Spending the (admittedly large) sums of $$ for sessions is what keeps me coming back. (Also makes for MUCH better workouts of course!) Having something on the schedule is ignorable - having an appointment, that I’m paying for, isn’t, apparently. I’m grateful that my $$ for this haven’t run out yet.
This worked for me too!!
Yes! It builds in a form of accountability too. Glad you found something that is working for you so far!
Another factor at play might be body-doubling. A free version would be finding someone able to keep to the commitment of the gym with you and both of you keeping each other accountable. That can be hard though, so paying for a trainer has 2 forms of accountability baked in: The monetary commitment and the other person keeping you accountabale.
My problem is that I cannot justify to myself spending that much money to get myself to exercise.
@@timschommer8548being older, I realized my goal was not to be buff or something, but to not be that couch potato grandpa as my kiddos grow up. Which still didn’t get me moving on its own 🤷♂️. Yeah it’s a big chunk (biggest expense after the mortgage) but has made the biggest difference in my daily life, as well
Yep, I feel like it goes in cycles where I can do well for a time, then, something happens and throws everything out of order and I have to begin again.
Yesssssss, when something throws off the rooouuutine it can be so frustrating.
I have an IBNU slot on my calendar. It used to be called projects until I saw the older video and now that recurring slot is named IBNU until I assign something to it ^_^
making time for those things has helped me make progress on a to-do list that has items from 10 years ago on it. They're finally getting done! One thing that really helped was putting everything onto one list. I used to have a list for school projects, a list for dance and costuming related things, a different list for garden stuff..... separately they all involved a reasonable amount of my time and energy, but turns out i'm only one person, not 3! when i put them all on one list and tried to guess how long they'd all take to do, it was a 5 year long project list! it's been 8 years since I did that, and I'm about a year'ish away from finishing. which, ok, partly because of my chronic underestimating how long things will take, but also because in the mean time I bought and renovated and landscaped a house.
@lisanorwoodtreefarm Wow! CONGRATULATIONS on your inspiring success! : - D
That's a really good idea, and I'm going to use it to help me tackle IBNUs at work. If i have time set aside for them specifically, they might actually happen.
Wow. I've been in my house for almost 14 years and have only done a couple of projects. At this point I feel like I'll have to retire to even take the time to find someone to hire.
my executive dysfunction has been so bad on the last week .. video came at a great time
Awwwww soooo relatable tho! Hope the video helps!
Honestly the Matrix bit was pretty funny and made me laugh, thanks for doing that extra bit. 😄 This video is also timely because I've got several IBNU's that are collectively being very stressful to not have done, but still struggling for motivation to _start_ one of them because I "need" to do _all_ of them if I start _any_ of them.
Eheheh thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! Also that's such a mood. What are some of your ibnus? If you don't mind sharing that is - no pressure
@@HowtoADHDFortunately nothing that will become a crisis if not done, but will become more stressful the longer they're ignored. Tidying and deep cleaning the house, dusting everything, rearranging the living room to be more functional, organizing the junk room, going through closets and drawers and getting rid of old or unused things... Basically, the full front to back spring cleaning. I'm focusing on the fact it's going to feel really good once it's done, and I'll be able to enjoy things and relax more easily with the weight of "needing to get this done" lifted.
Ugh, my brain does that too! Instead of saying "good job filing your taxes" it'll tell me "I see it's IBNU tackling time! Have some guilt about the 5 other things you should have done by now!"
Deep breaths are my friend. And telling myself "everything that's done is something I don't need to do in the future."
@@Ahrpigi same, most of my IBNUs are larger householdy adulting stuff as well.
Not sure if it helps, but take small bite-size chunks at a time, BUT, make sure you note and celebrate each step, otherwise for me at least i forget how much i have done, and what's ahead still seems daunting.
Anyway you got this, i recently cleared my kitchen sink of dishes ( at least for a while), felt so good to get that small discrete step done, every step forward, however small is still progress.
You got this🤠
@@zeromotivation1817 it's good advice! I have trouble breaking it I to bites, but when I can it's great. Agree it's very important to celebrate every victory, too
I've tried several different systems of tracking tasks and often find problems like digital systems not being in my face enough or physical systems being harder to reprioritize.
Another major problem becomes getting demotivated once tasks get drawn out too long while actively pushing to get them done - the speed bumps that come up to prevent me from completing the tasks are seemingly to no fault of my own. After getting burnt out and discouraged from not being able to get things done I get anxious about the massive backlog and shutdown until the procrastination anxiety restarts the cycle.
That's me to a t. I'm trying to leave my planner on my desk, because with digital I get so many inane notifications that it's easy to avoid any tasks I put on a to do list.
I write my to-do list in simple ways possible. It is not in order. I also list what categories they are. Then I do It whatever order I like. I found that doing them in strict order cause me to stress out later burnout, and I end up not following my to-do list later on. I think finding our weaknesses and our reason we do not do it helps identify our problems and make a plan that is easy for us to follow. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I still get burned out or mentally exhausted.
I literally found out I have ADHD (diagnosed a month ago) because of your channel
Awwwwwww
Turns out procrastinating on RUclips can work out sometimes 😂@@HowtoADHD
Same. I started watching to become a more informed educator, then... "oh. 😅"
Same Here, although I've been in the process for a month, trying to figure out who to actually see and getting an appt was so painful. I finally have my second appt next week and 3 weeks ago was just my assessment, and I know nothing till I have my second.
Regarding the calendar....I started to do tasks on the calendar each day and I just kept moving them to the next day and then the next day. I think i have done one this month 🤣🙁
How did you feel after the diagnosis?
This describes my entire schooling career from Elementary to Master's. Phew! Dumpster fire after dumpster fire. Case in point, I wrote my entire Master's thesis in one night because i dragged my feet doing it.
Oh man I’m supposed to be working on mine 😢
Haha, I'm here on this video coping precisely because I had over a year alotted for working on my Engineer's thesis and project and I just sat down to it three days from a soft deadline and a month from the hard deadline....
I fall into a trap of "If it was important, I'd do it, and if I'm not doing it, then it's obviously not important enough". I think it ties into my self-esteem, so I'll remind myself to bring it up in my next therapy session, haha. Basically any IBNU I have has just become not urgent and not important. I can barely do the things that are urgent (whether or not they're important) and important (whether or not they're urgent). It doesn't help that anything that feels important also ends up feeling urgent, like I can only ever get it done if I do it *now*
Congratulations on 1.5M subscribers!! Your channel was included in a leaflet about adhd support I got recently from the NHS (National Health Service in the UK) along with my adhd diagnosis. I've been watching your videos for many years and your channel was a contributing factor toward me pursuing an adhd diagnosis (which is not easy over here), so it was super cool to see your work getting recognition for the help you provide the community 😄
Aw that’s super cool, I didn’t know that, thank you for sharing!! 😁
@@HowtoADHD My psychologist here in Australia also recommended your channel to me. But I was already subscribed
Omg why is it super hard to get a diagnosis as an adult? The first psychiatrist I went to, after talking to me for 5 minutes, just said, “you don’t have ADHD.” It’s like they’re still using criteria from the 70’s 🙄
Me too! I was finally diagnosed by the totally brilliant (but hugely underfunded and overworked) NHS - I was on the waiting list for 4 years + but am now “officially” ADHD at the age of 55. The support I received from this channel and others during the last 5 years has been invaluable.
Ah it's mad how long the waiting lists are! I was referred in 2019 so was waiting for a bit over 3 years...am trying to persuade my to get a diagnosis (she's 62) but it's so frustrating when you wait 5 years + for an NHS assessment and private care is so variable and so expensive
Time limit and accountability seems to work for me too.
I had my cousin who also is my boss show me how he deals with ADHD, he gave me 2 hours to complete a task but then mid conversation he switched it into 1 hour to complete it. This fired up my brain and suddenly what normally took me a whole day to do was done in 1 hour.
He also has ADHD and has been showing me how our brain works
You hit the nail on the head with the mention of how it keeps us from doing things that are meaningful to us. I am the kind of person that has too many hobbies and because they are only hobbies, they are never urgent. Thus, I've had to train myself to seize the inspiration to work on them when it occurs. I have to fight the desire to put it down that inevitably arises the second that I run into difficulty with a hobby. Getting over that hump is key to making it so that I can finish what I set out to do. I've also found that setting an endpoint for a task is very important, just as you mentioned. If the end goal is nebulous, it gives my brain a reason to give up in the middle of a task. Thank you for making your channel and the work you do. I really appreciate seeing like minded people discussing their problems with ADHD. Sometimes it feels like I'm a broken disappointment, even if everyone around me tells me I'm not. It's good to hear others have some of the same problems.
I was finally able to prioritize learning ASL. I admit it was because I decided I needed to get my bachelor's degree and finally had access to a structured class with a professor I truly enjoy learning from. That last part has been the reason I keep going back.
It's awesome that you're learning ASL! And glad there is a way for you to be able to prioritize it :)
Hi Anjie, Where are you watching from?
I'm in my second year of having a job where I manage people, and the Eisenhower Matrix has been a game changer. I watched a video that added a few elements that work great for me. The first element is that I do a brain dump of all of the tasks that are on my list, and then I assign them. The Urgent/Important get the "Do now" label, the Not Important/ Urgent get the "Delegate" label, the IBNUs get the "Decide" label which means you schedule when you will do it, and the Not Important Not Urgent tasks get "Deleted" because they are tempting little distractions, lol. I wish I could remember the name of the creator that posted about these categories, their method really helps!
It’s from “Getting Things Done” I forget the author but very famous book
Stephen Covey, "First Things First"?
Getting Things Done is David Allen. Actually reading it is on my IBNU list 😂
This is spot on. Even more so as a single parent. I get stuck in IBNU paralysis so often nothing gets done until they're Urgent. It's exhausting and I hate it. I just wanna finally assemble my Lego Lunar Lander I got 2yrs ago with total focus, without disruptions or my mind guilt-tripping me, and actually enjoy it.
Phone calls are the worst for me. Even when they become increasingly urgent, my adhd and social anxiety will do everything possible to avoid them. Especially because at my job they require a lot of prep and post work. Finally making a helpful system and having some coworkers take care of the less important ones might actually get me out of this issue. Fingers crossed it works
I literally worked on one of my IBNUs today because it started to become (very) urgent. And even though I've only made small progress, I think it's a success because it's something I really hate to do. But I have to admit, taking half a day off just to get rid of my IBNUs isn't always going to work. ^^°
Thank you for making this video. I moved recently and I realized my IBNUs are finding doctors like a dentist, doctor, optometrist, so on. But I better get on it because the only time it will become urgent is if I need something major. Like surgery or a tooth pulled. So THANK YOU
Whenever I remember to do something that's not urgent, that I don't have a reminder for, I'll pick an arbitrary date in the future that's far enough way before it becomes urgent and schedule it in my calendar. That way, I don't have to think about it until it reminds me. I try and add tasks to days that don't have much or anything else on them to make hopefully make it the priority of that day. If I don't get to it, I extend it out the same way.
Not perfect, but it's helped me a lot, removed a good layer of stress, and give myself some grace.
At 58 I've had a LOT of practice ignoring things unless it is urgent and even then I will stop and surf on my phone. I have recently come across your channel and am learning what my issues and problems are. Identifying some areas that need improvement has been helpful, and sad. Sad because I see what a colossal mess my life has been and I just really have been unaware of why or what to do about that. It is a wonderful sense of relief to see your videos and read the comment section and understand that I am not a messy screw up like I've been told forever. There are people like me who have the same struggles and lack of control over life management that seems to happen so effortlessly in those around me. Thank you everyone. It's not so much that I have a lot of work ahead of me that is daunting. It is rather that I seem to have to start over with so many basic tasks and I'm not sure how good at it I will be. All I can do is try, though. At least I have a beginning. Again, thank you.
You are absolutely *not* a messy screw up. I know the feeling, especially when someone with normal executive function shows up and starts doing things in a quarter the time it takes you, but you're not a screw up. You've just been assigned to climb a really big mountain and didn't get the fancy climbing gear that everyone else was issued, so you have to improvise and it takes longer to get up the mountain.
(And yeah, at 58 you've probably heard that a lot, but still. At almost 40, it still helps me to hear it and remember that I'm climbing with makeshift gear, so of course my gear won't work like everyone else's.)
What has been working for me lately - I have my list of things I want to do in a given day but some are long term projects (ibnus!). I've been setting a timer and working on these things for an hour at a time before getting up to do something physical like make some tea, eat a snack, sort the laundry, check some simple tasks off my list. I cycle through my tasks and have to limit myself to 3-4 ibnus in any given day. So far, it has been working well!
Love that!
My IBNU for the longest time was to book a psychiatrist for ADHD. Was in my to-do for many years. Happy to say I got my diagnosis just this past week :)
I'm an adult with undiagnosed ADHD and I like to make video games.
I've been making myself avoid "zero days" - days with no progress at all, even if it's just a little work. That creates daily urgency to keep that streak going.
I have a to do list so I know what to do that work session. Most importantly, I stop when I complete something that was fun. That way, I build up positive neural pathways.
I've lived most of my life even worse... without an "important" classification... just "is it on fire"; if nothing is on fire, pick whatever seems interesting or immediately useful from the rest. great for survival scenarios, terribad for progress and improvement, definitely contributes to rabbit holes, and blind tracks. Learning to identify 'important' as a separate category (and give it priority) is a thing I still struggle with at times.
One thing that helps me is to choose one IBNU per day, put it at the top of the day’s menu, and pare it down to the smallest useful step. I don’t commit to actually doing it, but highlighting it and making it as easy as possible to complete really helps.
Although far from guaranteed, I had the most success with with IBNU by getting up early in the morning, following my usual routine for work - and then having about an hour before it’s time to go. The urgency.stress of leaving on time for work helps keep me focused/not time blind and even if I don’t do the ibnu thing - whatever I do, it tends to be ina different state of mind and I enjoy feeling like I’m doing something I normally wouldn’t find time for.
This is so important to recognize! Right now, I'd say my biggest IBNU is simply getting a bunch of medical information to my insurance provider so that they can settle an accident I was in. I was hit by a truck while walking in a parking lot. I was 100% not at fault, the accident was recorded on camera and it's a clear open-and-shut case. They just need the paperwork so that I can get reimbursed for medical expenses, pain and suffering, etc. It's been more than a year now, and I still struggle to motivate myself to just get all this information compiled and sent. This is like $10,000 that's at stake, and I just keep thinking, "Eh, I still have time. I don't need to do it today. I'll get to it soon." This is why I had such a hard time in school.
omg I have had the hardest time getting my meds lately (medication shortage in the US plus high costs) and needed to hear this today to help get my thoughts in order
:( :( :( I'm so sorry you're struggling to get your meds... ugh... this shortage.... glad to hear the video helped somewhat at least
You know what's really hard to do with ADHD? Plan a wedding. I both feel like I have to do everything now and like I have tons of time. I'm a little under a year out from my wedding and balancing what I need to do/get done for the wedding and what I need to do for my life at the present is very hard
Getting a wedding planner and delegating tasks may help.
The Knot used to have a schedule planner. At a year out you actually don’t have much time (because weddings follow a different time/space continuum??). I am sure if The Knot isn’t around anymore you could google wedding plan scheduler and get a schedule.
I use the Zola checklist which is editable, and that’s helped so far!
Yep. Dealing with several of these right now. They have now entered the Urgent category. Juggling a 9-5, my RUclips channel, and being a dancer/choreographer, all with their own IBNUs that happen to slam into the same time frame ... there are times all I want to do is scream into the void. Most recent IBNU? My passport application. Finally made the decision to go to a dance event in Canada. Paid a RIDICULOUS amount of money to expedite my application and priority ship it to the state department and 1 day shipping back to me. Crossing my fingers I actually get it back in time. Sometimes I hate my brain. *sigh*
Oh nooooo, fingers crossed for you here as well! Having IBNUs turn urgent all in the same space of time is so rude. Best of luck!
Hopefully it's already in the mail to you since the government just shut down about 5 hours ago. Not sure how that affects getting passports, but it affects lots of things. May even be affecting airlines this go round as well. Good luck!!
My current biggest IBNU is getting a promotion... Where I work, to get a promotion, you basically have to write up a document explaining a bunch of activities that you are already doing and signal you're ready for the next level. Which means I have to look at everything that is expected at the higher level, look back at my tasks and advocate for myself... so basically hell on earth.
The only way I get to do any progress on this is usually when my wife reminds me that I should be working on it. I hope to try some of the stuff you listed to help with the IBNU tho...
❤ sounds like a lot of chunks, and parts that are outside your zone of genius. Horrible!
Good thing that you have hard tedious things in the past, and that you are great at chunking. Progress on a part is progress on the whole for an IBNU
I have realised i really benefit from a buddy encouraging me. Its great that your wife is so supportive and knows how to nudge you
I’m so glad I’ve found this channel. I’ve finally stopped beating myself up about my inattentive ADHD, and telling myself I could be “normal” if I just tried harder. As my school reports always said “ She would do so much better, if she tried harder to not make silly mistakes “.
I’m slowly identifying things which make my life difficult and stressful , and putting them in place. This weeks breakthrough ? Each drawer is numbered, e type of item in each of them. There is a list.... and suddenly I can find my purse, charger, remotes, instead of tearing the house apart, and my stress levels are easing. Cupboards and shelves next.... thank you
Oh my goodness, this is my actual situation.
Super relatable - hope the video helps!
@@HowtoADHDThanks for your response.
Thanks to this video, I just did one of mine. Scheduled an eye exam. I've been dealing with broken glasses for days now, but the break didn't make them useless, just inconvenient. Apparently motivation for me is feeling called out. 😂
It definitely helps to have a coach. I have a board that holds lots of ibnu's for me
Whenever one comes up I write it down on my board. And it's a task/chore board. So all my regular chores are on it too. I have some empty spaces at the bottom of my chore schedule where I can write down the ibnu's for the week. I also have my ibnu's sorted into financial ones, household ones and the misc ones. And I use little dot magnets to help me see what ibnu's have the highest priority so that I know in what order to work through them.
I used all kinds of different boards and checklists and schedules and such. None of em ever worked. But for some reason, this one does.
Maybe it's the magnets. Cause on my chores list I have 2 columns that are "to do" and "done". I don't write crosses or checkmarks in them. Instead I use magnets. So if I have to do something, the magnet goes into the to do column. When I finish I move it over to done. It's a lot faster and easier than writing it down for me and it makes the board more fun to use (I got harry potter magnets. Harry Potter's a special interest for me🙃)
It works. I don't know why. But it works. This way I at least get lots of my ibnu's done🤣
Having a non exPIRED PASSPORT! I don’t necessarily have ADHD but I am neurodivergent in many areas - including a dissociative thingy - I have hard time prioritizing and timing and integrating ANY kind of stimulation and information at once. having a passport done is both overstimulating me and scary, task feels so big it doesn’t feel urgent. WEIRD STUFF BRAIN, WEIRD STUFF!
This is so relatable and well put. I can't even trick myself into the real IBNUs anymore. Wedding thank yous was/is a very stark reminder of the limitations of my even feeling bad about myself as a fallback motivator. And, in a job where every important task is long term (weeks to months), I always seem to need to have at least one thing coming in for a buzzer beater on deadlines (which are somewhat arbitrary, but at least they're defined by others)
Thanks for your content!
I’ve been struggling sooo much with IBNUs lately. They have been overwhelming so I’ve pushed them off and now have a giant pile of them. They’ve basically formed a giant wall of awful. (Which has led me to rewatch some of your videos.) My life is chaotic without routines and having physical health issues on top of everything. One of my major IBNUs is to apply for a better job and I’ve set time to work on it with my partner at 9am on Saturday AND let him know ahead of time my expectations of him during this time. This is a huge IBNU which will allow me to breathe and work on other IBNUs some of which actually have deadlines that are impending. Thanks for another timely video!
Omg I JUST talked about this phenomenon TODAY with my therapist about 20 minutes before this video came out!!! Wild!!!!
Grad school's my Big #IBNU--and not even the application part! It's the "figuring out the big picture" part. When the path ahead is clear with well-defined steps, I find it easier to take the steps towards a goal (even if I'm waiting for these steps to become dumpster-fire IBNUs to complete them).
But with grad school I have no idea what the path looks like, or where to begin, or who to ask. I don't know HOW to figure out what is exactly that I want to work towards. Every time I try to research it, I get overwhelmed and confused, because my field doesn't have any well-defined career paths. It's social science and community work, which has a million different applications, many of which sound appealing to me, but require different grad-school paths entirely. And even if I set a long-term career goal, then it's doing the research of which school to go to.
I'd love to just skip to the application--that at least HAS a deadline. But I have to "figure it all out" first and work backwards from that. I keep assuming will one day it'll just come to me. If I meet the right person or read the right book, suddenly I'll know exactly what my next step to work towards is. And obviously that hasn't happened, figuring out what you want is something you have to actively work on. So my IBNU is the "make the goal" part of the goal. Not doing that means I'm just stagnant in a huge sphere of my life--that feeling of "wasting time" makes this FEEL urgent but there's no real deadline to get me to actually carve the time out to sit down, focus, and figure it out.
I don't know if that's just me or the ADHD or both. But if anyone else struggles with this and knows any helpful strategies, I will gladly take them lol
Ah yes the enter the matrix video with IBNUs where I first found How To ADHD all those years ago. Thank you Jess
I find that replacing importance with easiness on the Eisenhower Matrix helps a lot with motivation. I get motivated more by how much executive function something will take over how externally significant it is.
I "rank" things I want to do this way as well! If I know something is going to take a high amount of executive function for me to complete, I try to recognize that and strategize "how" to get it done.
This issue is the most difficult in my life and making me live in permanent stress 😪💔
Sometimes I can manufacture urgency with a simple, "I better do it now before I forget." It only works if I have the thought in a time and place where I _can_ do it now, of course.
The accountability is a huge thing for me. I recently started to host a philosophy-course for some friends and the sole purpose for me is, to finally get to read Kants critique of pure reason, because that's a big IBNU for me 😆
One of my biggest IBNUs was relearning drumming. Fortunately, I've been working on that for a few months now, but finding the time to be consistent has been tough. It's getting better though.
The one IBNU I'm struggling with right now is something I've wanted to do for a while: starting a music-based RUclips channel. I want to do something focused on cheap and affordable gear. Everyone always reviews all the super-expensive pedals, amps, and guitars, but few really look at the type of stuff that those of us who work for a living can afford. I want to show people that you don't need thousands upon thousands of dollars to have a great sounding guitar rig. I just can't seem to get motivated, or I get distracted. :/
my IBNU is painting a design onto a rock that i've kept for a long time! i think scheduling when to do this will help me a lot. i found your videos almost 2 years ago, and as always this channel is so helpful. my life has changed so much with the strategies you have mentioned! thank you Jessica and your team!!
We use this chart at work to help determine who handles what projects. I have a big whiteboard in my house that is divided into these four quadrants, and then I have a sticky notepad in different colors that each indicate what the task is for (house improvement/maintenance, personal well-being, interpersonal relationships). The sticky notes are helpful to move around and prioritize, and it relieves a lot of stress that I'm going to accidentally forget something. It's been really helpful to be able to look at my list and the prioritization I've previously put thought into, and just pick a thing and do it.
Everything feels like an IBNU these days. There are things I should do, but I just can't care enough to do them. It's probably my ADHD going into depression. The biggest IBNUs for me are finding a job, since I have Temporary Assistance/Food Stamps, and cleaning my bedroom. I just want to lay in bed all day. It's rough.
Awww yeah that's rough sending hugs. Depression definitely comes with its own set of challenges too
I've been there. ❤ Depression makes everything so hard.
@@HowtoADHD Thank you for your response! I appreciate it a lot! Along with this channel! Have a great day!
@@Janne_Mai It's weird for me to realize this now. I feel like my ADHD triggers my depression and anxiety disorder. I hope if I can handle my ADHD, which I only got diagnosed for April of 2022, I can move past my anxiety and depression. It's just getting a handle on my ADHD that is a bit slow going.
Thank you for your response! Have a great day!
I’ve been struggling bad the last few months at work with prioritizing my daily tasks. It’s hard for me to focus for long stretches of time
Oof yeah daily tasks are a struggle in and of themselves as well. Do pomodoros help at all?
@@HowtoADHD They have helped me somewhat. When I’m able to take away distractions and put my mind to the task at hand, it’s been going pretty solidly
IBNU Victories: Studied studio art but didn't exhibit professionally until I happened to hear of a juried museum show with a high likelihood of success (stimulating vs. discouraging level of challenge). Dreamed of writing novels for years then wrote a (rough! ; - ) draft in less than a month with National Novel Writing Month (the power of deadlines, a daily word count goal, and FUN! ; - D
Brushing my teeth in the morning is soooooo hard, I can always brush my teeth before bed, but in the morning it always feels like something is more urgent than the teeth brushing. This was a really helpful video, thank you!
My "dirty secret" ; - ) is that I've always only brushed at night! And yet my teeth and gums are super healthy and my dental hygienist loves me. ; - ) I think it's because I floss and make sure to get every tooth when I brush, but also because I chew gum after every meal and use dental picks during the day (which I find satisifying ; - ).
Great video, I really struggle with focus and keeping my attention on tasks. I’m not currently diagnosed with adhd but going for an assessment soon hopefully. Your videos make so much sense
Good vid as always. IBNUs are like an unknown burden, hanging around in the background and draining the colour from everything. I have now scheduled in buying shoelaces because I've been walking around for months with shoelaces that are way too long. I know I'll thank myself for it later, but it always seems like such a slog to tackle these things despite the obvious benefit of doing so
Yeeaaaahhhhhh. That's why salient rewards can be important for some of them. Makes it feel worth while in the moment of doing them instead of waiting for the pay off... because what even is time. If the pay off isn't now, it's not now, and not now is no fun. It's super relatable
Why not use knife/scissors to cut them shorter and melt the ends with a lighter...
The dentist one gets me 😶 and booking an eye test. And driving lessons...
But i found working on projects my lunchbreaks at work FANTASTIC.
It becomes urgent! I have 1 hour and 20 mins to do this thing!
Getting caught up in the day-to-day demands and neglecting long-term goals is a consonant frustration for me.
Not a day goes by without me feeling a sense of disappointment for not putting in enough effort.
I use one of your other references ‘not nows’ for IBNU. Everything from laundry and dishes to selecting jobs and applying can become IBNU for me, especially tasks which need to be repeated or are never done (see laundry and dishes). I am learning to override it somewhat by using my logic superpower and taking 20 sec. to envision what my hours, days and weeks following will look like if I don’t get the thing done. I use something that I do want to do as the motivation plank and recognize that I may not have time to do my preferred activity or even just that the IBNU itself will take too long later if I let it pile up (again see laundry and dishes). If I can handle the visualization or that is less daunting because my brainpower bank is empty, I allow myself to pass it on.
This is such a great technique that I often forget to practice. Thanks for the reminder! "...Envision what my hours, days and weeks following will look like if I don’t get the thing done" [or how much better it will be if I DO].
3:29 add accountability
do it with a friend
hire an adhd coach
set a timer and sprint
add salient rewards (new word, basically means conspicuous)
make the task more interesting in some way
add novelty
make it less discouraging somehow
*put your reason for the ibnu in a place that you'll see it*
The three big ones are, getting to phone calls, going through my mail and budget assessment. I have a huge pile of receipts in a box that I want to add to a spreadsheet so I can see how my grocery spending has changed that has gotten bigger and bigger over the months. I definitely have some from prior to the new year. Maybe after the honeymoon.
One I’m hoping to have time to on my cruise this weekend is patching a few pairs of pants that have crotch rips. The only thing that the rules of the cruise mentioned that affects this is my scissor blades need to be 4” or less. No problem! So if nothing is confiscated then I’ll have some time to do it.
Hi beautiful, Your smile 😊 is priceless
Thank you for making these videos. My husband came home today and he had to hose down the bathroom floor because the kitty litter had come out of a broken bag and I was going to clean it up but my body just doesn’t do what I need it to. Same thing with feeding myself when I’m alone, I even struggle with making a sandwich or nudles (and I just got married and he is incredibly tidy and doesn’t understand what adhd is) Jessica? Can you please make a really short video and explain why I struggle even with the stimulant medication, so that it can become easier for me in my marriage and hopefully he’ll understand that I’m not lazy or don’t care. It’s just impossible for me to explain to him. My adhd has already caused me to be very isolated and the weird one that is constantly being told off. Can you please help me? This is my first relationship and marriage and we’re religious so no contact just the two of us before marriage, and it’s great to be married, but my adhd is so hard to manage and I am really in need for your brilliant mind and work to make a video that explains both the wall of shame and motivation and how we struggle to feed ourselves and why stimulants works so well. Honestly I am crying because of how seen your videos make me feel but my husband won’t watch all the ones I need him to see. Lots of love from north west of Europe ❤
I hated my job and boss and needed to leave. I found that the best way to remember and prioritize applying for new jobs was to use it as therapy after a hard day at the office or a difficult interaction with my boss. Using those firey emotions to angrily take steps to improve my life eventually resulted in a new position that I love. But I never would have gotten here if I didn’t apply
Im a pretty new brain and im grateful that my councilor told me about your channel. Its helped me not only understand why i do things, but helpful and healthy ways to fix it. IBNU is no exception. Thank you for the work you do.
This is fantastic!! My IBNU’s are learning to play piano…bought a course a year ago..practiced once…cobwebs…and second..making an animated cartoon based on a character I designed…erm..nearly 2 decades ago!! I’ve storyboarded the whole first episode, but ..I need to learn complex software to animate it and I keep putting it off…like you say, these are important personal goals that I’m not being paid to do, so there is no urgency, whereas the day job exhausts me and makes me not want to do my own projects on weekends! I will try your strategies! One thing I ama chief ing is getting fitter, by binge watching tv shows whilst exercising..go me😂
That really comes at the right time and I feel it so much!
I manage to do three different sports, am active in my social life and university politics but never get to write my university papers. I just finished one! 🥳 And to do that I combined it with going to work (afterwards I went to the library) and sometimes starting right away at the morning before there are a million things I want to do while tracking everything with forest. I also realized I just have limited willpower and I can't do all the things that might be important to me. So I paused my strategy for practicing ukulele to get the paper done. I'm so relieved it actually worked. And what was amazing to see: the first times it was really hard and I had to force myself to endure the stress. In the end it wasn't. I got used to it and it felt good tackling something important. So go 🥳 thanks a lot for those amazing videos :)
This is super timely for me; one of those things that there is nothing new but a very useful way to think about it. There is something cruel about the way our natural prioritization can rob us of so much time and so many dreams without even seeing the time pass. I recently identified this pattern where when something does become urgent, it becomes not just a motivation but an obsession, a single track that I am stuck on. Then, the moment I make some amount of progress and its urgency falls away,.... its such a relief but, I am on to the next thing and, the need is so far gone that the thing I was just obsessed about is likely to be neglected long past the benefit that I put in. Or something will happen that takes something off urgent, and puts it in someone else's court.... and if they don't care, its like, I have been robbed of the ability to do it myself. It isn't their fault, they don't even know its happening, but it feels so cruel in that I end up feeling like I wasted my time.
I really appreciate the honesty of this video! Love that you followed up, for one, but also that you showed that sometimes an important concept for ADHDers that we should theoretically be applying to ourselves is not so easy to commit to our lives. Thank you!
I’m pretty new to your content, and am 34 years old and just starting to come to terms with having adhd, and this blew my effing mind! And put light to so many struggles I have in my life and work. Also it’s making me realize why I was so good and so effective in my previous life working as a manufacturing engineer. That entire world and job was based around fighting fires and reacting to urgency, and let me tell you I was Elite at that!
Here’s the thing: even when I plan ahead and try to do tasks in a rational way, it seems that people, events or my brain don’t cooperate. Frustrating doesn’t begin to cover it.
Have been following your channel for a while now. I am booked in for a diagnosis in a few weeks. Even though I am yet to be formally diagnosed I am almost certain that I have ADHD (late 40's male) from watching your content and doing a LOT of research. Thanks for everything you do, you have put words to many aspects of my life I had no way to describe to others.
This explains the way i function at work perfectly, and why my coworkers find me infuriating because of it.
Like yesterday, a kid threw their golf club onto the green. Guests aren't allowed to go out there for safety reasons, so when I told the dad that I would find someone to go get it. And i did. But that became the top priority in my mind. I knew attending to other guests was important and needed to be prioritized, but my brain couldn't let go of the golf club issue. I literally could not shift my main focus to anything else until I knew that was resolved.
Nothing was going to happen, no one was going to get hurt, nothing else was going to be affected by the club remaining on the field until a staff member could go get it, but it STILL dominated my "this is important and urgent. get it done now!" slot.
This would be considered important (as it was the kid's personal club), but not urgent.
I hated how I felt when I couldn't complete this task (a.k.a know for sure the kid got his club back), and I hated that I couldn't drop it after I'd handed the issue over to the proper staff member.
Like, that really sucks.
At the end of the day, I felt even worse, because there were multiple clubs that were thrown onto the green. So it was never even important for me to hold onto at all after I'd notified a staff member.
Why, brain?! Why did you hold onto it like the world was going to end??!?!
I looove everything you say and share. I found out I had ADHD reeeeally late in life, like in my 60s ughh. So i'm learning after quite some time of mourning. Can't wait for your book to come out in JAnuary. There is one thing however, that makes it hard for me to listen to your channel: the sounds and music in the background, because I also have some auditory processing issues, I find it hard to listen with the songs. Anyway, I love your content and personality.
Thank you!!
Great help, thank you. I've set up reminders for completing my reports on my phone calendar. I can't believe I never thought of doing that. Your support is appreciated greatly!!! You're the best...
I just want to say thank you for making your videos short, focused, and easy to understand and you're welcome for the views because it still usually takes me 3-4 views to fully grasp the topics without getting distracted 😅😅
Uni's about to start again for me, so this has been fortunately timed. I have a bunch of music projects on the side that I start and never do anything with, one of which _will_ eventually become urgent and bothersome if I don't do it in time. All of the work I'm set for classes are technically IBNUs with the way I treat them because the deadlines are for a week or two later. I've tried a few productivity strategies but they've all lasted only a few days at best before falling into disuse, like Ali Abdall's trident planning system or Cajun Koi's calendar system. Nothing has stuck yet, but hopefully uni starting again will make that happen properly.
In the short run-up to that, I just need to find something that'll get me into the swing of things again. I think the hardest thing for me at the moment is getting myself out of bed and working on _anything;_ if I can do that, I might be able to do anything. I think I might just need every strategy you list here to do it.
I like the videos you create and the science behind them. What I haven’t seen in any of them is a sit down talk with ADHD brains about understanding how much of an emotional drain/sinkhole they can be on others. Not to shame them but to teach them to recognize these behaviors and alter their course. My stepdaughter uses her adhd to browbeat her mother and I and more often than not she ends up in serious trouble because she just won’t/can’t stop even with prompting to stop. She has nearly destroyed our relationship after getting kicked out of her dad’s house.
Omg! Explains so much! I am definitely sharing! Where is my list for my list to make my life plans to make me perfect!
I am so tried of living in crisis! And being terrified of living happily. And I am totally sharing with my family!
I turn 35 tomorrow, and yesterday I was initially diagnosed with ADHD because of you!
When I found your channel, you were talking exactly about my problems (IBNUs being one of them) and I thought I need to see a psychilogist. I have to see another one to confirm that I'm part of the tribe ;)
You are my savior! Thank you so much!
This channel has been great to understand my issues with attention as I never was formally diagnosed (I never went to the appropriate doctor). I manage software projects for work and even though my entire job is to be organized and deadline oriented (I'm decently organized) I don't get things done until they are urgent or I'm up against a deadline. I've incorporated the Pomodoro technique (I've modified it to be a range of time from 15 mins to an hour depending on how I feel) and creating artificial deadlines within those Pomodoro focus rounds. It has been somewhat successful but I'm thinking I may also need to get medicated at some point. I'm 36 btw and always been hyper af so I kinda knew my entire life.
This video just inspired me to book a consultation for my six-month cough. Thank you ❤
Learning to drive! Organizing my living space. Reconnecting with family!
Looking forward to find out if I have adhd. Your channel helps me A LOT!!!! I feel very understood and that I'm part of something and I don't feel that alone. Thank you! ❤
Thank youuuu! This is SOOOO relatable! These guys are the things that are never done actually.
My #IBNU is sending CVs to find a new job in case I won't have a new project on the current one. The other one is studying for work, like I have a plan ready, it's just got boring to me. Aaaaand a ton of other things planned and wished to-be-done-one-day.
And thanks for sunsama! Looks awesome! Gotta check it out one day...oh
OMG this just blew my mind. As a late diagnosed, struggling ADHDer, THANK YOU.
This was one of those pieces of advice that I’ve know have been said to me dozens of times, but yours is the time that sunk in like a hot knife through butter. I’ve used the awareness that you gave me today to get some progress made on a project I’ve been dragging on for 10 months for this very reason!. #IBNU should catch on. It will for me!
I wish I had seen this video like 3 months ago..... have been knocking things down one by one but because of the quantity it's been overwhelming. Thank you for this validating and illuminating information :)
I like to set arbitrary deadlines for IBNUs when I see some of the items on my list collecting dust and have a slow weekend coming up. Deciding XYZ is now urgent and has to be done before November for unknown reasons now pushes it into the priority box and it usually either gets done or has major progress done, and thus is less intimidating to finish.
My #IBNU is my room. I have a large, nice room, but it has been cluttered to the point of uselessness since I moved back to the house a few years ago. This has been hanging over my head all of this time and I have finally scheduled the first task this Saturday. Thank you so much for your encouragement, I need all that I can get. My ADH (is it really a disorder?) is challenging, so I really love your videos, they help a lot. Thank you, and keep doing what you are doing.
I had always wanted to learn to knit, but never made the time to do more than watch videos about it. Then my mom gave me money and told me to go to a yarn store and buy the softest yarn they had in her favorite color and my sister’s. Suddenly, I learned that when I’m touching something really lush, I can knit like a crazy person and knock out a scarf in a couple days, because it’s a form of sensory stimming! So if you can make any part of a task one of your stims, you might be more motivated to do it!
(That was 7 years ago, and now I am knitting a sweater while watching this video.😅)