UPDATE -- the book is now a USA TODAY and NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER! In its first WEEK!!!!! Thank you to everyone who ordered a copy, I appreciate you so so much for helping make this ridiculously ambitious dream come true!!!
I've never accomplished anything long term before either. And I'm almost 31. I burst into tears over this for you. You did it!! You really did it. 😭😭❤️❤ You CAN DO IT. And nobody can ever take that away!! AAAAAAAH!!
As someone with generalized anxiety disorder and depression it was super validating to hear someone else say that SMART goals don’t help me and could actually make it worse. Thank you!
Yes, hard relate! I was just today talking with my therapist about how traditional goals don't usually work out for me (especially in regards to motivation) and trying to tease out some other way to frame things. I'm looking forward to reading this book even more now.
This is making me think. When I was 16, I decided I wanted to become a professional ballerina. I had barely any dance background but I was determined, despite this being an incredibly unrealistic goal. I've always had trouble sticking to daily routines but my goal inspired me to stretch every day for years. I had terrible social anxiety but my dream gave me the strength to go to classes, summer schools, and auditions by myself. I'm now 33, and although I never became a professional dancer, dance is still a huge and wonderful part of my life. Getting into ballet led to me trying and falling in love with so many other types of dancing, learning so much about myself, having amazing experiences and meeting wonderful people. Looking back, 16 year old me never had the slightest chance of becoming a professional ballerina, but I'm so, so glad I tried and ended up cementing dance as a core part of my life and identity.
I love this because it shows a different side to "success". Many would say that if you don't meet the end goal that you have failed, but you failed UPWARD! You may not have met the original goal, but as you said, the journey was worth it. I love this mindset shift, and thank you for telling your story!
One of my managers at work is a fan of the "Shoot for the moon, if you fail then you'll still land among the stars" types of goals. I think one of the other important things is building in the accountability - there are monthly check-ins to see how these lofty goals are going, and to talk through the next steps and any problems.
I noticed that if I don't enjoy the ride, reaching the goal feels hollow. I still reach for the stars, but I am making my space journey as comfy and fun as possible.
When I was a kid I had ADHD at the time it was called ADD or Minimal Brain Damage (MBD) can you believe that lol. My teachers told me that I might not graduate highschool. I wanted to go to law school. Guess what I graduated from Law School and passed the bar. My dream was lofty but It motivated the heck out of me. Everyone please have lofty dreams.
I think this is what a lot of neurotypicals would interpret as "Remember your why." For many people, their "why" (or reason or desire) is focused on a value, like "I have a goal to build an exercise habit because I value health and staying well to spend time with my family." But in this case, the "why" is an ambitious challenge or a special interest. I got goosebumps listening to this because I've been self-sabotaging and dismissing a lot of my goals. But screw it, I'm going to say it now: My goal is to write a bestselling fantasy series and have a backlist of over 20 books. It's pretty ambitious. I think I want to go the independent publisher route. But writing 20 books? That's a lot. It's going to be hard, because writing even 1 book is hard! But ohhhhh my goodness, do I really want that. And I think wanting it is enough of a motivation. I don't need to start planning out things with the SMART tool (which has never been successful for me... I have lived my whole life thinking I'm neurotypical, but lately I've been questioning that). I need to just remember my challenge. The mountain I'm climbing. The satisfaction of getting to the top and going, "I did a really, really hard thing... And I am so proud of myself."
I believe in you man!! Since we're working up the courage to say it out loud, my goal is to make a living out of comics and art. We can do this!! And even if things don't work out as planned, I'm sure the journey itself will be worth it 😁
Love this video. This quote from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland perfectly summarizes how I feel about goal setting. "Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Thank you, I always HATED SMART goals and I could never totally understand why. I don't want to plan out my whole damn life and have a new goal every week. The entire reason I did so well in college was because I wanted to go to vet school. I graduated in 2020 and never did go to vet school... but I graduated with a 3.6 in biology, 3.8 if you only count the science courses. That goal fueled me.
So I usually don't support creators. I am deep in debt and I have little money to spare. When I was listening to Jessica, I was happy that the patrons support her and how beautiful it is that they helped to create funds for this book. And then I realized that I actually do support her on Patreon since forever. It is just a dollar a month, a grandfathered tier that's not being able to be chosen anymore. I will not buy the book, it costs too much for me and I don't read anyway. But I am very happy I was able to help at least a little bit 🧠💙
I'm broke too. I'm gonna ask my library if they have the book. The more people who ask the libraries about a certain book, the sooner they are to purchase one to loan out. I love reading but I'm too broke to buy books. And the library does actually buy new books if enough people ask. Maybe check your library. They might not have it right away but if it's popular enough they might buy it ^_^
Man the George Lucas story hits me in the feels. I'm ADHD my wife is autistic and we have two boys have both ADHS and ASD. This is so hopeful. Thanks for what you do!
Damn, this is really hitting home as someone who realized that a lot of passion and ambition I used to have kinda just.... disappeared. And I don't really think I can 'dream big' anymore or decide what to work towards, because who am I to know what to shoot for or what's possible/impossible for me?
I'm crying right now. I'm 42 years old. I've dreamed of having my stories written as books since I was 10 and I gave up that dream because I didn't think I could do it. Your book is on my desk at home (delivered today) and I am aching to leave work and go read it. WHEN I publish my first book, I will ABSOLUTELY mention you because you have restored my faith that I can do this.
But what if you don’t have a fiery, ambitious goal? What if you don’t really have a goal at all? This is what I struggle with, and it means my motivation is always low. I’d love to hear a perspective on finding these goals when hanging on to a single project is a monumental challenge all by itself!
You can’t always force it, sometimes it just happens while we’re busy doing other things. You naturally gravitate towards it! I’m in the same boat, but I think a fiery ambitious goal puts too much pressure on me, so i’m trying to be content with just seeing what happens and doing what I can/want! Idk if this helps!
I'm between big goals at the moment but as someone who's always struggled with formal goal setting I've always found the ones I've had come from indulging in reading about/learning random stuff and just leaning into it, finding parts of it interesting and becoming obsessed with it
This was EXACTLY my experience with my master's thesis. I didn't realize it, but hearing you talk about this, and how your brain worked through this, and how you were able to write this, it's so accurate. I was SO lucky to have someone who didn't tell me to be 'more realistic' or go for a smaller goal, she gave me accountability, she brought me to different places to write, helped me put my ideas in order when they were all jumbled, showed me where I was combining too many things into one chapter, etc. Now, I feel like I've kinda forgotten how to do that, how to dream big and really feel motivated, and I think that's what I'm lacking. It's so important to have that huge goal to shoot for, and it's really interesting that you always hear 'shoot for the moon' but also to be more realistic with making goals. :"D
Okay so now I'm crying at my desk because you understand me--I'm so used to calling my impossible goals my fatal flaw. I never thought I could consider them a strength and another tool in my toolbelt. Just bought the book and can't wait to get reading!
Everyone always told me I get a bee in my bonnet, saying I have these goals but forget about them later or don't achieve them. I can't wait to read the book!
The concept of SMART goals has actually been really helpful for me as a person with ADHD, but I agree with you in the sense that neurodivergent people like us need goals that are not too easy & goals that actually match our passions and the things we care about! 😊💕🙏🏾
@@therealzahyra the hardback comes out today, the paperback in March - but a lot of places don't have the hardback 🙁 - ordered mine from Blackwell's (UK) if that helps
Big goals matter to anyone, especially for neurodivergent folks. Thanks for stating this so eloquently using your experience with your book. Congrats on your achievement!
That is so cool ! I want to become an author who lives through books and when the books get too hard or long to work on, I tell myself "it's just impossible to become a professionnal author without writing things for others" and then I want to prove it wrong and motivation comes right back
The timing on this is fortuitous. I just finished a therapy appointment and saw this video pop up shortly after and.. it made me realize I've been trying to hard to set realistic expectations and goals for myself for this thing I'm trying to do this year.. that.. it doesn't seem that exciting. I'm trying to keep myself from being disappointed in the future, but like.. if I get disappointed, it'll only be for a little bit, right? Better to be full of fire and energy to do the thing for the next month or two than to hold myself back from dreaming big and never really doing it.
my secret sauce that completely turned my motivation around (to the point that my therapist was literally surprised) is a big, ambitious, over the moon goal, then break it down into steps, but the steps are mini, achievable, SMART goals
Exciting goals, that totally makes sense!! I do really like SMART goals, but I sincerely respect that others may not. I'm a computer scientist by schooling and trade, and the fundamental aspect of computer programming involves taking a large problem and breaking it down into small problems. For me, the little problems are the SMART goals. They are simple and easy to understand (i.e. I can hold them in my working memory and not forget them). But, yes, by themselves they are boring. This idea of excitement is fantastic. There should be a large exciting goal that spans the smaller uninteresting goals. It's this larger, awesome goal that I have forgotten to set for myself. Thank you for sharing this!
Yesss!!! I always disagreed with the idea that you cant consistently rely on motivation/inspiration... i need it, it drives me! I nurture it daily! My goals are so out there, so enormous, I keep most of them secret! I dream of them almost daily. My desire and zest for life grow even bigger than my obstacles and challenges!
I started crying when I heard that we can do it in a adhd friendly way. There is no „universal correct” way, just effective ways for different people. I gained faith in my dreams after your talk in this podcast. Thank you, good job with a book and let’s goooo do some fantastic things!
As a middle-aged person with ADHD who just graduated with her M.S. in Counseling I want to give this video two thumbs up! If realistic goals were motivating, I wouldn’t have gone to school! Thanks for sharing your journey. I agree we need big dreams to motivate us through obstacles. Unfortunately, SMART goals for clients were really hammered in by my supervisors, but I think it’s because the “specific” part is so hard for me (okay, how do we figure out the next step to make it happen). I know how good it feels to have a physical thing that exists in the world because you had a dream/vision and worked (with others of course) to make it come true. It’s amazing, right?!?! Very happy for you, enjoy!
Maybe SMART is just a way to achieve the accountability that Jessica is talking about? I haven’t thought this through, I just got inspired by your comment.
I wish I could give this video more than one like. Constantly being berated by certain family members over my lifetime about how "I'm not being realistic" always crushed what I was trying to do.
I sincerely needed to her this today! Thank you! I have set out to start my own company and I ran into road blocks and trying to scale down and quit has really been depressing, now I know why!
Congratulations on the book being out in stores! I got diagnosed this last year. Unfortunately, I've run out of goals/dreams. With all the twists, turns, and desert island stops just to get to my age, all goals have at some point been abandoned. It sounds horrible, but it's just a reckoning. I try on new goals now and then but nothing that lights my fire. 🤷 Anyone out there who has an inkling of a goal - pursue it! 🎯
The direction is so much more important than the end objective for me-I want to do/experience the thing, not get the thing done. This idea of big lofty goals works with this because it’s more about vision and inspiration rather than realistic, measured progress, which is what SMART goals value
I'm a special education teacher and this is so true! A big part of the IEP at the high school level is called Transitions Planning. For a while, I felt like it was my job to move students from unrealistic goals to realistic goals. One of my students wanted to be a makeup artist. In my head, I was like there is no way this is going to happen. You live in Minnesota and there is no chance of this happening. But 10 years later, sure as shit, she pops up on my Instagram and she's a makeup artist! So, I learned to never doubt my students desires, but to use them as guides for them.
The purpose of smart goals, really, is for therapists to put them in their treatment plans so they can measure the success of the client. That's not the only way we measure success, but it's a way to put it on paper. I was kind of not digging this video until you brought up "Going about it in an ADHD-friendly way." My big goal, which I recently accomplished, was graduating with a master's degree in counseling (A fellow counselor and I at my internship absolutely love yours and Dani Donovan's work). For me that lofty goal wouldn't have happened without setting smaller, "SMART" goals in place. Goals that had to do with prioritizing, self care, and, like you said, working with my ADHD brain and not against it. For me SMART goals aren't about limiting what I can do, but it helps me break down lofty goals that are intimidating to smaller steps so that it's less scary. I guess what got me through my lofty goal was not watering it down into something easier, but breaking it down so that accomplishing it was easier.
I think the closest comparable would be the bullet journal book as being part memoir, part how to, and adhd friendly as well as somewhat adhd informative/helpful, but certainly not a direct or 1-1 comparison. So proud of you for completing this amazing feat/goal and look forward to getting a copy myself. ❤
THANK you, I've struggled a lot recently with goals, I've been so burned out by my struggles getting anywhere with my life in the past ten years, I've slowly whittled down my ambitions into smaller, more realistic objectives. It seemed pointless to make goals so big if I was only going to be disappointed. But I've had more than a few people who have wanted me to push for the goals that set me on fire, and this video reminded me of why that's important. So, halfway through the year, time to get spicy with those goals!
I've sat through so many work/mentorship meetings forcing me to write down SMART goals and time after time I've felt they were incredibly frustrating. Thanks for this one!
Thank you for validating my two really big long-term goals: 1) My fiancée and I want to open a Medieval-themed camping and event site, mainly for LARP, by the end of 2025. 2) I am sewing most of the costume pieces for our wedding party. The bard and the rogue are going off on an adventure, and 11 of our friends as the other D&D classes are going to be in our wedding party! That's 16 costumes (separate costumes for the two of us, for the wedding and reception, plus a vest for the beastmaster ranger's service dog). That's a *lot*, especially for the level of quality of the garments I'm expecting myself to achieve. People have been telling me I'm nuts for goal #2, but we want to open our business first anyway (so we don't have to pay for a venue), so I have time. And my fiancée and I are *very* particular about what we want our wedding to be, so it's worth it to me to put in that amount of time and effort. Thank you for the validation 💜
I also have ambitious goals. And now? I'm a policy director for my local political party. And I also moderate for a few RUclips channels. I totally agree, Aiming high is not a bad thing. 😊 ...Except chores. Because _oh my god_ wall of awful. 😢
"the information I was putting in these chapters would have to be a book on their own" - yes!! my grad school experience!!! wanting to write a book on my niche research topic when i had to write a thesis really tripped me up.. but now I want to go back and write that book!!!
I just got the audible notification about the boom release. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RELEASING AN AUDIO BOOK VERSION, with my neurodivergency I struggle alot with being able to sit down and read but I love books and audio books are the way I can.
I've been following your channel ever since I had to leave my university because of my ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I couldn't stop watching your videos and learning systems to navigate the world. What has inspired me most has been your conversation around ableism, what you've learned from it, and how much you empower people through this channel to do what works for them and ignore an ableist society that often limits and fills neurodivergent people with guilt. (A bit of a tangent ik.) I am so excited to read your book! I want to become an architect and design houses for disabilities while having a work-life balance, something I've never had before! It sounds impossible; I'll take your advice and see if having an impossible goal makes it all the more possible! (I think you're on to something with this!)
One thing I learned, as an educator, and for myself, set the ridiculous goal, don’t make all goals ridiculous or they may work against each other, but do it. Then, work to achieve the goal by breaking it down into realistic bites. And don’t shut down someone else’s goals. Help them figure out how to get there. Point out possible obstacles but also solutions. If it isn’t meant to be, the universe will correct it.
I think this is true for some people, but backfires if you fall into all-or-nothing mind traps (ie, if it feels like I won't be able to do Big Goal, then I will abandon everything about this)
Thank you for reminding me to genuinely dream BIG instead of trying to fit my dreams into the tiny box of what's "realistic". My life has gone through a lot of upheaval in the last year and as I've been trying to give it new direction I've struggled to find motivation, but I think that if I dare to dream "unrealistic" dreams with my whole heart behind them then I will finally find my new path.
As a high school student who has been contemplating whether or not I'm neurodivergent for a while now, thank you so much for what you're doing. Your videos have seriously helped me as a person who isn't able to get the treatment needed while also living in a country where autism specifically is heavily stigmatized
I just got the book via Audible, simply because your voice calms me down and enables me to focus on things very well❤ I don't know how much I'll be able to listen to it bc my main focus is on working on my childhood trauma🥲 But I now have it, and I'll find mental capacity for it eventually😊 It's so amazing to see you thrive in a world made for neurotypical people! Much love from Germany. Thank you, Jessica! We're all incredibly proud of and inspired by you writing this book!❤
Congrats on your book! You can tell that you put your heart into this book and want to help your community! Love your tips about goals, for example, taking breaks, finding ways to make the goal fun or cozy, and using tools or systems that will help you achieve your goals! Mariane Cresp has a video called how to use a self-care/break list on her channel where is talks about 3 types of breaks and Jashii Corrin has some goal planning videos and live videos where she discusses having a low-bar goal and high bar goal. For example, exercise 5 minute would be low-bar and exercise 45 min will be high- bar. She would color in the goal in her journal with different colors according to low-bar or high-bar. I those ideas, too!
I ordered the book. I invested in a Certified Industrial Hygienist course (less than 7,000 in the world), but I also want to start a corporate Toastmasters club, and am working more than full time. Prioritization and scheduling are definitely needed. And I really want at least a small semblance of a normal home/personal life. Oh my! But I need my Winter breaks to hibernate. Glad you mentioned scheduling time off.
I never make SMART goals. I knew from when I was a kid that the only things I felt passion to pursue were things that I made out to be epic. Otherwise, I'm very prone to apathy. But I do break down the big goals with mini-levels--because I love savoring journeys. It wasn't until I was older that I appreciated the aspect of not being overwhelming. Growing up, it was crafting my story arc.
I've spent 38 years lost from the SMART goals set by schools and others. And I've spent the last 2 years with my AMBITIOUS goals becoming a program lead at my school, and building a program for others like me. As I tell my students "I don't need you to be like all of them, I need you to be all of you, which is AMAZING. Go break something, be scared, be awesome, be different. You got my support". I can't wait to read your book :) “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars” - Norman Vincent Peale
Wow that's exactly what I needed to hear as an ADHDer with a new Autism diagnosis. I need my crazy dream, but is it holding me back from settling in my disabilities or is it propelling me forward on a journey of finding myself. Thanks Jessica!
One dream I have, thanks to you, is for your book to be translated to Swedish, so I can give it to my mom. Because she tries, she truly tries, but she doesn't always understand and this book would probably be perfect for her. Thanks to you and this channel I realised that not only do I have autism, I also have ADHD and this channel gave me so many tips to figure out that part of my brain and I've come to the realisation that I need meds to be able to do tasks, so I've requested evaluation, which will take years, but at least it's started. So thank you, truly thank you
This brought me to tears. My loving, caring, also neurodivergent (autism) wife tries to keep me grounded...tries to manage my expectations...tries to keep me from risking too much. She means the absolute best, but it's counterproductive. All of the craziest, most notable things I've done in my life have been the result of setting an insane, unattainable goal...and then achieving it anyway. I am so happy for you, I just bought your book, and I am going to set my sights back on the sky.
This is an absolutely brilliant observation and idea. All successful projects were ridiculously difficult to pull off in the first place OR subconsciously delayed for so long that they became difficult. My job has had tons of these moments. "We don't improve the process or architecture or documentation, we REWRITE IT FROM SCRATCH!" For reasons I now understand, the tiniest edits on existing things were horrible and dreadful. Working ten times as much to rewrite the whole thing from scratch and make it the best thing it could be was always much... easier to pull off. "Edit three pages and add a table in the annex" was always far far worse to do than "rewrite 15 pages, beautify the layout and throw out that stupid annex nobody needs anymore". And not just more motivating, it was objectively better for everyone and the whole thing was good afterwards, and people finally used it to improve their own work and not just check off company regulation. So, off to set lofty goals for all the things now.
Hi Jessica, I appreciate the motivation, but I want to be the voice of caution here. Goals beeing achiveable is important too, I try to do more than I can do. Like most folk i got to know in the adhd-community. I needed quite some time to accept not to achive my goals. If I would expect this of me I would break in a few months. The autor of the articles mentions a study. In this study the people who hated their job was twice as high when they choose hard goals. I think you are right. Just wanted to add that the difference between expectations and goals is important and that not everyone is in a good position to push themself. healing comes first.
I just got my copy of the book. That plus this video are helping me to recenter myself on getting my thesis done. Thanks and great job you’ve helped me and many others so much! Edit: I think I may have figured out why graduate school has gotten so much more difficult. I think I lost my ridiculous goal now I need to refind one.
This explains a lot - I've had so many partially completed projects driven by some overly ambitious goal, yet there's so many basic things I can't bring myself to do
ADHD Brain here. I was diagnosed just a few months ago at the age 38. I got tested at my son’s therapist’s suggestion. He was diagnosed with autism early last year. The past four months have been an absolute roller coaster of discovery. This channel has been a bit of a guide for me and incredibly eye opening. It’s been a challenge for sure, but very relieving to know why struggles seemed different to me that to others. Just knowing what I’m working with has changed my outlook. Thank you Jessica, I look forward to reading your book.
This so perfectly encapsulates how I’m feeling about my life right now. I was so depressed for so long about my brain-I wanted to at least be able to do the bare minimum, to graduate, to stay alive. But that was all so uninspiring and miserable. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to live like this forever. I hit rock bottom. But then the people around me helped me, supported me, loved me unconditionally-and believed in me. So when I said I wanted to do music, just to try it out, they encouraged me to try. They praised my early stuff. They hyped me up when I wanted to try new things. And here we are, 6 years later. I’m not a professional musician yet, but I’m on my way. I went to music school, I make my own songs, I’m medicated and more organized than ever, and I’m learning more about myself every day. And I’m thrilled to be alive. No one told me that I had to dream big, but it was genuinely a matter of life or death for me. If I didn’t chase something that challenged me, that compelled me, that excited me, I wouldn’t have moved at all. And now I’m chasing a dream, and even if I don’t succeed, there will always be more things to chase. I have to believe that what I want to do is possible, even if it doesn’t exist yet. So congratulations on your book, and I’m so happy you’re happy and thriving! May we all shoot for the moon-even if we miss, we’ll land among the stars. 💫
The book sounds great! To be fair you can STILL make a whole book on each chapter! But having just the succinct overview version as a first book is amazing! :)
Just received your book! Just took it out of the box and read the introduction and note on language. Thank you for making it ADHD friendly for reading. The short paragraphs and extra white space make reading so much easier. Thank you for the note on language - it somehow makes me feel welcomed; maybe because you acknowledge individual preferences and the importance of kindness. Looking forward to getting into the meat of the book. As a 55 year old who only received a diagnosis of ADHD or even heard of ADHD in adults a year ago, I am struggling with how to transition from life as a struggle to life as a curious adventure, I appreciate this resource.
Omg I'm crying, I needed this so much. I have a *huge* lofty goal and I've stalled on it because life has been getting in the way. Every time I try to take a step towards it a new obstacle gets in the way. Thank you for encouraging me to not give up on my dream just because it's so ambitious ❤
Oh, I've felt this. One small example: my mom keeps telling me to do a sewing project "the most simple and basic idea" and I just know that if I do this, I won't gather enough motivation to even start. I need to have an exciting idea to kick myself into gear, the most basic one won't cut it
Thank you so much for writing this book. I bought it to help me understand better and be able to help my little brother. He got diagnosed last year, no one on my family knows a thing about ADHD, but I’m willing to learn. Your channel and now your book have been some of the best tools I have found. Thank you ❤
About to go check out the book! Just learned a couple of weeks ago I had ADHD & found this channel. Glad toknow what was going on in my brain. Good luck on everything with the book & channel.
Your book arrived today!! Hope I get to read it soon. Was woken up with a disaster that completely destroyed any hope of a good mood and pointed out what a waste of human flesh I am, so I haven't been able to enjoy or even look at it yet. I'm sure I'll love it when/if I get a chance to read it! I don't set goals. I learned when I was a teenager that it's futile, because it'll never happen, and no one ever approved or supported me, and I was just always told how stupid my goals were or some other reason why they were not something to try for and usually with reasons attached to the discouragement that I couldn't argue against. My parents always even told me that it's a parent's duty to destroy all dreams their kids have. I will say, they did a great job. I will forever feel incompetent at everything thanks to them.
I pre-ordered the digital version from Amazon. Then forgot I pre-ordered the digital version and ordered it from Google. So now I have two copies, one of which I'm going to share with a friend. Congratulations on a ridiculously wonderful achievement!
Everyone is talking about their new book, get their book, and honestly I love all of these creators and I'm kind of tired about hearing about the books they've written. Partly because I'm jealous because I'm so depressed and I can't get myself to write the book I've always wanted to. I don't feel strong enough to be in these spaces and be my authentic self. I started watching your channel a couple months before the pandemic because I found out at 30 I had ADHD and ASD. I have loved your channel and I have learned so much about myself and have appreciated every moment. I haven't purchased any of these new books from all my favorite creators who honestly have such a close place in my heart same as you. But as you were describing your impossible goal, that reading your book should feel like I binged watched your whole channel(which I have done a couple times), watching your ted talk, etc, etc, and sitting down to have a coffee with you in that moment I have never gone to audible so fast and bought a book, and after I was like I hope she narrated it too and went back to check. Jessica, thank you for being you, I don't know what this journey I'm on would look like without you. I'm excited to learn more with you. You have made a profound difference on my life.
I just got your kindle version of your book! I'm so excited to go through it! I came across your channel as a 'mature' student and mom in 2018. The middle school kids, in the placement I was in, was watching your Ted talk and I was hooked from there. I was still not diagnosed until 2019 but was pretty confident I had ADHD since middle school and was exploring a diagnosis for my then grade 2 son. I am SO grateful for your channel, for the work you put into this community and I want to extend the most biggest and warmest congratulations to you for completing this book and making it available to your community! I am a proud member of this community. You are amazing, keep being you!
I just got my pre-order delivered today! Cant wait to read later. CGP Grey has a video on using themes instead of goals. It was very similar to the type of goals mentioned here. I switched to using themes this year. And then goals are just learning experiments for me. That reframing has helped a lot because ive never been good with traditional goals or smart goals. Maybe some content ideas here but would love to see some videos going more in depth on the writing process. Ive always been terrified of writing not because of the actual writing but because im so bad with writing by deadlines. So would love to see how you wrote while not getting stuck for too long and having a two year book turn into a 10 year book.
First WOW what a different perspective on goals. Then I thought differently too. Your goal was achievable. You did it because no one told you that you could not. You did not limit yourself. I went off to college not knowing to years later that my parents thought I probably would fail. They knew it would be better to try and fail than never know if I could. I have a masters in special education. My passion was to help students, who like me, did not fit well in the standard education system. I taught for 30 years. Congratulations on your book.
Of all of your video's I watched over SO many years, and some of which are downright amazing, this one spoke to me SO MUCH. I'm 44 and as a kid I rarely felt the kind of support you describe here and I let go of so many of my dreams believing they were impossible for me to achieve. Thankfully it is never too late to accomplish at least some of them later in life. But through this video I now realized what I need to ask for from others when a goal is really important for me. I need to accept that I need support, and I need to ASK for it from people who will hopefully not judge me. Much more than I already do. Just ordered your book!
My copy just arrived this afternoon and I'm really excited to dig into it! I also love the idea of having lofty goals over realistic ones, it's so easy to lose motivation due to boredom or feeling like I'm "settling" unless I'm working towards something truly great.
Cool!, another crying 42-year-old here. I see one in the comments just now, because Not only am I excited about your book, but this is exactly message I needed to hear right now. My dreams are huge, and I am the one who keeps telling me that it's not a realistic goal and that playing small is smart because what I'm doing is a huge risk. The thing is, if we pull it off, myself and my people in my corner, who are so capable but we are all AutDHD, this project could help tons of people and become a self-sustaining perpetual thing helping people after we're gone. I need to stop telling myself I can't and maybe just... Try to see if I can!!! Kindle edition bc I'm moving but will buy hardcover soon as I'm settled in a few months!
Talk about synchronicity! I just found out this morning that I'm finally going to be able to start working toward my "Big Dream" - one I've had, in some form, since I was little. I'm now 58 and bedbound. I thought it was a lost cause. As of this year, our state has a program which pays for tuition & fees to a state college or university for residents who qualify. I qualify. So I can now go get a degree after taking classes about art history, music history, literature, cultures, sociology, philosophy, etc. I've barely looked into it and have found two online bachelor degree programs (Humanities or English w/Humanities minor) that I'm interested in. I need to get the chaos of my life down to a dull roar before I start classes this summer and that's where the SMART goals will come in. With AuADHD, I need both the ridiculously ambitious goal *and* the SMART - let's call them goalettes (goalees sound like hockey players 😉) .
Man this makes so much sense. I realize now how my lack of motivation for my performance degree was directly corelated to when i started seeing "being a performer as a profession" as an unrealistic goal. Its like, i need two types of goals. A big goal that may seem unrealistic, or a goal that is difficult to fail. My new years resolutions are usually the difficult to fail kind. Because big goals I'm excited about dont come to me at a specific time of year haha
I was just able to finish watching the video before ordering your book...preorders drive me crazy, so I had to wait for the sentence to change from "can be preorderes wherever books are sold" to "can now buy this book everywhere books are sold" 🤩
❤️❤️❤️ There have been some very significant periods in my life that I truly believe having an impossible goal was THE reason I survived. Thank you so much for speaking this to my heart. ❤️❤️❤️
I have a lot of problems with SMART goals and the "R" is definitely one of them, happy to hear I'm not alone. Thanks for narrating the book for audio, so keen to continue to have your voice in my ears for this ride! Starting the book tonight.
This was a beautiful video. Something I needed to hear as well as my inner child. Not only was I told my "big dreams" were unrealistic, I was told ANY dream was unrealistic. Going to college, getting/keeping a full time job, moving states, being an artist, being in a healthy relationship, buying a home etc etc. Even though I accomplished some of those things, eventually I became so defeated I stopped dreaming or trying. Who are we to tell a child what is realistic or not? I'm looking forward to reading your book ❤ 📚
Wow! The timing of this video is helpful. My 18 yo son who was diagnosed with adhd in 6th grade just announced he wants to be a doctor. We never saw that coming. He’s currently testing the waters in his first year of college. I really wasn’t sure how to support him (dream big vs reality). I did send him a link about steps to become a doctor; he hasn’t opened it, yet. How does someone with adhd get through generals, premed, med school and internship?
I just ordered the book 😃 My big goal for this year is building our first house together with my husband. I’m super excited to do all the work like insulation, drywall, painting, flooring together and to have all the space for adhd friendly organization 😊
I did this with learning to play Hymns on the piano. Instead of starting with the easy ones, I went for way harder ones that I liked a lot more. One was in four flats, and the other was in a tenor clef, causing your hands to constantly intertwine. I only ever learned those two, but I actually learned them. If I'd started with easy ones that I liked less, I wouldn't have ever practiced more than a handful of times
Decades before I realized my neurotype, the quote "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars," really resonated with me. Aim for the ridiculous thing so that when you fall short, it's still amazing.
I recently listened to the audiobook, through my local library. Thank you SO much for not only sharing so much about yourself, about ADHD, and the mindsets and tools, but for reading the audiobook yourself. Hearing it in YOUR voice made a huge difference in how I received and understood what you were saying. About halfway through the audiobook, I realized I’d want to look back at certain sections, so I also needed the actual, physical book. Now when I pick it up and read, I hear it (mentally) in your voice, with your emphasis. Thank you for helping me understand.
This video gives the quote "Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars." a whole new meaning!!! Perfectly timed video as I'm working on defining my personal goals for this year! This AuDHD'er thanks you!!!
I had learned SMART goals using a different definition for R: Relevant. "Realistic" was sort of implied, and my autistic self understood that literally, as in "something that is physically possible for a human to achieve" - like, I'm not gonna reverse gravity or ride a dragon or anything - but I could write a screenplay. Even though NT people might say a goal was "unrealistic", I never believed it was because humans have and will continue to achieve it. Relevant always felt like a better fit for SMART goals. My proposed acronym is: Specific (accountant for George Lucas is a perfect example) Manageable (as in it can be broken down into smaller steps) Ambitious (as in forcing you to stretch your skills and go outside your comfort zone) Relevant (as in aligned with your life and identity) Time-Bound (as in you give yourself a deadline)
Well, I have achieved my childhood goal in a way, and this reminded me of that, which is quite validating. My goal was to be self-employed and not have to work for a boss. So I have stood 3 years of apprenticeship, to learn a job which I can easily get self-employed with and which I like and which is also rare. This was a tough time for me. And now I am working alone, I have a time flexible job, where I can be completely honest to my customers and don't have to sell anything I don't want to. I don't earn a full living because I am also growing up 4 children. But I achieved my goal.🎉 I often don't see it that way because it's not a big business like I pictured, but it's the goal I had as a 16-year-old. So yey quite a success. I haven't thought of it that way. PS. In the last year, I have started to realize that I probably have Flown under the radar to be recognized with ADHD, because I have somewhat managed my childhood, (and my brothers ADHD was much more noticeable).
So proud of you Jessica! I’m starting on the audiobook tonight and my physical copy is coming tomorrow. You helped me to realize that I needed to get tested for ADHD as an adult. This channel has helped me so much and I’m excited for the amazing resources in your book! ❤
I've never clicked on a video so quickly. I have always despised SMART goals and even when I was tasked with making them at work over the years I rarely actually followed through or even knew how to set them in the first place. I just figured I was lazy or not driven or something. And since then, I've tried to mask along the way with the goals and expectations I've set for myself. Thank you for helping another thing click for me early on in this journey. Let's Go!!
Thank you for being you. I am building a 400sqft Tiny house on wheels with no experience, and it is my current ridiculous goal and I am proud to say the shell is almost complete and I can begin finishing the exterior and finish the interior. Lots of doubt but no one has stopped me instead have been supportive and ...well my proof is on my channel 😊 the book arrives tomorrow and even though I'm not a reader I am ecstatic for its arrival. ...got one for my sister and mom too
The thing about goals is... you don't have to actually reach them in order to accomplish a lot while reaching for them. I was a support staff for developmental disabled adults, and one of them wanted to be president one day. Instead of telling him it wasn't likely to happen, or "bringing him down to reality," we got him involved in local politics, doing some volunteer work, and talking to people who know a lot about the political systems so he could ask questions and put together a plan. And maybe there's no way he would ever have become president, considering his physical and non-physical limitations, but the act of working towards that goal brought him so much happiness! He achieved a lot, and even found paid positions in politics. SMART Goals are more likely to be achieved for most people, sure. But achieving a goal isn't the only way that a goal can be successful. Sometimes just taking steps along the way is an achievement in itself.
"Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound." These are our goals at work every quarter and you've just articulated why I hate them so much and why they always feel like I'm giving up on anything great before I even start. I may share this with our neurodiversity ERG if I can convince myself it's safe to.
UPDATE -- the book is now a USA TODAY and NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER! In its first WEEK!!!!! Thank you to everyone who ordered a copy, I appreciate you so so much for helping make this ridiculously ambitious dream come true!!!
I've never accomplished anything long term before either. And I'm almost 31. I burst into tears over this for you. You did it!! You really did it. 😭😭❤️❤ You CAN DO IT. And nobody can ever take that away!! AAAAAAAH!!
Im so getting it
Congratulations, you deserve it!
Are there plans to release versions in other languages? Would be so happy - Greetings from Germany 🙂
CONGRATS JESSICA! SO PROUD OF TOU! YOU HELPED ME START TO SORT OUT MY NEURODIVERGENCE 🥳🥳🥳
As someone with generalized anxiety disorder and depression it was super validating to hear someone else say that SMART goals don’t help me and could actually make it worse. Thank you!
Me too. I was actually crying this morning.
Yes, hard relate! I was just today talking with my therapist about how traditional goals don't usually work out for me (especially in regards to motivation) and trying to tease out some other way to frame things. I'm looking forward to reading this book even more now.
Me too!
@@MiracleAngel20❤❤❤ hugs❤❤❤
This is making me think. When I was 16, I decided I wanted to become a professional ballerina. I had barely any dance background but I was determined, despite this being an incredibly unrealistic goal. I've always had trouble sticking to daily routines but my goal inspired me to stretch every day for years. I had terrible social anxiety but my dream gave me the strength to go to classes, summer schools, and auditions by myself.
I'm now 33, and although I never became a professional dancer, dance is still a huge and wonderful part of my life.
Getting into ballet led to me trying and falling in love with so many other types of dancing, learning so much about myself, having amazing experiences and meeting wonderful people.
Looking back, 16 year old me never had the slightest chance of becoming a professional ballerina, but I'm so, so glad I tried and ended up cementing dance as a core part of my life and identity.
I love this because it shows a different side to "success". Many would say that if you don't meet the end goal that you have failed, but you failed UPWARD! You may not have met the original goal, but as you said, the journey was worth it. I love this mindset shift, and thank you for telling your story!
Yes, exactly! That's the spirit! It's the challenge that matters. ❤
One of my managers at work is a fan of the "Shoot for the moon, if you fail then you'll still land among the stars" types of goals. I think one of the other important things is building in the accountability - there are monthly check-ins to see how these lofty goals are going, and to talk through the next steps and any problems.
Problem is the stars are further than the moon. 🤣
@@taoist32 And you're already among the stars here on Earth. We're orbiting one as we speak.
I noticed that if I don't enjoy the ride, reaching the goal feels hollow. I still reach for the stars, but I am making my space journey as comfy and fun as possible.
@@taoist32u definitely got the tism
My old boss was like that also, and the new one I got only WANT stats and don't even care how we get it :S
Feels so stressful.
When I was a kid I had ADHD at the time it was called ADD or Minimal Brain Damage (MBD) can you believe that lol. My teachers told me that I might not graduate highschool. I wanted to go to law school. Guess what I graduated from Law School and passed the bar. My dream was lofty but It motivated the heck out of me. Everyone please have lofty dreams.
I love this so much. Congrats on passing the bar, that's so awesome!
Woah that’s huge! Congrats man!
@@Nerodotnet Thank you. Never let anyone tell you you can't do something
I think this is what a lot of neurotypicals would interpret as "Remember your why." For many people, their "why" (or reason or desire) is focused on a value, like "I have a goal to build an exercise habit because I value health and staying well to spend time with my family." But in this case, the "why" is an ambitious challenge or a special interest.
I got goosebumps listening to this because I've been self-sabotaging and dismissing a lot of my goals. But screw it, I'm going to say it now: My goal is to write a bestselling fantasy series and have a backlist of over 20 books. It's pretty ambitious. I think I want to go the independent publisher route. But writing 20 books? That's a lot. It's going to be hard, because writing even 1 book is hard! But ohhhhh my goodness, do I really want that. And I think wanting it is enough of a motivation. I don't need to start planning out things with the SMART tool (which has never been successful for me... I have lived my whole life thinking I'm neurotypical, but lately I've been questioning that). I need to just remember my challenge. The mountain I'm climbing. The satisfaction of getting to the top and going, "I did a really, really hard thing... And I am so proud of myself."
I believe in you man!! Since we're working up the courage to say it out loud, my goal is to make a living out of comics and art. We can do this!! And even if things don't work out as planned, I'm sure the journey itself will be worth it 😁
Love this video. This quote from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland perfectly summarizes how I feel about goal setting.
"Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
I love this quote! For as mixed as the opinion on the live action Alice movies is, I’ll always be glad that a version of this quote made it in.
Wonderful comment! 🏆 💯
@@thefinalfrontear I love the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland. It's my favourite Johnny Depp role.
You must have been sitting in on my last two appointments with different providers 😂
In all seriousness, thank you for the work and advocacy you do. ♥️
Thank you, I always HATED SMART goals and I could never totally understand why. I don't want to plan out my whole damn life and have a new goal every week. The entire reason I did so well in college was because I wanted to go to vet school. I graduated in 2020 and never did go to vet school... but I graduated with a 3.6 in biology, 3.8 if you only count the science courses. That goal fueled me.
So I usually don't support creators. I am deep in debt and I have little money to spare. When I was listening to Jessica, I was happy that the patrons support her and how beautiful it is that they helped to create funds for this book. And then I realized that I actually do support her on Patreon since forever. It is just a dollar a month, a grandfathered tier that's not being able to be chosen anymore. I will not buy the book, it costs too much for me and I don't read anyway. But I am very happy I was able to help at least a little bit 🧠💙
If you create the audible free trial you can listen to it for free :) be sure to unsubscribe though ;)
I'm broke too. I'm gonna ask my library if they have the book. The more people who ask the libraries about a certain book, the sooner they are to purchase one to loan out. I love reading but I'm too broke to buy books. And the library does actually buy new books if enough people ask. Maybe check your library. They might not have it right away but if it's popular enough they might buy it ^_^
“Let’s do this ridiculous thing in a more realistic way”
Literally where I’m at right now. Thanks for putting it in words Jessica ❤
Man the George Lucas story hits me in the feels. I'm ADHD my wife is autistic and we have two boys have both ADHS and ASD. This is so hopeful. Thanks for what you do!
Damn, this is really hitting home as someone who realized that a lot of passion and ambition I used to have kinda just.... disappeared. And I don't really think I can 'dream big' anymore or decide what to work towards, because who am I to know what to shoot for or what's possible/impossible for me?
I'm crying right now. I'm 42 years old. I've dreamed of having my stories written as books since I was 10 and I gave up that dream because I didn't think I could do it.
Your book is on my desk at home (delivered today) and I am aching to leave work and go read it.
WHEN I publish my first book, I will ABSOLUTELY mention you because you have restored my faith that I can do this.
But what if you don’t have a fiery, ambitious goal? What if you don’t really have a goal at all? This is what I struggle with, and it means my motivation is always low. I’d love to hear a perspective on finding these goals when hanging on to a single project is a monumental challenge all by itself!
You can’t always force it, sometimes it just happens while we’re busy doing other things. You naturally gravitate towards it! I’m in the same boat, but I think a fiery ambitious goal puts too much pressure on me, so i’m trying to be content with just seeing what happens and doing what I can/want!
Idk if this helps!
I'm between big goals at the moment but as someone who's always struggled with formal goal setting I've always found the ones I've had come from indulging in reading about/learning random stuff and just leaning into it, finding parts of it interesting and becoming obsessed with it
Your goal is always aligned with something you good at,
@@drodlaren Actually, it does help! Sometimes I forget that just making it day to day can be a valid goal.
This is what I kept thinking too.
This was EXACTLY my experience with my master's thesis. I didn't realize it, but hearing you talk about this, and how your brain worked through this, and how you were able to write this, it's so accurate. I was SO lucky to have someone who didn't tell me to be 'more realistic' or go for a smaller goal, she gave me accountability, she brought me to different places to write, helped me put my ideas in order when they were all jumbled, showed me where I was combining too many things into one chapter, etc.
Now, I feel like I've kinda forgotten how to do that, how to dream big and really feel motivated, and I think that's what I'm lacking. It's so important to have that huge goal to shoot for, and it's really interesting that you always hear 'shoot for the moon' but also to be more realistic with making goals. :"D
Okay so now I'm crying at my desk because you understand me--I'm so used to calling my impossible goals my fatal flaw. I never thought I could consider them a strength and another tool in my toolbelt. Just bought the book and can't wait to get reading!
Everyone always told me I get a bee in my bonnet, saying I have these goals but forget about them later or don't achieve them. I can't wait to read the book!
“Sometimes the ‘impossible’ goals are the only goals it is possible for us to achieve.” Powerful and inspiring!
The concept of SMART goals has actually been really helpful for me as a person with ADHD, but I agree with you in the sense that neurodivergent people like us need goals that are not too easy & goals that actually match our passions and the things we care about! 😊💕🙏🏾
I agree. The SMART goals are the stepping stones that make the road to the big drems ✨
I pre ordered the book when I heard about it and it’s arriving today. I’m SO excited 😆
Aw yay thank you for ordering it!!! Hope you enjoy!
Whaaat mine says March! 😢 damn amazonnnnn
It is so amazing
@@therealzahyra the hardback comes out today, the paperback in March - but a lot of places don't have the hardback 🙁 - ordered mine from Blackwell's (UK) if that helps
Still staring out the window here willing the Amazon driver to appear with mine... Lol... So excited for the delivery today
Big goals matter to anyone, especially for neurodivergent folks. Thanks for stating this so eloquently using your experience with your book. Congrats on your achievement!
That is so cool ! I want to become an author who lives through books and when the books get too hard or long to work on, I tell myself "it's just impossible to become a professionnal author without writing things for others" and then I want to prove it wrong and motivation comes right back
The timing on this is fortuitous. I just finished a therapy appointment and saw this video pop up shortly after and.. it made me realize I've been trying to hard to set realistic expectations and goals for myself for this thing I'm trying to do this year.. that.. it doesn't seem that exciting.
I'm trying to keep myself from being disappointed in the future, but like.. if I get disappointed, it'll only be for a little bit, right? Better to be full of fire and energy to do the thing for the next month or two than to hold myself back from dreaming big and never really doing it.
my secret sauce that completely turned my motivation around (to the point that my therapist was literally surprised) is a big, ambitious, over the moon goal, then break it down into steps, but the steps are mini, achievable, SMART goals
Exciting goals, that totally makes sense!! I do really like SMART goals, but I sincerely respect that others may not. I'm a computer scientist by schooling and trade, and the fundamental aspect of computer programming involves taking a large problem and breaking it down into small problems. For me, the little problems are the SMART goals. They are simple and easy to understand (i.e. I can hold them in my working memory and not forget them). But, yes, by themselves they are boring. This idea of excitement is fantastic. There should be a large exciting goal that spans the smaller uninteresting goals. It's this larger, awesome goal that I have forgotten to set for myself. Thank you for sharing this!
Yesss!!! I always disagreed with the idea that you cant consistently rely on motivation/inspiration... i need it, it drives me! I nurture it daily!
My goals are so out there, so enormous, I keep most of them secret! I dream of them almost daily. My desire and zest for life grow even bigger than my obstacles and challenges!
I started crying when I heard that we can do it in a adhd friendly way. There is no „universal correct” way, just effective ways for different people. I gained faith in my dreams after your talk in this podcast. Thank you, good job with a book and let’s goooo do some fantastic things!
As a middle-aged person with ADHD who just graduated with her M.S. in Counseling I want to give this video two thumbs up! If realistic goals were motivating, I wouldn’t have gone to school! Thanks for sharing your journey. I agree we need big dreams to motivate us through obstacles. Unfortunately, SMART goals for clients were really hammered in by my supervisors, but I think it’s because the “specific” part is so hard for me (okay, how do we figure out the next step to make it happen). I know how good it feels to have a physical thing that exists in the world because you had a dream/vision and worked (with others of course) to make it come true. It’s amazing, right?!?! Very happy for you, enjoy!
Maybe SMART is just a way to achieve the accountability that Jessica is talking about? I haven’t thought this through, I just got inspired by your comment.
I wish I could give this video more than one like. Constantly being berated by certain family members over my lifetime about how "I'm not being realistic" always crushed what I was trying to do.
I sincerely needed to her this today! Thank you! I have set out to start my own company and I ran into road blocks and trying to scale down and quit has really been depressing, now I know why!
You have no idea of how much I needed to listen to this right now.
But seriously why do I get teary eyes with so many of your videos?
Congratulations on the book being out in stores!
I got diagnosed this last year. Unfortunately, I've run out of goals/dreams. With all the twists, turns, and desert island stops just to get to my age, all goals have at some point been abandoned. It sounds horrible, but it's just a reckoning. I try on new goals now and then but nothing that lights my fire. 🤷
Anyone out there who has an inkling of a goal - pursue it! 🎯
Maybe it's time to try on some of those old goals and see if they still fit?
The direction is so much more important than the end objective for me-I want to do/experience the thing, not get the thing done. This idea of big lofty goals works with this because it’s more about vision and inspiration rather than realistic, measured progress, which is what SMART goals value
I'm a special education teacher and this is so true! A big part of the IEP at the high school level is called Transitions Planning. For a while, I felt like it was my job to move students from unrealistic goals to realistic goals.
One of my students wanted to be a makeup artist. In my head, I was like there is no way this is going to happen. You live in Minnesota and there is no chance of this happening. But 10 years later, sure as shit, she pops up on my Instagram and she's a makeup artist!
So, I learned to never doubt my students desires, but to use them as guides for them.
The purpose of smart goals, really, is for therapists to put them in their treatment plans so they can measure the success of the client. That's not the only way we measure success, but it's a way to put it on paper. I was kind of not digging this video until you brought up "Going about it in an ADHD-friendly way." My big goal, which I recently accomplished, was graduating with a master's degree in counseling (A fellow counselor and I at my internship absolutely love yours and Dani Donovan's work). For me that lofty goal wouldn't have happened without setting smaller, "SMART" goals in place. Goals that had to do with prioritizing, self care, and, like you said, working with my ADHD brain and not against it. For me SMART goals aren't about limiting what I can do, but it helps me break down lofty goals that are intimidating to smaller steps so that it's less scary. I guess what got me through my lofty goal was not watering it down into something easier, but breaking it down so that accomplishing it was easier.
I think the closest comparable would be the bullet journal book as being part memoir, part how to, and adhd friendly as well as somewhat adhd informative/helpful, but certainly not a direct or 1-1 comparison.
So proud of you for completing this amazing feat/goal and look forward to getting a copy myself. ❤
THANK you, I've struggled a lot recently with goals, I've been so burned out by my struggles getting anywhere with my life in the past ten years, I've slowly whittled down my ambitions into smaller, more realistic objectives. It seemed pointless to make goals so big if I was only going to be disappointed.
But I've had more than a few people who have wanted me to push for the goals that set me on fire, and this video reminded me of why that's important. So, halfway through the year, time to get spicy with those goals!
I've sat through so many work/mentorship meetings forcing me to write down SMART goals and time after time I've felt they were incredibly frustrating. Thanks for this one!
It's at my library. All.the copies are currently checked out. So glad people like it!
Thank you for validating my two really big long-term goals:
1) My fiancée and I want to open a Medieval-themed camping and event site, mainly for LARP, by the end of 2025.
2) I am sewing most of the costume pieces for our wedding party. The bard and the rogue are going off on an adventure, and 11 of our friends as the other D&D classes are going to be in our wedding party! That's 16 costumes (separate costumes for the two of us, for the wedding and reception, plus a vest for the beastmaster ranger's service dog). That's a *lot*, especially for the level of quality of the garments I'm expecting myself to achieve.
People have been telling me I'm nuts for goal #2, but we want to open our business first anyway (so we don't have to pay for a venue), so I have time. And my fiancée and I are *very* particular about what we want our wedding to be, so it's worth it to me to put in that amount of time and effort. Thank you for the validation 💜
I also have ambitious goals. And now? I'm a policy director for my local political party. And I also moderate for a few RUclips channels. I totally agree, Aiming high is not a bad thing. 😊
...Except chores. Because _oh my god_ wall of awful. 😢
"the information I was putting in these chapters would have to be a book on their own" - yes!! my grad school experience!!! wanting to write a book on my niche research topic when i had to write a thesis really tripped me up.. but now I want to go back and write that book!!!
I just got the audible notification about the boom release. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RELEASING AN AUDIO BOOK VERSION, with my neurodivergency I struggle alot with being able to sit down and read but I love books and audio books are the way I can.
I've been following your channel ever since I had to leave my university because of my ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I couldn't stop watching your videos and learning systems to navigate the world. What has inspired me most has been your conversation around ableism, what you've learned from it, and how much you empower people through this channel to do what works for them and ignore an ableist society that often limits and fills neurodivergent people with guilt. (A bit of a tangent ik.) I am so excited to read your book! I want to become an architect and design houses for disabilities while having a work-life balance, something I've never had before! It sounds impossible; I'll take your advice and see if having an impossible goal makes it all the more possible! (I think you're on to something with this!)
One thing I learned, as an educator, and for myself, set the ridiculous goal, don’t make all goals ridiculous or they may work against each other, but do it. Then, work to achieve the goal by breaking it down into realistic bites. And don’t shut down someone else’s goals. Help them figure out how to get there. Point out possible obstacles but also solutions. If it isn’t meant to be, the universe will correct it.
I think this is true for some people, but backfires if you fall into all-or-nothing mind traps (ie, if it feels like I won't be able to do Big Goal, then I will abandon everything about this)
It also only works for people with enough resources/support/safety nets/etc.
Thank you for reminding me to genuinely dream BIG instead of trying to fit my dreams into the tiny box of what's "realistic". My life has gone through a lot of upheaval in the last year and as I've been trying to give it new direction I've struggled to find motivation, but I think that if I dare to dream "unrealistic" dreams with my whole heart behind them then I will finally find my new path.
As a high school student who has been contemplating whether or not I'm neurodivergent for a while now, thank you so much for what you're doing. Your videos have seriously helped me as a person who isn't able to get the treatment needed while also living in a country where autism specifically is heavily stigmatized
I just got the book via Audible, simply because your voice calms me down and enables me to focus on things very well❤ I don't know how much I'll be able to listen to it bc my main focus is on working on my childhood trauma🥲 But I now have it, and I'll find mental capacity for it eventually😊 It's so amazing to see you thrive in a world made for neurotypical people! Much love from Germany. Thank you, Jessica! We're all incredibly proud of and inspired by you writing this book!❤
Congrats on your book! You can tell that you put your heart into this book and want to help your community! Love your tips about goals, for example, taking breaks, finding ways to make the goal fun or cozy, and using tools or systems that will help you achieve your goals! Mariane Cresp has a video called how to use a self-care/break list on her channel where is talks about 3 types of breaks and Jashii Corrin has some goal planning videos and live videos where she discusses having a low-bar goal and high bar goal. For example, exercise 5 minute would be low-bar and exercise 45 min will be high- bar. She would color in the goal in her journal with different colors according to low-bar or high-bar. I those ideas, too!
I ordered the book. I invested in a Certified Industrial Hygienist course (less than 7,000 in the world), but I also want to start a corporate Toastmasters club, and am working more than full time. Prioritization and scheduling are definitely needed. And I really want at least a small semblance of a normal home/personal life. Oh my! But I need my Winter breaks to hibernate. Glad you mentioned scheduling time off.
I never make SMART goals. I knew from when I was a kid that the only things I felt passion to pursue were things that I made out to be epic. Otherwise, I'm very prone to apathy. But I do break down the big goals with mini-levels--because I love savoring journeys. It wasn't until I was older that I appreciated the aspect of not being overwhelming. Growing up, it was crafting my story arc.
I've spent 38 years lost from the SMART goals set by schools and others. And I've spent the last 2 years with my AMBITIOUS goals becoming a program lead at my school, and building a program for others like me. As I tell my students "I don't need you to be like all of them, I need you to be all of you, which is AMAZING. Go break something, be scared, be awesome, be different. You got my support".
I can't wait to read your book :)
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars” - Norman Vincent Peale
Wow that's exactly what I needed to hear as an ADHDer with a new Autism diagnosis. I need my crazy dream, but is it holding me back from settling in my disabilities or is it propelling me forward on a journey of finding myself. Thanks Jessica!
One dream I have, thanks to you, is for your book to be translated to Swedish, so I can give it to my mom. Because she tries, she truly tries, but she doesn't always understand and this book would probably be perfect for her.
Thanks to you and this channel I realised that not only do I have autism, I also have ADHD and this channel gave me so many tips to figure out that part of my brain and I've come to the realisation that I need meds to be able to do tasks, so I've requested evaluation, which will take years, but at least it's started.
So thank you, truly thank you
This brought me to tears. My loving, caring, also neurodivergent (autism) wife tries to keep me grounded...tries to manage my expectations...tries to keep me from risking too much. She means the absolute best, but it's counterproductive. All of the craziest, most notable things I've done in my life have been the result of setting an insane, unattainable goal...and then achieving it anyway.
I am so happy for you, I just bought your book, and I am going to set my sights back on the sky.
This is an absolutely brilliant observation and idea. All successful projects were ridiculously difficult to pull off in the first place OR subconsciously delayed for so long that they became difficult.
My job has had tons of these moments. "We don't improve the process or architecture or documentation, we REWRITE IT FROM SCRATCH!"
For reasons I now understand, the tiniest edits on existing things were horrible and dreadful. Working ten times as much to rewrite the whole thing from scratch and make it the best thing it could be was always much... easier to pull off. "Edit three pages and add a table in the annex" was always far far worse to do than "rewrite 15 pages, beautify the layout and throw out that stupid annex nobody needs anymore". And not just more motivating, it was objectively better for everyone and the whole thing was good afterwards, and people finally used it to improve their own work and not just check off company regulation.
So, off to set lofty goals for all the things now.
Thank you so much! I've been forced to make SMART goals in so many programs and classes, it's such a demoralizing experience.
Hi Jessica,
I appreciate the motivation, but I want to be the voice of caution here. Goals beeing achiveable is important too, I try to do more than I can do. Like most folk i got to know in the adhd-community. I needed quite some time to accept not to achive my goals. If I would expect this of me I would break in a few months. The autor of the articles mentions a study. In this study the people who hated their job was twice as high when they choose hard goals.
I think you are right. Just wanted to add that the difference between expectations and goals is important and that not everyone is in a good position to push themself. healing comes first.
I just got my copy of the book. That plus this video are helping me to recenter myself on getting my thesis done. Thanks and great job you’ve helped me and many others so much! Edit: I think I may have figured out why graduate school has gotten so much more difficult. I think I lost my ridiculous goal now I need to refind one.
The joy I felt at this already being an audiobook so quickly and read by you too, THANK YOU... Looking forward to listening!
This explains a lot - I've had so many partially completed projects driven by some overly ambitious goal, yet there's so many basic things I can't bring myself to do
ADHD Brain here. I was diagnosed just a few months ago at the age 38. I got tested at my son’s therapist’s suggestion. He was diagnosed with autism early last year. The past four months have been an absolute roller coaster of discovery. This channel has been a bit of a guide for me and incredibly eye opening. It’s been a challenge for sure, but very relieving to know why struggles seemed different to me that to others. Just knowing what I’m working with has changed my outlook.
Thank you Jessica, I look forward to reading your book.
This so perfectly encapsulates how I’m feeling about my life right now. I was so depressed for so long about my brain-I wanted to at least be able to do the bare minimum, to graduate, to stay alive. But that was all so uninspiring and miserable. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to live like this forever. I hit rock bottom.
But then the people around me helped me, supported me, loved me unconditionally-and believed in me. So when I said I wanted to do music, just to try it out, they encouraged me to try. They praised my early stuff. They hyped me up when I wanted to try new things.
And here we are, 6 years later. I’m not a professional musician yet, but I’m on my way. I went to music school, I make my own songs, I’m medicated and more organized than ever, and I’m learning more about myself every day. And I’m thrilled to be alive.
No one told me that I had to dream big, but it was genuinely a matter of life or death for me. If I didn’t chase something that challenged me, that compelled me, that excited me, I wouldn’t have moved at all. And now I’m chasing a dream, and even if I don’t succeed, there will always be more things to chase. I have to believe that what I want to do is possible, even if it doesn’t exist yet.
So congratulations on your book, and I’m so happy you’re happy and thriving! May we all shoot for the moon-even if we miss, we’ll land among the stars. 💫
The book sounds great! To be fair you can STILL make a whole book on each chapter! But having just the succinct overview version as a first book is amazing! :)
Just received your book! Just took it out of the box and read the introduction and note on language. Thank you for making it ADHD friendly for reading. The short paragraphs and extra white space make reading so much easier. Thank you for the note on language - it somehow makes me feel welcomed; maybe because you acknowledge individual preferences and the importance of kindness. Looking forward to getting into the meat of the book.
As a 55 year old who only received a diagnosis of ADHD or even heard of ADHD in adults a year ago, I am struggling with how to transition from life as a struggle to life as a curious adventure, I appreciate this resource.
Omg I'm crying, I needed this so much. I have a *huge* lofty goal and I've stalled on it because life has been getting in the way. Every time I try to take a step towards it a new obstacle gets in the way. Thank you for encouraging me to not give up on my dream just because it's so ambitious ❤
Oh, I've felt this. One small example: my mom keeps telling me to do a sewing project "the most simple and basic idea" and I just know that if I do this, I won't gather enough motivation to even start. I need to have an exciting idea to kick myself into gear, the most basic one won't cut it
Thank you so much for writing this book. I bought it to help me understand better and be able to help my little brother. He got diagnosed last year, no one on my family knows a thing about ADHD, but I’m willing to learn. Your channel and now your book have been some of the best tools I have found. Thank you ❤
About to go check out the book! Just learned a couple of weeks ago I had ADHD & found this channel. Glad toknow what was going on in my brain. Good luck on everything with the book & channel.
Your book arrived today!! Hope I get to read it soon. Was woken up with a disaster that completely destroyed any hope of a good mood and pointed out what a waste of human flesh I am, so I haven't been able to enjoy or even look at it yet. I'm sure I'll love it when/if I get a chance to read it!
I don't set goals. I learned when I was a teenager that it's futile, because it'll never happen, and no one ever approved or supported me, and I was just always told how stupid my goals were or some other reason why they were not something to try for and usually with reasons attached to the discouragement that I couldn't argue against. My parents always even told me that it's a parent's duty to destroy all dreams their kids have. I will say, they did a great job. I will forever feel incompetent at everything thanks to them.
I pre-ordered the digital version from Amazon. Then forgot I pre-ordered the digital version and ordered it from Google. So now I have two copies, one of which I'm going to share with a friend. Congratulations on a ridiculously wonderful achievement!
Everyone is talking about their new book, get their book, and honestly I love all of these creators and I'm kind of tired about hearing about the books they've written. Partly because I'm jealous because I'm so depressed and I can't get myself to write the book I've always wanted to. I don't feel strong enough to be in these spaces and be my authentic self.
I started watching your channel a couple months before the pandemic because I found out at 30 I had ADHD and ASD. I have loved your channel and I have learned so much about myself and have appreciated every moment.
I haven't purchased any of these new books from all my favorite creators who honestly have such a close place in my heart same as you. But as you were describing your impossible goal, that reading your book should feel like I binged watched your whole channel(which I have done a couple times), watching your ted talk, etc, etc, and sitting down to have a coffee with you in that moment I have never gone to audible so fast and bought a book, and after I was like I hope she narrated it too and went back to check.
Jessica, thank you for being you, I don't know what this journey I'm on would look like without you. I'm excited to learn more with you. You have made a profound difference on my life.
I just got your kindle version of your book! I'm so excited to go through it! I came across your channel as a 'mature' student and mom in 2018. The middle school kids, in the placement I was in, was watching your Ted talk and I was hooked from there. I was still not diagnosed until 2019 but was pretty confident I had ADHD since middle school and was exploring a diagnosis for my then grade 2 son. I am SO grateful for your channel, for the work you put into this community and I want to extend the most biggest and warmest congratulations to you for completing this book and making it available to your community! I am a proud member of this community. You are amazing, keep being you!
I just got my pre-order delivered today! Cant wait to read later.
CGP Grey has a video on using themes instead of goals. It was very similar to the type of goals mentioned here. I switched to using themes this year. And then goals are just learning experiments for me. That reframing has helped a lot because ive never been good with traditional goals or smart goals.
Maybe some content ideas here but would love to see some videos going more in depth on the writing process. Ive always been terrified of writing not because of the actual writing but because im so bad with writing by deadlines. So would love to see how you wrote while not getting stuck for too long and having a two year book turn into a 10 year book.
First WOW what a different perspective on goals. Then I thought differently too. Your goal was achievable. You did it because no one told you that you could not. You did not limit yourself. I went off to college not knowing to years later that my parents thought I probably would fail. They knew it would be better to try and fail than never know if I could. I have a masters in special education. My passion was to help students, who like me, did not fit well in the standard education system. I taught for 30 years.
Congratulations on your book.
Of all of your video's I watched over SO many years, and some of which are downright amazing, this one spoke to me SO MUCH. I'm 44 and as a kid I rarely felt the kind of support you describe here and I let go of so many of my dreams believing they were impossible for me to achieve. Thankfully it is never too late to accomplish at least some of them later in life. But through this video I now realized what I need to ask for from others when a goal is really important for me. I need to accept that I need support, and I need to ASK for it from people who will hopefully not judge me. Much more than I already do.
Just ordered your book!
My copy just arrived this afternoon and I'm really excited to dig into it! I also love the idea of having lofty goals over realistic ones, it's so easy to lose motivation due to boredom or feeling like I'm "settling" unless I'm working towards something truly great.
Cool!, another crying 42-year-old here. I see one in the comments just now, because Not only am I excited about your book, but this is exactly message I needed to hear right now. My dreams are huge, and I am the one who keeps telling me that it's not a realistic goal and that playing small is smart because what I'm doing is a huge risk. The thing is, if we pull it off, myself and my people in my corner, who are so capable but we are all AutDHD, this project could help tons of people and become a self-sustaining perpetual thing helping people after we're gone. I need to stop telling myself I can't and maybe just... Try to see if I can!!!
Kindle edition bc I'm moving but will buy hardcover soon as I'm settled in a few months!
Talk about synchronicity!
I just found out this morning that I'm finally going to be able to start working toward my "Big Dream" - one I've had, in some form, since I was little. I'm now 58 and bedbound. I thought it was a lost cause.
As of this year, our state has a program which pays for tuition & fees to a state college or university for residents who qualify.
I qualify.
So I can now go get a degree after taking classes about art history, music history, literature, cultures, sociology, philosophy, etc.
I've barely looked into it and have found two online bachelor degree programs (Humanities or English w/Humanities minor) that I'm interested in.
I need to get the chaos of my life down to a dull roar before I start classes this summer and that's where the SMART goals will come in.
With AuADHD, I need both the ridiculously ambitious goal *and* the SMART - let's call them goalettes (goalees sound like hockey players 😉) .
Man this makes so much sense. I realize now how my lack of motivation for my performance degree was directly corelated to when i started seeing "being a performer as a profession" as an unrealistic goal.
Its like, i need two types of goals. A big goal that may seem unrealistic, or a goal that is difficult to fail. My new years resolutions are usually the difficult to fail kind. Because big goals I'm excited about dont come to me at a specific time of year haha
Oh I really like that!! Two types of goals. I think I might be the same actually…I need easy wins in addition to big challenges
I was just able to finish watching the video before ordering your book...preorders drive me crazy, so I had to wait for the sentence to change from "can be preorderes wherever books are sold" to "can now buy this book everywhere books are sold" 🤩
❤️❤️❤️ There have been some very significant periods in my life that I truly believe having an impossible goal was THE reason I survived. Thank you so much for speaking this to my heart. ❤️❤️❤️
"Sometimes the impossible goals are the only ones that's possible for us to achieve"
Hits hard though
I have a lot of problems with SMART goals and the "R" is definitely one of them, happy to hear I'm not alone.
Thanks for narrating the book for audio, so keen to continue to have your voice in my ears for this ride! Starting the book tonight.
This was a beautiful video. Something I needed to hear as well as my inner child. Not only was I told my "big dreams" were unrealistic, I was told ANY dream was unrealistic. Going to college, getting/keeping a full time job, moving states, being an artist, being in a healthy relationship, buying a home etc etc. Even though I accomplished some of those things, eventually I became so defeated I stopped dreaming or trying. Who are we to tell a child what is realistic or not? I'm looking forward to reading your book ❤ 📚
Wow! The timing of this video is helpful. My 18 yo son who was diagnosed with adhd in 6th grade just announced he wants to be a doctor. We never saw that coming. He’s currently testing the waters in his first year of college. I really wasn’t sure how to support him (dream big vs reality). I did send him a link about steps to become a doctor; he hasn’t opened it, yet. How does someone with adhd get through generals, premed, med school and internship?
I just ordered the book 😃 My big goal for this year is building our first house together with my husband. I’m super excited to do all the work like insulation, drywall, painting, flooring together and to have all the space for adhd friendly organization 😊
I did this with learning to play Hymns on the piano. Instead of starting with the easy ones, I went for way harder ones that I liked a lot more. One was in four flats, and the other was in a tenor clef, causing your hands to constantly intertwine. I only ever learned those two, but I actually learned them. If I'd started with easy ones that I liked less, I wouldn't have ever practiced more than a handful of times
Decades before I realized my neurotype, the quote "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars," really resonated with me. Aim for the ridiculous thing so that when you fall short, it's still amazing.
"I had no idea how I can do it, but I knew it would be super cool"
I love that mindset!
I recently listened to the audiobook, through my local library. Thank you SO much for not only sharing so much about yourself, about ADHD, and the mindsets and tools, but for reading the audiobook yourself. Hearing it in YOUR voice made a huge difference in how I received and understood what you were saying.
About halfway through the audiobook, I realized I’d want to look back at certain sections, so I also needed the actual, physical book. Now when I pick it up and read, I hear it (mentally) in your voice, with your emphasis. Thank you for helping me understand.
This video gives the quote
"Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars."
a whole new meaning!!! Perfectly timed video as I'm working on defining my personal goals for this year! This AuDHD'er thanks you!!!
I had learned SMART goals using a different definition for R: Relevant. "Realistic" was sort of implied, and my autistic self understood that literally, as in "something that is physically possible for a human to achieve" - like, I'm not gonna reverse gravity or ride a dragon or anything - but I could write a screenplay. Even though NT people might say a goal was "unrealistic", I never believed it was because humans have and will continue to achieve it. Relevant always felt like a better fit for SMART goals.
My proposed acronym is:
Specific (accountant for George Lucas is a perfect example)
Manageable (as in it can be broken down into smaller steps)
Ambitious (as in forcing you to stretch your skills and go outside your comfort zone)
Relevant (as in aligned with your life and identity)
Time-Bound (as in you give yourself a deadline)
Well, I have achieved my childhood goal in a way, and this reminded me of that, which is quite validating. My goal was to be self-employed and not have to work for a boss. So I have stood 3 years of apprenticeship, to learn a job which I can easily get self-employed with and which I like and which is also rare. This was a tough time for me.
And now I am working alone, I have a time flexible job, where I can be completely honest to my customers and don't have to sell anything I don't want to. I don't earn a full living because I am also growing up 4 children. But I achieved my goal.🎉
I often don't see it that way because it's not a big business like I pictured, but it's the goal I had as a 16-year-old. So yey quite a success. I haven't thought of it that way.
PS. In the last year, I have started to realize that I probably have Flown under the radar to be recognized with ADHD, because I have somewhat managed my childhood, (and my brothers ADHD was much more noticeable).
So proud of you Jessica! I’m starting on the audiobook tonight and my physical copy is coming tomorrow. You helped me to realize that I needed to get tested for ADHD as an adult. This channel has helped me so much and I’m excited for the amazing resources in your book! ❤
I've never clicked on a video so quickly. I have always despised SMART goals and even when I was tasked with making them at work over the years I rarely actually followed through or even knew how to set them in the first place. I just figured I was lazy or not driven or something. And since then, I've tried to mask along the way with the goals and expectations I've set for myself. Thank you for helping another thing click for me early on in this journey. Let's Go!!
Thank you for being you. I am building a 400sqft Tiny house on wheels with no experience, and it is my current ridiculous goal and I am proud to say the shell is almost complete and I can begin finishing the exterior and finish the interior. Lots of doubt but no one has stopped me instead have been supportive and ...well my proof is on my channel 😊 the book arrives tomorrow and even though I'm not a reader I am ecstatic for its arrival. ...got one for my sister and mom too
The thing about goals is... you don't have to actually reach them in order to accomplish a lot while reaching for them. I was a support staff for developmental disabled adults, and one of them wanted to be president one day. Instead of telling him it wasn't likely to happen, or "bringing him down to reality," we got him involved in local politics, doing some volunteer work, and talking to people who know a lot about the political systems so he could ask questions and put together a plan.
And maybe there's no way he would ever have become president, considering his physical and non-physical limitations, but the act of working towards that goal brought him so much happiness! He achieved a lot, and even found paid positions in politics.
SMART Goals are more likely to be achieved for most people, sure. But achieving a goal isn't the only way that a goal can be successful. Sometimes just taking steps along the way is an achievement in itself.
"Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound." These are our goals at work every quarter and you've just articulated why I hate them so much and why they always feel like I'm giving up on anything great before I even start. I may share this with our neurodiversity ERG if I can convince myself it's safe to.