11:54 I got perfect grades in school, honor roll all through college. I would stay up until 2-3 AM every single night and mostly sleep through the day. Parents didn’t care because oh wow what a studious child. I never socialized outside of school so I had no baseline for how long homework was supposed to take. But my grades were so good! Now I can’t hold down a job. Can’t do my laundry. Can’t clean up, can’t hold appointments. Can’t remember people’s names. Can’t remember what day it is. Life with adhd is hell. I swear to god if one more person tells me it’s a hidden superpower EDIT: Returning to this thread after a while. First off, thank you everyone for such heartfelt and thoughtful comments. This has been so productive for me to re-examine. Second, when I wrote this I was in poor spirits and I’m happy to say that I’ve been doing much better as of late. I’m taking steps to improve my life and I’m excited to see where my next steps take me. Thanks for all the support and advice.
This is very similar to my life too. That I’m autistic doesn’t make it easier. I basically gave up because the anxiety is so bad and I developed chronic pain. My partner is a physics engineer, so we’re not starving, but in Scandinavia it’s considered very embarrassing that someone is mostly supported by their partner.. 😢 my adhd and autism are very very disabling things for me that feel like illnesses 😫 so I can totally relate even if I’m not as bright and I’m a college dropout. I finished almost all of it though, at a really good university too. But for what… 😢
I was the same way when i moved in to an apartment with my friends i got kicked out once and just a bunch of shit but once i have a routine i dont do anything else. So now when i come home its easy because im not just the dishwasher im the frickan god of dishes or just whatever i end up doing. Im always developing new methods to make my life easy thats part of the whole hyperfocusing crap it seems useless at first but now i would say i really enjoy it although i have my bad moments😅
It's almost never mentioned that ADHD is way under-diagnosed because it presents differently in girls than it does in boys. Girls with ADHD are often not hyperactive. They are more often inattentive, and just get labeled with 'lazy,' and 'troublemakers.' If they tell people they need help, they're dismissed and told to try harder. Whole lives are wasted because they can't get the help they need because they're not taken seriously. It is a real issue, and it needs to be made known so people stop dismissing girls and women so they can get the help they need.
I don't think that's really a male/female thing, I was told constantly that I was "just being lazy" and "needed to apply myself" in school and I'm a guy. I think most people with ADHD are told that.
@@Brave_SJ they are told that. But boys are more often referred for testing because the presentation of inattentiveness in boys is often a trigger for diagnosis. Girls are referred for evaluation far less. It's still thought of as a boy's diagnosis.
I’ve been trying to shift my thinking of this problem from it being male vs female presentation to an external vs internal presentation. It is true that girls and women are more likely to have more internal presentations of adhd (what is inattentiveness but a hyperactive and distractible mind), and thus are more likely to suffer from being overlooked and going undiagnosed. I’m one of them, only just getting diagnosed at 32. Socialization of the genders is to thank in part for this, but I feel like external vs internal is more accurate.
Debra you have a great point. That’s Exactly what happened to me and my lil sister. It could’ve been because I’m older but what I remember being told is that “I need it” or “she’s not that bad” which sucked to hear because I knew she was suffering just as much if not more
I was an undiagnosed adhd primary school girl in the 90's and I vividly remember looking around at all the other kids doing the assignment and wondering how the hell they were able to do it. Not knowing that you have adhd is a ridiculously and honestly hellishly confusing life in so many ways.
I remember something similar, finally caving to the urge and stopping my work to look up and wondering why no one else needed to look around like how I always wanted to do
I just got diagnosed at 30 years old and a hellishly confusing life is a pretty good way to describe things lol :D I was trying to get rid of my "depression" for about 8 years and nothing ever worked. Turns out it was a misdiagnosis.. Doctors did a little oopsie there! Well that's life right 🥴
Damn that's relatable. I remember sitting at my desk all afternoon once in 3rd or 4th grade trying to do my homework. Could'nt start, couldn't keep going, never got how the other kids did it. Eventually I was diagnosed with minor depression and some more serious anxiety. Unlike @menamgamg, I actually had these problems due to not being able to focus and commit. So I always got told that I need to try harder, I'm lazy, I lack commitment, endurance, etc etc.
@@Fonok87 Interesting. How old were you when you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety? Was there a time when you could focus on work and projects? Throughout the years, my diagnoses went, Teens: Depression Mid 20s: Depression / anxiety Mid 20s into 30s: Depression / anxiety, and ADHD I believe that for me, the depression and anxiety stems from years of unaddressed ADHD.
@@Syne7h I wasn't diagnosed with anything until I was 33. I could focus on stuff I found really interesting. At school it was math and physics. At home, hobbies. Never homework :)
I remember in high school I found out it took all my friends 30mins-2hours MAX to take history notes. It took me 6 hours minimum. 💀 the “god why am I so incompetent” thought process really hits home. Thanks for making videos like this
@@PokèMyBallsme LMFAOOO i used to bring awards home all the time as a kid - whole time i either procrastinated the heck out of my assignments once i got home and left it for right before bed, or just kept rereading bc i always lost my train of thought
2 comments on how it feels to have ADHD from my experience (24M). Hopefully people can relate! 1. Trying to complete tasks at work/school with ADHD is like telling someone they can only focus on something while they hold their breath. At first maybe you can get a few minutes at a time, and only that, but then later on in the day you struggle to even get 30 second bursts of focus because you’re exhausted from all the “effort” you’ve had to put forth - you’re “out of breath” if you will. 2. Most people advise “just get started, that’s the hardest part. Once you’re over that hump, it’s usually a breeze!” Except with ADHD, there’s a hump every 5 minutes - not just one at the start. That resistance most people experience when starting something, you experience throughout the entire task - unless it’s something you’re genuinely interested in, then you don’t always have that problem. But then, teachers, parents, managers, etc. will look at that and say “See! You’re smart, just do what you did for that!” Like yeah, don’t you think I’d love to do that? It genuinely doesn’t feel like a choice anymore, but it always comes across like you’re dumb, lazy, uninterested, or simply that you don’t want to try. It’s like you “can’t” do it, all while being fully capable.
Very nice coment my breath stops/lots of discomfort when im even reading a book im interessted but not interessted enought in. 😅 I have to stop shortly. Thats wven if my brain does not strike and turns to blackout mode where kognitive skills are turned down and i have to read paragraphs multible times and even start the page over if i feel like i cant remember what i just read that is important for context. But those things are the smaller things the loss of pleasure/emotion/social tone of voice/facial and plans you had in your life sucks more. Cant even play a game without having lots of plans/structure in your brain. Otherwise you are just randomly moving peaces but even that would be okay if it was at least fun and the discomfort goes away 😂
Let me say that you're very articulate and a video talking about articulation and the skill of expressing thoughts through writing and speaking would be an epic video.
I went undiagnosed until I was almost 26. Can we talk about how emotional dysregulation can stem from ADHD? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by a million emotions at once that I go from laughing to crying to feeling numb in the span of thirty seconds.
Because your emotions happen at a lot of brain-areas except your frontal lobe :D Your amygdala is much closer to the heart, lungs, whatever and easier to reach. The frontal lobe is far away from your nerve system, in comparison. I would guess that our disability to keep the frontal lobe running, raises the brain activity in other regions statistically speaking. Also life hack: with smells you can bypass your emotional ceter, even if you are in rage or depressed aF!
Yes, this please! My ADHD child has been able to manage the time blindness and attention issues in school so far, more or less, but really *suffers* because of the emotional dysregulation and no one and nothing is addressing that part!
Theory for the "why more ADHD now?" question: ADHD (and "ADD") diagnosis biases for childhood diagnosis. Those kids are the grownups now. They're the parents and teacher and principals and counselors and pediatricians now. Gen-x is the first to be widely diagnosed in childhood, so they weren't diagnosed by adults who had the experience of also having been diagnosed in childhood. That ought to change recognition rates.
This is a great point! And don't forget the older members of gen X and baby boomers who didn't get a chance to be diagnosed as children. Some of them have finally received help and support with an adult diagnosis - often after one of their children is diagnosed.
Many people have tons of insincts about adhd especially older/less educated/poorer socioeconomic countrys/regions/ generations. Those poor people had bigger problems often and had to ignore some things and adhd where people are fuxked and cant reööy advocate for themselfes especially since its hard to profe objectively if someone does not want to know or is lying is also very usefull. People that need eye glasses are way more powerful since there brain is normal only there eyes need help but adhd people fighting politically is such a big thing and if you do it wrobg you get more backlash than positive impact. Also you might not have any impact or see any benefit for years / decades
Going through school with ADHD was everything you described here, but one thing that made it worse for me is that I was told by adults to not say I have ADHD, and use it as a crutch to answer for my short comings.
that's literally like saying to a child with bad vision that their glasses and needing to sit up front are excuses to not work as hard, or as an excuse they they didn't learn something bc they were put at the back of the class. like, what??? there's also this strange phenomenon with neurotypicals where people think we're making excuses. sorry, but no! i'm simply explaining myself so you don't think i have bad intentions, i'm not trying to not take responsibility or not apologize. i forgot to do the thing because i have adhd, and not because im lazy and hate you. i'm very sorry and i tried very hard, and will try harder next time, im just letting you know im not evil.
It's weird because the way he descibed school was just so much different than what I went through. I guess I was the "high iq" kid he describes. I would go to class and soak in whatever I had to, all while daydreaming often. I literally never once studied at home and it was a shock if my homework wasn't being done the morning it was due. I took Honors and AP classes and the kids that actively studied would get high grades and panic all of the time while I would be like whatever, I got a B just by focusing in class and last minute jamming 5 minutes before the test. It wasn't until college where it became so noticeable. Struggling just to go to class. Professor gave me all semester to turn in the years work, so I'll do it during the last week of the semester, if I even remembered. Always great at problem solving, but I'll be damned if you want me to memorize words, locations, definitions.
I can relate to that pain... i've had alot of my teachers telling me "stop saying that you have ADHD all the time, just focus on the class instead of... (what ever i was doing)". My teachers even had a meeting discussing my "disobedienc and later on concluded that i'm to immature to go to this type of school. Especially the "just focus" part cut deep into my heart every time i've heard it because ofc. i wanted to pay attention and i was very interested, especially in biology and math but they couldnt understand that "just focus" for me is not the same as "just focus" for most other students.
@@notatrollzorz- It's a classic pattern that we do well or cope well enough with strategies like cramming for tests, etc, until we get to college, where there's much less structure and we have to be able to perform and produce at a much different level. That's often when things fall apart for people :( When I graduated college I was just so surprised I had made it through.
I got so many detentions in 7th grade for being loud and disruptive that my mom thought I might need to get ADHD tested. I mentioned it to my favorite teacher, and he told me I need to learn to control myself and I can’t use a diagnosis as a “crutch”. I went home that day and told my mom I didn’t want to get tested anymore. I loved that teacher, but with one sentence he set me back ten years.
I'm 38. I've battled ADHD fairly successfully these past 15ish years or so, and damn...this video. It's so on point. One of the things that I do, that everyone does is we forget how hard things were, and how much we've grown. This video without question is definitely giving me harsh flashbacks and appreciation for my younger self. Yep, I coasted until I was 18 until I was diagnosed. I was smart enough to get by without effort, until I wasn't. His description at the end is why I didn't finish college. I took a two year tech program, many of my peers went on to finish that two year program, then finish a 4 year degree and get their engineering degree. I lasted long enough to finish that first 1 year. Couldn't do the next year. Tried twice. Tried another field in a tech program 12 years later. Same thing. Tried the second year twice. Couldnt get through it. I did however get a job in the field in that very first program I took, and if I didn't I would probably be dead. But let me tell you, my industry isn't big. I've worked with some of those guys who went on to get their PEng. They have different skills than I do in our profession, but my specific skills are on par with theirs (meaning, I can hold a conversation with them now and still feel like I'm on equal footing). I take pride in it, and I strive to do even better. Far cry from who I used to be. Its taken everything for me to get here. I've gone through depression (those meds are not a good idea for me), I took me years of reflection, introspection, and learning new skills to adapt. I wasn't worthy to myself let alone a prospective partner. But all the growth I've had, I'm now doing much better. I enjoy my job that I fly all over the country to do. I have a wife and kid. I'm not rich, but I'm not without. I never would have imagined the kid who couldn't get a girlfriend, couldn't hold a job, couldn't finish school would be where I'm standing. My tips for young ADHDers: 1. Go to tech school, none of that 4 year stuff. Do a job that requires your brain and your body. When you're young, you'll be expected to do more physical, as you get older, it's your brain that becomes valuable. 2. Learn your values. Dont try to change them until you identify them. Learn what they actually are and not what you want them to be. You will have to learn how to not lie to yourself. 3. Learn to live in the moment, and if you're concerned about it being an impulsive/make bad decision , recognize you can never make a bad decision if you adhere to your values. You can have bad consequences, but you have no reason for regret. 4. Find tools that work for you. Write out what you intended to accomplish every day at the beginning of every day. Don't focus on if you succeed or not. Just practice. As you keep making those lists it gets easier to do them. 5. Mindfulness is essential. Inject positivity wherever and whenever you realize negativity creeping in. Even if it seems like bs. 6. Write a journal every day, only review what you wrote once a year. At the end of each entry, write what you're grateful for. 7. Strive to do great at whatever you do, even if it sucks. Never measure yourself to another person. You can learn something from everyone, but you also don't need to take on other people's misery. 8. Learn and pay attention to the important things that need to be done urgently, even if they aren't urgent. I will prioritize things that aren't high priority because that's how they get done. People think I'm incredibly organized and conscientious, when I'm not. Medications>mindfulness> diet and exercise> therapy are the essentials to doing everything in that list. Videos like these count as therapy imo. Make mistakes, and learn from them, but always hold true to your values. Always grow. And it's really really important not to measure yourself from anyone but you. Hindsight being 20/20, where I am now I could have been 10 years ago, but that's not the hand I was dealt. I make what I have work for me, and I feel blessed. I'm not religious at all, but the lord's prayer is absolutely a fantastic thing to understand and embrace.
I have pretty severe ADHD and, while I admit I am younger, I don’t entirely with your thoughts about going to a tech school. I 100% agree that you should find a job that uses your body and mind. Tech/trade school is a great option for a lot of ADHDers for that reason. But I’m also going to a 4 year university program for geology. Geology is a job that requires your mind and body, especially if you do field work. School is hard as hell and I need accommodations and kind teachers to get through it. Some people can also work jobs like waiting tables or other more physical jobs that don’t require school. So tech school is only one option of many that could work for different people
As someone who's changed programs in college 4 times because of ADHD, I feel this. I never needed to learn how to study in middle/high school, since subjects came easy to me, and since so much weight is put on tests over assignments, I never got in the habit of completing projects on time and was never punished for that (my school didn't do detention). Now I'm 25 in my 7th year of post secondary education, and I'm finally learning that I retain information better when I split my focus during lectures, and I'm doing better since I don't need to teach myself 3 lectures worth of material for 1 assignment. And the one piece of advice that's helping me with assignments: Perfect is the enemy of Finished.
Well, the only punishment for not completing things in time is usually a zero for your grade or a lower grade if turned in late, contributing to an F. Schools don't typically give detention for not completing assignments.
I used to just skip school altogether several days a week. Was basically no consequence except having to miraculously somehow get it together for tests and get decent grades anyway lol. I thought i was worthless back then but looking back i realize what a fucking powerhouse my brain was when under enough pressure xD Its a tragedy having to go undiagnosed with this shit all your life.
I even got through college skating on interest, novelty, and the curve bringing classes that weren’t interesting or novel down below a level I could compensate for with my intelligence. I always managed to complete projects on time by cramming. Looking back, I’ve never really even edited things I turned in for school or college, let alone done second drafts. I did them at the last second, and my interest in them ended there. I was in an honors program, where they cared more about ideas than grammar, structure, or even in one case, responsiveness to the assignment. But once I got to the work world, I’ve fallen apart. I don’t get fired, but I immediately burnt out of the first job I had where I had to put in full time hours and put out consistent work. I quit before my performance could suffer, because I pushed through that horrible “I DONT WANT TO” feeling until I was mentally destroyed (it took two months to break down, and then I hung on to the job for five more months, becoming increasingly despondent). Now I work a job with low hours, low accountability, and frequent breaks. And it’s a school, so semesters and different summer jobs give me a feeling of variety and not having to endlessly endure. This is MORE sustainable, but I am still not functioning. I’m deteriorating. It just occurred to me last year that this might be adhd, and I am hoping desperately for this diagnosis. It would answer so much about my life, and my inability to pursue my goals. If not, I just have to think that I’m superhumanly incompetent and lazy, despite constant praise for being smart and helpful.
Damn that was really relatable. I'm 21 now and only now getting diagnosed with ADHD (and likely ASD). No one ever noticed because I was one of the best in class and never needed to study and I thought that once things get harder I'll be able to start working harder. Now I'm in Uni and absolutely struggeling, I don't find it particularly difficult but I just can't ever bring myself to study. I also noticed that I have Depression and Anxiety, which makes it harder. I really hope I can get stuff sorted out soon.
I know exactly what you mean man, I’m around the same age and just got diagnosed after making it 85% through uni lol. I can definitely say, after finding this explanation for all these random distinctions, it’s made the mental load of school so much more bearable!
I did internalize my failure a lot when I wasn't able to stay on top of my homework in college. I was pretty well aware that I learned things at a slower pace than others, but I didn't think it was from ADHD. I thought almost everyone needed to review the material after lectures and that they were simply able to do it faster than I could. I would always feel really dumb because of that. And whenever someone else told me I was smart because of something I knew or how I respond to things, I would always think to myself that I was more knowledgeable than I was smart. Maybe I'm not as stupid as I thought.
A lot of adhd-ers are pretty bright tho! I connect with people easily bc I happen to know lots of topics. I've been a curious person since young. Except for K-pop and soccer lol
@@hasamahikaru That is true, but the college I went to didn't have a very good learning structure for those with attention deficit, and the programs that helped me pay for college (GI Bill and federal grants) required me to be a full-time student. I could muscle my way into a diploma if I took fewer classes, but it would end up costing me money I don't have.
You just described my life.. I have a very high IQ and spent 24 years of living as undiagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Then I hit a gigantic steel wall during my master degree because it got too complex and I'm not used to struggle.. Discovered your channel yesterday, I feel I finally have answers and solutions to my crappy life, thanks to you. I used to have "solutions" that required from me to be motivated in order to work, but now I know I can train to be more motivated. Thanks !!
I don't want to complain, because I've been making great progress regarding my mental health and how to be productive over the last year. But maybe my case will make you feel better about yourself😅 I've been struggling with the consequences of ADHD, a crappy childhood (some of it spent with my anti-authoritarian mum who didn't send me to school anymore and fled law enforcement by buying a caravan and just running away with me, and, after that, some part of it spent with my authoritarian entrepreneur dad who imprinted the thought that I am only worth as much as I do/as well as I perform) and later major depression for 30 years until I finally got diagnosed with ADHD. Never passed a single exam on any attempted bachelor's degree. Basically, I'm unable to work and full-time occupied with picking up the shards of my broken life little by little to finally move into a direction that I actually like. I don't want to tell you something like "You got it so much better than me!" or something, because that'd invalidate your own struggles which are very real! But maybe you can acknowledge and value the achievements you already made in life and be proud of yourself a bit more😊❤️🔥
I hit my wall in grad school, too. Wasn't diagnosed until grad school and was absolutely crushed by my struggling. Had to drop out due to losing my scholarship. It absolutely crushed my confidence, which in turn made it more soul-crushing to struggle.
I flunked out of college due to covid stress, moving cities, teachers being horrible, and my asd overloading my learning. I couldn’t work properly. I was a zombie the whole time. Now I am just working minimum wage full time cause I got no options anymore. sigh…
Same here. Faced a steel wall while studying to get into the Medical School, for the third year. I was diagnosed but had a few problems with psych meds on my family. Last year I knew that I've done anything I could to improve it without any meds, but wasn't enough. Finally found the courage (my therapist helped me a lot) to visit a psychiatrist and started taking meds. It was life-changing. Can't use other definition. I had to have "protocols" to everything, otherwise I wouldn't, for example, wash my hair while taking a shower. I can just live now. I don't need protocols to live. I'm almost 1 year on meds, 21yo. I always tell my friends that I didn't know how to live before, I knew how to survive. 20 years surviving, now I'm living. I can study, party, socialize, practice sports and not once I need to create a protocol to do it. Life suddenly is not a struggle anymore. Obviously it's not smth universal, and not everyone might need meds, but oh boy I cannot not think about how things could be If i had started earlier.
I am very surprised there was no mention of women simply passing under the radar to explain the difference between man and women having adhd, wasn't there studies showing that adhd show differently for women so they tend to be miss diagnosed or simply live with no diadnosis? Edit: I'm an adult with ADD who got diagnosed very late (end of university). i don't have the H part. My theory for passing under the radar then is that attention deficit was not really known, people were talking about hyperactivity and that was it. I really identify with the last point you spoke about. I always struggled finishing exam on time and keeping up with deadlines, especially in cegep (step between HS and University). I remember feeling so inadequate comparing myself to other student, I failed whole semesters and developed what I think was depression or burn out. Every discourse you say people tend to develop I had, and I still struggle with it today! But at least now I understand why I struggle at some stuff, and that knowledge is so liberating!
There are. There are also studies debunking the hunter-gatherer thing as that was proven to not be a differentiable factor. This is a really badly researched video coming from Dr. K, kinda disappointing.
Yeah, it's not a surprise that if males tend to lean towards the hyper and class-interrupting activities that that would be easier for teachers to point to and say "He needs help." whereas for females, if we lean more towards inner issues then no one will be any wiser to what's going on with us. Sure, maybe I was a good quiet kid in class because my mind was off on another planet thinking about a billion things at once.
@@nuansd 4:17 He literally mentioned "it is somewhat debunked" right after he mentioned the hunter-gatherer thing. Guess you weren't paying attention. Just ADHD things
@@Kagomai15 Because psychology is a forever growing science that will constantly change. This is obviously his passion as well, being excited about the possibility of a on going theory being true in the future is pretty exciting, I'm currently studying and I constantly feel excited at every corner. We should be able to use some critical thinking here and not take things at face value. Remember, Dr. K is a guide, not an online Psychiatrist
It's just so unbelievably healing to be so seen. Most of the time I just give in and tell people I'm an idiot in that it's just impossible for me to learn things quickly. They would sooner except that, then me trying to convince them how hard it is for me and that I just can't learn it.
As an adult with ADHD who really struggled with it in school I want to A affirm what dr K said at the end about why it's so devastating to your school performance and also add to it a little bit: because you're spending 4 hours for every hour that a neurotically person needs, it essentially wipes out your social life because life is predicated on "do you work first then you get to enjoy yourself" without any slack built in for balance. This (from my own experience looking back) makes social development harder as well as making work life balance essentially impossible, both issues I continue to struggle with today
Even if I am laser focused in class I forget everything right after. Since graduating college even at work if I don't write literally every single important point down I will forget. When Monday comes along, I even forget what I did over the weekend and hate when people ask me because I just don't remember...
I respect your efforts in trying to help people with ADHD but as someone who has I guess a relatively severe case of it, I dont think it's curable and the reason I say this is because of how unreasonably difficult it is for me to concentrate on a subject while at the same time trying to remember what is being said without being distracted by the barrage of incoming thoughts and ideas that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. It's like trying to remember and also intently pay attention to 2 people trying to have a conversation with me. Love your content and love how you're constantly trying to understand ADHD and evolve on the subject. It's actually interesting to see how your ideas change and develop on the ADHD subject.
@@Dimitris_Half You're assuming they don't also just coping isn't enough for some, it helps yes but some people need more then that. Sorry if this came of aggressive or mean or confrontational or anything like just trying to keep things nuanced lol. :)
@@Dimitris_Half I mean you sorta did even if by accident because even now you're saying you suggest that they first get a diagnosis first but they probably already do. Also as for your other comment coping isn't just making your problem go away it's trying to deal with/compensate in a way that hopefully will make your life easier. So someone slightly critiquing the video/talking about their struggles might be at least a short term coping mechanism for them. But anyways sorry if there has been any miscommunication on my end here or before I know you mean well were all just trying our best. :)
While Dr.K is right to a degree the variance and predisposition to adhd is 70/80 genetic and they generally react to stimulant on average differently (in low doses of course people with adhd aren't stimulant sponges or anything) than those without it. Even if we go and lowball the factors that contribute to adhd symptoms we get a 70% purely genetic component in many twin studies. I know for me many of the traits that contribute to my adhd are things well beyond my control because yes my organisational skills could have been better and there are things I can work on without meds the bottom line is that most of the traits are genetic. Of course genes play a role in expression in the enviroment to a degree which is where the 30% variance of symptoms come from but keep in mind that isn't even a 30% variance of traits that are just wouldn't express in the right enviroment it also includes genes that simply express in different ways.
I've been watching all your ADHD videos and I feel like you've written a manual on my brain I could never write myself. I've been so excited going "Yes! That's such an excellent way to explain it! That's exactly how I feel!" I sent one of your videos to my family members and spouse, and they weren't as excited as I was and didn't take it seriously. But I genuinely cannot tell you in words how appreciative, validated, and excited I feel about these videos. You've given me more communicational tools to be able to explain how/why I struggle with certain things and advocate for myself to get help for a solution. THANK YOU!!!!
As someone who both struggles with mental health issues and also wants to become a therapist, this channel is beyond incredible. Thank you for this and all of your other videos.
as someone who grew up with a stepmom that not only stopped me from getting evaluations and help at school but also gaslit me every day about the flaws that adhd brings, i have developed an extremely debilitating mood disorder that effectively means my life is over before it even started. all throughout my schooling career up until high school i was made to feel like a complete single digit IQ dumbass thats inadequate and a failure. for starters i was 'home schooled' which meant i was given three books for three different subjects and told to figure it out or i get in trouble. this continued throughout 3rd to 6th grade when my dad finally realized what was going on and cut my stepmom completely out of the education picture and enrolled me in a special school for slower or troubled kids. I was so far behind educationally that i was doing 3rd grade math in 7th grade. we avoided psychiatry and mental health awareness like the plague. therapists and anything alike were snake oil salesmen. at least thats what they told me so i wouldn't try to ask for help and paint them in a bad picture. if the teacher ever wanted to talk to my parents about suspicious behavior and possible ways to help i got in a load of trouble whether i talked to the teacher or not beforehand. 'i was just acting like a dumbass so i could get out of things' is what they told me. anything i complained about whether it was anxiety, struggling with school, or if i was depressed was met with laughter and subsequent punishment for lying. this pretty much destroyed me. i was just existing, baring myself off from any kind of emotion whatsoever because i wasn't allowed to have those feelings. 'i wasn't even smart enough to have *real* feelings.' is what i'd tell myself because clearly there was a distinction? what they felt was real but anything i struggled with was fake. anytime i asked for help i got in a shit ton of trouble. even for things as stupid as color blindness i was yelled at and punished for. eventually my dad passed away when i was 15 which prompted me to move down with my biological mom since there was no way in hell i was going to live with my stepmom. i attended a high school that had more resources and programs for me. because i was of age and my mom wasn't involved in school at all, the teachers and administration went straight to me about anything school related. they told me that they were seeing signs of adhd in my behavior and recommended that i get an eval done for a possible diagnosis. this was the first time i had any kind of support from anyone regarding mental health. so i did. this is when i found out how truly evil my stepmom was. she did everything in her power to keep me away from learning about adhd and the obvious and severe symptoms i had. i had a *fake* eval done when i was in 4th grade to diagnose me with dyslexia to get me and my teachers to shut up about it. i know this because there are no records of it anywhere and the person who did it wasn't even a certified psychiatrist. she intentionally told my teachers to disregard everything i say because 'i lie about everything.' long story short i was diagnosed with adhd in highschool. but developmentally the damage was already done. it was clear from the beginning i wasn't graduating until i was 21 because i was so far behind educationally. so i gave up and pretty much dropped out only attending a few weeks out of the whole year and went looking for ged programs and anything that could help me get an education. still no luck. ive had two part time shitty jobs at this point and didn't manage to keep either of them. anything full time around here requires at least a highschool education.
The metaphore you used of the kid in zoom class that loses internet connection is EXACTLY what it is like to try and concentrate on lessons when you have ADHD. Thank you so much! I do have to say that I get an uncomfortable itch every time someone says you can cancel ADHD by using organizers and setting reminders. I understand that it can help a bit, but saying it can cancel it out is just too over simplified and its a gateway for people to invalidate ADHD as something that can be easily worked around. I tried dealing with my ADHD by using all these workaround for twenty years and all these planning skills only actually started to work when I got the right medication. For some people it might work, for me it doesn't. My skills worked for a long time because I was smart and didn't really have to put in the work, but when I went to college and had to balance living on my own, school, finances, work and a social life everything really started to fall apart. I am now learning that my motivation is mainly driven by anxiety. I've always pushed myself to do things and not forget things by being so worried that I fail that I constantly have to think about it. Now that I am on the right medication, I notice that I worry about everything even though I don't really have to anymore. I've been in therapy for most of my life, but it seems like now that I am on the right medication I can finally actually work on myself. I really need both medication and therapy. Just therapy never worked for me in the long run! (and I did a lot! meditation, sports, lots of planning, therapy, and nothing would stick because my brain just could not build any habit. now it can!)
He does say that CBT for ADHD works though. It teaches you the skills you were never able to pick up on your own to help manage ADHD, since medication can't do that part for you.
@@lainiwakura1776 I'm sorry but no, as someone with ADHD just no... Don't get me wrong I'm sure CBT can help you a lot in many ways that you couldn't do by yourself however, to say that CBT can magically get my or her brain to start producing enough dopamine/norepinephrine is EXTREMELY invalidating at best. And no CBT also for many will not be enough to make the ADHD/lack of neurotransmitters all of the sudden not matter, as much as I like Dr.K he's simply somewhat wrong about this. Especially since many other experts who are more knowledge-able in this subject would agree that for many skills aren't enough, plus as much of an expert as Dr.K is he has admitted himself that he doesn't think he has ADHD. Yes it's true that something like CBT can teach you skills and such to manage your ADHD in ways that meds cant but, CBT won't suddenly fix broken executive function which when impaired can make it chronically difficult to implement these skills/whatever you learn in CBT especially sustainably. And as for something like meditation yes this can help with neurotransmitters/executive function to some extent but again for some it's simply not enough. Plus even if someone with ADHD can manage to get by well without meds and just using skills and CBT that doesn't mean they should have to. For many with ADHD (not all of course) without meds they struggle chronically even with years of skill training and CBT and meditating it's just not enough to not make life not exhausting, and that's not right. People shouldn't have to struggle like that especially when they don't have to. She said that she tried for twenty YEARS and it was still wasn't enough. There's also a video by How To ADHD also known as Jessica Mecabe who is VERY knowledge-able on ADHD and has it herself, and in the video she talks about going off her meds for a month and how disastrous that was even after all the skills she had learned and made into a habit. The video is called "What Happened When I Stopped Taking My Medication" I would link it but good old RUclips doesn't like that. But yeah I'm not saying CBT is bad or doesn't have value in fact if it's good CBT it's EXTREMELY useful! But for a good majority of those of us with ADHD we need the meds, as well as skills. I'm sure you mean well I'm just trying to help fight the stigma against ADHD and it's medication as well as educate people and make the world more ADHD/neurodivergent friendly and make it a better place in general, so thank you lain iwakura/anyone else who took the time to read this and help make the world a better place :) TLDR Yes Pills don't teach skills but skills don't fix executive dysfunction/lack of neurotransmitters/make people not struggle and people shouldn't have to struggle like that especially when they don't have to.
@@lainiwakura1776 it is true that medication alone can't give you skills to manage tasks and orginization skills. However, even without medication, I actually have learned these things. They just weren't working well enough, I wasn't able to get the use out of these skills, that neurotypical people get out of them. I am completely convinced that no neurotypical brain is able to understand this part of adhd. I think lots of people get frustrated by this because we have seen dozens of psychiatrists, psychologists, coaches, teachers, and family that tell you the exact same thing even though it doesn't work. I am not someone to say that medication is the one and only fix because it is not. It has taken me about seven years to find the combination that works and it wouldn't have done enough without all the therapy I've had. Ive had some serious side effects from medication that are not talked about enough at all. I am not against therapy in any way. It is just not right to tell a huge crowd that just cbt alone is as effectice as medication. I think for many it it not.
exactly. i think both meds and therapy is the only way to properly manage it. (not cure it. no one is cured of adhd or outgrows it, they just learn to hide the symptoms tbh) one without the other is still helpful but it’s not enough. in my personal experience, just therapy on it’s own did not help much without medication. i was apparently diagnosed with adhd at like age 7 but never got to have any meds until i was 18, maybe because of my parents? they recently admitted to me that they thought i would “grow out of it” so i wouldn’t be surprised if the doctors had suggested medication but my parents said no. i went to a lovely and very kind and wonderful excellent child therapist up until i was 18 and i finally got to see a psychiatrist. despite how much i loved talking to the therapist, i did not actually listen to her advice or use any of the skills she taught me. because therapy alone cannot make your brain produce the correct amount of dopamine. at least for me, it was impossible to take any action to improve my life without having prescription stimulants to make the chemicals that allow me to put effort into completing tasks. but meds without therapy isn’t a perfect solution either. i thought that since i had a psychiatrist i no longer needed to see a therapist. the result was that from ages 18-20 i now had the ability to complete homework on time thanks to the medication …but i still was miserable and easily distracted and i could not focus or prioritize tasks in any meaningful way. im 21 now and i finally started seeing another therapist and doing CBT this year. i still struggle a lot with organization and motivating myself, but i think having a therapist and the right combination of meds is the best solution for me. hopefully i will have the motivation and coping skills i need to improve my mental health and successfully finish college. :)
I always found myself teaching myself everything at home and sleeping/daydreaming through class. And if I needed to learn concepts I would need to force myself to review the concepts multiple times, often forgetting things I just read multiple times
I really feel seen as Dr. K systematically breaks down the entirety of my adolescence and constant anxiety surrounding the limitations surrounding ADHD and the structural disadvantages we face constantly. It didn't hit me until graduate school that it was apparent that I needed help.
Thank you so much for making these as RUclips videos and being expressive in your delivery. The extra stimulus vs something like a podcast makes it so much more digestible as a person with ADHD.
This was how I really felt in college. The more interesting the class was to me, the more I could listen to the lecture and retain, but for most classes, when I couldn't hold my focus, I had to struggle to teach myself complex content later and would get incredibly frustrated. It also meant it took me ages to complete assignments, even when going back to the professors for help.
This makes so much sense, when I was still in graduate school all of our classes were recorded and i found the way I was able to succeed was finding what worked for me. Since I would always struggle keeping up and paying attention for 5 hours a day in classes I found that I needed to hide in the library in a corner on the 5th floor entirely free from outside distractions and re-watch the lectures to be able to catch everything I had missed which was so time consuming but it was what I had to do to succeed
I can strongly relate. You shouldn’t need to be staying up till 11pm to just stay on top of your learning. If you don’t mind my asking how have you coped post school?
Man that last part about how school is designed for the neurotypical brain is exactly my experience throughout school. It is so painfully accurate. And because my ADHD likely was the Inattentive type it went even more under the radar than the hyperactive ADHD. So I never got any help for the right problem and could only wonder "what's wrong with me?" when I can't function like others in school. Also, when are we gonna get "WIRED: Therapist answers web's most asked questions" ? 😁
I was diagnosed with ADHD today and was given Adderall for the first time, 29 years old. For most of my academic life I have never been able to write notes. So many notebooks started and then empty after the first week of school. Somehow I’ve always coasted through school and got excellent grades, until when I got to college and suddenly my intelligence alone wasn’t enough anymore. I did fine academically, with lots of all-nighters and rushed last minute deadline. It’s kind of a miracle how I’ve managed to function all these years
I am an adult with ADHD, 40+. I think immediate gratification works better for me because: - I am unable to tell whether I have anything scheduled in the meantime, whether I'll still be there when bigger, delayed reward comes. Maybe I was supposed to be somewhere else at the time, for a more important business (bigger reward), but I forgot. - in real life, rarely there is someone there waiting for you when the time is due. Most goals require tracking for a while, also following a path of non-trivial in complexity to get there, which is not that easy to envisage for the ADHD. So many times I failed to merely harvest the reward by missing the deadline of availability, this is the reason I don't even put in the effort to participate in pursuits of rewards that are small but large in numbers - for example stuff like coupons. I rather look for a single source that gets me a higher income and compensate for these losses. Catching a plane or getting a ticket with a deadline are nightmares!
Nicely timed video for me to share my story.. I was one of the gifted kids who got straight A's with almost no effort. But I was always in my own head, only flicking my attention back to the class long enough to peice together the parts I didn't listen to. Now, as an adult, for 10 years, my social life and career have suffered. After coming across your video on gifted kids with ADHD, I set down the path to finding a way of fixing the problem. Today is my second day on adderall, and I'm already getting my shit together. Finally, I have hope that I can accomplish great things in life, now that my brain, which all the adults around me told me was so amazing and special, isn't holding me back anymore. Thanks so much for what you do, Dr. K
You just described my entire high school experience. Never feeling like i could keep up with my class and that resulted in immense guilt and shame. 14 years later I am still desperately trying to piece together the fragments of my broken life. I wish this experience upon no one.
Was diagnosed with adhd a year and a half ago at 28, got into mensa and bipolar diagnosis since then, while trying to build a construction business through watching canadas demise, as well as my mother being diagnosed with ocd, bipolar, and narcissism. The adhd comes from my father Ive dealt with major depression and addiction my whole life and after realizing id never get the family Ive been working toward, its been a rough summer. Having adhd and a high IQ is like realizing you could do anything in the world but being only able to achieve 80-90% of anything, especially after being beaten down your whole life I thought going on my mental health journey would make the world easier but its only made excuses, working out of that now
I cried seen the part that talks about how difficult it is in school, I always knew i have ADHD but my parents never takes it seriously, and they were very critical about every symptom, especially in school they never get it and I always have felt like im just more dumb than the others and treated like that too. So simply hear a validation make me feel a little better about my situation, thank you
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I feel the need to say, having a consistent to-do list, reminders, anything like that, is absolutely impossible for me. I don't know if this is the result of some other neurosis or something, but I have tried it dozens of times, and it always fails me. I will spend all day coming up with the perfect list, and I'll stick with it religiously for 2 weeks - 2 months ish, and then I'll miss certain things a couple times, or I'll have a day where I feel depressed/tired and I'll start ignoring the notifications, and once I'm ignoring the notifications, forget about it, the jig is up. And forget trying to have a notebook or anything like that. I've started to come to terms with the fact that I will not do a routine unless it makes me feel really good immediately whenever I do it, I am forced to do it under threat of my life / employment or under threat of somebody else's life / employment, or something like that. When I was in high school, I was very bad about taking showers even. I usually had to be forced to by my mom. As an adult, I've eventually started taking showers but I still struggle with other basic things like brushing my teeth and scooping the litterboxes.
Starting my diagnostic process now, 30 years into my life. Watching your videos helps me, making sense of *a lot* of stuff that happened during my childhood. Regarding school: I never did my homework (besides maths, where I was always one of the best students). 9 out of 10 times, I didn't have my homework, which caused me huge amounts of trouble and bad grades. I cannot really remember anything about that time, but with your explaination, I might've just avoided doing it because of this. I hope, I get some help with a proper diagnose and damn will I be happy to get a glimpse of how much easier a more neurotypical life could've been and (first and foremost) will be in the future!
The difference in homework time is so true. I'm in college now, and even though I've been able to come up with tons of strategies to keep me doing well in school, it's still very common for a homework assignment that took my classmates 4 hours to take me 8 - 12, which is super draining.
I am on meds and sometimes I forget I have ADHD because it works so well. But I also recognize that the undiagnozed adhd left some scars and I forget that I need to work on that as well. Thanks for a great video. You do amazing work.
I think I fall into the high IQ bucket, where I was able to fully complete a bachelor of engineering without ever studying except for the day before tests, quizzes and exams with about a B+ average consistently through all schooling. This caused my ADHD to go unnoticed until I started working after university, other than the usual teachers complaining about my disruptive behaviors, how I'm "so smart and just need to apply myself" etc.. The real pain started to come when I started working and my typical coping mechanisms didn't work anymore. In school, my strategy was to just actively listen. While it can be hard, I found the coping mechanism my mind created was to just blurt out the answers to everything the teacher was saying. I'd obviously get reprimanded, but this behavior stuck with me throughout all of university, and was often more appreciated by my university profs than it was highschool and lower. This allowed me instant gratification. Where I was immediately getting a dopamine boost because I was able to be the first person to answer a question correctly. Honestly, I think I also enjoyed annoying my teachers, since my friends would laugh about it. But basically, my brain found a way to get instant gratification from classrooms. Eventually in university, certain courses were impossible to focus on. I.E. I couldn't blurt out the answer to a multi-variate calculus question instantly (since it involves 5-10 minutes of applying various rules and operations to the equation). This lead to me missing out on a lot and eventually I had to pick up teaching myself everything. This lead my brain to adapt again, where just simply learning something was not gratifying, but instead teaching it to someone else was hugely satisfying. I ended up becoming somewhat of a teacher for my friend group, where by teaching them, I was also teaching myself with the instant gratification of their appreciation. I eventually got so good at teaching myself and others complex topics that I stopped going to lectures altogether. For the last 2 years of my time in university, I attended only labs, tests, and quizzes, completely skipping all the wasted time in lectures since I could teach it to myself faster than the professor so long as I had their notes / lecture slides. I would often miss small things like the little hints professors drop about what is on the test etc.., but often the folks I was teaching could fill in these gaps. At work is when it became a real struggle. Waking up early, showing up to meetings on time, even just behaving professionally were all huge obstacles among many in the workplace. The biggest obstacle being the severe lack of gratification from ANY task. There is almost no room for instant gratification, and depending on the company, you might not even be appreciated when you actually solve problems. I've found I still get passionate about teaching things to my co-workers, but as I'm not a Senior developer this is often not my job. I expect it to improve when I get into a position where I can be more of a mentor, but the constant lack of gratification leads to procrastination, underperformance, and lack of motivation to show up in the morning. My brain seems to have adapted by sending me into a full panic when my morning alarm goes off with the thought "I'm going to lose my job if I don't show up", but this is not healthy or sustainable. I sought help from my doctor, who referred me to a team of psychologists/psychiatrists who eventually diagnosed me with ADHD and mild anxiety. But I've not yet found a sustainable way to work without using my prescribed stimulants. Its not impossible, but I find myself unable to START working on tasks I don't enjoy without the medication. I've become extremely organized, keeping to-do lists, a log of all my work, and tracking how long I spend on things. The problem is as soon as I am not on the medication I neglect all of it, and do something else. Sometimes I even end up just sitting in my chair doing nothing because I'll feel too guilty if I distract myself on RUclips or something. Overall for work, I never underperform. But this is because I make immense sacrifice of my personal time and mental health in order to push myself to be excellent. Its not sustainable, but it is the only strategy I have right now. Please help. How can I sustainably work in a society that forces me to sleep less and sacrifice personal time in order to achieve my goals?
All of these paragraphs are relatable moods. Having a good social network where people help you out by starting things, doing half the work- feels like one of the only options to get things done. Maybe you like having some sort of case manager might help. It seems so easy to have discussion when it's already being talked about.
I 100% feel you. High IQ late diagnosis too. And school was never an issue. I have a graduate degree and there was always enough immediate gratification moments to get me through longer projects (And I never thought about being the first to answer as a dopamine hit, but it 100% and I loved it!!). My diagnosis came after I lost the structures of school and began a job where I am my own boss. I thought it would be great, but I decended into choas. It's hell. No one to give that gold star for the tedious task. Just from your words, it sounded like you feel guilty about taking the stimulants in order to do your work. You don't have to. You are in a structure that makes the way your brain functions an impairment. So you need aids to help - and thays okay. And if it really gets to you - I'd say start looking for jobs in your field that have those immediate rewards. It might be a pay cut, but you'd have your time back. And it sounds like you know yourself well and are a gifted teacher. So don't punish yourself too hard for not being nerotypical. You have gifts to share. Find a place where they are appreciated.
if you cant do it all without medication, that is completely okay and valid! there is no finish line to reach, at the end of the day every single person is different and sometimes you can use all the healthy coping mechanisms and they still dont click without the medication, and that is completely okay.
Gratification from teaching is real. Too bad for me that I probably have autism too (I'm not diagnosed with either) and so it's not reliable method at all for me. What even worse is that I live in a country that has atrocious awareness of mental health. Stimulants are illegal. I can't do anything and want to die from the fact that I can't do anything, not even things that could give me that gratification. That's okay through because I have been through this already before and my entire worthiness isn't based on education anymore. I learned a very useful skill at that moment which probably allows me to be alive. It's an art of ignoring my problems related to eeucation. Extremely effective but I'm unfortunately not a master at using it. Despite the fact that I can't communicate my struggles to people, I have plans for my future thus providing me hope which forces me not to give up yet. One of this thing is me getting expelled, so I'll stop feeling miserable (or somehow, with a miracle getting through it, exactly like it happened in school (0%)). Second is me finding a way to make money that won't be a miserable experience for me once again. -Third is establishing a dictatorship over whole planet and removing stupid, useless things, while improving society for neurodivergent people. Doing something about stupid things that could destroy humanity is also on the table.- I will probably be dead if second step won't work after some time.
One of the confirmations for me that I definitely have adhd is I've always had extreme emotions and reactions to things. This is in addition to me trying with all my might to focus and still getting easily distracted by my thoughts AND ever little sound/movement etc around me. Plus feeling inadequate from childhood until now (my forties) or as if I'm lacking or have something fundamentally wrong with me. This new diagnosis has explained EVERYTHING that has perplexed me on what makes me tick.
I've listened to at least half a dozen of your sessions on ADHD and you've covered most, if not all of this before. Yet, as someone who went undiagnosed until 30, I still love hearing how you articulate the issues. I didn't even realize it might be ADHD until I was 21. Was in 3rd year of my accountancy degree, i.e. when just being smart isn't enough. I wish info was more available then so it could've been diagnostic sooner, like 8th grade when I was almost held back only because I never turned in homework and it affected my grades LOL.
I'm doing a deep dive into Dr. K's ADHD videos and this one is so useful, especially what he describes at 21:34 that ADHD kids have to teach themselves because they "lose connection" in class when the teacher is offering explanations. I heavily relate with this because I now realize that my ""hyperindependece" that I always considered a "strength", is actually a weakness because I am so used to teach myself stuff that I rarely ask for help for my peers and it's not helping with forming or maintaining social relationships.
I honestly think the reason why I got diagnosed with ADHD so late in life is that my mom put lots of special attention when I was young to teach me the necessary coping mechanisms. It wasn't until I was placed in an extremely restrictive environment that my symptoms really "shined through."
Yeah even if these schools gave more attention to students 1 on 1 I think if anything it'd just get you caught as an adult. It's not like what causes adhd (a different brain) really goes away if we are in a good enviroment it just isn't a disability in the right settings. I suppose the disorder part of adhd wouldn't apply but the core traits don't just magically vanish. Unless we change the entirety of society to work with who we are or provide alternatives we're always gonna need meds or therapy to cope in a way that's even semi fair in comparison to the rest of the world.
the last 10 minutes are just my life for 23 years till now.... and its so nice to have someon really speak it out, what i want to say my hole life but dont have the words to and not managaed to get help in this adhd area till now beacause of that, and the fact that its really hidden behind depression and so on and adhd i fits to well and explaines my whole life.
Is it weird that I find myself frequently giving you a standing ovation by the time the videos come to an end?😂 -> real talk tho - your ability to connect real life explanations & examples has allowed me to feel a lot more competent
Thank you for dumb it down and continue doing it. You are the one of the big factor for me to understand how I’m working and how I can work. Today was a clusterf… and I was the only person stay calm, and functioning thanks to meds. I’m really great full for what you did for me.
My step brother passed away a few years ago, but he was diagnosed and put on meds for ADHD for almost a decade. I remember him constantly comparing himself to me as the "golden child" and impossibly smarter than him, despite him being just as intelligent as I was. I guess I understand a little more as to why he did that based on the ending of the video. I just wish I had time to tell him that I thought he wasn't any less intelligent as me, school just sucks. I just never got to see him since he was a few states away.
I got diagnosed as an adult, and my therapist at the time asked me to imagine all the things I could do if I was thinking just like everyone else. I am so thankful to have been diagnosed, for once in my life I can actually do things!
Cognitive therapy for ADHD does nothing for the ADHD. It's training in masking techniques. We learn how to work harder more effectively. But we're still working harder than someone who doesn't have ADHD.
I was diagnosed just last week (and in couple months I'll be 40) =) and it's all thanks to channels like this, the more I learned about ADHD struggles, the more life made sense and I went to see a psychiatrist. I'm excited to see what happens next
The only thing I wish was mentioned was about how women are less diagnosed ADHD because their symptoms are often the inattentive subtype which wasn't studied nearly as much as the hyperactive type which is more common in boys. My husband is 42 and diagnosed combined type ADHD in his late 30s but his brother was diagnosed ADHD in childhood presumably because he exhibited hyperactive symptoms. I was diagnosed combined type in my 30s after I started to educate myself about ADHD to better support my husband. Apparently, if ADHD symptoms manifest more as inattentive the person is less likely to be diagnosed, and inattentive is more common in girls. My best friend from childhood was recently diagnosed ADHD and she's in her mid-30s. She always thought she was an airhead despite acquiring a masters degree.
Your example with school really hits home, I always fell back behind everyone else, had troubles focusing or even understanding anything in class, so what was an hour of ez homework for others was a 16:00-23:00 suffering session for me, and I always just assumed that I'm stupid af and that's the reason, but now that you've literally described my life between grade 1 to grade 8 (because that's when I just gave up on homework entirely and partially on school as a whole too), I'm starting to feel confident that something is wrong, (not that I didn't noticed it before). And in grade 9 when I went into different school that was kind of the last straw, I had a crippling depression which transformed into numbness overtime and to this day. Should I get diagnosed and how can I do so if I'm 17 and my parents will 100% dismiss that?
I am ADHD and Aspergers. It wasn't even suggested to me until I was 39 (43 now, and been formally diagnosed 12 months ago). Pre diagnosis my symptoms were just assumed to be other things like im distracted or lazy or inattentive or not caring blah blah blah. Since march 2023 ive been on 10mg dexamphetamine IR BD. It was literally life changing. Can't imagine being off it. This video... this guy basically spoke like he was inside my head and knew me better than I knew me. All the childhood stuff with hindsight... this dude has somehow learned my entire life from as far back as I can remember until now. It's scary how much of me he spoke of.
I feel like the point around a disability was missed. Failing to arrive on time pales in comparison to academic, school, romantic relationships, and friendships struggles. Or the substance abuse or suicidality risks.
Time is literally the most valuable asset ever. Having poor time management skills could destroy everything you've mentioned and DIRECTLY contributes as an agent at driving academia, school, relationships and friendships. Time is the core
If I didn’t have good friends in college, and COVID didn’t happen, I don’t think I would have been able to get my mech engineering degree. Being able to see my notes and recorded lectures over and over again were crucial
I always wondered why homework took me so long in grade school. I just assumed that everyone else was the same: furiously scribbling down notes, not remembering a single spoken word, spending 120 minutes on a math assignment that was expected to take only 30 to 40 minutes. But then in high school I found out I could get an A+ in social studies and not have to study or sit down for long hours reading, because I could intuit the material easily just skimming through chapter summaries. Eventually I turned into the person who hastily puts together sources for a University paper the night before it's due and banging out an essay using a boilerplate template, not really caring for how coherent the argument was. I hit the wall with my solid 'B' gpa and never got into grad school. In my working life I'm absolutely reliant on notes and lists for organizing myself and covering for the fact that I still have a lot of trouble retaining verbal instructions. I absolutely hate talking over the phone and find an alternative if I can.
@21:59 this was my entire elementary/middle school experience. Fortunately for my parents and teachers, I loved learning most core subjects (math and writing) and teaching myself at home, so I didn't mind spending 4-5 hours a night doing homework (that should have taken less than an hour). Unfortunately that came at my own expense, because there aren't any red flags for a kid who seems to just be overly dedicated to doing homework. I ended up crashing and burning really fucking hard in high school. I was dx with adhd by a dr way ahead of his time back in 2000. I'm grateful for that but wish I didn't wait 20 more years after school to go back to therapy and get my 💩 together. 🤦🏼♀️
Holy crap! That zoom analogy explained my entire academic career perfectly. I always thought I was so stupid and accepted at an early age that I just needed to work harder than my peers. This lead to burnout and depression/anxiety. Which then lead to having 22+ jobs (quitting/getting fired) in my 20s and finally an ADHD/ASD diagnosis at 30. Ty for this video, it really validates my experiences and the experiences of other late diagnosis ND ppl 💛💛💛
My therapist in college solved the puzzle and diagnosed me with ADHD when I told her that I couldn't drink coffee within 2 hours of waking up otherwise I would just get groggy and/or fall asleep.
I'm in my 20's and have recently been on stimulants for background info. I masked my ADHD so well through compensatory behaviours and self-control that it went undetected for all my life. I made it through, yes. But it was hell. Even when I'm able to appear calm on the outside, internally I was in pain. I had a very good self-care routine in place and still wondered why was I so miserable and disconnected from reality, I was never this bad. What ended up happening was my brain would make me disassociate to deal with all the chaos and pain that came from trying to just exist. Now, the techniques I learned combined with the clear mind and increased capacity of a stimulant has made life a whole easier and more enjoyable. I can feel again, I am present, and I carry a lot less fears due to how my symptoms would interfere with my life.
I am 27F and I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I assume that I might have it along with ASD. Dr K. can you please do some videos about AUTISM? I have read some articles about ASD and that it’s a comorbid with ADHD and depression. I love the way you describe psychiatric disorders and personal experiences with your clients.
I dont know a ton about ASD but as i was researching ADHD (now diagnosed) i learned that there are many similar symptoms that have fundamentally different causes. Good thing is that a single assessment will look for both of these diagnoses :)
@@menamgamg They have both shared and separate causes. ADHD shares genetic overlap with ASD more than any other condition, shares multiple neurological features with autism, and shares multiple genetic variants with autism. So, different causes for some symptoms and identical causes for others.
The biggest struggles I have had 1. Insomnia (usually sleep 3-4 hrs) 2.- Running late 10 min everywhere 3.- making friendships 4.- home organization Was diagnosed at 45 years old, I always assumed it was personality flaws 😔
11:45 and this is why i hate college students who dont have it, getting the medication. Its why the medication is much harder to get (and costly to get) for those of us who actually need it to function "normally".
The last section on ADHD’s affect on school performance is mind blowing the zoom metaphor put my childhood into perspective and now im a sad adult bc i feel as though i was a “poor” performer in my academics
I'll start by saying - thank you for the impact you had on my life (videos on alexythymia/motivation). I'm coming from place of love when I say - please... you need to keep more up to date on nd stuff. We are on a brink of ND revolution! Additude magazine is a great source. 1. Adhd is not an illness/condition. It is a neuro-difference, just as you mention - we are wired/designed differently. 2. Adhd is not more common in boys - it can be more visible in boys (boys and girls are still raised differently, with different expectations). Also - diagnostic criteria are based on males due to vast majority of studies being conducted on male subjects. 3. We are born adhd. Not something that develops over time. There is no environmental component. A healthy lifestyle, stable home, good diet can contribute to anyone's general health/mood/performance, not just people with adhd. (Certain dyes can have an impact) 4. Hunters were not male and gatherers female. This has been debunked recently 5. Social disability vs. medical disability model 6. Adhd is primarly underdiagnosed. A lot of people fall under cracks. Talking about people trying to get a diagnosis to improve their performance is stigma-cultivating. 7. Talking about cure for adhd you only focus on certain aspects medication might improve on for what an individual requires. Adhd comes with a lot of positive aspects that are still there when they receive medication. 8. Adhd symptoms don't take 6m to come back when we stop taking meds. If I miss my pill, I realize straight away. 9. Adhd meds are the first line of treatment. Coaching helps implement new, helpful habits. Developing coping strategies/techniques does nor cancel anything out. 10. Training focus and working on impulsivity can benefit anyone, it does not "cure" adhd. It helps improve those areas. 11. I'm grateful for the part at the end, it does help others understand. But also we should also mention another aspect to it - when we do have an interest in a particular area, the attention/concentration issues go away and we can hyperfocus like a boss, we are on whole other level in those areas. Also - with deadlines - we might leave the project till a couple hours till the deadline - but move mountains within that timeframe. Adhd people come alive under pressure - emergency services in particular are full of nd people who feel like fish in water in there (I'm adding this so that adhd people can relate better) Xxx
Twin studies have revealed an enviromental component with 70% of symptoms being genetic and 30% being enviromental (which likely plays a role in severity and expression of symptoms like hyperactive vs innattentive) but regardless it is mostly a genetic disorder and yeah only non stim meds would build up an improvement of symptoms to that degree stimulants are just a momentary change.
@@crawdad6354 not doubting you on those studies, but I'd be interested to see when they were conducted, as it's such a fast developing research area (Also, now this is only my opinion, I doubt this inattentive vs hyperactive division, it's already well know most people fall under "combined". I think a lot of it is lack of self awareness and knowledge on how traits can manifest. I see certain vibe to people insisting their adhd is inattentive, like being hyperactive is 2nd class/frawned upon and having inattentive adhd is more "acceptable")
I have adhd and I am really into boardgames. What you said about your experience with Jaipur really resonated with me. I feel that certain board games were crucial for me in the way I deal with my adhd. Not only with dealing with delayed gratification, but also by providing me with a system where I can play around with different ways to plan and organize myself.
2:37 - Why investing on Shorts/TikTok is gonna be the future, it's a sad reality but I believe that people who practice functionalism will always survive and profit. This new era of technology and algorithms are both really exciting and scary... I'm really excited that they're experimenting and improving the production quality in these vids, the intro caught me off guard. Editor is smurfing. (Hi Matt :D) Noticed there aren't any chapters/timestamps in this video yet, this is for the early birds :) Enjoy the rest of your day guys! Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction 0:13 - Why is ADHD on the rise? 3:24 - Why is ADHD more common in males? 5:03 - Why is ADHD treated with stimulants? 6:56 - Is ADHD a disability? 9:56 - Why is ADHD Overdiagnosed? 12:33 - Is ADHD curable? 16:39 - How can you prevent ADHD? 20:09 - How can ADHD effect your performance in school?
Everything you said resonates. Literally at 42 just been diagnosed with ADHD (as a result of having addictions which was the primary reason I first saw a Psychiatrist). School was a complete nightmare for me and I dug out all my school reports to find out what the teachers were saying about me. I never felt I belonged in school and pretty much gave up on it.
Haha I appreciate that this video about ADHD, that talks about shorter attention spans, has been edited with a lot more jump-crops and b-roll than the usual videos. You're streets ahead
Especially the last part made me realize how hard having undiagnosed ADHD affects me. My whole school life all the teachers made me feel like I'm just lazy and too shy. Everyone was telling me how smart I am and that I had great potential but I just need to work harder in school, but no matter how motivated I was to do so, I just couldn't. I was constantly dissociating in class and simply didn't understand what my teachers wanted me to do. Always had bad grades and felt like an idiot.
Hey Dr.K I have watched a lot of your videos and found them helpful and I liked a lot of what you had to say in this video but, as someone with adhd I don't know if I can agree that learning skills will magically make my life work. I've tried learning skills in the past but I haven't been able to effectively or sustainably implement them because of executive dysfunction. I'm not saying that you shouldn't learn skills or that there is no truth in what you are saying but for some we do need meds and skills. I know you didn't mean it this way but it's a little invalidating to be told that learning skills will fix things when I've tried that before. Plus there have been a lot of people other than me who tried learning skills but it just wasn't enough, like the youtuber How To ADHD she explained in one vid where she had gone off her meds for a month that she tried using all the skills that she had learned (and she had learned A LOT at this point) and seeing how she could get by without and even with all the skills and coping mechanism's it was still super hard for her. She explained that she realized that to effectively use those skills and coping mechanism's she needed her meds the video is called What Happened When I Stopped Taking My Medication. (I would link it but youtube is weird about that) But yeah like I said I know you meant no harm I just thought it was worth saying because for me at least I'm not sure it would ever be enough. Plus even if I did learn to get by with just skills alone I think that's kinda realllllyyyyyy unfair, like everyone else gets to have it easy but I don't? I have to use tons of skills and coping mechanisms just to kinda fuction like everyone else and shouldn't use meds? I just think that for many (NOT ALL) a combination of the two works best because people shouldn't have to struggle if they don't have to. So yeah genuinely thank you to Dr.K or anyone else for reading this GOD BLESS!!!!!!! :)
I hear you, I feel exatcly the same about this. If I hear one more person saying that ADHD is fixable by learning how to set reminders I'm going to explode. It's very invalidating and I feel like it also gives other people a free pass to talk about ADHD like it's this nonexisting thing that everybody experiences so you must be able to easily handle it. I'm one of the people that needs medication too, it's exactly like you described: all the skills only started to actually work when I got on the right medication. Neurotypical people use planners and reminders as an addition to their cognitive functioning, it's not something that works when your executive functioning is shit. I tried so many planners and tactics and they never worked or only for a short amount of time. Now that I'm on medication I finally experience what it is like to plan and organize for normal people. And heck, I still have trouble focussing! even with meds! but at least I can function like a human being now! :)
@@TaMarAaQ Thanks for responding it's really nice to hear that your doing better now! I just hope that when I finally am able to get on it myself I'll have a similar experience and not have to struggle so much anymore! Anyways thank you for sharing it's nice to not feel alone in my frustration lol anyways GOD BLESS!!! :)
I REALLY NEED HELP. my son is 10 years old. he started stealing food, toys and tablets since he was 6 years old. he pees himself on purpose and lies all the time. he can't be in the kitchen alone, because then he starts eating everything in the cupboards and fridge. and at school he steals food from other kids every day. he lies completely and pretends to cry. He manipulates teachers and substitutes at the school.He cannot be alone. he has started stealing things from the grocery store after and before school. I have been to 4 different doctors and they say he is normal and doing it on purpose and there is nothing we can do.I feel hopeless. I often cry because of my son. Teacher calls me every single day and complains that my son has been stealing food from other children again. the other parents complain about me too. he pees on himself all the time and the room he is in smells of pee. I do not know what to do. the only thing I want to know if he has a mental illness diagnosis. pls can anything help me. I NEED HOPE.
External reminders are so good! I use coloured lackey bands to act as a to-do list. I wear the coloured lackeys on my wrist so there's a constant pressure reminding me (also a good fidget), using colours as indicators for tasks helps my memory, it's a more subtle way to use an everyday system and the collection fits on a loop in my bag or pocket. Just don't wear them too tight or to bed.
Something no one talks about: Estrogen affects neurotransmitters like serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which are closely associated with attention, mood regulation, and executive functions. Estrogen increases dopamine levels and enhances the brain's sensitivity to dopamine, which is linked with ADHD pathology. When estrogen levels drop, dopamine function can decline, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Tracking your cycle can help you understand how hormonal fluctuations influence your ADHD symptoms, medication effectiveness, and overall functioning. With this data, you can talk to your doctor about ways to enhance your treatment plan. For example, your doctor can prescribe Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) to increase your estrogen levels. Combined therapy, which may include medication, hormone replacement, and psychological therapies, is often considered most helpful.
Yeah I was really surprised by that as well -- why circulate a debunked opinion when there are proven reasons why ADHD isn't diagnosed as often in girls?
@@Dimitris_Half Any non youtube link tends to get a comment deleted/hidden. Just search anything about "shrinking attention span myth". Most results say how we believe that social media is causing it, and then providing studies that say otherwise. Of the one actually trying to claim attention spans have shortened, they cite "our research shows". (CNN, the news place that always tries to stay "neutral" and does what it can for views/clicks). YT LINK on next reply if that doesnt get deleted automatically.
@@Dimitris_Half Just look up any of the studies he mentioned in the first 5 minutes on Google Scholar, and only one of those agrees with what he is proposing they do.
@@Dimitris_Half Literally all of them. I have listed the timespan in which you can look it up. It's inefficient to enumerate the options when there's only one option that wouldn't fall into the enumeration.
No technology does strain our brains and attention, especially modern content consumption and doom scrolling. And it can be addictive and cause you to fall behind on everything else making a big stress of "holy cow why can't I just do the thing I need to do" because your brain would rather scroll through RUclips instead of fold laundry or do homework
Thank you for making this video. I’m 25 and I feel like I’m finally understanding what it means to have ADHD. It’s so hard trying to progress in my career and it makes me feel stupid and incompetent. Just like when I was in school. But this video helped me understand ADHD so much better. Thank you again.
Well the ending inspired a whole lot of confidence! (irony) Spot on as always Dr K, without a guiding hand and explaining the underlying causes to the really smart kids they just beat themselves up over not being able to "apply themselves" and use their full intellectual potential. The fact that I (a supposed smart kid) struggle with basic tasks while someone who's not as smart just skates through them is frustrating to no end, especially with parents who treat concentration issues as laziness without any distinction or nuance.
One of the issues we have is kids with adhd are taught how to organize and make to do lists in school but it comes with a price of punishment and shame if they mess up at some point which leads to trauma, so even if a person with adhd has compensatory coping strategies, these strategies are often formed out of shame, so on the outside it looks like they are coping but internally they have high anxiety or depression
Dude I was tearing up hearing you basically sum up my schooling. I couldn’t finish college cause I just couldnt understand the content like others. In elementary school they had book reports. I tried to read but I could never follow the lines on the page. I taught myself to do all the book reports on books that had adaptations into movies. English was my only language yet they placed me in ESL cause I couldn’t read well. I was the kid that would put all his notes into clear bic pens. It was the only way I could remember things, didn’t even need to be full sentences just a few keywords that could possibly jog my memory. Even some of Dr K’s videos I have to watch certain chapters over and over again before I can understand.
One thing in college I’ve absolutely loved is when professors use a Cengage MindTap. It lays out the text that can be highlighted, has flash cards, activities and the “training” modules in a organized and meaningful way. It makes you take breaks so you don’t cram. I find this a very positive advancement using tech for learning with my adhd.
I'm 53 years old and I Just Came Upon Your channel. Oh my God how much I have ADHD in that I matched just about all the characteristics of one who has it. And then add it on top of that, I broke my neck in 1988 make me a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. Talk about compounding a situation and or adding salt to one's wounds. I have written at least 100 pages about myself and my situation and I could probably easily write hundreds more.
I really appreciated you talking about targeting the deficits of ADHD in children and targeting these to overcome the ADHD. Very insightful and helpful to a neurotypical like me
The end really hit home for me. I was always able to brute force my way through school and never did homework growing up. After 12 years out of high school I went back to post secondary which was challenging to say the least. I struggled through my first two years before I sought help and treatment. I am receiving treatment and it has made the world of difference. While I still procrastinate and have a hard time focussing, knowing that I have ADHD has made things much more manageable.
There's also cultural specific impact to consider, too. How you are raised, what your family and community values, largely affects how "competent" you are considered by the general public. As someone ADHD who never finished colleges, much of the avenues of "success" are behind a paywall, the things that I excel in are not always what are valued by the people around me.
Your videos are always so well communicated, relevant, and informational! Thanks for always sharing your wisdom with the rest of society. -An ADHD brained woman who has worked in education/intensive behavioral intervention/early childcare settings for most of my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 24. It changed my life so much to actually get some of the help that I’ve needed. I was definitely a “gifted” kid and slipped through the cracks (my 4 brothers also have ADHD). It wasn’t until I had to function on my own in society as an adult that I uncovered that my severe anxiety and depression (both present from early in childhood along with sooo many other blatant signs/symptoms that were missed in my youth) was DIRECTLY related to untreated ADHD. Therapy and finally get the right medicines for me have definitely changed my life for the better. Truly like wearing glasses after squinting for years without them and trying to see what everyone else has been looking at all along.
New sub. Just diagnosed by my psychiatrist about a week ago. I have been this doc’s patient regularly for about 5 years now for anxiety/depression after something super bad happened. He seemed to have an epiphany after a video visit. He must’ve noticed some thing that he never had before. Have not had any time to myself to do a deep dive into ADHD, but I’m def going to. When you mentioned being chronically late, that is me. Beating myself up so much, so many times because it is ingrained that u must not respect that person and their time. It has never happened once that I felt or thought that way, ever. I have tried so many things and times to change. Hopefully my diagnosis is correct, those struggles u listed that are common for most people that make it over diagnosed…have all of it to the max. And want nothing more than to make even one of those things better. So I can think, I can be comfortable, I can relax. I haven’t listened to the whole video yet, but you said that people can grow out of it, what I need to find out is, if you can grow into it, because I haven’t been this way forever. And I much preferred the old me
I am going to lean towards the "we are catching it more" camp. I was recently diagnosed as an adult after my son was diagnosed. My husband was diagnosed as a child and then his parents were both diagnosed. 🤔 I think my family is just breeding more ADHD individuals. I am starting to pick out family members who need to be tested for ADHD.
thank you for all your videos. as an undiagnosed and speculative adhd-haver, I find them really valuable. I'd love it if you talked more about the emotional/mental dysregulation aspects of adhd as that is something that I struggle with a lot.
11:54 I got perfect grades in school, honor roll all through college. I would stay up until 2-3 AM every single night and mostly sleep through the day. Parents didn’t care because oh wow what a studious child. I never socialized outside of school so I had no baseline for how long homework was supposed to take. But my grades were so good! Now I can’t hold down a job. Can’t do my laundry. Can’t clean up, can’t hold appointments. Can’t remember people’s names. Can’t remember what day it is. Life with adhd is hell. I swear to god if one more person tells me it’s a hidden superpower
EDIT: Returning to this thread after a while. First off, thank you everyone for such heartfelt and thoughtful comments. This has been so productive for me to re-examine.
Second, when I wrote this I was in poor spirits and I’m happy to say that I’ve been doing much better as of late. I’m taking steps to improve my life and I’m excited to see where my next steps take me. Thanks for all the support and advice.
It's a hidden superpower you can hyperfocus!1!1!1!
Me hyperfocusing on video games and researching unimportant shit:
On a serious note, I relate to you and understand your struggle... you're not alone.
This is very similar to my life too. That I’m autistic doesn’t make it easier. I basically gave up because the anxiety is so bad and I developed chronic pain. My partner is a physics engineer, so we’re not starving, but in Scandinavia it’s considered very embarrassing that someone is mostly supported by their partner.. 😢 my adhd and autism are very very disabling things for me that feel like illnesses 😫 so I can totally relate even if I’m not as bright and I’m a college dropout. I finished almost all of it though, at a really good university too. But for what… 😢
@@christineh86 I'm sorry for that. Hope it gets better for all of us....
I was the same way when i moved in to an apartment with my friends i got kicked out once and just a bunch of shit but once i have a routine i dont do anything else. So now when i come home its easy because im not just the dishwasher im the frickan god of dishes or just whatever i end up doing. Im always developing new methods to make my life easy thats part of the whole hyperfocusing crap it seems useless at first but now i would say i really enjoy it although i have my bad moments😅
It's almost never mentioned that ADHD is way under-diagnosed because it presents differently in girls than it does in boys. Girls with ADHD are often not hyperactive. They are more often inattentive, and just get labeled with 'lazy,' and 'troublemakers.' If they tell people they need help, they're dismissed and told to try harder. Whole lives are wasted because they can't get the help they need because they're not taken seriously. It is a real issue, and it needs to be made known so people stop dismissing girls and women so they can get the help they need.
Amen
I don't think that's really a male/female thing, I was told constantly that I was "just being lazy" and "needed to apply myself" in school and I'm a guy. I think most people with ADHD are told that.
@@Brave_SJ they are told that. But boys are more often referred for testing because the presentation of inattentiveness in boys is often a trigger for diagnosis. Girls are referred for evaluation far less. It's still thought of as a boy's diagnosis.
I’ve been trying to shift my thinking of this problem from it being male vs female presentation to an external vs internal presentation. It is true that girls and women are more likely to have more internal presentations of adhd (what is inattentiveness but a hyperactive and distractible mind), and thus are more likely to suffer from being overlooked and going undiagnosed. I’m one of them, only just getting diagnosed at 32. Socialization of the genders is to thank in part for this, but I feel like external vs internal is more accurate.
Debra you have a great point. That’s Exactly what happened to me and my lil sister. It could’ve been because I’m older but what I remember being told is that “I need it” or “she’s not that bad” which sucked to hear because I knew she was suffering just as much if not more
I was an undiagnosed adhd primary school girl in the 90's and I vividly remember looking around at all the other kids doing the assignment and wondering how the hell they were able to do it. Not knowing that you have adhd is a ridiculously and honestly hellishly confusing life in so many ways.
I remember something similar, finally caving to the urge and stopping my work to look up and wondering why no one else needed to look around like how I always wanted to do
I just got diagnosed at 30 years old and a hellishly confusing life is a pretty good way to describe things lol :D
I was trying to get rid of my "depression" for about 8 years and nothing ever worked. Turns out it was a misdiagnosis.. Doctors did a little oopsie there! Well that's life right 🥴
Damn that's relatable. I remember sitting at my desk all afternoon once in 3rd or 4th grade trying to do my homework. Could'nt start, couldn't keep going, never got how the other kids did it. Eventually I was diagnosed with minor depression and some more serious anxiety. Unlike @menamgamg, I actually had these problems due to not being able to focus and commit. So I always got told that I need to try harder, I'm lazy, I lack commitment, endurance, etc etc.
@@Fonok87 Interesting. How old were you when you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety? Was there a time when you could focus on work and projects?
Throughout the years, my diagnoses went,
Teens: Depression
Mid 20s: Depression / anxiety
Mid 20s into 30s: Depression / anxiety, and ADHD
I believe that for me, the depression and anxiety stems from years of unaddressed ADHD.
@@Syne7h I wasn't diagnosed with anything until I was 33. I could focus on stuff I found really interesting. At school it was math and physics. At home, hobbies. Never homework :)
I remember in high school I found out it took all my friends 30mins-2hours MAX to take history notes. It took me 6 hours minimum. 💀 the “god why am I so incompetent” thought process really hits home. Thanks for making videos like this
I was amazing at reading, speed reading, but then I realized I'd have to go back multiple times because I'd forget what I just read.
Wait… that’s me too! I suspect I might have ADHD but 🤔
@@PokèMyBallsme LMFAOOO i used to bring awards home all the time as a kid - whole time i either procrastinated the heck out of my assignments once i got home and left it for right before bed, or just kept rereading bc i always lost my train of thought
Wow couldn't relate more!!!
U guys made notes, for me I only took textbook and one notebook
2 comments on how it feels to have ADHD from my experience (24M). Hopefully people can relate!
1. Trying to complete tasks at work/school with ADHD is like telling someone they can only focus on something while they hold their breath. At first maybe you can get a few minutes at a time, and only that, but then later on in the day you struggle to even get 30 second bursts of focus because you’re exhausted from all the “effort” you’ve had to put forth - you’re “out of breath” if you will.
2. Most people advise “just get started, that’s the hardest part. Once you’re over that hump, it’s usually a breeze!” Except with ADHD, there’s a hump every 5 minutes - not just one at the start. That resistance most people experience when starting something, you experience throughout the entire task - unless it’s something you’re genuinely interested in, then you don’t always have that problem. But then, teachers, parents, managers, etc. will look at that and say “See! You’re smart, just do what you did for that!” Like yeah, don’t you think I’d love to do that?
It genuinely doesn’t feel like a choice anymore, but it always comes across like you’re dumb, lazy, uninterested, or simply that you don’t want to try. It’s like you “can’t” do it, all while being fully capable.
Not sure if I have ADHD myself, but holy crap does your holding breath analogy really explain a lot with some of my struggles with productivity.
Yea, that's definitely me.
The duality of the ADHD brain makes everything either "Super interesting" or "hella boring". There. is. no. in. between.
accurate
Very nice coment my breath stops/lots of discomfort when im even reading a book im interessted but not interessted enought in. 😅 I have to stop shortly.
Thats wven if my brain does not strike and turns to blackout mode where kognitive skills are turned down and i have to read paragraphs multible times and even start the page over if i feel like i cant remember what i just read that is important for context.
But those things are the smaller things the loss of pleasure/emotion/social tone of voice/facial and plans you had in your life sucks more.
Cant even play a game without having lots of plans/structure in your brain.
Otherwise you are just randomly moving peaces but even that would be okay if it was at least fun and the discomfort goes away 😂
Let me say that you're very articulate and a video talking about articulation and the skill of expressing thoughts through writing and speaking would be an epic video.
I would love this, too
oh YES. Dr. K's guide on how to articulate ideas to others would be gold.
Yes! Please.
Glad I'm not the only one!
Slight issue with your post: /s obviously is being used as an optional pluralization. But it can also mean "sarcasm"
I went undiagnosed until I was almost 26. Can we talk about how emotional dysregulation can stem from ADHD? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by a million emotions at once that I go from laughing to crying to feeling numb in the span of thirty seconds.
Because your emotions happen at a lot of brain-areas except your frontal lobe :D
Your amygdala is much closer to the heart, lungs, whatever and easier to reach. The frontal lobe is far away from your nerve system, in comparison.
I would guess that our disability to keep the frontal lobe running, raises the brain activity in other regions statistically speaking.
Also life hack: with smells you can bypass your emotional ceter, even if you are in rage or depressed aF!
I was diagnosed at age 49 😢 had absolutely ZERO knowledge of adhd prior to that. My (almost) whole life has been a waste. SO MUCH self-hatred.
Yes, this please! My ADHD child has been able to manage the time blindness and attention issues in school so far, more or less, but really *suffers* because of the emotional dysregulation and no one and nothing is addressing that part!
@@cappuchino_creationsso like if i use a spray/perfume my emtions are normal again?
Me literally and this is the worst honestly along forgetting important things 🥲
Theory for the "why more ADHD now?" question:
ADHD (and "ADD") diagnosis biases for childhood diagnosis. Those kids are the grownups now. They're the parents and teacher and principals and counselors and pediatricians now. Gen-x is the first to be widely diagnosed in childhood, so they weren't diagnosed by adults who had the experience of also having been diagnosed in childhood.
That ought to change recognition rates.
the more people know about one subject the more they find it in real life i guess.
This is a great point! And don't forget the older members of gen X and baby boomers who didn't get a chance to be diagnosed as children. Some of them have finally received help and support with an adult diagnosis - often after one of their children is diagnosed.
Many people have tons of insincts about adhd especially older/less educated/poorer socioeconomic countrys/regions/ generations.
Those poor people had bigger problems often and had to ignore some things and adhd where people are fuxked and cant reööy advocate for themselfes especially since its hard to profe objectively if someone does not want to know or is lying is also very usefull.
People that need eye glasses are way more powerful since there brain is normal only there eyes need help but adhd people fighting politically is such a big thing and if you do it wrobg you get more backlash than positive impact. Also you might not have any impact or see any benefit for years / decades
I just got diagnosed at 23. It sucks because I always thought everyone felt this way. Now I feel cheated.
Fewer people are getting diagnosed as bipolar?
Going through school with ADHD was everything you described here, but one thing that made it worse for me is that I was told by adults to not say I have ADHD, and use it as a crutch to answer for my short comings.
that's literally like saying to a child with bad vision that their glasses and needing to sit up front are excuses to not work as hard, or as an excuse they they didn't learn something bc they were put at the back of the class. like, what???
there's also this strange phenomenon with neurotypicals where people think we're making excuses. sorry, but no! i'm simply explaining myself so you don't think i have bad intentions, i'm not trying to not take responsibility or not apologize. i forgot to do the thing because i have adhd, and not because im lazy and hate you. i'm very sorry and i tried very hard, and will try harder next time, im just letting you know im not evil.
It's weird because the way he descibed school was just so much different than what I went through. I guess I was the "high iq" kid he describes. I would go to class and soak in whatever I had to, all while daydreaming often. I literally never once studied at home and it was a shock if my homework wasn't being done the morning it was due. I took Honors and AP classes and the kids that actively studied would get high grades and panic all of the time while I would be like whatever, I got a B just by focusing in class and last minute jamming 5 minutes before the test. It wasn't until college where it became so noticeable. Struggling just to go to class. Professor gave me all semester to turn in the years work, so I'll do it during the last week of the semester, if I even remembered. Always great at problem solving, but I'll be damned if you want me to memorize words, locations, definitions.
I can relate to that pain... i've had alot of my teachers telling me "stop saying that you have ADHD all the time, just focus on the class instead of... (what ever i was doing)". My teachers even had a meeting discussing my "disobedienc and later on concluded that i'm to immature to go to this type of school.
Especially the "just focus" part cut deep into my heart every time i've heard it because ofc. i wanted to pay attention and i was very interested, especially in biology and math but they couldnt understand that "just focus" for me is not the same as "just focus" for most other students.
@@notatrollzorz- It's a classic pattern that we do well or cope well enough with strategies like cramming for tests, etc, until we get to college, where there's much less structure and we have to be able to perform and produce at a much different level. That's often when things fall apart for people :(
When I graduated college I was just so surprised I had made it through.
I got so many detentions in 7th grade for being loud and disruptive that my mom thought I might need to get ADHD tested. I mentioned it to my favorite teacher, and he told me I need to learn to control myself and I can’t use a diagnosis as a “crutch”. I went home that day and told my mom I didn’t want to get tested anymore. I loved that teacher, but with one sentence he set me back ten years.
I'm 38. I've battled ADHD fairly successfully these past 15ish years or so, and damn...this video. It's so on point.
One of the things that I do, that everyone does is we forget how hard things were, and how much we've grown. This video without question is definitely giving me harsh flashbacks and appreciation for my younger self.
Yep, I coasted until I was 18 until I was diagnosed. I was smart enough to get by without effort, until I wasn't.
His description at the end is why I didn't finish college. I took a two year tech program, many of my peers went on to finish that two year program, then finish a 4 year degree and get their engineering degree. I lasted long enough to finish that first 1 year. Couldn't do the next year. Tried twice. Tried another field in a tech program 12 years later. Same thing. Tried the second year twice. Couldnt get through it. I did however get a job in the field in that very first program I took, and if I didn't I would probably be dead.
But let me tell you, my industry isn't big. I've worked with some of those guys who went on to get their PEng. They have different skills than I do in our profession, but my specific skills are on par with theirs (meaning, I can hold a conversation with them now and still feel like I'm on equal footing). I take pride in it, and I strive to do even better. Far cry from who I used to be.
Its taken everything for me to get here. I've gone through depression (those meds are not a good idea for me), I took me years of reflection, introspection, and learning new skills to adapt. I wasn't worthy to myself let alone a prospective partner.
But all the growth I've had, I'm now doing much better. I enjoy my job that I fly all over the country to do. I have a wife and kid. I'm not rich, but I'm not without. I never would have imagined the kid who couldn't get a girlfriend, couldn't hold a job, couldn't finish school would be where I'm standing.
My tips for young ADHDers:
1. Go to tech school, none of that 4 year stuff. Do a job that requires your brain and your body. When you're young, you'll be expected to do more physical, as you get older, it's your brain that becomes valuable.
2. Learn your values. Dont try to change them until you identify them. Learn what they actually are and not what you want them to be. You will have to learn how to not lie to yourself.
3. Learn to live in the moment, and if you're concerned about it being an impulsive/make bad decision , recognize you can never make a bad decision if you adhere to your values. You can have bad consequences, but you have no reason for regret.
4. Find tools that work for you. Write out what you intended to accomplish every day at the beginning of every day. Don't focus on if you succeed or not. Just practice. As you keep making those lists it gets easier to do them.
5. Mindfulness is essential. Inject positivity wherever and whenever you realize negativity creeping in. Even if it seems like bs.
6. Write a journal every day, only review what you wrote once a year. At the end of each entry, write what you're grateful for.
7. Strive to do great at whatever you do, even if it sucks. Never measure yourself to another person. You can learn something from everyone, but you also don't need to take on other people's misery.
8. Learn and pay attention to the important things that need to be done urgently, even if they aren't urgent. I will prioritize things that aren't high priority because that's how they get done. People think I'm incredibly organized and conscientious, when I'm not.
Medications>mindfulness> diet and exercise> therapy are the essentials to doing everything in that list. Videos like these count as therapy imo.
Make mistakes, and learn from them, but always hold true to your values. Always grow. And it's really really important not to measure yourself from anyone but you. Hindsight being 20/20, where I am now I could have been 10 years ago, but that's not the hand I was dealt. I make what I have work for me, and I feel blessed.
I'm not religious at all, but the lord's prayer is absolutely a fantastic thing to understand and embrace.
great comment thank you!
As an ADHD'er right around your age, this comment you wrote out is brilliant. And i really pray more of the younger viewers read this one. Really.
Man I'm so happy for you
Thx bro i needed this ❤
I have pretty severe ADHD and, while I admit I am younger, I don’t entirely with your thoughts about going to a tech school. I 100% agree that you should find a job that uses your body and mind. Tech/trade school is a great option for a lot of ADHDers for that reason. But I’m also going to a 4 year university program for geology. Geology is a job that requires your mind and body, especially if you do field work. School is hard as hell and I need accommodations and kind teachers to get through it. Some people can also work jobs like waiting tables or other more physical jobs that don’t require school. So tech school is only one option of many that could work for different people
As someone who's changed programs in college 4 times because of ADHD, I feel this. I never needed to learn how to study in middle/high school, since subjects came easy to me, and since so much weight is put on tests over assignments, I never got in the habit of completing projects on time and was never punished for that (my school didn't do detention).
Now I'm 25 in my 7th year of post secondary education, and I'm finally learning that I retain information better when I split my focus during lectures, and I'm doing better since I don't need to teach myself 3 lectures worth of material for 1 assignment.
And the one piece of advice that's helping me with assignments: Perfect is the enemy of Finished.
Well, the only punishment for not completing things in time is usually a zero for your grade or a lower grade if turned in late, contributing to an F. Schools don't typically give detention for not completing assignments.
@@lainiwakura1776 I got zeros, but the assignments were weighted so low they never impacted my grades enough for me to worry about failing
This is my issue too. 8 years of trying to do post-grad. How do you split your focus?
I used to just skip school altogether several days a week. Was basically no consequence except having to miraculously somehow get it together for tests and get decent grades anyway lol. I thought i was worthless back then but looking back i realize what a fucking powerhouse my brain was when under enough pressure xD Its a tragedy having to go undiagnosed with this shit all your life.
I even got through college skating on interest, novelty, and the curve bringing classes that weren’t interesting or novel down below a level I could compensate for with my intelligence. I always managed to complete projects on time by cramming. Looking back, I’ve never really even edited things I turned in for school or college, let alone done second drafts. I did them at the last second, and my interest in them ended there. I was in an honors program, where they cared more about ideas than grammar, structure, or even in one case, responsiveness to the assignment. But once I got to the work world, I’ve fallen apart. I don’t get fired, but I immediately burnt out of the first job I had where I had to put in full time hours and put out consistent work. I quit before my performance could suffer, because I pushed through that horrible “I DONT WANT TO” feeling until I was mentally destroyed (it took two months to break down, and then I hung on to the job for five more months, becoming increasingly despondent). Now I work a job with low hours, low accountability, and frequent breaks. And it’s a school, so semesters and different summer jobs give me a feeling of variety and not having to endlessly endure. This is MORE sustainable, but I am still not functioning. I’m deteriorating. It just occurred to me last year that this might be adhd, and I am hoping desperately for this diagnosis. It would answer so much about my life, and my inability to pursue my goals. If not, I just have to think that I’m superhumanly incompetent and lazy, despite constant praise for being smart and helpful.
Damn that was really relatable. I'm 21 now and only now getting diagnosed with ADHD (and likely ASD). No one ever noticed because I was one of the best in class and never needed to study and I thought that once things get harder I'll be able to start working harder. Now I'm in Uni and absolutely struggeling, I don't find it particularly difficult but I just can't ever bring myself to study. I also noticed that I have Depression and Anxiety, which makes it harder. I really hope I can get stuff sorted out soon.
I know exactly what you mean man, I’m around the same age and just got diagnosed after making it 85% through uni lol. I can definitely say, after finding this explanation for all these random distinctions, it’s made the mental load of school so much more bearable!
get the damn meds
I did internalize my failure a lot when I wasn't able to stay on top of my homework in college. I was pretty well aware that I learned things at a slower pace than others, but I didn't think it was from ADHD. I thought almost everyone needed to review the material after lectures and that they were simply able to do it faster than I could. I would always feel really dumb because of that. And whenever someone else told me I was smart because of something I knew or how I respond to things, I would always think to myself that I was more knowledgeable than I was smart.
Maybe I'm not as stupid as I thought.
Same very knowledgeable
A lot of adhd-ers are pretty bright tho! I connect with people easily bc I happen to know lots of topics. I've been a curious person since young. Except for K-pop and soccer lol
@@hasamahikaru That is true, but the college I went to didn't have a very good learning structure for those with attention deficit, and the programs that helped me pay for college (GI Bill and federal grants) required me to be a full-time student. I could muscle my way into a diploma if I took fewer classes, but it would end up costing me money I don't have.
You just described my life.. I have a very high IQ and spent 24 years of living as undiagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Then I hit a gigantic steel wall during my master degree because it got too complex and I'm not used to struggle.. Discovered your channel yesterday, I feel I finally have answers and solutions to my crappy life, thanks to you. I used to have "solutions" that required from me to be motivated in order to work, but now I know I can train to be more motivated. Thanks !!
I don't want to complain, because I've been making great progress regarding my mental health and how to be productive over the last year. But maybe my case will make you feel better about yourself😅
I've been struggling with the consequences of ADHD, a crappy childhood (some of it spent with my anti-authoritarian mum who didn't send me to school anymore and fled law enforcement by buying a caravan and just running away with me, and, after that, some part of it spent with my authoritarian entrepreneur dad who imprinted the thought that I am only worth as much as I do/as well as I perform) and later major depression for 30 years until I finally got diagnosed with ADHD. Never passed a single exam on any attempted bachelor's degree. Basically, I'm unable to work and full-time occupied with picking up the shards of my broken life little by little to finally move into a direction that I actually like.
I don't want to tell you something like "You got it so much better than me!" or something, because that'd invalidate your own struggles which are very real! But maybe you can acknowledge and value the achievements you already made in life and be proud of yourself a bit more😊❤️🔥
I hit my wall in grad school, too. Wasn't diagnosed until grad school and was absolutely crushed by my struggling. Had to drop out due to losing my scholarship. It absolutely crushed my confidence, which in turn made it more soul-crushing to struggle.
I flunked out of college due to covid stress, moving cities, teachers being horrible, and my asd overloading my learning. I couldn’t work properly. I was a zombie the whole time. Now I am just working minimum wage full time cause I got no options anymore. sigh…
Same here. Faced a steel wall while studying to get into the Medical School, for the third year. I was diagnosed but had a few problems with psych meds on my family.
Last year I knew that I've done anything I could to improve it without any meds, but wasn't enough.
Finally found the courage (my therapist helped me a lot) to visit a psychiatrist and started taking meds.
It was life-changing. Can't use other definition.
I had to have "protocols" to everything, otherwise I wouldn't, for example, wash my hair while taking a shower.
I can just live now. I don't need protocols to live.
I'm almost 1 year on meds, 21yo. I always tell my friends that I didn't know how to live before, I knew how to survive. 20 years surviving, now I'm living.
I can study, party, socialize, practice sports and not once I need to create a protocol to do it.
Life suddenly is not a struggle anymore.
Obviously it's not smth universal, and not everyone might need meds, but oh boy I cannot not think about how things could be If i had started earlier.
I'm sure without proof you have a high iq. We all do here.
I am very surprised there was no mention of women simply passing under the radar to explain the difference between man and women having adhd, wasn't there studies showing that adhd show differently for women so they tend to be miss diagnosed or simply live with no diadnosis?
Edit: I'm an adult with ADD who got diagnosed very late (end of university). i don't have the H part. My theory for passing under the radar then is that attention deficit was not really known, people were talking about hyperactivity and that was it.
I really identify with the last point you spoke about. I always struggled finishing exam on time and keeping up with deadlines, especially in cegep (step between HS and University). I remember feeling so inadequate comparing myself to other student, I failed whole semesters and developed what I think was depression or burn out. Every discourse you say people tend to develop I had, and I still struggle with it today! But at least now I understand why I struggle at some stuff, and that knowledge is so liberating!
There are. There are also studies debunking the hunter-gatherer thing as that was proven to not be a differentiable factor. This is a really badly researched video coming from Dr. K, kinda disappointing.
Yeah, it's not a surprise that if males tend to lean towards the hyper and class-interrupting activities that that would be easier for teachers to point to and say "He needs help." whereas for females, if we lean more towards inner issues then no one will be any wiser to what's going on with us. Sure, maybe I was a good quiet kid in class because my mind was off on another planet thinking about a billion things at once.
@@nuansd 4:17 He literally mentioned "it is somewhat debunked" right after he mentioned the hunter-gatherer thing. Guess you weren't paying attention. Just ADHD things
@@aparna12242 I mean I heard him say that, but why say "i think it's been debunked" and then continue to give credence to the theory?
@@Kagomai15 Because psychology is a forever growing science that will constantly change. This is obviously his passion as well, being excited about the possibility of a on going theory being true in the future is pretty exciting, I'm currently studying and I constantly feel excited at every corner.
We should be able to use some critical thinking here and not take things at face value. Remember, Dr. K is a guide, not an online Psychiatrist
It's just so unbelievably healing to be so seen. Most of the time I just give in and tell people I'm an idiot in that it's just impossible for me to learn things quickly. They would sooner except that, then me trying to convince them how hard it is for me and that I just can't learn it.
As an adult with ADHD who really struggled with it in school I want to A affirm what dr K said at the end about why it's so devastating to your school performance and also add to it a little bit: because you're spending 4 hours for every hour that a neurotically person needs, it essentially wipes out your social life because life is predicated on "do you work first then you get to enjoy yourself" without any slack built in for balance. This (from my own experience looking back) makes social development harder as well as making work life balance essentially impossible, both issues I continue to struggle with today
Even if I am laser focused in class I forget everything right after.
Since graduating college even at work if I don't write literally every single important point down I will forget.
When Monday comes along, I even forget what I did over the weekend and hate when people ask me because I just don't remember...
I respect your efforts in trying to help people with ADHD but as someone who has I guess a relatively severe case of it, I dont think it's curable and the reason I say this is because of how unreasonably difficult it is for me to concentrate on a subject while at the same time trying to remember what is being said without being distracted by the barrage of incoming thoughts and ideas that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. It's like trying to remember and also intently pay attention to 2 people trying to have a conversation with me.
Love your content and love how you're constantly trying to understand ADHD and evolve on the subject. It's actually interesting to see how your ideas change and develop on the ADHD subject.
@@Dimitris_Half You're assuming they don't also just coping isn't enough for some, it helps yes but some people need more then that. Sorry if this came of aggressive or mean or confrontational or anything like just trying to keep things nuanced lol. :)
@@Dimitris_Half This is what coping is lol, do you think that coping makes any of that go away?
@@Dimitris_Half I mean you sorta did even if by accident because even now you're saying you suggest that they first get a diagnosis first but they probably already do. Also as for your other comment coping isn't just making your problem go away it's trying to deal with/compensate in a way that hopefully will make your life easier. So someone slightly critiquing the video/talking about their struggles might be at least a short term coping mechanism for them. But anyways sorry if there has been any miscommunication on my end here or before I know you mean well were all just trying our best. :)
While Dr.K is right to a degree the variance and predisposition to adhd is 70/80 genetic and they generally react to stimulant on average differently (in low doses of course people with adhd aren't stimulant sponges or anything) than those without it. Even if we go and lowball the factors that contribute to adhd symptoms we get a 70% purely genetic component in many twin studies. I know for me many of the traits that contribute to my adhd are things well beyond my control because yes my organisational skills could have been better and there are things I can work on without meds the bottom line is that most of the traits are genetic. Of course genes play a role in expression in the enviroment to a degree which is where the 30% variance of symptoms come from but keep in mind that isn't even a 30% variance of traits that are just wouldn't express in the right enviroment it also includes genes that simply express in different ways.
I've been watching all your ADHD videos and I feel like you've written a manual on my brain I could never write myself. I've been so excited going "Yes! That's such an excellent way to explain it! That's exactly how I feel!" I sent one of your videos to my family members and spouse, and they weren't as excited as I was and didn't take it seriously. But I genuinely cannot tell you in words how appreciative, validated, and excited I feel about these videos. You've given me more communicational tools to be able to explain how/why I struggle with certain things and advocate for myself to get help for a solution. THANK YOU!!!!
As someone who both struggles with mental health issues and also wants to become a therapist, this channel is beyond incredible. Thank you for this and all of your other videos.
good luck!
as someone who grew up with a stepmom that not only stopped me from getting evaluations and help at school but also gaslit me every day about the flaws that adhd brings, i have developed an extremely debilitating mood disorder that effectively means my life is over before it even started. all throughout my schooling career up until high school i was made to feel like a complete single digit IQ dumbass thats inadequate and a failure.
for starters i was 'home schooled' which meant i was given three books for three different subjects and told to figure it out or i get in trouble. this continued throughout 3rd to 6th grade when my dad finally realized what was going on and cut my stepmom completely out of the education picture and enrolled me in a special school for slower or troubled kids. I was so far behind educationally that i was doing 3rd grade math in 7th grade.
we avoided psychiatry and mental health awareness like the plague. therapists and anything alike were snake oil salesmen. at least thats what they told me so i wouldn't try to ask for help and paint them in a bad picture. if the teacher ever wanted to talk to my parents about suspicious behavior and possible ways to help i got in a load of trouble whether i talked to the teacher or not beforehand.
'i was just acting like a dumbass so i could get out of things' is what they told me. anything i complained about whether it was anxiety, struggling with school, or if i was depressed was met with laughter and subsequent punishment for lying.
this pretty much destroyed me. i was just existing, baring myself off from any kind of emotion whatsoever because i wasn't allowed to have those feelings. 'i wasn't even smart enough to have *real* feelings.' is what i'd tell myself because clearly there was a distinction? what they felt was real but anything i struggled with was fake. anytime i asked for help i got in a shit ton of trouble. even for things as stupid as color blindness i was yelled at and punished for.
eventually my dad passed away when i was 15 which prompted me to move down with my biological mom since there was no way in hell i was going to live with my stepmom. i attended a high school that had more resources and programs for me. because i was of age and my mom wasn't involved in school at all, the teachers and administration went straight to me about anything school related. they told me that they were seeing signs of adhd in my behavior and recommended that i get an eval done for a possible diagnosis. this was the first time i had any kind of support from anyone regarding mental health. so i did.
this is when i found out how truly evil my stepmom was. she did everything in her power to keep me away from learning about adhd and the obvious and severe symptoms i had. i had a *fake* eval done when i was in 4th grade to diagnose me with dyslexia to get me and my teachers to shut up about it. i know this because there are no records of it anywhere and the person who did it wasn't even a certified psychiatrist. she intentionally told my teachers to disregard everything i say because 'i lie about everything.'
long story short i was diagnosed with adhd in highschool. but developmentally the damage was already done. it was clear from the beginning i wasn't graduating until i was 21 because i was so far behind educationally. so i gave up and pretty much dropped out only attending a few weeks out of the whole year and went looking for ged programs and anything that could help me get an education. still no luck. ive had two part time shitty jobs at this point and didn't manage to keep either of them. anything full time around here requires at least a highschool education.
The metaphore you used of the kid in zoom class that loses internet connection is EXACTLY what it is like to try and concentrate on lessons when you have ADHD. Thank you so much!
I do have to say that I get an uncomfortable itch every time someone says you can cancel ADHD by using organizers and setting reminders. I understand that it can help a bit, but saying it can cancel it out is just too over simplified and its a gateway for people to invalidate ADHD as something that can be easily worked around. I tried dealing with my ADHD by using all these workaround for twenty years and all these planning skills only actually started to work when I got the right medication. For some people it might work, for me it doesn't. My skills worked for a long time because I was smart and didn't really have to put in the work, but when I went to college and had to balance living on my own, school, finances, work and a social life everything really started to fall apart.
I am now learning that my motivation is mainly driven by anxiety. I've always pushed myself to do things and not forget things by being so worried that I fail that I constantly have to think about it. Now that I am on the right medication, I notice that I worry about everything even though I don't really have to anymore. I've been in therapy for most of my life, but it seems like now that I am on the right medication I can finally actually work on myself. I really need both medication and therapy. Just therapy never worked for me in the long run! (and I did a lot! meditation, sports, lots of planning, therapy, and nothing would stick because my brain just could not build any habit. now it can!)
He does say that CBT for ADHD works though. It teaches you the skills you were never able to pick up on your own to help manage ADHD, since medication can't do that part for you.
@@lainiwakura1776 I'm sorry but no, as someone with ADHD just no... Don't get me wrong I'm sure CBT can help you a lot in many ways that you couldn't do by yourself however, to say that CBT can magically get my or her brain to start producing enough dopamine/norepinephrine is EXTREMELY invalidating at best. And no CBT also for many will not be enough to make the ADHD/lack of neurotransmitters all of the sudden not matter, as much as I like Dr.K he's simply somewhat wrong about this. Especially since many other experts who are more knowledge-able in this subject would agree that for many skills aren't enough, plus as much of an expert as Dr.K is he has admitted himself that he doesn't think he has ADHD. Yes it's true that something like CBT can teach you skills and such to manage your ADHD in ways that meds cant but, CBT won't suddenly fix broken executive function which when impaired can make it chronically difficult to implement these skills/whatever you learn in CBT especially sustainably. And as for something like meditation yes this can help with neurotransmitters/executive function to some extent but again for some it's simply not enough. Plus even if someone with ADHD can manage to get by well without meds and just using skills and CBT that doesn't mean they should have to. For many with ADHD (not all of course) without meds they struggle chronically even with years of skill training and CBT and meditating it's just not enough to not make life not exhausting, and that's not right. People shouldn't have to struggle like that especially when they don't have to. She said that she tried for twenty YEARS and it was still wasn't enough. There's also a video by How To ADHD also known as Jessica Mecabe who is VERY knowledge-able on ADHD and has it herself, and in the video she talks about going off her meds for a month and how disastrous that was even after all the skills she had learned and made into a habit. The video is called "What Happened When I Stopped Taking My Medication"
I would link it but good old RUclips doesn't like that. But yeah I'm not saying CBT is bad or doesn't have value in fact if it's good CBT it's EXTREMELY useful! But for a good majority of those of us with ADHD we need the meds, as well as skills. I'm sure you mean well I'm just trying to help fight the stigma against ADHD and it's medication as well as educate people and make the world more ADHD/neurodivergent friendly and make it a better place in general, so thank you lain iwakura/anyone else who took the time to read this and help make the world a better place :)
TLDR Yes Pills don't teach skills but skills don't fix executive dysfunction/lack of neurotransmitters/make people not struggle and people shouldn't have to struggle like that especially when they don't have to.
@@lainiwakura1776 it is true that medication alone can't give you skills to manage tasks and orginization skills. However, even without medication, I actually have learned these things. They just weren't working well enough, I wasn't able to get the use out of these skills, that neurotypical people get out of them. I am completely convinced that no neurotypical brain is able to understand this part of adhd.
I think lots of people get frustrated by this because we have seen dozens of psychiatrists, psychologists, coaches, teachers, and family that tell you the exact same thing even though it doesn't work.
I am not someone to say that medication is the one and only fix because it is not. It has taken me about seven years to find the combination that works and it wouldn't have done enough without all the therapy I've had. Ive had some serious side effects from medication that are not talked about enough at all.
I am not against therapy in any way. It is just not right to tell a huge crowd that just cbt alone is as effectice as medication. I think for many it it not.
I still occasionally feel bursts of crippling anxiety related to tests and homework, despite it being 4 years since I graduated school.
exactly. i think both meds and therapy is the only way to properly manage it. (not cure it. no one is cured of adhd or outgrows it, they just learn to hide the symptoms tbh) one without the other is still helpful but it’s not enough.
in my personal experience, just therapy on it’s own did not help much without medication. i was apparently diagnosed with adhd at like age 7 but never got to have any meds until i was 18, maybe because of my parents? they recently admitted to me that they thought i would “grow out of it” so i wouldn’t be surprised if the doctors had suggested medication but my parents said no.
i went to a lovely and very kind and wonderful excellent child therapist up until i was 18 and i finally got to see a psychiatrist. despite how much i loved talking to the therapist, i did not actually listen to her advice or use any of the skills she taught me. because therapy alone cannot make your brain produce the correct amount of dopamine. at least for me, it was impossible to take any action to improve my life without having prescription stimulants to make the chemicals that allow me to put effort into completing tasks.
but meds without therapy isn’t a perfect solution either. i thought that since i had a psychiatrist i no longer needed to see a therapist. the result was that from ages 18-20 i now had the ability to complete homework on time thanks to the medication …but i still was miserable and easily distracted and i could not focus or prioritize tasks in any meaningful way.
im 21 now and i finally started seeing another therapist and doing CBT this year. i still struggle a lot with organization and motivating myself, but i think having a therapist and the right combination of meds is the best solution for me. hopefully i will have the motivation and coping skills i need to improve my mental health and successfully finish college. :)
I always found myself teaching myself everything at home and sleeping/daydreaming through class. And if I needed to learn concepts I would need to force myself to review the concepts multiple times, often forgetting things I just read multiple times
I really feel seen as Dr. K systematically breaks down the entirety of my adolescence and constant anxiety surrounding the limitations surrounding ADHD and the structural disadvantages we face constantly. It didn't hit me until graduate school that it was apparent that I needed help.
Thank you so much for making these as RUclips videos and being expressive in your delivery. The extra stimulus vs something like a podcast makes it so much more digestible as a person with ADHD.
This was how I really felt in college. The more interesting the class was to me, the more I could listen to the lecture and retain, but for most classes, when I couldn't hold my focus, I had to struggle to teach myself complex content later and would get incredibly frustrated. It also meant it took me ages to complete assignments, even when going back to the professors for help.
This makes so much sense, when I was still in graduate school all of our classes were recorded and i found the way I was able to succeed was finding what worked for me. Since I would always struggle keeping up and paying attention for 5 hours a day in classes I found that I needed to hide in the library in a corner on the 5th floor entirely free from outside distractions and re-watch the lectures to be able to catch everything I had missed which was so time consuming but it was what I had to do to succeed
I can strongly relate. You shouldn’t need to be staying up till 11pm to just stay on top of your learning. If you don’t mind my asking how have you coped post school?
Man that last part about how school is designed for the neurotypical brain is exactly my experience throughout school. It is so painfully accurate. And because my ADHD likely was the Inattentive type it went even more under the radar than the hyperactive ADHD. So I never got any help for the right problem and could only wonder "what's wrong with me?" when I can't function like others in school.
Also, when are we gonna get "WIRED: Therapist answers web's most asked questions" ? 😁
I was diagnosed with ADHD today and was given Adderall for the first time, 29 years old. For most of my academic life I have never been able to write notes. So many notebooks started and then empty after the first week of school. Somehow I’ve always coasted through school and got excellent grades, until when I got to college and suddenly my intelligence alone wasn’t enough anymore. I did fine academically, with lots of all-nighters and rushed last minute deadline. It’s kind of a miracle how I’ve managed to function all these years
I am an adult with ADHD, 40+. I think immediate gratification works better for me because:
- I am unable to tell whether I have anything scheduled in the meantime, whether I'll still be there when bigger, delayed reward comes. Maybe I was supposed to be somewhere else at the time, for a more important business (bigger reward), but I forgot.
- in real life, rarely there is someone there waiting for you when the time is due. Most goals require tracking for a while, also following a path of non-trivial in complexity to get there, which is not that easy to envisage for the ADHD.
So many times I failed to merely harvest the reward by missing the deadline of availability, this is the reason I don't even put in the effort to participate in pursuits of rewards that are small but large in numbers - for example stuff like coupons. I rather look for a single source that gets me a higher income and compensate for these losses. Catching a plane or getting a ticket with a deadline are nightmares!
I know some of those struggles... and it gives me so much anxiety
Nicely timed video for me to share my story.. I was one of the gifted kids who got straight A's with almost no effort. But I was always in my own head, only flicking my attention back to the class long enough to peice together the parts I didn't listen to. Now, as an adult, for 10 years, my social life and career have suffered. After coming across your video on gifted kids with ADHD, I set down the path to finding a way of fixing the problem. Today is my second day on adderall, and I'm already getting my shit together. Finally, I have hope that I can accomplish great things in life, now that my brain, which all the adults around me told me was so amazing and special, isn't holding me back anymore. Thanks so much for what you do, Dr. K
You just described my entire high school experience. Never feeling like i could keep up with my class and that resulted in immense guilt and shame. 14 years later I am still desperately trying to piece together the fragments of my broken life. I wish this experience upon no one.
Was diagnosed with adhd a year and a half ago at 28, got into mensa and bipolar diagnosis since then, while trying to build a construction business through watching canadas demise, as well as my mother being diagnosed with ocd, bipolar, and narcissism. The adhd comes from my father
Ive dealt with major depression and addiction my whole life and after realizing id never get the family Ive been working toward, its been a rough summer.
Having adhd and a high IQ is like realizing you could do anything in the world but being only able to achieve 80-90% of anything, especially after being beaten down your whole life
I thought going on my mental health journey would make the world easier but its only made excuses, working out of that now
This is a good alternative format for videos, theres no chat but it's more polished and visually engaging
I cried seen the part that talks about how difficult it is in school, I always knew i have ADHD but my parents never takes it seriously, and they were very critical about every symptom, especially in school they never get it and I always have felt like im just more dumb than the others and treated like that too. So simply hear a validation make me feel a little better about my situation, thank you
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I feel the need to say, having a consistent to-do list, reminders, anything like that, is absolutely impossible for me. I don't know if this is the result of some other neurosis or something, but I have tried it dozens of times, and it always fails me. I will spend all day coming up with the perfect list, and I'll stick with it religiously for 2 weeks - 2 months ish, and then I'll miss certain things a couple times, or I'll have a day where I feel depressed/tired and I'll start ignoring the notifications, and once I'm ignoring the notifications, forget about it, the jig is up. And forget trying to have a notebook or anything like that. I've started to come to terms with the fact that I will not do a routine unless it makes me feel really good immediately whenever I do it, I am forced to do it under threat of my life / employment or under threat of somebody else's life / employment, or something like that. When I was in high school, I was very bad about taking showers even. I usually had to be forced to by my mom. As an adult, I've eventually started taking showers but I still struggle with other basic things like brushing my teeth and scooping the litterboxes.
take medication, stimulant
calendards and to do lists are literally useless for me so I relate a lot
@@blitzd21 god I wish it was that simple
@@eggi4443 find the right one and right dosage, there’s 2 diff type stimulants . ask chat gpt you can learn alot
Starting my diagnostic process now, 30 years into my life. Watching your videos helps me, making sense of *a lot* of stuff that happened during my childhood. Regarding school: I never did my homework (besides maths, where I was always one of the best students). 9 out of 10 times, I didn't have my homework, which caused me huge amounts of trouble and bad grades. I cannot really remember anything about that time, but with your explaination, I might've just avoided doing it because of this. I hope, I get some help with a proper diagnose and damn will I be happy to get a glimpse of how much easier a more neurotypical life could've been and (first and foremost) will be in the future!
The difference in homework time is so true. I'm in college now, and even though I've been able to come up with tons of strategies to keep me doing well in school, it's still very common for a homework assignment that took my classmates 4 hours to take me 8 - 12, which is super draining.
I am on meds and sometimes I forget I have ADHD because it works so well. But I also recognize that the undiagnozed adhd left some scars and I forget that I need to work on that as well. Thanks for a great video. You do amazing work.
I think I fall into the high IQ bucket, where I was able to fully complete a bachelor of engineering without ever studying except for the day before tests, quizzes and exams with about a B+ average consistently through all schooling. This caused my ADHD to go unnoticed until I started working after university, other than the usual teachers complaining about my disruptive behaviors, how I'm "so smart and just need to apply myself" etc..
The real pain started to come when I started working and my typical coping mechanisms didn't work anymore. In school, my strategy was to just actively listen. While it can be hard, I found the coping mechanism my mind created was to just blurt out the answers to everything the teacher was saying. I'd obviously get reprimanded, but this behavior stuck with me throughout all of university, and was often more appreciated by my university profs than it was highschool and lower. This allowed me instant gratification. Where I was immediately getting a dopamine boost because I was able to be the first person to answer a question correctly. Honestly, I think I also enjoyed annoying my teachers, since my friends would laugh about it. But basically, my brain found a way to get instant gratification from classrooms.
Eventually in university, certain courses were impossible to focus on. I.E. I couldn't blurt out the answer to a multi-variate calculus question instantly (since it involves 5-10 minutes of applying various rules and operations to the equation). This lead to me missing out on a lot and eventually I had to pick up teaching myself everything. This lead my brain to adapt again, where just simply learning something was not gratifying, but instead teaching it to someone else was hugely satisfying. I ended up becoming somewhat of a teacher for my friend group, where by teaching them, I was also teaching myself with the instant gratification of their appreciation. I eventually got so good at teaching myself and others complex topics that I stopped going to lectures altogether. For the last 2 years of my time in university, I attended only labs, tests, and quizzes, completely skipping all the wasted time in lectures since I could teach it to myself faster than the professor so long as I had their notes / lecture slides. I would often miss small things like the little hints professors drop about what is on the test etc.., but often the folks I was teaching could fill in these gaps.
At work is when it became a real struggle. Waking up early, showing up to meetings on time, even just behaving professionally were all huge obstacles among many in the workplace. The biggest obstacle being the severe lack of gratification from ANY task. There is almost no room for instant gratification, and depending on the company, you might not even be appreciated when you actually solve problems. I've found I still get passionate about teaching things to my co-workers, but as I'm not a Senior developer this is often not my job. I expect it to improve when I get into a position where I can be more of a mentor, but the constant lack of gratification leads to procrastination, underperformance, and lack of motivation to show up in the morning. My brain seems to have adapted by sending me into a full panic when my morning alarm goes off with the thought "I'm going to lose my job if I don't show up", but this is not healthy or sustainable.
I sought help from my doctor, who referred me to a team of psychologists/psychiatrists who eventually diagnosed me with ADHD and mild anxiety. But I've not yet found a sustainable way to work without using my prescribed stimulants. Its not impossible, but I find myself unable to START working on tasks I don't enjoy without the medication. I've become extremely organized, keeping to-do lists, a log of all my work, and tracking how long I spend on things. The problem is as soon as I am not on the medication I neglect all of it, and do something else. Sometimes I even end up just sitting in my chair doing nothing because I'll feel too guilty if I distract myself on RUclips or something.
Overall for work, I never underperform. But this is because I make immense sacrifice of my personal time and mental health in order to push myself to be excellent. Its not sustainable, but it is the only strategy I have right now. Please help. How can I sustainably work in a society that forces me to sleep less and sacrifice personal time in order to achieve my goals?
All of these paragraphs are relatable moods. Having a good social network where people help you out by starting things, doing half the work- feels like one of the only options to get things done. Maybe you like having some sort of case manager might help. It seems so easy to have discussion when it's already being talked about.
I 100% feel you. High IQ late diagnosis too. And school was never an issue. I have a graduate degree and there was always enough immediate gratification moments to get me through longer projects (And I never thought about being the first to answer as a dopamine hit, but it 100% and I loved it!!).
My diagnosis came after I lost the structures of school and began a job where I am my own boss. I thought it would be great, but I decended into choas. It's hell. No one to give that gold star for the tedious task.
Just from your words, it sounded like you feel guilty about taking the stimulants in order to do your work. You don't have to. You are in a structure that makes the way your brain functions an impairment. So you need aids to help - and thays okay. And if it really gets to you - I'd say start looking for jobs in your field that have those immediate rewards. It might be a pay cut, but you'd have your time back. And it sounds like you know yourself well and are a gifted teacher. So don't punish yourself too hard for not being nerotypical. You have gifts to share. Find a place where they are appreciated.
if you cant do it all without medication, that is completely okay and valid! there is no finish line to reach, at the end of the day every single person is different and sometimes you can use all the healthy coping mechanisms and they still dont click without the medication, and that is completely okay.
you need to take your medicine, as if someone were to need glasses to see..
Gratification from teaching is real. Too bad for me that I probably have autism too (I'm not diagnosed with either) and so it's not reliable method at all for me. What even worse is that I live in a country that has atrocious awareness of mental health. Stimulants are illegal. I can't do anything and want to die from the fact that I can't do anything, not even things that could give me that gratification. That's okay through because I have been through this already before and my entire worthiness isn't based on education anymore. I learned a very useful skill at that moment which probably allows me to be alive. It's an art of ignoring my problems related to eeucation. Extremely effective but I'm unfortunately not a master at using it. Despite the fact that I can't communicate my struggles to people, I have plans for my future thus providing me hope which forces me not to give up yet. One of this thing is me getting expelled, so I'll stop feeling miserable (or somehow, with a miracle getting through it, exactly like it happened in school (0%)). Second is me finding a way to make money that won't be a miserable experience for me once again. -Third is establishing a dictatorship over whole planet and removing stupid, useless things, while improving society for neurodivergent people. Doing something about stupid things that could destroy humanity is also on the table.- I will probably be dead if second step won't work after some time.
One of the confirmations for me that I definitely have adhd is I've always had extreme emotions and reactions to things. This is in addition to me trying with all my might to focus and still getting easily distracted by my thoughts AND ever little sound/movement etc around me. Plus feeling inadequate from childhood until now (my forties) or as if I'm lacking or have something fundamentally wrong with me. This new diagnosis has explained EVERYTHING that has perplexed me on what makes me tick.
I've listened to at least half a dozen of your sessions on ADHD and you've covered most, if not all of this before. Yet, as someone who went undiagnosed until 30, I still love hearing how you articulate the issues.
I didn't even realize it might be ADHD until I was 21. Was in 3rd year of my accountancy degree, i.e. when just being smart isn't enough. I wish info was more available then so it could've been diagnostic sooner, like 8th grade when I was almost held back only because I never turned in homework and it affected my grades LOL.
I'm doing a deep dive into Dr. K's ADHD videos and this one is so useful, especially what he describes at 21:34 that ADHD kids have to teach themselves because they "lose connection" in class when the teacher is offering explanations.
I heavily relate with this because I now realize that my ""hyperindependece" that I always considered a "strength", is actually a weakness because I am so used to teach myself stuff that I rarely ask for help for my peers and it's not helping with forming or maintaining social relationships.
I honestly think the reason why I got diagnosed with ADHD so late in life is that my mom put lots of special attention when I was young to teach me the necessary coping mechanisms. It wasn't until I was placed in an extremely restrictive environment that my symptoms really "shined through."
Yeah even if these schools gave more attention to students 1 on 1 I think if anything it'd just get you caught as an adult. It's not like what causes adhd (a different brain) really goes away if we are in a good enviroment it just isn't a disability in the right settings. I suppose the disorder part of adhd wouldn't apply but the core traits don't just magically vanish. Unless we change the entirety of society to work with who we are or provide alternatives we're always gonna need meds or therapy to cope in a way that's even semi fair in comparison to the rest of the world.
the last 10 minutes are just my life for 23 years till now.... and its so nice to have someon really speak it out, what i want to say my hole life but dont have the words to and not managaed to get help in this adhd area till now beacause of that, and the fact that its really hidden behind depression and so on and adhd i fits to well and explaines my whole life.
Is it weird that I find myself frequently giving you a standing ovation by the time the videos come to an end?😂
-> real talk tho - your ability to connect real life explanations & examples has allowed me to feel a lot more competent
Thank you for dumb it down and continue doing it. You are the one of the big factor for me to understand how I’m working and how I can work. Today was a clusterf… and I was the only person stay calm, and functioning thanks to meds. I’m really great full for what you did for me.
My step brother passed away a few years ago, but he was diagnosed and put on meds for ADHD for almost a decade. I remember him constantly comparing himself to me as the "golden child" and impossibly smarter than him, despite him being just as intelligent as I was. I guess I understand a little more as to why he did that based on the ending of the video. I just wish I had time to tell him that I thought he wasn't any less intelligent as me, school just sucks. I just never got to see him since he was a few states away.
I got diagnosed as an adult, and my therapist at the time asked me to imagine all the things I could do if I was thinking just like everyone else. I am so thankful to have been diagnosed, for once in my life I can actually do things!
Cognitive therapy for ADHD does nothing for the ADHD. It's training in masking techniques. We learn how to work harder more effectively. But we're still working harder than someone who doesn't have ADHD.
I was diagnosed just last week (and in couple months I'll be 40) =) and it's all thanks to channels like this, the more I learned about ADHD struggles, the more life made sense and I went to see a psychiatrist. I'm excited to see what happens next
The only thing I wish was mentioned was about how women are less diagnosed ADHD because their symptoms are often the inattentive subtype which wasn't studied nearly as much as the hyperactive type which is more common in boys. My husband is 42 and diagnosed combined type ADHD in his late 30s but his brother was diagnosed ADHD in childhood presumably because he exhibited hyperactive symptoms. I was diagnosed combined type in my 30s after I started to educate myself about ADHD to better support my husband. Apparently, if ADHD symptoms manifest more as inattentive the person is less likely to be diagnosed, and inattentive is more common in girls. My best friend from childhood was recently diagnosed ADHD and she's in her mid-30s. She always thought she was an airhead despite acquiring a masters degree.
Thank you for making these videos
Your example with school really hits home, I always fell back behind everyone else, had troubles focusing or even understanding anything in class, so what was an hour of ez homework for others was a 16:00-23:00 suffering session for me, and I always just assumed that I'm stupid af and that's the reason, but now that you've literally described my life between grade 1 to grade 8 (because that's when I just gave up on homework entirely and partially on school as a whole too), I'm starting to feel confident that something is wrong, (not that I didn't noticed it before). And in grade 9 when I went into different school that was kind of the last straw, I had a crippling depression which transformed into numbness overtime and to this day. Should I get diagnosed and how can I do so if I'm 17 and my parents will 100% dismiss that?
I am ADHD and Aspergers. It wasn't even suggested to me until I was 39 (43 now, and been formally diagnosed 12 months ago). Pre diagnosis my symptoms were just assumed to be other things like im distracted or lazy or inattentive or not caring blah blah blah. Since march 2023 ive been on 10mg dexamphetamine IR BD. It was literally life changing. Can't imagine being off it. This video... this guy basically spoke like he was inside my head and knew me better than I knew me. All the childhood stuff with hindsight... this dude has somehow learned my entire life from as far back as I can remember until now. It's scary how much of me he spoke of.
I feel like the point around a disability was missed. Failing to arrive on time pales in comparison to academic, school, romantic relationships, and friendships struggles. Or the substance abuse or suicidality risks.
Time is literally the most valuable asset ever. Having poor time management skills could destroy everything you've mentioned and DIRECTLY contributes as an agent at driving academia, school, relationships and friendships. Time is the core
@@aparna12242 yup. time is money, quite literally when you can't keep a job
If I didn’t have good friends in college, and COVID didn’t happen, I don’t think I would have been able to get my mech engineering degree. Being able to see my notes and recorded lectures over and over again were crucial
I always wondered why homework took me so long in grade school. I just assumed that everyone else was the same: furiously scribbling down notes, not remembering a single spoken word, spending 120 minutes on a math assignment that was expected to take only 30 to 40 minutes. But then in high school I found out I could get an A+ in social studies and not have to study or sit down for long hours reading, because I could intuit the material easily just skimming through chapter summaries. Eventually I turned into the person who hastily puts together sources for a University paper the night before it's due and banging out an essay using a boilerplate template, not really caring for how coherent the argument was. I hit the wall with my solid 'B' gpa and never got into grad school. In my working life I'm absolutely reliant on notes and lists for organizing myself and covering for the fact that I still have a lot of trouble retaining verbal instructions. I absolutely hate talking over the phone and find an alternative if I can.
i relate to the verbal instructions and the last sentence really hard
@@card425 same.
@21:59 this was my entire elementary/middle school experience. Fortunately for my parents and teachers, I loved learning most core subjects (math and writing) and teaching myself at home, so I didn't mind spending 4-5 hours a night doing homework (that should have taken less than an hour). Unfortunately that came at my own expense, because there aren't any red flags for a kid who seems to just be overly dedicated to doing homework.
I ended up crashing and burning really fucking hard in high school. I was dx with adhd by a dr way ahead of his time back in 2000. I'm grateful for that but wish I didn't wait 20 more years after school to go back to therapy and get my 💩 together. 🤦🏼♀️
Would love this to become a series
Holy crap! That zoom analogy explained my entire academic career perfectly. I always thought I was so stupid and accepted at an early age that I just needed to work harder than my peers. This lead to burnout and depression/anxiety. Which then lead to having 22+ jobs (quitting/getting fired) in my 20s and finally an ADHD/ASD diagnosis at 30.
Ty for this video, it really validates my experiences and the experiences of other late diagnosis ND ppl 💛💛💛
My therapist in college solved the puzzle and diagnosed me with ADHD when I told her that I couldn't drink coffee within 2 hours of waking up otherwise I would just get groggy and/or fall asleep.
I know I'm late to this video, but what is the link between coffee making you sleepy and ADHD?
@@katrinkarose175 in ADHD, stimulants, including caffeine, usually slow your mind boosting focus while lowering hyperactivity.
@@gagemcgill5914 I got that from this video, but didn't register how that would apply to coffee making one feel sleepy. Thanks!
I'm in my 20's and have recently been on stimulants for background info. I masked my ADHD so well through compensatory behaviours and self-control that it went undetected for all my life. I made it through, yes. But it was hell. Even when I'm able to appear calm on the outside, internally I was in pain. I had a very good self-care routine in place and still wondered why was I so miserable and disconnected from reality, I was never this bad. What ended up happening was my brain would make me disassociate to deal with all the chaos and pain that came from trying to just exist. Now, the techniques I learned combined with the clear mind and increased capacity of a stimulant has made life a whole easier and more enjoyable. I can feel again, I am present, and I carry a lot less fears due to how my symptoms would interfere with my life.
I am 27F and I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I assume that I might have it along with ASD. Dr K. can you please do some videos about AUTISM? I have read some articles about ASD and that it’s a comorbid with ADHD and depression. I love the way you describe psychiatric disorders and personal experiences with your clients.
Look up Sarah Hendrickx
I dont know a ton about ASD but as i was researching ADHD (now diagnosed) i learned that there are many similar symptoms that have fundamentally different causes.
Good thing is that a single assessment will look for both of these diagnoses :)
@@menamgamg They have both shared and separate causes. ADHD shares genetic overlap with ASD more than any other condition, shares multiple neurological features with autism, and shares multiple genetic variants with autism. So, different causes for some symptoms and identical causes for others.
The biggest struggles I have had
1. Insomnia (usually sleep 3-4 hrs)
2.- Running late 10 min everywhere
3.- making friendships
4.- home organization
Was diagnosed at 45 years old, I always assumed it was personality flaws 😔
11:45 and this is why i hate college students who dont have it, getting the medication. Its why the medication is much harder to get (and costly to get) for those of us who actually need it to function "normally".
The last section on ADHD’s affect on school performance is mind blowing the zoom metaphor put my childhood into perspective and now im a sad adult bc i feel as though i was a “poor” performer in my academics
I'll start by saying - thank you for the impact you had on my life (videos on alexythymia/motivation).
I'm coming from place of love when I say - please... you need to keep more up to date on nd stuff. We are on a brink of ND revolution! Additude magazine is a great source.
1. Adhd is not an illness/condition. It is a neuro-difference, just as you mention - we are wired/designed differently.
2. Adhd is not more common in boys - it can be more visible in boys (boys and girls are still raised differently, with different expectations). Also - diagnostic criteria are based on males due to vast majority of studies being conducted on male subjects.
3. We are born adhd. Not something that develops over time. There is no environmental component. A healthy lifestyle, stable home, good diet can contribute to anyone's general health/mood/performance, not just people with adhd. (Certain dyes can have an impact)
4. Hunters were not male and gatherers female. This has been debunked recently
5. Social disability vs. medical disability model
6. Adhd is primarly underdiagnosed. A lot of people fall under cracks. Talking about people trying to get a diagnosis to improve their performance is stigma-cultivating.
7. Talking about cure for adhd you only focus on certain aspects medication might improve on for what an individual requires. Adhd comes with a lot of positive aspects that are still there when they receive medication.
8. Adhd symptoms don't take 6m to come back when we stop taking meds. If I miss my pill, I realize straight away.
9. Adhd meds are the first line of treatment. Coaching helps implement new, helpful habits. Developing coping strategies/techniques does nor cancel anything out.
10. Training focus and working on impulsivity can benefit anyone, it does not "cure" adhd. It helps improve those areas.
11. I'm grateful for the part at the end, it does help others understand. But also we should also mention another aspect to it - when we do have an interest in a particular area, the attention/concentration issues go away and we can hyperfocus like a boss, we are on whole other level in those areas. Also - with deadlines - we might leave the project till a couple hours till the deadline - but move mountains within that timeframe. Adhd people come alive under pressure - emergency services in particular are full of nd people who feel like fish in water in there (I'm adding this so that adhd people can relate better)
Xxx
Twin studies have revealed an enviromental component with 70% of symptoms being genetic and 30% being enviromental (which likely plays a role in severity and expression of symptoms like hyperactive vs innattentive) but regardless it is mostly a genetic disorder and yeah only non stim meds would build up an improvement of symptoms to that degree stimulants are just a momentary change.
@@crawdad6354 not doubting you on those studies, but I'd be interested to see when they were conducted, as it's such a fast developing research area
(Also, now this is only my opinion, I doubt this inattentive vs hyperactive division, it's already well know most people fall under "combined". I think a lot of it is lack of self awareness and knowledge on how traits can manifest. I see certain vibe to people insisting their adhd is inattentive, like being hyperactive is 2nd class/frawned upon and having inattentive adhd is more "acceptable")
I have adhd and I am really into boardgames. What you said about your experience with Jaipur really resonated with me. I feel that certain board games were crucial for me in the way I deal with my adhd. Not only with dealing with delayed gratification, but also by providing me with a system where I can play around with different ways to plan and organize myself.
2:37 - Why investing on Shorts/TikTok is gonna be the future, it's a sad reality but I believe that people who practice functionalism will always survive and profit. This new era of technology and algorithms are both really exciting and scary...
I'm really excited that they're experimenting and improving the production quality in these vids, the intro caught me off guard. Editor is smurfing. (Hi Matt :D)
Noticed there aren't any chapters/timestamps in this video yet, this is for the early birds :)
Enjoy the rest of your day guys!
Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction
0:13 - Why is ADHD on the rise?
3:24 - Why is ADHD more common in males?
5:03 - Why is ADHD treated with stimulants?
6:56 - Is ADHD a disability?
9:56 - Why is ADHD Overdiagnosed?
12:33 - Is ADHD curable?
16:39 - How can you prevent ADHD?
20:09 - How can ADHD effect your performance in school?
Everything you said resonates. Literally at 42 just been diagnosed with ADHD (as a result of having addictions which was the primary reason I first saw a Psychiatrist). School was a complete nightmare for me and I dug out all my school reports to find out what the teachers were saying about me. I never felt I belonged in school and pretty much gave up on it.
Haha I appreciate that this video about ADHD, that talks about shorter attention spans, has been edited with a lot more jump-crops and b-roll than the usual videos. You're streets ahead
Especially the last part made me realize how hard having undiagnosed ADHD affects me. My whole school life all the teachers made me feel like I'm just lazy and too shy. Everyone was telling me how smart I am and that I had great potential but I just need to work harder in school, but no matter how motivated I was to do so, I just couldn't. I was constantly dissociating in class and simply didn't understand what my teachers wanted me to do. Always had bad grades and felt like an idiot.
Hey Dr.K I have watched a lot of your videos and found them helpful and I liked a lot of what you had to say in this video but, as someone with adhd I don't know if I can agree that learning skills will magically make my life work. I've tried learning skills in the past but I haven't been able to effectively or sustainably implement them because of executive dysfunction. I'm not saying that you shouldn't learn skills or that there is no truth in what you are saying but for some we do need meds and skills. I know you didn't mean it this way but it's a little invalidating to be told that learning skills will fix things when I've tried that before. Plus there have been a lot of people other than me who tried learning skills but it just wasn't enough, like the youtuber How To ADHD she explained in one vid where she had gone off her meds for a month that she tried using all the skills that she had learned (and she had learned A LOT at this point) and seeing how she could get by without and even with all the skills and coping mechanism's it was still super hard for her. She explained that she realized that to effectively use those skills and coping mechanism's she needed her meds the video is called What Happened When I Stopped Taking My Medication. (I would link it but youtube is weird about that) But yeah like I said I know you meant no harm I just thought it was worth saying because for me at least I'm not sure it would ever be enough. Plus even if I did learn to get by with just skills alone I think that's kinda realllllyyyyyy unfair, like everyone else gets to have it easy but I don't? I have to use tons of skills and coping mechanisms just to kinda fuction like everyone else and shouldn't use meds? I just think that for many (NOT ALL) a combination of the two works best because people shouldn't have to struggle if they don't have to. So yeah genuinely thank you to Dr.K or anyone else for reading this GOD BLESS!!!!!!! :)
I hear you, I feel exatcly the same about this. If I hear one more person saying that ADHD is fixable by learning how to set reminders I'm going to explode. It's very invalidating and I feel like it also gives other people a free pass to talk about ADHD like it's this nonexisting thing that everybody experiences so you must be able to easily handle it.
I'm one of the people that needs medication too, it's exactly like you described: all the skills only started to actually work when I got on the right medication. Neurotypical people use planners and reminders as an addition to their cognitive functioning, it's not something that works when your executive functioning is shit. I tried so many planners and tactics and they never worked or only for a short amount of time. Now that I'm on medication I finally experience what it is like to plan and organize for normal people. And heck, I still have trouble focussing! even with meds! but at least I can function like a human being now! :)
@@TaMarAaQ Thanks for responding it's really nice to hear that your doing better now! I just hope that when I finally am able to get on it myself I'll have a similar experience and not have to struggle so much anymore! Anyways thank you for sharing it's nice to not feel alone in my frustration lol anyways GOD BLESS!!! :)
It’s such a trip tuning into these adhd videos every once in a while and hearing you essentially talk about me for 20 to 30 minutes.
I have ASD and I'm fairly certain of ADHD as well. Life is shit.
Inject this directly into my VEINS!!! I’ve watched three of your videos and I am hooked. Seen. I am super happy right now
I REALLY NEED HELP. my son is 10 years old. he started stealing food, toys and tablets since he was 6 years old. he pees himself on purpose and lies all the time. he can't be in the kitchen alone, because then he starts eating everything in the cupboards and fridge. and at school he steals food from other kids every day. he lies completely and pretends to cry. He manipulates teachers and substitutes at the school.He cannot be alone. he has started stealing things from the grocery store after and before school. I have been to 4 different doctors and they say he is normal and doing it on purpose and there is nothing we can do.I feel hopeless. I often cry because of my son. Teacher calls me every single day and complains that my son has been stealing food from other children again. the other parents complain about me too. he pees on himself all the time and the room he is in smells of pee. I do not know what to do. the only thing I want to know if he has a mental illness diagnosis. pls can anything help me. I NEED HOPE.
@sirvean4784 did you end up figuring out the situation with your son. I hope you’re doing better.
External reminders are so good! I use coloured lackey bands to act as a to-do list. I wear the coloured lackeys on my wrist so there's a constant pressure reminding me (also a good fidget), using colours as indicators for tasks helps my memory, it's a more subtle way to use an everyday system and the collection fits on a loop in my bag or pocket. Just don't wear them too tight or to bed.
Does crying for little to no reason part of ADHD or something different?
Something no one talks about: Estrogen affects neurotransmitters like serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which are closely associated with attention, mood regulation, and executive functions. Estrogen increases dopamine levels and enhances the brain's sensitivity to dopamine, which is linked with ADHD pathology. When estrogen levels drop, dopamine function can decline, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms.
Tracking your cycle can help you understand how hormonal fluctuations influence your ADHD symptoms, medication effectiveness, and overall functioning. With this data, you can talk to your doctor about ways to enhance your treatment plan. For example, your doctor can prescribe Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) to increase your estrogen levels. Combined therapy, which may include medication, hormone replacement, and psychological therapies, is often considered most helpful.
4:30 Wait why did you continue to say the stuff about hunters if you start by acknowledging it's been debunked?
Right? And why mention this when the real reason is because they just didn't think girls had ADHD? And they didn't think adults had it either?
Yeah I was really surprised by that as well -- why circulate a debunked opinion when there are proven reasons why ADHD isn't diagnosed as often in girls?
Thanks for sharing your views Dr.K, you have been a lot helpful and I hope everyone should see your videos.
"Shortening our attention spans" *loooks at the studies saying that just aint it chief*... hmmmmm, interesting. Now I doubt anything he says.
@@Dimitris_Half Any non youtube link tends to get a comment deleted/hidden.
Just search anything about "shrinking attention span myth". Most results say how we believe that social media is causing it, and then providing studies that say otherwise.
Of the one actually trying to claim attention spans have shortened, they cite "our research shows". (CNN, the news place that always tries to stay "neutral" and does what it can for views/clicks).
YT LINK on next reply if that doesnt get deleted automatically.
@@Dimitris_Half Just look up any of the studies he mentioned in the first 5 minutes on Google Scholar, and only one of those agrees with what he is proposing they do.
@@Dimitris_Half Literally all of them. I have listed the timespan in which you can look it up. It's inefficient to enumerate the options when there's only one option that wouldn't fall into the enumeration.
No technology does strain our brains and attention, especially modern content consumption and doom scrolling. And it can be addictive and cause you to fall behind on everything else making a big stress of "holy cow why can't I just do the thing I need to do" because your brain would rather scroll through RUclips instead of fold laundry or do homework
There actually is evidence that our attention spans are shortening, but it's nothing close to the attention span of a goldfish like many people claim.
Thank you for making this video. I’m 25 and I feel like I’m finally understanding what it means to have ADHD. It’s so hard trying to progress in my career and it makes me feel stupid and incompetent. Just like when I was in school. But this video helped me understand ADHD so much better. Thank you again.
Well the ending inspired a whole lot of confidence! (irony) Spot on as always Dr K, without a guiding hand and explaining the underlying causes to the really smart kids they just beat themselves up over not being able to "apply themselves" and use their full intellectual potential. The fact that I (a supposed smart kid) struggle with basic tasks while someone who's not as smart just skates through them is frustrating to no end, especially with parents who treat concentration issues as laziness without any distinction or nuance.
One of the issues we have is kids with adhd are taught how to organize and make to do lists in school but it comes with a price of punishment and shame if they mess up at some point which leads to trauma, so even if a person with adhd has compensatory coping strategies, these strategies are often formed out of shame, so on the outside it looks like they are coping but internally they have high anxiety or depression
Please make this a series and cover other common mental illnesses in a similar format, thanks for this video, it was great
Dude I was tearing up hearing you basically sum up my schooling. I couldn’t finish college cause I just couldnt understand the content like others. In elementary school they had book reports. I tried to read but I could never follow the lines on the page. I taught myself to do all the book reports on books that had adaptations into movies. English was my only language yet they placed me in ESL cause I couldn’t read well. I was the kid that would put all his notes into clear bic pens. It was the only way I could remember things, didn’t even need to be full sentences just a few keywords that could possibly jog my memory. Even some of Dr K’s videos I have to watch certain chapters over and over again before I can understand.
One thing in college I’ve absolutely loved is when professors use a Cengage MindTap. It lays out the text that can be highlighted, has flash cards, activities and the “training” modules in a organized and meaningful way. It makes you take breaks so you don’t cram. I find this a very positive advancement using tech for learning with my adhd.
I'm 53 years old and I Just Came Upon Your channel. Oh my God how much I have ADHD in that I matched just about all the characteristics of one who has it. And then add it on top of that, I broke my neck in 1988 make me a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. Talk about compounding a situation and or adding salt to one's wounds. I have written at least 100 pages about myself and my situation and I could probably easily write hundreds more.
I really appreciated you talking about targeting the deficits of ADHD in children and targeting these to overcome the ADHD. Very insightful and helpful to a neurotypical like me
The end really hit home for me. I was always able to brute force my way through school and never did homework growing up. After 12 years out of high school I went back to post secondary which was challenging to say the least. I struggled through my first two years before I sought help and treatment.
I am receiving treatment and it has made the world of difference. While I still procrastinate and have a hard time focussing, knowing that I have ADHD has made things much more manageable.
There's also cultural specific impact to consider, too. How you are raised, what your family and community values, largely affects how "competent" you are considered by the general public. As someone ADHD who never finished colleges, much of the avenues of "success" are behind a paywall, the things that I excel in are not always what are valued by the people around me.
Your videos are always so well communicated, relevant, and informational! Thanks for always sharing your wisdom with the rest of society.
-An ADHD brained woman who has worked in education/intensive behavioral intervention/early childcare settings for most of my life.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 24. It changed my life so much to actually get some of the help that I’ve needed. I was definitely a “gifted” kid and slipped through the cracks (my 4 brothers also have ADHD). It wasn’t until I had to function on my own in society as an adult that I uncovered that my severe anxiety and depression (both present from early in childhood along with sooo many other blatant signs/symptoms that were missed in my youth) was DIRECTLY related to untreated ADHD. Therapy and finally get the right medicines for me have definitely changed my life for the better. Truly like wearing glasses after squinting for years without them and trying to see what everyone else has been looking at all along.
New sub. Just diagnosed by my psychiatrist about a week ago. I have been this doc’s patient regularly for about 5 years now for anxiety/depression after something super bad happened. He seemed to have an epiphany after a video visit. He must’ve noticed some thing that he never had before. Have not had any time to myself to do a deep dive into ADHD, but I’m def going to. When you mentioned being chronically late, that is me. Beating myself up so much, so many times because it is ingrained that u must not respect that person and their time. It has never happened once that I felt or thought that way, ever. I have tried so many things and times to change. Hopefully my diagnosis is correct, those struggles u listed that are common for most people that make it over diagnosed…have all of it to the max. And want nothing more than to make even one of those things better. So I can think, I can be comfortable, I can relax. I haven’t listened to the whole video yet, but you said that people can grow out of it, what I need to find out is, if you can grow into it, because I haven’t been this way forever. And I much preferred the old me
I am going to lean towards the "we are catching it more" camp. I was recently diagnosed as an adult after my son was diagnosed. My husband was diagnosed as a child and then his parents were both diagnosed.
🤔 I think my family is just breeding more ADHD individuals. I am starting to pick out family members who need to be tested for ADHD.
thank you for all your videos. as an undiagnosed and speculative adhd-haver, I find them really valuable. I'd love it if you talked more about the emotional/mental dysregulation aspects of adhd as that is something that I struggle with a lot.
Genuinely one of the best videos yet. Thanks Dr. K!