Why you should NOT plan out all your time 🕰️
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
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Hello Brains! There is something we talk about in "How to See Time" in my book, about time management. Time blocking can be helpful... but what are some of the other options that can help us work with our brain not against it? Weeeeeell, I decided to talk about it here a little too!
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Music credits for "Why you should NOT plan out all your time 🕰️":
"Life of Riley", "Carefree", "Montauk Point", "The Show Must Be Go”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0
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Hello, Jess!
Hi!
I want to get it but it has a pay wall which is unfortunate, I use duo
They don't have Japanese 3:
Kairos Time, not Cairo's Time, lol. Video subtitles had me on an Egyptian Google search for a sec.
Girl I clicked that notification SO FAST. you had me at ‘don’t plan’ 😂😂
LOL I had myself at 'don't plan' too 🤣🤣
Lolll me too
It’s validating too to feel like there’s permission to not do something you feel you’re supposed to do. I think an interesting topic is about how sometimes doing what you need to do can make you feel like you’re ‘bad’ or rebellious, but pushing through that feeling makes you more productive. This can relate to the task itself or the way you’re doing it being considered ‘improper.’ Like growing up, the act of starting a chore or self-maintenance task usually resulted in being scolded (for being too slow), & I realized that even as an adult, starting these tasks makes me feel like I’m being rebellious because doing them resulted in being scolded in the past. So I try to tell myself, “I’m allowed to do this” when starting a maintenance task. For example, I don’t have a lot of pause in brushing my hair, but that happened to be something that I was allowed to do for as long as I needed to when growing up; I don’t feel like I need to push past the feeling of ‘doing something bad’ before doing it (& other things, like doing the dishes, etc., were a different story)
😂😂😂😂
@@HowtoADHDI am HERE for that. And I have the How to ADHD book now it’s SO GOOD.
My brain can't function without a plan, but once I make the plan I can't stick to the plan. It's a curse. People say "Wow you're so organised" and I'm like "yeah I would be if I stuck to the plan😭😭"
Yep, if I don't plan, I do nothing. But I don't really plan in times if I don't have to because idk how long everything is going to take. It's just the order of things I plan and maybe the daytime.
The plan is there for you, not you for the plan. If you can't stick to it, improve the plan, not try to bend yourself to the plan. The plan is a made up thing that usually does not fit with reality and needs to be adjusted accordingly. I suggest to only plan with 50% of the given time, because the rest will be filled up with surprise things that pop up along the way. I repeat: the plan needs to change, not you!
Dear God, this is so me. My colleague thought I'm so organize, she doesn't know what's really going on in my head T_T.
My bff is like that and I have a more rigid mindset honestly. I love not having a plan but if I have one i don’t like to deviate from it. It sets an expectation and it upsets me to go off plan.
If I don't make the plan I can't begin doing the thing, and I allways break the plan in order to get the thing done. It's amazing to understand why I function that way and that I don't need to change it
YES, OVERSCHEDULED! The same way children can be overscheduled and not have enough free time, so can adults! Unscheduled time is important for our brains! ❤
This is so important for children. They need spontaneous play time either by themselves or with friends.
children are always over scheduled thanks to the bloated school system. When you add after school activities the kids can easily spend 12 hours per day just doing school activities
LITERALLY ME AS A KID AND ME NOW!!!!! I've really had to work on my relationship with plans because of how restricting they've felt for sm of my lifeee
I used to live in fear of getting fired for being late. Me and another ADHD coworker are late almost every single day. We got a new GM last year when our store was on the brink of imploding and we spent about month stressing ourselves out trying, and failing, to pretend to be perfect employees until it inevitably fell apart. Our boss looked at us both and went "I don't care about employees who are constantly late, as long as you show up eventually. You're good at your jobs. Stop stressing yourselves out about it." And I didn't even realize how much just trying to show up perfectly on time every day was impacting me until he took that stress out of the picture. We're both still late almost every day, but now it's 10 minutes instead of 20 because we're not wasting time stressing over it.
He's also totally chill when one of us hyperfocuses on something like reorganizing the entire store instead of the project he originally assigned. 😂 "If the project makes my job easier, I don't care what you do."
@Invisible0one I relate to that fear so much that your flexible boss story actually made me cry! How I wish for a world where every neurodiverse person could be recognized for their STRENGTHS instead of living in fear because of arbitrary ableist expectations. Thank god for GOOD bosses and that you ended up with one!!!!! < : - ) ❤
He sounds like someone with actual leadership skills. A lot of bosses are too busy trying to be in charge to develop those!
Yikes that sounds so familiar!
😹 I can relate to the part about hyperfocusing on organizing the whole store. Dream manager.
That's a good boss
Every time I plan every second I can't follow my plan-- Autism loves the plan, ADHD says LOL Nope! If I make a list rather than plan, it tends to go better!
Yesssss!!
As an AuDHDer myself this is very relatable
@@HowtoADHDcan you do an episode on this? As an AuHDer, I feel this
Wow, this must be why lists work SO well for me but having things scheduled stresses me to the max!
I was literally crying last night because I’m so tired of scheduling my life in order to live in a world that abides by whatever is considered ‘normal’. It’s exhausting.
Thank you for your videos.
We started using relative (or maybe kairos?) time units in the mornings in our effort to leave for work and school on time. So, for instance, when I tell the kiddo it is "Dad is shaving o'clock" she knows we will be leaving soonish and she needs to be finished getting ready ASAP. This works much, much better than our previous system of saying that we need to leave in 10 minutes. We have also embraced the phrase "better late than never" as our family motto (only we say it in latin so we sound fancy--potius sero quam numquam). It's been surprisingly useful in relieving the feelings of stress and guilt over being frequently late. We may be late, but we always show up/get the thing done!
Omg "dad is shaving o'clock" that's so cute and creative!! I love that!!
Totally stealing the Latin phrase!
Love it. Dumb question how do you pronounce the Latin? I think POTUS with an eye, cero like Spanish for zero, quam like qualm without the L, and num like number without brrr, or num lock.
@@paulstejskal i did some quick research and sero is pronounced as “sērō” with “e” sound in “they” and “o”sound in “note”
Other than that, your guesses should be correct accordingly.
Just realized “revenge bedtime procrastination” is largely powering my personal projects at the moment…
I was JUST talking to my therapist about how I'm trying to let myself roam free a little more, and how discovering pathological demand avoidance made a huge difference in how I approach things! being kind and accepting to myself when I feel so different from other people has been the hardest part of healing, thank you so much for making this video!
PDA makes so much sense! I just wish my life wasn't such a PDA minefield.
I did not know there was a name for this. Diagnosed at 52, I recently found some elementary school report cards. Starting in kindergarten, every teacher wrote something about not finishing tasks in the allotted time. I cried a little for child me. I worked so hard to get good grades and didn’t understand how other kids could get things done so quickly. It’s been a huge relief to know I’m not alone.
@@annbraden6628I’m crying right now because I just learned this was a thing too. I’ve carried so much guilt over this! I’m 48 and was just diagnosed as well.
Uh-oh. I think I need to look this up (though I resent the word "pathalogical") - I come from a long line and big family of people who say and feel "don't tell me what to do" a lot of the time!
@@Judymontel it took me years to read the description because I thought "oh that sounds bad, so it's probably not me"... but I resonated with a lot of what I read! a lot of things are named in a way that makes more sense medically but the lay definitions we use for the same words makes communication between experts and regular people really hard.
5:46 I saw a post the other day that described this as "roomba cleaning" and it unlocked something in my brain. "Done in bits and pieces, in random order, it won't be perfect at the end but it will be better." I've been experimenting with loosening up how and when I work on my chore list and it feels so good!
Lol 🤣🤣🤣 good one
I've had to learn the difference between a routine and a schedule. I can have a routine where I do certain things daily but, not be so restrictive that I have to do them within a scheduled time. As soon as a time limit is set, I automatically don't want to do it. I give myself the freedom to do it when I feel like it.
I’ve adopted a new way of phrasing the time blindness. I remind people of my “complicated relationship with time”. It has a cool ring to it, and it doesn’t sound like an excuse
That makes you sound like a time traveler omg
AuDiHD here and I drive a school bus. My entire 13 hour work day is full of having to be at certain places at certain times. If I am 4 mins late to work then approximately 450-500 students are late to school and classes and some of those will be standing outside in freezing cold temperatures/rain/snow etc. It’s been a huge struggle and has taken me nine years to get into a good rhythm. Most of my coworkers are in a good rhythm within three months.
11:10 It feels so validating to hear someone else say that they *underestimate* the time it takes for them to complete a task. I feel like every resource I've consumed before (e.g. other videos) always say the complete opposite, with quotes like "you'd be shocked to find that tasks probably take you much less time than you actually thought, so what you thought would be a 2 hour task actually only took 15 minutes and you were making this a much bigger deal than it actually was!" and each time I'm like... am I broken? Because for me it's more like: what I think will be a 15 minute task actually becomes 2 hours (or more... the amount of times I thought something would be measured in *minutes* but it ended up actually be measured in *days* is insane!).
Things take me so long and I never get that satisfaction of "whew, that wasn't so bad, I'm glad that's finished and now I can move on to the next thing", even the smallest things are like "I think I'm done? I feel like I'm more confused now than when I started. I just know I never want to do this again and I'm scared that it's not even finished yet."
I DO THE BEST I CANLET GO OF THE OUTCOME. IT IS WHAT IT IS+ACCEPT IT! ACCEPTANCE AROUND THAT+ LIFE HELPS ME CHILL BE KIND TO MYSELF
@zants How I relate to this! "...the amount of times I thought something would be measured in minutes but it ended up actually be measured in days is insane!" YES!!!!
I have been pleasantly surprised occasionally by things taking less time though. For example, it really is amazing what 5 minutes tidying with a timer before watching TV can do. : - )
I can relate to this. So hard. Start times, deadlines, sleep times. Why can't we just do everything when we want to? _Except we would never get anything done..._ 😅
Yeaaahhhhhh it's definitely a balance!!
@HowtoADHD Wait... what's a _balance?_ 😳
I'll let ya know once we figure it out :P
@@HowtoADHD 😳
It explains why days with back-to-back meetings (which are, thank goodness, rare for me) are sooooooo tiring. And I can't get anything else done on those days either.
I feel all this! Time-blocking has been all the rage in the planner community, but I cannot schedule my life like that, haha. My energy, mood, motivation levels are too unpredictable. I'll note down important things in my planner, but also end up tracking things I actually did in the day at least as much as scheduling stuff.
I time-blocked at my old job because my boss was being very manipulative and blaming us for his own shortcomings. It got to the point where the project manager spoke to me privately saying, “You know you don’t have to time block. The process itself is time-consuming.” But I told her I had to do it to protect myself, and it worked. Found another job quickly though, and it became very clear that time blocking would be completely unnecessary. We work hybrid and are very go-with-the-flow. Ironically, I’ve never been more productive!
One of the reasons I'm so great at my job is because it's largely independent. I have tasks and deadlines, but the order, flow etc is mine. I am free to build my day in a way that suits me, and like you suggest, I make a to-do list and just start doing it without scheduling exact times, barring anything with an urgent deadline. I switch tasks all day as it suits me. I'm newly diagnosed but it makes so much sense that I found this work and thrive in it vs old jobs. I tend to try and give myself daily lists of things to do instead of timed events/keep timed events each day to a minimum and it does help me a lot. Kairos!
What line of work are you in? What a gift to have a job that works with your brain!
@turnoffthetv -- Seconding the request for details on this unicorn of a job field / position and/or company. It sounds magical. I am envying like mad (but also pleased to hear that someone, somewhere is getting to experience just what they need in a workplace!).
I am lucky to have the schedule to as a makeup artist! So thankful to do what I love! But definitely have to completely crash after a job even though I love it!
I feel so, so grateful that your most recent content is heavily inclined towards radical acceptance - often, not planning anything can be the best plan you could have, and I had to learn that the hard way. I feel that we are very intuitive towards time, and that innate ability NEEDS to be exercised more, because suppressing it using arbitrary time just makes that ability suffer.
Thank you for this, Jessica!
Just ordered your book. I am a middle school art teacher and I host an ADHD club after school once a week. Can't wait to dig into this book, the kids like your videos.
That’s so lovely, setting the kids up for future success. Wish that existed when I was younger!
I LOVE that you brought this channel to the educational setting! Keep bringing the light you do into this world 🥲
Bless your heart, man.
Thanks so much for what you do.
I got audio book of it
As an artist, I've been feeling burnt out because I was releasing a song a week. Now I'm taking a break to better recalibrate my release schedule and this video came out at JUST the right time. Thank you!!
My hyperfocus led me to two book contracts and five novels released in two years, even while having surgery. And then…burn out. I did next to nothing last year while navigating new life issues, but that break has been so helpful already this year. Best wishes to you on your career!
Saw someone on Twitter say you should be able to make 3 beats in an hour and I was just so disgusted by the thought of working that fast even though I could if I was in the zone lol it’s NOT regular
I finished your book two days ago!!! It was so helpful and it honestly felt like a love letter to the ADHD community. I felt so supported and so acknowledged reading it. Thank you so much!!!❤
Awwww you're welcome!!! I'm so glad that's the feeling you got from it
I bought the book on Audible but I feel Im going to but it physical also. Listening to audio books is ok only for "not important" books 😅😅.
Usually I listen to audiobooks while driving but I feel Jessy's books deserves a special attention, yes "attention" 😊
Hope I can hyerpfocus on it easily and naturally.
@@fiudad i love that!! i actually think i might get it on audio book too because i love hearing Jessica’s voice!!
Actually finishing a book? WOW I bought it, started reading it, liked it, put it down, sometimes it occurs to me that I should be reading it, dabbled in a different chapter, put down again, I'm not sure if I'm gonna ever finish it... xD
@@gaborszabo9804 I’ve been there so many times!! I’m in college and I’m on winter break right now so I have plenty of time to catch up on reading.
The more I learn about my ADHD, the more I'm realizing how much I was already adopting tools to help me cope, I just never had the vocabulary before. And that kairos and chronos time is really going to stick with me!
Hi! I like using to-do lists rather then booking things at specific times. Obviously my medical appointment are certain times so I work very hard to get to them on time. Any time I try to get a routine going, my brain starts to feel bored and frustrated after a couple of days. I’ve finally found a planner that works well for me.
That is exactly what I came here to comment, I used to try and "book" my tasks, to specific moments of the day it never worked well.
Instead I have a to-do list with all the things that need to be done ever, and from that I make a smaller to-do list, of ok, here are the things I am going to commit to doing today, and the amount of time on average I think it will take to do each task, and I never make the list longer than 7 hours. ( I knowing myself, know that I cannot be productive in any given day for more than 7 hours).
But I can do the tasks in whatever order I want at whatever time of the day I want.
Arguably the most popular time/focus management system in the world is Getting Things Done-GTD. It argues to focus only on the next thing (calendar only hard appointments). There must be some ADHD+GTD videos out there as it seems to be tailor made for anyone who needs focus, peace and productivity
What planner did you find and like? I'd love to know!
I've just discovered that creating a to do list instead of scheduling strictly when things need doing works better for me. I was sobbing in the bath last week about not replacing the air filter because I had it in my calendar for 12/31 (anyone else feel crushing childhood guilt for not doing monthly/quarterly tasks? Yep, that was me last Sunday), then put it on a to do list and it was done the same day. Sequencing also works much better than scheduling for me.
@@constancemk603 I know that feeling so very well. Had no idea it was so relatable!
My absolute favorite blocks of time are when I had something scheduled (like a meeting or music lesson), and then it gets cancelled. Because that was blocked time and suddenly free, it truly is free time to do whatever I want.
This might be one of my favorite videos so far, Jessica.
I am so grateful of my manager's patience with my 5-10 mins lateness. She knows what hell I'm coming back from. "We sell clothes, we're not saving lives. If you text me that you will be late, that's okay."
I was in 4th grade when I first documented "I hate being rushed" -- and I've never changed 😂
I think it's part ODD "you shouldn't be telling me what to do when"; part time nearsightedness "great, I'm late and I'm both embarrassed and angry"; part managing my ADHD and recognizing that haste makes way more waste with executive dysfunction and in turn triggers self-shaming, anxiety, and rejection sensitive dysphoria etc; and now that I know about Cairos time, I think it's because rushing me to a different task requires me to break my Cairos schedule and then WHO KNOWS when I'll ever be done
Whenever you say "Hello brains!", it fills my heart with so much joy. 😂😊💖
Also, there have been times when I manage time. There are days when I'm patient and days when I am in a hurry. I even try to make sure nothing gets in the way. If that makes sense.
I like to have "planned unplanned time" for exactly the reasons you mention in this video!
weirdly needed this video today :) Lots of my friends have super extensive google calendars where everything in their week is planned out and scheduled and I keep seeing their systems and thinking that I should do that too because "that's what they're doing, and it looks like it could work," but I'm definitely doing fine with my current systems because they work for me lol. Really gotta stop comparing myself to others, especially with workflow/productivity stuff cause it's almost never gonna be the same
Honestly just looking at a booked google calendar is exhausting and makes me want to go lay down. I just put my plans on a list on my iphone where I can just scroll down them to check them, and they disappear when I tap the little circle next to them after the thing is done. So much less exhausting and for some reason feels much easier to manage. Like it's the same amount of stuff, but doesn't feel as stressful and tiring.
It's so easy for me to procrastinate activities if they're at a set time during the day, but if my schedule is free I'm probably gonna do it when I feel like it. When I feel it's necessary, or whenever I get a burst of energy/motivation. Of course there should be some structure on the daily, but I think having an open schedule is really beneficial.
I just spent many hours spread over this last week trying to make a schedule that works for me with no success. This is the video that I need.
Definitely hope it helps!!
My problem is, with the combo of ADHD and ASD, I get dopamine from making lists and playing Tetris with my schedules, budget, etc. I'm the kind of person who has to over plan everything and then stress when others don't play along.
Yeahhhh it's hard when what might work for you doesn't work smoothly when other people are involved.
Something I did last semester in college is block out my evenings as NO. No schoolwork. No tutoring. Just me.
Still need to try and balance the REST of the time properly, make the most of the rest of the time, but there's what I do.
This video felt like hearing someone Express a need that I didn't know how to express for myself.
I didn't know there was a difference between Cronus and Kairos time, I learned something new thank you Jessica.
I started with task blocking instead of time blocking, and that is already a huge relief, because I can change the order (except when an order is required). It’s a relief because I don’t have to start at a certain point in time. Now to not overplanning my days😅
it's been a year that I actually have a daily plan but it did not make me exhausted. here is why:
1. I sometimes change the order or add spontaneity to each task I suppose to do. for example, if I study in my bed today. I study in the living room the next day. it does not have to be something big.
2. it gets tough to do all the tasks in some days when I don't do well physically and/or emotionally so I try my best to do the bare minimum in those days. For example, if I usually study for 2 hours I study for 30 minutes.. little is better than nothing.( this also helps with some perfectionist traits adhders have)
3. if a task is terrifying to do ( that fucking paperwork --_-- ), divide it into steps.
4. remember that you need breaks. you need to leave your brain do what it wants for a certain period in a day or a week.
a funny fact: it's not a joke when I say that my anxiety level was far less in an emergency room than the time I was supposed to do some paperwork.
overall, I completely agree with you. I tried 9-5 jobs and I DO NOT EXAGGERATE IF I TELL YOU THAT IT MADE ME FEEL SUICIDDAL. I was feeling very very miserable.
I try to talk to my wife about not filling up all of her day - she's a full time general practitioner and also does a lot of volunteer work procuring aid for hospitals in Ukraine. Like me, she has fairly recently realised she is neurodiverse and feels like she always has to be doing stuff but it makes her so tired!
She's sick right now unfortunately but I will show her this when she's better!
Also revenge procrastination bedtime... I've never heard it called that but it is waaaay too relatable.
Sometimes your brain needs space for inspiration to strike, because it needs permission to bop around and wander like you said. It needs freedom. If I don’t have this freedom, I end up doing the “revenge bedtime procrastination” SO MUCH.
Last week I had a busy and very structured time with my kiddos. Lots of scheduled activities. This week I'm in recovery mode. Stripped my week down to necessities.
Sometimes, changing the world is changing how we try to make it the same.
God I can't tell how seen I feel watching this video. I almost broke down when you said 'the way that we work naturally isn't wrong it's just not compatible with the rest of the world'. I have been feeling very guilty these days for not being able to get stuff done as and when I need to do them and sometimes you just need a reminder that that's ok. Your videos do just that for me and I'm really really grateful for that. Thank you for putting out such amazing content regularly, it has been a great help. Sending love to you and your baby❤
I'm a substitute teacher, so it's actually really hard for me to make plans for weekdays, because I know that if I get called in to work, I'll have to drop everything and go do that. It means that most of my planning is done on the day. Taking the time to sit down and decide what I'm going to do is part of my routine on non-work days. Because of this, though, time REALLY only matters on days when I DO go to work. Lesson plans, of course, are constrained by time, but if I'm not teaching, I do tend to plan things either sequentially, or just list all the things I would like to get done, and then pick and choose what interests me most (or least!) to start on.
Just spitballing ideas out of my mouth, but shouldnt there be a better system for substitute teachers so that they wouldn't have to "lose an arm and a leg" in a moment's notice? Pardon me if this sounds a bit rude; I'm seriously curious. 'Cause if the teachers of this world are regarded this low on the scale of importance, what hope can we have for the future?
You are right about that @theparez but unfortunately this is the reality in most large educational systems I’ve seen. A sub is called on the day of…
I find my brain only wanting to be creative when I have work and then when I get home I’m out of energy. And then days when I have nothing scheduled I can never bring myself to do anything creative because I’ve made it an expectation for myself. I desperately need a vacation
This is my favourite video so far. 🎉🎉🎉 thank you for the idea that it doesn’t need to be this way, and giving voice to thoughts I’ve had. I have been trying to set a stop watch when completing some simple, repetitive tasks and I love having that phrase to build the knowledge. I started this in earnest after I couldn’t understand why it was taking so long to vacuum my house. I am GUILTY of estimating 15-30 mins for stuff like this but it took 1 hour 10 mins to vacuum three stories of my townhouse. And I was BEATING MYSELF UP that it wasn’t taking the 30 minutes I thought it would. Like why? I should be proud I am so thorough that I move furniture and fluff pillows when I vacuum, but instead all I could think about was the time it took above my estimate. 😞
Me too ❤
I feel you😭💛
This is an accurate reflection of my life right now. If there is even one or two scheduled things I have in my day, I get so distracted by worrying about making it to that scheduled event that I can't get started on what I need to work on. I would complain about a day full of meetings, but even when my meetings got cancelled and I had holes in my schedule, I couldnt make effective use of that time because I had to worry about the next scheduled event and whether the task I was about to start could be done before that event.
Love the rants. Now I understand my recent behavior and stressors. And why I hate people trying to make me commit to a time.
Thank you for talking about that "boxed in" feeling! That is SO real for me, and it contributes greatly to my difficulty with time management. I end up mostly "sequencing" instead of "scheduling," and most of the time, it works out pretty well. Sometimes it's a disaster, but that's what calendars are for
I think I have it all planned out and life happens when you've made other plans!
This happens to me often. It's so frustrating
I work in tech, and struggled in roles that required me to plan my own days and attend meetings. I had to manage myself and had a lot of freedom, but I somehow felt more oppressed by that because I felt like I needed to fill in any gaps and be efficient. New job I'm in is more about reacting to tickets as they come in. I'm finding myself much more comfortable and functional. There's no need for me to schedule focus hours, I just keep working tickets as I see them. It's strangely liberating.
I just received your book today (1/11/2024). I'm looking forward to reading it. I have to say that I haven't purchased a brand new full priced book in decades. That alone, for me, speaks volumes about how much confidence I have in your guide to ADHD.
I do time blocking, planning, using RoutineFlow, time tracking, habit tracking, etc. I'm not always doing everything at my suggested time tho. I constantly change up my routine and stuff. I think its fine to take them as suggested times, while allowing some spontaneous activities that I like to do. Always drawing at random times.
I put my suggested times in RoutineFlow too, but I mainly follow that app since it queues up a bunch of things I want to do in a row. I stopped blocking out "break times" because they don't work for me, I just take a break when I feel like it haha. Life is unpredictable, I embrace that. Some consistency is nice, but so are spontaneous things.
I get so much more done between like 10pm and 2am than the whole day. also, you reminded me to keep up with my Spanish! Also, thank you for putting this out. Hopefully, Monday (My Birthday!) will be a productive day cause I'll be with my bestie and her mom & be able to do stuff (we ALL have ADHD 😜).
Ohh!! Happy birthday!!
happy birthday! mine is on monday too 🎉
Happy Birthday!! Mine was on Dec 31st. Love all my fellow Capricorns w/ADD/ADHD ❤ I also get the most done between those hours.
Happy birthday!
@raehawkins7655 happy Birthday!
I work as a school bus driver, meaning that every afternoon, at 2, I have a standing appointment, but in the middle of the day I work on ADHD time, doing the things that I feel I need to do, during the best most brain alert time for me. That being said, my hack for being able to forget about time during the middle of the day, so that I can actually get those things done and not just watch the clock the whole time, is to set an alarm to remind me to eat lunch if I have not already, set another alarm to wrap up anything I am in the middle of doing and I have one more alarm for when I need to actually walk out the door in 5 minutes😂
Also when she says time yourself doing the things you need to do, that is definitely helpful!!!! I've been diagnosed for 20 years now and finding out how long it takes me to do something is for real was a game changer! I make sure my alarms are set so that there is no time to fool around I have pretty much exactly how much time I need, that way I know that there is no time to get distracted, but I make sure that most of my day is not spent being chased by a bear lol!
my mental clock is super sequential
i never knew what class was when
but i knew what class came after the current one😁
Ohhh that's interesting! And I feel very relatable!!
Wow I didn't realise how much of this I was thinking about lately until you put it all together. I am definitely on Kairos time!
Thankyou for vindicating my feelings yet again.
This is hilarious - you know what I just finished right before I saw the notification for this video - scheduling aaaall the individual things I want to start working on. Not only that but I actually used Google Bard (their AI chatbot) to help me spread all the things across the next few weeks!
I got that all done and felt great and proud of myself for creating this super complete schedule. And, then I watched this video which essentially said to me, “Yyyyeah, you know that thing you just finished working so hard on and feel so accomplished about? Yeah, don’t do that.” 😢
(But, I get it - I’m not necessarily going to be ready to do Thing 12 at precisely 10:15 AM on Tuesday. But, I created this knowing that - even on a calendar - it doesn’t HAVE to get done then. I can reschedule or just add it to a list of todos to work on later. Definitely thanks for validating that for me.) 😊
Another hilarious thing about this video all about time - the clock on the shelf behind you is stopped. 😂
THE CLOCK.ITS CORRECT TWICE A DAY
I LOVE IT AN HAVE THE SAME
that statistic on how many people struggle with time management, adhd people vs general population, hit hard. Wow
Wow is right let’s put are heads together and get a half of a task done😅
Brava! I think this is my favorite video from you since I found your channel six (or seven?) years ago! At a crucial time in my life (before I owned a computer) I woke up every morning at 4 AM, made a pot of tea and a bowl of popcorn to take back to bed and, without journaling, allowed myself time to just free-associate until 8 AM. When I acquired a rescue kitten, that was our time of day to just be with each other. Among many other benefits to me and my brain, it was super healing and transformative during the years I was able to do that and I learned so much about myself. Now that I've allowed RUclips to keep me up so late I haven't had that time. I reckon I can fix that situation. Thanks for your channel and this great video.
Hi & happy new year! Watching this gave me a light bulb moment where I realised I’ve been fighting my natural tendency to do things when I want/need by trying to fit my life into a schedule for YEARS! Thank you so much for this video x
I hate being asked how long a task will take because I know I suck at it, even if it''s something familiar. Knowing that about myself, however, makes it easier to relate to others who have the same difficulty.
"Revenge bedtime procrastination" HA! It's so true. I do this, unknowingly, every time I'm overscheduled.
I work for a bookstore in Pigeon Forge TN and I asked one of the owners to carry your book, and he said he will try and get it.
I really really needed this today. I'm doing full-time college, part-time work right now and I always feel like I'm falling behind, no matter how hard I try. It feels like every second of every day there's something I "should" be doing. I'm absolutely exhausted; mentally, emotionally, and physically. You had a great point in saying that if you don't give yourself time to not think about time, your brain will take it anyway. I stayed up until 2:00am just watching RUclips last night and I ended up sleeping in through my first class this morning. I felt so stupid, especially because it's really just been a bad brain week and I've been forgetting tons of things, barely meeting deadlines, coming in late to so much stuff. I've been fighting the perfectionist demon in my mind every day for several days straight. After a while, it starts to feel hopeless. I desperately want to be a good student, a good employee, and a good adult. But dang it, today I really just want to go buy some fabric and make my Halloween costume for this year. Unfortunately I have to do school work for the rest of the day. Time management sucks. Needless to say, I VERY much appreciated your rant
Not me seeing this notification while planning my entire day tomorrow 😭
Hope it helps you with your day tomorrow!!
@@HowtoADHDYep! Scrapped the whole thing already... Maybe I'll try out the sequence thing! :)
I do have to say: I feel like this more free approach usually works best when I'm in a happy and productive period... Sometimes I need to plan a bit to get started and not feel a crippling guilt. 😬
One of the hardest and most beautiful things about being a parent is that time becomes…primal again. A baby may spend a what seems a crazy amount of time staring at their hand, and trying to understand what “hand” is, what “hand” does. And that’s a really good use of time! I hope you will have the opportunity to luxuriate in those moments! I own so little of my time as a mom, but have been learning to sit in those moments
Oh it's my comment!!! The concept of Kairos vs. Chronos time helped me so much, and I'm so happy to be able to share it! (I first heard about this concept from Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes by Brandon J. O'Brien and E. Richards, obviously it wasn't about ADHD in that context.)
I like structuring my non-time dependant tasks in Done By format. Get it done by the afternoon, done by the time I go to bed, done by dinner. Instead of at 9 am, at 8, at 5.
I did not know this was the video I was waiting for. Thank you!
This is 100% my feelings!
I had a boss who was crazy about time management and forcing us to follow is example. I was struggling so much. I did try to say I needed moments without time pressure but he kept getting angry because he thought it was a necessity to have a perfect time management.
I decided to quite my job a year ago.
Now I am working in a team were I can manage my time as I want. I am just asked to deliver things on time, but I do manage as I want. Feel so refresh!
This is amazing. I shared this with my husband. One of my twin sons was just diagnosed with ADHD-Combined today. I was recommended to get one of Dr. Russell Berkeley's books for him. You are amazing, and I am so grateful for you!
My time management is "this takes 30 minutes so the latest I can do it is say 530 to be done by 6. I'm always done by at least 625!
The book arrived yesterday and is already filling in many blanks. I've known small talk was important, but not why. Definitely not good at it. Sensitive vs. empathy makes a lot of sense and explains a lot.
I was at a new year's Eve party. A lady sat next to me that was separated after a 38year marriage. I started out fine, but left early, then spent the next week ruminating about numerous things I did wrong, what everyone must be thinking about me. I apologized to her friend later. She looked at me like I was crazy, said she didn't know what I was talking about. This might be what you meant about avoiding overload situations.
I watched your channel before the pandemic. I lost touch until I saw a live interview that you did. You mentioned the book. I purchased it immediately. You are correct, it is written perfectly for best use. I'm told that I have adha and on the Spectrum. I've learned to cope for work, but not relationships. Thank you for your help ❤ 🙏
I absolutely hate planning things out, because of the immense stress that deadlines cause me. I try to get things done, when I am experiencing better moments and my brain is actually functioning well enough to cope with things.
Pre-diagnosis my coping mechanisms was packing my schedule so tight that I was constantly stimulated and engaged and had direction. Now that I can't do that I'm trying to balance my time according to my needs and also figured out that I can only really do maximum 4 hours (not consecutively maybe) of "deep work" a day. The rest of my time can be a bit more wandering and riding the wave ✨️
Sequencing works well for me! Put things I'd like to do on a todo list, then assign rough priorities. Then chunk things that combine well together. For example:
- Clean the rat cage
- Take a shower (to be clean to go outside)
- Take out trash (including stuff from the rat cage)
- Go to grocery store (since I'm outside anyway)
Also accept that getting the entire list done is not always feasible. Having some stretch goals at the end is nice, which means I can do them if I have the time/energy, but if not it's okay to delay them to another day.
OMG I relate to every, single thing you’re saying 100%! I have come to feel like me and time are in a constant battle to the death! I’ve lost a couple jobs all because of this exact topic: TIME, timelines, and time management. I’ve never heard of “Kairos time”! Though I’d never heard of it, I think I’ve been functioning on kairos time my whole life.
time management is my biggest weakness coupled with "motivation" / discipline and self improvement. Time freedom often feels more like a prison of mind
Honestly, I have been following your videos since I got diagnosed almost three years ago. And if you ever see this comment I hope you know how incredibly grateful I am for you and your content.
When I got diagnosed I had just moved out within the last year, dropped out of college, quit my post-college job of 6 months, and was incredibly depressed. Because of your videos, my diagnosis did not feel like a prison, but instead, an answer that meant I could finally start to improve my life and maybe be happy. I thought I would be trapped in "failure" my whole life, but your videos made me realize I could make a change.
After that, I got obsessed with bettering myself, which honestly has more or less been going alright for me. I went back to school, got my AA, transferred to university, and now hold a perfect 4.0 GPA. However, my self-talk has gotten very negative, since I still have ADHD and cannot make its symptoms go away. So I feel bad about my mountainous dish pile, my lack of regular routines, and how hard it is to keep up with how much manual labor I do.
Lately, since your "My channel used to be ableist video" your content has taken an obvious shift. Once again it is making a difference in my life as your videos are helping me learn to accept myself. I feel good about my grades, but I am unhappy with my rigorous schedule, dumpster fires, and self-hate spiral. I did not realize I could choose what I wanted to improve, and I would be happier if I let go of somebody else's version of "perfection." Slowly your videos and my desire to be happy are helping me learn what my version of a happy life looks like. Thank you so much for your content. Truly. It always reminds me that I can have happiness in life.
@HowtoADHD
If I have to leave somewhere at a certain time I set a timer. The phone timer is set on Wednesdays for two different bus times to get home. Also I use the stove timer and the little battery operated one.
Kathy B
The only time to use a calendar is for time specific and day specific tasks.
The way you said “It’s Thursday” really resonated with my soul.
My time management is so messed up that if I have somewhere really important to be I'll stay up all night just to make it on time and still be late or not make it at all.😢
Love you so much
You are a wonderful part of my ADHD journey. LOVE the kairos time concept. I've always wanted to rebel against time in general, after all, it's an artificial concept.
Worst thing about schedules and planning: it leaves you no room for when inevitably the circumstances change and you have to improvise.... Like you, i find them very restrictive. Some (most?) people see planning as a way to get things under control: I see it as losing control, and chaining yourself to a decision that may no longer be relevant, removing your ability to go with the flow.
I hope you answer❤ i absolutely love you videos thry really helped me when i first got diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago when i was 14 i have been following you since ❤I am turning 18 soon🎉 what a journey it has been 😊
Hi!! I'm so happy our content could help as you've been on your journey!
The choice between getting a lot done and enjoying my life has been a lifelong struggle. Even knowing what I want to get done takes up a lot of my thoughts. Now I value the time it takes to figure that out, and to recognize that that's an important step I need to take on a regular basis. It also helps to know I'm not the only one with that problem.
"Time not thinking about time" is how I've been using my weekends lately to balance out a rigid work week. Right now I don't have to do a lot of social commitments on the weekend, so I do my best to protect at least one day to just sit and work on whatever comes to mind in my sewing room. I don't always work on one project start to finish, but sometimes I'll be able to, and sometimes I'll work a little bit on five projects. Whether I "accomplish" anything or not, it's the most relaxing day of my week.
Got the book on Jan 2nd, looking forward to reading it, but ironically I need better time management to do so.
Ohhh the relatable irony!! Thank you so much for buying it!! I can't wait for you to read it 😊 (...maybe start with the how to see time chapter 👀)
Hehe
I got the audiobook and I as well need to find time to listen to it. I'm just already listening to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in my free time 🙈 though it is almost finished so I'll probably listen to it before going to Goblet of Fire
Hello! I'm in the military, and as much as I'd like to stay in long term, nothing about this place is ADHD friendly, and I consistently feel like I dont belong. Have you ever interviewed someone in a similar situation?
I have not! But when we're able to get around to doing interviews again that is definitely a great interview idea!!
Your notification popped up just as I was sitting down to plan 😂 perfect timing for a distraction.
Lol well hopefully it can help with the planning y'know... once you... get back to it!
The time management stuff is such a real struggle -- This was very uplifting and helpful. :)
What’s time? I only know next week😂😂😂
I always knew I needed time for roaming free, without limitations. I just didn't give myself permision to do that, until a couple of months ago. Every week, I try to book a weekend day where there is no plan, whatsover! Since doing that, i have so much more energy. I am starting to like my life again. Sometimes I still think i should not do this, but I soon realise that is a quick path to burn-out...
Thank you for the reminder, and the permission!
I bought your book. Can't wait to read it!
I’ve started explaining the feeling I get when I over schedule as time claustrophobia. I just feel so limited by all my scheduled time that it stresses me out 😅
Yessssss kairos time! This is why it doesn't work for me to put dishes in the dishwasher when they get dirty. It is the visual cue of a full sink of dishes that triggers my "It's time to do dishes now" signal.
I keep my laundry baskets (which are like... Partially see-through) in a little alcove in the hall where I pass them a few times a day so I can keep an eye on how full they are. When they get full, it's laundry day (only 2 loads).
Folding is another story. They're out where I see them constantly, but.......... The switch never seems to flip for that. I have to have a good audiobook or podcast to get them folded... AND motivation. It's hard.
To me, someone who can manage their time and stick to a schedule is on magical par with a wizard that can cast a fireball.
For me, I'm great at scheduling stuff if it's for others, like an appointment or to meet with friends. But if it's just for me, I can't. It starts to feel like a prison immediately and saps any joy I had out of the activity. Then yeah, I end up staying up till 3 am. feeling a mix of guilt for not doing what I needed to get done and for staying up late while still doing it because I get joy in not focusing on time.
This is so relatable and I didn’t even realise. The only reason I get myself to feel like a time wizard is that I almost constantly schedule things with other people, but whenever I schedule anything for myself (like writing assignments or enjoying hobbies) I just soak in desperation that I have to do it then…
@nielsvannoort1411 agreed. it's much easier for me to plan something and stick to it when it involves others. If it's just myself, I struggle.
You know, it's kind of comforting that the background clock was standing still during this video. Sometimes I wish chronos time would just take a little pause for us to catch up.
As a result of learning to deal with my chronic illness and my lack of circadian rhythm, I've stopped using the clock unless it's something that involves other people. I allow myself to wake up and work at 2am if that's what I want to do, safe in the knowledge that I don't have to worry about the clock until x meeting/appointment with y person in z days.
I really appreciated how you pointed out that perpetually using kairos time also can be a energy drain because I pretty much subsist on kairos as much as possible. Unless it’s a meeting that requires scheduling so that multiple people will all be available for a thing, I very much exist in “what are the things, what order will I do them in” as my method of time because scheduling time blocks 1) makes me anxious and 2) is ineffective because of how bad at estimating time I am. If a time block ends before I finished the work, I’m so distressed that I couldn’t finish that I loose all motivation. So I just live in a flow with a task priority order and occasional check and adjusts if it’s two pm and I’m still on the first office tasks. However even this leaves me exhausted and without time to just try things because I want to since as soon as I finish a task, there’s always a task ready for me to pick it up. Giving myself time to just do what I want and allowing myself to prioritize not just based on what’s important but also by what I’m excited about are definitely two things that I want to incorporate into my life more.
I was late to school 13 times in junior high and got detention for it. But I was known as such a good student that even the security person was like “Nah, you don’t have to go to detention.” But when one of my teachers found out about it, she flipped out saying it’s unfair to the other students and made me go. Wish I had known about my ADHD then and asked for accommodations 😭
Congrats on your book! :)
I started timing my tasks a few years ago and it made a huge difference for my productivity and my anxiety surrounding long lists. I used to look at tasks I didn't want to do and feel like each one would take the whole day, then I would put them off because they seemed like a lost cause. Once I realised that doing the dishes only takes 15 minutes, or getting groceries takes an hour etc, it freed up more of my time, and helped me feel like the tasks were actually doable.
With tasks I do like doing, or tasks that are sort of nebulous like "reply to emails" I tend to do the pomodoro method, but with chores especially, or with clear, defined tasks like "put away suitcases after a trip", knowing how long they take has been so so helpful to me.