To The People Who Mess Up My Name,
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- Опубликовано: 6 май 2017
- Sometimes people mess up my name. But let ME get mad about it, eh?
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Sometimes people mess up my name. But let ME get mad about it, eh? How do y'all feel about this? What do you do when your name becomes the subject of a weird debate?
Ash Hardell first reply
Well my name has never been messed up but it gives me a lot of dysphoria sooo it sucks
I love you sooo much and I love you name.
I'm really bad with confrontation, so I usually just let it go unnoticed or quickly correct them without much notice. Generally, I'll correct them if I think the person who slipped wasn't aware of the name change and had the potential for more slips in the future (which ended up being a super chill way to come out to a lot of humans :D). I really like it when a friend will do the quick correction for me (it makes me feel safer), but I don't like it when others make a big deal out of it for me. I feel like it makes the person who slipped up feel embarrassed or annoyed, which then somehow comes back to my name and makes me feel weird. I'll usually try to counter with an "eh it's no big deal don't worry about it"
Ash Hardell I act the same way I do with discussions about my gender etc which is really letting it slip but only because I just dont have the energy to deal with all of that and I'm bad at confrontation ahh.
"- Society: Be Who U Really R...
- Me: Ok! Great!!
- Society: No! Not Like THAT!!"
Wael Daaboul original af
UGH YES WHY
Tmw society is just a bunch of authoritarian people on all sides of the political spectrum
You are part of society. Society isn't this large cosmic being out to get you and force conformity. Normality exists because it's what most people are. Don't take this as me telling you not to be yourself, do what makes you happy (as long as it doesn't hurt people) but don't blame a group you are an active member of and have influence on for your problems or you feeling ostracized.
Indeed.
It's kindof a psychological phenomenon that happens anywhere you go, no matter what.
It's why in school, depending on whatever is the trend at the time you will feel social pressure to conform to certain that maybe you just don't like.
like dresses
or maybe wigs
getting married
political opinions
etc.
A party of yelling at each other is what we call Thanksgiving in my house.
LOL
Also I adore your videos 😊
PogieJoe lol samee
Same :/
PogieJoe same
My name is Sky. just Sky. I am always asked if it's short for Skylar or if it's actually spelt Skye. I had a teacher that did not believe me that this was my name or the way that I spell it was wrong. it was so bad that she was taking points off of my test and homework for not spelling/ putting my name correctly on my papers. So I took my birth certificate to school to show her that this was indeed my name. She still didn't like it but said that if it was my name on my birth certificate fine. but then she said that it was a stupid name for a girl. I said that was her opinion but if she ever took points off my work again I would have to go to the principal. I didn't have any trouble with that teacher any more.
crazygir2 i can relate! My name is Sera and my Spanish college professor used to put question marks next to my name, until eventually he just flat out crossed my name out and put "Sara" instead. thats when i started making my name the biggest thing on the page XD needless to say he just kind of started letting it happen after that. for the most part everyone else thought it was so cool that my name was spelled that way and thought it was pretty. i also think your name is pretty and the way its spelled isnt weird at all. ^_^
crazygir2 Good for you. That teacher is so rude.
crazygir2 I love the name sky, it's a great name!
crazygir2 that teacher is a jerk, sorry you had to deal with her
Emilee Oliver Yeah but I have since graduated and don't have to deal with her now. And being 22 I am now more mature and I deal with that kind of problem a bit differently.
As a fellow former Ashley, I feel this in my heart.
Ash Zelda I'm also a former Ashley!
Glenn Coco lol you go Glenn Coco
Can we start a club?
My name is Ashley, but I'm usually called Flower as I never really liked my name. But I'm too young to change it ;-;, but then idk what I want my name to be ;-;
I go by Hoshea, and people don't really screw it up anymore. BUT, I got some pretty cool nicknames, including Hoshi, Hosh, and in my sister's case, "I CAN CALL YOU HO FOR SHORT!"
😂😂😂
Horacio Mangalore honestly? Most relatable thing.
people call me by the wrong name all the time and it just ugh I hate it. I picked my name Lynn when I came out as Transgender. when people call me by my dead name it just hurt a lot.
Lynn Fincher I'm sorry
Lynn Fincher I'm sorry Lynn 💜 I hope that one day people will call you by your chosen name more often, because it's very pretty.
Lynn Fincher Lynn is a fantastic name! My middle name is Lyn :)
thank you so much guys! I love the name and I love who I am. ❤ it takes a lot to be okay with being different but having a couple friends who support you helps so much. ❤❤❤
Lynn Fincher I'm sorry you have to deal with that ❤ Lynn is a beautiful name and it's yours no matter what, I hope more people call you that :)
A name changey story (it's a long one, sorry not sorry): I was born as Linda and had no problem with it for most of my life. One of my closest friends started calling me Lia as a nickname about seven years ago and I really liked it, and after a while I even asked more people to use it; even started introducing myself with it. In the beginning it was scary as heck because I kept thinking that I had no right to change my name, or no "real" reason (unlike people who change their names for gender reasons, instead of just "because I think it suits me better"). I didn't really tell my parents about it, just kinda hoped they would get the hint what with my friends and sister using my new name, and since I changed it on facebook. Then last summer while celebrating my birthday I took a super deep breath and asked them if maybe they would consider using Lia since that's what I feel most comfortable with. They said they would and then went on calling me Linda as if nothing had happened.
I moved out a month later (for university reasons) so I didn't have to think about it that much; everyone I know where I live now just know me as Lia, but that only made it worse when I went home for holidays and such. I asked them again to call me Lia around Christmas last year and my mom made a bigger deal of it this time: she said that she wouldn't call me Lia because she liked the old name; it was after all the name she and my dad chose for me. She asked whether I couldn't just get used to them calling me Linda when I'm visiting and I told her no, that's just literally not how this works - I didn't chose to feel uncomfortable about my old name (and I certainly didn't do it to spite them). Linda just isn't how I define myself. I also think my name change might have to do with me wanting to take control of my own life; and to make a point of making my parents accept that about me. I told them some incoherent version of that and lately they seem to actually make an effort (at least occasionally).
I'm planning on changing my name legally sometime this year or the next, which is scary both because it makes it so real and because I have to tell my parents about it. Welp. But: whenever I start having doubts about taking that ~final~ step I consider the fact that I've been using this name for a long time now, and I think about that one video (whichever it was, might have been about the tattoo) when you, Ash, said that there's never a perfect time for doing things and you should probably do them anyway.
So anyhow that's it, the end, thanks for reading. And thanks for sharing parts of your life and thoughts with us (The Internet) Ash - it's such a flipping inspiration and comfort sometimes.
Lia Billqvist Ung I haven't been in this exact situation, but I've dealt with my parents in similar scenarios. The more they percieve you as rebelling against their stuff the more stubborn they'll be. DON'T MIND THEM... as you said; it's not about them. Correct them firmly but calmly, don't over-explain yourself, and let some slip ups pass. Again, they'll get over it only if they see it as a mature resolution (which is their perception and not something you can totally control)
My advice would be to tell them like it's not a big deal and do it. If you want them to have some kind of participation or reach a middle ground let them pick a nickname or a pet name based ON LIA and let only them call you that.
CinnamonCari I'll probably tell them after it's done; I didn't tell them about getting a tattoo before picking a time for it, and it went kinda well. Thanks for the thoughts and support!
IM A GAY SEAL
Lacie Currie same
I AM GAY PETTING YOUR SEAL HEAD. *pet, pet, throws a fish*
SEAL IS CRYING BECAUSE 10/10 GAY THREW THEM A FISH
Lacie Currie this is such a pure comment thread more like this pls
yo seal, you dont need to sefine yourself by your sexuality
I wish to be called mads because it is very gender neutral. also it's very fitting for me :-)
This video is very important. I love the way you made it. Ps: you look so cool today!
Thanks! *twirls* :D
:D
It's nothing much but i changed my name from Gabrielle to Gabe because I'm trans. Yeah people slip up somtimes but hey they're only human.
Why not Gabriel?
ooh i like your name i have a friend named gabe
I once had a group of people argue over how to pronounce my name right in front of me as not one of them asked me how to pronounce it
Honestly? I feel like people (the ones who get offended on your behalf) should calm down. Mostly because it's none of their business and if/when it bothers you, you will say something about it, but it also sorta perpetuates the whole "did you just misgender me" stereotype that the anti-femininists oh so like to bring up in their arguments about the LGBTQ+ community.
Ninchuser I think that's a really good point. I hear so many people making "did you just assume my gender" jokes and some some of this comes from super intense policing about pronouns and names. while i get the intent to correct name slips, I think if it can be done in a respectful way it should so people don't get so off put by the intensity of the community. that being said I've never been triggered by someone eoses name slip, I can imagine if that's triggering then it could be a problem, but I still think it's best left to the person whose name is in question
And I agree somewhat. That's how I feel about MY name. But if someone else gets visibly upset about THEIR name being continually messed up, I would understand that too.
+Marcy Anderson I 100% agree! The biggest problem with those kinds of jokes is that I've /never/ heard an LGBTQ+ make them (I'm sure some LGBTQ+ people have, but not in my personal experience) because it's super damaging? As a gender non-conforming person I feel unsure about publically coming out because non-binary/trans* people get made fun of like that so often. I can also get pretty uncomfortable when people call me by my birthname, but yelling at them will only make them less likely to listen to me. I get that it can be hard to have to explain everything over and over again, but for the sake of your own sanity, it'd be better to just explain it calmly.
+Ash Hardell Definitely! Especially because it's your business and your name. There are differences between people who all identify in a certain way, and I feel like people often seem to forget that. We just gotta respect each other and trust that, in this case, you know what you're doing, and I am 100% confident in that ^^
Horacio Mangalore What is violent is subjective. Riley and Laverne Cox should be able to exercise their free speech too and talk about how they think misgendering is violence if they feel that way.
*STANDING OVATIONS*
Honestly, Ash, it's YOURS. YOUR right to get mad or let it go. YOUR name to do with, defend, flaunt and feel pride in. YOUR channel. Which means YOUR rules.
You did the right thing in making this video and I believe that anybody who sees it differently just needs to take a moment to stand back and realise that, while meaning well, they are impeding on your sense of self, a little, when they do get angry about such things and that might make you sad.
Keep it up, Ash. You're doing great.
Im transgender and when I was in the process of picking my new girl name, I mentioned some ones that I liked to my friends. They sort of just started calling me by one, because they thought it fit I guess. So I kinda got to pick my new name but kinda didnt? idk how to feel about it. I guess I should be happy that they took to it so quickly lol.
That's really funny!
I hope you're okay with not choosing your own name, then again it's really great that your friends were so quick about accepting you're a girl
yeah I guess if my association with the name can be about being accepted, what more could I ask for? Mostly I think recognizing someones new name is about respect and they've certainly demonstrated that.
JellylorEm aww
I think it's sweet that you're friends are so supportive and accepting, but I can see how it would be frustrating to not fully get to pick your own name. Remember that you're not stuck with this new girl name forever. If you decide there's a different name you like better, you can always change your name again, plenty of people go through several names before they settle on one that feels just right. :)
Atleast when you did a mistake in the past you can always say "Ashley did it, Not me!"
These are great points! You're such a beautiful person and I love the way you deal with conflicts in your life and talk everything out it's just heart warming
Ash, thanks to you. I did the same thing (as a non-binary person) I changed 'Olivia' my birth name, to 'Olie' O-L-I-E. :) thanks ash.
:)
I love your name!
I've been the person on the opposite end before. I called someone by the wrong name and as soon as it left my mouth my throat felt like it closed and I felt so stupid. usually when you call someone by the wrong name, you feel bad unless blatantly unaware.
I don't mind my name getting messes up, I chopped mine in half too, Chris is neutral, I'm bigender. Whether they call me old name or new name, I don't get all bent out of shape. It always seems like you say, others get more defensive, corrective and critical of the person doing the goof. I like how you put this, will have to share this with my friends! *THANK YOU!!*
I go by Francis, and my grandma remembers it easily because she had an uncle named Francis who she absolutely loved- Also, I can really understand how you feel. My ex gets really mad when his mom calls me my birth name, and I always have to tell him to calm down a bit. Our names are ours, and like you said, it's our decision on how to deal with it.
Green-San Aw it's super cool that your grandma calls you by your chosen name. That's adorable tbh 😂❤
This is why I love your content. The best way to get people to listen is to tell people casually like it's not that big a deal. And they understand things a lot more if they feel it's coming from a friendly place so they don't make quick, negative judgments about everyone in a similar situation.
I am really glad you voiced your opinion on this issue. I think it's really important to her from the source how they feel about issues such as this.
I know that when I was going through my name change, I had SO MUCH ANXIETY about everything that even though getting called the wrong name hurt like someone throwing a knife in my direction, calling them out was even worse for me. What really helped in those circumstances were people who would call out other people for me. The opposite of how you feel about name mess ups. I was filled with so much anxiety and dysphoria about everything, that I couldn't of made it through without others helping me. So while I absolutely agree with you on the fact that it is your right to deal with others messing your name up, there are some circumstances where having allies around to help with such can be a good thing for some people.
Thanks for your video.
my name was decided almost 60 years before I was even born. I was given the name of my grandmother's grandmother, her name was Rahel and she was a beloved lady who met her fate tragically - like the fate of other 6 million Jews during ww2. being her first descendant to be born in the state of the Jewish people, I was given that name by people who couldn't tell me much about her because they didn't know her. This name is considered "old" in Israel and I was mocked alot about it and I felt like it was my fault *her* name is being ridiculed. from the start of high school I introduced myself as "Rachel" (although it's the same name it is almost completely different for Hebrew speakers) and even my parents and teachers call me that. so I totally understand it when you say you finally have a name to call "yours". sometimes the smallest thing can make a huge difference. thanks for the video ❤
I loved this video. I can really tell that you put a lot of work into your videos, I love how you start off with a a story that later on rounds off into a point and makes so much sense. You are so articulate, and that's super cool and I really appreciate it. You're a super cool person Ash. Thanks for making videos on this platform, they never fail to brighten my day and teach me something I might not have known💕💕
ahhh idk i've always been very bad with names? like my friend recently changed her name to lilac, and i've known her as emma for years, and it took me a while to get in the habit of lilac instead of emma and it made me feel terrible so honestly man if i mess up your name it's just because i'm dumb xoxo
yay! I love your videos so much ❤
I feel like it's just that people don't know the intent of other people with transphobia being something cool these days and that's why they get defensive when somebody messes up. And I understand where you're coming from tbh, it really does become about the individual defending it rather than you.
I really admire the way you educate people because it doesn't feel forced and i enjoy learning about the things you talk about, thank you!
Your hair looks so great! 👍🏼
I just want to say that I really appreciate your style of advocacy! I love that you brought up how "soft, gentle" advocacy is no better or worse than "assertive, forceful" advocacy. My brand is the former, but it loves to get pushed into the background of the latter (definitely not to say that the latter isn't important, too!). We need all voices, including the kind ones. 😊
I think this is really great. It's an extension of your identity, you get to decide what to do in different situations. I think it's awesome you're shining light on this, because our identities need to be fully our own, not monitored by others.
I had noticed others getting your name wrong and had wondered about it but didn't say anything because it's not my place... But also because i figured that we don't see the full picture. What's to say thay you didn't two mins later give people a gentle nudge about your name? Also I can see how it would be mega awks to stop what you're doing and be like 'that was great, now do it again but this time say ash'. Unless you're doing something scripted that just isn't going to work, especially when your way of talking to people on camera is so chill.
Changing your name is a journey and we've all experienced people people messing up a lot to begin with I think. I can't remember how I dealt with it honestly. I think somewhere between gentle and firm. Usually just adding my new name after what they'd said but also not stopping what it was we were talking about. Hopefully in time your friends will consistently get it right.
Side note but personally I'm not a fan of the term 'dead name' which a lot of people use. I lived 21 years of my life with people calling me thay name (and a mixture of names in the last 3 years of that). Those years matter. Those interactions matter. I experienced big dysphoria with my old name, especially after I changed it but I was not renouncing it like something icky or unethical to get rid of, I was just moving on from it and on to new things.
Hmmm... but isn't that, essentially, a type of "death"? Dead people aren't renounced people... when you hold a funeral it's often a symbol of mourning and moving on. You didn't kill it, it just died as its lifespan was limited. It existed, but it's over now. I mean, this is just semantics (I understand and agree with your sentiment for you), but it seems like "dead" acknowledges this more than "wrong" or other words I can think of for it. What do you think?
That's certainly an interesting angle, thanks for raising it. I guess the ways I've heard it being said have always felt quite negative, like 'that name is dead to me' if you catch my drift. It's always in the context of someone using someone's old name E.g 'he deadnamed' and whilst I think you raise good points re death, the times I've heard it used it's very much come across as people saying that the name was gone to them and they didn't want to hear it again and so did carry negative connotations. But language changes I guess. Before it was 'dead name' it was 'birth name' (which is also a tricky one) and no doubt it will change again at some point in the future.
I think it's ok to use birthname, or oldname or wrongname, or whatever term feels most comfortable and applicable to you.
I am still in the process of transitioning (very slowly) from my birthname, which is very gendered, to a more neutral sounding nickname. I'm only out as non-binary to a very few friends, and my parents and a lot of other people still call me exclusively by my birthname. I feel like it's more accurate to call it my birthname because it is what was given to me at birth (I wasn't born with it, nobody is born with a name), and it wouldn't really be accurate to call it old or dead since it is still in active use by a lot of people.
I don't like the term "dead name" either.
Just three years ago I wore makeup and had long hair. And when I was a young child and couldn't dress myself, my parents would dress me in pink, and skirts.
But, although I wouldn't want that for myself now.. I never disassociate myself from that period of my life. It was me, it IS me. That's not a "her", or "my past". That is the person I am and will always will be. I'm not dead.
Also, I feel disrespectful to my parents if I call my birth name my "dead name". Because it's a nice name, just not mine.. I don't want to be rude about it ahh :).
Jake Hayden I agree Jake. I don't always choose to be open about being trans, but it is important to me to remember parts of my past as still being me. That was a lot harder at first, especially when I had push back about aspects of me as a child that parents had assumed were too feminine or whatever. That made me want to say that those were not the real me or whatever when really all versions of me are valid and shouldn't invalidate my identity. I identify as male/genderqueer. I was genderqueer for quite a while before deciding to medically transition though not out in all spaces. It was very difficult to explain to people that I could be both and so I mostly gave up and just went with male. Conversations about non binary identity are much much more common now though so I feel more able to openly discuss that. Also I feel less of the dysphoria that led to me needing to try and be stealth earlier on though if I was working I'd probably still not choose to come out unless to individual people I became friends with.
Coming back to the deadname thing I thing another aspect of my discomfort with it is that many of us do experience people saying that it's like we've died. That was so so hurtful that I don't want to perpetuate that sort of thing by adding a term such as 'deadname'. I get that people mean they're grieving when it's like they're saying it's like you're dead but it is totally inappropriate and hurtful.
I got your book for my birthday and OMG I love it. I'm about halfway through it right now but I loved the spectrum section. I've even found out abt identities i didn't know existed and i thought I was pretty well read on the subject. Love it
I never thought of it this way. My best friend goes by "they" and I always felt like I was helping them by correcting those around us so they didn't have to. I will definitely take this into consideration ☺️
thank you for this video. I love your description of your feelings towards your old name vs new. Ive tried to change my name for very similar reasons and so far I have a real difficult time getting people to accept it. They mostly feel Im just trying give myself "a cool nickname". Its really great to see this feeling in other people too
Awesome video! I totally agree with you and understand. I love the way you described how the name Ash felt to you. The analogy between it and clothes, very cool :)
You are a huge inspiration to me Ash, I love your videos, you always have the best, real life, content, and your videos are always entertaining and I can always learn from them! You are the coolest! ❤️❤️❤️
The way you described the whole name thing as a uniform was just so perfect. It was completely accurate and before now I didn't really know how to explain it.
Great video! Thanks Ash! My son changed his name a year ago and this is a great reminder to me to let him have what's his.
I did something similar when I transitioned. My name was "Diamond" so I changed it to "Desmond" only a two letter switch, and now people even just call me by my nickname "Des" which makes me feel even more super comfy in my name. I also have a non-binary friend did who basically did the same thing as Ash. Their name was" Emma" but when they came out as nb they started going by "Em". It leaves more room for mess ups, but it's actually been going really well for them. They also said in their insta bio that "Em" stands for "Emmett" (or something along those lines, just not "Emma"), as a reminder that "Em" is not just short for "Emma", therefore it not being okay to still call them it
but I guess this kind of goes against the whole point of this video, me talking about someone else's name, sorry
the way you talk and express yourself is so amazing and at times, very entertaining.
i feel you 👍👍
I feel the exact same, oh my. My friends moan and groan when other people use my old name and I get that they're trying to be supportive but like? It's MY thing and I can handle it my own way.
I am glad to hear you feel like this. I have noticed others in the comment section being aggressive or rude when pointing out someone's mistake with your name. Personally I have found that people are much more likely to listen & change when I am polite, understanding & gentle when informing others (particularly about LGBTQ & disability issues but generally a good rule for all aspects of life.) Also I do not understand why people would intentionally be nasty or make people feel sad or bad about themselves... I am just against needless suffering in general & would never want to inflict it.
Now I'm gonna cry "I'll Be Seeing You"
i completely agree with you. it's your call!
we will of course respect your wishes on not telling people when they "mess up your name" now that you've told us! but i think a lot of ppl in this community feel a jerk reaction to help others be addressed with the name they chose. at least for me personally it is very important to help my friends not be called something they used to go by, so it can feel weird letting it pass by with no comment.
I love your music at the end of videos! 😄
Loved the video Ash!I never used to have a problem with my name, or anything else about myself to be honest, until earlier this year when I started questioning my gender and figuring things out about myself. I went through a period of ABSOLUTELY wanting to change my name, get a hair cut, etc because I felt like it would make me feel more like myself. I even told some of my closest friends about my feelings and they were all really supportive. However, I am still too young to be able to do that by myself and I don't think that my parents would be quite so accepting of these choices. Now, I'm learning to live with myself for the time being, knowing that in a few years I will be able to be more independent and make more of these choices for myself and truly understand who I want to be.For anyone who was in the same boat as I was just a matter of months ago, I know it get confusing at times and it can be really difficult but you will get through it, as cheesy and cliché as it sounds. Just trust yourself and your own feelings and you will make it through the hard times. :P
I have full respect for you, and you helped me through some serious crap. If you would like to feel jut a little bit better (I'm going through depression, I get how you feel) that's totally fine. Thanks.
I LOVE your description of how you feel about the name Ash! That's how I feel when people call me Drew (which very few people do because I'm shy about correcting everyone).
Hey Ash! I was wondering if you'd maybe do the Myers Briggs personality text on your channel. I'd really enjoy learning what your personality type is.
Yeah, this would be cool!
Also your edditing is everything
Omg Free Dress Days at catholic school were always the best!
this is a chill vibe
Ash you and your comments section is my favorite place on the internet
Hey Ash! I'm glad you posted this. Coincidentally, I actually just messed up your name in a video on the RUclipss while showing off your beautiful book. Luckily the person who did bring attention to it in my comment section was nice about it. So not that you saw the video, but I am sorry!
Always glad to hear you be so open and honest about things that can and often are so personal.
I changed my name in August last year, changed it officially in October and it's been months since anyone - my 9 roomies, my family, co-workers, class-mates, teachers, friends, hell even old aquaintances got my name wrong. It dawned on me last week, I don't even know when the last time someone deadnamed me was. I guess this is just another "It get's better!!" - and it truly does! Thank you for your wonderful videos, Ash
only time i would get involved was if i thought the person who made the mistake honestly didn't know, and then it would just be a quiet "hey, you did know their name is .... not .... right?" like no hate, no shame, just so they don't keep getting it wrong purely because they don't know, not coz they forget or anything. if its a slip up then its not something i need to get involved in. but if i was getting someone's name wrong because i misheard it when they introduced themselves or i forgot it and remembered it slightly wrong then i would want to be quietly told asap so i could fix it.
good, important video. also, wow, i loooove your editing/music choices
I hate my name so much. It is very feminine, and whilst I am female I don't feel like it is me that whoever says it is addressing. The least feminine nickname I could choose to be for short is Dee, which is a nice name but still I dislike it for myself. Even my middle name is unsuiting to me. One of my friends friends is trans and they changed their name to the name I've always wanted. My friend would hate me if I then changed my name to that exact name too. I can't make new friends because 1 I have no social skills and 2 they already don't like me because in an all girls school it seems like you can't not wear makeup often or not own thirty items of Adidas clothing. I think that I'm asexual aromantic but nobody knows. People think I'm weird because I don't want a boyfriend or have a celebrity crush, let alone a real life one. I hate how the world likes to just assume things. Like people just assume I'm straight. I am in a badly behaved form that are mostly popular and self absorbed. I stick out so much, I'm a foot taller then everyone else and yet I'm one of the youngest. They tell me off for not giving them all the answers to my homework or anything. I have one friend that I truly get along with and I'm so grateful that I have them, even if they have no idea. I know no one will read this but the idea that I'm finally telling someone how I feel means a lot so just please don't hate on me if you do see this.
Sherløck Phan hugs
Aw, I hope you’re in a better place with your name now, and if not any ideas for something you’d rather go with? I have a very masculine name and I identify as female (and am lucky to have been born as what I identify as) but my name is a boys name. I go by my middle name but it just doesn’t fit. And if I might ask what was the name you wanted?
My friends mess up my name quite often. Some do it on purpose (they're not my friends tho). If it's an accidentally slip up my name or pronouns I would politely correct them and let them carry on with the conversation. But if they do it on purpose, it's like I'm being stomped on by dysphoria.
I completely understand! I haven't officially changed my name yet, but I started going by Sea instead of Sarah when I started college, and I feel a lot better about it.
I told my mom that I wanted to be called Aiden. She didn't listen to me. But when I told my best friend she immediately changed my name in her contacts. There are so many different types of people when it comes to name changes
Great video Ash!
I think you put the way your name ment to you beautifully. I related to it alot and it was never something I was able to into words. when people asked me why I changed it I would stumble over words and it usually left them thinking I did it to make a statement. but in truth I just did it because it made me happy
Not on topic: I just wanted you to know that the artsy effort you put into every video does not go unrecognized or unappreciated!!!! You're awesome
I don't know whats been going on but i know this strangely helped me realize the way i correct people when it comes to my name is okay. I always get told to be more blunt about it and i'm a blunt person but i don't like being blunt when it comes to corrections. It's nice to hear about someone else who sorta takes a similar apporch to peoples mistakes.
Wow. The way you described how your old name felt like a school uniform and your new name is like looking in the closet and being able to wear whatever you want is so accurate.
This video is lovely
WON'T YOU STAY ALIVE I'LL TAKE YOU ON A RIDE (by twenty one pilots) I WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE LOVELY
As someone who has also changed their name I completely relate. Sure it's feels slightly uncomfortable in the moment but 5 mins later I have completely forgotten it had happened. Its only a problem when people get it wrong on purpose when they don't accept you and so on. People that do accept you aren't trying to make you feel uncomfortable, it's just a slight mistake from probably years of habit of calling you your previous name
Thank you for this video
A party of yelling at eachother. So basically everytime anyone in my family talks to eachother.
That's harsh.
Hair swoop is perf ash
ilysm ash
To be honest, I really don't like it when people mess up my name. On purpose. I try to call people by the name they want to be called. Thanks for this video Ash 👍🏽👍🏽😊
hey Ash, I don't know if I've ever commented on one of your videos, but we corresponded on Harto videos/Twitter a few years ago. Just wanted to let you know that I've kept up with you and that I appreciate all of the education and advocacy you do. Thank you. I'm just a plain old lesbian, but I always aspire to understand something from someone else's perspective, and your efforts have really helped with that, thank you again
I love it how you compare names with wearing clothes. gooood one!
i thankfully didnt have that much to worry about because of my name change, but that was because i wasnt near any of the people from my life, so i started using the name that i have now and it caught on
it just makes me confused when people yell at others for messing up Ash's name cause. I doubt yall do that to people who mess up your own names so why do you feel the need to defend Ash so bad?
Yall need to chill a bit, let them defend themself if they feel like they have to.
and omg, I feel you on the way your name fits. my deadname didn't get me, at all.
I have had ppl mess up on my name too and yeah it sucks but it's not something to get over worked up about and other ppl don't really need to get worked up about it cuz it's not their name...you know and I know they care about you and they might feel close to you but I think they just need to chill out and let you handle it
it reminds me when people scream my nickname at substitutes at school when im totally okay with them not knowing it for the day
This is how I feel about my name & name change (haven't legally changed it yet). I love it when people use my chosen name but if they don't I might politely remind them or just ignore it.
ugh this video is so so so important to. me. i changed my name to jude when i was 15 and some people still deadname me because they slip up and forget but it doesn't make me dysphoric but it makes me like, cringe bc im like, am i faking it?? so this vid just helped me a whole heck of a lot
You're so artistic, I love it
I just feel like hanging out with Ash (and Grace) would make me a better and happier person. I love them so much.
Thank you for this. People don't talk about this enough.
"she's my boo bear ! " .. so cute ♥
I think a lot of people also do it because they wish someone would do it for them? Cause I know I'm always too awkward and non confrontational to do it myself.
I know this isn't the same thing but since my name is Darian for a long time I had people telling me to change it or call myself Nicole(my middle name) since it's more feminine. The thing is, I like my name I feel comfortable with it and Nicole never felt like mine. Feeling comfortable in your name is important and people shouldn't try to police it(birth name or changed name), if you want to correct someone cool but that's your choice. I can see where you're coming from.
Darian Ryder Honestly Darian is an awesome name and if you're comfortable with that then that's all that matters.
Darian is such a cool name! Other people should mind their own business smh
I've never changed my name, I've always been Darby. But soooo frequently I get called Darcy. Mostly by the old ladies at work. It's frustrating sometimes when they're just not able to get it, but I usually just deal by mentally rolling my eyes and forcing myself to get over it after .5 seconds.
thanks for this video
I came out as agender over a year ago and many people in my life still use the wrong name or pronouns and it really hurts. I would think it would be fixed by now but it seems like the more time goes by the more they mess up. I'm afraid to confront them about it because I don't like confrontation and that's a bit awkward
Hello. When I identified as female, I cut my hair short for a year and although it felt me, I was very uncomfortable with the way people perceived me differently and I even lost a friend over it. Now, I keep going through stages of letting my hair grow down to my shoulders and feeling comfortable but not me, then cutting my hair short and feeling me but uncomfortable. Do you have any tips to overcome feeling uncomfortable with yourself and how people perceive you?
I love your videos so much. I think it's what is getting me through questioning my queerness and just all around figuring out who I am. Thank you Ash
my name has two names in it (I use both my first name and my real name) and when i was in first grade, everytime a teacher would call my name wrong i would fix it in front of the class. throughout the years my class started getting used to my name, and to this day, at high school, every time someone messes my name they fix it for me.
If you want, this would be a good topic to write a poem about! I don't think we've got one from you in a while and I miss it
I love your videos. The content and quality and editing skills are 5 stars. You're my favorite 😩 Will you incorporate more videos that are related to how you edit your videos? Even if it's super short and like a minute!