See, this is what I called productive conversation. A man saying something very real and wise. And women responding to it in a mature, open minded way.
I commend you for accnowledging that. We all. We all need to be open minded and improve. Love the advice at he end too!! Let's give Veronica her flowers.. 💐👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
DAMN Veronica, Cudos to you. Self accountability is what Real Men appreciate. It doesn't make you weak as a woman...IT MAKES YOU POWERFUL. Not to mention it makes your bond stronger with your significant other...💯💎
I used to have the opposite problem. Men had no problem talking to me and telling me things that I don't know if they would have shared with another woman. But! I found out the hard way that it's not necessarily reciprocal. Men have double standards when it comes to women and certain things. The drama that comes with trying to be honest and active listening is not what I want to deal with and I am single because of it. I have accepted that I am not the marrying type. It's too much work that I am unwilling to put in. So I will STAY SINGLE.
@@l.c.1704there are double standards that women have too, it only bothers you when you arent at the receiving end of it…us men understand and accept these standards, you women cry and complain like kids when you cant derive any benefit
As a woman all I'll say is that if your woman bursts out in tears after receiving critcism and doesn't change their behavior afterwards, the tears are a manipulation tactic. And you should leave the relationship.
I also think women confuse communicating with fussing, arguing and complaining. Communication is not about fussing at him until you break him down and get your way.
@staciacrick3373 Sounds good, but now, be honest with yourself. A man can set a boundary, and some women will still cross it because a lot of women refuse to submit to a man's leadership. Let's not pretend there aren't relationships where men have been emasculated by their women because they refuse to allow their man to lead because she wants to be in control. Secondly, if a woman is fussing and complaining to get her way, then who's the child in that scenario?
He should care enough about her concerns to make sure they're taking care of or at least addressing why they're not meeting them. Women need to learn to leave more honestly.
Holy Crap! This man just explained my whole situation with me and my wife! I can hear everything she says to me, I can take the constructive criticism. But when I respond back, here comes the tears.😢 So I say nothing and stay piss!🙁
Noooo sir, please talk to her and not shit down. Tears is a way to express feelings, & that is okay, we are heavily emotional. However, when we love our man, we listen & true some women cannot take constructive criticism, but a lot of us can & we do love our men enough to listen and get ourselves correct. Sometimes brother, we need to be talked to like children. Don’t give up on your woman sir, please, the dating pool has piss, poison, formaldehyde, & hate for men in it. The grass is horrible on the other side. You can really open her up and mold her or what you decide, that’s how we are, it is hard work, but it is capable. My blissings to you, your woman, and your beautiful union. Anything hard is worth it.
Talk to her past them tears and use the calmest tone you have. In his explanation he is calm because he is not currently in an argument, and it's not emotionally charged. We all sound worse when our emotions are involved. I agree with his statement. Good luck with your wife. If you're calm when you are talking already, then I pray you find a way to get through.
@@jermainepostlethwaite7895 at the end of the day, I love my wife and want better for her. But the person that you are dealing with needs to want better for themselves! Otherwise you are beating a dead horse. 🤔
🎯🎯🎯. They don’t cut for him like they do Tripp lool. He is more cut throat and don’t talk in double speak as too make one side “not feel attacked”. 😂 He speak that real.
😂😅😅 it's in their nature if you have a mother you know what I'm talking about mothers think they're always right because they can birth a human in this world think about it for a minute. 😂😂A few moments later😅😅. Even though they came from a man the first woman. Ian a woman's eyes only thing better than me is God
Lol... those of us who are rational can accept constructive criticism. I think most people in general don't know how speak outside of emotion and stay on topic when discussing an issue. I can be honest. I'm currently conflict avoiding... I know what I feel is wrong and don't want to hear the ra ra from the opposite side and I shy away from the conversation. I am working on it.
@claymorekwaramba6937 there may be poison in the dating pool from all of us, but we all gotta strive for out own personal betterment. Bless you as well sir!
I'm seeing at least a few black women in here acknowledging the problem, and trying to grow from that. I appreciate y'all and sincerely believe as long as you are WILLING to grow you will find a great man who appreciates that❤❤❤
It’s also the delivery. Like how calm he just stated everything on stage. That can be perceived and received well. It’s clear and effective. That needs to be how it’s delivered. Which I fully appreciate.
@@krystaljordan5410if the house is burning down and I say get you shit and get tf out the house she will be mad. If I said get out the house she will be ok with it. It’s the same message. The house is fn burning 🤦🏾♂️
🗣 THIS!!! COMMUNICATION = LISTENING TO LISTEN... THINK... THEN THINK AGAIN... (Sometimes you don't have to respond) A lot of people think you must respond to communicate but sometimes you just need to listen.
This is a great point. I too used to not be able to accept constructive criticism from my partner. But after doing the self work & understanding that just because my mate doesn't see it exactly how I do, it's not an offense against me. Sometimes, when us women are so used to being overly independent..its hard to accept that we may not be right or have the best solution. Basically letting a man lead. ❤
Why does independence matter, because you can listen to someone of authority like a boss or police or anyone else. It's the lack of respect that's left afterwards.
@@313masseyexactly, these women have no problem taking orders and criticisms from their bosses who dont give a damn about them, but when their husbands say something, you know the man who is supposed to take a bullet for them, then they get all mouthy and disrespectful….makes absolutely no sense
@@justanothergoy5900 It goes back to how they raised. Corporate won bc they put agenda in school system. But there’s no huge family orientation classes in school system
@313massey It matters a whole a lot..if you been used to doing everything on your own and haven't had to accept input from a partner. Can't always just flip the switch so easily. Also, those folks you mentioned have no say so over your personal life per say. Outside of work and abiding by the law..
@angelbabyg1 so you can't receive criticism because you've been alone for a while? So, if you have faith, how can you improve? You're not if you can't receive constructive criticism.if you don't abide by laws, are you telling me you're unruly at home but not in public? Or do you just don't respect consequences? I guess that's where we are different men can turn off the ability to be criticized. We don't have that luxury.
@@laurencameron3150 because many are quick to either say (1) not all women are like that or (2) saying that there are men who do the same. The appropriate reaction would be is to either acknowledge and/or respect the other person’s point of view, but no, many choose to blame and deflect right off the rip hence justifying the man’s point
@@justanothergoy5900 So you’re assuming they’re going to think and say that even tho there’s no proof? You’re no better than the women you’re accusing! 😂
Our people are not raised to communicate. Think about it. That dynamic just exacerbates what exists biologically. Men are action oriented and women are talkers. But we are in a state of extremes because most of us were not modeled proper skills.
PREACH.....I can't even tell you the amount of one-sided, teeth pulling, soul sucking convos I've had with ladies chock full of mundane stories and one word answers.
💯 facts!! I've been married for 24 years, and this is so true, so I just swallowed it until I blew a gasket, then I was the boogie man in my house. My wife had to change her ability to listen and recieve.
"FROM HALF COURT......BANG" LOL sadly most believe communication is them feeling like they are being heard. They are used to watching their mother communicate poorly yet men who dont want to hear their mouth move and they carry that. The excuse they like to use is delivery.....after they spend 4 hours screaming over your head and talking to you worse than anyone ever, you are expected to remain composed and talk to her with a whisper so she can maybe consider listening.
Communication and expressing yourself are the same thing. What he’s describing is comprehension. Listening to what your partners critiques are and understanding where they’re coming so you can improve
I totally agree with this, not ONLY with women but men as well. I think A LOT of us have NEVER been taught to deal with rejection and when it comes time to “ACTIVELY” listen OR receive CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM we can feel rejected or attacked, when in actuality IF you have an emotionally mature relationship…it’s simply COMMUNICATION.
He's not wrong. Ive dealt with many women over my years and many of them do not receive information very well. The momemt that we have constructive input to the conversation, we are often accused of trying to make it about us or trying to flip the conversation, when all i was doing was trying to understand what was being said so i could understand or empathize with what she is saying. I think a lot of women are very defensive and take any input as attacking or demeaning. Example, I was talking to my mother in law yesterday and I stated to her, "I didn't think Pops would just let you drive down by yourself." Fisrt thing she said was, "let?" My point is, words of the way we, as men communicate triggers many women, without actually listening to what is being said.
I’d add this: just because women communicate more, doesn’t mean they communicate better. Many times they bring up situation after situation after situation in a critical and accusatory way without stating exactly what they feel. This is not good communication because it doesn’t express what they are feeling clearly and what they want.
I agree. Sometimes, I cry when my husband tells me when I’m falling short in our marriage. I don’t cry because my feelings are hurt or upset, but because I’m upset that I disappointed my husband or didn’t live up to his expectations. I tell my husband to not stop giving me feedback because he’s afraid of my reaction, I just have to learn to not be hard on myself.
Yeah, honestly a lot of women don’t look at their tears as emotional manipulation but that’s what it is to us. Naturally, we love you and we don’t want to see the woman we love cry, so we stop doing things that make you cry. Even if that means we suffer in the long run. 😢
I have very little chance in these conversations to actively listen because when you have to navigate constant lies, gaslighting, and diversions to get to their point, its mute. It could be because of past experiences in having to bottle up, shy away, displace blame etc. But I'm not about to sit and listen to ridiculous lies and blame without any actual accountability, nobody should. It's like they will do and say whatever just so you could be the one in the wrong, and too many men out here do this childish mess.
Whew I’ve experienced exactly what you described! I know I have my ways that I’m working on.. but some people are simply insufferable. There’s no reasoning with them. So I’m learning to stop wasting my energy on those types.
Mine models the communication model and trusts/expects me to respect/reciprocate. Granted, I try not to lead with "raw expression" because I find it damages the framework/foundation. Things need to be filtered through "Are these words going to facilitate moving towards a solution? Are they going to take his feelings into account as well or just mine?" I have my moments but I try to self-regulate and manage my own emotions.
This is 💯 % true. I'm living it as we speak. I listen to her complain about all my faults all the time and on rare occasions I'll relay to her how I feel about some things and that's when she wants to argue, not except my concerns and that's the end of the conversation. I'm on my way out though cause I'm truly tired of it.
Not always! You can give a man all that and a safe space and a man will still shut down becuase it’s learned behaviour from childhood. Never being fully heard and understood growing up, or being constantly gaslighted, being misunderstood. These childhood traumas create an avoidant type personality and a man who is usually very emotionally unintelligent.
Facts. They like to speak, talk, talk, talk, and state how they feel. The moment we speak to discuss about facts not feelings there’s no accountability or responsibility
Agreed alot of us do not listen because while men are talking we're already thinking of the next sentence and reaction we're going to say and do and I am working on being a good listener. Thank you brother great conversation greatly needed.
@@orangemoon9634 no, not all women operate like this. But , ALL WOMEN have FLAWS, just like men. Too often, women get on this trip like they never do any wrong and are always the ones being treated bad. You RARELY see or hear women admit where they went wrong, it’s always “he ain’t shit” or “he cheated” when the numbers show women cheat just as must and carry just as much trauma. You’d never know watching this panel tho lol.
Yeah, the ones who say no but really mean yes. They are the same ones who expect you to "just know" and be a mind reader to know whatbthey want and feel. Can't take constructive criticism and needs daily flattery/compliments. But they'll swear they're good communicators.
So true on all levels!!WOMEN DO COMMUNICATE very well via EMOTIONS and WORDS.Also , women will complain, cussing, screaming and crying about EVERYTHING her man has done WRONG( most men will SHUT DOWN vocally because we don’t want the DRAMA that comes that). But that man brings up her shortcomings she barely speaks and NO ACCOUNTABILITY she will never speak about!
"I often wonder why Women are scared to death of bugs that most-likely won't hurt Her, & often cause Her to holla & flee with the quickness, but will challenge a grown-ass Man in His face that can cause Her real harm!! I need answers!!
I agree as a young lady. That's why even though I am not in any relationship yet I check myself for how I treat people and what I ask of them vs what I give them. And I really want men to know that being treated right and heard is for them too and not just women. I also hope we can all come together and make use of these conversations and not just get defensive because we don't want to admit our wrongs. Because that's how we stay stagnant. And to agree with some of the comments, yes this goes both ways. Communication is important for all relationships, whether intimate, Spiritual, between family, or between friends.
Alot of people are like this I typically try my best to avoid these kinds of individuals, oh theres this quote i saw that said "People love truth when its light shines warmly on them, and reject truth when its no longer in there favor"
As a woman that’s been married for 15 years together 18 years, I agree. Me and my husband almost divorced due to me being able to express but not receive when it came to communication. We just came out of a 5 year rough patch. We separated I filed for divorce and everything. I’m glad I am in therapy to work on being proactive and not reactive.
I wish many men would stop the excuses fornot being better communicators with respect to women. They need to be kind, be honest and stop the cheating....This will help messages to be better received.
I can honestly say I don’t fuss, I don’t really communicate well at all. My husband always expresses his self good, bad or indifferent. I used to say I was picking my battles but I have come to realization I shut down and try to work things out within myself. Something I’m trying to work on.
I must agree with his comments and I receive it. However, let's not generalize. Some men keep quiet out of guilt and as a way to not openly acknowledge what is being said. As a woman I make a point to make sure I can take what I dish out....no sympathy tears utilized!!!
For me as a woman, if I see that someone is doing something I don’t like, I examine myself first and ask if I’ve done anything wrong. Because a lot of times we don’t realize that if I’m connected to a person and I know that it’s Gods will for my life , then if we are having struggles , its not Gods plan for it to be destroyed but for us to grow together through it . And sometimes these things come to show us what needs to change when we are with a particular person. And I also know that when I am doing what I am supposed to do, God takes care of the things I can’t change concerning a person (speaking of friendships and marriage!! not boyfriend/girlfriend relationships where 2 people are having sex outside of marriage and shacking up, that’s out of order)
It’s not about men & women … no matter the gender. i am a woman and i am all ears and a good listener, i don’t get offended. I want to communicate BUT it is usually the other person who takes communication as an attack … so please don’t say women don’t listen to understand.. because i do and i am a woman… always was always will be.
Lol. Proving the point with this comment. You know darn well what he said is the truth in general. But just to argue you’re gonna discuss the outliers. Effectively dismissing his words without considering them. It’s ok to stfu and listen.
You are exactly the type of woman he is talking about. You don't even realize how your entire comment made it all about you. I bet 10k you don't listen for shit. You are all the same. lol
#FACTS!!!!... My wife is just like this! That's why I keep things to myself, but not ignoring her at all. So let's get that straight. But women(black women, are just like this), then wonder way men go to another women outside of his race. "WE WANT PEACE!!!😁.... That Part!!!!!
Exactly what I told my wife. She didn't like it. But she had to agree. And I told her to remember this...... I'M KEEPING QUIET TO PROTECT YOU........from yourself.
I don’t talk to women about how I feel…I talk to my brothers… I just say “I love you” and give them a hug.. and that gets me all the info I need doing just that alone…
As a woman who communicates well women please shut up and listen, no yelling, cursing, betraying his vulneralbility, etc. I'm sure that I'm not alone by being punished by these same men that "can't talk to me" bc they assume that I'm like their ex, their mother, or whomever. Men we are not all the same so please don't punish the new woman for the past womans mistakes/weakness.
Because doing the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity. As fucked up as it sounds, sometimes you have to shock somebody into seeing your side. At some point , if your woman cares she’ll ask why you shut her out. Which gives you the floor indefinitely because she came to hear you. That’s your time as a man to calmly and lovingly lay out why you feel like you can’t talk to her/ open up. At that point the balls in her corner to listen or get defensive and take the relationship down a path of no return 🤷🏾♂️.
I agree with him 100%. But there is a fine line between communication and disrespect. As long as you communicate the issues without name calling and belittling the other person i think it would be easier for women to take their flaws into consideration
I listen, but didnt communicate well, I thought I was as I was being open BUT the words I used caused him to shut down. I used the word 'you' instead of 'I feel' he shut down, would never tell me what's up even though I asked him directly to tell me calmly. It was all talking, no swearing/shouting and it still shut him down. So it's a learning process I hold my hands up to
I receive just fine as long as it is honest info..i am okay...its that last part of HIM not wanting to receive the "reaction"...I am aware of that and will tuck my feelings to let you get it all out. The trick is minus gaslighting, insults, and THEIR emotion to just say it. The conclusion IS dealing with the consequence of what you express and standing on it...not just to "see" what you gone say.
I value raw communication and expression. But what I dont like is a man that's tit for tat when I speak on something we both know is true. Like, dont just bring up some random mess you really dont have a problem with as a way to have an argument. I hate that with people, period.....keep it honest!!!
It’s is definitely a problem with lots of women. We are more social and use more words in general. Women will talk all day to other women and it doesn’t translate to a man. On the other extreme, it seems men want women to act like men - emotions and feeling are negative, intuition is questioned, nurturing is seen as manipulation. I don’t think either of us have seen enough examples of how mature men and women move.
And that’s exactly why men step outside of their relationship over time. We usually gravitate to the woman that listens and makes us feel heard. I do not condone cheating in any fashion, but every man and woman have their breaking point. In this instance, a man will get taken apart for just being appreciative of a woman other than the one he is with because she makes him feel heard.
When it comes down to me n my husband communicating, I don’t tell him how I may feel because sometimes I think that he won’t understand how I feel so I keep my feelings to myself. I’m trying to communicate more n tell him how I feel without him getting upset etc
Absolutely I have noticed I am not an active listener!! I need to work on that. And ladies never weaponize what a man tells you!!
See, this is what I called productive conversation. A man saying something very real and wise. And women responding to it in a mature, open minded way.
I commend you for accnowledging that. We all. We all need to be open minded and improve. Love the advice at he end too!! Let's give Veronica her flowers..
💐👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
DAMN Veronica, Cudos to you. Self accountability is what Real Men appreciate. It doesn't make you weak as a woman...IT MAKES YOU POWERFUL. Not to mention it makes your bond stronger with your significant other...💯💎
I used to have the opposite problem. Men had no problem talking to me and telling me things that I don't know if they would have shared with another woman. But! I found out the hard way that it's not necessarily reciprocal. Men have double standards when it comes to women and certain things. The drama that comes with trying to be honest and active listening is not what I want to deal with and I am single because of it. I have accepted that I am not the marrying type. It's too much work that I am unwilling to put in. So I will STAY SINGLE.
@@l.c.1704there are double standards that women have too, it only bothers you when you arent at the receiving end of it…us men understand and accept these standards, you women cry and complain like kids when you cant derive any benefit
As a woman all I'll say is that if your woman bursts out in tears after receiving critcism and doesn't change their behavior afterwards, the tears are a manipulation tactic. And you should leave the relationship.
Facts. I was telling my coworker this because I went through it before and he was going through the same thing.
Free game
Free game for real.
I agree
Thank you✨✨
I also think women confuse communicating with fussing, arguing and complaining. Communication is not about fussing at him until you break him down and get your way.
So as a man set a boundary and be assertive unless you want to behave as if you are a helpless child
@staciacrick3373 Sounds good, but now, be honest with yourself. A man can set a boundary, and some women will still cross it because a lot of women refuse to submit to a man's leadership. Let's not pretend there aren't relationships where men have been emasculated by their women because they refuse to allow their man to lead because she wants to be in control. Secondly, if a woman is fussing and complaining to get her way, then who's the child in that scenario?
Can we please say "some women" instead of just "women", we have to acknowledge the existence of women who can communicate and listen effectively.
He should care enough about her concerns to make sure they're taking care of or at least addressing why they're not meeting them. Women need to learn to leave more honestly.
@@orangemoon9634no we don’t.
I agree. I'm a woman
SAME!
Same!
Thank you for being logical and not emotional!
Facts! Women here 😅
Wow this is amazing!!! 😢😢😢😂
Holy Crap! This man just explained my whole situation with me and my wife!
I can hear everything she says to me, I can take the constructive criticism. But when I respond back, here comes the tears.😢
So I say nothing and stay piss!🙁
Noooo sir, please talk to her and not shit down. Tears is a way to express feelings, & that is okay, we are heavily emotional. However, when we love our man, we listen & true some women cannot take constructive criticism, but a lot of us can & we do love our men enough to listen and get ourselves correct. Sometimes brother, we need to be talked to like children. Don’t give up on your woman sir, please, the dating pool has piss, poison, formaldehyde, & hate for men in it. The grass is horrible on the other side. You can really open her up and mold her or what you decide, that’s how we are, it is hard work, but it is capable. My blissings to you, your woman, and your beautiful union. Anything hard is worth it.
Talk to her past them tears and use the calmest tone you have. In his explanation he is calm because he is not currently in an argument, and it's not emotionally charged. We all sound worse when our emotions are involved. I agree with his statement. Good luck with your wife. If you're calm when you are talking already, then I pray you find a way to get through.
U explained my life!🤦🏽♂️
@@jermainepostlethwaite7895 at the end of the day, I love my wife and want better for her. But the person that you are dealing with needs to want better for themselves! Otherwise you are beating a dead horse. 🤔
Get out. Run.
As a woman raised in a mostly male environment.... I understand and agree!!!
A lot of women should stop saying that they communicate very well but instead, say that they point out others flaws very well but not their own
🎯🎯🎯. They don’t cut for him like they do Tripp lool. He is more cut throat and don’t talk in double speak as too make one side “not feel attacked”. 😂 He speak that real.
He also has a podcast 💪🙌
But if they clapped, you’d be like “they too busy clapping to listen to what he saying” He’s not more cut throat that Tripp.
Give him a compliment without talking mess about another guy that’s for the weak
Facts
@@MsTara5328what’s his podcast?
I agree. We don’t take time to listen so we can change that which you have an issue with. I’ve been guilty, but I’m working on it.
Same
Same
Me too working on it
Wow. I've seen a lot of women here that actually look at themselves and acknowledge their part. It's quite unbelievable.
😂😅😅 it's in their nature if you have a mother you know what I'm talking about mothers think they're always right because they can birth a human in this world think about it for a minute. 😂😂A few moments later😅😅. Even though they came from a man the first woman. Ian a woman's eyes only thing better than me is God
I'm just here for the comments from the Magistrate Court of Defensive Women , Deflection & Deny 🤣🤣
Lol... those of us who are rational can accept constructive criticism. I think most people in general don't know how speak outside of emotion and stay on topic when discussing an issue. I can be honest. I'm currently conflict avoiding... I know what I feel is wrong and don't want to hear the ra ra from the opposite side and I shy away from the conversation. I am working on it.
@ldcookie self awareness..That's good. God bless you sis 🙏🏾
@claymorekwaramba6937 there may be poison in the dating pool from all of us, but we all gotta strive for out own personal betterment. Bless you as well sir!
@@ldcookie absolutely 💯
❤😂🎉THANK YOU!!!!
I'm seeing at least a few black women in here acknowledging the problem, and trying to grow from that. I appreciate y'all and sincerely believe as long as you are WILLING to grow you will find a great man who appreciates that❤❤❤
To be fair.. it’s not a black woman issue, my wife is Latina and maaaaaannnnnnn!!
It’s also the delivery. Like how calm he just stated everything on stage. That can be perceived and received well. It’s clear and effective. That needs to be how it’s delivered. Which I fully appreciate.
Say that again!
It's all about the delivery. If you want someone to be receptive
@@krystaljordan5410if the house is burning down and I say get you shit and get tf out the house she will be mad. If I said get out the house she will be ok with it. It’s the same message. The house is fn burning 🤦🏾♂️
No, women only care about the delivery when it's from Men. Y'all express yourselves any way you feel like, but then complain about men's delivery.
Depends, what was your delivery like. Men are humans with emotions. 💁🏽♂️
🗣 THIS!!! COMMUNICATION = LISTENING TO LISTEN... THINK... THEN THINK AGAIN... (Sometimes you don't have to respond) A lot of people think you must respond to communicate but sometimes you just need to listen.
Communication and comprehension is so key! Listen to comprehend not to just have your next rebuttal…
This is a great point. I too used to not be able to accept constructive criticism from my partner. But after doing the self work & understanding that just because my mate doesn't see it exactly how I do, it's not an offense against me. Sometimes, when us women are so used to being overly independent..its hard to accept that we may not be right or have the best solution. Basically letting a man lead. ❤
Why does independence matter, because you can listen to someone of authority like a boss or police or anyone else. It's the lack of respect that's left afterwards.
@@313masseyexactly, these women have no problem taking orders and criticisms from their bosses who dont give a damn about them, but when their husbands say something, you know the man who is supposed to take a bullet for them, then they get all mouthy and disrespectful….makes absolutely no sense
@@justanothergoy5900
It goes back to how they raised.
Corporate won bc they put agenda in school system.
But there’s no huge family orientation classes in school system
@313massey It matters a whole a lot..if you been used to doing everything on your own and haven't had to accept input from a partner. Can't always just flip the switch so easily. Also, those folks you mentioned have no say so over your personal life per say. Outside of work and abiding by the law..
@angelbabyg1 so you can't receive criticism because you've been alone for a while? So, if you have faith, how can you improve? You're not if you can't receive constructive criticism.if you don't abide by laws, are you telling me you're unruly at home but not in public? Or do you just don't respect consequences? I guess that's where we are different men can turn off the ability to be criticized. We don't have that luxury.
Even as you explained it wisely they not listening.It’s looks like I’m attacking them with my words. SMH
Why are you assuming they aren’t listening?
@@laurencameron3150 because many are quick to either say (1) not all women are like that or (2) saying that there are men who do the same. The appropriate reaction would be is to either acknowledge and/or respect the other person’s point of view, but no, many choose to blame and deflect right off the rip hence justifying the man’s point
@@justanothergoy5900 So you’re assuming they’re going to think and say that even tho there’s no proof? You’re no better than the women you’re accusing! 😂
If she even hears you listening to this video, she feels attacked
Bruh 😅
So true! It’s sickening
Lol, not true for everyone
@@lidmontgomery8837 👠 fit?
😂😂
Our people are not raised to communicate. Think about it. That dynamic just exacerbates what exists biologically. Men are action oriented and women are talkers. But we are in a state of extremes because most of us were not modeled proper skills.
Chill with all that mumbo-jumbo! It’s either you respect your partner enough to listen or you don’t
As a woman, I can agree.
I gotta work more on listening not just to respond.
💯 I've recently come to realise this about myself.
Working on it
Communication is like martial arts. Its more beautiful to look at the longer it’s practiced with a suitable opponent
Agreed!
...you just said "opponent". That's the problem.
Bad analogy. Lol. I get what you’re trying to say tho.
PREACH.....I can't even tell you the amount of one-sided, teeth pulling, soul sucking convos I've had with ladies chock full of mundane stories and one word answers.
💯 facts!! I've been married for 24 years, and this is so true, so I just swallowed it until I blew a gasket, then I was the boogie man in my house.
My wife had to change her ability to listen and recieve.
"FROM HALF COURT......BANG" LOL sadly most believe communication is them feeling like they are being heard. They are used to watching their mother communicate poorly yet men who dont want to hear their mouth move and they carry that. The excuse they like to use is delivery.....after they spend 4 hours screaming over your head and talking to you worse than anyone ever, you are expected to remain composed and talk to her with a whisper so she can maybe consider listening.
I agree with him as a woman. I had to work on this within myself.
I notice a lot of women in this comment section claim to be working on this, but not one has seem to have figured it out
Communication and expressing yourself are the same thing. What he’s describing is comprehension. Listening to what your partners critiques are and understanding where they’re coming so you can improve
I totally agree with this, not ONLY with women but men as well. I think A LOT of us have NEVER been taught to deal with rejection and when it comes time to “ACTIVELY” listen OR receive CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM we can feel rejected or attacked, when in actuality IF you have an emotionally mature relationship…it’s simply COMMUNICATION.
@@queenbossddisqueen151 you proved his point by including men hence making his point. He wasnt addressing men he was addressing women
FACTS!! He ain't lying!
He's not wrong. Ive dealt with many women over my years and many of them do not receive information very well. The momemt that we have constructive input to the conversation, we are often accused of trying to make it about us or trying to flip the conversation, when all i was doing was trying to understand what was being said so i could understand or empathize with what she is saying.
I think a lot of women are very defensive and take any input as attacking or demeaning. Example, I was talking to my mother in law yesterday and I stated to her, "I didn't think Pops would just let you drive down by yourself." Fisrt thing she said was, "let?"
My point is, words of the way we, as men communicate triggers many women, without actually listening to what is being said.
I’d add this: just because women communicate more, doesn’t mean they communicate better. Many times they bring up situation after situation after situation in a critical and accusatory way without stating exactly what they feel. This is not good communication because it doesn’t express what they are feeling clearly and what they want.
I agree. Sometimes, I cry when my husband tells me when I’m falling short in our marriage. I don’t cry because my feelings are hurt or upset, but because I’m upset that I disappointed my husband or didn’t live up to his expectations. I tell my husband to not stop giving me feedback because he’s afraid of my reaction, I just have to learn to not be hard on myself.
Yeah, honestly a lot of women don’t look at their tears as emotional manipulation but that’s what it is to us. Naturally, we love you and we don’t want to see the woman we love cry, so we stop doing things that make you cry. Even if that means we suffer in the long run. 😢
You are manipulating him, it’s coercive behaviour.
Do you actually take what he says into consideration and try to work on it?
Some women believe that communication is them telling you how they feel - as soon as you give any feedback, they shut down.
I have very little chance in these conversations to actively listen because when you have to navigate constant lies, gaslighting, and diversions to get to their point, its mute. It could be because of past experiences in having to bottle up, shy away, displace blame etc. But I'm not about to sit and listen to ridiculous lies and blame without any actual accountability, nobody should. It's like they will do and say whatever just so you could be the one in the wrong, and too many men out here do this childish mess.
👏👏 there we go it's the men who is the problem.
Who hurt you?
I agree with you definitely
Whew I’ve experienced exactly what you described! I know I have my ways that I’m working on.. but some people are simply insufferable. There’s no reasoning with them. So I’m learning to stop wasting my energy on those types.
My situation right now. Wow😮
Hope you find peace one day
Mine models the communication model and trusts/expects me to respect/reciprocate.
Granted, I try not to lead with "raw expression" because I find it damages the framework/foundation. Things need to be filtered through "Are these words going to facilitate moving towards a solution? Are they going to take his feelings into account as well or just mine?"
I have my moments but I try to self-regulate and manage my own emotions.
Communication is GIVING AND RECEIVING. Well said sir!
Totally agree, it’s easy to give, but they become argumentative and receive a man’s truth…😊
The other issue is using the things that you tell them in arguments
Use it against is not ok
You thinking right,and speaking it out loud. Amen
This is 💯 % true. I'm living it as we speak. I listen to her complain about all my faults all the time and on rare occasions I'll relay to her how I feel about some things and that's when she wants to argue, not except my concerns and that's the end of the conversation. I'm on my way out though cause I'm truly tired of it.
Facts. Soon as you may point out something, all of a sudden, they make it seem like you're attacking them
I agree... Sometimes I have to check my receiving and listening.
Not always! You can give a man all that and a safe space and a man will still shut down becuase it’s learned behaviour from childhood. Never being fully heard and understood growing up, or being constantly gaslighted, being misunderstood. These childhood traumas create an avoidant type personality and a man who is usually very emotionally unintelligent.
The person he’s talking about is you
FACTS 🎉 A large part of communi is listening!
😅😂🎉 MMMYYY BROTHA PPPRRRAAACCCHHH🎉😂😅 I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS
Facts. They like to speak, talk, talk, talk, and state how they feel. The moment we speak to discuss about facts not feelings there’s no accountability or responsibility
Whoaah....he must be a builder.....he NAILED that !!!! There is big difference between talking and communicating .
Agreed alot of us do not listen because while men are talking we're already thinking of the next sentence and reaction we're going to say and do and I am working on being a good listener. Thank you brother great conversation greatly needed.
Lol Trill. Well he holds women accountable and that's good. Women want to ALWAYS be victims.... we have to be held accountable.
Bro I hope you don't think that is how all women operate, that's a limited world view
@@orangemoon9634 no, not all women operate like this. But , ALL WOMEN have FLAWS, just like men. Too often, women get on this trip like they never do any wrong and are always the ones being treated bad. You RARELY see or hear women admit where they went wrong, it’s always “he ain’t shit” or “he cheated” when the numbers show women cheat just as must and carry just as much trauma. You’d never know watching this panel tho lol.
This man has access to my inner thoughts. I don't know how though.
PREACH!!! They don't want to communicate. They wanna be HEARD!!!! There's a difference...🤔
Yeah, the ones who say no but really mean yes. They are the same ones who expect you to "just know" and be a mind reader to know whatbthey want and feel. Can't take constructive criticism and needs daily flattery/compliments.
But they'll swear they're good communicators.
So true on all levels!!WOMEN DO COMMUNICATE very well via EMOTIONS and WORDS.Also , women will complain, cussing, screaming and crying about EVERYTHING her man has done WRONG( most men will SHUT DOWN vocally because we don’t want the DRAMA that comes that). But that man brings up her shortcomings she barely speaks and NO ACCOUNTABILITY she will never speak about!
"I often wonder why Women are scared to death of bugs that most-likely won't hurt Her, & often cause Her to holla & flee with the quickness, but will challenge a grown-ass Man in His face that can cause Her real harm!! I need answers!!
@@TheRagman777 facts!!
I agree as a young lady. That's why even though I am not in any relationship yet I check myself for how I treat people and what I ask of them vs what I give them. And I really want men to know that being treated right and heard is for them too and not just women. I also hope we can all come together and make use of these conversations and not just get defensive because we don't want to admit our wrongs. Because that's how we stay stagnant.
And to agree with some of the comments, yes this goes both ways. Communication is important for all relationships, whether intimate, Spiritual, between family, or between friends.
Alot of people are like this
I typically try my best to avoid these kinds of individuals, oh theres this quote i saw that said
"People love truth when its light shines warmly on them, and reject truth when its no longer in there favor"
As a woman that’s been married for 15 years together 18 years, I agree. Me and my husband almost divorced due to me being able to express but not receive when it came to communication. We just came out of a 5 year rough patch. We separated I filed for divorce and everything. I’m glad I am in therapy to work on being proactive and not reactive.
lol 18 years of not having your concerns heard. lol some men make some asinine decisions i tell ya.
I wish many men would stop the excuses fornot being better communicators with respect to women. They need to be kind, be honest and stop the cheating....This will help messages to be better received.
Hits nail on head without a miss
That is the absolute truth. 💯
I can honestly say I don’t fuss, I don’t really communicate well at all. My husband always expresses his self good, bad or indifferent. I used to say I was picking my battles but I have come to realization I shut down and try to work things out within myself. Something I’m trying to work on.
Facts bro. They can't handle our truths
Talking is a one way street, communicating is a 2 way street and that's what he's speaking on
I must agree with his comments and I receive it. However, let's not generalize. Some men keep quiet out of guilt and as a way to not openly acknowledge what is being said. As a woman I make a point to make sure I can take what I dish out....no sympathy tears utilized!!!
I Got love for the beautiful black woman, BUT THESE ARE FACTS!
For me as a woman, if I see that someone is doing something I don’t like, I examine myself first and ask if I’ve done anything wrong. Because a lot of times we don’t realize that if I’m connected to a person and I know that it’s Gods will for my life , then if we are having struggles , its not Gods plan for it to be destroyed but for us to grow together through it . And sometimes these things come to show us what needs to change when we are with a particular person. And I also know that when I am doing what I am supposed to do, God takes care of the things I can’t change concerning a person (speaking of friendships and marriage!! not boyfriend/girlfriend relationships where 2 people are having sex outside of marriage and shacking up, that’s out of order)
It’s not about men & women … no matter the gender. i am a woman and i am all ears and a good listener, i don’t get offended. I want to communicate BUT it is usually the other person who takes communication as an attack … so please don’t say women don’t listen to understand.. because i do and i am a woman… always was always will be.
Lol. Proving the point with this comment. You know darn well what he said is the truth in general. But just to argue you’re gonna discuss the outliers. Effectively dismissing his words without considering them. It’s ok to stfu and listen.
I agree withb you alot of what he saying may have a point but you have men when everything they woman say something it always a attack
You are exactly the type of woman he is talking about. You don't even realize how your entire comment made it all about you.
I bet 10k you don't listen for shit. You are all the same. lol
#FACTS!!!!... My wife is just like this! That's why I keep things to myself, but not ignoring her at all. So let's get that straight. But women(black women, are just like this), then wonder way men go to another women outside of his race. "WE WANT PEACE!!!😁.... That Part!!!!!
Facts. NO PRINTER!
My bf taught me this... took.some work on his part bc i wasnt a great listener, but now that i am....hes become my SO. LISTEN to this message ladies.
Straight FACTS!!!
Okay, this one hummm! You got me brother. 🤦🏽♀️ we be trying though 😅
Exactly what I told my wife. She didn't like it. But she had to agree. And I told her to remember this...... I'M KEEPING QUIET TO PROTECT YOU........from yourself.
Facts. I've been through this.
Men usually do the OVERWHELMING amount of listening in an important conversation. He is absolutely right.
I don’t talk to women about how I feel…I talk to my brothers… I just say “I love you” and give them a hug.. and that gets me all the info I need doing just that alone…
As a woman who communicates well women please shut up and listen, no yelling, cursing, betraying his vulneralbility, etc. I'm sure that I'm not alone by being punished by these same men that "can't talk to me" bc they assume that I'm like their ex, their mother, or whomever. Men we are not all the same so please don't punish the new woman for the past womans mistakes/weakness.
Alot of men just need to learn how to openly and honestly communicate their feelings & stop trying to play hard, or tough all the time.
Thanks for the heads up.
If men are so good at communicating, why do they think it's ok to shut down? That then turns into a power struggle.
Because doing the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity. As fucked up as it sounds, sometimes you have to shock somebody into seeing your side. At some point , if your woman cares she’ll ask why you shut her out. Which gives you the floor indefinitely because she came to hear you. That’s your time as a man to calmly and lovingly lay out why you feel like you can’t talk to her/ open up. At that point the balls in her corner to listen or get defensive and take the relationship down a path of no return 🤷🏾♂️.
I agree with him 100%. But there is a fine line between communication and disrespect. As long as you communicate the issues without name calling and belittling the other person i think it would be easier for women to take their flaws into consideration
I listen, but didnt communicate well, I thought I was as I was being open BUT the words I used caused him to shut down. I used the word 'you' instead of 'I feel' he shut down, would never tell me what's up even though I asked him directly to tell me calmly. It was all talking, no swearing/shouting and it still shut him down. So it's a learning process I hold my hands up to
I receive just fine as long as it is honest info..i am okay...its that last part of HIM not wanting to receive the "reaction"...I am aware of that and will tuck my feelings to let you get it all out. The trick is minus gaslighting, insults, and THEIR emotion to just say it. The conclusion IS dealing with the consequence of what you express and standing on it...not just to "see" what you gone say.
U hit that Right on the nose, they don't live up to what they put out😂😂
Speaking for me
I need to hear the truth
Even if it hurts
That will allow me to process and make my decision
Perfectly stated!
I value raw communication and expression. But what I dont like is a man that's tit for tat when I speak on something we both know is true. Like, dont just bring up some random mess you really dont have a problem with as a way to have an argument. I hate that with people, period.....keep it honest!!!
As soon as you see your woman trying to shut out your effort to communicate with her about what she’s doing wrong you have to check her immediately
It’s is definitely a problem with lots of women. We are more social and use more words in general. Women will talk all day to other women and it doesn’t translate to a man. On the other extreme, it seems men want women to act like men - emotions and feeling are negative, intuition is questioned, nurturing is seen as manipulation. I don’t think either of us have seen enough examples of how mature men and women move.
Education is key when expressing your views.
These podcasts have shown me the crazy expectations of women...we are ruthless
I’m horrible at communicating my feelings gotta work on that!
Yes this is straight facts this is the truth speak amen
A lot of the time is because we don't like the answers we receive. But the truth hurts sometimes and that is okay.
And that’s exactly why men step outside of their relationship over time. We usually gravitate to the woman that listens and makes us feel heard. I do not condone cheating in any fashion, but every man and woman have their breaking point. In this instance, a man will get taken apart for just being appreciative of a woman other than the one he is with because she makes him feel heard.
It's a defense mechanism women have. They know when they're not on point and don't care.
Dang hes absolutely correct... 💯
🙋🏾♀️ i may still cry but i actually wanna hear any gripes. I can't fix it otherwise, hurt feelings or not.
Your right it’s obviously always easier to give out then to actually take
When it comes down to me n my husband communicating, I don’t tell him how I may feel because sometimes I think that he won’t understand how I feel so I keep my feelings to myself. I’m trying to communicate more n tell him how I feel without him getting upset etc