Please remember that YOU need to come first. If there is someone who is trying, but can’t, instead of pressuring yourself into helping them, calmly explain that you need some time to take care of yourself. You can’t bring others up if you’re at the bottom. If someone doesn’t understand the toll they’re taking on you, don’t get upset or act out. Instead, remind them that the things they’re doing aren’t okay. If they get that they’re being cruel, drop them till you know they’ve changed. However, some people don’t change.
Well this is hard for me, cuz i used to help others before me, if i ignore them it just ruin my reputation lol. But i try, thanks (Your profile name didnt match perfectly with the comment lol)
This is really well said! Prioritize your health and your well-being. If you're reading this, let me know one thing you're doing today for self care! -Monica
Yeah especially for me because the people I hang out with shive me into lockers make fun of my height and weight and how much I can eat I’m one sitting but I don’t even know why I still hang out with them I don’t trust them with anything about myself I trust people on the internet more than my irl friends but idk my brain is broken and messed up anyway
What if someone said don't go towards that light at the end of the tunnel but you still did only to find it was an incoming train, what would that do to you? ^^
And there are those that are a bit of both (which is fairly common I would say, particularly if you're a "middle man"), or they're neutral, or they're irrelevant and they don't capture your attention particularly.
Yes, also watch out for behaviour cycles. As soon as you start to withdraw everything is magically fine again, they reel you back in, then the drama hits. You're put upon beyond what you've offered and it takes its toll on you, your boundaries are ignored, so you start to withdraw and...everything is magically fine again...repeat from the top! It's exhausting!
@@jessicataylor7174 true .. if the person was toxic to you before .. they will be again ... they will be a sweet as anything to get back in.. always be aware .. if you have to work hard to remain friends, they are toxic
@Gemmariah Beadle no... if you are drained he is being emotionally abusive.. as hard as it is .. move on.. you need someone who simply lifts you up .. but also you are totally comfortable and can be yourself around them
@@jessicataylor7174 The majority of people have displayed this type of behaviour. Psychology it's been proven this can be because of repetitive behaviour, bad habits they have learnt or even them doing it without realising it. The last one I can say from personal experience. I do or say stupid stuff without thinking before I act or speak, so it has hurt a lot of people. I have learnt to be more cautious, but it's definitely no walk in the park. All 3 need major effort, work and self reflection. That being said, I've also met people who have changed for the better. One of my ex friends worked massively on their behaviour and its been going smooth again ever since. Even in my own toxic little family a miracle happened. My mum and I never saw eye to eye for years. It's been 2 years since I got to speak up about it, and she's made a 180, the majority of the issues no longer existing. I guess it all depends on how strong your will power is. But I do agree that a lot of people are more likely to repeat their behaviours, especially if their emotional intelligence is lacking.
What's irritating in the modern age is that everyone tells real victims that they just have a victim-mentality, and people who earnestly try and fail at something are just quitters. The lack of empathy in the world is depressing.
This video doesn't draw a distinction between victim mentality caused by having been abused and unjustified victim mentality. Same for the doubter: Does this person doubt helpers' intentions because they've been tricked before? I mean, it's possible that all four types of people can't be helped, but if that's not the video's message, then it has a huge flaw.
And because of the lack of distinctions, I could put everyone I ve ever met in one of these categories. So what to do now? Locking the door and never leave the house again to avoid meeting people? 😂
@@lishen9 Not if they tried.. communicated their feelings/ asked to do things differently, and the coldhearted self-centered coward said they were overreacting. Just saying. 😅
I've been scrolling through the comments and I keep seeing people saying they relate to some of these, and people respond with stuff like "Change Yourself or get lost" and I just wanna say... Stop. You aren't helping anyone. Let them share their struggles. This is a no judgement zone. everyone is going through something different, we should respect that.
Yes, but always remember to have boundaries with people. Sometimes it can be mentally exhausting trying to help everyone. However everyone does have a right to share their problems and others have a right to help as much as they want to
"Thank you for sharing your realization, it's tough to make that first step to acknowledge your flaws. I hope you can find the courage to take the next step and start to change."
Yeah the point of this video is “don’t hurt yourself trying to change people who are dragging you down” not “people who are like this are undeserving of kindness and a safe place to vent”
Just remember, everyone and anyone can show signs like this, but it's the people who embody these signs that are the ones she's talking about. Don't just write someone off because they do these things once. It has to be a consistent display of negativity for them to be beyond hope.
True. I agree. Some people are just born with these traits. These things are there in their nature. But some shows these according to whatever pressure there are in, in certain situation, which at times introspection can help them to correct those mistakes
Even then to just discard someone is cruelty in itself. What if you've misunderstood or only see the bad at the expense of the good in someone. Imo it's more of a weigh up between the good and the bad. If it's more bad than good then that is the time to set boundries. If those boundries are crossed then that is the time to make a break, cause, as far as I can see, everyone has ev e ry single one of those seven characteristics including the narrator, who I would describe as mostly the self righteous type. Anyhow peace.
I see myself as the doubtful one in this video but it makes me want to try harder to be a better person. I see myself saying to others “why would you want to hang out with me?” But at the same time, I think to myself, “I’ll make myself a better person so that I can feel worthy of having friends”. Then I don’t have friends and then the cycle continues. It sucks being the doubtful type cuz even when you want to do better, people always make you feel like you are crazy for trying. I care about others but no one cares back and then it creates doubt on a lot of things. I hope this sheds more light on the doubtful type. Maybe people can be more patient with that particular type because that doubtful attitude comes from a place of uncertainty and needing some encouragement and help to realize that their efforts DO mean something. Next time you come across the doubtful type, try and see if encouraging them helps. If it doesn’t, then they’re probably not trying to be better. But if that’s exactly what they needed, they will be ever so grateful to you. Please don’t box the doubtful types together with the others. We are so much more than that.
@@TT35109 I've been called Eeyore all my life. People don't understand that when your life has been hard, it makes you look and act a certain way... and someone just saying "Hey, perk up!" Doesn't change anything. It takes time to earn trust and respect and so yeah, sometimes the unhappy people never get the chance to show their inner beauty because people don't have the patience to look for it or DESERVE to see it. But never allow yourself to believe YOU have to be "better." You are perfect the way you are. Sure, we all have to grow and change in our time... but you aren't less than anyone else. You aren't required to impress them. A good person will see you as another good person and they will earn your happy side.
Oh goodness. I remember having the victim mindset. It took a lot of therapy, extremely understanding people around me (I was fortunate on that account for sure as Psii makes clear) and painful introspection to move past it. Anyone who has found this video and related to something in it, it is possible to work past it. And I fully believe you will do it, wherever and whoever you are, as I did myself! ❤
I'm about to cry after watching this video. LOLLLLLL. it's true, who we really, are probably not who we wants to be. I don't know... If I really related with this video. But I'm just afraid, that I'm not enough. When I am trying my best, to be enough. I'm trying to help myself. Alone. You know? I'm not even sure if I got this 'self doubt' signs from other's, or is it just me. I'm not sure if this video is to pointed out to them, or to me? I don't know... I just don't know.
One thing I'd like to add: Some people do have these traits not because they want to, but because nobody ever guided them or cared enough for them so that they change their POV and look towards the better side. It's not like you can't help them, it's just that they need more LOVE and more PATIENCE! Everybody can change, if they really are aware of their current situation.....
I agree, many ended up like that from past trauma, including abandonment and misguided adult figures in their lives. However, often times people who need even MORE love and MORE patience will just take and take, until they wear out the people giving. There needs to be some effort and acknowledgement from the person, or else they'll just keep taking all you have to give, and need/want more. It's great if we can help, but frankly it's just not our responsibility to heal people, especially if they don't want to get better, and if it's draining us of our energies to care for ourselves.
@@khakicampbell6640thank you for saying this. There are other people/things in a 'helpers' life that require attention let alone, themselves. Hopeless people won't care what falls by the wayside on your to-do list, regardless of how they became that way.
Yes but it’s not our job, and after a while, no, we can’t help them with the tools that we have and if they don’t take a step back we’ll just end up hurting ourselves
I DONT UNDERSTAND I DONT WANT TO BE BAD AND HAVE THESE TRAITS BUT IF I SEEK FOR HELP I WILL BE TOO NARCISSISTIC. WHAT DID I DO TO HAVE HELP????? IM TO TIRED
honestly trying to help people who dont want to be helped is more exhausting than anything. I find my own mental health declining whenever I try to help and its alwaaays so one sided that I have learned to just let go of these people for good
@@Psych2go hey monica. couldn't the last two be signs of mental disorders? like. doubtful people honestly sound like early signs of depression and quitters sound like anxiety disorder/ADHD . as someone with serious anxiety (so much so I can't even leave the house without a panic attack ensuing) getting something wrong can really be a problem for me. like. I've literally cried in the middle of drawing because of the concept of "doing it wrong". and my own boyfriend has ADHD and suffers with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and "getting it wrong" can knock his mood down for hours. and that doubtful person. Oh yeah, that was me during 2020, when I went into the biggest spiral of depression I've had since highschool. my mood was "what does it matter, everything sucks and it will always suck" I don't know what would have happened if my friends had taken your advice and just left me in that time of need.
Can I add a number 8? The apologiser: This person will wrong you, say sorry, and then do the same thing again, and it becomes a cycle and no matter how much you try to help them, and they say they're going to change, they just don't, stay away from these people, everyone deserves a second chance, but don't keep giving more chances when they keep doing the same things over and over
Yes! I brought this up when I began to set my boundaries with the person in my life, that saying sorry doesn't fix anything. Especially if you keep doing stuff and try to justify it with the same excuse. They tried to say it won't happen again and for the first 2 times I accepted it, but as someone who has witnessed domestic abuse, I saw the pattern and am slowly distancing from that situation.
My parents are very strong about teaching us that if we say sorry, we shouldn't just move on, but try not to do what we were sorry for again. If you don't mean it, just say that, because there's more the both of you need to work out.
I had a pair of neighbors - the match made in hell: They fought, you'd hear pots and pans flying around, her yelling "come-on, hit me, you feel like a big man?". And all I could really do was mind my own business... until the day that after one such fight, there was a knock on my door. She was beaten and bruised and she asked me (by name if it matters) to "help her". Things sprung into action. I said "get in here", closed the door and locked it. She was trying to hold on a tattered bra and it wasn't really working. Inexplicably, I had a couple friends visiting. I immediately gave her a towel from the chair right next to her, to cover with and designated my friends to barricade the door (because he wasn't far behind and was pissed), while I went to find an ugly sweater for her. I wonder if she still has it and remembers me by it. The cops came and took him to jail. She was taken to a safe house and I was even subpoenaed to testify well after I moved away from that place. The prosecutor had her head up her ass. I brought my caller-id, still with the number of her sugar-daddy. But she messed up by trying to be formal and asking for "Veronica" instead of "Victoria". "No, no Veronica here". I pointed it out after she hung up; "you just should've called her Vicky, like everyone else does". There goes one blown lead. I told them he probably wouldn't even show for trial and they were incredulous like "well, that would be really foolish of him". Guess what - he didn't show and I wasn't needed. These "professionals" in their ivory castles have no respect for street-smarts and the rest of us. Like you don't think his neighbor might know him better than a perfect stranger with diplomas on the wall? So the bottom line: Yeah, you can't help someone until they ask for it. She had gone through a long cycle of getting abused and running to her sugar-daddy, then going back to him. Nothing you can do until she's had enough.
I had a quitter. That’s not to say fighting mental illness is easy, because it’s not, but he really was beyond help. Gave him all the support in the world, encouraged him to seek help, offered to go crazy lengths to help, and even after a year it just wasn’t enough. He deliberately rejected all of it, and chose instead to keep wallowing in his own self hatred, and it was dragging me down hard. My partner nowadays, on the other hand, has been a complete 180°. He recognized the problem and we worked together on getting him mental health support even though his parents didn’t support him. Despite everything going against him, he tried and learned to persevere, and he’s really come a long way. He’s a lot happier now, is medicated, is working on further diagnosis's and has honestly inspired me to keep fighting when all seems lost too. Please. Don’t spend your life running your head against a brick wall. You’ll only hurt yourself.
you stand with him, still? thank you, i can't imagine myself if someone give up on me, when i had mental illness. Been thinking about returning the favor by help others also.
@@varianrizkya5838 for sure, you should definitely help when you can. It’s also important to recognize when their battle is not a battle you yourself can win.
1. Victim-minded people 1:09 2. Self-righteous people 1:48 3. Deceptive pople 2:32 4. Desperate people 3:15 5. Disloyal people 3:55 6. Doubtful people 4:30 7. Quitters 5:08 I hope I could help! :D
Trouble is, most people are at least one or two of these even if to a much lesser extent. So what to do? Where to find perfect people? Maybe it means those who are an extreme of any on the list.
Your Mostly right, but "Quitters" are Easy to help if you know how. They all are, but The Easiest to help are Quitters. I Know this Because I have helped about 15 Quitters in my 14 Years of Living.
I've stopped hanging out with anyone other than online... rarely. I am too traumatized to suffer another. I ran into people like this in every aspect and I will never let anyone get near me again. This is self-righteous, but honestly, I don't trust anyone in existence so this just served to confirm that these types are out there and plentiful and I don't feel safe anymore.
VIP, if I recall, was a discovery of the basis of the 'social justice warrior' mindset, in 2019-2020 or so study gave it a name. That's the Victim minded people incarnate.
Depends on the individual. I don’t think everyone fakes it. Some people have real issues that can’t be improved or near impossible and it’s a sad situation. My advice is to accept the situation, be yourself and don’t leave this person, who you know does his or her best. Of course you’re always free to leave, but if you really care about this person, then open up about how you feel and say stop when it gets too much. If you care about this person, don’t let their burden be your downfall, because who can help if you’re down too? Don’t take more than you can carry. Just be there and let this person know you’re there and think about him/her. If you choose to not help this person, don’t feel guilt or shame, it’s ok to say no, but don’t bother to blame anyone either. If you feel “robbed” in any way, tell yourself “I don’t have to waste one second thinking about this anymore, I’ll move on and live my life”. Just leave in peace :) hope you’re having a great day ^_^
If what makes me "sick" is both of my Fate and of my existence, then starting again with a clean slate will only holt the inevitable. Honestly... Why must I protect this temporary world? It won't mean anything in the end. This world will die and another will take its place. Should I defend every possible future upon the wheel of fate? Or should I destroy everything in order to shatter this design? Regardless, I will leave mankind to their own self destruction. ... Why should I lead the world to only see it all come to an end? And I, to hold that responsibility as if their end is my mistake... Even if this world ends. Somehow I feel responsible for it. Mankind... I'm not allowed to intervene too much, so I hope this species can... Nothing is real... I'll await you all in extinction. If everything fails, then I'll find another to try again. I am the End and the End is I. Kin to God. I am... Who I was died a long time ago and the fragments of me merged with the cosmos... ... ... Nothing can save me. Nothing from this world can.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 You need a psychiatrist cause you are 100% nutso. I don't usually like to say something so rude, but you took the time to write out ALLLL that crazy sh*t. Who cares if the world is going to end? You gonna spend the ONLY time you have sulking about it, and blaming yourself for something that doesn't even make sense? You only have one life, and if you're only thinking about the end of it, you're wasting it. So thinking about the end, is pointless.
@@fredericksaxton9782 On the contrary... Knowing that everything I hold dear will soon cease to exist. That everything I see before me will mean nothing to me in the end. Even if I altered Fate, that I would meet the same outcome regardless of the infinite futures... Humans only understand what they behold. I carry the complete eradication and creation of a thousand worlds. Live as you wish but do not deny that our existence has been here before and after our multiple ends. But I suppose mankind is better off dead in the end. Another will try again. I am the cosmos and the cosmos is I. The fate of all rests in my hands alone... But you humans only understand the tangible existence. It is merely a portion of it. Inevitably, mankind will be judged. Upon extinction, I will await the worthy or I will rewrite this entire realm once more. But even that is beyond this era's time. Enjoy existence for what it is. Not that it lasts long enough for me when even worlds are forgotten. I observe... I am here... Harbinger of the End... The journey does not matter if everything dies.
The last one absolutely came for my life. I've been struggling for a long time with a fear of failure--or somehow worse, a fear of /success/, and I've spent a long time unpacking why it is I have these tendencies and how I can work my way past them. It's important to say--if you meet or know any of these people in your life, or if you ARE any of these people, it isn't that they can't be helped and are doomed to forever be this way. It's just that the help and change they need HAS to come from within, if they even recognize there is a problem that needs changing at all. It takes a lot of work, introspection, and self-awareness.
Living with a narcissistic family member is tough. And growing up you would take all the blame when they say you're the problem and you end up having the mindset you are the problem even if you're not. But it's now carved in your heart and brain that you're useless and always wrong. They victimized themselves all the time and you blame yourself for their wrong and mean actions. When you stand up for yourself you just get gaslighted. It's so mentally exhausting. Their mental abuse just messes you up. There are times that you get physically harmed by them too. I hate living with this one family member but I can't cut them out so I just endure their toxic mentality.
Alot of the time it has to do with major life changes and getting rid of the source of the problem. For me, I can described as some as these traits. After moving away from my parents and living on my own it easier for me to work out my thoughts. The healing process was kind of quick while only took several months.
My sister has a big case of victimhood mentality. Nothing was ever her fault and if someone was actually hurting, like my mom dying from cancer, my sister would make it about how much she is suffering and that no one understands her. I'm so happy that my sister is no longer in my life, it feels weird to say that, but I was the last family member to even be in contact with her and her toxic behavior became too much for me.
Family are the asses you can never give up on. Her friends, partners, colleagues can but not you. You dont have to text her every day, or every month, but just let her know at the back of her mind.... that you will always be there for her. One thing to note is people with the victimhood mentality really do believe they are 'the victim'.... they cant help it. So having this in mind...and knowing she almost cant control it----atleast for the time being-----may help your interactions.
@@abelk1451 her victimhood mentality is more of a way for her to assert will onto others, its her way of emotionally manipulating and torturing people to do what she wants. She emotionally manipulated my mom on her death bed, saying that all my sisters troubles in life were my mother's fault and screaming at my mom if she didn't get her way (she's in her 30s mind you). I don't need someone who constantly belittes me and tries to manipulate me in my life anymore.
@@Magic_Toaster don't worry about separating your ways from someone who was ready to use you in anyway possible. You need yourself more than she'd ever need you and you did the right thing I believe. Hoping you the best
@@abelk1451 hey ik you mean well but not everyone is fortunate enough to have a family they should stay with. This makes victims of childhood abuses feel bad for leaving when they shouldn't. If someone is hurting you no matter who they are you are allowed to leave. Dont force the mentality that people have to stay connected to family. Ik people who stay in contact with family who hurt them and they only continue to do so. They typically don't change sadly. A family relationship shouldn't be treated differently in cases like these.
@@hauntedflower9107 This will always make me sad to hear even though how much I want to people to have their family with them and never give up on them.... I understand it completely....
What "you can't help them" means: - These people have difficult problems that you're not equipped to handle - These people can be potentially toxic and relationships likely wont last long - These people can wear you out or may refuse help What "you can't help them" DOESN'T mean: - These people are incapable of change - These people do not deserve to grow - There is nothing that anyone can do to save them Do some introspection. If you see yourself in one of these examples, and you'd like to change, talk to a professional and put the work in yourself. Your future friends and loved ones will be much happier, and so will you.
THIS I see a lot of negative comments here trying to say these types of people "deserve do die alone", which is just as, if not even more toxic than some of these behaviors... This should totally get pinned for people to see 💕✨ great comment
@@nihilism6226 umm that itself is a toxic attitude. If you're eager to punish everyone then you'll turn into the person who expects perfection while believing they're perfect. Work on yourself. Leave the toxicity of others up to them.
@@nihilism6226 the types of people in this video are toxic bc they have other problems. always be kind bc u never know what someone else is going through. even tho they aren’t kind, doesn’t mean u shouldn’t be.
Good Lord me 2. My mother had at least 5 of the 7 traits. Not all moms r hugs kisses & baking cookies. U only have 2 respect yr parent if there respectable people. Free yrself & GOD bless u with great health wealth happiness & wisdom. 🕊🌈✝️♥️✌🐦
@@rabbidguarddog you have lots of love for her but does she have lots of love for you? I hope so :/ I grew up with a victim minded mom who have physically and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood. Now Im older Im trying to forgive her, and sometimes I just casually bring up some instances of abuse she did, just so we can put it all behind us, but she DENIED she did all that and called me (and my siblings who did the same) a liar. She would often say "you're always seeing the bad things Ive done while I did tons of good things (and continued to give examples which were actually just her basic responsibilities as a parent)" and never apologized for anything, while my siblings and I would apologize for every little thing we did to annoy her. Now Idk if I can forgive her. But one thing for sure Im just becoming at peace with the fact that she'd never change so Im staying as far as I could from her. I dont wanna be her.
Honestly, the big mistake on this video is asserting that people going through certain personal challenges don't change because they don't want to. For an example, I have a problem with quitting things, and I'm aware of it for a long time. I've tried to change this in several ways. Yet, it is extremely difficult for me to accomplish things. Likewise, I tend to look back and find depressing the amount of unfinished stuff, projects, dreams. I didn't get my driver license, my college degree and so many others. This is a major thing in my life that I cannot completely overcome, and it got me deepened into depression, specially from 2016-2019. Yet, there is one point or two that I've persisted. My current job, for an example, I'm 4 years and a half onto it. Also, I've decided back in 2021 to dedicate my life to writing and art, and this objective is still alive and going on. I still write my stories and ideas frequently, and I'm involved in some film projects currently. It's good to think that I haven't given up from this. So I guess I'm not that helpless after all, but this was a long work, and one must keep searching. Changes can take time. Finishing, I just want to say that I know for whom this video is destined to. It's specially made for that kind of people that think it is their personal duty to help anyone around them, when it's not. I'm not that kind of person, haha. Fortunately, or unfortunately. I'm more on the other side of the balance, so I thought I need to clear some things. Labelling people as beyond help is kinda dangerous, tho. Specially because, as I've said, not always is like they are unaware or don't want to change. I got your intention, but, not totally true. Or poorly communicated.
Thank you so much for stating that. Few people thougt of us this way but u said it as what our perspective is. It's not that i dont want to help myself. It's just that because everyday i want to kill myself with the same inner monologue several times a day, while dealing with ptsd, undiagnosed adhd, SAD, and needing CBT but my parents don't want me to ask for help because they said, (infront of my face) they don't want to be guilty and go to jail for neglecting me. So It's hard for me to socialize and act like those things was never happening to me it's just so hard for me to pretend. While also knowing i asked a few adults in my life like my school councelor but they don't want to help me because of too much drama and their school reputation to deal with me as a new student who basically have bad grades constantly. (They know and i keep reaching out but they rly just don't want to. :/ Rly thanks a lot for stating that. I see few ppl like u in this comments.
It was the "Doubtful" and "quitter" for me. These are the traits i'm trying to leave behind, and hearing this made me realize I need to try a little harder. I'm going to do my best! Thanks.
It was a little bit victim minded, a little bit of the desperate one at times for me. It’s definitely possible to do this, and I feel more encouraged to do so
I'm a quitter and it really does suck. There are so many things I want to try, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try because I know I'm not going to continue doing it. I'm trying to stop it but I don't know how. Any ideas?
@@sockthecat I would suggest getting out of your comfort zone and destroying your doubts. For example I used to be so afraid of going out where I knew there'd be a lot of people. I didn't leave my house for a long time and it honestly made me depressed. I became angry that I was depressed so then I started looking for easy options or the quickest way around socializing. But, it wasn't something that could be easily solved. I was trying to rely on others to give me strength, when I what I really had to do was find it myself. I told myself "the worst that can happen is a few mean words. I probably won't become a friend of every person I meet. I may look like a fool. But it doesn't matter!" And with that, I pushed myself to leave my comfort zone. And today I'm confident enough to post on forums like this. So just don't be too hard on yourself, and try your best. Heck, you can even congratulate yourself when you fail just so you don't feel bad. I hope this helps
They can actually all be helped. The key part of this is in the into: when they don't want to be helped. There is 1 type of person you can't help, and only 1, and that's a person who doesn't want to be helped. That's it.
Well, you can try and talk to them about why it would be in their own interest to help themselves, but only if they have made up some excuses for why they can't or dont want to be helped. I have, sadly, I guess, come to the conclusion that I see no consistent reason to support myself, I would prefer to completely stop my own consciousness but I have a caring environment that makes sure I at least meet my basic requirements. I try to be as little of a poison to my surroundings as to my ability but I still have nothing positive to offer in return for attention. I don't understand why others are able to at least tolerate their own brain being functional or why they would submit to it with gratitude, I guess I'm missing out on some invisible thing again.
@@erdyerdnusss do I get it right that you've questioned your own existence (or even existence of consciousness itself) to the point that you can't see any logical/emotional justification for it? If so I'd like to know more about your perception of existence and the human condition. For myself I have similar experience I went through, but the simple fact of my ignorance let me question the correctness of those thoughts....
Something that was very hard for me to understand was the fact that no matter how much you want to help someone and no matter how hard you work to help them, nothing will change unless they *themselves* want help or to change. It's a tough pill to swallow because the people we strive to help are usually people we do care about and love. So it's heartbreaking when you realize that no matter what you do, nothing changes because the other person isn't willing to change or refuses to acknowledge anything.
been there dont that, i got involved with a women about 20 years ago and the connection we had was scary but she could not deal with her issues so i finally left for my own sanity and it hurt like hell but i knew it was for my own good.
I'm currently trying to better myself and kick my doubtful nature. It's been a rough journey, but I'm slowly but sure getting there with my therapist's help. I was raised around literally all of these people and I was also the scapegoat in the family, so lots of healing and rewiring ahead.
When you said desperate people, you went on to describe like a willfully evil person. A desperate person is someone who has no hope. They often show anxiety, anguish, and fury, and may even go so far as to lose control of themselves and hurt themselves. They go through great suffering that on many occasions they do not know how to face. They're not predators, they're people who need help (desperately).
Desperate people can become predators. They will attack you if they feel they need to. Just because they feel that they can excuse their behaviour doesn’t mean that they are justified to hurt other people.
Thanks for understanding, Patrick. I never wanted to be like this. I'd give anything to be normal, but since I know that doesn't work, I don't carry out evil schemes in my desperation. I just suffer endlessly.
Those things can very much lead someone to consistently hurt those around them. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. They'll try to guilt-trip you with their own problems to try to pin you to them. They feel as if manipulative tactics are the only way to get people to stick around, so that's exactly what they'll do, and they'll try to make you feel bad enough so that you feel obligated to help them and do what they say.
When I was younger I used to help people with their problems and reassurance that they'll still be accepted and loved by others. Now I'm the one who has severe mental trauma and on the verge of giving up on life completely. It's weird how the world works.
As a quitter and doubtful person, I can endorse this video. It's totally right... Unless we, internally damaged people, decided to heal ourselves, it's totally worthless any help given to us. And even when deciding to heal ourselves, it is difficult to bet on a happy ending, because it really is a long and hard road...
It's a long, hard road, but the destination is absolutely worth it. I have considered quitting many times, doubts are insidious and powerful, but when the alternative is becoming a lifelong vegetable (not the nutritious kind) and dealing with the frustrations entailed in that ... well, I considered the sacrifices and rewards of each path and chose the one that was most worthwhile. Best wishes to you!
This video perfectly describes who I am. I'm 90% sure I'm a narcissist (and practically have been since age 5). Everything I do is either my attempt to pathologize, manipulate, or weasel my way in/out of situations for my own benefit. I've nearly quit everything I enjoy and get stressed before assessing the situation and trying to find a healthy solution. It's ruined friendships and made the everything seem like an issue, even with no issue present. I'm going to get my annual health check soon and hopefully a referral from my doctor to therapy and/or a diagnosis from a professional. Last year I gave up on therapy because I was guarded, dishonest and unprepared. This time I'm ready. I've cried more times than I thought possible from just learning what I was, and even at some points I didn't know who I was anymore. All I care is that now it'll actually be fixed and the path to come will be positive.
Hey man, This video portrays characters as 1 thing, but people are astronomically complex. Meaning its extremly difficult to not have both desirable and undesirable traits within yourself. What Ive learned is that your true ego isnt what you actually are, but who you want to be. And alot of the time we are blindsided to what we potray to others. For example, im an empath. But im also a sociopath because I can willingly shut off my natural intense empathy at will. I know my triggers. Im immensly curious and care about others, im also very insecure and sabatoge myself. Setting myself up for failure. Im so insecure that alot of the time when talking to others I talk about myself without considering them much. And im so ADHD if im not interested in the topic Ill change the subject subconsciously. Which is very rude. When my best friend pointed this out I hung up and started crying a bit. It sucks to realise you are something you dislike. But realise how that sentence is structured? "It sucks to realise you are not you" is what it essentially means. Can there be such a dichotomy within the ego? Of course! Thats just how complex people are. Who you are is very different from who you want to be. But who you want to be is who you truly are deep inside. Its healthier to get as close to that as possible. Who do you want to be? Look into the concept of nueroplasticity and abuse that. Once you learn to improve that, your mind will be highly customizable.
@@shady1137 This was a very interesting reply and perspective. I'll do my best to look into neuroplasticity. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to utilize this advice to its full potential, and my apologies for that, but this did make me realize something and I appreciate this view. I had more to say, but whatever it is, it's lost on me now. I just hope your day goes well.
Fortunately you are not a narcissist. Narcissist lack any self reflection. They are incapable of it. They also cannot admit to anything. You are just an asshole. But you can change. They. Can't.
you probably won't be "fixed" the symptoms will be paliated, and that's other thing you will have to work because you have to mentalise that being perfect is a need and that if you think you're perfect is just a way you have to protect yourself of the harm others MAY do to you. I know you probably get frustrated by this but... At least you're trying.
It’s so hard when those people are your “friend” or so you think they are. It’s the culmination of bad behaviour that just blew up on their side. The only thing me and my wife did was to cut the ties and we suddenly had less stress, more energy, more positivity. In our case that person couldn’t see their wrongs in the situation and is still stuck in the cycle of I did nothing wrong or saying I apologized okay (tossing it aside believing everything still is okay). It is hard but I know you can do it. It will be hard and you’ll think about them non-stop but after a while it will settle and you will see the pattern and how disconnected they are from you.
Here’s what I learned from my abusive relationship: Set firm boundaries for yourself before entering into friendships or relationships. Apply them across the board. When someone offends them, be judicious in your assessment, and be willing to explain, forgive, and let it drop. When someone offends them 3+ times, they’ve lost your favor forever. Don’t backslide. Don’t think you’re doing them a favor by bending the rules, and don’t make ridiculous “boundaries” like “pick up your clothes” or “always wear makeup”. These are not boundaries, they are orders designed to control other people. Boundaries are designed to protect yourself from psychological abuse, only. Boundaries are not standards, they are limitations. Make them ahead of time, stick by them, and allow conflict within controlled reason. Then you will not do as I did and date a psychopath and an abusive narcissist who will cost you your health. People get chronic and life-threatening illness as a consequence of abuse. Don’t think you’re strong enough to be “the one” person who gets them and sees them for who they are. That is desperation talking, not love. PS: Don’t fall for the “I’ve changed” argument either. Ask yourself how many people you’ve seen in life that have genuinely changed? If someone HAS genuinely changed, it will be so obvious to you that there will be no doubt in your mind. If there’s doubt - it’s there for a reason. They either haven’t proven themselves to really be changed, or far more likely, they didn’t change. This is just them playing the game as though they have, or convincing themselves they have when they don’t really understand what a real change feels like.
I Will Never Set Boundaries Because We Tried To Reason With You People And Just Like ISIS You People Have Never Been Reasonable And You Are Gonna Stay Away From Our Communities And We Are Gonna Protect Our Families From Your "boundaries"
I've changed is a phrase often used expressively by those who have not. The person who really has changed demonstrates it in their behavior and doesn't need to broadcast it. If someone tells you I've changed they may have something to gain by telling you so. They may talk up a good story in order to try to convince you that they are different but there is little in their actions that suggests much has changed. This person may have ulterior motives SO BEWARE.
@@michaelclark4043 yes this is very true, i see it in my family a lot, it's heartbreaking, when i think things will finally change to the better, they don't, it always stays the same or gets worse, i haven't seen any improvement
"So after this elimination, is there ANYBODY left to date?" The way I like to look at it, is that like narcissism, EVERYONE has some amount of these traits. There's a spectrum, from the softest to the most malignant. Just understand that if you go looking for these traits in everyone, you're gonna find them in everyone.
Well, if you paid the quantity of attention required and undestood the video, it's obvious that everyone tend to have these attitudes. However, in the video they're talking about people who have those attitudes every single day, who are always behaving like that and they don't notice they need to improve or they notice that but they're not willing to do it.
@@hasooyoung3939 Yeah exactly, watching this I could see myself as like 5/7 of these under the wrong kind of microscope, even though I try to be a good person.
You literally just put yourself into victim, doubtful, quitter AND desperate, you need to step back and take a look at yourself. This video, as mentioned in the disclaimer, isnt meant to make you feel worse but to help you heal and help you grow, only YOU can help YOU, you need to allow yourself to heal, to look at your toxic traits and not get sad and hopeless about them but work to change them and better yourself. Everyone doesnt abandon you, you most likely push them away (i know this because ive been there) be yourself, have a laugh, have some fun, work on your self esteem and your self respect and i swear things will start to get better. You can be helped and you can get better, but you do have to put work in yourself, you have to dare to hope and to be brave and allow yourself to get better. Otherwise, you're right, you cant be helped, helping someone who isnt open to help is NEVER going to work. Be kind and love yourself and watch yourself grow as a person when you actually allow yourself to be helped. Its coming up to new year, this is the perfect time to make realistic goals to set yourself, maybe join some clubs or groups and make friends, learn a new hobby, allow yourself an alotted time a day to worry and to let your intrusive thought be heard and talk back to them and CHALLENGE them, start journaling. There is SO much to do you can do that will kickstart you onto the road to recovery. The path isnt clear and its covered in leaves and maybe its a bit slippery or you cant really see a path at all, but it is there. Sending love and healing to you, all the best sunshine 🥰
I speed things up a bit by distancing myself from everyone so that they won't have to deal with doubtful quitter mindset, that way nobody has to deal with my bad mindset
The people who do it for attention make me sad that they waste their life like that, since they actually continue and don't quit from that, because I struggle with self hatred alot and victim mentality is basically abuse.
@K- Problem solver not trying to take a side but point is, a lot of people are actually victims of everything going on, so I think it's a bit unfair to label them as attention seeking. For sure, there are attention seekers, but I guess I'm taking the side of the people claiming that they are victims. Ironically, despite this stance, I do agree that attention seeking or not, most likely, these people can't be helped.
@K- Problem solver Woah! You're a fast replier! Anyway about the quarantine thing and whatnot, the person who started this thread did state that recently, there has been more of these people
" you can't make it different, you can't make it riight... You can't make it better!!! We have to fiiight!!!!! You can't make a difference... Starting with toniiiiiight! Cuz yooooou, you can't make a.... Change!"
@@saragarofano9727 I use only RUclips and Pinterest regularly. I don't see Pinterest as threatening as the rest, since it's used as a means of inspiration. I use RUclips for information and entertainment (an alternative to television) and rarely use them for social purposes. I removed Facebook years ago because of the toxicity and tyrannical practices of the corporation. I refuse to use any other platform if I could. That is why I said "almost all" rather than completely "all." If one doesn't use them for social means, then it should be okay in moderation. It was for the response to someone who said that not using or removing some social media was a good idea....it looks like the comment (or a part of it) was removed. @Sara Garofano The creators of these platforms knew what would happen if people use too much of them (addiction, depression, us v. them mentality, etc) and decided to launch them anyway. It was supposed to connect with others; however, it caused us to draw distance and have more anti-social qualities. In a sense the creators's worries are correct and more. I have even considered/thought about removing RUclips as of recent but don't know if I could do it, since I have this account for about fifteen years.
1. victim-minded people 1:09 2. self righteous people 1:49 3. deceptive people 2:33 4. desperate people 3:15 5. disloyal people 3:55 6. doubtful people 4:29 7. quitters 5:09
this is so correct. i've also realised with time that unless it's bullying or toxic family or any other situation that is out of your control, you can't blame these types of people in this video for being the way that they are and for affecting you. it was your choice to stay surrounded by these personality types, not realising that puts you in the victim mindset category. i used to feel so bitter , i thought i attracted toxic types of people but no, toxic people aren't picky they will use and abuse anyone,... what i had was a severe lack of boundaries. i'm so glad i've changed :)
for others: you straight up tell people what you don’t like or like won’t tolerate. for e.g. let’s say someone is always degrading you or putting you down, you can say to them “it’s not ok for you to say talk like that about me as it hurts my feelings. please stop doing that” if they continue and continue even after you’ve made clear your boundaries, then you cut them off, if not immediately because someone who puts you down isn’t your friend. a personal boundary is more like let’s say you “miss” that person who was saying things like that to you, it’s important to look at it with your rational brain rather than your emotional brain and enforce a boundary with yourself that you don’t reach out to them or anything like that. you keep you distance and your boundary is firm, you don’t give them or yourself any leeway. it’s easier said than done but ultimately you have to realise that you’re better off without them. idk if this helped but as scary and it may seem at the start, you might even lose friends… it’s better to be alone than lonely.
What you can do is to be more aware and mindful of your actions based on it. And to accept those actions and change them to become a better individual. Tip: you can write down the stuff shown in this video and after writing you can go through them one by one and recall some of your past actions and see if you do any of those. If you don't, put an X mark or if you do, put a check mark or whatever suits you. This kind of method has helped me improve on alot of aspects and i hope it helps you in someway too. Have a lovely evening🌻
Hey, you go dude! Realizing the problem is a BIG step! Recognizing it gives you the ability to access tools that can help you get better mental health. I believe in you!
@@HavianEla aww thanks buuut i am in the gray are where i want to vent about it but never end up doing anything anout it so i have a track record of a mental breakdonw every 6to8 days
@@giuseppedalessandro2897 eh, it is important to get things out. Just try your best to separate what does come down to your choices, and what's beyond your control
@@Seldron333 of course, but you can never fully get rid of anything thats part of you. Idk how to word it, but its hard to rid these, sometimes you dont notice it happening because you truly believe that, for example, 'I dont belong in this world'. And sometimes its just hard to correct yourself when its just normal at this point
@@fadingofmemories9318 In my opinion something that is TRULY part of you is something you can't remove and see yourself as the same person. Therefore those traits aren't part of you and you can get rid of them with enough effort. People like in the video probably weren't like that since they were born, they have grown those traits over the years and have became part of themselves. That's why it is important to be self aware and not to let these traits change who you are
@@Seldron333 Yes, but sometimes people answer the unknown. Its a type of coping method. To wonder why someone has left, we make up our own answers when no one else has them. And I agree that being 'that type of friend' isnt good, and its good to be self aware. But one person can only take so much before they break. But in the end thats what friends are for, friends help you back on your feet. Granted, usually it's you who have to do most of the work, but friends are there to support you. I dont believe someone should expect everything from a friend, but if its someone they trust and have a bond with, I would hope at least for a helping hand.
I was trying to help someone like this for a long time. She perfectly fits the Victimminded people, Desperate people, AND quitters. She had a bad case of depression, anxiety, and didn't feel comfortable about her body (She was kinda fat). But she blamed it on all and everyone but herself. She abused my good nature and took advantage of me so many times. I wanted to support and help her but she couldn't stop talking about how bad her life was, and that I should feel sorry for her. It was energy draining and I was tired. But the moment I told her upfront that I was tired and needed some time for myself, she stabbed me in the back and made me out for the "evil person that I am" for leaving her in the dust. Yeah, good riddance, looks like you don't need my help after all. And ever since then I completely blocked her out of my life and that was such a massive relieve.
well , you should probably try much more to help your parents than helping any other relationship , like a friend or whatever , your parents come first , my friend , never give up on them.
Disagree on quitters. No one WANTS to fail, they're just convinced that it's pointless to try. As someone who's on the recovery track from depression, I can say quitter mentality was never something I wanted to have, let alone impose onto others. It was just made to seem the only logical option by that little (or thundering) voice in my head which came from the black-and-white thinking caused by depression. It can be silenced (or rather, put back in its place - it has a function as your security system but depression makes it go haywire) with constant, small everyday efforts to convince yourself that no matter how many times (or at what endeavours) you have failed before, there never IS 0% point in trying. That's something where support from those around you matters a great deal. So yes, you can help quitters, you just need to find a pressure point.
I agree and feel many of these actions are subconscious and maybe, they have been so subjected to this lifestyle, its hard for them to change rather than not wanting to
Yes, but that means people with that mentality need to work on themselves, not that it's everyone else's job to make sure they get better and have more motivation. That's what the video is saying, and it's true.
@@conchtalks Well, sure, it's not anyone else's "job", but this video is saying that you literally can't do anything to help, ever, no matter how much you want to, done, period, end of story. That's what people in the comments are complaining about.
I feel like you can’t help people who don’t want to accept your help. They will see it as criticism and that you don’t accept them for who they are. It’s hard to deal with these people. I think it’s about ego, if they manage to go past it they will admit they have a problem And yeah at the end of the day you have to put in the work to change yourself
Some people can't change even with all the help in the world. I, for example, am likely impossible to cure or change in some of my issues. There are some problems that cannot be solved, and some wounds which cannot be healed, no matter how earnest the participants.
I can't help people on the internet like a psychologist, but I'll just try to make their day, which is a little reminder for them that someone cares about them
I don't think so. Everyone feels and acts in these ways every now and then, we are human, we can make mistakes. But if a person does these all the time, like a habit, and they have no intention of changing themselves, it's totally different. We should all be running away from those kinds of people. I think the main point is that, you can only help someone who genuinely wants to change. If they don't want to change, you can't help them, no matter what you do.
To anyone struggling with a victim mindset, I have some advice, if you’d like it! It’s not something I ever chronically struggled with, but I was a victim of CSA. And as we all know, words have power. We all know that as victims, we’re helpless and trapped, and it’s a miserable place to be. I don’t want you to suffer through that or anyone else! I try calling myself a survivor instead. And not just through my CSA. I SURVIVED that unbearably hard day I didn’t think I’d make it through, I SURVIVED that pain that was extremely overwhelming. You can be a survivor of day to day things! It helps, or at least, helped me, feel like I was taking power back in my life. Likewise, finding three things to be thankful for everyday, to express gratitude for my blessings, even when I don’t feel so blessed. I hope this can help someone, but if this isn’t the proper mental health tool for you - keep looking! Don’t give up! You have a perspective only you can offer the world, and without you, humanity will be missing a vital puzzle piece!
The more I think about the last one, the more it makes me think that a long time ago (I'd say round 3-4 years by now) I was No.7, the quitter, I had terrible luck and self-confidence (I didn't know the second part) But, after a while, I don't recall how, but I realised what problem I was causing, and, while I was (and still am) fairly lonely, I'm working on confidence, and trying to speak to more people, although I'm worried of becoming friends with somebody like these types, I've already encountered at least a few, but I'm doing good and getting better!
im really proud of you! self awareness and emotional intelligence aren’t always the easiest to get in order so you can fix things. the fact that you had that mindset before and still worked so hard to turn things around says a lot! 💙
@@GVS-xj5zt it’s really good that you want to help others, but the first step is to make you’re you’re taking care of yourself first. that goes for anything, because you can’t take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself (i need to work on this also). since you already know that you may show some signs from the video, it would be ideal to try and work on them first to make sure you’re in good shape. it’s a win, win because during the time you’ve taken to help yourself, you’ve learned new things to use when you help others! of course the road to change isn’t linear, but it’s very possible to access and get across. i wish you all the best and im proud of you for trying and all the progress you’ll make! 💙
1:08 #1 Victim minded people 1:47 #2 Self Righteous People 2:31 #3 Deceptive People 3:14 #4 Desperate People 3:54 #5 Disloyal People 4:29 #6 Doubtful People 5:07 #7 Quitters
8th type: All knowing People who think they already know everything, and their point of view is flawless. This type of people can be commonly found amongst parents of gen-z, and millennials, or even teachers. They tend to force their believes to their children, rejecting the changes in the world that are happening around them. They usually want their kids and everyone around them to be perfect, thinking they are an example of never-making-mistakes-human, which could be good sounding on paper if everything you do wasn't imperfect, not enough in their eyes. Talking to them won't change anything, especially when you share different from their's opinion, they'll think you're crazy or out of your mind. Another word to describe them is close-minded. They're not willing to change, even if they can see they're hurting you, they just blame it on something else. The key word to this type is complete lack of self-awareness. Popular on the internet those times Karens, are one of the examples of this type, brought to extreme levels. Another version of the same type, is that they know they're not perfect but still think it's always others fault and problem.
@@anja7787 Not exactly, more like a narcissist that tries to implemet their point of viev and beliefs to everyone else. They also tend to stay in place, not understaniding or shaming the changes in the world that's happening around them.
Yup, my parents to the letter. They were never wrong, never apologized, and were ultimately flawless, despite how obviously traumatized / depressed their children were. They expected absolute perfection, and anything less meant withholding affection, guilt tripping, and straight up aggression. The result is 3 kids with massive social anxiety and self defeating habits. So far I'm the only one that's managed to make friends and live life. Narcissists y'all - absolute delusion rooted in deep-seated insecurity and unresolved trauma. These types don't occupy the same reality and will actively attempt to destroy yours
I didn't get the last one. The quitters. As if it's a crime to feel deeply unmotivated. Yes depression is such a thing that if you're living with a depressed person, it's likely that you may get depressed as well. But portraying the mentally disturbed person who's not willing to move on as cynical in every way, won't really spread awareness either.
Again though, like many people on here u seem to be coming to the wrong conclusion regarding the intent of this video. This video is not meant to shame or disregard any of the personalities mentioned. It is merely telling people who want to help not to because without the proper skills and tools to help these individuals, such attempts would be fruitless and likely even damaging. If someone does show these traits and watches this video, it is also saying that they should seek professional aid. Noone is calling being depressed, narcissistic, or whatever a crime. And on a further note, I met and dated someone who seems to more aptly define being the quiter this video described, and she wasnt depressed. She was simply an amalgamation of many of the personalities on this list like most individuals are, and simply didnt feel like putting any effort into anything, and therefore quit on everything thr minute it stopped being fun or serving her interests. Helping someone like this is impossible without training.
If you have depression then quitting may be a symptom of your depression. It doesn't make you "A Quitter" in general. You certainly need to get therapy tho. On the other hand, some people ARE straight up Quitters, and you can't change them, period. I think she should have added quitter people with the doubtful people category. They gotta help themselves which they usually don't.😑
I'm definitely in the "victum mind set" category. I have to stay aware of my thought process and behaviors, because it's very easy to fall back into that mindset. The first step is excepting that it's something you need to work on. No need to feel embarrassed or a shamed, your only human.
Well now I’m afraid of being accused of being like any of these examples, as my life is shit. I’m to afraid to give further explanation in fear of being called fake. Have a nice day all you people out there.
I used to try and help most of the people listed on this list, I'm not trying to sound annoying but, i just hate the fact how I've tried and help people like this. It's truly annoying and displeasing how they take your pity and generosity, kindess, etc. And destroy it like it's a glass sculpture
As much as I believe in all this, a huge part of me believes that there's a fine line between not being able to help someone and outright invalidation; and people try to sound like the former but comes across as the latter when they're unable to handle helping anymore. When this happens, this is where psychology people step in. Like seriously, imo it's better to give someone you can't help a hotline to a psychiatrist than express frustration like they did you wrong. It's only gonna breed unnecessary hatred
Yet again, they can say they don't need a therapist or hotline. Some people need to realise it themselves they need help or have a problem. If they don't, it'll be impossible for them to change or get someone to help. It'll be like getting a fish to climb a tree. Nobody can change anyone, one makes that decision. Some people just reject all help and people, no matter how nice or patient the person offering help is. It's nobody's fault that sometimes, some things just can't happen. They were doomed with an unfortunate fate. Doesn't mean we can't try but if they are clear they don't want your help, that's where you stop otherwise you're wrong for bothering them. Someone else can try help but it's up to the person needing help to let them help
@@LeBronyaJames This is the fine line I'm referring to. Regardless of having the ability to help or not, the bottom line should be focusing on how we say things (especially when it's the latter). Sure they need to realize that they need help and may have been rejecting other people's help, but proper delivery isn't something that should be sacrificed. It's just as important if not more than making them realize their mistakes by any method. If they don't accept help, then it's all fine. It's just that in some cases people take the rejection personally and become jerks towards each other in effect.
There are also people who take it upon themselves to "fix" you when you didn't ask them to and then become abusive towards you when you aren't measuring up to *their* expectations. Where is *that* person on this list?
I believe fixing someone could be a manipulative tactic, specially when the other person didn't ask for it. People who try to fix everyone around them, they do that to feel wanted, to be seen and to be considered as a worthy person. And so its a manifestation of an unmet need for a secure connection.
My ex showed a lot of these signs and it's not worth it in the end. I helped her and gave her all my time, effort, and money, but in the end, she just didn't change and even ended up blaming me for choosing and staying with her in her toughest times. She said it was my fault that I got hurt due to her toxic behaviors because I stayed with her. It hurts giving someone your all just for them to be ungrateful and put the blame on you in the end. I didn't regret choosing her but I did regret staying with her when I could have left and saved my mental health. All this shit gave me 4 months of depression and countless breakdowns, so much that I wished that I used that time to better myself instead. It sucked because I realized in the end that I was staying with her, hoping I can be with her when she is at her best but I realized that you can't stay with someone for their potential but for what they can offer instead. The funny thing is when everyone was staying away from her and when she didn't know how to come back to her old life, I was the one to pull her back. I got her friends to visit her, I organized a lot of outings, and I even gave her a gift when she was ghosting everyone for a month including me(I know that it's everyone since I kept contact with her close friends). In the end, she ended up choosing to play the victim and started blaming me for her hurting me. I wish everyone doesn't go through this type of situation a tip for all of you reading this: never stay with someone for what you might think is their potential, instead, stay with someone for what they can offer at that moment in time for themselves, the relationship, and for you. Peace!
'life is too precious to waste in the wrong company' i think i really needed to hear that. i always thought that not hanging out with people because your mood is always down when you're with them is a bad thing and that you're neglecting them. i think it's okay to step back and realise when someone else's energy is also effecting yours and not in a good way.
I think I used to be doubtful. I had really low self-esteem, bad self-hate problems and ideals of pessimism. I often doubted when people were willing to see the good in me probably because of all the bullying I endured and how I felt like I was evil on the inside. But this year I knew that I needed to find hope and positivity in people, because it was the only way to survive and get through what I was going through
Here is something that I want to address. At first it seems that some people are incapable of changing, but saying that is like saying a plant can’t move. Everyone can change, but everyone changes differently.
I have to disagree - mostly with doubters. When you abandon a doubter, you are reinforcing their belief that no one can help them. Sometimes, if you put up definite, defined, and clear boundaries, you can keep helping a lot of these people, and because you are genuinely trying, sometimes, they grow. I'm glad a couple of people gave me a chance when I doubted anyone could help me, Now I help others. I do not put their needs over mine, but I will put their needs over my wants. That's the difference. I'm a helpless helper. I can't help it. It is how I treat my depression (and the only thing that works), is by helping other people. It's between God and them what they do with my help.
In the beginning of the video, she stated that these are people who don't want to help themselves. The difference between you and those people is that you know you needed help and you went for it. Theres people who are doubters and really don't want to help themselves.
"helpless helper", that really resonates with my outlook. And how I use that to combat my own depression and self-doubt. "I can be an example! (good or bad)" has been my motto for quite some time now. I find it easy to be there for others. But I've had to realize that sometimes what they hear is not what I was saying. That I'm sharing what I've gone through, hoping they will see they're not alone, but they'll use what I shared as ammunition to manipulate others more effectively. Several times I've had to simply tell people "I love you and wish the best for you, but I can't be around you anymore." And it hurts, but I know (now) that the alternative would hurt more. Not just me, but them, and other people that they will interact with. And there's already enough pain in this world, I don't want my actions to add to that, even indirectly, if I can help it.
Now that I'm older I think people need to learn to help themselves. And they will never try 8f someone is coddling them and saying poor baby. They have access to all the same information I do.
I feel like this video could easily be misinterpreted. The title and intention are fine but the way the "toxic" characters are portrayed is quite villainesque. Feels a bit like: "They're just evil so cut them out of your life." And yes, sometimes people are toxic, don't give a crap, and you should cut them out of your life if that's the best for your mental health. Absolutely. But, and that's why I think the video title is a bit better than the video itself, in some cases there's also the option to just give up on "helping", "saving" or changing them and just accepting that it's not your job. My best friend has depression and I have schizoid personality disorder. This video kinda implies that each of us should just cut the other out of their life. But, even though it's not always easy, we're fine. We try to be honest with each other, to set and respect our boundaries. None of it means that we can't have fun together or be good to each other in other ways. He doesn't hang out with me for my nurturing side just like I don't hang out with him for his optimism and happy-go-lucky attitude. Sometimes the solution is to try and take what people can give you instead of expecting more or demanding perfection.
@Pepper F. - Yes, and this is what I have an issue with. Since both me and my best friend each have some of those traits. People don't owe others constant happiness and balance. Deciding that someone is toxic because they have depression, self doubt, victim mentality, lack motivation or are a 'quitter' is quite judgmental. Sure, if it's affecting you negatively because you don't know how to step back from someone else's issues or set boundaries, then you should probably stop seeing them. It's good to know when to make that call and your mental health should come first. But just because someone has issues doesn't mean they are worthless or don't have anything to offer to a friendship. No one is asking you to put all your energy into "helping" a quitter or someone with self-doubt or negativity. You can just accept that it's their life and their problem to fix. Stop getting frustrated about what they can't give you or about the fact that you can't manage their life and attitude, and instead try to look above that to see what they might have to actually offer. Maybe they're great at video games, like to talk philosophy or politics, maybe they give good advice or have a great sense of humor, maybe they're always down to go swimming at 3 in the morning. And maybe they have an outlook on life that you can grow and learn from. This video is saying "you won't fix them, so drop them" but if you're not their therapist it was never your job to fix them in the first place. And if you wait for people to be flawless you're probably gonna miss out...
@Pepper F. I don't think anyone has one trait as their entire personality, not even the truly toxic people. I know the video doesn't straight up say that but that's why I said "could easily be misinterpreted" and "implies". I'm pretty sure it's what a majority of the viewers take away from the video. And yes, I agree that some of these are genuinely toxic and harmful. I wouldn't be friends with those. Sometimes people are just uncaring jerks who treat you badly, please do cut them out. But it's not the case for all of the examples in this video and I feel like it very much failed to distinguish between them. "Uses you, manipulates you, talks behind your back" (= stuff one does *to* you and you should rightfully put an end to) shouldn't be lumped together with stuff like "negative, depressed, self-doubt, quitter" (= stuff going on in their own life/head, that's not about you and not up to you to fix or change).
@Pepper F. - Yep. That's why I said that the intention and title were fine. Just not super well conveyed by the video itself, which mention several times cutting ties with people, 'staying away', etc... and overall portrays the characters as "bad people" in a rather caricatural way.
Thank you for your comment, truly. I was trying to find the words to express why I don't like it when people say "cut this people out of your life" just because they can be toxic and negative, but you said everything that was on my mind. I have borderline personality disorder and that has made me "toxic" since I was a kid. My negativity and victimism are basically pathological, and I drove many people away for that, especially my best friends. But even though back then I was constantly hurting them, my friends always said the reason we were still friends was because they had a good time with me when everything was okay. We never stopped being friends, but they did take a step back to preserve their mental health. Today, I barely recognise the person I once was, I got a lot better over time and I've been in therapy for a while now. My point is, sometimes people are just suffering, in my case, whenever I emotionally hurt my friends I was in a great deal of pain too. If you can't help them and they are hurting you, keep a safe distance, but don't just cut them out altogether (unless they're narcissists). It was really tough for me when I realised I wasn't as close as I used to be to my friends, but they forgive me and it's all water under the bridge now. Give people second chances, you may one day find yourself being the "toxic" person you hate so much.
1. People with victim complexes 2. Narcissistic, sanctimonious, egocentric, self-righteous people 3. People who are deceptive and manipulative 4. Desperate people 5. Disloyal, backstabbing people 6. Doubtful, pessimistic and judgmental people 7. Quitters
"life is too precious to waste in the wrong company" that hit me really hard. also this video made me realize I may be the doubtful type and also the victim type. I use my traumas as an excuse to doubt every good thing that people do for me, and end up pushing them far away
I know it seems like people dont care about you. I know it that someone may have said to u "I hate you" or "i dont care"but this is ebcause there is something in their mind blocking their love and empathy for you. The reason it seems like "people only care when your gone" is because the people don't know how to express that they love you. So when they finally lose you, it all comes out since they cant handle it. They do care about you. You are important. You dont deserve to die or get hurt. I promise. The reason people like ur friends and family "dont help" is because they dont know. Your fake smile and fake laugh is convincing, and instead of trying to make it more convincing, you need to tell them that you need help. Faking happiness makes you more sad. Getting help may be hard and you dont want to do it, but it will be worth it in the end. If you dont have any friends and ur fmaily is the reason you are feeling so low, talk to a crisis hotline, such as the text number 741741. Or email jo@samaritans.org. Or call the phone number that fits your situation from this link: teenlineonline.org/youth-yellow-pages/24-hour-crisis-numbers/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA5bz-BRD-ARIsABjT4njUPtN30QRVZ4cDpv3MnsG0nkCuaEylres_WpryTqAyyW9-UoXmyPUaAnmfEALw_wcB You are no alone. It will get better. I promise. There is always a happy ending. If its not ok right now, its not the end. I believe in you. You will get better if you keep trying. You got this. Stay strong. Please. I care about you. I love you. You are still alive right now, and you will continue to stay alive. I believe in you. I am proud of you for still being alive. I am proud of you for trying you hardest. Things will get better. Don't give up.
Sometimes people can go out of their way to help but don't have the tools required to help then blame said person for not accepting the help that doesn't actually help.
I mean, ultimately, the only person who can truly save you is yourself. YOU have to find the tools that work for YOURSELF. Others can help you, but they can’t make the effort on your part.
Please remember that YOU need to come first. If there is someone who is trying, but can’t, instead of pressuring yourself into helping them, calmly explain that you need some time to take care of yourself. You can’t bring others up if you’re at the bottom.
If someone doesn’t understand the toll they’re taking on you, don’t get upset or act out. Instead, remind them that the things they’re doing aren’t okay. If they get that they’re being cruel, drop them till you know they’ve changed. However, some people don’t change.
1 week ago 🧎♂️🏌
To the 1 person who’s reading this: *you’re nice and cool stay safe*
Well this is hard for me, cuz i used to help others before me, if i ignore them it just ruin my reputation lol.
But i try, thanks
(Your profile name didnt match perfectly with the comment lol)
This is really well said! Prioritize your health and your well-being. If you're reading this, let me know one thing you're doing today for self care!
-Monica
@@Psych2go Journaling
“Life is too precious to waste with the wrong company.”
that hit me hard
Yeah especially for me because the people I hang out with shive me into lockers make fun of my height and weight and how much I can eat I’m one sitting but I don’t even know why I still hang out with them I don’t trust them with anything about myself I trust people on the internet more than my irl friends but idk my brain is broken and messed up anyway
What if someone said don't go towards that light at the end of the tunnel but you still did only to find it was an incoming train, what would that do to you? ^^
Same
Sus
Amogus Impasta come and steal the 19$ fortnite card
Amount crewmate and Impasta and impostor has 19$ fortnite card
666th like
“People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.”
- Hans F. Hasen
Who inspires you? :)
-Monica
@@Psych2go Monica :)
@@Psych2go lol my friends
My mom
And there are those that are a bit of both (which is fairly common I would say, particularly if you're a "middle man"), or they're neutral, or they're irrelevant and they don't capture your attention particularly.
@@Psych2go Luke Skywalker
Keep in mind that EVERYONE has moments where they can act or feel like this... this difference is if they do it all the time.
Yes, also watch out for behaviour cycles. As soon as you start to withdraw everything is magically fine again, they reel you back in, then the drama hits. You're put upon beyond what you've offered and it takes its toll on you, your boundaries are ignored, so you start to withdraw and...everything is magically fine again...repeat from the top! It's exhausting!
@Gemmariah Beadle The best way to predict future behaviour is by looking at past behaviour. xx
@@jessicataylor7174 true .. if the person was toxic to you before .. they will be again ... they will be a sweet as anything to get back in.. always be aware .. if you have to work hard to remain friends, they are toxic
@Gemmariah Beadle no... if you are drained he is being emotionally abusive.. as hard as it is .. move on.. you need someone who simply lifts you up .. but also you are totally comfortable and can be yourself around them
@@jessicataylor7174 The majority of people have displayed this type of behaviour. Psychology it's been proven this can be because of repetitive behaviour, bad habits they have learnt or even them doing it without realising it. The last one I can say from personal experience. I do or say stupid stuff without thinking before I act or speak, so it has hurt a lot of people. I have learnt to be more cautious, but it's definitely no walk in the park. All 3 need major effort, work and self reflection. That being said, I've also met people who have changed for the better. One of my ex friends worked massively on their behaviour and its been going smooth again ever since. Even in my own toxic little family a miracle happened. My mum and I never saw eye to eye for years. It's been 2 years since I got to speak up about it, and she's made a 180, the majority of the issues no longer existing.
I guess it all depends on how strong your will power is. But I do agree that a lot of people are more likely to repeat their behaviours, especially if their emotional intelligence is lacking.
What's irritating in the modern age is that everyone tells real victims that they just have a victim-mentality, and people who earnestly try and fail at something are just quitters. The lack of empathy in the world is depressing.
Right? There's been unavoidable times in my life where toxic people really did screw me over badly.
THOSE are the kind of "people" I have incriminating "fantasies" about.
what is sad this person sounds like they have pushed every single person out of their life, everyone is toxic in their own way
This video doesn't draw a distinction between victim mentality caused by having been abused and unjustified victim mentality. Same for the doubter: Does this person doubt helpers' intentions because they've been tricked before? I mean, it's possible that all four types of people can't be helped, but if that's not the video's message, then it has a huge flaw.
And because of the lack of distinctions, I could put everyone I ve ever met in one of these categories. So what to do now? Locking the door and never leave the house again to avoid meeting people? 😂
"Never let someone become your priority while allowing yourself to become their option." - Mark Twain
Hens alot of people would come off as quitters because the other side treated them like they were an option
Damn nice quote. Definitely keeping that one in mind.
Brutal truth if ever there was.
Oofff hit me hard
@@lishen9 Not if they tried.. communicated their feelings/ asked to do things differently, and the coldhearted self-centered coward said they were overreacting.
Just saying. 😅
I've been scrolling through the comments and I keep seeing people saying they relate to some of these, and people respond with stuff like "Change Yourself or get lost" and I just wanna say... Stop. You aren't helping anyone. Let them share their struggles. This is a no judgement zone. everyone is going through something different, we should respect that.
Yes, but always remember to have boundaries with people. Sometimes it can be mentally exhausting trying to help everyone. However everyone does have a right to share their problems and others have a right to help as much as they want to
"Thank you for sharing your realization, it's tough to make that first step to acknowledge your flaws. I hope you can find the courage to take the next step and start to change."
Yeah the point of this video is “don’t hurt yourself trying to change people who are dragging you down” not “people who are like this are undeserving of kindness and a safe place to vent”
no one really respects you if you are someobe popular smth like tht
Finally , a comment worth of a like !
Just remember, everyone and anyone can show signs like this, but it's the people who embody these signs that are the ones she's talking about. Don't just write someone off because they do these things once. It has to be a consistent display of negativity for them to be beyond hope.
I agree ✌
True. I agree. Some people are just born with these traits. These things are there in their nature. But some shows these according to whatever pressure there are in, in certain situation, which at times introspection can help them to correct those mistakes
Even then to just discard someone is cruelty in itself. What if you've misunderstood or only see the bad at the expense of the good in someone.
Imo it's more of a weigh up between the good and the bad. If it's more bad than good then that is the time to set boundries. If those boundries are crossed then that is the time to make a break, cause, as far as I can see, everyone has ev e ry single one of those seven characteristics including the narrator, who I would describe as mostly the self righteous type.
Anyhow peace.
I see myself as the doubtful one in this video but it makes me want to try harder to be a better person. I see myself saying to others “why would you want to hang out with me?” But at the same time, I think to myself, “I’ll make myself a better person so that I can feel worthy of having friends”. Then I don’t have friends and then the cycle continues. It sucks being the doubtful type cuz even when you want to do better, people always make you feel like you are crazy for trying. I care about others but no one cares back and then it creates doubt on a lot of things. I hope this sheds more light on the doubtful type. Maybe people can be more patient with that particular type because that doubtful attitude comes from a place of uncertainty and needing some encouragement and help to realize that their efforts DO mean something. Next time you come across the doubtful type, try and see if encouraging them helps. If it doesn’t, then they’re probably not trying to be better. But if that’s exactly what they needed, they will be ever so grateful to you. Please don’t box the doubtful types together with the others. We are so much more than that.
@@TT35109 I've been called Eeyore all my life. People don't understand that when your life has been hard, it makes you look and act a certain way... and someone just saying "Hey, perk up!" Doesn't change anything. It takes time to earn trust and respect and so yeah, sometimes the unhappy people never get the chance to show their inner beauty because people don't have the patience to look for it or DESERVE to see it.
But never allow yourself to believe YOU have to be "better." You are perfect the way you are. Sure, we all have to grow and change in our time... but you aren't less than anyone else. You aren't required to impress them. A good person will see you as another good person and they will earn your happy side.
Oh goodness. I remember having the victim mindset. It took a lot of therapy, extremely understanding people around me (I was fortunate on that account for sure as Psii makes clear) and painful introspection to move past it. Anyone who has found this video and related to something in it, it is possible to work past it. And I fully believe you will do it, wherever and whoever you are, as I did myself! ❤
thank you! Im trying my best using the guilt I have for my mistakes as my fuel
@@SkillfulCurve if you are feeling guilt, it's very important to forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on and improve 😊 I believe in you!
@@Regnbuesolv When I will think I have done enough I will try to hate myself less! Thank you, I will do my best
Too lazy
I'm about to cry after watching this video. LOLLLLLL. it's true, who we really, are probably not who we wants to be. I don't know... If I really related with this video. But I'm just afraid, that I'm not enough. When I am trying my best, to be enough. I'm trying to help myself. Alone. You know? I'm not even sure if I got this 'self doubt' signs from other's, or is it just me. I'm not sure if this video is to pointed out to them, or to me? I don't know... I just don't know.
“We make the mistake of believing everyone wants to be better”
Ooof... 😬
same
That's a deep one
Yup...
True! Also, who are we to decide what that "better" is? That's a difficult one
I really needed to hear that but I absolutely didn't want to.
I feel like I've become many of these people combined...
Try and change then, It's literally never too late
Im looking away 😨
😏
@@mexicanjojo6369 Me too but nah I'm too lazy, I won't even bother changing myself.
(that was a south park reference btw, i'm not trying to be an ass)
I feels you
One thing I'd like to add: Some people do have these traits not because they want to, but because nobody ever guided them or cared enough for them so that they change their POV and look towards the better side. It's not like you can't help them, it's just that they need more LOVE and more PATIENCE! Everybody can change, if they really are aware of their current situation.....
I agree, many ended up like that from past trauma, including abandonment and misguided adult figures in their lives. However, often times people who need even MORE love and MORE patience will just take and take, until they wear out the people giving. There needs to be some effort and acknowledgement from the person, or else they'll just keep taking all you have to give, and need/want more.
It's great if we can help, but frankly it's just not our responsibility to heal people, especially if they don't want to get better, and if it's draining us of our energies to care for ourselves.
@@khakicampbell6640thank you for saying this. There are other people/things in a 'helpers' life that require attention let alone, themselves. Hopeless people won't care what falls by the wayside on your to-do list, regardless of how they became that way.
Yes but it’s not our job, and after a while, no, we can’t help them with the tools that we have and if they don’t take a step back we’ll just end up hurting ourselves
Then how come somebody had a better life than me but ended up being worse than me?
I DONT UNDERSTAND I DONT WANT TO BE BAD AND HAVE THESE TRAITS BUT IF I SEEK FOR HELP I WILL BE TOO NARCISSISTIC. WHAT DID I DO TO HAVE HELP????? IM TO TIRED
“You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”
This quote has helped me a lot.
I've literally been thinking this quote all week
But....ya...ya..can?
Maybe adding an 'always' before 'make it drink' improves its clarity. :3
There are some stubborn horses out there that don't even make it that far.
ColonelJayWrites not really since the horse chooses to drink
Its sad that these are the people that actually need the most help
Yes
this is so true
Sounds like this video is geared towards you.
@@davidwarner3326
Are you mad because he was talking about you perhaps..?
Yea that would be me😓
honestly trying to help people who dont want to be helped is more exhausting than anything. I find my own mental health declining whenever I try to help and its alwaaays so one sided that I have learned to just let go of these people for good
you should prioritize yourself first because your health is #1!
-Monica
Same Sam, same
Narcissistic people are the prime example. I dont want to let go of people, but I'm not afraid to pull that trigger and do so...
I ruined my mental trying to help a lost friend with psychosis. I just didn’t understand his illness, and it brought me down with him.
@@Psych2go hey monica. couldn't the last two be signs of mental disorders?
like. doubtful people honestly sound like early signs of depression and quitters sound like anxiety disorder/ADHD .
as someone with serious anxiety (so much so I can't even leave the house without a panic attack ensuing) getting something wrong can really be a problem for me. like. I've literally cried in the middle of drawing because of the concept of "doing it wrong".
and my own boyfriend has ADHD and suffers with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and "getting it wrong" can knock his mood down for hours.
and that doubtful person. Oh yeah, that was me during 2020, when I went into the biggest spiral of depression I've had since highschool. my mood was "what does it matter, everything sucks and it will always suck" I don't know what would have happened if my friends had taken your advice and just left me in that time of need.
You make me realize that no one should be around me
Can I add a number 8? The apologiser: This person will wrong you, say sorry, and then do the same thing again, and it becomes a cycle and no matter how much you try to help them, and they say they're going to change, they just don't, stay away from these people, everyone deserves a second chance, but don't keep giving more chances when they keep doing the same things over and over
Yes! I brought this up when I began to set my boundaries with the person in my life, that saying sorry doesn't fix anything. Especially if you keep doing stuff and try to justify it with the same excuse. They tried to say it won't happen again and for the first 2 times I accepted it, but as someone who has witnessed domestic abuse, I saw the pattern and am slowly distancing from that situation.
@@mayamarisol6 that's probably the best course of action with someone like this
mic drop
My parents are very strong about teaching us that if we say sorry, we shouldn't just move on, but try not to do what we were sorry for again. If you don't mean it, just say that, because there's more the both of you need to work out.
I felt this in my soul, that's literally one of my exs 😣
fun fact: you can find all of these personality types on a typical discord server
@@knarme5160 No, but yes
whoa really? like, private or public?
@@thebutterscotchkid2481 both, probably
@@PlutoniumSlums huh...
I know a discord server who is not like that
“Don’t save her she don’t wanna be saved” - project pat
This comment deserves to be higher up. 🤣🤣🤣
I didn't even think of that song-
Great it wasn't just me that heard this the whole video
I had a pair of neighbors - the match made in hell: They fought, you'd hear pots and pans flying around, her yelling "come-on, hit me, you feel like a big man?". And all I could really do was mind my own business... until the day that after one such fight, there was a knock on my door. She was beaten and bruised and she asked me (by name if it matters) to "help her".
Things sprung into action. I said "get in here", closed the door and locked it. She was trying to hold on a tattered bra and it wasn't really working. Inexplicably, I had a couple friends visiting. I immediately gave her a towel from the chair right next to her, to cover with and designated my friends to barricade the door (because he wasn't far behind and was pissed), while I went to find an ugly sweater for her. I wonder if she still has it and remembers me by it.
The cops came and took him to jail. She was taken to a safe house and I was even subpoenaed to testify well after I moved away from that place. The prosecutor had her head up her ass. I brought my caller-id, still with the number of her sugar-daddy. But she messed up by trying to be formal and asking for "Veronica" instead of "Victoria". "No, no Veronica here". I pointed it out after she hung up; "you just should've called her Vicky, like everyone else does". There goes one blown lead.
I told them he probably wouldn't even show for trial and they were incredulous like "well, that would be really foolish of him". Guess what - he didn't show and I wasn't needed. These "professionals" in their ivory castles have no respect for street-smarts and the rest of us. Like you don't think his neighbor might know him better than a perfect stranger with diplomas on the wall?
So the bottom line: Yeah, you can't help someone until they ask for it. She had gone through a long cycle of getting abused and running to her sugar-daddy, then going back to him. Nothing you can do until she's had enough.
rswingman that story happens so much it’s sad actually.
I had a quitter. That’s not to say fighting mental illness is easy, because it’s not, but he really was beyond help. Gave him all the support in the world, encouraged him to seek help, offered to go crazy lengths to help, and even after a year it just wasn’t enough. He deliberately rejected all of it, and chose instead to keep wallowing in his own self hatred, and it was dragging me down hard.
My partner nowadays, on the other hand, has been a complete 180°. He recognized the problem and we worked together on getting him mental health support even though his parents didn’t support him. Despite everything going against him, he tried and learned to persevere, and he’s really come a long way. He’s a lot happier now, is medicated, is working on further diagnosis's and has honestly inspired me to keep fighting when all seems lost too.
Please. Don’t spend your life running your head against a brick wall. You’ll only hurt yourself.
you stand with him, still? thank you, i can't imagine myself if someone give up on me, when i had mental illness. Been thinking about returning the favor by help others also.
@@varianrizkya5838 for sure, you should definitely help when you can. It’s also important to recognize when their battle is not a battle you yourself can win.
“You can’t sit with us”
“Why not?”
“Your only animated in two frames”
“THATS SO SHALLOW-”
& who wants to sit with them anyway 😉🙃
@@pjjohnson8195 who doesn't want to sit with someone that make jojo poses lmao
@@grapekork101
I’m not a Jojo fan so me.
@@grapekork101
I’m not a Jojo fan so me.
ACTUALLY MEGAN, I CANT SIT *ANYWHERE* I HAVE HEMAROIDS
1. Victim-minded people 1:09
2. Self-righteous people 1:48
3. Deceptive pople 2:32
4. Desperate people 3:15
5. Disloyal people 3:55
6. Doubtful people 4:30
7. Quitters 5:08
I hope I could help! :D
Thank you time traveler :D
Hello fellow Time Travellers
Thanks
Thank you,time traveller
Thanks time traveller
1. Victim minded people
2. Self Righteous people
3. Deceptive people
4. Desperate people
5. Disloyal people
6. Doubtful people
7. Quitters
Thanks.
I’m 1, 4, 6 and 7. :(
Thanks a lot You're alwasy on the focus. Just keep continu you also helpful int this way. So, finally thanks a lot.
Trouble is, most people are at least one or two of these even if to a much lesser extent. So what to do? Where to find perfect people? Maybe it means those who are an extreme of any on the list.
Your Mostly right, but "Quitters" are Easy to help if you know how. They all are, but The Easiest to help are Quitters. I Know this Because I have helped about 15 Quitters in my 14 Years of Living.
I've stopped hanging out with anyone other than online... rarely. I am too traumatized to suffer another. I ran into people like this in every aspect and I will never let anyone get near me again. This is self-righteous, but honestly, I don't trust anyone in existence so this just served to confirm that these types are out there and plentiful and I don't feel safe anymore.
This... also kinda confirmed that you could try to avoid them, but...
1:09 “Victim minded people”
I don’t know anyone like that-
_Wait.._
*oh shi-*
I see them all over TikTok
Ehh
@@l4r1n3 God, this makes me extra glad to not use tiktok
VIP, if I recall, was a discovery of the basis of the 'social justice warrior' mindset, in 2019-2020 or so study gave it a name. That's the Victim minded people incarnate.
@Bhargavee Khatawkar how...sad..?
Depends on the individual. I don’t think everyone fakes it. Some people have real issues that can’t be improved or near impossible and it’s a sad situation. My advice is to accept the situation, be yourself and don’t leave this person, who you know does his or her best. Of course you’re always free to leave, but if you really care about this person, then open up about how you feel and say stop when it gets too much. If you care about this person, don’t let their burden be your downfall, because who can help if you’re down too? Don’t take more than you can carry. Just be there and let this person know you’re there and think about him/her. If you choose to not help this person, don’t feel guilt or shame, it’s ok to say no, but don’t bother to blame anyone either. If you feel “robbed” in any way, tell yourself “I don’t have to waste one second thinking about this anymore, I’ll move on and live my life”. Just leave in peace :) hope you’re having a great day ^_^
“Before you heal someone, ask him if he is willing to give up what makes him sick”
If what makes me "sick" is both of my Fate and of my existence, then starting again with a clean slate will only holt the inevitable.
Honestly... Why must I protect this temporary world? It won't mean anything in the end. This world will die and another will take its place. Should I defend every possible future upon the wheel of fate? Or should I destroy everything in order to shatter this design? Regardless, I will leave mankind to their own self destruction.
... Why should I lead the world to only see it all come to an end? And I, to hold that responsibility as if their end is my mistake... Even if this world ends. Somehow I feel responsible for it.
Mankind... I'm not allowed to intervene too much, so I hope this species can... Nothing is real... I'll await you all in extinction. If everything fails, then I'll find another to try again.
I am the End and the End is I. Kin to God. I am... Who I was died a long time ago and the fragments of me merged with the cosmos... ... ... Nothing can save me. Nothing from this world can.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 Dude...
@@ivyinkwell1754
Some things are more complicated... Some things are simple...
My situation only concerns the end of the world.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 You need a psychiatrist cause you are 100% nutso. I don't usually like to say something so rude, but you took the time to write out ALLLL that crazy sh*t. Who cares if the world is going to end? You gonna spend the ONLY time you have sulking about it, and blaming yourself for something that doesn't even make sense?
You only have one life, and if you're only thinking about the end of it, you're wasting it. So thinking about the end, is pointless.
@@fredericksaxton9782
On the contrary... Knowing that everything I hold dear will soon cease to exist. That everything I see before me will mean nothing to me in the end. Even if I altered Fate, that I would meet the same outcome regardless of the infinite futures... Humans only understand what they behold. I carry the complete eradication and creation of a thousand worlds. Live as you wish but do not deny that our existence has been here before and after our multiple ends.
But I suppose mankind is better off dead in the end. Another will try again.
I am the cosmos and the cosmos is I. The fate of all rests in my hands alone... But you humans only understand the tangible existence. It is merely a portion of it.
Inevitably, mankind will be judged. Upon extinction, I will await the worthy or I will rewrite this entire realm once more. But even that is beyond this era's time.
Enjoy existence for what it is. Not that it lasts long enough for me when even worlds are forgotten.
I observe... I am here... Harbinger of the End... The journey does not matter if everything dies.
this channel is basically the user's manual on how not to get emotionally drained 101. thank you.
but better cause it has memes.
Pretty much lol
@@Aeternum_Zephyria so tru
Yes I agree!
jokes on you, I'm already emotionally drained
The last one absolutely came for my life. I've been struggling for a long time with a fear of failure--or somehow worse, a fear of /success/, and I've spent a long time unpacking why it is I have these tendencies and how I can work my way past them.
It's important to say--if you meet or know any of these people in your life, or if you ARE any of these people, it isn't that they can't be helped and are doomed to forever be this way. It's just that the help and change they need HAS to come from within, if they even recognize there is a problem that needs changing at all. It takes a lot of work, introspection, and self-awareness.
That painful moment when you see them in your family
Yeah, i kinda know how that feels
Living with a narcissistic family member is tough. And growing up you would take all the blame when they say you're the problem and you end up having the mindset you are the problem even if you're not. But it's now carved in your heart and brain that you're useless and always wrong. They victimized themselves all the time and you blame yourself for their wrong and mean actions.
When you stand up for yourself you just get gaslighted. It's so mentally exhausting. Their mental abuse just messes you up. There are times that you get physically harmed by them too.
I hate living with this one family member but I can't cut them out so I just endure their toxic mentality.
@@jz_es.469 I know what you mean 😞
Can't wait to go away from them
@@garveyclayton8392 me too
can we just take a moment to appreciate the animation improvement ? 💗💗💗
Thank you :) Hope you like it
ye its been a while I watched your videos. The style used to be very simple and clean.. now its like Anime and kawaii xD tbh both look really good
Yash
0:00 - *Introduction*
1:08 - *Victim-Minded People*
1:48 - *Self-Righteous People*
2:32 - *Deceptive People*
3:15 - *Desperate People*
3:54 - *Disloyal People*
4:29 - *Doubtful People*
5:08 - *Quitters*
thanks 👍🏿 😊
The victims are the worst :(
We are all of these at some point in our lives.
@@NotNet- They're.
they are all pretty bad. the women you put up with for sex but then tun
I used to embody all of these. Now, I'm a completely different person. It only took me a year to make that shift, and it's been so worthwhile.
Only a year? *HOW!?*
Alot of the time it has to do with major life changes and getting rid of the source of the problem. For me, I can described as some as these traits. After moving away from my parents and living on my own it easier for me to work out my thoughts. The healing process was kind of quick while only took several months.
My sister has a big case of victimhood mentality. Nothing was ever her fault and if someone was actually hurting, like my mom dying from cancer, my sister would make it about how much she is suffering and that no one understands her. I'm so happy that my sister is no longer in my life, it feels weird to say that, but I was the last family member to even be in contact with her and her toxic behavior became too much for me.
Family are the asses you can never give up on. Her friends, partners, colleagues can but not you. You dont have to text her every day, or every month, but just let her know at the back of her mind.... that you will always be there for her. One thing to note is people with the victimhood mentality really do believe they are 'the victim'.... they cant help it. So having this in mind...and knowing she almost cant control it----atleast for the time being-----may help your interactions.
@@abelk1451 her victimhood mentality is more of a way for her to assert will onto others, its her way of emotionally manipulating and torturing people to do what she wants. She emotionally manipulated my mom on her death bed, saying that all my sisters troubles in life were my mother's fault and screaming at my mom if she didn't get her way (she's in her 30s mind you). I don't need someone who constantly belittes me and tries to manipulate me in my life anymore.
@@Magic_Toaster don't worry about separating your ways from someone who was ready to use you in anyway possible. You need yourself more than she'd ever need you and you did the right thing I believe. Hoping you the best
@@abelk1451 hey ik you mean well but not everyone is fortunate enough to have a family they should stay with. This makes victims of childhood abuses feel bad for leaving when they shouldn't. If someone is hurting you no matter who they are you are allowed to leave. Dont force the mentality that people have to stay connected to family. Ik people who stay in contact with family who hurt them and they only continue to do so. They typically don't change sadly. A family relationship shouldn't be treated differently in cases like these.
@@hauntedflower9107 This will always make me sad to hear even though how much I want to people to have their family with them and never give up on them.... I understand it completely....
What "you can't help them" means:
- These people have difficult problems that you're not equipped to handle
- These people can be potentially toxic and relationships likely wont last long
- These people can wear you out or may refuse help
What "you can't help them" DOESN'T mean:
- These people are incapable of change
- These people do not deserve to grow
- There is nothing that anyone can do to save them
Do some introspection. If you see yourself in one of these examples, and you'd like to change, talk to a professional and put the work in yourself. Your future friends and loved ones will be much happier, and so will you.
THIS
I see a lot of negative comments here trying to say these types of people "deserve do die alone", which is just as, if not even more toxic than some of these behaviors...
This should totally get pinned for people to see 💕✨ great comment
Oh ok that clarifies. Because I thought that it meant people who cannot change at all
@@aiheki Toxic people do not deserve to die alone, oh no, they deserve to be hunted down and murdered in cold blood right the crap now!!!
@@nihilism6226 umm that itself is a toxic attitude. If you're eager to punish everyone then you'll turn into the person who expects perfection while believing they're perfect.
Work on yourself. Leave the toxicity of others up to them.
@@nihilism6226 the types of people in this video are toxic bc they have other problems. always be kind bc u never know what someone else is going through. even tho they aren’t kind, doesn’t mean u shouldn’t be.
I grew up with a victim minded mom...and I am trying to unlearn some of her bad habits.
Keep doing your best ok🌺
me too.
Good Lord me 2. My mother had at least 5 of the 7 traits. Not all moms r hugs kisses & baking cookies. U only have 2 respect yr parent if there respectable people. Free yrself & GOD bless u with great health wealth happiness & wisdom. 🕊🌈✝️♥️✌🐦
Wow you guys are kind, and don't worry I have lots of love for my mom! We have both grown a lot.
@@rabbidguarddog you have lots of love for her but does she have lots of love for you? I hope so :/ I grew up with a victim minded mom who have physically and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood. Now Im older Im trying to forgive her, and sometimes I just casually bring up some instances of abuse she did, just so we can put it all behind us, but she DENIED she did all that and called me (and my siblings who did the same) a liar. She would often say "you're always seeing the bad things Ive done while I did tons of good things (and continued to give examples which were actually just her basic responsibilities as a parent)" and never apologized for anything, while my siblings and I would apologize for every little thing we did to annoy her. Now Idk if I can forgive her. But one thing for sure Im just becoming at peace with the fact that she'd never change so Im staying as far as I could from her. I dont wanna be her.
Honestly, the big mistake on this video is asserting that people going through certain personal challenges don't change because they don't want to.
For an example, I have a problem with quitting things, and I'm aware of it for a long time. I've tried to change this in several ways. Yet, it is extremely difficult for me to accomplish things. Likewise, I tend to look back and find depressing the amount of unfinished stuff, projects, dreams. I didn't get my driver license, my college degree and so many others. This is a major thing in my life that I cannot completely overcome, and it got me deepened into depression, specially from 2016-2019. Yet, there is one point or two that I've persisted. My current job, for an example, I'm 4 years and a half onto it. Also, I've decided back in 2021 to dedicate my life to writing and art, and this objective is still alive and going on. I still write my stories and ideas frequently, and I'm involved in some film projects currently. It's good to think that I haven't given up from this. So I guess I'm not that helpless after all, but this was a long work, and one must keep searching. Changes can take time.
Finishing, I just want to say that I know for whom this video is destined to. It's specially made for that kind of people that think it is their personal duty to help anyone around them, when it's not. I'm not that kind of person, haha. Fortunately, or unfortunately. I'm more on the other side of the balance, so I thought I need to clear some things. Labelling people as beyond help is kinda dangerous, tho. Specially because, as I've said, not always is like they are unaware or don't want to change. I got your intention, but, not totally true. Or poorly communicated.
Thank you so much for stating that. Few people thougt of us this way but u said it as what our perspective is. It's not that i dont want to help myself. It's just that because everyday i want to kill myself with the same inner monologue several times a day, while dealing with ptsd, undiagnosed adhd, SAD, and needing CBT but my parents don't want me to ask for help because they said, (infront of my face) they don't want to be guilty and go to jail for neglecting me. So It's hard for me to socialize and act like those things was never happening to me it's just so hard for me to pretend. While also knowing i asked a few adults in my life like my school councelor but they don't want to help me because of too much drama and their school reputation to deal with me as a new student who basically have bad grades constantly. (They know and i keep reaching out but they rly just don't want to. :/ Rly thanks a lot for stating that. I see few ppl like u in this comments.
It was the "Doubtful" and "quitter" for me. These are the traits i'm trying to leave behind, and hearing this made me realize I need to try a little harder. I'm going to do my best! Thanks.
My mum is doubtful & I am a quitter.
It was a little bit victim minded, a little bit of the desperate one at times for me. It’s definitely possible to do this, and I feel more encouraged to do so
I'm a quitter and it really does suck. There are so many things I want to try, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try because I know I'm not going to continue doing it. I'm trying to stop it but I don't know how. Any ideas?
@@sockthecat I would suggest getting out of your comfort zone and destroying your doubts. For example I used to be so afraid of going out where I knew there'd be a lot of people. I didn't leave my house for a long time and it honestly made me depressed. I became angry that I was depressed so then I started looking for easy options or the quickest way around socializing. But, it wasn't something that could be easily solved. I was trying to rely on others to give me strength, when I what I really had to do was find it myself. I told myself "the worst that can happen is a few mean words. I probably won't become a friend of every person I meet. I may look like a fool. But it doesn't matter!" And with that, I pushed myself to leave my comfort zone. And today I'm confident enough to post on forums like this.
So just don't be too hard on yourself, and try your best. Heck, you can even congratulate yourself when you fail just so you don't feel bad. I hope this helps
@@Imlaughingflowers Thank you! I've been trying to get into some digital things because I'm at home a lot, and your response really helped. :D
They can actually all be helped. The key part of this is in the into: when they don't want to be helped. There is 1 type of person you can't help, and only 1, and that's a person who doesn't want to be helped. That's it.
This is logic, which was unfortunately absent from this video.
@@nenasadie Logic was absent from this video? Are you sure you weren’t just absent the entire time it was playing?
Well, you can try and talk to them about why it would be in their own interest to help themselves, but only if they have made up some excuses for why they can't or dont want to be helped. I have, sadly, I guess, come to the conclusion that I see no consistent reason to support myself, I would prefer to completely stop my own consciousness but I have a caring environment that makes sure I at least meet my basic requirements. I try to be as little of a poison to my surroundings as to my ability but I still have nothing positive to offer in return for attention. I don't understand why others are able to at least tolerate their own brain being functional or why they would submit to it with gratitude, I guess I'm missing out on some invisible thing again.
@@erdyerdnusss do I get it right that you've questioned your own existence (or even existence of consciousness itself) to the point that you can't see any logical/emotional justification for it?
If so I'd like to know more about your perception of existence and the human condition.
For myself I have similar experience I went through, but the simple fact of my ignorance let me question the correctness of those thoughts....
@@dante7228 this thread will be Intresting
Something that was very hard for me to understand was the fact that no matter how much you want to help someone and no matter how hard you work to help them, nothing will change unless they *themselves* want help or to change.
It's a tough pill to swallow because the people we strive to help are usually people we do care about and love. So it's heartbreaking when you realize that no matter what you do, nothing changes because the other person isn't willing to change or refuses to acknowledge anything.
This!...
This is especially hard when it involves your children or other family member! It's sad!
been there dont that, i got involved with a women about 20 years ago and the connection we had was scary but she could not deal with her issues so i finally left for my own sanity and it hurt like hell but i knew it was for my own good.
Truer words were never spoken, which is why self awareness is very important for everyone.
yeah :(
I'm currently trying to better myself and kick my doubtful nature. It's been a rough journey, but I'm slowly but sure getting there with my therapist's help. I was raised around literally all of these people and I was also the scapegoat in the family, so lots of healing and rewiring ahead.
Good luck to you! It takes time, but can definitely get better. You're heading in the right direction. 👍
When you said desperate people, you went on to describe like a willfully evil person. A desperate person is someone who has no hope. They often show anxiety, anguish, and fury, and may even go so far as to lose control of themselves and hurt themselves. They go through great suffering that on many occasions they do not know how to face. They're not predators, they're people who need help (desperately).
Desperate people can become predators. They will attack you if they feel they need to. Just because they feel that they can excuse their behaviour doesn’t mean that they are justified to hurt other people.
@@TT35109 so in a way, they are victim players/minded too
Thanks for understanding, Patrick. I never wanted to be like this. I'd give anything to be normal, but since I know that doesn't work, I don't carry out evil schemes in my desperation. I just suffer endlessly.
Just be kind to each other.
Those things can very much lead someone to consistently hurt those around them. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. They'll try to guilt-trip you with their own problems to try to pin you to them. They feel as if manipulative tactics are the only way to get people to stick around, so that's exactly what they'll do, and they'll try to make you feel bad enough so that you feel obligated to help them and do what they say.
When I was younger I used to help people with their problems and reassurance that they'll still be accepted and loved by others. Now I'm the one who has severe mental trauma and on the verge of giving up on life completely. It's weird how the world works.
Don't give up
Ask God for help sincerely
God will help for sure :)))
Do you have access to mental health services in your area?
I feel u because, same
I hope things go good for you
Same here!
As a quitter and doubtful person, I can endorse this video. It's totally right... Unless we, internally damaged people, decided to heal ourselves, it's totally worthless any help given to us.
And even when deciding to heal ourselves, it is difficult to bet on a happy ending, because it really is a long and hard road...
It's a long, hard road, but the destination is absolutely worth it. I have considered quitting many times, doubts are insidious and powerful, but when the alternative is becoming a lifelong vegetable (not the nutritious kind) and dealing with the frustrations entailed in that ... well, I considered the sacrifices and rewards of each path and chose the one that was most worthwhile. Best wishes to you!
Hellow fellow quitter
Cruel reality is that, there is not always a happy ending. The only thing you can really do is accept that fact, and live until you don't anymore.
The victim minded can also be easily confused with anxiety people and low self-worth esteem tho..
I think I’ll just die alone. It’s easier that way.
same
Well okay, if that makes you happy
*nods* yes, me too.
Victim mentality?
Bre S. It's seems you're making it a bad thing, what's wrong of dying alone?
"life is too precious to waste in the wrong company"
Yeah man I am thinking of getting a job somewhere else
That's why i hate outside peoples
This video perfectly describes who I am. I'm 90% sure I'm a narcissist (and practically have been since age 5). Everything I do is either my attempt to pathologize, manipulate, or weasel my way in/out of situations for my own benefit. I've nearly quit everything I enjoy and get stressed before assessing the situation and trying to find a healthy solution. It's ruined friendships and made the everything seem like an issue, even with no issue present. I'm going to get my annual health check soon and hopefully a referral from my doctor to therapy and/or a diagnosis from a professional. Last year I gave up on therapy because I was guarded, dishonest and unprepared. This time I'm ready. I've cried more times than I thought possible from just learning what I was, and even at some points I didn't know who I was anymore. All I care is that now it'll actually be fixed and the path to come will be positive.
Hey man, This video portrays characters as 1 thing, but people are astronomically complex. Meaning its extremly difficult to not have both desirable and undesirable traits within yourself.
What Ive learned is that your true ego isnt what you actually are, but who you want to be. And alot of the time we are blindsided to what we potray to others.
For example, im an empath. But im also a sociopath because I can willingly shut off my natural intense empathy at will. I know my triggers.
Im immensly curious and care about others, im also very insecure and sabatoge myself. Setting myself up for failure. Im so insecure that alot of the time when talking to others I talk about myself without considering them much. And im so ADHD if im not interested in the topic Ill change the subject subconsciously. Which is very rude.
When my best friend pointed this out I hung up and started crying a bit. It sucks to realise you are something you dislike. But realise how that sentence is structured? "It sucks to realise you are not you" is what it essentially means. Can there be such a dichotomy within the ego? Of course! Thats just how complex people are. Who you are is very different from who you want to be.
But who you want to be is who you truly are deep inside. Its healthier to get as close to that as possible. Who do you want to be? Look into the concept of nueroplasticity and abuse that. Once you learn to improve that, your mind will be highly customizable.
@@shady1137 This was a very interesting reply and perspective. I'll do my best to look into neuroplasticity. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to utilize this advice to its full potential, and my apologies for that, but this did make me realize something and I appreciate this view. I had more to say, but whatever it is, it's lost on me now. I just hope your day goes well.
@bittersweetkitty3083 I hope it's true. Thank you for the encouragement. Have a wonderful day.
Fortunately you are not a narcissist. Narcissist lack any self reflection. They are incapable of it. They also cannot admit to anything. You are just an asshole. But you can change. They. Can't.
you probably won't be "fixed" the symptoms will be paliated, and that's other thing you will have to work because you have to mentalise that being perfect is a need and that if you think you're perfect is just a way you have to protect yourself of the harm others MAY do to you. I know you probably get frustrated by this but... At least you're trying.
It’s so hard when those people are your “friend” or so you think they are. It’s the culmination of bad behaviour that just blew up on their side. The only thing me and my wife did was to cut the ties and we suddenly had less stress, more energy, more positivity. In our case that person couldn’t see their wrongs in the situation and is still stuck in the cycle of I did nothing wrong or saying I apologized okay (tossing it aside believing everything still is okay).
It is hard but I know you can do it. It will be hard and you’ll think about them non-stop but after a while it will settle and you will see the pattern and how disconnected they are from you.
Here’s what I learned from my abusive relationship:
Set firm boundaries for yourself before entering into friendships or relationships. Apply them across the board. When someone offends them, be judicious in your assessment, and be willing to explain, forgive, and let it drop. When someone offends them 3+ times, they’ve lost your favor forever. Don’t backslide. Don’t think you’re doing them a favor by bending the rules, and don’t make ridiculous “boundaries” like “pick up your clothes” or “always wear makeup”. These are not boundaries, they are orders designed to control other people.
Boundaries are designed to protect yourself from psychological abuse, only. Boundaries are not standards, they are limitations.
Make them ahead of time, stick by them, and allow conflict within controlled reason.
Then you will not do as I did and date a psychopath and an abusive narcissist who will cost you your health. People get chronic and life-threatening illness as a consequence of abuse. Don’t think you’re strong enough to be “the one” person who gets them and sees them for who they are. That is desperation talking, not love.
PS: Don’t fall for the “I’ve changed” argument either. Ask yourself how many people you’ve seen in life that have genuinely changed? If someone HAS genuinely changed, it will be so obvious to you that there will be no doubt in your mind. If there’s doubt - it’s there for a reason. They either haven’t proven themselves to really be changed, or far more likely, they didn’t change. This is just them playing the game as though they have, or convincing themselves they have when they don’t really understand what a real change feels like.
I Will Never Set Boundaries Because We Tried To Reason With You People And Just Like ISIS You People Have Never Been Reasonable And You Are Gonna Stay Away From Our Communities And We Are Gonna Protect Our Families From Your "boundaries"
Thank you for this I think it’s a perfect explanation ☺️
can you please give us examples of boundaries?? i grew up with narcissistic parents and never learned how to set boundaries, they'd be broken anyways
I've changed is a phrase often used expressively by those who have not. The person who really has changed demonstrates it in their behavior and doesn't need to broadcast it. If someone tells you I've changed they may have something to gain by telling you so. They may talk up a good story in order to try to convince you that they are different but there is little in their actions that suggests much has changed. This person may have ulterior motives SO BEWARE.
@@michaelclark4043 yes this is very true, i see it in my family a lot, it's heartbreaking, when i think things will finally change to the better, they don't, it always stays the same or gets worse, i haven't seen any improvement
I clicked on this thinking “oh boy cant wait to be all 7 of em!”
Same
This is the mentality that i'm trying to avoid. So, I'm avoiding you.
yup so did i
Yeah, I've never met someone who wasn't on this list at least once. Ouch!
yea this my mentality
"So after this elimination, is there ANYBODY left to date?"
The way I like to look at it, is that like narcissism, EVERYONE has some amount of these traits.
There's a spectrum, from the softest to the most malignant.
Just understand that if you go looking for these traits in everyone, you're gonna find them in everyone.
finally someone who gets it
Exactly!
Well, if you paid the quantity of attention required and undestood the video, it's obvious that everyone tend to have these attitudes. However, in the video they're talking about people who have those attitudes every single day, who are always behaving like that and they don't notice they need to improve or they notice that but they're not willing to do it.
yeah i feel like this video was hurtful if anything
@@hasooyoung3939 Yeah exactly, watching this I could see myself as like 5/7 of these under the wrong kind of microscope, even though I try to be a good person.
Now I understand why everybody abandons me. Though I really can’t be helped, I’ve tried, not even my own therapist knows how to help me.
You literally just put yourself into victim, doubtful, quitter AND desperate, you need to step back and take a look at yourself. This video, as mentioned in the disclaimer, isnt meant to make you feel worse but to help you heal and help you grow, only YOU can help YOU, you need to allow yourself to heal, to look at your toxic traits and not get sad and hopeless about them but work to change them and better yourself. Everyone doesnt abandon you, you most likely push them away (i know this because ive been there) be yourself, have a laugh, have some fun, work on your self esteem and your self respect and i swear things will start to get better. You can be helped and you can get better, but you do have to put work in yourself, you have to dare to hope and to be brave and allow yourself to get better. Otherwise, you're right, you cant be helped, helping someone who isnt open to help is NEVER going to work. Be kind and love yourself and watch yourself grow as a person when you actually allow yourself to be helped. Its coming up to new year, this is the perfect time to make realistic goals to set yourself, maybe join some clubs or groups and make friends, learn a new hobby, allow yourself an alotted time a day to worry and to let your intrusive thought be heard and talk back to them and CHALLENGE them, start journaling. There is SO much to do you can do that will kickstart you onto the road to recovery. The path isnt clear and its covered in leaves and maybe its a bit slippery or you cant really see a path at all, but it is there. Sending love and healing to you, all the best sunshine 🥰
I speed things up a bit by distancing myself from everyone so that they won't have to deal with doubtful quitter mindset, that way nobody has to deal with my bad mindset
The saddest thing is when your own mother is like this....
Can relate :(
I know how sad and helpless u might be feeling , just like me ..... :(
Meh, all my family
👌😂👌
Relatable
I'm seeing alot more victim minded people nowadays. Most of the time, it's just to get attention any way possible.
The people who do it for attention make me sad that they waste their life like that, since they actually continue and don't quit from that, because I struggle with self hatred alot and victim mentality is basically abuse.
To be fair, the quarantine and lockdown has really hurt a lot of people
Probably because there are more victimizers out there
@K- Problem solver not trying to take a side but point is, a lot of people are actually victims of everything going on, so I think it's a bit unfair to label them as attention seeking. For sure, there are attention seekers, but I guess I'm taking the side of the people claiming that they are victims. Ironically, despite this stance, I do agree that attention seeking or not, most likely, these people can't be helped.
@K- Problem solver Woah! You're a fast replier! Anyway about the quarantine thing and whatnot, the person who started this thread did state that recently, there has been more of these people
I can’t stop thinking about that “omg I’m toxic” meme reference
Yes HAHA
DWL ‼️
Same-
I think I could do this be confident every single day is that okay
" you can't make it different, you can't make it riight...
You can't make it better!!! We have to fiiight!!!!!
You can't make a difference... Starting with toniiiiiight!
Cuz yooooou, you can't make a.... Change!"
Victim minded people? Well, can’t help a lot of twitter then.
Ofc not, tht app is doomed, I jus ignore it and be myself, only god can judge at the end of the day
I concur. I would even include those in almost all social media sites as well (Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, etc).
@@nezuminico do you own one platform of these on your device
@@saragarofano9727 I use only RUclips and Pinterest regularly. I don't see Pinterest as threatening as the rest, since it's used as a means of inspiration. I use RUclips for information and entertainment (an alternative to television) and rarely use them for social purposes. I removed Facebook years ago because of the toxicity and tyrannical practices of the corporation. I refuse to use any other platform if I could. That is why I said "almost all" rather than completely "all." If one doesn't use them for social means, then it should be okay in moderation.
It was for the response to someone who said that not using or removing some social media was a good idea....it looks like the comment (or a part of it) was removed.
@Sara Garofano The creators of these platforms knew what would happen if people use too much of them (addiction, depression, us v. them mentality, etc) and decided to launch them anyway. It was supposed to connect with others; however, it caused us to draw distance and have more anti-social qualities. In a sense the creators's worries are correct and more. I have even considered/thought about removing RUclips as of recent but don't know if I could do it, since I have this account for about fifteen years.
You mean like 90% of people today
1. victim-minded people 1:09
2. self righteous people 1:49
3. deceptive people 2:33
4. desperate people 3:15
5. disloyal people 3:55
6. doubtful people 4:29
7. quitters 5:09
What’s a quitter it that a new type of thing or a different people
@@deepdays9068 someone who easily gives up.
@@deepdays9068 you heard that song
"she a runner she a trackstar! She gonna run when it gets hard!"
@John ok
@John add "Cena" to your name and username checks out, coz people like that are fucking invisible
We need Rina C to animate more
1: It looks amazing
2: References to anime, memes, etc
3: Animal-crossing-esque sounds, which adds to the style
@Neko Koshaichi Thats true. The little sounds they use remind me of animal crossing though
That one around 2:10 is just animated in two frames, tho. He can't sit with us.
Their style reminds me of a game I'm working on. IF I CAN FIND THEM I'LL PAY THEM TO ANIMATE EVERYTHING ;-;
They're so good ;-;
@@thebutterscotchkid2481 Roblox game?
@@user-tr3jw1df6q no, it's an original game.
this is so correct. i've also realised with time that unless it's bullying or toxic family or any other situation that is out of your control, you can't blame these types of people in this video for being the way that they are and for affecting you. it was your choice to stay surrounded by these personality types, not realising that puts you in the victim mindset category. i used to feel so bitter , i thought i attracted toxic types of people but no, toxic people aren't picky they will use and abuse anyone,... what i had was a severe lack of boundaries. i'm so glad i've changed :)
How do I start building up boundaries for myself?
for others: you straight up tell people what you don’t like or like won’t tolerate. for e.g. let’s say someone is always degrading you or putting you down, you can say to them “it’s not ok for you to say talk like that about me as it hurts my feelings. please stop doing that” if they continue and continue even after you’ve made clear your boundaries, then you cut them off, if not immediately because someone who puts you down isn’t your friend.
a personal boundary is more like let’s say you “miss” that person who was saying things like that to you, it’s important to look at it with your rational brain rather than your emotional brain and enforce a boundary with yourself that you don’t reach out to them or anything like that. you keep you distance and your boundary is firm, you don’t give them or yourself any leeway. it’s easier said than done but ultimately you have to realise that you’re better off without them. idk if this helped but as scary and it may seem at the start, you might even lose friends… it’s better to be alone than lonely.
Am i the only one who is scared to be one of those without knowing it!?
What you can do is to be more aware and mindful of your actions based on it. And to accept those actions and change them to become a better individual.
Tip: you can write down the stuff shown in this video and after writing you can go through them one by one and recall some of your past actions and see if you do any of those. If you don't, put an X mark or if you do, put a check mark or whatever suits you. This kind of method has helped me improve on alot of aspects and i hope it helps you in someway too. Have a lovely evening🌻
@@latiie That's actually a really nice idea. Thank you for sharing 😊
Lmao
Me too 😔
That's why I'm here
Me: *relates ro the victim*
Also me: "it's not my fault for always being mistreat- oooooooooooh"
*I aM loOkiNg aWay*
Hey, you go dude! Realizing the problem is a BIG step! Recognizing it gives you the ability to access tools that can help you get better mental health. I believe in you!
@@HavianEla aww thanks buuut i am in the gray are where i want to vent about it but never end up doing anything anout it so i have a track record of a mental breakdonw every 6to8 days
@@giuseppedalessandro2897 eh, it is important to get things out. Just try your best to separate what does come down to your choices, and what's beyond your control
@@whiteface513abandonedchann8 yea, will try
I feel like everyone has a small part of all these traits, only a tiny bit.
The objective is to notice them and try to get rid of them
@@Seldron333 of course, but you can never fully get rid of anything thats part of you. Idk how to word it, but its hard to rid these, sometimes you dont notice it happening because you truly believe that, for example, 'I dont belong in this world'. And sometimes its just hard to correct yourself when its just normal at this point
@@fadingofmemories9318 In my opinion something that is TRULY part of you is something you can't remove and see yourself as the same person. Therefore those traits aren't part of you and you can get rid of them with enough effort.
People like in the video probably weren't like that since they were born, they have grown those traits over the years and have became part of themselves. That's why it is important to be self aware and not to let these traits change who you are
@@Seldron333 Yes, but sometimes people answer the unknown. Its a type of coping method. To wonder why someone has left, we make up our own answers when no one else has them. And I agree that being 'that type of friend' isnt good, and its good to be self aware. But one person can only take so much before they break. But in the end thats what friends are for, friends help you back on your feet. Granted, usually it's you who have to do most of the work, but friends are there to support you. I dont believe someone should expect everything from a friend, but if its someone they trust and have a bond with, I would hope at least for a helping hand.
@@fadingofmemories9318 aww💕
I was trying to help someone like this for a long time. She perfectly fits the Victimminded people, Desperate people, AND quitters. She had a bad case of depression, anxiety, and didn't feel comfortable about her body (She was kinda fat). But she blamed it on all and everyone but herself. She abused my good nature and took advantage of me so many times. I wanted to support and help her but she couldn't stop talking about how bad her life was, and that I should feel sorry for her. It was energy draining and I was tired. But the moment I told her upfront that I was tired and needed some time for myself, she stabbed me in the back and made me out for the "evil person that I am" for leaving her in the dust.
Yeah, good riddance, looks like you don't need my help after all. And ever since then I completely blocked her out of my life and that was such a massive relieve.
Wow the audacity for u to call her fat... 😭 are u on ur senses or what..
“Stay away from people like this”
-My parents personifying every one of these traits throughout my childhood.
My parents do that to me too
Same here and im just imaginging all they time I spend trying to think of ways to help them when they do nothing to help themselves
well , you should probably try much more to help your parents than helping any other relationship , like a friend or whatever , your parents come first , my friend , never give up on them.
@@Ahmed-fp8dk you're right, parents are important
@@Ahmed-fp8dk you probably dont know what kind of pain what you suggest produces
Disagree on quitters. No one WANTS to fail, they're just convinced that it's pointless to try. As someone who's on the recovery track from depression, I can say quitter mentality was never something I wanted to have, let alone impose onto others. It was just made to seem the only logical option by that little (or thundering) voice in my head which came from the black-and-white thinking caused by depression. It can be silenced (or rather, put back in its place - it has a function as your security system but depression makes it go haywire) with constant, small everyday efforts to convince yourself that no matter how many times (or at what endeavours) you have failed before, there never IS 0% point in trying. That's something where support from those around you matters a great deal. So yes, you can help quitters, you just need to find a pressure point.
I agree and feel many of these actions are subconscious and maybe, they have been so subjected to this lifestyle, its hard for them to change rather than not wanting to
Hard agree
A pressure point?
Yes, but that means people with that mentality need to work on themselves, not that it's everyone else's job to make sure they get better and have more motivation. That's what the video is saying, and it's true.
@@conchtalks Well, sure, it's not anyone else's "job", but this video is saying that you literally can't do anything to help, ever, no matter how much you want to, done, period, end of story. That's what people in the comments are complaining about.
*"You can't help people who won't help themselves"* - Someone who said this on reddit or so i think
I feel like you can’t help people who don’t want to accept your help. They will see it as criticism and that you don’t accept them for who they are. It’s hard to deal with these people. I think it’s about ego, if they manage to go past it they will admit they have a problem
And yeah at the end of the day you have to put in the work to change yourself
@@user-rc2ix6ql9j yeah I agree. And idk, maybe? Especially if they feel ashamed for asking for help
Some people can't change even with all the help in the world. I, for example, am likely impossible to cure or change in some of my issues. There are some problems that cannot be solved, and some wounds which cannot be healed, no matter how earnest the participants.
um not related but your pfp is Kitten, an original character from Cneko Chan. I'm surprised seeing her here lmao
@@becca8225 Some things cannot change, esp neurodivergency, serious untreatable illnesses, etc.
I've told so many before I can only show you the overgrown path you've forgotten. I can not make you take it
I can't help people on the internet like a psychologist, but I'll just try to make their day, which is a little reminder for them that someone cares about them
This is an engineer gaming moment
Thanks, Engineer TF2!
no way engineer tf2
engineer gaming
There is only one type of people you can't help: the ones that don't want (to) change. You're welcome.
Thank you for saying this. I feel like the doubtful type is going to get a bad rep now thanks to this video saying they can’t be helped. 🤦
truth
@@TT35109 anyone of these people can get help but they have to want to be helped. You can't help people who cannot help themselves
That pretty much sums it up. I think someone could have all of the "you can't help them" things and want to change.
So basically, this video is telling you to avoid 98% of people.
I don't think so. Everyone feels and acts in these ways every now and then, we are human, we can make mistakes. But if a person does these all the time, like a habit, and they have no intention of changing themselves, it's totally different. We should all be running away from those kinds of people. I think the main point is that, you can only help someone who genuinely wants to change. If they don't want to change, you can't help them, no matter what you do.
yeah society is fucked up mate
BryGuySays....Great post !!!
@@rumeysaalarcin7336 well that should be noted in the video
LOL that's what I was thinking 🤔. It was sad when I realized all 7 were people in my family. Now what?
To anyone struggling with a victim mindset, I have some advice, if you’d like it! It’s not something I ever chronically struggled with, but I was a victim of CSA. And as we all know, words have power.
We all know that as victims, we’re helpless and trapped, and it’s a miserable place to be. I don’t want you to suffer through that or anyone else!
I try calling myself a survivor instead. And not just through my CSA. I SURVIVED that unbearably hard day I didn’t think I’d make it through, I SURVIVED that pain that was extremely overwhelming.
You can be a survivor of day to day things!
It helps, or at least, helped me, feel like I was taking power back in my life. Likewise, finding three things to be thankful for everyday, to express gratitude for my blessings, even when I don’t feel so blessed.
I hope this can help someone, but if this isn’t the proper mental health tool for you - keep looking! Don’t give up! You have a perspective only you can offer the world, and without you, humanity will be missing a vital puzzle piece!
The more I think about the last one, the more it makes me think that a long time ago (I'd say round 3-4 years by now) I was No.7, the quitter, I had terrible luck and self-confidence (I didn't know the second part) But, after a while, I don't recall how, but I realised what problem I was causing, and, while I was (and still am) fairly lonely, I'm working on confidence, and trying to speak to more people, although I'm worried of becoming friends with somebody like these types, I've already encountered at least a few, but I'm doing good and getting better!
Proud of you! -Monica
@@Psych2go Thanks!
im really proud of you! self awareness and emotional intelligence aren’t always the easiest to get in order so you can fix things. the fact that you had that mindset before and still worked so hard to turn things around says a lot! 💙
That's so nice!! You can be proud of yourself. I wish you the best of luck on your journey
@@GVS-xj5zt it’s really good that you want to help others, but the first step is to make you’re you’re taking care of yourself first. that goes for anything, because you can’t take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself (i need to work on this also). since you already know that you may show some signs from the video, it would be ideal to try and work on them first to make sure you’re in good shape. it’s a win, win because during the time you’ve taken to help yourself, you’ve learned new things to use when you help others! of course the road to change isn’t linear, but it’s very possible to access and get across. i wish you all the best and im proud of you for trying and all the progress you’ll make! 💙
1:08 #1 Victim minded people
1:47 #2 Self Righteous People
2:31 #3 Deceptive People
3:14 #4 Desperate People
3:54 #5 Disloyal People
4:29 #6 Doubtful People
5:07 #7 Quitters
Thanks for the timestamps, really appreciate it
Ty
Basically what has become core images of the political far left these days.
I'm 1,5,6 and 7....
@@illbeyourmonster3591 bruh i'm left leaning not all left leaning people are like this only a small minority same with the right
radicals are bitches
psychology with JOJO REFERENCES? now this is poggers
Hell yea man
YES I'm glad someone else was thinking the same XD
someone noticed lol
Ha 20
ゴゴゴゴゴゴ
I've known so many people like this and cut ties with them that now I can identify them with a single glance. They're the worst...
8th type: All knowing
People who think they already know everything, and their point of view is flawless.
This type of people can be commonly found amongst parents of gen-z, and millennials, or even teachers.
They tend to force their believes to their children, rejecting the changes in the world that are happening around them. They usually want their kids and everyone around them to be perfect, thinking they are an example of never-making-mistakes-human, which could be good sounding on paper if everything you do wasn't imperfect, not enough in their eyes.
Talking to them won't change anything, especially when you share different from their's opinion, they'll think you're crazy or out of your mind.
Another word to describe them is close-minded. They're not willing to change, even if they can see they're hurting you, they just blame it on something else. The key word to this type is complete lack of self-awareness. Popular on the internet those times Karens, are one of the examples of this type, brought to extreme levels.
Another version of the same type, is that they know they're not perfect but still think it's always others fault and problem.
Narcissists
Isnt that Just a narcissist thou
@@anja7787
Not exactly, more like a narcissist that tries to implemet their point of viev and beliefs to everyone else.
They also tend to stay in place, not understaniding or shaming the changes in the world that's happening around them.
Absolutely agree
Yup, my parents to the letter. They were never wrong, never apologized, and were ultimately flawless, despite how obviously traumatized / depressed their children were. They expected absolute perfection, and anything less meant withholding affection, guilt tripping, and straight up aggression. The result is 3 kids with massive social anxiety and self defeating habits. So far I'm the only one that's managed to make friends and live life.
Narcissists y'all - absolute delusion rooted in deep-seated insecurity and unresolved trauma. These types don't occupy the same reality and will actively attempt to destroy yours
I didn't get the last one. The quitters. As if it's a crime to feel deeply unmotivated. Yes depression is such a thing that if you're living with a depressed person, it's likely that you may get depressed as well. But portraying the mentally disturbed person who's not willing to move on as cynical in every way, won't really spread awareness either.
People let u feel pain so they don't have to... It ain't right
I felt attacked too when they mentioned it 😂
Again though, like many people on here u seem to be coming to the wrong conclusion regarding the intent of this video. This video is not meant to shame or disregard any of the personalities mentioned. It is merely telling people who want to help not to because without the proper skills and tools to help these individuals, such attempts would be fruitless and likely even damaging. If someone does show these traits and watches this video, it is also saying that they should seek professional aid. Noone is calling being depressed, narcissistic, or whatever a crime. And on a further note, I met and dated someone who seems to more aptly define being the quiter this video described, and she wasnt depressed. She was simply an amalgamation of many of the personalities on this list like most individuals are, and simply didnt feel like putting any effort into anything, and therefore quit on everything thr minute it stopped being fun or serving her interests. Helping someone like this is impossible without training.
If you have depression then quitting may be a symptom of your depression. It doesn't make you "A Quitter" in general. You certainly need to get therapy tho.
On the other hand, some people ARE straight up Quitters, and you can't change them, period.
I think she should have added quitter people with the doubtful people category. They gotta help themselves which they usually don't.😑
Bruh.
I'm definitely in the "victum mind set" category. I have to stay aware of my thought process and behaviors, because it's very easy to fall back into that mindset. The first step is excepting that it's something you need to work on. No need to feel embarrassed or a shamed, your only human.
I feel shame from my past and I stay stuck there becoming a victim 😓
Well now I’m afraid of being accused of being like any of these examples, as my life is shit. I’m to afraid to give further explanation in fear of being called fake. Have a nice day all you people out there.
I used to try and help most of the people listed on this list, I'm not trying to sound annoying but, i just hate the fact how I've tried and help people like this. It's truly annoying and displeasing how they take your pity and generosity, kindess, etc. And destroy it like it's a glass sculpture
This often leaves those souls who seek to actually help crippled through the reoccurring theme of breaking ones trust
Being able to touch so many people through my businesses, and make money while doing it, is a huge blessing
That's amazing, congrats! -Monica
“You can’t sit with us”
“Actually MeGaN, I can’t sit anywhere. I have HeMorRhOiDs-“
_Ah, i see, you're a man of culture as well_
How tf is everyone making text itialic
**iconic**
_good evening_
Wow
Unless the "quitter" quit smoking, drinking, drugs, porn watching etc. Then "quitters" are to be applauded and encouraged.
As much as I believe in all this, a huge part of me believes that there's a fine line between not being able to help someone and outright invalidation; and people try to sound like the former but comes across as the latter when they're unable to handle helping anymore.
When this happens, this is where psychology people step in. Like seriously, imo it's better to give someone you can't help a hotline to a psychiatrist than express frustration like they did you wrong. It's only gonna breed unnecessary hatred
This.
Exactly.
Yet again, they can say they don't need a therapist or hotline. Some people need to realise it themselves they need help or have a problem. If they don't, it'll be impossible for them to change or get someone to help. It'll be like getting a fish to climb a tree. Nobody can change anyone, one makes that decision. Some people just reject all help and people, no matter how nice or patient the person offering help is. It's nobody's fault that sometimes, some things just can't happen. They were doomed with an unfortunate fate. Doesn't mean we can't try but if they are clear they don't want your help, that's where you stop otherwise you're wrong for bothering them. Someone else can try help but it's up to the person needing help to let them help
@@LeBronyaJames This is the fine line I'm referring to. Regardless of having the ability to help or not, the bottom line should be focusing on how we say things (especially when it's the latter). Sure they need to realize that they need help and may have been rejecting other people's help, but proper delivery isn't something that should be sacrificed. It's just as important if not more than making them realize their mistakes by any method.
If they don't accept help, then it's all fine. It's just that in some cases people take the rejection personally and become jerks towards each other in effect.
They always say, "Don't use these videos for diagnosis, and go to a professional instead"
There are also people who take it upon themselves to "fix" you when you didn't ask them to and then become abusive towards you when you aren't measuring up to *their* expectations. Where is *that* person on this list?
"EXCELLENT COMMENT" understanding
people dont really try to fix them, so ig it didnt count. Just tell them to stop if it happens.
Ha! Exactly
@Neha Do you mean that that's how these 'life invaders/abusers' see themselves?!
I believe fixing someone could be a manipulative tactic, specially when the other person didn't ask for it. People who try to fix everyone around them, they do that to feel wanted, to be seen and to be considered as a worthy person. And so its a manifestation of an unmet need for a secure connection.
The group of friends: _"You smell like dogs."_
You: _"Great, I love dogs!"_
The group of friends: *_"Mission failed, we'll get em next time."_*
Do people actually talk like that?
yes. most of gen z
XD
Yes finally some days this 😂😂 thought it was just me and my brother
*somebody says this* damn phone
My ex showed a lot of these signs and it's not worth it in the end. I helped her and gave her all my time, effort, and money, but in the end, she just didn't change and even ended up blaming me for choosing and staying with her in her toughest times. She said it was my fault that I got hurt due to her toxic behaviors because I stayed with her. It hurts giving someone your all just for them to be ungrateful and put the blame on you in the end. I didn't regret choosing her but I did regret staying with her when I could have left and saved my mental health. All this shit gave me 4 months of depression and countless breakdowns, so much that I wished that I used that time to better myself instead. It sucked because I realized in the end that I was staying with her, hoping I can be with her when she is at her best but I realized that you can't stay with someone for their potential but for what they can offer instead. The funny thing is when everyone was staying away from her and when she didn't know how to come back to her old life, I was the one to pull her back. I got her friends to visit her, I organized a lot of outings, and I even gave her a gift when she was ghosting everyone for a month including me(I know that it's everyone since I kept contact with her close friends). In the end, she ended up choosing to play the victim and started blaming me for her hurting me. I wish everyone doesn't go through this type of situation a tip for all of you reading this: never stay with someone for what you might think is their potential, instead, stay with someone for what they can offer at that moment in time for themselves, the relationship, and for you. Peace!
'life is too precious to waste in the wrong company' i think i really needed to hear that. i always thought that not hanging out with people because your mood is always down when you're with them is a bad thing and that you're neglecting them. i think it's okay to step back and realise when someone else's energy is also effecting yours and not in a good way.
“I will not allow anyone to walk in my mind with dirty feet.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
Good quote! Got any more? -Monica
@@Psych2go always :D
@@HIXHAM Happy to see people knowing about this legend out of India as well 💜
That's a really badass quote actually but a true one.hahahaha
@The Genderqueer Cringy Emo wdym ?
I think I used to be doubtful. I had really low self-esteem, bad self-hate problems and ideals of pessimism. I often doubted when people were willing to see the good in me probably because of all the bullying I endured and how I felt like I was evil on the inside. But this year I knew that I needed to find hope and positivity in people, because it was the only way to survive and get through what I was going through
Fr sameee
Here is something that I want to address. At first it seems that some people are incapable of changing, but saying that is like saying a plant can’t move. Everyone can change, but everyone changes differently.
I have to disagree - mostly with doubters. When you abandon a doubter, you are reinforcing their belief that no one can help them.
Sometimes, if you put up definite, defined, and clear boundaries, you can keep helping a lot of these people, and because you are genuinely trying, sometimes, they grow.
I'm glad a couple of people gave me a chance when I doubted anyone could help me, Now I help others.
I do not put their needs over mine, but I will put their needs over my wants.
That's the difference.
I'm a helpless helper. I can't help it. It is how I treat my depression (and the only thing that works), is by helping other people.
It's between God and them what they do with my help.
Yes brooo this
I agree ! This is how to be selfish 101 …. Stupid psychology
In the beginning of the video, she stated that these are people who don't want to help themselves. The difference between you and those people is that you know you needed help and you went for it. Theres people who are doubters and really don't want to help themselves.
"helpless helper", that really resonates with my outlook. And how I use that to combat my own depression and self-doubt. "I can be an example! (good or bad)" has been my motto for quite some time now.
I find it easy to be there for others. But I've had to realize that sometimes what they hear is not what I was saying. That I'm sharing what I've gone through, hoping they will see they're not alone, but they'll use what I shared as ammunition to manipulate others more effectively.
Several times I've had to simply tell people "I love you and wish the best for you, but I can't be around you anymore." And it hurts, but I know (now) that the alternative would hurt more. Not just me, but them, and other people that they will interact with. And there's already enough pain in this world, I don't want my actions to add to that, even indirectly, if I can help it.
Now that I'm older I think people need to learn to help themselves. And they will never try 8f someone is coddling them and saying poor baby. They have access to all the same information I do.
“Deceptive people.”
Everyone who plays Among Us:
True dat! Ahahaha!
I'm such a bad liar! Heheh.... 😅
🙋
Totally don't win almost every game.
lol
*Evil laughter*
I feel like this video could easily be misinterpreted. The title and intention are fine but the way the "toxic" characters are portrayed is quite villainesque. Feels a bit like: "They're just evil so cut them out of your life."
And yes, sometimes people are toxic, don't give a crap, and you should cut them out of your life if that's the best for your mental health. Absolutely. But, and that's why I think the video title is a bit better than the video itself, in some cases there's also the option to just give up on "helping", "saving" or changing them and just accepting that it's not your job.
My best friend has depression and I have schizoid personality disorder. This video kinda implies that each of us should just cut the other out of their life. But, even though it's not always easy, we're fine. We try to be honest with each other, to set and respect our boundaries. None of it means that we can't have fun together or be good to each other in other ways. He doesn't hang out with me for my nurturing side just like I don't hang out with him for his optimism and happy-go-lucky attitude.
Sometimes the solution is to try and take what people can give you instead of expecting more or demanding perfection.
Well said. Thank you for sharing ✨
@Pepper F. - Yes, and this is what I have an issue with. Since both me and my best friend each have some of those traits.
People don't owe others constant happiness and balance. Deciding that someone is toxic because they have depression, self doubt, victim mentality, lack motivation or are a 'quitter' is quite judgmental.
Sure, if it's affecting you negatively because you don't know how to step back from someone else's issues or set boundaries, then you should probably stop seeing them. It's good to know when to make that call and your mental health should come first.
But just because someone has issues doesn't mean they are worthless or don't have anything to offer to a friendship.
No one is asking you to put all your energy into "helping" a quitter or someone with self-doubt or negativity. You can just accept that it's their life and their problem to fix. Stop getting frustrated about what they can't give you or about the fact that you can't manage their life and attitude, and instead try to look above that to see what they might have to actually offer.
Maybe they're great at video games, like to talk philosophy or politics, maybe they give good advice or have a great sense of humor, maybe they're always down to go swimming at 3 in the morning. And maybe they have an outlook on life that you can grow and learn from.
This video is saying "you won't fix them, so drop them" but if you're not their therapist it was never your job to fix them in the first place. And if you wait for people to be flawless you're probably gonna miss out...
@Pepper F. I don't think anyone has one trait as their entire personality, not even the truly toxic people.
I know the video doesn't straight up say that but that's why I said "could easily be misinterpreted" and "implies". I'm pretty sure it's what a majority of the viewers take away from the video.
And yes, I agree that some of these are genuinely toxic and harmful. I wouldn't be friends with those. Sometimes people are just uncaring jerks who treat you badly, please do cut them out. But it's not the case for all of the examples in this video and I feel like it very much failed to distinguish between them.
"Uses you, manipulates you, talks behind your back" (= stuff one does *to* you and you should rightfully put an end to) shouldn't be lumped together with stuff like "negative, depressed, self-doubt, quitter" (= stuff going on in their own life/head, that's not about you and not up to you to fix or change).
@Pepper F. - Yep. That's why I said that the intention and title were fine. Just not super well conveyed by the video itself, which mention several times cutting ties with people, 'staying away', etc... and overall portrays the characters as "bad people" in a rather caricatural way.
Thank you for your comment, truly. I was trying to find the words to express why I don't like it when people say "cut this people out of your life" just because they can be toxic and negative, but you said everything that was on my mind. I have borderline personality disorder and that has made me "toxic" since I was a kid. My negativity and victimism are basically pathological, and I drove many people away for that, especially my best friends. But even though back then I was constantly hurting them, my friends always said the reason we were still friends was because they had a good time with me when everything was okay. We never stopped being friends, but they did take a step back to preserve their mental health. Today, I barely recognise the person I once was, I got a lot better over time and I've been in therapy for a while now. My point is, sometimes people are just suffering, in my case, whenever I emotionally hurt my friends I was in a great deal of pain too. If you can't help them and they are hurting you, keep a safe distance, but don't just cut them out altogether (unless they're narcissists). It was really tough for me when I realised I wasn't as close as I used to be to my friends, but they forgive me and it's all water under the bridge now. Give people second chances, you may one day find yourself being the "toxic" person you hate so much.
1. People with victim complexes
2. Narcissistic, sanctimonious, egocentric, self-righteous people
3. People who are deceptive and manipulative
4. Desperate people
5. Disloyal, backstabbing people
6. Doubtful, pessimistic and judgmental people
7. Quitters
"life is too precious to waste in the wrong company" that hit me really hard.
also this video made me realize I may be the doubtful type and also the victim type. I use my traumas as an excuse to doubt every good thing that people do for me, and end up pushing them far away
Hey, ditto! Once burned, twice shy. Logical.
Unfortunately same. Less emphasis on victim mentality but yeah. I've been working on it 🤧
“Life is too precious to waste in the wrong company” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I know it seems like people dont care about you. I know it that someone may have said to u "I hate you" or "i dont care"but this is ebcause there is something in their mind blocking their love and empathy for you. The reason it seems like "people only care when your gone" is because the people don't know how to express that they love you. So when they finally lose you, it all comes out since they cant handle it.
They do care about you.
You are important.
You dont deserve to die or get hurt.
I promise.
The reason people like ur friends and family "dont help" is because they dont know. Your fake smile and fake laugh is convincing, and instead of trying to make it more convincing, you need to tell them that you need help. Faking happiness makes you more sad. Getting help may be hard and you dont want to do it, but it will be worth it in the end.
If you dont have any friends and ur fmaily is the reason you are feeling so low, talk to a crisis hotline, such as the text number 741741. Or email jo@samaritans.org. Or call the phone number that fits your situation from this link:
teenlineonline.org/youth-yellow-pages/24-hour-crisis-numbers/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA5bz-BRD-ARIsABjT4njUPtN30QRVZ4cDpv3MnsG0nkCuaEylres_WpryTqAyyW9-UoXmyPUaAnmfEALw_wcB
You are no alone. It will get better. I promise.
There is always a happy ending. If its not ok right now, its not the end.
I believe in you. You will get better if you keep trying. You got this.
Stay strong. Please.
I care about you.
I love you.
You are still alive right now, and you will continue to stay alive. I believe in you.
I am proud of you for still being alive.
I am proud of you for trying you hardest.
Things will get better. Don't give up.
Thank you
A good message
thank you.
This seems like something God would say to us...I teared up...thanks friend❤
Thank you. Im crying... your words means a lot
Sometimes people can go out of their way to help but don't have the tools required to help then blame said person for not accepting the help that doesn't actually help.
I mean, ultimately, the only person who can truly save you is yourself. YOU have to find the tools that work for YOURSELF. Others can help you, but they can’t make the effort on your part.