I over exhaust myself- stay up and out way too late like 3 am so that I have no anxiety and am forced to sleep. Thankyou for this i have been thinking about the neglect I suffered as a child at night and how to solve this . Thankyou as always
I have the same problem but I didn't have particularly bad experiences as a kid. I think I was born a fearful kid. I remember being a child and feeling panic and anxiety at sunset. I lived with a loving family but still felt alone. I think it had something to do with a past life experience. Once I had a dream I was thrown into a deep well as a teenager and I wasn't I, it was a different body but felt the same. I remember struggling for hours and slowly dying alone. I keep feeling that kind of panic at night while falling asleep. Its terrifying sometimes.
@@jumbobiscuits1510 wow that was very interesting to read, Thank you for sharing. I do believe that our past lives affect us and make us who we are now. My grandma always told me that she knew I was an old soul but that I was on earth for the first time. I always felt anxiety about living; Simply being human. I can feel as if I’m looking at things for the first time and it scares me so badly. I always was scared to go to sleep as a child I would lay awake at night crying for hours and sometimes I was met with a loving mother who held me until I fell asleep and sometimes she screamed at me to shut up and be quiet. It was very confusing to me, but I know that she was dealing with her own things and I do not blame her. I’m working very hard now to try and accept my anxiety and turn the negative experience into positive. I’ve also worked on self soothing and mothering myself. I talk to my inner child like a loving mother would. It helps a lot.
Anxiety at night was my childhood. Definitely could never admit, verbalize, ask for help, bother my parents or even know that what I was feeling was normal
Thank you for sharing. This is exactly what my childhood was like. It really helps to know I'm not the only one because growing up I felt terribly lonely and suicidal. I wish you all of the best in your healing journey!
Same here... more fear than just anxiety. Can resonate with all these comments. One of my punishments was being sent to bed in a cold house with screaming shouting and raging going on downstairs. I was scared rigid. It was intermittent every month or so. I never knew what It was going to be like. I never knew what I'd done wrong and at other times it would be okay and this wouldn't happen. This went on until I was around 13. Sometimes I'd be left in bed at others I was allowed to get back up but even then I still don't know why. Apparently as this didn't happen all the time I'm meant not to be bothered by it but I am and that it happened intermittent has made me more confused and hypervigilant Just realised watching this that I never want to go to bed and get up exhausted nearly every day😊😊🙋🙋
@@PaperMario64 yes it's hard for a child to have noone to run to when they're scared. My mom just told me her mom wouldn't let her come cinto her mom's bed because she thought it would turn my mom gay as a child??
I love hearing that you have bedtime mantras too. I often use "I am safe. I feel calm." and focus on breathing. If I don't actually feel calm I will say something like "I can use my breath to calm and soothe myself." It sounds so basic but it's very powerful.
when you speak life,love or mantras into the air you bring that feeling forth and yes it’s very powerful same with negative things being constantly spoken that can mess with the development of kids to I know it did for me
Me too, I admire and enjoy Patricks insightful and generously presented videos!! To us having sleeping-problems - I also very much recommend Jason Stephensons videos on RUclips! They have helped me to relax and fall asleep, as Noone else have. All the best to my struggling fellow-sleepers! 🤗♥️😴 Sara
This is really interesting. Night was the only time I was free. Parents were tired and I could access my real Self and I would have spiritual experiences. But sometimes they fought, and I would mediate from the age of 7 up. Mornings were the issue in my household. So I tend to stay up late, not wanting that part of the day when I can be free, to end.
I've never heard of "the inner child" before, the idea of reading to my inner child and showing them love has me uncontrollably weeping. I wish I could be there for him. I really appreciate you putting this content out. Thank you.
I will definitely try this! As a hopeless night owl, I’ve always suspected that I have trauma issues regarding bedtime. I used to have frequent nightmares as a child, in addition to being terrified of the dark, even with a nightlight on. As a child, I used a blankie to cover my eyes while I slept, so that I wouldn’t have to “see” the bad guys or monsters lurking in my room. I’m in my mid-fifties now and still use something to cover my eyes (an old shirt). I know it’s quite amazing but that “blankie-over-the-eyes trick” has kept me monster-free for over half a century!
I never really thought about it, but I always cover my head/eyes to sleep too! Frankly the only time I get good, deep, warm sleep is in the middle of the day or in the afternoon. Never nighttime.
Interestingly, after losing my first daughter due to stillbirth, and coming home from the hospital with empty arms I instinctively went back to the books of my childhood where I used to lose myself, and it did help bring some calm to those early days and nights of mad grief. Thank you so much for these videos.
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. Siam. I wish you feelings of peace & comfort. I think you have great inner strength & courage. Your instincts & resiliency kicked in & you were able to give em sons
Reflecting on some of those questions. For me, I remember my bedtime as a child being a really anxiety-ridden thing. I always wanted my mom to come tuck me in, but she was often "too busy", usually up late drinking wine and finishing the dishes / cleaning the kitchen after dinner. My dad would be typically "watching" TV in the living room, asleep on the couch. In retrospect, I think that my mom sent me to bed way too early. Basically she sent me to bed immediately after dinner, "Go brush your teeth". And I would be left to do that on my own and then I would come back to her in the kitchen and ask her if she would tuck me in. When she wouldn't give me reassurance, I would say "Come up in no more than 15 minutes, please". She often never came, or came after I was asleep. Sometimes I would try to sleep on the rug in the kitchen so that I could fall asleep near her / not alone. Other times were much more traumatic, I don't want to share too much about the details, but usually it involved bathing before bed and violating intimacy with my mom when she did come up to my room. The most grounding thing I remember is when I got a stereo and was able to play the soundtrack to my favorite movie every night as well as a cassette of these folks songs from around the world that were for children. And the most anxious times, I remember staying up for hours trying to fall asleep staring into the utter blackness (there was no streetlights/light pollution in the countryside where I grew up). I would feel like I was hallucinating sometimes, like flashes of "light" in the darkness and sometimes scary faces. I would try to trace the walls of my room with my feet/mind. I hated when I did try to get my mom to help me fall asleep and she would say that I was "not trying hard enough" and that I needed to close my eyes and relax harder. It was confusing. I also remember getting up a lot of times as a kid and trying to wake my mom up in the middle of the night to come sleep with me or pay me attention. She never wanted to come because she was afraid of falling asleep in my bed and not getting a good night's sleep. It's hard to make sense of all of this in ways. My dad rarely tucked me in. The few times he did were strange, or traumatic. Like the time that he wanted me to brush my teeth, I for some reason very strongly didn't want to and he took out his belt on me and locked me in the bathroom until I complied. The other couple of times I can remember were when he would try to read me "White Fang" by Jack London but he was extremely dyslexic and couldn't really read hardly at all, especially out loud. I remember it took him so long to read just a paragraph and he fell asleep before me and then woke up anxiously realizing he had dozed off. There was one other time I will never forget when he fell asleep and had a dream about driving a car and needing to either break or hit the gas really hard and he slammed his bare big toe into my wall and woke up screaming. I will always remember because his toe print left a mark on my wallpaper that was there for many years after and he never wanted to sleep in my bed again. Anyway, thanks for the space to reflect on this/share. I've never really been able to especially in any great/uninterrupted detail. The video makes me realize that this is actually a very important part of the ways that I wasn't parented the way that I should be and how my childhood trauma can affect me now. I think that I've gotten a lot better with things than I used to. Sleeping used to be an absolute nightmare, plus I thought insomnia was something "permanent" because I had heard that one time and met someone who never slept from "insomnia" so I was also afraid of becoming "permanently insomniac" so I was in denial about having any issues with sleep. Plus I thought everyone had these problems and also terrible nightmares and such. Anyway I've come a long way. And I also still have different sleep troubles. I appreciate the suggestions in the video and the support around it. I feel like there is much more to say, but I'll leave it there. Thanks to anyone who read this. :)
Thank you for sharing a difficult story. I would suggest Vegus Nerve exercises as a way to rid the body of trauma and help with sleep issues. Sukie Baxter is my favorite on RUclips: ruclips.net/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/видео.html ruclips.net/video/L1HCG3BGK8I/видео.html
When I was little, I also sometimes saw scary faces when I closed my eyes at night, sometimes the faces flashed on/off for a few seconds. I’d forgotten this until I read your post. I’d wondered what was wrong w/me but now I believe it’s trauma. Thank you for sharing
Sorry you had to go through this as a child 😔 I'm very glad I tuck my kids in every night and fall asleep right next to them. I often doubt myself but thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏽
Wow! I had no idea sleep problems could be related to childhood trauma/attachment issues, but it makes so much sense now! Nighttime was and still can be, an unsafe, frightening time for me. As a kid, my alcoholic father would often go into a rage and keep me up late screaming at me and berating me. Meanwhile, my mother would push me away whenever I sought comfort. Other times, if I was lucky, I could hide from my dad in my room and pretend to be asleep so we would leave me alone. So there's so much terror and rejection and unsafe feeling around bedtime for me.
Oh my gosh you poor thing. My mom would rage at me but not at night and my dad wouldn’t validate me feeling unsafe. Saying a prayer for you and excited for your healing journey! ❤️
@@Jo-lp1px Thank you for the kind words. Returning the same to you! We all found Patrick's channel for a reason, so here's to more healing and brighter days ahead for us all :)
I'm so sorry that was your experience! Looks like I'll be seeing you around RUclips in the comments section of videos regarding healing from attachment disorders!😘
I’d be very interested in a video about morning anxiety. I wake up feeling terrified, anxious and so very alone. It takes about 2 to 3 hours for the feeling to fully go away. (Im usually ok once I get to work.) I actually dread going to bed because of how I know I’ll feel when I wake up.
I’m the same way!! I force myself to stay in bed until the anxiety and panic kicks in for me to start my day, typically out of procrastination. Not a very good way to live. 😕 I am optimistic we can change this!!
Watching this at 2am... I’ve always said when it comes to bed time I’m like a little kid; exhausted but avoiding going to sleep because when the world goes to sleep, my brain wakes up. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you!
I’ve had dysfunctional anxiety filled sleep patterns my whole adult life starting in high school. People seem to always treat it like a character flaw staying up all night and sleeping in late so the shame is compounded. But this helps me see it’s not a character flaw.
This is crazy. As a kid my anxiety was monsters in the corner, I never wanted to go to sleep. As an adult it's anxiety, insomnia and consistant nightmares about home invasions and waking at the tiny sounds, thinking someone is coming to get me.
I first started having panic attacks at bedtime when I was 5 and I felt like I was dying and didn’t know what was happening every night. It was like my dark secret. As an adult, I still can’t sleep peacefully when I’m alone, so thank you for this. I really want to try. The thought of connecting with my inner child makes me cry but I need it to heal and I know I can if I really try.
I sort of did this inner-child technique when I was putting my first daughter to bed years ago. I let myself feel being in her place. It felt like being loved.
Yes. I got right the bedtime story, the ritual, the soothing music, the being emotionally present...by some miracle, I managed to get those things right for my daughter most of the time. She's still a night-owl! 😛 When I was a kid, the only quality time I could have with my mother was late at night when the rest of the house was asleep. So I forced myself to stay awake that late, and then I'd tiptoe down the hall and there'd she be, on the couch, smoking her last cigarette of the day in the relative quiet while my two older brothers, under whose shadow I've always lived, were sound asleep. Later she observed that the wee hours are the witching hours. It's often the only time women find or make time for themselves, when they can't so thoroughly despise themselves for being women.
Mine is the morning time. I know at night I can sleep and be alone. I have 2 girls and I’m the mom I wish I had. I don’t remember my mom hugging me or telling me she loved me. I used to wish my aunt was my mom because she hugged her kids. I’m now trying to recover from seeing them on Easter .
My mom "thought" she was the mother her mother wasn't but she continued the mental abuse and covert narcissism with her kids and doesn't even realize it.
Currently awake at 3:19am. I’m exhausted. My mom and dad would have fights at night. Or take rides. I would be afraid they wouldn’t come back. Or that they would kill each other. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much
My inner child has already made herself known in my life and this is just really validating, to get permission to do things like this is amazing. I often feel like I should ignore her and that she's just acting out, oversensitive, and needs to grow up. Basically I've been noticing I treat her part how I thought my parents and other adults perceived me, and part how I actually was treated. I'm realizing this has been a major mistake for years. She's been alone with no one, literally no one to support her, and that breaks my heart. There's a deep ache I've been feeling so long that is soothed even by the idea of doing this routine, but I struggle to commit to implementing it.
I have the anxiety upon awaking, sleep was always my escape place and the second I’m up I feel the dread of the life. Thank you for your work, Patrick.
I hadn't thought much about what going to sleep was like when I was much younger. It definitely makes an impact! I remember my mom getting into arguments with my older siblings, which sometimes turned into a fight with things getting slammed (doors/objects). Of course I didn't feel safe or calm then.
This was me. In a family with 10 other people, my only alone time that was guaranteed stress free was after everyone else went to bed… Also morning we’re always difficult so I would just try to sleep in… Over time, this became my new sleeping habit. Some times I can’t fall asleep until I’ve cried myself to exhaustion or I’ve binged watched series or RUclips videos.
When I’m lying in bed and hear footsteps, my entire body tenses and I become hyper-vigilant. Even if I’m about to fall asleep, footsteps will wake me up immediately. I never knew what was going to happen next. Even to this day I memorize what every person’s steps sound like so I can know when to prepare for the worst. Thank you for these videos. Recovery is slow, but at least I’m somewhere in the process.
This is just like me. Every night I hear my dad's footsteps in the hallway. I get super scared and start to get intrusive thoughts. I always imagine the worst things. 1 year ago I had an episode like this for months. I locked my door every night and couldn't sleep. I also feel like there is someone in my room at night. When I close my eyes I can see something and it's moving. I'm not sure what it is but it keeps me up at night. Now I go to sleep around 1-6 am every night and use many hours to sleep.
@@JoshSaysStuff no, he doesn't do that. I just have paranoid episodes. My parents were never there for me when I grew up. My dad is always working and my mom emotionally abused me, so I moved away from her. I want to go to therapy, but it's expensive and really bad in my country. When I was a child, I always saw stuff that wasn't there and was super paranoid, so I think maybe that's why I'm like this. I have one thing that helps me. It's listening to music. I do that every single day and it helps me clear my thoughts.
@@lilly29 Dear Lilly, prayer to God, Ultimate Creator, is most powerful tool to clear your house from disturbing energies and unclean presence! In your own words, ask Ultimate Creator to clean your room and to give you a peaceful sleep. And say: thank you. ). Simple, but very powerful. Only you can choose to Reclaim your peaceful life, here on Earth. This is your rights, while you are in your body! And only you can reclaim what belong to you! ). You are more powerful in your own body, then any unclean presence around without a body!!!
My mom and I always fought in the late evening. I experience shame at night and so much anxiety. Now I often think about all the little things I may have said or did wrong throughout my day or what might go wrong tomorrow. Everything is blown out of proportion and my heart races. Thank you for this video!
Do you have a video that addresses the desire not to go to bed because you finally can be alone without someone judging what you do? I live for night. When I wake up I’m depressed that I have to go through all the hard stuff all over again and I’m constantly watching the clock for when everyone will be going to bed and I can be alone again. I even sleep separately from my husband. 😬
I do the same thing, my house was filled with verbal abuse from my dad, who had serious anger and control issues - at night he was usually watching TV or doing something on the computer, and it was finally quiet, I could be alone. When I was young I would read massive amounts of books, later I switched more to TV series and internet. During the days I almost always feel like the time passes so quickly that I just can't do anything, but at night things slow down - I never thought that this might be due to imprinted trauma. I also feel the worst on Sundays, it's like the whole day is a trigger - probably due to spending this whole day with my dad having anger attacks over the smallest things. I also hate mornings, because I always go to sleep to late and am never fully rested. I hate this, I hope I will be able to fix myself some day
Wow, it’s shocking and so helpful to hear how caring parents should have helped us transition to nighttime. Routines were non-existent for me growing up…everything felt on-the-fly, last minute and scary. I was sent to bed angrily and alone often as punishment for being a bother/asking for attention. No wonder I’ve always felt so alone, unsettled and sad when I lay down to rest. I can’t wait to set a lovely, peaceful routine for myself starting tonight! Thank you so very much for this 💕
Same. Was just thinking about it as the clock nears 7am and I have stayed up all night again. It's been bad the last few months. It is so hard to just go to bed.
I definitely do a bit of revenge bedtime procrastination, and I've always used a night light since I was a child. I never thought anxiety at night could be related to the childhood bedtime routine!!
I would very much be interested of a video for anxiety in the morning. I've been waking up in the early morning hours feeling panicky and then when I get up later in the morning I feel a lot of anxiety.
Me too! I wish there had been some advice covering that situation. I have no problem falling asleep, but I often wake up in the wee hours with panic attacks.
I have never understood why I can be so tired at night, but the second I lay down to go to sleep, I’m instantly on edge. My past therapist always told me it was because I had “time to think,” but it didn’t feel right because I never had any issues other times of day when I had long unoccupied hours. This makes so much more sense to me.
Sorry this is a year later. But I feel instantly on edge when I lay down at night. In my case I believe it is because I was often abused at night. And if I go to sleep I am vulnerable because I can't watch out for danger.
I never thought that my insecurities as an adult in my daily life could bring this feeling back up but it’s so true it’s the same fear I had growing up around going to sleep and nighttime. This is great I was looking for something to help me cope and I’m just so glad I found this video.
I'm so shocked this video blew my mind. I've been struggling with anxiety for a long time and I've been struggling with going to bed for so long. I'm really glad I found this video it helps me understand why I struggle so much
This is me. Thank you so much. I pull my blankets up to my eyes. I'm 52. I know it was the neighbors as babysitter fighting, even when other kids were in the house. And probably earlier years my parents fighting. I will start bedtime routine. One I never had
My mom was always tired, so she would fall asleep before me while trying to put me to bed. As soon as I learnt to read, I started to read by myself the bedtime stories, she stopped the nighttime routine, and I was relieved, because it always felt like such a bother and an extreme effort for her to try to be with me at night. She was always tired, always sad, probably defeated because of being married to my unpredictable dad, so I felt so proud to be independent and be able to let her sleep or do other stuff.
I hadn't actually thought about this as related, but I have this exact problem. Although it's not that I have animosity towards my inner child about this specific thing, the idea of a routine about it makes me anxious and ashamed- because I was expected from a young age to have a routine and couldn't do so by myself. I saw that a routine was a punishment- another way for my parents to not have to deal with me. I was expected to be highly self sufficient.. Not only that, but I had untreated raging ADHD that meant I struggled to wind down, a natural night owl, and struggle with waking up in the morning. And because of their judgement would stay up waaay past my bedtime so I could get some me time when they were asleep- though after a while just being in the same house made me feel that way.
This is something I relate to a lot. I have trouble sleeping, especially because I get nightmares so frequently. I can feel these huge pangs of anxiety and fear in my chest. Massive waves washing over me and then I become restless. Panic attacks soon follow. It's agonizing. I once spent about three hours locked in my bedroom just freaking out and trying to cover myself up as much as possible.
Whoa, this hits home. Let’s just say my nighttime’s were more like yours Patrick and I struggle a lot with shutting down at night always have. Nighttime loneliness and restlessness strong. Thank you for pointing to a potential cause. Makes sense! Sadly this led to so many destructive behaviors and relationships all to avoid that nighttime feeling during the young adult years.
This video is so helpful! It also struck me that we should talk to our therapists about any feelings of grief we feel over our lost childhoods. The healing we’ll all feel from following the advice in these videos is a happy occasion. The loss of our childhoods to neglect and bad parenting we should grieve with self compassion, self care and self love.
For me night time was when all the drinking and fighting happened and we hid under the bed. So I face every night with dread sleeping, especially sleeping in an actual bed. I sleep better at odd times with noise, light, and chaos around me on a couch or other non bed place. Have had the worst insomnia for decades.
Ohh, I’m in tears. Describing the bedtime routine. I was sent upstairs to put my pjs on. I had to walk thru my parents room in the dark bc I was too little to reach the light. I was soooo scared. I was told I was just stupid for being scared and to get on with it. I would then walk down, say goodnight to parents, no hugs, no stories, no nothing. Then I would go back up, thru the scary room into my bedroom which had a pull light switch. I would then switch the light off and try to go to sleep, expecting monsters to get me. I was the youngest of 4 and the only girl. My overriding memory of childhood is fear. I’m going to find some story books tomorrow. Thank you ❤️ from England
This explains so much. From being a toddler, I was always anxious and hyper-vigilant at night - not daring to let myself sleep for fear of what might happen while I wasn’t conscious. I guess my rage-full Dad was a major cause of that and yet he was also the main one to shame me for feeling that way. Although the medical profession didn’t help either, back in the 70s when I first sought help for this problem. I distinctly recall one sending me away, saying my fears were irrational, even thiugh I’d gone because I knew they were irrational! Although, looking back at my difficult Dad’s behaviour, particularly at night, my fears weren’t unreasonable.
I am in my 50's and having gone through some therapy and never been able to really put things in place I am very grateful for your videos.Everything is beginning to make sense. Thankyou for all you do .Take care.
I had nightterrors for years. I had no recollection of the terrors at the time, but I think on some level I dreaded going to sleep for this reason. Plus I was the youngest of 8, so I was going to bed before everyone else and had fomo that lingers to this day. Just found your channel today. This is intriguing. Now I understand why I like listening to RUclips videos at night that are short child nighttime stories. Felt sorta odd that I liked them. Thanks for helping me understand why.
These tools are very useful. My c-ptsd only really effects me during night time, and is often pledged with feelings of danger and hyper vigilance. I have some high hopes with this strategy, thank you
Thank you so much for sharing your insight, knowledge and caring kindness. You're a bright light for people who think they're alone in their feelings and experiences, and for people who don't even realize why things are so difficult for them.
"I've put my inner child to bed, now the adult in me is going to watch netflix." LOL! That's something I would think up. This whole idea about bedtime routine sounds great. I'm going to try it. I still have my golden books from when I was little along with lots of books from when my sons were little. I'm just learning about my inner child. She has abandonment issues that have bled into my adulthood. Thank you for making complicated issues a lot more manageable through your videos! They are clear and easy to understand. BTW, how can you know if someone is a narcissist? Especially a covert narcissist?
1:50 in and im crying 😭 My Dad was an alcoholic growing up but would only drink at night, occasionally if Mom felt like he was too drunk shed wake me up and we'd go to one of her friends houses. I also slept in my parents bed till about 8 years old. My anxiety, depression, loneliness is often terrible at night. I've never made this connection.
Maybe this is why gentle ASMR videos are so comforting to me. Unfortunately the screentime tends to hurt my sleep rather than help it… The children’s story idea is a good one, I will try that. Thank you!
So so helpful. Waking up in the middle of the night feeling terrified and overwhelmed has been something I’ve been really struggling with-my therapist tells me it has to do with childhood trauma-but it doesn’t really give me any insight into what I can do to self soothe and stop the nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. But now I have these suggestions and I will give them a go.
Omg THANK YOU! You are seriously the only youtuber that I am physically excited when a new video goes up...Your work is phenomenal. Thank you for everything you do Patrick! I can’t wait to do this tonight lol.. i’m going to sort out my old Roal Dahl books (spelling?) xx
Nope. I don't want to do this. The suffocation game. The smell of Pernod. Her hysterical laugh. I had a meltdown and horrified my husband about this a few months ago. Literally every drunken night her fun comes from smothering us until we wet the bed. S(mother). My nights are filled with nightmares about bears, other wild animals. I'm trapped in my home, trying to shut the door on a wild animal. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. But this is not said enough, so I want to say it. My genuine gratitude. Thank You. Because I have been suffering in a lonely place. Finding your channel and reading other ppl's experiences has been enlightening. But my god, you Sir have an almost psychic way of tuning in to All of us. Thank You for turning your pain outwards and helping the rest of us damaged ppl. I appreciate you, truly.
Thank you for this, anxiety around going to bed is my biggest challenge, and there's a vicious spiral that happens from not having enough sleep. As someone with a 'tricky' family (thank you for introducing me to that idea!), some of my sleep issues ended up relating to the night being the only time I was safe and had to myself. School life nearly killed me several times, and I wanted to avoid the morning and all that would bring. Later with the internet, a new form emerged - I gained a community of friends, and nighttime also became /our/ time, when I got for the first time in my life to spend time with genuine friends of my own choosing. Figuring out how to reconcile all of this is hard and I'm glad I have a good counsellor and have found your channel for additional ideas
(Commented edited to fix grammar, doing so after Patrick gave it a heart removed it >< Which I'm ok with, mostly mentioning so no one thinks Patrick didn't give this one some love too
I get terrible nighttime anxiety and panic attacks. I can’t believe I never though about connecting it to my childhood. My parents worked nights and left us kids alone every night, in a bad neighborhood. I used to be so scared. I remember one night I heard a sound and went to find that our back door was wide open. I called my mom at work begging her to come home. She just told me to go back to bed. I still have constant dreams about that open door and how I’m trying to patch up the opening with various things that don’t work. A common method I use in my dreams are those Halloween decoration cobwebs. I try to spread them over the open door but they just get thinner and thinner and holes start to form. They are never sufficient enough to keep me safe. Last night I only slept three hours because I was so ridden with anxiety. I never thought to make the connection with my childhood experience.
This triggered a mini cryfest just now. I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed and suffering with insomnia. When I was little, my dad had a really short temper. I often had intense anxiety at night. I worried the house would catch fire. The night light couldn’t be red or orange because it triggered this fear. If I had a nightmare, I wanted so badly to go to my mom for comfort, but I would lie frozen in place, terrified of going into my parents’ bedroom, because if I woke my dad while trying to wake my mom, he would be furious. And he was so scary when he was mad. I think this has a lot to do with how now as an adult I struggle to ask for help when I need it, and probably my night owl tendencies - because in my formative years waking up in the middle of the night was scary for me - a time when I felt the most unsafe around the people who I should have felt safest with.
I never linked my nighttime anxiety and insomnia to my childhood before. I have a hard time thinking about my inner child and not crying. Or is it the inner child crying? Both? And now I'm crying. I just want to give her a hug and tell her it's ok.
SO helpful! No wonder I have fitful sleep and have regularly woken up in the middle of the night for so many years. And nightmares! I just made a list of scary things that happened during my childhood bedtimes! I will definitely work on a new bedtime routine. TY!!!!
Again, thank you another home run video for me. I wake up with anxiety and now I understand why. One of my earliest memories is waking up in my crib afraid because I had been left there by siblings. Then later, our living conditions weren’t great so, it was always something traumatic happening that I woke up too - flooding, police, angry people, gunshots, etc. My mother was the fastidious type that would wake up everyone in the house if the dishes weren’t washed. Smh. The more I remember and understand, the more angry I get.
Your insights are so helpful. When i went to bed, it meant the connection to my only supportive adult, my mother, was broken. She went to be w my Dad, who resented my connection to my Mom. So I felt abandonment and loneliness. And now reassuring myself, that part of me leftover from my childhood eliminates it. Thanks for helping me figure it out.💚☮️🍕
I love your videos. Can you do a video about what to do about rumination? Like if you start thinking about something that happened in the past and start worrying about it?
Reading funny, colourful comic books like Donald Duck was a life saver to me as a child! I always kept one by my bedside in case I woke up to a nightmare. Some nights I could tell that the risk of nightmares was high (anxiety due to repressed emotions), and that's when I made sure to read some of the comic strips before turning the lights off. It usually made me feel better!
Haha…. Can’t wait for my inner child to fall asleep so I can hop on Netflix 😂 thank you for that! And thank you for all of your offerings thru your channel. You have no idea how wonderfully your work compliments my therapy. Your reading recommendations are superb-I have purchased Pete Walker’s book some time ago, but only after I read about it in a comment section here, I have opened it and I can’t stop devouring every single word of it. Other books you have recommended are now on their way to my address. For the first time I am taking the inner child work seriously. For the first time I am actually doing it. For the first time I am not suspicious of my innate goodnesses. So thank you for bringing a ray of sunshine when I felt like giving up on us both. 💗
Your channel has been amazing for me. This topic hits home as I would lock myself in my bedroom to try to stop the abuse. Now, I STILL have the mind that won’t rest. But identifying (with your help) so many triggers has just set me free. Thank you! ❤️
Instead of anxiety I find that most often it is FOMO that keeps me up at night. As a child I would often feel like when everyone had gone to bed as the only time I felt safe. And I wouldn’t want to waste the only time of the day when I consciously felt good by being asleep. I would often stay up for hours reading even as early as 3rd grade. As a child relaxing and enjoying myself or even just feeling safe and happy in general was ruined for me because my parents would get mad about it. In retrospect this was really fucked up. Now as an adult I often get that feeling when I should go to bed that I am wasting that quiet time by sleeping. So it is hard to make myself go to sleep instead of doing something fun
Really helpful-we have the same favorite childhood books. My Harold and the Purple Crayon has been one way I have been coaxing my inner child to consider drawing again. One request that might double up on the morning routine idea: I often wake in an anxious state after a few hours’ sleep and it can escalate fast (fear thoughts). This video helps me recognize why, and I have been listening to meditations for years (aimed at an adult mind however). What parenting would you recommend to this scared 2 AM child? I really wish I had an answer but my experience base comes up empty. Thank you again. Your kindness is a healing force
PLEASE do a morning routine one!! I had a chaotic mother screaming at me to hurry up and get ready each morning and now I automatically feel overwhelmed by my tasks once I wake up.
I want to say thank you, your channel has been so helpful. You’ve helped me so much, I hope you continue to make videos and put out the resources you do, you do wonderful work. My mother was also an alcoholic and hearing this from someone who understands that is priceless. Thank you again, you’ve helped put me back in touch with the inner child that was never given a second thought.
My parents had terrible fighting attacks at night! I didn’t know that it would affect me my entire life! I had twenty three years of therapy with no healing. Not one therapist mentioned a family cut off or narcissistic abuse. Also, once while in session, the receptionist knocked on the door saying his female client was suicidal due to her divorce. Then my therapist looked at me and said, well it happens! He said your never going to get anywhere by supporting someone. Although, he didn’t give me the tools to improve my life. I wish that I had you as my therapist!!
Oh my god this is so eye opening, I’ve always had this issue and only a couple min into the video with you mentioning your experience with your mom, I realized my anxiety probably came from my parents always coming home late and never on time. I’d always think that something had happened to them and despite my pleas for updates on delays, they’ve never came home when they said they would…
I'm looking forward to doing this bedtime routine with my inner child! I actually got choked up while you were describing you know holding your son's hand.
So grateful I found your channel thank you for sharing and helping especially when most people don’t understand the effects of childhood abuse and trauma. Grateful 🙏🏼🌸
Good points. For me personally procrastinating the decision to finally lie down and close my eyes in the evening are fomo and fear of being left out. But its only possible for me to put names on it after my last EMDR session, when I started to conciously feel my feelings and bodily needs again.
Slept in my own bed/room from birth, not allowed to go to my parents bed because I 'belonged' in my own room, not comforted and my security blanket taken when I was 4 years old. Holy smoke this explains so much! The sun goes down and I'm so unsettled and constantly check doors and windows, etc. We have a really good routine for the kids and limits and boundaries because I don't want them to suffer as I did.
I love this becasue I’ve noticed that doing the bedtime routine with my kid for the past handful of years has really helped my inner child! I look forward to reading the bedtime stories and listening to lullabies 😊
You are always spot on. When you say certain things it just connects with me at gut level. As a child of emotional neglect most of what you say resonates. Thank you so so much.
Thank you so much. I'm a new follower and I have to say that your expertise and peaceful voice is like a fresh oasis in the desert for me. I litteraly cried during this video. Gonna try this night routine asap 💜 thanks again for sharing that knowledge with us in such a beautiful and accessible way.
I was always read-to, and cuddled in bed at night, but that didn't stop the terror and sadness I felt when it was time to actually sleep. I still hate going to sleep. It can really bother my husband too. I seem to be inconsolable.
You tube is doing more for me than years of therapy ever did.
Yes me too
There's a Buddhist aphorism: "When the student is ready, the teacher arrives." You're ready now, and RUclips delivers the teacher to your screen.
@@semperfi818 blimey yes, you could definitely be right there 🙂
Lol for real
Robby, if you are still in therapy, do you ever discuss these videos with your therapist? Or to anyone else out there. Curious about results.
I over exhaust myself- stay up and out way too late like 3 am so that I have no anxiety and am forced to sleep. Thankyou for this i have been thinking about the neglect I suffered as a child at night and how to solve this . Thankyou as always
same
Same
WoW, I tried to explain this to my therapist and he didnt get it. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I have the same problem but I didn't have particularly bad experiences as a kid. I think I was born a fearful kid. I remember being a child and feeling panic and anxiety at sunset. I lived with a loving family but still felt alone. I think it had something to do with a past life experience. Once I had a dream I was thrown into a deep well as a teenager and I wasn't I, it was a different body but felt the same. I remember struggling for hours and slowly dying alone. I keep feeling that kind of panic at night while falling asleep. Its terrifying sometimes.
@@jumbobiscuits1510 wow that was very interesting to read, Thank you for sharing. I do believe that our past lives affect us and make us who we are now. My grandma always told me that she knew I was an old soul but that I was on earth for the first time. I always felt anxiety about living; Simply being human. I can feel as if I’m looking at things for the first time and it scares me so badly. I always was scared to go to sleep as a child I would lay awake at night crying for hours and sometimes I was met with a loving mother who held me until I fell asleep and sometimes she screamed at me to shut up and be quiet. It was very confusing to me, but I know that she was dealing with her own things and I do not blame her. I’m working very hard now to try and accept my anxiety and turn the negative experience into positive. I’ve also worked on self soothing and mothering myself. I talk to my inner child like a loving mother would. It helps a lot.
Anxiety at night was my childhood. Definitely could never admit, verbalize, ask for help, bother my parents or even know that what I was feeling was normal
Thank you for sharing. This is exactly what my childhood was like. It really helps to know I'm not the only one because growing up I felt terribly lonely and suicidal. I wish you all of the best in your healing journey!
@@IMissMrKitty thank you soo much. We aren't alone and it's not fun but at least we are becoming more aware and can do our best to heal♡♡♡
Same here... more fear than just anxiety. Can resonate with all these comments. One of my punishments was being sent to bed in a cold house with screaming shouting and raging going on downstairs. I was scared rigid. It was intermittent every month or so. I never knew what It was going to be like. I never knew what I'd done wrong and at other times it would be okay and this wouldn't happen. This went on until I was around 13. Sometimes I'd be left in bed at others I was allowed to get back up but even then I still don't know why. Apparently as this didn't happen all the time I'm meant not to be bothered by it but I am and that it happened intermittent has made me more confused and hypervigilant Just realised watching this that I never want to go to bed and get up exhausted nearly every day😊😊🙋🙋
I can totally relate.
@@PaperMario64 yes it's hard for a child to have noone to run to when they're scared. My mom just told me her mom wouldn't let her come cinto her mom's bed because she thought it would turn my mom gay as a child??
I love hearing that you have bedtime mantras too. I often use "I am safe. I feel calm." and focus on breathing. If I don't actually feel calm I will say something like "I can use my breath to calm and soothe myself." It sounds so basic but it's very powerful.
when you speak life,love or mantras into the air you bring that feeling forth and yes it’s very powerful same with negative things being constantly spoken that can mess with the development of kids to I know it did for me
i'm a leaf on the wind, watch ow i soar
Me too, I admire and enjoy Patricks insightful and generously presented videos!! To us having sleeping-problems - I also very much recommend Jason Stephensons videos on RUclips! They have helped me to relax and fall asleep, as Noone else have. All the best to my struggling fellow-sleepers! 🤗♥️😴 Sara
This is really interesting. Night was the only time I was free. Parents were tired and I could access my real Self and I would have spiritual experiences. But sometimes they fought, and I would mediate from the age of 7 up. Mornings were the issue in my household. So I tend to stay up late, not wanting that part of the day when I can be free, to end.
I've never heard of "the inner child" before, the idea of reading to my inner child and showing them love has me uncontrollably weeping. I wish I could be there for him. I really appreciate you putting this content out. Thank you.
And Dr Richard Schwartz, highly recommended
I will definitely try this! As a hopeless night owl, I’ve always suspected that I have trauma issues regarding bedtime. I used to have frequent nightmares as a child, in addition to being terrified of the dark, even with a nightlight on. As a child, I used a blankie to cover my eyes while I slept, so that I wouldn’t have to “see” the bad guys or monsters lurking in my room. I’m in my mid-fifties now and still use something to cover my eyes (an old shirt). I know it’s quite amazing but that “blankie-over-the-eyes trick” has kept me monster-free for over half a century!
I did this too! I finally can sleep without covering my eyes and ears now, but it so works.
I never really thought about it, but I always cover my head/eyes to sleep too! Frankly the only time I get good, deep, warm sleep is in the middle of the day or in the afternoon. Never nighttime.
Interestingly, after losing my first daughter due to stillbirth, and coming home from the hospital with empty arms I instinctively went back to the books of my childhood where I used to lose myself, and it did help bring some calm to those early days and nights of mad grief. Thank you so much for these videos.
I did the same recently, trying to recall and buying old childhood books
I’m so sorry for your loss. xxx
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. Siam. I wish you feelings of peace & comfort. I think you have great inner strength & courage. Your instincts & resiliency kicked in & you were able to give em sons
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry, Sian
Reflecting on some of those questions. For me, I remember my bedtime as a child being a really anxiety-ridden thing. I always wanted my mom to come tuck me in, but she was often "too busy", usually up late drinking wine and finishing the dishes / cleaning the kitchen after dinner. My dad would be typically "watching" TV in the living room, asleep on the couch. In retrospect, I think that my mom sent me to bed way too early. Basically she sent me to bed immediately after dinner, "Go brush your teeth". And I would be left to do that on my own and then I would come back to her in the kitchen and ask her if she would tuck me in. When she wouldn't give me reassurance, I would say "Come up in no more than 15 minutes, please". She often never came, or came after I was asleep.
Sometimes I would try to sleep on the rug in the kitchen so that I could fall asleep near her / not alone. Other times were much more traumatic, I don't want to share too much about the details, but usually it involved bathing before bed and violating intimacy with my mom when she did come up to my room. The most grounding thing I remember is when I got a stereo and was able to play the soundtrack to my favorite movie every night as well as a cassette of these folks songs from around the world that were for children.
And the most anxious times, I remember staying up for hours trying to fall asleep staring into the utter blackness (there was no streetlights/light pollution in the countryside where I grew up). I would feel like I was hallucinating sometimes, like flashes of "light" in the darkness and sometimes scary faces. I would try to trace the walls of my room with my feet/mind. I hated when I did try to get my mom to help me fall asleep and she would say that I was "not trying hard enough" and that I needed to close my eyes and relax harder. It was confusing. I also remember getting up a lot of times as a kid and trying to wake my mom up in the middle of the night to come sleep with me or pay me attention. She never wanted to come because she was afraid of falling asleep in my bed and not getting a good night's sleep.
It's hard to make sense of all of this in ways.
My dad rarely tucked me in. The few times he did were strange, or traumatic. Like the time that he wanted me to brush my teeth, I for some reason very strongly didn't want to and he took out his belt on me and locked me in the bathroom until I complied. The other couple of times I can remember were when he would try to read me "White Fang" by Jack London but he was extremely dyslexic and couldn't really read hardly at all, especially out loud. I remember it took him so long to read just a paragraph and he fell asleep before me and then woke up anxiously realizing he had dozed off. There was one other time I will never forget when he fell asleep and had a dream about driving a car and needing to either break or hit the gas really hard and he slammed his bare big toe into my wall and woke up screaming. I will always remember because his toe print left a mark on my wallpaper that was there for many years after and he never wanted to sleep in my bed again.
Anyway, thanks for the space to reflect on this/share. I've never really been able to especially in any great/uninterrupted detail. The video makes me realize that this is actually a very important part of the ways that I wasn't parented the way that I should be and how my childhood trauma can affect me now.
I think that I've gotten a lot better with things than I used to. Sleeping used to be an absolute nightmare, plus I thought insomnia was something "permanent" because I had heard that one time and met someone who never slept from "insomnia" so I was also afraid of becoming "permanently insomniac" so I was in denial about having any issues with sleep. Plus I thought everyone had these problems and also terrible nightmares and such.
Anyway I've come a long way. And I also still have different sleep troubles. I appreciate the suggestions in the video and the support around it. I feel like there is much more to say, but I'll leave it there.
Thanks to anyone who read this. :)
Thank you for sharing a difficult story. I would suggest Vegus Nerve exercises as a way to rid the body of trauma and help with sleep issues. Sukie Baxter is my favorite on RUclips:
ruclips.net/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/L1HCG3BGK8I/видео.html
When I was little, I also sometimes saw scary faces when I closed my eyes at night, sometimes the faces flashed on/off for a few seconds. I’d forgotten this until I read your post. I’d wondered what was wrong w/me but now I believe it’s trauma. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing your story, sending you a big hug. 🤗🙏💫
What courage you have displayed sharing your story. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Sorry you had to go through this as a child 😔 I'm very glad I tuck my kids in every night and fall asleep right next to them. I often doubt myself but thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏽
Wow! I had no idea sleep problems could be related to childhood trauma/attachment issues, but it makes so much sense now! Nighttime was and still can be, an unsafe, frightening time for me. As a kid, my alcoholic father would often go into a rage and keep me up late screaming at me and berating me. Meanwhile, my mother would push me away whenever I sought comfort. Other times, if I was lucky, I could hide from my dad in my room and pretend to be asleep so we would leave me alone. So there's so much terror and rejection and unsafe feeling around bedtime for me.
Oh my gosh you poor thing. My mom would rage at me but not at night and my dad wouldn’t validate me feeling unsafe. Saying a prayer for you and excited for your healing journey! ❤️
@@Jo-lp1px Thank you for the kind words. Returning the same to you! We all found Patrick's channel for a reason, so here's to more healing and brighter days ahead for us all :)
I'm so sorry that was your experience!
Looks like I'll be seeing you around RUclips in the comments section of videos regarding healing from attachment disorders!😘
Same here. I never put the two together until after this video.
I’d be very interested in a video about morning anxiety.
I wake up feeling terrified, anxious and so very alone. It takes about 2 to 3 hours for the feeling to fully go away. (Im usually ok once I get to work.) I actually dread going to bed because of how I know I’ll feel when I wake up.
I’m the same way!! I force myself to stay in bed until the anxiety and panic kicks in for me to start my day, typically out of procrastination. Not a very good way to live. 😕 I am optimistic we can change this!!
This is probably why I love ASMR so much at night... someone who is saying kind affirmations in a nurturing, soft tone.
Watching this at 2am... I’ve always said when it comes to bed time I’m like a little kid; exhausted but avoiding going to sleep because when the world goes to sleep, my brain wakes up. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you!
I’ve had dysfunctional anxiety filled sleep patterns my whole adult life starting in high school. People seem to always treat it like a character flaw staying up all night and sleeping in late so the shame is compounded. But this helps me see it’s not a character flaw.
This is crazy. As a kid my anxiety was monsters in the corner, I never wanted to go to sleep. As an adult it's anxiety, insomnia and consistant nightmares about home invasions and waking at the tiny sounds, thinking someone is coming to get me.
I first started having panic attacks at bedtime when I was 5 and I felt like I was dying and didn’t know what was happening every night. It was like my dark secret. As an adult, I still can’t sleep peacefully when I’m alone, so thank you for this. I really want to try. The thought of connecting with my inner child makes me cry but I need it to heal and I know I can if I really try.
I sort of did this inner-child technique when I was putting my first daughter to bed years ago. I let myself feel being in her place. It felt like being loved.
This is actually great advice
Yes. I got right the bedtime story, the ritual, the soothing music, the being emotionally present...by some miracle, I managed to get those things right for my daughter most of the time. She's still a night-owl! 😛 When I was a kid, the only quality time I could have with my mother was late at night when the rest of the house was asleep. So I forced myself to stay awake that late, and then I'd tiptoe down the hall and there'd she be, on the couch, smoking her last cigarette of the day in the relative quiet while my two older brothers, under whose shadow I've always lived, were sound asleep. Later she observed that the wee hours are the witching hours. It's often the only time women find or make time for themselves, when they can't so thoroughly despise themselves for being women.
Mine is the morning time. I know at night I can sleep and be alone. I have 2 girls and I’m the mom I wish I had. I don’t remember my mom hugging me or telling me she loved me. I used to wish my aunt was my mom because she hugged her kids. I’m now trying to recover from seeing them on Easter .
Mornings are bad for mee too. I spend the entire night dreaming about all of my issues and past abuse.
My mom "thought" she was the mother her mother wasn't but she continued the mental abuse and covert narcissism with her kids and doesn't even realize it.
I looove videos with actual practical advice beyond just “be aware of it”. Thank you, this series has been so helpful to me!
Currently awake at 3:19am. I’m exhausted. My mom and dad would have fights at night. Or take rides. I would be afraid they wouldn’t come back. Or that they would kill each other. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much
Omg I’ve had anxiety at night for the last year. I feel extremely lonely and it feels horrible.
me too. sending you good vibes
My inner child has already made herself known in my life and this is just really validating, to get permission to do things like this is amazing. I often feel like I should ignore her and that she's just acting out, oversensitive, and needs to grow up. Basically I've been noticing I treat her part how I thought my parents and other adults perceived me, and part how I actually was treated. I'm realizing this has been a major mistake for years. She's been alone with no one, literally no one to support her, and that breaks my heart. There's a deep ache I've been feeling so long that is soothed even by the idea of doing this routine, but I struggle to commit to implementing it.
Just do it this clearly resonates for a reason. Don’t think just do :)
I have the anxiety upon awaking, sleep was always my escape place and the second I’m up I feel the dread of the life. Thank you for your work, Patrick.
This comment resonates with me in a way thar I cannot explain 😢
I hadn't thought much about what going to sleep was like when I was much younger. It definitely makes an impact! I remember my mom getting into arguments with my older siblings, which sometimes turned into a fight with things getting slammed (doors/objects). Of course I didn't feel safe or calm then.
This was me. In a family with 10 other people, my only alone time that was guaranteed stress free was after everyone else went to bed…
Also morning we’re always difficult so I would just try to sleep in…
Over time, this became my new sleeping habit. Some times I can’t fall asleep until I’ve cried myself to exhaustion or I’ve binged watched series or RUclips videos.
When I’m lying in bed and hear footsteps, my entire body tenses and I become hyper-vigilant. Even if I’m about to fall asleep, footsteps will wake me up immediately. I never knew what was going to happen next. Even to this day I memorize what every person’s steps sound like so I can know when to prepare for the worst.
Thank you for these videos. Recovery is slow, but at least I’m somewhere in the process.
This is just like me. Every night I hear my dad's footsteps in the hallway. I get super scared and start to get intrusive thoughts. I always imagine the worst things. 1 year ago I had an episode like this for months. I locked my door every night and couldn't sleep. I also feel like there is someone in my room at night. When I close my eyes I can see something and it's moving. I'm not sure what it is but it keeps me up at night. Now I go to sleep around 1-6 am every night and use many hours to sleep.
@@lilly29 Are you okay? Is he hurting you or touching you? I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Even remembering those days hurts for me.
@@JoshSaysStuff no, he doesn't do that. I just have paranoid episodes. My parents were never there for me when I grew up. My dad is always working and my mom emotionally abused me, so I moved away from her. I want to go to therapy, but it's expensive and really bad in my country. When I was a child, I always saw stuff that wasn't there and was super paranoid, so I think maybe that's why I'm like this. I have one thing that helps me. It's listening to music. I do that every single day and it helps me clear my thoughts.
@@lilly29 Dear Lilly, prayer to God, Ultimate Creator, is most powerful tool to clear your house from disturbing energies and unclean presence! In your own words, ask Ultimate Creator to clean your room and to give you a peaceful sleep. And say: thank you. ).
Simple, but very powerful. Only you can choose to Reclaim your peaceful life, here on Earth. This is your rights, while you are in your body! And only you can reclaim what belong to you! ). You are more powerful in your own body, then any unclean presence around without a body!!!
My mom and I always fought in the late evening. I experience shame at night and so much anxiety. Now I often think about all the little things I may have said or did wrong throughout my day or what might go wrong tomorrow. Everything is blown out of proportion and my heart races. Thank you for this video!
Do you have a video that addresses the desire not to go to bed because you finally can be alone without someone judging what you do? I live for night. When I wake up I’m depressed that I have to go through all the hard stuff all over again and I’m constantly watching the clock for when everyone will be going to bed and I can be alone again. I even sleep separately from my husband. 😬
I do the same thing, my house was filled with verbal abuse from my dad, who had serious anger and control issues - at night he was usually watching TV or doing something on the computer, and it was finally quiet, I could be alone. When I was young I would read massive amounts of books, later I switched more to TV series and internet. During the days I almost always feel like the time passes so quickly that I just can't do anything, but at night things slow down - I never thought that this might be due to imprinted trauma. I also feel the worst on Sundays, it's like the whole day is a trigger - probably due to spending this whole day with my dad having anger attacks over the smallest things. I also hate mornings, because I always go to sleep to late and am never fully rested. I hate this, I hope I will be able to fix myself some day
Wow, it’s shocking and so helpful to hear how caring parents should have helped us transition to nighttime. Routines were non-existent for me growing up…everything felt on-the-fly, last minute and scary. I was sent to bed angrily and alone often as punishment for being a bother/asking for attention. No wonder I’ve always felt so alone, unsettled and sad when I lay down to rest. I can’t wait to set a lovely, peaceful routine for myself starting tonight! Thank you so very much for this 💕
This video is a godsend! I was just talking about the inability to go to sleep.
Same. Was just thinking about it as the clock nears 7am and I have stayed up all night again. It's been bad the last few months. It is so hard to just go to bed.
@@LoveNeverFails1 i also stayed up all night long myself and the clock is nearing 8 now. I wish you all the best. I'm totally with you ❤
I definitely do a bit of revenge bedtime procrastination, and I've always used a night light since I was a child. I never thought anxiety at night could be related to the childhood bedtime routine!!
I would very much be interested of a video for anxiety in the morning. I've been waking up in the early morning hours feeling panicky and then when I get up later in the morning I feel a lot of anxiety.
Me too! I wish there had been some advice covering that situation. I have no problem falling asleep, but I often wake up in the wee hours with panic attacks.
I have never understood why I can be so tired at night, but the second I lay down to go to sleep, I’m instantly on edge. My past therapist always told me it was because I had “time to think,” but it didn’t feel right because I never had any issues other times of day when I had long unoccupied hours. This makes so much more sense to me.
Sorry this is a year later. But I feel instantly on edge when I lay down at night. In my case I believe it is because I was often abused at night. And if I go to sleep I am vulnerable because I can't watch out for danger.
I never thought that my insecurities as an adult in my daily life could bring this feeling back up but it’s so true it’s the same fear I had growing up around going to sleep and nighttime. This is great I was looking for something to help me cope and I’m just so glad I found this video.
I'm so shocked this video blew my mind. I've been struggling with anxiety for a long time and I've been struggling with going to bed for so long. I'm really glad I found this video it helps me understand why I struggle so much
This is me. Thank you so much. I pull my blankets up to my eyes. I'm 52. I know it was the neighbors as babysitter fighting, even when other kids were in the house. And probably earlier years my parents fighting. I will start bedtime routine. One I never had
My mom was always tired, so she would fall asleep before me while trying to put me to bed. As soon as I learnt to read, I started to read by myself the bedtime stories, she stopped the nighttime routine, and I was relieved, because it always felt like such a bother and an extreme effort for her to try to be with me at night. She was always tired, always sad, probably defeated because of being married to my unpredictable dad, so I felt so proud to be independent and be able to let her sleep or do other stuff.
I hadn't actually thought about this as related, but I have this exact problem.
Although it's not that I have animosity towards my inner child about this specific thing, the idea of a routine about it makes me anxious and ashamed- because I was expected from a young age to have a routine and couldn't do so by myself.
I saw that a routine was a punishment- another way for my parents to not have to deal with me.
I was expected to be highly self sufficient..
Not only that, but I had untreated raging ADHD that meant I struggled to wind down, a natural night owl, and struggle with waking up in the morning. And because of their judgement would stay up waaay past my bedtime so I could get some me time when they were asleep- though after a while just being in the same house made me feel that way.
This is something I relate to a lot. I have trouble sleeping, especially because I get nightmares so frequently. I can feel these huge pangs of anxiety and fear in my chest. Massive waves washing over me and then I become restless. Panic attacks soon follow. It's agonizing. I once spent about three hours locked in my bedroom just freaking out and trying to cover myself up as much as possible.
Whoa, this hits home. Let’s just say my nighttime’s were more like yours Patrick and I struggle a lot with shutting down at night always have. Nighttime loneliness and restlessness strong. Thank you for pointing to a potential cause. Makes sense! Sadly this led to so many destructive behaviors and relationships all to avoid that nighttime feeling during the young adult years.
Hi, care to share what you recognized was attached to nighttime fears? When no, . It's ok.
This video is so helpful! It also struck me that we should talk to our therapists about any feelings of grief we feel over our lost childhoods. The healing we’ll all feel from following the advice in these videos is a happy occasion. The loss of our childhoods to neglect and bad parenting we should grieve with self compassion, self care and self love.
There's so much truth in this comment ❤
For me night time was when all the drinking and fighting happened and we hid under the bed. So I face every night with dread sleeping, especially sleeping in an actual bed. I sleep better at odd times with noise, light, and chaos around me on a couch or other non bed place. Have had the worst insomnia for decades.
Ohh, I’m in tears. Describing the bedtime routine. I was sent upstairs to put my pjs on. I had to walk thru my parents room in the dark bc I was too little to reach the light. I was soooo scared. I was told I was just stupid for being scared and to get on with it. I would then walk down, say goodnight to parents, no hugs, no stories, no nothing. Then I would go back up, thru the scary room into my bedroom which had a pull light switch. I would then switch the light off and try to go to sleep, expecting monsters to get me. I was the youngest of 4 and the only girl. My overriding memory of childhood is fear. I’m going to find some story books tomorrow. Thank you ❤️ from England
This explains so much. From being a toddler, I was always anxious and hyper-vigilant at night - not daring to let myself sleep for fear of what might happen while I wasn’t conscious. I guess my rage-full Dad was a major cause of that and yet he was also the main one to shame me for feeling that way. Although the medical profession didn’t help either, back in the 70s when I first sought help for this problem. I distinctly recall one sending me away, saying my fears were irrational, even thiugh I’d gone because I knew they were irrational! Although, looking back at my difficult Dad’s behaviour, particularly at night, my fears weren’t unreasonable.
I am in my 50's and having gone through some therapy and never been able to really put things in place I am very grateful for your videos.Everything is beginning to make sense. Thankyou for all you do .Take care.
I had nightterrors for years. I had no recollection of the terrors at the time, but I think on some level I dreaded going to sleep for this reason. Plus I was the youngest of 8, so I was going to bed before everyone else and had fomo that lingers to this day. Just found your channel today. This is intriguing. Now I understand why I like listening to RUclips videos at night that are short child nighttime stories. Felt sorta odd that I liked them. Thanks for helping me understand why.
SUPER helpful info. Having problems with nighttime- but didn’t even consider it’s origins. Thank you!
These tools are very useful. My c-ptsd only really effects me during night time, and is often pledged with feelings of danger and hyper vigilance. I have some high hopes with this strategy, thank you
Thank you so much for sharing your insight, knowledge and caring kindness. You're a bright light for people who think they're alone in their feelings and experiences, and for people who don't even realize why things are so difficult for them.
"I've put my inner child to bed, now the adult in me is going to watch netflix." LOL! That's something I would think up. This whole idea about bedtime routine sounds great. I'm going to try it. I still have my golden books from when I was little along with lots of books from when my sons were little. I'm just learning about my inner child. She has abandonment issues that have bled into my adulthood. Thank you for making complicated issues a lot more manageable through your videos! They are clear and easy to understand. BTW, how can you know if someone is a narcissist? Especially a covert narcissist?
1:50 in and im crying 😭 My Dad was an alcoholic growing up but would only drink at night, occasionally if Mom felt like he was too drunk shed wake me up and we'd go to one of her friends houses. I also slept in my parents bed till about 8 years old. My anxiety, depression, loneliness is often terrible at night. I've never made this connection.
Love this! What a great idea. Don't recall being read to at night but may revisit childhood books I read on my own. ❣
Same♡
Maybe this is why gentle ASMR videos are so comforting to me. Unfortunately the screentime tends to hurt my sleep rather than help it… The children’s story idea is a good one, I will try that. Thank you!
So so helpful. Waking up in the middle of the night feeling terrified and overwhelmed has been something I’ve been really struggling with-my therapist tells me it has to do with childhood trauma-but it doesn’t really give me any insight into what I can do to self soothe and stop the nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. But now I have these suggestions and I will give them a go.
Omg THANK YOU! You are seriously the only youtuber that I am physically excited when a new video goes up...Your work is phenomenal. Thank you for everything you do Patrick! I can’t wait to do this tonight lol.. i’m going to sort out my old Roal Dahl books (spelling?) xx
Nope. I don't want to do this. The suffocation game. The smell of Pernod. Her hysterical laugh. I had a meltdown and horrified my husband about this a few months ago. Literally every drunken night her fun comes from smothering us until we wet the bed. S(mother).
My nights are filled with nightmares about bears, other wild animals. I'm trapped in my home, trying to shut the door on a wild animal. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.
But this is not said enough, so I want to say it. My genuine gratitude. Thank You. Because I have been suffering in a lonely place. Finding your channel and reading other ppl's experiences has been enlightening. But my god, you Sir have an almost psychic way of tuning in to All of us. Thank You for turning your pain outwards and helping the rest of us damaged ppl. I appreciate you, truly.
Thank you for this, anxiety around going to bed is my biggest challenge, and there's a vicious spiral that happens from not having enough sleep. As someone with a 'tricky' family (thank you for introducing me to that idea!), some of my sleep issues ended up relating to the night being the only time I was safe and had to myself. School life nearly killed me several times, and I wanted to avoid the morning and all that would bring. Later with the internet, a new form emerged - I gained a community of friends, and nighttime also became /our/ time, when I got for the first time in my life to spend time with genuine friends of my own choosing. Figuring out how to reconcile all of this is hard and I'm glad I have a good counsellor and have found your channel for additional ideas
Sure makes you feel like you're leading a double life, doesn't it... One when the sun is out, the other when it's dark.
(Commented edited to fix grammar, doing so after Patrick gave it a heart removed it >< Which I'm ok with, mostly mentioning so no one thinks Patrick didn't give this one some love too
I'm watching this at 4:19 AM...I think these suggestions will help that stop being normal. Thank you so much. 😊
"There's a monster at the end of this book" was my favorite as a child. I couldn't get enough of it, Grover was so silly in that one.
I get terrible nighttime anxiety and panic attacks. I can’t believe I never though about connecting it to my childhood. My parents worked nights and left us kids alone every night, in a bad neighborhood. I used to be so scared. I remember one night I heard a sound and went to find that our back door was wide open. I called my mom at work begging her to come home. She just told me to go back to bed. I still have constant dreams about that open door and how I’m trying to patch up the opening with various things that don’t work. A common method I use in my dreams are those Halloween decoration cobwebs. I try to spread them over the open door but they just get thinner and thinner and holes start to form. They are never sufficient enough to keep me safe. Last night I only slept three hours because I was so ridden with anxiety. I never thought to make the connection with my childhood experience.
I scroll and scroll and scroll at night falling deeper and deeper into an emotional abyss
This triggered a mini cryfest just now. I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed and suffering with insomnia.
When I was little, my dad had a really short temper. I often had intense anxiety at night. I worried the house would catch fire. The night light couldn’t be red or orange because it triggered this fear. If I had a nightmare, I wanted so badly to go to my mom for comfort, but I would lie frozen in place, terrified of going into my parents’ bedroom, because if I woke my dad while trying to wake my mom, he would be furious. And he was so scary when he was mad. I think this has a lot to do with how now as an adult I struggle to ask for help when I need it, and probably my night owl tendencies - because in my formative years waking up in the middle of the night was scary for me - a time when I felt the most unsafe around the people who I should have felt safest with.
I never linked my nighttime anxiety and insomnia to my childhood before. I have a hard time thinking about my inner child and not crying. Or is it the inner child crying? Both? And now I'm crying. I just want to give her a hug and tell her it's ok.
I can't remember my nighttime experiences as a child, but attempting to remember apparently makes me cry...
This makes so much sense 😱 of course my current sleeping habits echo the past. How did I not see this 🤦🏻♂️ it's so obvious when you say it out loud
SO helpful! No wonder I have fitful sleep and have regularly woken up in the middle of the night for so many years. And nightmares! I just made a list of scary things that happened during my childhood bedtimes! I will definitely work on a new bedtime routine. TY!!!!
After 8 months and still going of healing, I finally just started seeing results of being able to fall asleep in 20 mins or less. Used to be an hour.
Again, thank you another home run video for me. I wake up with anxiety and now I understand why. One of my earliest memories is waking up in my crib afraid because I had been left there by siblings. Then later, our living conditions weren’t great so, it was always something traumatic happening that I woke up too - flooding, police, angry people, gunshots, etc. My mother was the fastidious type that would wake up everyone in the house if the dishes weren’t washed. Smh. The more I remember and understand, the more angry I get.
Your insights are so helpful. When i went to bed, it meant the connection to my only supportive adult, my mother, was broken. She went to be w my Dad, who resented my connection to my Mom. So I felt abandonment and loneliness. And now reassuring myself, that part of me leftover from my childhood eliminates it. Thanks for helping me figure it out.💚☮️🍕
I love your videos. Can you do a video about what to do about rumination? Like if you start thinking about something that happened in the past and start worrying about it?
Reading funny, colourful comic books like Donald Duck was a life saver to me as a child! I always kept one by my bedside in case I woke up to a nightmare. Some nights I could tell that the risk of nightmares was high (anxiety due to repressed emotions), and that's when I made sure to read some of the comic strips before turning the lights off. It usually made me feel better!
literally watching this at night because i can't sleep 😭
Haha…. Can’t wait for my inner child to fall asleep so I can hop on Netflix 😂 thank you for that!
And thank you for all of your offerings thru your channel. You have no idea how wonderfully your work compliments my therapy.
Your reading recommendations are superb-I have purchased Pete Walker’s book some time ago, but only after I read about it in a comment section here, I have opened it and I can’t stop devouring every single word of it. Other books you have recommended are now on their way to my address.
For the first time I am taking the inner child work seriously.
For the first time I am actually doing it.
For the first time I am not suspicious of my innate goodnesses.
So thank you for bringing a ray of sunshine when I felt like giving up on us both. 💗
I have terrible insomnia as an HSP & survivor from a dysfunctional family. Thank you for all yout
All your work & keep those drumming videos coming!
My abuser went to bed pretty early, that was and still is my peaceful time
Your channel has been amazing for me. This topic hits home as I would lock myself in my bedroom to try to stop the abuse. Now, I STILL have the mind that won’t rest. But identifying (with your help) so many triggers has just set me free. Thank you! ❤️
Huge. Explains 30 years of chronic insomnia, which impacts everything. Thank you from my inner child. ❤️
Instead of anxiety I find that most often it is FOMO that keeps me up at night. As a child I would often feel like when everyone had gone to bed as the only time I felt safe. And I wouldn’t want to waste the only time of the day when I consciously felt good by being asleep. I would often stay up for hours reading even as early as 3rd grade.
As a child relaxing and enjoying myself or even just feeling safe and happy in general was ruined for me because my parents would get mad about it. In retrospect this was really fucked up.
Now as an adult I often get that feeling when I should go to bed that I am wasting that quiet time by sleeping. So it is hard to make myself go to sleep instead of doing something fun
Bedtime stories- noted 📝 Thank you! 😊
This is a wonderful idea, thank you! Can’t wait to try it.
Really helpful-we have the same favorite childhood books. My Harold and the Purple Crayon has been one way I have been coaxing my inner child to consider drawing again. One request that might double up on the morning routine idea: I often wake in an anxious state after a few hours’ sleep and it can escalate fast (fear thoughts). This video helps me recognize why, and I have been listening to meditations for years (aimed at an adult mind however). What parenting would you recommend to this scared 2 AM child? I really wish I had an answer but my experience base comes up empty. Thank you again. Your kindness is a healing force
PLEASE do a morning routine one!! I had a chaotic mother screaming at me to hurry up and get ready each morning and now I automatically feel overwhelmed by my tasks once I wake up.
There is already a video of that 👍❤️
@@patrickteahanofficial thank you so much 🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️
I want to say thank you, your channel has been so helpful. You’ve helped me so much, I hope you continue to make videos and put out the resources you do, you do wonderful work. My mother was also an alcoholic and hearing this from someone who understands that is priceless. Thank you again, you’ve helped put me back in touch with the inner child that was never given a second thought.
Laying down for a nap now (at 3pm) due to my lack of sleep due to my chronic bedtime procrastination 😭
My parents had terrible fighting attacks at night! I didn’t know that it would affect me my entire life! I had twenty three years of therapy with no healing. Not one therapist mentioned a family cut off or narcissistic abuse. Also, once while in session, the receptionist knocked on the door saying his female client was suicidal due to her divorce. Then my therapist looked at me and said, well it happens! He said your never going to get anywhere by supporting someone. Although, he didn’t give me the tools to improve my life. I wish that I had you as my therapist!!
So thankful to have found you and your channel everything you explain is so so helpful 😌🙏
Oh my god this is so eye opening, I’ve always had this issue and only a couple min into the video with you mentioning your experience with your mom, I realized my anxiety probably came from my parents always coming home late and never on time. I’d always think that something had happened to them and despite my pleas for updates on delays, they’ve never came home when they said they would…
Wow this makes so much sense. Night at my house was when bad things would happen and worry about my mom coming home. I have anxiety at night now
I'm looking forward to doing this bedtime routine with my inner child! I actually got choked up while you were describing you know holding your son's hand.
So grateful I found your channel thank you for sharing and helping especially when most people don’t understand the effects of childhood abuse and trauma. Grateful 🙏🏼🌸
Good points. For me personally procrastinating the decision to finally lie down and close my eyes in the evening are fomo and fear of being left out.
But its only possible for me to put names on it after my last EMDR session, when I started to conciously feel my feelings and bodily needs again.
Slept in my own bed/room from birth, not allowed to go to my parents bed because I 'belonged' in my own room, not comforted and my security blanket taken when I was 4 years old.
Holy smoke this explains so much! The sun goes down and I'm so unsettled and constantly check doors and windows, etc. We have a really good routine for the kids and limits and boundaries because I don't want them to suffer as I did.
I love this becasue I’ve noticed that doing the bedtime routine with my kid for the past handful of years has really helped my inner child! I look forward to reading the bedtime stories and listening to lullabies 😊
Wow. I never put two and two together. I can pinpoint exactly what happened in my childhood, that causes me anxiety at night. Thank you so much!
Bedtime for Francis is a great read too. That was one of my favorite books
You are an angel Sir Patrick. Thank You ❤
your channel is the best thing i have found this year. i'm not at ALL exaggerating.
You are always spot on. When you say certain things it just connects with me at gut level. As a child of emotional neglect most of what you say resonates. Thank you so so much.
Thank you so much. I'm a new follower and I have to say that your expertise and peaceful voice is like a fresh oasis in the desert for me. I litteraly cried during this video. Gonna try this night routine asap 💜 thanks again for sharing that knowledge with us in such a beautiful and accessible way.
I was always read-to, and cuddled in bed at night, but that didn't stop the terror and sadness I felt when it was time to actually sleep. I still hate going to sleep. It can really bother my husband too. I seem to be inconsolable.