4 Signs Of A Sex-Starved Relationship
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- Опубликовано: 4 авг 2024
- Sex is, or at least should be, the sign of an unconditional acceptance that we feel towards our partner, and that our partner feels towards us. It is through sex that two people send each other those comforting hidden messages: “I think you’re beautiful… I desire you… I love you”. But even still, many times our deepest desires go ignored. It may feel shameful and humiliating to admit that. We sometimes feel dirty for wanting more sex, but making love is the fundamental drive that makes us human. Without sex, our relationship starts to suffer, and we start suffering from the inside as well. Here are a few signs of a sex-starved relationship.
What does sex do to you? Find out here: • What Sex Does To Your ...
DISCLAIMER: The information in this video is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images, videos and information, contained in this video is for general information purposes only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor/health professional.
Writer: Stela Kosic
Editor: Michal Mitchell
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Chantal Van Rensburg
RUclips Manger: Cindy Cheong
#watchmore
References:
Charnetski, C. J., & Brennan, F. X. (2004). Sexual Frequency and Salivary Immunoglobulin A (IgA). Psychological Reports, 94(3), 839-844. doi.org/10.2466/pr0.94.3.839-844
Cook-McKay, L. (2022, May 6). Here’s The Signs Your Woman Is Sexually Starved And Needs More Intimacy. Divorce Answers. divorceanswers.com/signs-of-a...
Donnelly, D., Burgess, E., Anderson, S., Davis, R., & Dillard, J. (2001). Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis. The Journal of Sex Research, 38(2), 159-169. doi.org/10.1080/00224490109552083
Ferguson, S. (2019, October 28). Is Sex Important in a Relationship? 12 Things to Consider. Healthline. www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/is-sex-important-in-a-relationship
Frappier, J., Toupin, I., Levy, J. J., Aubertin-Leheudre, M., & Karelis, A. D. (2013). Energy Expenditure during Sexual Activity in Young Healthy Couples. PLoS ONE, 8(10), e79342. doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0079342
Hall, S. A., Shackelton, R., Rosen, R. C., & Araujo, A. B. (2010). Sexual Activity, Erectile Dysfunction, and Incident Cardiovascular Events. The American Journal of Cardiology, 105(2), 192-197. doi.org/10.1016/j.amjcard.2009.08.671
Hambach, A., Evers, S., Summ, O., Husstedt, I. W., & Frese, A. (2013). The impact of sexual activity on idiopathic headaches: An observational study. Cephalalgia, 33(6), 384-389. doi.org/10.1177/0333102413476374
Oxytocin leads to monogamy. (n.d.). ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/11/131125164311.htm
Scheele, D., Wille, A., Kendrick, K. M., Stoffel-Wagner, B., Becker, B., Güntürkün, O., Maier, W., & Hurlemann, R. (2013). Oxytocin enhances brain reward system responses in men viewing the face of their female partner. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110(50), 20308-20313. doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1314190110
Schwartz, S. (2022, June 14). Sexually Deprived (7 Signs Your Partner is Sexually Deprived). Her Norm. hernorm.com/sexually-deprived/
Smith, A., Lyons, A., Ferris, J., Richters, J., Pitts, M., Shelley, J., & Simpson, J. M. (2011). Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction Among Heterosexual Men and Women: The Importance of Desired Frequency of Sex. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 37(2), 104-115. doi.org/10.1080/0092623x.2011.560531
Stritof, S. (2021, December 13). Are You in a Sexless Marriage? Verywell Mind. www.verywellmind.com/sexless-marriages-2303254
Stritof, S. (2022, July 15). Why Should You Have Sex More Often? Verywell Mind. www.verywellmind.com/why-should-you-have-sex-more-often-2300937
Thomas, H. N., Hamm, M., Borrero, S., Hess, R., & Thurston, R. C. (2019). Body Image, Attractiveness, and Sexual Satisfaction Among Midlife Women: A Qualitative Study. Journal of Women’s Health, 28(1), 100-106.
doi.org/10.1089/jwh.2018.7107
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If you could, what kind of charity would you start?
Not sure
In my opinion, a mental health one, I think people need more help when they are lonely. I know how it feels because I once was lonely for a year or 2. 😃
Mental health and famin
Also thanks for the great content. In kinda a mental struggle at the moment
For poor peoples, as the rich ones remains rich and poor remains poor.
It's all about balance. Both lack of sex and the relationship being only about sex can destroy the relationship
You saying it's about all kind of relationship or
Absolutely
@@minnightxx__5004 that’s what I was thinking. Where’s the bigger picture
* dies in ace *
@@randomnoob101flyhightweek why are you even here lol
Most men in reddit knows what this feels😔😔😔
I don't even use reddit 😔✊
Btw "it's most men on reddit" not "in reddit" because you can't be in a literal site
*All
@@PsiJuicu no need to be sexist.
Sexual desire is typically higher in men than in women
NAAAAAAAH THEY HEARTED THIS HAHAHA
That's actually a very polite video about this topic. I remember when I had a sweetest platonic love relationship, I could ever imagine. I thought, we had it all and we don't need sex to express the love we feel for each other. Sadly, this relationship ended because we got cold and it drove me crazy. I was very disappointed of myself that for some reason only platonic love was not enough for me. I needed something I didn't want to confess myself and that was... sex. The funniest part that I considered myself being asexual, like, don't try to push me into this, I dare you. But then I said to myself "maybe you're not totally asexual, maybe you just need the right person who can accept you as you are and then you'll feel like you can go for it." Now I have a healthy relationship and I can agree with every point of this video.
Oh, i went through a very similar thing with platonic relationships(
Tbh from my perspective as a man it is hard to know whether or not a woman wants us. I had a gf who complained didn't want to get sexual as much and was rlly tamed whenever the few times we did it occurred. I, as well as many men, don't get much attention from girls so we tend to already come up with ways to direct our urges to the point that sex is the furthest things from our mind and we tend to not want it much or even at all. When i first had my sexual encounter it was incredibly difficult to get it up because I wasn't interested in the first place and she never rlly initiated as much, so i felt that she was most happy I didn't want it often, until she got rlly upset with me and told me about it. I considered it but sex just seems like too much work for me so about 4 months passed by.
She started resenting me and stood me up when I made a date plan and when i would message and ask for us to meet up she would be upset with me, until she ended up telling me of a fantasy she had of me and her carrying out consentual and non-consentual play, I was not interested in it and never followed through and she had an entire meltdown and started cursing on the phone and stood me up on a date.
A while later I did research and found out women want sex more than men generally speaking, but because I have far suppressed my sexual urges, it just doesn't appeal to me as it did before
@@joshualabadie6914, you seem like a nice dude who respects girls' sexual boundaries, so I'm sorry that your gf resented and cursed you for whatever she was upset with. As a girl who had physical intimacy issues, I felt responsibility for working on myself to avoid such situations with my bf. Mostly, talking to him about my feelings, getting familiar with our body language, explaining myself that there's nothing wrong with wanting more than snuggling and kissing, and it's okay, if the other feels the same. Sex is one of many expressions of love if it comes with consent, respect, and just wanting to make each other feel good. So, idk, maybe you just need a more self-aware girl who would be at the similar emotional level as you.
What you're describing sounds like demisexuality, where someone only feels sexually attracted to someone else after they've formed a strong emotional bond with them 😚
I like how I, a hopelessly single person, is watching this
i think most of us are, xd
I've always longed for a relationship where both sides could be honest and understanding. Most conflict is often caused by miscommunication and misinterpretation, and a problem that may have started from something small that went untreated may have grown over time, being compiled with the many times it may have happened. Sex, skinship, affection, or anything, the world would be a better place if people were able to accept each other's everything for who they were, emotional, physical, and mental well-being in all.
This is pure facts.
Understanding and compassion towards each other is extremely important. In relationship there must be emotional intimacy of same level in both otherwise it's not going to work.
Women are biologically not capable of doing that. But we are all inclined to say its both parties at fault. Ain't that funny.
@@johnarcher6150 I don't think so. It depends on person not gender
Hello all
Am a polyamorous and the idea of loving more than one person at time, is a beautiful way of feeling love. Am not talking about cheating, id speak of love that comes in many ways.
Love is sexsual in anyway, you cannot tell me that you never undressed a girl by just looking at her.
It is something we do as Men and Women. My best advice to any virgin, is to find out! what kind of love you have and what kind of lover you are, not by having sex but reflecting on your expressions of love and relationships with Girls or Men if you are to that. Love comes in many ways, just like me. Remember that you might be a monogamous in the beginning of all this you might find it hard to love many at once ( Sexsually ) But just believe in yourself, sex can be very kind and given.
what do you think id shared this on another community but no one comment on my thoughts so far-
My partner and I have different sex drives and before we realised that it was the problem we kept arguing over nothing, we both felt like we were losing each other and nothing seemed to go right. We did eventually figure out the problem but we still don't have a long term solution and I worry sometimes. I don't want to make them feel like sex is a chore that they have to check off just to make me happy 🥺💔
In my past relationship I had the same issues. Please get help, the both of you if you want to stay committed to your relationship. My prayers go out to you 🙏
I've definitely felt like it was a chore before. Felt guilty for feeling that but i just couldn't keep up haha
so, though it's not on the amount of sex, myself and my partner have an issue with the type of sex. I am a S&M lover, while they are a very gentle type (the sex can still be rough, but I'm not gonna get slapped across the face, nor slap them right back sorta thing ) we both love each other a lot, but there is a side of me that has an itch they cant scratch.
so rather than let this be a problem, we have monthly trips to the local dungeon where I get to indulge in my S&M side. I don't have sex with anyone there , and that is well established, but it allows me to scratch that itch.
before starting this venture we discussed and established boundaries, and rules for my conduct and limits while I am at these places, and while they were not 100% "comfortable" with the activity at first, it turned out that in their head they could not see S&M happening without sex, but they have since seen and experienced that that is a thing that is surprisingly common in these places.
I'm saying this to illustrate that you can scratch some pretty deep urges that are related to sex outside of the relationship while not having sex outside of the relationship. It requires some very open communication about what you want and what they want, and finding compromises between the two of you that can satisfy the needs of both.
And if one partner cant satisfy the needs of the other, that does not mean that the relationship is over, it means that other ways of fulfilling those needs must be found.
It sucks being the higher driver
@@Krinblacksnoww what the hell is this relationship, is this supposed to be commonplace? If I were that guy I'd rather be single than to have my girlfriend get slapped around in a "dungeon"...
This video gave me a LOT of insight. My last relationship was pretty tumultuous once the "honeymoon" phase was done for my partner. I am a very passionnate and sexually driven person, but my partner turned out to have a pretty poor sex drive. She always had to be actively "in the mood" for it.
It was very hard for me since I thought something changed, that she may love me less. And EVERY SINGLE sign mentionned in the video started to come out one after the other. And it did take a toll on the relationship. I started withdrawing, losing confidence, and turned to social media to find some sort of validation I guess. Note that this was during the height of the pandemic, we just moved in together and I live in Quebec, where curfew laws and isolating was a very serious deal. We spent all our days together, but my time spent on social media, consuming highly polarizing content only made things worse. I started getting angry at the littlest of things, constantly feeling unnapreciated and very unsatisfied with my life, and my partner, but couldn't figure out what was wrong. I still loved her dearly, but something was off. I started thinking I was polyamorous, since I started fantasizing about other people.
The longer it lasted the worse I got. I started smoking weed ALL THE TIME, constantly withdrawing through video games, and just feeling straight up inadequate.
She was clearly not the right partner for me, even though I tried talking through these problems. I proposed she see a sex therapist, trying things, going with the flow. But she was very closed off and just told me that she just didnt have that much of a sex drive. Sometimes she would even "treat me" to some foreplay when it had been a while just so I would feel better. But I knew it was just for me to get off and that was it.
Anyways, I feel like I needed to write this since its still recent, and this video gave me a very good perspective. I wasnt perfect, but now I have context on where it might have gone really sideways, and why I shouldn't feel like everything was my fault. We might only have been partially compatible, and thats something that I can understand better now.
It’s always so funny to see all these asexuals streaming in, the same way I would for example ask an asexual ‘but how does it work for you?’. It’s a good thing when both parties learn how it is for the other, instead of having arguments about feeling or not feeling sexual attraction. To them, wanting sex is the weird thing, even if for a lot of the world it’s the other way around. It opens my eyes a bit to how alike yet different we all are in the end.
As someone who got out of a sexless marriage and is now in a sexually healthy relationship, it's comforting to know that the rejection and sadness I felt from trying to initiate and getting ignored was normal. It was very confusing disheartening to have my partner constantly try to tell me he thought I was attractive but never ever show it, not to mention he openly had a fetish for a body type that I do not have. My current partner shows me how much he desires me and it makes such a big difference.
I understand this.
Oh you left cuz they couldn’t have sex??
I’m in this kind of relationship right now he says he is attracted to me but never shows it.
@@clubfootnelly3800 Same, six year relationship did it overall six times.
@@mesasapoop wow that really sucks. He and I have been together for five years the first year everything was great then he and I moved in together and it stopped to maybe once or twice a year. I moved to Texas and left him and he called everyday crying saying he would change. And it did for about 2 months now things are back to how they were with no physical contact except for maybe a pop kiss here and there. I'm so depressed. Sorry for pouring everything out like this.
I guess being single can sometimes make me sex-starved.
Sounds about right.
LMAO
@@Psych2go I never thought psych2go would use my favorite line
@@Psych2go Does having a spouse who’s doing time count? Because if it does, there’s not much I can do about that till he comes home-I will NOT cheat on him, and if he’s gotta stay celibate for the duration then I’m willing to go the distance too!
At my age and in the conservative county I live in, there’s nobody else I’d want to chase anyway.
@@Psych2go yep.
I was manipulated into a sexless marriage in my twenties. It had a tragic and long lasting effect on me. I have never dated since divorcing and I am now suffering from a major depressive disorder, chronic anxiety and OCD.
I'm in a nearly sexless relationship, but still love my wife very very much. Her depression has meant that we don't have sex no where nearly as often as we used to. I feel so bad for her and understand her deepening depression. I wish there was something I could do besides being there for her, spending time with her, etc. She says that she still loves me very much and doesn't want anyone else and I believe that. I just wish things were like they used to be. I miss those days. I think dealing with her depression is the main important thing right now. I'm not sure how, but we need to get that under control. Then we can think about seeing a sex therapist. I know she's going to pull through this. She's a very strong woman, even if she doesn't realize it.
Me and my boyfreind have our things to fight with. So rather have sex once in a while than never.
You sound like a great husband. Most men would probaly sadly have left her
My depression stops me from feeling sexy I pray she gets better
@@exotictheartistkarina__v271Thank you. I'm sorry you're going through that. Since my post, she's had less depression than she was having at that time. Which I'm TRILLED about. It was painful just watching her go through it, I can't even imagine how she was feeling. As far as our sex life it has returned to near normal and the spark is still very much there for both of us. I can't believe it but we've been together for 17 years now. I still don't believe it when I say it lol. Thank you so much for your concern and words of kindness. You're awesome!
I was in a loveless & sexless marriage for years. My ex wife simply shut down & switched off totally emotionally & physically. It had a devastating effect on me & I find real intimacy extremely difficult as she didn't even touch me, not just sexually, there was no physical contact whatsoever. Absolutely dreadful.
Same but opposite I am a woman...
ever figure out what her problem was?
@@nodav maybe asexual+Aromantik?
Yes, but that's normal, lived it.
@@cockatootledo At least you have that in your favor, since women don't want or need sex.
I think we all need to agree that being sex starved is a really terrible situation to be. But most people won't even acknowledge this fact because they are ashamed to admit it and have been thought to shrink their feelings.
At the same time, we men get often reminded:
"You are not entitled to sex!"
@@tailgunner2 We aren't entitled to sex. Our partners also aren't entitled to a relationship with us without sex. We can walk away if things aren't working and our partners aren't communicating with us to find a solution. We can find someone else who wants the same things we want.
After having lived in a Christian bubble for most of my youth/childhood and thinking that sex should only happen "after marriage" (and I intend to NOT have kids out of wedlock because I don't want them period), I honestly feel like this topic should be talked about more often. In my experiences, even though I haven't had it consistently enough/hardly at all due to my relationship being online and long-distance, I've noticed that being intimate with my partner has enhanced my relationship a lot, even if the way we viewed sex as individuals wasn't in complete alignment at first. Both people in a relationship should care enough to try and fulfill their partner's needs, and building up that kind of intimacy most definitely takes time and patience
So true ♥️
To be on a sec should be in marriage. Almost every problem we have is based on sex outside of marriage.
Whether you're a christian or not.
I can think of so many problems that wouldn't exist if people just had better ways of living their lives and regards to sex.
My life was deeply affected by this particular lie.
@@meggrotte4760 That's an interesting perspective... I can think of so many movies' and books' plotlines that would have gotten solved immediately if the characters were polyamorous 😏 "Wait, you KNEW I slept with your wife??" "Yeah, we tell each other everything and we trust each other to respect the boundaries we do set 🥰" 😂
Good luck!! I hope you do have kid's one day. They're blessings from God. I always said I didn't want any in my early 20s and I ended up with 3 children within 5 years. Best gifts ever in my life. Hope all goes well in your future. You remind me of me in your story with the Christian side of things. I understand you. 🙂🙏
I absolutely have experienced this... unfortunately, it's also been a toxic relationship in certain ways. I'm really glad I broke up with that person years ago. - If you find yourself in a relationship that is slowly eating yourself up: Try to end it - It isn't worth your precious lifetime! Yes, it is hard and even harder if you feel some kind of love or 'addiction' towards someone. But it IS possible to escape from there and deals you new options in life. You WILL heal eventually.
Lemme guess your a female right?
"I think that sexuality is only attractive when it's natural and spontaneous." - Marilyn Monroe
TIMESTAMPS!! ❤
1) 1:04
Escaping the mirror
2) 1:53
Seeing red
3) 2:43
Running away
4) 3:27
Forbidden fantasies
Thx
Thanks! Signed your ADHD friend.
Thank you..!
(2, 3, and - maybe - 4 apply for me, as I'm stuck in a "relationship" where my partner regularly/frequently (supposedly) receives s#xual satisfaction from me, but I never get to receive it from them ._. (It makes me a little crazy, but I know that I'm not "owed" anything, or good enough for anything else :)
@@youdontneedtoseehisidentif4939 no your not supposed to be used for sexual stuff bro u ain't a toy!
My advice if you want some if not just ignore this: maybe talk to your partner more openly how you feel on the matter and try to solve it together with a partner
@@youdontneedtoseehisidentif4939 break up
There's a point in your life when you have to decide whether its more painful to be single, safe and sex-starved, or dating but always in danger of getting cheated on (which usually ends up being the case) but at least getting some sex. Either way, you can never win. Makes you want to just go back to being a kid again.
I went non-monogamous, and never really cared who else my partner or partners slept with as long as it was safe sex. Cheating is obviously a concern in non-monogamous relationships too, but it's easier for me and my partners to get our needs met and the love we feel isn't diminished because one partner lost their sex drive. Not for everyone though, if you can't handle occasional feelings of jealousy then monogamy or celibacy is probably safer.
Damn,. the title alone speaks volumes, wish I had this video around when I stuck in a non-contact relationship,..I'm sure it was probably just lack of communication on both sides, like we both wanted it, but the right time never came up & we fell quickly out of lust due to that. Neither one was being pleased/satisfied. Hope everyone really absorbs this info & appreciates the work you do, shedding light on so many areas of the mind body & soul!
This was helpful, it’s hard building a good perspective on sex after trauma- even when you’re with a partner who loves you!
I can relate.. 💔
@@bunkayke2554 I got PTSD from refilling a car with gas, I had a bad expirence when I was a kid, along with wave machines I was drowning
Indeed it is. same here.
Glad this helped! I hope you're okay
I agree.
This reminds me of my first marriage. Once the honeymoon was over, he would turn me down when I wanted sex and laugh at me.
Everything was on his terms and only on his terms. He didn't love me, he just wanted me there so he could get his desires fulfilled. He called that love!?
I loved him at first, then I stopped loving him. My needs were never met, my marriage one-sided, my heart broken, and yet I still tried. I just gave up after years of his humiliation of me.
That sounds so sad. I'm really sorry.
That dude sounds pathetic. I sure do hope you'll actually get someone who really knows what good communication and love is.
I'm stuck in this...
I don't want to sound rude but I'm just curious (I'm not an expert in relationships by any means). How do this type of incompatibilities don't come up before marriage?
@@cockatootledo And you will never ESCA- nah I'm just kidding.
Thanks for sharing! This perfectly describes how my last 2 relationships died off, despite being aware of it happening.
When only one half in a partnership is willing to work on it, the 'Running away' will just get worse and worse, up until it just doesn't feel worth the effort anymore :(
I'm sorry to say that the last time this happened, after talking about extensively it together and seeing my gf just not making an effort, I had to cut my losses and move on to protect myself...
Great heavens your voice is so satisfying to hear to the point where i watch your videos just to calm myself down or whenever im feeling stressed out
There's nothing worse then not feeling wanted or desired. Especially when you've been with some one for a long time.
*Hugs*
Could be social anxiety or there is an imballance and/or enablement in the relationship, too? Are you still with them? What are they like?
oh no no, my friend. There is something worse.
It is worse when you haven't even got one single partner at all in your life and you are getting older. People will treat you like a creep, a weirdo, and you start to struggle doing basic stuff of human interactions. You become some sort of isolated being, as if you were invisible. You are alone.
At least you have the luxury to be with some one. Imagine how it feels to NEVER feeling wanted or desired.
I’m in that now 😢
12/13 yrs together. 6 months married.
Last had ‘PIV’ sex 3 years ago.
Never get kissed, only pecked.
Won’t let me massage him and he won’t massage me.
Doesn’t every playfully touch me at all like a stroke on the arm, hand, back, anywhere.
If I try to kiss properly there’s always an excuse why he won’t kiss.
I always have to initiate hugs. I have to go to him on the sofa to sit next to him and get physical contact.
Apart from the quickest pecks on my lips and forehead he doesn’t touch me. He will only do this to say goodnight or goodbye in the day.
In short he doesn’t want any physical contact with me. I am sick of what this has done to me. I started counselling lately for some help as I actually feel like just ending my life sometimes.
The hurt of this for over ten years has manifested so bad.
I don’t have a husband. I have a house mate.
I feel you Sammy! Been feeling the same in my 10 years relationship... It's hard to leave but hard to stay 😔
I'm a sex-averse asexual so I don't seek out that type of thing with people and I don't view people sexually either.
This video is very helpful! Communication is very important and neither you or your partner should be ashamed for wanting/not wanting sex.
I always worry that when I have a future partner that they'll feel this way and think they're unattractive or something when that's not it the case at all I just don't feel sexual attraction 👉👈
I’m An Aroace So I Completely Agree With This Comment. It’s Kinda Scary When Some People Don’t Accept Other People For Who They Are (Depends On The Situation). But, It’s Alright :)
If you are asexual, you could still make a little sacrifice as in every relationship, and give them what they want. I'm used to see relationships where only one partner does all the investment, usually the man. That's unfair and neither of them will be happy.
Very interesting. I’ve always felt that sex is only for two reasons. 1) To serve lustful desires. 2) As a means of procreation. Other than that I do not see another purpose or have an understanding of how it is an act of love.
@@Sunnako I'm not in a relationship myself but I know that relationships should not be about "sacrifices" for allosexual people or asexual people. It shouldn't feel one-sided that's why I said communication is important and you shouldn't feel ashamed for not wanting or wanting sex. You're not obligated to do anything you don't want to, and that goes for anyone not just asexual people, and that should be respected just as much as those who do want to.
You shouldn't just "give them what they want" if they don't want to, you should talk about it otherwise you're not respecting your partner's boundaries. Because you're right it would be unfair to them as well and will just make them unhappy. I can't speak for everyone but some people may be comfortable doing it a certain amount of times a month/year, or only comfortable with certain acts, or like me not comfortable with any of it. Shouldn't have to "sacrifice" anything, being asexual or not, you have to work together and communicate your boundaries and see what other intimate stuff you and your partner can do together so you both can be happy.
@@KidKit This Is So True. When That Person Said “give them what they want”, I Was Like “🤨 Tf”
Because That Wasn’t A Right Choice Of Words There. Again, I Completely Agree With Your Comment
Sex with someone who loves you and accepts you is incredible. Them wanting to accept every part of you is empowering and redeeming.
I can't descripe how much I appreciate your channel and the value you provide. Thanks a lot
Alright, now I'm really curious.
Do you guys think you could do a video on the mental health problems that could arise from non-romantic sex, like one-night stands or friends with benefits? Cuz I learned some stuff from this vid that nobody ever mentions when talking about healthy sexual relationships, and now I wanna know similar things about unhealthy sex and the like.
Agreed
This right here 👆🏻💯...
Agree
Dude that could be a deep video
I'd love some insight on this @Psyche2Go please consider looking into this topic
Thanks, this was an eye opener for me. (My marriage is complicated -- as all probably are -- not to be fixed with a cut and dry "go see a therapist" type answer. But at least I understand what I've been feeling even if my husband is unwilling to communicate his feelings.) The pain of rejection in my personal life -- whether intentional or not -- is probably why I have such a strong fear of rejection in my work life in sales. (It's only one component or I'd seriously consider changing professions.) Now that I am aware, I am able to separate the 2 and may be able to start feeling better about/more confident in myself when I'm asking to close the deal.
Just stumbled on to this and WOW! Number three hit home hard. My ex slowly but surely put up walls between us and shut me out to the point that after she said, "I'll do my wifely duty", I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Later found out after talking to her sisters, she didn't get along with her mom and had been raised by her grandma. Grandma had come from an age where arranged marriage was a strong possibility and had taught my ex about "wifely duty". Unfortunately, my ex took that to mean you didn't have to love someone to marry them, that marriage was just a convenience giving her and her kids a stable home for which in return she would cook, clean, do laundry and occasionally let you use her to get your rocks off. No love, no affection, just a cold contract. Not for me.
Single me couldn’t really relate but I’ll still watch this anyway
twin
@@akiera1511 triplets
I hope this channel never ends and keep spreading happiness ❤️
You literally weren't even able to watch the whole video. You commented under 45 secs bruh
Edit; LITERALLY YOUR COMMENTS ARE THE SAME ON OTHER VIDEOS. YOU ARE ATTENTION SEEKING, GO DO THAT ELSEWHERE
Dude your verification looks so fake but it's not fake
@@Alexanlite i can tell it's sub-bots. His channel is basically dead for that many subscribers. There's no damn way
@@NetchoCheese thanks dude
For reader; at least if it was bot, it still support the channel and it's better than spreading hate
feelling brave to share this with the internet. I have no shame in admitting that I am indeed sex starved. I'm 21 and never had a relationship with anyone. (late bloomer plz don't judge) never had my first kiss, date or intimacy yet. I'm a shy quiet type of girl so it's hard to go up and talk to guys I find interest in. On the flip side, i try not to over indulge myself in lewd content as I don't want to develop bad unhealthy habits. 😳 Really all I want is to be romantically and sexually intimate with a guy who will like me despite my flaws.
There's also another issue regarding this topic that I would appreciate some advice. My sister and I live together because of unfortunate family circumstances. That's baggage to discuss another time. Unlike me, who never had a boyfriend my sister has had many and will occasionally bring boys home. (For reference I'm 21, she is 19)
I respect her relationships, she's old enough to know what she's doing but my room is next to hers and well.. I can hear it every night. the walls are extremely thin and No amount of music I put on can stop the sound of a creaking bed. My emotions have been all over the place since this started happening. Embarrassment, Jealously, arousal, but mostly sadness as I'm constantly reminded of my failed love life.
Am I wrong to question my anger/sadness? I've been thinking of ways to discuss it with her But I chicken out because I don't want to invade her privacy. She's an adult as well so I can't tell her what to do if she decides to bring guys home. That's none of my business I respect her relationships but I really don't want to sit through a whole night hearing them have sex while I'm right nextdoor. Am I being selfish?
Apologies for the long post but advice would be highly appreciated
It's good to think about your feelings, but you shouldn't dwell on them for too long. I'm an 18 year old guy and I've never been in a very meaningful relationship yet (or had s*x lol). If you really want a relationship I have heard quite a few times that you should just forget about it. The logic behind this is that not thinking about love, it will find a way to you. If you stop thinking about how "Oh I wish I could just have someone to kiss and love oh so much!" you can move on and stop sulking. I think that is the main thing, the sulking. If you would just not feel so upset about not having a partner and having s*x, you can learn to be happy being single. Plus, you should find a hobby or join a club (even if you have social anxiety, which is how I am) to take your mind off of the lonely feeling. I think this is my problem. I feel just different than everyone else for not having done the things they have at my age. This may just be irrational thinking, but that's how I feel. It sounds like that's how you are thinking too but correct me if I'm wrong. Again though, the most important thing is learning to just be ok with being alone. I struggle with this a little, thinking about if I would ever find someone long-lasting in my life. I know I shouldn't sulk like that but I do.
And even if you do stay positive and feel like you aren't falling apart at the very least being single, you might not ever find your soulmate. And if it comes to this, it really is no big deal, especially if you are already content with yourself. People argue, and by not having someone that close to you that lives with you everyday, you could be preventing some serious conflict. This is not to say that you shouldn't have friends, no. I am only saying that when you literally live with people in the same room/house is when you can have more frequent arguments. Now this may be not so great advice about relationships (the avoiding part is what I'm talking about), but then again I'm only 18 and haven't gone through life. But technically speaking, removing/not having a romantic relationship isn't going to be as detrimental to you as, say, not speaking to friends or neighbors. As I said, living with your partner could make you feel distressed due to conflict. If you are happy with being single that's probably better than someone who is in a mediocre relationship wouldn't you say? Anyways, I digress.
As for what's going on in your life again, yeah, your sister doing that right next to you is definitely not something I'd want.
If you could in the foreseeable future, I would move out to get away from those feelings you are experiencing (the jealousy, arousal, anger, sadness, etc.) because you're not going to feel great hearing what happens in her room. At the very least though, try to talk to her about how it makes you feel. And I would like to mention, thank you for sharing what you have. Because you know what, I saw it and I cared.
You’re not alone guys. Do things at the right time, in the right way, at the right place with the right person. You still have time.
Apologies for the short comment. 😂
Quite honestly, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm also going to say a lot of things that fly in the face of what most people in society, including experts will tell you... Anyone that's actually looking for a real serious relationship with commitment isn't going to be looking for somebody with a large body count. Society lacks a lot of discipline in general I don't have the ability to tell themselves "no." This leads to a loss of self-control, and that goes far beyond just a sexual habits are concerned.
Obviously, hormones play a part in a way that we think or feel about things and messaging from society and the media also puts pressures on people to act in a certain way. Not the end of the day, you need to be you. You also need to watch out for yourself because you have a lot more to lose as a woman by being sexually active than a man would.
Also, from a man's point of view. The ones that are going to be looking to actually commit are not looking for a woman that's had a lot of sex, especially with a lot of other men. Hey high body count is not appealing and the lower it is, the more peeling it's going to be do any serious man.
Humans as a whole r never meant to live lonley lives. At one point we should be with someone. The main reasons being to have someone to confide in and share our Interests while journeying through life together.
Ur sisters " flings " ( I say flings cause she has multiple dudes) r just her way of handling her issues. It's not bad to bang many men but not everyone does this. I was in a relationship twice ( now I'm single) and I know how sex hunger can cause problems but the truth is. That's just pleasure. Sex has only one main purpose to procreate and have children. The pleasure bit, the joy bit , the Intimate bit r just temporary . The things like trust, honesty, sharing our issues and mundane things to each other now those r what will mostly happend with our better half .
It basically depends on our understanding of that person.
If u want love the u have to look for it. Or it may come to u by fate and pure luck. But if u do nothing for it then 🤷 staying single it is. If u r like me then there arranged marriage options.
Being like u is absolutely normal it means u r better than many women who give into pleasure easily and just bang people to avoid their stresses in life .
Sex drinking and smoking all serve one main purpose to make us forget our life and its problems and just be happy only until the drinking sex and smoking lasts. That's not permanent if u sober up u need more drinks. If the dude or lady want a serious relationship then sex may become a lower priority. U get the pattern and idea right.
Maybe u should talk with ur sister about this. I hope u find someone who respects u and loves u for who u r. Life is near impossible to live without someone by our side emotionally supporting us. Which is why we want friends parents etc when young and when older we can't expect them everywhere. Which is why we jump to bfs gfs , which at the start can be a wonderful experience both emotionally and sexually and after that unless we work hard , the love won't last and it'll lose its spark.
Hello,
Just happened upon this video and the comments
Yours intrigued me
First off, I am 60ish and have been in several different kinds of relationships
I did not always make wise decisions
As an earlier conversation written, they suggested to be true to yourself and find yourself
Meaning, don't focus on what you don't have
Focus on what you do have or can be or do
Love, Joy, Peace, Satisfaction within yourself is important first of all
Another individual will only supplement that
I do not want to condemn your sister, however guys don't want or like high body counts
Save your spirit, soul, and body for that one guy you will meet someday somewhere
My present partner told me she had only been with a couple of guys
So I was very surprised when she several months later admitted to how many she really had been with
She has a high body count as far as I am concerned
I think I got off track in my sharing
Was going to also say to talk to your sister if you are still living in same apartment about the noisy love making
A better option would be to get your own place if possible to not be exposed to all the hassle and possible temptation in that situation
Hope this helps and is encouraging to you
Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊
How about a video about being single and dealing with all of these? Because I find it extremely difficult to find people who have any kind of interest in me. I’ve actually been the 13th wheel before when all my friends were with their significant others.
It's so hard to be lonely and in a relationship at the same time. 😥
It really is stay
Yeah
That's the life ┐(´ー｀)┌
Definitely
Psych2go also made this video and it may help: ruclips.net/video/9-qiHaaZSbg/видео.html
Oh I am definitely sex starved. I don't have any people close enough for that, and that's been a big problem for me lately. Not just for sex, but for other forms of intimacy. My best friend isn't even close enough to me for anything beyond the occasional quick hug
Oh oof I'm touch starved
@@Lianna_Is_Me we all are, it seems
As a single I wish that touch wasn't my love language.
@@3NewDay I feel that so much
@@3NewDay I wish it was because I honestly don't really feel cravings often, even with family and friends I love dearly. Never been much comfortable with it usually. Wish I understood what you guys feel
Her voice is so soothing and really helps make the videos more smooth
My sex drive has always been kind hyper my and stayed consistent from my first time until my mid twenties (in which I currently am) but I had a girlfriend earlier this year that at the start wanted to do it all the time, multiple times a day, every day and I was totally down. I didn't change the way I treated her ever and always made sure to check if she was happy and would pay attention to small queues when talking to her. For some reason she didn't want to do anything with me anymore, out of nowhere. I respected and just told myself I wouldn't push it on her because that's just uncomfortable for the both of us. I keep being the best boyfriend I could be but she never changed around, no matter how how times I told her how beautiful she was or how clear I made it for her that if there's was something going on i would love to hear it. Eventually I got to the point where I was so high and dry that I started fantasizing about my female coworkers and everything, I felt super guilty and even more guilty about asking her if she was in the mood when she clearly wasn't. We broke up and I never found out if it was my fault or not. This did affect my hyper active sex drive, I still crave it but now I second guess myself because I never got closure if it was that she didn't crave me anymore or if she thought I was unattractive. I go to the gym every day, and i like the way I look, but still. Like the video said, I felt alone in the same room as her, and my desire to even do it with her eventually died out completely to the point I started thinking of other women and getting seriously frustrated and angry all the time, never around her but I'd go to the gym and basically rage workout to let it out before I went to go see her. I've been with some women after the break up but those girls had to work extra hard to get me to even think think about cus I thought I was the issue. Thankfully they never shitted on me or my appearance, idk if I could've recovered had they done otherwise. Atleast the video really makes it feel relatable and relieves some of the guilt of wanting more sex and fantasizing about other women while you're with someone as awful as that is, sex in a (average) relationship is a sign of a healthy one, and if it stops there's signs of something wrong going on.
To all the people who didn’t had sex in their lives or had their first kiss yet. It’s not a competition. You’re not going to get a trophy after that.
Keep doing what you love ! It’ll come when it’ll come !
Oh ok thank you@
the Remington 870 Express Tactical 12GA Hardwood waiting in the conner:
I'm 21, I quite gave up on that, yeah I know I'm young but have too much emotional baggage, social anxiety, etc, my libido also diminished. But thanks.
…and if I don’t want it?
@@Memistical then don’t accept it! Listen to your gut and be yourself ❤
My ex did this to me, she switched off intimacy and affection. I loved her and never stopped fancying her. She let me see her naked but I wasn't allowed to touch. I longed for us to go back to how things were. We were together off and on for another 10 years when eventually she said she wanted more from a relationship and left me. What she wanted was all I wanted and the reason I stayed all those years. Its extremely hard to recover from.
That’s a narcissist. They love to tease you after they give you the goods…then they withhold. They’re always getting sex, don’t worry.
Sorry you dealt with that. Glad you got on with yourself.
@@askew9976 I've never known such cruelty. Thanks for your words.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns it’s an absolute nightmare. I’m unfortunately familiar, from it happening to me. Be well.
@@askew9976 thanks again, I hope we both can move on to happier times.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns narcissist abuse is brutal to recover from. Best of luck. They continually play on our weaknesses and pull us back in. Sometimes we are trauma bonded and/co-dependent.
We are genuine people and we unfortunately love someone that doesn’t exist. We love an imposter. It’s inside of us to change that. They won’t change.
"What does it feel like to be in a sexless relationship?" *Story of my life* 💀
As someone who cannot get a relationship I see this as an absolute win.
Me who's asexual: *Yes very interesting*
Same 😂
Okay, I found someone similar thank god 😅
Oh thank lord I found the Aces, especially as an Apothi I love Psych2go so even if it doesn’t and never will apply to me I like to dip my toes in just because I think it’s funny
@@hah-no. don't worry we gotchu
This applies to real people. You're not a real person. You're a glitch in the matrix,so to speak.
The beginning where the rationale behind sex is so eloquently spoken about by the narrator is so beautiful. I never looked at it like that.
Thank you for this video. I wish it wasn't like this, but it feels good to feel seen. It's been over 4 years since my relationship with my spouse turned sexless. I still have a high libido, and every point you made helped validate the spectrum of feelings I've experienced. I don't pressure my spouse - as you mentioned, sex should never, ever be an obligation, and, frankly, going through the motions, without actually feeling wanted, would be an empty act. It's true that it can feel so lonely, and hurtful, and lead to general agitation, and feelings of resentment. We haven't come to a solution, yet, but my spouse is finally in therapy (I have been, and still am), so we are working towards a day where we can go to a therapist together, and hopefully reconnect in this way. There's been no infidelity, and I only want them - I just hope that they can want me, too, because these last four years have been breaking my heart.
Stop bc this sounds so sad but u care so much. 😭😭😭Truly if it’s not working out and causing u pain be wise don’t try to force yourself. You are wonderful and worth it and I sure hope they tell you. Your patience is amazing and im sure they appreciate it, your amazing
Please help me on this, i think i have the same problem, me and my boyfriend have been together for several months, every week we spend together 2 to 3 days. We have sex only once during those days, and we started to have this one time sex every week, after i mentioned that we're not having sex a lot. Cause before we could spend 4 to 5 days together without him initiating to have sex, and i'm too shy to do it. At the beginning of our relationship he has erection problems, he started to take medicine and he has no problem with erection now. But he never comes when we're having our intercourse, and he continues with his hand after we finish. Recently he told me that he's always horny, and asked me if i can send him "photos" of me like any boyfriend and girlfriend does, he asked if i could put slutty underwears, and if we could use sextoys. He even asked many times, to try to watch porn while we're having sex. I felt bad when he asked for all of this, cause i felt like he's not enough attracted to me. He told me that he is.. but i'm not feeling it.. i'm not even feeling that he's horny when we're together. I don't feel passion or desire from him towards me..
What could this mean? please help me..
P.S: he's a good person and he treats me well, i don't think he's a manipulator, but I want to understand him..
@@dana-ky5mg Porn is NEVER healthy. This is coming from a guy who was a porn addict as a teen. It is something that is a plague and will cause emotional damage. I noticed you said you are shy to initiate...and I think that may be an issue. I didn't initiate with my wife due to past guilt of my slutty lifestyle. It is something we still have an issue with at times. But with that said, her initiating it all the time led to her not feeling any sort of excitement or need. It became a priority and responsibility. And with anything to do with love, it doesn't need to be that way - it needs to be mutual. I can see he wants you to be more active with photos and clothing...so I can tell he definitely needs you to be more involved. Perhaps you can talk to him about your shyness? Maybe you can read a book or talk to someone about it?
@dana-ky5mg yes he is correct.it also important how old ya'll r and how much time has passed with u two in a relationship. but porn is not ok. ever, its just not. clearly u dont feel like he loves u bc of certain stuff. i do think what primematrix was sayin is correct about just initiating the sex more. but the watchin porn part and having a hard time finishing during sex tells me that he watches porn very often so his dopamine related to sex is messed up. you should talk to him, and if he loves u enough, he would quit. trust me PORN RUINS RELATIONSHIPS!! it did with my x and he kept lying sayin that he promise this is the last time. but it wasn't, he was so addicted he did not care how it would affect me. now I'm with an amazing partner who i love very much and Jesus Christ sex can be so so so so so so so wonderful. just have to communicate and set boundaries. if they do not respect u with time, you leave. i also suffer from shyness, u just have to find the correct person for you, trust me. you will turn into a monster lol.
@@xnctxforlife2486 Correct 💯. I have ADHD and anxiety so I sometimes get "flashbacks" to people I used to sleep around with. I hate it. I'm a born again Christian and it makes me feel awful when those thoughts pop up. I am able to suppress them and void them overall, but it still hurts how much pain I've caused my wife. I used to be a full on man whore from 16-19 years old. That includes being with a married woman who was older than me. That and porn does nothing but cripple sex. I still have issues sometimes because to me, excitement in sex was going from person to person. I still have a lot of problems with my sex drive at times. And this is coming from a 25 year old male. Long story short - communicate. Take action yourself just as much as he does. It depends on how commitment and trustworthy he is. I am a man of my word - I have deleted apps that sometimes show girls in revealing clothes because I didn't want to think about that or see that. My wife knows 100% I wouldn't even look at that, let alone porn.
My partner and I are on the asexual spectrum, I am more aceflux and have a higher sex drive while they have zero, and we both wish to never have sex, but I catch myself thinking otherwise and it’s a bit scary, but this video helps a bit. I don’t think I’m sex deprived, but it helps me still :)
no father figure.
bruh@@hashimbokhamseen7877 💀💀💀💀
Quality > Quantity is the secret. A day or week could go by, a month or so could go by, it shouldn’t ever matter because when it does happen, it ought to feel intense, pure, natural, a “where did we leave off?” joyous mindset. I firmly believe your partner should be your absolute best friend in the world, your A-team, the one you can truly just be your authentic body/mind/soul self with..
-sincerely, a girl who’s prayers have been answered, every day living with my perfectly imperfect companion through all the boring Wednesdays. My wrinkles are worsening because we constantly make each other laugh. When I’m upset and there’s a breakdown, I just use “I” statements & let myself cry it out, breathe, take time to calmly talk it out, hug it out, get back to the real us. It exists. *I promise* .. don’t settle for anything less
Yup I can definitely say that this is true🥰😊
That sounds magical. How long have you been together?
@@khakicampbell6640 3 years official in December. We were seriously just friends for a few years. We met at a music show, just randomly started talking & exchanging info. The highlight was N64 nights at my place, he wouldn’t stay over until his life got a bit turned upside down & he truly needed a safe space to rest up. Then one day we just said “wanna just do this?” Let’s get rings, start saying husband/wife instead of gf/bf, let’s stack money & go travel the world together, be free like a pilot with their one true copilot. The first year living together was definitely a time of work life balance struggle, communication skill refining, random BS that we worked through together until the BS conflict & stress just started fading. Today, we laugh together at our past insecurities. We got smarter, more assertive, better insulated against little issues, a serious success & fun together mindset. I’m so grateful to experience a love and friendship like this in my time here
It blows me away how negative a lot of the comments are on such a wholesome and helpful channel. Sheesh.
4:50
"Not now, i have a headache."
" *Let me heal you.* "
this is spot on, unfortunately it doesn't only apply when you're in a relationship and even more unfortunately i have noone to help so the anger at every little thing has been going on since my teens at the very least roughly 6 years of it. That is of course only one of my issues, i'm genuinely convinced there isn't anyone out there who can match me in any capacity because even when i have been in a relationship i don't feel happy, content, or really anything i don't know if its just that i havent found the right person or if I'm fully incapable of feeling anything for another person at this point but i can't seem to care about other peoples issues aside from laughing at them or getting irritated from hearing them. I want more than anything to experience the love and care that i see every day between a happy couple but i just feel like there aren't even any opportunities, I haven't even met anyone new outside of work since i was in highschool and i don't even know where to go or what to do to meet people that arent double my age or more and it's depressing because i want to meet new people i want to date and i want to find love in some capacity but i feel like i can't and it won't ever happen. It's gotten to the point where i don't even want hookups anymore and i don't want to leave my house, only reason i've had any sex is from pointless hookups that i didn't necessarily regret but i didn't enjoy much either. I just feel like there's something wrong with me as a person and i don't know how much longer i can deal with it before i either snap or just fully close myself off and just continue playing my games until i can't even communicate anymore or i end up dying from medical issues/old age and I'm only 22 years old
Start with yourself
Don't know everything about you
However it sounds like depression and anxiety and despair to me
Two items and you can choose what you want or need
#1 ... Turn to God and pray to Him for a revealing of Himself to You
#2 ... Nothing wrong with getting therapy or a counselor to talk to and work
thru your inner self
Just suggestions
Blessings to You on Your Journey
I've been in a sexless relationship for 5 years because my boyfriend doesn't want to.. and I'm slowely dying inside 🥺 I feel all the things described in the video and don't know what to do. I used to love sex but now my selfesteem is so low that I don't think anybody else would want to be with me and it feels like I've forgotten how to do it, but my desire hasn't changed 😔 I have so much anxiety because of this and no one to talk to about it..
If your needs can't be met by your boyfriend, I think it's time that you move on from him and find yourself a partner that will have sex w you. I promise that there is someone out there that will fulfill all of your needs. Good luck!
Men can refuse sex, I assume you know that right? Also, maybe he lost interest because of you’re insistent desire to have sex with him.
Guys want sex, his either cheating or lost attraction. Either means you gotta move on or have a discussion about it
edit: the virgins and the incels in the comments don't want sex and thats fine as well, happy?
@@mrdee2454 This needs more insight. Talk and see why he is behaving the way he is.
Find somebody else
Your videos always make me interested even when I’m bored of them. Your voice is so calming 😭
Your voice is so relaxing, I'm literally getting melt. And video was so helpful. I used to regret talking to another girl while dating. I didnt hide it and told my gf that we are sexting. I did that because my gf wasnt giving attention, nudes etc. After the video, i understand better that it was actually because of her lack of attention. Even though we broke up 3 weeks ago, its nice to feel better about a mistake of mine. Thanks a lot. I love your voice.
I don't know when I joined this channel, but it's a blessing to see in the cursed place called the world. Someone is out here trying to bring some wholesomeness to help fix the problems
As a r*pe victim(I'm a guy btw) it's hard finding a relationship, not all potential partners understand that it's not that I don't want them, it's just that I'm still afraid, my last gf tried, i wanted but my body didn't just responded, shortly after we broke up and I can only say it's too bad
Trauma is impossible to deal with alone. Talk to a therapist or counselor if you ever need to.
@@justalpha9138 after the break up I started seeing a therapist, I'm way better now, but unfortunately I've lost an amazing person because i was afraid to tackle the problem head on
@@sonorousartist3476 It's just like Eli says in S5 of Cobra Kai, "You know what? That's life! You win some, you lose some, but you gotta move on." The worst thing you can do is never learn any lessons like Kyler in the show.
I empathize with your plight, what happened to you was long ago and awful. It's not your fault. And while hard to deal with it should not be another person's burden without at least confiding in them first. Use the experience to better yourself. Overcome it and use it for positive of yourself and others. I believe in you.
Hey pal keep your head up things will get better
So I wasn’t in a relationship, but still enjoyed each other occasionally. I kind of feel bad because in all honesty, they weren’t my first choice, but it was something that made me feel good and made them feel good.
Other than that, I haven’t really had anyone in a long time. I definitely can relate to some of these things. It feels awful when no one tells you how nice you look. It feels bad getting empty compliments.
This takes a toll over time. Wanna make a video on that? Something about what not being in a relationship does to you.
The anger goes away after about 3 to 5 years but the uncomfortable feeling in your own skin never goes away, Don't know why I watched this its been 10+ years but it is nice to know where some of these feelings are linked to.
I'm still unable to grasp the concept of sexual intimacy, despite countless videos and hours of study. It's an enigma to me. Likely has something to do with my autism and my difficulty in forming intimate relationships with other humans, but it's not something I'll ever likely be able to grasp. Three decades on this earth have done nothing for that.
It's interesting how our society addresses sex as a "need" rather than a "want". We "need" food, water, shelter, safety. We "want" sex (presumably very much) but will not die without it. After decades of futile attempts, and successful but worthless victories, I've decided that it's really not worth it. If somebody needs a label, you could say I'm asexual. I'm amazed at the resources, time, energy, and emotion others spend for such a hollow return. Yes, at times, I'm lonely, but the work required to find someone to fill that gap is (IMO) not worth it. The good times are nice, but the bad times grow and become worse with every crisis. Eventually, couples become roommates, sex changes into an imperative for the one with the higher libido and drudgery for the one who really doesn't want it. The person with the lower libido becomes (in a way) a prostitute - going through the motions but hating it more each time.
you are everything I hate about a human being.
Being in a sex-starved relationship is damaging, my first intimate relationship actually was one. I was a virgin, who still is highly introverted, highly empathic, still, a sarcastic jackass, who is and always will be drawn to intellectual challenges. She was a sexually active extrovert who was not used to dealing with a slow and methodical individual who doesn't make the first move. I was a big problem in that relationship and so was she.
However, being sex-starved is not the same as being intimately starved. Being intimate with someone doesn't mean you just jump into the bedroom with them. Meaningful sex requires caring about the other person you are with threw all forms of physical and emotional interaction. If there is no emotional connection and no physical interaction then the relationship is truly dead.
I was 3/4 (no increased anger that I was aware of anyways) in my marriage, and so that coupled with our diverging lifestyles after moving to a different state a long, long ways from home (tho within 3hrs of another of her immediate family's homes), things were degrading fast between us and we broke it up before things got any more complicated with houses or kids. $300 attorney fee to do the paperwork, we handled ourselves like mature adults, and it was completely smooth sailing, nobody got shafted.
Ahh cex, one of my most favorite things about being a human being!
For me cex is super special n ment for only one person, its a special moment that bond us to each other, which is probably why breakups hurt so badly, you get so close to each other, so close that your hearts fuse under the extreme pressure of love and become one like fusion in a star
And when heartbreak come it rips that fusion apart thus destroying the unique element that was made the moment your hearts fused, kinda like steven universe characters
I just dont understand how ppl can get with randoms just to cheapen something so wonderful
I’ve struggled with this a lot in my first real relationship. I was a virgin and didn’t really want sex until I knew for sure (back then that’s just how I felt) but my partner at that time didn’t care and persisted in having sex; so we did. Then after that things switched around, I wanted to have more sex while she did not. I blame a lot of it on ED and I remember crying in the car one day because of the look of disappointment on her face. It was rough. We stayed together for about 3 years before I finally realized that we just didn’t have that sexual attraction, she never saw me like that and I did with her but fell out of love slowly.
One of my hesitations with getting into another relationship is being on that same wavelength sexually. I want to meet her needs but I’d also like to be met. You’re not always going to be in sync with each other 😅 and I also worry about ED. I just get easily distracted or if I’m worried about something it won’t happen..
Pretty brave of you to admit all of these things. I commend that. :)
@@justalpha9138 Thanks :’) I just think we should be more open about our problems. They happen to a lot of people. I like this channel because the community behind it is pretty supportive.
@@CptnCobblestone YES. I totally agree, this channel had me more open than usual.
I personally just canot imagine falling out of love with someone over ED, but maybe what do I know I guess.
@@sparkstudies1675 Some people are freaking a holes man, what can I say? :(
Psych2go: *Posts* *anything* *about* *sex*
Single people: “No, you’re about to make it get worse”
True...
@@FireRams_arisinglion if only it were that easy
the GLOCK 19 waiting in the drawer:
Psych, u help me so much. The amount of times I’ve gone through something HORRIBLE is almost never ending , so is my view count for this channel lol. But seriously tho , you are awesome
Another beautifully insightful video. Another subject that touches all people of all ages and backgrounds without discrimination. It would be lovely for some of us if there was a format to listen in a longer and more detailed way but I suspect we would be in the minority. Nonetheless we can appreciate what there is and be thankful for it.
This video came 2 years too late. I wont get into details, but it's downright relatable.
Single gang where you at
Raises hand.
Here
here
Yo
forever single is here.
Oh boy. I love being reminded that no one wants me and I will never be deserving of love. The privilege of dying alone. When I choose to.
I am definitely not sex-starved, in fact I am the opposite, the video didn't made me get emotional but the specific phrase ".. partner shouldn't feel like they have an obligation to have sex if they don't want to" , made me cry non-stopping for too long. I had just broken up with my 2 year BF who I love so much because I couldn't stand the sentiment of feeling the obligation to have sex. I had a sentiment that if we didn't make out, even though I explained that my libido is low, our relationship would fall apart. The last 1 and half month I decided to give myself a break and not worry about sex, and my fear came true. I broke up and we still are friends, but now I want to go to therapy because every time I made sex without wanting it made me get more disgusted by it, and now I know that if I do not get a treatment I will never have a healthy relationship or allow myself to love someone. This video made me realize I tortured myself for too long. Thank you for the video S2 and sorry for my bad english.
Considering I'm in my mid thirties and never even been in any kind of relationship, I can relate.
I'm 30 next month and in the same situation 😐
@@Nothingbutdust_ Well, I wish you better luck than I've had.
@@kakarikokage2514 Thanks, I but have a feeling luck has never been on my side. Let's try to not give up though. You are very strong!
My ex tutored me with intimacy starvation; which eventually drove me to ending the marriage. I am sex starved to say the least.
Same 😢
Thank you for this video, we rarely hear from this point of view.
These relationship videos are always interesting to me, since I've never been in one. Always interesting!
I'm asexual but I watched this to try and understand what it's like to want to have sex
me too, but I hae the feeling of horny :’3
I am demisex and asex, so being horny a lot is not really good when you dont like it :’D
When I’m not in a relationship, I can go without sex easily, though now I’m in a relationship I want it all the time, and I feel bad about it.
You don't have to feel bad about your libido. It is natural. If you express a deep need to your partner, and your partner will not help you, then it is your partner who is at fault. Come to a compromise. If you want sex twice a week, and your partner wants it once a month, then have it once a week. Set up a scheduled day for sex every week. Put it on the calendar. Make it regular, like Sunday morning or Saturday night. Your needs are important.
@@freesk8 don't know about you, but I wouldn't want sex to be a scheduled thing and seem like a task or something. "Its almost time for our 7:00 PM sex session" there's just a lot wrong with that.
@@dariansantiago8402 I hear ya, but adult life is complicated. When there is an imbalance in sex desires in a relationship, and both partners are busy with jobs or kids, scheduling sex can make things a lot better. Yeah, that destroys sponteneity. But if the needy partner does not get the needed sex, the result could be divorce. If you are not meeting your partner's basic, fundamental needs, you are likely to lose your partner. Sex on a schedule might be worth it, if the alternative is no sex.
i been watching you for a year now and alot of thing has changed i had a gf but then she broke up with me but from watching you i could get through that without crying thank you alot
Seeing Red, really opened my mind so much of how my last roommate was not only that he couldn’t accept help and how mistreating your friends becoming hateful and toxic behavior is sad of losing your friendships. Honestly I had been watching your content for many years and has been very helpful and aware of what I should be aware of.
If it’s possible could you please do a video related with Seeing Red, Toxic Friendship that considers of what we should focus on with ourselves and improve our friendships from breaking up without consequences?
I realized I was grey asexual (rarely do I engage in sex) around 5 years into my current relationship (we’re at 8 now) and while it’s quite something to navigate, especially because I had an insanely high sex drive when we first got together, but we’ve been doing fine. We realized that sex isn’t an end all be all for us and tbh both of us sighed a Vera ton of relief because we were both secretly feeling like there was something wrong with us. Transparency and communication is key. It can be hard to bring up topics, but it’s important for a healthy relationship!
Yes agreed
so you gave up like all of the losers i met online
So you had an extremely high drive and then 'realized your identity was asexual'? Excuse me for not being super educated on the whole identity thing - and I'm sure you didn't paint the whole picture, but from what you said it seems that your hormones just changed. You may want to get bloodwork/ see a doctor if you haven't already
@@supersquid328 your sexuality isn’t connected to your sex drive like that…Asexual people can still have a high sex drive and not want to have sex with another person. For example, someone who’s not in a relationship but has a high sex drive might masturbate often. That doesn’t mean they have a hormone issue.
@@supersquid328 sex drive and sexual attraction are not the same thing sexual attraction is looking at someone and going man i want to bang that PERSONwhere sex drive is man i want to HAVE sex.
its like bing hungry but you don't like aly of the food or have a food prefrice but you need to eat something.
ace people can have sex they just don't look at others and get aroused by just looking at them . like seay l Idris elba was walking by a grupe of people and all of them were like man i want that guy to bang me but you in that grupe are confused and never had that thought . now she said she is gray ace meaning super rare but it can happen or for me i am demi witch is a type of ace but it means i am not attracted to looks at all i am attracted to personality or actions
I've been subbed for awhile, and I was wondering if you could do a video about ADHD and autism, and how it can affect people in different ways, such as online and stuff
As a man, number 3 really applied to my latest relationship. Maybe not so much the frequency, but more so the quality, as I never climaxed from sex or sexual activities with my partner at the time, with the one exception being the one time I finished on my own while they were kissing me. As they didn't seem to either notice or care, I slowly lost interest in the relationship as a whole, and started to sort of drift away, until the relationship broke apart.
A good content... And I probably compliment more and more my girlfriend now, since she have trouble with simple task and a sort of body dysmorphia. Thank you content creator. I greatly appreciate your videos cuz it's giving me a hint on how to be better person to my partner
I had this problem in a long term relationship for the last 1.5 years, in the end found myself lonely, unemotional, constantly tired, unattractive to myself (objectively my body and skin quality became worse due to lack of energy and motivation to do smth with it)
The partner told that the problem is that she became asexual and she loved me anyway instead of telling me I have to fix it… And actually before the recent breakup after 6 years together we found out that 1.5-2 years ago I wasn’t supportive enough while she had a depression, that was the root and other problems are just consequences of her distancing from me 💁♂️
Now just gonna work on myself and meet new people, the life is going on, just a bit sorry I haven’t seen this video a year ago and had to figure out the same stuff myself when it was too late…
Wait so whose fault are you saying it was?
Confusing, but im pretty sure you weren’t to blame, no one is obligated to see a depression, even professionals have a hard time getting it try, maybe you did give what you could
We are both sex-starved. I know we need therapy but he still thinks, after years, we still could figure it out by ourselves. I'm frustrated and defeated
Maybe there's a deeper reason to his resistance.
Yes get help asap it will help you guys
Communication's key me and my girlfriend we talk a lot especially about what we want out of our relationship I was sexually active before we even started dating (she was a virgin) and it's still something new to her so we've been talking baby steps and I did find myself thinking about other women but never really acted on those feelings or denied them didn't even even beat myself up about it cuz at the end of the day I'm still a creature underneath that has instincts it's part of the experience, she's been seeing me trying and I let her know when I'm having a hard time not to shame or pressure her but to be open with her and to let her know she can do the same without being judged, we've been together for 3years and we just started getting more sensual in our relationship and she loves the feeling of how I touch her relationships aren't a sprint it's a marathon there's no rush take your time
We've gone full cycle as a society: First we shamed people for having sex, then we shamed people for not having sex, Then shamed those who where asexual or virgins, And we're back to Square One.
This was what was wrong with my last relationship, I didn't want to make it feel like an obligation but the more time went on and the less sex became uninvolved in our relationship I felt unwanted, neglected and we would fight over the dumbest things , I mentioned about talking about it or getting therapy but she would shut down and not want to talk or get help, which led me to believe that she didn't want to try for us anymore, I became stuck, so I came to the conclusion to end the relationship, It was a hard thing to do bec she was my first long term relationship and I still loved her but I felt like it was the best for our situation especially if I was the only one who was willing to try. Us not having that intimacy was driving us apart and a big deal for me, i knew it was time before we would separate.
I'm afraid of relationships because I've fear of not meeting their sexual expectations. Which could make them angry, frustrated upto the worst point of cheating, and what breaks my heart is that i know it's not their fault that they're cheating, they're fulfilling their needs which caused due to my flaws and incapability. Many times we think at the start of relationships that we can adjust, but over time we realise the gravity of it. What if even after knowing all my flaws they decide to adjust at first but after sometime they become so unsatisfied that they resort to cheating. This scares me to the core...
"It's not their fault that they're cheating".... honey, cheating is most certainly the fault of the person that's doing the cheating. If you're in a relationship that is assumed to be monogamous and she sleeps with someone else, SHE is the problem. Take her stuff and toss it and her out the door. Cheating is NEVER ok, if someone isn't sexually fulfilled, but they love the person they're with... they can buy sex toys. ... you should never take the blame for other people's sh!t behavior and if your woman has an issue with how you have sex and doesn't tell you how to get her off then that's on her too.
Understandable. But don't be hard on yourself. Not fulfilling there expection doesn't mean u r incapable or unattractive. U can communicate well on this. The ryt person will understand and u will be able to find a middle ground. So dw much:)
@@AzazelsWings agree. Cheating is never the solution. And stop thinking it's your fault if they cheat coz it's definitely not. Never is.
@@AzazelsWings you're morally and legally right and that's the best and ideal case. But the problem is, the world is a complex place. Ideally and morally we all know it's better to first talk and if nothing works then take a divorce. But then why do people think of cheating? I would surely need the divorce asap if I found my wife cheating, but then again many don't want to give divorce easily. But the main thing will be, the loss, of trust, emotions and so many things. It'll leave me shattered in so much pain, and idk how I'll deal with that. I don't even have options like getting a girl will be one time extreme luck, and it failed painfully and miserably. Getting the next lady...I don't even know it'll be possible ever...
@@divya_sancheti04 thanks for comforting me but when you have better options available for you, will you still go for the original guy or better one? Surely I know I'm better than some people but so are many people better than me. Do you still wanna choose mediocre me? Many say when the right person will come, but I've never seen someone doing this for someone else. It's ok not me, but never to someone else too. That's my fear.
The leaves turning yellow when going super is such a cute detail.😄😄😆
I'm a new subscriber here , and I really love your videos .
Wait y'all in a relationship ?
Was*
I’m so happy about this video😄 I didn’t know for a long time but I recently realized I had been affected by sex starvation, and for so many years it manifested as unprovoked anger and rage (still does sometimes) Now at 25 I’m finally learning to understand it more.
Oh I'm so glad for that
are you completely unaware of your suroundings?
@@_vla wait what do you mean?
didn't asked you
Oh boy, some more knowledge I’ll never need since…. I’m terrified of intimacy and lonely despite desiring intimacy and love, great video btw, legitimately very interesting.
I was in a sexless relationship, we lived together for a year before continuing our relationship for 4 more years long-distance, and the sex stopped even before we became long-distance, I found out 5 years into the relationship that she lied to me about having a hard time finding a job and manipulated me into fully supporting her financially for 4 years.
I thought I was depressed but in reality I'm sexless.
When you're an adult that's not interested in having casual sex, (especially if you're waiting for marriage, but even if you just prefer waiting until you're more serious in a relationship before you get to this step) and then your relationship ends. While you're taking the time to heal properly, THIS facet is torture. You don't want to jump into something before you're ready but you miss the physicality mixed with the intimacy. You don't want to trade it in for something cheap or fake (don't get me wrong, "me time" is a good idea in my mind, but it's not the same) so you're left in this self imposed lurch while you heal. And obviously, there are benefits to that. Not hurting or screwing over other people being one. Not objectifying or using people being another, but it's also good for you too. But that doesn't mean that it's easy to go from a serious committed relationship where you have that dynamic to the in-between of waiting and learning about yourself without it (especially if you're one of the women who gets horny more often, cuz then you can't even really talk to people about it. Cuz a lot of your gal friends don't get it and depending who your guy friends are, if they have a gf, or might think you're coming onto them, you might not wanna talk about it with them.) So you're this sad, sexually frustrated person who explodes at stupid stuff cuz it's a choice YOU made for yourself, but biologically it still f**king sucks
I used to struggle with these feelings quite a bit when I was in my 20's (which feels really weird to say as someone who's only been 30 for a couple months)... I've waited for so long, and the last time my partner and I met up in person, we ended up getting intimate, but not sexual because I know that neither of us feel ready for that yet. The friends that I have personally are usually pretty open to topics like sex or other lewd conversations, so perhaps you could work on finding friends of that nature? It's definitely hard to find people who just get it, but sometimes, those people can come into your life when you least expect it.
Do you happen to have ADHD? Just curious.
I've always loved your videos!
Could you tell me what art style that is? The style of making people with leaves for hair or plants on the head.
Ive been trying to kill my sex drive for years to no avail. For me it's basically a cruel form of torture from my perspective, though i have made some progress. Being rejected and not being able to have sex/relationships used to really bother me until I was finally able to accept that I'm unattractive. Admitting to my self that I'm not appealing or sexy made all of the rejection I put myself through a lot more understandable. I couldn't continue to be mad at all of those ladies once I stopped trying to convince myself that i was a catch. I was finally able to stop wondering what I was doing wrong. More importantly I was able to stop humiliating myself by attempting to talk to, befriend, ask out, date, call, or get to know women. I must admit though, the truth is a tough pill to swallow, especially when it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and bitch-slaps your ego. But (I think) it beats all of the years of disappointment, rejection, and wasted energy I would put myself through otherwise. I think that's progress?
It is.