First, I understand a post like this can bring up a lot of emotions for people who have experienced SA. Obviously the guy who took advantage of OP and kissed her at this party is an AHOLE. OP said later in the story that it was not assault and she did have a level of understanding what was going on, but it also sounded to us like this guy took advantage of someone who is inebriated and CAN'T fully give consent... I was trying to say that OP should still be transparent with her boyfriend about what she remembers happening. Good relationships are built off trust and even in this situation telling your SO what you know reestablishes integrity in the relationship rather than hiding it away. Maybe we were wrong in labeling it cheating. I think there is a cheating drunk scale where the more you drink the less it's "cheating" because your ability to consent erodes. But drinking to the extent where your consent erodes is problematic and the drinking alone I think that is a reason to end a relationship. If OP was slipped something that is a different story, but based on all the updates that doesn't seem to be what happened. But we love hearing from you and your perspective. We're constantly learning and updating our takes. -Sam
Hey Sam! Thanks for response. I definitely see where people are coming from and I can understand you all taking the OP's words at face value and going from there. The thing is it's often not as simple as that... Even when SA victims say that SA was not involved, that can sometimes be true, but other times it could be something else entirely -Victim doesn't have a complete memory or understanding of the events, -Could have misconceptions of what assault and consent actually is due to a largely misinformed society (unfortunately still very pervasive in many places even today). -Be in denial altogether The above gets esp. dicey when the perp. is someone victim is directly acquainted with or has connection with their social group. Making victim think perp. is trustworthy, so they end up letting their guard down. I learned the hard way that sometimes when it takes months to years for a victim to come forward (if they decide to do so at all), it's because that is how long it can take for victim to, not only, realize they have been assaulted, but also come to accept that terrible reality. On top of that, there is the bitter pill of coming to grips that someone they knew and trusted is not who they thought they were and is the cause of their assault and trauma (that's the big thing that causes denial in victims and stretches it out to longterm denial, as opposed to if it was a result of "stranger danger.")... It's a long, complex process with multiple facets and steps. The above is kind of the gist of it. Hope this clears up some confusion and provides at least a bit of a better understanding on the topic.
Thanks for being open to learning guys! I would like to add a little extra nuance to the amazing comment above. We spend only 6 months on earth without bodily autonomy, and therefore (imo) inherently cannot comprehend otherwise. The very nature of SA is being deprived of one’s personal control - the foundation of our safety. In many ways during the early stages of processing, it’s human nature for a victim to “take responsibility” (or rather, self-blame) as a means of preserving a sense of control over their body. While she may not be ready to confront things yet, OP’s subconscious helped her make the VERY SMART decision of engaging witnesses. I’m 5’11. Having older brothers, I have a “tough girl” exterior. By all accounts I’m an intimidating woman which means I’m a “hard target”, but still a target. Do not underestimate the amount of pressure young women can feel from men with bad intentions in a social settings. I would also like to add how different the drinking/drug culture is in the UK/Aus. The binges are HEAVY and many have experienced the wrath of getting too drunk THEN taking MDMA.
@@annieisokfr this is so true. Reminds me of the posts on tik tok I’ve seen lately around women consenting only because if they did not something much worse was going to happen.
My brother was roofied it didn’t affect him right away and when he did feel it everyone assumed he was drunk. He ended up smashing his face into the sidewalk and breaking his jaw. A friend of his confessed to slipping him something and was super apologetic. Why his friend even had something like that still has me suspicious. My brother never leaves a drink unattended anymore and also insists that his female friends toss their drink if they walk way for a minute. He buys them a new one to replace it because a few extra drinks in an evening is much easier to pay for than hospital bills.
Sometimes, getting blacked out drunk and kissing people is a trauma response. She had just lost her hubby. I don’t think it wasn’t consensual, I do think the dude should’ve said no because she probs would have regretted it like she did.
I once had a male friend get black out drunk and try to SA me - Tried to *rpe* me to be more specific And he was utterly wasted - and he also said couldn’t remember a single thing Long story short we removed him from our friend group Cause he seems to get black out drunk a lot and does these kind of things Some women don’t have the energy or strength like me to fight him off - So sleep with him even tho they said no / didn’t want too And I’m sure he wakes up not remembering anything - only to find someone in his bed and thinks he just got lucky Point being - it’s clearly also a pattern of behaviour with her Like y’all are forgetting she only ended up with her partner when she was extremely drunk (he slept with her ) But they ended up dating- but how is that also not the same thing - Like seems to get wasted and sleep with people a lot - So don’t get wasted … there comes a level of responsibility and accountability to our own behaviours Cause then you can say the same for the rapey black out drunk guy Even tho he’s the one not taking no for a. Answer - my friend who caved and froze and slept with him .. how is it her not seeing he was inebriated for consent ?? Which is not what I’m saying - but it goes both ways people I didn’t excuse his behaviour cause he was black out - it seems to be a pattern of behaviour that he’s not addressing I hate being black out - and not in control - so I never get to that point The guy who kissed her - may not have known her and may not know how wasted she was Not everyone who is black out obviously seems that way And she seems to do this a lot - to the point she struggles to not drink for a week or two Let’s hope she healed and drops this behaviour cause she’s just gonna keep getting herself into those situations
Being roofied and being wasted could look the same for the person that doesn't know you. Last year we had lots of cases of girls/women roofied, even pricked with something. I meant in the UK, especially at universities, there were many instances when female students were drugged 😢
We have started to have issues in my country with being stocked with needles with drugs in them. Makes me sick to think of. We need to watch our drinks, what we drink, how much we drink and now can’t have none close enough or yet more risk, Glad I don’t go clubbing anymore.
Plus she said her stomach did feel right if I'm remembering correctly. I think if she comes clean she should admit x was involved with alcohol mixing certain things with alcohol can cause you to not be able to consent. My fiance stop spicy sleep when I say I couldn't handle my stomach churning and he respected it and cuddle this was the beginning of our relationship. He even cleaned me up we were only together for 3 months at this point
😬 I think party boy had bad intentions from the start.. I don’t think she was in the right state of mind to consent spicy sleep.. and the fact she was already pretty blasted when he offered her droogz.. this all doesn’t sit right with me..(not excusing her actions but..) I think she definitely needs therapy. Heart goes out to OP and her ex partner..
If she had a bad headache in the morning, it sounds like she was roofied. The guy is more suspicious the more this story goes on. He spoke to her and hung around for 20 min., was super angry at her and the friend, showed her no respect, and he was sober. He does this regularly and was mad he wasted it. I have been roofied before and this is exactly what it is like. Luckily I went home right away. You wake up with a horrific headache. I did not take anything from anyone. The bartender opened my beer and left it open on the bar. This was before there was awareness about it, 20 years ago
Mmm, sounds like you make excuses for her actions and trying to give her a detour to skip accountability. She effed up. Stop looking for it to be something different.
@@dudeorduuude5211if you try to mess with someone while they’re black out drunk, that’s pretty effed up. Yes she chose to get that drunk, but one person in this exchange WAS NOT black out drunk.
@@dudeorduuude5211 Someone who is sober sees an extremely black out drunk girl and gives her an unknown drug that causes her to not remember the rest of the night And you’re concerned about “blame”
If she was drunk enough to the point where she can’t remember everything that happened and relied on other people to fill in the blanks for her, and the other guy was supposedly sober (or at least sober enough to know what he was doing) then this wasn’t cheating it was assault
If you can't control yourself while drinking alcohol, you shouldn't be drinking alcohol in the first place. If you are unconscious and someone forces himself onto you, that's assault. If you actively engage in the activity and just forget about the details due to your alcohol level, that's not assault. That's you abusing drugs ...
So if she drunk drove and ran over someone she would have been responsible, but she's not responsible for deciding to kiss a guy who isn't her boyfriend?! Yeah no... You don't get to use alcohol as an excuse when you do bad things.
I'm kind of mixed on the first story cause she may have been given a roofie, and that guy who was more sober shouldn't have done anything with her. Yeah, accepting drugs from strangers isn't great, especially when you're drunk, and cheating while drunk is still cheating and doesn't make her less accountable, but that dude was sus. Outside of that event, I don't know if they should've stayed together or not. Maybe therapy would've help, or even taking time away/going on a break could've been a solution to figuring out whether their relationship was worth it. Having listened to the entire story and considering everything, parting ways was perhaps the best choice even if they loved each other. He deserves someone who is all in, and she needs to heal from her previous relationship and not cling to this one if she doesn't truly want it. That's just my two cents on it.
No she wasn’t. B I’ve done x and she isn’t suffering memory loss like she would with a roofie. She recalled everything but what she wanted to remember.
@ObeyDaqSwaqq oh did I miss a part of the story? could you send the timestamp so I can relisten to that part? Sam asked the question of whether or not what she was given was actually x. They all talked about how she was very wasted when she took it and the alcohol is likely what caused her memory loss. Either way, it doesn't excuse her accountability in that moment. I'm just saying the guy shouldn't have even initiated anything with someone so drunk.
Stupid take. I was at a lot of parties where my friends didn't remember everything that happened and relied on me for filling in their blanks. I never drink any alcohol which made me the perfect designated driver for the friend group. They were having fun, they were flirting, they were kissing and sometimes they even tried to have sex (though some parts didn't perform as expected anymore sometimes due to the alcohol). None of them were ever assaulted by the girls they had their encounters with, yet often they didn't remember all the details. Assault is assault. Taking advantage of a passed out person is assault. Drugging someone without the persons knowledge is assault. You actively engaging in any activity while under the influence of drugs you knowingly and consciously chose to take is NOT assault, even if you don't remember all the details the next day. The last part just shows that you shouldn't be doing those drugs, if that part makes you uncomfortable.
I love you guys so much but I feel like Sofia would have had a better take on the first story. Of course it’s good to have all point of views but I think Sofia should have been here for that story
Hmmmm Legally, in the US (IK, she's from elsewhere), she would have been incapable of consenting. She only mentioned taking ecstasy. It seems to me that she may have been given something else or something that was lacedo.Not remembert what happened the next day. That she was so out of it.A friend baby sat her is concerning. Legally this would probably fall under the umbrella of rape. So at the very least she was likely taken at advantage of. Not to blame her in any way.But I do agree with the guys that I wouldn't want to be with a partner that gets this drunk or wasted. No, if she was being responsible and was slipped something that she didn't think she had taken.Then we're talking about something entirely different here. It sounds to me like she needs to talk to her significant other.
If she can’t remember, she couldn’t consent period. Also him being no where near as intoxicated as her, just screams he took advantage of the situation. It’s also very common for women to just freeze up in these situations, does she actually remember kissing him back or was this told to her in a way that made her think that was what happened?
Girl was roofied and taken advantage of. Guy is a total predator. I love these guys, but felt a lot of victim blaming in this video. No hard feelings though, it takes guts to throw out immediate reaction opinions, and I’ve said shit I later took back all the time.
Definitely. This feels like someone being taken advantage of and preyed on. It'd be a different story if the OP had a history of not being able to control her drinking and drank anyway without a care in the world, but this is a single incident where she blacked out and genuinely couldn't remember much of what happened. She couldn't consent. She didn't know. Plain and simple. My boyfriend told me his first time was with a girl who took advantage of him when he was blackout drunk at a college party. Technically that'd be r*pe because he barely remembered anything and didn't consent to it. I asked him what he thought about it when I asked him "do you think that your first time was r*pe? If it was me instead, that'd be called r*pe, why should it be called any different because you're a guy?" And he said "I never thought about it that way" and had a sad look on his face and seemed like he was processing what I said. Consent is everything and people under the influence can't consent no matter what. It's one thing to not control your drinking habits, but it's another situation for someone to take advantage of you because of those habits or take advantage of you because they were swift enough to take advantage
I feel like there was literal gender bias in that story because my first approach was "Girl, that was probably not E". Their first approach was "Girl, you cheated" because I don't think most men understand that black-out-drunk-kissing is not consensual (for men or women). It's not the same as a "liquid courage" situation, also, probably most men are not at risk of getting purposely drunk for potential abuse.
I'm sorry but if she was in no condition to decide, i feel like she was assaulted???? Also, yes, she should tell but i don't know if it is cheating????
@@dudeorduuude5211you can’t consent when you are black out. That’s just a fact. Yes she didn’t make the best choices, but she didn’t CHOOSE to kiss that guy if she was black out. You can acknowledge she was in a bad situation without excusing all of her actions. You grow up lmao
@@Gayonetta5000 sweetie as a former party girl she knew what she was doing. She even worked hard to get her story straight with her friends. No panic and no nothing. She cheated.
@@Gayonetta5000she shouldn’t have gotten that drunk in the first place. That was entirely her decision. She may have been too drunk to have made decisions on her own, but she’s the one who allowed herself to get that drunk.
Definitely feeling like the non-consent situation was OP being taken advantage of in that first story. That guy definitely had some bad intentions toward her.
Signature bad take by Sam. If OP was that level of drunk, she was no longer able to give consent and the guy who kissed her was taking advantage, whether she initiated or not.
@reaszczepaniak1117 Sam's take was that OP's level of drunkenness doesn't make a difference as to whether she was cheating or not. But um, yeah it does? Being sexually assaulted isn't cheating. OP's friend said she was too drunk to even know what was going on, and a person in that state can't give consent. The update confirms the guy was being a creep.
@@erima4270she said she was too drunk to give consent because she was already building in an excuse for OP cheating. I’ve been shit faced drunk, definitely couldn’t consent. You know what I knew? That I had a ride home and was consistent in telling people that and anyone who asked, and knowing that I wanted to see my gf and find out where she was when I didn’t see her for a while. I didn’t go fucking making out with another girl, so I don’t wanna hear that shit that her cheating is now free of consequence because she was “too drunk to know what was going on.”
You have the responsibility to not only yourself but to others in knowing your limits and not putting yourself or others in bad situations. It is your responsibility to ensure your own security. When you choose to get shit faced drunk, you need to make sure your entourage know to watch over you and you should probably drink at home. situations where others are the victim of something terrible, is awful and shouldn’t happen but when you actively make choices that put yourself in harms way intentionally, there is some blame and understanding that should be made.
Definitely. Especially to have evidence of what happened not being her fault and maybe the evidence of being able to charge the person that drugged her and took advantage of her.
It's not typically the first thing you think about. Hindsight is 20/20. It might not even be worth pressing charges but it could have been helpful in the relationship department.
The balance of the music and mic volumes are much better than that live stream. Also stopping the music during the moment they talked about the therapy to get over the dead fiance made that moment stickout.
I think he was in the right to ask his wife to tell everyone she cheated. In order to change or do better, you need to be honest and take accountability. If he kept it a secret, he would have to deal with the pain alone and feel isolated, and that would have 100% ended in divorce. I think that feeling the pain of everyone knowing what she did and what they think of her will help ensure she doesn't do it again. Pain creates change. She did something wrong, and there should always be consequences to bad behavior/choices, so it's less likely to happen again. The husband shouldn't have to carry the weight and pain of what his wife did in order to spare her of the pain of everyone knowing what she CHOSE to do to her husband, kids, and family.
My stomach started to churn and I had to pause and come to the comments. I know yall have already made a statement but even in regards to that. Even if OP says it wasn't assault. The guy was with her for less than 20 minutes. She can't remember how it started, and had to listen to him recollect. In regards to her bf, I have been away from my bf/ friends at a party for 20+ minutes. Thats awful enough that he saw how fucked up she was and kissed her. She stated she had a boyfriend and she can remember that. It doesn't not seem she regularly takes x. It is just as dangerous Even if she said yes. It's not like ouid at all and as a experienced trip sitter and group baby sitter for benders I would NEVER let someone loose who had never taken x and was already heavily inebriated start wandering. She wanted to know what happened bc not remembering what happened IS SCARY. Please put yourself in the shoes of being that girls father. You immediately all brought up how yall would be awesome dad's. Please take some time with stories like these to realize the reality of what it us to be a woman and to wany to have fun. Honestly she could've been a man and it still would've been assault in my mind. There was no way she or he could consent in that state. Locker room talk making fun and reenacting her getting broken up with made my stomach hurt. I didn't accept the first time I was assaulted until years after it happened. It's scary and you guilt yourself out of thinking that way. Hoping things turn around with stories like this.
😂 Riley teases that you guys are showing a lil southern drawl. You both deny. Sam promptly says "Ya'll tell us what you think" with a perfect southern accent on the "Ya'll"...😂😂😂❤❤
I'm from Maryland and I get that accent when I say certain words don't even ask me how I say water you will flip but that's how we say in my area of Maryland. Small Towns are the best!
I kind of wonder how long he's treated her like that because why would she feel that beat down and thinking it's worth it to the point that she cries herself to sleep every night but stayed with him that is yeah a little too quickly to learn how she said okay
If you're like crazy drunk you cannot consent even if both drunk. Sounds lije the furst story she was taken advantage of and she should tell her boyfriend
22:37 I am wondering if maybe whoever sold it to her friend told them it was X but maybe it was mixed with something else or it was something else completely different. I have never really done any of that stuff but I know a lot of people who have and I know they often have test kits to make sure that what you’re taking is what it is and a lot of times the test would come back as meth or some other kind of drug analog i’m using talk to text so hopefully my comment makes sense.
Sorry guys but this was hard to listen! At the ripe old age of 10 more years than John I've seen both girls and guys (yes guys need to be careful too) getting to that vulnerable state and people trying to take advantage of them. Also happened to me and I was lucky enough to feel that something was happening and got myself home before blacking out. Probably only noticed because was not in the mood to drink so asked for something light and felt that my body reaction was too strong. And even getting home was not the decision I would take in a normal state of mind. In retrospect should have gotten to the hospital or to my parents home but you really lose grasp on reality. I'm guessing that that's whats happened to OP because I could also recall a bit of the night to a certain point and than it was all blank and the feeling of panic and dread persisted for days. Please take care of yourselves and friends and if someone is not acting like themselves be their guardian angel even if they are insisting that they are ok. Again keep an eye on your friends regardless of gender and more importantly keep an eye on people that would be ok in taking advantage when someone is drunk/laced
This episode feel very victim blaming. Some things are instinctive when black out drunk. Like my roommate has a habit of smelling candles when stressed. When blackout drunk she took her succulents and tried smelling them mistaking them for candles as they were the same size. She may in the moment registered him as her boyfriend or something. All in all she wasnt in a state to give consent
I feel like having him drive 4 hrs to tell him you cheated is crazy. I get it was just a drunken kiss but still. Adding the stress of not knowing kinda makes it worse.
On the last story - I think she cheated because he's so emotionally inept. Coz someone willing to do that to their partner probably was a problem in the first place. But even if he's innocent, he's AH.
Alot of victim blaming which very bad ti hear from you guys you should get sophia for videos like so she can sslap you guys for victim blaming and promotes grapes
1st story sounds like this isn't the first time she has gotten this drunk. Why take drugs from randoms. She was self destructing and seems something she has been doing for awhile. Definitely lots of therapy needed there. As for the dude making out with her during this episode was a creep, clearly she was out of her mind. As for the married couple, the punishment seems a little harsh but i will say she did it for a month and was only remorseful after getting court. But if rolls where reverse nobody would bat a eye making her husband confess to everyone as punishment.
Bruh is she was super wasted and this guy was a LOT more sober she was definitely taken advantage of she can’t consent when she’s drunk bruh…NO ONE CAN CONSENT WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK !!!!
@@dudeorduuude5211 I mean what they said is just basic laws. Regardless of what you think about if she’s a cheater or not she was being raped just by definition. A drunk person is legally not able to consent
Yeah she seemed like she was in and out of it ie straddling blackout drunk and people do mistake people while drunk. I have seen a man tell his wife to "get out of my bed that my wife's spot" and continue to argue loudly until she did move to the couch 😂😂 I have also seen someone make out with a coat rack.... tongue and all... 😅 this guy was circling her like a shark. But she does need to be honest with her bf asap and let him choose. But making him drive that distance and all that shit is awful like just face time him or send him a text saying she can't face him and tell him because she just starts crying or something don't make him drive 4 hours!!! And how she told him... YIKES she just seemed to bulldoze him with it all. And sorry that man at the party, why was he there he seems like an asss and like a dangerous man?
@@emilyjohn2034he was drunk too. You sound like one of those virgin mothers. Come on lady. I am 45 year old woman and have seen oodles of your types. She chose to drink and do drugs. She remembered kissing, it matched her feelings about her relationship. She needs to work on her substance abuse and poor relationship approach. She needs therapy, not you dragging her back into her addiction.
@@dudeorduuude5211 funny that you assume “my type” I literally spend all my time at home reading and working on my small homestead and have never gone partying and never drink don’t know what “type” you think I am. The dude was still MUCH more sober to the point that he was funny cognitive trying to force a barely conscious woman to sleep with him that is by legal definition attempted rape. Regardless of your personal opinion that is the LEGAL definition. And a woman getting drunk with her friends does not mean someone has a right to assault her. Since you want to make assumptions about who people are you sound like the kind of person who asks “but what was she wearing?” When someone gets raped.
😅😅😅😅 I've been lightweight for the longest and would get black out drunk with nothing... it took me a few tries to figure out how many beers would take me there... sometimes. Not often. I still miss the mark. 😢 now I try to just not drink at all lol
Yeah I was gonna say... like if the first OP genuinely couldn't remeber things and the man she was kissing was far more sober and could recall things she couldn't, it's not "deflecting" she was taken advantage of
Definitely tell him and be honest and see if y’all can work it out from there. Agree not to get that wasted anymore. Because the friend more than likely will end up telling him and then it will be bad.
As far as Story 3, I kind of chuckle, as I had read the story recently and my first thought was, "Man he's letting her off easy." It wasn't something obscure that she may or may not have been able to accomplish. It wasn't some "prove over time" thing. It was something cut and dry, that if she does this one thing, he is over it, no questions asked. Again, I think he let her off easy. He could have dragged it out.
Marriage therapists say if you make a genuine mistake like the first girl (where it won’t ever repeat and wasn’t based on a lapse in judgement/commitment issue, but rather you were so intoxicated you couldn’t tell what you’re doing) then you actually SHOULDNT tell the other person bc it will break the trust for no reason. I’m not kidding, sounds crazy, but Google it
As he once poetically explained in a chorus… “You know I’m slaughter gang so the smoke is immortal, ain’t nothin changed I’ll slaughter your daughter, she said she was a dime but her friend was a quarter”
Story 1: OP really needs therapy. If she had gone to therapy as her now ex had suggested, she wouldn’t have gotten that drunk. It’s obvious that she’s not over her ex fiancé, and she won’t be until she makes the decision to go to freaking therapy.
I feel like OP of story 1 for sure needs to go to therapy. She should’ve stayed hanging out with her friends at the party instead of taking drugs from a random guy. Also, should’ve not even been around him honestly. It was clear he was trying to either sleep with or date her. If the guy gave her something other than X, he’s a predator. Especially since he could more than likely tell she was already drunk. He was trying to take advantage of her. However, I think OP isn’t good at decision making. Her boyfriend could’ve been FaceTimed the bad news. She just needs to figure out how to properly grief her ex fiancé.
The last story: It’s going to get out that she cheated regardless of if the guy stayed. Her option was marriage and confess, or divorce and her friends/family find out anyways. In my mind the confessions showed a level of commitment to honesty. She could’ve said no and tried to lie to those people about why the divorce is happening.
44:55 I'm at work, mostly listening to the video (earbuds) but checking the screen from time to time, I see this 😂and start laughing out loud! I share the same office space with two other people, we work in silence most of the time (boring, repetitive office work thing) I must have scared the sh** out of them! 🤣🤣🤣 One of them, having myopia (short-sightedness) herself, got the joke, the other one not so much 🤷♀
The cursing story is so hilarious my husband had to give my nephew $100 for an unlimited pass of cursing for the day he accepted so we stopped having to keep count.
Personally I don't drink at all because I HATE my mind getting impaired in general and I already struggle with dissociations. But I feel like there's a line that's been crossed into victim blaming. Since other people don't mind getting drunk then until what point is it okay? I can't judge that, Idk how easy it would be to stop from getting drunk to just straight up wasted. When I dissociate I often don't remember things I do or say and I would HATE for me to fuck up enough to ruin my relationships, or integrity... I am not myself when i dissociate. I have no other frame of reference and ig involuntary dissociations are very different from getting blackout drunk, or taking drugs, but still i would really hate to be blamed for what was done TO me when i was not in my right mind.
i think it was x that she was given. i think her being basically black-out drunk was the cause of memory loss, n then the x gave her high energy n made her more influenced/susceptible to things. it was just a bad combo n irresponsible on her part.
I am very disappointed in this video. It left a very bad taste in my mouth for the first story and just didn't get any better even with the jokes as it progressed. This may be the vid that ends it for me, boys. I don't condone blaming women who were under the influence to the point she didn't even remember what happened and couldn't properly consent.
For me this isn't the first video they've posted that had a bad taste in my mouth. I used to watch them everyday but now, not so much. In multiple videos they try to play devil's advocate, remain in the middle, don't pick a side, etc when there is a clear asshole in the story. In another video they laughed at an OP's completely valid boundaries and now this story... it's all too much. It's getting really gross
first up... there's at least 3 sides to every story. You over reacting makes it seem like you're being triggered about something personal. we dont know who these ppl are, we dont know if any of this is true,.. and if it is true, we have 1 interpretation of what this persons spinning... the podcasts dudes acknowledged it, her ass got shady, she should not have talked or "had" this "ex" aka her friends exes boyfriends number.. or cad ass if she dint put it in her phone. her friends ex hit on her. her friend gave her the go ahead. she had a boyfriend and is lying to herself
For having the partner call their friends and family, I don’t think this is a power dynamic thing. It’s more that it puts the truth out there so she can’t come back and play victim, saying that OP cheated on her instead. (I had an ex cheat on me and then tell my friends and family that I’m the one that cheated)
19:58 I don’t see how that’s deflecting, especially if OP is already planning to tell her BF. It sounds like OP just is trying to find out what happened. Acknowledging that the other guy was probably more sober because he has more memories of that night isn’t not taking accountability. It’s acknowledging a potential fact imo.
Cheating wife story: There’s a difference between having that person make it up to you, punishment, and revenge. This seems much more like the latter 2 than the 1st one. I’ve heard of a worse story where it was similar, and there comes a point where the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. This is literally his way of beginning to isolate her, so that way he can control her. There comes a point where the even a cheater is a victim, and this just sounds like he’s setting her up now to be isolated and control her by her own mistakes. Not often I say this to the cheater, but they need to get out of there before something bad happens to them.
Right, and it makes me wonder how controlling he has been in general. I could maybe see having the spouse tell everyone about the cheating, but when everyone cut her off, I would have been calling all of them to tell not to, and that I had forgiven her and she had done her penance. Otherwise, why stay in the marriage, kids are no excuse to stay. The fact that he just let's her cry herself to sleep every night, says he doesn'ove her at all, and might even be enjoying have more control over her.
The take on first story… the further I listened... It sounds she was drugged, and Sam called it red flag even if she was…? Unsubscribe. And would you say same to your sister Sam if she was roofied?
It absolutely sounds like the girl in story 1 was given a roofie..... I'm still super confused about how she could be aware of her actions but be blackout drunk AND drugged AND not remember having kissed the guy at all. (Especially since this is all secondhand from her friends and the creepy guy) Telling her bf is the right move and there was definitely some underlying issues in the relationship outside of that event that would justify ending it, but it sounds like this was a case of SA and she doesn't even realize it. It also feels like the bf is kind of...... putting it on her for the SA (to be fair- she probably didn't frame it like that or even think it was the case herself) without realizing it, possibly because of how she framed it to him. It wasn't cool what she did, but if this is an isolated incident under extreme (drunk/drugged) circumstances I would think the concern would be more about her maybe needing to manage her alcohol/partying habits since they put her in a messy and potentially dangerous position.
It also sounds like the AH who kissed her at the party specifically made a move when she was too inebriated and drugged to consent. I also think being roofied sometimes comes across as being completely wasted- so I definitely wouldn't call this cheating imo. Was it smart to take random drugs from someone at a party? definitely not lol. But it also doesn't mean she was in control of her actions or even capable of consenting to what was happening. If she was getting super drunk and doing things like this frequently thats one thing, but this situation definitely seems more tricky.
16:11 they are usully using birch twigs. The slight slapping is supposed to be like massage; increase blood circulation, loosen muscle tighness and release the oils from the twigs. It also gives you an excuse to slap your friends. At least thats what we did :D.
The only thing I have a problem with is calling this cheating when the more she explains the more it seems like SA. I do agree she should tell him and if she has a pattern of getting blackout that’s an entirely different issue but it definitely is a little problematic calling it cheating. I agree with him for breaking up because of the pattern of behavior and he might have unintentionally took advantage of her in an insanely vulnerable state which I get easily not the intention but is kind’ve what happened.
I will say I get that he told her to get therapy but it seems it was subconsciously selfish because he just wanted her which was not good for her and it sounds he kind’ve knew that. Agree with him he needed to end it but neither of them were perfect no one is
I remember watching this live and I do remember these bad takes but I also remember you Guys going into more detail about these takes and also going back.And forth with the commenters who were talking about the possibility of being roofeid and i remeber more of the op comments being very avoidant before the confession making her seem sus in her story. I could be remembering another group reading this too but i do know i was in the live on this and feel this is badly edited or something is missing cause it seems like just victim blaming. Yes she is irresponsible and bf is fine wanting to break up even just at the 4 hour drive to tell him she cheated while doing a ton of MIXED DRUGS with strangers. Hell it is known not to "mix alcohols" even if you are parting hard it is known in most casual drug user circles to not mix drugs ESSPECIALLY WITH ALCOHOL. Those who do,do have a destructive behavior and are in the throws of addiction
*Mkg my wife tell that she cheated -* Girl… throw that whole man out asap. And WHAT kind of friends + fam does she hv that THEY feign indigence at her infidelity? Lemme guess. Religious? It’s none of their biz. NONE. If we’ve learned anything, it’s that the ppl that judge the harshest r the ones who’re most guilty of it. What would Jeezus do? Not that.
The guy who made his wife tell everyone she cheated is an abusive guy who wants the one up on his partner. He looks more like a cuckold than a dude that stayed because he loves her. He’s there for the torture. If my family member called me and told me this I’d tell them that I don’t need to know this because I’m not their man. This is bizarre and cruel and he wanted her to be isolated. If these were the conditions, I’d leave but I also wouldn’t be with someone this petty. I also wouldn’t require this. This is up there with posting all of your relationship problems on line. Your family is worse than the internet when it comes to never forgetting. I also, as a friend, wouldn’t distance myself from this woman as our relationship has nothing to do with her marriage. I’d be there for her with or without her husband.
Serious question. If a person is extremely drunk and someone has sex with them, thats generally considered to be rape these days, as a person that impaired cant give consent, yes? How is this situation different? Why is this cheating when the other would not be?
Op doesn't even love him. She admitted it. She's been stringing him along and never really committed to him. I understand she's in pain, but he deserves better. 2nd story. NTA. Cheating would have become public with the divorce anyway. This is atonement, not revenge. I would have allowed a single social media post or video she sends to the family. Individual calls it a bit much.
Nah the last story? Hot take I really like the eye for an eye. They're always like divorce but marriage means you REALLY love this person. She'd still be crying and probably end up with everyone knowing why the divorce happened if he went through with it except now she'd have noone. This is the only way she can truly feel the pain without divorce.
This episode really messed me up - I absolutely love this show but I'm not sure I can keep watching after this. If she was so messed up that she didn't know what was going on, she could not have given consent. I agree that it is not a good idea to get black out drunk, but that doesn't make it ok for someone to make out with you while in this state and it sounds like he would have gone even further if her friend hadn't been watching out for her. I am nauseous after listening to this and I am so bummed because this show had become the highlight of my day.
I feel like there is a HUGE difference between cheating while drunk because you go flirt while drunk and you minding your business drunk and someone SOBER trying to sleep with you… sounds more like rape to me not cheating especially because that guy is really suspicious and I feel like he for sure roofied her because what she felt the next day was not regular X symptoms but match alarmingly with common date rape drugs…
Honestly I used to love this show myself but I've slowly started hating their opinions as time goes on. Constantly trying to play devil's advocate or not choosing sides when there's a clear asshole in the story, laughing at an OP's valid boundaries, bad and toxic takes, it gets harder and hard to listen to. This first story is just another bad take they have.
@@fionna_cool_girl I’ve kinda felt the same way I feel they are trying to hard to make jokes… OP literally describes a guy who was clearly trying to take advantage of her and honestly sounds like he drugged her and they are just laughing and saying OP is just “making excuses” even though OP specifically refuses to make the excuse they easily could make and fully took responsibility. I first noticed it a few episodes ago when Sophia called a pregnant woman fatphobic for being insecure about gaining weight, and made fun of “pretty” people who get body dysmorphia as annoying and insulting!
It’s such a shame as this was the show I used to have on whilst working or doing housework and I just don’t think I can watch anymore. Some of what they say just irks me and makes me feel uncomfortable now or days. But this episode I think put the final nail in the coffin. I’m out.
I don't think the guy is simping I think he's in a one-sided relationship but it's not necessarily the same thing me personally if I was the boyfriend and it was truly a one-time thing and it actually meant nothing I wouldn't want to know I'm such an overthinker that I would rather be blissfully ignorant to an accident I think OP was just self-sabotaging
First, I understand a post like this can bring up a lot of emotions for people who have experienced SA.
Obviously the guy who took advantage of OP and kissed her at this party is an AHOLE.
OP said later in the story that it was not assault and she did have a level of understanding what was going on,
but it also sounded to us like this guy took advantage of someone who is inebriated and CAN'T fully give consent...
I was trying to say that OP should still be transparent with her boyfriend about what she remembers happening.
Good relationships are built off trust and even in this situation telling your SO what you know reestablishes integrity in the relationship rather than hiding it away.
Maybe we were wrong in labeling it cheating. I think there is a cheating drunk scale where the more you drink the less it's "cheating" because your ability to consent erodes. But drinking to the extent where your consent erodes is problematic and the drinking alone I think that is a reason to end a relationship.
If OP was slipped something that is a different story, but based on all the updates that doesn't seem to be what happened. But we love hearing from you and your perspective. We're constantly learning and updating our takes.
-Sam
Hey Sam! Thanks for response. I definitely see where people are coming from and I can understand you all taking the OP's words at face value and going from there.
The thing is it's often not as simple as that... Even when SA victims say that SA was not involved, that can sometimes be true, but other times it could be something else entirely
-Victim doesn't have a complete memory or understanding of the events,
-Could have misconceptions of what assault and consent actually is due to a largely misinformed society (unfortunately still very pervasive in many places even today).
-Be in denial altogether
The above gets esp. dicey when the perp. is someone victim is directly acquainted with or has connection with their social group. Making victim think perp. is trustworthy, so they end up letting their guard down.
I learned the hard way that sometimes when it takes months to years for a victim to come forward (if they decide to do so at all), it's because that is how long it can take for victim to, not only, realize they have been assaulted, but also come to accept that terrible reality.
On top of that, there is the bitter pill of coming to grips that someone they knew and trusted is not who they thought they were and is the cause of their assault and trauma (that's the big thing that causes denial in victims and stretches it out to longterm denial, as opposed to if it was a result of "stranger danger.")...
It's a long, complex process with multiple facets and steps. The above is kind of the gist of it.
Hope this clears up some confusion and provides at least a bit of a better understanding on the topic.
I second this@@samhayet4286
Thanks for being open to learning guys! I would like to add a little extra nuance to the amazing comment above.
We spend only 6 months on earth without bodily autonomy, and therefore (imo) inherently cannot comprehend otherwise. The very nature of SA is being deprived of one’s personal control - the foundation of our safety.
In many ways during the early stages of processing, it’s human nature for a victim to “take responsibility” (or rather, self-blame) as a means of preserving a sense of control over their body.
While she may not be ready to confront things yet, OP’s subconscious helped her make the VERY SMART decision of engaging witnesses.
I’m 5’11. Having older brothers, I have a “tough girl” exterior. By all accounts I’m an intimidating woman which means I’m a “hard target”, but still a target. Do not underestimate the amount of pressure young women can feel from men with bad intentions in a social settings.
I would also like to add how different the drinking/drug culture is in the UK/Aus. The binges are HEAVY and many have experienced the wrath of getting too drunk THEN taking MDMA.
@@annieisokfr this is so true. Reminds me of the posts on tik tok I’ve seen lately around women consenting only because if they did not something much worse was going to happen.
My brother was roofied it didn’t affect him right away and when he did feel it everyone assumed he was drunk. He ended up smashing his face into the sidewalk and breaking his jaw. A friend of his confessed to slipping him something and was super apologetic. Why his friend even had something like that still has me suspicious. My brother never leaves a drink unattended anymore and also insists that his female friends toss their drink if they walk way for a minute. He buys them a new one to replace it because a few extra drinks in an evening is much easier to pay for than hospital bills.
If she can’t remember enough to know if she was being taken advantage of… she was too inebriated for consent.
I agree
True but Police don't care.
We need to talk about the fact that she was unable to consent. Only 10 mins in but I really hope the guys touch on this.
Sometimes, getting blacked out drunk and kissing people is a trauma response. She had just lost her hubby. I don’t think it wasn’t consensual, I do think the dude should’ve said no because she probs would have regretted it like she did.
I once had a male friend get black out drunk and try to SA me -
Tried to *rpe* me to be more specific
And he was utterly wasted - and he also said couldn’t remember a single thing
Long story short we removed him from our friend group
Cause he seems to get black out drunk a lot and does these kind of things
Some women don’t have the energy or strength like me to fight him off -
So sleep with him even tho they said no / didn’t want too
And I’m sure he wakes up not remembering anything - only to find someone in his bed and thinks he just got lucky
Point being - it’s clearly also a pattern of behaviour with her
Like y’all are forgetting she only ended up with her partner when she was extremely drunk (he slept with her )
But they ended up dating- but how is that also not the same thing -
Like seems to get wasted and sleep with people a lot -
So don’t get wasted … there comes a level of responsibility and accountability to our own behaviours
Cause then you can say the same for the rapey black out drunk guy
Even tho he’s the one not taking no for a. Answer - my friend who caved and froze and slept with him .. how is it her not seeing he was inebriated for consent ??
Which is not what I’m saying - but it goes both ways people
I didn’t excuse his behaviour cause he was black out - it seems to be a pattern of behaviour that he’s not addressing
I hate being black out - and not in control - so I never get to that point
The guy who kissed her - may not have known her and may not know how wasted she was
Not everyone who is black out obviously seems that way
And she seems to do this a lot - to the point she struggles to not drink for a week or two
Let’s hope she healed and drops this behaviour cause she’s just gonna keep getting herself into those situations
The girl may have been slipped a ‘roofie’!
yea she "may" have travelled in time.. or maybe she imagined it all.. thats fantastic input
Being roofied and being wasted could look the same for the person that doesn't know you. Last year we had lots of cases of girls/women roofied, even pricked with something. I meant in the UK, especially at universities, there were many instances when female students were drugged 😢
We have started to have issues in my country with being stocked with needles with drugs in them. Makes me sick to think of. We need to watch our drinks, what we drink, how much we drink and now can’t have none close enough or yet more risk, Glad I don’t go clubbing anymore.
Plus she said her stomach did feel right if I'm remembering correctly. I think if she comes clean she should admit x was involved with alcohol mixing certain things with alcohol can cause you to not be able to consent. My fiance stop spicy sleep when I say I couldn't handle my stomach churning and he respected it and cuddle this was the beginning of our relationship. He even cleaned me up we were only together for 3 months at this point
First story needed Sophia's perspective
If the guy she was kissing wasn’t also super drunk that’s assault and it is absolutely NOT her fault
😬 I think party boy had bad intentions from the start.. I don’t think she was in the right state of mind to consent spicy sleep.. and the fact she was already pretty blasted when he offered her droogz.. this all doesn’t sit right with me..(not excusing her actions but..) I think she definitely needs therapy. Heart goes out to OP and her ex partner..
If she had a bad headache in the morning, it sounds like she was roofied. The guy is more suspicious the more this story goes on. He spoke to her and hung around for 20 min., was super angry at her and the friend, showed her no respect, and he was sober. He does this regularly and was mad he wasted it. I have been roofied before and this is exactly what it is like. Luckily I went home right away. You wake up with a horrific headache. I did not take anything from anyone. The bartender opened my beer and left it open on the bar. This was before there was awareness about it, 20 years ago
Mmm, sounds like you make excuses for her actions and trying to give her a detour to skip accountability. She effed up. Stop looking for it to be something different.
@@dudeorduuude5211if you try to mess with someone while they’re black out drunk, that’s pretty effed up. Yes she chose to get that drunk, but one person in this exchange WAS NOT black out drunk.
@@dudeorduuude5211
Someone who is sober sees an extremely black out drunk girl and gives her an unknown drug that causes her to not remember the rest of the night
And you’re concerned about “blame”
@dudeorduuude5211
She didn't make excuses. What are you even talking about. Sounds like projection
If she was drunk enough to the point where she can’t remember everything that happened and relied on other people to fill in the blanks for her, and the other guy was supposedly sober (or at least sober enough to know what he was doing) then this wasn’t cheating it was assault
If you can't control yourself while drinking alcohol, you shouldn't be drinking alcohol in the first place.
If you are unconscious and someone forces himself onto you, that's assault. If you actively engage in the activity and just forget about the details due to your alcohol level, that's not assault. That's you abusing drugs ...
If she was so drunk she has missing memories, she was too drunk to consent to that kiss.
So if she drunk drove and ran over someone she would have been responsible, but she's not responsible for deciding to kiss a guy who isn't her boyfriend?! Yeah no... You don't get to use alcohol as an excuse when you do bad things.
@@Bookhardtsbooks one is her doing something to someone else. The other is someone doing something to her.
I'm kind of mixed on the first story cause she may have been given a roofie, and that guy who was more sober shouldn't have done anything with her. Yeah, accepting drugs from strangers isn't great, especially when you're drunk, and cheating while drunk is still cheating and doesn't make her less accountable, but that dude was sus.
Outside of that event, I don't know if they should've stayed together or not. Maybe therapy would've help, or even taking time away/going on a break could've been a solution to figuring out whether their relationship was worth it. Having listened to the entire story and considering everything, parting ways was perhaps the best choice even if they loved each other. He deserves someone who is all in, and she needs to heal from her previous relationship and not cling to this one if she doesn't truly want it. That's just my two cents on it.
No she wasn’t. B I’ve done x and she isn’t suffering memory loss like she would with a roofie. She recalled everything but what she wanted to remember.
@ObeyDaqSwaqq oh did I miss a part of the story? could you send the timestamp so I can relisten to that part? Sam asked the question of whether or not what she was given was actually x. They all talked about how she was very wasted when she took it and the alcohol is likely what caused her memory loss. Either way, it doesn't excuse her accountability in that moment. I'm just saying the guy shouldn't have even initiated anything with someone so drunk.
@@ObeyDaqSwaqq Either way you legally cannot consent while intoxicated so she was assaulted
Story 1: If she was so intoxicated that she barely remembers anything, she was totally taken advantage of.
Stupid take. I was at a lot of parties where my friends didn't remember everything that happened and relied on me for filling in their blanks. I never drink any alcohol which made me the perfect designated driver for the friend group. They were having fun, they were flirting, they were kissing and sometimes they even tried to have sex (though some parts didn't perform as expected anymore sometimes due to the alcohol).
None of them were ever assaulted by the girls they had their encounters with, yet often they didn't remember all the details.
Assault is assault. Taking advantage of a passed out person is assault. Drugging someone without the persons knowledge is assault. You actively engaging in any activity while under the influence of drugs you knowingly and consciously chose to take is NOT assault, even if you don't remember all the details the next day. The last part just shows that you shouldn't be doing those drugs, if that part makes you uncomfortable.
I love you guys so much but I feel like Sofia would have had a better take on the first story. Of course it’s good to have all point of views but I think Sofia should have been here for that story
Hmmmm
Legally, in the US (IK, she's from elsewhere), she would have been incapable of consenting. She only mentioned taking ecstasy. It seems to me that she may have been given something else or something that was lacedo.Not remembert what happened the next day. That she was so out of it.A friend baby sat her is concerning. Legally this would probably fall under the umbrella of rape. So at the very least she was likely taken at advantage of. Not to blame her in any way.But I do agree with the guys that I wouldn't want to be with a partner that gets this drunk or wasted. No, if she was being responsible and was slipped something that she didn't think she had taken.Then we're talking about something entirely different here. It sounds to me like she needs to talk to her significant other.
If she can’t remember, she couldn’t consent period.
Also him being no where near as intoxicated as her, just screams he took advantage of the situation.
It’s also very common for women to just freeze up in these situations, does she actually remember kissing him back or was this told to her in a way that made her think that was what happened?
I feel like she was taken advantage of and given something else
This happened to me it was the worst thing in my whole life I have severe PTSD I worry for other girls or guys don't take any thing from anybody
@brittenyjones9196. I am so sorry
ya'll gaslighters too
Girl was roofied and taken advantage of. Guy is a total predator. I love these guys, but felt a lot of victim blaming in this video. No hard feelings though, it takes guts to throw out immediate reaction opinions, and I’ve said shit I later took back all the time.
Definitely. This feels like someone being taken advantage of and preyed on. It'd be a different story if the OP had a history of not being able to control her drinking and drank anyway without a care in the world, but this is a single incident where she blacked out and genuinely couldn't remember much of what happened. She couldn't consent. She didn't know. Plain and simple. My boyfriend told me his first time was with a girl who took advantage of him when he was blackout drunk at a college party. Technically that'd be r*pe because he barely remembered anything and didn't consent to it. I asked him what he thought about it when I asked him "do you think that your first time was r*pe? If it was me instead, that'd be called r*pe, why should it be called any different because you're a guy?" And he said "I never thought about it that way" and had a sad look on his face and seemed like he was processing what I said. Consent is everything and people under the influence can't consent no matter what. It's one thing to not control your drinking habits, but it's another situation for someone to take advantage of you because of those habits or take advantage of you because they were swift enough to take advantage
you mean truths, not contemplated, collaborated tales...
@@fionna_cool_girl I felt like op was very familiar doing drugs and dating... but im also projecting bc I think this bitch is my friend 😂😂😂
I feel like there was literal gender bias in that story because my first approach was "Girl, that was probably not E". Their first approach was "Girl, you cheated" because I don't think most men understand that black-out-drunk-kissing is not consensual (for men or women). It's not the same as a "liquid courage" situation, also, probably most men are not at risk of getting purposely drunk for potential abuse.
I'm sorry but if she was in no condition to decide, i feel like she was assaulted????
Also, yes, she should tell but i don't know if it is cheating????
Exactly this. Is it cheating if a girl is graped? No, it isn't. And it really isn't cheating if she is assaulted
Knock it off and grow up. She effed up. Stop coming up with excuses for her and try to amp I up dishonestly.
@@dudeorduuude5211you can’t consent when you are black out. That’s just a fact. Yes she didn’t make the best choices, but she didn’t CHOOSE to kiss that guy if she was black out. You can acknowledge she was in a bad situation without excusing all of her actions. You grow up lmao
@@Gayonetta5000 sweetie as a former party girl she knew what she was doing. She even worked hard to get her story straight with her friends. No panic and no nothing. She cheated.
@@Gayonetta5000she shouldn’t have gotten that drunk in the first place. That was entirely her decision. She may have been too drunk to have made decisions on her own, but she’s the one who allowed herself to get that drunk.
Definitely feeling like the non-consent situation was OP being taken advantage of in that first story. That guy definitely had some bad intentions toward her.
Where's Sophia when you need her
Signature bad take by Sam. If OP was that level of drunk, she was no longer able to give consent and the guy who kissed her was taking advantage, whether she initiated or not.
? Think I missed, but how is what he said a bad take?? He's 100% right n that statement
This Is too what i thought
@reaszczepaniak1117 Sam's take was that OP's level of drunkenness doesn't make a difference as to whether she was cheating or not. But um, yeah it does? Being sexually assaulted isn't cheating. OP's friend said she was too drunk to even know what was going on, and a person in that state can't give consent. The update confirms the guy was being a creep.
@@erima4270she said she was too drunk to give consent because she was already building in an excuse for OP cheating. I’ve been shit faced drunk, definitely couldn’t consent. You know what I knew? That I had a ride home and was consistent in telling people that and anyone who asked, and knowing that I wanted to see my gf and find out where she was when I didn’t see her for a while. I didn’t go fucking making out with another girl, so I don’t wanna hear that shit that her cheating is now free of consequence because she was “too drunk to know what was going on.”
You have the responsibility to not only yourself but to others in knowing your limits and not putting yourself or others in bad situations. It is your responsibility to ensure your own security.
When you choose to get shit faced drunk, you need to make sure your entourage know to watch over you and you should probably drink at home.
situations where others are the victim of something terrible, is awful and shouldn’t happen but when you actively make choices that put yourself in harms way intentionally, there is some blame and understanding that should be made.
John's blurry vision made me spit my water, so unexpected 😂😂
I love it because that's exactly what it's like to have Myopia.
I think she should have gotten a blood drug test the day after to see if she had anything in her system that she didn't consent to like roofies
Definitely. Especially to have evidence of what happened not being her fault and maybe the evidence of being able to charge the person that drugged her and took advantage of her.
It's not typically the first thing you think about. Hindsight is 20/20. It might not even be worth pressing charges but it could have been helpful in the relationship department.
@@fionna_cool_girl still her fault tf! 🤦
Op needs therapy and to go to an alcohol support group, the fact she was struggling to be sober shows she has a problem
🤦
The balance of the music and mic volumes are much better than that live stream. Also stopping the music during the moment they talked about the therapy to get over the dead fiance made that moment stickout.
you cant consent when you are drunk. that goes for kissing. OP was assaulted. So many women dont know that is assault or will refuse to call it that
the johns pov blurriness had mee dying. 💀😂
I think he was in the right to ask his wife to tell everyone she cheated. In order to change or do better, you need to be honest and take accountability. If he kept it a secret, he would have to deal with the pain alone and feel isolated, and that would have 100% ended in divorce. I think that feeling the pain of everyone knowing what she did and what they think of her will help ensure she doesn't do it again. Pain creates change. She did something wrong, and there should always be consequences to bad behavior/choices, so it's less likely to happen again. The husband shouldn't have to carry the weight and pain of what his wife did in order to spare her of the pain of everyone knowing what she CHOSE to do to her husband, kids, and family.
My stomach started to churn and I had to pause and come to the comments. I know yall have already made a statement but even in regards to that. Even if OP says it wasn't assault. The guy was with her for less than 20 minutes. She can't remember how it started, and had to listen to him recollect. In regards to her bf, I have been away from my bf/ friends at a party for 20+ minutes. Thats awful enough that he saw how fucked up she was and kissed her. She stated she had a boyfriend and she can remember that. It doesn't not seem she regularly takes x. It is just as dangerous Even if she said yes. It's not like ouid at all and as a experienced trip sitter and group baby sitter for benders I would NEVER let someone loose who had never taken x and was already heavily inebriated start wandering. She wanted to know what happened bc not remembering what happened IS SCARY. Please put yourself in the shoes of being that girls father. You immediately all brought up how yall would be awesome dad's. Please take some time with stories like these to realize the reality of what it us to be a woman and to wany to have fun. Honestly she could've been a man and it still would've been assault in my mind. There was no way she or he could consent in that state. Locker room talk making fun and reenacting her getting broken up with made my stomach hurt. I didn't accept the first time I was assaulted until years after it happened. It's scary and you guilt yourself out of thinking that way. Hoping things turn around with stories like this.
I love all aspects of OKOP. The banter between John and Sam just keeps me laughing.
By the comments, I truly thought the first story was about to get me mad, but the comments really are blowing it out of proportion.
Right? People literally are saying it’s the end game over it… a bit drastic imo but if that’s the case then they prob don’t fit in here anymore
Right, I've come to the end of the video and going through the comments, I'm like, did I even listen to the same recording?
The excitement for everyone to become dads at the same time was insanely cute
😂 Riley teases that you guys are showing a lil southern drawl. You both deny. Sam promptly says "Ya'll tell us what you think" with a perfect southern accent on the "Ya'll"...😂😂😂❤❤
this is my first episode.. im crushing on Riley... lol
I'm from Maryland and I get that accent when I say certain words don't even ask me how I say water you will flip but that's how we say in my area of Maryland. Small Towns are the best!
I kind of wonder how long he's treated her like that because why would she feel that beat down and thinking it's worth it to the point that she cries herself to sleep every night but stayed with him that is yeah a little too quickly to learn how she said okay
If you're like crazy drunk you cannot consent even if both drunk. Sounds lije the furst story she was taken advantage of and she should tell her boyfriend
22:37 I am wondering if maybe whoever sold it to her friend told them it was X but maybe it was mixed with something else or it was something else completely different. I have never really done any of that stuff but I know a lot of people who have and I know they often have test kits to make sure that what you’re taking is what it is and a lot of times the test would come back as meth or some other kind of drug analog i’m using talk to text so hopefully my comment makes sense.
Ironically enough OKOP is the greatest pod for working out 😂😂 just finished a cardio set to this episode
I'm in a very happy and committed relationship, but still go to the gym and listen to OKOP. I love the tea!!
Did they change the live stream schedule to only Tuesdays and Thursdays? That’s what the new banner says (which love the photo of the group!!!)
Sorry guys but this was hard to listen! At the ripe old age of 10 more years than John I've seen both girls and guys (yes guys need to be careful too) getting to that vulnerable state and people trying to take advantage of them. Also happened to me and I was lucky enough to feel that something was happening and got myself home before blacking out. Probably only noticed because was not in the mood to drink so asked for something light and felt that my body reaction was too strong. And even getting home was not the decision I would take in a normal state of mind. In retrospect should have gotten to the hospital or to my parents home but you really lose grasp on reality. I'm guessing that that's whats happened to OP because I could also recall a bit of the night to a certain point and than it was all blank and the feeling of panic and dread persisted for days.
Please take care of yourselves and friends and if someone is not acting like themselves be their guardian angel even if they are insisting that they are ok. Again keep an eye on your friends regardless of gender and more importantly keep an eye on people that would be ok in taking advantage when someone is drunk/laced
This episode feel very victim blaming. Some things are instinctive when black out drunk. Like my roommate has a habit of smelling candles when stressed. When blackout drunk she took her succulents and tried smelling them mistaking them for candles as they were the same size. She may in the moment registered him as her boyfriend or something. All in all she wasnt in a state to give consent
I feel like having him drive 4 hrs to tell him you cheated is crazy. I get it was just a drunken kiss but still. Adding the stress of not knowing kinda makes it worse.
On the last story - I think she cheated because he's so emotionally inept.
Coz someone willing to do that to their partner probably was a problem in the first place.
But even if he's innocent, he's AH.
Alot of victim blaming which very bad ti hear from you guys you should get sophia for videos like so she can sslap you guys for victim blaming and promotes grapes
These edits make this stream so much more funnier 😄 45:08 that whole “please click subscribe” bit was hilarious!
26:20 I think you missed the point, OP is saying thats why its hard for her to love... she doesn't want to open her heart and be left etc.
Johns pov has me dead 😂💀 44:56
1st story sounds like this isn't the first time she has gotten this drunk. Why take drugs from randoms. She was self destructing and seems something she has been doing for awhile. Definitely lots of therapy needed there.
As for the dude making out with her during this episode was a creep, clearly she was out of her mind.
As for the married couple, the punishment seems a little harsh but i will say she did it for a month and was only remorseful after getting court. But if rolls where reverse nobody would bat a eye making her husband confess to everyone as punishment.
Bruh is she was super wasted and this guy was a LOT more sober she was definitely taken advantage of she can’t consent when she’s drunk bruh…NO ONE CAN CONSENT WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK !!!!
Nope. You are wrong
@@dudeorduuude5211 I mean what they said is just basic laws. Regardless of what you think about if she’s a cheater or not she was being raped just by definition. A drunk person is legally not able to consent
Yeah she seemed like she was in and out of it ie straddling blackout drunk and people do mistake people while drunk. I have seen a man tell his wife to "get out of my bed that my wife's spot" and continue to argue loudly until she did move to the couch 😂😂 I have also seen someone make out with a coat rack.... tongue and all... 😅 this guy was circling her like a shark.
But she does need to be honest with her bf asap and let him choose. But making him drive that distance and all that shit is awful like just face time him or send him a text saying she can't face him and tell him because she just starts crying or something don't make him drive 4 hours!!! And how she told him... YIKES she just seemed to bulldoze him with it all.
And sorry that man at the party, why was he there he seems like an asss and like a dangerous man?
@@emilyjohn2034he was drunk too. You sound like one of those virgin mothers. Come on lady. I am 45 year old woman and have seen oodles of your types. She chose to drink and do drugs. She remembered kissing, it matched her feelings about her relationship. She needs to work on her substance abuse and poor relationship approach. She needs therapy, not you dragging her back into her addiction.
@@dudeorduuude5211 funny that you assume “my type” I literally spend all my time at home reading and working on my small homestead and have never gone partying and never drink don’t know what “type” you think I am. The dude was still MUCH more sober to the point that he was funny cognitive trying to force a barely conscious woman to sleep with him that is by legal definition attempted rape. Regardless of your personal opinion that is the LEGAL definition. And a woman getting drunk with her friends does not mean someone has a right to assault her. Since you want to make assumptions about who people are you sound like the kind of person who asks “but what was she wearing?” When someone gets raped.
😅😅😅😅 I've been lightweight for the longest and would get black out drunk with nothing... it took me a few tries to figure out how many beers would take me there... sometimes. Not often. I still miss the mark. 😢 now I try to just not drink at all lol
Ngl a lot of bad takes in this video lmao
Spicy, can’t wait to see them lol
Ouuuu 😬
Facts
YES
Yeah I was gonna say... like if the first OP genuinely couldn't remeber things and the man she was kissing was far more sober and could recall things she couldn't, it's not "deflecting" she was taken advantage of
Yikes we are victim blaming in this one.
Definitely tell him and be honest and see if y’all can work it out from there. Agree not to get that wasted anymore. Because the friend more than likely will end up telling him and then it will be bad.
Boeing, huh? You guys not see any news for the past few months 😂
Yeah! The whole drug tests just because it’s a government job take is dumb. Lots of other jobs do drug tests.
Good friend. That guy was going to r-word her. I could see the whole story miles away. Shame Sam and John don't get it
As far as Story 3, I kind of chuckle, as I had read the story recently and my first thought was, "Man he's letting her off easy." It wasn't something obscure that she may or may not have been able to accomplish. It wasn't some "prove over time" thing.
It was something cut and dry, that if she does this one thing, he is over it, no questions asked. Again, I think he let her off easy. He could have dragged it out.
Loving the production quality on this video 😂😂😂
Marriage therapists say if you make a genuine mistake like the first girl (where it won’t ever repeat and wasn’t based on a lapse in judgement/commitment issue, but rather you were so intoxicated you couldn’t tell what you’re doing) then you actually SHOULDNT tell the other person bc it will break the trust for no reason. I’m not kidding, sounds crazy, but Google it
21 is a poet and no one can change my mind 🤷🏽♀️
As he once poetically explained in a chorus…
“You know I’m slaughter gang so the smoke is immortal, ain’t nothin changed I’ll slaughter your daughter, she said she was a dime but her friend was a quarter”
Story 1: OP really needs therapy. If she had gone to therapy as her now ex had suggested, she wouldn’t have gotten that drunk. It’s obvious that she’s not over her ex fiancé, and she won’t be until she makes the decision to go to freaking therapy.
I feel like OP of story 1 for sure needs to go to therapy. She should’ve stayed hanging out with her friends at the party instead of taking drugs from a random guy. Also, should’ve not even been around him honestly. It was clear he was trying to either sleep with or date her. If the guy gave her something other than X, he’s a predator. Especially since he could more than likely tell she was already drunk. He was trying to take advantage of her. However, I think OP isn’t good at decision making. Her boyfriend could’ve been FaceTimed the bad news. She just needs to figure out how to properly grief her ex fiancé.
The last story: It’s going to get out that she cheated regardless of if the guy stayed. Her option was marriage and confess, or divorce and her friends/family find out anyways. In my mind the confessions showed a level of commitment to honesty. She could’ve said no and tried to lie to those people about why the divorce is happening.
44:55 I'm at work, mostly listening to the video (earbuds) but checking the screen from time to time, I see this 😂and start laughing out loud!
I share the same office space with two other people, we work in silence most of the time (boring, repetitive office work thing) I must have scared the sh** out of them! 🤣🤣🤣 One of them, having myopia (short-sightedness) herself, got the joke, the other one not so much 🤷♀
The cursing story is so hilarious my husband had to give my nephew $100 for an unlimited pass of cursing for the day he accepted so we stopped having to keep count.
Personally I don't drink at all because I HATE my mind getting impaired in general and I already struggle with dissociations. But I feel like there's a line that's been crossed into victim blaming. Since other people don't mind getting drunk then until what point is it okay? I can't judge that, Idk how easy it would be to stop from getting drunk to just straight up wasted. When I dissociate I often don't remember things I do or say and I would HATE for me to fuck up enough to ruin my relationships, or integrity... I am not myself when i dissociate. I have no other frame of reference and ig involuntary dissociations are very different from getting blackout drunk, or taking drugs, but still i would really hate to be blamed for what was done TO me when i was not in my right mind.
I would have her confess the cheating to everyone and then leave her too. There is no way I can accept a cheater back
1:56 no they aren’t! It’s very easy to get ❄️ 💊 🌳, etc🤷🏾♀️
Blurry John looks like the Jesus painting at my grandma’s house.
i think it was x that she was given. i think her being basically black-out drunk was the cause of memory loss, n then the x gave her high energy n made her more influenced/susceptible to things. it was just a bad combo n irresponsible on her part.
13:11 hearing the Velvet Room melody from the Persona series just made me pause and laugh.
I am very disappointed in this video. It left a very bad taste in my mouth for the first story and just didn't get any better even with the jokes as it progressed. This may be the vid that ends it for me, boys.
I don't condone blaming women who were under the influence to the point she didn't even remember what happened and couldn't properly consent.
For me this isn't the first video they've posted that had a bad taste in my mouth. I used to watch them everyday but now, not so much. In multiple videos they try to play devil's advocate, remain in the middle, don't pick a side, etc when there is a clear asshole in the story. In another video they laughed at an OP's completely valid boundaries and now this story... it's all too much. It's getting really gross
first up... there's at least 3 sides to every story. You over reacting makes it seem like you're being triggered about something personal. we dont know who these ppl are, we dont know if any of this is true,.. and if it is true, we have 1 interpretation of what this persons spinning... the podcasts dudes acknowledged it, her ass got shady, she should not have talked or "had" this "ex" aka her friends exes boyfriends number.. or cad ass if she dint put it in her phone. her friends ex hit on her. her friend gave her the go ahead. she had a boyfriend and is lying to herself
For having the partner call their friends and family, I don’t think this is a power dynamic thing. It’s more that it puts the truth out there so she can’t come back and play victim, saying that OP cheated on her instead. (I had an ex cheat on me and then tell my friends and family that I’m the one that cheated)
Okay I usually don't comment but it really needs to be pointer out that the three of them are actively prepetuating grape myths in this video
19:58 I don’t see how that’s deflecting, especially if OP is already planning to tell her BF. It sounds like OP just is trying to find out what happened. Acknowledging that the other guy was probably more sober because he has more memories of that night isn’t not taking accountability. It’s acknowledging a potential fact imo.
Cheating wife story: There’s a difference between having that person make it up to you, punishment, and revenge. This seems much more like the latter 2 than the 1st one. I’ve heard of a worse story where it was similar, and there comes a point where the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. This is literally his way of beginning to isolate her, so that way he can control her. There comes a point where the even a cheater is a victim, and this just sounds like he’s setting her up now to be isolated and control her by her own mistakes. Not often I say this to the cheater, but they need to get out of there before something bad happens to them.
Right, and it makes me wonder how controlling he has been in general. I could maybe see having the spouse tell everyone about the cheating, but when everyone cut her off, I would have been calling all of them to tell not to, and that I had forgiven her and she had done her penance. Otherwise, why stay in the marriage, kids are no excuse to stay. The fact that he just let's her cry herself to sleep every night, says he doesn'ove her at all, and might even be enjoying have more control over her.
The take on first story… the further I listened... It sounds she was drugged, and Sam called it red flag even if she was…?
Unsubscribe.
And would you say same to your sister Sam if she was roofied?
Hi guys! Sorry I'm late, but happy to have made it!
Patiently awaiting The Fatherhood Podcast
Any southern, Caribbean or POC thinking switch when Sam was telling his bathhouse spanking story in the ZocDoc ad? 🤦🏾♀️😭
Omg the amount of pope fanart that’s going to happen today lol. It’s more like fae court here . The maid, mother and crone except male lol
It absolutely sounds like the girl in story 1 was given a roofie..... I'm still super confused about how she could be aware of her actions but be blackout drunk AND drugged AND not remember having kissed the guy at all. (Especially since this is all secondhand from her friends and the creepy guy) Telling her bf is the right move and there was definitely some underlying issues in the relationship outside of that event that would justify ending it, but it sounds like this was a case of SA and she doesn't even realize it. It also feels like the bf is kind of...... putting it on her for the SA (to be fair- she probably didn't frame it like that or even think it was the case herself) without realizing it, possibly because of how she framed it to him. It wasn't cool what she did, but if this is an isolated incident under extreme (drunk/drugged) circumstances I would think the concern would be more about her maybe needing to manage her alcohol/partying habits since they put her in a messy and potentially dangerous position.
It also sounds like the AH who kissed her at the party specifically made a move when she was too inebriated and drugged to consent. I also think being roofied sometimes comes across as being completely wasted- so I definitely wouldn't call this cheating imo. Was it smart to take random drugs from someone at a party? definitely not lol. But it also doesn't mean she was in control of her actions or even capable of consenting to what was happening. If she was getting super drunk and doing things like this frequently thats one thing, but this situation definitely seems more tricky.
16:11 they are usully using birch twigs. The slight slapping is supposed to be like massage; increase blood circulation, loosen muscle tighness and release the oils from the twigs. It also gives you an excuse to slap your friends. At least thats what we did :D.
The only thing I have a problem with is calling this cheating when the more she explains the more it seems like SA. I do agree she should tell him and if she has a pattern of getting blackout that’s an entirely different issue but it definitely is a little problematic calling it cheating. I agree with him for breaking up because of the pattern of behavior and he might have unintentionally took advantage of her in an insanely vulnerable state which I get easily not the intention but is kind’ve what happened.
I will say I get that he told her to get therapy but it seems it was subconsciously selfish because he just wanted her which was not good for her and it sounds he kind’ve knew that. Agree with him he needed to end it but neither of them were perfect no one is
7:51 motto for the year
I remember watching this live and I do remember these bad takes but I also remember you Guys going into more detail about these takes and also going back.And forth with the commenters who were talking about the possibility of being roofeid and i remeber more of the op comments being very avoidant before the confession making her seem sus in her story. I could be remembering another group reading this too but i do know i was in the live on this and feel this is badly edited or something is missing cause it seems like just victim blaming.
Yes she is irresponsible and bf is fine wanting to break up even just at the 4 hour drive to tell him she cheated while doing a ton of MIXED DRUGS with strangers.
Hell it is known not to "mix alcohols" even if you are parting hard it is known in most casual drug user circles to not mix drugs ESSPECIALLY WITH ALCOHOL. Those who do,do have a destructive behavior and are in the throws of addiction
37:04 fuck ya Riley! Love that song. I got a question tho too… does he still got only 6 cars with a 12 car garage?
Are they no longer live streaming anymore
We're livestreaming today at 3pm!
*Mkg my wife tell that she cheated -* Girl… throw that whole man out asap. And WHAT kind of friends + fam does she hv that THEY feign indigence at her infidelity? Lemme guess. Religious? It’s none of their biz. NONE.
If we’ve learned anything, it’s that the ppl that judge the harshest r the ones who’re most guilty of it. What would Jeezus do? Not that.
last story She tells everyone and stays together or they divorce and HE tells everyone anyway.
russian bath house? :') that sounds more like a Finnish sauna (cries in suomi)
I do the cleaning trick with my husband 😂. Its not intentional, however, nothing is hotter than a man doing the laundry and dishes
My gifted membership ended so unfortunately I can't join the livestream today😭
The guy who made his wife tell everyone she cheated is an abusive guy who wants the one up on his partner. He looks more like a cuckold than a dude that stayed because he loves her. He’s there for the torture. If my family member called me and told me this I’d tell them that I don’t need to know this because I’m not their man. This is bizarre and cruel and he wanted her to be isolated. If these were the conditions, I’d leave but I also wouldn’t be with someone this petty. I also wouldn’t require this. This is up there with posting all of your relationship problems on line. Your family is worse than the internet when it comes to never forgetting. I also, as a friend, wouldn’t distance myself from this woman as our relationship has nothing to do with her marriage. I’d be there for her with or without her husband.
Serious question. If a person is extremely drunk and someone has sex with them, thats generally considered to be rape these days, as a person that impaired cant give consent, yes? How is this situation different? Why is this cheating when the other would not be?
That's called a switch. Those branch whips.
Op doesn't even love him. She admitted it. She's been stringing him along and never really committed to him. I understand she's in pain, but he deserves better.
2nd story. NTA. Cheating would have become public with the divorce anyway. This is atonement, not revenge. I would have allowed a single social media post or video she sends to the family. Individual calls it a bit much.
Nah the last story? Hot take I really like the eye for an eye. They're always like divorce but marriage means you REALLY love this person. She'd still be crying and probably end up with everyone knowing why the divorce happened if he went through with it except now she'd have noone. This is the only way she can truly feel the pain without divorce.
This episode really messed me up - I absolutely love this show but I'm not sure I can keep watching after this. If she was so messed up that she didn't know what was going on, she could not have given consent. I agree that it is not a good idea to get black out drunk, but that doesn't make it ok for someone to make out with you while in this state and it sounds like he would have gone even further if her friend hadn't been watching out for her. I am nauseous after listening to this and I am so bummed because this show had become the highlight of my day.
I feel like there is a HUGE difference between cheating while drunk because you go flirt while drunk and you minding your business drunk and someone SOBER trying to sleep with you… sounds more like rape to me not cheating especially because that guy is really suspicious and I feel like he for sure roofied her because what she felt the next day was not regular X symptoms but match alarmingly with common date rape drugs…
Honestly I used to love this show myself but I've slowly started hating their opinions as time goes on. Constantly trying to play devil's advocate or not choosing sides when there's a clear asshole in the story, laughing at an OP's valid boundaries, bad and toxic takes, it gets harder and hard to listen to. This first story is just another bad take they have.
@@fionna_cool_girl I’ve kinda felt the same way I feel they are trying to hard to make jokes… OP literally describes a guy who was clearly trying to take advantage of her and honestly sounds like he drugged her and they are just laughing and saying OP is just “making excuses” even though OP specifically refuses to make the excuse they easily could make and fully took responsibility.
I first noticed it a few episodes ago when Sophia called a pregnant woman fatphobic for being insecure about gaining weight, and made fun of “pretty” people who get body dysmorphia as annoying and insulting!
Agree with you
It’s such a shame as this was the show I used to have on whilst working or doing housework and I just don’t think I can watch anymore. Some of what they say just irks me and makes me feel uncomfortable now or days. But this episode I think put the final nail in the coffin. I’m out.
I volunteer as tribute. To assist with the daddy podcast lol
So weird commentery. probably they thought their lives but she is clearly alcoholic.
I don't think the guy is simping I think he's in a one-sided relationship but it's not necessarily the same thing me personally if I was the boyfriend and it was truly a one-time thing and it actually meant nothing I wouldn't want to know I'm such an overthinker that I would rather be blissfully ignorant to an accident I think OP was just self-sabotaging