This is so right on time. I am the betrayed and I am 2 weeks out from the discovery. I have great moments and then terrible moments. I feel exactly like you described. This is not easy.. I want to love and forgive.. but this war is constantly brewing inside. I hope I can make it through this storm...pray for me...
1000% accurate...oh my god..it's like you're talking about me (betrayed partner)... Sometimes i hate to see her happy...Inside my head I'm like, "look at her, how happy she looks, talking about what we're gonna wear in the next years valentines day..and here i am burning inside, fighting with all my isecurities, intrusive thoughts, etc etc"...then i start talking about her infidelity again, i make her remember, what happend how it ruined our relationship, how bad the situation is right now, etc etc... then she starts crying , we stop talking at usual rate... ARGh!!!
I felt this comment greatly... whenever my partner talks about plans of a family photo and how we should spend Christmas, my blood boils because it's like he forgot I'm in pieces and hes the cause😞
Three years post "D-Day" and it is hard to say how much healing has gone on since my wife -- the unfaithful -- still remains as disconnected as the day I found out. Even after going through individual and marital counseling over the past 3 years, I still have SO MUCH anger, pain, and bitterness as she just keeps her walls up and keeps me at a distance. Wonder why I even pray to God that things could ever get better. My vow to remain in my marriage covenant before God is really the only reason I stick around. I know for a fact that my kids don't see anything beneficial or healthy coming out of this marriage relationship. I especially feel bad for my youngest son, who is still in the house in high school while at least the other two are out of state in college. Not sure exactly how to continue to cope other than just bury my feelings deep inside since my wife is cold and distant and unavailable spiritually, emotionally or physically. Just put on the best smile I can and move forward knowing that my wife "puts the dogs to sleep" every day in our marriage and I can never fully let my guard down to drain the anger and bitterness and pain I feel inside constantly!
i answered your other comment cj, but would say it's clear you need a bit of an intervention to what you've been doing as it's not working and not producing results. there are options. see my other comment or email me at samuel@hope-now.com and we'll talk more.
True because so many times I've received text,having conversations with my spouse along with wanting and having intimacy,dates,sex.ect and my brain starts working were is this niceness coming from? who caused my spouse to be in a good mood?is my spouse meaning any of the words spoken from the mouth? But the actions are different if you tell me your letting stuff and people go.when really all your trying to do is cover your tracks better.When you have one that genuinely loves ,adores you and your smile, your joy is a gift to your spouse seeing you healthy, wealthy, joyous. Loyal spouse pay & give no attention to what,places and people that could be more damaging to the marriage.and have no reason being around we always know when something is not right. The Persuaders had a valid point
I’m six weeks out since discovery. I will say that we are working to save our marriage, and we both see a positive and better future. But I’m currently on a rough ocean when I’m happy on a high wave, then for a couple days I’ll drop into a trough of feeling betrayed, depressed, and guilty for neglecting her for several years. We have talked and seem to have discovered the root of the neglect (really just a huge misunderstanding due to a lack of communication that has festered on for several years) but we do occasionally talk things out and clear the air. I will say that I never get angry with her, I’m more just disappointed that the affair took place as it happened when I actually thought we were at the best point our marriage has ever seen. Your blogs are very helpful and I look forward to seeing more of them. Thanks Samuel and also to your wife for the several blogs she joined you on.
I’m 5 weeks out since the discovery of my husbands affair. It has crushed my soul. I also thought we were happy because we were on family vacation and going to concerts and we play musical instruments together but through all that he was cheating with a coworker. My mind is confused and I want to forgive and move on but I don’t want to let my guard down and get devastated again. We’re better in communication now and even went to a concert that we bought tickets for before the discovery, but the next day I was hurt all over again. I’m mad at myself for wanting to forgive but I can’t hold on to these negative feelings. I can only refocus on my well-being and recovery. I want to believe that we can be better this time around. I just hope I’m not setting myself up for failure.😢
😂😂 this is funny but this video really talks about what ive been going through for months now. I would want my partner near me and hold me and have a great day, then the intrusive thoughts come, looking at him disgusts me and I wonder why I'm still with him. Thank goodness I'm not the only one going through this and I don't seem crazy
Wow! This explains me, the betrayed ! I hate it when I let my guard down. I did this morning. And have beat myself up all day. This makes so much sence. Thank you so much! I feel like I can get a better handle on why the pain is so bad after we have had a good day.
THANKS SO MUCH! I so needed this! In robot mode, trying not to hate, but not being mushy and affectionate. Hate this feeling! Thanks for explaining! Dog analogy actually explains both of us just functioning and disassociating for most of our marriage, this resulting in traumatizing our kids with no affection etc.
![Yeat & Summrs - GO2WORK [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NEFEwfPcXRA/mqdefault.jpg)
![Megan Thee Stallion - Bigger In Texas [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QxTkZTLWdo4/mqdefault.jpg)
This is so right on time. I am the betrayed and I am 2 weeks out from the discovery. I have great moments and then terrible moments. I feel exactly like you described. This is not easy.. I want to love and forgive.. but this war is constantly brewing inside. I hope I can make it through this storm...pray for me...
how it went for you??
i found out about 5 months ago.
I wonder how you’re doing. I found out 3 months ago and I’m up and down.
This is exactly how I feel
1000% accurate...oh my god..it's like you're talking about me (betrayed partner)... Sometimes i hate to see her happy...Inside my head I'm like, "look at her, how happy she looks, talking about what we're gonna wear in the next years valentines day..and here i am burning inside, fighting with all my isecurities, intrusive thoughts, etc etc"...then i start talking about her infidelity again, i make her remember, what happend how it ruined our relationship, how bad the situation is right now, etc etc... then she starts crying , we stop talking at usual rate...
ARGh!!!
get expert help my friend. try these courses/resources: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
EXACTLY. :/ UGH. I HATE THESE DEMONS IN MY HEAD
I felt this comment greatly... whenever my partner talks about plans of a family photo and how we should spend Christmas, my blood boils because it's like he forgot I'm in pieces and hes the cause😞
Totally accurate! And it’s helpful to know that this is normal.
Three years post "D-Day" and it is hard to say how much healing has gone on since my wife -- the unfaithful -- still remains as disconnected as the day I found out. Even after going through individual and marital counseling over the past 3 years, I still have SO MUCH anger, pain, and bitterness as she just keeps her walls up and keeps me at a distance. Wonder why I even pray to God that things could ever get better. My vow to remain in my marriage covenant before God is really the only reason I stick around. I know for a fact that my kids don't see anything beneficial or healthy coming out of this marriage relationship. I especially feel bad for my youngest son, who is still in the house in high school while at least the other two are out of state in college. Not sure exactly how to continue to cope other than just bury my feelings deep inside since my wife is cold and distant and unavailable spiritually, emotionally or physically. Just put on the best smile I can and move forward knowing that my wife "puts the dogs to sleep" every day in our marriage and I can never fully let my guard down to drain the anger and bitterness and pain I feel inside constantly!
i answered your other comment cj, but would say it's clear you need a bit of an intervention to what you've been doing as it's not working and not producing results. there are options. see my other comment or email me at samuel@hope-now.com and we'll talk more.
True because so many times I've received text,having conversations with my spouse along with wanting and having intimacy,dates,sex.ect and my brain starts working were is this niceness coming from? who caused my spouse to be in a good mood?is my spouse meaning any of the words spoken from the mouth? But the actions are different if you tell me your letting stuff and people go.when really all your trying to do is cover your tracks better.When you have one that genuinely loves ,adores you and your smile, your joy is a gift to your spouse seeing you healthy, wealthy, joyous. Loyal spouse pay & give no attention to what,places and people that could be more damaging to the marriage.and have no reason being around we always know when something is not right. The Persuaders had a valid point
I’m six weeks out since discovery. I will say that we are working to save our marriage, and we both see a positive and better future. But I’m currently on a rough ocean when I’m happy on a high wave, then for a couple days I’ll drop into a trough of feeling betrayed, depressed, and guilty for neglecting her for several years. We have talked and seem to have discovered the root of the neglect (really just a huge misunderstanding due to a lack of communication that has festered on for several years) but we do occasionally talk things out and clear the air. I will say that I never get angry with her, I’m more just disappointed that the affair took place as it happened when I actually thought we were at the best point our marriage has ever seen. Your blogs are very helpful and I look forward to seeing more of them. Thanks Samuel and also to your wife for the several blogs she joined you on.
How's it going, Jim? I'm in a similar place now as your were a year ago. Same miscommunication and feeling guilty for neglecting her and everything.
I’m 5 weeks out since the discovery of my husbands affair. It has crushed my soul. I also thought we were happy because we were on family vacation and going to concerts and we play musical instruments together but through all that he was cheating with a coworker. My mind is confused and I want to forgive and move on but I don’t want to let my guard down and get devastated again. We’re better in communication now and even went to a concert that we bought tickets for before the discovery, but the next day I was hurt all over again. I’m mad at myself for wanting to forgive but I can’t hold on to these negative feelings. I can only refocus on my well-being and recovery. I want to believe that we can be better this time around. I just hope I’m not setting myself up for failure.😢
5yrs out and (the betrayed) still have these feelings. When will it end? I still have ups and down days.....
😂😂 this is funny but this video really talks about what ive been going through for months now. I would want my partner near me and hold me and have a great day, then the intrusive thoughts come, looking at him disgusts me and I wonder why I'm still with him. Thank goodness I'm not the only one going through this and I don't seem crazy
Wow! This explains me, the betrayed ! I hate it when I let my guard down. I did this morning. And have beat myself up all day.
This makes so much sence. Thank you so much! I feel like I can get a better handle on why the pain is so bad after we have had a good day.
THANKS SO MUCH! I so needed this! In robot mode, trying not to hate, but not being mushy and affectionate. Hate this feeling! Thanks for explaining! Dog analogy actually explains both of us just functioning and disassociating for most of our marriage, this resulting in traumatizing our kids with no affection etc.
holy cow. so accurate. amazing how you're able to articulate my feelings. i gain such a better understanding from these vlogs
thanks for watching Aaron. encourages me so much to hear things like that.
Perfectly said. Absolutely perfect!!!
thank you so much. not perfect, but at least a good try. so glad it resonated with you my friend.
Unfortunately as a betrayed, I "Wholeheartedly" agree ! 🙏
Absolutely this happened to me last night!
I'm glad you found the vlog.
My wife who cheated on me with a man half her age is acting like I cheated on her WHY??????
OMGoodness! .... THANK YOU FOR THIS TRUTH! ....
so welcome my friend. thanks for the comment.
lol that intro story was painful and i was not prepared at all. but it is super accurate.
thank you for the feedback.
This is spot on! How long will these on an off last?
i'm not sure, it depends on what kind of help is involved...and how long it's been since disclosure.
Spot on
You are so right.
Man...I really could have used this info years ago...smh