Understanding Chemistry: How Much Is Enough?

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  • Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
  • Chemistry may be the most intoxicating feeling in the world, but if I've learned anything in my 13 years of dating coaching, it's that chemistry is not the best predictor of whether a relationship will last. Join me in this special Love U Podcast on one of my favorite subjects, where I'll teach you how to compromise (not settle!) your way into lasting love.
    Get the man of your dreams fast by applying to enroll in Love U.
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    Discover why you haven’t been able to get a great man to commit.
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    Check out more Love U Podcasts.
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    Download a Transcript and Review the Love U Podcast.
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    Let's connect!
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    Please watch: "How Men And Women Pursue Sex Differently"
    • How Men And Women Purs...
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Комментарии • 37

  • @brandnewyorker
    @brandnewyorker 6 лет назад +4

    The recipe for perfect relationship ==>> Agreeableness (flexible, does not assert their will, not making it all about them, willing to compromise), lack of neuroticism (insecurities are tiring), lack of seeking novelty (content)

  • @crimsonteir2130
    @crimsonteir2130 8 лет назад +14

    I agree that one's long term relationship should not be solely based on chemistry. Rose tinted goggles do tend to blind one to another's flaws and it isn't until that begins to fade do we really see the other for who they are. I've been in several long lasting relationships that never felt quite right, but I could never really conclude why I just couldn't feel comfortable/at home with my significant other. Typically chemistry was there and though I did see their flaws, truth be told I was never really was able to come to terms with some of those flaws. And at that point it was only a matter of time until my partner's lust faded and they just could not handle the relationship any longer. This was a trend for years that I never really addressed simply because I was busy with uni and then my career. After my last 3 year (or 4 year if you count the year I gave them another chance) relationship I decided to take a break from dating for about a year before giving it another try thinking that the time off would somehow not only help me heal but improve on my dating tactics. But when I jumped back in, I fell into the same trend. It took me about 6 months and 2 possible partners with amazing chemistry (but nothing long lasting) before I decided that I needed to call it quits again and figure out "why" I kept falling into the same trend. Since I've been able to take a step back and look into some of your works, I have been able to analyze, learn more about myself, and learn of my needs vs desires in a relationship. I've taken a different approach to dating and though lust has never been a major factor in my dating ritual, I have made sure that my parter shares similar morals, value, goals, etc. Sure chemistry does help, but if you're both on the same page on core values/morals/ideas and the like, you get more than a physical sex partner. You get a friend and if you both click and are willing to work together, perhaps a life partner.

  • @heathers6675
    @heathers6675 5 лет назад +5

    most of my relationships in the back were based on lust, and even if it was obvious that it was the wrong relationship logically, i remained due to that strong feeling, which i judged all relationships at the time on. i finally learned the hard way, over and over, that was not the way to go. then smartly i avoided anyone who i immediately felt crazy over, knowing that it was going to lead in the wrong direction. after that i was confused, and sought out guys who were compatible, and kind, and smart, and good, and even though i wasnt attracted to them, i tried to force the relationship hoping attraction would develop. this lead to a large amount of frustrating relationships where i had to break their heart after leading them on. i was still a bit confused about this which is why i searched out your video. now i am more clear from you that there can be attraction without the crazy lust, and that was necessary for a good relationship. thank you !!!!! this is going to save me so much time, and save my victims some heartbrake. lol

    • @unamass75
      @unamass75 5 лет назад +1

      Heather S like you I’ve broken a couple of hearts coz despite getting on really well I realized there wasn’t enough sexual chemistry for me so next time I defo want it 🤷🏼‍♀️and hopefully with the tools I’ve learned on here about dealing with men I can have my cake and eat it lol

    • @gugoop6918
      @gugoop6918 5 лет назад

      Just lust won't last

  • @TFG23
    @TFG23 8 лет назад +33

    Hi Evan, can you do something with the sound of your videos? The max volume is so low, it's very hard to his ten to.

    • @sherylh7596
      @sherylh7596 8 лет назад +1

      if you listen from his site directly, I have found the sound quality is much better.

    • @secureconnection5245
      @secureconnection5245 8 лет назад +1

      It's easy to fix this by using speakers.. will allow you to regulate volume with no problems.

  • @jeanmontiel4991
    @jeanmontiel4991 4 года назад +2

    True love is a decision.

  • @lizethcantu9760
    @lizethcantu9760 7 лет назад +4

    I loved this video! I found your website a few hours ago and I already shared it with my friends. I don't know why I didn't find you sooner! I became a fan already!🙌🏻 Thanks for all this information!👌🏻

  • @lisaj5769
    @lisaj5769 4 года назад

    qualities that lead to long term success in partner 1)agreeableness: flexible, easy going, says yes 2)lack of neuroticism: lack of self esteem 3) content: happy with what they have

  • @constance4065
    @constance4065 5 лет назад +1

    I’ll have to say that I bought my Chevrolet Equinox in 2013 & I still LOVE my car!!

  • @lisaj5769
    @lisaj5769 4 года назад +2

    did i have fun, was i comfortable/be myself and was i attracted = chemistry pre-rec

  • @PS-xb9hc
    @PS-xb9hc 3 года назад

    I bumped into your video right after being ditched by a guy who told me there was no chemistry... I was furious because we spent three weeks and did connected and had deep meaningful conversations and getting along but he did not have the emotional maturity to understand this. I was hurt. Because I feel our interaction was just dead from the get go.

  • @zoddach
    @zoddach 7 лет назад +1

    Evan, I am a 46 year old widow and just met a really great man. We have so much in common (morals, values, sense of humor, close family ties etc.). We love our time spent together and are attracted to each other, however neither of us feel those butterflies... at all. We have sex and it is good, caring, exciting etc., but literally no electricity. He is starting to back away and said that he feels like he has to "try too hard to feel more" for me. We haven't talked in person yet, but decided to remain friends because we do really enjoy each other's company. I am sure he is talking about not having that chemistry with me. I found your video and you have the same view on the subject as I do, but I'm not sure if I should discuss it with him or not. I don't want to try to "convince" someone to want to be with me, but at the same time I don't want to lose a great guy that I truly feel that I could have an amazing relationship with. If you have any advise, I would love to hear it. Thank you!

    • @PS-xb9hc
      @PS-xb9hc 3 года назад

      Seems like he is not emotionally mature.

  • @Mimi-ni3il
    @Mimi-ni3il 8 лет назад

    EVAN you ROCK!!

  • @carrierueden756
    @carrierueden756 7 лет назад

    Brilliant advice😊

  • @beabea892
    @beabea892 4 года назад +1

    Evan, you’re amazing. Your advice is sound and I feel total trust in what you say. Thanks for sharing.

  • @naseeha101
    @naseeha101 3 года назад

    Love the story

  • @gugoop6918
    @gugoop6918 5 лет назад +1

    Friends first or it won't work

  • @violetl.4615
    @violetl.4615 8 лет назад +4

    volume is too low!

    • @fineneighborhood
      @fineneighborhood 8 лет назад +1

      AND too high. His voice is quiet but then the music between segments is deafening.

  • @tanyadepoalo9085
    @tanyadepoalo9085 6 лет назад

    Need to turn up the audio.

  • @luulips
    @luulips 8 лет назад

    This is really interesting because I met someone online about a month ago and we hit it off really well talking on the phone for a couple weeks the chemistry was fun over the phone I or should I say we felt drawn to each other. He said "I think we have something". So we met in person. Well I felt different then. I told my girlfriend his eyes were kinda bloodshot and he was so skinny. That weirded me out. She said now you're talking about his looks. I told her today that she was calling me shallow haha. So I got over that feeling and realized I started missing him when he went out of town because his stepfather passed. So I guess what I feel is more than just about his looks. Hummm. So I suppose we have some type of chemistry. Since then he's been kinda distant so I'm giving him space. Don't know what will happen just yet but I'm continuing to talk to other guys at this point.

    • @luulips
      @luulips 8 лет назад

      +Aussie Vegan Gardening Yogi It's ok. I know men do this at times I heard it happens often. I'm not chasing him trust me. We haven't had a physical relationship so it makes it a bit easier for me to pull back. Yes I'm pulling back. I'm not sure I even want to answer any of his "hellos". I don't like how he pulled away so I pulled back even more than he. Can't say if I'll ever talk to him again. I'm sure I'll be fine though.

    • @luulips
      @luulips 8 лет назад +1

      I'm so sorry that happened to you. Try just enjoying chatting with some of them online. It can be pretty entertaining but just be careful not to move too fast. I've been single for a very long time mainly because I haven't felt well from my arthritis but I decided to break out of my shell and start to let people into my life. You might live in an isolated area but I live in a big city but was isolating myself. Your life is worth living just get out and start doing different things maybe volunteer somewhere. I'm going to do that after I heal from my hip replacement surgery next month. Do you have cousins nieces nephews and other family you can reach out to and enjoy? Do it. That's what I had to start doing to get out of this slump. I'm 58 years old and consider myself still young lol. We had to stop isolating ourselves and push ourselves out there. Help others and it helps us. I'm sure there are folks who love and care for you. You are probably someone's rock. Don't give up.

    • @luulips
      @luulips 8 лет назад

      +Aussie Vegan Gardening Yogi You're quite welcome! Stay encouraged and push on because you're worth it!

    • @fineneighborhood
      @fineneighborhood 8 лет назад

      +Aussie Vegan Gardening Yogi Thank you for suggesting that post. It's called "Believe the Negatives, Ignore the Positives"...one of his best posts.

  • @krystabell675
    @krystabell675 5 лет назад

    Thank you.

  • @krystabell675
    @krystabell675 5 лет назад

    Lol.

  • @yz4043
    @yz4043 6 лет назад +2

    The wrinkles in your forehead and brow are so distracting

    • @meganthebritishcatmom
      @meganthebritishcatmom 5 лет назад +9

      What a pointless comment. He is an expressive person smh.

    • @DivineProphetessCoral
      @DivineProphetessCoral 4 года назад +4

      I find him extremely attractive. I think his wife is lucky!

    • @1maybeline
      @1maybeline 4 года назад +3

      You've probably been watching too much TV! Everyone has a ton of Botox injected in their face and so now normal facial expressions seem weird to you. 🙄 SMH!

    • @heidiashlock9063
      @heidiashlock9063 3 года назад +1

      Why would you say something like that? Very unkind!! 😔