"Our life gets better in direct proportion to the number of difficult conversations we are willing to have." He nailed that one. Also your concept of the 'keys to the kingdom'.
Thank you Tom for sharing your thoughts with Mathew and being so present. Loved that you asked necessary questions💜 and Matthew and you are great, it was like watching two best friends talking! 🤝
I appreciate all the insight but I really resonated with the parts about giving your partner exactly what they are asking for rather than the things that feel good to give for yourself. And building that “emotional bank” to “withdraw” from when it’s time for improvement or change. Very pertinent in my life right now. I wish everyone the best
For me it was the outcome from both of your perspectives together. You simplified many times during the interview topics that are hard to grasp. I've heard many times that I am responsible for my emotions, and while it makes sense it's hard to remember at the time I'm experiencing them, but it's as simple as you said it with the "cup of tea" example: is this really about tea? Or is there something I need to address that I haven't? To me that's a good reminder next time I'm struggling with my emotions. On the kids topic, I would be curious to learn why is legacy so important for some people. I find the idea of having kids to continue a legacy a bit narcissistic, and egocentric, also a burden on the kid for the expectations on him/her...
Thanks so much for having me on Tom. Was such a pleasure spending time with you and a conversation I absolutely loved. Thank you to everyone watching for your comments. I learn an enormous amount from Tom and his guests too so I’m proud to be here with you all.
You nailed it Matthew and Tom, why people regret having children is their life completely changes. People are looking for fulfillment via raising a child yet most aren't prepared for the mayhem it will cause initially; plus I believe all the unremedied trauma received as a child hinders this process too, causing many a parent to fret and believe they are unworthy of having kids. I have been trying to truly explain this to myself before trying to explain it to people. I am absolutely grateful I have children, but some days I hate being a parent lol. Children are the greatest blessing I would never wish on anyone hahahaha!! Thank you for this episode btw, I am dealing with some heaviness in my marriage right now and this has given me a few insights to move with.
And your insights are very much jaw dropping and inspirational yet liberating!! The bit where there's major question marks about regrets, the redflags, which has always puzzled me and what you'd choose to do and be glad you actually did..were the real majors..il watch this interview again and again for deeper lessons! Thank you!
There’s another common sentiment; it goes, “Few people, on their death beds, say, ‘I wish i’d have spent more time at the office/at my business.’ But MANY people, on their death beds, say, ‘I wish I’d have spent more time with my family’.”
I have 4 adopted children and the part of the day that makes me more fulfilled is making someone else’s day better . Spreading my DNA was never a driver . Making a difference is 🙏🏻✨🌹
@@hpulker sorry to hear you talking about my life . Yes , I could have children !! I am very happy with what Life gave me . I have wonderful, loving , successful, caring children. Hope and pray you do too 🙏🏻
I too love to help others but i couldn't ignore my calling to have my own children. I work with disadvantage elementary children with learning to read and basic life skills. I have two intelligent, caring and successful children that share my DNA. Maybe you shouldnt look down on others that chose what their heart desires.
Put your own woman's needs above your own in reality. Yeah there's going to be some compromises, but overall, the guy must make more sacrifices for the women to remain in the relationship.
Questions? listen too her?needs or listen too her wants! ....what if her needs are self destructive....for her, for him...or both?... Is she expected too listen , and help him with his needs?
I've listened to many, many podcasts on relationship advice, but this might be the best and most relatable one I've ever listened to. In my case, it's a little too late for me and my partner but it helps on so many levels whenever i move into another relationship, a very long time from now. Thank you.
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you for that. I decided not to date at all during 2023, and it was a wonderful time to focus on God and myself. I'll start dating after Easter this year and now I have a better mind and heart for something serious, although I'm now feeling called to religious life as a nun if marriage isn't meant for me. 💒🙏
One of the takeaways that I relate to most is when he talks about giving your partner the keys to the kingdom and how revealing it is when they are not willing to adjust. I was married to someone who has bipolar disorder and within our 6yrs of marriage there would be screaming arguments and name calling that would have me in tears often. I went to a psychiatrist to get help for the issues I brought to the table, but when I asked my husband to go get help for his disorder, he told me no and that he liked being that way. After 6 yrs of being on an emotional roller coaster, that was the last straw for me and I’ve been consistently happier since. And now I know what to look for (and how to ask for what I need) before getting married again.
That's exactly what I've said to myself. But after three years when we could finally get to live together, everything has changed. Also I realised that some things I just couldn't see or just ignored believing that everything it's just perfect and I'm the crazy one. Now my 13yo and I are stuck in this life that I can't do anything about, crying all the time feeling guilty for creating this life.
This comment fits my life currently. My several year relationship ended for good yesterday. During our talk when he picked up his things, I told him that everyone is striving to improve and grow. Not only me. He said “not me. I’m just (insert male name). I’m just doing me.”
I can’t express sufficiently how much Tom’s vulnerability and Matt’s compassionate insight have opened my awareness and perspective to be a more evolved primate. ❤
I did not start out a Matthew Hussey fan but this interview has changed my mind. He demonstrated authenticity that I didn’t see on his own channel but it was definitely evident here. Thank you both for your excellence!
I seen Matthew being interviewed by so many other people, but this interview is my favorite one . Your personal stories turned it into a whole different experience . I feel like I learned just as much about relationships from you as I did from him. Thanks so much for being you.
*Rule #1* - Don't be desperate to be in a relationship, because this will weed out the people who are actually desperate and can't stay single for two seconds. Those are the relationships that never last and are a complete waste of time.
I think, for the very first time in my life, at 43 years old, I UNDERSTAND there's a difference between LOVE and DESIRE. Desire requires: 1. Strengths: flirty, confident, cute, funny, sexy, wholesome. 2. Fearlessness. I have confidence in my coping if you hurt me, and I have the power to hurt you too. So let’s not hurt each other. 3. Here’s what I love about my body. I’m going to focus on accentuating what I have. Love requires: 1) Connection. 2) Compatibility. 3) Chemistry.
Just celebrated my 31st wedding anniversary last night and listening to this podcast learned more than I thought I might. Loved the tea story and agree that you’re never just arguing over the superficial things. It’s something deeper involving a “story” you’re telling yourself in the moment. Be willing to share that story with your partner and who knows what might get healed.
Great, great discussion. I would add.... having children gave me my absolute anchor - my true north. Everything outside my kids - business, marriage, my own ambition... is flexible and malleable. The hardest thing ever, is to be a parent. The challenge is only rewarding if you truly value interpersonal development. Parenthood is not tied to legacy. That is really a fallacy. Over time, growing with your children reveals the extent of what it is to be human. You learn this by guiding another human from their infancy. Tom, your curiosity is admirable. Don't be resistant to experience it in its most visceral and primal essence. :)
Not that this is incredibly vurnalable, intimate, open episode but what I love and always have loved about Tom, that he listens, he sits there and actually listens and lets other person talk!
Jez this guy! I trained with this guy in London and look at him now. Mind blowingly charismatic guy, he is like a talking sculpture really. Which I feel is a pretty big compliment from a guy to a guy. Incredible and wish him all the success in the world.
Tom, I believe your memory issues may be related to ADHD. Look into it. Lots of people suffer from the memory issues you two talk about in this podcast, it’s really very common in high achievers and if your brain scans are coming up ‘normal’, I would look into this for sure. This information completely changed the way I look at my memory issues. I would bet there’s a connection with your anxiety as well. Hope it helps! Love your energy and passion btw, reminiscent of ADHD too, lol;) it also accounts for difficulty in metabolizing emotions, anger issues, rejection sensitivity and ‘laziness’. Which is not actually laziness but your frontal lobe is ‘offline’, so to speak and you need ‘pressure’ of a deadline to motivate. These are the lesser known traits of ADHD. I would almost bet money you have this! Keep up the good work! In solidarity🤝
If you research MTHFR, ADHD-ADD are correlated by this genetic mutation at 1298C. One has to stay away from anti inflammatory foods and take methylated B vitamins because your body does not methylate (lacking enzymes at cryptical points to detox… Complex process). You’re at 60% capacity whereas one workout is 100%. Western med Will dismiss because meds are $$$$$. Higher healthy fats and Whole Foods incorporating gut health - organic, etc., Other ailments as well. Check it out. There’s an expert on the topic. I believe his name is Dr Ben if I’m not mistaken.
Choosing your regret is a framework Ive used numerous times when faced with a tough life decision. I use the question "would I rather". "Would i rather have kids, even if alone" or "would i rather be in a greay relationship with no kids, and be the great aunt"
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi You are worthy friends ❤
This channel is helping me see the things I am struggling to see. I have such a hard time communicating in the relationship. I came from a history where I don't have any positive relationship examples. I would rather hide behind my anger and walk away from facing and overcoming conflict. When I heard Tom say he stopped the car...that is my boyfriend. He is always the one to stop me in my anger and get me to talk about things. He tells me I should come to him when I am angry, but when I am in that anger I am a whole different person in mental survival ready to do whatever it takes to protect myself. Through this man's patience and masculine energy I have had to face and deal with my insecurities and traumas. Painful, scary but I am grateful he has never let me go. Thanks guys
Tom, you and Lisa are so committed to each-other, so evolved, so considerate. If you ever decided to have or adopt a child, they would be so damn lucky to be able to live in such a healthy, loving environment with parents who are so dedicated to working on themselves and on their marriage. Such a beautiful thing to see. The respect you have for one another is so evident. Thank you for sharing such personal information. Such a HUGE gift to the world, your stories and experiences are so relatable! This conversation is relationship GOLD. ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS! I had to go back and take notes! Everything you both said is right on target and so incredibly powerful. I can totally relate to the “keys for the kingdom!”You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours kind of a thing… 😉 Actually more like… I’ll scratch your back and then (if you love me), you will hopefully WANT to scratch mine too…🥰 Thank you both so much for such an honest, genuine and extremely helpful conversation!!🙏🏻💋
I had the same argument with my now ex BF. But I was also in Toms position of being the bread winner and supporting us both. He wanted to wake up early and get to the hotel and rest. I was sleep deprived and exhausted in every aspect physically, emotionally, intellectually etc and was looking forward to sleeping in so I could have a good vacation when we got there. We had a massive argument the morning we were to leave and didn’t arrive till even later than if I had slept in. I felt taken for granted and resentful that he was trying to negotiate my sleep with me. His thinking was to get there early and then I could relax. My thinking was I needed sleep to function!! And since I was paying for everything on top of that, I didn’t think it wasn’t too much to ask for. I felt that he wanted to get there earlier for himself rather than for me.
Phew!! Glad he is an Ex BF!! But Don’t be the bread winner for “boyfriends” unless you two are married with children and your common goals are aligned for this type of set up.
Nothing interferes with that first lay-in when I have time off work 😂👍, it’s such a shame he made it into an issue instead of realising you needed a decent rest (especially as you’re doing ALL the heavy lifting financially). My ex-boyfriend in my twenties decided to start our holiday by refusing to help carry my suitcase up the stairs at the train station saying it was my fault I’d packed too much (bearing in mind that I was happy to wheel it everywhere but just needed a hand up 2 large flights of stairs). He literally stood at the top of the stairs waiting, an older man passing offered to help take one end and gave my ex the filthiest look when we got to the top. I was mortified that I was with him. Of course he still expected sex when we got there (nope!) and we broke up the next day. Fortunately we were in a group so could do our own thing separately and he didn’t wait a day before he was hitting on other women in front of me. What a gent 😂
I really appreciated Matthew's insight- especially the story of the sleepover with his brothers and the idea of using a memory like that as a pattern breaker. Also how when we are triggered and are in "a state" and can't let go of it- for her to realize I'm not pushing her away, I'm actually desperate for her to love me in this moment, instead of reacting or withdrawing from me. Such an incredible interview with so much incredible relationship wisdom. Thanks
I think the best team work and working with helping each other is best based on knowing what each other’s boundaries are and then putting forth your request, knowing that it won’t be asking them to not be in alignment with their values and boundaries
Thank you both for giving women a taste of what a healthy relationship looks like with a man who is emotional intelligent. Unfortunately my 25 year marriage is coming to an end, but I have hope that there are others that have the same mindset as both of you. Thank you
SUCH An Interesting chat. Quite different to the other MH interviews I’ve seen over the years. Nice to simply hear two guys pass their views on this subject. Thank you both
Remembering occasions is an easy fix...put it on your calender ! A month ahead 2 weeks ahead one week ahead 2 days ahead the day of. Dumping it on her, IS showing YOU are choosing to abdicate YOUR personal responsibility. You have a phone , it has an alarm ⏰, use it. No excuses... Make it important, don't push that off onto another. If you push it off on her, you ARE saying, it isn't important to YOU ! It isn't about memory...it is about PRIORITY !
My favorite part of this conversation is when they're talking about kids, and Matthew brings up Jordan Peterson's view on having kids. The reason: he's really striving and wrestling with an idea it's clear he hasn't established "language" for. It's, for lack of better terms, a new concept, and both of them really show authenticity in wrestling with those memetic ideas (on both sides).
The things I have the hardest time dealing with in relationships is I don't want to pretend to be something that I am not.im struggling with that right now in a relationship that is falling apart right now.but I'm not willing to pretend to be something that I'm not to stay in this relationship.she outgoing but I'm the more silent type that is not as outgoing.so I will put my trust in God to help me work this out or just move on
Finally a Mathew Hussy interview or video that I like, why? Because he isn't pandering to women only, but talking to everyone. Thanks, finally I feel inclined with Mathews audience.
A fascinating, full of insights, and very deep discussion that speaks to the heart. Matthew's insights dedicately touch on very complicated parts taking the heaviness away. Even their styles conversing with each other are full of meaning. Thank you both.!
Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something - and it is only such love that can know freedom. J Krishnamurthy
Yes… That’s quite beautiful… And a relationship… A committed relationship… Is a dynamic exchange of energies. As human beings we love people… We fall in love and that’s a drug reaction in the brain… It’s beautiful… And when that fades… Another kind of love comes in in a relationship can deepen over the years and that’s beautiful. but you can’t say that at the same time you’re not building up some kind of expectation of reciprocity or very least partnership. That each member of the couple is investing the relationship with energy and devotion and faithfulness and truly giving of oneself. That’s just a natural fact. We can have other people in our lives who we love without conditions… But inside of a relationship it is natural to have expectations and attachments and these all must be dealt with… And looked at… And worked with… And worked through.
Matthew you are such a brilliant person , you have such deep understanding of the complexity of human phycology & explain it in most dimple way . I wish we had millions copy of you ! I really loved this conversation and thank you Tom for creating this contents for people out there… The analogy of having enough credits in the bank is really really important in relationships & the way of other person handling our insecurity is huge concept…. To either heal or get worse …
My relationship is on the edge of breaking down due to a lack of independence in my social life and loss of independent self after moving in with my partner. I feel I communicated this but not clearly enough and that lack of social replacement of fun and new experiences with my partner hasn't filled that previous social gap of living in a big City with lots of friends nearby. This video hit the nail on the head for me in a number of areas. I'm a social being and she is less so, we're wondering if this is going to allow both of us to be happy in the long term.
Its so apt that every relation more so the intimate/close ones will trigger us but its equally important to know if they also help heal us. Unfortunately or even fortunately for most of us we do not know our childhood wounds, quite consciously till we are in our mid 30's, 40's or 50's. And for others, who live in a culture where the longitivity of the relationship matters more than the true health of the relationship, most of us choose to remain stuck for the picture framework it provides us. I have even seen people unconsciously at times using their children to remain in unhealthy dynamics...and I will be honest enough here to say, I myself was one of those, till I began questioning my sanity and even my own existence, my child's existence, whom I love so so dearly. It's then that I took the decision of ending my marriage. I'd even like to add, it wasnt abusive but it wasnt sustainable for me and for my then husband. It like saying mushrooms are good source of protein so ppl should consume them, but what if someone is allergic to them? It doesnt work. I even had to take accountability on my part in that dynamic to be now able to change it into an equation, where we both are extended family members and function better as coparents...and that's not to say, to recourse that has been an easy transition. Relationships are investment in increments, they are work...maybe even hard work at times but they definitely shouldn't be back breaking, they rather should be unhealthy pattern breakers.
Thank you Tom for bringing about these incredible conversations. Would love you to bring on Glennon Doyle, Martha Beck (whom I believe Lisa has had a conversation with), Andre Agassi, Brene Brown, Dr.Dick Schwartz and Galit Atlas.
my husband and I have been married for 46 years.one time I got mad at him for something he did.we had so many fights then one day he said I'm tired of fighting and I said me to. he would always tell me to leave when he got mad. I got tired of hearing that so the next time he said that I said lm not leaving if anyone's leaving it's going to be you and he said I'm not leaving and we both looked at each other and started laughing. he never ask me to leave ever again. it was like we wiped the slate clean and started over. it was hard going through that we it made our marriage stronger 😃
I’ve been a full-time mom for 40 years. The biggest reason people regret having children is the society that divides families By devaluing the family unit, separating children from their parents 10 hours a day in schools where they learn to answer to teachers and peers more than parents. Children learn that their value is conditional based on performance and they turn to drugs and sex at Young ages and drag their parents through nine kinds of hell. That’s why parents regret having children.
That’s so sad. Our society isn’t designed for families but we as humans were designed for families otherwise we go extinct. If we are creative we can have successful families. Maybe homeschool isn’t possible, but Montessori might be a good option. I have 2 teenagers and they are both virgins and drug free and have no desire to spoil themselves that way. I have been honest with them about everything and never tried to hide anything if they were curious or had questions. I also made sure to expose them to people of all walks of life. I didn’t think that sheltering them from things I didn’t want for them was the best way to protect them. At the same time I was the one exposing them-from a biblical perspective-they weren’t being exposed by the ones trying to indoctrinate them into any of those ways.
I see very lonely days ahead for those without kids. Yes, kids grow up and move out and have their own lives, but depending on your relationship with your kids, they will always be there and then grandkids. No where in any person's life will you receive the unconditional love as a child's love! ❤️ This comes from a single mother of 3 daughters. My twins are 27, and both getting married themselves.
I’m a woman who didn’t want to have to make a choice between being a business woman and a mother. So I did both. Even though I didn’t have any support from anyone in my family, nor the father whom I had to leave because he wasn’t good for us. So I’m raising my son alone. I’m doing my business alone which I built around my son’s needs and mine. Do I regret having a kid? Absolutely not because my love for my son is stronger than the struggle that comes with having a kid and being an entrepreneur at the same time. I actually think I couldn’t have chosen a more difficult path for myself BUT would have I built that special business for me that fulfils me so much hadn’t I had a child? I don’t think so. Would have I discovered how strong, creative and resourceful I am without having my son? I don’t think so. The only regret I have is the bad judgment I’ve made regarding his father right from the start. I was wrong about him but not about my son. It was a REAL challenge but my son and I are such a great team and we won! Hopefully that will help someone out there 💋
Its really odd isnt it nobody ask for you accomplishment but yet here you are, saying *I’m a woman who didn’t want to have to make a choice between being a business woman and a mother. So I did both.* Now that you said it how long did you Scratch that Itch till your Man went insane? Or did he not provide enough that you so choose *yourself* a solo life? I know, I know its less stress to live alone or with an off spring that is completely under you no doubt. But dont be crying your *Skunk* *tears* full of bull craps of stench when you are 40s and fighting the good fight that *Men* *Created* *Remember* You choose this, btw you are off the *Market* , I think you will know that soon enough.
Grateful for this conversation especially the “tea story” . What a realization that the little things that tip you out to become angry is a trigger about our insecurities. If we can be keen in looking at it deeply and have a heart to heart talk w/ your partner, there’s nothing that we can’t fix and elevate our relationship to experience the best possible joy we can ever have in a relatiknship. Thank you for this conversation!!!
Such a balanced interview! Great examples, real truths (especially about being a mind reader), and incredibly interesting. It's not often that two men would sit down to have this conversation so that makes it that much more intriguing. Thanks Tom! Thanks Matt!
This is one of the best interviews I've ever watched. Both incredibly insightful, honest, wise, and humble men talking about such an important topic. Well done! It made me appreciate my partnership even more, and I see so many new ways I can have an even better relationship moving forward. Thank you!! 🙏💙
I’m at the being a mentor part of life and I have two young adult children. My kids want nothing to do with learning from me. There’s no permanent answer to the question of should you or should you not have children. It seemed like a good idea when it did, period.
People change overtime and so it’s always interesting to look for things they they develop an interest in that you can share and let them bring some interest to the table too
That women need to be honest and courageous enough to own their choices - they can't hang their burden about biological clock on the man. I chose my freedom dating two men simultaneously, they both knew, and I gave each a child. It wasn't the best for the children to not have a two cisgender parent family in one home but the men didn't use condoms and half wanted to know what could have been if they turned around at 50yo and had this grown child. The financial, physical and emotional toll on me was incredible and this isn't a lifestyle choice just any woman can make. You'll have to be sufficiently competent in personal and business, highly confident and adequately abundant in your ability to manifest otherwise you might lose out on the mothering experience if you still have to go back to a full time job. Children and the SAHM lifestyle requires a lot of physical energy and bandwidth and without a refined mature masculine man around a woman has no place to recharge and stabilise and give her fullest presence and joy to the children. Children don't understand why their father chose to be absent no matter how hard we try. I know my sons will heal as adults, most of us have to take responsibility for pain we didn't cause. It was selfish of me to do Me and have My Experience and my choice of regret. But if I had a man that was worth my love I wouldn't have had children because I want to cater to my man instead. In my situation I had men who were sufficiently adequate to be able to cause attraction and communication. But I didn't meet a man who was worth my heart and soul. I was on the clock tick tock tick tock, no fish take prawns. For people who are wondering whether having children is a must have experience - the answer is NO. You could get that growth or experience from other choices. What you'll need to contend with is whether it's a regret you can swallow when you choose. It's nothing to do with the absolute value of having children. I'm now in a new relationship where I don't need another child because I want to focus on the man and my own achievements and there's not enough bandwidth to give to a child.
Or… you don’t stop the car, drive there anyway, and find them really cheating on you and lying to you. Sometimes your instincts, sadly, are correct. I loved almost everything about this talk. I really do. This is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard.
I admire Mattews 🧠, ❤️ and charisma, however my favorite thing is to learn about is his business mind and social skills more than the dating advice, he's genius 😅
My favourite on relationship was what Matthew said about constantly growing and improving yourself, to be intentional to not be the same old even in a relationship as other areas of our lives.
i really enjoyed Matthew's conversation and ideas about relationships. I was married for 25 years to a man I thought I would be with forever. He broke my heart continuously by cheating and lying . But it was the little things that got to be too much for me. I could never count on him. His friends would say that I should be happy because he was a good financial provider. That was shallow. Of course I appreciated that he could support our family but if that is all you can expect from a partner and they expect you to be happy with only that in a relationship then it just did not make me feel loved and supported. After I left I found out he had been having an affair with one of my friends. It took me a very long time to process that. It was difficult and still is because we have kids and grandkids together and have to see each other. I have not even though about meeting another man and that is a little sad.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, different reasons for me but I feel unable to date anymore, feel like I tried hard enough several times over the years and it was never appreciated or rewarded. I want to keep what’s left of my heart for myself and I’m more at peace in my own company now I realise how strong I am. I’d like to think I’d be open enough to recognise the possibility of a good relationship if it popped up but I don’t have much hope left for that really. I hope you can heal and find some peace ❤
except the life experiences of oneself, there's nothing in the world really belong to us, all the things that we seem to own, money, houses, career, relationships etc, even legally branded with our ownership by the regimes of the mundane world, we don't really own them, we own nothing except ourselves. Thus we should not seek happiness and peace from things we don't really own, from the external world that we can't control, nor from the people surrounding us over whom we have no right or power whatsoever. 不以物喜，不以己悲。 We have to learn to make happiness and love simply out from thin air, to be happy and peaceful simply because we feel like it, to be happy not because something good happened, but because nothing bad happened, like how the universe is made, something out of nothing.
I absolutely loved this conversation, I could not agree more more with you both, a great relationship is about giving to each other and growing together, and helping each other heal. If you feel safe with your partner, you are ok to put your heart in their hands, it is a beautiful thing that we should honour and do our best to take care of our loved one's heart as well as our own. There will always be challenges in relationships, it is how you deal with what is going on together as well as understanding, where the other one is coming from. An easy solution to remember important dates is to put them in you calendar and make sure you get a notification the day before or maybe also 3 days before if some planning is required, then you can let go of it and still please your partner. Another thing that I found interesting is that you both state that you have poor memory, I think this is very normal these days, maybe because we get overloaded with information and tasks we have to do. Most people that I talk to have the same problem and myself included, I'm very happy I have my phone to remind me of a lot things ;-)
This is so very well put together! Thank you for taking the time to share your insights as I enjoyed reading them! I agree with you 100%, thank you again, Connie! ❤️
It’s everyone obligation to make the other one feels Good. Don’t need to fake it or keep learning everyday to impress or challenge your partner. When challenge came, it’s no longer love. Love has no price and love is natural. Love is unconditional. No one , nothing can buy love. The occidental country no almost nothing about love. Love is deeper than what you know.
Translation: Put your woman's needs above your own. Men have to make more sacrifices and be superior to the woman (earn more, have higher status, etc) to keep the relationship intact.
@@jzen1455 unfortunately, some men,( just like some women), are not up to bring the provider or superior to their spouse in any way. Some also want an easy life with a free meal ticket but still expect respect, just because they have male body parts. I loved my husband but he didn't provide for the family, he cheated, lied and stole from the family and failed to appreciate anything I did to help. Inevitably he ended up resenting me for doing everything he failed to do and I resented his lack of effort for the family. He ran off with a total loser, who facilitated his feeling superior, without his actually doing anything. I am happy for him and glad that none of our three sons are anything like him; they used him as a reverse role model - what would he do? I'll do the opposite! They have turned out hard-working, successful, good providers, who are faithful and loving in their relationships and show respect and have earned it for themselves; they are contributing to society and are happy. My ex is still miserable but having wasted his half of my hard earned wealth, he now enjoys being lazy in the poverty he has earned. I agree it would be great if men were good at providing etc. BUT some are NOT!
Beautiful episode!! I am dealing with a man who has not been in a relationship before and we’ve been together 4 1/2 years and I am leaving him today bc he is done trying he’s to emotionally immature he doesn’t get the fight.. I’m not easy to live with but our situation isn’t the best.. this video came at a perfect time
@@TheKingJoseph I don’t know if I want a new find after this, I’m 41 now and am so heartbroken idk what to do I am packing rn it’s just surreal I gave him everything
The fight can I ask what you mean? Men and women are different creatures and I would like to understand your side as well as get an understanding of his as a man I should be able to figure out his side based on what your saying is going on. Btw sorry for your heartbreak you sound like you genuinely want love and understanding which is hard to come by nowadays especially.
@@Respect2theFallen the fight basically is me doing anything to stay in this, making it work, fighting you know. And ya I’ve been hearing that it’s hard out here rn for real love… it’s effing sad
To both men who are having no kids: get rid of your attachments and then see if kids would be part of your life. With attachments you can’t make that decision
@@JaZmine147 Hej, I mean with that both ways I have seen here and of course there is no right or wrong but perceptions. So, if you are cling to the idea of you having a marriage and a job and all achievements and you want a kid or kids to fit in, it won’t work. Your attachment to that will lead to suffering. Period. You have to give up this concept of good and bad. A kid is a new age and rightly said in this video, they make you an adult. On the other hand we have heard also the attachment of expectation that a kid will change your life and regrets will occur in 40 so and so years if kids were not part of life. What a pressure on that little being. Either ways attachment to the past (my career, my marriage) or the future (the kid will make me a better person, my life better) will lead to disappointment and suffering. The way out I believe is the fact that love exists. Give up attachment and just see the present moment. Do you see a kid there then? Yes, go for it, no don’t.
My powerful takeaway from this discussion about Tom grappling with whether ot not to have kids.. was a couple blindspots he has. 1. In Tom’s line of work, life improvement, achieving optimal physical health, philosophy and overall mastery of life… he SHOULD experience procreation and fatherhood. Simply as a credential. You can’t leave out literally the most primal and fundamental human experience of life itself and have credibility in his arena. You absolutely can’t learn the experience of fatherhood from researching it. I don’t care how you try and tick similar boxes with seemingly parallel experiences like “mentoring.” 2. You don’t have to have “kids” you can have ONE child. Any parent of multiple children will tell you that it is an ENTIRELY different/easier experience with just one child. If your one child is pretty chill and healthy it doesn’t interfere much with career at all. Especially the father’s. And in Tom’s case- it would actually make him more informed about what he is talking about and improve his career and reach a broader demographic.
They talk a good game but they are both woefully unqualified for this subject in my opinion. Apparently you don't need to have experience in your field of expertise to be an expert any more, you just need to have talked to lots of other people. Imagine you are on a plane and about to take off and the pilot announced that he had never flown a plane before but he had spoken to lots of pilots about how to do it and is therefore an expert - how many people would still be on the plane when it took off?
Have to bring different perspective to your point Nr. 2: A friend with 3 kids says the opposite - it's most difficult when it is just ONE child, since it depends fully on your constant entertainment. When there are 2-3-4 kids, the older kids teach the younger ones everything and they have a "life of their on", as siblings, playing on their own, while my other friend with just one kid cannot even have a phonecall if her daughter is back from school - it wants her full undivided attention. All the time.
So coming from the 26 minute mark where you’re talking about memory. Although I respect the struggles with memory that are legitimate, the question that would remain in my mind is especially as a businessman you have all these meetings, obligations, benchmarks you want to hit, goals, learning, etc… how and why are those important enough to remember and not an anniversary? Also, phone reminders.
What was your favorite takeaway from Matthew?
Damn to b honest my favorite takeaways were the biological truth bombs from Tom
"Our life gets better in direct proportion to the number of difficult conversations we are willing to have."
He nailed that one.
Also your concept of the 'keys to the kingdom'.
Thank you Tom for sharing your thoughts with Mathew and being so present. Loved that you asked necessary questions💜 and Matthew and you are great, it was like watching two best friends talking! 🤝
I appreciate all the insight but I really resonated with the parts about giving your partner exactly what they are asking for rather than the things that feel good to give for yourself. And building that “emotional bank” to “withdraw” from when it’s time for improvement or change. Very pertinent in my life right now.
I wish everyone the best
For me it was the outcome from both of your perspectives together. You simplified many times during the interview topics that are hard to grasp. I've heard many times that I am responsible for my emotions, and while it makes sense it's hard to remember at the time I'm experiencing them, but it's as simple as you said it with the "cup of tea" example: is this really about tea? Or is there something I need to address that I haven't? To me that's a good reminder next time I'm struggling with my emotions.
On the kids topic, I would be curious to learn why is legacy so important for some people. I find the idea of having kids to continue a legacy a bit narcissistic, and egocentric, also a burden on the kid for the expectations on him/her...
Thanks so much for having me on Tom. Was such a pleasure spending time with you and a conversation I absolutely loved.
Thank you to everyone watching for your comments. I learn an enormous amount from Tom and his guests too so I’m proud to be here with you all.
20 minutes in and I’m an instant fan! Great convo guys, thank you
Talking about yourself @MatthewHussey seems to be something your really good at 😒
You nailed it Matthew and Tom, why people regret having children is their life completely changes. People are looking for fulfillment via raising a child yet most aren't prepared for the mayhem it will cause initially; plus I believe all the unremedied trauma received as a child hinders this process too, causing many a parent to fret and believe they are unworthy of having kids.
I have been trying to truly explain this to myself before trying to explain it to people. I am absolutely grateful I have children, but some days I hate being a parent lol. Children are the greatest blessing I would never wish on anyone hahahaha!!
Thank you for this episode btw, I am dealing with some heaviness in my marriage right now and this has given me a few insights to move with.
And your insights are very much jaw dropping and inspirational yet liberating!! The bit where there's major question marks about regrets, the redflags, which has always puzzled me and what you'd choose to do and be glad you actually did..were the real majors..il watch this interview again and again for deeper lessons! Thank you!
Thank you Matt for the great session.
There’s another common sentiment; it goes, “Few people, on their death beds, say, ‘I wish i’d have spent more time at the office/at my business.’ But MANY people, on their death beds, say, ‘I wish I’d have spent more time with my family’.”
“It goes both ways” is the best thing he said.
Both people need to put an effort in.
It's called: not taking someone for granted
Yup
I have 4 adopted children and the part of the day that makes me more fulfilled is making someone else’s day better . Spreading my DNA was never a driver . Making a difference is 🙏🏻✨🌹
💯❤️❤️❤️
I think you are saying that bc you cannot have your own children. Would you still say the same thing if you could? hmm nope
@@hpulker sorry to hear you talking about my life . Yes , I could have children !! I am very happy with what Life gave me . I have wonderful, loving , successful, caring children. Hope and pray you do too 🙏🏻
I too love to help others but i couldn't ignore my calling to have my own children. I work with disadvantage elementary children with learning to read and basic life skills. I have two intelligent, caring and successful children that share my DNA.
Maybe you shouldnt look down on others that chose what their heart desires.
Is Matthew related to lady susan
It’s so refreshing to see two strong men having a vulnerable conversation about relationships ❤️ thank you for this!
❤
I really like your username!
1) growth 2) keep trying 3) listen to your partners needs
Because every guy is one right swipe away from being n'ext for one small slip up on "dick on demand" apps like Tinder.
Put your own woman's needs above your own in reality. Yeah there's going to be some compromises, but overall, the guy must make more sacrifices for the women to remain in the relationship.
@@jzen1455 how does a man make more sacrifices?
@@jzen1455 🤣🤣nonsense
Questions? listen too her?needs or listen too her wants! ....what if her needs are self destructive....for her, for him...or both?... Is she expected too listen , and help him with his needs?
I've listened to many, many podcasts on relationship advice, but this might be the best and most relatable one I've ever listened to. In my case, it's a little too late for me and my partner but it helps on so many levels whenever i move into another relationship, a very long time from now. Thank you.
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve shared this video to so many people! As a relationships coach myself, this is my go to video! ❤
i hope you are in another loving relationship now 1 year later or have done some great healing work on yourself ❤
@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you for that. I decided not to date at all during 2023, and it was a wonderful time to focus on God and myself. I'll start dating after Easter this year and now I have a better mind and heart for something serious, although I'm now feeling called to religious life as a nun if marriage isn't meant for me. 💒🙏
One of the takeaways that I relate to most is when he talks about giving your partner the keys to the kingdom and how revealing it is when they are not willing to adjust. I was married to someone who has bipolar disorder and within our 6yrs of marriage there would be screaming arguments and name calling that would have me in tears often. I went to a psychiatrist to get help for the issues I brought to the table, but when I asked my husband to go get help for his disorder, he told me no and that he liked being that way. After 6 yrs of being on an emotional roller coaster, that was the last straw for me and I’ve been consistently happier since. And now I know what to look for (and how to ask for what I need) before getting married again.
That's exactly what I've said to myself. But after three years when we could finally get to live together, everything has changed. Also I realised that some things I just couldn't see or just ignored believing that everything it's just perfect and I'm the crazy one. Now my 13yo and I are stuck in this life that I can't do anything about, crying all the time feeling guilty for creating this life.
This comment fits my life currently. My several year relationship ended for good yesterday. During our talk when he picked up his things, I told him that everyone is striving to improve and grow. Not only me.
He said “not me. I’m just (insert male name). I’m just doing me.”
I can’t express sufficiently how much Tom’s vulnerability and Matt’s compassionate insight have opened my awareness and perspective to be a more evolved primate. ❤
I did not start out a Matthew Hussey fan but this interview has changed my mind. He demonstrated authenticity that I didn’t see on his own channel but it was definitely evident here. Thank you both for your excellence!
MH is the best
I seen Matthew being interviewed by so many other people, but this interview is my favorite one .
Your personal stories turned it into a whole different experience .
I feel like I learned just as much about relationships from you as I did from him.
Thanks so much for being you.
*Rule #1* - Don't be desperate to be in a relationship, because this will weed out the people who are actually desperate and can't stay single for two seconds. Those are the relationships that never last and are a complete waste of time.
I think, for the very first time in my life, at 43 years old,
I UNDERSTAND there's a difference between LOVE and DESIRE.
Desire requires:
1. Strengths: flirty, confident, cute, funny, sexy, wholesome.
2. Fearlessness. I have confidence in my coping if you hurt me,
and I have the power to hurt you too. So let’s not hurt each other.
3. Here’s what I love about my body. I’m going to focus on accentuating what I have.
Love requires:
1) Connection.
2) Compatibility.
3) Chemistry.
I would add Love requires communication. (Even if nonverbal)
Just celebrated my 31st wedding anniversary last night and listening to this podcast learned more than I thought I might. Loved the tea story and agree that you’re never just arguing over the superficial things. It’s something deeper involving a “story” you’re telling yourself in the moment. Be willing to share that story with your partner and who knows what might get healed.
this is super duper late but congrats on your 31 year anniversary!! ❤
Great, great discussion. I would add.... having children gave me my absolute anchor - my true north. Everything outside my kids - business, marriage, my own ambition... is flexible and malleable. The hardest thing ever, is to be a parent. The challenge is only rewarding if you truly value interpersonal development. Parenthood is not tied to legacy. That is really a fallacy. Over time, growing with your children reveals the extent of what it is to be human. You learn this by guiding another human from their infancy. Tom, your curiosity is admirable. Don't be resistant to experience it in its most visceral and primal essence. :)
Going through this with my adult son, seeing past the traumas. Thank you 💚
Not that this is incredibly vurnalable, intimate, open episode but what I love and always have loved about Tom, that he listens, he sits there and actually listens and lets other person talk!
agreed! it's a great skill that not a lot of interviewers have!
Jez this guy! I trained with this guy in London and look at him now. Mind blowingly charismatic guy, he is like a talking sculpture really. Which I feel is a pretty big compliment from a guy to a guy. Incredible and wish him all the success in the world.
Tom, I believe your memory issues may be related to ADHD. Look into it. Lots of people suffer from the memory issues you two talk about in this podcast, it’s really very common in high achievers and if your brain scans are coming up ‘normal’, I would look into this for sure. This information completely changed the way I look at my memory issues. I would bet there’s a connection with your anxiety as well. Hope it helps! Love your energy and passion btw, reminiscent of ADHD too, lol;) it also accounts for difficulty in metabolizing emotions, anger issues, rejection sensitivity and ‘laziness’. Which is not actually laziness but your frontal lobe is ‘offline’, so to speak and you need ‘pressure’ of a deadline to motivate. These are the lesser known traits of ADHD. I would almost bet money you have this! Keep up the good work! In solidarity🤝
If you research MTHFR, ADHD-ADD are correlated by this genetic mutation at 1298C. One has to stay away from anti inflammatory foods and take methylated B vitamins because your body does not methylate (lacking enzymes at cryptical points to detox…
Complex process). You’re at 60% capacity whereas one workout is 100%. Western med
Will dismiss because meds are $$$$$. Higher healthy fats and Whole Foods incorporating gut health - organic, etc.,
Other ailments as well. Check it out. There’s an expert on the topic. I believe his name is Dr Ben if I’m not mistaken.
Correction - eat anti inflammatory foods.
great share, something to consider
Choosing your regret is a framework Ive used numerous times when faced with a tough life decision. I use the question "would I rather". "Would i rather have kids, even if alone" or "would i rather be in a greay relationship with no kids, and be the great aunt"
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
-Rumi
You are worthy friends ❤
Ah...yes, I can so relate to this thank u . ;)
amazing quote ❤
I'm never having another relationship. I've resigned from the whole thing. At 37. Done. #livingmybestsinglelifeforever 😌
Wow
This channel is helping me see the things I am struggling to see. I have such a hard time communicating in the relationship. I came from a history where I don't have any positive relationship examples. I would rather hide behind my anger and walk away from facing and overcoming conflict. When I heard Tom say he stopped the car...that is my boyfriend. He is always the one to stop me in my anger and get me to talk about things. He tells me I should come to him when I am angry, but when I am in that anger I am a whole different person in mental survival ready to do whatever it takes to protect myself. Through this man's patience and masculine energy I have had to face and deal with my insecurities and traumas. Painful, scary but I am grateful he has never let me go.
Thanks guys
Beautiful 🤍
You're so lucky having someone you can talk to and who is actually listening to whatever you hav to say.
Tom, you and Lisa are so committed to each-other, so evolved, so considerate.
If you ever decided to have or adopt a child, they would be so damn lucky to be able to live in such a healthy, loving environment with parents who are so dedicated to working on themselves and on their marriage. Such a beautiful thing to see. The respect you have for one another is so evident. Thank you for sharing such personal information. Such a HUGE gift to the world, your stories and experiences are so relatable!
This conversation is relationship GOLD. ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!
I had to go back and take notes!
Everything you both said is right on target and so incredibly powerful.
I can totally relate to the “keys for the kingdom!”You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours kind of a thing… 😉
Actually more like…
I’ll scratch your back and then (if you love me), you will hopefully WANT to scratch mine too…🥰
Thank you both so much for such an honest, genuine and extremely helpful conversation!!🙏🏻💋
I had the same argument with my now ex BF. But I was also in Toms position of being the bread winner and supporting us both. He wanted to wake up early and get to the hotel and rest. I was sleep deprived and exhausted in every aspect physically, emotionally, intellectually etc and was looking forward to sleeping in so I could have a good vacation when we got there.
We had a massive argument the morning we were to leave and didn’t arrive till even later than if I had slept in.
I felt taken for granted and resentful that he was trying to negotiate my sleep with me.
His thinking was to get there early and then I could relax.
My thinking was I needed sleep to function!!
And since I was paying for everything on top of that, I didn’t think it wasn’t too much to ask for. I felt that he wanted to get there earlier for himself rather than for me.
He sounds passive aggressive
Phew!! Glad he is an Ex BF!! But Don’t be the bread winner for “boyfriends” unless you two are married with children and your common goals are aligned for this type of set up.
@@citizen3079 he sounds like a mommy’s boy!
Nothing interferes with that first lay-in when I have time off work 😂👍, it’s such a shame he made it into an issue instead of realising you needed a decent rest (especially as you’re doing ALL the heavy lifting financially).
My ex-boyfriend in my twenties decided to start our holiday by refusing to help carry my suitcase up the stairs at the train station saying it was my fault I’d packed too much (bearing in mind that I was happy to wheel it everywhere but just needed a hand up 2 large flights of stairs). He literally stood at the top of the stairs waiting, an older man passing offered to help take one end and gave my ex the filthiest look when we got to the top. I was mortified that I was with him. Of course he still expected sex when we got there (nope!) and we broke up the next day. Fortunately we were in a group so could do our own thing separately and he didn’t wait a day before he was hitting on other women in front of me. What a gent 😂
I really appreciated Matthew's insight- especially the story of the sleepover with his brothers and the idea of using a memory like that as a pattern breaker. Also how when we are triggered and are in "a state" and can't let go of it- for her to realize I'm not pushing her away, I'm actually desperate for her to love me in this moment, instead of reacting or withdrawing from me. Such an incredible interview with so much incredible relationship wisdom. Thanks
I think the best team work and working with helping each other is best based on knowing what each other’s boundaries are and then putting forth your request, knowing that it won’t be asking them to not be in alignment with their values and boundaries
This entire interview is pure GOLD!!
So much brilliant advice!!
Thank you both for giving women a taste of what a healthy relationship looks like with a man who is emotional intelligent. Unfortunately my 25 year marriage is coming to an end, but I have hope that there are others that have the same mindset as both of you. Thank you
There are
I am wishing you the best on your next chapter of life ❤
SUCH An Interesting chat. Quite different to the other MH interviews I’ve seen over the years. Nice to simply hear two guys pass their views on this subject. Thank you both
Remembering occasions is an easy fix...put it on your calender ! A month ahead 2 weeks ahead one week ahead 2 days ahead the day of. Dumping it on her, IS showing YOU are choosing to abdicate YOUR personal responsibility.
You have a phone , it has an alarm ⏰, use it.
No excuses...
Make it important, don't push that off onto another. If you push it off on her, you ARE saying, it isn't important to YOU !
It isn't about memory...it is about PRIORITY !
My favorite part of this conversation is when they're talking about kids, and Matthew brings up Jordan Peterson's view on having kids. The reason: he's really striving and wrestling with an idea it's clear he hasn't established "language" for. It's, for lack of better terms, a new concept, and both of them really show authenticity in wrestling with those memetic ideas (on both sides).
Love the honesty in this from both of you
The things I have the hardest time dealing with in relationships is I don't want to pretend to be something that I am not.im struggling with that right now in a relationship that is falling apart right now.but I'm not willing to pretend to be something that I'm not to stay in this relationship.she outgoing but I'm the more silent type that is not as outgoing.so I will put my trust in God to help me work this out or just move on
Daneil Radcliffe knows his stuff!
Finally a Mathew Hussy interview or video that I like, why? Because he isn't pandering to women only, but talking to everyone. Thanks, finally I feel inclined with Mathews audience.
A fascinating, full of insights, and very deep discussion that speaks to the heart. Matthew's insights dedicately touch on very complicated parts taking the heaviness away. Even their styles conversing with each other are full of meaning. Thank you both.!
Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something - and it is only such love that can know freedom.
J Krishnamurthy
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Yes… That’s quite beautiful… And a relationship… A committed relationship… Is a dynamic exchange of energies. As human beings we love people… We fall in love and that’s a drug reaction in the brain… It’s beautiful… And when that fades… Another kind of love comes in in a relationship can deepen over the years and that’s beautiful. but you can’t say that at the same time you’re not building up some kind of expectation of reciprocity or very least partnership. That each member of the couple is investing the relationship with energy and devotion and faithfulness and truly giving of oneself. That’s just a natural fact. We can have other people in our lives who we love without conditions… But inside of a relationship it is natural to have expectations and attachments and these all must be dealt with… And looked at… And worked with… And worked through.
So much love here. This is THE thing. ❤️
Matthew you are such a brilliant person , you have such deep understanding of the complexity of human phycology & explain it in most dimple way .
I wish we had millions copy of you !
I really loved this conversation and thank you Tom for creating this contents for people out there…
The analogy of having enough credits in the bank is really really important in relationships & the way of other person handling our insecurity is huge concept…. To either heal or get worse …
My relationship is on the edge of breaking down due to a lack of independence in my social life and loss of independent self after moving in with my partner. I feel I communicated this but not clearly enough and that lack of social replacement of fun and new experiences with my partner hasn't filled that previous social gap of living in a big City with lots of friends nearby. This video hit the nail on the head for me in a number of areas. I'm a social being and she is less so, we're wondering if this is going to allow both of us to be happy in the long term.
Wow, I love this. If some women doubt that there are good men - look at these two ♡♡♡ sending love to you both:)
One of the best exchanges on relationships and believe me I've listened to 1000s. 😆
All of this information is priceless...just wish I heard it when I was younger in the relationship
better late than never! I hope things are going well for you now ❤
Very good talk… huge eye opener for me, thank you gentlemen. I’m more prepared now.
Their answers for having children or not having children are so convoluted ! Like they went in tangents that made no sense …
I agree
Its so apt that every relation more so the intimate/close ones will trigger us but its equally important to know if they also help heal us. Unfortunately or even fortunately for most of us we do not know our childhood wounds, quite consciously till we are in our mid 30's, 40's or 50's.
And for others, who live in a culture where the longitivity of the relationship matters more than the true health of the relationship, most of us choose to remain stuck for the picture framework it provides us. I have even seen people unconsciously at times using their children to remain in unhealthy dynamics...and I will be honest enough here to say, I myself was one of those, till I began questioning my sanity and even my own existence, my child's existence, whom I love so so dearly.
It's then that I took the decision of ending my marriage.
I'd even like to add, it wasnt abusive but it wasnt sustainable for me and for my then husband. It like saying mushrooms are good source of protein so ppl should consume them, but what if someone is allergic to them? It doesnt work.
I even had to take accountability on my part in that dynamic to be now able to change it into an equation, where we both are extended family members and function better as coparents...and that's not to say, to recourse that has been an easy transition.
Relationships are investment in increments, they are work...maybe even hard work at times but they definitely shouldn't be back breaking, they rather should be unhealthy pattern breakers.
Thank you Tom for bringing about these incredible conversations. Would love you to bring on Glennon Doyle, Martha Beck (whom I believe Lisa has had a conversation with), Andre Agassi, Brene Brown, Dr.Dick Schwartz and Galit Atlas.
wow that was deep. listening and giving what they need and want from you and not what you want to give.
Minute 36-ish......yes, yes and yes. Love it. So insightful.
my husband and I have been married for 46 years.one time I got mad at him for something he did.we had so many fights then one day he said I'm tired of fighting and I said me to. he would always tell me to leave when he got mad. I got tired of hearing that so the next time he said that I said lm not leaving if anyone's leaving it's going to be you and he said I'm not leaving and we both looked at each other and started laughing. he never ask me to leave ever again. it was like we wiped the slate clean and started over. it was hard going through that we it made our marriage stronger 😃
I’ve been a full-time mom for 40 years. The biggest reason people regret having children is the society that divides families By devaluing the family unit, separating children from their parents 10 hours a day in schools where they learn to answer to teachers and peers more than parents. Children learn that their value is conditional based on performance and they turn to drugs and sex at Young ages and drag their parents through nine kinds of hell. That’s why parents regret having children.
That’s so sad. Our society isn’t designed for families but we as humans were designed for families otherwise we go extinct. If we are creative we can have successful families. Maybe homeschool isn’t possible, but Montessori might be a good option. I have 2 teenagers and they are both virgins and drug free and have no desire to spoil themselves that way. I have been honest with them about everything and never tried to hide anything if they were curious or had questions. I also made sure to expose them to people of all walks of life. I didn’t think that sheltering them from things I didn’t want for them was the best way to protect them. At the same time I was the one exposing them-from a biblical perspective-they weren’t being exposed by the ones trying to indoctrinate them into any of those ways.
Thank you so much for this talk, it’s awesome.
I see very lonely days ahead for those without kids. Yes, kids grow up and move out and have their own lives, but depending on your relationship with your kids, they will always be there and then grandkids. No where in any person's life will you receive the unconditional love as a child's love! ❤️ This comes from a single mother of 3 daughters. My twins are 27, and both getting married themselves.
I’m a woman who didn’t want to have to make a choice between being a business woman and a mother. So I did both. Even though I didn’t have any support from anyone in my family, nor the father whom I had to leave because he wasn’t good for us. So I’m raising my son alone. I’m doing my business alone which I built around my son’s needs and mine. Do I regret having a kid? Absolutely not because my love for my son is stronger than the struggle that comes with having a kid and being an entrepreneur at the same time. I actually think I couldn’t have chosen a more difficult path for myself BUT would have I built that special business for me that fulfils me so much hadn’t I had a child? I don’t think so. Would have I discovered how strong, creative and resourceful I am without having my son? I don’t think so. The only regret I have is the bad judgment I’ve made regarding his father right from the start. I was wrong about him but not about my son. It was a REAL challenge but my son and I are such a great team and we won! Hopefully that will help someone out there 💋
Its really odd isnt it nobody ask for you accomplishment but yet here you are, saying
*I’m a woman who didn’t want to have to make a choice between being a business woman and a mother. So I did both.*
Now that you said it how long did you Scratch that Itch till your Man went insane? Or did he not provide enough that you so choose *yourself* a solo life?
I know, I know its less stress to live alone or with an off spring that is completely under you no doubt. But dont be crying your *Skunk* *tears* full of bull craps of stench when you are 40s and fighting the good fight that *Men* *Created* *Remember* You choose this, btw you are off the *Market* , I think you will know that soon enough.
This discussion is full of so many amazing practical insights, thank-you both🙏
There's a vulnerability in revealing exactly how we can be manipulated, and a strength in doing so anyway.
Grateful for this conversation especially the “tea story” . What a realization that the little things that tip you out to become angry is a trigger about our insecurities. If we can be keen in looking at it deeply and have a heart to heart talk w/ your partner, there’s nothing that we can’t fix and elevate our relationship to experience the best possible joy we can ever have in a relatiknship. Thank you for this conversation!!!
My main takeaway... is somewhat of a relief knowing I'm not alone in being insanely insecure about my memory!
Thank you for sharing this. This episode was without a doubt a huge game changer in my life following a recent breakup.
It’s been a while that i was this invested in a video. But this was so interesting, thanks so much!
I have so much respect for these guys. They are very honest and open about their insecurities.
Such a balanced interview! Great examples, real truths (especially about being a mind reader), and incredibly interesting. It's not often that two men would sit down to have this conversation so that makes it that much more intriguing. Thanks Tom! Thanks Matt!
This is one of the best interviews I've ever watched. Both incredibly insightful, honest, wise, and humble men talking about such an important topic. Well done! It made me appreciate my partnership even more, and I see so many new ways I can have an even better relationship moving forward. Thank you!! 🙏💙
Now I understand why he is asking me to give him space to heal himself from me hurting his feelings.
manipulation from his side
I’m at the being a mentor part of life and I have two young adult children. My kids want nothing to do with learning from me. There’s no permanent answer to the question of should you or should you not have children. It seemed like a good idea when it did, period.
This is an incredibly useful conversation.
Yep, the cup of tea story says so much. Good man, cheers.
People change overtime and so it’s always interesting to look for things they they develop an interest in that you can share and let them bring some interest to the table too
That women need to be honest and courageous enough to own their choices - they can't hang their burden about biological clock on the man. I chose my freedom dating two men simultaneously, they both knew, and I gave each a child. It wasn't the best for the children to not have a two cisgender parent family in one home but the men didn't use condoms and half wanted to know what could have been if they turned around at 50yo and had this grown child. The financial, physical and emotional toll on me was incredible and this isn't a lifestyle choice just any woman can make. You'll have to be sufficiently competent in personal and business, highly confident and adequately abundant in your ability to manifest otherwise you might lose out on the mothering experience if you still have to go back to a full time job. Children and the SAHM lifestyle requires a lot of physical energy and bandwidth and without a refined mature masculine man around a woman has no place to recharge and stabilise and give her fullest presence and joy to the children.
Children don't understand why their father chose to be absent no matter how hard we try. I know my sons will heal as adults, most of us have to take responsibility for pain we didn't cause. It was selfish of me to do Me and have My Experience and my choice of regret. But if I had a man that was worth my love I wouldn't have had children because I want to cater to my man instead. In my situation I had men who were sufficiently adequate to be able to cause attraction and communication. But I didn't meet a man who was worth my heart and soul. I was on the clock tick tock tick tock, no fish take prawns.
For people who are wondering whether having children is a must have experience - the answer is NO. You could get that growth or experience from other choices. What you'll need to contend with is whether it's a regret you can swallow when you choose. It's nothing to do with the absolute value of having children. I'm now in a new relationship where I don't need another child because I want to focus on the man and my own achievements and there's not enough bandwidth to give to a child.
Unfortunately, this podcast came to me two days late. Still a beautiful work, thank you.
Or… you don’t stop the car, drive there anyway, and find them really cheating on you and lying to you. Sometimes your instincts, sadly, are correct.
I loved almost everything about this talk. I really do. This is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard.
I admire Mattews 🧠, ❤️ and charisma, however my favorite thing is to learn about is his business mind and social skills more than the dating advice, he's genius 😅
very charismatic for sure and if you notice it in others that means you have it within yourself 🙂
I have a horrible horrible memory too…… very stressful. Mind can just go blank. Bothersome as well ! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability ….
omg sobbing brains out over cuppa tea THANK YOU
My favourite on relationship was what Matthew said about constantly growing and improving yourself, to be intentional to not be the same old even in a relationship as other areas of our lives.
i really enjoyed Matthew's conversation and ideas about relationships. I was married for 25 years to a man I thought I would be with forever. He broke my heart continuously by cheating and lying . But it was the little things that got to be too much for me. I could never count on him. His friends would say that I should be happy because he was a good financial provider. That was shallow. Of course I appreciated that he could support our family but if that is all you can expect from a partner and they expect you to be happy with only that in a relationship then it just did not make me feel loved and supported. After I left I found out he had been having an affair with one of my friends. It took me a very long time to process that. It was difficult and still is because we have kids and grandkids together and have to see each other. I have not even though about meeting another man and that is a little sad.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, different reasons for me but I feel unable to date anymore, feel like I tried hard enough several times over the years and it was never appreciated or rewarded. I want to keep what’s left of my heart for myself and I’m more at peace in my own company now I realise how strong I am. I’d like to think I’d be open enough to recognise the possibility of a good relationship if it popped up but I don’t have much hope left for that really. I hope you can heal and find some peace ❤
Matthew is so amazing that I would like to hear him for hours no end 🙏🏻✨🌹
Check out his channel - hours n hours of material 😄
This content is so good. Thank you!
except the life experiences of oneself, there's nothing in the world really belong to us, all the things that we seem to own, money, houses, career, relationships etc, even legally branded with our ownership by the regimes of the mundane world, we don't really own them, we own nothing except ourselves. Thus we should not seek happiness and peace from things we don't really own, from the external world that we can't control, nor from the people surrounding us over whom we have no right or power whatsoever. 不以物喜，不以己悲。 We have to learn to make happiness and love simply out from thin air, to be happy and peaceful simply because we feel like it, to be happy not because something good happened, but because nothing bad happened, like how the universe is made, something out of nothing.
Sweet👍🧡🕊
I absolutely loved this conversation, I could not agree more more with you both, a great relationship is about giving to each other and growing together, and helping each other heal. If you feel safe with your partner, you are ok to put your heart in their hands, it is a beautiful thing that we should honour and do our best to take care of our loved one's heart as well as our own.
There will always be challenges in relationships, it is how you deal with what is going on together as well as understanding, where the other one is coming from. An easy solution to remember important dates is to put them in you calendar and make sure you get a notification the day before or maybe also 3 days before if some planning is required, then you can let go of it and still please your partner.
Another thing that I found interesting is that you both state that you have poor memory, I think this is very normal these days, maybe because we get overloaded with information and tasks we have to do. Most people that I talk to have the same problem and myself included, I'm very happy I have my phone to remind me of a lot things ;-)
This is so very well put together! Thank you for taking the time to share your insights as I enjoyed reading them! I agree with you 100%, thank you again, Connie! ❤️
This is excellent. Thank you for this content! I needed to hear all of this.
Agreed, very powerful conversation!
This was awesome. Thank you guys for being so vulnerable and sharing.
It’s always so useful listening to Matthew’s reasonings and insights! Thanks for this wonderful interview 😊
Yes always so great! 💯😊💜
Great interview! You guys are giving out gold
It’s everyone obligation to make the other one feels Good. Don’t need to fake it or keep learning everyday to impress or challenge your partner.
When challenge came, it’s no longer love.
Love has no price and love is natural. Love is unconditional. No one , nothing can buy love.
The occidental country no almost nothing about love.
Love is deeper than what you know.
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Translation: Put your woman's needs above your own. Men have to make more sacrifices and be superior to the woman (earn more, have higher status, etc) to keep the relationship intact.
Love is NOT “unconditional”.
@@jzen1455 unfortunately, some men,( just like some women), are not up to bring the provider or superior to their spouse in any way. Some also want an easy life with a free meal ticket but still expect respect, just because they have male body parts. I loved my husband but he didn't provide for the family, he cheated, lied and stole from the family and failed to appreciate anything I did to help. Inevitably he ended up resenting me for doing everything he failed to do and I resented his lack of effort for the family. He ran off with a total loser, who facilitated his feeling superior, without his actually doing anything. I am happy for him and glad that none of our three sons are anything like him; they used him as a reverse role model - what would he do? I'll do the opposite! They have turned out hard-working, successful, good providers, who are faithful and loving in their relationships and show respect and have earned it for themselves; they are contributing to society and are happy. My ex is still miserable but having wasted his half of my hard earned wealth, he now enjoys being lazy in the poverty he has earned. I agree it would be great if men were good at providing etc. BUT some are NOT!
Solid all around! It’s comforting to hear you speak and see you being so vulnerable! Two humble powerhouses! Thank you!
"A relationship is an album" I like that
Beautiful episode!! I am dealing with a man who has not been in a relationship before and we’ve been together 4 1/2 years and I am leaving him today bc he is done trying he’s to emotionally immature he doesn’t get the fight.. I’m not easy to live with but our situation isn’t the best.. this video came at a perfect time
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Good luck with your new find.
@@TheKingJoseph I don’t know if I want a new find after this, I’m 41 now and am so heartbroken idk what to do I am packing rn it’s just surreal I gave him everything
The fight can I ask what you mean? Men and women are different creatures and I would like to understand your side as well as get an understanding of his as a man I should be able to figure out his side based on what your saying is going on. Btw sorry for your heartbreak you sound like you genuinely want love and understanding which is hard to come by nowadays especially.
@@Respect2theFallen the fight basically is me doing anything to stay in this, making it work, fighting you know. And ya I’ve been hearing that it’s hard out here rn for real love… it’s effing sad
I love the note to yourself part 🙌🏼 I should do that too!
To both men who are having no kids: get rid of your attachments and then see if kids would be part of your life. With attachments you can’t make that decision
What do you mean attachments?
@@JaZmine147 Hej, I mean with that both ways I have seen here and of course there is no right or wrong but perceptions. So, if you are cling to the idea of you having a marriage and a job and all achievements and you want a kid or kids to fit in, it won’t work. Your attachment to that will lead to suffering. Period. You have to give up this concept of good and bad. A kid is a new age and rightly said in this video, they make you an adult. On the other hand we have heard also the attachment of expectation that a kid will change your life and regrets will occur in 40 so and so years if kids were not part of life. What a pressure on that little being. Either ways attachment to the past (my career, my marriage) or the future (the kid will make me a better person, my life better) will lead to disappointment and suffering.
The way out I believe is the fact that love exists. Give up attachment and just see the present moment. Do you see a kid there then? Yes, go for it, no don’t.
My powerful takeaway from this discussion about Tom grappling with whether ot not to have kids.. was a couple blindspots he has.
1. In Tom’s line of work, life improvement, achieving optimal physical health, philosophy and overall mastery of life… he SHOULD experience procreation and fatherhood. Simply as a credential. You can’t leave out literally the most primal and fundamental human experience of life itself and have credibility in his arena. You absolutely can’t learn the experience of fatherhood from researching it. I don’t care how you try and tick similar boxes with seemingly parallel experiences like “mentoring.”
2. You don’t have to have “kids” you can have ONE child. Any parent of multiple children will tell you that it is an ENTIRELY different/easier experience with just one child. If your one child is pretty chill and healthy it doesn’t interfere much with career at all. Especially the father’s. And in Tom’s case- it would actually make him more informed about what he is talking about and improve his career and reach a broader demographic.
They talk a good game but they are both woefully unqualified for this subject in my opinion. Apparently you don't need to have experience in your field of expertise to be an expert any more, you just need to have talked to lots of other people. Imagine you are on a plane and about to take off and the pilot announced that he had never flown a plane before but he had spoken to lots of pilots about how to do it and is therefore an expert - how many people would still be on the plane when it took off?
Agree! My son taught ME so much. It's the experiences that help you grow❤️
Have to bring different perspective to your point Nr. 2:
A friend with 3 kids says the opposite - it's most difficult when it is just ONE child, since it depends fully on your constant entertainment. When there are 2-3-4 kids, the older kids teach the younger ones everything and they have a "life of their on", as siblings, playing on their own, while my other friend with just one kid cannot even have a phonecall if her daughter is back from school - it wants her full undivided attention. All the time.
Having a child isn't a scientific project though! Don't ever have children unless you really really want to and understand what it means to sacrifice.
Loved this😍 Got pulled under! Up late watching! Have Tom as a guest on Love life Matthew Hussey!!😍
I love that this conversation is longer than the usual 1 hour episodes!💗🙏🏽💪🏽
Thank you so much for this
Lads what you share about your memory. My word. Max respect ❤️🥁
This was s fantastic discussion!
On thing this video opened my eyes to, is just how unbearable corporate CEO’s tend to be.
So coming from the 26 minute mark where you’re talking about memory. Although I respect the struggles with memory that are legitimate, the question that would remain in my mind is especially as a businessman you have all these meetings, obligations, benchmarks you want to hit, goals, learning, etc… how and why are those important enough to remember and not an anniversary? Also, phone reminders.
Damn! This was such a banger. Thanks Matt and Tom!