The fact is, when you are secure attached, avoidants won't be emotionally attractive to you at all. Their confusions and constant pull and push will make a secure person walk away, respectfully.
It's not confusions for many avoidants, I'm an anxious avoidant. I'm the way I am because my father was an alcoholic, so much so he was passed out drunk while my mum was giving birth to my sister, I was in the house with him. No one came when I cried.... that's had a impact I physically and mentally cannot comprehend, it's something I cannot remember. But it has impacted me immensely. I can't blame the woman I'm here because of, she's messed up because of her childhood too. If we'd known or had the correct psychological treatment during our teens or our early adult years, we may very well have been taught secure attachment. Alas we weren't. You come on here and proves kind of what you think as an avoidant, that you're unlovable, not good enough, broken and this there is no point trying to settle down. I cannot tell you how badly abandonment has effected me in my life.
I’ve worked on my healing for the last four months, felt like I went to hell and back. Now, he is back saying he misses me and he is sorry about everything. Yeah sure, but I learned to live without him and I no longer have room for him in my life nor do I want to spare some for him anymore. I told him he made a choice and he has to live with it. I held on for so long trying to get him to talk to me, let alone seeing me face to face but he just shut me down and he never wanted to face me. Now I’m good on my own and he is just starting to feel the loss.
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON) 👈 after many years of separation from my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
OMG this... I had never heard the things about the avoidant desiring the relationships they can't actually have, the ones they can daydream and fantasize about!! That is the missing piece i needed to hear to understand my life the last 4 years!! Thank you OMG ❤️
I had to watch this video twice. When I came into my relationship, I had the secure attachment personality, but somehow during the pandemic, I fell into the anxious personality category, and she (secure attachment) left after 4 yrs of dating.
@helenan866 I'm back to being secure after a few counseling sessions. It's been a year since the breakup and life is getting better day by day. It definitely takes time to heal.
My DA boyfriend left me after living together for a year. After 4 months, he came back then left again and blocked me. I will always love him but, being blocked and hung up on really hurts. It killed the deep love I had for him. He will always come back to me and I will be a friend to him but, now I am more secure and not crazy in love anymore. He did me a favor 💔
10 yrs and he dumped me. Heartbroken. 15 months on hes made contact. Wants me back. Had the best yrs with me. He can jump! Im living a nice life. His loss. Hope hes feeling the same pain he put me and our dog thro
Same! Lol!! He dumped me after 7yrs and right after my precious mother passed away! That was heart shattering to lose her and he knew how it wld effect me! Annnd now he’s had his fun for almost 2yrs and I’m finally pulling myself back up and learning to love myself for the first time in my life, and he has been begging for another chance because he has missed me every single day and hasn’t been with anyone else! Lol! Yeah right!!! He can’t go without attention!! Thank God and my Moms spirit for making me stay strong and fall out of love with this nasty person! He does not deserve the loving, loyal person like me!! Blessings to you from Florida 🙏💪💛
@djw8504 always remember Actions speak louder then words! Where is he? Is he knocking at your door? Probably not! Don't accept any less then a knock at the door, at least!
Same, i also was dumped after 7yrs, and now 10yrs post breakup he still reaches out from time to time,, thank God i chose the dog over him because the dog gave me yrs of love and bliss after he walked out (and he called to say his condolences when the dog passed on 7yrs later),,, Trust me, they'll reach out,, and every time you'll remember why you let them go anyways (especially if you've met someone better!!)
Wow, what an incredibly insightful video...a total eye-opener for me! My ex-girlfriend is definitely an avoidant, while I am certainly an anxious type personality. This makes so much sense & brings so much clarity to me. 💯 percent!! As I look back, I remember all of the times when I unintentionally ignored her is when she clinged to me or desired my affection...then roles reversed towards the end of our relationship last year. Now I know what I need to work on to improve myself. THANKS A MILLION - AMAZING CONTENT! 👏 🙏
That’s exactly what happened to me. I became a different person very insecure person. I started to hate the way I was acting. I was always asking myself what is happening to me?
I really can't get enough of this info. Honestly my gut, initial reaction is to not want to have any part in the attachment style power play but the way you closed out the video was very effective in bringing the conversation full circle: It will be a struggle, it will take work, there will be ebbs and flows but if you are with someone who's at least trying and the connection is strong enough, the effort will be worth it. The key for me is to be balanced and really work at having a more stable attachment style
GF is an avoidant attachment, I'm probably somewhere between secure and anxious. Yup 13:35 is exactly what is happening. Her behavior brought out my anxious style. Finally I trumped this by telling her it seemed like she needed space. She was elated...two days later shows up at my son's birthday party with her daughter smh.
I was anxious then after first break up I became secure, and after last break up, again became the Anxious one!! 🙈 she was running after me when I didn’t give a damn about her in the start pf our relationship!!
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I don't want my X back. She betrayed the trust. She had all the bells and whistles while being with me. All I asked her in the beginning of our relationship is that I want us to be happy and no drama. That ended when my X portraited her insecurities, herself on a pedestal, validation seeking, controlling and gaslighting. My X will compare me to other guys. No comparison. Good luck.
Secure persons need to have a weakness that i could work on right? My ex is a secure Attachment Style Person definetely. The Thing is she Always felt that i am weak and told me that (which was true since i have been fearful af in Most situations). Will my Change to an secure Attachment style pull her to me somehow?
Hey Chris... there was a guy I dated ND he broke up with me 9 months ago now cut to short he always contact me after 30 -40 days of no contact and the last time I had enough coz I was so perplexed by his actions I asked him if you want me then come If not then get your shit out of my life don't hang in between. Then since I am with him in NC again now is 30 days . Any light on my situation?
What if the breakup occurred because you neglected your ex due to focusing on making money too much? My ex wanted my attention but I was resentful that she didn’t seem to care much about how hard I was working at the time. So I slowly stopped giving her attention and that caused the breakup
If she is who you love, then work on yourself. It is never too Late to change. My boyfriend has been working on himself at 61. It shows that you value her.
This happened to me, he was working so much he didn’t make time for me and he would keep making empty promises but he could never make it because his work got on in the way. It got to the point where I had to tell him I couldn’t keep doing it & he told me he couldn’t give me what I wanted. “Timing”. I want him back though & I want him to want to try but as of right now I’m sticking to the no contact rule .
I personally think you have more of a chance if you were earning to support her or to be in a position to get married as opposed to someone who is doing it solely for their own benefit
Haha!! I’ve taken several tests and all came back healthy attachment. But my ex said I love you and then with in a month pulled the rug and ran like hell. He even said at one point during the breakup “you’re not damaged enough”. What does that even mean? He insisted I deserved better and that he was dysfunctional but up until the last month the relationship was very healthy. Can you riddle me that behavior on your wheel? I do love him and would like us to work it out as the breakup made no sense. I have gone no contact (explained to him why we could not be friends when he asked, because it doesn’t help me), I’ve started new interests, and just working each day to accept what he said “i am not coming back. Go find someone else” (at one point he made a comment about meeting in 10 years). And “I love you goodbye”.
I should also add that since this breakup made no sense in my head (didn’t breakup because of toxicity, didn’t break up because both believed it wasn’t a fit, or only one sided love) I saw a therapist. I told her this man basically said I was perfect for him and his last words, in complete tears, were I love you. All I got were surface excuses. At one point he talked about his laundry not getting done. A 41 year old man! Who functioned happily through our relationship. Even had both our kids in this, planning a future, talked about me being his peace, all the stuff moving at a normal pace and him setting that pace. She agreed, yup makes no sense and you are normal.
The quiz doesnt make sense tho. If i am in NC since the beginning of the break up, how am i gonna know if they blocked my number or not? If my ex cheated on me, but disnt confess about it, how am i gonna know if it happened or not? Some questions doesnt make sense, since there is no way for a dumpee to know about 🤷
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON) 👈 after many years of separation from my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
So if your ex cheated on you and is with the other person, then you would do a 45 day NC if you reach out at 30 days. If you are using social media than you would know if you were blocked as their accounts would disappear.
I am divided on this channel. I love the info about toxicity, but an ex is an ex for a reason. It seems this channel wants it both ways: don’t get back with your ex, but here’s how to get your ex back. How many toxic people are having their behavior perpetuated by these relationship gurus who normalize their dysfunction. Don’t get me wrong, I respect this creator and the information and for the dynamic presentation, but both exes should be told to focus on themselves and find someone new. In the absence of structural change, an ex will always be that. If mine were to come back, I’d probably say: not sure what version of your iOS you’re on, but who I loved is dead and mourned. As I write this the video ends with a most positive bent, still… No disrespect meant but if someone were helping my ex try to get me back (no evidence this is the case), then they are interfering in my growth - any false hope there’s a chance is a Hoover I can’t afford.
The truth is that this is likely to happen whether people watch Chris's videos or not, on and off again relationships are very common between anxious and avoidants, billions of people are doing this without watching any RUclips videos everyday
The fact is, when you are secure attached, avoidants won't be emotionally attractive to you at all. Their confusions and constant pull and push will make a secure person walk away, respectfully.
It's not confusions for many avoidants, I'm an anxious avoidant. I'm the way I am because my father was an alcoholic, so much so he was passed out drunk while my mum was giving birth to my sister, I was in the house with him. No one came when I cried.... that's had a impact I physically and mentally cannot comprehend, it's something I cannot remember. But it has impacted me immensely. I can't blame the woman I'm here because of, she's messed up because of her childhood too. If we'd known or had the correct psychological treatment during our teens or our early adult years, we may very well have been taught secure attachment. Alas we weren't.
You come on here and proves kind of what you think as an avoidant, that you're unlovable, not good enough, broken and this there is no point trying to settle down.
I cannot tell you how badly abandonment has effected me in my life.
getting back to secure and now wanting them less and less
Sometimes they never come back and that'd okay.
I’ve worked on my healing for the last four months, felt like I went to hell and back.
Now, he is back saying he misses me and he is sorry about everything.
Yeah sure, but I learned to live without him and I no longer have room for him in my life nor do I want to spare some for him anymore.
I told him he made a choice and he has to live with it. I held on for so long trying to get him to talk to me, let alone seeing me face to face but he just shut me down and he never wanted to face me.
Now I’m good on my own and he is just starting to feel the loss.
Did you go no contact with him for 4 months?
Already moving on from the pain and suddenly show up from no where. That’s crazy for real
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON) 👈 after many years of separation from my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I leave his number to you, contact him immediately now with the number below to get help now!
➕𝟮𝟯𝟰8102483831 (☉☉)! ❤❤
yes. i hate it
OMG this... I had never heard the things about the avoidant desiring the relationships they can't actually have, the ones they can daydream and fantasize about!! That is the missing piece i needed to hear to understand my life the last 4 years!! Thank you OMG ❤️
Are you avoidant?
I had to watch this video twice. When I came into my relationship, I had the secure attachment personality, but somehow during the pandemic, I fell into the anxious personality category, and she (secure attachment) left after 4 yrs of dating.
This sound exactly like my seperation
@jonnyahedo9124 man I'm fighting like hell to get her back.
Same :( how are you now @nolepower
@helenan866 I'm back to being secure after a few counseling sessions. It's been a year since the breakup and life is getting better day by day. It definitely takes time to heal.
@@Nolepower glad to hear ❤️ I'm starting therapy tomorrow 😊
My DA boyfriend left me after living together for a year. After 4 months, he came back then left again and blocked me. I will always love him but, being blocked and hung up on really hurts. It killed the deep love I had for him. He will always come back to me and I will be a friend to him but, now I am more secure and not crazy in love anymore. He did me a favor 💔
I hope you are over him know❤
Wow...,, what an a-hole!!
10 yrs and he dumped me. Heartbroken. 15 months on hes made contact. Wants me back. Had the best yrs with me.
He can jump! Im living a nice life. His loss. Hope hes feeling the same pain he put me and our dog thro
Same! Lol!! He dumped me after 7yrs and right after my precious mother passed away!
That was heart shattering to lose her and he knew how it wld effect me!
Annnd now he’s had his fun for almost 2yrs and I’m finally pulling myself back up and learning to love myself for the first time in my life, and he has been begging for another chance because he has missed me every single day and hasn’t been with anyone else! Lol! Yeah right!!! He can’t go without attention!! Thank God and my Moms spirit for making me stay strong and fall out of love with this nasty person! He does not deserve the loving, loyal person like me!! Blessings to you from Florida 🙏💪💛
@djw8504 always remember
Actions speak louder then words!
Where is he? Is he knocking at your door? Probably not!
Don't accept any less then a knock at the door, at least!
Live your best life Liz ❤
Same, i also was dumped after 7yrs, and now 10yrs post breakup he still reaches out from time to time,, thank God i chose the dog over him because the dog gave me yrs of love and bliss after he walked out (and he called to say his condolences when the dog passed on 7yrs later),,,
Trust me, they'll reach out,, and every time you'll remember why you let them go anyways (especially if you've met someone better!!)
@@jullietmburu9672 stay away from him
Don't think for a second that they wouldn't jump at the opportunity to jump back into a relationship with you if YOU gave THEM the opportunity.
You can really say this guy is an EXpert 😂
Sigh* 😂
A hard worker
Wow, what an incredibly insightful video...a total eye-opener for me! My ex-girlfriend is definitely an avoidant, while I am certainly an anxious type personality. This makes so much sense & brings so much clarity to me. 💯 percent!! As I look back, I remember all of the times when I unintentionally ignored her is when she clinged to me or desired my affection...then roles reversed towards the end of our relationship last year. Now I know what I need to work on to improve myself. THANKS A MILLION - AMAZING CONTENT! 👏 🙏
It's just reverse psychology.
That’s exactly what happened to me. I became a different person very insecure person. I started to hate the way I was acting. I was always asking myself what is happening to me?
I really can't get enough of this info. Honestly my gut, initial reaction is to not want to have any part in the attachment style power play but the way you closed out the video was very effective in bringing the conversation full circle: It will be a struggle, it will take work, there will be ebbs and flows but if you are with someone who's at least trying and the connection is strong enough, the effort will be worth it. The key for me is to be balanced and really work at having a more stable attachment style
@@musaseid2417
@@musaseid2417
@@musaseid2417
@Anna kendrick Nope 🥴
GF is an avoidant attachment, I'm probably somewhere between secure and anxious. Yup 13:35 is exactly what is happening. Her behavior brought out my anxious style. Finally I trumped this by telling her it seemed like she needed space. She was elated...two days later shows up at my son's birthday party with her daughter smh.
I was anxious then after first break up I became secure, and after last break up, again became the Anxious one!! 🙈 she was running after me when I didn’t give a damn about her in the start pf our relationship!!
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I don't want my X back. She betrayed the trust. She had all the bells and whistles while being with me. All I asked her in the beginning of our relationship is that I want us to be happy and no drama. That ended when my X portraited her insecurities, herself on a pedestal, validation seeking, controlling and gaslighting. My X will compare me to other guys. No comparison. Good luck.
This was very insightful. Learned a lot about me and my exs relationship and where we stand as of now.
That’s me anxious with an avoidant
This is so incredible useful, thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
Secure persons need to have a weakness that i could work on right?
My ex is a secure Attachment Style Person definetely.
The Thing is she Always felt that i am weak and told me that (which was true since i have been fearful af in Most situations). Will my Change to an secure Attachment style pull her to me somehow?
Hey Chris... there was a guy I dated ND he broke up with me 9 months ago now cut to short he always contact me after 30 -40 days of no contact and the last time I had enough coz I was so perplexed by his actions I asked him if you want me then come If not then get your shit out of my life don't hang in between. Then since I am with him in NC again now is 30 days . Any light on my situation?
Stay in NC.
Fantastic info
Secure attachments will not reach out to you again.
Not always
What if the breakup occurred because you neglected your ex due to focusing on making money too much? My ex wanted my attention but I was resentful that she didn’t seem to care much about how hard I was working at the time. So I slowly stopped giving her attention and that caused the breakup
If she is who you love, then work on yourself. It is never too
Late to change. My boyfriend has been working on himself at 61. It shows that you value her.
I got dumped. The exact samething happened to me. When a relationship breakup happens this way. It's really sad. I live with the guilt everyday
This happened to me, he was working so much he didn’t make time for me and he would keep making empty promises but he could never make it because his work got on in the way. It got to the point where I had to tell him I couldn’t keep doing it & he told me he couldn’t give me what I wanted. “Timing”. I want him back though & I want him to want to try but as of right now I’m sticking to the no contact rule .
I personally think you have more of a chance if you were earning to support her or to be in a position to get married as opposed to someone who is doing it solely for their own benefit
Haha!! I’ve taken several tests and all came back healthy attachment. But my ex said I love you and then with in a month pulled the rug and ran like hell. He even said at one point during the breakup “you’re not damaged enough”. What does that even mean? He insisted I deserved better and that he was dysfunctional but up until the last month the relationship was very healthy.
Can you riddle me that behavior on your wheel?
I do love him and would like us to work it out as the breakup made no sense. I have gone no contact (explained to him why we could not be friends when he asked, because it doesn’t help me), I’ve started new interests, and just working each day to accept what he said “i am not coming back. Go find someone else” (at one point he made a comment about meeting in 10 years). And “I love you goodbye”.
I should also add that since this breakup made no sense in my head (didn’t breakup because of toxicity, didn’t break up because both believed it wasn’t a fit, or only one sided love) I saw a therapist. I told her this man basically said I was perfect for him and his last words, in complete tears, were I love you. All I got were surface excuses. At one point he talked about his laundry not getting done. A 41 year old man! Who functioned happily through our relationship. Even had both our kids in this, planning a future, talked about me being his peace, all the stuff moving at a normal pace and him setting that pace. She agreed, yup makes no sense and you are normal.
What if neither of these three reasons was why we broke up?
That’s not always true.
Because you not thinking about them
The quiz doesnt make sense tho. If i am in NC since the beginning of the break up, how am i gonna know if they blocked my number or not? If my ex cheated on me, but disnt confess about it, how am i gonna know if it happened or not? Some questions doesnt make sense, since there is no way for a dumpee to know about 🤷
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON) 👈 after many years of separation from my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I leave his number to you, contact him immediately now with the number below to get help now!
➕𝟮𝟯𝟰8102483831 (☉☉)! ❤❤
So if your ex cheated on you and is with the other person, then you would do a 45 day NC if you reach out at 30 days. If you are using social media than you would know if you were blocked as their accounts would disappear.
In that pie chart where is time for children/family etc? Is this video only for 20 something singletons? Just wondering
How sad...people not putting time in God and preparing for the next life...no wonders why they suffer
Wah?
I am divided on this channel. I love the info about toxicity, but an ex is an ex for a reason. It seems this channel wants it both ways: don’t get back with your ex, but here’s how to get your ex back. How many toxic people are having their behavior perpetuated by these relationship gurus who normalize their dysfunction.
Don’t get me wrong, I respect this creator and the information and for the dynamic presentation, but both exes should be told to focus on themselves and find someone new.
In the absence of structural change, an ex will always be that.
If mine were to come back, I’d probably say: not sure what version of your iOS you’re on, but who I loved is dead and mourned.
As I write this the video ends with a most positive bent, still…
No disrespect meant but if someone were helping my ex try to get me back (no evidence this is the case), then they are interfering in my growth - any false hope there’s a chance is a Hoover I can’t afford.
An ex is an ex. People want false hope. Billions living in a delusional reality, it's really quite sad
The truth is that this is likely to happen whether people watch Chris's videos or not, on and off again relationships are very common between anxious and avoidants, billions of people are doing this without watching any RUclips videos everyday