Move on with your life. Instead of trying to come up with plans to make someone miserable, put that energy into bettering yourself. That's a rabbit hole you don't want to go down as there's no expiration date on that taxing "mission" of trying to make someone miserable.❤
The dismissive avoidant that I’ve been obsessing over the last two years perfectly employs the Zeigarnik Effect. I never knew what it is until I just watched this video. But it definitely worked to keep me hooked to the max
Great tips. I tried dating about 1 1/2 months after the breakup - that didn’t go well. I wasn’t ready. But a couple months later, I was ready, and I met some interesting women. This gave me perspective so that I could place my ex in the broader context of the universe of single women. No longer was my ex the “only” one. Now, we’re friends again and I’m dating someone who might actually be better. I win!
Well, it seems that your love for your ex was not strong enough when you were together. Someone we love so much cannot be reaplaced easily. Maybe this is one of the reasons why she dumped you
@@HenriqueMartins.English Well, it seems that you haven’t experienced as much in life as others and you think you’re an expert without all the facts. I will take my advice from knowledgeable people like Chris Seiter.
@@HenriqueMartins.Englishdon’t consider a new relationship a “replacement,” your ex can hold a place in your heart, but it’s just a single place. There are other places for new and different relationships for new and different people.
I tried going on dates after the break up. ( I waited 2 months so I could recover from the worst part of it.) I could barely get any decent people to get beyond the talking stage via online platforms. It was bad for my mental health and I quit trying after 3 months. I am much healthier now just living life ‘organically’ in the real world. My ex is firmly in the friend zone (1 year later). We see each other on occasion because of mutual interests and mutual friends. My best advice is to take the time you need to truly heal your own heart. Definitely work on your attachment protest behaviors and mature your heart and soul. You will live with yourself for the rest of your life. Do what you need to do to be loving and kind to your soul. ❤
why would my life revolve around making an ex miserable? Why waste my energy in concentrating in someone who is no longer in my life? Let go already! There's a whole world out there to experience. What kind of person is this making you, seeking revenge? trying to hurt someone because you're stuck. really?Is that all you can do to get over them?Get some help to deal with your resentment.
Just be yourself. Never, and I mean, never change for anyone. Let them love you for you..... There are too many games in relationships nowadays. If you love me, let me know if you don't, then move it.....
Ziegarnic effect - the Hanging halfway effect. Is that why people love mad incomplete ppl who is always chaotic. I tried to close the loop always myself as I too don't like phone halfways conversations. But to me as a woman, i think guys try to play that into me instead & guys always hang the phone up always halfway on me.
because the men you want understand female nature. if they show care or make themselves too available, you'll get bored & move on to something else. women's emotions are fickle, fleeting & constantly changing. women will feel good about you one moment & then hate you the next, depending on what she had for breakfast that morning. so the best way for a man to keep a woman interested is to breadcrumb her & not give her enough of him. thats why men hang up on you early.
Coach, if i start no contact after 2 months of mistakes after the breakup (asking to work things out, angry hate texts, emotional texts reminding them of memories), will it work? Given she replies to me everyday, doesn’t necessarily address the concern, accepts what she did is wrong, says sorry but says doesn’t want the relationship coz she doesn’t feel the same anymore, that she just changed and she doesn’t know why. The breakup was abrupt and without any other reason, everything was going perfect.
Ahh sounds like an avoidant attachment style by the book from her side. It will work cause when you snatch all of your love, care and attention from her, she most definitely will miss you
Avoidant yes (they’re no good), but could very well be wanting or already getting her star punched in by somebody else. She doesn’t see the value in you anymore, because you’re so readily available, still wanting her back.. so bounce dude, it’s literally the only play you have left to possibly turn the tables.
@@ashmac4732 okay, thank you for your response. I will bounce, I already did inform her i am moving back to Europe after 2 months. Also she texted last night that she lost feelings because of the distance between us, and she realised she doesn’t want to carry any form of relationship or commitment and just focus on her job and her family’s financial situation.
💋KiSS💋 : Keep it Short & Simple or Keep it Simple, Stupid ! I learn this both kiss 😘 meanings from biz seminars. But urs is also a good third way: Keep it Super Simple.❤💋
@@amandaevans1071 but it's 'meaningless cos it changes depending on circumstance. Really into someone amazing? You'll be anxious. Not so into someone and you want to break up? You're avoidant...
@@___spiritofadventure___an action such as wanting to break up or liking and wanting to be with someone isn’t characteristics of attachment styles. You need to look into attachment styles and see how they shape peoples overall behaviors in life and relationships. It’s much deeper than how you described.
@@___spiritofadventure___it’s much deeper than wanting to leave or stay. attachment styles have a lot to do with who you are and the experiences you had growing up. if you’re an avoidant ur someone who can’t express your emotions easily. instead u suppress them until it builds up inside until you then have the urge to finally express them. avoidants are the nonchalant types who don’t seem to care at all at the very beginning (in most cases they absolutely do not, which hurts anxious attachment styles a lot) then they start to care once they feel it’s too late. they also have a hard time building intimate relationships like dating & will shut them out. they can live a lifetime of not being in a long term commitment relationship or marriage & are usually desensitized. avoidants become avoidants bc they’re always getting pushed around or pressured by ppl to do certain things or reach certain goals/ expectations. they usually nvr get a say to express themselves. these ppl try to seek being alone & wanting to handle things their own way. they want independence & freedom & don’t want ppl to rely on them or put other ppl in the center of their universe. they can also become avoidant if as a kid they barely got emotional support or was shamed for showing emotions & was expected to do things alone. (this attachment style is commonly seen in guys as the parents feel like it’s very unnecessary to get close with their sons or have this very extreme and non healthy idea that their son should not not express emotions. this can take horrible, horrible effect for who they become as an adult as they will struggle to be caring or generous at the most appropriate times.) anxious attachment styles are those who fear being abandoned. naturally no one wants someone they love to leave, but it’s more prominent and noticeable as an attachment style. you’ll know this if they keep expressing how worried they are about you leaving them for someone else. ppl have anxious attachment styles bc they’re used to getting talked down on by others for who they r & struggle to understand why can’t ppl accept them for who they are or wonder what’s wrong with them bc they’ll nvr ever want to hurt anybody. just pretty much extreme low self esteem & it’s from ppl who project on to them. these attachment styles are literally the exact opposite from one another as one of them craves freedom & the other relationships. one of them wants to be left alone and the other doesn’t want to be alone. like a mirror. the secure is someone who isn’t in these extreme situations. they have enough freedom & confidence bc they are loved & accepted in a healthy nontoxic way for the most part.
Move on with your life. Instead of trying to come up with plans to make someone miserable, put that energy into bettering yourself. That's a rabbit hole you don't want to go down as there's no expiration date on that taxing "mission" of trying to make someone miserable.❤
The dismissive avoidant that I’ve been obsessing over the last two years perfectly employs the Zeigarnik Effect. I never knew what it is until I just watched this video. But it definitely worked to keep me hooked to the max
Great tips. I tried dating about 1 1/2 months after the breakup - that didn’t go well. I wasn’t ready. But a couple months later, I was ready, and I met some interesting women. This gave me perspective so that I could place my ex in the broader context of the universe of single women. No longer was my ex the “only” one. Now, we’re friends again and I’m dating someone who might actually be better. I win!
Well, it seems that your love for your ex was not strong enough when you were together. Someone we love so much cannot be reaplaced easily. Maybe this is one of the reasons why she dumped you
@@HenriqueMartins.English Well, it seems that you haven’t experienced as much in life as others and you think you’re an expert without all the facts. I will take my advice from knowledgeable people like Chris Seiter.
Cool. Good for you….
@@HenriqueMartins.Englishdon’t consider a new relationship a “replacement,” your ex can hold a place in your heart, but it’s just a single place. There are other places for new and different relationships for new and different people.
I tried going on dates after the break up. ( I waited 2 months so I could recover from the worst part of it.) I could barely get any decent people to get beyond the talking stage via online platforms. It was bad for my mental health and I quit trying after 3 months. I am much healthier now just living life ‘organically’ in the real world. My ex is firmly in the friend zone (1 year later). We see each other on occasion because of mutual interests and mutual friends. My best advice is to take the time you need to truly heal your own heart. Definitely work on your attachment protest behaviors and mature your heart and soul. You will live with yourself for the rest of your life. Do what you need to do to be loving and kind to your soul. ❤
why would my life revolve around making an ex miserable? Why waste my energy in concentrating in someone who is no longer in my life? Let go already! There's a whole world out there to experience. What kind of person is this making you, seeking revenge? trying to hurt someone because you're stuck. really?Is that all you can do to get over them?Get some help to deal with your resentment.
Good point
Why watching this video then? 🤔
20 years with her, five kids. The respect was, is gone. But I feel better as a father.
19:38 That should actually do the opposite, if the other person isn't putting in any effort I would value them less, not more!
This is also when "the ex" can resort to stalking behavior to get information on you since they are under "no contact."
Chris Seiter, thank you for just being here
Go no contact, no posting no social media
Did that work for you
@@a.r_only99 it works as long as you are growing, and growth is big, processing the evil, painful but in a healthy way.
My situation improved when my X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I haven't been hovered yet. It's been 6 months.
Talk about what to do when you've already accepted friendship
If you want to make someone miserable, that’s a problem you should focus on
Just be yourself. Never, and I mean, never change for anyone. Let them love you for you..... There are too many games in relationships nowadays. If you love me, let me know if you don't, then move it.....
Ziegarnic effect - the Hanging halfway effect. Is that why people love mad incomplete ppl who is always chaotic. I tried to close the loop always myself as I too don't like phone halfways conversations. But to me as a woman, i think guys try to play that into me instead & guys always hang the phone up always halfway on me.
because the men you want understand female nature. if they show care or make themselves too available, you'll get bored & move on to something else. women's emotions are fickle, fleeting & constantly changing. women will feel good about you one moment & then hate you the next, depending on what she had for breakfast that morning. so the best way for a man to keep a woman interested is to breadcrumb her & not give her enough of him. thats why men hang up on you early.
Coach, if i start no contact after 2 months of mistakes after the breakup (asking to work things out, angry hate texts, emotional texts reminding them of memories), will it work? Given she replies to me everyday, doesn’t necessarily address the concern, accepts what she did is wrong, says sorry but says doesn’t want the relationship coz she doesn’t feel the same anymore, that she just changed and she doesn’t know why. The breakup was abrupt and without any other reason, everything was going perfect.
Ahh sounds like an avoidant attachment style by the book from her side. It will work cause when you snatch all of your love, care and attention from her, she most definitely will miss you
@@nayaroberttodorova5960 thanks for the positive response
Avoidant yes (they’re no good), but could very well be wanting or already getting her star punched in by somebody else.
She doesn’t see the value in you anymore, because you’re so readily available, still wanting her back.. so bounce dude, it’s literally the only play you have left to possibly turn the tables.
@@ashmac4732 okay, thank you for your response. I will bounce, I already did inform her i am moving back to Europe after 2 months. Also she texted last night that she lost feelings because of the distance between us, and she realised she doesn’t want to carry any form of relationship or commitment and just focus on her job and her family’s financial situation.
Hi, i am in your position. For 2 months on & off of nc, nothing works lol. So its better to just cut all of it. He is an avoidant btw
After 1 yr and 3 months, nothing comes up...
17 months he got back in touch in November lol. He wasn't ready to move forward and only wanted a window to peek into my life!!
What does it mean that misery often comes before regret? (Last sentence in this video)
Why?,🤔
If smn dates not me but my job- off he goes(where is the middle finger smiley?)
💋KiSS💋 : Keep it Short & Simple or Keep it Simple, Stupid ! I learn this both kiss 😘 meanings from biz seminars. But urs is also a good third way: Keep it Super Simple.❤💋
It sucks so much or all of your examples are from the woman’s perspective. I don’t know how much of this I can even follow as a male.
Isn't everyone who ends a relationship 'avoidant' by definition?
No, it’s an attachment style.
@@amandaevans1071 but it's 'meaningless cos it changes depending on circumstance. Really into someone amazing? You'll be anxious. Not so into someone and you want to break up? You're avoidant...
@@___spiritofadventure___ Attachment styles are specific characteristics that psychologists have defined. There’s a lot of info if you search for it.
@@___spiritofadventure___an action such as wanting to break up or liking and wanting to be with someone isn’t characteristics of attachment styles. You need to look into attachment styles and see how they shape peoples overall behaviors in life and relationships. It’s much deeper than how you described.
@@___spiritofadventure___it’s much deeper than wanting to leave or stay. attachment styles have a lot to do with who you are and the experiences you had growing up.
if you’re an avoidant ur someone who can’t express your emotions easily. instead u suppress them until it builds up inside until you then have the urge to finally express them. avoidants are the nonchalant types who don’t seem to care at all at the very beginning (in most cases they absolutely do not, which hurts anxious attachment styles a lot) then they start to care once they feel it’s too late. they also have a hard time building intimate relationships like dating & will shut them out. they can live a lifetime of not being in a long term commitment relationship or marriage & are usually desensitized. avoidants become avoidants bc they’re always getting pushed around or pressured by ppl to do certain things or reach certain goals/ expectations. they usually nvr get a say to express themselves. these ppl try to seek being alone & wanting to handle things their own way. they want independence & freedom & don’t want ppl to rely on them or put other ppl in the center of their universe. they can also become avoidant if as a kid they barely got emotional support or was shamed for showing emotions & was expected to do things alone. (this attachment style is commonly seen in guys as the parents feel like it’s very unnecessary to get close with their sons or have this very extreme and non healthy idea that their son should not not express emotions. this can take horrible, horrible effect for who they become as an adult as they will struggle to be caring or generous at the most appropriate times.)
anxious attachment styles are those who fear being abandoned. naturally no one wants someone they love to leave, but it’s more prominent and noticeable as an attachment style. you’ll know this if they keep expressing how worried they are about you leaving them for someone else. ppl have anxious attachment styles bc they’re used to getting talked down on by others for who they r & struggle to understand why can’t ppl accept them for who they are or wonder what’s wrong with them bc they’ll nvr ever want to hurt anybody. just pretty much extreme low self esteem & it’s from ppl who project on to them.
these attachment styles are literally the exact opposite from one another as one of them craves freedom & the other relationships. one of them wants to be left alone and the other doesn’t want to be alone. like a mirror.
the secure is someone who isn’t in these extreme situations. they have enough freedom & confidence bc they are loved & accepted in a healthy nontoxic way for the most part.
Never go no contact if You want to have a relationship with them. If they go no contact then they are not the right one🎉
I'm afraid that she may have walked away for good this time 😔
Same, it''s healthiest for you to accept it and have that pain fuel you to work hard to attract something better.
Hope can be a very dangerous thing
Were you avoiding her? And if so why and why do you regret it?
We can't know If no contact rule is work
I think it does
@@vicart81 like how can u know
Just start dating other girls and they’ll go crazy no matter what
I’m not going to watch this video because the title itself seems toxic