What is The Worst Advice From a Therapist? - "Your Friends Are Going to Leave You?"
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2024
- What is the worst advice you have ever gotten from a therapist? Watch this video as we deep dive into some of the worst advice our viewers have gotten.
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00:00 What bad advice have others therapists given?
01:40 Support is better than shame
03:30 What is a better way
06:30 You have to feel it all
09:00 How to be a friend with someone with depression
#badadvice #mentalhealth #mendedlight #jonathandecker
As I grew into adulthood, it began to dawn on me that some grown-ups/ people in positions of authority (i.e.: teachers, doctors, bosses, etc.) could be just idiots who should not be in the positions they were in.
I'm split between saying "lucky you were spared the realization to that point" and "I desperately wish this wasn't a thing, but it'll stay a thing so long as ppl must 'earn their right to exist' " and thus ppl are not free to leave positions even if they find themselves unsuitable or they can not easily be made to leave even if others find them unsuitable. 🥺 It's an unfortunate part of life that ppl's growing up happens even in places that require them to already have concluded certain aspects of growth
I realised since I was very young, hence those people h4t3d me.
Absolutely. And I thought these people knew more than me.
Adults are still humans. Sometimes we suck even when trying
My middle school home ec teacher, a tight-ass old church lady, started class one day by telling us how she brought her very young nephew to "the new Disney movie Shrek" and that they had to walk out a few minutes in due to all the depravity. So yeah, idiots.
I had a friend who told me when she was six or seven she was a weak swimmer. Her Dad was trying to entice her into the pool so he reassured her. Don't worry honey, jump in, I'll catch you. She jumped in and he didn't catch her and she sank. She scrambled her way to the side of the pool and was in tears. " You said you'd catch me! " " You have to rely on yourself honey. You can't trust anyone."
I'm not sure what idiot sink or swim darwinistic lesson he was trying to teach a seven year old girl but she told me that story at age 30. And she doesn't swim, hates the water.
Reminded me a little of Billy Pilgrim's dad throwing him in the deep end of the pool in Slaughterhouse Five.
A little girl should be able to trust her dad. I think he created a woman who wouldn't go in the water, so had a nice fixed water phobia but also who had terrible trust issues, especially with men. At least he wasn't a professional therapist.
Oh my god, this is so horrible!!!!!!!!!!!! This girl is traumatized forever 😢 everybody would grow up with a lack of basic sense of trust 😫 this makes me sad and mad at the dad!!!
@@voyance4elle Super Mad. The guy may have had some sort of misguided life lesson he was trying to teach but jeesh. She was telling me this story 23 years later at the gym. A lovely lady but it had an impact on her.
That’s awful what 😭 that’s like. How to give your child trust issues 101 😭
....today I learned that I have lucked out on my therapists, holy shit....
It wasn't luck. You recognized a person that could help and stayed. That's all you.
Depression can absolutely resolve. I was depressed a lot until i got away from toxic, abusive people and got trauma therapy
There's different degrees of it. There are ppl who had family support and therapy and access to medication n still didn't get over it. So, you absolutely have a point that there's a chance for it to go in remission, but also, there's cases where it does not and it's in no way the fault of the ppl suffering from it. Just to clarify that!
@@KxNOxUTA while I agree that accessibility is a big component to some people getting help, I have an abusive family member with MDD who refuses to get help and is just a terrible human. Someone can be depressed and it can also be a choice to not get any help and to make it everyone else's problem.
I just wanted to clarify that not all forms of depression are lifelong battles.
My depression also fully lifted, after 10 or so years of being depressed. It took a radical mindset shift. I finally started believing that life is worth living, even with all the suffering. For the first few months after it went away, I was always on edge just waiting for it to come back, but today I have no doubt that it's gone completely
@brittanywilcox7377 Im so happy for you! Im on the way to better stage in my life too
When I think of Eeyore, I also think of the rare moments in Disney’s “Winnie the Pooh” when he smiles. It’s so wonderful to always see him surrounded by friends and love and compassion, and I think we all wish we had friends like the Hundred Acre Wood gang. 🥰
I just went out with someone who surprised me by saying that Winnie the Pooh was their favorite Disney character. It literally never dawned on me that the gang were even an option, and it made me immediately smile to think about the Adventures show when I was a kid in the 90s.
I know lots of it is still around for the kids of today, but I do miss my childhood of Bob Ross, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and Lambchop. Such incredible kindness and positivity with hardly any merchandizing or random colors flashing all over the screen like a lot of kids media has devolved to.
I have a friend I refer to as my eeyore. And I'm Pooh and piglet. Because they never judged or criticized eeyore for being depressed and they didn't try to change him. They sat with him in it and never let him be alone. It is the job of friends to help you carry the weight when it's too much for one person. And to love you anyway.
I didn't expect this video to go the 'Winnie The Pooh is friendship goals' direction, but I'm glad it did.
I remember when i was younger (this is about 26 years ago now) my grandma and her friends played bridge every week. By this point thus had been a weekly thing for 50 years roughly and they would have it at a different house each week. I remmeber this one man was really quiet and would sit in the corner but not play. He would just quietly sit there and play with the glass he was holding. Grandma told me he was getting older and too tired to play bridge...i learned later he had dementia. People had passed away in their group before, but he was the first one with marked dementia (this isnt to same depression and dementia are the same, just bear with me here) but he was too advanced at that stage to play bridge, but they sat him amongst the action and chatted to him as they played. Which didnt always work out...sometimes he got overwhelmed and needed to go home or needed to go lie down, but they always made sure to include him. Which must have been hard-he was a highly intelligent man before his disease and it wouldhave been scary to watch that progression....but ive always remembered that and i thiught that was lovely. A bit like the winnie the pooh thing.
I was a genius as a child, but had a LOT of psychological problems that manifested in some VERY dark years as a young adult. I eventually got my life together in my late 20s, but as I've gotten older, I've struggled a lot with isolation to avoid the possibility of falling back into old behavioral patterns. I saw a shrink for a few years, but had to drop her because she actually told me, "Don't beat yourself up anymore. You need to understand that you're special. You're the exception. People like you shouldn't feel obligated to follow the same rules as the rest of us."
That was the dark side of my ego speaking to me from another person - and thus, the last thing I needed to hear from another person... least of all, a professional psychotherapist.
The therapist/psychiatrist that my mother took me to as a kid told me I was "too picky with men/boys" and that I was "never gonna get a boyfriend" as a response when I told him I was getting sexually harassed at school by my peers. He also told me he was gonna suggest that my mother take me to a conversion therapy camp for being pansexual and trans. He then suggested it to her. She wanted to send me there but she couldn't afford it. I'm glad I grew up poor.
He also told me I wasn't depressed "just lazy". I had major depression, mind you. He also said I didn't have anxiety. Well, I guess those panic attacks came out of nowhere.
😱 another horror story from the U.S. How can these ppl exist and have a license??? I don't understand. How are you coping? 🤍
This wasnt said by a therapist, but by my mom when I was trying to explain to her how my depression feels: "everyone feels depressed sometimes" and then she proceeded to explain how back in the day depression wasn't really a thing basically until more recent and that everyone feels depressed sometimes. It really hurt. I also had a therapist that basically told me something similar about how everyone feels depressed sometimes and they barely helped me at all. I spiraled and ended up failing out of college.
I'm so sorry. I hope you now have the support you deserve 🤍
Went to a therapist for help with anxiety. They started the session with the usual "this is a safe space, no judgement here, etc etc". Told them about what I was dealing with, including thoughts of suicide. At the end of the session, they said (word for word quote): "Well, you know your trouble? You've got too much time on your hands. Why aren't you volunteering; you should be doing volunteer work. That would deal with your anxiety". And I still went back for 5 more sessions, because I was so low I absolutely believed what they has said.
Am sending you hugs
I struggled with depression for 10 years, and some of it was trauma from an ex who was mentally abusive and cheated a lot. So even though i trusted my current bf wouldn't cheat on me, i could have the trauma give me a bit of anxiety. A psychologist i went to chose to say "Have you tried to just tell yourself that you trust your bf?" and she wouldn't listen to me when i tried telling her i did trust him, she just kept saying "clearly you don't". Went home and found myself a different psychologist because to me that was no better than when people told me "have you tried to just tell yourself you're happy" because of my depression
My best (worst?) one: when I was discussing possibly being autistic, I was told by a therapist (who ironically was advocating hard to give me an ADHD diagnosis) "You can't be autistic because autistic people don't have careers, or friends and family."
I fired them the next day.
A therapist once fired me, saying “you have no problems, you’re just using me to replace a friend. Go get a friend to sit on a barstool with you.” I guess I wasn’t pretty enough to be one of his ongoing clients.
My father has severe depression and my mother wasn't able to get him out of bed so I moved back in and sending my dog in every morning since then to get him up. Works perfectly! Because he is overwhelmed with the needs of a dog I'm gonna get him a cat when I move out.
I think my worst therapy take was: I was coming from a place of deep trauma from profound physical and emotional abuse as well as physical neglect as a result of having terrible ADHD and dyspraxia (which came from a place of caring; for Gen X, you beat your child if you loved them and feeding, clothing, and providing them with school supplies was optional). My parents were told that my executive dysfunction, chronic allergies, and clumsiness came from a place of sociopathic rage, and I was abusing them. For the record, if you find yourself as an adult being abused by a seven-year-old, something is terribly off about the dynamic.
A lot of people bring up Eeore from Whinnie the Pooh. But when depression is brought up, I always think of Misery from Ruby Gloom. She has awful things happen to her all the time, constant tears streaming from her eyes, and yet her friends always stand by her, and she never brings them down.
When I was depressed, these things helped me:
a) got a good, kind, wonderful therapist
b) stopped taking the birth control pill with all those hormones
c) change my life circumstances. After my vocational training, that I suffered through, it got better. After moving out of a horrible apartment, it got better. After breaking up with my then boyfriend, it also got better
How much of our stuff is hormonal as women especially? I’m on HRT for forced menopause and despite many personal traumas and circumstances which have not helped anything at all (as well as my own poor choices many a time), that combined with stage 4 endometriosis and other autoimmune diseases it’s like a chicken and egg scenario.
I have always had extreme sensitivities and emotions but the sheer rage and overwhelmed of panic and everything with all that stuff is beyond.
I don’t know if I’m the least resilient person in the world or somehow one of the most just to have to tolerate unbearable amount of mood swings ❤
My then future therapist step-mom acting as our family therapist laughed when I shared one of the times I had to hold the door from my enraged brother to avoid him stabbing us with a screwdriver. He ended up stabbing a hole through the door and I had my other brother escape through a window to hide somewhere until things calmed down, cuz it was him who made my other brother mad and was the target in the first place. Problem was all of us including my dad could be so furious we would attack anyone, so I would be stabbed too for separating them. As a kid I suddenly realized this wasn't normal and did a lot of inner work and soul searching but my dad and brothers didnt and tries to minimize it to this day. One of my brothers have worked on his emotional maturity, the other has turned to emotional abuse, being kind of an incel and degrading, mostly women, but also society as a whole aaand I suspect my dad can only control himself from hurting me and others because of possible jail time. He get this look sometimes where he looks both enraged but also void of emotions- kind of cold I guess- and I swear he would have murdered me if he could avoid punishment. Hurting others is to this day still my worst fear because I could not control my anger as a kid. I'm past 30 and still scared of being like my dad even though I have countless examples of me being different from him.
That was a great Tina Becher impression in that intro 👌
"Stop beating yourself up." Over and over he says this. Maybe, just maybe I know myself and understand that I NEED to confront the wrongs in my past. I'm not saying hang onto them forever. Just acknowledge them, come to terms, make plans and let the guilt go. i can't do that if I have to FEEL OKAY NOW!
You're right.
My HS principal (AT A SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOL MIGHT I ADD) silently watched me fully break down sobbing in her office, finally spilling all of the stuff I’d been experiencing to her because she asked me about it. She attempted to respond with “you should just stop looking in the DSM-5 for the answers for your problems and start actually trying.” This was soul-crushing at the time, except what she actually said was “stop looking in the DMV for the answers to your problems” and the utter ridiculousness of that statement was so funny it took the edge off. She called it the DMV multiple times to my face, too. It was really weird.
I had to see Therapist for depression because I’m a high functioning depressive due to trauma I got compared to other clients by the Therapist saying “ I’ve got clients who went through worse than you “ and a week before my appointment I tried taking my own life , so being shot down in flames by a Therapist , I said to them “ your In the wrong job “ and I walked that was my second time trying a Therapist and my last 😅 I’ve just had to learn to help myself and that I’m completely alone so I’ve learned to be my own therapist I guess stupid and pathetic maybe 😅 I guess I had no choice 😅
One time I told a therapist that I always thought I'd be dead by this age and she went "oh that makes sense."
My depression was debilitating. I lost jobs, I'm still trying to correct the health symptoms of it. After many stumbles I was able to close myself into some stability, I've been pulled into a friend group, and yes I'm still depressed, but it's no longer owning my time. I was forced to move and for once I was able to set back the emotions and do the tasks required to line up a new apartment
This wasn't advice, but I had a therapist one time... He told me up front that he was a research psychologist and hadn't seen someone one-on-one in 3 years, and he wanted to see patients again. And that's why he had a treadmill desk in his office. And he spent our 3rd session listening to me while walking on his treadmill. And there was no 4th session.
Worst thing a therapist ever said to me: "You're single, so let me match-make you with my [narcissistic] client." It was a VERY small town.
Two things I do for my depressed friends:
1) I am going to check in on you daily. I know you may not have the energy to talk, but please give me a ranking of 1-10 how you are doing today. And if you are in danger, please send me an emoji text that I can respond to and someone I can call to go be with you.
2) For my non-suicidally depressed friends, who are overwhelmed depressed or anxiousl I make small decisions for them. "Call so and so and ask them to make you some food for your freezer this week." "Finish your meeting, and go for a walk." "Get the immediate things done, and then please take a 30 minute nap before anything else happens."
Etc.
Erm, what the actual - ??? Did you go out with them?
I find shaming works really well for changing outward behavior. When people mock and ridicule me for who I am I change my location and don't go near them again, so they aren't bothered by my behavior.
My first exposure to a psychologist took years to heal from, and I refused to consider the idea of letting anyone else stomp through my brain with hobnail boots.
Part of me really hopes that story from college was about Alan. 😂
My god. The times in my life I've wanted to commit suicide it's because I believe, in that time, that my friends and family are better off without me. A therapist saying that to me... might have pushed me over the edge in the wrong time. Ridiculous.
It drives me _crazy_ when people dismiss suicidal ideations with "Oh, it's just selfish." When I struggled and struggled with that, it was NOT a selfish thing in my head. It was like you said -- in my mind, if I was gone, _it would make life better for all the others._
I was shocked when someone (a person I KNEW struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past) came out one day and said it was "just selfish." Maybe it made him feel like a big man, I don't know.
There are a LOT of reasons for it and it is generally NOT seen as selfish by sufferers!
The way Alicia almost can't get through that opening but with a straight face just makes it clear how kind hearted she actually is. Clearly unnatural for her to speak that way, even in jest. Love your approach to correcting these terrible bits of "advice."
Thanks for this. I feel like I've been on both ends of not wanting to bother or be a bother, which means not reaching out. But maybe it's worth to at least give the person the choice if it's too much
A fun day out with friends is at the top of my list to help with depression.
Also going to tennis lessons. Key is that I have company.
When I’m sad, doing yoga, dancing or singing are helping me.
A couple of my college friends and I have been known to share Eeyore related posts on Facebook. We relate to him so much!
"Stop saying you don't want to live, you don't mean that, you just make your mom worried for no reason"
New doctor when checking in about my medication in a new city I moved in:
"oh, so you had a basic teenage angs?"
I had had a 3 year long major depression.
I have been feeling like an awful friend because one of my friends is in a very bad situation and has been for a very long time. I'm trying my best to be there for them, but when we do hang out, the conversation always turns to every tiny grievance that's bothering them and they tend to dominate the social setting. They don't seem to have any intention to change their circumstances and they're just not fun to be around. I know they're very lonely and struggling, but I also don't want to be their white night and save them from the choices they're making that don't seem to be serving them. Things are getting worse to the point where I really DON'T want to be around them... what do I do?? How do I protect my own energy without abandoning them?
Well, I'm no therapist but here's my tips ...
-- Next time the friend starts in on his Many Grievances, ask what he/she plans to do about it. "I dunno," isn't an answer. Say something like "Why don't you do X?"
-- If the friend launches into a litany of why XYZ won't work, you might want to explain that he/she might need more help than you can offer.
-- (Kindly) make it clear that you're not a trash can. When Friend starts up, say something like "Look, I care about you and I really want to help you. I hate seeing you wallow like this because it hurts me too. But if you have problems with ABC, I need you to hash it out with them/take care of it and not just tell me." If possible, offer to help.
-- It often takes a 3rd party to get someone out of a rut. It happened to me recently (as of 2024)! I didn't even realize that I liked being a victim, I was just super used to it and now I am working on it. Your friend may have a similar issue ... see if someone else can tell the person without being obvious.
-- Don't give up, BUT cut back on the amt of time you see him/her. You may need to give an ultimatum: "Look, Tommy, I DO care, but I can't help you any further. I will start hanging out regularly again once you get help." Don't let him/her guilt you!
I don't know if any of this helps. I hope your friend can get the help he or she seems to need. You are a good friend for hanging in there!
@daffers2345 I really appreciate your perspective and tips! I hadn't thought of many of those suggestions, so thank you for taking the time to reply!
Having to continue to suffer from depression for 23 years which is most of my life now and first coming to the realization that it may be a part of me for the rest of my life was terrifying. I more or less have come to terms with it now but taking it a day at a time tends to help. The two therapists that I have had have never said anything really off or negative such as mentioned in this video but if they had and they meant it, I probably would've gone to see someone else. It's good to be open to maybe some unorthodox methods and with consent but the risk vs reward has to be seriously weighed.
trigger warning
I was depressed a while ago. My daughter was newly diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was, and still am, the primary care giver for her medical needs. I had to learn how to carb count, give her daily injections for insulin and so many more things.
One day her blood sugar was very low and I didn't notice and she had a seizure. I thought I lost her and it was my fault. Since then, I've been terrified of her death and convinced myself it was going to happen because of me. Now she has a device on her that tells me her blood sugar every 5 mins and that has helped my mental health miraculously.
During that time, I was able to speak out "I am depressed" for the first time ever in my life. It was recommended by my therapist at the time as a safety net. It was liberating and how the people knew that I needed help, simply just being there and understand if I have a bad day was a tremendous help.
Thank you for this.❤️❤️❤️
I have a few,
I have adhd (confirmed), possibly asd (no diagnosis, as a bilingual upbringing can explain my problems) and maybe c-ptsd (suspected to be a side effect of the way my adhd was treated)
Choose a language and stick to it. No trilingual lifestyle
Find a boyfriend and get physical (pretty sure I'm asexual)
I can't help you, unless you tell me why you struggle (if I knew, I wouldn't be there)
Find a proper hobby (=something I enjoy longer than a few months, video games don't count)
She'll grow out of it, no need for treatment, training or support (according to my mom, I can't remember this one)
How are these people licensed to provide therapy?
That is very simple! You're not learning to give therapy, you're learning theory and all that. And while ppl might do well enough under supervision, their supervision may have been from back in the day when some forms of bigotry were publicly accepted. And other times life changes them. And yet other times, they're human-ing in the worst possible time of the day.
Now what would have been very interesting, would be to know what their reaction would have been if their client said it's not acceptable.
They posted this one before right? I'm not in a time loop?
yes, I realized too.
I'm wondering if the roommate Jono talks about is Alan 😂 he would appreciate the starwars lights thing!
5/5Depression⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
If I didn’t know better, I’d have zero idea you two are splitting up based on how you’re snuggling together on the couch. Not criticizing, just sayin!
Wait what?
This is a re-post. It's older footage. As far as I know, they are still amicably broken up.
I'm assuming this was filmed prior to the divorce announcement? It's so confusing to see y'all so close to each other after giving us all the 411.
Also, Jono, we all will never again believe your puffy eyes were from allergies 😂😅
Jono said that they've chosen not to be a couple any longer, but that they're still friends and business partners and will continue to be.
@@nessidoe8080 yeah but I don't sit that close to my friends🤣
I have an ex that's still my friend, but during transition out of the relationship, there were times we slipped into familiar patterns. Once and a while that meant pointing it out if one of us sat too close or said babe, hon, etc.
If either of them aren't comfortable, it's up to them to set boundaries with each other.
Funny thing about the internet, if they sat a mile apart, someone would point that out as too cold instead.
They never owed it to anyone not in their immedite family to announce their separation. I assume they did that, because they wanted to approach the subject with the same honesty they do every subject they cover. But I'm sure they anticipated that it would come with a grain of skepticism no matter what they choose to do on camera.
@@francleighscarlett I think that's very insightful!!! I personally couldn't imagine staring lovingly into an ex's eyes. Staring daggers I can do though🤣
Ever zoomed with another person in the room? Unless going for a wide shot, two people would have to sit close for both be in the same shot.