really relate to this - I didn't have any intense, chronic dysphoria and didn't question my cisgender identity but then started to realise that I got a thrill from being gendered in a masculine way by others (being called "mate" or "sir" for instance). Ironically, the more I've transitioned, the more dysphoric I have the potential to feel (at the same time as the euphoria has intensified) - I was comfortable with she/her pronouns for the first 19 years of my life, but the more I'm addressed using they/them and the more masculine I present (both of which feel great), the more it makes me shudder when someone uses she/her.
definitely - if gender was seen as a site of play/source of joy. cis people have experiences that we could frame as gender euphoria too, but only (trans)gender is marked as gender itself - often as a pathological excess of gender, whereas I think cisgender is often figured as sort of an absence of gender?
@@mizyclifton2624 absolutely! I’ve seen a few interesting threads of twitter asking (cis) followers to talk about what they like about their gender, I think it’s empowering and should be a part of feminist/gender liberationist discourse in general
my experience was very similar! i often feel like i’m faking it because i never really questioned my gender until i was 16 (a year ago) and never had any really obviously trans moments of dysphoria or anything like that. i was fine with she/her and being referred to as a girl. i was fine with my body and going through puberty. but i felt so much euphoria being called “they” for the first time that “she” starts to feel strange. not wrong, just strange. i’ve felt so much euphoria binding that i cried, even though i never had too much of a problem with my chest. therefore, i thought i was making up this dysphoria that had revealed itself after i experienced true gender euphoria because it hadn’t been there before and it isn’t as strong as other trans people’s dysphoria. it’s especially bad because i’m genderfluid and sometimes fully feel like a girl, so those days i feel awful because i feel like i’m completely faking it. thank you so so much for making this video! it helped me feel validated a lot.
OH MY GOSH this is exactly how I’m experiencing coming to terms with my gender this year. I was feeling a bit doubtful about being trans masc but then I remember that bot everyone has crippling dysphoria as a kid or even as they grow up, but the something happens that makes you feel gender euphoric. This year while moving towards an expression that suits me and changing my pronouns the dysphoria has gotten worse, and the way I explain it is beforehand not of the pieces of the puzzle were together but now some of the pieces are together so it makes the missing pieces stand out much more than before. You know what’s missing now to the full picture when before you didn’t even know the picture looked like or that pieces could be missing. I really like your cooking metaphor too! ALSO SIDE NOTE- that hair looks INCREDIBLE on you. It suits you so much and I can just see the confidence it gives you! So happy the we are both finding our true selfs this year, good luck in your journey in the new year!
i appreciate this video a lot. i only figured out i was bi at 25 like a few months ago, then soon after my gender identity "crisis" started. i dont have a ton of dysphoria, that ik of at least, but i have always disliked masculinity being forced on me, felt more attuned to traditionally "feminine" ideas. I havent fully came to being enby but the more i hear from others who have been through this the more i think it might be right. OCD makes me doubt a lot of my thoughts so thats a whole other thing :,) anywho thank you for sharing it helps me on this journey!
When I was little, I felt safe in exploring my own gender identity. My birth father (not my dad) allowed me to do so. I could play with any toys I wanted. My mother and my dad (Mom’s second husband) weren’t as encouraging. I started questioning my gender identity when I was seven or eight when I saw “Mulan.” A woman dressing as a man and men dressing as women really blew my mind. I wanted to do that so bad-dress like a boy *or* a girl, depending on the day. But my mother always tried to make me a girl and more femme, when I’ve never been 100% femme. For a long time I rebelled and was heavily masc. That really didn’t fit either. My parents refuse to use the right pronouns, insisting there is only “he” and “she” pronouns. I had a therapist in a residential treatment program tell me that I am genderfluid is because of the SA in my past. I cried and had to leave the session. I’ve also struggled with not being “queer enough.” My interests and musical tastes don’t line up with the interests of my queer friends. But I *am* queer, no matter my interests.
thank you for making this! definitely relate to increased dysphoria once you realize your gender identity but i wouldn't take it back for the world bc I'm a step closer to being myself!
Thank you for this- still figuring things out and not sure when I’ll get there but your content has been helpful and so very interesting in more ways that I can say :)
I had dysphoria before figuring out my non-binary gender (being called she/her felt wrong to me, I was very awkward in my own skin, etc.). However, I believe I only understood how dysphoric I've been once I started expressing myself how I really wanted. I think I was just too used to feeling uncomfortable and dysphoric, so used to it that it didn't even register anymore, and I would just get a feeling of numbness. Before, I didn't really feel like I had a choice in how I presented myself and so I stuck with the things that were expected of me without questioning it, even though it made me uncomfortable. But I didn't know that I could make choices that would make me more comfortable, or that I was allowed to make those choices for myself.
ok i definitely relate to what u said about she/her not giving u "dysphoria" until u used they/them but that's exactly why I would be terrified to try binding lol i ain't paying 20k to get titty removal also the way u explained this is so intelligent we need more stuff like this sociologist queen
Im volunteering for lgbt peer support for this psych grad project at my uni and def gonna use ur analogies and study up on ur vids bc idk how to give advice lol
Honestly that's such a mood. I still don't know if I want to yeet the teets but the idea of the cost is not a vibe lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video!!
Hello! I got very emotional watching this video. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience. From a fellow non-binary individual, this was extremely validating.
This is so, so helpful, and I loved the cooking metaphor. I've definitely been finding out my gender identity more through euphoria (cutting my hair, pronouns) than through dysphoria.
heyo! forgot if i messaged you but i also found you on reddit it was so great to see you there! and like always we somehow have had eerily similar experiences so your videos bring me so much comfort- truly #relatable lovely to see a vid from you again :))
I've always had really bad dysphoria, but not because I wanted to be on the opposite end of the spectrum. and because of this I felt that my dysphoria was very much, irrelevant. I'm just beginning to come to terms that being non binary is ok, and valid. For a long time I felt that non binary people were "making it up" because i felt this way about myself. Enbyphobia was so instilled in me by my family that I truly began to believe it. It's taken years since the dysphoria started, Which was back in 2014 for those curious, to finally put a word to it, and to be somewhat comfortable with it.
Your video does not have enough likes or views for how incredibly helpful it is for someone who doesn't have traditional dysphoria but can't go back now that they decided to explore omg you deserve more
I love how analytical your videos are. I wish you could teach me in a classroom. Also, love the analogy. I started doing research to help my nibbling with their gender identity journey and discovered that I was gender fluid. And when I felt dysphoric it triggered some of my eating disorder thoughts and urges.
Thank you so much! It's wonderful that you started looking into stuff for your nibbling and that it taught you something about your self. I don't have ED experience but I have heard many people describe overlapping thoughts with gender. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you're well
If it's alright, I'd like to tell my gender story. Please don't send any hate. I am currently 16 and I identify as Non-Binary and go by he/she/they pronouns. I realised the Non-Binary label comforts me more than the Female gender I was labelled at birth just over two years ago now, but lately, some-things been bugging me. I don't mind any of the pronouns I go by and I never really have. But I've realised that when people use he/him pronouns for me, I get a little giddy. Same when using more traditionally more masculine words like handsome and mate. I've also become interested in chest binding and looking more masculine in general. I have my hair cut short and I wear clothes that are considered to be more "masculine", though I do have my fair share of skirts. I'd like to start binding my chest, but would never consider top surgery. I like wearing suits one day and wearing skirts the next. I've now starting questioning if I'm Non-Binary, Trans or even Gender-Fluid. I'm a little confused and would like some insight please.
This really resonates with me! It never really occurred to me to think about my gender until I was cast as Romeo in a genderblind production of Romeo and Juliet in college, and I discovered that dressing in that costume and having everyone use male pronouns for me felt like flying. I only really became dysphoric after accepting my gender identity and starting to try to present accordingly.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your story!! It's funny, I remember at school I was always really against playing boys. I think I thought it would be awkward and that I'd be bad at it. That same fear of being odd held me back from exploring my gender expression - but I got past it!!!
It's funny that you mention a genderbend Romeo and Juliet play, because that's exactly happens in an episode of the anime Wandering Son, which is about the friendship between two transkids as they enter high school. I don't know if you're into anime but really recommend it since I've never seen a show that has such a realistic, respectful and emphatetic depiction of trans experiences in western, let alone any media.
This was a wonderful video explaining all this! I started questioning my gender at the same time as you! It wasnt until i started dressing femme and experienced euphoria that i realised what i was missing. Thanks Lu ^-^
I actually really needed to hear this. I have been struggling with my gender identity and have been too "chicken" to really try anything other than dressing masculine on occasion. But little things my body does that feel less gendered make me so happy. Such as the fact I have a lot of body hair and feel so cozy in it.
Oh god I feel you. Ultimately, we can't and shouldn't have to prove ourselves to anyone. Especially when you're figuring it all out, try just focus on *you* feel, and how a life where you are out and people are respectful would be. Some people suck, but you still deserve to be you, whether you have a label for that or not.
Well, I'm currently confused and feel like I'm going to just end up still cis. Okay, heres my experience up to now so its gonna be long. At 14, playing as cartoon guy in game, thinks the flat body looks better and that I want to look that way. First time wearing guys clothes. At 15, randomly states out loud around family that I really want a flat chest. Also, saw another cartoon of a girl in YT video with flat chest and no bra under and was like "Thats so cool." At 16, tried to do British accent because I think it sounds cool. Then thinks I sound lower pitch and less nasally when trying to do the accent so it makes me like it more. At16/17?, thinks I'm a trans man, gets accepted to start hormones. Mom asks if I'm sure, I look in a mirror, but don't feel any obvious discomfort so I change my mind. Don't think about the possibility of not being cis for years. Now right before turning 24, gets annoyed about chest more than normal and decides to experiment and watch a lot of trans videos. I actually pretty much watched nothing about being trans back when I was 16. Still don't really feel dysphoria after even trying a binder. But I have put it on multiple times as if theres something I like about it. But then I'm like, what if I'm just a girl who thinks boobs are annoying? I saw Women talking about it online. Mine are small/average. I've worn sports bras since 16 and always take out padding. They stretch across your chest so you can't see the dip in between them. I remember being annoyed at seatbelts pressing down in the middle and making my chest show more. Experiences while experimenting: 1. Might've been just a surprise at the difference, first time trying a binder, was laughing and smiling basically and being surprised. 2. Tried to find a guy name I liked, reaction might just be from simply not liking my name in general and it taking a bit to choose one and finally finding one. But I got really happy walking around back and forth when I thought I found one I liked. But I'm now unsure about that name. Its Elijah. But my Mom said it like Eliza. Then I was like, the female equivalent sounds way too similar so now I don't like it... 3. Watched a video of a guy saying your legs will get smaller on hormones because of fat redistribution and got a small happy/excited feeling. Then, watched a video of another guy saying your legs will still look wide in reference to your hip bones being wider and got like a mini heart sinking feeling. 4. Was being a weirdo staring at guys legs in a random video. Because I never paid attention to how much of a difference there is and saw a guy where I could see the upper legs. Then I thought that seemed nicer. Now, I'm realizing that I've been pretending that my big upper legs are just muscle and strong looking. I literally am just realizing this now after thinking back. Like I've been pretending the reason my legs look big is because of muscle even though I know my legs aren't that strong. So, I'm confused and don't want to forget about it because I'm 24 and just in case there is something going on, I want to figure out what the fuck is going on. Because I don't really feel dysphoria. Honestly, I might feel none. Its just looking a guy and thinking that looks better to have than the body I have. I've only thought my boobs look really stupid when naked like they're deformed bumps or something, but its just like an annoyed feeling. I barely look at them anyways so I'm not used to seeing them naked. I'm so used to wearing sports bras that it doesn't feel like trying to feel more like a guy by wearing them. Because a guy wouldn't need to wear anything underneath. Technically, a girl doesn't NEED to either. But thats only if they wear something not see through and isn't a tank top that shows too much. So I started wearing nothing under my shirts. I think I'm getting used to it, but feeling them hanging down against my body is annoying. I mean, they look stupid under shirts too without a sports bra, but I thought its because I'm not used to it. But I guess it'd look similar to if you were wearing a normal bra where you can see the 2 separate bumps. Maybe I've been low key trying to make my chest not as visible with sports bras without realizing the reason why. That chest part was long. ANYWAYS, I don't think it'd make sense to be a trans man and experience like no dysphoria. That just doesn't feel possible. With pronouns, I don't have a social life and its hard to imagine if I'd really feel any significant difference being called a different one. In the past, I've acted like I don't care what pronouns are used. Like a guy in a store when I was like 14-17 referred to me as a guy in some way when talking to my younger brother. My brother was like "He thought you were a boy." and I was like "I don't care." Usually, I'd say I didn't care, especially if it was someone you weren't going to see again. I feel like in general, theres no point in correcting when its just a quick interaction with a stranger. But I feel like I'd purposefully not correct if someone called me a he/him out of curiosity. It also feels like I wouldn't care much about going out of my way to actively tell someone to call me she/her. I don't know if its out of curiosity of being called he/him or if I like it more since I have no experience being called anything other than she/her. That one time in the store is the only time I've been referred to as not a girl.
If life was like video game, I would be a genderless monster, I even feel euphoria when someone asks if I'm a girl or guy, my mind just wants to say I'm They. Like a genderless alien. Obviously life is no fun.
I think I've had a very similar experience thus far. I'm not super far along in my gender exploration journey yet, but as an AFAB individual, I have lived my life not feeling any real dysphoria, and even though there was always this sense that I wasn't exactly like other females around me, I figured "I'm still a girl at least, so it's no big deal." I thought figuring out I'm bisexual was all I needed to know about why I felt different, but recently, after realizing how many nonbinary and/or trans friends I suddenly had and having some very close people in my life discover that they're nonbinary, I started wondering "Is the universe telling me something?" I then started DEVOURING content about nonbinary identities, and while I think I was partially doing that to be a good ally, I felt heard listening to some of the stories of the people I listened to, specifically around my name. I always really disliked my given name despite the sentimental value I know it has to my mom, and I felt so much kinship with anybody I heard say that their given name wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't for them. It's also very telling that, even though my given name is relatively gender neutral and I grew up really wanting a more girly name, the name I've recently chosen for myself is still very gender neutral. I thought the name thing was going to be it, but I returned to my hometown this past August, and during that time, I distinctly remember thinking "I'm pretty sure I'm still a girl, but is that all there is to my gender, or is there more?" Then, I went searching LGBT wiki and ended up creating what I call "my gender hoard document", which is literally a Google Doc of mostly xenogenders that I vibed with. And then, just this morning, the distinct question I asked myself (which I technically already knew the answer to) is "Am I allowed to want to be nonbinary and female at the same time?" I spent the past few weeks feeling like nonbinary wasn't a term I liked for myself, and even though I think I'm still feeling mostly female right this second, that briefly changed this morning because" nonbinary" felt like an accurate description for a little bit and she/her pronouns felt almost tedious to have to call myself. All of this to say, I'm not totally sure where I am on the gender side of things, but I completely relate to not really experiencing gender dysphoria growing up, but starting to understand what gender euphoria feels like, and through that, also learning what dysphoria can feel like, even if it's relatively minor in my case.
really relate to this - I didn't have any intense, chronic dysphoria and didn't question my cisgender identity but then started to realise that I got a thrill from being gendered in a masculine way by others (being called "mate" or "sir" for instance). Ironically, the more I've transitioned, the more dysphoric I have the potential to feel (at the same time as the euphoria has intensified) - I was comfortable with she/her pronouns for the first 19 years of my life, but the more I'm addressed using they/them and the more masculine I present (both of which feel great), the more it makes me shudder when someone uses she/her.
I made it too being nonbinary from the other direction but, exact same experience. So relatable.
Exactly!! I'm so happy to hear more people who feel this way! Thank you for sharing your experience and for watching
Thank you for watching !!!
I genuinely feel like if more people explored gender like this we’d be on our way to a better, less gender essentialist world
definitely - if gender was seen as a site of play/source of joy. cis people have experiences that we could frame as gender euphoria too, but only (trans)gender is marked as gender itself - often as a pathological excess of gender, whereas I think cisgender is often figured as sort of an absence of gender?
@@mizyclifton2624 absolutely! I’ve seen a few interesting threads of twitter asking (cis) followers to talk about what they like about their gender, I think it’s empowering and should be a part of feminist/gender liberationist discourse in general
my experience was very similar! i often feel like i’m faking it because i never really questioned my gender until i was 16 (a year ago) and never had any really obviously trans moments of dysphoria or anything like that. i was fine with she/her and being referred to as a girl. i was fine with my body and going through puberty.
but i felt so much euphoria being called “they” for the first time that “she” starts to feel strange. not wrong, just strange. i’ve felt so much euphoria binding that i cried, even though i never had too much of a problem with my chest.
therefore, i thought i was making up this dysphoria that had revealed itself after i experienced true gender euphoria because it hadn’t been there before and it isn’t as strong as other trans people’s dysphoria. it’s especially bad because i’m genderfluid and sometimes fully feel like a girl, so those days i feel awful because i feel like i’m completely faking it. thank you so so much for making this video! it helped me feel validated a lot.
I'm so glad you got something out of the video and thank you for sharing your story! It's so lovely hearing from people who feel similarly
OH MY GOSH this is exactly how I’m experiencing coming to terms with my gender this year. I was feeling a bit doubtful about being trans masc but then I remember that bot everyone has crippling dysphoria as a kid or even as they grow up, but the something happens that makes you feel gender euphoric. This year while moving towards an expression that suits me and changing my pronouns the dysphoria has gotten worse, and the way I explain it is beforehand not of the pieces of the puzzle were together but now some of the pieces are together so it makes the missing pieces stand out much more than before. You know what’s missing now to the full picture when before you didn’t even know the picture looked like or that pieces could be missing. I really like your cooking metaphor too!
ALSO SIDE NOTE- that hair looks INCREDIBLE on you. It suits you so much and I can just see the confidence it gives you! So happy the we are both finding our true selfs this year, good luck in your journey in the new year!
That metaphor is wonderful omg, defo gonna borrow that
i appreciate this video a lot. i only figured out i was bi at 25 like a few months ago, then soon after my gender identity "crisis" started. i dont have a ton of dysphoria, that ik of at least, but i have always disliked masculinity being forced on me, felt more attuned to traditionally "feminine" ideas. I havent fully came to being enby but the more i hear from others who have been through this the more i think it might be right. OCD makes me doubt a lot of my thoughts so thats a whole other thing :,) anywho thank you for sharing it helps me on this journey!
I'm so glad you got something out of it! Thank you for watching :)))
Wow, you really put into words everything I have been experiencing lately, in a very educational way too, congrats
When I was little, I felt safe in exploring my own gender identity. My birth father (not my dad) allowed me to do so. I could play with any toys I wanted. My mother and my dad (Mom’s second husband) weren’t as encouraging.
I started questioning my gender identity when I was seven or eight when I saw “Mulan.” A woman dressing as a man and men dressing as women really blew my mind. I wanted to do that so bad-dress like a boy *or* a girl, depending on the day. But my mother always tried to make me a girl and more femme, when I’ve never been 100% femme. For a long time I rebelled and was heavily masc. That really didn’t fit either. My parents refuse to use the right pronouns, insisting there is only “he” and “she” pronouns.
I had a therapist in a residential treatment program tell me that I am genderfluid is because of the SA in my past. I cried and had to leave the session.
I’ve also struggled with not being “queer enough.” My interests and musical tastes don’t line up with the interests of my queer friends. But I *am* queer, no matter my interests.
omg you look so different! love the hair 💚 you seem much happier now
Haha yeah! Finally figured out this whole short hair thing hehe. Thank you for watching
thank you for making this! definitely relate to increased dysphoria once you realize your gender identity but i wouldn't take it back for the world bc I'm a step closer to being myself!
Exactly!!! Thank you for watching
I am so glad I found this! I completely relate and have lots of the same parallels to your story.
I'm so glad!
This is the first time I fully relate to a non-binary experience, thank you sooo much for sharing this, that helps a lot!! 💜
Instant follow :D
That means so much!! Thank you!
i missed your videos :)) they are always exactly what i need to watch! thank you
This makes me so happy!! Thank you
Thank you for this- still figuring things out and not sure when I’ll get there but your content has been helpful and so very interesting in more ways that I can say :)
That means the world
I had dysphoria before figuring out my non-binary gender (being called she/her felt wrong to me, I was very awkward in my own skin, etc.). However, I believe I only understood how dysphoric I've been once I started expressing myself how I really wanted. I think I was just too used to feeling uncomfortable and dysphoric, so used to it that it didn't even register anymore, and I would just get a feeling of numbness. Before, I didn't really feel like I had a choice in how I presented myself and so I stuck with the things that were expected of me without questioning it, even though it made me uncomfortable. But I didn't know that I could make choices that would make me more comfortable, or that I was allowed to make those choices for myself.
thank you so much for making this! you're always so eloquent and this is really helpful:))
This means so much!! You are very welcome
ok i definitely relate to what u said about she/her not giving u "dysphoria" until u used they/them but that's exactly why I would be terrified to try binding lol i ain't paying 20k to get titty removal
also the way u explained this is so intelligent we need more stuff like this
sociologist queen
Im volunteering for lgbt peer support for this psych grad project at my uni and def gonna use ur analogies and study up on ur vids bc idk how to give advice lol
wow that means a lot! I'm sure you'll be great
Honestly that's such a mood. I still don't know if I want to yeet the teets but the idea of the cost is not a vibe lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video!!
Hello! I got very emotional watching this video. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience. From a fellow non-binary individual, this was extremely validating.
I'm so glad, thank you for commenting and watching!!!
This is wonderful. Brilliant. Beautiful. Thank you!! (P.S. The food analogy was slay!! Totally worked for me.) :)
aaaw thank you so much!!!
This is so, so helpful, and I loved the cooking metaphor. I've definitely been finding out my gender identity more through euphoria (cutting my hair, pronouns) than through dysphoria.
heyo! forgot if i messaged you but i also found you on reddit it was so great to see you there! and like always we somehow have had eerily similar experiences so your videos bring me so much comfort- truly #relatable
lovely to see a vid from you again :))
Omg that's crazy!! And haha, snap! I'm so glad you enjoy my videos
WHAT! I call myself Lu too, birthname Tallulah. Genderfluid. I can't believe this🤯
Also my hair is blue/green
omg!!! snap!
I've always had really bad dysphoria, but not because I wanted to be on the opposite end of the spectrum. and because of this I felt that my dysphoria was very much, irrelevant. I'm just beginning to come to terms that being non binary is ok, and valid. For a long time I felt that non binary people were "making it up" because i felt this way about myself. Enbyphobia was so instilled in me by my family that I truly began to believe it. It's taken years since the dysphoria started, Which was back in 2014 for those curious, to finally put a word to it, and to be somewhat comfortable with it.
Your video does not have enough likes or views for how incredibly helpful it is for someone who doesn't have traditional dysphoria but can't go back now that they decided to explore omg you deserve more
Thank you so much!!!
lu,
you’ve helped me through my sexuality journey a while ago and now you’re helping me with my gender identity journey
Aa this is so lovely to hear! Thank you for watching :))
I love how analytical your videos are. I wish you could teach me in a classroom. Also, love the analogy. I started doing research to help my nibbling with their gender identity journey and discovered that I was gender fluid. And when I felt dysphoric it triggered some of my eating disorder thoughts and urges.
Thank you so much! It's wonderful that you started looking into stuff for your nibbling and that it taught you something about your self. I don't have ED experience but I have heard many people describe overlapping thoughts with gender. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you're well
Thank you
If it's alright, I'd like to tell my gender story. Please don't send any hate.
I am currently 16 and I identify as Non-Binary and go by he/she/they pronouns. I realised the Non-Binary label comforts me more than the Female gender I was labelled at birth just over two years ago now, but lately, some-things been bugging me.
I don't mind any of the pronouns I go by and I never really have. But I've realised that when people use he/him pronouns for me, I get a little giddy. Same when using more traditionally more masculine words like handsome and mate.
I've also become interested in chest binding and looking more masculine in general. I have my hair cut short and I wear clothes that are considered to be more "masculine", though I do have my fair share of skirts.
I'd like to start binding my chest, but would never consider top surgery. I like wearing suits one day and wearing skirts the next.
I've now starting questioning if I'm Non-Binary, Trans or even Gender-Fluid. I'm a little confused and would like some insight please.
I MISSED YOU SM AKSJWKSJWNS
Aaaaw thank you!! I'm back 😎
This really resonates with me! It never really occurred to me to think about my gender until I was cast as Romeo in a genderblind production of Romeo and Juliet in college, and I discovered that dressing in that costume and having everyone use male pronouns for me felt like flying. I only really became dysphoric after accepting my gender identity and starting to try to present accordingly.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your story!! It's funny, I remember at school I was always really against playing boys. I think I thought it would be awkward and that I'd be bad at it. That same fear of being odd held me back from exploring my gender expression - but I got past it!!!
It's funny that you mention a genderbend Romeo and Juliet play, because that's exactly happens in an episode of the anime Wandering Son, which is about the friendship between two transkids as they enter high school. I don't know if you're into anime but really recommend it since I've never seen a show that has such a realistic, respectful and emphatetic depiction of trans experiences in western, let alone any media.
This was a wonderful video explaining all this!
I started questioning my gender at the same time as you!
It wasnt until i started dressing femme and experienced euphoria that i realised what i was missing.
Thanks Lu ^-^
I'm so glad! This means a lot 🥰
I actually really needed to hear this. I have been struggling with my gender identity and have been too "chicken" to really try anything other than dressing masculine on occasion. But little things my body does that feel less gendered make me so happy. Such as the fact I have a lot of body hair and feel so cozy in it.
I love my body hair too!! I'm so glad you liked the video, I really appreciate it
I love your channel so much!!
Thank you so much!!
I am trying to figure out if I’m a demigirl or gender-fluid I don’t want people to think that I’m faking it
Oh god I feel you. Ultimately, we can't and shouldn't have to prove ourselves to anyone. Especially when you're figuring it all out, try just focus on *you* feel, and how a life where you are out and people are respectful would be. Some people suck, but you still deserve to be you, whether you have a label for that or not.
@@TallulahGuard thank you so much means alot
Love this Lu x
Thank you!!!
Welcome back Lu!!
it is important to understand that Dysphoria is not a choice
Nice.
This will help a lot of people! Thank you so much! 😊
I hope so!! Thank you for watching :)
Well, I'm currently confused and feel like I'm going to just end up still cis. Okay, heres my experience up to now so its gonna be long.
At 14, playing as cartoon guy in game, thinks the flat body looks better and that I want to look that way. First time wearing guys clothes.
At 15, randomly states out loud around family that I really want a flat chest. Also, saw another cartoon of a girl in YT video with flat chest and no bra under and was like "Thats so cool."
At 16, tried to do British accent because I think it sounds cool. Then thinks I sound lower pitch and less nasally when trying to do the accent so it makes me like it more.
At16/17?, thinks I'm a trans man, gets accepted to start hormones. Mom asks if I'm sure, I look in a mirror, but don't feel any obvious discomfort so I change my mind.
Don't think about the possibility of not being cis for years.
Now right before turning 24, gets annoyed about chest more than normal and decides to experiment and watch a lot of trans videos. I actually pretty much watched nothing about being trans back when I was 16. Still don't really feel dysphoria after even trying a binder. But I have put it on multiple times as if theres something I like about it. But then I'm like, what if I'm just a girl who thinks boobs are annoying? I saw Women talking about it online. Mine are small/average. I've worn sports bras since 16 and always take out padding. They stretch across your chest so you can't see the dip in between them. I remember being annoyed at seatbelts pressing down in the middle and making my chest show more.
Experiences while experimenting:
1. Might've been just a surprise at the difference, first time trying a binder, was laughing and smiling basically and being surprised.
2. Tried to find a guy name I liked, reaction might just be from simply not liking my name in general and it taking a bit to choose one and finally finding one.
But I got really happy walking around back and forth when I thought I found one I liked. But I'm now unsure about that name.
Its Elijah. But my Mom said it like Eliza. Then I was like, the female equivalent sounds way too similar so now I don't like it...
3. Watched a video of a guy saying your legs will get smaller on hormones because of fat redistribution and got a small happy/excited feeling.
Then, watched a video of another guy saying your legs will still look wide in reference to your hip bones being wider and got like a mini heart sinking feeling.
4. Was being a weirdo staring at guys legs in a random video. Because I never paid attention to how much of a difference there is and saw a guy where I could see the upper legs.
Then I thought that seemed nicer. Now, I'm realizing that I've been pretending that my big upper legs are just muscle and strong looking.
I literally am just realizing this now after thinking back.
Like I've been pretending the reason my legs look big is because of muscle even though I know my legs aren't that strong.
So, I'm confused and don't want to forget about it because I'm 24 and just in case there is something going on, I want to figure out what the fuck is going on.
Because I don't really feel dysphoria. Honestly, I might feel none. Its just looking a guy and thinking that looks better to have than the body I have.
I've only thought my boobs look really stupid when naked like they're deformed bumps or something, but its just like an annoyed feeling. I barely look at them anyways so I'm not used to seeing them naked. I'm so used to wearing sports bras that it doesn't feel like trying to feel more like a guy by wearing them. Because a guy wouldn't need to wear anything underneath. Technically, a girl doesn't NEED to either. But thats only if they wear something not see through and isn't a tank top that shows too much. So I started wearing nothing under my shirts. I think I'm getting used to it, but feeling them hanging down against my body is annoying. I mean, they look stupid under shirts too without a sports bra, but I thought its because I'm not used to it. But I guess it'd look similar to if you were wearing a normal bra where you can see the 2 separate bumps. Maybe I've been low key trying to make my chest not as visible with sports bras without realizing the reason why.
That chest part was long. ANYWAYS, I don't think it'd make sense to be a trans man and experience like no dysphoria. That just doesn't feel possible.
With pronouns, I don't have a social life and its hard to imagine if I'd really feel any significant difference being called a different one. In the past, I've acted like I don't care what pronouns are used. Like a guy in a store when I was like 14-17 referred to me as a guy in some way when talking to my younger brother.
My brother was like "He thought you were a boy." and I was like "I don't care."
Usually, I'd say I didn't care, especially if it was someone you weren't going to see again. I feel like in general, theres no point in correcting when its just a quick interaction with a stranger.
But I feel like I'd purposefully not correct if someone called me a he/him out of curiosity.
It also feels like I wouldn't care much about going out of my way to actively tell someone to call me she/her.
I don't know if its out of curiosity of being called he/him or if I like it more since I have no experience being called anything other than she/her.
That one time in the store is the only time I've been referred to as not a girl.
If life was like video game, I would be a genderless monster, I even feel euphoria when someone asks if I'm a girl or guy, my mind just wants to say I'm They. Like a genderless alien.
Obviously life is no fun.
Is RUclips suppressing this? Also, can relate. This is almost exactly my experience.
I'm not sure! I haven't posted for a while so views are a little down
Yeaaahhh 💗💗💗
Become a doctor we need more talks like this on tv
Aah bless you, thank you!
Why the FUCK is J Tube recommending me this shit
this gave me a good laugh, I hope you find something else you'd rather watch haha
I think I've had a very similar experience thus far. I'm not super far along in my gender exploration journey yet, but as an AFAB individual, I have lived my life not feeling any real dysphoria, and even though there was always this sense that I wasn't exactly like other females around me, I figured "I'm still a girl at least, so it's no big deal." I thought figuring out I'm bisexual was all I needed to know about why I felt different, but recently, after realizing how many nonbinary and/or trans friends I suddenly had and having some very close people in my life discover that they're nonbinary, I started wondering "Is the universe telling me something?"
I then started DEVOURING content about nonbinary identities, and while I think I was partially doing that to be a good ally, I felt heard listening to some of the stories of the people I listened to, specifically around my name. I always really disliked my given name despite the sentimental value I know it has to my mom, and I felt so much kinship with anybody I heard say that their given name wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't for them. It's also very telling that, even though my given name is relatively gender neutral and I grew up really wanting a more girly name, the name I've recently chosen for myself is still very gender neutral.
I thought the name thing was going to be it, but I returned to my hometown this past August, and during that time, I distinctly remember thinking "I'm pretty sure I'm still a girl, but is that all there is to my gender, or is there more?" Then, I went searching LGBT wiki and ended up creating what I call "my gender hoard document", which is literally a Google Doc of mostly xenogenders that I vibed with. And then, just this morning, the distinct question I asked myself (which I technically already knew the answer to) is "Am I allowed to want to be nonbinary and female at the same time?" I spent the past few weeks feeling like nonbinary wasn't a term I liked for myself, and even though I think I'm still feeling mostly female right this second, that briefly changed this morning because" nonbinary" felt like an accurate description for a little bit and she/her pronouns felt almost tedious to have to call myself.
All of this to say, I'm not totally sure where I am on the gender side of things, but I completely relate to not really experiencing gender dysphoria growing up, but starting to understand what gender euphoria feels like, and through that, also learning what dysphoria can feel like, even if it's relatively minor in my case.