94 times! Or at least that’s how many times I caught the word “attraction”, “attracted” or “attractive”. Not that anyone asked for this but there you go.
I still have a hard time distinguishing between types of attraction, except platonic attraction, platonic attraction makes me feel the way love at first sight is portrayed in movies, I love it and I love my friends
what you describe is , I think, what I call friend crush. Like I have friends I like, and then I have friends I crush on in a platonic way, am very exited about, am very cuddely around, kinda ware pink hued glasses and adore them to pieces . . . that does not mean I do not like the other ones, I in generell have only few and very close friendships, but the friendcrush ones I am giddy around, the other ones more rational and calm.
I’m a lesbian who is still heavily aesthetically attracted to men and OCCASIONALLY sexually attracted to them (mostly unattainable celebrity men). I thought for a long time that that meant I was bisexual but then I realized that it was mostly bc of comphet and that I don’t wanna actually pursue a relationship (sexual or romantic) with a man. As explained in the lesbian masterdoc, “lesbian doesn’t need to mean ‘only experiences attraction towards women’, it can mean ‘only feels comfortable, only prefers, and only priorities women & relationships with them’”
Oml this opened my mind- I think im the same way, I usually find male characters in shows and videos attractive but I dont want to be in a romantic relationship with a man, so even though I do experiance sexual attraction to men, I experiance a romantic AND sexual attraction to women, so I just say "im a lesbian," because that is the kind of relationship I want to aquire. And most of the time im too awkward to gain a crush and keep it, maybe I just have to have a "love at first sight," reaction to someone, I know thats unrealistic but I know everyone says "looks dont matter," but- to me, people dress how their personality is, so if they dress gross and I dont find them aestetically pleasing, maybe they are'nt the one for me, and I dont want to be mean to people but I think for me personally to get into a relationship I have to have that initial "oml they look cute :0 ," to go further into a relationship, like, im looking at them like: ooo wow lady you are pretty, I like how you dress, and they catch me and they also think im cute, and then woooo mutual crush astablished, then we get into awkward flirting, then first date, etc. etc. So I dunno if my relationship preferance to have first is aestetic attraction, or if im just vain and unrealistic.
Discovering there was more than sexual and romantic attraction was like having a light click on in my brain. Like suddenly having 'crushes' and being attracted to people while having no desire to sleep with or date them made sense. Even if it can sometimes be hard to distinguish between everything, and also can be a damn mouthful to try and explain to others. Like explaining to someone how I'm bi while also being on the aro and ace spectrums
. . . . know that struggle. I am demi romantic towords men somewhat, but without any inclination to actualy form a romantic relationship with them. Like I crush on them after a long close friendship and am heartbrocken as hell, but still reject them for a romance would just feel wrong. I am not sexualy attracted to them, but sensualy minus kissing. With women I have almost imidietly at times the feeling, I could fall in love with them, but maybe due to not spending enough time with them I have not jet ventured into full crush mode with one, I am sensualy attracted to them though. It is weird though that I can tell the difference between a "romantic" crush and a platonic one though, for I would not want to do anything with the first, I would not do with the other for what I can tell . . . . I am a very affectionate and cuddely friend . . . I usualy say I am aro ace, for explaining that is hell, especialy if people are not versed in aknowlaging different typs and consterlations of attractions . . . Like I do not get myself. Why can I get lovesick over a guy, I do not want a romantic relationship with?! It is so stupid and nonsensical . . . and I am very atheticly attracted to pretty much everything genderqueer that is not to garish
yes! i really needed this. i've been struggling a lot with figuring out whether i like men or not (whether i'm bi or a lesbian) and watching this has been really helpful, cause i never really realized that i'm actually aesthetically attracted to men and not sensually or sexually
Sidenote: Love is also detached from attraction. Some Ace-Aromantic People can still experience Love without the romantic or other attraction to their partner.
I'm a very romantic and sensual demisexual person, and I've been very misunderstood by most of my past boyfriends. Most people don't get it, but this video made me feel seen ahah Thank you for this and new subscriber here! Kisses from France xx
I'm so glad!! I'm the same omg, and I didn't understand it myself for the longest time. I defo want to make a video all about demisexuality!! Sending love and thank you for watching!! ❤️
As an AroAce I’d like to say thank you for this video, because I think it’s really helpful for all people to know, that there are different kinds of attraction! I’d like to add that there is also intellectual attraction (the impulse to initiate mental contact because the other person is very smart or funny, etc.) and emotional attraction (the impulse to be emotionally close to somebody). These can of cause be linked to other kinds of attraction, in my case plutonic attraction. Like I have friends with whom I want to hang out and have fun and interesting conversations and stuff, but I don’t feel the need to interact in an emotional way. There are probably even more kinds of attraction, that just wait to be named and I am always really excited to hear about them because they give so much insight into the human nature.
*Just gets out of an intense therapy session unpacking issues with my mom* Ah yes, let's unwind with Tallulah! *Confronted with my on going sexuality struggles* Mmmm.... We're gonna save this for when I'm a little more stable. Love your content, just gotta do some self care first ❤️
SENSUAL ATTRACTION. YES. Thankyou for that information it makes so much sense. I’m polyamorous and am in a wlw monogamous relationship, and I find it hard to explain why I feel like I want to be physically close to my best guy friends without necessarily wanting to date/sleep with them! But now I understand it’s just sensual attraction that I feel towards them!!!! (I still consider myself poly though but now I understand my emotions/feelings so much better wow thankyou!!
@@TallulahGuard bro genuinely as revelational as when I discovered that there were 5 apology languages by the same doctor who theorized the 5 love languages!!! These types of discoveries really are eye-openers watch me tell my girlfriend all about the five types of attraction now :')))
my dream would be an asexual, aromantic quuerplatonic poly relationship, so I totaly get what you mean with poly, without well poly romantic or sexual relationships
Being overly literal, to me _attraction_ is about actual proximity rather than anything to do with some vague feelings of affinity or desire. If you are actually with someone more, that is attraction. Otherwise it's simply appreciation of some kind. This is part of what drives me nuts about trying to discuss orientation with people. Rather than having an orientation for a fixed type of relationship, I prefer to just negotiate what degree of intellectual, physical, and emotional intimacy we have with any given person. What confuses matters is that people constantly use physical/tactile terms to describe what they intend as abstract emotions or concepts. Like closeness, warmth, connection, etc. I wish that people had better vocabularies for discussing their emotions and relationships!
ALL THE ATTRACTIONS I KNOW (and you should learn): 1. Sexual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel sexually attracted to someone. 2. Romantic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel romantically attracted to someone. 3. Platonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel platonically attracted to someone or wanting to be their friend really badly. 4. Aesthetic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel aesthetically attracted or pleased by someone's (gender) expression. 5. Sensual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to be felt, or spoken, or closely physically linked with someone. (seperate from sexual attraction.) 6. Emotional Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to know someone emotionally or be inside their head. 7. Alterous Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone either between platonic or romantic, or in a completely different/separate and nonromantic/nonsexual emotional way. 8. Queer/Quasiplatonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel as if you want to be in a Queer/Quasiplatonic partnership/relationship with someone. 9. Intellectual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone most likely in a nonromantic/nonsexual way about their knowledge of things or insight of other people or of you. BONUS TERMS: 1. Gender Envy: The desire to act, appear, or just be like someone that you most likely find aesthetically pleasing to look at, in other words, wanting to adopt their mannerisms, voice, features, etc due to a liking of their gender expression. 2. Queer/Quasiplatonic Partnership/Relationship: A partnership whereby you most likely want to be together with someone in a nonromantic and nonsexual way, yet still committed and emotionally/alterously in tuned. 3. Angled AroAce: Existing on both of the aromantic and asexual spectrums and experiencing maybe sexual/romantic attraction, or the tertiary ones (aswell). (e.g. demisexual grayromantic, cupiosexual, lithromanic, or aceflux aroflux.) 4. Oriented AroAce: Being 100% aromantic and asexual, but having the capacity to feel other nonromantic and nonsexual attractions strong enough to warrant another orientation label next to their aroace one. (e.g. gay, lesbian, bi, omni, poly, pan, etc.) 5. Tertiary Attraction: Any form of attraction that is not romantic or sexual. (e.g. Alterous, Queerplatonc, Platonic, etc.) _If I missed any terms or you want to add any, reply with it! Other than that, that's basically all I know!_ (Edit: sorry for the typos!)
That is so weird, just earlier today I watched a TikTok explaining the 5 types of attraction which really opened my eyes... but then a few hours later you post a video on it too??? Weirddd
I always have sensual attraction before having romantic attraction! Typically with women, as I have lots of sensual + sexual attraction to women, but mostly romantic + platonic to men and enbies! I find it hard to be romantically attracted to women, (but infrequently can imagine myself with a hypothetical girl romantically), and sometimes find it difficult to feel sexual attraction to men and enbies, But I have LOADS of sensual attraction to give, loads of platonic, but the others are tricky haha
Hi Tallulah! Two weeks ago I discovered your channel and I watched all your videos, specially the ones about comphet. They helped me realise I don't actually like boys and I'm not bi but a lesbian. This is the first time I even write it and I'm starting to accept and love my identity. And people like you help me a lot, really. So I just wanted to say thank you for your amazing content 🌈💜 (Sorry for the bad English, I'm from Spain)
I feel like the attraction that is only for the physical or sensual part isn’t a attraction that lasts or a real magnetic pull attraction.that’s really in sync with one another , Cuz I find that once u get to know the person on deeper level and u don’t like them as a best friend atleast then u don’t find them attractive anymore or drawn to them anymore
seen this video i've realised i had experienced sexual attraction only for a few times and so less then i thought, instead i've been experiencing sensual attraction most times. there's also another type of attraction mostly experiencied by aro/ace people that is queer platonic attraction.
Annddd this is why I find it so hard to explain my attraction to people 😂 there are men that I like but I'm like 'I just cannot stomach the idea of having sex with them' buuttt I want to have an non-sexual intimate relationship I.e. I'm sensually, aesthetically, and romantically into them. With women I have all the different kinds of attraction. Lmao, human sexuality is so complex
This distinction between sensual and sexual ist just mindblowing to me. I was confused so much because I thought they were the same and I experience very strong sensual attraction and did not understand how it makes sense that I often feel asexual in some way but at the same time grave a lot of physical contact in the sense of sensual attraction, literally made me cry to hear your explanation because everything made so much sense suddenly.
It could also be that you aren’t ready yet (or maybe you will find that it isn’t for you). This video has not convinced me about “sensual” attraction because of the inclusion of kissing in the definition and the grey area that is “cuddling”. It is normal to want to be close with people you deeply care about or to have a need for non-sexual physical touch as it is a human need. But there does not seem to exist a need for yet another split in the attraction model.
7:52 I feel like it's also super common to want to be super cuddly and physically close with family members, and even sometimes close friends, so I feel like people must be able to distinguish them... at least I hope haha!
Thankyou, this video has been so eye opening and useful. I recently realized that I have stong sexual attraction to men, but no romantic attraction whatsoever, and have strong romantic attraction to women, but weak sexual attraction. I've always felt weird and like there was something seriously wrong with me, but seperating out the different attractions has allowed me to start making sense of myself. And hearing about these other types of attraction that I didn't even know about is really helpful too, and I can now say that I have strong sensual, aesthetic and romantic attraction to women, but not men. And the mention of demisexulity has helped a ton, I feel now that I can now say I'm demisexually attarcted to women, and sexually attracted to men but without the other attractions. thanks again :)
The amount of confidence I might have gained from this! :OOO The amount of ways I can articulate touchiness now!! How I can reasure idiots that I don't wanna fuck with them right away :OO
*WARNING: LONG, I GOT CARRIED AWAY, but i can't cut it down if i want to explain it all, so if you get to the end of this kudos to you* I've know about different kind of attractions for a while, but it's still kind of hard to figure out what is what...like my case is complicated, cause as a teen I never knew that liking girls could be a possibility, so I assumed I liked guys, but I also was not that into any of them like my friends were and I just thought I was a late bloomer, so I felt wrong, even though I didn't understand why exactly, and i became depressed and spent most of my teenage years in my room reading and daydreaming about romance, cause I did love love, but the "reality" outside didn't feel quite right. until I started going to therapy at around 20 years old and from then all my repressed feelings started coming out (lol) and one day I told my therapist "I think i might be a little gay", that was the first time I ever consciously thought AND said it, but it instantly felt right, cause I realized the attachment I had once felt to a best friend had always been different from what I felt towards other friends, and i did still feel deep pain about her not being in my life anymore. from that day 5 years have passed, during which I slowly got out of that depressive state, and I knew I liked girls now, but it was always a "am I making it up? how can I know I like girls since I've never even kissed one? how can I know I don't like boys if I've never been with one either?" and so on and so forth, all the while living in a very small conservative town, with parents who were the ones telling me these things, and me feeling like I could not talk with anyone about it (cause remember, i had been depressed and isolated for many years) so I was still mostly daydreaming about it, watching and reading all the lgbt stuff I could get my hands on and feeling hopeless that that could ever be my actual life. finally these past few years i've moved to a new city to go to university and here I've started going to the lgbt center and slowly, slowly started unpacking all the shame, all the repression and conflicting feelings i had about my attraction to girls (it took me a while to realize i felt the conflict, cause i had never had problems loving the lgbt community, i never discriminated them, so i didn't fully realize i was doing it to myself internally). these past years i had two very intense infatuations for girls who did not reciprocate me, while i also went on a few disappointing dates, and i realized that I am on the demisexual side of things: if i have to go on a date with a random person met on tinder i hate it i don't care i don't feel anything, but then i get this intense obsessions with girls i know from my daily life and once the romantic spark is lit i want them now...but in all this time i've never really been able to be with someone, be reciprocated by the person i like, and built a relationship with her, so every time i get infatuated i start going crazy trying to figure out what to do to make it work this time. this led to a very brutal rejection at the start of this year, at which point i decided i needed to focus on me and heal for real all this shit: >what mainly leads me to question myself is, since my love for women isn't working out, there must be something wrong, i must be wrong about my sexuality. i may "secretely" really like men and i just don't want to focus on them cause of trauma (i remember the times i was followed on the street or inappropriately touched, or stared at by men as very disgusting and horrible things), so since i don't want to limit myself to achieve my best life, i feel bad saying no to any possiblity, especially if i can't be really sure of what i would feel being with men. BUT but...the thought of being with a man really REALLY brings me down. it does not feel empowering or a nice prospect, i feel like it would take time away from me finding the right girl, and also feels like a horrible inevitability cause it's just the "natural" thing to want to be with men, so how can i say i wouldn't do them if they're so hot? i do like their appearance, but for the life of me i can't figure out if i also feel sexually attracted to them. when i see a beautiful man i have an immediate physical, body reaction (sometimes) so is that sexual attraction? even if i have no intention to go talk to him or have sex with him? this reaction confuses me, cause sometimes on the streets i seem to notice men more than women, but then in my daydreams i always think about women and have only thought and dreamed about being with a woman for years. the thought of always and forever being with only women makes me truly HAPPY, but then i question it, oh it's only a dream. oh, you're not enough for women, you'll never be liked by them. you're not gay enough if you're always questioning like this. and the thing is, i've tried thinking of myself as bisexual, but it has never ever felt right. i do like "queer"; but then again, i really really want to be with just women, and feel like this possible attraction to men is ugh i don't want it - but i also do not want to limit myself if being with men COULD be good for me????? btw i did read the lesbian masterdoc and i don't know how valid that is, but this does feel like comp het to me, but also what if it isn't??? it's just ugh, cause while now i am stressing less about it and all of this^^ is just what i usually think when i'm down, most of the time i am kind of letting life flow and see how it goes, without needing to label myself.....but still, leaving it open to any kind of person does not feel right, and only something i feel i *have* to do cause i feel an impostor callig myself a lesbian....
I haven’t had an infatuation with a girl yet and I’m not sure about my attractions to them but it also makes me feel so happy I’d love to be in a relationship with who I love I really would it’s just I don’t feel this often either so confusing 😂💕 but Thankyou for writing this I’m the same
Wow. This was so good. I find it weird that I experience sexual attraction to people who are fairly strangers (and I hardly act on that) but in romantic relationships I mostly experience sensual attraction and hardly sexual unless there are strong emotions. Does that make sense?
I feel like making sense is so not the point of attraction. I am somewhat demi romantic ace, had exactly two true "romantic crushes" where I felt no inclination at all, to persue a romantic relationship with them but had a seveare case of a broken heart despite that . . . despite me being the one who rejected them . . . it is so endlessly stupid so dont feel bad for how you experience attraction deoes not seam to make sense . . . its just how it is
Sexual, sensual and romantic attraction only happen for me after a friendship has bonded, or a deep connection, but if that connection fizzles, so does the attraction. I don't experience esthetic or platonic attraction so much. I have many many acquaintances, but not really friends.
Thanks for making this video. I don't think I'd heard about sensual attraction, and it was interesting and helpful to think about that as distinct from sexual attraction.
Very informative video. To me the word attraction simply means the level of magnetic pull between two ppl. When it’s at its highest level it’s called sexual and u want it all with them.. I also noticed how some ppl that thought their asexual suddenly found themselves feeling sexual attraction when they met a certain person in their life .. which they couldn’t of imagined before. I’ve had that a little , although I’m not asexual but until I let one specific person I didn’t know I can feel so sexually attracted to someone and the level peaked really high more then I could of ever imagined before
It is good to talk more about the different forms of attraction. Thank you! I think there is still missing the emotional attraction. Maybe that is what is meant by platonic attraction. Except: emotional attraction can be platonic, but it doesn't have to be. Or you could understand this form of attraction as a combination of other attractions!
I’ve been questioning if I’m asexual lately (specifically Demisexual) and I’ve been finding myself googling the definition of sexual attraction over and over and questioning if I feel it. I guess that pretty much sums up my searching..
I had never been able to articulate this to other people and it finally makes sense to me! I went through so many different stages of trying to figure out what my "deal" is (whether I was ace, or emotionally unavailable, or actually a lesbian, etc.) and it finally clicked that I''ve been finding people aesthetically appealing and conflating it with sensual/sexual/romantic attraction! Turns out you can just like how people look and not desire anything else. Who knew!? I finally discovered what my "type" actually is sexually/romantically/AND aesthetically vs. just what I find visually appealing. Thank you for this video! P.S. I adore the name Tallulah so it's only fitting I'd make this discovery through your channel lol 💕
currently binge watching yt videos about asexuality and i feel like im finally understanding better that part of myself! thanks for sharing some much information and helping me out in this process
So I think Im bi but Ive only ever been sexually attracted to men and I cant tell if my attraction to women is romantic or just aesthetic bc Ive only had one big crush on a girl in my life (which isnt that long though Im only 14) so my question is am I just completely gay and maybe like somewhere on the arospec (speaking of that I think Im cupioromantic [desiring romance but lacking romantic attraction]) even if I find women aesthetically attractive but also this may sound weird but I dont… _feel_ gay.. if that makes sense. I dont know sexuality is confusing
I have this saved now to share with people to help explain when they start asking about how I can be gray-ace yet also be bi or when I want to start dating! Such a great explanation of the different attraction types and it’ll help explain my primary aesthetic attraction operating mode.
Thank you! I needed this explanation. I am in a difficult position where I am aestically, romantically and sensually attracted to my husband but I am sexually attracted to women but not romantically. 🤔
OMW! Thank you! I was questioning weather I was Demi or not based off of another video that explained the the asexual spectrum but now that I know that there romantic is an attraction and I actually learned what the word sensual means now and that plutonic counts as an attraction I know without a drought I am Demi-sexual. I thought I wasn't because I experience aesthetic attraction which Society told me was sexual attraction. But now that I know they are not the same thing it makes all the sense to me. Yes I literally need to experience all four attractions with an individual before I feel sexually attracted to someone.
For me I think I experience all of that except sexual attraction. In fact I think sensual attraction replaces my sexual attraction in many ways in that during the act my partner may feel sexually pleasured but I more on focus on the touch and how good that feels to be that physically close to them rather than the intense sexual urge itself. And yes I do still think it feels good and I'm not repulsed by it, I just cannot connect that good feeling to a desire to have it with someone.
I experience romantic attraction but I have such a hard time understanding it for some reason compared to other types of attraction b/c it's so different to me. the attraction itself feels much more voluntary and conditional sometimes
I'm in highschool and recently found out what ace and aro are and realized that I may be ace/aro and so I started watching more stuff on it when someone brought up that there was different types of attraction besides sexual and romantic and so here I am because I'm curious if things I thought were romantic attraction were other kinds of attraction and just didn't realize
It can be hard to figure out for sure! Not everyone experiences the attraction types all bundled together - as a demisexual person this was hard to pick apart too. Learning is the first step though!!
For me, romantic attraction comes along with platonic and really strong sensual attraction but pretty much no sexual. I feel weird thinking about having sex with them especially since people I have crushes on are my friends or I at least have spoken to and have some relationship with them. Though what I hate is that with the physical contact I can get aroused and it's really annoying and this makes me feel lucky I am a cis girl.
I think this video was helpful. For me the constant internal bi questioning is so frustrating 😂 Do I like men? Absolutely, easy, definitely love me some men. But I have dated women before I came out, and I feel like I felt...something? But I don't think it was sexual attraction. I definitely have felt aesthetic/romantic/emotional attraction toward women and I think even a sensual attraction at times (wanting to maybe hold hands/kiss/hug), but I feel like the sexual component just isn't there. There was maybe one woman i felt sexually attracted to and she was an instagram model 😅 so i think right now i'd call myself 99.99999999% homosexual 😂
So helpful! You never fail to give clear explanations for everything. Your videos really help me untangle my mess of feelings and perceived vs. real attractions. Thank you 🥰
Great, more reasons to be confused about my sexuality... jk thanks so much for this informative video! love you tallulah :) (but yeah also kinda not joking lol)
i just wanna say THANK YOU, thank you so much for the time you spend doing this, you have no idea how great it feels to listen to you ans learn more about myself. You're just amazing and I'm so happy I found you
Oh wow this means so so much!! This topic can me so messy and confusing (from personal experience!) so it means the world to me that I can help a little! Sending love ❤️
teasing those things apart makes it kind of very hard to tell, if you want a friendship or "more" from someone cause what is the difference between a asexual romance and a sensuel friendship? It is extreamly hard to separate and distinguish between just a very loving platonic gesture and a romantic one and everyone drawes the line elsewhere. I am somewhere in the demi spectrum and probably would love a queerplatonic asexual relationship. I love sleeping next to someone, am very cuddely with the right people very loving with friends in generell and have a tendency for doing couple coded stuff with my friends but I do not want a romance despite not even being able how what I want is any different from an asexual romance. I consistantly get confused as a friends partner and their partners often are jalouse of me cause looking from the outside, one just can not tell. Even a friends mom thought I was her girlfriend . . .
As an acearo person both aesthetic and sensual attraction have gaslit me for many years. Like I think your pretty and want to hold your hand, but dear God don't look at me like that! 😂
I'm asexual but experience astetic (can't spell it 🙁) attraction, romantic attraction and sensual attaction which often makes me confused about my asexuality.
This video is awesome!! This makes so much sense and helps me understand myself so much. All of your videos do. Every time I watch one of your videos I learn something not only interesting but also I learn more about myself. You have been and are such a crucial part of my self discovery journey💕 Thank you :) Also I love your hair and your shirt!
I'm still not sure what sensual attraction is, but a great example of aesthetic attraction being different than sexual is being enamored by someone's beard or makeup.
yeahh, finally, I have my struggle solved! I now know, that I experience sensual attraction to men, not a sexual one at all. But now, I have another question: Does having a sexual attraction only towards females, but still having sensual attraction to both females and males make me homosexual?
Hey! It depends on what labels/identities feel right to you :) For example, if you have this sensual attraction to men, but wouldn't want to date men, maybe you'd want to use the label gay or lesbian. But if you could potentially see romance with any gender, maybe queer/bi/pan could feel comfy. Labels are not an exact science - they're tools to help us express ourselves, and you get to pick the most useful ones for you right now :))
Awesome video. And thank you. I now know the way to describe my Romantic attract to my guy friend. I've always struggled with saying it's not sexual because I desire the closeness and intimacy and the physical affection. I know know it's sensual attraction and also asthetic attraction as well. Since I really care about the person so much I respect that they for what I know right now they are not sexually attracted to me. I don't really know for sure but if they were I'd be open to it so idk if that means I'm still sexually attracted but for now I'd say no cause I just can't even imagine how that would go. I do have a strong desire for sensual things though so I have to admit I'm sensually attracted
I find this one quite hard to describe, but at least personally I'd include things like butterflies in your stomach, wanting to be in a relationship with them, a rush when you see them/spend time with them
great representation of an asexual lovestory is good omens. Though it never gets called out in the story as such, everyone and their blind granma notice the main characters are in love, despite never saying so, nor having any sexual chemistry. Sadly man call it queerbaiting though it simply portrays an even rarer minority and the book makes explicitly clear, that they are not gay and as angel and demon sexless/asexual beeings. When asked if he cant just validate homosexuality in confiming them being gay, as they are read as such he answered, that if he gave them a lable, it would be asexual, maybe aromantic but not gay, jet again reafirming, that they are sexless and therefor do devoid of sexuality, that does not mean they are in love though, for they clearly are and it does not make their love any less valid than a "classical" romance. If someone wants to see how an asexual love story might look like, Watch it, it is absolutly delightful and I feel very represented by what they have.
do you know why someone might feel sexual attraction with someone? I researched about these attractions but i dont rly know how some people feel sexual attraction on its alone sometimes, sometimes with romance, sometimes with other attractions. Can you explain why somebody would want to have sex with a spefic person?
Hey! I can't provide a full explanation or a personal one (I'm demisexual) BUT it's possible to feel sexually attracted to someone without romantic attraction. E.g. you'd be interested in having sex with them but not dating. I'm sorry I don't have a more technical explanation !
It depends what you mean by physical. Sexual attraction covers desire to be sexual with someone, and sensual attraction covers desire to have non-sexual physical intimacy (like cuddling, holding hands etc). Some people might experience these as very linked, while some can easily have one without the other.
Hi!! It's up to you to choose what labels, if any, describe you best. If it doesn't feel right to use aroace right now, that's ok. The way we feel about ourselves and others can be fluid and it's ok to wait and see what words feel best over time :))
94 times! Or at least that’s how many times I caught the word “attraction”, “attracted” or “attractive”. Not that anyone asked for this but there you go.
oh my god you icon!! nearly 100 hehehe
ur at 94 likes i cannot add another in good faith but good job
"We Live in a Society" - on a coffee mug! 😀💜
I still have a hard time distinguishing between types of attraction, except platonic attraction, platonic attraction makes me feel the way love at first sight is portrayed in movies, I love it and I love my friends
They can all be so messy right?? I love that - friendship love is beautiful and underrated!
Platonic relationships are super underrated! :D
@Brokenland My aplatonic aromantic bialterous self reading this…
what you describe is , I think, what I call friend crush. Like I have friends I like, and then I have friends I crush on in a platonic way, am very exited about, am very cuddely around, kinda ware pink hued glasses and adore them to pieces . . . that does not mean I do not like the other ones, I in generell have only few and very close friendships, but the friendcrush ones I am giddy around, the other ones more rational and calm.
I’m a lesbian who is still heavily aesthetically attracted to men and OCCASIONALLY sexually attracted to them (mostly unattainable celebrity men). I thought for a long time that that meant I was bisexual but then I realized that it was mostly bc of comphet and that I don’t wanna actually pursue a relationship (sexual or romantic) with a man. As explained in the lesbian masterdoc, “lesbian doesn’t need to mean ‘only experiences attraction towards women’, it can mean ‘only feels comfortable, only prefers, and only priorities women & relationships with them’”
prioritizes*
Yes!! I love more flexible definitions ❤️
Oml this opened my mind- I think im the same way, I usually find male characters in shows and videos attractive but I dont want to be in a romantic relationship with a man, so even though I do experiance sexual attraction to men, I experiance a romantic AND sexual attraction to women, so I just say "im a lesbian," because that is the kind of relationship I want to aquire. And most of the time im too awkward to gain a crush and keep it, maybe I just have to have a "love at first sight," reaction to someone, I know thats unrealistic but I know everyone says "looks dont matter," but- to me, people dress how their personality is, so if they dress gross and I dont find them aestetically pleasing, maybe they are'nt the one for me, and I dont want to be mean to people but I think for me personally to get into a relationship I have to have that initial "oml they look cute :0 ," to go further into a relationship, like, im looking at them like: ooo wow lady you are pretty, I like how you dress, and they catch me and they also think im cute, and then woooo mutual crush astablished, then we get into awkward flirting, then first date, etc. etc. So I dunno if my relationship preferance to have first is aestetic attraction, or if im just vain and unrealistic.
I'm straight but I find a lot of women aesthetically pleasing. so same issue but backwards xD
Non men* not women but yeah
Discovering there was more than sexual and romantic attraction was like having a light click on in my brain. Like suddenly having 'crushes' and being attracted to people while having no desire to sleep with or date them made sense. Even if it can sometimes be hard to distinguish between everything, and also can be a damn mouthful to try and explain to others. Like explaining to someone how I'm bi while also being on the aro and ace spectrums
. . . . know that struggle. I am demi romantic towords men somewhat, but without any inclination to actualy form a romantic relationship with them. Like I crush on them after a long close friendship and am heartbrocken as hell, but still reject them for a romance would just feel wrong. I am not sexualy attracted to them, but sensualy minus kissing. With women I have almost imidietly at times the feeling, I could fall in love with them, but maybe due to not spending enough time with them I have not jet ventured into full crush mode with one, I am sensualy attracted to them though. It is weird though that I can tell the difference between a "romantic" crush and a platonic one though, for I would not want to do anything with the first, I would not do with the other for what I can tell . . . . I am a very affectionate and cuddely friend . . .
I usualy say I am aro ace, for explaining that is hell, especialy if people are not versed in aknowlaging different typs and consterlations of attractions . . . Like I do not get myself. Why can I get lovesick over a guy, I do not want a romantic relationship with?! It is so stupid and nonsensical . . .
and I am very atheticly attracted to pretty much everything genderqueer that is not to garish
yes! i really needed this. i've been struggling a lot with figuring out whether i like men or not (whether i'm bi or a lesbian) and watching this has been really helpful, cause i never really realized that i'm actually aesthetically attracted to men and not sensually or sexually
I'm so glad you found this helpful!!! I'm sending love
Sidenote: Love is also detached from attraction. Some Ace-Aromantic People can still experience Love without the romantic or other attraction to their partner.
Agreed!! There are many kinds of love beyond romantic :)))
I'm a very romantic and sensual demisexual person, and I've been very misunderstood by most of my past boyfriends. Most people don't get it, but this video made me feel seen ahah
Thank you for this and new subscriber here!
Kisses from France xx
I'm so glad!! I'm the same omg, and I didn't understand it myself for the longest time. I defo want to make a video all about demisexuality!! Sending love and thank you for watching!! ❤️
saame
As an AroAce I’d like to say thank you for this video, because I think it’s really helpful for all people to know, that there are different kinds of attraction!
I’d like to add that there is also intellectual attraction (the impulse to initiate mental contact because the other person is very smart or funny, etc.) and emotional attraction (the impulse to be emotionally close to somebody).
These can of cause be linked to other kinds of attraction, in my case plutonic attraction. Like I have friends with whom I want to hang out and have fun and interesting conversations and stuff, but I don’t feel the need to interact in an emotional way.
There are probably even more kinds of attraction, that just wait to be named and I am always really excited to hear about them because they give so much insight into the human nature.
So glad you liked the video! I agree that these 5 are probably only the start ❤️❤️❤️
great point!!!
*Just gets out of an intense therapy session unpacking issues with my mom*
Ah yes, let's unwind with Tallulah!
*Confronted with my on going sexuality struggles*
Mmmm.... We're gonna save this for when I'm a little more stable.
Love your content, just gotta do some self care first ❤️
I totally understand! After my therapy sessions I can't take anything more than pop music, modern family and snacks :) I'm sending love!!
Me for the last couple of months: 'how can I be both bi and ace?'
Tallulah: 'Hold my coffee.'
I LOVE THIS COMMENT
Y e Bi Ace gang. We need a flag that doesn't look like diet bi tho-
Same bestie
But u can be biromantic or r u aroace AND bi? Cuz that’s my situation
SENSUAL ATTRACTION. YES. Thankyou for that information it makes so much sense. I’m polyamorous and am in a wlw monogamous relationship, and I find it hard to explain why I feel like I want to be physically close to my best guy friends without necessarily wanting to date/sleep with them! But now I understand it’s just sensual attraction that I feel towards them!!!! (I still consider myself poly though but now I understand my emotions/feelings so much better wow thankyou!!
Yasss I'm so glad!! It's so useful right???
@@TallulahGuard bro genuinely as revelational as when I discovered that there were 5 apology languages by the same doctor who theorized the 5 love languages!!! These types of discoveries really are eye-openers watch me tell my girlfriend all about the five types of attraction now :')))
Aaaa yay!! And omg I didn't know about the 5 apology styles imma get on that
Ikr when I found out about sensual attraction I was like: so that’s why I’m bi and aroace
my dream would be an asexual, aromantic quuerplatonic poly relationship, so I totaly get what you mean with poly, without well poly romantic or sexual relationships
This is fantastic !!! Thank you, so validating for asexual people! 👏🏻👏🏻💕💕
I'm so glad! I'm sending love
Being overly literal, to me _attraction_ is about actual proximity rather than anything to do with some vague feelings of affinity or desire. If you are actually with someone more, that is attraction. Otherwise it's simply appreciation of some kind. This is part of what drives me nuts about trying to discuss orientation with people. Rather than having an orientation for a fixed type of relationship, I prefer to just negotiate what degree of intellectual, physical, and emotional intimacy we have with any given person.
What confuses matters is that people constantly use physical/tactile terms to describe what they intend as abstract emotions or concepts. Like closeness, warmth, connection, etc. I wish that people had better vocabularies for discussing their emotions and relationships!
ALL THE ATTRACTIONS I KNOW (and you should learn):
1. Sexual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel sexually attracted to someone.
2. Romantic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel romantically attracted to someone.
3. Platonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel platonically attracted to someone or wanting to be their friend really badly.
4. Aesthetic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel aesthetically attracted or pleased by someone's (gender) expression.
5. Sensual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to be felt, or spoken, or closely physically linked with someone. (seperate from sexual attraction.)
6. Emotional Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to know someone emotionally or be inside their head.
7. Alterous Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone either between platonic or romantic, or in a completely different/separate and nonromantic/nonsexual emotional way.
8. Queer/Quasiplatonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel as if you want to be in a Queer/Quasiplatonic partnership/relationship with someone.
9. Intellectual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone most likely in a nonromantic/nonsexual way about their knowledge of things or insight of other people or of you.
BONUS TERMS:
1. Gender Envy: The desire to act, appear, or just be like someone that you most likely find aesthetically pleasing to look at, in other words, wanting to adopt their mannerisms, voice, features, etc due to a liking of their gender expression.
2. Queer/Quasiplatonic Partnership/Relationship: A partnership whereby you most likely want to be together with someone in a nonromantic and nonsexual way, yet still committed and emotionally/alterously in tuned.
3. Angled AroAce: Existing on both of the aromantic and asexual spectrums and experiencing maybe sexual/romantic attraction, or the tertiary ones (aswell). (e.g. demisexual grayromantic, cupiosexual, lithromanic, or aceflux aroflux.)
4. Oriented AroAce: Being 100% aromantic and asexual, but having the capacity to feel other nonromantic and nonsexual attractions strong enough to warrant another orientation label next to their aroace one. (e.g. gay, lesbian, bi, omni, poly, pan, etc.)
5. Tertiary Attraction: Any form of attraction that is not romantic or sexual. (e.g. Alterous, Queerplatonc, Platonic, etc.)
_If I missed any terms or you want to add any, reply with it! Other than that, that's basically all I know!_
(Edit: sorry for the typos!)
That is so weird, just earlier today I watched a TikTok explaining the 5 types of attraction which really opened my eyes... but then a few hours later you post a video on it too??? Weirddd
omg!! What a coincidence!
I always have sensual attraction before having romantic attraction! Typically with women, as I have lots of sensual + sexual attraction to women, but mostly romantic + platonic to men and enbies! I find it hard to be romantically attracted to women, (but infrequently can imagine myself with a hypothetical girl romantically), and sometimes find it difficult to feel sexual attraction to men and enbies, But I have LOADS of sensual attraction to give, loads of platonic, but the others are tricky haha
Hi Tallulah!
Two weeks ago I discovered your channel and I watched all your videos, specially the ones about comphet. They helped me realise I don't actually like boys and I'm not bi but a lesbian. This is the first time I even write it and I'm starting to accept and love my identity. And people like you help me a lot, really. So I just wanted to say thank you for your amazing content 🌈💜
(Sorry for the bad English, I'm from Spain)
I'm so grateful for you watching and I'm so glad you've gotten something from my videos! I'm sending love
@@TallulahGuard thank u!!! lots of hugs and love for u too hahahaha💖
I feel like the attraction that is only for the physical or sensual part isn’t a attraction that lasts or a real magnetic pull attraction.that’s really in sync with one another , Cuz I find that once u get to know the person on deeper level and u don’t like them as a best friend atleast then u don’t find them attractive anymore or drawn to them anymore
seen this video i've realised i had experienced sexual attraction only for a few times and so less then i thought, instead i've been experiencing sensual attraction most times. there's also another type of attraction mostly experiencied by aro/ace people that is queer platonic attraction.
Thank you for mention QPA! I don't know a lot about it but want to learn more
demisexual rep we love to see it 😌✨
Yas!! Defo will make more content about being demi ❤️
Annddd this is why I find it so hard to explain my attraction to people 😂 there are men that I like but I'm like 'I just cannot stomach the idea of having sex with them' buuttt I want to have an non-sexual intimate relationship I.e. I'm sensually, aesthetically, and romantically into them. With women I have all the different kinds of attraction. Lmao, human sexuality is so complex
Omg I relate to everything you said except I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced romantic attraction to women before so I’m extremely confused lol
This distinction between sensual and sexual ist just mindblowing to me. I was confused so much because I thought they were the same and I experience very strong sensual attraction and did not understand how it makes sense that I often feel asexual in some way but at the same time grave a lot of physical contact in the sense of sensual attraction, literally made me cry to hear your explanation because everything made so much sense suddenly.
Ah I'm so glad!! I hope you have a lovely day
It could also be that you aren’t ready yet (or maybe you will find that it isn’t for you). This video has not convinced me about “sensual” attraction because of the inclusion of kissing in the definition and the grey area that is “cuddling”. It is normal to want to be close with people you deeply care about or to have a need for non-sexual physical touch as it is a human need. But there does not seem to exist a need for yet another split in the attraction model.
7:52 I feel like it's also super common to want to be super cuddly and physically close with family members, and even sometimes close friends, so I feel like people must be able to distinguish them... at least I hope haha!
Thankyou, this video has been so eye opening and useful. I recently realized that I have stong sexual attraction to men, but no romantic attraction whatsoever, and have strong romantic attraction to women, but weak sexual attraction. I've always felt weird and like there was something seriously wrong with me, but seperating out the different attractions has allowed me to start making sense of myself. And hearing about these other types of attraction that I didn't even know about is really helpful too, and I can now say that I have strong sensual, aesthetic and romantic attraction to women, but not men. And the mention of demisexulity has helped a ton, I feel now that I can now say I'm demisexually attarcted to women, and sexually attracted to men but without the other attractions. thanks again :)
You're so welcome!! I find the demisexual label very helpful too. Thank you for watching and commenting 🥰
The amount of confidence I might have gained from this! :OOO
The amount of ways I can articulate touchiness now!! How I can reasure idiots that I don't wanna fuck with them right away :OO
Thank you! I'm Asexual, Aromantic, Panplatonic, Pansensual and Panaesthetic!
i can’t lie i’m binge watching ur videos ur gunna find a lot of my comments hehehe
You're so sweet omg!! Yas!! Thank you ❤️
I've just learnt i'm asexual-
Thanks for this video, you explained well each one :D
*WARNING: LONG, I GOT CARRIED AWAY, but i can't cut it down if i want to explain it all, so if you get to the end of this kudos to you*
I've know about different kind of attractions for a while, but it's still kind of hard to figure out what is what...like my case is complicated, cause as a teen I never knew that liking girls could be a possibility, so I assumed I liked guys, but I also was not that into any of them like my friends were and I just thought I was a late bloomer, so I felt wrong, even though I didn't understand why exactly, and i became depressed and spent most of my teenage years in my room reading and daydreaming about romance, cause I did love love, but the "reality" outside didn't feel quite right.
until I started going to therapy at around 20 years old and from then all my repressed feelings started coming out (lol) and one day I told my therapist "I think i might be a little gay", that was the first time I ever consciously thought AND said it, but it instantly felt right, cause I realized the attachment I had once felt to a best friend had always been different from what I felt towards other friends, and i did still feel deep pain about her not being in my life anymore. from that day 5 years have passed, during which I slowly got out of that depressive state, and I knew I liked girls now, but it was always a "am I making it up? how can I know I like girls since I've never even kissed one? how can I know I don't like boys if I've never been with one either?" and so on and so forth, all the while living in a very small conservative town, with parents who were the ones telling me these things, and me feeling like I could not talk with anyone about it (cause remember, i had been depressed and isolated for many years) so I was still mostly daydreaming about it, watching and reading all the lgbt stuff I could get my hands on and feeling hopeless that that could ever be my actual life.
finally these past few years i've moved to a new city to go to university and here I've started going to the lgbt center and slowly, slowly started unpacking all the shame, all the repression and conflicting feelings i had about my attraction to girls (it took me a while to realize i felt the conflict, cause i had never had problems loving the lgbt community, i never discriminated them, so i didn't fully realize i was doing it to myself internally). these past years i had two very intense infatuations for girls who did not reciprocate me, while i also went on a few disappointing dates, and i realized that I am on the demisexual side of things: if i have to go on a date with a random person met on tinder i hate it i don't care i don't feel anything, but then i get this intense obsessions with girls i know from my daily life and once the romantic spark is lit i want them now...but in all this time i've never really been able to be with someone, be reciprocated by the person i like, and built a relationship with her, so every time i get infatuated i start going crazy trying to figure out what to do to make it work this time. this led to a very brutal rejection at the start of this year, at which point i decided i needed to focus on me and heal for real all this shit:
>what mainly leads me to question myself is, since my love for women isn't working out, there must be something wrong, i must be wrong about my sexuality. i may "secretely" really like men and i just don't want to focus on them cause of trauma (i remember the times i was followed on the street or inappropriately touched, or stared at by men as very disgusting and horrible things), so since i don't want to limit myself to achieve my best life, i feel bad saying no to any possiblity, especially if i can't be really sure of what i would feel being with men.
BUT but...the thought of being with a man really REALLY brings me down. it does not feel empowering or a nice prospect, i feel like it would take time away from me finding the right girl, and also feels like a horrible inevitability cause it's just the "natural" thing to want to be with men, so how can i say i wouldn't do them if they're so hot? i do like their appearance, but for the life of me i can't figure out if i also feel sexually attracted to them. when i see a beautiful man i have an immediate physical, body reaction (sometimes) so is that sexual attraction? even if i have no intention to go talk to him or have sex with him? this reaction confuses me, cause sometimes on the streets i seem to notice men more than women, but then in my daydreams i always think about women and have only thought and dreamed about being with a woman for years. the thought of always and forever being with only women makes me truly HAPPY, but then i question it, oh it's only a dream. oh, you're not enough for women, you'll never be liked by them. you're not gay enough if you're always questioning like this.
and the thing is, i've tried thinking of myself as bisexual, but it has never ever felt right. i do like "queer"; but then again, i really really want to be with just women, and feel like this possible attraction to men is ugh i don't want it - but i also do not want to limit myself if being with men COULD be good for me????? btw i did read the lesbian masterdoc and i don't know how valid that is, but this does feel like comp het to me, but also what if it isn't??? it's just ugh, cause while now i am stressing less about it and all of this^^ is just what i usually think when i'm down, most of the time i am kind of letting life flow and see how it goes, without needing to label myself.....but still, leaving it open to any kind of person does not feel right, and only something i feel i *have* to do cause i feel an impostor callig myself a lesbian....
Holly hell this is exactly me
I haven’t had an infatuation with a girl yet and I’m not sure about my attractions to them but it also makes me feel so happy I’d love to be in a relationship with who I love I really would it’s just I don’t feel this often either so confusing 😂💕 but Thankyou for writing this I’m the same
This is legit me tho to a t
@@plantxarmybtsgrowth5776 glad to know im not the only one 😁😁
@@claudia9575 yeah your not and good for me to hear as well helps 😂☺️💕
Wow. This was so good. I find it weird that I experience sexual attraction to people who are fairly strangers (and I hardly act on that) but in romantic relationships I mostly experience sensual attraction and hardly sexual unless there are strong emotions. Does that make sense?
That does make sense!! Any and all combinations of attractions are normal and it's totally chill to feel differently depending on the scenario!
I feel like making sense is so not the point of attraction. I am somewhat demi romantic ace, had exactly two true "romantic crushes" where I felt no inclination at all, to persue a romantic relationship with them but had a seveare case of a broken heart despite that . . . despite me being the one who rejected them . . . it is so endlessly stupid so dont feel bad for how you experience attraction deoes not seam to make sense . . . its just how it is
there's quite a few more than 5, but i understand why these are seen as THE 5 types by some. if anyone is curious I have a list of other types :D
Found your video on comphet while looking for how it impacts asexual people, so glad I found this video on asexuality and the 5 types of attraction
thank you!!!!
Sexual, sensual and romantic attraction only happen for me after a friendship has bonded, or a deep connection, but if that connection fizzles, so does the attraction.
I don't experience esthetic or platonic attraction so much.
I have many many acquaintances, but not really friends.
And thank you for this video... it's something I have been confused about trying to figure out.
you're so welcome!!
@@TallulahGuard I have so many question, and noone to answer them. Thank you again.
this is an interesting theory thanks for sharing
Hey! I feel like these comments agree, you need merch. 😍🏳️🌈
I'm brainstorming eek!!
@@TallulahGuard Take your time! It's so great to see that so many others want it too! 🏳️🌈 xx
🥰🥰
Thanks for making this video. I don't think I'd heard about sensual attraction, and it was interesting and helpful to think about that as distinct from sexual attraction.
I'm so so glad you found it useful!!
@@TallulahGuard Aww, thanks Tallulah! :-)
this was really helpful tbh. thank you, Tallulah.
I'm so so glad! Thank you for watching!! I'm sending love
Very informative video. To me the word attraction simply means the level of magnetic pull between two ppl. When it’s at its highest level it’s called sexual and u want it all with them.. I also noticed how some ppl that thought their asexual suddenly found themselves feeling sexual attraction when they met a certain person in their life .. which they couldn’t of imagined before. I’ve had that a little , although I’m not asexual but until I let one specific person I didn’t know I can feel so sexually attracted to someone and the level peaked really high more then I could of ever imagined before
It is good to talk more about the different forms of attraction. Thank you!
I think there is still missing the emotional attraction. Maybe that is what is meant by platonic attraction. Except: emotional attraction can be platonic, but it doesn't have to be.
Or you could understand this form of attraction as a combination of other attractions!
Ooh good point!
I’ve been questioning if I’m asexual lately (specifically Demisexual) and I’ve been finding myself googling the definition of sexual attraction over and over and questioning if I feel it. I guess that pretty much sums up my searching..
I had never been able to articulate this to other people and it finally makes sense to me! I went through so many different stages of trying to figure out what my "deal" is (whether I was ace, or emotionally unavailable, or actually a lesbian, etc.) and it finally clicked that I''ve been finding people aesthetically appealing and conflating it with sensual/sexual/romantic attraction! Turns out you can just like how people look and not desire anything else. Who knew!? I finally discovered what my "type" actually is sexually/romantically/AND aesthetically vs. just what I find visually appealing. Thank you for this video! P.S. I adore the name Tallulah so it's only fitting I'd make this discovery through your channel lol 💕
aah I'm so glad I could help!! This makes me really happy :)) Sending good vibes!!!
currently binge watching yt videos about asexuality and i feel like im finally understanding better that part of myself! thanks for sharing some much information and helping me out in this process
You're so welcome!!
@@TallulahGuard ツ
I can’t even describe how much this helped with me confusion!!!
that means the world to me!!!
Since there are like, “bisexual (or romantic)” and more, do we say bisensual too? Cuz I think I am something like that
I dearly needed this, thanks 🔆
I'm so so glad it was useful for you!!!
we live in a society !
We do 😎
So I think Im bi but Ive only ever been sexually attracted to men and I cant tell if my attraction to women is romantic or just aesthetic bc Ive only had one big crush on a girl in my life (which isnt that long though Im only 14) so my question is am I just completely gay and maybe like somewhere on the arospec (speaking of that I think Im cupioromantic [desiring romance but lacking romantic attraction]) even if I find women aesthetically attractive but also this may sound weird but I dont… _feel_ gay.. if that makes sense.
I dont know sexuality is confusing
I have this saved now to share with people to help explain when they start asking about how I can be gray-ace yet also be bi or when I want to start dating! Such a great explanation of the different attraction types and it’ll help explain my primary aesthetic attraction operating mode.
AAA thank you!!
Thank you! I needed this explanation. I am in a difficult position where I am aestically, romantically and sensually attracted to my husband but I am sexually attracted to women but not romantically. 🤔
OMW! Thank you! I was questioning weather I was Demi or not based off of another video that explained the the asexual spectrum but now that I know that there romantic is an attraction and I actually learned what the word sensual means now and that plutonic counts as an attraction I know without a drought I am Demi-sexual. I thought I wasn't because I experience aesthetic attraction which Society told me was sexual attraction. But now that I know they are not the same thing it makes all the sense to me. Yes I literally need to experience all four attractions with an individual before I feel sexually attracted to someone.
You are so welcome! I'm glad this gave you some more clarity :)))
For me I think I experience all of that except sexual attraction. In fact I think sensual attraction replaces my sexual attraction in many ways in that during the act my partner may feel sexually pleasured but I more on focus on the touch and how good that feels to be that physically close to them rather than the intense sexual urge itself. And yes I do still think it feels good and I'm not repulsed by it, I just cannot connect that good feeling to a desire to have it with someone.
I experience romantic attraction but I have such a hard time understanding it for some reason compared to other types of attraction b/c it's so different to me. the attraction itself feels much more voluntary and conditional sometimes
humans are complicated! It's valid to feel that way
I'm in highschool and recently found out what ace and aro are and realized that I may be ace/aro and so I started watching more stuff on it when someone brought up that there was different types of attraction besides sexual and romantic and so here I am because I'm curious if things I thought were romantic attraction were other kinds of attraction and just didn't realize
It can be hard to figure out for sure! Not everyone experiences the attraction types all bundled together - as a demisexual person this was hard to pick apart too. Learning is the first step though!!
For me, romantic attraction comes along with platonic and really strong sensual attraction but pretty much no sexual. I feel weird thinking about having sex with them especially since people I have crushes on are my friends or I at least have spoken to and have some relationship with them. Though what I hate is that with the physical contact I can get aroused and it's really annoying and this makes me feel lucky I am a cis girl.
I think this video was helpful. For me the constant internal bi questioning is so frustrating 😂 Do I like men? Absolutely, easy, definitely love me some men. But I have dated women before I came out, and I feel like I felt...something? But I don't think it was sexual attraction. I definitely have felt aesthetic/romantic/emotional attraction toward women and I think even a sensual attraction at times (wanting to maybe hold hands/kiss/hug), but I feel like the sexual component just isn't there. There was maybe one woman i felt sexually attracted to and she was an instagram model 😅 so i think right now i'd call myself 99.99999999% homosexual 😂
I love your videos sooo much!! You're so underrated and you should DEFINITELY release that "we live in a society" MERCH🤪🤪🤪
aaaaw thank you so so much!!!
Ahh congrats on 2k!! Also I loved this video. Very informative!
thank you!!! and congrats on your 1k! that's so exciting!!
yO YOU DESERVE SUCH A BIGGER COMMUNITY AND REACH ! your content is *chefs kiss*
THANK YOU :'))) new video in a few days friend :)))
So helpful! You never fail to give clear explanations for everything. Your videos really help me untangle my mess of feelings and perceived vs. real attractions. Thank you 🥰
That's such a compliment, thank you 🥰 Thank you so much for watching and I'm sending love!
This was super insightful! Thank you :). Also I wanted to congratulate you on where you are at with subscribers!!! 🥳 keep it up!! 😆
aaaw thank you pal!!
Great, more reasons to be confused about my sexuality...
jk thanks so much for this informative video! love you tallulah :) (but yeah also kinda not joking lol)
I know the feeling! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself - it'll come clear! I'm sending love
i just wanna say THANK YOU, thank you so much for the time you spend doing this, you have no idea how great it feels to listen to you ans learn more about myself. You're just amazing and I'm so happy I found you
Oh wow this means so so much!! This topic can me so messy and confusing (from personal experience!) so it means the world to me that I can help a little! Sending love ❤️
Would send this to my much younger self if possible.
teasing those things apart makes it kind of very hard to tell, if you want a friendship or "more" from someone cause what is the difference between a asexual romance and a sensuel friendship? It is extreamly hard to separate and distinguish between just a very loving platonic gesture and a romantic one and everyone drawes the line elsewhere.
I am somewhere in the demi spectrum and probably would love a queerplatonic asexual relationship. I love sleeping next to someone, am very cuddely with the right people very loving with friends in generell and have a tendency for doing couple coded stuff with my friends but I do not want a romance despite not even being able how what I want is any different from an asexual romance. I consistantly get confused as a friends partner and their partners often are jalouse of me cause looking from the outside, one just can not tell. Even a friends mom thought I was her girlfriend . . .
Thank you❤️🥺 it's really interesting for me!)
And you are gorgeous ✨
aaaw thank you so much!!!!
I think i only have the aesthetic attraction
Very proud to be one of the 2000 followers. I love all of these videos ❤️
That means so much to me!!! Thank you ❤️
omg u deserve way more views, this is such useful information!!!
As an acearo person both aesthetic and sensual attraction have gaslit me for many years. Like I think your pretty and want to hold your hand, but dear God don't look at me like that! 😂
Omg what an iconic way of putting it hahahaah
I'm demi sexual and I relate to that during the early stages of knowing someone! Like yas you're beautiful but the clothes are staying ON
@@TallulahGuard 😂 Exactly!
Heyy!! I was waiting for your video!!❤️❤️❤️
aaaa that's so sweet thank you thank you!!
I'm asexual but experience astetic (can't spell it 🙁) attraction, romantic attraction and sensual attaction which often makes me confused about my asexuality.
This makes sense! It's a wide spectrum
Love this video! My partner is ace and I am trying to learn about it on my own so I am not too annoying 😂❤
Aaaw I'm so glad - you sound like a very caring partner!! ❤️
This video is awesome!! This makes so much sense and helps me understand myself so much. All of your videos do. Every time I watch one of your videos I learn something not only interesting but also I learn more about myself. You have been and are such a crucial part of my self discovery journey💕 Thank you :) Also I love your hair and your shirt!
That means so so much to me 🥺 I'm so honoured to have been a part of you're journey and I'm sending so much love!
Tallulah Guard 💕💕
I'm still not sure what sensual attraction is, but a great example of aesthetic attraction being different than sexual is being enamored by someone's beard or makeup.
yeahh, finally, I have my struggle solved! I now know, that I experience sensual attraction to men, not a sexual one at all. But now, I have another question:
Does having a sexual attraction only towards females, but still having sensual attraction to both females and males make me homosexual?
Hey! It depends on what labels/identities feel right to you :) For example, if you have this sensual attraction to men, but wouldn't want to date men, maybe you'd want to use the label gay or lesbian. But if you could potentially see romance with any gender, maybe queer/bi/pan could feel comfy. Labels are not an exact science - they're tools to help us express ourselves, and you get to pick the most useful ones for you right now :))
i sent this video to my boyfriend and we had a discussion bout it thank you was very helpful :>)
That makes me so happy!!
My life suddenly makes sense now
As Yungblud once said "Tallulah knows"
I just keep loving your videos, sooo helpful!! Thank you!
Aaa thank you!!!
This makes so much sense! Thank you!
you're welcome!!
This helped so much thank you!
Hmmmm, these comments and this video is really helpful. So this means I'm a gayace dude! Nice!
Awesome video. And thank you. I now know the way to describe my Romantic attract to my guy friend. I've always struggled with saying it's not sexual because I desire the closeness and intimacy and the physical affection. I know know it's sensual attraction and also asthetic attraction as well. Since I really care about the person so much I respect that they for what I know right now they are not sexually attracted to me. I don't really know for sure but if they were I'd be open to it so idk if that means I'm still sexually attracted but for now I'd say no cause I just can't even imagine how that would go. I do have a strong desire for sensual things though so I have to admit I'm sensually attracted
wouldnt aesthetic attraction be under sensual attration as it has something to do with the sense of sight?
#NotificationSquad
this was really helpful
I'm so glad!
theres also alterous and emotional
Brilliant video thank you
You're so welcome!
I am missing some specific examples of romantic attraction. Can you describe some?
I find this one quite hard to describe, but at least personally I'd include things like butterflies in your stomach, wanting to be in a relationship with them, a rush when you see them/spend time with them
This is so eye opening... damn maybe i AM bisexual '0'
great representation of an asexual lovestory is good omens. Though it never gets called out in the story as such, everyone and their blind granma notice the main characters are in love, despite never saying so, nor having any sexual chemistry. Sadly man call it queerbaiting though it simply portrays an even rarer minority and the book makes explicitly clear, that they are not gay and as angel and demon sexless/asexual beeings. When asked if he cant just validate homosexuality in confiming them being gay, as they are read as such he answered, that if he gave them a lable, it would be asexual, maybe aromantic but not gay, jet again reafirming, that they are sexless and therefor do devoid of sexuality, that does not mean they are in love though, for they clearly are and it does not make their love any less valid than a "classical" romance.
If someone wants to see how an asexual love story might look like, Watch it, it is absolutly delightful and I feel very represented by what they have.
6th spiritual attraction 😎
Oh so im Omni (plantonic sensual attraction) Aroace! Well cupioromantic asexual [flush]
thanks for this video!
do you know why someone might feel sexual attraction with someone? I researched about these attractions but i dont rly know how some people feel sexual attraction on its alone sometimes, sometimes with romance, sometimes with other attractions. Can you explain why somebody would want to have sex with a spefic person?
Hey! I can't provide a full explanation or a personal one (I'm demisexual) BUT it's possible to feel sexually attracted to someone without romantic attraction. E.g. you'd be interested in having sex with them but not dating. I'm sorry I don't have a more technical explanation !
7:51
Is is physical attraction one of the attractions? Or has that been replaced so to speak by sensual attraction?
It depends what you mean by physical. Sexual attraction covers desire to be sexual with someone, and sensual attraction covers desire to have non-sexual physical intimacy (like cuddling, holding hands etc). Some people might experience these as very linked, while some can easily have one without the other.
Well, I think I only experience platonic and sensual attraction. So, would I technically be aroace or not? I'm just really confused with all this.
Hi!! It's up to you to choose what labels, if any, describe you best. If it doesn't feel right to use aroace right now, that's ok. The way we feel about ourselves and others can be fluid and it's ok to wait and see what words feel best over time :))
idk why but you remind me of daniel howell!
omg that's such a compliment!! Thank you!