Видео

I was raised in the familiar environment where men were glorified and women were less and so to behave like a man was to be a better version of a woman. I questioned if the internalized misogyny was why I felt a disconnect from womanhood but I also have a memory of being 8 and thinking "i feel like a boy in a girl's body who's not a boy." Everything is made up

Lou thank you for this video, I relate so strong to this.... I was born a male and looked for true non-binariness regarding genitals and presentation and where I was in the early naughts there was no examples of that, so I defaulted to male, and just accepted that, while hating my body and being in "male" spaces. Ie seeing men naked in male changing rooms made me need to cover up and hide myself away. Always envious of women from fashion to how they were more playful and far more free to be what seemed like their real selves. It was literally 2021 where I was told by my mother that I was nonbinary because I lamented how only the women's clothes in Disney were attractive to me, that I started to question myself, then as of January 2024 I dove head long into figuring out what I wanted and found out that I finally have the body I dreamed of having back in 2000 but due to where I am living I am still trapped as boy and am disphoric daily over it....

You didn't explain it .let me say this, you have ALOT of female characteristics,, in your personality.. definitely female, so how are you non binary when your definitely female?

I really appreciate the nuance of this video. I'm nonbinary myself, which I found out about 4 years ago. At first I put myself in the trans "box" because of the umbrella definition. But, over the years, as I've learned more about myself and had the time to really think about my gender identity on a deeper level, I just don't think trans is an accurate enough label for me. My own personal experience as a human in this existence is so far disconnected by the idea of gender period, that transgender feels too specific. I have trans and trans non binary friends and my experience has been so vastly different from theirs, it doesn't feel right to claim the identity of being transgender. It's been hard though because it seems like anywhere I look in the lgbtqia+ community online, the general consensus is that nonbinary=transgender. It's disheartening to not have my kind of experience talked about or accepted. This is the first video I've watched where my experience has been validated and I appreciate it a lot.

I miss you💜💙

Aesthetic attraction is the thing that makes us like cartoon characters, right?

Amazing Knowledge Sharing Tallulah! Thanks for yout thoughts. SCT is revolutionary and more accurate than any model I have seen yet. It remains that like race which is been debunked, many will continue to refer to themselves or others in vague heterogenous boxes. Sexuality like life is more fluid than most want or can admit. Very good video! Lets open our minds and further unlearn to build with better foundations.

so close! that’s actually just heteronormativity! hope this helps!

For the past 8 months I’ve been bisexual but recently (like the past 3 weeks) I’ve been extremely confused on if I actually am or if I’m something else. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s okay to take time for myself but I keep pressuring myself to get a label. I can’t decide if I’m like straight or bi because right now I like the opposite gender. It could be that I don’t quite understand bisexuality very well or smth. Anyways this video helped me get a little boost into finding out what I actually want to do so thank you so much :3

I’ve had slight romantic feelings and platonic feelings towards men, but I really just want a woman in my life. I wish sometimes I could be the daughter that I was never able to be, but I was born with male anatomy. It’s like I want to be a woman, but because I’m not cis I’ll never accept it. So idk where to go.

Oh my god, the part where you said that your questioning started with feeling at home in a queer space? That is sooo so much similar to my story. I'm a questioning lesbian(?) And since 7th grade I just felt so drawn to queer people, but couldn't explain it, since that was just the start of my questioning journey. Since then, I've surrounded myself with queer friends without ever planning on it, or really noticing. I see some signs of being into girls from my childhood, but a loooot of other wlw people's stories don't match mine, and that's been making me doubt my own judgement. Also, what I think might stem from my uprising: until 6th/7th grade I was never interested in/I've never felt any connection to lesbian characters, stories, etc, which also makes me doubt myself. But yeah, that might come from the fact that they've always been portrayed in this stereotypical, ugly, ugly way in my family. Anyway, your story has made me feel seen 🥹... If any of y'all reading this want to share some thoughts or your own stories, come on!! That might actually help a lot of people, I think.

ALL THE ATTRACTIONS I KNOW (and you should learn): 1. Sexual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel sexually attracted to someone. 2. Romantic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel romantically attracted to someone. 3. Platonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel platonically attracted to someone or wanting to be their friend really badly. 4. Aesthetic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel aesthetically attracted or pleased by someone's (gender) expression. 5. Sensual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to be felt, or spoken, or closely physically linked with someone. (seperate from sexual attraction.) 6. Emotional Attraction: Having the capacity to feel or want to know someone emotionally or be inside their head. 7. Alterous Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone either between platonic or romantic, or in a completely different/separate and nonromantic/nonsexual emotional way. 8. Queer/Quasiplatonic Attraction: Having the capacity to feel as if you want to be in a Queer/Quasiplatonic partnership/relationship with someone. 9. Intellectual Attraction: Having the capacity to feel attracted to someone most likely in a nonromantic/nonsexual way about their knowledge of things or insight of other people or of you. BONUS TERMS: 1. Gender Envy: The desire to act, appear, or just be like someone that you most likely find aesthetically pleasing to look at, in other words, wanting to adopt their mannerisms, voice, features, etc due to a liking of their gender expression. 2. Queer/Quasiplatonic Partnership/Relationship: A partnership whereby you most likely want to be together with someone in a nonromantic and nonsexual way, yet still committed and emotionally/alterously in tuned. 3. Angled AroAce: Existing on both of the aromantic and asexual spectrums and experiencing maybe sexual/romantic attraction, or the tertiary ones (aswell). (e.g. demisexual grayromantic, cupiosexual, lithromanic, or aceflux aroflux.) 4. Oriented AroAce: Being 100% aromantic and asexual, but having the capacity to feel other nonromantic and nonsexual attractions strong enough to warrant another orientation label next to their aroace one. (e.g. gay, lesbian, bi, omni, poly, pan, etc.) 5. Tertiary Attraction: Any form of attraction that is not romantic or sexual. (e.g. Alterous, Queerplatonc, Platonic, etc.) _If I missed any terms or you want to add any, reply with it! Other than that, that's basically all I know!_ (Edit: sorry for the typos!)

Nice video! 💖 I’m currently at the beginning of my journey into all this and it was because of the joy and the space the idea of being non binary gave me, that made me realise that I probably am an enby. This was good info to find out because I don’t really think I feel a lot of gender dysphoria compared to other people. Also that’s cool you got to study gender at uni. Do you think it’s important for a non binary person to study gender theory and stuff like that? I would really like to myself but I often find I just don’t have the time to because I’m so busy!

8:40 Yeah, not experiencing sexual attraction, from what I understand, just means that if you do have sex, you just don’t attribute it toward anyone!

8:23 For me, what you are describing with “sensual” attraction is what I want with a “romantic” attraction.

7:44 Yeah, you can look at someone and appreciate their beauty - but at the same time, have this thought while you are looking at them - that like they are looking back at you and that you find it uncomfortable - and that’s how you know that you don’t have any further desires with that person, let’s say… But that doesn’t mean that you mentally don’t “know” that that person is attractive - but just not for you, for someone else. But when you look at someone - and you find your mind/state continuing to stare and/or think about that person - then that’s when you feel “attraction”.

7:09 Exactly! I just had never understood when my friends were discussing beautiful girls - and the assumption of - wow, I want to do sexual things - just after looking.

5:10 As I said in my other comment, that's what confused the heck out of me - because it is usually called "physical attraction" and they say that "physical attraction" is the same as "sexual attraction", but I thought of it as "aesthetic attraction" because I didn't experience the sexual feelings, based on where I was looking.

0:44 And when I was going through it, growing up, I had heard of "physical attraction", which made me find some really attractive girls - and I had these baby crushes (non-sexual, but aesthetic and romantic/ wanting to be with them - in nature) on them. Then, I was told that "physical attraction" was the same as "sexual attraction", so I just went along with it. - Although not understand the whole idea of the "sexual" part of it. I am an older adult now, and after realizing what the "sexual" part is, I allowed myself to look at who I look at - and only after this, I started noticing that I am looking at guys. For the first time in my life, I got these butterflies in my stomach - toward a guy. Your body can guide you, too... I just want looking in this directing - because I didn't think this could be me.

NO ITS NOT OK TO BE GAY!!! or whatever it is…. IT IS A SIN!!!!!…. I feel like i like BOYS because i NEVER liked Girls… BUT 1 day I started questioning because when i WAS 7 I HAD A CRUSH ON A GIRL ON ROBLOX BUT I NEVER LIKED GIRLS…. But when i grew older i only liked BOYS and when i was 12 i started having anxiety and obnoxious thoughts that i liked GIRLS even though i DO NOT LIKE THEM! + I prefer to play boys and i have more boyfriends!!! I DO NOT Know WHYYYY i would WANT TO LIKE GIRLS?!?! It just randomly popped up in my head that i liked girls and my anxiety is known for making things seem real….

I'm bi and when it comes to guys i prefer studs and with women i prefer plus size or curvy women

I didn't identify with the trans label for about a year despite knowing I'm nonbinary. However recently that changed when it truly hit me how different my experiences are from cis people. Cis people (generally) don't get discomfort with their sex characteristics. They don't have the label man/woman falsely imposed on them with all the expectations that come with it. They don't always feel out of place in binary gendered spaces. They don't have to transition in any way to feel okay with their bodies. These are my reasons why I personally feel I'm trans af even though some people might not agree. Idc. I know many trans ppl and we understand each other on a different level. whatever man 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💛🤍💜🖤

Thank you

If it's alright, I'd like to tell my gender story. Please don't send any hate. I am currently 16 and I identify as Non-Binary and go by he/she/they pronouns. I realised the Non-Binary label comforts me more than the Female gender I was labelled at birth just over two years ago now, but lately, some-things been bugging me. I don't mind any of the pronouns I go by and I never really have. But I've realised that when people use he/him pronouns for me, I get a little giddy. Same when using more traditionally more masculine words like handsome and mate. I've also become interested in chest binding and looking more masculine in general. I have my hair cut short and I wear clothes that are considered to be more "masculine", though I do have my fair share of skirts. I'd like to start binding my chest, but would never consider top surgery. I like wearing suits one day and wearing skirts the next. I've now starting questioning if I'm Non-Binary, Trans or even Gender-Fluid. I'm a little confused and would like some insight please.

I'm an AFAB trans genderfluid. I started dressing like a guy when I was 11 but also dressed like a girl. I still to this day dress in both mens and womens clothing. I consider myself trans because i did not stay a cis woman i am genderfluid [out since 2017.] Thank you for summing things up. I needed to explain to my (trans man) fiance that I am also trans as well. I just don't get surgery and take medicine to transition. It was hard to explain to him that I am trans as well. So thank you for your video it helped a lot.

Using the "umbrella model", everyone is transgender. First, I was not assigned a gender at birth. My birth certificate says "male" (sex), not "man" (gender). Second, I have transitioned from "boy" to "man" to "husband" to "father" (with a few others in there).

It helps to have words to define these confusing feelings, but I dislike the idea that everything has to be an identity. Those for whom these words resonate are those people who struggle in general, particularly with forming relationships. Many of these so-called attraction types will blur together with time as people experience life and learn what they want. Your repeated assertion of living in a society clearly indicates how societal expectations mold, even if superficially, our ideas of what we think we are and want. With time, it becomes clearer what we actually are and want.

I might think that language is not hard of their self but from how peoples are handle her.💛🤍💜🖤🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Wow, you really put into words everything I have been experiencing lately, in a very educational way too, congrats <3

What the f* is romantic attraction actually?

Gender binary | A system in which gender is constructed into two strict categories of male or female. Gender identity is expected to align with the sex assigned at birth and gender expressions and roles fit traditional expectations. Femininity/Masculinity: Ideological constructions whose human manifestations (women and men, girls and boys) are recreated in each generation according to the intermeshing requirements of social, cultural, economic, and biological necessities. People rely on cultural constructions of these to indicate their membership in their sex/gender category. Gender identity One's innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither - how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One's gender identity can be the same as or different from their sex/gender assigned at birth. Gender roles The interests, behaviors, and mannerisms that a society or culture assigns to a particular gender or to the things expected of a person based on their assigned, perceived, or actual gender. Gender roles change over time and across cultures. Gender nonconforming This term is used to describe people with a gender expression or presentation that’s different from cultural or social stereotypes associated with the person’s perceived or assigned gender or sex. It doesn’t convey any information about the way someone experiences gender internally. More accurately, gender nonconforming is a term used to describe physical traits in relation to socially and culturally defined gender categories. People of any gender - cis, trans, or nonbinary - can be gender nonconforming. Gender expression | External appearance of one's gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, body characteristics or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and characteristics typically associated with being either masculine or feminine. Gender transition The process by which some people strive to more closely align their internal knowledge of gender with its outward appearance. Some people socially transition, whereby they might begin dressing, using names and pronouns and/or be socially recognized as another gender. Others undergo physical transitions in which they modify their bodies through medical interventions. Social dysphoria A specific type of gender dysphoria that manifests as distress and discomfort that results from the way society or other people perceive, label, refer to, or interact with someone’s gender or body. Being Transgender is when someone's gender identity has an incongruence with or doesn't sit comfortably with their sex/gender assigned at birth. Being Nonbinary is having a gender identity that has an incongruence with or doesn't sit comfortably with the binary gender system. There are Nonbinary people who receive HRT and gender affirmating surgery. Nonbinary people are trans enough.

I'd love to learn more about normativities. I feel like for me there is something missing. Clearly I feel the neuronormativity a lot, but I also feel like...there is so much normativity going into relationships that I can't even begin to describe. I've been feeling some pull towards relationship anarchy. I experience things like alterous attraction, sensual attraction. I have wants to connect with people that I can only describe as kinky. Both monogamy and polyamory doesn't want to make sense in my head. I have intellectual attraction that for some reason feels like sexual attraction. It's not that "oh I am just attracted to a different gender" or "oh I want poly instead of monogamy". My experience is just so inherently queer I don't have the words for it. And a lot of it isn't not having or having sexual attraction, like geing asexual or allosexual. It's the mass of other stuff outside of it that apparently people cannot connect to.

I like the academic style. I feel excluded from academia due to accessibility reasons, but also from the queer community from just being, ironically, too queer and not fitting into the boxes. I'd love to find just a little connection to anything where I could feel included.

Oh. I feel like this is a very interesting thought to connect to how I feel like I "should" be bi. I'm bigender. I'm non-binary. Whelp.

Misgendering isn`t transphobic. It`s people outside the community showing they have no interest in the ideology. And quite rightly. Are you all going to force us to gender correctly? It`s obviously immature nonsense.

I didnt question my identity until a few weeks ago, and im 26. It definitely feels weird to realize this stuff so late in life. Coming from rural texas i didnt know you could be anything besides man or woman. As a child i desperately wanted to destroy the binary LOL and to this day i have very much "dude" energy. Its quite hilarious that i never once considered i might be anything other than cis

At first i thought i was pansexual, but now im leaning more towards bi sexual. Like your so right when you say it can change in a year. And i might just be in the phase of im attracted to women right now. Im still struggling with experiencing a women, ive been takeing little steps like talking online first. I think im almost ready to actually meet up with a girl and maybe do more. Ive also have only recently come into exceptance that i can just have sexual connections and i dont have to have an emotional connection to sleep with someone. Growing up in a very religious family, subconsciously i searched for a man to get married to and have kids, and i never slept around because i feared judgement from my family. But now i view it as, if your communicating thats all you want is sexual intimacy, then you have nothing to feel guilty of. So now im able to except this more, im able to actually move myself into a new direction of actually exploring my sexuality physically and not just mentally. This video helped, thankyou 💜

"Binary" and "Non-Binary" have reference to the sex spectrum. Gender has nothing to do with the sex spectrum as "it is all in one's head", totally independent of the person's sex.

incredible cover!

„You can be affected by comphet and still have a genuine capacity to be in a happy and healthy, fulfilling relationship with a men” - I don’t exactly know why but this sentence alone made me realise that I’m sure I’m gay - had questioned that, but seeing it from this perspective made things soooo clear - I realised relationships with men definitely wouldn’t make me feel fulfilled thank you 🩷🩷

I am trying to figure out if I’m a demigirl or gender-fluid I don’t want people to think that I’m faking it

What a word salad! If a person gives respect they receive it in return. Being butch, fem, gay, tran is not an identity, it’s part of our identity.

Jesus died for your sins, and he is the creator of everything, and he loves you, when you look at the cross understand that is a torture device that he went on for you so you and I can be reconciled to God. We have all fallen short his glory and are sinners. He who knew no sin became sin so we could become the righteousness of God. Ask for the holy spirit... call unto him in truth and he will come to you, open his word and come to life. Jesus said unless one is born from above he/she cannot enter the kingdom of God. He loves you...run to him. John 10:10, the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy but Jesus came to give you life and life abundantly. He created you fearfully and wonderfully. We all struggle and only he gives life. Run to Jesus and surrender your life to him he will save you. 1 John 1:9

ive been listening to the song for these last few days. part of the "new music i just found that i like" group rn. i really like it and feel moved by it, feels relatable some parts of it too, so thx for that :)

Very nice ❤

nice video 😇 i'm enby myself, and trans, because... they both feel applicable to me in my measure! the contrast between the ethos of the "movement", being radically one's own self and not compromising by pouring one's self into one of the Traditional Societal Moulds provided, is like, an intrinsically counterintuitive thing to the ubiquitous, very literal, uncompromising beauracracy of the western world 😆 you know what i mean? i def want that X gender marker though uncle sam does NOT need to know more about what i have going on in my life LOL

I can't wait ❤

This is so good!! Can't wait to hear the full song!

If there are not two Binary sexes Male and Female you can't be Non-Binary. You can't be not something that doesn't exist. If there are two binary sexes then again you can't be Non-Binary. Nothing hard or complicated about biological reality. You can fantasise or imagine you are something other than a Male or Female but maybe stop being so self obsessed and accept you are no different than anyone else born a Man or Woman. Why you lot are so self obsessed is baffling.

I love your analysis. It’s super succinct yet meaty ❤ love the academic flair. I was actually a bit scared it wouldn’t include any theory.