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I Regret Marrying My Affair Partner. What Now?
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- Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2020
- Our live caller explains he married the woman he had an affair with and feels a lot of regret and guilt. He isn't sure if he should stay married. Dr. Joe Beam explains this question is more theological in nature.
At Marriage Helper, our philosophy and principle is to save the marriage, so that is the principle we help couples with. However, we understand the difficulty it is to be overwhelmed by guilt.
For more information about Dr. Joe Beam's Book, "Getting Past Guilt" visit: www.amazon.com...
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He got what he wanted now he does not want what he has. Hahahahahahaha. You deserve all of it.
I said the same...good for him. I hope his ex is living her best life
it is typical male psychologie. They're doing their best for a woman as long as he doesn't have/ possess her completely. Once the woman is his completely they lose interest in chasing and doing his best and take her for granted. It is something biologically i think.
@@sloeberdoet not neccessarily many guys I know whose wives think they take them for granted are actually putting their energy into what they consider most important putting food on the table and a roof over the family basically working to provide or as one man once said once you catch her you have to feed her
@Eremias Ranwolf It is a pity if you look at it like that but i guess in most cases it is like you say. Here and there you have some exceptions.
Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
Yup, until it isn't
The grass is greener where you water it fertilize it and take care of it.
@@ratmistress7352 so you would stay at a job you don’t find interesting cause of fear?
Or Why get married in first place if you don’t think the grass is greener on the other side? You should have stayed where you were and never make a change
Ah well...you let her get in your head and you actually left your first wife and married the mistress...and now the thrill is gone and you have regret...and what makes him think the 1st wife would want or take him back? Plus, look...I'm also not an advocate for divorce but REALITY of HIS situation is, he may as well save himself, divorce again, and heal and learn from his mistakes.
Bingo
Exactly
He should divorce her now before they have children.
@@jamiecronin967 EXACTLY... DEFINITELY.
What if the first wife is still hurting and has not moved on. There are consequences to our actions. No one gets away with anything. If the affair partner knew he was married and willingly helped him leave his wife, it’s even worse. It’s not about guilt, it’s about doing what is right. That guilt he feels is his conscious and you are trying to silence that with mental disputes. He is not suppose to be with this woman just like he feels. That second marriage doesn’t really count in the eyes of God. If a man commits adultery he destroys his own soul…
This comment is 100% spot on!
“If a man commits adultry he is destroys his own soul” that’s deep
Leave them and get with your previous partner! This was a relationship built on lies.
right he maybe have enough time to get it annulment
Deceit can't be blessed.
There were lies in the first marriage.
Why would the previous partner want him back?
I am standing for my marriage and even if he divorces me marries the other woman it is a sham!!! For me it is one woman one man for life in our covenant God blessed marriage. I hope to God my husband doesn't see this video or he will hurry up and marry the OW and use this as justification. Please be careful what you post. This hurts me as a standing spouse very very deeply!!!
+2349032274724❤❤
The caller has already divorced his wife that is water under the bridge. Should he have been advised to divorce his mistress and go and attempt to remarry his first wife?
@@ShadaeMastersAstrology yes, that is exactly what he should have been advised to do. Or he can divorce and remain single. In God's eye, he only has those two options. Marriage Helper is not God.
you like getting STi/d’s? Have you lost all self respect?
Not good advice! The caller's new relationship was born out of lust, outside his then-current(first)-marriage to his first wife. Then he left his wife & married the other woman whom he committed adultery with. Obviously it would not last because it was born out of lust, infidelity, passion - that's why his affair-led marriage is emotionally over already! He deserves what he got!! The Marriage Helper gave him totally wrong advice!
I sincerely hope his first wife gets a much better new husband than him, someone who will truly love her & be faithful to her all the days of her life.
I agree and was sort of disappointed by his advise
I hope this man does the right thing and goes back and remarried his original covenant spouse
There is nothing right about that. I don't always agree with this channel delivery, but this time I fully agree. If you are married again, this is the thing you should work on. Divorcing again and remarring the first spouse is just going to hurt more and more people.
Absolutely not. She deserves better than that. Sometimes, the trash really does take itself out and ultimately he did her a favor. The right thing is to grow and learn from this.
The guy had limerance for this woman. Left how wife and married his limerance woman. Trouble is limerance is like a dream, and dreams end.
I would say if they really can’t make this marriage work then divorce.
He then needs to be alone a long time. Needs to think and learn from this. A lot of hurt has been caused. Hope no kids involved in these break ups.
I have seen mostly women in this scenario. Divorce their husband, remarry, have a child, then regret and divorce again. Problem in western societies that I see, we have sent our elders to nursing homes and there is no one left in day to day life to teach younger people from their experiences and wisdom. Life is truly a spiritual battle and one must overcome childhood trauma, inner demons, hate and anger to avoid this vicious and perpetual cycle of misery.
This is absolutely a mostly man thing according to statistics. Cheating and marrying the affair partner
I feel your advice may hurt his salvation. One flesh - One marriage. Return to your wife, this woman you are currently “married” to is sin wrapped in a ring, she can’t be your wife because your COVENANT wife (first) is still alive.
🎯 🎯🎯🎯 Tell it!!! The world don’t want to hear this truth!!!
This is your interpretation of scripture. It's not truth.
@@myaccount5239 …typical response from someone who is looking for a loophole. Don’t get married if you believe there’s an “out” outside of infidelity and EVEN THEN … God HATES divorce.
@@southernsoul152 as a man I 100% agree with you. This man needs to quit screwing around and return to his TRUE wife. He’s playing with fire.
@@countryboyred Bless your heart 🙏🏽 Hope I find you well
My husband married The Other Woman three years ago I think he regrets it he needs to come home to his family that's never going to be his family and what woman wants another woman's husband
Are they still together? Why do you think he regrets it? Have you heard from him?
TONS of women want other women's husbands. Especially single women.
@@everready2903 Hello Ever, what is your experience regarding this topic?
@@elikorn7418 I can't speak for their experiences, but I can validate what they said ("many women do want other women's husbands") --- they've actually done psychological studies on this now and proven it true. The core of the study found that as a whole, single women found men who they thought or were told are married as more attractive than men who are single.....As for the reasons WHY -- There are a few theories but their main belief is married men are an embodiment of what single women desire (commitment, security, marriage).....they don't always understand it, and ofc it doesn't make sense to take ANOTHER'S husband, but they believe this is the driving factor (it's the same for women who find dads out with their children attractive/appealing). There's also a smaller amount of these women who don't want the man necessarily, it's more about competition -- they want the ego boost of feeling better than the wife by winning her husbands love/attention.
*I personally don't think I would have found a married man to be appealing, but I also married at 21. If I never married and/or only dated men who weren't interested in marriage, perhaps I would have been fascinated by the men who DID take vows (maybe at the very least looking for queues in their behavior so I could seek it?).....hard to say as I didn't walk that path. As a wife I want to judge these women, but I'm trying to be understanding.
To Peggy -- I'm so very sorry your family was broken in this way. I don't care what people try to sell today, there is no replacement to your family and you cannot decide to abandon one to "start a new one". I hope mine never leaves, but if he did (even in death), I personally wouldn't seek another. I took my vows young but I took them seriously.....I believe your 1st marriage is the legitimate one through God's eyes. ❤
Return to your covenant spouse!
He doesn't ever want what he goes after
I am really disappointed in the advice you have this person. Especially after hearing your video about limerance.
It seems they support marriage because it's a marriage rather than looking at the relationship itself and where it's at.
@@everready2903 it's a part of the Christian ethic. People don't want to admit when someone doesn't love them anymore or want to be with them anymore. It's all thanks to the mysticism Christians peg with marriage that they couldn't face reality even if it's not true.
I used to really love this organization but have come to realize that even though they mean well it is a narcissistic wet dream come true. ( No pun intended) Don't feel guilt over the family you abused and ripped apart. Focus on how God loves you despite the fact that you have conducted yourself as a child of the wicked one with absolutely no remorse. Tread lightly dear ones.
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Yes! 👏🏽
With everything they say about affairs he would have told him to go home that was a shocker I dont look at this program like I did he does need to go home he is the back bone of his family that other women dont care about his kids are his wife she and him has destroyed he need to put his family back together he made a vow to that women first remember what goes around comes around
Narcissist wet dream? What are you even saying?
@@zacksmith9569 To cheat, destroy your children and marriage, break your vows to God and then MARRY the person that helped you commit one of the worst sins you can commit is a form of Narc supply. It takes a sick, sick person to destroy the lives you swore to protect all for an “O” and to then bring that thing he calls a mistress to God and regurgitate another set of worthless vows… 🤦🏼♀️. For this channel to support that is a grand moral failing. I think the original comment is clear and accurate
What if you regret marrying someone period? I'm sure that happens because I've met folks who regret marrying someone and neither of them was married to anyone else when their relationship began.
His problem is with himself. If he does go back to the first wife, it will only be the same song and dance. He needs to fix himself. There is something seriously wrong with him. I have a theory. I think he has a personality disorder and probably some trauma that he got some where along his life, wether it was from childhood (most likely) or afterwards. He wants the “perfect” (in his eyes) relationship. When he doesn’t get that/what he wants, it is easy for him to break up with someone. He is selfish and can’t he in a relationship because he can’t even understand or _love_ himself for that matter. How can you relate to another human being in a relationship/marriage if you can’t even relate to yourself.
He needs to go to therapy to work on his issues and the marriage he is already in. Stop jumping from person to person and relationship to relationship. He made his bed, now lie in it.
I can’t disagree with this more. According to Scripture he is living in adultery still. God doesn’t recognize his “marriage” to his affair partner as a marriage. God sees it as a continual state of adultery. He needs to divorce his affair partner and try to reconcile with his covenant spouse.
His advice is actually correct everyone! It’s not bad advice! All y’all saying it’s bad advice have probably been victim to a cheater 🤷🏼♀️ just saying. I’ve been victim to it too and I’ve never cheated. He probably shouldn’t have married his first wife but he did. The man said that bc the guy wasn’t emotionally mature enough to marry hence the affair. Also you can’t change the things already done. So to advise him to work on his marriage to the affair partner would be the best advice he can give him bc what can he change of fix with the first? Not a thing! Even if he left affair partner and stayed with first wife, y’all honestly think he could have become better and that the wife would ever let him live that down? Who would condone such a toxicity between two people? Not a good person, that’s who. Remember that it’s possible y’all are judging him based off of your own feelings, fears and projecting it out onto the comments. Don’t criticize him that way. And he knows more about the Bible than y’all do so to also be critical of him using the Bible to reference something is also wrong- especially bc all y’all are closed off and missed where he said “I cough every time I say minister” as if to joke and make light of his own guilt and past mistakes. Wake up.
Well said.
I have to ask. Are you his second wife?
Just curious.
So you guys want a marriage to work irrespective of the relationship itself and where it's at?
I couldn’t disagree with this video more. According to the Bible this man is in an adulterous relationship. He needs to go back and remarry his original covenant spouse. The guilt he is feeling is the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Hello there! You may actually find a video series we did a while back about whether or not Christians should separate beneficial. Let us know what you think! It's a 3 part series. You can find it here:
ruclips.net/video/yjkKssODHGk/видео.html
I think theologically speaking only women can commit adultery. The reason for this is due to bloodline.
And what if there are kids in this new relationship? Should the spouse go back to the first wife or husband?
Is it not possible to make a huge mistake and marry someone who is unsuitable, snd then ask Gods forgiveness and move on? So many young people get married and in a short time realise theyve made a monumental mistake. Surely God forgives our mistakes and blesses us to move on?
Unsubscribing from this channel. Should have sent him back to first and only wife. He told you he had regrets. You directed him the wrong way.
no.. The first wife is free of him. That scumbag should live in guilt forever. He made his bed and he has to lie in it.
But hunny the truth of the matter is that he may have left his current marriage to go back to his first wife & then changed his mind abt that too bc he started missing his 2nd wife. Causing even more grief & pain. He doesn't know what he wants. He keeps trying to find happiness in other people instead of in himself & God. He's just going to keep hurting ppl
I get what everyone in the comments are saying BUT I understand what the speaker is communicating. From an organizational standpoint, based on the mission of the organization, they only support progress towards current marriages. Thus,since he is a rep of the organization, he too has to support that mission & advise on the caller's current marriage only.
What the caller has is fornication, not a marriage. Especially not in Gods book, had the government or a nation created the institution of marriage it would be, but God created marriage. No court appointed papers can ever make it right when it was birth out of adultery.
Sometimes marriages are over in all but name. No point supporting those.
Completely wrong. Marriage is for life and when you get married, you become one flesh with your spouse for the rest of your life. Marriage Helper needs to refine their position on this.
Just to up hold your organizational blue-print, don't reframe Eternal-Biblical-Life-Manual...
Here in India, one of my friend and Pastor, prohibited to take baptism for the similar kind of case, until he left adulterous partner... Even thou, a lots of damages are resembling from the four directions, but ultimately, God's Word which is above all creation must be our primary ground for the final authority. And not, just NGO orientated direction...
Amen!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Why get married to the woman your having an affair with that surly takes all the fun away.
Indeed because marriage is not about fun but commitment and that's not always fun sometimes even far from fun;
it is sad you can 't have both. The marriage and the fun aside. The safety and security and on the other hand the passion and the sex.
@@sloeberdoet marriage = end of sex life. ☹
You have to put in the work to keep the spark alive.
I fell in love with a wonderful man, but was overcome with guilt, so went back to my husband and saved my marriage. It broke my heart to part with my lover. . However my husband and I had what most people would regard as a happy and successful marriage. Nonetheless, I still think about my lost love and wonder if I made the best decision
Your husband deserves better!! Please leave him and say that you cheated
I am sorry but that is not the biblical perspective. The first wife had the right to second marriage not the husband.
It takes to people trying to make a relationship work
My husband has left me 2yrs ago for a woman half my age, so don't get me wrong here bc I'll ne honest and admit I hope he suffers for a little while bc of it. However, if a person commits adultery & divorces then they can repent & be forgiven. And marry again.
Yep he wanted so there he is
I divorced and married my affair partner, this second marriage lasted for 36 years until my second husband passed away. I never regretted that.
That's not a kingdom marriage and God says you're supposed to go back to your 1st marriage or you are committing adultery
You may very well be in an adulterous union. So, save your soul and repent which includes leaving behind the sin.
You stay married to your new husband for as long as you both shall live. And even if he passes away you can *NEVER* go back to your original husband. That's what the Bible says. Like it or lump it.
Sounds like you know the truth and knew it but saw it was unpopular and won’t profit you much so you don’t stand on Gods word. Key word is “we” you know better to not say God would want us to work on a marriage that’s a remarriage. Disappointing seeing and hearing so called believers not standing on the truth. Exactly why we have the issues we have now and divorce is so high now smh
Just lile the story of a prodigal spn